The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Versus Dracula - Episode 11

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

A chill night at the club turns into a tussle as the vampire hunters run into some hostile were-beings. Godwin kicks back. Phileaux sets a trap. Mutt marks his prey.Additional Music in this Episode: "...Celosia" by sawsquarenoise: http://rolemusic.sawsquarenoise.com/. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Folks, we're going to let you get right into the high-flying horror adventure that is the Adventure Zone versus Dracula. That's right. This time we're going to the circus. We're going right there. But first, we do want to tell you it's the Max Fund drive right now. Runs for two weeks. If you're new to the show, this is our annual pledge drive through which you can support us and the work that we do in an incredibly direct way by going to maximum fun.org slash join and kicking over a few bucks a month. our way. And when you do that, it helps us make this show, make it better,
Starting point is 00:00:34 hire people to make it better, and also you'll get some great pledge gifts along the way. Dad, can you give us an example of some of the great pledge gifts people can expect this year? Oh, there are some awesome pledge gifts. They are really spectacular. Oh, man, are they good? Travis sent it to you, Dad. I sent you the document. Well, let me tell you guys, you have the Max Fund High Fiver. Now, this is if you can kick in five bucks a month and you'll get immediate access to our, well, the best thank you gift.
Starting point is 00:01:07 Over 600 hours of bonus content, or as we call it, Boko from all our shows. That's one episode. That's one episode that goes 600 hours. One 600 hour long episode. It was our marathon. Yeah, I think John Lennon wrote it and we just put it all together. It's stop podcasting yourself, surprising no one. There's those guys.
Starting point is 00:01:26 So, I mean, this has got extra episodes, exclusive music. podcasts, podcasts about cheese, Mr. Bean, and so much more. You get one feed, has it all. You can customize another feed
Starting point is 00:01:38 to include only your face. This is our 14th Max Fund Drive. I can't remember if we did either the cheese or Mr. Bean episode. Statistically, it seems likely. Maybe it was referring to, well, you've referred to it.
Starting point is 00:01:48 It's entirely possible. This year, for Taz, well, let's start here. This year from a Bim Bam, we made a one-shot RPG out of Plato's rave, and then for Taz... Which is a bit we do.
Starting point is 00:01:59 We did on that show. We did on that show. Yeah, we do it every week. We do a quick Playtos rave check-in. For Taz, me, Justin and Travis, changed the game of DMing by DMing all together for dad to run him through Plato's rave a bit he had no awareness of. None whatsoever. And it was an amazing.
Starting point is 00:02:18 For 10 bucks a month, you're a friend of the family. You get one of 40 enamel pins. These are beautiful. They will go on your fizz. What a horrible. They will go on your cumberbun, lovingly created by Merret Bonderu
Starting point is 00:02:37 based on ideas from the different hosts. Plus you get your own Letterpress, Max Fund membership card, ideal for flashing, should anyone doubt your podcast bona fides. You also get all the bonus content Yeah, that too. Amazing. But the important thing is you're supporting us.
Starting point is 00:02:55 You make it possible for us to do these shows. You make it possible to pay people. like our editor, Rachel, the musicians, the artists we work with, everybody relies on your generosity and your support of this thing that you like. So eagle-eyed listeners, eagle-eared listeners of the Adventure Zone also have probably noticed that we don't run as many ads on this show anymore, partially because the ad market for podcasts has collapsed in a big, big way over the last year. Now that capitalism is done, we rely on you as patrons to support some of the art.
Starting point is 00:03:29 More than ever, we rely on your support to make this show and make it what it is. And you can do that at maximum fund.org slash join. Don't wait. If you're at a screen where you're able to do that now and you're thinking about it, give us some help in making the show because it really, we could not do it without you. This is our 10th year of doing the Adventure Zone. And please don't wait. It makes it so scary.
Starting point is 00:03:51 Please just do it right now. For us personally, please. So you can head to maximum fund.org slash join. You can become a new member. You can upgrade your membership to the new. next highest membership level, or if you're not ready to move up to the next membership level, you can just kick in a couple extra bucks a month and boost your membership, all of those different ways to support our shows and all the other shows on maximumfund.org by going to maximum fund.org
Starting point is 00:04:13 slash join. And if you don't want to do a recurring thing, you can also pay for a year up front. And that obviously helps us in a major way, too. So thank you so much. Enjoy the episode. Dear Diary, I walk a lonely road. The only road that I have ever known. I just made that up because I am sad. Today, I told the wolfman that I do not want to party with him anymore. He and his pack have caused too much trouble in the streets of Luminot.
Starting point is 00:04:50 How am I to find my muse when the artists I've painstakingly attracted keep getting devoured? He told me, I have changed. I told him he is not wrong that I have outgrown him. A little mean, sure, but, well, I am a monster. The warehouse has gone bananas. The shimmering light radiating from the waters beneath the now shattered glass dance floor have stopped giving off their light and as a result stopped suppressing the animal behaviors and instincts of the assembled visitors here. In response to this, a majority of the animals
Starting point is 00:07:08 who were on the dance floor shortly before its destruction have begun to make a beeline for the exit. The security guards, as well as a few other patrons here, you can tell, have no instinct to retreat from this situation at all. As a result, let's roll initiative. Oh, man. Man. Man.
Starting point is 00:07:32 We came here to bite a horse. Ask some questions. Yeah. Ask a couple questions, buy one horse. Yeah. For crying out, wow. And you bite one horse. I got a 13 in initiative.
Starting point is 00:07:47 Well, it makes sense because I'm still tying to a chair. Yeah. It's going to make it a little harder. The line initiative is 12 plus 214. Great. First in the order is the Wolfman. The Wolfman looks down and out of the shattered window, sees you down below.
Starting point is 00:08:11 Thinks maybe about jumping out, but second guesses. Instead, he shouts at all of these sort of employees and patrons here. He points at you, Godwin, and you, Philo, and then down at you, and says, If any of them escape, I'll have your heads. He takes off to come down the stairs towards you. Uh, next in the order is Lady Godwin. All right, what's my position? Lady Godwin, you are perched on the west side of the shattered dance floor.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Um, the waters below are somewhat muddy. Uh, give me a perception check, uh, if you would before we, uh, go there. 19. 19. Uh, okay, with the 19, the waters are, are somewhat muddy because people were just down in there, sort of splashing and stomping around. Now that people have left those waters, you can see a lot of actual activity beneath the water, some sort of bubbling, like something is moving around in the waters. The 19, all you get is something is moving around. Something is moving and bubbling around in the waters. You are on the west side of this shattered dance floor.
Starting point is 00:09:38 Most of the inhabitants have scattered off away to the east heading for the exit down there. There are three security guards who were investigating this confrontation with fish stick that you and brother Philo were embroiled in. And they are the most immediate danger. As for what other animals in here are going to make a move at you, you aren't quite sure of that yet. I grabbed the security guard closest to me, the sort of bottom one there on the west edge. And I'm going to chuck them into the water. Okay. I was going to do an investigation check.
Starting point is 00:10:11 And I thought, oh, this is an investigation. I'll do an experiment. Yes. Okay. You are going to do a shove. So you're going to make an attack action. Sometimes when I'm really angry, I'll announce like, if you guys don't calm down, I'm about to do a shove. I'll do a shove on you.
Starting point is 00:10:29 I'm going to do a shove so hard, you guys, if you're not careful. Yes. Okay, so go ahead and make that attack. That was very Tracy Morganish of you. That was good. I got 13. 13. Yes, that hits. Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:41 And on a shove. You get to, you're able to knock it away from you. How far? Five feet. So basically into, yeah, Jason Waters. When that happens, you see, first of all, this is a werewolf, not loving being in the water. Is that a thing? Yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:11:06 I mean, it's a dog, right? Like, dogs don't like baths. Depends. I mean, it varies. They love slashing in muddy puddles, my dude. This guy doesn't like it. You can just say this guy doesn't. You're right, Justin.
Starting point is 00:11:15 This one guy doesn't seem like that. Let's not speak in generalities. He tries to climb his way out, but pretty much as soon as he lands in the water, it triggers a reaction. You see the brilliant dance lights positioned all around the room that are flashing all around this scene. Begin to glint off golden scales that pop shortly sort of just barely above the surface of the water. This werewolf is swore. formed by hundreds of goldfish. My boys!
Starting point is 00:11:48 They nibble at him in a way that would probably not be effective normally, but there's just so many of them. He is going to take 13 points of damage. Of goldfish-based damage. What a shell. Okay. Next in the order is the bartender from earlier.
Starting point is 00:12:15 He is going to hop and run over towards this scene, trying to position himself a little bit between you all and the door. He is going to... Oh wait. He's going to throw a dagger at you, Lady Godwin, from a little sheath on his hip. That is a 22 versus AC. You don't even even.
Starting point is 00:12:43 need to ask. Okay. Right after you finish pushing this guy into the water, your attention is so focused on washing this goldfish swarm. And before you know it, your body jerks reflexively back to the right as a dagger jabs into your giant meaty shoulder. Next in the order. Wait, how many points of damage is it? Oh, that is four points of piercing damage. Thank you. Can I also retroactively go into, to rage? Yes, I will allow that. Sure, thank you. So that would be two points of piercing damage then, I think.
Starting point is 00:13:20 Next in the order. I thought when you were raged, sorry, I thought when you were raged took extra damage. No, no, no, no, no. No, you have a resistance to basically physical damage when you are raging. Oh, okay. Which is pretty cool. Next in the order is the wear raven that is sitting at the bar. There is a big sort of humanoid shape covered in black feathers with a long, shiny black beak and very, very tiny little cute little eyes.
Starting point is 00:13:56 He is going to turn, flap his wings and fly towards the middle of the room. there he is going to launch a crossbow at you mutt what he's going to have advantage on this attack what did I do to you I mean he got an order from his boss to stop you all
Starting point is 00:14:19 another 22 versus AC I mean yeah for another four points of piercing damage okay next in the order is brother Philo brother Philo you are in the thick of it you've got These two security guards are pretty close to you, but you are also face-to-face with fish stick and company. And up to this point, I've done nothing aggressive, right? As far as I... That is true.
Starting point is 00:14:48 I haven't attacked anybody. I haven't hurt anybody. No, if you're looking for plausible deniability here, I will say that the Wolfman did just order your capture or destruction. So, um, but, okay, I didn't know if he did that with me specifically. What are you thinking? What do you sell? That I can have some kind of advantage with whatever I do because they don't know I'm one of the, one of the targets of the attacking that I haven't done anything to attack anybody. I just tried to come out and heal somebody.
Starting point is 00:15:22 Um, I think that, uh, I think that's, Yeah, I think that's fair. If you want to get an advantage on whatever your action is that you're hoping to pull off here, that is fine. I don't think you have advantage against fish stick or bodyguards just because they sort of caught you in a bit of a lie. But yeah, the others. Well, then I think. I'm going to say, fish stick is a very buttercream name. I'm very excited about a character named of a fish stick.
Starting point is 00:15:53 Yeah. Well, enjoy him while he lasts because fish stick is, I will say all of you can see this. Fish stick and bodyguards, they are horses. They do not like being inside of a building. First of all, that's fucking wild. But second of all, there's wolves everywhere. So they are not going to stick around you, get the sense. Well, in that case, okay, first thing Philo's going to do is he's going to try to knock that guard right in front of him, the bodyguard right in front of him, into the water.
Starting point is 00:16:29 much like Lady Godman did with the one. Yes, that will be your action if you choose to do so. So make an attack roll with advantage. If this succeeds, you can push him five feet into the water as well. Well, then that's probably what I should do on arm strike. And I also have a tavern brawler strike. What is that? That means my unarmed strike uses a D4 for damage.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Okay. Well, you're not dealing damage. You're just pushing. Right. Okay. So this is, okay, unarmed, unarmed strike. Okay. Uh, 15. A 15 hits. If you want to roll for crit, I'm not sure what it would do, but you do have the advantage. Just try it. Nope. No, that's a nine. Okay. We'll stick with a 15.
Starting point is 00:17:20 15, same thing happens. This guy goes falling into the water. And shortly, the swarm, the bubbling swarm that was surrounding by one security guard moves over to this one. He is all. also going to take 3D8 damage, which ends up being 12. Okay? Do you have anything else that you want to do on your act, on your turn? Yeah. As Tavern Brawler, I can also grapple when you hit a creature with an unarmed strike or an improvised weapon on your turn.
Starting point is 00:17:54 Well, no, I can't do that. You can't grapple him in that you've just placed away. Yeah. So, no, I think that's, I think that's it. I think that's it. Okay, cool. Because I like where his position is. Sure.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Next in the order is DJ Thumbs. DJ Thumbs pulls his headphones down over his ears and just starts bobbing his head sort of rhythmically as he sort of gets into the music. He flips a switch and from the ceiling some sparks shoot down. he casts pyrotechnics. The target explodes with a dazzling display of colors. Each creature within 10 feet of the target must succeed on a Constitution saving throw or else be blinded. So where Raven fails, the security guard that you just pushed into the water fails.
Starting point is 00:18:54 You don't have to save mud. Okay, sick. You're okay. He casts it sort of right in the middle of the water. And the unhit security guard saves. So two of these creatures in the center of the room are blinded. They are going to have disadvantage on attacks and advantage on attacks against them. He's done it again.
Starting point is 00:19:16 Next in the order go the security guards. This one is going to hop out of the water. and take a bite action against you, Lady Godwin. That is a 12 versus AC. That does not hit. Okay. So rare. You can actually defend one.
Starting point is 00:19:48 He brings a chomp down on you, but your leathery, toughened skin wards off the assault. This one is going to hop out of the water and attack you, brother. Philo. That is a... 20. Hops out of the water.
Starting point is 00:20:09 No jagged glass to contend with. I feel like it's just hopping out. I mean... He's a wolf, so he is really good at hopping. He hops right over all the jagged glass. Okay, is he a wolf or is he a werewolf? Because you just had a crow shoot a bow. So which is it?
Starting point is 00:20:24 Is it a were a crow or is it a wolf or is a werewolf? It's a where crow. They're werewolves. Thank you, Justin. Okay. Thank you. So, this attack, 22 versus AC is almost certainly going to hit you. Boy, yeah, just barely caught.
Starting point is 00:20:40 Just a tip. Just the tip of that. Just got me, O'Dill. Just got me. Is there a thing we've referenced more on this show? Okay. Just got me on. You are going to take nine points of Pearson damage.
Starting point is 00:20:56 That's painful. Okay. Make a strength saving throw for me, please. How's a 19 sound? Successful. It sounds good. Yeah. You stay on your puppet feet.
Starting point is 00:21:10 The last security guard here, he is going to run and attack the bodyguard of Fish Stick here to the north. He's just hungry. This guy just sees like a huge, you know, four-legged. Yeah, that's a 22. just a huge four-legged herbivore and is like, mm, gonna get me some of that. This bodyguard is instantly taken down. Gross.
Starting point is 00:21:42 This is a circle of life, baby. I know. Doesn't mean it's not gross. Next up in the order is the wear tiger in the office. He is not going to show the same hesitance as the wolfman. He leaps down and is immediately going to attack you. Uh, mut. Hmm, beans.
Starting point is 00:22:03 Yes. It won't be good. Um, he has the same thing where he can knock you prone, but that's not going to be an issue for you. Because, uh, I don't know how much more prone you could possibly get right now. Uh, okay, he is going to, uh, swipe a claw at you. That is a 13 versus AC. Uh, that misses. As a miss, that is good because that would have felt pretty bad for you.
Starting point is 00:22:29 Um, next to any of you. order are the horses. The bodyguard is immediately going to abandon a ship here. Fish stick is not so lucky. Fish stick is flanked and does not want to take an opportunity attack. He's going to disengage and he can only move his speed once instead of dashing away like the other bodyguard. He reaches the hallway, the entry to the hallway. Still pretty close to all of you, but definitely, I mean, pretty close to getting out of here. And next up is mutt. Last in the order.
Starting point is 00:23:11 I'm going to use my dagger to cut myself free. Okay. I will say this is a sleight of hand check, I think, to accomplish this. Give me a slight of hand check. Nope, seven total. Okay, that is a seven that is unsuccessful. Okay. I will make you a deal here.
Starting point is 00:23:37 In trying to do that, you notice that your dagger is not getting the job done, but also the floor is covered in shattered glass. You get the impression that you could maybe use some of that to help you with this. I will give you advantage on the check you just made, but you will take some damage. Oh, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:57 Hopefully that pays off. Oh, yeah, okay, that's a 15 bus 4, 19. Yes, okay. You are able to, in just wriggling around on this broken glass, you are able to release yourself. However, you do take three points of slashing damage, but you are unrestrained. Do you have anything you can do with a,
Starting point is 00:24:23 bonus action. You also have your move now, but you would have to spend it standing up from prone. Well, I'm going to do that. Yeah, bonus action. PBA. I'm going to, hold on. Yeah, I'm going to lay down Slayers prey.
Starting point is 00:24:52 Whoa, shit. On the weird tiger. Okay. Designate one creature the first time each turn that I hit that target. With a weapon attack, it's going to take an extra 1D6 damage. Okay. Cool. And I stand up. On his turn, the Wolfman is going to dash. He is able to make it around the back side of the building, and he is able to basically make it to the edge of the stage here. So he is back in. Next, in the end.
Starting point is 00:25:31 order is Lady Godwin. The one bodyguard, how's he look? The one that's closest to me. The one bodyguard that is closest to you, he did take some damage. Oh, he is bloodied. Bloodyed, okay. Which way is he facing? He's facing you. He just tried to attack you, so he would be facing you. I don't know that much about positioning and melee fighting.
Starting point is 00:26:04 I'm trying to figure out if I get anything for the fact that, uh, who's that behind him? That's dad, right? You've got, so you've got fish stick making his way for the door. There's a cat. I'm going to just,
Starting point is 00:26:15 this cat ran away. Um, the, uh, the barter. In fact, uh, pretty much, uh,
Starting point is 00:26:22 all of these creatures have had a chance to, uh, make their way well outside. Uh, okay. So you've got fish stick behind you heading for the door. You've got the bartender behind the bodyguard, both of whom attacked you on your last turn.
Starting point is 00:26:39 I think the best thing I could do is transform into a horse. Hmm. Can't let fish stick get away. And I think I won't have to fight for disengagement if I transform into a horse because they'll be like, what? And they will try to fight me You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, describe what that looks like to turn into a horse at will.
Starting point is 00:27:08 I think she raises her hands up in the air like this And she makes her hands into cup shapes And then they become hooves And then her head starts to stretch out in front of her And then her ass just hair starts growing out of them. like crazy. Yeah, yeah. Just a lot of hair
Starting point is 00:27:31 curves out of our ass and that's like, it stays like that for a little bit and everybody's like, uh, is that part of it? Is that part of the trick?
Starting point is 00:27:39 Yeah. How long does this take? Is everyone just stopping what they're doing? Yeah, they're like, and these guys are like, I was gonna,
Starting point is 00:27:46 about to take an attack of opportunity, but like, no. I think the opportunity has passed because I've been watching for a while. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:53 Uh, and then, he's not done. Yeah, please tell. And she starts, throwing up the organs that she doesn't mean as a horse. Those are her pangrious chin.
Starting point is 00:28:05 That's the thing they don't tell you, is that if you're aware creature, when you transform into the animal, if the animal has fewer bones than a human, those extra bones got to go somewhere. And they shoot out of your mouth everywhere. Yeah. Okay, here's what you are going to transform.
Starting point is 00:28:23 You are new to this experience. Oh, I grow 10 teeth. Okay, cool. That must be the worst part of it. I grow 10 more teeth than I had before. This is the first time you've ever tried to conjure this power at will. There is a unspeakably potent force behind this action. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:45 The horse force behind this action that you know is there. The extent to which you are able to successfully channel that power, I think it's going to come down to an. animal handling check that you are going to do for me. With advantage, obviously, because I'm handling myself. No advantage, absolutely no advantage. No matter what happens with this role, it's going to be good. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:14 A 17. A 17. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. Awesome. Okay. A lower role would have resulted in a lower horse, a lower horse human hybrid object.
Starting point is 00:29:25 I think with a 17, you may get to like the last few pages of the Animorphs flipbook. transformation. And you are now a big and powerful horse. Was that an action you feel like? That was an action. I will say no, mostly because I want to see what happened. I double, I double foot horse kick the guard into the pool again. Okay. So give me a strength check. Give me, and you're attacking with hooves now. So just make your great axe attack. We'll use that number.
Starting point is 00:29:59 17 plus 5 22 Yeah that is going to hit him And he is going to fall into the water And 14 points of damage is going to do it You see him get pulled under By golden scaled fish You then see Stephen pop out of the water
Starting point is 00:30:23 And he's like, hey, we're supposed to be killing these guys because I don't really know about all that. Like, I told you I'd help you out and, you know, I'll do whatever. But you don't want us to kill these guys, though, do you? No, just keep them. Well, I'm not talking. I'm a horse. No, man, just keep them, I don't know, knock them out.
Starting point is 00:30:45 Can fish do that? Keep them occupied. You know if a non-fish gets knocked out underwater, that's pretty much rips in the way. Don't let him drown, though, man. Drag him up on the shore or something. Just set fish to stun. Okay, I'll tell you what, man, we're just going to swim into him real hard into the side of the tank. Love that.
Starting point is 00:31:04 He'll just be, but we'll keep his head above the water. Yeah, man. Okay. Hey, otherwise, can I just say, Stephen? Yeah. I made a great call betting on you, bud. You're doing fucking amazing work. Sure did.
Starting point is 00:31:16 I bet all those chicken shit cats ran away first sign of trouble. Not Stephen and his crew, though. Well, hopefully not Mr. Mesophiles. I do need to buy him later. We'll figure that out. Good love to do work, my bud. All right. Next in the order is the...
Starting point is 00:31:32 Oh, sorry, no, no, sorry, don't move past me yet. Oh? Well, no, because I want to take my move action. Okay. To chase after a fish tank. Oh, he's pretty close to you. Good. I just want to move as close as I possibly can do. Do you want to get in front of him?
Starting point is 00:31:50 Yes, I do. Okay. And I would like to, yes, I would like to get in front of him. Cool. And with my frenzy attack, I want to try to punch him in the mouth. You're a horse. And what? With my frenzy attack, I'm going to try to kick him in the mouth.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Okay. That's what he said the first time, Griffin. Cool. Yeah. Not bite him? I guess if you do that... If I bite him, it doesn't do shit. But if I could punch him in the mouth, maybe they'll count as a bite.
Starting point is 00:32:23 I don't know. No, you need to bite him. Because he already beat you. He has to bite me back. No, no, no. You're right. Okay, I'm going to try to bite his ass. That's better.
Starting point is 00:32:32 As a bonus bite. Now, Justin, is that metaphorical ass or his literal ass? I mean, I'm closest to his ass. So, yeah, his literal horse ass. Frindy attack is a barbarian thing. You get a bonus attack, basically, when you hit on an attack. This bite that you are going to do, we'll just call that an unarmed attack. it is not going to do damage.
Starting point is 00:32:57 I will tell you that in order to hit on this attack, because this is potentially a big one, you are going to need to roll a 12 to bite an ass. A 12 to bite an ass. You say that, Justin, you failed at this exact action about 12 times so far. Yeah, Griffin, and I'm getting a little bit frustrated. But Griffin, to be fair, he has 10 more teeth.
Starting point is 00:33:26 That is a really, really good point, Travis. He should have on that because the biting surface is bigger. The biting surface is bigger, so I should. Like, ask anyone, let's take a poll of the audience. Would you rather get bit by a human being or a horse? Absolutely good point, Travis. That's a bad, I don't want to decide that. Okay, you can have plus one on your role for your extra teeth.
Starting point is 00:33:46 The answer, by the way, Travis, is it depends on the human, and it really depends on the horse. Wicked, wicked depends on the horse. All right, give me that roll, 12 or higher. It's exactly a 12. Holy shit. It's a 7 plus 5. Exactly 12. You.
Starting point is 00:34:10 The skin of my, by the skin of my teeth, quite literally. Of your 42 teeth. I think I've done the math there correctly. You. It varies actually on the number of teeth the horse has, because horses are nasty. You with unthinkable speed, dash, and catch yourself a great big mouthful of horse rump. When that happens, Lady Godwin, you are transported.
Starting point is 00:34:45 Your senses leave you and reappear in another world, another realm. It is a place that you are simultaneously unfamiliar with, intimately familiar with because there's a part of you that has always lived here in the plain of oats you are staring at that silver stallion he's standing at the end of a tree-lined path just about to frolic over the horizon and before he does so he turns back to you and he nods he picks up an apple from the side of the path he brings it close to you and he says is, do you want to live deliciously? There is a look in his eyes of sorrow, of anxiety,
Starting point is 00:35:50 as he trembling awaits your answer. This pains me a great deal. To leave this place, to leave, well, of course, to leave you. But I have to figure out who I am I am first. Once I know me, this version of Lady Galdwin, perhaps then I'll be ready to accept this credible gift. But for now, I'm afraid I must return to my world, to my life, to her body, whose ever body it was, now mine, I guess. I have to go back.
Starting point is 00:36:36 He nods and trots slowly backwards before rearing up one more time, silhouetted by the sunlight at the end of this path as he trumps off. And then all of your bones shoot back into their original positions. Oh, God. And your organs go back in. Your ten teeth fall out of your head as you become. Lady Godwin once more. The plane of oats has been cut off from you.
Starting point is 00:37:16 Seeing this, fish stick looks down and looks sad, sort of tilts his snoot down at you and then realizes there's still like so many fucking wolves in here
Starting point is 00:37:31 and he takes off around the corner. I can't up but feel I've made the greatest mistake of my life. Hey there, it's another Max Fun break. I want to point out something in the Max Fun Drive that we often forget to highlight, which is over the course of the year. Like I know, for example, I lost my wallet at one point and I had to get a new card.
Starting point is 00:38:15 And that then means that the Max Fund payment that I have as a member myself stopped going through. I had to go in and update my card number and all of that stuff. After Jesse sent his goons to your house. Yeah, now Jesse won't do that to you. listener at home, but he knows where Travis lives, so the go knew where to go in that instance.
Starting point is 00:38:35 They took away all my cravats, they tore up my pocket squares, it was horrible. All of them. Maybe you, they washed your denim. Oh, my God. Maybe you think, like, oh, I'm already a member. I here to support the shows. But if you haven't checked on a while,
Starting point is 00:38:50 maybe head over and make sure that your information is still all correct in there. Or maybe you've thought about it every year. Maybe you've been a list in there since the beginning. You've heard us talking about it. you're like, oh, I'm going to do that. And then it slips right out of your head. You forget to do it.
Starting point is 00:39:05 And you're like, ah, next year. Well, guess what? It's next year. That's not maximum fun.org slash join to take care of it. What does it mean to you, Dad, that you are able to be functionally unemployed due to the generosity of Adventures Zone listeners? Thanks to the generosity of maximum fun listeners, I am able to not have to get up at 3.30 in the morning. Nice. meaning I don't have to go to bed at 8.30 at night.
Starting point is 00:39:34 That hasn't been able to watch Blue Bloods since it came out. I have missed Blue Bloods. Now I can catch up on all the Seleck goodness. He's like half of NCISLV. Oh, New Orleans. New Orleans, Jason. New Orleans, yeah. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:39:50 Crime is a little smooth out of bounds. We have some blood has some chicory mixed in. We have some great gifts for you. I mean, if you're a $5 a month, high, max fund, high fiver, you get the 600 hours of bonus content. If you're a friend of the family for $10 a month, you add to that,
Starting point is 00:40:08 the choice of one of the 40 enamel pins. Also, your gift card, your membership card, all the bonus content. For $20 a month, it's the Diamond Friendship Circle, where you can get games on the go, or one of these beautiful bucket hats.
Starting point is 00:40:26 The games on the go is this really cool kind of bandana, that doubles as a chessboard could also double as a checkerboard just for some of you you know plus you get all the other all the other great stuff
Starting point is 00:40:39 A bad twister man or you can get the bucket hat which I think we can all agree is the sexiest kind of hat there is true yeah that's the one I'm nowhere the most carrier like if you catch a bunch of fish
Starting point is 00:40:51 and you don't have anywhere to put them right that hat baby the side now before we talk it up to it the size on that hat is seven and one-eighth. Oh. Oh. So, hey, so just listen, you know if you're of a certain size. A certain head girth. Our head gurs. For any.
Starting point is 00:41:09 Let's put it this way. We're all looking forward to the games to go back. For the Macalroy family, that hat would be a fascinator. Up there in the top of it. So a little cute sitting there right there with our steampunk goggles. Now listen, I also want to say, on top of the rewards that you're going to get for all these things. And it goes up, 35, 50, there's other levels. But we have set some of our own goals. Oh, yeah. At 3,000 new and upgrading members,
Starting point is 00:41:34 fungal lore is going to hear your wishes live. You'll find out what that means when we hit 3,000. At 6,000, there's a bonus Starfield Monster Factory coming out that's just for MaxFund listeners. You'll be one of few to meet Scuzz Lightyear, a short-lived experiment from Justin. And if you don't reach that goal, it will be deleted. It will be deleted from existence.
Starting point is 00:41:56 And 9,000 will have to write and illustrate a wiki-hirtier. article on a topic chosen by our staff that will post on our website and submit to WikiHau. We'll see how that part goes. At 12,000, we will play a six-thumbes, 100% version of Celeste on our live stream. And at 15,000, we will record and release a commentary track for Avatar, the movie, with the blue people to be released in the bonus content feed for MaxFund members. Griffin and I have never watched it. Justin has watched it.
Starting point is 00:42:26 I'm so excited. Please get me to 15G's. Please, guys, please. And if we hit 20,000, we'll freeze our dad in a block of ice. You can come by a big trailer in the Dutch. In there, done that. In the car dealers your parking lot, look through a hole in the ice to see our dad in there reading comics and pissing in a bag. So, check it out.
Starting point is 00:42:46 Maxillofun. Dot org slash join. Help us freeze our dad in a block of ice. That's not there. That's not there. We can't freeze our dad at this age. I'm close to it. If you're going to freeze your dad, this seems like the best age to do it.
Starting point is 00:42:59 Yeah, when he's still got a few good years ahead of him. It really, I'm so proud of this show and what we all have been able to make together and the way we've been able to hire people to help us out. Literally, I mean, if it worked for the Max Fun Drive, I do not think we would still be doing the Adventure Zone in any form because that is how much it sort of facilitates the creation of this show and so much of the stuff that we do. And so if you like this show and you can kick in just five bucks a month,
Starting point is 00:43:29 is huge. That helps us out so much. Maximumfund.org slash join. Thank you all so much and enjoy the rest of the episode. So Lady Godwin, uh, the bartender is, looks confused and it's like, so you're, but you're all, you are still Lady Godwin, right? You're like, you were a person and then you were a horse, but you are Lady God. I'm sorry, I'm kidding. I'm frankly not sure what I am. Oh, okay. Uh, cool. I just had to make sure he's going to slash a dagger at you. 13 versus AC. No. No.
Starting point is 00:44:14 Okay, he slashes a dagger at you and comes up just short. And then he looks at you kind of sheepishly like, I don't know, man. It was rude, but I get it. Next in the order is the Ware Raven. The Ware Raven is going to flap around sort of aimlessly over the surface of the water as he has been blinded. And next in the order is Brother Fylo. Brother Fylo, just to sort of walk you back through it,
Starting point is 00:44:48 there are two security guards remaining in here, and one of them is blinded, the one that just attacked you, the one that is right in front of you. The one next to you that just ate a horse is doing all right. And also just a big, there's a big, scary, wear tiger. and just me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:11 Just my, just soloing. Is the where tiger wolfman? Yeah. No, no, no, the wear tiger is a wear tiger. The wolfman's the wolf. Where's the werewolf? Wolfman's around the side. He's just ran around the building to get back on the dance floor.
Starting point is 00:45:26 Okay. Brother Philo casts snare on the wear tiger. Okay. Thank you. What's that mean? With snare. with snare. What a man?
Starting point is 00:45:44 It's nearly invisible, requiring a successful intelligence check against your spell. Save DC to be discerned. It triggers, it'll trigger under the Ware Tiger. It must succeed on a dexterity saving throw or be magically hoisted into the air, leaving it hanging upside down three feet above the ground or the floor.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Now, one technicality here is that, I don't think this is something you cast on a creature. It is a thing that you make. And then when they move into the area protected by the spell, it activates. Okay. So. Could I not cast it under the Weir Tiger? Okay.
Starting point is 00:46:24 He's got you there. How far is he from the Weir Tiger? Philo? I mean, you can see the map. It's 20 feet away. If it creates like a trap thing, you could set it up to cut. the Wolfman. That is another good point.
Starting point is 00:46:41 The Wolfman is actively running this direction. Brother Philo moves into position. Can he see the Wolfman? Yes, you can now see the Wolfman. He is about to sort of run this sort of narrow path.
Starting point is 00:46:57 He is running straight towards the stage, straight towards basically where mutt has been downed. And if he were to want to place a snare, where the wolfman will intercept it. How far will he have to move to get in position to do that? The range for this is... 15 feet.
Starting point is 00:47:20 You could do it. You would take an attack of opportunity in order to get in position. Okay. I don't mind you that. But he is blinded, so he will have disadvantage on that attack of opportunity. So let's roll that. Bye. Ooh, yikes.
Starting point is 00:47:34 19 and a 24. Let's see if that hits. Yeah, the 19 is going to hit. Sure does. Okay, you are going to take seven. Did you say disadvantage? 19 or 24. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:47:47 19 was his low roll. It's a seven points of piercing damage. Okay. You are able to get to where you can place the snare. Yeah, I put a, pull a piece of rope out. I'm trying to follow the rules. Right. So he pulls a piece of rope out, throws it in a general direction where he feels like the wolfman is going to intercept and tosses this snare there on the ground.
Starting point is 00:48:16 And it's invisible. So deal with that. Yeah, deal with that. How do you like me now? How fun. And then. You say like right there? You said like right there.
Starting point is 00:48:27 You said I put this circle? Yeah, that seems to be the best spot. Okay. And then I can still move little, can I? I was a bone, my... I mean, no, you used pretty much your whole move to get all the way up to here. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:45 Okay. Next in the order is DJ Thumbs. How are you doing health-wise, mutt? I'm not bad. I've been hit a couple times, but it's all been little things. So I'm down to like 28 of like 42 or so. 209 of 40. He's going to,
Starting point is 00:49:05 uh, really quickly, he unplugs a chord and then slams another one in and then you see him typing on a little laptop and he hits enter. And you just hear repeated over this EDM music, just repeated refrains of, they're great. They're great. They're great.
Starting point is 00:49:23 You see Tony the Weir Tiger start to look around all around, just getting so confused as, uh, DJ Thumbs cast dissonant whispers on him. DJ Thumbs is my boy. I love him. The tiger is going to make a wisdom saving throw. By the way, dissident whispers my favorite wham song. Yeah, Vip too.
Starting point is 00:49:46 So good. Okay, he is going to take some damage here, 3D6, 10 points of damage. And then he is going to have to move as far away from DJ Thumbs as he possibly can. Um, now I will say as a result of this, I don't know if this is what you wanted or not, uh, brother Philo, but he is going to be the one who hits your snare. Uh, and take, you, right? And take an opportunity attack from me. And taking an opportunity attack. So make your opportunity attack against him, uh, mutt. Uh, 19. Yeah, absolutely that hits. But what are you attacking with? Not your cross, not your crossbow.
Starting point is 00:50:29 Oh, man. I mean, I mean, you're adjacent to him. You can't. Oh, okay. Then it would have been 17. I mean, yeah, I just care more about the damage. Yeah, okay. Oh, yeah. Four plus four plus another D6 because of my Slayers prey. Oh, damn, dude. So A plus five, so 13 points of damage.
Starting point is 00:50:51 Wow. Okay, huge. And then he is going to hit the snare. And now, Keith, you see this rope suddenly stretch and appear and elongate. and seem to connect something in the ceiling, and it is going to try to rip him up into the air. He has to succeed on a dexterity saving throw. Let's see how that goes for him.
Starting point is 00:51:21 That is a 7, which does not be your spellcasting modifier. He is whipped up into the air, now just sort of flailing around, swinging precariously. You see Wolfman kind of stop, like, right in front of the wear, tiger, almost get hit by him as it swings around in the air. like a wrecking ball. And the wolfman looks a little bit nervous about this. Next in the order is going to be, let me think that was DJ Thumbs.
Starting point is 00:51:49 Okay, security guards. I think that these guys are just going to swarm on you, Lady Godwin. That is, one is going to try to bite you. 14 versus AC. What's on a tie? It's a tie. A tie hits. 14 versus A.C. So you're going to take
Starting point is 00:52:10 six points of piercing damage and make a DC-13 strength-saving throw for me. You got it. Come on. Strength-saving throw? Yes, please. I believe in you. 22. Yes.
Starting point is 00:52:24 Yeah! Let's see how the other one does. The other wolf tries to bite you for 16 hits, and you are going to take five points of piercing damage and make another DC-13 saving throw. Also, the second wolf should have had advantage because of their pack tactics. Perfect
Starting point is 00:52:40 Strength save This one is 10 plus 515 That also saves You are not knocked prone As two wolves jump up And both each grab either arm Biting it intensely Okay
Starting point is 00:52:55 Now the weird tiger goes And he is ensnared He can make a dexterity saving throw With disadvantage At the end of each of its turns Or another creature can try to save him, but I guess he can't do anything during his action. He just has to try and save.
Starting point is 00:53:13 Wild, okay. He is going to try that then. Dexterity saving throw with disadvantage. Eight does not save. The other was a 20, so he is still suspended in the air. The bodyguards are either dead or gone as is fish sticks, so we move on to Crawford Muttner. Your prospects have improved dramatically from a ground guy.
Starting point is 00:53:36 Yeah, I'm feeling great. Is him being standard? Does that give me advantage on attack? Yes. When a creature is restrained, yes, you have advantage. Okay, sick. I am going to... Technically, he could attack with disadvantage,
Starting point is 00:53:52 but I genuinely cannot imagine a physical scenario. Unless he had assistance that someone pushed him from behind into you to try and fight. Well, he's also far enough away from him. Yeah, right. If he went to say he couldn't reach me. Okay, great. I'm going to shoot my crossbow into his back is what I'm naming for. Okay, go ahead and make that attack roll.
Starting point is 00:54:11 You have plus one because of the... So that would be a 15 on the first one. Oh, okay. So a 15? A 15... A 15 hits. Sick. Sick.
Starting point is 00:54:28 And so then the damage is... Five, plus four, nine, plus one, ten, plus six. Okay. Well, D6. Yeah, plus one. So 11 points of damage for that. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:54:48 That Weir Tiger is not looking too good. Not the least of his worries being that he is suspended by the ceiling by his feet. Okay. Do you have anything else? I'm going to do Hunter's Mark on the Wolfman. Okay. So I think they're, but, wait, no, hold on. Okay, Slayer's prey doesn't say it's concentration.
Starting point is 00:55:18 It doesn't say it's my mark. Okay. Focus on iron. Okay, yeah. So Hunter's mark on the wolfman. Okay. I'll mark him as such. And what does that do exactly?
Starting point is 00:55:31 So that, another 1D6 extra damage when I hit him. and also advantage on perception or survival checks to find him. Yeah. Okay. When you hit him or when I hit him. Just when he hit him. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:51 Next in the order is the wolfman who is finally close enough. He is going to run down. Is he going to free the tiger? Yeah, he's going to try to. I think that the wolfman, you know, he's the wolf man, but he clocks in a little bit lower in the weight class than this wear tiger. You get the sense that he was hanging out in his office because maybe this wear tiger is the wolfman's personal bodyguard. So he is going to make an intelligence check, not his strongest suit to try and break this effect. What is your spell save DC?
Starting point is 00:56:38 Do you know that, Dan? Save is dexterity 13? Is that right? No, that's not spell. No. Your spell save DC is 13. So he's going to try and save his bodyguard here. He gets a 12 on that check.
Starting point is 00:57:01 Just barely fails to break him out. of this position. He is going to then just sort of frustratedly push him aside and charge up on you mutt. But he has used his action.
Starting point is 00:57:21 But he used his action, so he can't attack me. No, he cannot. Next in the order is Lady Godwin. Lady Godwin, you have three enemies around you. Two security guards and one bartender. Now that DJ Thumb's turn has come and gone, The blinded creatures are no longer under that condition.
Starting point is 00:57:40 And how do they look? One of the security guards is nearly bloodied. The other two have not been touched. I'm going to go after the nearly bloodied one with Jennifer Myers, but I'm trying to like a non-lethaly attack. Okay. I'm not going to knock them out with the flat part of the ass. Okay, well, make an attack roll.
Starting point is 00:58:07 If it drops them to zero hit points, we have established it as a non-lethal. What's that? Ten? No. Not a ten. It is. No, I know, but it is. You do have your frenzy, though, right?
Starting point is 00:58:23 Yeah, I'm going to take my frenzy attack. Okay. Nine plus five, fourteen. Fourteen does hit. All right. Six plus three, nine. Nine damage. Nine does not quite take him down, but he is very close.
Starting point is 00:58:45 All right. Okay. Next in the order is the bartender. The bartender is going to try to grapple you. Okay. So that is a special melee attack. It is going to make against you. Basically try and set you up for some pretty bad hits from these two werewolf security guards here.
Starting point is 00:59:09 So that is going to be, yes, 22 versus your AC is going to hit. Grapple means we are going to make a contested acrobatics check. All right, contested acrobatics? Yes. Oh, my God. Four plus two, six. Six. Okay, I got a four minus one on both of the rules there.
Starting point is 00:59:39 So I got a three. So you do end up. He basically tries to run around your ankles with a rope and tie you up like sort of an at-at. But you are able to. And I feel like I kind of trip on it. Just barely able to like. But he does not take you down. Next in the order is the Ware Raven.
Starting point is 00:59:58 The Ware Raven is going to swoop down on you, Brother Philo. And with his talent, he's going to try and grapple you. So let's do a acrobatics check contested. That is a 21. I thought I made the check. You also make a check. You are trying to be a 21. See if he tested.
Starting point is 01:00:22 Grabbing Zee versus Griff. Wow. Okay. Yep, 16. Pretty, pretty good, but not quite enough. He slides his enormous talents over your tiny puppet shoulders and lifts you off the ground pretty effortlessly. and drags you over the surface of the water.
Starting point is 01:00:47 Next in the order is you, brother Philo, as luck would have it. Can I still function? You can? I mean, can I cast spells even though I'm floating above the water? Yes, so you can, when you are grappled, you have the grappled condition, which, no, it's just that your speed is zero, so you can't move. but you can act as normal. The condition ends if the grappler is incapacitated
Starting point is 01:01:16 or if an effect removes the grappled creature from the reach of the grappler or grappling effect. Okay. You can also spin your action trying to escape the grapple, but that takes up your whole action. But otherwise, yeah, you can act unencumbered. You just can't move. All right.
Starting point is 01:01:33 Brother Philo is going to cast Ray of Sickness on the Weir Tiger. Okay, cool. A sort of... Hang in there, his little wooden legs, Angling in midair. Yeah. It's adorable. A little aerial assault puppet.
Starting point is 01:01:46 So Ray of Sickness is, I believe, an attack roll. Yep. And that's a 25. Holy shit. That's a Nat 20 plus five. Wow. I think spells, I think you have to have a special feat for spells to crit, right? Travis, you've played more D&D than me.
Starting point is 01:02:08 Is that right? Spells that require an attack role can critically. hit. However, spells that rely on a saving throw cannot crit. Okay, and you are going to roll double damage on this. Dang, nice, dad. So, 4D8
Starting point is 01:02:25 poison damage. Okay. And it's also going to make a con save. Holy fucking crap, man. That's a three, a five, an eight, and a six. That would be 22. Okay. Yes. This saber-toothed tiger look
Starting point is 01:02:43 Sook! That didn't polish him off. I did not polish him off. He is also going to need to make a con save here to see if he is poisoned. And he is not. He does save from that. Yeah, he looks really very quite rough. He is suspended in the air by his feet, and he is spinning around and just looks
Starting point is 01:03:11 throwing up. Just yartsing. Yeah, it is a horrifying. It is a really, really, really weird site. It's like Life of Pye's, like, super weird direct-to-video sequel taking place. He did kind of tie me up for a second. So he deserves whatever he gets. That is true.
Starting point is 01:03:29 Yes, fair, maybe. Okay, next in the order is DJ Thumbs. DJ Thumbs is going to now slow things down a little bit. he is going to cast mass healing word on the three of you. He's also going to cast it on the dead horse because, like, I don't even think he understands like what's going on it, like what happened. What death is? What he's, like, able to do with the power of music.
Starting point is 01:04:00 Oh, man. So he's going to give it to all y'all. This is going to be, you all heal for six points of damage. Hey, Griffin, I need you to make some kind of check to see his music. brings the horse back to life. Don't just say no. He's a monkey DJ. If you make a luck check, Travis, if you make a luck check, Travis, if you make a luck check, if you get a
Starting point is 01:04:20 crit, the horse will be alive and it will be forever in your dead. Oh my God. You couldn't see it, but it was literally on the, it's a two, but it was so close to a Nat 20. Oh my God. No. DJ Thumbs looks over at the dead horse and waits for it to get up, but then it doesn't. It's sleeping, buddy. And then he looks at you guys, and he's like, he points at the horse.
Starting point is 01:04:44 He points out too hard. Sleep. He pumps the music back up. All right, man, security guards. How are you doing over there, Lady Godwin? I'm fine. Okay, cool, because these security guards. People keep trying to hit me, but nobody's been able to do it.
Starting point is 01:04:59 I've got my animal instincts are still embedded in my RNA somewhere. Yeah, you can take the horse out of the Frankenstein. I think that's actually the end of the thought. Yeah, you can't do it. It was the whole point of this mission. Yeah. Yeah. That is a 16 versus AC and a 21 versus AC. Yeah, one of those hits.
Starting point is 01:05:21 Two hits. And the other one hits also. Okay, so you're going to take 12 points of piercing damage total from these two wolves. Uh, werewolves. Sorry. Uh, you're also going to need to make two DC 13 strength saving throws. 22. That saves. And eight.
Starting point is 01:05:49 Finally. Finally. Uh, the weakened security guard. the one who have almost polished off, manages to swipe you off your feet. You are now prone being attacked by two wolves and a knife-wielding bartender.
Starting point is 01:06:03 Great. Things don't get much worse than that. Sabre 2 Tiger, man. He's, uh, he is going to, well, first he's going to take some poison, some poison damage, I think. Um, no, he saved. Yes, he did.
Starting point is 01:06:16 You're right. Uh, then he is going to, uh, I mean, he's just going to have to, to try and escape again. So another dexterity saving throw with disadvantage. This is a brutal condition that you can only save. You have disadvantage on the check.
Starting point is 01:06:34 Welcome to D&D, my friend. Yeah, get it, Dad. To be welcomed there by Dad. Fuck, that's a 20 and a 5. So he still is trapped up in there. Next in the order is Mutt. So the Wolfman's bearing down on me. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:49 I'm going to prepare an action. I'm going to ready an action. I want to be ready that when he, like, lunges for me, I want to try to, like, throw him. Like, with his energy, right? I want to be able to dodge when he attacks to see if I can get him to go into the water. Okay, then, yes, you can set up your reaction. You have read this situation pretty well here, right? You can ready and attack action.
Starting point is 01:07:19 essentially after his attack action, right? It is not going to nullify his, but it does mean that, like, after he attacks you, then you can do your, you can do your throw. Otherwise, it's like sort of a counterattack, which does have its own sort of mechanics, like, if I wait, if I ready until he has attacked me first, would I get some kind of advantage to go with his momentum?
Starting point is 01:07:44 You know what? We can say this. We can say this. You can do this. Let's just do this, right? Wolfman's name. Next. Okay. So we can just, we can just rectify this right now. If you want to step to the edge of the stage here and have your trigger be when he gets in melee range, you step out of the way. That is fine. I think he is still going to make an attack roll on you, but if he misses, he is going to go flying. Okay. Then, here we go. He is going to use, as he lunges at you, he is going to try to bite. you.
Starting point is 01:08:21 He is going to roll a. Foof. 10 and 11. Neither is, I think, hit your AC. Okay. You see the Wolfman go sailing over you as you duck down. He crashes into the mic stand, crashing to the ground,
Starting point is 01:08:39 sending a just supersonic boom through all the speakers in this room. He hits the ground after flying off the stage and rolls and splashes into the water. and he takes 13 points of goldfish damage. You see him stand up out of the water and just yell, Fack! He is getting increasingly enraged.
Starting point is 01:09:08 Lady Godwin, you are up. Okay. Also down. So I want to use my move action to get up. That's what it works, right? pro? And I didn't need to go anywhere. I got lots of great guys.
Starting point is 01:09:25 Sure. I got lots of great buds. I got to attack my dude again. All right. Let's see it. I got to do it again. Keep whacking on him with the flat side of the axe. It's got to be tough to watch.
Starting point is 01:09:41 Honestly, at this point, keep slapping with the side of the axe. Is it 11? Nope. 11 does not hit. I mean, this time I just missed the side of his head. Yeah. You've lost a decent amount of blood at this point. But then, like, as the arc is done, you see her readyer muscles, and she's swinging back to try again. This time for sure. Lady Gobwin has had a streak of bad luck.
Starting point is 01:10:04 Yeah, it's an exact 11. It's the exact same result. So tired. You've been through a lot. Holy shit. I've been through a lot of species. No kidding. The last two episodes have been fucking brutal, dice-wise for Lady Godwin. Yeah, I can't get anything going. Okay, next in the order is the bartender.
Starting point is 01:10:27 The bartender is going to, now having run out of daggers, he is going to swing a bottle at your head. He rolls a six, not going to do it. The bartender swings wide and misses, setting the bottle rolling across the floor. next in the order is the wear raven uh the where raven is going to drop you in the water philo you splash down and immediately you are surrounded by golden scaled demons uh make a luck check for me because i don't think they would know 100% that you are that you are that you you are part of the good guy team. But seeing a puppet land in the water,
Starting point is 01:11:26 if you get a 10 or above, I think they'll figure it out. Okay. So that's a D20, right? Yes. Okay. So that would not be a 3. You are assaulted on all sides. 10.
Starting point is 01:11:38 You are going to take, um, whoa. Okay, 11 points of goldfish damage. And you are also now face to face with the wolf man. who stands up to his full height and just glowers over your little puppet body. You are not in danger of drowning, which is great news. And you are somewhat buoyant, yeah, absolutely. But you are now sandwiched between the Weirraven and the Wolfman.
Starting point is 01:12:11 It is a not great place to be. Unless you're into that. Unless you are into that stuff. Next, you are up, Brother Philo. Okay. Brother Philo is going to move slightly to his left. You can do that as long as you don't leave this area immediately next to the Ware Raven Wolfman. I'm not leaving the area.
Starting point is 01:12:34 And then is going to cast with his last spell slot, Tasha's caustic brew, a stream of acid emanates from you in a line 30 feet long and five feet wide in a direction you choose. Each creature in the line must succeed on a dexterity saving throw or be covered in acid for the spell's duration. Or until a creature uses its action to scrape or wash the acid off itself or another creature. A creature covered in the acid takes two D4 acid damage at the start of each of its turns. And because of where he moved, he is going to hit the Wolfman and the Wear Tiger. Awesome.
Starting point is 01:13:15 I was just going to say that they should get paid to read spell descriptions, but I guess he already does, huh? Yeah. Okay, so what's my, is this an attack or save? Dex. 13 dexterity? Yeah, dexterity save. Yeah, dexterity save. Okay.
Starting point is 01:13:33 I'm going to say the wolf man is in a body of water. He is exposed. You're going to be able to hit him. It's not going to be too hard for him to wash that off. In exchange, this is difficult terrain. He is not going to be able to get out. out of this, the way of this attack, like, particularly swiftly. So he is going to have disadvantage on his decks, save here.
Starting point is 01:13:59 And that is an 11 on the check, which fails. The tiger is just going to fail. Like, there's no way. There's no way this tiger gets out of the way of this attack. He's suspended by ropes from the ceiling. He has zero movement. There's no way. So go ahead and roll damage.
Starting point is 01:14:19 To D4, that would be a 4. And a two, that would be six, right? Yes. And then what's the, is there an ongoing thing? Well, they take acid damage at the start of each of their turns. Okay, cool. All right. And that didn't kill the Weir Tiger?
Starting point is 01:14:40 Death's door on the Weir Tiger. The Wolfman is, he still looks all right. He is seething. Okay, we move on to DJ Thumbs. DJ thumbs looks at the three of you gives you each a thumbs up and he casts motivational speech
Starting point is 01:15:03 DJ thumbs so much you all gain five temporary hit points if you are hit by an attack you have advantage on the next attack roll that you bank and then the security guards are going to go same old story as last time they are just
Starting point is 01:15:22 going to keep trying to eat you, Lady Godwin. And they're feeling pretty good about how they've been doing it that so far. 13 versus AC and 10 versus AC. Wow, I talked a lot of shit. And I will own up to that. They both try to bite you, but their jaws are just getting really, really tired from all the biting that they've been doing. Sabretooth Tiger.
Starting point is 01:15:46 He is, the Sabretooth Tiger roars out in pain, in discomfort. and it is so loud, it like rattles the windows and glasses on the tables in here. And the wolfman turns away from his fury, turns away from you, brother Philo, to look at this wounded being that is suspended from the ceiling and sick and burned and, and he But still alive He sighs and you see him
Starting point is 01:16:34 Almost shrink down a little bit And he says Enough Enough I'll tell you where Dracula is Fuck these woods again Deal Is that me too?
Starting point is 01:17:08 Oh that's a good question man Yeah I didn't mean to speak for everybody Is that I thought about revisiting. He splashes down. He splashes his face down in the water, washes the acid off, moves over to the Ware Tiger, starts cleaning him up. He has a couple goldfish on his face.
Starting point is 01:17:22 He's got a couple goldfish. He flicks off of him. The Ware Raven picks you up out of the water and flies you out and kind of shakes your hand. And he's like, Jolly, good show. The one security guard who was unconscious in the water comes out, and he's also okay. The horse is dead as fuck. Well, and DJ Thubbs walks over and just starts nudging. And I'm like, come on, no, no, let it know.
Starting point is 01:17:46 No, George. The wolfman, the wolfman says, yes, that means all of you. Although, we should all probably go take a look at the security footage of this battle that just took place and re-bite all of the different creatures. Yeah, we'll go back through. Yeah, man. Otherwise. We'll go back through it. I'm going to buy Mustafa please.
Starting point is 01:18:10 There was a couple. Oh, God. yet, because Lady Godwin, you got bit, right? The Ware Ravens like, I don't think I bought, bit anyone, did I? I scratched you, but that's not a, that's not technically a bite. Okay, good.
Starting point is 01:18:24 We'll double check. Figure it, we'll figure it out. Oh, one more thing. And Lady Godwin flips a coin onto the bartender. That should settle my tab. That's actually, for the drinks that I got earlier. Yeah, it's a lot.
Starting point is 01:18:44 It's 1650. Do you want me to run your credit card or do you want to keep your taboo? This is embarrassing. I've got a five. You can keep the puppet. That's collateral. Um, no. Amazing a talking puppet?
Starting point is 01:19:03 It's what you should know. It's worth eight drinks. Maximum fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you. that's the show, but if we could just stick around for one more minute. Once a year, we come to you and say, hey, if you like the stuff we make and you want to make it possible for it to exist, please support us at maximum fund.org forward slash join. For just five bucks a month, you can really make a difference.
Starting point is 01:20:59 Everybody chipping in a little bit if it's at all possible for you. I know for some folks, it's not, I completely get it. But if it's possible for you to do that, it makes our entire life possible, like, in the lives that people work for us and help us make all of our stuff, our editor, Rachel, and designer McKay and social media manager Davis. Like, it's everybody has been a huge part of our team, and you make that possible. You are the ones making it happen. And we are so grateful to that. And once a year, we ask you to do that for us, and this is that time. So if you could please head on over to the website right now and join up,
Starting point is 01:21:39 it would just mean the world to us. And if you're not already, might I suggest following us on Instagram and McRoy family? We'll have updates of stuff there as far as the stretch goals go. As far as we're doing a bunch of live streams over the next 10 days. You're not going to want to miss those. All of that information will be in the Instagram stories. And also, if you're already a member, if you supported us in any, way, if it's sharing it with people, if it's fan art, talking about it on social media, any of that
Starting point is 01:22:10 stuff, this is also a time of year where we get to say thank you and explicitly say how much all of that support has meant to us over the years and allowed us to do things outside of the podcast, like the graphic novels and the live streams that we do and live shows, all of this stuff, is because of your support, your continued support. So if you are a member and you want to maybe upgrade your membership this year. If you want to become a new member, if you want to boost your membership, if you want to pay for a full year up front, all that stuff is available. Maximumfund.org slash join. And what real quick before we let you go, Dad, maybe you would help the listener to contextualize
Starting point is 01:22:52 all this. What's your backup plan if the bottom falls out of this? Great question. I am going to sell pencils in downtown Ironton. At a shop? No, no, no. I've got this, I've got this box. Yeah, that goes around my neck. Yeah. And I have this, I have a very doleful, pitiful look that I have.
Starting point is 01:23:16 I've cultivated. It's born with it. And so, yeah, that's Primo Fashe plan number one. Right. Okay. So dad has no backup plan. None whatsoever. It's all.
Starting point is 01:23:26 It's all up to you all. Maximfund.org. Ford slash join. Only you can fight the crypted iron. Pencil man. It's, we can't lose him upon the world. Maximumphun.org slash join. Thank you all so much. And we'll see you next week.

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