The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 37

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

The gang embark on a rescue mission and infiltrate some scientifically-minded individuals with some not-so-scientifically sound ideas. Beef plots a punch. Montrose secures a ride. Emerich makes an acquaintance. Opening monologue performed by Slice Hicks. Additional music in this episode: “A Chilling Tale" and "(Ambient) Fluer" by Kirk Osamayao: kirkosamayo.com; "Railroad's Whiskey Co" by Jahzzar http://www.betterwithmusic.com/; "Hold the Ace" by Mr. Smith: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/mr-smith/; "Porch Blues" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/; "Coldness" by The Wanderer: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/stranger/; and “Voyageur” by Monkey Warhol: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Monkey_Warhol/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey, uh, friends, it's, I'm Randy and I'm filling in for Crystal with a K because she is on vacation. But the news doesn't, you know, it doesn't stop just because one person messes up, uh, needs a break. I mean, there's still great news from steeplechase. I mean, like, uh, like here on the website, there's a new popcorn bucket with this little guy on who, oh, I guess his name is Shrug, it says here. With this totes adorbs, chibi, chibi? Chibi?

Chibi, shrug, guarding your hand-roasted kettle corn, you'll, you get the idea. There's a new popcorn bucket. That's great, right? Okay, well, never ever quit dreaming. Hello, and welcome to Steebles. Jay Man, we can put in static effects. No, that's good. Welcome to Steeple Chase.

This is an audio. Static is static. I know. Static is sort of my thing. People have to listen to this with their human ears. That was a good sound. Some people like ASMR wet. Yeah, very flummy.

Very flimmy. I would say that was ASMR chunky. Very flimmy over here. Welcome to ASMR viscous. Welcome to Steeplechase, where you have just been told by Todd Zilla that the only person that probably can help you to escape, if there isn't escape, even though there probably isn't one,

is the Nanofather, who has recently been absconded by the big kids. I'm sorry, Justin, I believe his Christian name is turdmaster. His turdmaster, yes, please. Yeah, TM, TM, TM, TM, TM. TMTMTM, third master. That's what he was baptized with. The turdmaster. Who the hell is?

Who the hell is that? Yeah, he's like, he's like the smartest dude, turdmaster. He, um, he's been here, I mean, as long as any of us, no, but he's like, he's like an old dude and he is just like super smart. Like he helped us to build all this stuff. around like he taught he helped us learn how to build all this and like told told us about growing stuff and you know like everything he's turdmaster he's like genius Todd

Todd Tzilla excuse me when when you say old yeah do you mean like old to you like 26 I got honest man pretty much anybody over like 20 looks really old to me okay old like Amrik older than him oh god there's nobody's older than that guy I wouldn't think. Emrick is the oldest man alive, as far as I can tell. Look at my jet black hair. How can you say that? Yeah, all natural.

Let me run my fingers through it. Yeah. Yeah, and look at my head now. Oh. It is sooty. Yeah, he looks like, he's like pretty old like that, yeah. So, Todd, you got this really old guy, right? Yeah, super old.

You taught you how to, like, build and farm and stuff. Uh-huh. And then the big kids just came and kidnapped. him. Well, that's the weird thing, right? Like, we're usually pretty good about like sharing him, you know what I mean? Because, like, you don't need

him all the time. He usually kind of like goes back and forth between... Of his own free will. That's important to note here, Todd, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You say share him and it's very objectifying. You're right. Yeah. No, well... Yeah. Okay. You're right. So

he goes back and forth usually. And like, but it's never been... like they took him you know what I mean like they took him like he he left shukles and that's weird because he usually like chukles is always always with him so did he resist them taking him uh I don't know I wasn't here for any of it I just we just woke up and it was done it was like like we weren't ready for it you know normally like they'll steal stuff but before but it's usually just like I don't know for fun You know, we'll get over there

And fuck with them too I don't much else to do here Honestly Right We are Kind of like a Zach Ephron Seth Rogan Kind of relationship

It's a hundred year old movie Could not matter less What? It's one of the greatest films Of Totilla Yeah These big kids

Are they And I know like You guys probably aren't Like buds right So they're not cool But are they like Are the least cool. Got it.

People on the planet. The worst. Are they shit starters, though? Like, are they fighter? Like, are they hyperviolent or anything like that? We're trying to... If we could frame this for you, Todd, Zilla. We are quite skilled at extracting things, smuggling things, stealing things.

But we do need to have a bit of a primer on what the situation is. that we are going to be infiltrating. Do the big kids live sort of like you live? Because I do not think it would be that hard to, you know, kick down a cardboard wall and, you know, just smash and grab. It's easy to smash and grab through, you know, chicken wire and cardboard. Uh, I'm not sure I understand. Is there anyone who is familiar with the, uh, the habitat of the big kids?

Uh, No, we have, no, no, no, no. No one's gone over, no scouts, no spies, no. You said you went over and you started shit and stole things, right? Yeah. Yeah, we could probably figure it out. Somebody probably know. It's like so boring.

It's so boring. Todd, focus up, bud. Focus up, buddy. We are talking about liberating this entire layer. Yeah, it's just like, I don't know you like dog. It's like, it was like. Shacks and like beds and they're all in like straight lines. You know what I mean?

Like they have different. Do you mean like a granola bar or something, Todd Zilla? Your blood sugar is low. I have some chocolate. I have some chocolate. No, it's just I hate talking about the big kids. They're so boring. They all change their names too when they get over there.

They have like new names. It's amazing. Now that's interesting. Can you give us an example of that? Bob Johnson. Oh, okay. Like, I'm boring. Like, Bob, Bob Johnson.

Like, right now, their boss is named Mark Gur. I'm not kidding. Mark Gur. You could be anything you want to. Mark Gur. Yes, I mean, it certainly lacks the punch of a Toddzilla or a fart master. Yes, thank you. Sorry, turd master.

Tertmaster, fart sniffer, jisbert. Right. Fun names. So is there sort of a pot? pipeline of when people reach a certain age here in New Kididelphia. Oh yeah. Big 1-8. You're out.

You exile them and then they just go to... I mean, exile sounds like we're kicking them out, but it's more like... You literally just said that. You're boring. You're free. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sorry, even if you don't feel boring. Trust me, you are now. Goodbye.

Okay. Okay. And we make them leave. It sounds like the infiltration part of this plan is going to be quite easy. Yeah. We are all adults. I'm 17. But.

You're 17? Hardly. You're the oldest looking dude I've ever seen. Yeah, man. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't get enough sleep and I drank coffee as a kid. Yep. Don't vape.

Do you have jack disease? I do. Because I'm jacked. He's got real hard. He's got jewel disease. Vaped too hard. Vaped too hard. All the time.

You've vaped your life away. I hear that, man. Yeah, man. We all love vaping here. Sure. It's what's not to love. We can... One sec, quick note.

We have a great team of people that keep track of all of our, like, stuff that we say, and Jupiter, especially is in, like, writing notes and stuff. But every once in a while, I'll go, like, look at the wiki pages to see, like, the fan-made wikis. And I've learned... I keep running into shit there,

where I'm like, Justin, why did you say that? You were just trying to have some fun and say something fun. and then it's like in the wiki. It's very, I know that that's like, uh, writ large the whole thing we're doing here, but it is still somewhat disconcerting to be like researching the nanofather and be like, pollen broth?

What is wrong? I said the word scum canteen and it's like, oh God, okay, we've got to figure that. Okay, for the record, linen is not 17. In case that wasn't clear. Well, and they don't all think. Sorry, Pete. That's any sense. Yeah.

If he's like, is the grown folk. You mentioned, uh, shukles. Yeah. It, yep. Can you describe shukles by the way? Yeah. Shookles is a, uh, rail thin, gray cat, uh, who's, much as fur is, uh, has gray has, has patches of gray and patches where It's falling out, but he has been,

he's not like hurt or ailing or anything. He's been well cared for, but he looks like a dick. Oh, okay. In the way that most cats do. Yeah, but especially Shukles. Could we use Shukles to find the, the turdmaster? Oh, yeah. That sense you just said is one of the greatest sentences.

It's very phonetic. It's out loud. door. Yeah. Can you use Shukles to find the turd master? Wherever you come from, do they use a lot of tracking cats? Like they use cats and they're like, let them smell the thing and then they like run after the, like, they chase the scent on command? But cats always find their way home.

They always find their way home. So I would say he is his home. Maybe you just think, maybe he just thinks Turdmaster would take a shit or something. And also, we could track that too. Emmerick, we do know where Turdmaster is at the big kid combat. I mean, Todd Zill, am I right in thinking that even though you don't apparently retain any knowledge of the boring inside of the big kids' place? You know where it is, right? Yeah, New Glenville.

New Glenville? I know. I know. Even the name is so boring. Yeah. It used to be, it used to be Glenville. Is, is there anyone here in your compound? Because the first guy over there was named Glenn.

I'm not kidding. It's just, they're just so fucking boring. Can I tell you that what's wild up, up, up top, back outside of, of seabal chase? A lot of towns are like that. They just have the name of the guy who got there and was like, I'm going to build a town here. And it's called like Johnsburg. Yeah, yeah. Remember when Chicago Jones went to the middle of the middle of the city.

them away. And then Jonesville. Is there someone from whom we could commission a portrait of Turdmaster just so we kind of know who we're looking for when we get in there? You want like a police sketch artist

to like to create up? Yeah, something along those lines. Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah. Let me see let me see who's around. You're just sitting still and looking at me. You're not doing anything. No, he left. Oh, okay.

This is the problem with the, of the mind. Yes. Exits are so difficult. Right. That's why you got to make footstuffs, Justin. Hey. My name's, my name's Dingleberry. Oh, nice. All right.

I'm like the best drawer here, and what did you need me to do? I was hoping to commission. Todd Zilla said you needed something. Yes, I was hoping to commission a portrait. Todd will explain it to you. Go ahead. Explain it to Dingleberry, Todd. Hey, so these guys want, these guys want a, um, A picture.

Yeah, that's easy. What is it? What do they want a picture of? They want one of Turdmaster? Like a picture of... Oh, like a... Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, give me a sec. Let me see why I can whip up. Just as accurate as you can make it, just so we are aided in finding him. And we should clarify, don't like make him naked. I don't want to see his dick or nothing. Don't make...

Yeah, we don't want any nude art of the turn. I don't know what his dick. We don't know what his dick looks like. That's great. That's very important details. We love that. Okay. So he hands you a picture of an older man.

You'd probably guess that he's in his 70s. He's wearing brown slacks, a white button down, and like black suspenders. And his hair is like well kemped. And he's got a like pack on his plate. back. Okay. What's the quality of the drawing, Jamie? It's bad.

It's bad. But it's not terrible. It's like you get it, though. You get the basic idea. Barry, this is very nice work. Thanks. Like, he doesn't always wear this. Sometimes he has, like, more layers when the rust storms are bad, but this is, like, this is, like, sort of running.

Usually, he's, like, running around and something like this. Like old guy stuff. Like a rust storm. Yeah, there's, we have a problem in the, yeah, we have a problem with, it's something I've been working. I got this, Dingleberry. We have a problem with like everyone's, because we don't have a normal atmosphere here. When the recycling starts to break down that they drop and we don't use it quickly enough, it tends to, well, like, get caught up in these big rust storms. and it's

shitty is what I would say it's like sucks ass well we probably won't have to deal with that I don't see that coming up again is okay yeah it's not very common but they seem to happen when it would be least convenient

well yeah but it probably won't be I can't see us having to worry about it I mean odds are that probably not yeah is this an instance of Chekhov's storm as possible gosh how how long long a journey are we talking about to New Glenville?

Um, it's probably like, are you hauling ass? I, I mean, we don't have a vehicle. I would love to acquire one. I mean, you could, if you need transportation, we can assist with that. You've done so great service, bringing us the Chaka. Um, and our new kick-ass friends, the metamels. Um, so like, we can definitely hook you. You got a damn buggies? Nope. Fuck. Point us in the direction,

place us on the vehicles, and let us go. Free the Tardmaster. You're certain you want to go there, right? Because it's like... Ugh! So boring.

They don't have any games. You're not allowed to tell stories. It's just like, you just walk around and like, I don't even fucking... No. Tom Sillard, you're the one who told us we had to go get him. I know, but I'm trying.

I care about you. And what if you go there and you're like, oh, I love this. I wonder if they have any taxes here. And you don't want, and you get all like stuck there, you know, I don't know. It actually doesn't matter to me that much. I can confidently tell you, Todd, at least two of the three of us have never paid taxes. Cool. So I don't think that's going to be a problem at all.

If you can give us a vehicle, maybe some road snacks. I'm going to go to the bathroom before we go. Does anyone else need to go? It's private. Todd, where do you go to the bathroom around here? I don't want to. The answer to this question is going to be so bad. Just seeing where you want.

Hell yeah. Yeah, it's awesome. Okay, so you guys are ready to set out? Point of order real quick. I did not actually take any downtime actions last year. Well, I did my, the sort of junkyard chat I had with beef and Amaric, I was sort of thinking of as indulging vice. Like I have sort of grown a bit from having to only talk to, you know, automaton. I had sort of understood that, but we didn't make it explicit.

Right. I'm just going to indulge Weiss. That's an easy, that's a dice roll, fix that right up. I, cool, six. I resolve six stress. Okay. That is as good as you can do. So that's one.

And for the other thing, I was thinking of like the vehicle as being a, you know, a commodity that I could try and secure. To try and aid in this job. And I don't, it sounds like that that is going to be provided for us. You could roll for vehicle quality if you want it. I had something in mind, but I would let you roll as an acquisition role. Did you have something shitty in mind? I have different things. I have something in mind, but maybe if you do a really good role, then it would be better

than what I was going to give you. I will do that because it seems like, it seems like getting into this place is going to be easy. It seems like getting out is going to be the hard part. And if we could find a vehicle that will make that a bit easier than, you know, let's, we should, we should do that. So I would like to acquire an asset. Okay.

So where are we going to get this vehicle, I guess, before we actually do the roll? Let's see. I want to do like a cut to it. Yeah, sure. Okay. So let's go ahead and get the roll and then I'll provide you with transport. Okay. So roll the cruise tier.

We are tier one now, correct? So just one dice then. That's a two. Okay, so we will with a two. I can also spend money. I have so much sweets. Hmm. Multiple do it.

At least make it a tier zero. Basic car. So we're... Basic car. Oh, wait, wait, wait. So, no, no, no. We are tier one. So the quality of the asset would be tier minus one.

So this is a tier zero. Or I can spend a coin to make it a tier one vehicle. Do it. Wait. Wait. Okay, I still have

two coins. And I have, I also have a coin, so I'm not. We cut to a dune, sand dune. Sorry, wait, real quick.

Do you guys remember in the last episode, I feel like there was like Todd Zilla had coin to give us? Todd would have given you the money. I want, you need to have the money regardless. Todd gives us.

them the six sweets he promised. So I will spend one, if I take one suite, that'll take me to my four max, and then I will take the one leftover from my two, and I will upgrade the result of that role to a, to a, so now it is a tier one vehicle. When you show up at the dump, Jisbert is waiting for you and- Looking up Jisbert's voice? Yeah, Dad, I'm looking up Jisbert's voice as a phrase. I'm worried he sounds just like Dingleberry. I mean, to be fair, maybe they're brothers. You and I sound a lot of like. Okay, here we go.

Hi, guys. Welcome back to the dump. I heard you need some transportation. I got something all worked out for you. Jeez, but. And then you see three kick-ass razor scooters. They're a little bit rusty. But they have like a break that you step on in the back.

And these are the worst ones that we have. We call them the tier zeros. Okay, Jizbert, let me stop you right there. Because we are going somewhere to save a man from being kidnapped. So we will need three vehicles to go out there. Sure. We will need four to return. Oh.

And ideally, and we are talking about going across the desert wastes. I am not sure that a razor scooter is going to get the job done. So try again. We cut to a sand dune and they are cresting over the sand dune. We see three incredible heroes on very good razor scooters that are electric. They have like five blades each. They're solar powered electric scooters and you are just zooming through the sand. They have special wide tires like fat tires like bikes have at the beach that, like like, like

let them cruise across the sand dunes. And because Jisver heard your pleas, Beef, your Razor Scooter is pulling a, uh, uh, one of those radio flyer carts. Oh, hell yeah. I can't. So has flames on it. Oh, yeah.

So it'll go super fast. Yeah, really fast. Can there be baseball cards in the spokes, too? Um, I mean, that's going to slow you down. Also, I don't know if Fraser Scooters have spokes. I'm not certain. I don't think they do. But yeah, you guys are zooming through the sands with a lot of speed

in the direction that you've been told that New Glenville is. How are you filling the time? Singing! Probably just trying really hard to keep sand out of my... Well, I'm wearing a mask. Never mind. I'm doing great. I'm... What am I doing?

I'm fantasizing about all the different ways I'm going to punch Kenshal Denton. Like different directions, the different sounds he might make. Maybe I punch him hard enough that, like, he shits himself. Or, like, I kind of punch him in his solar plexus and it, like, hurts for, like, three days. Or I punch him hard enough if the solar plexus, like, his heart stops. Or, like, I punch him in his butt. cheat hard enough that he gets like a big discoloration on it or like

I punch him in like his foot and he never walks again. That's cool. While you're fantasizing about this one of you speaks up and talks to the other ones. Oh okay. Okay. Hey guys what if I punch Kensington down? You had your chance? Um, I

um, I assume I would like for you guys to, for a change talk about your approach to the situation. So I understand what your approaches and you understand what your approaches. Okay. Is Scott on the Razor Scooter scooter with Emmerich?

I thought you let Scott go. He's free, but he also said he wanted to stay by Emmerich's side. Too scared to leave. Oh, okay, yeah. He is writing. It's okay if he's back here. He is riding. Okay. Scott has taken to,

he really appreciates his freedom, but he has taken to sort of riding on your back pretty frequently. God. Well, he's hard light, right? Yeah. No problem. Okay.

He's kind of like a piggyback ride, like just sort of like riding on your back. All right. I think Emmerick has been talking to Scott about life. And now he's sick and tired of that. So he turns to Montrose and says, how are we going to approach this? Is it an abduction? Is it a negotiation?

Is it a theft? Well, it's not a theft. I don't think you're going to steal people. I think it's a kidnapping or an abduction. And also, if you kidnap a kidnappy, then it's, you've negated it. Rescue. We're being heroes, if nothing else. Did you bring Schuylkels with you?

No. I don't know why we would. That sick old cat? No. I feel too much responsibility. Yeah. He's not sick. Excuse me.

That old cat. I think if Emmerich wants to sneak the cat in a little knapsack, that's... A pet carrier? Yeah. I would not spring for that myself, but Emmerick's his own dude. And so that's his own journey. Well, it might help... I was just thinking it might help convince turdmaster to come with us.

Go for it. Can I just say, before we go to... down, too far down the road of like abduction and rescue or whatever. At this point, right, we have a big thing to offer these big kids, right? Like we're trying to figure out a way out of this layer into like Stebel Chase proper, right? So they should be on board with that. This seems like a negotiation. This seems like a deal rather than like, why wouldn't they be on board with us?

Well, we can't assume anything. They might like their setup here. Let's assume that this community of adults probably could have found a way out of here if they wanted to. But something is keeping them here. And maybe they've got a sweet little setup. I think, you know, we are like some of the great jazz artists of our time. We are masters of improvisation. But I think that getting in there will be easy.

I think we say we are wayward adults. and we have heard about this community and et cetera, et cetera. We get in there. We find reason to gain audience with the nanof father. What that is, I am not 100% sure. We will have to see sort of what his role is in this community. We have to read the room. Yes, exactly.

The real question is, how do we get a dude out of the place? Um, okay. So if I might label our plan, just to give it a general tone, I'm saying infiltration plus. Infiltration plus, I love that. Because let me say this, we know gravel is in this layer somewhere, right? She's not with the kids. She wasn't with the medimals. So pretty good chance she's going to be with the big kids. Yes, that's a great point. I would love to find her too. Yeah, so if we can get them, right, and be like, yeah, we got thrown in this layer by Kendall Denton. The truth.

We, you know, we're with the kids, but they sent us away. The truth. Now we're here. Oh, hey, gravel. Oh, an old man. You seem smart and cool. Awesome, right? We make everybody's acquaintance.

They get comfortable. Then, under cover of night, scoop them up, get on our sick-ass scooters, and we're out of here. Zip on home. I love it. May I also point out that perhaps we don't need to abduct the turdmaster? Maybe just talking to him will provide us with the information that we need. Well, Todd did want him back. Yeah, we did tell the children that we would.

Did you? That's what Todd sent us for, didn't he? No, you guys wanted the nanof father to find a way out. He told you he'd tell you where he is if you got the chaka. That was okay. So then maybe that's what we say is like the plus of the infiltration, right? Infiltration. Talk to him.

What's that old man? You want to leave two? Now it's plus, right? Because it might be a necessary rescue. Because there's been a lot of quid pro quo so far in this layer. So there's a good chance to get to the old man and we're like, hey, tell us to get out of here. And it's like, I'll tell you how to get out of here if you get me out of here. All right, so I think the plan is we get to New Glenville, stow our scooters, somewhere offsite.

Or maybe they fold up. Have we seen them if they fold up? They do. It would be crazy if they did. And with the tier one, they fold up really easily. Hell yeah. I'm sure we roll up in town. We're new here. How do things work? We don't say the words turdmaster out loud. No, no. And we see if we can find gravel. and the nanofada. Sick.

Let's not overcomplicate this, because it will get overcomplicated once we are boots on the ground. Yeah, let's not artificially overcomplicated. Right, exactly. Yeah. Throughout history, sirens have captured men's attention, enticed men with their feminine wiles,

and fulfill men's primal needs. The sirens will persist. They have not. Unless the primal need is, I need to be smashed on the rocks. Yeah, smash me. Smash me. Smash me, Mama.

Smash me, Mama. Smash me, Mommy. The sirens Why do we do this to ourselves? Strand me, baby. Strand me, baby. So yeah, this is my brother, my brother, me for Maximin fun on Mondays.

It's just like that. It's just like to have more of it. There's more of that. The Legend of Zelda, Tears of the Kingdom. Diablo 4. Final Fantasy 16. Street Fighter 6. Balders Gate 3.

Starfield. Spider-Man. Master Detective Archives rain code for Nintendo Switch? No, is that just me? It's a huge time for video games. You need somebody to tell you what's good, what's not so good, and what's amazing. I'm Jason Shrier. I'm Maddie Myers.

And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast for anyone who likes games. Find us at maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Bye. What you see. After a long day of travel is the, a large, probably if you were guessing, eight foot high wall that seems like it's been constructed out of whatever materials could be found for it. And it seems to be mainly to create some secrecy. and then towering

sort of over the rest of these single story houses you see a large what appears to be you don't have a better name for it except for a silo it looks like a large like grain storage thing that you'd see on a farm but it is like head and shoulders

exponentially taller than any of the other structures in town so are you guys you do see something that appears to be a a gate. There is a tower overlooking it just by a few feet.

Do you, are you all walking up regular? Are you trying to sneak in? Or you're just going to kind of like walk up and say hey? Yeah, I say we walk up and act as boring as we possibly can and just see

if they welcome us. We're old. That ought to be our passport in. Yeah. I think that's a fine point. I really do think we should hide these scooters, though. Okay. Like as we, before anyone in the city can spot them.

Okay. There's a small sort of like swampy patch. Donke! Donkey! For a few hundred yards, like out of eyesight from the place. So you're able to store them there. Cool. I wonder if that's where Shrug is from.

It's possible. I do the copiest cop knock on the door. Anyone's ever done. For those who don't know, cop knock. Cop knock, yeah, cop knock has to do like your fist. We used to get really mad at people in college for cop knocking. It was like one of the worst sins. At the very least, do a shave and a haircut.

Come on. Come on. No cop has ever shaven a haircut. That means you're selling magazines that I don't want to. interface necessarily with that energy right now. But I do a cop knock. Boring grownups love it. Hey.

Hello. It's from the tower. Oh, hi. Hey, how's it going, guys? Going fine. Nice. You get new arrivals? Great.

Sure. Great, great, great. How old are you guys? 18, dude. Okay I'm 37 Okay, where about you oldster? I am approximately half a century old

Wow, cool Hey guy with the mask How do I know that you're Really an adult? Because I'm 18 years old Check this out Check this out Check this out

Check this out Fuck Fuck, I can't wait to vote and smoke. Like really, we don't... Okay. The random cursing is sort of more of a kid's thing. Well, I'm moving beyond that. I don't even have an adult name yet.

Uh-huh. Can I see behind the mask? Piss Whistle was my name, but I don't like that one anymore because I'm too serious for it now. What's your new name? I don't know. I was hoping that this guy could help me figure one out. Can I see... Can we just...

It's a prescription. What? If I get any sunlight on my face skin, it burns instantly. Like a vampire. Sort of like a vampire. Yeah. Show him your hands. Oh, you guys better.

Oh, crap. Okay, I want to keep this conversation going. You guys better hurry up. My name's Herb, by the way. Welcome. Herb. What is it? Herb Baxter.

Herb Baxter. Great. That's so boring. Cool. Okay. Yeah, that's a... Okay. They probably don't see it that way here.

Oh, okay. Listen, I got to go in. again, this is looking bad. You guys are not going to be safe out here. And you see him like looking off in the distance. You turn around and you see what appears to be a wall of red. Just moving straight for you. And it's coming in.

It's coming fast. Is it a big wall of pollen broth? No, it's a rest storm. Oh, what are the odds? I got to get inside. Cool, open the gate so we can come in and not. I got, listen, you may, we've had some, uh, interactions, uh, recently with the fort kids. So I, I need, he's clearly old. He's clearly old. I, I, you could be a kid trying to sneak in.

I need something. If I get to see your face real quick. I can't do that because of the burning. It'll hurt so bad. Um, okay. I have a clock here. And it is now on four out of eight segments. Is it a good clock or a bad clock? It's a bad clock. It's a rust storm clock. Okay. Okay, I got to go, guys. I'm sorry. I got to...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Piss Whistle, why don't you tell him your fondest dream? Tell him what would make you happier than anything in the whole wide world. Well, stocks, they seem so cool. I don't have the kind of institutional knowledge required to know about stocks and what they are and how they work. But I know that it's my calling to get in there. Some of them have like just weird letters for names. That's exciting to me.

And it seems like you can make a lot of money super fast. Yeah. We don't really have money, but we do have stocks. That's awesome. We've all got lots of them. We've been getting a lot of them. lately uh

shoe that's pretty good Griffin why don't you roll a sway for me easy no problem I'm gonna help I'm gonna help it doesn't seem like it's so far what's my position this is risky standard

okay I'm gonna help with foresight okay okay okay Okay, I'll hear it goes. Yikes, 11145. Shoo.

Shoo. Shoo, indeed. Okay, you two. And he points at Beef and Emrick. Come on in. And he's going to open, open the door for you two. Okay. And he flips the switch and the gate starts to slowly swing open.

All right, listen, as a mature and responsible adult, I just don't feel comfortable going in without a piss whistle here wouldn't be the responsible mature choice. Yeah. Sheesh. Okay.

And if I may add... Two segments left. Guys, I want to tell you a little story. Oh. I don't really have time for that. Yeah, I don't have time for that. I was talking to my accountant. No, I believe you're an adult.

Like, you look so old. There's no question. Oh, check this out, bro. Check it out. You know what the Bible says? You got to leave behind your childish things. And I reached down and I grabbed the baseball card out of the spokes of the thing. Out of the, oh, wait, no, we don't have.

Okay, I'll say I brought the baseball card from the Razor Scooter. And I say, this is one of my cherished... Why wouldn't you? Yeah. This is one of my cherished childhood possessions. It's a rookie card from some old dude named David Justice. I don't know who he is. But what I do know is I don't need him anymore because now I'm an adult and all I care about is stocks.

And I tear it up into a million pieces. Okay, Rollsway again. Please, 2-1-1? No, I'm going to die out here. Holy shit. Hey, wait, did the five not do anything? Yeah, it did. It got you two in. Yeah.

Oh. Mixed success. You've never done it before. But offer him a devil's bargain. What could that be? Hold on a second. Okay. I'd like everyone to consult the rules for devil's bargains.

Player can offer you a bonus die if you accepted devil's bargain. But that's before. the role, right? No, it... Yeah, I think Devil's bargain is before the roll. Has to be before the roll. Griff, don't forget, though, you could... There's always resisting. Yeah, no, yeah, okay. I'll deal with the consequence.

I'll tell you what, you two go ahead. I'll just stay out here, make myself maybe a little trench in the sand, and see if I can't survive this thing. The door slammed shut with beef and Emmerc. Are you guys... Wait, hold on. You know that the door is... about to slam shut. Yeah, that's fine.

No, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the other two who he's already given permission to enter. Do you two enter or do you stay outside? Emric, you go in. Just go. I'll, just go. I'll figure it out. Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. Piss whistle. Um, Rick, go ahead.

Close the door. Work from the inside. I'll protect out here. Don't, hey, I'm not kidding. Don't be a hero. Go inside. I will figure this out. I'm very wispy and wiery. Oh. Hey, I got to have a call guy. I got to shut this.

Get. Go get. Oh, fuck. You know what? I'll need you inside. Emmerich looks back sadly, but goes ahead in and trusts Montrose to take care of himself. Okay. Yeah.

Beav goes into. Okay, we're going to leave you two for the moment. Emric, or sorry, Montrose. the storm is bearing down if you had to guess you say you had about a minute and a half before it's completely on you what do you do

you say there's an eight foot high wall yeah I can get over that that's not very high up I can totally get over that just one good jump I got a claw hand you know I can leverage that I can you know I think that I will be able to just one good jump

Through the, through the, oh. A David Justice rookie card is worth $275, dad says. Fuck. Oh, no. Through the crack in the gate mantras, you can see that they, that there are still people inside that are going to like, that are taking shelter. That will see me if I, if I do this? Exactly.

Okay, well, then I'm going to take off in a dead sprint around the wall to try and find a, um, a means of interest. Okay, okay. Give me a survey. A survey you say? Yeah. Okay. Survey you say.

Survey you say. This is risky standard, I would say. I want to push myself. Man, I hope this is a good role. 5-2, make success. Okay. You see a, as you're sprinting around, the wind from the rust storm is starting to pick up. And it, at one point, it is hurtling so fast that it shakes loose a panel on the fence.

there are now like two edges of where a fence has been joined that are now exposed that has left a gap there but the edges of the fence the wire from the fence appears to be fairly sharp you make your way to the I'm assuming you want to risk it oh for sure or the biscuit guy it sounds like yes you managed to wiggle your way in through this crack mantras, but you do take a level one gash on your leg as you are scrambling through. Well, can I not try and, you know, entrapment, Bob and weave my way through there? Well, because you rolled a five, I was giving you a... Well, that was just to find the thing.

Okay, well, take another roll then. Let's give it a prowl, I guess? Yeah, this is definitely prowl. Posish? Um, that makes more sense. It's a less safe entry way, but now you get to decide how you deal with it. Uh, risky standard. Can I push that for Desperate Great?

Sure. Great. I'm going to take Daredevil on that then. Okay, here goes nothing. Please, a six, please. Yes, yes, six two one six. Critical baby. Critical.

And that's a great success. A critical, great success. That should, man, I should just fucking phase through it and find also a hundred. the mayor of New Glenville. I'm the mayor of this town. Okay. You, with a double six critical Montrose, you managed to effortlessly slide your way through the gate and where you find yourself is actually inside, you are facing the back of a, what appears to be a fairly structurally sound tent that as near as you can tell is abandoned. So you can slip in there if you would like to avoid the Restorm.

Yes, I will do that. Do we have any, uh, I forget, it has been a minute since we have been separated on a heist. Do we have any kind of radio? Yeah, we have conceiver.

We have comms. Okay, I'm in. Oh, you know what, though? Would they work here? Hmm. Is it, I mean, this could be a chaff storm situation. Yeah, I don't know if they work here or not. They don't need to work here right now.

Okay. Um, well then I'm just going to hide out in this tent and try and peek through the other side to see if I see my boys. I don't know how far off. You see nothing at this point. Okay, cool. Okay. Okay. Oh, then I'm going to hunker down.

Okay. Herb is ushering you two into, uh, inside his like tower. There's a base there with a small table and, uh, a few chairs, some cards laid out. You can tell that maybe guards are stationed here. and, you know, just kind of cycle in and out. And you start to feel the rattling of the rust storm sweeping over you. There is a small oil lamp sitting on the table with the playing cards that are there. And Herb doesn't seem super nervous.

He seems pretty chill about the whole situation. But he gestures to the seats if you guys want to grab a seat. This will be over pretty quick, actually. It's usually not a big deal. Okay. As long as you're inside, the rest of storms aren't a big problem. They're not really that dangerous. We have a seat.

Oh, I do. Scott, why don't you... There's some old magazines over there, Fortune and Kiplinger. Why don't you... Why don't you thumb through those? Yeah, I'm just going to take a nap in your bag, Dad. Is that cool? Good.

High five. Good. High five. Nice. And then he turns into a prism and drops to the floor. I'm assuming you scoop him up and put him in your bag. Herb was it? Yeah.

We're obviously new here. What's the like protocol for like new residents here? Yeah. Normally we talk to you about your skill set Sort of what you were doing before that And it's usually nothing Because you come from the dumbass kids fort So we'll stretch you out at something like entry level

And you got but you guys What's your all story? Because we don't get a lot of like Elderly people here So what's your what's your deal actually? Do you come with like a skill set? Do you have things that you are good at? Or what's your guy's story?

Oh, yeah, no. Yeah, absolutely. We were tricked and trapped here by our rival, who is one of the Dentons. Oh, right. Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah. That does happen.

That is very rare. It does sometimes happen, though. Yeah. Yeah. People getting sent here. That's a tough putt. I'm sorry about that, guys. But, you know, you can make a new life here.

You're welcome in new Glenville. We have, you know, we mainly just sort of work and sleep and eat and poop. But we were actually hoping that you might know the whereabouts of a friend of ours. she also was more along the lines of our age dropped here recently imprisoned gravel

is her name yeah oh yeah oh yeah actually she came through a little bit ago she was having like a sort of a hard time adjusting I would say she was like struggling with that

So she's not around right now Like I haven't seen her for a little bit I know she was struggling She's like she's somewhere in New Glenville But I don't know where exactly She was having a tough time getting acclimated Which happens you know It's not that comments big change

Got it got you know where she likes to Hang out I believe we adults say We didn't really get that far She was like Fairly distressed I would say She was having a

hard time adjusting. Sorry, Herb. Yeah. Who is the leader of New Glenville? Oh, yeah. Currently, it's Mark Gur.

He's the boss kind of running stuff. But, you know, we really, we all kind of roll up to the nanofather. The who? The nanof-like, the nanof-father. That is a unique name for sure.

You'll love him. You'll love him. He's a spitfire. I mean, honestly, I mean, this guy is always got, you know, always got some sort of story or guidance. I mean, he's extremely smart. And he knows so much about home world and everything. And he's really helped us to, I don't know, find our way. He's our guiding light, basically.

but when he's not always around and Mark Gurr kind of steps in for the day-to-day stuff we switch that up in pretty regimented every two years there is an election and then we pick

the new leader I wouldn't get any ideas though normally like new rivals it takes a little while to get their you know get their bearings I'm not interested in an elected position I understand it's not for everybody

um Herb, yeah. It sounds like the rust storms dying down. I'll hear that. Could you possibly take us to meet this? What was it again? Nano father. Yeah.

I can't do that at the moment. That's not really in my, what's the word, jurisdiction, I think. I got to stay here and keep guard. It's my shift. Okay. If you want to head towards the, the silo, you could probably, Bob, you know what?

You know who might know, Harriet, Harriet Reimann is there. She is the, sort of the lead science officer for New Glynville. And I think she was in that area. She could probably help you all out because I know she's been working with Nanofather pretty closely here. Okay, Silo, Harriet, got it. Yeah. Okay, well, um, uh, see you later, alligator.

Do you, are you, do you want to go out and check on your friend or? No, he said he'd be fine. He's probably dead, but. Well, okay, without shelter, the rust storms are extremely dangerous. Um, so when you become an adult down here on this layer, you just lose all sense of tact or? Huh? Well, it's, it's pretty matter of fact. You'll lose a few.

You'll lose a few. You gain a few. This is the way of things. And honestly, food's a little tight. If I'm being, I'm absolutely honest with you. Curb,

you do make it sound like it was an inevitability instead of you not letting him in. You know, the blame game, start pointing fingers, and eventually you'll find out that there's, there's,

you point a finger, and there's like three pointed back at you. No, watch this. I point all five fingers at him with one hand. It doesn't it full out. look, there's five pointed at you right now. Yeah, that's

looks, we don't have a lot of books here so that I'm pretty sure is... I'm also doing it sideways. I'm more like doing kind of a chop motion. So that is actually racist. Uh, we don't do that anymore at the Braves games. I don't know if you... The what games? The Atlanta Braves?

The baseball team, the Atlanta Braves. It doesn't ring any bells. David Justice played for him. Did he? Yes, he did. Huh? The irony. Okay, well, Byerb. Yeah, see y'all. Best of luck. Is it herb or herb?

Herb. And that's also never to be heard from again couldn't matter less. You should have a big hold, Justin, that your NPCs. Yeah. I don't know why I have to keep making new ones. That's what the worst part of it is. All right. So what are you guys doing?

You too. I think we need to check on Montrose. Okay. You don't know. How would you go about doing that? Actually, let me come back to you, Mantras. What are you up to, pal? I mean, I was waiting out.

You're in a, some sort of, like, tent. There is a bed, or more accurately, a cot, a small folding table and chair. Similar to the garden shack set up. Yeah. About how far did I run from the entrance, like when I was trying to scout out a... I would say, imagine,

like the size-wise, you know, like a large base camp, like a large military camp, you probably are, ran a good football field length before you found your opening. You don't know the area very well, and honestly, most of the living structures are pretty compacted, so you're not exactly sure where the other cats are. but as the rust storm dies down, you do notice that everyone is still in their homes. So it would occur to you probably that there's a window there

if you wanted to try to catch up with the other two. Yeah, I'm going to make my way towards... Back towards the entrance, yeah. And we've stepped out of the tent. So, like, we are... Okay, uh, Montrose, give me a, let's do a group survey roll. Just to see if we can find each other? Just to see if we can find each other?

Yeah, sure. Before you're spotted. Uh, position? Risky standard. And we all roll it, right? Risky limited. No, risky great, because it's not that hard. Risky, great.

Ooh. Travis has failed. Travis has failed Travis has failed and he is failed failed I got two and a three I bet Emory's got some

lowest survey skills though let's see Emory okay son of a gun so two failures and a mixed success Justin do with that what you will

and you find each other whoa it worked it worked fine no problem what it just takes you a few more minutes than you thought it would Honestly, I'm just trying to move on with my life, guys.

It's fine. Okay? You find each other, but it takes longer than you thought it would, and it's kind of like annoying, and now you're thirsty, okay? Everyone's thirsty, because it took so long. Yeah, I get that. Okay. But you're reunited, and it feels so good.

I'm glad you're okay. We got to get to the silo, and this took so long, people are going to be out of their rooms in, like, any second. So let's go. Silo. Where is that? What is that? The silo is the big thing.

You do know what the silo is. You saw the silo. Oh, okay. I grew up on a farm, so I know exactly what it is. Backstory. Let's run. You grew up on a farm. Tell me more.

No, just kidding. Let's go to the silo. Well, I was a scrawny child. Let's go to the silo. Here we go to the silo. Okay. I loved books. They were delicious.

It was a book farm. What do you want? What is it, eh? I was going to study. What do you want to study? The silo. that be acceptable yeah

yeah I would say it's risky though because you're not dressed like everyone else and they know your your stees and there's things it'll be very

you're going to be very obvious so give me a risky standard role okay and I'm going to push myself okay no not for this not for this no I don't think that's necessary four and a four four

is several stories tall. With a four, you notice, and this could be your eyes playing tricks on you, but it seems like there is a hinge on the roof. It looks like the roof is hinged. I want to stop us real quick in the middle of our run. I say, hold up, hold on. I feel like maybe we are getting ahead of ourselves a little bit.

I think that if we are spotted, we are going to be detained or kicked out of town. I feel like maybe I have located a bit of a safe harbor, an abandoned tent where we can hide out until we can find some way to, I don't know, grab a uniform or otherwise disguise ourselves. I feel like if we race straight into the silo, we might be flying by the seat of our pants a little bit.

Oh, you weren't there. This guy named Herb, Herb, no, Herb. Herb, right. Told us to come here. said look for Harriet, go talk to the nanofoth. Like, we're doing this on his instructions, basically. So, like, we're not breaking any rules. We're looking for Harriet, who's the chief science officer.

Herb sent us here and said, hey, like, the nanofother's here. He's a real cool guy. You'll like him. Talk to him. He'll figure out what you guys can do. Like, we're basically operating completely above board. All right. Well, that is a first.

Yeah. The silo door is not at ground. level. It is probably two stories of wooden stairs up to the door of the silo. You see a woman who is underneath the silo currently and she is taking measurements of the wood slats that are holding this thing aloft, wood and metal. There's both underneath there. And it seems like she's taking notes. She is thin. If you had to guess, probably 50 salt and pepper gray hair and rather smudged glasses. And she seems to be really lost in her own world.

You assume from the context clues given to you by her Baxter that this is Harriet Rehman, the lead science officer. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, you go ahead. You're a sciencey guy. Yes. And good. Good.

Oh, my. Good, good afternoon. How are you? Three new arrivals, huh? That's very unusual. How can I, how can I? Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tickles Nessla. Tickles Nessla, okay? Yes.

And I, what a name. Thank you. I, um, I can't help but notice that this, this structure is, is fascinating can you and I would assume that you are Ms. Reiman? Please call me Harriet.

Harriet, what a lovely name. My mother's name was Clara. I was just bizarre thing to say. You seem to be engaged in some technical work, some scientific study.

That's sort of my field, and I was intrigued by what you were doing. Well, we're going home. And we are so close now. You won't appreciate this because you haven't been here long enough. But we have have been here in New Glenville for years and years and years. Our parents have been stranded,

unable to reach us. So we, rather than wait for them any longer, are going to go find them. Ms. Reimann, are you, I mean, Harriet? Yes. Clara? Herriot. Harriet? Harriet, are you implying that there is some method of transportation within this silo? I'm not really supposed to do this, but we're getting close enough now, so I think. And then she leads you three up the stairs and opens the door to the silo where the lights are still off. You hear her make her way over to the light panel. We have been stranded on this planet for years, while our parents have been stranded themselves home on Earth. And now, you hear a knife switch lift up and the lights are illuminated and you see in front of you a massive rocket with the words Bob Davis written on the side.

Bob Davis is going to blast off out of here and take us back to planet Earth. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.