The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: The Live Boston Stunt Spectacular

Episode Date: November 3, 2016

Travis and Teresa had a baby! We're so excited for them, but we're also very excited for YOU! Because you're about to hear a live episode we recorded in Boston this past July that turned out super, super great. Thanks to everyone in attendance, and to all our listeners for sticking with us during Trav's leave of absence! Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Hey everybody, this is Griffin Macroy, your dungeon master, your best friend, and a third thing that I will think of later at the commercial break. Thank you all for listening to The Adventure Zone. This is going to be a special episode because Travis and Teresa had a baby, and we are so happy for them. Teresa and the baby are both doing very well. And so what you're about to hear is one of three episodes that we have ready for our sort of group. paternal leave because my wife Rachel and I were expecting a baby also in early December. So we are going to put out this episode now. I'm so excited for you to hear it.

It is our Boston live show that we did at the Wilbur Theater. It was a sold-out crowd and it was one of the best nights in my whole life. Everybody there was so, so, so spectacular. And I was really happy with how the story turned out. My hope is that the next episode you hear, which is going to go out, up on November 17th will be the second episode in the suffering game arc that we just started. Man, that title is so, it's so brutal to say. But that is my hope. And then once I am also a papa, we will have two more episodes ready for you that I'm also so excited to get to. But this,

this just had to be the first one that we put out for this parental leave block because I can't not, You can't not have heard it anymore. It's too important. I think you're really going to enjoy it. And like I said, the next episode should be a regular one if things calm down a bit and we have some time to put some play time on the books. But for now, enjoy the Boston Live stunt spectacular. You know we're just going to play Dungeons and Dragons, right? All right.

You've heard the show, right? You guys, that was the loudest thing I've ever heard of my... These costumes are wonderful, and thank you, boys, for the hard work that went into him. I did, this is a fun story, just have to help Dad change into his costume backstage, which was a horrifying look into the future. There's actually a smaller person in there that's controlling the arm for Dad. Please be careful of Justin's drink with your giant wooden hand. If it touches me, I'm burning this fucking out.

Is there anyone here who is not ever listened to the show? You're going to be so confused. Okay, time out. We need to take a vote. This is going to be untenable. Yeah, you're going to need to remove it. Oh, can you even remove it? Is it strapped underneath your clothes?

It's strapped on underneath the clothes. Okay, listen. What that deals with that? So there are a few people here who haven't, listen, we play Dungeons and Dragons, and, well, they play it. I run the game. Do you guys want to talk a little bit about your characters? I thought that's why we had the thing with the...

Yeah, that's a good point. The thing, my name is Justin McElroy. I play Taco. Thank you. Thank you. It's a collaborative creation. And he's a wizard. And I don't know.

He's down for whatever. Unless it's dangerous, in which case, Taco's good out here. And my name is Clint McElroy. And are you just going to keep interrupting with these outbursts? Because it's cool. Yeah, I can do that.

We've got all night. We got all night. I play Merle High Church, who is a cleric. An elf, it's funny because it's so true. Dwarf? Yep. He's a dwarf. Don't help him.

He has to do this on his own. Cleric. Yep. He does clerical work. He likes long walks on the beach. Okay, Travis, what do you do? And I am Travis McRoy, and I play Magnus Burrack. He is the fighter.

The hammer. The hammer. He's known as the hammer in some small circles. He is a human. He has a pet goldfish. Anyone else here, human? He has a pet goldfish named Stephen, who is alive and well. And he pulls robots arms off.

Hey, let's, uh, what is a hobby? What do you have possible for us to get a little bit more monitor on stage? Yeah, I'm having a hard time hearing my family. horny for this one and it's hard. They were way hornier than we were. It's hard. We can hear ourselves a little bit louder. That'd be amazing. Thank you. And that's Griffin McElroy. I play the part of Douglas.

He's a gnome thief. Let's get started. Hell yeah. Wait, Travis, can you hear me my assistant Cavazier? Yes. And Gingerill. Travis is just about a big box of beverages out here. It's a prop. It's not real. Yeah, that's a magic podcast. The magic happens.

I'm going to keep this down here so I don't block a line of sight because we're going to do, if this is an indication of the level of this Cavazier is any indication, we were about to do some connection, you and I. So this is going to be a little... Lord. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Travis, tell him what that is. Isaac, your lumbot bartender, ladies and gentlemen.

I don't know if you could see. Holy shit. Build a wall so nobody can see you. And dad's got to... Diet Coke. Can you show them the one bottle, the Andy? This is from Columbia Brewing. Is that Andy? Are you here, Andy? Andy from Andy.

This is the Burnside's Bruce Smithery, Magnus Burnsider that was made for us for your show. Patent Pending. It says it's an 18% alcohol content, but really it's just five. That was funny.

Yeah. Because you fucking cheat all the time. All right, so this is going to be a side quest. This is not in the current arc that we are currently exploring. And let's get going. So Merle, Magnus, and Taco, you all find yourselves in the bustling metropolis of never winter. It's early spring.

I think this would probably come right after Crystal Kingdom right before the 11th hour, which we're in right now. So it's early spring, and I'm guessing that means it was just late fall, because they just skip winter entirely. Travis? Oh, thank you for the beverage. And you've been summoned to Neverwinter by a letter you received a couple of weeks after the whole Crystal Kingdom debacle. And the letter was sent by a name that you recognized, but it was one that you haven't really thought of in months. And it starts off, Dear Casey. Something we can, a reference we can all enjoy. So topical.

Six or seven got it. Where are my sectarian's at? No, the letter was actually sent to you by, one, Jess the beheader. Oh. Who you befriended in the... Let's see if Dad can even... Oh, yeah. Do you remember Jess?

Yes, I remember him. He... No, wrong. Jess, the beheader, wrote you a letter. Oh, that's fun. And says... It couldn't work out better. Great. Oh, boy, this is going to be a long night, folks.

This is top-notch humor. You're not going to get these rhyming jokes anywhere else. The letter reads, Dear Magnus Taco And they put the little spelling symbol Like maybe they spelled it wrong They did S-P?

Dear Magnus Taco and the other one How are you? I am fine. Wow, it's nice to catch up like this. So, I need a favor. I need a big favor. You all really kicked ass on that Rockport Limited Mystery and I could use your help solving another murder

and if you're feeling generous I could use some help preventing a second. murder. The first murder was Brock Thickstone. It was on a porn set. The first was Brock Thickstone, my Battlefest partner, who was killed

in cold blood after our Supreme Champion qualifiers last week. The second is me. It would be very cool to not get murdered. Brock was killed in cold blood in the locker room here at Chaos Stadium, which is actually a really nice stadium, despite the name and despite the fact that

somebody was recently murdered here. His body was found holding a bouquet of flowers. He really liked flowers, that he had received just after our match the night of his death. Never went to his justicars discovered the bouquet had been cursed by powerful magics, although, you know, that stuff is kind of over my head. If you could come figure out who killed my dude and keep me safe through the Supreme Champion Finals,

I'd be happy to split the big old prize pool that comes along with the title. Oh, I guess I need a third favor, too. I need a new partner in the ring. Magnus, you ever try your hand of prize fighting? Best wishes, Jess, and then in parentheses I'll text her back. The bed header. Okay. You got it.

Smiley face. Thumbs up. I guess you would correspond. Monorail. So the three of you took the first cannonball out of the Bureau of Balance headquarters and made a B-line for the Chaos Stadium, which is nestled in the northern outskirts of Denver Wednesdays.

So they're okay with us just like using company resources like higgledy-piggledy? Like if we're like late for a movie, Cantonball me, maybe. Maybe it's like that scene in Independence Day where Will Smith steals the helicopter and the guy's like,

you can't take the helicopter, and he's like, you really want to shoot me from an independence day? You remember that scene? I should mention that you shared that cannonball with a special guest

one specifically requested in Jess's letter. P.S., it reads, if you're still in touch with him, just a thought, but could you bring the boy detective to... I hate the boy detective.

No, you don't. I hate him. No, you don't. How is he reacting to the cannonball? No, do it in character. He was a champion. Of course you was. Well, right, we're in media res right now.

No, I thought we were in Neverwinter. Hey. Vocabulary. I'm drinking it in. Yeah. But you do get a hearty, hello, sirs. And

standing in front of you, in front of Chaos Stadium is Angus McDonald, who's a bit winded. The three of you managed to shake him in the busy crowds of the protector's enclave, but he is the world's greatest detective, so he managed to find you. Sorry, I lost track of you. I looked away for just a second, and you were gone. If we kill anybody in this story, does it hold for the rest of the... It would be a paradox.

We're unkillable, though, right? Essentially, yeah. Yeah. Be good. No repercussions. I'm glad I managed to find you I was worried that I was not going to be included on this adventure Despite our best fucking efforts

Yeah I want to point out Justin did that in Justin voice Not Taco Boys so it's not canon Yeah You guys are being really sweet to Angus I should also mention Today is Angus's birthday Aw

Which is probably how you were convinced to bring him along In the first place You probably like tore off that part of the letter We're like I don't know man She didn't mention you. I'm sorry. I feel like Magnus got him something. Like maybe a carved wooden duck. Okay. So maybe that's like all you can actually make?

It might just be what he's really good at. It's not like limited, but he knows his strengths. Get him a carved wooden stag. I gave him a carved wooden stag. Sure. The little girl who got one of those on Game of Thrones that worked out good for them. That's a different fantasy thing. Yeah.

So the four of you are standing in front of Chaos Stadium, and the crowd is rambunctious. The Battle Fest, okay, a little bit of fully work from the audience. That was maybe the least rambunctious crowd I've ever heard. Oh, we didn't pick a Scrivener. Oh, that's right. We'll be fine. Okay. Last time we did this, we've only done one live adventure zone, by the way, so there might be some rough edge.

I'll show you how good it was. That was in front of 125 people who frankly didn't see. seem to want to be there very much. That is true. It's not a back and forth kind of thing. Yeah, it's kind of one. It's D&D, but it's not that interactive. So the Battle Fest's

Supreme Champion finals are about to take place, and the scene I'm trying to set is WrestleMania. That's the picture I want you to lock in your mind. The crowd here is rambunctious. It seems like there's far too many people here to fit into any one building, and every single person

in the crowd, seems as rowdy as any 10 non-Battlefest attendees combined. Everywhere you look are cosplayers dressed up in the spandex regalia of famous fighters. Some of those fighters are featured on these large banners, which are draped across the walls of the building. The building looks like a very old building that has been sort of repurposed for this. There are these tall stone columns. It looks very ancient, for lack of a better term. And yeah, people are cosplaying.

There are signs, so many signs. Jess's name is all over the place. A third of the signs here say, off with their heads in big block letters. There's a few have an image of a crescent moon with the words Unleash the Beast on them. Some are for a fighter named Queen Sabine. And a few, mostly in the hands of some smaller kids

who are wearing angel wings are championing a fighter named Jeff Anshabine. Angel. And then there are signs for the die-hard Battle Fest fans who have, you've probably never heard it before. Although I should ask you, the Battlefest franchise, which is the WWE, essentially,

has been around in this world for about a decade or so. Do you guys think your characters have any... Are you guys weirdly secret, like, die-hard wrestling fans? I think Magnus probably is aware of it, maybe not die-hard, but definitely, like, knows of it. Okay. That's the least committal answer.

Yeah, Jesus. I am aware. Merle knows all the wrestlers from 30 years ago. Okay. Before they went pro. Yeah. It was still back alley wrestling. It's like dusty roads, the American,

well, it wouldn't be close. Rusty Doads, the American dream. Which is the same because Dusty Roads is a much better fantasy wrestler name. It is true. Yeah. What about Taco? Taco is only familiar with the television show, because sizzle it up with taco, his cooking show,

was on up against them on basic cable, basic fantasy, fantasy cable. Which literally means that these two live events were taking place at the same time in different places in the world. Right, right. Because television does not exist. You've made very clear to me.

But you make your way through that crowd and into this ancient-looking building. You're whisked inside the stage door by a producer who finds your name on a guest list. and inside you see a familiar face. You see Jess the beheader. Jess! The beheader!

Middle and last names. Says, hey, a long time, no, see. What are you guys been up to since all the train murder stuff? More murder. Yeah. Death destruction, the usual. Character voices. Character fucking voices.

Death and destruction, the usual. That's the one I picked. You sounded more... Scottish last time I saw you. Death and destruction, the usual. It's a different actor this time. You sounded less Scottish. Jess is accompanied by a human man named Derek Humanman.

She is accompanied by a human man who doesn't really have the build of a professional fighter. He is wearing a button-up shirt tucked into some nerdy slacks. He's got a big pair of round glasses on. He's got a big bushy beard and an almost perfectly round belly, and I'm reading that now, and I realize it made it sound like he's Santa Claus, but he's not. Does it shake when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly? No, it doesn't.

Well, that's how you tell him apart. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You ever see him fighting and you need to trank one. Have him laugh. Now you laugh. Okay, now you. Clown. No, watch.

It jiggles. I'm sorry, first row. You will get whipped. You may get drenched. Sorry. So while you all are catching up with Jess, this guy kind of... What was his name? Just be clear.

The person accompanying Jess is named Jeff? No. Okay. It's cool. Derek. You haven't asked his name yet, which is sort of a fun running theme. Yeah, let me try. He clears his throat to kind of like make his breath of a sudden and looks at his watch.

Hey, what's your hand, Likimab. Oh, hey there. Sorry, I'm Merrick. I'm the CEO here. I just told me that you guys were coming, and it's really nice to meet you. But I need you to sign this before you go backstage, and he hands all three of you clipboards with some stuff on it. How the rating's been this year? Oh, real good. We've had some really, really savage events. This has been really cool. Better recently, probably. Yeah, I would say. You got rid of that damn cooking show for competition. About five years ago, we had a big upswing, and it's been a nice... You're welcome. But, yeah, sign this for me. Is your standard talent release, NDA, merchandising, licensing deal very common.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't comfortably give up merchandising. That's a weird thing that you'll all learn about magnus in the next story arc. By the way, after the show, there'll be posts. Posters. No, that's true, though. There are wonderful, wonderful posters. Yeah, yeah, that's a back.

Thank you, Carrie. Carrie, are you here? Yeah. Carrie's here. Where are you, Carrie? You're not going to see her no matter where she's sitting. Yeah, I can't see anybody past the first two rows. He looks at you waiting for you to sign me.

Oh, yeah, I sign it. Okay, thank you. 15 years in the future, he opens up a Magnus Park. Damn it! That makes $16 million gold pieces. My IP! He takes a magazine. Oh, thank you.

Hey, are you little boy? Little boy, are you a Jeff Angel fan? And he fishes out a little... Please don't talk to our little boy. He's our little boy. He fishes out a little angel wing button from his nerdy khakis, and he hands it out to Angus, and Angus says, oh, heck no, sir, I'm no chump Mark.

He takes it back. And I high-fimed Angus. He says, oh, sorry, sorry, kiddo. Well, off the business. Business time for me. He turns and leaves. And Jess says, okay, here are the rules. Battlefest Supreme Champion finals.

How many holds are barred? None of the bars. Whoa! And none of the holds, none of the bars. You got one challenger or two partners, me and you, Magnus. We're going to take on four other fighters, which were chosen by a fan vote.

If the challengers, me and you, get knocked out or submit during the fight, we lose. If we can knock out or force all four of our opponents to submit, we get to be Supreme Champion. You got it? Yes. Where do I need to, like, sign up for my wrestling name?

We'll figure that out. Already got it. Okay. Sit on that plot. They call me E. Morco. What is that? It's Elvish for the bear. And I pull out my bear mask from the pedal to the metal.

And I put it back on. I like that. Then he pulls out his dork mask and puts it on over the bear mask. Elvish is not dorky, Dad. That was totally in, that had to be in fiction. You saying, Elvish is not dorky, Dad, Timurl. and get out of my room. Leave me a little, damn.

I'm practicing my Elvis. Jess says, Magnus, I picked you because I liked your moose on the Rockport Limited. And your body type is pretty similar to my last partner whose name was Brock Thickstone. No, yeah, I remember.

But Merle and Taco, I have jobs for you too. Merle, if you're willing, we could use a manager in our corner. Oh, yeah. You could use a hype man, somebody there to work the crowd, get them on our side, but you could also support us

from outside the ring. if you're able. Taco. I have experience. I was in the JCs. She didn't hear any of that because you didn't say it in a character voice.

These people paid money to watch a stand here and play D&D the least are going to fucking do some character voices. I'm sorry. It's all right. Again, kind of a one way just in a direction.

It may be just a physical thing. Especially if you're encouraging my dad. I'm going to need you to sit on it. Okay. Thank you. She says, Taco, your job is the most important job of all. Go on.

You need to make sure no one sits in this chair. Was that a character? Two words. That's how we do. Go ahead. Go on. I need you on the catwalks up above, keeping an eye on the fight,

looking out for suspicious individuals. On the catwalk? Yeah. On the catwalk? Okay. Should I... Should I shake my little tush on the catwalk? You know what?

I know we're having fun here. Wright said Fred did have some other really good singles you should look into. If you have a few minutes later, I'll hook you up. I got some tapes. I am regretting how I have assigned the most important job. No, I'm ready. So there's no doubt in my mind that Brock's death was the result of foul play. I don't know who's responsible, but I figure whoever they are probably wants me dead too.

I need you up there watching my back. Sure, yeah, okay. Cool. Let's control all backstage. and you're backstage. The magic of podcasting. And it's really quiet backstage. There are four private dressing rooms

that are all shut, and there are security personnel in front of all of them, keeping them secret from you. Do the security personnel look trustworthy? Yes. Would that be in some kind of check I would do? Trustworthiness check.

Sure. It's, wow, we're actually rolling dice, and it's been 21 minutes. Do you have a proficiency and trustworthy? It's not about trustworthy, it's it's called Insight? Yes. That's a 14. Oh my God, it really is.

No, they seem cool. They seem cool. Okay. I'm impressed. Angus goes over to check out Brock's locker, start digging through his belongings. His brocker. His brocker, looking for clues.

Off to one side of this room is another dressing area. There's a row of mirrors surrounded by lights. And over by a big tall wardrobe is an even taller Goliath man who has pitch black hair and a sharp little goatee. And he's wearing a spectacular tuxedo. And he looks at all of you as you walk in the room. And Jess says, Dante, these are them. And he looks at you and just kind of considers you for a second.

And he says, no. Let me give you a little insight. Let me pull aside the curtain. Right now, Griffin is running through the databases of voices in his head, trying to figure out which one have I not used yet. No, I got it. He looks at you and he says, No.

It just says, Tante, come on. And he says, let me see. He looks at you, Magnus. He says, I'm sorry. You have a wonderful body. Thank you. But you do not have this soul of a champion. I punch him in the vein.

Roll that. That's an 18. Oh my God. 18 plus 8, a 26. You, okay, here it is. This is the scene. He says, You have a beautiful body,

but you do not have the soul of a champion. And you just, before he finish, just pop, and it's literally just like, his face doesn't move at all, and he goes, interesting.

He picks up some glasses from the table, and he puts him on his gigantic face, and he just says, what does it mean to you to be supreme champion it means being strong enough to make the weak feel safe oh god

he says what about your friends can they vouch for you one of them probably will he turns to you taco and marley says is this good-bodied individual supreme champion material what has he done in the past that has been

champion like By the way, this voice was starting out supposed to be kind of Andre the Giant-esque and then it took a pivot towards fucking droopy. It's kind of got a lot. Alford Hitchcock. Yeah, it's like if Hitchcock and Andre the Giant had a sad baby.

He asked you to vouch for Magnus for his champion qualities. Kind of a one-way thing. Yeah, he's the best. He's the best. He's strong. He has proficiencies. Very good at rolling. Carbs a mean duck. Yeah.

He's good at carving stuff? I don't understand what you'll need him for, but... Yeah. I know... I know champion jealousy when I hear it. Yeah, that's what it is, too. He says, okay, I believe you. I will make you...

And now he's Russian. He should slow down. We got all night. I will make you... What is your character? What's your... My name is Imorco, the bear. Oh, the bear, you know.

This thing I have for, I'm trying to game. My name is Imorco. I think he just like has this big table full of fabric and he just like throws it up in the air and just like, like a cartoon. I also want to point out I've been wearing the bear house this whole time. Just like talking to another grown adult who's like, I'm a champion.

I think he makes you sort of, it's almost, it's maybe half furry. Uh, costume, just like the arms and legs. And the audience reaction of that was maybe the best thing I've ever heard. Because it wasn't, it was like, half like, yeah. And then the other half was like, oh. Just fine, don't hate. And, uh, but there's like a breastplate on it. And, but furry arms and legs, but also like a breastplate.

Are there nipples? Good question. There's 11 nipples 11 nipples Maybe time You suit up And he looks at you too And he says

You know you two have wonderful bodies as well Would you like me to make you all costumes Just for funsy I had to punch you? No this one's for funzies You guys should do it I love a costume because This arm is killing me

Okay What do you want me to do about You want a massage? Wait a minute, time out. Does he have it? What? The wooden arm? Yeah, yeah.

This is after Crystal Kingdom. He lost that bad boy. Yeah. Sorry, man. It's not real. Hold on. What would you do? Would you write like a letter like, don't grab that thing that makes you lose your arm

and then like seal it and put it in your pocket like Bill and Ted style? It's up to trave. Why would it be up to? I would do it even if I knew what was going to happen. He asked you if you guys. I rolled a 16. if that matters. Do you all want wrestling costumes as well?

Or do you want to go? Go for it. Yeah. What are you thinking? You'll actually be out there. You'll be at ringside the manager. So you will, it may make sense for Merle to also have a persona. Something with stripes?

Stripes, man. They're very slimming. You just want to be stripes man. For those of you at home, he is nodding. Emphatically. I think he does the same thing, and he just makes you, like, the sleasiest-looking suit you've ever seen.

I like... And, like, maybe 12 pounds worth of fake, like, chains. And the suit is pinstriped. And he's like, uh, I will call you pinstripe. That's good. How come he gets to pick his name? Because you didn't say anything. I'm...

Pause. Pause? Give me a pause so I can jump Okay. Pinstripe. I like pinstripe. Yeah, that's... I think it's very appropriate. And it's very slimming. Magic boy. Magic man. Listen.

Magic Mike. Here's my character. And this is kind of a metal one, so hang in there. His name is Tough Greg. Now, here's... Here's tough Greg's thing. He's kind of... T-U-F-F. Yeah, that's good.

He's kind of an every man. And I want his uniform, and this is when you're making it, I wanted to look exactly like the crew you have working the show. So the theme of it would be... The theme of it would be like he just got up there, like, what's tough Greg doing? But otherwise, indiscernible from everybody else in the show. Like, you would raise an eye,

no matter where you saw this guy, Tough Greg. The character of wrestling. I think he says, I have the perfect idea of how to accomplish this. Impress me. And he just walks over to one of those security guides who is perfectly taco-shaped

and just grabs his shirt and pants and pulls, but it doesn't rip them, just the clothes come off. And the security guy's a pro, so he doesn't move. flicking eye. And he just hands them to you and they are your perfect size. Perfect. You ought to at least

cut the sleeves off because that's very end. No, I want it to be indiscernible. But then they're always going to confuse you with the Oh yeah. Okay. Ah. I see. You guys are all costumed up

and before you, the fight begins. How do we look? You look fucking ridiculous. But in a Good way? Yes, sure. Jess says, before you go out there, she says, oh, one last thing. And she opens up a locker. And she says,

Magnus and Merle, you're going to need to put all your weapons in here. What? I'm not so good without them. I know. It's Battlefest rules, though. But not the gloves, right? That's part of my costume. The clothes? My gloves. Yeah, no, all of it's.

I got a tree arm. That's super great. Hey, what happened there, by the way? You had two... We'll tell you later. Some of a bitch cut my arm off. That's what hell will happen. I saved your goddamn life.

No, you cut it off. By Pound's name. Okay. I give Railspitter a gentle kiss. Okay. And I place... That's in the locker. I hope to God.

Yeah. And I place him gently in the locker and I say, I'll be back. Don't be scared. You hear it go. What? No, I'm just kidding. And I hang up. Let's see. Phantom Fist. Yeah, shit. You're just going to take all night.

My short bow. And I'm doing this from memory. And the Fletcher, can I keep the Fletcher's mitt? No gloves. It's a no gloves policy, too. I put up the Fletcher's mitt. Do I get to keep my shields? Probably not, no. Steve is not a weapon. He is an agent of love. I'm going to move things along here and just say you upload you cut all your weapons. everything in there.

Taco, you're allowed to keep your umbrella. And Merle, you're only to keep your Bible. Your Extreme Teen Bible. It's not a weapon. It's a book. Oh, yeah. Show everybody your... You mean this Extreme Teen Bible?

Also on sale in the lobby after the show. Not true. Not true. That's a lie. Thank you, pal. You can order them. All right. Let's move forward to Battlefest.

I'm going to split the party up. Yeah, I know. It's a few minutes till show time. It's a few minutes at showtime. Merlin and Magnus, you guys are at the top of the entrance rampant behind a curtain. You can hear the crowd. They sound just as rambunctious as they did outside.

Taco. Jess has taken you to a service elevator, fulfilling our contractual obligation to have an elevator in this live episode of the show, Adventure Center. And you've taken the elevator up to the catwalk of the Chaos Stadium. And below, you can see this sold-out crowd

that you've been hearing chant backstage for the past hour. There's easily 20,000 people here, just all just scree. their brains out. What are they chanting? We're looking at kind of an arena. We're looking at kind of an arena.

Calm down, okay, please. Yes, it's like, it is an arena, like an indoor. So the catwalk would be sort of like a network of... Yeah, so the catwalk is actually two long beams that intersect with two other beams going on. How high up? Is it real, real high? No, it's not that high up. It's like, it's about 25 feet up.

There's some lights hanging off of it over over the ring. The ring, by the way, is a hexagon shaped. There's six sides, six points. Can the Boy Detective go up there, too? Yeah, what's Ango doing during all this? The Boy Detective, I'm sorry, sirs, I couldn't find any good clues. I guess this one's just out of my hands. Anyway, I'm going to go get a big...

There was nothing in the locker? I got to go get a big pretzel and watch the show, because... So this is a cameo. It is, uh, in my birthday, so... Ango, I am dedicating this. fight to you. If I win, you won't die of some terrible disease. I give no such reassurance. He says, am I sick? Not yet.

Give it time. So, Taka, you're up on this catwalk, and you've just gone up the elevator. Did it, um, did it, uh, uh, did it what? Are we like, does the match start? No, not yet. Okay. So can I go up to the catwalk, do I have to be up in the catwalk already? or could I still be like backstage hanging out? Do you have a fun scene you want to do? Okay, yeah. No, you haven't gone up yet.

We don't rehearse this show. I haven't time, folks. This isn't a fun scene. If in my outfit, I want to go to where their weapons are being stored. Okay. And I am going to, what's the situation with the place

where are they locked up or what's up? Yeah, they're locked up in Jess's locker. You guys are, let's say you guys have already gone out to like the entrance ramps, so you're not really in the locker room anymore. You still are. Did we only check our weapons or did we keep all our other stuff? You kept your Bible in your pants or whatever. Did I keep nitpicker?

You did, but you're not with Taco. We're getting hung up. Quick, do something. Do something. Yeah, I want to, so I'm going to open her locker. Okay. With knock. Okay.

Bing. And then. Is that what you do? Is that the sound at me? At home? No. I'm going to cast a locker. Leoman's secret chest,

which creates an exquisite chest that I can hide on the ethereal plane. Does it say the word exquisite on your card? Yes. All of Taco's spells are exquisite. On my cards, it says exquisite. Yes, and you always roll 20s. Yeah.

So, yeah, I throw everything into the exquisite chest and stuff in the ethereal plane. Okay, and what do you do with the chest? You'll find out. Okay, cool. Foreshadowing. All right, let's fast forward. to where you're up on the catwalk. You can see

this crowd below. You're about 25 feet up from the ring. And over this series of, it's like a hashtag shape, like two and two intersecting. Don't laugh at me making a hashtag shape with my hands. It's very vulnerable. By the way, that's hashtag

hashtag shape. It's very vulnerable in that moment. And as you come up the elevator, you see a young human men who is operating a spotlight, but he hasn't heard you over the roar of the crowd. He's shining his light onto an MC who slides through the ropes of the ring

and walks to the middle of the stage and grabs a hanging microphone that's being slowly lowered down by this spotlight boy. Merlin Manus, you are on the entrance ramp to Jess behind a thick curtain. That's kind of muffling the MC as he gives the three of you your grand introduction. And Jess says, anything else you two need to know before we get out there. What's our entrance music? Yeah, like, what are we doing? Oh, you guys could just come out to mine.

We've got the... Okay. Who are we facing? Are there any weaknesses? We can. We don't know. That's the whole thing. It's a secret fan vote.

Cool, cool. Oh, I thought of something. Yeah. She says, we're heels. Do you know what that means? No. We make people feel better. She says something like that

and then pushes the two of you through the curtain onto the top of the ramp. And for a second... Wait, hold on. Does that mean we're jerks? And for a second, when you walk out to the ramp and the spotlight is on you, and this music is playing, the spotlight shining on the three of you, there's silence,

and then there is a deafening wave of booze. Yeah. There we go. Jess, Jess is just... I don't think they like that idea, Griffin. Jess is... Jess is just fucking eating it up. She's actually, you see now that she has a bunch of paper mache severed heads, that she's

throwing into the audience like yeah we'll be selling those after the show too I want you to know I Travis McGrath I love this yeah yeah man his both sides hates yes sir and she holds up her hand in the air and her soulbound axe that she had on the train arc appears in her hand and she just like buries it in the top of the ramp and like runs down to the ring

I kind of jog out what do you all do going down the ramp and I'm kind of doing claw motion this is a hostile I'll do Fossey hands. I'm doing Fossy hands. You're just doing Fossy Stap the whole end up? Jazz hands. Hey, I'm Pinstry. Do a little grapevine.

Yeah. Okay. For you dancers out there. You make your way down to the ring. As they're entering. Okay. I've cast Arcane I am having it hover around the crowd. I can move up at 30 feet with an action,

but since we're not technically in combat. Sure. I'm just kind of want to hovering it around. just to give me another set of eyeballs to rely on. Okay, yeah, no, that's good. You don't necessarily see... I mean, everybody's, like, cosplaying and it's, like, a crazy wild scene,

but you don't see anybody, like, holding a dark orb and, like, chanting into it. But you do catch the attention of the boy running the spotlight. And this is just after they've made it to the stage, and they take up a couple minutes just, like, soaking up the booze. Well, that sounds bad.

That's what we did, Yeah. Yeah. And this boy says, hey, you're not supposed to be up here. Hey, it's me, Greg. Well, you're wearing my clothes. That's kind of ironclad. There's no way it's the same guy. I don't wear his clothes. Does he be naked, right? I meant my uniform. It's the only clothes I have, so I just call this uniform my clothes. It's not funny. Why are you laughing? It's the only clothes I have. Do you have? Do you have? I'm the only one supposed to be up on the catwalk. They call me Catwalk boy. They call me Gerald, the Catwalk boy.

Well, as I always say to the wife, before I hop into bed, make room for Greg. Because Greg's here. Greg, do you have your ID badge? That's my handle. Greg, do you have your ID badge on you? Sure. Push him off the catwalk. I cast Charm Person

There's my ID badge You're uppity so-and-so I get to roll on that, don't I? Yeah, with the charisma check of Catwalk Boy Yeah, I roll a wisdom saving He's charismatic, he's just in the wrong line of work I intend to charmie I'm sorry, that's even better

It's a wisdom saving throw All the wisdom of Catwalk Boy That's a natural 20 Catwalk Greg just says No Or Not on his walk Not again

And he reaches He reaches into his pocket He says sir I'm going to have to ask you to Calmly stay put And he starts to pull out a Sorry, did they arm him? He's actually pulling out a stone of far speech And is starting to bring it up to his face

What do you do? Hold on a second Kill him I'm not gonna kill Why why? I'm not gonna kill Catwalk Boy It's a game He's not a real person

Life and death is just a game to Clint Macroy You should have had these Prepare before he came on Well I didn't know what fucking magical scenarios I was gonna get into I am going to cast Just draw a random one Kill him

What just draw a random one See how that goes Kill. No, I could do that. Okay. I cast gust of wind. Holy shit. Can we do a little folly work for you? No, that's okay. Okay.

Yeah, I cast gust to wind on them. It's only 25 feet. It'll be fine. What is that? I don't have that one in my dock. It's a line of strong wind, 60 feet long and 10 feet wide blasts from you in a direction you choose for the spells duration. each creature that starts to turn in the line must succeed on a strength saving throw or we push 15 feet away from you. Oh, that ain't, that ain't him. And you know there are people underneath you.

That's a 10? No, so sweet catwalk boy. Are you blowing him towards the ring or just kind of into the crowd? I'm blowing him into the crowd where they can catch him safely. I'm going to get a collective dexterity throw for crowd. That's a 14. Okay, they kind of catch it. And he actually comically drops

his Stone of Faris Beach as he goes and the stage goes dark and it's dark for a bit and then you hear from the stone, Gerald? Gerald! Where's the spotlight? Gerald. Go for Greg. Hey, it's Greg. I heard you got a spotlight issue, my man.

Greg, where's Gerald? Went out for a dukey break, brother. You want me to take the spotlight or what? Yeah, George. just get a light on my fighters. He went out to smoke a fantasy cigarette, and now you got Greg on the horn. Just turn the light on and shine it on my fighters.

You got it, boobola, any direction you want to name, or what? The fighter words. Hey, no need to yell, my man. We're all friends here. You got Greg on the job now. All right, I'll fire up the spotlight, which I know how to use. Because you're Greg.

Let me do a... Is it a magical spotlight? No? Is it an electrical spotlight? Careful. No. Everything you say becomes canon. That's right.

Is it a canon? Okay. It's a, yes. I'll do a investigation check. To see if you can figure out how to work spotlight. That's a 15 plus... Yeah, that's good enough. Yeah, you know how to use spotlight.

It's a fucking light that you point at things. At a certain spot. Yeah. Hey. If you ever run Spotlight before, raise your hand. No, it's actually... It's an art, right? A lot of theater tech people at a D&D shows.

It's an art. It's an art. Did you do it for a living? No. No. That was the... It was a hobby. All right, all right, we've been going like 45 minutes.

We've got to really get some... And all of a sudden, all the lights go out. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to describe now the four entrances of the fighters you'll be facing off against. I'm just going to try and get through it as fast as possible so we can get into this thing. The lights go dark. a shaky spotlight comes up

and a burst of flowers of roses comes from the ramp from behind the curtain and out comes a woman wearing a red trichorn hat that reaches out to a sharp point forward she's got a yellow feather sticking out and her costume almost looks like fencing gear she doesn't have like a fencing foil

or anything like that but that is kind of her style and the audience is like losing their mind for this fighter there is a there's a sign that unfurls that heralds her as Queen Sabine and she's moving down this ramp with attitude she's got a pair of sunglasses on that she just kind of flings into the crowd

like David Caruso not that when the fuck has David Caruso ever been like here comes a pun the delivery of said pun you know I didn't have to be here tonight Griffin just leans over to you and kind of hunkers down because you're standing

like by the corner of the ring and she says okay shit that's Sabine we used to be tag team partners but then she got injured so I got a new partner and then she got salty about it and now we're kind of bitter rivals What's her deal? She's very fast. Why don't you leave her to me

Magnus you just focus on the other folks that come out that curtain and Marl you just keep this in the fight. Once all six of us are in the ring the fight's going to kick off So it's us two versus three B-BBer You got it. Yeah And then the lights go out again, and there's an explosive pyrotechnic display,

and the sound of electric lutes that are just getting shredded, and they are producing some truly gnarly butt rock, and a tapestry rolls down from the entrance ramp, and it's got a bunch of gothic symbols and a large flaming skull, and the name of the fighter who is emerging from the curtain, and that name is simply Death Man. He's wearing a significant amount of grease paint, but you can still tell that he's a bit past his fighting prime.

Also evidenced by the fact that it's taking him quite a while to get to the ring. Once inside, he removes his black trench coat to reveal some big baggy black pants and a black tank top. He's got some big old guns. Is he bigger than me? Yes. And I think his, like, promo, is he just, like, points at you, Magnus, and he points at his open mouth, and he rubs his belly. I just flip...

I flip him off. Is Death Man One that Merle recognizes? Yeah, I think you... No, this is... This is a different franchise probably than the one that Merle was a fan of. You were more W-CW.

Canadian shit. Yeah. And then the arena goes dark again, and this time a floating image of two moons appears over the ramp. And... Okay. And then in front of that projection,

you see the silhouette of a man who changes shape in the moonlight, transforming basically into a werewolf, before dashing out of the projection. And a fighter appears at the top of the ramp, and their name appears in the image, and their name is Moonbeam. And Moonbeam is another sort of massive hulking figure wearing a black spandex onesie with silver trim

and has actually a luchador mask on. And from the edges of both the mask and the onesie, see these big thick tufts of brown fur that are poking out. And there's a big silver crescent moon on their onesie. And I think once they make it in the ring, they point at you, Magnus, and they point their open mouth and then rub their tummy. And then Death Man walks up and kind of tugs on their shoulders. He's like, no, you can't.

I point back at both of them point in my mouth and rub my tummy with both hands. And then he just kind of sulkingly, like, walks to the corner. And then the lights go out one more time. A spotlight shines down on the top of the ramp and two large prop angel wings spread out from the sides of the entrance curtain. And a side swings down from the ceiling announcing the entrance of a fighter named Jeff Angel. And before I describe Jeff Angel's entrance,

I would very much like to play his entrance music, which is the only piece of original music that I've prepared for the evening. If you can play Jeff, if you can play Jeff Angel's theme from... There it is. And really, really crank it up. I don't listen. No shirt enters.

There's a too long dude. Bring down Jeff Angel's theme song. Without even thinking, Magnus Burr said to applause. The audience reaction to Jeff Angel is mixed at best. And he jumps into the ring and he flies up a little bit. He's Eryokra, by the way, which is a fun new D&D race. And he grabs the microphone that's like starting to be raised up. He like grabs it and pulls it back down.

And he says, My name is Jeff Angel. That's great. He says, and I value three things above all. Integrity, hard work, being nice to kids. Now, I don't know much about Jess's new partner and manager here, but I do know one thing. These seem like the type of guys that forget to call their dads on their birthdays.

August 10th, I would never forget. He says, well, Jeff Angel calls his. dad every day. From the Raptors you hear Gary's a Jeffeth. And then... Greg, sorry. And then that's the end of his

speech. I call my dad every day. Back to Taco real quick. A door at one of the ends of the catwalk opens up and two security guards come barging in. And just

as they point in your direction, and yell something, the starting bell below rings. Let's roll some initiative. Hey everybody, it's Griffin McRoy, your dungeon master, your best friend, and your ringmaster, which is, of course, a position that is in every wrestling match, of course. I told you I'd think of something. Thanks for listening to episode.

Well, I'm probably not going to give it a number, but the Boston Live Stunt Spectacular. Thank you all for sticking with us during this, what's the right word to use here? here. A blissfully happy, but also slightly stressful time in our lives. Like I said, we have two more sort of special episodes planned that we are probably going to hold on to until December. So the next episode that goes up should be the next episode in the suffering game arc. But if not, we will make sure to communicate that on our Twitter account, which is the Zonecast. But for now, I want to tell you about some kind folks and companies who have sponsored the show this week. Got a couple Jumbotron messages for you this week.

If you want to get a Jumbotron message on this show, it has been impossible for a while because we got all full up. But on November 28th, on Cyber Monday, we are going to open up some Jumbotron spots for 2017. So if you do want to get a message on this show, Cyber Monday, November 28th is going to be the day to do that. Just go to Maximumfund.org.com. And you'll be able to get those spots then.

This first message is from Tabletop Champions, a podcast that you can find on iTunes or your favorite podcast. app, or you can follow them on Twitter at Tabletop Champs. They say, do you like what you're listening to now? How about a podcast that is slightly less funny that contains slightly more dungeons and or dragons? Check out season two premiere episode number 50 for a great jumping on point. I will say, Tabletop Champions.

That's a fair criticism. We have not had a surplus of dragons or dungeons, really, if you think about it. Okay, well, they got us dead to rights on that. go check out Tabletop Champions on iTunes. If you like this show, I mean, it's the same kind of thing, so you'll probably like that too. Also have a message here for Keen, and it's from Jer and Richie, who say Keen. Not only are you our good, good birthday boy, you're also our good good friendship boy. Maybe someday, when we're all back living on the same landmass, we can start our own D&D podcast

and finally take down the stranglehold monopoly that Taz has had these past few. years. We miss love and are proud of you in equal measures. It's been an ongoing theme in these jumbo-trom messages lately. People are just like watching the fucking throne. And like, again, like, yes, step. Please. Please step. If you're feeling froggy, then jump. I hate to come at you hostile like this, but I feel like you establish this energy. I'm just following up on it. I want to thank everybody who's been tweeting about the show using the Zonecast hashtag. I've got some names picked out for the suffering game arc, although I realize now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think I announced any of those names in the last episode. But we're going to get there,

I promise. If you tweet about the show using the Zonecast hashtag, you might end up as an NPC on the show. And now is the time to do that. Not only can you get on the show, we just like, we super appreciate you spreading the word. We don't pay to advertise the Adventure Zone at all. We're all really, really passionate about it. We work really hard on it. And so Word of Mouth is the only way that we find new listeners and can grow and do more stuff with it. Like this Boston Live show, uh, which like, it only was the special night that it was because of the community that you all helped us build. Um, so, so much. Uh, I'm going to let you get back to the episode. The next episode should be up on November 17th. And that should be the next episode in the, the suffering game

arc. We're, we're hoping to have time to sit down and record it. Um, and if anything changes, we will let you know on the Zonecast Twitter account. So stay tuned there. Follow us there for updates on our programming schedule. But yeah, we have two more filler episodes. I say filler. That's sort of a rude term. I'm very, very excited for you to hear these other two episodes as well. But we're hoping to save those for December when I am out with my newborn baby. But we're kind of flying by the seat of our pants right now and we hope that you stick with us. I guarantee you we're We're going to work really hard on whatever comes out and you're going to like it. You just got to trust us.

So, yeah, next episode, November 17th, and we'll talk to you then. Bye. I got a 13. I got a 14, but I roll again because of some thing of a jig that I have. It's been so long. 18. Nice. Plus.

Yep. Plus. Yep. Somebody out there knows. Jesus. That's not what we're doing. What did you get talking? What am I doing?

Where? What am I looking at? Oh no, the app is broken. It's not so easy, is it? Smartass. There you go. See? There's a box called... Zero initiative. I was right. 18!

Okay, Regis Philbin. Taco, which got? Do you feel like I should have advantage of that? Because I had the arcane eye that probably saw the door opening. Yeah, I like that. Okay, good. Look, you were really going to try tonight. I had a bad one.

But six. It's initiative. That's good. That's what you want. You want to go last. You want low because it starts one and goes... Shit. I actually don't know if that was a joke or not. And that makes you adorable. I just wait for people to say, go, Taco. I'm like, okay, I'll go.

All right. First in the order is Merle. Off to the corner of the ring. So again, just to sort of lay out the objectives here, Magnus, you're trying to beat the four fighters. Jess says she can handle Sabine, so really got Jeff Angel, Death Man, and Moonbeam. Merle, you're off to the side. You've got to keep everybody sort of healthy and vital, but if you want to get in there and mix it up, that would be fun and inexplicable, but go for it. And Taco, you are beset upon by two security guards, but you're also trying to keep them safe from an assassin.

How far away are the security guards? I mean, it's not going to be your turn for such a long time. I feel like I have a while to figure that out. That's perfect. But they're about 30 feet away from you. Let's say 29 feet in case you get a good 30-foot spell. Merle, what are you doing? I'm going to do something really out of character.

I'm going to cast like a cleric thing. I thought about casting Zone of Truth, but I'm going to say that. I never call my dad. For an even more inappropriate moment. I cast aid, which is a spell that bolster my allies with toughness and resolved. I bet you're regretting wearing those prop glasses. I can't see shit.

Travis, just read his cards for him. I had to dress him backstage. I did the resolve part. Each target's hit point maximum, current hit points increase by five for the duration. Some nice shit there, right? So now Madness has five extra hit points? Yeah, and it permanently increases for the duration of the thing.

So we're going to heal back up to that level. Sure. I'm going to cast that on... Magnus. Played by Travis McElroy. Well, you remember that one, huh? Next. I have to.

You're a dependent. You cast a spell... Wait, I am not. 32 goddamn years old. Yeah, but I'm still claiming you. Let's never release this episode. Yeah. I think you cast that spell on Magnus,

and then from the crowd you hear like, yeah, a great buff. Is that what it's called? It's all about the fun. You hear one cleric in the audience just go like, yeah, man, it's all about the fundamentals. And it was on that night, July 15, 2016,

I cast a buff. Magnus, you are, actually next in the order is Jess and Sabine, who I think just do that wrestler thing where they just run up to each other and just start, like, hitting each other very fast. And they're sort of tied up. Magnus, it is your turn next to the order.

I'm going to... How are they all standing? Which one is in like a corner right now? Or they've moved in a little bit from the corner, but they're... Do we have? This is an important question. Yeah. Turnstile ropes, the whole deal? Turnstile ropes, three ropes, the whole thing.

Great. I'm going to make like I'm running at Moonbeam. Okay. Like, you know, maybe a stiff arm. Sure. But at the last minute, I'm going to pull a stiff arm, bounce off the rope coming his back. Okay. I want you... No joke. I want you to describe every maneuver that you do with that level of detail.

You got it. Go ahead and roll your attack roll and then depending on... Oh, that's my keychain. Go roll your keychain. Oh, that's a three. Where? Cross eight, 11. God, that's so many, but still no.

So you do like a... You bounce off the ropes and you come at him with your stiff arm and then you hit him and you just kind of like push forward. Can he make that noise? And I think Moonbeam just kind of pushes you away. I get multiple attacks per round. Go ahead. And now I'm going to try to, I don't know.

A scissor king, is that? I'm just going to jump on Moonbeam's back and cover his eyes. Make him guess who it is. But like in a really angry way. I'm a bad guy. Rar. Okay. What do you think that would be?

I think I'd just do it. No, I think that would be... Agravatics? No, I think it would be a strength check probably. Oh, no, there's one of my D20s gone. Okay. Strength Jack? I'm good at those.

Yeah, because he's going to try and wrestle you off. That's a 17 plus 8. 25. I got an 18, so that's good enough. Okay, you're now covering his eyes and kind of... And also, I'm saying really mean things in his ear. Like what? Like, you're a poop, and nobody likes you.

I'm a jerk, rar. Okay. I think next up is, not I think, I have a list of people. It's Death Man is up next. Death Man is just going to run and he was going to attack you, Magnus, but I think he's just going to kind of spear tackle the two of you. Two of who? Moonbeam and Magnus. Okay. Can I use my cunning action now? No. How many turns do you get? I get a lot, man. How many spells do you get? One at time? All right. Ashton answered?

He tackles the two of you, which does damage to both of you, but unfortunately it knocks you off his back, and both of you are now prone on the ground. And take... Oh, my God. Take 11 points of damage. I'm going to do Perry. Okay, what's that due? When hit, use the dice to reduce damage by D8.

Okay, just do it. Okay. D&D invented by Gary Gigan. This one. Welcome to the exposition zone. That's a four plus my dexterity, which is two, so it's minus by six. Okay. You know what?

I didn't bring? What? Anything to write anything down with? Oh, no. Do we have a pin? Can somebody in the throw it just throw up? Don't throw it. Don't throw it.

Because obviously we are not very dexterous. All right, please stop. Okay. We are good now. Thank you. Kelsey, everybody. Thank you, Kelsey. Got a pin. Thank you, go.

Thank you. Some pruning shears. Next in the order, next in any order is Jeff Angel. And Jeff Angel waves his hand in front of his face. And then disappears. Would you guys buy action figures of these wrestlers? I feel like that would be, we would get busted for intellectual property theft so fast.

Really? Is that somebody? Have you heard of the, the wrestler named Jonathan Sina? I like him. He was a great singer, wouldn't he? Okay. What? John Singer. Okay, so Moonbeam is next, and Moonbeam stands up from being prone.

It's the move action. And Moonbeam is going to get on top of you, Magnus, for a pen. No, he's not. Wait, what, is he? He is going to get on top of you for you. Check your notes. Make a strength check with me. Can I first, like, say something to him?

Yeah, sure. Let's fuck up this old man first. Like, if you beat me, you're just going to have to face him, so why don't we tag team him? No, their only objective is to take out you and Jess. Oh, really? Yeah, it's them for against you. What you got? What are we doing?

Let's quick time out. I feel like in fiction, he would have said that, and I feel like you would need to respond. Because it seems like in fiction he would have thought that. Character voices. I did mine. He says, uh... No. It's a character voice police.

We finally got them all in one room, boys. Everybody except the poorly one. He says... He crushes it every episode. He's trying. He says, I feel like I should listen to you, but I think I'm just going to pin you instead. It's fair.

Are you going to roll that dice? It's 8 plus 8, 16. No, okay, he's on top of you now. So if it gets back to Moonbeam's turn, you have lost the wrestling match. I'm not going to I think the person that definitely needs to be directed to

is my buff friend Oh really? Arm Chopper First up is the Oh boy A lot of stuff surfacing tonight Next up actually is the security guards Who run over to you, Taco

Recognize you as not one of their own Yeah And I don't know how they do it Maybe they have a special pair of glasses on that lets them see It seems like you You kind of cheated around my good idea. All right, all right. They run over to you and they say,

uh, uh, uh, I fucking forgot his name already. Catwalk, Gerald. Jerry? Catwalk boy, I think it was. Catwalk boy Gerald fell down. And he came to us and said that a guy matching your description knocked them off. You wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would you? Yeah, you guys got me fair and squirrel. Let's get out of here. Okay.

They're going, they're going to put a plastic zip tie around your wrist and arrest you. Are you cool with that? Sounds great. Okay, they just do it. Okay, good. It is actually your next in the order. It's your turn. Yeah, I know.

I cast mislead. Okay. I turn invisible at the same time as an illusory double of me appears where I'm standing. I will break the laws of dandy to let these two things happen at the exact same time.

What do you mean? Oh, it wasn't your turn, but it can definitely be your turn. It's your turn now, yeah. Oh, well, they arrested you on their turn. their turn. I didn't want to raise suspicions. Okay. So mislead. And then I get the umber staff.

Okay. Up. Open. It has featherfall in it. I jump off the catwalk. On to the guy that currently has Magnus pinned. Yeah. Are you... Okay, here's the other thing.

The other... The other small note of this is that I can make it gesture, speak, and behave in whatever way I choose. So now you are playing fake Taco who has been arrested and invisible taco in the ring? Right. How long are you invisible? Up to an hour.

This spell is OP. It's a good smell. But I can't direct. Okay, I can also see through his eyes and use his senses. Yeah. But I become blind and dend. death in my meat form when I'm in spirit. So you just launched your body into darkness without seeing where you were going if your invisible

form is the one that can't see you or here? No, I choose it well. Okay. And right now I want to see the guy who's jumping on the guy. Okay, yeah, you see the guy who's jumping on the guy. Yeah, you land on Moonbeam and knock him off saving Magnus from the pen. You just kind of roll. Perfect.

And then I get the hell out of the ring. Okay, yeah, you probably had a little bit of move actually. Arcane eye is still active. I still have an overhead view of the ring. And now I'm just... Jesus, okay, so you've got like a fucking full-blown, like, picture and picture? I've got a fucking snake-ey-style security network. Like, fucking eyeing all out.

I've got my eyes in the Gary. I've got... What's his name? Greg? I got my eyes in the Greg. Greg eyes up. I got an arcane eye. And then I'm just patrolling around, walking around.

You're like Jesus or something. With your... With your floating eye, then, I will say this. After you jump down, you see a shape up on the catwalk that was standing basically right next to you before you jumped down that was wearing a chameleon cloak that was sort of hiding them. They don't see your floating eyeball, so they kind of poke their head out and you see a figure up on the catwalk that you just jumped down from. Great. Probably fine. But my turn's got to be over as hell by now, right?

Your turn is super duper over. Yeah. I also want to make clear, you two do not know about this figure at all. That's fine. Merle, you're next. I don't even know what the hell we're talking about. Great, Merle, it's your turn. Merle, actually, before you go, Jess, who is like still, like, just her and Sabina just, like, just having a punch.

Jess, mid-punch, just, like, turns to you and says, and points down at the ring, and, like, points, like, she's pointing under it. She's mouthing. I'm under the ring. and she's pointing at her ass like that does she need one of those hemorrhoid cushions and it's your turn you said no hemorrhoid jokes I forgot I'm sorry

in pre-show prep I forgot that what are you going to do on your turn in the game Dungeons of Dragons I'm going to go look under the ring yeah roll a D20 for me okay yep he got it

oh sick fucking burn from the crowd Sit down, dad. It's not worth it. My arm fell off. He actually has a caddy. And this caddy has each one labeled. We'll be selling these in the lobby after the show. We won't.

We won't. You liar. Guys, it's pre-marketing. It's not. It's lies. Marketing for non-existence of products. Please roll the dice. Clinton?

He rolled it. He got a 15. 15. What am I adding to it? Okay, for a 50-nothing. It's just a roll to see what you pull out. From underneath, this is kind of like a fantasy Gashabon of its own.

I have a table. And I get to keep it, right? It is a big metal ladder, is what you pull out from under. I'm also going to say that doesn't count as your action. Now you have a big metal ladder. And, uh... What kind of magic does it have?

The... it can get you up higher, levitation, but like a super efficient form of levitation. All right. How high is it? How tall? Eight feet. Have you? You watched wrestling ever.

I watch Olympic wrestling. I watch Greco-Roman wrestling. I will say... Wait, hold on. Okay. I will say this. Super quick. Raise your hand if you ever wrestle for a sport.

Okay, there we go. That's Travis. I was a... Oh, you were, weren't you? Yes, I was. I went to every wrestling match. He did. And lost me lose every time.

He lost every match. The one time I didn't go. No, we don't have to tell the... story. The one time I didn't go. I beat a kid with the flu. He beat a kid with the flu. It's the one time I ever won at wrestling.

The things you pull out from under the ring can be used for whatever you want. They can also be used as improvised weapons. That's what this stuff under the ring exists for. You're really leading me down the path here, aren't you? No, I'm saying do whatever you want. I'm just saying now you have an improvised weapon or you can use it to get up high

and change a light bulb. I take the magic ladder with all the powers it has, and I hit somebody with it. Which one? Jeff Angel, moonbeamer, death man. Moon Jeff. Being deathblood. He moons, Jeff. Oh, you know what? Moon Jeff is an acceptable answer because of your ingenuity. It's long enough. You could probably hit two of these boys with it. I know, Griffin. I hit... Moon and Jeff.

Okay, roll your D20. Plus seven. It's a plus seven. A plus seven. Twenty. I hit him with a 20. Okay, yeah, that'll hit both of them. Roll out, roll 1D12, the 12-sided one. Nike. Yep, you got it. He can do it.

I feel like I ought to be taking them out of a little silk purse and a fly comes out of it. Moving along. Here comes the 12. The 12. A 12. Nice, okay. Damn, I'm good at this game. So actually, what you did to make it clear, you threw it at Moonbeam, and it also hit the invisible Jeff Angel, knocking him out of invisibility.

Did I kill him? No, but Moonbeam looks bad off. Next in the order is Jess and Sabine, and I think Jess actually manages to get one over on Sabine and has her pinned. Next in the order is Magnus. We'll pick up that ladder. Nice. Thank you. and I'm just going to two-handed swing at it old moonbeam.

Okay. Thank you. The old ladder bash. Oh, that's not going to do it. Boy, this being honest stuff is not working for you. Well, I'm not using my good dice. Where's my good dice? There we go.

Yeah, roll a few. So that was a four, but that doesn't do it. But now I'm going to backhand swing for my second attack. That's not any better. That's a six. So many whiffs. No, no, no, no, and no. Perfect.

I'm now going to use cunning action Thank you to get away. Okay, where are you going? I'm actually going to get on the other side of Jess so that she's flanking Sabine. Okay, that's fine.

I've still got the ladder in my hands. That's fine. And I hold it in front of me like a shield. Magnus, make a dexterity saving throw for me. That's a 13 plus 2, 15? Okay. You,

as you are making that action, a dart flies by your neck, just missing you by an inch and sticks into the ring and you see it, stick into the ring and then it vanishes in a puff of black smoke. Was it Jeff Angel?

No, it didn't come from anybody in the crowd or in the ring. Can I do you a quick a perception check to see if I can tell where it came from? Yeah, sure. That's a 13. Yep. It came from above.

Next in the order is... I look at Merle and I just point to the catalog. Next in the order is Death Man, who's actually going to run over and try to stop Jess from pinning Sabine. And that's a two. So he's just like, cut it out! You bad legs!

And then Jeff, I think, is going to spread his beautiful white wings and fly up in the air and then come diving down with a kick on you, Magnus. Okay. And he rolls 22 versus AC. That's probably good. That is going to hit. Now, he does have the ladder held up in front of him as a shield. That's only nine points of damage. Still going to hit.

What? Nine damage. Please don't do anything else to pay. Yeah, that's fine. Moonbeam is up next. And what Moonbeam does is really interesting. He cries. because he looks like he's about to run at you, Magnus,

and then he stops. And he sniffs, and he goes, he looks around the ring, and then he looks directly at you, Taco. Holy shit! And he runs over to you, Taco, and grabs you. And as soon as he does, your invisibility wears off. And he picks you up,

and he lifts up a claw to come swinging down at you, and he goes, Taco, what the blazes are you doing here? It's claw! And he takes... It's Kelsey Grammer, ladies and gentlemen. He takes off his luchador mask, and it is Clark the bug bear. Yeah!

And he says, as I live and breathe, Taco, my dearest friend, what are you doing here? Well... It's a beautiful reunion. I was invisible. And now I'm not. So thank you for that.

That's good. I'm sorry. I thought I smelled your beautiful musk. And indeed you did. Very perceptive. I just want to say, I want to clear the air. The last time we saw each other, you made me jump off of a motorcycle onto a tank into a laser bean.

And I just want to say, I understand why you had to do that, and I'm not angry. It's good to see you. It's very good to see you. I have a new tea backstage I'm very excited about. I think you're going to love it. First off, let's say the obvious. I'm sorry.

Do you mean to try to kill you? That was really sweet. I have something I also want to... And then he... You hear like a... And he goes rigid? Son of a bitch. And then he fucking suplexes you.

I actually think he grabs you and jumps off the top rope with crazy bugbear acrobatics and jumps like 10 feet in the air and suplexes you. And that's a 24. Let me see. Let me check my AC. I'm going to enforce disadvantage because I said I was wielding as a shield,

and I'm going to use my protector thing to make him have to roll again. I don't think you were thin five feet of him. How big is the fucking hexagon? It's big. You know, it's big. Okay, yeah, no, I'll roll it again. How about it? 21. Does that still get there? That's a hit, yes. She does this insane, like, diving suplex.

and you get hit for 28 points of damage. That's bad, right? Not great. And you are prone. And he says, You made me jump off of a motorcycle onto a tank and get shocked by a laser. True.

Guilson, listen, listen, listen. Tucker who earned that one. I'll grant you that two bucks for free. Don't do it again. I will literally die. I think the security card, Are next? Do we play out what

Fake Taco does? Well, okay, here's the only problem. I need... No, we can't because I need a bonus... Actually, the spell's broken probably when he shook you out of the invisibility. It got me out of the invisibility. It didn't break the other guy,

but I need to use a bonus action to switch my awareness, so I wouldn't see what they're just like... But he is, the thing about him, the programming I left him with, he is chattering incessantly and saying the most banal like state of the world things.

So literally every word out of his mouth constantly, because I didn't teach him how to listen, it's just like, so crazy weather we're having, huh? That's how Greg sees it anyway. You guys go to the Padres game later? Wait, hold on. We have to ask you questions about how you broke for us. Listen, I love being here with you guys. This is great. You got any soda.

Every time Greg says soda, that's how he says it. Taco, you're actually up next. Whoa. Hello, everybody. Hi, everybody. Oh, my God. They're out there. Taco, you're up next.

You got a... Sabine's about to pin somebody. No, I thought Jess had Sabine. Yeah, Jess has Sabine. Sorry, Jess is about to pin Sabine. You got three of the fighters and you have a dart that just came in Magnus from the catwalk. Okay, I cast Cloud Kill. That's a cool name, right?

Yeah, so check this heat. I created a 20-foot radius sphere of poison. This is at the center of the catwalk. You create a... 20-foot radius sphere of poisonous yellow-green fog centered on a point you choose within range. The fog spreads around corners. It lasts for the duration or until strong wind disperses the fog.

Good luck indoors ending the spell. Its area is heavily obscured. So cheese it with the knives. When a creature enters the spells area for the first time on a run to turn, it starts its turn there. That creature must make a constitution saving throw. And, well, we should start with that. Okay.

Still, again, let me remind you, there's a bunch of people underneath this. Yeah, but it's a 20-foot spear. It's a 20, folks. No, that's a one. That's a one, actually, on that one. So that's a critical failure. Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, I failed as hell.

So now it's going to take 5D8 poison damage. Holy shit. Okay. Okay, good. They're affected even if they hold their breath. So let's see what we've got here. Four. Six. Ten. Seven. Seven. Seven.

Five. Twenty-two. Wow. Show-offs. Twenty-four. Is that all? Is that five? Yes. Yes. Okay. What was the total? What? One more, apparently. Everybody's saying one more. One more. That's a seven. Okay. I pointed the sky and say, I got that far touch.

And then emit a cloud kill. All right. Into the air. I think in the interest of moving things along, This shadowy figure goes next, and you hear a, you hear, ah, as they get this bad, bad poison damage. And then they cast gust of wind to push the poison cloud directly downward into the ring. Hell yeah! I need everybody to make a Constitution saving throw. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. I roll the 13th century. Oh, I got a 13. Oh, no. Oh, my God. I rolled a 6. Holy shit. This is going to hit everybody.

Holy shit, it hit everybody. How'd you do, Taco? 13. It hit fucking everybody. Smooth move, X-Lax. I tried my best. One? How many is it?

Five-D-8? One. That's seven. Holy shit. You can't. I'm trying to add things. What? Oh, yeah, dwarves have something.

Thank you that one time tonight. But not again. You have advantage against poisoning. Roll again. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I do. Oh, thank you, Jesus. 19.

Okay, Merle. But just that one time. But never do that again. Okay. Okay. So it's 20 points of damage. That's nothing to me. I take 20 points of damage when I eat my breakfast.

Wait a minute. Do I take 20 points of damage? No. Oh, guys, you don't want me to be the last one. No, you're fine. We actually do. You're the cleric. What does that mean? How's taco? How's taco? Is that like an accountant?

Are we about to have a Taco death, like, time paradox a situation on our hands? No, I'm good. Okay. I think with this. that, because we have been going for like an hour and a half now, that takes out a few folks.

I think Sabine gets pinned. I think Jess takes quite a bit of damage, but she is still up. Death Man goes down. Actually, no, Death Man's fine. Jeff goes down. And, yeah. Fuck Jeff. You wouldn't buy his action figure in there.

Now you all love him. So this happens, and you feel a quake happen throughout the crowd as this happens. And everybody's just like running off because now they're terrified of this poison cloud that is descended upon the ring and nearly killed everybody. And that figure falls off the catwalk into the ring. And you see a woman with short red hair wearing that chameleon robe. And she has like a bandalier with those darts on and she's got a staff. and she falls down and helps herself up and says, I don't know which one of you is working with Garagos,

but I don't have time to wait anymore and figure it out. It's him. She looks at you, Talk, and says, You, powerful wizard, master wizard. Are you an acolyte? Are you an acolyte of Garagos? Say yes. Yes?

No, no, no. I'm not ever ever listen to you. a dad. I'm but a humble cooking wizard whose ratings are bound to improve and people start dying on this show. The void fish is going to have its work cut out for it, making everybody forget this shit. She says, my name is Marie. I'm Amagus of the Order of

Tempice, the war god. But see, like my war god, let me explain some stuff. Tempus is a war god of honorable battle and Garagos is an old, long-forgotten god who is the patron of of raiders and wanton violence. Oh, that would be us. I received a missive that an ancient cell of the cult of Garago survived and was operating out of Neverwinter,

and I tracked them to this place, to the chaos theater. And she takes a dart and throws it at one of those banners that have been hanging from the walls, and you actually see, I think, Merle, you'd recognize it. Actually, make a religion role for me, Merle, maybe. Yours is more of an earthy religion. Sure. Sure.

How well read you are. The 21-12-plus religion. Four. 16. You see the sigil that is hidden underneath this banner. It is five arms that are sort of folded in a circle, and they're all holding cimitars. And that is the sigil of Garagos, and you realize that this... Carrie, are you writing this down?

For the fan art later? Write this down, Carrie, because that'll be awesome. This place, this old building is actually an old temple of Garagos that has been... Who planned to this shit? Oh, it's human men. And there is, after this one act of, let's call it what it is, wanton violence as this poison cloud descends upon the ring, Marie explains that this match, the Supreme Champion finals,

this represents a ritual of revival that is supposed to bring back the Avatar of Garragos from the realm of banishment, where a wanton marauder would slay the four champions of the land. Sound familiar? Yeah, I think. we're in some real bad stuff. I don't know when my voice got so much deeper all of a sudden. Yeah.

I'm Jess now. She says, I took out Brock Thickstone because he was involved, and I was trying to figure out who was here, and it got really confusing. Who else was a co-conspirator? But fast-forwarding through a lot of plot, because this fight took much longer than Griffin thought I would. Oh, no, he's had a stroke.

let's fast forward to the end of the fight. So there is a... We win! No, no, you have not one. There's a tremor after this cloud came down, and it's been kind of steady, as she explained, her situation. And the ritual of resurrection just happens.

It's not a lengthy process. All of a sudden, you don't even see them appear. It's like they've been there for an eternity, but in a different plane. There are five humongous blood-red arms with these massive hands these massive clawed hands, all reaching upward and kind of slamming the ground. They're all popping out from different points of the ring on the outsides of the ring.

And they're trying to pull a body out of the depths. And the crowd has scattered. One of the pillars actually falls inward to the crowd, which is mostly evacuated at this point, but it lands. And when it lands, you actually see, like, a few chairs away from it. You see Angus, who's, like, holding a big pretzel. Oh, please. Oh, please.

I want you to know, Macon. just does not even hesitate and takes off to grab Angus. No, that's good. And so this pillar, and he's just like holding a big pretzance. I spring off of the ropes to grab him. Okay. And he's wearing a Jeff Angel t-shirt. I still grab him, but I rip the t-shirt as I do. And I whisper in his ear,

fuck your t-shirt. So you've just torn the clothes off this small boy? At any time? And the crowd has scattered, except for one figure who is sitting in a big, comfy looking chair behind the announcer's table. You see Merrick, the CEO of Battlefest, who draws

a small dagger from a hidden sheath and he drags it across his stomach. But he's not cutting his belly open, he's just cutting open his robe, and a giant dark orb emerges from it. And the orb is glowing a bright red with a swirling crimson cloud

suspended within, and he's laughing with malice, but also with kind of relief because his plan just came together. You know. Like you do. We've all been there. Yeah.

When your plan comes together, you sit and go, ha ha, ha. Jess, who is still standing, grabs Sabine and grabs Jeff Angel and, like, drags them up the ramp and is like, you guys got this. And Death Man just, like, runs away. Nice. So it's just you in the ring. This will complicate things with a still very angry Clark. and Merrick off to the side holding this orb. Magnus, actually, you're in the stands with Angus,

just sort of running around. And we'll get back into it. I guess we'll start with top of order. Well, I did something why that was... I want to take an action while that was happening. I didn't want to interrupt you. In fact, I think actually we're running so late on time. Let's just drop initiative and just like,

if you want to do something in this scene, let's just fucking do it. Okay. The first thing I'm going to do is reach into my cloak and pull from my cloak a small exquisite chest. And then I pick up that chest and I throw it to the ground. A chest also exquisite but larger. Emerges from another dimension. Does it like those Russian dolls?

It pops open. It's got everybody's weapons in it. Come eat. Everybody come get some. Come get a taste. Okay. You are re-armed. Merle, I think you reach into the chest and just like fling the axe at Magnus to catch it.

While he's doing that, I throw Angus into the ring. And the axe hits him. I'm getting him out of arms way. That's fun. Okay, the... It's beautiful. It's like $4.99 on Amazon. Taco, one of the giant hands

reaches down and slaps you for eight points of damage. Oh, okay. I cast... Is it my... I cast Bigby's hand. You did kind of just go. Well, I know, but you said...

No, you want this to happen. Okay. You did say, he said, he slapsed me and I create a large hand of shimmering translucent force in an unoccupied space. My hand is an object that is AC20. It hit points equal to my hit point maximum. And it has its strength of 26 plus 8 and his dexterity of 10.

And I smacked that fucker right back. Say it. Say it. No. Say it. Please. Please say it for daddy. Let him sit.

I think you don't even roll. I think you just fucking. astrali-five this thing so hard. This arm just explodes. And you hear from below you, you hear a really angry, deep-voiced scream. Okay, good. You guys want to do anything?

Yeah, I do. I'm going to start charging up the stands towards Merrick the two-handed attack him. Okay. And I want to do it as like a jumping attack. You know what I mean? Yeah, sure.

Great. I just do it? Yeah, roll D20. Oh, okay. I'll take that. That's because I have Real Splitterblack plus 9 is 21. Yeah, that's definitely good enough.

Super quick. Just a side note, I have one hit point left, so if anything happens to... Let's keep an eye on Chiboy, okay? And I do... Was that directed at me? I do 11 points of damage. Generally speaking, I have one hit point. What'd you do?

11 points of damage. Okay, that does not kill Merrick, but it is enough to send the orb flying... up and into the air. And it looks like it's about to fall and it just kind of bounces as it lands, like it doesn't shatter,

and it bounces really, really high up. And a spectral hand appears and grabs it out of the air. I hit it with the ladder for my second attack of my action. Okay. What are you hitting? The orb. Okay.

What would that be at checkup? just a ladder at that? Yeah, sure. That would end up being a 15? Yeah, that's fine. You see Merrick reach out and you see this red mage hand reach out to try to grab the orb

as it flies away from him. And you just kind of smack it away from him. And it's flying far away. And then you see a blue mage hand appear and grab it out of the air and suck it back to the ring and Angus is holding it. Yes!

And he's holding his wand out. That's my boy! He says, what do I do? And he's, like, running around the ring as these forehead. Angus, keep away. What does that mean? Just like we do with you with your books. Okay, Merle, Merle, make a, Merle, he throws the ball at you, make a dexterity throw.

A dexterity, okay. Doing great. 20. Okay. Don't break the mo. It's, uh... 11. 11.

And, no, I have a zero model. Yeah, that's good. It's kind of close. but you managed to catch it with one hand. And all of a sudden, these four hands are now slapping towards you as you hold this orb. What do you do? Well, give it to...

You have one... Shouldn't I heal him? Why start now? Can he toss it as a free action? Yeah, I think so. Toss it to the guy with the fork. Oh. Now...

Hold on, no, no, no, no. This orb is so big. there is absolutely no way I'm going to let this happen. That's what I thought when he took the Blazing Challenge at BW. Frees, but he still did it. No. That's a true story that I'll tell you all about later. Merle, what are you doing?

I look at him and I, as a free action, say, I can't die. Literally, I can't die. Don't worry about me. I live longer than this. The Magus woman says, throw it to me, throw it to me, trust me. I toss it to Marie. She catches it, and she holds it in her hand for a second. And then she eats it.

And she says... You should have eaten this, though. This is delicious. She says, she says, Magnus, I really like your costume. It looks really cool, and I like your character, and I think it's really well developed out. And as she says that, the orb starts to glow a little bit less, and the hands kind of recoil in pain. Oh, I see. And then she tosses it to taco.

Okay. She says, you don't understand. Wanting violence and destruction is what summons Garragos. The only thing that can put him back in the realm of banishment is the opposite of that. Okay. We can do violence. No, I can do this. All the spells I cast tonight work super good, and they were really dope. And it was awesome. Nothing happens. Nothing happens. Toth me to orb. Angus, that was fucking great.

Just thank you, sir. It's nice to get positive. reinforcement from you for literally the first time ever in my life. Don't get used to it. And as you say that the hands ceasing the, or sensing the fucking huge, what a sacrifice that was. The hands actually recoil a lot and the ball is now glowing like half as bright as it was before. Pass me the rock.

Actually, Taco. Oh, that's only a nine. You're probably good. Okay, yeah, one swings at you and you just kind of jump out of the way about it. I do have to pee, so if I need to die, it's fine. Pass that rock, actually. We're almost... Can I heal his ass?

It's a waste of energy. I don't die. Like, because we live... Okay, so we're doing a story right now, and it takes place after this story, and I'm in it. So, like, I can't die. Pass that. You died, like, seven times in the last month. Marie yells, past the rock, pass the rock.

Pass the rock. Okay, I pass it to Magnus. All right. Do I just catch it? Yeah, you got it. Okay. It's been a pleasure of fighting with you, Clark. You are a worthy opponent.

He's like furious right now when you say that to him. He's like, yeah, I know. I'm huge and big. You've almost killed me like six times just doing things you want me to do. But I also know that you have a good heart. I don't. I promise. I'm a big.

I'm a bit. Oh, I see what we're doing. He gets rigid again. He goes. thank you Magnus I really wanted to hear that I throw him the rock he grabs the rock and he says what do you think about me

since the day the three of you came into my lives I have been enriched in a way that I he stands up rich it again and he goes I think he just goes to attack Taco actually while holding this rock when I haven't healed him yet

11 versus AC? I got 13. All right, but he is still holding this orb, and these hands look like they're maybe regenerating a little bit. What do you do to get the orb away from? Dad, cast something. Okay.

I cast Zone of... No, I love it. I love it. I love it. No, do it. Do that shit. I cast Zone of Truth. You cast Zone of Truth, and Clark, still in, like, rage mode, is just like,

you guys so much. I've ever had a friend before, and I know that you've taken advantage of me a lot, but I can also sense the good in you, and I just want to say, I think you're the best dudes I've ever met, and do you want to go take a trip to Aspen with me?

Actually, that sounds great. My dad has a cabin and fantasy Aspen, and I think we'd have a really great weekend there together. Your face is beat red right now. I know. I've been screaming for a while. What happens to the orb? The orb is just like dimming and dimming,

and the arms are just shriveling up and receding back into the ground. And I think as he just goes on and on, and actually it was sweet at first, but then it gets maybe a little bit uncomfortable. He goes on and on, and then finally the hands just disappear in a puff of red smoke. You save the day! Zone of truth!

Pan bless! Zone of truth. And Clark is just standing there holding this orb and it turns to black smoke in his hands. And he's just standing there, he's like, I just don't know what to do with you boys. Here you go walking.

Man. Yeah. Let's check this out. We met a whole family of Buckbears down in Lucas What's his face? His Lab. They're totally cool. We saved them. They're fine. Do you want to go hang out with them? You tell him when my family still wants me back after? Yes.

Hell yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. Thank you for tying up my storyline like this. And I think as the as the last of the red hands sort of disintegrates and the portals they were popping out of shut clothes and the black orb disappears, I think there's like a shockwave of force that comes out from the ring that knocks up some popcorn discarded signs in a whirlwind.

And a gigantic battlefest Supreme Champion final Banner falls from the ceiling, slowly Jurassic Park. Like the last shot of Jurassic West? Jurassic Park. And you hear a heavy metal clunk come from the stage. Oh, one of the hands grabs Merrick and drags him to hell as it goes back there. Yeah, yeah.

America just excuses himself. You hear a heavy metal clunk in the middle of the ring and you see the title belt laying there. I put it on. Well, Jess actually comes up into the stage. She left. And she says, well, you boys, never ceased to amaze. That could have gone real south, real fast. Thanks for the help. But as for the title belt, a duo can compete in the Supreme Champion Finals, but only one of

them can take home the belt. As she reaches, I put my foot down. She actually says, yeah, why don't we fight for it? And then I want to fucking, like, Rocky two free-sprit, like, bah, blah, blah, that was the episode of the Adventures Zone. Thank you. Thank you all so much. You've been, like, fucking incredible. There's posters outside. They're so good. Thank you, Gary, for the posters. You can get them out there.

And that's it. We love you. We love you. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. I'm Biz.

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