The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Versus Dracula - Episode 14

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

The monster hunters must face down threats from both the sea and the air if they have any chance of crossing the lagoon. Phileaux hooks a big one. Godwin takes up the bat. Mutt slugs someone.Dice sounds by Tal M. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Dear Diary, a lot of people ask me, Dracula, what's the hardest part about being Dracula? And I expect an obvious answer like, is hard navigating the menu at the Olive Garden? But I could not even comprehend the real answer, which is this. It is such a pain in the ass to keep track of all the other truth. A most unexpected twist has taken place, if I can pat my own back here, in the middle of reeling in. Dig me. This big ass. Well, guys, I done it again.

Well, from the twist in mind that brought you, you are in the middle of reeling in this great big fish. A real big fish. A real big fish. A real big monster fish. When all of a sudden, Lady Godwin, from a. a bag that one of you was left on shore. In fact, it was, mutt, it was one of your bags of supplies,

moved of its own accord, and from it sprung a Dracula head with bat wings growing out of the sides of it, flying at you and yelling, jump scare. You are supporting the weight of this fishing operation with both hands, Lady Godwin. This Dracula head is flying at you.

What do you do? Well, okay, so you, I thought that, okay, to be fair, and I don't want to, I didn't notice it. Like, I wrote, my last role was that I did not. Oh, we jumped out to scream jump scare at you and flew in towards you. You have like a split second. I have a one split second. Yeah. I'm going to try to headbut it.

Okay, make an attack roll. Yes, we'll. say it is an unarmed strike. It is a headed strike. No, wait, hold on. Was the Peeber glass or a can? Can. Can. You shotguned it, so there's no way.

Yeah, that's right. I did clarify a shotgun. Okay, headbutt. Okay. Show me that. Roll. 14. That is insufficient to hit Dracula. You try to headbut this Dracula head. And it manages to weave out of the way at the last second. Woo-ha-ha.

Good one. He flies down and bites your forearm. Ah. You take three points of piercing damage and four points of necrotic damage from this bite. I also need you to roll a Constitution saving throw to see if you can continue holding the rope as you are attacked. Come on. 15. 15.

Okay, yeah. You managed to keep both hands on this rope, not giving way to the fish as you reel it in, but now Dracula's head is clamped onto your arm and is not letting go, and it feels pretty bad. Make a perception check for me. To see how bad it hurts. See if you can perceive how it feels.

It hurts good. It hurts pretty, it doesn't feel good. I'm going to, so it bit me. I took the damage. I want to bite it. Okay. Just going to bite the Dracula right on it. Right on the head.

I'm going to bite the Dracula head. Fuck you. Okay. I can bite too. Make another unarmed attack roll. I will say, okay. Ten. You just went ahead and did it.

Well, okay. No, you will say what? You know, what were you going to say? I was going to say if you don't do a good job on this role that I'm going to need to roll another con save to see if you can focus on. Okay. Then let me roll it for real knowing that. I didn't roll it with intent.

Oh. Okay. intention. Okay, Griffin. All right. And I can roll without intention. Did you just turn on spooky light? That just turned on a scary blue light. I'm inside of fish. Oh, that's a very good. Okay. I love that. 19. I'm going to say this is a hit, but I'm going to make you roll a con save anyway because I don't feel good about how that whole situation just went down between the two. Yeah, hey, Griffin, can I just say? That's very reasonable. Very reasonable. Very reasonable.

18 plus 5, 23 on that concept. Yep. You keep on holding on. Okay. Uh, yes. on your unarmed strike. Bludgeoning? Four. It's a peopold scissing. I mean, I don't know. Okay, with a four, uh, it,

where are you biting it? How do you bite it? I'm frustrated. I want to know, okay, so here's something I don't need to know from you right now. Please. I'm a little frustrated because I keep having a role to see if I keep control of the fishing rod, and I'm purposely not using my hands.

So if I use my hands in my attack, I'll do much more damage. But is it going to be just the same role again? Because I might as well be using it. No, I mean, if you let go of this rope with one of your hands, you are going to have to make new and exciting, much more difficult checks with a disadvantage. Yes, right.

A Kansas City save. What are these new Tony saves? It's all the rage at San Francisco. You're biting it just like right on the top of the head, just right on its hair? No, on its nose, obviously. Like Danny DeVito and Batman Returns. Classic.

Okay. You do that. You notice, I think just with the biting of the nose, you notice that this is not like, the proportions of this Dracula head are actually quite small. It is not the size of a normal Dracula head. It seems like it's maybe even about half the size of a normal Dracula head, except for one part of it, which is considerably large. The heads dig.

No. One of this Dracula's ears is normal size, and therefore it is sort of larger than the rest of in proportion. Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay. It disengages from you and is now going to fly over in the direction of the boat. I feel like before we do more Dracula skit,

we should continue resolving the fish that you are trying to reel in to catch. How are things going inside the fish, brother Philo? Just hanging on for dear life. Both hands on the wheel. Okay. I would say this. Please. I mean, there's not much else he can do.

And could I do some kind of perception check or investigation check to look around, you said it was horrible in there, and I have the light of my hat. Sure. And the light of your heart. And the light of the Lord. Yeah. Um, yeah, sure.

Go ahead and... Turn on your hot light. Roll a perception check for me. I'd rather do investigation. I'm sure you would. Now, hold on. If you can tell me specifically what you are looking for, then I... I'm just looking around.

I'm just perceiving the interior of the fish. Okay, you heard it when you said it just there. Right? That you're perceiving and not investigating? Yeah. Perception check, please. Well, hell, that's a five. No.

On a five, you perceive nothing. I will say that towards the back of this thing's mouth, all of a sudden, you see Van Helsing appear out of nowhere. And he says, he's close. Can you feel him like I can feel him? him I would assume you mean Dracula yes Dracula is

nearby cut out all of this funny fish business it's time what do you want what do you want me to do what I asked you to do is kill Dracna

I know that but I'm a little occupied right now I'm holding on for dear life onto this this sickle you're talking to the wrong person. Talk to Lady G about really me in a little faster. I exist within your head, but I...

Just hurry and he... Sure, fine. Yes, okay. Okay, you know what? All right. I am going to turn my body. Oh, good. And in little circles

to wrap the rope around me so we have a reel going inside the fish. Okay, okay, so sort of fortification of this. A counter reel, if you will. I like that. This is going to be a check. I think, I mean, I think it's just going to be a strength check, right?

Like, this would be a pretty significant feat of strength in order for you to pull this off while holding onto the sickle. Especially because, like, when I think of a marionette, I think, musly, big bulging arms. Sure. Right. So give me a strength check, please. Strength check.

Yep. And that would be, well, it's a 12. A 12, okay. Respectable, down. All things considered, respect. For you, a puppet. Good. You are able to do this.

You feel a tug on the rope that makes you think that it has, it is a bit more secure, using you as sort of a fulcrum here inside of it. You also hear a pretty sickening, crunching, grinding noise as this rope is starting to damage your wooden body that you have kind of put in the way of it. You are going to take six points of bludgeoning damage as this rope is crushing you. But, Lady Godwin, you can feel from the shore a little bit of extra leverage here. Okay. So is my turn done? Is that it?

Yes, I would say so. Okay. We'll jump to you, mut, as you are struggling to get this boat going, I think you probably would have heard the Dracula head yelling jumps here also. So now you see this Dracula head, rather somewhat small Dracula head with one normal-sized larger ear. And he is flying in your direction, Fang's Baird. What do you do? Um, I want to start the boat?

You're going to ignore the Dracula head and start the book. Well, I think the best way to move out of the way would be with a motor. Yeah, okay. Go ahead and give me a, we'll say, survival check on this one. I'll give you advantage because this is your second revving of this. It's a 21 on the first one and a 25 on the second. Yes, absolutely. You rev the engine and you manage to get this boat going.

as it moves. You see that this Dracula head is not especially coordinated because it misses you by a pretty big margin as you move the boat and I assume start heading back to shore. Is that what you were attempting to do?

Anything else you're going to do, this Dracula head is going to basically reel and start flying back towards you with the boat in motion. With just like a regular crossbow bolt, not one of my stealthy ones, I'm going to take aim at a wisticellery ones. Take aim at a wing and see if I can puncture it.

Take aim at a wing and puncture it. Okay. I think that's cool. I think you are also piloting a motorboat. So I think this is either an attack with disadvantage or an attack, a normal attack, and then you have to see what happens with the boat you are also piloting. I'm going to take disadvantage. Okay.

I have a plus time to hit. Sure. We'll see what happens. The first roll is an 18. That hits. And the second one's at 21. So. Yes.

Okay. That is a hit. Uh, roll damage. Uh, that is 10 plus 4, 14. Fulfing. Fucking shit, man. Okay. Yeah.

You, uh, you shoot a bolt, uh, at this tiny Dracula head. And I think you impress even yourself as you thread the needle. Uh, you see the bolt, uh, shoot in and out of one of its leathery, uh, wings, uh, which are even, even smaller than the head itself. And as that happens, the head is going to splash down into the water.

And as a bonus action, as a free action, I flip them off. Okay. Yeah, absolutely. Make a luck check for me, please, Mudd. Higher is better. I'm looking for a ten or higher here. Or else things are going to get a little bit. 15.

Okay, cool. The fish, you see, pivots for a second, almost like it was distracted by this new thing falling into the water. But it is tugged away from the Dracula head, which is now slowly sort of bobbing on the surface of the water. Lady Godwin, you're just reeling? Yeah, pulling this that boy in.

As hard as I freaking can. Okay, give me an athletics check, please. Should probably be animal handling. I should do it again. Don't you think? I mean, is fishing animal handling? 13. I got a 13. I mean, it's strength.

I'm not handling an animal. I'm pulling up rope as hard as I can. It's a 13. Yeah. Okay. If you were a fish whispering to convince this thing that's coming in, I think that would be animal. Hey, shh, come on. Come on.

Here's what a 13 will get you. You manage to pull this fish up out of the water towards the shore. You are not able to yank it completely up onto land, but you have essentially run it a ground. Its body runs almost the entire length of this dock that is built outside the boathouse. Seeing this, Gordon Clearwater and his basketball wife Elizabeth are going to retreat back into the furthest reaches of this boathouse, sort of trying to take shelter. With that, the fish is going to open its mouth and try and expel you. Brother Philo.

Let's do a contested check here. I want a, just a strength check, I think. As it, actually, it would probably be conned for this thing because it's trying to remove a pathogen from its body, I think. Okay. I got a 16. Give me a strength check just to see if you can hold on to the hook. Good enough, you're trying to beat a 16. Oh, 18.

Good Lord. Okay. it tries to expel you. It is writhing around, but you manage to hold onto it. And just as you sort of pull it aground, mut, your boat pulls into the end of the dock. Let's roll initiative. Okay.

If you insist. I must insist. Okay. Seven. Seven for Brother Falo. 16 for me. 18 for me. Uh, okay.

Uh, first in the order is Crawford Motner. You pull your boat into shore. Uh, the Dracula head is, is starting to slowly sink from the surface where it's bobbing down into the, uh, down into the water. Uh, you reach the end of the dock and the, uh, this giant fang tooth fish is, uh, sort of running along the side of it. What do you do? Um, I am going to first cast ensnaring. Strike as a bonus action. Good choice.

As a level two spell and then I'm going to shoot crossbow at the fish. Can you link ensnaring strike? Yes. Think, can I? So ensnaring strike, these are two different

actions, right? Yes. So... You have to succeed on a saving throw after I hit you. So I have to hit first. Next time you hit a creature with a weapon, okay, I see, I understand now. Okay, so go ahead and make your attack roll first.

10 plus 9 and 19. That is a hit. Roll damage, and then we'll do incnering straight. Three plus four, seven. Okay. And so then you're going to make a strength saving throw. You've got to be a 15. Right.

Okay, let's see how that goes. Strength save. This is a very good string save. Yeah, he rolled a 10 plus 5 of 15. Ties. So, yes, the target succeeds on the save, and the vines shrivel away. Next in the order is... I can attack twice.

Oh, you have multiple attacks, don't you? Yes, I apologize, Mr. Big Pants, Level 5 Ranger boy. Yeah. So I'm going to shoot him again. Okay. Nine plus 918. Yes. But the ensnaring strike does not track again, right?

It's just the next time. Eight plus four, 12 damage. Okay. So you've done 19 damage total to this thing so far. Wow. Okay. Awesome. Next in the order is the fish.

The fish is going to rear back its giant spiked tail and smash it into the dock you are standing on. He definitely hits with a 20. And, yeah, all of a sudden. You see the tail whip with unbelievable speed through like six of the post that were holding up the end of this dock and you fall into the water. But it is then going to try and... It is going to rear to the side. You see one of the, like, giant spines on its back, start to quiver, and it is going to shoot in your direction, Lady Godwin. Yeah.

That is a 14 versus AC. Uh, yeah, that's, that hits. That hits. That hits. It's high hits. Yes. Yes. Uh, you take 11 points of piercing damage as this giant spine buries itself in your shoulder.

At this point, the fishing is more or less done. The rope has gone slack as you have pulled this thing almost to shore. And so I'm not going to make you roll a con save or anything like that. It is your turn next, Lady God. Where is Dracula Head? Dracula Head is bobbing in the water now maybe like 10 feet from where mutt just fell into the water. So maybe like all told like 25 feet out from where you are. and okay so is filo still within the fish

philo's still within the fish you can see him now as the fish sort of rears about and roars inside of his fish holding on to this uh giant cycle i know the fishing's done but i'm gonna give that rope another super hard tug okay attempting to uh hurt it really bad by the extraction the forcible extraction of philo from its mouth okay that's very good i like that a lot uh I think, I mean, here's the problem is that this is going to involve both of your character's bodies. So I'm running the sort of D&D physics in my head of like what kind of role this would look like. I think it's going to be a strength check from you, Lady Godwin. Okay. Here's what it's going to be. A strength check from you, Lady Godwin, you want to get a 15-220. If you go too high, it is going to hurt your friend, brother Philo, a little bit.

I like this. All right, here we go. That's a 10, the least funny role. So what happens? I mean, with a 10, I do not think that this is going to have much effect at all. Like I said, the rope wasn't like, the rope was fairly slack. Okay, so I pull it, but maybe I just pull in the slack. All right.

Yeah. Do you have a bonus action or anything? I will go ahead and enter a rage, just so I'm in a rage. I tell you. I like that. And that is my turn. Next up in the order is you, Philo. Philo is going to cast

Melf's Acid Arrow. It's actually pronounced Milf's. Mm-hmm. I mean, you can't miss. No, I know I can't miss. So I'm aiming it. I think he would be aiming it where he thinks the fish's brain might be.

Holy shit, Mac. I mean up, probably, a little bit up into the side. If you want to make a medicine check, just to see if your knowledge of sort of anatomy is, or survival check to see if your understanding of anatomy is, like, good enough for you to try and guess where this fish's brain is from inside of its mouth. I will allow that. So which check?

I mean, you tell me, are you leaning on your anatomical understanding of, I mean, there's no reason why you would have studied fish forms, but human forms or your sort of knowledge of wildlife. Medicine and survival are the same. Okay, yeah, just go ahead and give me a role with either one there as you try to triangulate. Survival. Well, 13. Okay, yeah, you feel pretty confident. Up is where brain lives.

And so you can, it is, I will say this, a little bit riskier, but this may do some more damage. image if you get it where it really counts here. So it's a shimmering green arrow. Yes. Okay, here we go. I'm not even going to make you, try and crit, but you can't miss. You're inside the target. This is a new.

Considering the close quarters, acid is a massive choice. Yeah, it's a bold. It's thrilling. The bold move cotton. It's a 22. Yeah, sure. Yeah, for sure. In fact, I'll give you advantage because you're inside the target.

Okay. Again, we're in untreg, here. So do it again? Yeah, see if you crit. Why not? See. Now that's less. That's 18. Okay. All right. You shoot a green bolt of acid upwards. What does this look like? How are you doing it? Because I'm not sure that you're going to continue to be able to hold on to this sickle while you execute this spell. Well, since it's a magic spell, I think he'll use the sickle as the magic focus. Okay, so you have unhooked the sickle then from this thing's, from this thing's down. I'm not sure that the physics of that really work out anymore anyway. I don't know if it's unhooked.

Okay. Go ahead and roll 4D4 acid damage. Okay. Seven. Okay. And then 2D4 acid damage at the end of its next turn. At the end of the target. It's next turn, right?

Okay, cool. Okay. Hey, hey, Philo, this is the worst smell you've ever smelled in your whole life. By a pretty big margin, like, things that the Abbey rarely smelled, like, amazing. There was not a lot of need for fragrance there. But this is inside of monster fish being burned with acid smell. It's next level gnarly. It's so, so, so rank in here.

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The show where you can't talk about your pets too much, animal trivia is our love language, and dragons are just as real as dinosaurs. Tune into Comfort Creatures every Thursday on Maximum Fun. What is up, people of the world? Do you have an argument that you keep having with your friends and you just can't seem to settle it? And you're sitting there arguing about whether it's Star Trek or Star Wars. Or you can't decide what is the best nut? Or can't agree on what is the best cheese.

Stop doing that. Listen to We Got This with Mark and Howl, only on Max Fun. Your topics ask and answered objectively, definitively, for all time. So don't worry, everybody. We got this. Um, mutt, you're back up. You are in the water. Um, and so filo is still inside the fish, right? Yes. You just see from outside just a spray of green shoot out this, the back of this thing's gills like exhaust. Okay, great. Um, I'm going to use summon beast.

Cool. Um, uh, to summon a small beast, a beast, a beast steel spirit. Okay. I can choose an environment, air, land, or water. It resembles an animal of my choice. Great. That is native to that chosen environment. Okay. So I'm going to summon a cone snail to appear directly above the fish and land on top of it.

A cone snail is one of the most poisonous species on earth. Holy shit, this thing looks rough. and a sting from it includes symptoms such as intense pain, swelling, numbness, and vomiting. Holy shit, Traff. Severe cases involve muscle paralysis and changes in vision and respiratory failure. So I'm going to have that land on top of the fish. Okay, I'm going to say two roles are here. And this will work because I fucking love it.

It is how dramatically and severely it really. works. Great. I think I want to check from you to see the potency of this snail that you are able to conjure. I don't know if this would be your spell casting modifier or your animal handling. I sort of

leave it to you. I'm going to go to the animal handling. Okay. Roll animal handling. The higher the number you get, the bigger the snail. It's a 13. Pretty decent size snail. Not the biggest snail that you've ever seen. Pretty good sized snail. It plops on down

right on top of the fish. It is going to make a Constitution saving throw. And it got an 11, which I have decided is not high enough in order to deal with this. So we're going to roll some poison damage first. Why don't you give me, what was Melfsassadero, 44? Why don't you give me 4D6 poison damage? And we will say that that is what this fish takes pretty much right away. Okay, that's 17 points of damage.

That is a good roll. He is looking bloodied. No, he is not looking bloodied yet. He's looking close to bloodied. You think you see blood and then you're like, no, I was imagining it. That's bile. Oh, well, my mistake. Okay, it's his turn up next.

I'm going to roll a con save to see if he is able to sort of stave off paralysis. Nope, that is six plus three and nine. He is not able to save off paralysis. So he is not going to be able to move his body. I'm going to say he is going to try to spit you out again with his action, Brother Philo. So give me a strength save. You are looking to beat a 16.

And we're sure dad doesn't want to be spit out at this point. That's another point. If you want to go, you can fail this of your own volition. be spout out. Yeah, I mean, how can he fail of his own volition? He can let go of the signal. It's impossible. Let go to the road. Griffin, if he had that power, we'd take him to Vegas. Okay, strength check.

That's an 11. No, you are finally, forcibly removed from the premises of the fish, which frankly, you are probably kind of glad for. Even though you have a puppet nose, it still stinks, man. It smells so

bad in that fish, but now you are free, from it, you pull up on shore, sliding at the feet prone of Lady Godwin. And next in the order is you, Lady Godwin. Can I clock? What have I missed? Can I clock the Dracula head? I mean, you would have to go out onto the dock and make a range attack, or if you want to try and swim out there.

Like, not clock physically, like, see, see, see, see, oh, oh, oh, oh. give me an investigation check or a perception check I think in this circumstance either one works um bad at both six nope uh yeah I will say this alarmingly no you don't see the Dracula head um you are not sure if that is a failing of your uh your senses or if it has tried to sneak off uh okay well I am going to uh How far am I from the fish at this point? Like, where are we all positioned? You're right up on it.

Right up on it. Melee range. Mealy range. I am going to grab the spine out of my arm and bury it in the fish. Cool. That's cool. I like that. Give me an attack roll.

Do you have any kind of stabbing weapon? Yeah, yeah. We'll use that as the stat. Boy, the fates are not with me today. That is a 10. That's four plus six. No, you are not able to pierce this thing's scaly hide with its own quill. Hey, let me try again.

Okay. This is your second attack. This is, uh, right. This isn't just like a mulligan. You're like, you know what? Yeah. You know what? No, Griffin.

Now that time it was a five. an 11. That's way funnier. Yeah. No, that one doesn't go in. At this point, Gordon from inside is like peering out of the window watching you like, God, that's brutal. She's crazy.

You have another attack you can do with your rage bonus attack. Yeah. You mean my frenzy attack? Yeah, I'm going to fucking go ahead and try it, man. I have to. Okay, let's see. And I'll use the spine against. When you're in rage mode, I can't imagine that you're sort of like able to walk through this logically.

Okay, I just rolled in sequence four, five, six. That is a 12. However, a 12 hits this thing's AC. Yes. You are finally successful. Thank you, Gary Gygax. You're welcome. Justin.

I got you. A two in damage. Take that, motherfucker. That's five total. Okay. Now this thing is bloodied. That's what it took. It is super duper, duper pissed off.

Philo, you are on the ground nearby where Lady Godwin has just done this really cool looking, but not all that effective assault with this thing's own body parts. By the third try, it did not look cool anymore. It looked like the actions of the death. No, definitely not. It depends on the angle you were standing at. Maybe from the back it looked cool.

Yeah. You are right up on... That was good perseverance. Good perseverance. Thank you. Don't patronize me. Okay. You are right up on this thing. You are going to have to spin your move to stand up from prone, but otherwise you are free to act.

No, I can't stand up. I have a fish tail, remember? Thanks, Matt. Andrew all tied up in a rope, you goover. You've bound a little. yourself for me. Fortunately, fortunately,

all I have to do is sit up. Okay. Because I'm going to cast my standard go-to right down the fish's open mouth, my ray of sickness. Okay, cool.

So the vial around his, I, Brother Philo sits up, the vial around his neck glows and that sickening beam I'm going to say he's trying to give him Trout flu. Trout flu, cool, yeah.

Are you casting this at a higher level than level one for extra damage? For every level you go above level one, it deals one. This is second level, yes, this is second level. Whoa, cool. So make a range spell attack against the target. That would be a 25. Fucking hell, Mac. Okay, yeah, absolutely.

the shit out of this thing. You get it right down the, right over the hill, right twinks the gums, down to Grandmother's house. Right down Broadway. Okay, roll 3D8 poison damage. And I'm going to roll a con save. Wait, did the fish take a move? No, I paralyzed them. Yeah.

It spat you out. That was its move. Okay, but should it have not taken more acid damage? at the end of its turn? Remember? Fair point, yes. 2D4. I will roll that now.

That is a 2 and a 4. So 6 extra damage. Thank you for catching that Mac. And then did you roll your 3D8? And here comes the ray of sickness. 3D8s, 2, 1, and 4. So that's 7.

Okay. Cool. This thing is looking real, real rough. It now, con save to see. if it avoids poison, which I'll be straight with you guys. I don't know what that does. Spit it out.

That is an 11 plus 3 of 14, which I believe beats your spell save modifier. So it is not poisoned. We will never find out. We will never know. Next up in the order is mutt. Am I still on the water? You are, why don't you make a perception check for me?

love to. That is a 12. A 12. No. But I, wait, hold on. I have Hunter's Intuition. I can add, roll a D4 and add the number to perception or in, uh, or survival. Can you just use that whenever? Yeah. When I make a wisdom perception check or wisdom survival check, you can roll a D4 and add the number roll to the ability check. Oh, okay, cool. So a 14. Oh, that's like a racial trait. Yeah. Okay, cool.

So 14. No. Okay. No, no 14 neither. Fuck off. I'm gonna, how far from shore am I? Like, can I stand up? You are the dock's length distance from shore.

So you're like 20 feet from shore. It is just too deep, I think, for you to stand off. You are having to tread water a little bit here. Okay. I am going to cast Zephyr Strike. You move like the wind. Until the spell ends, your movement doesn't provoke opportunity attacks. Once before the spell ends, you can give yourself advantage on one weapon attack. That attack deals an extra 1D8 force damage on a hit.

Whether you hit or miss, your walking speed increases by 30 feet until the end of your turn. Okay, are you going to basically use this to get out of the water to shore without, getting hit by this fish. That's what I'm trying to do. Okay, what's that look like? I think that's cool. How does that... Mutz, like, skill set so far

has sort of only been described in, like, kind of practical terms. Like, this is a... And not so much magical, even though you did just conjure a cone snail out of the ether. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, what does it look like

when you do this? So with this, that first strike, whether it hits or not, basically, I'm taking aim and as the bolt leaves it creates kind of a

wind tunnel effect behind it that pushes me back in the direction I choose to go so basically the firing of the arrow creates the wind like back draft that launches you move okay I like that cool make your attack roll with advantage

right no that's I've got to have advantage because that was at 12 12 hits. But I bet a 23 hits better. It hits way. I mean, they both hit the same amount. One hits better. It sticks straight.

Sure. Yeah. One hits better and looks cooler. Okay. So that's eight. The damage is eight plus four plus another D8. For the four strike. So another two. So 14 points of damage total.

All right. It's going to increase my movement speed. from 30 to 60, which will hopefully help me get to shore without taking opportunity attacks. You can easily get to shore with this and not provoke opportunity attacks. Are you basically just rolling up next to where Philo and Godwin are?

Correct. Okay. You leap out of the water. As you do, you realize that Dracula's head has clamped onto your ankle. Oh, ma'am. And you are going to take two points of piercing damage and five points of necrotic damage.

And you hear him go, He's good. What? It's so good. Yummy, yummy. Okay. I'm not going to lie, man. I thought you were seaweed.

And now I realize in retrospect, that's wild because we're in a lagoon that is manmade. Right. It wouldn't be. I don't. For once, I thought the weird thing touching my leg was seaweed instead of the other way around, man. Man, am I embarrassed? The fish is going to make a con save to see if it can unparallelize itself. The concierge actually goes after me.

Oh, it continues to have actions, the summoned creature. Okay. Attack again, please. So he's going to sting again. Can you speak to this creature? He said it takes verbal commands? I sort of already shot my loathe. I don't get my sex or all I'm to do.

I don't think it talks back. I don't think it's a conversation. I'm not trying to argue. No, no, no. I'm just saying that didn't. I knew you a bit like you take my verbal command. I didn't realize maybe slide down over one of its eyeballs. Yeah, all right.

I'll give it a shot. Uh, do you roll this thing's attack roll? Uh, or shallet? No, it does. Okay, you know what? You give it that command. It starts very, very slowly because it is a snail. No, it's not going to, um, I'm going to, why don't you just make a luck check?

I think that'll be a more fun way. Uh, I want you to roll 11 or higher on this, on this straight D20 luck check. 17. Yep. All right. Fuck. Yeah, fine. It makes it down to this thing's eye.

As soon as it touches this fish's eye. It starts howling and shrieking in pain. Also, probably an ickiness. And there's an ickiness to it. Give me a 4D4 of poison damage. Very good. Seven? Seven.

Okay. It is looking really, really bad. It takes its move and it rolled an 18 on the con save. So it is going to flick this cone snail off of it now. Gary! And he is going to shoot a spine towards you, Mutt, enrolled a 16 versus AC. Versus AC?

Yes. Yeah, that hits. Okay. That is going to hit you for 12 points of piercing game. damage. And then with its other attack, it is going to launch a spine at you, Brother Philo. And that is a... How much do you say, 12? Yes. That is a 17 versus AC, which hits.

And this spine gets you for eight points of piercing damage. With that, it is now going to turn tail. and try and escape out into the water. I will say it is fairly difficult to rain for it because it is sort of lodged in the muck and the mire here of the shallows. But it manages to basically loose itself from that mud. It is now about as far away from you as the end of the dock, but it is towards the surface of the water.

Next in the order is Lady Godwin. How's everybody looking? Damage-wise. The fish looks shitty and bad. Everybody else is, I don't think any of you are bloody, but I think you're all actually kind of close. The Dracula head? He's on my leg.

I got him. Don't worry about that. He's on my ankle currently. Yeah. Okay, I yell, sick him. And I open my bag so my hand can come out and grab onto the ear. giant ear of the of the of Dracula yeah okay um we yes okay cool uh your hand pops out of the bag and runs over and twists this Dracula's ear he's been a naughty boy he's been a very naughty boy

make a uh you tell me an unhanded attack roll an unarmed attack roll uh unhinged attack roll uh just your own unarmed stats against the Dracula head. Okay. 20. Yeah. All right. It's, I don't think it does damage, right? But it does, like, pull him off of this thing's ear and hold it to the ground like a naughty boy.

And it will release Muttner's leg in doing so. And sort of have it sort of pinned to the ground. You see it try to take flight, but your hand has it sort of on lockdown onto the ground. All right. Now I'm going to use Jennifer Myers to cut the ear off. Oh, interesting. Okay. Okay.

It's a 9 plus 6.15. 15. Oh, no, actually, it doesn't. It doesn't. Okay, well, let me try again then. 16 plus 6.22. Yeah, I mean, that hits, that hits for sure, for sure. For sure, for sure.

Give me a damage roll on that. It's going to be... Plus, you are raging, right? So it does bonus rage damage, I believe? You... Plus two melee damage with strength weapons. So, yeah, it would be 11. Okay.

You manage to swing your axe down right next to where your hand was doing its work. And as you do so, the ear pops off. and when that happens, the small Dracula head looks up at you and goes, No! Oh! That really hurt. Why did you do that?

Owry! Oh! Why did you cut my ear? I would be honest, I thought you would disintegrate. Why didn't think I was... Copy cock about it, definitely the job was done. Oh, no. It hurts with work.

You are pushing the limits of free action. I will say with this amount of whining. Okay. Is that it for your turn? I believe so, yes. Okay. Next in the order is Brother Philo.

Brother Philo, you see the fish retreating into the distance. As he does so, you see Gordon pointing at the fish, like, Oh, come out now. Wait, that's not what he sounds like. Holy shit. He's biking.

He's getting away. You gotta stop him. You also have Dracula crying, like crying like a baby on the ground. But rather his head. Right. What do you do? Kill the fish.

How close? How close to, uh, to the fish? Uh, I mean, the end of the dock, I think we said was like 20.

feet out, 20 to 25 feet out. So you're, like, within, like, spell casting distance, you would not be able to, I think, get to him by swimming in the water. I don't think your speed is quite sufficient enough for that. Okay. I can only think of, I mean, I think the only action I can do is cast an attack on him

and try to stop him. Yeah, try to dust him. What do you got? All right, wait, and by dust him, you mean the fish or Dracula? The fish. Okay, cool. I mean, everybody else is kind of preoccupied with Dracula. Right.

I'm going to cast Tasha's caustic brew. Okay. Um. No, you know what? I'm not. I'm going to cast Acid Arrow again. Okay, cool. Another Melf.

I'm going to cast another Melfth. Okay. I will make you roll for this one. Uh, because you're not in it. You're not in the fish anymore. Right. So make a... What level are you casting this at?

You can cast it. It starts at second level, so every level above second. I don't even know if you have third level spell slots yet. I think you might have... Not yet. Just second. It's 24. To hit?

Yes, holy shit. Okay, cool. Yeah, that definitely hits. And you roll 4D4 acid damage. And that would be 12. You see this bolt of acid. You describe it. What's it look like?

It's this shimmering green arrow. And again, I think I used the sickle before. So, you know, he raises the sickle, which he's really getting quite fond of that he's going to ask. Yeah, it's nice. I will need it back. Oh, come on. Okay.

All right. And this arrow just shoots out. And I, here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking he's aiming it at the. same spot on the exterior. Okay, sure. That he aimed it at the interior. Okay.

Then you send this giant green bolt flying from the edge of the sickle as you channel this energy. It flies in an arc up into the air and you see it basically hit the water right as the fish descends. And for a second, the surface of the lagoon grows still, again, reflecting. the moonlight overhead. And then very slowly, you see the massive form of this fish float to the surface with just a massive smoking green crater right in the middle of its forehead. And then it rolls and bobs upside down on its belly.

The international sign of a fish has died. And Brother Philo looks up from the ground and says, Sushi anyone? Okay, I punt Dracula's head into the sea. No, wait. No, don't, no, no, no, no, wait. Hold on, one second. I need medicine. I tie the wings back.

Oh, what? Are you trying to staunch the blood flow? No, no, man. Uh, I will say my overwhelming feeling right now is mostly curiosity. You know what they say about curiosity And kill me, I need medicine You don't need medicine You're fucking Dracula, man

My ear hurts I'm giving you 10 seconds before I start punting venas No, no, no, all right, listen, we got a ton of questions here So do you regrow? Is that what's up? I wish you would regrow some sympathy Oh my God, man. Maximum Fun.

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