The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase - Episode 6

Episode Date: November 24, 2022

The gang kicks things up a notch as it gets heated in Gutter City. Beef gets fidgety, Emerich blows the joint, Montrose throws some money around. Opening monologue performed by Autumn Seavey Hicks: https://www.instagram.com/autumnseaveyhicks/?hl=en Additional music in this episode: "Shake It!" by Jahzzar http://www.betterwithmusic.com/; “Voyageur” by Monkey Warhol: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Monkey_Warhol/; "2 (jazz)" by Holizna: https://holiznaroyaltyfree.bandcamp.com/; and "Hoppin - 90bpm" by Damian Maguire: https://freesound.org/people/damianmaguire/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

But CEO Evelyn Denton assured shareholders it was just a mild aberration in the fiscal quarter. In lighter news, Gutter City's most famous petter, Chad Touch, has returned to Cineuendo East after a brief stint in the much seedier and much more poorly lit, Sinuendo Northwest. And we couldn't be more thrilled. As Maryland 648 said in our chat last week, Sineuendo Northwest is one step above a Cineuendo Express and those magic fingers, deserve so much better. Okay, Marilyn, we wouldn't go that far, but seeing Chad back in the historic and extremely flammable sinuendo east feels just about as good as one of his petting sessions. He's already booked out for months, though, so if you're a steepy hoping for a last-minute appointment,

I hope you never know when to stop dreaming. I have a new tale for you of a mock dweller turned hero to his people oh no I've seemed to have lost it in the last rust storm perhaps we'll continue hello everyone welcome to the adventure zone oh don't stop it's all he gets no this is the tale this is the tale he opens the book and then I'm talking Hey Justin, I have a lot of questions about the Rust Storm. Are we ever going to return to that? Was the book written on metal?

Good question. I don't know how that would be destroyed by a Rust storm. Are these robot people that are, like, affected by Rust? Are we... Do we want to... I'll talk about this for one second. I have spoken to this guy exactly as much as you guys have. Okay, cool.

Hey, I didn't realize it was... I opened my mouth. He says some things. He goes about his way. I don't know. where it's coming from and I don't know where it's going. It's just what this guy talks about. And today he mentioned the rust storms.

Right. And I think you mentioned muck farming. Yeah, I did hear muck farming. Yeah, so there's kind of a Richard Stink relationship. No, it's more like he's definitely in a blasted wasteland. I know. That's right since I get, but like, I'm guessing just like you guys are. It's fun.

Yeah. It's a thing. It would be weird for him to be in a thriving kind of utopia that dealt with muck farming and rust storm. So we can just infer that it is definitely some kind of post-apocalypse. Or just like maybe it's not even an apocalypse. It's just a shitty world that he's on. It'll probably never come to anything.

So just to recap, if it's been a week since you last listened to the Adventure Zone, there's a fire in the middle of the room. It's bananas foster and blank money. And that's not just like a fun way to describe like a wild situation. It's literally a bananas foster. It's really happening in real time. I'm going to give everybody like an instant sort of like hot take. What's your first move?

I know what my first moves are. I want to know what your first moves are because I think that you, no matter what you've been planning moments before, waiter comes in, duffs a bunch of flaming stuff on your money. Plants change. Flaming nanners tend to change the scenario a little bit. Yeah, I had some clocks going before.

But like, honestly, I don't know that they're all that. When there's a big pile of flaming money and bananas in the middle of the, in the middle of the room. So I know what beef is going to do. Okay, what's beef going to do? Beef is going to say, we got to protect those hands and is going to like pick up Chad Touch to move him one away from the button and like put a beef's body between like the case and Chad. Okay. But do it as a like protective quote unquote maneuver.

Okay. Here's what I'm going to do. Here's what I'm going to say then, Travis, if that's your first play here. I think that's going to, like, you know the tenor of your relationship to this point. I do not think that Chad Touch is going to instantly regard you as a sympathetic friend. Understandable. So I feel like maybe is it, is it skirmish? Is it skirm?

Okay. So it doesn't really matter how he's reacting to it. Okay. Well, no, yeah, I'm wrestling. I mean, I'm wrestling him out of the way. Basically, I don't want him to panic hit the button. Okay. Yeah.

But I also want some justifiable reason so that it's not just like they're in on this, right? Okay. This is like, I'm going to say out loud, we've got to protect those magical hands. That's your first thing. Okay. Go ahead and roll. Yeah, roll skirmish, I guess. And I assume that this is desperate.

Um, no, because you will be able to get him out of the way. Okay. So let's call it risky. And I guess it's standard. You're just picking up a small man. Yeah, absolutely. Whoa. Wow.

Dagone. Double six. Double six is baby. That's a critical, right? That's a critical. That's never happened before. No. That's never happened before.

Give me a second. You can tell because we're also flummixed. Yeah. I have to look and see if there's something I'm supposed to do on my end. It feels like you've done something wrong. Right? It does feel negative. It feels, it's good enough that it feels negative.

As a critical success, you gain some additional advantage. Okay. Here is what the additional, this is, you're so effective in this skirmish, right? Yeah. Raoul, the hard light projection, his programming kicked in, and he was about to make a run for button too because fire it kind of overrid whatever you know programming dad managed to do so he fire bad fire you might say one might say fire bad but you are so convincing that he Raoul is going to rush to you um to help with this effort of lifting Chad touch so now you have Chad touch like

what are you going for like under the armpits uh I was yeah I was actually going for more of a They'll hook around the arms, but I'll take either. I don't think he's going to be a flail this way out. Raul is going to grab the Chad Touch's legs to lift him up so the two of you are like carrying him together. Some stooge-ass shit. We got going on. Stoge-ass shit. How bad is the fire?

Hmm. Well, describe the dimensions of the fire to me. Here's what I will say. It is on fire. I did establish that it's newspaper. So that's a fire-friendly medium. Love fire. Yeah, loves fire.

I will say that at this point, it is not terrible, but it is obscuring the situation. Like, Chad is not going to be able to look at this and be able to parse, like, exactly what is going on there. It's a mess. Well, you also have the accelerant of the brandy, and it's Well, yes, but when you're flaming

a bananas foster, the brandy would have mainly burned away by this point. So that's going to go quickly. So it's not going to be too quick, but you're right, Dad. I mean, we got all the makings, all the fixings of a great, great fire. In fact,

that it's so choice, such a good fire, that I am going to change the button. I have a clock that says, Chad is convinced. We're going to leave that one be. I have another clock that says Chad pushes button.

That seems to be off the table at this point because you're holding Chad and there's the fire here. So I'm going to say fire out of control. And Justin, just to double check, Justin. Is he convinced? Is he convinced of what? Well, that's a good question, Justin,

because there's a lot going on here. I'm sure he's not convinced that there's money. Well, I mean, maybe he is convinced those money. But is he convinced of anything at this point? I will say this. Because of your great success, I will,

oh no, I already gave you an advantage. I'm not going to bump you off another one. But yeah, he, I mean, it's not hurting what you did, right? I think it was with a double six and, you know, a role leaning into help. Like, I think that that's fine.

Fire is out of control. I'm going to make this a four count that is at three out of four. So we got three out of four segments until the fire is out of control. Griffin. Yes. Follow up question.

Has the newspaper burned in such a way that it is indistinguished? I mean, is it all? I am saying, what I'm saying to you is at this current moment, you couldn't look and say, hey, wait a minute. That's just newspaper.

But if you dug through it, There's a lot of untouched newspaper back there. Like, it's not like, it's gone. There's no evidence. But on a quick glance, you wouldn't tell them. Then I wait a few beats. You wait a few beats. No, I guess I don't want to waste my moment here.

I have other things that need to happen. I'm saying, like, what's your instant reaction? If it's nothing, that's fine. I mean, I think that that's a legitimate thing, but I don't know how this is going to check out, frankly. Is the AI a person still here? Raoul, yes, remember?

Raoul's holding the legs of Chad Touch. Okay. I say, Raul, signal down to the kitchen. We need siltsa, sprayers, we need water, we need super-sikas, anything you got. Okay, I want you to do a command roll. Uh-oh. Oh, actually, let me, let me, okay.

Um, we have established that getting the AI to do things for you is a tune. Right, but Griffin, okay. I can't, I can't attune. I don't, I don't have that. But Griffin doesn't have a tune, right? So as far as Griffin, Griffin does not know that this is hard light for Star Wars. You know what, I'm going to change my tact here then. Okay.

Because I, I, is that, is that an okay distinction? Of course, of course. Because you're not. He's not being programmed to do it. He's not being asked to do it. Exactly. We have established that precedent. very well at this point.

I'm just going to take off one of the mini capes I own in my fine clothes and jewelry, and I am going to throw it over the roaring briefcase in an attempt to, like, try and close it. Because then the fire, because listen, then the fire ends is inside of the briefcase, and it can't spread. I thank you very much. Okay. That will also extinguish the flames, though. God, I actually, I need John Harper's cell phone number at this point.

Okay, so anyway, what action is it if someone throws a cape at flaming bananas and newspaper? What would you call that exactly? I would say finesse. I'm trying to ask. It's perfect. Trying not to burn myself. Position? Desperate?

I really, I'm hesitant to give you guys. Desperate's bad, guys. You don't, you guys keep suggesting desperate. You don't want desperate. Risky. Risky standard. One and a four. One and a four on this finesse.

Hey Griffin, I want to tell you your job, but next time you should get two sixes. It's a great. It's a great point. I'll do my best. It worked out great when I did it. And you were trying to close it, like using the cape as a tool, try to close the briefcase. Yeah, using the cape to kind of like cover it all up and then, you know, slams. slam the lid shut if I can. Okay. You managed to cover it. You can't slam the lid shut because the case is broken.

Okay. But you can use the, you have used the cape that you brought to, it is over the fire and it seems to be, I mean, it would be snuffed out at that point. I don't see how it would keep going. Okay, you've, you have snuffed out the fire. Okay. Can I then? gather it up in the cape like a bendal and throw it out the window. Oh, you got, hey, please, I think I would like you to take, uh, um, please. Why? Well, because you rolled a four. So I want you to take a, uh, a level one harm. Handbone.

It is going to be a handburn, uh, a burn. Hand burn on my hands on the hand meat. Okay. Um, can I attempt this gambit where I throw it out the window? To the street. Sorry, what window? I mean, you think a place like a second. Yeah, okay, fine, fine, fine. Any horny room.

Wait, there is a window. A huge window. Fire six food four. Just like, hey, hey. He wants to throw it out the sinewendo. Okay, then I'm not going to do that, I guess. That was good, Treve. Thank you, Doug.

You can check it out. There is one, there's one door. It is open because. Oh, onto the dance, like onto the fucking, like, floor below? There is, no, it is a room with a door. Outside the door is a hallway. That's what you got. And there are people out there. Nah, it's fine. Okay, I'm going to say, since we've got him up and stooged,

as it were, fully stooged. I'm going to say, like, this smoke is out of control, let's get out of here. And, like, carry him out of the room. Because I assume even with it smothered, the room is full of smoke. This is, is not safe? Well, I've got to get out of this room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to know what dad. Dad, you obviously, this was your plan.

Oh, right, yeah. You're in the other room. So I want to duck into dad. You're close enough, dad, that you would have heard this happen. Right, right. What's your instant reaction? Okay. Emmerich, I mean, since he had this original idea, realizes that the longer the fire burns, the better off they are. Because if it destroys all the evidence, You know, they're in good shape.

So Emric grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall because every kitchen's going to have to have a fire extinguisher, right? Absolutely. Yep. Grabbs a fire extinguisher off the wall and runs into the dining room with the fire extinguisher. But while he's running, he's going to tinker with it so it doesn't function properly. Okay. Now, you know Griffin has extinguished the fire at this point with his cape. is what we just established a second ago.

So, oh, I thought it was a partial. I thought it was still burning. No, I snuffed it, but I also hurt my hand. Well, okay, you know what? You hurt your hand, and you did close it. Let's say this, just to keep things fun. The fire is, the clock is not moving. This is not a threat now, right?

But it is still, because you can't close it all the way. Yeah. It's still like smoldering. Perfect. That's actually best of both worlds because I want that newspaper unrecognizable. It was a good move. I mean, it was a good move. You took your harm. We'll live with it. Dad, you're going to tinker with a fire extinguisher to make it do the reverse of that. To not, right. A fire worsener. A fire encourager. I will say this. I will say that this is risky, but I'm going to say it's a great effect. Because if making a fire extinguisher into a fire hardener. Tinguisher. Yeah.

Intinguisher? Pro tingwisher. There it is. Yeah. A pro tinguisher. All right. Well, all right. Okay.

All right. Here we go. So risky. Standard. Great. Great. Great. Great.

Great effect. So when you fuck this up, what's that look? I don't know what it. Did you make it and fire extinguisher again? What is it? A fire triple extinguisher. It grows legs and goes searching for any fire it can find. Okay, Dad.

I want to read. All right. So how can I? I want to push. No, you got to push before. This is the thing. He rolled a one and a two.

He rolled one and a two, folks. It's bad. It's not good. I mean, you rolled a one into two, dad. I'm sorry, bud. I'm sorry. So it didn't work? Oh, it's not.

didn't work would be, you'd love it if it just didn't work. It blows up in your hand. Okay. I'll go for that. And it blows up in your hand and you are concussed. Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute. But give me the setup. That's fine with me.

Okay, you're trying to tinker with it. You're like, come on, this. I can do this. I can do this. Okay, and I'm running, I run through the big double doors that they have coming from the kitchen. Right. And I say, everybody stand back. Everybody clear the way.

I've got this fire extinguisher. Yes, this is what happened. And I look down at the label. I looked down at the label and I say, what was the last time this thing was inspected? And it blows up. Okay, this is great. I'm thrilled. Dad, you're concussed, though.

So you're, that's a level two moderate harm. you're blasted back in the out of the door like you were in there I got this everybody stand back I got this boom it explodes flinging you back out um and uh you you have a moderate harm it's level two you're where do I check that you are it's on your sheet okay um right under the stress bar is your harm box can we make it a rule that anytime Emrick fails to tinker with something, no matter what it was, it is a bomb now, the one that goes off immediately in his hands. Negative 1D, that's just for stuff that, like, what you take it by that thing.

Yeah, just your, so we'll have, Dad, you're just going to have negative 1D on stuff that involves using your head, your mind. I would say hunt, study, survey, tinker. Yeah, the thinking stuff you're not going to be as great at for a little bit. Justin, how does, can he resist that? Like, how does resistance? Okay, yes. Thank you.

Yes, good, Travis, yes. Yes. We haven't done like resistance rolls yet and stuff. Yeah, he can do, he can do a resistance. I actually did get some clarity on resistance rolls. Resistance is like a retcon, right? They will mitigate a bad consequence to a certain extent. Resistance rolls always succeed, but the better you roll, the less stress it costs.

to reduce or avoid the danger? What attribute? So if it's affecting his head, it would be all insight, right? Yes. Okay, sick stress minus the highest die result from the resistance role. So, Dad, you can attempt to reduce the severity of this if you want to. I mean, it's up to you. So you understand, you get automatic six stress, right?

And then you roll and decrease that six by whatever the dice result is. And it will lower the harm from a level two to a level one. Okay. It'll mitigate it. What do I roll? What do I click? What's your insight? Well, I have one in insight.

I have two in. You mean the, okay. So in Hunt, how many skills of Hunt study survey Tinker do you have any points in? I have one study, one in survey, two in Tinker. Okay, so you have three skills that you have points in, so you would roll three dice on insight resistance. And they take the highest die of results. Look at that.

Wow. Five of one and a six. Six, dad. Wow, dad. Congratulations, man. You lowered that to one stress. How did you do it? Well, it's all clean living.

juice. You know, drinking a lot of water. Oh, you know, I had good teammates. My teammates, I really want to thank my teammates. Let's do something, Kong, wild. Give me like an infiction, like what it actually happened that you did. Okay. So he went in to try to do the, he was tinkering with it to make it so it would be a distinguisher.

No, a pro-stinguisher. And, you know, just felt, you know, I felt it in his hand. Oh, I know, and Raul looks up and yells something, you're playing Raul juice. You know something encouraging or yell something that would indicate, would tell Emric that something was about to go wrong. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, so.

So, Emric, you roll in the room. You're like, I'm about to extinguish this fire. Everybody stand back! Right before you pull the trigger on it, you hear Roel say, Papa, I think it's back. And that's as far as he gets. You're holding a badgerz.

So at the last minute, Emrich realizes there's something wrong, so he kind of throws it up in the air. Yeah. Okay, good, good, good. So you are, take a level one harm now. You're a little bit like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But you're not taking a penalty to your rolls. You're a little dizzy. Tell me where to click.

So I just add a stress. Is that what that does? No, no stress. You successfully resisted without stress. Right underneath stress is the harm box. There's a three, two, and a one. So in one of those boxes, which is in one of them.

Or you, well, no, write the name of it, so you remember. So just write, like, lightly concussed in one of those boxes. Dizzy, is what I would say. Dizzy, sure. Don't go with Dizzy. Dizzy. I am. Yeah, these aren't, like, from the book.

There's not, like, a list of injuries that you take. It's just mental notes. Also, because, like, the effects are, for level one, it's a lot more narrative. Okay. Yeah. So he just throws up in the air, just big it a boom! And, moment shit go all over it.

Okay. Oh, that's great. Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. That did... But did it have the effect of people backing up a couple of steps? Surely... Yeah. I mean, yeah. I think... That was his goal is to get everybody to step back a couple of steps. To give it more time to burn. Step back. I mean, if it knocked you back that bad, like, I think that it...

You know what? This is a failure. I think it blew the briefcase and the case. and all of it just like across the room. Like it, but it's contained, right? Because of the cape. So it like blasted it across the room. And I think the fire is well and fully out at this point. Okay.

Can I peek under the cape and make sure that the newspaper is not newspaper anymore? No, right now it's Trave. Trev, how are you reacting to this situation? From your vantage point, Emric walked in the room and got blasted out of it. Yeah? And you're holding Chad touch.

Chad is kind of like, I mean, he's still a little dazed, I think. This is all moving so fast. Indeed. Oh, I would say also that the, I'm going to give you guys, like, maybe one more sort of round of stuff to do. The guards, I'm not even going to do a clock because it's like, it's about to happen. The guards will definitely be in here in a second. Like, after the explosion, you are, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. security for sine a window is definitely on the way.

What is the level of like smoke in the room at this point? Yeah, it's pretty fucking smoky, man. Like, between the newspaper burning and the extinguishing of the fire and the explosion of the fire tickler, I think that it's pretty smoky in here, yeah. Okay. I am going, holy boy. I am going to Hmm

Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Who I'm going to attempt to squeeze Chad Touch

until he passes out Oh cool Whoa I love it Yeah That's a risky standard skirmish I think

Yeah Four and a three So the four Is that a mix success? A mixed success Perfect Yes Absolutely

you have knocked out Chad Touch. Chad Touch is knocked out. You're holding Chad Touch. Raoul definitely clocked exactly that and is headed towards the red button to press it to call security because Chad Touch is the highest earner in sinewendo and if Raul is programmed to do anything

is to protect the highest earners and sinewendoza. So he's going for the button now. That's your mixed success. Got it? Okay. Guess what? Why, why, what? Dr. Game Show has made it to 100 episodes on Maximum Fun.

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That's maxfundstore.com. I want to check. Oh, fuck. I have to kill Raoul. But I don't know how. If I try to tackle Raoul, am I going to just go right through him? No, no, no, hard, like. You've done. He carried in a bananas, You absolute duds. You carried in a fucking bananas foster. Why did you go through? They have all interacted with the world multiple times.

God, that's what I started to feel good about the tapestry. I believe. All right, go ahead. You would not, no. Okay, good. Good, you were worried. You just want to make sure. Okay, I'm going to, oh gosh.

There are two dangers here, and I'm trying to decide, which one I want to attempt to do something about. Yeah, we gotta, we gotta take, oh man, I don't really want to take Raoul out. You should think about, think about the situation, sorry, I shouldn't kibbutz. No, I appreciate some guidance here because there is, it is very chaotic. Mm-hmm. Okay. But these are the times when heroes are made.

These are the times when heroes are made, Justin. That's a good point. War never changes. You know, oh, I got a great idea. Okay. I have an awesome idea because I have two situate. Let me explain my thought process

before I describe what I'm about to do. I'm worried that there's still unburnt newspaper in this briefcase which will give away our whole ruse. I am worried that Raoul is going to hit the button

and then he's and then that's going to alert the guards that we have just assaulted Chad Touch. What? Just because he's been knocked unconscious?

So I'm going to pick up the briefcase in one sort of swift movement, and I'm going to throw it at Raoul's head. Okay. Are you using the cape? Yes. I'm going to swing it.

I'm going to launch it like a sock full of a briefcase of flaming money. Okay. Right at Raul. So we're going to call this finesse, I guess. Okay. Because you're not really skirmishing, right? Finesse. No.

Feel good? What's my position on this one? A little to the left. I think this is desperate. You got one shot at this. Like, this is desperate. And this is probably won't work. So I think that's desperate to be.

Okay. Yeah. Effect? Um, standard, I think. Yeah. And then I'm going to push myself. Take two. Stress.

To push myself. And then this is going to be good. 2.25. 225. Glad you pushed yourself. Glad you pushed yourself. Yeah. So you chucked the briefcase at Raoul.

You don't knock him out or anything. I'm not even sure that would work, honestly. But you did, like, he's been toppled over. You've interrupted his flow of, like, heading towards the button. You've toppled him over. You really caught him by surprise. So for the moment, he's, like, been knocked to the floor. and he's holding the, not holding, I think it's like probably on top of him, but the cape and briefcase.

And for a moment, the button remains untouched. Amrik, you have one move here before security is on you. I'm just, again, that's the situation. Okay. I think Emric is going to, one move before the guards are upon us? Yep. You got one more thing you can do. And I'm not sitting here saying like how you have to do anything.

I'm just saying telling you the situation. Okay. So realistically, you're in this club. These things have happened. Big people are going to come now. Bigger than me? Impossible. Thank you.

Is Raul still a danger to hit the button? No. That is neutralized in the moment. But you did see him trying to, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And the case is now where?

It's on, like, you know, on top of Raul. He does not have control of it, but it is with him. It's like in his lap. Well, I think he's going to attune to, to Raul and try to get him to run into the kitchen with the case. Okay. Yeah. If you do that, I am going to say that is desperate because that he has just been knock down to the ground, you have moments to do it. It's a really, it's a long shot.

But if you want to try it, it's desperate and risky. Okay. No, sorry, desperate and risky. Do we know? Are there still some of the fake bills that would be able to be determined to be fake? Hmm. Like in the briefcase? Yes.

Absolutely. You know what? Who gives it? got the thing. Who fucking cares? This dude was trying to extort a dude and we got the thing. So I don't necessarily think it's the worst thing in the world if he's like, hey, this isn't real extortion money. Okay. And where were the guards be coming from? Somewhere that you're not. Yeah, no, I mean, will they be coming to a specific door? Yeah, I mean, you don't know that, Clint. I don't know. There's not a, there's not a doormarked like, this is a guard door. Let me say this. dad, there's a hallway.

The way I'm imagining it is like, you guys ever been to a karaoke bar? Yes. Okay. So you know there's like side rooms off of hallways that are like your little party room, right? Yeah. That is what I'm imagining you are in right now. So there's a hallway with other party rooms

and you're in this party room and there has been this disturbance and security is going to come to this party room and they will be there after you do the next thing you do. Got it. Okay. I am going to

I'm going to try to attune to Raul to run in the direction of that hallway. And to run towards the door where you are. Well, I'm in the same room he is. You got knocked out of the room when the thing exploded. Oh, I'm back in the kitchen? No, you're in the hallway. I mean that hallway

The hallway in the kitchen The hallway goes to the kitchen The hallway goes to the The party room The two The kitchen in the party room We're not connected You have a line of sight

You're standing outside the room Where everybody is That's what's happening Is it too much of a stretch For imagination to assume there might be a fire alarm in here That is the way That is the function of the red button That I mean that's kind of what

I mean any sort of thing that you would need people for. That is kind of what I was thinking the red button would have achieved. So, I mean, I think he's going to tell Raul to hit the button to add to confusion. Okay. So they can slip out. There's smoke. People are running around.

They think there's fire. Okay. There is fire. That's good that people think that. Yeah. They're right on the money. Okay, Dad, go ahead and that would be a tune, right? And it is desperate.

And I'm going to, I'm going to take a push. Okay. Make sure to mark that stress for me. Stress. So attune. And it's desperate. Standard or? Right?

Standard because like this kind of programming is not, I mean, you've achieved this before. It's just the situation that makes it tough. 544. Okay. So what did you want Raoul to do? specifically you want him to press the button yeah push the button

no not Frank Raoul Raoul okay with a five Raoul manages to pull himself up back to his regular height he's not like hurt or anything because he's hard of light projection and he says no problem papa of course

and he slaps the button on the wall at that moment I think water starts pouring down from the ceiling and in the hallway of the club and everywhere

and there's water pouring into this room and probably in the hallway and the adjoining rooms that you have activated the sprinkler system I want to make it a mixed success but honestly it's such a wild thing to do

that I think I'm just going to let it sand. Oh, real quick, Emmerich, do you have any kind of memory-altering sort of capabilities for these hard light projections because I am pretty sure that Raul here did see a vicious

assault take place on the person of Chad and touch? Actually, he will remember whatever I want. I mean, I'm in control of him, and I'm sure that I can... You're 100% you would...

How much... are you willing to stake on that? I will say this, Dad, that is definitely within the realm of possibility. It will be, if you're going to try to accomplish that, you have to do it. Like, you do have to do that at some point when it makes sense. Okay. At this point, three security guards bustle their way into the room and they start yelling. Like, everyone, stop, stop where you are, everyone freeze.

Yep. Do not move. Everyone please. What is this? And they're like assessing the situation. Here's what they see. They see a, they see beef holding an unconscious Chad touch. They see Emrick dizzy in the hallway. They see Montrose sort of standing there. And they see a lot of smoke. And there's a lot of confusion. But you do not manage to make out the silhouettes of three guards. They're making their way towards you to try to basically usher you out of the room. I don't think they've clocked Chad being unconscious necessarily. It's a very chaotic scene.

But they are in here with you and they're basically urging you to get out of the room because they see the smoke there. I'll take it from here. Greetings. We are some naughty boys who came here to send you into to have our fill. of the delectable offerings of Chad Touch and his associates. Tragically, there was a bananas foster-based fire incident. Oh, not again. I am amazed you keep this dessert on the menu.

I talk to Johnny about it. He just loves those beautiful bananas. Well, unfortunately, it has cost us a great deal. I had a big briefcase. full of money because I was going to go to the bank after this. And also I was keeping today's newspaper in there to read when I get home to my beautiful wife, Denise. But unfortunately, both of those have gone up in smoke because of the clumsiness of your

weight staff. Now, listen, do not take it out on him. This is a deadly menu item. And if anything, whoever designed it, the chef should be held accountable for Mr. Raul here. But that is the unfortunate situation. Also, I think Chad must have just gotten scared. Oh, so you're alerting them to Chad's situation. Okay, good.

I'm going to help. Can I help? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I was with Mr. Touch. Well, we don't need to go into details past that. But he asphyxiated on the smoke, and I've been trying to get him down. down below the level of the smoke to breathe here. He passed out from smoke inhalation.

And you guys are keeping that from happening now. And time is of the time lost is Chad touch lost. We must get him out of here. Yeah. Okay. That makes perfect sense. Or at least that's what he will say after you roll this translation roll with Travis's assistant. Maybe he'll say something very different.

But that's a sneak preview of what might happen if you roll well. Yeah. I have a special ability. That has never come into play before. It's cloak and dagger. When you use a disguise or some other form of covert misdirection, you get plus 1D to rolls to confuse or deflect suspicion. 100%.

I mean, this is textbook. Okay. Is it too stressed to help someone else? It also says, yes. Wait, no, one stress, right? Okay. To help? What's my position?

Pretty risky. Okay. And... Standard effect? Yeah. plus two bonus dice Let's go Yes, 4156

Oh 156 Okay, I am so sorry For this disturbance We have to get Chad out of here I'm sure you'll understand We'll get Chad first

I'm going to try to activate some sort of ventilation here We have ventilation in all the rooms Because some of the smells in this place Hachimachi I cannot even imagine unthinkable. If we could clear the room, please.

Of course, of course. And then, so those two guards are escorting you out. And the, obviously, the third guard is going to investigate the Cape briefcase scenario. Raoul scenario? Yeah, that whole scenario. Not Raoul. Raoul, as far as they know, fell, caught the suffering. on fire and then

press the button because he caught the place on fire. I mean, it's perfectly plausible. Dad added to the plausibility by having Raoul press the button. Well done, Dad. Yeah, that was my intent. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah.

Plausibility building. Do you have any kind of burn cream? Because I unfortunately did suffer some harm to my... I am no Chad touch, but my hands are very important to my business as well. Oh, gosh. Okay.

Yeah, let me get you and Chad into the office over here and we'll get you all fixed up. And they start leaving you out of the room. The third guard grabs the briefcase and cash, still smoldering, but not hot enough to touch. And scoops them up into your all's hands, into their hands. And then they start escorting you all into the back office of sinewendo. Justin? Yeah. I want to do something real quick because I was holding him that whole time in your arm.

For him? Yeah, and I just want to set him down. No, I want to, while he's unconscious, check his pockets to make sure he's not holding out any negatives or other photos or anything like that. Sure. Probably, God. Survey? You're probably finesse, right? Well, he's...

Well, you're searching, though. You're not like, you don't know where something is. And he's unconscious. Yeah. You know what? Let's call it finesse because you're also trying not to get like clocked. So yeah. Okay. And the fact that he's unconscious is probably pretty controlled, right?

It's still risky because they could see you and that would be bad for you. Then hold on. That's a six. Woo! Nice. Wow. Excellent, Trave. No. He was being honest with you.

Everything was in that manila envelope. Great. Then what about like money or cool stuff? Does he have like a cool key chain I could take? He's got a fidget spin. Whoa, sick. Get that shit trap. Is it like personalized?

Yes, it's Chad Touch. Yeah. Oh, man. I'm taking that. Okay. Anything else? Like pictures of people he loves? No, he just has that one fidget spinner to keep his hands strong when he's good.

He had it. Yeah, had a fidget spinner. Okay. Can I change my vice from gambling to fidget spinning? as thrilling as that sounds no so you're headed everybody's headed back to the to the main office so they can figure out what happened and we head into the back office of sinewendo

and it's fascinating because this is like you're in this club that is so beautifully designed every aspect of it like looks seedy there's red velvet hanging there's like dim lighting there's a cool sort of sexy jazz playing

Oh yeah We all know what that is, right? You don't have to, we don't have to describe it Then you open the door Oh, yeah, hold on It's kind of like that. It's kind of like this. It would be real sax-heavy.

Oh, yeah. Justin, please. Please, this is a family show, Justin, you can't. Sexy stuff. But you go to the back room and it's the fucking, it is like the break room at a target. I mean, it is like utterly without charm.

And they set you back there. So what exactly happened? If you could just walk me through very quickly. This guard, by the way, looks kind of like Agent Smith from The Matrix. Like he's very like. I haven't seen it. But okay, yeah. He looks sort of like Hugo weaving.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. From Lord of the Rings, but with short black hair and sunglasses in a suit. Yeah. Elron in a suit with short hair. It sounds badass. What exactly happened? He was red skull too. Oh, red skull.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's kind of like red skull, but not with a red skull. And a guy and suit and karate. But like the same politics though, right? Hard to say. Go ahead. Do I have to really do the whole farce again? Do you have to, no.

Was this guy present in the room when I delivered this monologue the first time? No, I mean, you're, you're, no, they just want to hear the story from the beginning. Okay. They don't need you to say it, though. You recount it. You don't have to actually sit here and do that. I recount the bullshit version that I recount it for the other guys. Right.

And they are, you know what, Griff, you had some smart thinking there. I think they are treating your, treating your wounds. They have some burn cream in there, some basic first aid supplies. And among those first aid supplies are smelling salts that they are using to revive Chad Touch. Excellent Good Anything in there for dizziness Do you have

Oh you were Yeah Yeah absolutely Hold on one second We'll get Um Yeah this is perfect It's

Coffee They just get you a cup of coffee Oh Oh Oh No you don't love this beautiful brown juice We're crazy for it in Gutter City Yes I know

A cup of mud? Do you have anything not quite so, um, no, I guess I'll have, do you have espresso? Espresso. Espresso. You must have just come back from overseas. Is that the stuff they're drinking over there? No, we just have the strong black good mud.

I'll have a bit of mud, but in one of those tiny little cups that are so adorable. Yeah, we just have the one cup. Could the waiter bring me some espresso? Okay. You're after persuasive, damn. No, never mind. I don't want it. I don't want to waste a roll. Of course, yeah.

The regular cup is fine. Yeah. I say, I apologize that all this has happened here. I know you all try to run a discreet, upstanding establishment, isn't that right? Well, I mean, it's kind of sleazy, but I mean, it is sinuendo. But we try to, you know, make it a nice experience for everyone. Yes, absolutely.

And is Chad awake yet? No, if you look at the clock on the table, there's a Chad is waking up clock that is now two of four segments. So halfway there. And Chad here, he is a superstar, is he not? Absolutely, yeah, he's our top burner I hope that you were Did you get Just tell me, did you get some

Petting in because I really I know how long people wait for these appointments Just a touch Just a little Not enough to slake my dark thirst But enough to keep me Listen I understand I got my own stuff I get it

This is a judgment-free zone here at sinewendo You everybody can do their own thing Well, I operate as private security for this man here. So, you know, I have a couple of questions for you as, you know, I just want to make sure my level of clientele would be safe here. Yeah, understandable. This is a one-off. If this is, if that's helpful, this has never sort of occurred before.

We will, of course, refund whatever you paid for Chad's services. So sorry about the, all this. calamity. This has never happened. You know, the waiters aren't supposed to be able to fall. I mean, they, you know, they're hard light projections. They shouldn't be tripping. I don't understand how it happened, honestly, but I'm so sorry about it, and we are, we're going to get you fixed up straight away. And are you insured? Because I had a lot of money just go up in smoke and need to know if I will have any sort of way of recompense. Oh, you know what?

Absolutely. Greg already has retrieved the briefcase, and he's about to go through and start counting to try to assess exactly what the damage is. And make sure he knows that my newspaper was also in there. And if it has, I understand it, it probably hasn't. But if it has survived, I would love to check in, because there is an article about my daughter, Patricia. What's wrong?

Well, I just was going to say, you know, we do. Not only was it caused by one of your waiters, but we had given the case to Chad to protect. He said he would store it for us and we would get the money back after everything was done. He was the last person to have the case, you see. Travis, you're going to need to make a persuasion roll. And it's going to be desperate because that is quite a leap. you're taking. Is it a lie, though?

Is it a lie? We gave it to him. He was opening the case. He opened the case and then a waiter came in. Why did you give the sex touch man? Why did you give him your briefcase? Because he came into the room. We're like, where do we put this?

And he was like, I'll store it for you. Just like if we had a bulky jacket on, Justin, we wouldn't keep our bulky jacket on during our touching. Okay, fine. Chad stored your belongings. Correct. It's the truth. It's what happened. Do I still have to roll?

Oh, yeah. Okay. It'll be a sway, right? Yeah, but it's going to be risky instead of that. I'm assisting, right? I was getting a hand on that. Yeah, you can assist if you are. Convincing ball.

Yeah, this is my last point of stress, though. So nobody'd do anything else that's stupid for the rest of the episode. I can't promise that. Yeah. What? Well. Did you take the honest ice? Yeah, I did.

That's the ball game, folks. Be found. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, that's only one. Yeah, I had zero points. So then with Griffin's bonus dice, I got to roll one dice, and it was a one. Which statistically, I'm just looking at the numbers here, the worst it could have been. But what do I know?

I'm just a big dumb idiot. Well, I'm going to go. Yeah, in fact, we're all going to be going now. We've decided we don't care about the insurance anymore. Yeah. Sorry, that's not. That's not how Chad would behave. That's not how Chad would react.

Chad would, I mean, that's just not Chad's style. That doesn't make any sense. Are you sure that's what happened? Sorry, I inhaled a lot of smoke. I'm a little lightheaded. Excuse me. Can't get a glass of water? Chad is now awoken.

Thank God. That is the negative result of your role. Chad is Welcome up Help Thank God Help arrest Let me remember

Chad's stage voice No he would That was it Yeah Help help Arrest these guys Please Please

They're trying to attack Chad touch What What are you talking about Get them I The guards Immediately go for you three

Well Yeah I mean Okay roll initiative No No No No initiative to save you here, baby.

What are you talking about, Mr. Touch? I mean, Trav... Yeah? You can... We're in his house, Travis. I mean, you can keep trying, but, like, these guys are grabbing you. Like, they're taking you. Where?

What? Yeah, where? They're, like, they are heading towards you. They are trying to grab you to... You know what? While he does this, I'm going to do a finesse roll of as I struggle, I'm trying to shake loose the envelope full of blackmail from my pocket.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to pull out my fucking cassette, my cassette player that I recorded him in. I'm going to pull the blackmail envelope out of my pocket. Okay. And Griffin has the cassette tape.

Yeah. Okay. Fine. And then I am going to look at Montrose. because I have zero sway. Yeah. Fine, you've got us. We are reporters and detectives.

Yep. I've heard about that. Investigative reporters. Whoa. Is that what they call? Is that what Emrick just said? No, I was trying to do mantros. In the bit.

Get in the bit. Join the bit. Get in the bit with us. Investigative reporters. And we. have heard reports that Mr. Chad Touch has been blackmailing your clientele and we have the proof of it right here. Now listen

we tried to be discreet with you Mr. Touch if that is even your real name. But what are the odds? But if you want to blow up... It's obvious. And all four of them the guards and Chad are like it's clearly not. Yeah. Now listen. It would be wild.

We came here to pursue a story of people coming to fulfill their indescribably strange sexual gratification. I'm not here to yuck, no yums. I'm here to chase a story. And we did find that story. You want to place hands on us.

Well, we're going to go live with this story in tomorrow's Pape. So you're going to have to kill us. Or we could just give you all this blackmail and leave. Well, we could give you the tape. We'll give you the tape. The blackmail's ours. Because our client, who is also the,

he's the one who tips us off to the story. for the newspaper and he also paid us he is our detective client too so we have confidentiality we have confidentiality this is Chad Touch Chad

Paul New guy it's Dave Whoa The new guy's a dog Dave's a dog Half dog of my mom said They're not wrong

They're 100% right but there is a briefcase full of cash. I know that it's out of line. And the three of them are like, this goes beyond Chad Touch. You don't talk about what happens at sinewendo. Like this is in bad taste. And I know that.

I know, but you don't know what was in the envelope. And trust me, this person deserves to be punished. If you three can keep it quiet, We'll split this cash four ways And these three can Well They don't need to go anywhere See here's the danger

Of saying If you want me to stop You're going to have to kill me Sometimes they will try it Well yeah but Montrose There's no money So like we're cool Yeah no but they are

That's not going to make them want to kill us any less Oh no That's what I'm for Oh, right, I forgot you. Huge. Yeah. And I would just like to say... Oh, hey.

Hi, I am real. Get on in on this huddle. This coffee is terrible. Yeah, well, they said it was mud, and we're in Gutter City. It's like, it is mud. I guess they were not lying about that part of it. Okay, so what are we whispering about? What are we going to do?

We're talking about the coffee. Is there chickery in it? Because I never like that. It just doesn't work for me. All right. They take Montrose. into, uh, uh, what did I say their names were? Chan, Paul, and the new guy.

Chad Paul. Chan? Chan? I thought it was Chan. I thought that was what you said. Chad is, is there two chads in the room? Yeah, we don't need two chads. Chan.

Chan, Paul, uh, grab them. And, uh, I think Chan grabs Montrose first in like a full Nelson. And, uh, Dave is heading for, well, Emrick. Yeah, he's not, he's not dumb. And new guys. Not the new guy. Oh, New Guy. I'm so sorry.

New Guy has abandoned his post and is walking towards you beef. Okay. Well, New Guy? Where was New Guy? What was he doing before? New Guy was heading over, I mean, maybe on like a counter. So, I mean, very close. This isn't a big room.

Can we see where people were going through the briefcase? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all in the same room. Okay, great. But New Guy has stopped that, and it's, is now heading towards you. Beef. Listen,

new guy. You don't want to do this. New guy is grabbing you. Okay. I am going to throw him. Okay. No, you know what? How's he trying to grab me?

From behind in a... You know what? I think because of your size, he's going to try to club you over there. head to knock you out. Oh, okay, great. With the briefcase. Oh, okay, cool.

I am going to, so he's like swinging it over his head. Yeah. Okay, yeah. I'm just going to use his momentum and like flip him over my back. Okay, great. That's skirmish. Risky standard, I think. Four is my highest.

Four is your highest. Okay. New guys. trying to grab you, he reaches around and doesn't have control over you, you have stopped the attack. New guy does not have control,

but you are sort of now like wrestling for a position at this point. Okay. Who is in control of the situation? Montrose, are we at a point of violence? It seems we have been brought

to that place, yes. Excellent. Beef is going to push himself and use my not to be trifled with that allows me to engage a small gang on equal footing in close combat, which I would say this is, this is four people. One of them, Chad Touch, who I'm going to say is probably not as threatening as one might imagine of three guards, to fight them. Okay.

It is unclear to me in not to be trifled with if I am rolling or if it's just I push myself and I do it. Because it doesn't like say like plus 1D like Savage does or anything like that. It just push yourself and I perform a feat of physical force. Right? Or I engage a small gang on equal footing in close combat. What I think what I think that this means is. rather than fight one person, you could fight three at once. Or rather than, you know, you would be able to move something that you wouldn't be able to move realistically.

Great. You know what I'm reading? If I'm reading correctly, it is you do a skirmish role or whatever type of role as it's supposed to happen, right? And then you push yourself, but instead of taking the bonus dice, you apply the effect to two. So I can fight all four of them at once instead of just one at a time. Yes. Okay, great. But yeah, I'm going to do that.

So I'm going to roll skirmish. Would you say this is desperate, Justin? Yep. Make sure you guys are marking Mark XP every single time that you do a desperate actually. Yes, yes, yes. And I'm also meeting something with violence. So I have just leveled up. Could Emrich help?

Yeah. So add stress to Emric? Correct? Yeah. and I'm going to say that he he throws the hot coffee in the faces of the guys he's attacking. Yeah, all four of them like a sprinkler.

Well, he's got the whole, I guess he's got the whole pot. He can act on all three of the guards and Chad Touch. You need to choose one person that you're going to throw your hot coffee at. I love it. But yes. Oh, Chad. Okay. Yeah, fuck that guy. Fuck Chad.

What would you say, Justin? What's my first? Perfect. Hmm. Standard. I mean, you're just trying to fight these guys, right? Yeah, I'm just fighting four guys at once. Please fucking get it, Travis.

Please. And you got a bonus die for me. Four, five, and three. Nice. Well, thank goodness for that five. Travis. Yeah. You're fighting all four of these guys at once, and this is fucking classic beef.

He swings his massive fist and just crashes right into Chan. and he goes down cold. Dad, or sorry, Emmerich, excuse me, you throw your hot coffee and it splashes into Chad's touch, Chad's face. And then you hear him say, thank God it's my face. And then he falls. TGIM, wait, TGMF. He falls down and he's patting at his face.

Right after you land the punch in Chan's face, you throw an elbow up. and smash Dave right in the face and he goes down. And you rear back and you're about to punch New Guy right and send him just as deeply unconscious as the other ones. When New Guy grabs your fist and effortlessly pushes your fist away and lands your, reverses your momentum on you, and you crash to the floor. Ah, Judo. Beef's one weakness. And then New Guy. removes her mustache and her glasses and her hat and says,

Honestly, it was a little sloppy, but I have seen worse. Let's steal a diamond. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.