The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 5

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

The arcade employees go undercover in one of the most notorious places in Gutter City – if they can get through the front door. Montrose packs some luggage, Emerich deals with discomfort, Beef takes a swing. Opening monologue performed by Autumn Seavey Hicks: https://www.instagram.com/autumnseaveyhicks/?hl=enAddition music in this episode: "Cool Vibes", "On the Ground", and "Walking Around" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/; Motorcycle Scene” by Pablo Perez: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/pablo-perez/; "2 (jazz)" by Holizna: https://holiznaroyaltyfree.bandcamp.com/; "Shake It!" by Jahzzar http://www.betterwithmusic.com/; Six" by Lex Villena: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2iwj2SqGnplhDIadeJ5bmy?si=N8WYSKIPR7WUy8z4ajNSog; and “Voyageur” by Monkey Warhol: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Monkey_Warhol/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

It was a dark and stormy night, and there was crime everywhere. But I, Crystal with a K, knew somewhere the steepies needed their watch. Yep, you guessed it. We're taking a trip to Gutter City. I hope you brought your umbrella and your two-for-a-quarter boladere cigars. We're not big smokers here on the channel, but even we can admit that the smooth, never-stale tobacco of two-for-a-quarter boladair cigars always satisfies. But that's not news. What is? Well, the remodel of the East Wing of the Dusk Hotel is finally complete, and it is a stunner.

And the wainscoting? Unreal! We thought we loved the cerulean blue wainscoting, but now that we've seen the Cobalt blue, we are obsessed. Bad news for Gutter City's criminal element in this update, though, as Dentonic says, that in addition to the Dusk's visual refresh, the updates have read to the news. the hotel's famous centerpiece, the Steelswell diamond, 100% theft proof.

Bad news for all the hoodlums out there. If you want to get your hands on the rock, I hope you never know when to stop dreaming. It's been a long day for me, tending to the buck fields, children. Perhaps I have one more tail like it's been for. Take a seat. Take a seat. No, no, let us store,

Tele finish. What are you doing? I'm the children. Oh, that's fun. Can we be in it too? How dare you? I was trying to buy in. I was trying to broaden your world.

This is level six of my seven-layer multi-tiered narrative that is happening simultaneously. Weaver. May I have another licorish candy? Weaver. You aren't there with the Weaver because you don't know if anyone's there. Weaver. We have an established if the Weaver. He said children.

We have, dear. You need to take out the weaver. rubbish. Travis, I said children. Am I running with children? No. But you can say children if you're not there.

The character said that. I said that, Travis. Oh, to nothing? You have to follow him. Oh, he's all alone. Yeah, I have this,

listen, I don't have time to dig through my thousand-page document on the Weaver and all of his. And I'm the Weaver's pet talking donkey. I have four chapters on the muckfield. He-Haw. Welcome to Tass Steeblechase.

you are currently in gutter city where you are in the office of Darla Davis who has in exchange for helping you to facilitate a successful heist of the Steel's Weld Diamond she has asked you to do a favor for her and that is where we will pick things up

right this second what kind of pornography are we talking no yeah They stared at me These three gorgeous little strawberries For what felt like a week

I don't have a lot of talents But I am patient So I started counting ceiling stains And enjoying my smooth Satisfiling Bouldaer cigar I was just about to light up the second My two-for-a-quarter smokes When one of them spoke

I've decided to fold in real time So If there's a little bit of them, a week between. Yeah. You're right, Dad? Sorry, the smoke. Oh.

Oh. Sorry, to step outside, sometimes you are in firm IRL. That sounded like your real old ones. That you may have made yourself sick. It was freaking great. Yeah, okay.

Oh, I'm sorry. You know, I forget how delicate you men can be. Hold on one second. Let me put this out for you an open window. I didn't mean not to turn into a diatribe against my gender. Well, you know what?

I'm sorry, you're right. You are just as tough as me, except for cigars. I guess. So Darlaz stamps it out and opens a window and starts waving some of the smoke out. And it's actually smokier outside.

So yeah. So it's kind of a zero-something. But it's gutter city. What are you going to do? Uh, is that, sorry, Darla, uh, Miss Davis, uh, detective, uh, I, I, Davis is fine, or Darla. Davis, uh, did you say sorry? And, uh, uh, pornography? Yeah, that would, I was being maybe a little bit dramatic. It is, well, why don't you all take a seat, I'll walk you through. You're already seated or are you standing?

Oh, yeah. Okay. There's a grocer. David Red. Nice sort. As nice as you're likely to find in gutter city, at least. Good egg. Always done right by me, and I'm trying to do him a good turn.

Sweet man, but he, uh, proclivities are a little bit darker than the usual. His desires are sort of unconventional. And I, he doesn't hurt anybody, but he is, uh, he's twisted deeply, deeply broken down there, sexual. Huh. But I'm not here to judge.

When I said twisted earlier, I'm just saying how other people would perceive. Me, I think whatever gets your engine, revving, whatever puts the fuel in, that's fine as long as you're not hurting nobody. And David isn't. He's a good sword, but he got mixed up with a bad crowd.

He's been spinning wanes. too much time over it. Cineuendo. Hey, Justin, just a side note. That's really good. Oh, thank you, Travis. I will always stop the show to accept praise. You've judged correctly.

Cinewendo is great. I love that. And he goes in to sort of pursue his desires there. And it's supposed to be a place where secrets are locked up tighter than a broken-down refrigerator. Not in this case. In this case, he's being blackmailed by one of the staff there. Mr. Well, it's Chad Touch.

He's a petter at the club. Now, he somehow caught David, mid, or whatever it is, David does, and took some pictures, which is strictly taboo there over at sinewendo. But now he's telling David that if he doesn't come up with some sweets, then he's going to release the pictures to everyone. I told David that we would buy those pictures back. And she reaches under and slams down a suitcase on the table. And she said, and that's what you're going to do for me.

You're going to go buy these pictures from Chad Tudge over at Cinewendo. And she opens the briefcase and you see a layer of bills. and then she says there's just one thing you need to be aware of and she flips through the bills and you find that under the layer of bills there is a newspaper cut to the proper shape that would give the impression that these are large stacks of cash.

Oh, that's how the pros do it. A lot of people just put the whole newspaper down in there but a pro cuts it into bill shape before they do this switch. I can't get a real. reputation as someone who's causing trouble at sinuendo. I have too many leads in my business that take me through their, their hallways.

But you three, you can handle it for me. You do that. I'll help you help whoever's stealing the diamond this week. What do you think? Davis, if you don't mind, I do have,

let's say, two questions. Ask away. I'll answer anything I can. Question one, if it's taboo there, is there any benefit to talking to management and saying, you know, one of your staff is blackmailing a client that seems like something they might handle internally? It's worth a shot, but I will warn you, from what I know, Chad Touch is a big earner. And unless you have something real cold to put him down, he's going to wake up tomorrow smelling just fine. Okay, well, I guess that leads you question too, Davis.

If he's a big earner, then probably sinuendo wouldn't want something happening to him. Wouldn't want even, you know, damaged goods if I may use the parlance, correct? Yeah, I think roughing him up is probably out of the question unless you can make sure that he's going to stay quiet too. And whatever you do, please, don't touch those. beautiful fingers. They've brought petting pleasure to half gutter city. And I

would sooner smash a vango statue. I don't know much about it. They're so rare. I'm not. There's so few. Some people are they lost. It's so hard to find over these days. There used to be so many.

It's so hard to talk for a long time and just make things up the whole time without saying something stupid. If only there was a real a guy named Van Gogh who made me a lot. But you didn't have to make up. It's just what was there. It's just what was there. So this sinuendo club, is this a member's only type of deal, or can we just stroll on in there looking for whatever carnal lights catch-off fancy?

It's like a bakery. If you got a little dough, you're welcome to come on in. That is not how a bakery works. I don't know how it is here in Gutter City. It's a real dark place. In Gutter City, you have to bring your own dough to the bakery so that they can bake it for you. I remember saying that. So it must be the way it works.

Wow. Okay. There's places. I think to close the windows. Some smokes getting in here, I think. Guys, I think I'm drunk on power. Yeah. Yeah, that is the way it works.

If you've got a problem, you can march your way right out of my office. Wow. Okay. That's how we bake bread. Clearly, I've touched your nerve. Any other questions? It's got to be, the one thing is, it's got to be tonight. And it's got to be as quiet as you can make it.

Because if it gets back to me, it's going to be a lot harder for me to do your job. And it's going to be nigh on impossible for you to do yours, understand? How are we to know we are sticking our necks out for you? How are we to know that you are even able to uphold your end of the bargain? We already are on a job. You are asking us to do a second job on. nothing but faith alone. And you seem like a trustworthy sort, Darla, but that is, in my professional opinion, a strategic mistake for us. Darla stands up. Do you know how I've lived this long in

Gutter City? Do you know how I have built a reputation here, how I have built a business, build a life? It's one thing. I have this little lady in my stomach, and I listen to her. She's the one that has guided me through this far when I'm in a situation where I don't know up from down. I trust that little lady in my stomach. She tends to steer me right. She's telling me that you three are the ones who can get this job done. Now, I don't know if you all have that or if you take the time to listen to it, but look at me. She stares like right down and oh my God, you want to tell her something.

You don't have a secret that immediately springs to mind, but like you want to admit to whatever it is she's trying to get you to admit to. Look at me and listen to that little person in your stomach and see what it's telling you about me. I talk to Montrose and Emmer just privately for a moment, Davis. You know what? I actually already got this cigar out, but I will leave it there. And I'll sit here and go back to my stains. And she leans back in the chair and fold her hands on top of her black turtleneck and just stares at the ceiling. I think we should say yes. But also, there's a lot of weird stuff here and they take their own dough to the bakery.

There's not a real, I don't want to sound stupid. I'm not a stupid guy. There's not a real tiny person in her stomach, right? She was very detailed about it in a way. Is she possibly pregnant? And it's like a baby that controls her? Oh, no, I just meant. It's not, if you're, listen, I'm listening to y'all whisper.

It's not a crank situation. I'm talking about intuition. It's not, as long as we're not whisper, as long as we're putting the tiger right up on the table, is it a meet Dave scenario? Oh, good question. It's just. Or inner space, even. I think I answered her. Okay.

Crang is, sorry. Ms. Davis, Crang is much different from either inner space or meet Dave. These are completely separate sort of fictional. person in a person character. There are many, many, many different variations of a small person controlling a larger person throughout fiction and I celebrate every

single one of them and this is none. I'm just talking about your gut, just your gut, you all have guts. Oh, yeah. But congratulations were in order. You can congratulate me when you're leaving. My patience is running thin and I'm out of stains

to count. Let's go back to our huddle. Back to our huddle. I am extremely uncomfortable with this situation. If my conscience will allow me to have anything to do with pornographers. My word, Emmerick, I had no idea. You were so, I don't know, judgy. No, no, I just.

I am, for concerns of my own, I don't think my, well, someone in my past would have appreciated me associating with this. I just, you're going to have to convince me. Okay, well, you know how in church, when somebody's opening their eyes during prayer and you see them. but then they caught you two at the same time. We're all in Gutter City. So I do not think that someone's going to tattle and say, well, I saw. And here's the other thing. From a public sort of relations perspective, if people come after you because you talked to a pornographer,

I think that'll just blow up in their face. I'm sorry, you're talking very loudly. Chad Touch is a petter. I was sort of using hyperbole when I said this is. pornography. This man is being blackmail. Yes. It's, yeah. I think most of us understood that. We'll take

this job. We'll get this done. I want to make sure Spidery over here, this wispy fella is on board, too. Emric was it? Yes. Emmerich. Dreadway.

The way you say that. Oh. Drives a woman wild. Absolutely. I have a malefluous. speaking voice. I, um,

yes, fine. Um, beef, are you, you, Yen? You know,

uh, at this point, it's a little bit of the, uh, penny pound situation. You know what I mean? Like, it seems that life has set us on a bit of a

trajectory. And if, if nothing else, man, Emrick, look at this. Um, we've been asked to do,

three things at this point. Two, I would say, are fairly morally questionable. But one is helping out somebody who is being blackmailed. And so I'd say if there's one that is perhaps most morally defensible, it's the one in which somebody is being overtly taken advantage of. Oh, no, I should make it clear that my morals do not need defending and that this is not an act of righteousness, it is a means to an end.

We will get this done. We are going to head on over to that bar. We are going to, how much, can we keep this money if we don't end up using it? Oh, the, I mean, I should be clear. The money that you're seeing that, that, uh, okay, money. I get that money is an abstract concept. I'm saying, is there any kind of.

Well, you should also know, money is not just an abstract concept. money is when we talk about not like we talk about cash that's the term we use cash or sweets cash is specific to layers okay so the so this is gutter bucks this is gutter bucks that's right a big briefcase of gutter bucks okay I'm surprised you know what we call cash down here I was honestly just guessing but you know what I say uh the sooner we get started the sooner we're done you know what I All right Well guys

This is a score So I need you to talk about Tell me What your plan of attack is going to be Assault, deception, stealth Occult, Social, or Transport Well, a couple of those don't seem to apply Yeah

It's not in an obvious manner Transport would be fun if we just sort of smashed a car Yeah Into the We hitched a big rig to the whole building and just took it with us. Go into whatever sort of vault, whatever sort of pornography locker they have there. And no, I don't think that that'll work.

I say deception is inherent, don't you? I mean, we've got to deceive him at some point to where he doesn't inspect the briefcase very closely. I think there's deception. We can deceive Tony Pets. I forget his name. Chad touch. Chad touch. Thank you.

Rises a bad touch. Social, we could potentially go to the higher-ups and rat him out, but I don't know that we have the evidence. We would also need proof because just an accusation, I think. And our other option is stealth. We get in there and steal the, you know, the evidence, steal the blackmail stuff. But my worry there is that I've seen enough movies to know that unless we, are absolutely sure we have like the negatives and all that stuff than just stealing it and can do it.

I feel like this has to be like there's an expectation of a tradeoff, right? Yeah. So that is where the deception lies and it seems that that is the most like down the middle or get this done because this is also a means to an end score, right? So this is like being done to get to there That I think just like going for the easy point of entry Get the job done Get out is the way to go

Okay So deception it is Just go in there like we're going to be doing the tradeoff And then sort of play it by ear from there Yeah I think so I mean that's That seems pretty straightforward to me yeah Okay pick your pick your

I need you guys to pick a load What's your load gonna be? Light. Yeah, I think light for this one. Right? Right. Okay. And the last thing that we needed to do is pick the detail.

When you choose a plan, you provide a missing detail, the point of attack, social connection, etc. So the detail in this case is the method of deception. What are you, how are you going to pull this off? What do you think, Dad? Not to put you on the spot, but I want you to get a hand on the ball. Yeah, I think Dad's dialed in. What do you think of Dad? Okay, it has to be almost a sting kind of thing because you have to be sure that when you get the photos or whatever the proof is that he's got against David, that it is for real the only copies.

Yeah. Or is that just something we assume? Well, that's just something that I think is always a better safe than sorry kind of deal, right? Yeah. That we ask about and I don't know. Okay. Because what I'm saying is if we make this exchange and he doesn't inspect the briefcase and then he finds out that we cheated him with newspaper clippings, what's to stop him from, you know, reusing the evidence against him.

In the sting, they were able to con. the guy out of his money, and there was still a logical reason for what happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that. Okay, yeah. So if we make the exchange and then something happens to the briefcase. Yes, I love that. All right.

Oh, that's good. Okay. That's as far as I'm going to let you guys get. Let's get an engagement roll going. You got 1D, start with that for sheer luck. do you have any major advantages or disadvantages? Does the, is it bold or daring? No, it seems pretty normal.

Does the plan detail exclusive vulnerability of the target? Well, hold on, I think we do have an advantage. What's that? He doesn't know who we are. And we know who he is and we have a prop briefcase. Yeah, so we're being sent in. He's expecting to meet someone, but not necessarily. three people, right? So we do have the advantage of not needing to engage in such a way that it's

obvious that the three of us are together. Okay, here's what I'm going to say. So you have that advantage. You have one for luck, and I think you have one for Darla, because you have a friend or contact providing aid or insight. So we're going to say that's three. But I'm going to subtract one from that because you are in Chad touches, you know, that's. This is his home turf, right? He knows everybody. He knows everything. This is his house.

So I'm going to say two. Does that feel right to everybody? Okay. You all want me to roll? Yeah, 2D6, please. That's a 6 and a 4. Ooh. Wow.

It's that good. We're still new to this. Exceptional result. Okay, so you have... We did it. The job is done. Yeah. So you have overcome the first obstacle. Congratulations.

That you have effort. found the entrance to to sine you window. Congratulations. So hold on. The obstacle there could have also been overcome with a quick map quest sort of visit. You guys didn't ask where it is. So I guess that's your first challenge. You overcame it.

We just said, we're heading out there. You just said, you walked down the door, and then you said, well, fuck. This place is all alleys. What's going to do now? No, the reason that this is a challenge is because there is no sign that reads sinewendo. The location is actually not widely broadcast. In fact, it's only on Bing. You see a burly guy in a suit standing underneath a sign that says Geiger's rare books.

And you know because of you were able to ask around, work your contacts. Or you walked back in and said, hey, by the way. Okay, where is it? Just one more thing, ma'am. Where is it? All right, and you are standing at the front door. Now, wait. Hold on, before we do, but we're still, like, in the shadows and we have eyes on it, right?

So, Emrich Mantras, if the plan is that some section of us, some collection, is going to engage the exchange, and then something's going to happen to the briefcase. Perhaps we should not all enter at the same time so as not to make it obvious that we're all together? I have an idea about that. I think my talents are not necessarily going to be dealing with people face to face and trying to ask myself off as a smutmeister. Well, yeah, just the way you said the whole sentence. made it pretty obvious that that's true. I think you two are much better suited to smudery. Did you get big?

Are you like three years old? What's wrong with you? No, it's a long story that we don't have time to go into now, but I just am very concerned about this. Okay. Why don't I try to infiltrate and work kind of behind the scenes? I think that's great. But if I could make a little suggestion, then might heavily. I hope you interact with people moving forward, Emory.

Just to remember that outside of Chad Touch, who is a blackmailer, most of these people are either providing a service or they're just patrons of this establishment. Everyone inside of there seems on board with what's happening. So like, just take a deep breath and relax, okay? I'll explain everything at some point when we have some downtime. I cannot wait to hear that. Explaining is great. But be careful and be light on the judgment, okay?

Okay, right, right. So I was just thinking if I, you know, try to get myself in as some kind of technician. Oh, yeah. Works here. Perhaps that, you know. Oh, for the Jerkotron 5,000. Oh, they have the 5,000?

They have the brand new model. Would that be acceptable to you? Hello. I don't even think we need that level of... I think you can just go in 10 minutes after us. It is a place of business. You can walk into those most of the time. Well, to be fair, Montrose, I do think just listening to our friend, Emmerk, he might have a hard time selling the bouncer on him being a customer.

Oh, I see. I see. For future reference, for future reference, when I tell you guys that I'm not going to let you plan, this is why you three will continue. to crawl so far up your own assholes that you never will do anything. I'm about to have him interrupt you and just be like, hey, you weird perverts standing in the shadows.

Can you please go in here and be normal perverts? Hello, Concher. Nope, Montrose and I are going in first. Yeah. Oh, right. Hi. Hi, hello. Never mind our friend here. Look at YouTube beauties. Look at this. What a delight

for the people as you two are. Look at this. Hey, give me a little, you, you, you, you with a mask. Give me a little turn. Let me check out a little toch, a little, I don't know why I am talking like you now. What happened? Hey. Hey, it's me, you from the future. It's a fun voice to do.

All right. All right. So what can I interest you guys in tonight? You want a little bit of longing glances. You want to get a quick pinch on the keyster, a little, maybe a little pet. What are you in the move for tonight? What brings you to sinewendo east? Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize that you all had franchised. Yeah, this is actually sinewendo east too. It's a big city, got a city, and we got a lot of perversions to assist with. So we've opened several sinewendo franchises through, well, I'm happy to walk you through the business plan, Maybe you just want to get that beautiful keys to pinch. I should mention the reason sinuendo is the way it is, is that it adheres to the code that movies filmed during the 40s and 50s would need to adhere to.

So, hence innuendo. Right. We're not going to see a lot of, it's this what you're getting. This is, come up and see me sometime, not let's have sex. Yeah, okay. So you know what you're getting into. And I imagine Darla- That is in a lot of ways, like, way more off-putting. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a feature, not a lot of, way grosser. We are actually here for a bit of the good stuff. And I flash open the briefcase. You can stick your hand in there if you want me to pretty woman you, but it is quite big, and it may hurt the fingers. Such a strange way. to carry about a large chunk of cash, but I mean, with a stack like that,

you could get both cheeks pinched, no problem. Let's just say we're looking for a little touch. You want to hold somebody's hand while you listen to an opera? Like light petting with Chad Touch. I was trying to. Ooh, big spender. I love to see it. You're all a duo.

You want individual touches? You want to be touched at the same time? I mean, this is some good petting he's doing. And he does do groups. It costs a little extra, but, you know, Chad's a professional. We would look at a couple's touch. A couple's touch would be preferable. We are busy gentlemen on the go.

We have places to be. We don't have time to go in there, get touched, and then the other one goes in while the first one waits in the lobby. We have dinner reservations. We have dinner reservations for six o'clock. One second. And he picks up a dirty spiral-bound notebook off the ground and starts flipping through it. All right.

Let's see here. It's Tuesday. All right. Chad could get you in for a couple's touch maybe three weeks from now about the same time. This sounds good? How long does it take for him to touch? How long are these sessions? I mean, to you, it will feel like a moment.

But to Chad, he's got to do all the touching himself. And he's got to take frequent breaks so he doesn't get carpal tunnel, right? You want me to work him to the bone? One of the biggest earners in the club, he should just churn him out. Like he's working at a bakery, helping people load the dough in and watching him bake. Listen, listen, I can tell that discretion is perhaps. not your strongest characteristics. So I will just say that Mr. Touch...

It's weird, isn't it? For somebody in my position, it is extremely strange. It would expect a little bit more discretion. Just a bit, but... I'm a regular Chattie Cathy Kathy over here. Mr. Touch is expecting us. Fellas, Chad's on the clock,

and I got his schedule right here. He's booked full tonight. Uh, Justin. Yeah. I would like to attempt to study that document that he is holding and flipping through. to say he's actually

expected we already have an appointment I believe it's right there on the document this is a let's see here what the okay

all right Trav let's say let me think I don't think you would be inclined to let you look at the schedule

so I think for that we're going to need some way to persuade him what are you thinking Well, it sounded like Travis was trying to discreetly study it. Oh, okay. You're trying to. As he was flipping through, I was trying to look.

Try to try to take a peek. Okay. Then we can try and alley-up the deception. Does that sound like a survey? Yes. Or study? Because I'm studying a document, right? Yeah.

I mean, yeah, do study. Yeah, because survey seems more like I'm looking at, like, for sure. Yeah, I think you're right. You're definitely right. Is it risky? Is it control? What am I looking at? I'm going to say it's risky because you're not going to get a lot of opportunities to look through it, right?

So you're you've got one chance to maybe see something. Standard effect? Yeah, I think reading a line is a standard effect for sure. Oh, fuck. It's a two. Yeah, I mean, you just didn't, you didn't see anything. I didn't do it, yeah. Yeah.

We have an appointment. You should go ask him. I believe he's expecting us. Yeah, I mean, I've got his entire schedule right here. He is, he is book solid. And I'm sure you'd love to get in, but the schedule is the boss around here, really. I work for the schedule. Chad works for the schedule.

We all work for the schedule. This may be a din of ill repute, but we do have a timetable. Oh, okay. Then we'll just go in and find somebody else. Oh, yeah. What kind of services are you in the mood for? I know what it feels like to have a thirst that must be quenched, right? We are not picky, but we are in a terrible hurry.

So just whoever is available, whatever services are available right now. I have to be honest with you. I do find it extremely disconcerting. Do you not want our money? I've learned not to trust people who are like, whatever kink you got, load me up. Okay, but we just flashed you a big suitcase of money. And you're like, no, no, no. I'll tell you what.

All right. You know what? Let's see that case again. You peel me off one of those beauties and you can go right in. Oh, okay. You got it. And I opened the case, but facing me. If we remove one beauty from the case,

will it expose permanently the newspaper deception underneath? Yep. That is terrible. The fact that they, the fact that, Carla could not part with, could not create like at least a, a reasonable layer of real cash on top of the newspaper. Darla's a straight shooter. She's not sitting on a big pile of gutter box. Wait, let me finish.

No, she had to sell something that she really liked to get that money. And it was a cello that she played. And she had to, she had to hawk her cello to get that. But it wasn't enough for Griffin because he wants to peel off a bunch of gutter box. to go blowing it around like he's the kid from Played Check You wanted her to sell her zither too, didn't you?

Admit it. What do you want to? Just the hammered dulcimer, Griffin? Should she toss it in as well? I knew you. I pull out one of the gutter bucks, right? But then I drop it. Oh, no.

Oh, I drop. Can you grab it? Me? Yeah, no problem. I don't mind a quick bend. And then I plobber him over. the top of the head with a suitcase. Really?

Yes, I do. Huh. Interesting. Okay. Well, um... I have, I don't know if you guys know this. I level up by solving, uh, addressing a challenge with violence or coercion. So it's hard for me not to do that.

Sounds like, he's got to level up. Yeah. You want me to level up, right, Justin? Yeah, of course. You're not like one of those DMs that doesn't want me to level up, right? There is a, uh, a funny experience that I have had, that I have learned to have as a, as the, the game master is that if it all goes according

to my plan I don't know that it would be very interesting or it would be much harder because I have to come up with all the fun stuff when you do something I don't want to cause a judgment here but like dumb or bad

then I find that it's a lot more adventure opportunities that's very exciting to make a bad choice so I also I as a player but I level up You know, in a way. I, as a player, playing a guy who solves things with violence or coercion, I find myself having a random count in my head of like, well, I tried something four times. And it didn't work.

So it's clobber in time. Yeah, okay. All right. Let's roll those. Roll it. Beautiful beef footage. This is going to be skirmish, I assume. It's risky, it seems.

Oh, yeah. Oh, boy, is it desperate? Or is it desperate? Risky. Risky. I agree, dad. I think it's risky. I mean, it's like, you know, this is not the first time that this has happened to this guy.

That's the exact scenario. So, like, I don't think it's so wild. And do I get a bonus dice for using the suitcase? I don't know. Because it's going to hit harder, right? I'm not a rule book. I would say I should get a bonus dice for using a suitcase because if I make contact with him, it would hit him. harder than if it was just like my fist.

I, well, it's not... You can't just, like, invent stuff. Hold on one second. What's... I thought I was supposed to be a conversation. Well, no, I literally just want to see if what you're saying... What you're saying makes logical sense. I just want to see if it's within the parameters of, like, how you would...

Just give me a second. Suitcase. Suitcase. I mean, you guys all have, all have access to the rules as I do. So if you want to try to look for... I think we've already looked this up. If the tool is of exceptional quality, I think you can do that, but otherwise it's just a narrative. I'm trying to figure out if there's some way to account for the fact that Travis is getting the drop on him in a real sense.

You know, this is not a skirmish where... Well, that would just change the position, wouldn't it? This would be great effect, maybe, because he is getting a drop on. Oh, okay. You know what? I like that, Trave. Okay. Let's go with that. That makes sense to me. It makes sense to me as well. to great effect.

Come on, Trav. Travis. Oh, God. More twos. That's a two and a two. So that's two twos. That's not enough. Can I push myself to roll again?

To roll another one, right? I mean, you could try to avoid a consequence. You could try to resist it. Uh, well, I'm going to see what happens. I made a mistake. Once you talk through what happens, maybe that leads to an idea. Okay. You know.

So the suitcase is, the briefcase is like one of those aluminum, super lightweight. Like, it's, it dented this, the briefcase more than it dented the man. Yes. Okay. Here's, here's. Here's what. Here's what happens. Here's what happens.

You swing. And you fucking miss completely, right? And the briefcase slips out of your hands. And he does not even notice. He stands right back up. Oh, uh-oh, careful there. Go get the rest of you, though. But when it landed, you see that the briefcase has broken and now will not close all the way.

It is now stuck one inch open. Uh, I'll get the suitcase. All right, this is, all right, sloppy fingers. You won't go ahead and have a hell of a time. Oh, because I gave him the gutter buck. Yeah, you gave him a gutter buck. Yeah, you bought him off. That's cool.

Yeah, I mean, the illusion, I think, is going to be much more difficult to maintain with our broken briefcase now. So the missing gutter buck is no longer the chief of my concerns, which is also great because I would have felt bad if we had killed this man over a dollar. Yeah. I wasn't trying to kill him. Yeah. Well, yeah.

I'm sure about that. We're early in this game on episode five. We cannot assume that any measure of violence, like, enacted, especially by beef, who is a cutter, is like, my goal is to kill. That is rarely the case. I scoop up the briefcase. This is mine now. Yeah. I am now the briefcase, man.

Yeah. So you too. Sorry, Montra. Mantra, sorry about that. That one's on me. Amrik, what are you doing? I think he's going to approach the same bouncer. Can we, can we just, he's with us and then we don't have to do like a whole, another, a second?

You got another bit. Okay. I got this. Well, hello, sweet cheeks. How's it going this evening? What sort of carnal delight do you find yourself in the mood for? Salute. What's up, buddy?

All right, I can tell you're a real knock-around guy, a guy from the streets. Your tastes probably hove a little closer to the meat and potatoes. We got everything here. We got a guy. We have a guy that will lovingly put a bite of meat in your mouth, let you chew it, no problem. And he'll keep eye contact with you the entire time. Very hot stuff. That's great.

And while all this stuff was going on with the briefcase, Emmerich had flipped open his wristband and and had punched a couple of things in with a tiny little crystal and had made a hard light representation very easy for him to do, hard light representation of a of like a tag for his coveralls. Okay.

Okay. And it says, Jerk Squad. Oh, my God. And, hey, dad, I know that it didn't sound like it with that sound I mean. I love it. Yeah, I love it. Jerks squad.

Okay. And so he says, yeah, a Pally, they sent me over from the office. And he points to the label. It says, understand you got some issues with your jerkinator 5,000. Hey, you don't want some gumbah to get these. I don't know if good. Love muscle. Yeah.

Squashed. So I'm here to fix it up. There's a lot in there. I am personally scandalized. I don't know what we would do with a jerkatron. This is a classy establishment. To be fair, he said jerkinator. Jerkingator.

Oh, you said jerkinator. Well, it's a soda jerk. All right, machine. All right, dad. I'm going to say that you're tried to, I guess, sway this person into giving you entrance into this business. That can't be your strong suit. It's not. Great.

Okay. All right, so how can I boost this? Now, I would. This is where. You just walked into a room and set it on fire around yourself. said, What now? How I make this better for me?

Well, I actually thought the plan would work a little bit better. You was, well, I told you. Dad, of course you did. I hope so. I thought the label.

I thought the label is so great, dad. I think the problem is, I think the one major problem with this is, is one of fiction in that I told you that everything in here is about innuendo. And you were like, I'm here to find a, fix your cum machine. It's your jiz milker.

So we have a problem here. If you, if things go well, it may turn out that they have a jerkatron. You're completely misinterpreting. The jerkinator. Okay. Is where you take verbal abuse from somebody who's a real jerk and you like it. Okay. Now, it's a masochist kind of.

Yeah. Now, what does that have to do with their, quote, love muscle? I told you. Yeah. The heart. The heart. The heart is a love muscle. I love you so much, then.

You're unhinged. Okay. The heart is a love muscle. It is, baby. You're right. Did you say jerkatron or jerk? Jerkerinator. All right.

The jerkinator. And it's the 5,000. I used it. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one. I used it earlier. Didn't have no problems. Are you sure? Oh, well, you know, maintenance.

All right. I mean, it's not going to work. I mean, it's going to break some hearts. You are going to sway this. man, Clint. You can do it in different ways. But you are going to have to sway this gentleman into letting you into the club. So there's just no other way around it.

There's many things you could do to improve the likelihood that this works, getting into the building where we have been for a little bit. I would like to assist. Okay. I pop my head out the door and be like, what kind of establishment? are you running in here? I wanted to use the Jerkinator 5,000, but he immediately started going in on me and about sort of my childhood.

And that is bad pool. That is unfair. I think that this thing has got a major glitch in the system. Okay. That was in the update. Okay, so Griff, you take one stress. Yeah, I know. This is definitely going to be worth it.

Dad, you take an extra die. You can also push yourself for another bonus die, Dad, and take two stress. I would like to do that. All right, so you have three D-6. To enter the bill. Wait, do you have any points in sway? No. Well, in that case, you will have, you roll two.

Just do it. But you take the highest. Yeah. You do it, Dad, do it as a sway roll and then add, I guess, two bonus die, right? Yeah. Okay. So this is risky or controlled?

I think, I think, I mean, it's, yes, you know what? I'm going to say it's controlled because I feel like you could try another tactic if this doesn't work. So yeah, let's say it's controlled. I feel like it's, especially with one of the sway ones, if the worst outcome is they say no, that feels controlled, right? So standard? Yeah. Two bonus die. Yes, baby.

Six and a four. Six. Congratulations, Dad, that's fantastic. I'm very happy. Oh, all right. All right. Go on and get it all working real nice for Papa. And when he says Papa, he points at himself, like, that's, you see, that's my thing.

So I like to know the Jerkinator's working real primo. Go ahead and fellas, enjoy. Oh, oh, oh, one last thing. Oh, interesting. As you know, the Jerkinator 5,000 works on an individual basis and you have to have a

gutter buck to slip into the slot and I don't have one. I can't really do my job could you possibly loan me a gutter buck? I've just got the one and he holds it up like a child with a Snickers bar. I know. I've got this one gutterbuck. Well, yeah, but you know you'll get it.

You know you'll get it back. And I'll program. Matt, are you, my man? Mac, my man. Yeah. You are going to go for another sway roll? I love it. Dad?

I'm not. I'm not. You know, you had to say these things. This is a great idea and I love it. But you are going to roll for it. I know. I know. Okay.

Dad is very good at this game. And that's what I've decided to lean into hard in the series. Dad, I fully support this. You saw a need, you feel a need, you get that gutter buck back. I'm proud of you. Do you support it enough to spend one of your stress to assist him? Yeah, you know what? I do.

I do. Okay. I am going to, you hear me from down the hall go, oh, man, this thing's being so mean. This isn't what I paid for it. I'm going to have to ask for my money back if somebody doesn't fix this. Actually, concept-wise, Travis, it would be being nice to you if it was malfunctioning. No, it's mean and too sincere a way. It's too mean.

I got you. Okay. I wanted a rough time, but this is cutting deep in a way that, like, they're going, they're crossing some lines. Yeah, sure. There's a reason your friends don't call you back. No, that's what I'm worried about. Oh, no. Dad, I remember that shirt you wore for Fitcher Day in sixth grade?

I like this. I like this move a lot. We got to move forward. Here's what I'm saying to you. I will offer you a devil's bar. if you want to get an additional die. If you choose it to take this bargain, I will give you one more D6,

but I'm going to start a clock that is send you in no management, who will start to become aware of something unusual in the club. So you can take the extra die, but I will start a clock that will be working against you all. Okay, I couldn't push myself to get an extra die?

Yeah, you could do that as well. Yeah, you could do the exact same thing again if you could take the additional stress. And do I get an extra die? extra dive from beef helping me out? Yes. This isn't even the heist yet. Yeah, we're not even into the...

Okay, I'm not going to take the devil's bargain in. I don't want the clock to start on. No, no, no, I'm saying your stress is like your main currency for... It's all right. It's fine. Emory can handle stress. Okay. So this is controlled.

You will also, I should say, this is a score. So you will have all the normal downtime activities after this. Oh, and great, burn it. Yeah, sure. It's supposed to be an easy one. I didn't think it would take a half hour to get through the front door. But here we are. This is TAS, huh?

This is TAS, baby. It's just universal. Put a door in front of your players. It will take five times longer than you. They will come up with two discreet. I am rolling. One and a three. Okay, keep the buck.

No problem. Go ahead. I'm Jackie Cation. Hello, I'm Lori Kilmerton. We do a podcast called The Jackie and Lori Show, and you could listen to it anytime you want it because there's hundreds of episodes. Yeah, I mean, we've been doing comedy forever and we should both quit. So why don't you listen to about the paper before we leave this not only terrible business, but this awful world. And find out why we can't.

Because we love it so. Jackie and Laurie Show. Every week, you're on maximum fun.org. Hi, it's Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun. I am breaking into this programming to say thank you to MaxFund's members. Your purchases in this year's post-Maxfund Drive patch sale raised over $50,000 for Trans Lifeline. Maybe you already know about the good work that Trans Lifeline does. If you don't, they're a trans-run organization that offers direct emotional and financial support to trans people in crisis. If you want to learn more about the work Translifeline does or support them further, go to translifeline.org.

Thanks for supporting maximum fun. Thanks for supporting Translifeline. And thanks for being awesome people who want to do good in the world. All right. So you find yourself in sinewendo. It is dim, dark, but there are tables, round tables with red, tablecloths on them, their candles in the middle. And you see like just an assortment of people,

you would have thought it was a supper club or maybe like a nightclub. It looks completely normal. What you do see are there are each pair of people is engaged in some sort of intimate activity, but one person seems to be really enjoying it. And one person seems like it's their standard of, much more comfortable.

and you walk through the door and there is someone else to agree you on the other side and they say, uh, uh, uh, hello. My name is Viola and I am here to cater to your, uh, desire. Who do you have an appointment with this evening? Uh, Mr. Chad Touch.

Sorry, Chad Touch. Oh, big spender. All right. Well, walk right this way. she leads you back to a beaded curtain hanging over an entryway. Emrick, what are you doing while they're doing this? I'm looking for like an access door to like general maintenance area. The back.

Trying to get into the back. Okay. Actually, you know what? I think he's going to try to find, he's going to make his way to. the kitchen. The kitchen. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's, that's all right. Let's start with, let's actually start with that before we go in. They, I tell you what, Montrose beef, she leads you into a room that has a couches line. It's like one big long, sectional that is purple and tufted and lining the walls and then one circular couch in the middle.

that is similarly purple and tufted and she says make yourself at home and dress to your level of comfort which means you can unbutton your top button or not it's completely up to you and Chad will be with you in just a moment top shirt button

yes yeah okay let's check over before we get to that scene let's check over with Emrick see what Emrick's up to Emmerick you wander into the kitchen and people look up, but not a whole lot of attention. As you know at this point, if you're wearing something that looks like a working guy's costume, then people attend, especially at the staff level or tend to assume that you're there doing something.

So what do you do? I think he raises a hand to his head and kind of shakes a little. bit and uh says um pardon me um i uh seem to be having a little bit of a blood sugar issue oh no um yeah a little off my uh my meds i'm not the best about keeping up on my medication that is this you or your character this is another bit where i can't tell which one it is i thought it was excellent acting and Gameplay, Father. Are you,

is there a cooler somewhere where I could perhaps pour myself a glass of juice or something like that? Um, um, yes, of course. Come right this way. Um, my, uh, my name is Johnny.

Johnny Clay. What's yours? Um, Merrick. Merrick, okay. Merrick, okay. Merrick, take a seat right here. And I will,

go fetch you some juice. Oh, I can, I, you don't have to go to the trouble. Just point me towards whatever back secluded area is where the refrigerator is and I'll go get my own juice. The refrigerator's right there. You see, you see, uh, uh, Johnny points at, uh, a fridge and says, it's right there. You, you help yourself. You expect, you expect me to drink juice in front of strangers. Do you have a weird way of?

doing it? Yeah, I haven't encountered that before. Okay, I tell you what, I'll, I'll go fetch you your juice and then I'll busy myself with my task. I won't look right at you. How's that sound? You can drink your juice however you like to. But if I do have to warn you,

if this is your thing, I'm going to need to charge you extra. Oh, no, I'm here in an official capacity. Non-sexual. Got it. Okay. Let me get you a different juice then, this is actually the juice that we have for drinking in a sexual way. Oh.

Good. Oh. That isn't cringe-worthy. Here you go. The least sexual juice that we have. Homegranate. Oh, no. Justin.

No, Justin. There's no way. That is the sexiest juice. Clamagranted banana. Close. Oh, okay. Here, this is the least. Fruit, man.

Great fruit. Yeah. The least sexy juice we have. have great fruit. Okay, and I have to walk around a little bit while I drink. Is that all right? Of course. Make yourself at home.

Thank you. I don't know why Dad found someone accommodating. Maybe someone was just frustrated about how long we spent at the front door and they just want to keep things in me. I don't know why Johnny Clay takes such a shined emric, but here we are. All right, Dad, without digging too far down into like what you're sort of thinking, you tell me when a good moment to like cut away would be. So I, because I don't want to interrupt now.

Okay, we invite yourself back. It's a good collaboration. Okay, the lights dim, Montrose and beef, the lights dim. And you see a very small disco ball lower from the ceiling. And you hear over the speakers, you got the touch. You got the power. And then a door to the side bursts open. And there he is.

He's wearing a sequined jacket and no shirt. And he's got tight pants. His hair is long. He's got black sunglasses on. And he's wearing two purple velvet gloves that match exactly the couch that you find yourself sitting in right now. And he says, Hey, welcome. You all ready to get touched by Chad Touch?

Oh, no. Is this a couple? I love it. I love it. You know what? People won't tell you, I do this for free. And then he raises his hands and starts in a very sexual, gyrating manner. Raising his hands above his head, he starts gyrating towards you.

So you want to get touched at the same time? I'll do a little petting with you and a little pet with you. You want to get pets at the same time? Chad. Chad. This is kind of my spiel, so. Yeah, we're here. Don't interrupt the man.

The man is working. All right. Show some respect for his craft. Okay, Monter. He is obviously a master hand at this. Do you, does Chad touch wonder into your place of business and tell you how to do your job? You, I like. You are like.

And then he starts, he takes his hand and puts it on. both of your shoulders simultaneously. And he's somehow making eye contact with both of you? Like I don't know how he's dealing. Yeah, sure. So what do you think about this so far? It's indescribable. I do not want to receive the merchandise under false pretenses,

though we are not here for the touch of chab. His hands recoil as if he just touched a hot stove and returned to their default position, which is raised above his head, so that no harm can come to the. them. So what's your story? Uh, we're in the market for, uh, nude photographs of a local grocer?

I don't have any nude photo. No, I, I think innuendo is the way to go here. Uh, we're here's, uh, representatives of David Red. Oh, allow me to dispense with the, the pleasantries. and then he removes his sunglasses and folds him into his shirt. I appreciate you taking this seriously. I've never really had much of a problem with David and his pursuits or his own. Sure, there's whispers, but when I saw it for myself,

I knew that that kind of behavior was not permissible here at sinewendo. This is a place that I've dedicated my life to, and I will not allow it to be besmirched by him. And I'm hoping that he learns his lesson from this. So do you have the money? Yes, I do say, I must say that the further we get into this operation, the more terrified I become, that we will not make it out of it without finding out what David has done.

But yes, we have the money. I must, though, offer one small critique. to me that in a place that values discretion so much as this, that blackmailing the clientele sets an awfully bad precedent, wouldn't you agree? To echo the words of a very wise man, does Chad Touch come to your place of business and tell you how to conduct yourself? It's a fair point. Mr. Touch, Chad.

Please, Mr. Touch. we do have the money here in the briefcase but imagine my relief the issue here when it comes to an in a blackmail extortion oh oh oh no no no no I wouldn't use those terms I tend to think of it as a discretionary fee he is paying for my discretion Absolutely. But you see, the position that we are in is that we need to make sure that you have every scrap of documentation of the indiscretion before the exchange is made. Because if we give you the discretionary fee, there's no guarantee that this, that this, exchange will not continue in the future. It's a not unfair point, but I would argue that you have no leverage here.

I'm Chad Touch. I thought the dance and the spiel would give it away. I'm Chad Touch, and around sinuendo, what I say goes. I don't know what leverage you would have that would put you in a position to negotiate with me. I need the money. You get the photos and our business will be concluded. If you'd like to linger for some heavy petting, I'm sure I can find someone who is open to that.

If you would like my services, I understand it will be several weeks until I have an availability. But that is the conclusion of our business together. Eve looks to Montrose. Yeah. I have an idea. Did you have an idea? idea? Well, no, it's just more of like remembering what happened with Sticky Figures Paul Pantry

when Beef was in a similar situation attempting to like leverage. I got it. I stand up, I pick up the briefcase and I say, well, that is disappointing. I suppose we will have to seek remedy through other channels. My associate and I will be leaving. And I walk for the door and stop, put my hand on the doorknob and stop and turn back and say, Oh, I did just remember something. And I'd like to flash back real quick. To, right before we go in to sinewendo, I reach into my pocket and I pull out the all mixed up walkman that I have on me and start

recording onto a mixtape and subtly slide it back into my pocket. The GM sets a stress cost when you activate a flashback action. Zero stress, an ordinary action for which you add easy opportunity. One stress for a complex action or unlikely opportunity or two or more stress for an elaborate action that involves special opportunities or contingencies. I'm going to say one stress. Okay. Because, you know, it's not so wild, but it is a good idea.

And it doesn't seem that bizarre that you would have it. So we'll say that. We'll say it's a one. Okay. One stress for this flashback. Are you showing this to Chad Touch? Yeah, I withdraw the Walkman from my pocket and show it to him, flash it to him, and say, as you said, your word does carry quite a bit of weight around here from what I understand.

So why don't we try this again? And you can take the briefcase. And we will take the photographs, and you can continue your extortion business uninterrupted. You've put me in a challenging position, I'll admit. Griff, let's go ahead and try a sway. Okay. Position. Risky.

And effect. Standard. I'm dictating these. If you guys ever want to push back, feel free. But I'm trying to do this movement. I'm not using a disguiser. other form of covert misdirection, so I don't have any bonuses to this, I don't think.

Well, it does feel like if we're saying, like, my character getting the drop on somebody physically gave a bonus, then this seems like getting the... It affected the effect, not the... Oh, right, right, right. Then this seems like it would be a great effect, right? That this would drain his resistance. It's up to juice.

Yeah. Yeah, you know what I'm going to do, actually? This is a great... This is a great. I'm going to have a... I'm going to have a clock, a four-segment clock that is Chad's willingness to cooperate in this scenario. Okay. And I'm going to say it's a four-segment clock, and without action, you have done away with two segments.

So there are two segments remaining. Okay. And when it's empty, he's what? He'll hand over the stuff. Okay. Yes, he will conduct business with you on an even playing field where you make sure that you get all of the negatives. Perfect, perfect. You have whittled him down if, of course, this first sway roll goes your way.

I'm going to push myself. Yeah. Makes sense. I give myself a bonus day. All right, please, please, please, please, please. Yes, 163. 163, hotchi-machi. We'll take it.

All right. Yeah, I can see you've got me in a challenging position here. I will admit I was going to try to bleed David for a little while, but you all seem like you've got a good head on your shoulders. So I'll tell you what, I am going to go get the photos and the negatives. Stay comfy. And he walks out of the room. I do believe that man is going to come back in a tip to do us. Grievous harm.

Yeah. At what point do I like break his fingers or something? Or threatened to. I mean, I guess I don't need to. I mean, but I'm very big and he's very precious of his fingers. Emric, what are you up to right now? Okay. I'm going to set something up.

Okay. Emric planning ahead. He is going to call up Eustace, Chabon. His heart like ghost. Does he always had a last name? Okay, wait, wait, wait. Eustace is a. hard light projection that works at prize pantry.

You cannot just like summon Eustace. He works there. Like that's where he works. He doesn't, he's not like owned by you. So that would be, that would be tricky. Would it be, would it be too much of a conceit to say that they use hard light waiters in the place? Do they have hard light waiters in the place? Do they have hard light waiters in the place?

Why don't you do a survey roll and see if you, or would that be, or would that be, maybe a tune would be more accurate for what we were discussed? Mm-hmm. Okay, a tune. See if you can sense any hard light. Six. Okay. Yes, Dad, you, with honestly just a casual glance, you realize that they are using hard light weight staff. You can tell last generation hard light, you, not everyone, but you can tell there's a sort of a shimmer around the edges that you can detect in certain lights.

And you realize that, yeah, they are using hard light for the weight staff. Can I use Tinker to take control of one? It would be, yes. Well, I want to take control of it. Yeah. I think that would be a tune. That would be in a tune role. A weight wouldn't be command?

Command is for people. Commands for people. And attune, we're sort of like making this up as we go along to account for the fact that there's not like magical stuff. And this is as close as we get to magic. But you are going to try to attune to, let's say a waiter has just walked in and Johnny is cooking a beautiful steak looking so nice.

And Johnny is or the steak is? Both, honestly. Real nice. And you see a waiter walk in and like, you know, the black and white, you know, standard waiter outfit. And he walks into, well, let's say he's got some dirty dishes and he's taking it towards the sink. Okay. I'm going to push myself again.

Okay. So I take another stress, right? So a tune. Six, five, five. Holy crap. Okay, dad, you, with like, like artful, like really slick, no problem at all. I thought, what does it look like? How are you, when you interact with an extant hard light projection, what are you,

what are you doing? Is it just a surreptitiously flipping open the wrist band and kind of working a crystal in my fingers. and pointing it towards pointing it towards the heart light ghost. It's almost like a laser pointer, but it's blue and very, very thin. Nobody's going to see it. All right, the waiter turns around.

Oh, Papa, I didn't recognize you. How can I help? I need you to place an order. I place an order. Oh, Papa, you say the silliest things. Place? I take the orders.

I've never placed. Oh, my mind is spinning with the possibilities. What order to place, Papa? I haven't been programmed for this. I have no idea to place an order. Just looking forward to the Max Fun Drive. Can we make a Max Fund Drive goal where Justin, as one of these hard-like characters, has a conversation with Griffin as a blink shark?

because the two their speaking patterns, both of them together, would make me so very happy. Oh, my good friend. I need you to tell Johnny that you have a rush order for Bananas Foster

and tell him you need it as soon as possible. Okay. Okay. So who is ordering the Bananas Foster, Papa? I'll tell you that after you, you know, he has to get started. You're right. You're right? I shouldn't ask so many questions. I'm just so excited. I've never done an order myself. Okay. You're doing so well. You are, I am so proud. Thank you, Papa. Okay. And you watch this waiter turn. Excuse me, Johnny. I have a regular order. It's a rush order for a customer.

It's bananas foster Okay, okay You don't need to get so worked up, pal And then you see Johnny start making a bananas Foster with all the expediency he can manage And I give a big wink Did I do well, Papa? You did well, Raoul

I just named him on this further moment My Papa has given me a name I announcement I'm so sorry Papa I was so excited about the name Raoul This is between you and me You and I now know

Your name is Raoul And Raoul Shall share this secret Papa I love it May I go back to my duties Papa They made me so happy

Yes Yes but be ready To take the bananas Foster Okay You can cut back now If we cut back If we cut back

And Emmer's just eating some bananas foster. I'm not going to know what you're doing. I swear to God, I think my man just wants some juice and bananas foster. Sorry guys, I forgot what we were doing. I was having a snack. All right.

Gentlemen, I have procured both the images and the negatives. I would urge you to not look inside. It's pretty disturbing stuff. And you see

a plain manila envelope that Chad lays down in the middle of the purple couch. Oh, boy. And now, I do need to look inside. I'm going to need to see the color of your money. Chad, I think, I do need to look and make sure the photos on the negatives are in there first. Sorry. Are you quite sure?

Yeah, P-flux. You peel back the envelope, and it's a series of pictures that have been stapled together to create a sort of ad hoc flip book. And there you see David Red. As you flip through, you see it creates the moving image of David Red, spanking his own butt. Oh. Beave looks at it and goes Sorry, we wanted the compromising photos

I know it's dark stuff Compromising doesn't quite Go far enough, is it? There should be a word Is he nude in the photos or is he just Nope Fully clothed He's wearing a smart pair of slacks And a white button down

Now the top button is unbuttoned So he is relaxing a little bit So it's a little bit risque But yeah it's just just a flipbook of him spanking his own buff. Hey, Chad, I don't know how to tell you this. This is nothing. I do kind of want to see it now.

Yeah, here, look. Here, look. Oh, man. I mean, like, this could be... Whenever I, when I leave the house, I sort of instinctively check to see if my wallet is in my back pocket. That could very much be what...

This is a nothing burger, Chad. It could be like a fly landed on his butt or like a hot... Like, I don't know. So I'm, I am assuming that you gentlemen aren't from around here. This is the kind of thing that could ruin somebody in Gutter City. This kind of, um,

perversion could ruin someone here. So, again, I need to see your money, please. But this is the photos and the negatives, right? Uh, yes.

Well, let me, hold on, let me check. Any, no. Excuse me? I step in the way as he goes to check.

I'm just going to double check to make sure everything's there because he's saying these photos are nothing. So I need to make sure it's all. So if we have the photos and the negatives and the money and the recording, our job is done here. Yes. Typically, in the future, whenever a handoff like this does occur, you want to make sure that it is a simultaneous exchange. Typically, this type of thing is done with proxies on a. long, long bridge. But,

or like a same time kind of thing. You see Chad start to eye a large red button on the wall and you see him start to inch closer to it.

Just a reminder of the recording, we've got that. So if you're moving to like call in management or security or anything. Oh, I'm sure they'd love to hear this cassette.

They, I'm sorry. I'm Chad Touch. So if the, well, you shouldn't push this any farther. Uh, is he within reach of me? Hmm? Is he within reach of me? Uh, no. Uh, I, I, I open up the briefcase.

I'm starting, I'm starting another clock. Oh boy. That is, Chad presses the button. Okay. And it is a four-segment clock. One of the segments has been depleted. Sure. I flash open the briefcase, holding it in a way that I am trying to, like, I don't know, with one hand, obfuscate the one missing bill.

I believe you'll find that this money will spend just right. You're right. There's no need to escalate things. We do not mean to interfere with your business and side business. We just want to protect the reputation of Mr. Reef. Very fair, but I don't enjoy being threatened. So I will ask now... Does anybody enjoy being threatened?

A fair point. I have met some people in my line of work that enjoy it very much, actually. Jerkinator 5,000 fulfills that very role. So I will ask now, leave the money on the couch immediately. Sure. I close the briefcase. Well, you don't quite close the briefcase. but you do try to.

There's about an inch left. Oh, hold on. Immediately, please. You have two segments of the clock left. Okay. I set the briefcase down on the couch and step back. And he starts walking towards the briefcase. Just then.

Good writing. Smash cut. Raul. Raul comes bustling in from the kitchen. carrying a tray of bananas foster, which has already been set a lit and is on fire. And Raoul comes rushing up to them for instructions from father. Just bustles in going,

Ah, yes, the bananas foster is, and then pretends to trip. And the flaming bananas foster. goes right into the briefcase. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience-supported.