The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Versus Dracula - Episode 15

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

The hunters interrogate Backwards Dracula to get important information about the Turbo Cardinal and obtain some help from someone who was here the whole time. Mutt tries for diplomacy. Godwin presses her point. Phileaux collects it all. Additional Music in this Episode: "Blue Feather" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/. Dice sounds by Tal M. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Beer Bairie. I was cleaning out the den to make space for Frankenstein's new laboratory when I found the box of some of my old wizard stuff. So cringe, man. I was fucking going for it, just stars and moons all over my shit, like an emaciated misfraisal. I know it's futile, looking back that far in the past in judgment. But shit, I wish I'd known back then there were way easier, way stronger sources of power out there than the arcane traditions. I also wish I knew that I was not pulling off the half-moon spectacles. You fucking dark!

It's nice to know that even Dracula shot that Hot Topic for a while. I can't wait to kill this fucking guy. I'm liking him more and more. I'm trying so hard. I can't like it to kill him. I'm going to make it hard for you guys to versus this guy. It's not going to be hard for me. I'm stoked.

Yeah, sure. Justin loves killing nerds. Let's get you. Justin loves killing NPCs this season of the adventures. I'm here for it. Okay, the three of you stand victorious on the shore of the Black Lagoon. The dead and half-melted body of the fang-tooth monstrosity slowly is bobbing toward land. Mut, you are holding the living talking head of.

Count Dracula, whose wings you have securely sort of bound down. How would you done that? It has been quite a while since we recorded. I shot a bolt through his wing

that made him thing. And then he was biting my leg and we pulled him off. And Justin cut his ear off. So I'm going to say in the time, yeah, I'm going to say that I have tied him to one of the boards off the broken dock.

Oh, cool. The three of you... So he's kind of laid out like a lepidopterist Mike to a butterfly. Terrifying. The three of you, while you were doing this, you see the figure of Gordon Clearwater peek out of the boathouse

before just cannonballing into the water, basketball wife in hand. That's going to be tough. If you've ever tried to pull an inflated ball under the water, that's difficult, man. His wife's got to rock it up. He's really, yeah. Elizabeth launches upwards into the sky jubilantly.

catches her. Then he grabs the corpse of the giant fish and just drags it to a shore. And he takes a breath to say something to you guys. And then he just looks down at the fish and just starts tearing into it with sort of beastial glee. Just flah la la la la la la. And he forgets himself for a moment. Can we forget him too? Yeah, sure. I mean, if you just want to leave Gordon Clearwater here on the beach. No, that's just a terrifying sight to see. Yeah. And he's a skis. scary monster, so I don't know... Whoa, using the M word. Thanks.

Okay. Thanks. Okay. I think that as an artificer, Fylo's always looking for materials, so I think he wants to go pluck one of the long, pointy fish teeth out of the dead fish. Fylo, hold on, man.

Listen, let me tell you something. I don't know about getting between something and it's food. You know what I mean? Like, I know with dogs. Yeah. I would be very careful. Gordon looks up at you. I'll be very careful.

Okay. Make an animal handling check, I think. Okay. And I don't know if this is against the dead fish or Gordon Clearwater. But at this moment, he is really on his own little trip, right? Okay. Well, 12. A 12.

Yeah, I mean, with a 12, you get close to this thing's teeth, and Gordon just kind of like swats at your hand. And he just goes, yow! Yom! Do you try again? Yeah, I try again. I want a tooth. All right, make an animal handling check.

I would. Okay. No, no, no. Let me just say, yeah, please. Slide of hand. Slide of hand. Okay, sure. Let me do it real quick before he nips off your fingertips.

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. That also likes. All right. Slide a hand, and that's a dirty 20. All right, yeah. Wow. With a dirty 20, you snap your hand in there real quick.

break off one of the longer teeth at the root. And it does seem to be dripping some sort of like viscous, like almost yellow fluid. I'm going to put that drop in the, in one of my test tubes. Cool. My vials. Yeah, go ahead and put that in your inventory. We'll figure out a way to make that mechanical later. Break it off at the root?

Yeah, man. What's wrong with you? What a grisly way of saying that? It's a fish, man. Yeah, I know. Do you eat fish? The image of the sound? Do you guys eat fish?

Hey, Griff? Fish don't have tea. Did you guys see oak chock? Okay, you get one of these. After he finishes, Gordon looks up. What? No oak chow fans here? No oak chaffan here, I'm surprised.

Gordon looks up and wipes his mouth. I think he goes, oh, sorry about that. He got some talk, okay, help myself. There's a bit of vengeance in there, but I must say. Last year's a critter as he looked. He was quite delicious. save as an umami flavor to the meat

round the gills and oh you snad yourself in tooth oh sorry I know I snapped at you there I was uh I just can't help myself I didn't think you would want it in your way I mean I always hate it when the little bones

and the little teeth and stuff well that's disgusting man I'm gross I know absolutely anyway I am so happy you all managed to help me out there

I'm deeply in your debt, your gratitude, and I'll reach through these air waters, just as soon as you like. Yeah, thank you so much, Gordon. We're going to need, I don't know, 15 to 20 with this fellow here before we're ready to go, and Mike kind of nudges Dracula's head on the ground tide of the board with his foot. Oh, I see, that's a disgusting. Is that called Dracula?

Yeah, it seems, though, man, at least part of him. Um, that's part of what we're trying to figure out. He gets right down in his face. He's like, Oh, Dracula? It's me, Gordon. Do you remember me? Gordon Clearwater?

And Dracula just kind of grimaces like, whoof. Uh, uh, nobody, sorry. He might be discombobulated from being just a head, man. I wouldn't take it personally. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Okay, well, you all, uh, I guess interrogate to him, and I'll start figuring out a way for it to get you all through these waters without drowning.

Yeah, that's great, man That's, uh, yeah, appreciate it Uh, okay, he picks up Elizabeth And takes her towards the waters and confers with her Okay, man, Dracula first question You couldn't even fake it with him You couldn't even be like, oh yeah, hey buddy, how's it going? What a dick move, man

Uh, I'm afraid that Tucked is stored in the liver And I don't have one of those right now, so Okay. I would like to ask a question now. How do I destroy this ear for real? For good. That's not, I don't understand why you would want to do that.

It's a lovely. I checked the head in the water. No, no, no. I pull it back out. Hey God, one. I'm the backup. Oh, okay. Cool, man.

I'm the wet cop. The wet cop. Okay, cool me. Wet cop, you be dry cop. Awesome. Okay. So, is it dragular? So just some casual waterboarding then is what we're doing.

In that, we threw you into the water on a board, yes. Just making sure we're all on the same page as to what is happening. I don't remember, though, man, in your list of weaknesses, is drowning one of them? I mean, it doesn't feel particularly good. All right. Well, you know what else doesn't feel too good? getting bit on the ankle, you dick. Sorry.

A bird's got to fly, you know what I mean? So, will another Dracula grow from you if we just allow you to be? Good question. Oh, a gentleman never tells his reproductive secret. I start walking towards the water. Yes, yep, you got it. In one, that's how it works.

Yes. So wait a minute. if I let this ear be another Dracula. Um, ostensibly, if one part is used to reform the body a few times over, it starts to get a little bit dicey. How many of you nasty men can they be running around at one time? Oh, it's just us, too. Just me and the other one, you man. I'm walking towards the water again. Okay, it's a bunch. It's a lot.

like a lot. There's like a lot. How many Dracula? I need to know how many Dracula's there are. Buddy, you saw me. I mean, you didn't see me reform. I did so in your bag, which, by the way, you have some funions in there for which you should be tried for war crimes. Not the torture then. No. Anyway, the funions, man. Sorry, I'm just really. Okay, so what I'm trying to get to the bottom of here, Dracula.

is you've invented a possibility space where there could be infinite Dracula's roaming around the globe and I'm trying to see exactly what we're facing off. Yeah, what are you thinking, man? Like eight? There could be 8,000 Dracula. I'll tell you what.

That is the upper limit that I can imagine. I can't imagine more Dracula's than that, but I do think 8,000. That's a lot, man. How about these? Uh-huh. You all make a guess, and I will tell you who is a close.

Are you certain of the number? This is a question that I need to know. Make an insight, make an insight check. Perfect for me. Oh, wait, I got some decent insight. 16. You do get the impression he is fucking with you, but not in a, like,

particularly clever way. You get the impression that he maybe does not know the answer to that question. It's like a lot, okay, if I were the case. I'm not in charge of sort of, sort of Dracula management. We've had to outsource that a bit. But, yeah, there's quite a few.

How much of a gap is there between Dracula's? I mean, is there like a, is there like a funky Czech Dracula? I mean, have you met? Is there like a down-home Polish Dracula that's actually quite nice? No, none of ours are nice. I could guarantee that. Is there an original Dracula who gets kind of, Like, kind of snooty about the fact that he's the original?

Listen, I feel like I've been pretty cool so far, don't you think? For Dracula, yes. And so maybe, I don't know. Yes, actually, you know what? I'm the good Dracula. Oh, man. And you should be embarrassed for dunking me as many times as you have. You did by those.

Yes, I could be the backwards Dracula who helps you kill my father. Isn't that appealing? You're just small. You're just a tiny... You know what? We're going to call you as Snacula. No, I'm not... I do like it.

Yeah? I was going to go with Dracool. As long as you're like cool about it, but I like Snacula better. Yes, it's very good. But anyway, yes, I'm the good Dracula. Set me free. Give me like a couple days to blow up

my body and then I will join you. And you will give me weapon. We will kill my evil father and breed his plague from this land. No, man. Now, wait. Do you want this ear back? I mean, I'll just grow another one, man. Doesn't there some competition for resources at a certain point?

Do we destroy this ear? It's all photosynthesis, baby. I know it. Can you do what now? Is there a way to destroy the ear so it doesn't grow a new one? Can I destroy your ear? Yeah, man. Then yes.

You can. Like, yeah. What I'm arguing is this is no longer your ear. This is the first ear of a new Dracula. That's true. Life begins at when you cut my ear off. Does this ear have your memories? It will someday when my beautiful brain grows out of it like so many rows.

But it's not your brain. Now we're getting into some pretty heavy philosophical concepts. Okay. Wait, one moment, and I picked the head up, and I bury it down in the sand. Just like enough that's not, so we could talk in private. Okay, here's what I'd like to suggest. And I think this would work brilliantly. Let's get rid of this.

Yeah. And I kind of kick some sand at the head. Gross. We'll dispose of it. Then we'll bring the ear along. And then as it forms into a new Dracula, we'll shape it with our sort of. of morals and values. Yeah, there's nurture versus nature, man.

A Dracula of our own, that we can raise to be decent and proper. That is a wonderful idea. I'm so shocked that you feel that way, but it's intensely satisfied. Can I just say I don't hate it? Well, you see, my goal is to find

out what infected my boss, the Turbo Cardinal, and if we had a cooperative snacula, I think that he He would probably be more forthcoming with the information. This one's brand pretty quiet. Hold on.

I pull it up out of the sand. Hey, man. How do we? How dare you do this to me backwards, Dracula, the good Dracula. Snacula, this guy, his boss. That would make you backyla. Yeah. This guy's boss, the Turbo Cardinal, got turned into a Dracula without getting bit.

How did that happen? You thought I'm going to help you. You just put me the water. Oh, no, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, you said your boss got, uh, did not get to be it, but became a Dracula? Not possible. The tuba cardinal, but he doesn't, he doesn't have a bite mark. He was turned into a vampire.

Did he eat some, had he, has he recently eaten some beats? No, no, a lot of people confuse what happens with that with Dracula. No, he was putting off like this demonic energy that was a little odd. Not possible. And he tried to bite you. Yeah, he did try to bite me, yes. Well, when I was in my non... Oh, yeah, hold on one second.

You're a fucking puppet, dude. Yes, yes, I know. But before, when I was not made of whatever, hickory or whatever it is I made of, he tried to bite my corporeal form, yes. But he has no bite marks. There are no bite marks. He squints at you and you see him in a reverie like he is remembering something. As that happens, you see Van Helsing walk right up to you on the sand over your shoulder looking at Dracula.

And he says, what are you doing? You destroy him. What, we're getting there. Have you not seen? We've drowned him, we've buried him at sand. We're getting there. Just, I have to attain my goal before I can attain your goal. I've explained this to you, Abe. He is going to find a way to escape. He is incredibly slippery. You destroyed his head before you lose your opportunity. I will mention that to, I'm part of a co-op here. I can't just act.

just shush just shush okay come back into my subpoise you're okay over there yes yes yes I'm consulting make a wisdom saving throw for me

this is fun I like that I like this interaction you shouldn't say when things are going good on a podcast I know better I'm stupid

that's a three you say that to him mutt you say are you doing okay over there and then you see puppet Philo leap forwards and grab some driftwood up off of the shore. And Philo, you see this happen from inside of this puppet.

You feel yourself sink slightly as if standing in quicksand, and then your body is no longer your own. And you see Van Helsing frown at you when you shush him, and then he van vanquish him, and then he vanquishes before this happens. Lady Godwin and Mutt, you all see this also. You see puppet Philo charging forwards to attack Dracula's head with a piece of driftwood. What do you do? I don't think I would, I don't think I would do anything because I just, I just suggested this plan.

Okay. So I wouldn't, I would not act. I'm fine with that. Cool. Mutt? Yeah, I'm trying to decide what, Mutt. would do versus what Travis wants to do. Right. Yeah.

I think Mutt would try to stay his hand just for a second because they're not done asking questions. So I'm going to try to catch his wrist, I guess. Okay, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw, and I'm going to contest it as Philo. Okay. Oh, a 26. Oh, yeah. 19 plus 7. Yeah, no matter what I add to that role,

you have succeeded. Yeah, you are able to grab this driftwood out of Philo's hands as this happens. And Philo, as you see yourself rear back and turn on mutt for a second, and then you feel yourself float back up to the surface and you regain control of yourself. And Dracula's like, what was that?

Yeah, what was that? was that. Oh. Um, I'm, I'm sorry. Uh, okay. I recently encountered, uh,

Abraham Van Helsing, the great, probably one of your heroes, I would assume. Me? The great monster, yes, the great monster hunter, Abraham Van Helsing.

Yeah, he's, he's, he's quite a good, um, Oh. Well, I, I think he's probably the father figure of, uh,

he's the, the, Tesla of Monster Hunters. He's more the Edison of Monster Hunters, frankly. Okay. He is back and you can see him again and he looks fucking pissed off at everything that is going on right now. He's very tetchy.

He's a little tetchy and he wants to kill all Dracula's. And I've been trying to use his knowledge as kind of a tool for us. in our hunting things. And I told him I would destroy Dracotta, but I first needed to discover what was the helmet of the turbocardinal, which you tried to help me with, which I appreciate. But every so often, every so often he kind of rises to the surface

and takes over this little wooden boy. Okay, man. I'm sorry, and I hope you didn't get a splinter when you grab my wrist. No, it's okay. Can I help you out? Of course Who would you have to tell me? An exorcism Well I touch your shoulder and I cast protection

From evil and good Oh interesting Which among other things Protects them against aberration, Celestials, Elementos, Fay Fiends, and Undead and stops them from being possessed by such a creature For the next ten minutes Oh

Okay cool Yeah so this is not like a permanent fix thing But you see Van Helsing just furious. And he sees that Mutt is about to do something. And he looks at you dead in the eyes, Philo. And he says, we will have to revisit the terms of our arrangement. And then as soon as Mutt touches your shoulder, he vanishes. Hmm.

What a relief. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Mutt. Is that better? Yes. Okay, it lasts for 10 minutes, man. I only do it so much. Oh, okay. Well, save it, because we may need it again sometime.

Cool, man. To get, you know, and to be honest, he's kind of a teutonic pain in the ass. Yeah, man. So, you know, I like using his knowledge. But, wow. The problem with that dude is he is very much about like, kill all monsters, kill all monsters. And I think that that's just, that's not my style. Mine is like, not for need, not for greed.

You know what I mean? So is it to be fire? How are we disposing? Oh, yeah. Make a, while all this is going down, actually, Lady Godwin, while this exorcism takes place, I want you to roll a perception check for me? 12.

Out of the corner of your eye, you barely see. Just in time. Dracula's ass running away. Trying to roll away. You know what? Yeah, no, I mean, you got it pretty much in one. You look down at the stake where Dracula was tied up. And you see he has rolled with the steak down into the water.

And now the steak is floating on the surface, but you do not see this Dracula head. It appears to have just gotten into the water. Not impossible that you could get him again, but he is definitely taking flight here. Okay. Real quick, first thing, I bite the ear as hard as I can. Okay. To what end? My, on vampire it?

I've got a super quick test that I'm running to see if there's some sort of link hive mind, like those twin brothers in GI Joe. Yeah, yeah. So I thought maybe if one of them experienced paid, they would all experience it. So I'm testing that super quick. Of course. Yeah. Before I try something.

Very scientific. Make something dumber. Yeah. Make a, I mean, make a perception check. 18 18 uh i mean you don't hear a shriek of pain from under the water the ear does wiggle slightly which is super super so gross okay um i i'm gonna have to hook it the head i've still got the rope with the uh with the sickle on it yeah yeah sure i love this you're gonna you're gonna uh you're gonna uh You're going to cast out and try to snag the Dracula head.

I'm going to try to snag Dracula, yeah. Okay. This is a check, obviously. I think it just works. It makes narrative sense. I mean, so like survival would be like fishing, right? But this is, I think this could also be like a ranged attack roll on the head. These last three episodes have been very Bill Dance outdoors.

Yeah, I love it. So why don't you? Let's do an attack roll. So why don't you roll your range attack for your, if you still have your javelin on the character sheet, those numbers will. Yeah. 70.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Okay, you throw the sickle into the water and you feel a tug on the rope. When you pull it back, it has like, it has poked through him in a way that looks extremely painful. I didn't say I pulled it back. Oh, okay. Then you just...

I'm just stepping on the rope. Oh, okay. So we can finish it. for a fucking conversation. Yeah, we weren't down talking. He bobs to the surface. You hear her just go, okay,

you got me. You got me. So, where were we? Oh, yeah. So are we going to kill Snacula and grow Snacula 2 from the ear?

Is that where we're in? This is the plan, I think, is to kill Snacula. Mm-hmm. Yes. And then kill Snacula Junior. Wait.

Yes. So in this version, we fucking kill both the Draculas, and then we find more and we do it again. I've recently remembered how much I hate this little motherfucker. Okay. I've had to hook him again. I don't like fishing, and I've had to do it twice and one day.

So I'm going to destroy these two, and then I'm going to kill all the Draculas. Okay. What happened to the growing a new Dracula that we could mold with our love and compassion. This one has been alive for roughly a day. It is already a mega dick. Okay.

Yeah, I mean, it's a good point, too. There's no hope. There's no hope. It's all nature. You should be a professional or something up there doing like, you know, Lincoln Douglas debates because, man, at first you had me convinced with the, we'll kill this one

and raise this one. And now you convince me with the like, no, fuck you, we'll kill both of them. My second husband always insisted I was perpetually mercurial. Yeah. Yeah, man. Okay, yeah, let's do it.

One small amendment. Would you consider allowing me to take the ear? I have an ability to create homunculi. Oh, gross. No, man. I could create a homunculi out of the ear. This is perverse. I don't know about all this, man.

We're already dealing with some pretty fucked up shit. Oh, I know I know No, go ahead Let you finish Well, that was just it I was I was

I want to create a homonchial You want to make a flesh doll Out of Dracula There's high Yes The risks The risks are so vast Yes, I know

The speed And yet the reward Is imperceivable Yeah And the speed at which When I said the phrase You want to make a flesh doll Out of Dracula

And you said yes With no hesitation or embarrassment or chagrin? You're like, yes. Well, I have been cloistered. I'm not really sure what a flesh doll is. I mean, I don't know where the, where's the confused, the words, seems pretty clear in the words of doll of flesh, a homunculus.

I have a good compromise. All right. We destroy statula. This we all love. Correct? Yeah. No. All in favor?

I. Okay. The motion passes. Nextly, we place the ear. into one of your many vials, final. Oh, a bottle of Dracula. A bottle Dracula, yes. And I'm not sure what will happen for him,

but I have to imagine it'll be unpleasant. And funny. Yes. And hysterical, yes. Yeah. Like when you grow a vegetable in a shaped bottle. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. Okay. So you are, you, you, now, do you pull in Snacula? What are you doing this? Yeah, yeah. Okay, you reel in Snacula. and grab him and unhook him.

And he says, You're about to make a terrible mistake. I'm the good Dracula. Bad news from God, Sna Cula. Wait, first. I swing Jennifer Myers. Wait, was there, was there? No, I was going to pull out his teeth, but go ahead and smash it.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm not even going to make you roll. You easily cleave this thing into. Great. In two. And I watch. I mean, okay. Okay, yeah, for how long?

Well, I call over Philo after I made the initial cut. Good. Because I'd rather he do this. But I want Philo to watch and see if this head is reacting on us, is continuing to function on a biological level or whatever sort of like supra biological. I mean, yeah, I mean, if you're looking at that, that's medicine. That would be a medicine. Yeah, so I'm actually, I guess I'm not trying to force this on you, Deb.

This is something Lady Godwin is curious about and she would rather you check it out. Could it be an Arcana check? Yes, this is also a magical effect. I will allow that. Okay. That would be, well, a nine. It is hard to, it is hard to say. It is dead, like it is dead, you know, biologically it appears. Any kind of other magic that is happening to this thing appears to be, you know,

it's like watching paint try. It's like watching a plant. I'm gonna burn it. Okay. Yes. Yes. I agree. Yeah.

Cool. Oh, let me, let me save you the trouble. It's not a trouble. I can build a fire, man. Let me save your spellfire. I can create a bonfire. Well, okay. All right.

I was going to create a bonfire. How about you build the fire? Then you set it to light. I mean, I can do that too, man. Like, it's not hard. Then we can all say we killed Dracula. One of them. Well, that's, yeah.

Can I kill Dracula a little bit? Yeah, man. You want to help pick up the wood? Oh, could you maybe floss first? Oh, God, of course. He flosses. Oh, he does the dance? Yeah, it's cool.

He got us some bundles of wood. I'm killing Dracula today. Yeah, man. That's what he gets for not remembering who you are, huh? Now, Gordon, look at me in the eyes, dear. Yes. I need to be quite sure of something. Throughout this process, you have to guarantee me you won't attempt to eat any of Dracula.

Oh, God. And I'm terribly sorry if that's offensive to you. I mean, are you tempted to eat Dracula? The two of us, only one of us are taking a bite of it today. I mean, that's an extremely fair. Yes, thank you very much. I'm very perceptive. And well, and well made.

Thank you, he goes about, you do not break his stride. He's killing Dracula today. He's fucking stoked. He gathers some firewood for you all. And you all, through many means, both magical and normal. mundane. You build a good bonfire. Any last words? Before you chucking in?

Dust the dust, you son of a bitch. Nope. Dust the dust. Travis, did you get the teeth? No, you definitely didn't. It goes in. Oh, man. Son of a man.

The quest continues. Yeah, when you throw Dracula's head... It doesn't feel real, man, you know? That's not the Dracula. His head goes up like kindling. It is so quick. It seems like there was almost a sort of accelerant nature to the stuff you just threw into the fire. To the extent that as it burns, it leaves no trace whatsoever.

Very, very clearly. You all feel very confident at this point you have destroyed at least one Dracula here today. But you do hang on to the ear? In a bottle. In a vial. Okay, cool. Add that to your inventory, too. Matt, I love that Philo's inventory looks a lot like Dad's inventory when he plays, like, Skyrim, and he just picks up everything.

There's my bottle of Drac-O-Dracula. Bottled Dracula. He's got a quill for a tooth. A lot of mortar and pestles in there. He's got his own shrunken dead body. He's got a lot of stuff. I can't wait for that stuff, for you to make just one big potion. Okay.

Gordon smiles. and picks up Elizabeth and holds her proudly towards the bonfire and says, did you say that, Elizabeth, I told you. I told you, I'd take him down one day. Anyway, me and Elizabeth are figuring out a method through which I might be able to commute you through the water, and you all would be able to not drown along the way. I mean, I wasn't so much worry about the puppet doing that. But, yeah, Elizabeth, what should you tell him?

What is you've got up your sleeve, dear? Oh, boy. And the basketball just sits there for a second. He's like, oh, Elizabeth. Elizabeth, you have to do it, yeah? And then you see the basketball rattle on the ground a couple times. And then in a burst of light, it transforms into a woman dressed in robes. of furs and leaves and ornate twinkling threads.

And she says, I'm so sorry, everyone. I, um... The fuck! I, sometimes I lose myself. Uh, it is nice to meet you in person. I am Elizabeth. Uh, is this your natural state, dear?

Uh... Are you basketball first or lady first? It's hard, it is hard to remember. I spend so much time in the plane of sports that I... I forget which one is the real me. It's like a waking dream. The plane of... Sorry, did you say the plane of sports?

Yes, it is where I... It's in the ball right next to Spencer's gifts. It is the source of my coven's power. I am a sports druid, and... I have prepared a ritual to help you all. And she casts water breathing on... Can we take a nap first? Hold on.

I just paused the clip. And ladies and gentlemen, that was a clip from Griffin McRoy's pioneering work on the Adventure Zone, Taz versus Dracula. I am James Lipton Jr. Griffin, tell me, do you recall when you first decided to have sports druids? Can you take us back to that moment? Griffin still with us. It was 70 seconds ago.

And I remember it like it was yesterday. I wanted the basketball to cast a spell and saw on the page that water breathing is a druid spell sometimes. And so they'd all just kind of spun out from there, James Jr. Now, Griffin, despite you telling me that some number of our listeners will insist it's a reference to Homestuck. How are you going to deal with that? Have you done that emotional work? James, I'll be honest. I stopped vetting.

That thing ran for fucking ever, man. Everything is, I guess. It's Webby season. Hi, I'm Sequoia Holmes, hosts of the Black People Love Paramour podcast. And we are nominated for a Webby for the episode where I interviewed Haley Williams. In case you're unfamiliar, Black People Love Paramore is a podcast delving into the common and uncommon interests of Black people in order to help us feel more seen. We would love your vote to help you. us win this webby. Please take a second, go over to the Black People Love Paramour podcast social

media accounts and you can find them at BPLP pod across all social media platforms. Hit the link in bio and vote for Black People Love Paramore. Hi, I'm Travis McElroy. And I'm Teresa McElroy. And we're the host of Schmaners. We don't believe that etiquette should be used to judge other people. No, on Schmanters, we see etiquette as a way to navigate social situations with confidence. So if that sounds like something, you're into? Join us every Friday on maximum fun wherever you get your podcasts. I do need a wrap.

I'm almost out spell slots on them. Oh, I thought you meant Travis. You need to recover a feeling. Oh, okay. Well, then Elizabeth says like, we all do. Elizabeth is like, oh, it only lasts 10 minutes. This is embarrassing.

I just need to rest me in because I use a lot of spells. No, yeah, for sure. But I just use that spell slot to cast water. But if you rest, you'll get it back. Um, I mean, I would have to rest the night, I suppose, um... Perfect! Okay. We'll make an evening of it.

All right, man. Fish fry. Well, you do have the bonfire go. Oh, there's no edible fish. There's nothing left on the, but he picked that fucking thing clean. Okay. You guys, I mean, you have the bonfire going. I most certainly am not going fishing for a third time today.

Okay. You all have a bonfire here. So, yeah, I think a camp out would be pretty easy here. See? Yeah. All right. Sure, go ahead. I, dear, I, I dabble Elizabeth on the shoulder.

Yes. I, I don't know if it's in position, but it is rather early in the evening, and we have no, entertainment. Say no. Say no. She, would it be possible? Say no, please, she curls up into a little ball shape and then, like, Turboteen just, er, er, er, becomes a volleyball.

Oh, yeah, man. Absolutely. And you're sure this cost you no beat at all? Well, she's a volleyball now, man. Valabal now. Baker Titchfack. Yeah. And we're speaking to you, miss.

So she can answer my question. Elizabeth. I said, I said, Elizabeth. I wanted to make sure Elizabeth that it will cost you in a distress. If I'm to bump set and spike you. I don't. You could go for it.

It's fun for her. too. I'd rather hear from her. I'd rather hear from her, thank you. The transforming, the transforming. She doesn't like to talk about this. It hurts a lot, doesn't it? To become a volleyball. Well, how do I know that?

I'm trusting you're aware. Okay, fucking at that, the ball transforms back. What? Does it hurt to turn into a volleyball? Yes, it hurts a great deal. Oh, then you don't have to, man, unless you want to. It doesn't hurt when we both said, Spike, you dear. We could play Shroom.

Of course it doesn't hurt me when I'm in. in my ball form, I'm a ball. I don't have nerves. You need it. We'll play the minister's cat. I mean, it doesn't... You don't have to. You just... Why are you so testy then if it doesn't hurt? I just...

It hurts a lot. Okay. But I... Gordon's already setting up the net and you all seem so nice. Let me just... Let's play. It's uncomfortable. It's weird. It's weird. Can we...

Well, now it is. Okay, wait. What would the team... B. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I mean, I'll take Gordon. All right.

Okay, you and Gordon versus me and Philo. Okay. Is that what we're doing? And then we would do, what, acrobatic check? Everybody, no, I, so we'll do Filo and Godwin

make a contested, added athletics check versus Crawford, Muttner, and Gordon Clearwater. Athletics? Athletics. Holy shit. Gordon got a 19.

I got an 18. Jesus Christ, so at 37 37, all right Dad, what do you got? 15. Oh, God. What do I have to roll? 22. Our credit, how about?

Holy shit! This is a game for the ages, folks. Guys, no kidding. It starts out uncomfortable. It starts out uncomfortable because of the sort of stutter-step nature of the beginning of the game and the great and terrible page that I did wreak upon Elizabeth.

Sports Druid. But about five points into the game, that vibe is gone. And now it is Olympic level, Olympic level. The montaging of it is amazing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm thinking top guns. All of it.

All of it. So that's a 37 versus a 41. Some of the biggest, gnarliest numbers. I feel like we've seen on the Adventure Zone. This match, you're supposed to win by two. You guys accidentally play until sun up. The game goes on fucking forever, and you have to have another day here to have a second long rest. But you all talk about this fucking volleyball game for ages.

People start coming by and watching. You get... You know, with a game like that, we should level up. You attract... We should get a level up. You can't just spring that on us, dad. No, I don't think so, yeah. Just a suggestion.

Did you all level up? Before or after the werewolf fight? It was after. For sure. Yeah. Because if we hadn't leveled up after that, I would have come up. Yes. Okay, cool.

Okay, no, you don't level up, but you do get a good chunk of experience. And contracts. And also, I say, a lot of bonding. A lot of great bonding. Okay, it is the dawn of the following day. 36 hours later. 36 hours later. You all go ahead and heal up, get your,

your spell slots back, take your long rest, and Elizabeth said transforms. Okay, are you really ready to go now? Did you see that game? I did not. No, how'd it go? You didn't experience it. It was wild, dude. What were you doing?

I was being a ball. No, but like, if Elizabeth has no memory of the game, what is happening to? was with consciousness, which is in the playing of sports. I go into a sort of waiting room. Oh, a sports-themed waiting room? No. Is there an angry German doctor in there with you? I'm not sure what you're referencing.

No, none of us are. Never mind. Um, okay. So, again, water breathing time? Everyone good to go? I think we're ready. Did you all go bathroom? Yeah.

Okay. I'll need another 10 minutes. Oh, I need to roll up a number. another relics here. I need to roll up another relics here. Yeah, I guess you do need to do that. She starts, she's like, and water. Wait, wait, wait, hold on, I have to

roll up an elixir. Okay. Do these a crew, or do they, do they last a day? Yeah. Okay, so you have, so you, so you. I can, no, they last forever, yeah, they're good. And that was, I, let's see, to everyone, okay, I'm rolling a a, oh, it's a six.

Oh, that means I get to choose. That's fun. Okay. This is good. This is a transformation elixir. It works the same way as alter self does. Do you pick what you're doing or is it a dice?

No, I rolled a six. I rolled a six. And that's what it is on the chart. Uh, make a perception check for me, Philo, as he makes up this potion. Five. Uh, cool. All right, guys.

Water breathing time, now, please. I actually have stuff to do today. Yeah, of course. Yeah, man. Please. All right. I will cast the spell upon you. At that point, my beloved, Gordon, will lead you through the waters.

Know that you are entering the layer of the cult of the buried blood. It will be quite perilous in there. You should expect danger around every turn from the moment. moment you arrive. I worry that you will be killed in there because there's a lot of them and like three of you. Could you go with us as like a talking sword or something? Oh, excellent question. Like a fencing, like a raiders sport.

Yes, I suppose if it is a sword-based combat sport, but no, I don't want to do that because I'll die and so will Gordon. But if you all want to do that, go right ahead. That is your journey. so water water breathing you all can breathe water now for 10 minutes

okay let's go what do you do with it when the what do you do with it when the DM is like let me open a door to the place I told you to go and then the last thing I want to mention is you shouldn't go that's the one last

one last note my mouthpiece of this game is tell you do not do this thing I've told you to do I mean if you guys want to just I'm not kidding here, this is not a bluff. If you want this whole thing to turn on its ear and become

a volleyball-themed Gothic horror campaign, I am, I can make that work. I can make that happen. This is a crossroads. You're standing at right now. Do you, if you guys want to just stay here forever and play volleyball, that's fair.

Okay. And I haven't solved my mystery yet either. I am, Okay. But I think we should go. Yeah, maybe we could come back. Yeah, absolutely. Not right now.

Cool. You all jump into the water and you can breathe this water. It is yucky. It's a pretty yucky water. And so there's like a, there's almost a smell to it, but like a mouth smell. Sorry? I forgot about taste for like a second. I forgot about the sense of taste.

It tastes bad as you breathe it. You all dive down into the flooded quarry. Okay. And we got to move past what I did, it said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You swim and Gordon is leading you on the way. He has his own sort of like glowing fungal light on a stick that he is holding to sort of lead you all. and you swim into the entrance of this quarry.

He is sort of leading you down to follow rail cart tracks on the ground. And following those for a while, as you go, you just see just constant flotsam and jetsam from this ruined mining operation. a lot of just sort of wood panels floating around, the occasional sort of like metal wheel floating around. A lot of skeletons down here. You get the sense. Human? Yes, human skeletons.

You suspect that this flood happened maybe quickly and unexpectedly based on the sort of grisly scene you find as you dive forward. You follow these tracks for a very long time, not quite 10 minutes. And eventually he stops and then looks upward. Can I just say that that would be a wild move as a GM if you're like, yeah. To fucking drown you. I'm going to give you water breathing for 10 minutes. Unfortunately, it takes 18 minutes to swim there. Why didn't you guys check?

He points upward at a big hole in the ceiling. And looking up it, you can see that it is a sort of tunnel leading upwards, maybe like, 15, 20 feet. Up through that hole, you can see surface to the water, and you can see what looks like flickering firelight through that hole. He points up at the hole and then looks at you all and

waves his hand. Goodbye. Gives you a big thumbs up. Thanks. And he starts swimming backwards towards the weekend. I wave by too. Yeah. And then let's go ahead head in. Let's not push our little. Okay, cool.

With water breathing, does that include water speaking, in your opinion? No, I think water seeing is okay, but I don't know that water speaking is part of the bundle. Okay. All of you make a... Who's sort of like taking the charge? Who's like going up first? It should be me. You think?

I'm the sneakiest. Okay, yeah. Mutt then make a perception check as you take point and swim up towards the surface. 12 plus 7, 19. Okay. You see, as you get close to the surface of the water, you see there is a torch in a sort of makeshift sconce on the wall right near sort of where this pool exits out. You see that this is part of a much larger chamber that you can't quite see much more of.

But you also see a very bored-looking, just. just by the way he is sort of dressed in the fact that he is bearing arms, a guard standing with his back turned to the water, looking out into the chamber. Hmm. I ain't going to attempt to stealthily pull him into the water. Okay. Like, you know, cover his mouth, pull him down under the water. Yeah, sure, Rambo style. Sure.

So this is going to be an attack role. you're going to have advantage because I don't think there's any reality in which he can see you with his back to the water and you sort of getting the drop on him like this. Make an attack roll with advantage. And let's see how that goes. Using which rolls? I mean, are you just grabbing his ankles and yanking him in? Are you like leaping out and like trying to, you know, shank him or something? I guess grabbing his ankle.

I mean, whatever is going to be noticed at least. I just don't want them to make a lot of noise. Okay. But I guess if I'm doing it quickly enough. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I think this is just an unarmed sort of grapple check if you're just trying to, like, pulling them. 18 plus 3 at 21. Easy, yeah.

Tell me how. 8 plus 311, so 21. Yeah, tell me what it looks like. How do you get up and get out there? So I think I come up and get as high as I can. I think I grab him by, like, the back of his shirt. or something. Okay.

And then let the force of me going down, back down, also pull him back down. Sure. So I'm going under the water with him. Yeah, you leap out of the water. As you do, you get like a quick glimpse into this chamber. And you don't see anything, any other, like, people in here when you do this. But you do leap up and grab this guy. You hear him say, oh, shit!

And you splash him back down into the water. and you have him grappled. Lady Godwin and Filo, you all see this. Fylo, I imagine that you have sort of created a ballast system in order to maintain your underwaterness down here, buoyant as you are. But you all manage to, you all see Mutt grab a guard and splash him down into the water.

I'm going to, are we still in the water? Yeah. Okay, well, I'll just assist mutt in subduing the guard. Um, okay. Uh, then... Fatally or non-fatally? Yeah, describe... Well, we didn't really discuss that before.

Yeah, so I'm leaving it up to you, babe. Uh, let's, let's, uh, uh, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna punch him in his head. Okay. With advantage. Yeah, no, it will be with advantage. is like a concussive strike.

I'm trying to knock them out. Okay. Make an attack. Make an unarmed attack roll. That's an 18? Yeah. That's a... Or a natural 20.

Oh, fuck me. Plus six. Yeah. The punches are good today. Punches are really fucking good today. The punches are hot. Okay, roll damage on the unarmed attack roll. Okay.

Double, double dice. Four. And a four. You rolled two. Okay. Yeah. Clonk. You give him a swift one to just haymaker with shocking agility,

considering you are underwater, and you see him kind of go limp as all of you just sort of float up to the surface. Yeah, I don't want him to drown. I don't know this guy. Okay, that's nice of you. But I am going to search his body for, like, keys and money and stuff. Cool. Are you subduing him in any way?

Yeah, I'm going to tie him up. gag him, yeah, man. Okay, cool. The usual. Yeah. Okay, cool. Infiltration standard. Yes.

Checking his belongings, he has, there's no keys that he appears to have. He is wearing a sword. It is just a long sword that is fairly well up kept, but otherwise fairly... I throw that in the water so it sinks away. Okay. I mean, sorry, did either you want that? Too late.

It doesn't matter now. You see as it flies through the air towards the water, it says, there's an inscription on the Hilt that says to Tobias. With fondest regards. He was about to tell you about, and he didn't get to tell you about. With fondest regards, you're dead. Happy retirement. I'm going to try to grab the sword.

Like, you put a sword in there. I'm going to try to get it. Make a dexterity check as you try to grab it from the air as Mutt throws it into the water. 17. Yeah, all right. You catch it in the air. Nice. So now you have suffice this grandpa's sword.

I'll call it to me. Okay, cool. Add a long sword to your inventory. He, otherwise isn't wearing a whole lot of other sort of exceptional stuff except for he has on a tabard over his, over his leather armor that he is wearing. and it is of the same sort of like blood-red design as the robes of the cultists of the buried blood that you have seen during your journey thus far. Very similar to the tabard that you saw Hyde wearing when you encountered Jekyll and Hyde. You give me an Arcana check, I think just Philo probably. Or Philo and Mut.

You have some touch of the arcane in there. Oh, jeez. I got a 10. A 16 plus 117. Yeah, Mutt, I think for you, it's maybe just your eagle eyes pick up on the fact that around the collar of this tabard, there is some fine, like, filigree, like golden thread woven through it that appears to be enchanted. I think you piece together, just based on your encounters with these guys so far, this is the. this is this creates the sort of like red fogging effect that okay yeah I put it on cultists okay cool yeah you toss that you toss that bad boy on sorry real quick Griffin I just want to check as I'm

putting away Toby the sword does it feel kind of like what kind of vibe is it giving me is it like a gray is it kind of greenish is it like blue maybe purple it's purple maybe like a orange it's a purple so it's like epic it's oh you mean like Oh, you're talking about quality? Yeah, like what kind of quality to look like? I think you're saying the physical color of it. It doesn't seem like you would pass down a common long sword. You know what I mean?

Like, if I found a common long sword, I wouldn't be like, my grandkids got to have this. Like, I don't know passing down. Because when grandparents pass down weapons to their children, Griffin likes to destroy them the first time you use them. That's true. Okay, good to know. I will say it does have an enchantment on it that it is,

it does plus one damage to anyone named Toby or Tobias. If you fight someone named Toby, this long sword does plus one damage to them. What if they just have Tobians? No, no, no. No, if their name's Toby or Tobias, then this does plus one damage to them. Okay, got it.

Thank you. That feels weird to give to someone named Tobias. Well, who else would you want to have it? Yeah, but it feels a little bit of like sending someone a bullet with their name engraved on it or something, you know? Oh, that's right. Grandpa said, when Grandpa wrote, from your beloved grandpa on the hill to the sword, he was being kind of a smart ass about it. This was a threat. Yeah.

I have a million of these. For me. When it said Fort Toby it meant to stab him. Yeah. It was a reminder. It wasn't that you realize this is just not to pass on to his grandson Toby.

He made this sword to kill Toby and had to write on it to remind himself that this is the Toby Slayer. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, customize that item in your inventory. Okay. Cool. You pick this guy over.

Leave him tied up. He is very sleepy. you all are I'll just say if it's plus one that's not going to be very narratively satisfying if it comes back up maybe you could do me better than plus one you know what I mean? Just in case I can find another Toby

it's got to be like pretty good against Toby it does plus it does plus what would it's the flaming raging poisoning sort of when used against a Toby or Tobias it has the flaming raging poisoning sort of doom stat block

Okay, got it. So we'll look that up later. So you all are, now that you have sort of broken the surface of the water, are able to sort of gather your surroundings. You stand in the under Stranglemire, and it sucks down here. Pretty bad. There was a sort of logic to the iron mines that you were swimming through with Gordon earlier, like a plan, a structure that was. a plan, a structure that was used by miners to excavate the iron from the walls here. These tunnels that you're in now don't appear to be part of that same sort of like network.

They appear to have just been sort of blasted and excavated out, like extremely chaotically. The chamber that you're in right now has a very, very low ceiling. It appears to be something of like a nexus with like, roughly hewn tunnels that split off in in several different directions. And that is maybe why they had a guard stationed here. You all are out of the water and freshly loot gathered. What do you, what are you doing? And he is, and it is, this effect is the sort of like red bloom effect you're describing.

Is that just on Crawford or? What, red bloom effect? The red smoke? Yeah, thank you. Oh, yeah, it is just, it is just, uh, an effect that you can sort of activate and deactivate with like a touch. If we find anything else that's, you know, vile worthy? Um, anything that can put in a bottle?

I mean, make, may you take out the guy's appendix? Make a, I mean, if you can tell me if you're looking for, investigation. Well, investigations if you're looking for something specific. I think just a perception check to look, look, look, look, the area. Oh, we've already established that that is not my... Okay. If you can ever narrow it down, then I'm fully willing to concede...

Okay. You are 12. Yeah, with a 12, you look around for something sort of eye-catching and what light sources are you guys sort of working with down here? There was the torch in the wall that you are free to take. I don't know if you have your own sort of illumination. I mean, we have... Don't you just have a torch? Um, yes.

You guys can have his, well, my glowing hat, I still have my glowing hat. I have dark vision. Okay, cool. Uh, so you're wearing a glowing hat, Philo? Still? Yeah, the, the, the, the, the, well, why not? Okay, cool. Same hat.

Uh, cool. You all then are able to see pretty clearly. The light off your glowing hat, uh, you see glints off of a, uh, some flex of red stone that are in. embedded in the wall of this sort of nexus chamber. That is what I will give you with a 12 perception check. Oh, I put it in a vial. I bottled it up.

I mean, it's a stone in a wall. So we're going to, I'll need to hear how you are doing that, what the process is. Big bottle. Big bottle. A lot of scrape. A lot of scrape. The walls that's hop in. I'm going to take one of the, one of my darts.

and I'm going to to kind of scrape it into the bottle. Okay. Some flex of the red for analysis. Sure. Make a,

this is, I think, detail work. Give me a slight of hand check. 19. Cool. Yeah, you are able to sort of deftly eyeball this wall and find like where the flex are clustered closest together and you scrape a sample of it

into a vial. when it happens, I'm not going to make you guys roll a perception check for this. As you are scraping, there's like a, there's like a tremor that reverberates

throughout the chamber like a very, very, very mild sort of earthquake. It comes and passes through the chamber and seems to just echo down these different tunnels from here in this nexus, just a...

And then a few seconds pass, and then another one comes. And then, things quiet down. I think we should head towards that noise, personally. Yeah, I think you could, yeah, I think that would be easy enough to do to follow the source of this noise.

It is close, it seems to have come from the tunnel where these red flecks are kind of congregated around. So you are able to sort of triangulate the origin of the noise. It seems to correspond to where this red stone is. Well, Lady Godwin's going to start heading that direction So you Okay, yeah, I follow

I get, okay, yeah, I follow I mean, we don't have any other leads, right? And there are how many tunnels? There's like four tunnels in here. Yeah, I mean like... Yeah, let's do it. Other options, right? Yeah.

Like, let's, we don't know what we're wandering into otherwise. At least if we know there's noise that might cover an approach, there's something happening that might be distracting. That's my hope. Cool. you all begin walking down the tunnel. It is long and winding and just similarly kind of crudely carved out as the chamber you were just standing in.

As you walk down it, the light from your torch and from your magic hat continue to sort of flicker off of the red stones in the wall that as you progressed, It grows sort of more frequent appearances of this redstone than just like flex in the wall. You see like seams begin to form. So just seams of these, of this red stone naturally sort of appearing inside of the rock. And you, you see them more commonly as you pass through this tunnel. As you do, another pair of tremors just shoots down through the tunnel that you're passing through. and very, very similarly to last time. And you all make your way out the end of this tunnel,

and you reach a stone outcropping that is overlooking a stupefying sight. You are standing in another chamber that appears to, this one seems to have been naturally formed just from just natural erosion. The ceiling of this chamber is easily 100 feet above you. Its floor, which you can sort of see down past the edge of this outcropping, giving you pretty terrible vertigo, is like an indeterminable distance down. You do see looking down your light shines off of just hundreds of thousands of bones, which would be the most upsetting thing in this room, if not for the enormous spine that you see before you. It emerges from the edge of the outcropping that you're standing on, and it stretches all the way across this chasm, a good 120 feet to an outcropping and a tunnel on the other side. This is a giant spinal bridge.

Whatever this spine is the spine of, you are not sure. Each vertebra is nearly like 10 feet in diameter. It is enormous. What do you do? Can I just say, man? I hate this. You know what I mean? Yes, it's rather unpleasant.

Yeah, man. Like, oh. Can we get around it? You can't go around it. You're just going to have to go through it. Squish. Squish. So it's a spine like sticking out of the water?

It is a, you are on a, basically cliff, a stone outcropping. Okay. And the spine is. from one cliff to the other. It's like growing out of one side of this chasm to the other, like a bridge. May I suggest that if we wish to cross this, I, in my somewhat lighter form, could possibly lead the way, perhaps with a rope attached to me?

Sure. Just in case the worst happens. As far as I know, you still have a rope attached to you. Oh, yeah, man, we did forget. You had to have to do it. There's no way you played that bitching a game of volleyball with a big rope tied around. There's no way. That's how it was so good.

His Lady Godd was, like, swinging him around like a mace. Yeah, as a morning star is getting the hard shots. Cool, I like this. So what is the, what is the plan here? What's the order are you? How many of you are going out onto the bridge? It sounds like you're going to let Philo go in first. with the rope tied around him,

who is holding the other end of the rope. Paint me a picture. I would say the two of us, man, but... Yeah, we'll brace and just see how the journey goes across the entire thing to the end of it. Are you staying on one side of the bridge as he attempts to cross, or are you going out after him?

What are you doing? I think it makes... Let's find out if there's going to be a danger, right? Yeah, right? Then let him cross it. Okay. We'll let our canary go first. Yeah.

Sure. Okay. you step out onto the spinal bridge, Philo. As your foot, as your wooden foot touches bone, it makes a sort of hollow clacking sound. And you are having a little bit of trouble actually keeping your footing. You're having some trouble, you know, with the smoothness of your feet,

staying upright on this slightly rounded kind of bony surface. give me a I think this is just a dexterity check to see how crossing this slippery bridge goes for you okay well that's an 18 okay I think it takes some doing

and it doesn't look especially graceful but you are able to cross this bridge and it seems pretty sturdy it seems pretty rock solid What's on the other side? Is there anything I can tie the rope to to anchor to help with the safety of my friends?

I would say like the nearest vertebra to where you are has a, you know what it is? It's almost like a hip bone jutting out of the ground that has a cavity in it that you could maybe tie this rope around. Okay. And that's what he does. He takes the rope from around his waist. Oh, God, it feels good, too. Give me. Feels so good.

That is a role. I will want, I think, a survival role for the knot tying here. I mean, you're a little puppet, man. Right, yeah. Oh, almost a 20. It's a 7. Yeah, you tied it really good. You actually did a kick-ass job.

You actually look at it and you think, damn, Philo, you've done it again. Another great knot. and do you signal to the others? Yes. Cool. In addition to that, I'm going to cast a spell. I'm going to cast, I'm going to cast light, which is a cantrip. which I'll just say makes darkness go away.

Yeah. Makes things less dark. I'll say I cast it on the hip bone. Okay. So it shows you guys where you're headed in the dark. Okay, cool. And it illuminates maybe the last part of the... Cool.

And are you guys crossing now? Sure. Yeah. Seems all right. Holding on to the rope, both of you? Yeah. Sure, yeah, of course. Okay, cool.

You step out onto the bridge. Both of you give me a dexterity check, please. Okay. Dexterity check or dexterity check? I would say with advantage since I've shown the light. Matt, 20. All right. 15.

Yeah, both of those are totally sufficient. You all cross this bridge. I would say, mutt, you're having a very easy time of it. Godwin, you're slip sliding around a little bit, but you are able to sort of gain your footing and get some traction and start making a way across the bridge. Halfway across. Oh,

another pair of tremors hit. And as they go off, you hear the same sort of quiet as the reverberation dies down, which takes a while in this chamber. And then you hear looking down the tunnel at the edge of the bridge you've just crossed. to Philo, you peer over and the light of your hat shines a far way down the tunnel. And it looks like the light is receding. Like maybe you worry like, oh no, is the spell wearing off what's going on? And you realize that that is not the case. What is the case is that thousands upon thousands of rats are storming down the tunnel like a tidal wave threatening to wash you all

away. Maximum Fun A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.