The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Versus Dracula - Episode 23

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

As the hunters make their way through the winding rooms of Dracula's castle, they find strange artifacts, diplomatic residents, and exposition. Mutt sets a trap. Phileaux gets greasy. Godwin takes a turn on the dance floor. Dice sounds by Tal M. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

One bunch bananas. Apple cider vinegar. Spaghetti sauce. Kidney beans for chili night. Tostito scoops for chili night. Garlic, just kidding. Tom's for chili night. Peanut butter smooth.

Cabbage. Cabbage. Cabbage. Cabbage? The three of you stand for the holographic visage of Robert Halloween, mayor of Lumineau, who greeted you upon your arrival to the city and attempted to persuade you not to leave it. But you were sort of switching the dial towards the idle setting to get rid of the dancing specters in the room when you stopped in this position. Robert Halloween smiles at the three of you, and he says,

Now, if you could please state your name and state the reason for your visit, be it business, pleasure, or something in between. Mayor Halloween, why are you here? He does not seem to respond to that question. I'm going to try to wave a hand through him. Do it. Yeah, go for it. I wave a hand through him.

your hand uh and i want to make it clear griffin before you tell me the result this isn't a gentle swing if i make contact with him i wanted to feel like a karate chop oh okay cool whoa your karate chop i'm committed i'm committed to the swing uh make an attack roll against robert halloween that's a 17 total griffin okay with a 17 total here's what i'll give you your hand i only do one damage well you don't you do any damage. Your hand passes right through it. When it does so, you feel your hand start to heat up, not quite as badly as the, when the dancers kind of passed through you earlier, but it does not feel good to touch Robert Halloween. However, so strong was your strike that your hand doesn't kind of linger in there long enough for it to take any damage. He looks at your

karate chop. He says, now please bear in mind, no acts of violence will be permitted within the walls of Lumino, those caught perpetrating acts of violence will be jailed, find, or expelled from our borders. Yeah, man, but is it violence if it don't hit you? Hmm. An interesting question. If a karate chop falls in the forest. Hmm.

Okay. More of like if we were to stage, like stage combat, right? Like if you was watching a show, we did stage combat, you wouldn't arrest the people doing stage combat, right? Ah, you're here to partake. of the delightful performance arts of the stage. Allow me to direct you to the theater district where you could find any number of shows

that will almost certainly tickle your fancy. I want to look around to see if I can find is there a projector or something like that. I think you noticed when the sort of dial was being switched around that the chandelier hanging from the ceiling appears to be the thing creating Robert Halloween right now. If you want to give me an Arcana check to see... I will. I will.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Well, a two plus six is eight. That's not a good number. I got a nine. Okay. Okay. So I know a little bit more than dad.

Yeah. Two from me. Okay. Let's add them up. You, with this Arcana check, I don't think you gleaned quite anything else, aside from the fact that this Robert Halloween and the dancers that you saw earlier and the other sort of myriad effects you've seen in this room do seem to be being projected by the chandelier on the ceiling, which is glowing with the same sort of amber light that you've seen in luminow and in the cameras. surrounding this castle. Griffin, can I do, I would like to do a nature check to see if when my hand passed through that amber light, if I can like register like, oh, I know what this feels like or like

something where I'm like, I recognize this sensation. I don't think you need a check from that. This is not like anything you have touched or seen or witnessed before to your, to your knowledge. This like burning, like bright hot sensation is not like immediately familiar to you. Hmm. Okay. Ah, hello. It seems like you all have done quite well for yourselves here. Okay, wait, man. Can you see us like register we're talking to you or are you recording? Uh, why, it is dark in this district of Lumino, I suppose. But yes, I can see you just fine. In Lumino, man.

I mean, I guess you are, but you're not like in the booth where we met you. You know that, right? Oh, I have a number of jobs around this fair city. I believe you'll see me pop up wherever a need may arise, for I am Robert Halloween, mayor of Lumino. Mr. Halloween, how long has this castle been here? He does not respond to that. Turn the dial. I don't want to think about this anymore.

I turn it back up one, up one, away from Idol. You turn it back up one away from idle The chandelier begins to glow extremely brightly And you feel You feel this warm sensation This unpleasant warm sensation Sort of just cascade over you very quickly And I switch back to Robert

And I want to see if it restarts a cycle You switch back to Robert Halloween And you see him and he sees you And he says, Ah, welcome to our fair city of Lumino. My name is Robert Halloween, and I am the mayor.

I switch the middle. He disappears, and the room darkens. Okay. Can I tell you all what I'm thinking? This is wild. This is wild conjecture. Can I share with you all a wild conjecture?

Of course. Try stopping you. Yeah. So it's like an amber light, right? Amber is the color of the energy, right? Yes. And it kind of burns when you wave your hand through it,

and we're looking like a shandelier's reflecting it. Could it be that their Frankenstein has found a way to like harness the sunlight that can't get through to like make it into like energy? Is that anything? Yes. Griff, do we remember a time when it wasn't like this? What a deep-ass question, Justin.

Shit, man. Yes. Yeah, I'll get back to Taz in a second. Griffin, McElroyd, do you remember time when it wasn't like this? Yeah. Gosh, it's so hard, right? In an election year especially, it's hard to see the forest for the trees. Yeah, no, for sure. I mean, the sun not rising on luminow is not like, is not a ancient thing. Like this, it is like the sunset a few. like years ago, several years ago. Was it up when I was, this is a new thing for me?

This is a new thing for you. Yeah, I think you were probably dead when this change occurred. I have something I would like to investigate. Just very, very quickly. Please go ahead. I take the bottle with little Dracula. What do we? Snacula.

Yeah. I thought you killed him already. No, we didn't kill him. I put him in a bottle. It's hard to keep track of all the weird things. Retritis and leavings that dad keeps in bottles. Snacchila is still in a bottle. Holy shit.

Hey, what happened with young? Hush, little snacular, don't say a word. Can you put some twigs and listen here to recreate my natural environment? Sure, sure, sure. Mutt. No, come over that lid. You're not open that lid. Mut, yeah, no.

But turn the amber light back on. Okay, I still check on Robert Halloween. Oh, it's just Robert. Halloween. He doesn't get scared seeing Robert Halloween. Oh, holy shit, that dude just appeared. Crazy. Wow, right? Yes. He's this a ghost? Robert Halloween says, uh, hello and welcome to the city of Lumino. I am in the mayor.

Put him in. Put him in, man. Robert, hallo. Oh, you're putting a little jar with a man inside me. Whoa. Is the ember light on? Yeah, I mean, the emberlight. I want to hold the bottle so it's in the amber light. You immediately hear And see smoke begin to form inside of... Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off. Okay.

Just take him out. I took it out. And I put it back in my weapon belt. Now hold on. I think it's going to be up to Griffin with the lasting effect is there, dad, on Snacula. Yeah. I don't think you get to decide

if he's totes fine. Yeah. When you... Give me a sleight of hand check to determine how quickly you are able to pull him out of the light as 14. 14. Okay.

Yeah, he is, he is singed and smoking. He is looking at you with a face of honest shock and betrayal. He is not doing great, but he is not dead. Why?

I think that proves. It's sunshine. That is sunshine. And sunshine, why would Frankenstein develop a weapon that is Not a weapon. Power source. Why would he develop a power source that could destroy his bestest bud and our favorite diarist, Dracula?

Well, man, I don't know, but... I don't know. Let's keep poking around. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Let's fuck around and find out. Yeah. That's actually what it says on the Muttner family crest.

You all have the exit to the east back into the kitchen You have the two windows out onto the The wall with the battlements surrounding the castle The sort of upper story that you're on now And then there is an exit to the north I ain't going out of them windows That's where that roomfield guy is He's being scary

That is true So let's go through the doors Into the kitchen For sure Into the kitchen or into the other room Other room We came out of the kitchen and that's her spatula and the boys were right on, right on, right on.

Okay. Dang, dang, just seeing what's in the big end of that room there, Griffin? Yes, you all enter into the bed chamber. As you look around here. You say bed. What's that? You say bed. You chose the word bed there.

Yeah. I'm seeing a coffin. Yeah, maybe it's a bed. Can I show you guys a little GM's secret? If I move that coffin, there is a bed in there. So it's a bed with a coffin sitting on top of it. Is that what, I mean, I guess you've got to do something, right? I mean, at least it's like a box spring kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're one of the dirty dogs, if you're one of the dirty dogs, he probably just puts you on the floor or no problem. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, like a college, you know, college apartment. It's just right there on the ground. There is in this. Which, frankly, I kind of miss. I like having my bed out, don't get me wrong, but I think of my bed. but I think of my back was better.

It might have been that I was a younger man, but I think the support of the floor was better for my back, frankly. That's true. Through a tall, curtained window on the western wall of this room, that is facing back out towards the wall with the battlements. Through this curtain window, you see the silhouette of Renfield just like patrolling, marching back and forth in front of this window.

There are exits to the east. This room is lit. with sort of soft candlelight from a few from a few sconces placed hither and yon and at the rear of the room you see a large king-sized bed with sort of golden, a wiry bed frame surrounding it, red sort of covers or are blanketed across it, but on top of all of that is a coffin, a plain, unadorned, closed wooden coffin. Other than the sound of Renfield, occasionally marching by outside, you see nothing else in this room. What is beyond the pathway that Renfield walks?

Wow. Another deep one, Justin? That is huge. Well, I only have the one tone, Travis, so yes, they're all deep. So if you were to go out this window and just look over the battlements, you would be facing the sort of front gate of the castle.

Is it a drop or what? Yeah, it is about a two-story drop from down there. Okay, gruevy. The bridge right in front of the castle gate. Okay, now hear me out. Don't see any version of this where we kill Dracula. And then that big, beautiful, beefy bruiser outside lets us walk out. Agreed?

Okay. Okay, so here's what I'm saying. I'm whispering now. Yeah. Because I saw him walk by on the app. Griffin's moving his token on Roll 20. Griffin's moving the token that only we can see. But he is moving it in like he's marching manner, which I appreciate the show.

Yes. It's puppetry of the digital service. Here's the window. We rush him. What? And knock him off the battleman. smash the window one good shove

done so problem solved then we get back to Dracula so just okay can I just to rephrase that a little bit we're not going to be able to fight renter no I know but I'm just going to put it a slightly

different way you're worried that if we kill Dracula we won't we won't be able to fight Renfield so what we should do is fight Renfield first right what no no no I'm saying this is our exact perfect moment to get him

on the lobe to get him with a little slimy deal you know just one quickie just one quick shove he's dead

we don't have to fight him because we'll shove him to his death I think that's no problem I think that's a wonderful idea what no problem at all can I this is our moment

listen if we waited out eventually we'll be in a big I don't know cathedral or whatever yeah yeah yeah he'll come swinging down off a thing and he'll say Oh I bet I you never thought I'd find you

And he'll have all sorts of different weapons there And places to run around And what have you Here one could shove one slippery deal Okay Hey Philo you got any like of your potions And or unguents That can make the floor all slippy

Make a... Yes it is slippery One of those must be a slippery deal Check for viscosity I may have a spell. Oh, that's good. No, that wouldn't help there. Shh, whisper.

I do. I do have something. It's called grease, where slick grease will cover the ground in a 10 foot square. Okay, yes. I could throw some. That's very on the nose. The next time he passes, you must steal away to the window. Yes. And dump a bunch of grease on this.

Then once he returns, I'll give him the old chavarooski. Perfect. No problem, oh, Renfield dead. I love this. Okay, so Philo, you're going to hide by the window. And if I understand the plan correctly, wait for Renfield to pass and then try to discreetly dump grease out the window onto the wall. Well, cast a spell on the floor.

Yeah, well, yeah, I can also do like if I tie a rope to an arrow and see if I can get it to stick, like if I can go. And so he trips over. hits the grease, trips over, oh, he's off balance, shove. Oh, I love that. That's great. That's good, too. Okay.

I will need stealth checks. What's the lighting situation in here? There are some, I mean, it's just, like I said, just lit by a few wall sconces, holding several candles each. Those would be easy enough to extinguish if that is what you were thinking. Oh, no, no, no. No, that's not, that's not necessary. All right.

Sure enough, Renfield marches by the window. you all have been very quiet and discreet so far, so he has no reason to look in or suspect something. What is the order in which you and Mutt and Fylo you are acting? Well, I guess Fylo needs to go first, right? Sure. Wait, what's Mutt doing? I'm sure never up the trip, put in a trip wire.

Yeah, he's going to set up a trip wire, basically. Okay. Great. So, Philo, first from you, I need a stealth check. I don't think that what you're doing, is particularly showy, right? Like, this is going to be a fairly easy stealth check for you to pass. If you get, like, if you fuck up dramatically, like below a five, then there would be consequences.

But otherwise, you're just dumping some grease out a window. I think you can do that fairly, fairly chill. So, give me a stealth check, please, Philo. Okay. 17. Incredible. Right. Okay.

You wait for him to pass. gently crack open the window. What does it look like? What does grease, the spell look like? Is it a tangible sort of component, like the rest of your artificer kind of stuff? Well, I get an increase if I use one of my tools. Okay. So I'm going to use the pestle from my mortar and pestle.

Sure. And gesture with it. And it will cover, the slick grease will cover. the slick grease will cover the ground in a 10-foot square centered on a point within range and turns it into difficult terrain. Rad. I love that. Okay, you see this go off without a hitch. The window's already cracked. If you would also like to make a stealth check here, I will say what you're doing is a bit more kind of dramatic, right?

So for him to not hear, you know, the sound of a crossboat bolt plunging into the wall beyond, I would need a 15 or higher on this stealth check. 15 or higher? Okay. Here we go. That's not going to do it, Griffin. That's an 11. Okay.

With an 11, you're able to do this. You're able to set up this tripwire. You have caught Renfield's attention here. You hear the footsteps begin marching back towards the window sort of post haste. But he's ready. It's time. Okay. This is the moment.

Now, Godwin, what are you doing? I'm waiting until he reaches the trip wire. Okay. I want to see if he passes his save or not. He is going to make a dexterity saving throws. He steps onto this grease, trips over this wire. I'm going to give him disadvantage due to the sort of double trap nature here. We are going to roll that shit.

Here we go. Roll here at 12 and a 4. Okay, he immediately, he trips on the, he trips on the trip wire that you've set up, steps foot with a ton of weight onto this grease, and immediately just starts doing a, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He is like wildly off balance. I toss one of the candelabra onto the grease. Oh, fuck. Holy shit.

And then I jump kick him. Okay, here's what I'm going to say, Jews. That's sort of two actions. I think that... I don't get two attacks. You do get two attacks. Okay, that's fair. All right.

Make an attack roll. No, you don't have to make an attack roll to throw a... I guess you're making an attack roll on the window to like smash through it with this one. I'm attacking the darkness. Yeah, so give me a... Give me an attack roll just to smash through the window. It's a window. Its AC is incredibly...

Incredibly... Whoa. An eight. Come on, you coward. Don't interrupt the game for that. It's a bad window. It is a pretty shitty window. I will say,

and it was already cracked. We didn't even necessarily clarify if the window is open for them to get their shit out there. That is a good point. Okay, the window is open. That's fine. Hey, it's sufficient.

To bypass an open window? You throw this candelabra down into the grease and immediately Renfield is set aflame. You hear him begin shrieking in an alarmingly high-pitched sort of voice as he goes up in... All right. Flying drop kick, baby. All right. Give me a...

That was damage. Sorry, that was damage. On armed strike. He is heavily armored. Whoa, holy three. Shit. Just checking here. Yeah, that's going to do it. Does it do it? Yeah, his AC is 20. So not the easiest fella to knock over? Okay. Now he... I assume you're just going to try and move him, right?

five feet off the edge of the battlement. Off the edge of the... He is going to make another deck save here with disadvantage because of just how desperately you guys have fucked him up here. That is a seven and a 17. The seven does not do it. Renfield goes plunging over the edge of the battlements, flaming, falling down to the bridge below like an asteroid from heaven.

And he's going to take a lot of damage. Okay. He takes 41 points of damage total between the flames and the tremendous fall. You see him crash down onto the bridge below. It's a heavy cement bridge. You see sort of cracks form across it. But it maintains its structural integrity. He is struggling to get up. He is damaged. He is damaged. but not like horribly so. He is still holding together. It's not like he exploded as soon as he hit the ground. It's a big heavy dude.

You have, however, moved him quite far away. I can't believe how well that all worked. Nor can I. We are really good at assassinations. Well, he's still moving. What else we got? Oh, um, what if... Uh, 20 feet.

I'll toss my hand down there to start choking him. Uh-huh. It's 20 feet. Yes. Yes. A couple things. One, he is on fire currently. Okay, it's a mage hand, so that's not a problem.

Well, it's a fleshy mage hand. So I think it... You told me it's a mage hand, though. That's a spectral floating hand. But it is your real ass hand. It is. I guess you're right, Griffin. Also, I will say, your hand...

So wait a minute. Okay, then if he's continuing to burn, then I'm going to continue to take burning damage. That is true. gonna wait. Yeah. We also now have time. We've made a window for ourselves speaking of a window.

And so why don't we kill Dracula now and then get the fuck out? There's no chance. No chance. It'll be like everything will seem like it's going well, right? And then he'll come out and he'll say one thing and then everything will just stop. Yeah, man. And I can feel it coming. I don't.

He's way down there, man. We killed Dragon. We got two rooms back to the gym. I'm going to come back. We just got the diggy pipe, man. We're out. Fine. Okay.

So you're leaving, you're leaving Renfield to his own devices while you go attempt to... Let me do something first. Please. Let me hit him with a ray of... I will say this. He is starting to get up. This dude is not going to stay on the ground forever. I'm going to hit him with a ray of sickness.

Okay. Sure, take your pot shots while... Yeah, while he's there. Well, he's down. Sure. You have advantage on this attack wall because he is prone. Okay. That's a good thing because that was an eight.

I legit don't even remember if... That's a 19. Unfortunately, I did just say he has a 20 AC. Yeah. So that ray of... That's a tough beat. The ray of sickness deflects off of his armor. Ooh, wow.

You see it hit a squirrel in a tree as it bounces off of his armor. And the squirrel just vanishes. from how sick it gets immediately. Well, I got the score, Earl. That's true. Okay, with that, he gets up and starts marching somewhat slowly, somewhat Terminator style. Well, actually, the Terminator guy moves quite fast, huh? Maybe like a It follows style towards the front gate of the castle.

Griffin, would you say that he is a monstrosity? Yeah. Yeah. Perhaps an abomination, if that is a... I have advantage on something. survival checks to track him. Okay. So I'm going to shoot him with my arrow.

Sure. I will say this, Travis. If Mutt wants to try to like triangulate based on sound where this thing is using that survival check, I will allow that. Okay, great. Yeah, I'll keep that in mind. Because he effortlessly pushes open the front gate of the castle and marches back inside and vanishes from view. Okay. Let's get this here.

Convin open, slay this guy, we're out. About a being, I pull his teeth. I pull out my set of DeWalt Vampliers. Shit, that's good, Traff. Thank you. I've been saying it many times about this, and no one's registered vampires yet. Yeah, it's okay.

And I'm going to give them teeth. They're specially designed for pulling teeth from vampires. And I'll get them teeth, and then we'll hit the road. You know what I mean? Okay. The three of you approach. The coffin now that you've hop back into the room and gingerly avoiding pieces of broken glass, which is like such a danger that a lot of people don't do that when they break over.

We all have shoes on. Yes, absolutely. What's your, what's the order of operations here? I pull Scaliber. I pull Scalibur and I'm like, okay. Godwin open Scalibur and then bless something, Philo to make it like, you know, don't come back. You got something? Okay, you ready? Um, uh, wait. Oh, dear Heavenly Father above. No, no, no.

Shh! After. You just know, we got blessed things. After. After him. Throw open. Stab. Blessing. That's the order. Okay, let's do it. My yay. Okay, you ready? Three, two, one. Yes. Go. So then. Oh, yes, dear Lord.

No, after. Oh, God. Godwin open coffin. Godwin opens coffin. Open coffin. There's a button actually on the side of the coffin. And I'm ready. I've got Scalibur raised.

I would hope at his socioeconomic class, it is an automated coffin, that he does not have to lift up himself. It is like a Japanese toilet. Okay. You see the lid of the coffin open up on hydraulics. There is nothing. Fuck. Yeah. Should it check that first.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And will you do, wait, Griffin, will you do the break, the commercial break? There.

Full of Geraldo and everything. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Inside is. Nothing. There's nothing at all. Hello, sleepy heads. Sleeping with celebrities is your podcast,

Pillow pal. We talked to remarkable people about unremarkable topics, all to help you slow down your brain and drift off to sleep. For instance, we have the remarkable Neil Gaiman. I'd always had a vague interest in live culture, food preparation. Sleeping with celebrities, hosted by me, John Moe, on MaximumFun.org, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Night night. You can't really know if your own show is any good. So I asked my kids about ours. Is Jordan Jesse go a good show? No. Definitely not. It's really bad. I would say out of 10, maybe like a 4 out of 10. It's just really boring.

Yeah, zero. Subscribe to Jordan Jesse Go, a comedy show for grownups. You all are standing around this now open coffin in something of a murder tableau with your various bits of vampire slaying paraphernalia at the ready. and as you realize this coffin is empty, the eastern door of the room you are in opens. Through it very quickly, you see the music room beyond that you saw just a little while ago. You can kind of now see all of it through the open door.

The figure that has walked into the room is, it is Dracula. Well, fuck, this is awkward. you see him as you have not really seen him before. Usually he is decked out in his, you know, vampiric regalia dressed to the nines in the classical style. Right now, he's wearing like a sweater, a striped sweater and some like jeans and some tennis shoes. Just tell me he's not wearing.

Are there Warby Parker's Griffin? Just tell me. Are there Warby Parker? He is not wearing Warby Parker's. Oh, thank God. He is wearing Rothi's shoes, though.

He walks in, and he's holding, like, a tray of, like, chips and salsa. And he's like, Renfield, have you seen my... Oh. And then he looks at all the weapons you're holding, he goes, oh.

Um... Surprise. And I attack with... Jennifer Myers. Okay. Give me... Going for the head, just like as promised. I love it.

You are closest to Dracula. Give me an attack roll, please. That's N-19. Well, from my angle, it looked like a 19, because I'm to the right of it. It was a 15. A 15 does not hit. It doesn't hit Dracula?

Are you sure? Yeah, it doesn't hit Dracula. 15 whole points? Yeah, no, this is Count Dracula. He's sort of the boss. Oh, Count Dracula. Yeah, I hit him three forces as hard as I could hit him, and that didn't hurt him.

Yeah. No, that didn't get him. He sidesteps. And as he does so, you see like a sort of trail of mist come off of him as he steps aside with supernatural agility. And he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, chill. Hey, calm down. Hey, there is no need for that, I assure you. I'm assuming you all are here to kill Count Dracula, yes?

Yeah. Are you? make a habit of speaking of the third person? No, I mean, okay, yes, you've got me there. This is going to be hard to believe, but I am not a guy you're looking for. You're one of the, like, grown-off of body part cut-off guys, right? It may surprise you to learn this, but there's lots of Dracula's. It's not a surprise at all, man.

And you're telling us that our Dracula is in another castle. something of the sword I haven't seen it This is a big fucking castle He could be somewhere I haven't checked this zone Yet but they don't let me Kind of go whatever I want

So it's hard to say I do believe he is not in this castle Yeah Okay but just to be clear You are a Dracula right Yes I am I am one of many

Dracula's but But but but Of this This caldron of Dracula's I am you will find one of the more agreeable. Please Lord your weapons. You're freaking me out a little bit.

Okay, I lower my weapons. Nice chief, caliber. Cool. How many Dracula's would you say is in the castle? Oh, gosh. I suspect there's more than a few. They are extremely concerned with kind of managing the Dracula population. I'm not letting there be too many just scamper.

about. We are a rebellious sort. Is there any way, could you, and I know this is a big ask, but could you maybe try to get them all together in one room for us for no reason whatsoever? With their eyes closed? You're hoping to slay. What? Nobody said, no, hey, nobody said that.

But we are. No, we want to tag them and track them. It doesn't matter. None of it matters unless we can find. Do you keep copy, keep, keep, track rather of the original Dracula, the classic, is that considered

rude? Dracula crime? Give me an insight check, all three of you. 16. 12, 11. Philo, I think you clock, as you are talking to him, his initial sort of response to seeing you all

was like genuine fear. But now it's starting to change to ruminate You can see the wheels kind of turning in this Count Dracula's head as you're talking. He says, Ah, yes. I mean, that is who you are seeking, and I assure you that is not me. This Dracula, the original, the source Dracula, he is the one you're looking for.

The one I suspect is not here. I have not seen him in many. moons. Does he have a regular hangout in the castle? Like a rumpus room or a den or something where he, you know. There

is Okay, listen. I can tell you what I know. On two conditions. One, don't kill me, don't slimy. I don't want that. My existence is somewhat a as I cannot really leave this castle, but it is, I prefer it to the oblivion of the beyond.

Also, I do request, you must not hurt Dr. Victor Frankenstein. Okay. He also resides at his castle, and I suspect him and the source Dracula do have their fair share of secrets that they have not illuminated me into, but do not hold them. against Victor. He is doing his, he's doing his best, you know. Where does Victor reside in the castle? Can you give us directions? I mean, he resides here in the bed chamber. He shows he pulls out a little trundel bed from underneath the bed that the coffin's sitting in.

Oh, isn't that sweet? Yes, it's neat, nice. I have to sleep in a coffin. Well, you know, I don't actually think I have to, because there's no sunlight. I could probably just do it The bed style But to be honest I prefer the coffin It is like a womb of the night

So Wait real quick Sorry I want to do my Triangulation track Ah good fucking call Travis Yeah we don't have eyes on Renfield So that's a 26 I have advantage

This is 19 so let's see I got a 29 total With my He is to the southeast of you You, since he is still on the first floor, but you detect he is making his way towards the, towards a spiral staircase down there. The same one that you came up to head back up towards the kitchen. He is not there yet. You can tell that these footsteps are still definitely coming from below you.

Okay. Yeah, God, well, we got time for like one or two more questions. Then we got to move. Perfect. Why can't you leave the castle? Oh, boy. It's complicated than the person. I would prefer to just leave it that

I cannot leave. It was part of the conditions of my creation, I suppose. I don't want to do this, man. I got a zone of truth, brother. I don't want to drop it on you. But like, if it would in any way to help us resolve this whole thing,

we have to know. Give me a... I think this is almost an intimidation check if you're threatening him with this spell. Um, yeah. Well, well, that's a crat fail. Allow me to try it. May I try?

He looks, he just looks uncomfortable. He doesn't, he, he is not wild about sharing this, but yes, if he would like to try Philo. Yes. Um, I, and so Philo moves closer to the, the door, um, into the, uh, the room with all the sunlight. Okay. and says A sweater drag We would like you to answer

Their question Godwin and Mutt's question And if you don't answer And I understand We have not agreed to not slay you That is true, yes I know this I will use the spell vortex

To transport you into that room full of sunlight. Oh, I hate that fucking room, man. It sucks so bad in there. And have it right outside your bedroom. That has got to be a pain. It's not, I've told him many times, Victor, it would be chill if my bedroom was not right next to the sunlight room.

Give me an intimidation check, please. Yep. 16. Okay. He kind of untenses up. He says, okay, okay. They source Dracula, the one you hunt, the one responsible for everything. He has gone away.

I know that much off to his ascension, whatever that means. And it was my victor who enabled him to ascend, but he wouldn't just let Dracula go off. forever. He would miss him too much, and so I was created as a sort of compromise, a sort of peace offering. I grew off of Dracula, and then he did some pretty wild, magical stuff to my brain and my memories, and so here I am. I like to think of myself as my own man, sort of self-styled, with all the wit and wisdom of Count Dracula with none of the murderous. However, I do feel like Victor's heart is maybe not with me. I may look like the Count Dracula who he becomes so enamored with, but I am incomplete, I suppose.

Okay, that's a bummer. We do need to move everybody if we could. This has been so nice getting to know you. So happy this didn't have to get all ugly for a change. Please, I beg of you. I do not mind if you slay. They source Dracula. If I'm being honest, I would prefer it.

Okay. I just do not harm Victor, please. Of course we got it, yes. Do our best. That's not an eye. Clare, no guarantee. I mean, yeah, we'll do our best, man. If there's any way you could keep Renfield,

like even slow him down a little bit, we'd love that. We'll fight him. Yeah, we're gonna go. Give me that survival check again. It's a 23 on that one and an 18 on that one. You know what you hear? You hear that stomping getting louder and higher, and you hear the sound of a door smashing open,

and then you hear muffled in the distance. distance. Eat our food. Eat our food. You know that Renfield has made it back into the kitchen. Dracula says, okay, listen. There's something up with the music room. I think that wherever the source Dracula and Dr. Frankenstein, they do their, you know, shadowy business.

I think whatever it is, it is through there. I will hold them off in here as long as I can. But you... No, no, no. There's no need. Quickly, the two of you, follow me to the kitchen. The kitchen, yes. All right.

Okay. You all, Dracula's like, Are you sure he's super big? No, it's a good point. Okay. I'm absolutely positive. Okay. All right, let's go.

We know where he is due to the spell, so we get the jump on him, right? Yes, I think that. We would get advantage. I mean, what's the point of the spell, right? Absolutely. I'm fully willing to reward. the incredible tracking skills of Crawford-Mutner up to this point. Okay, you all make it to the door into the kitchen.

You are still in the ballroom, which has been turned idle. You see Renfield sort of just smashing through the dining room table as he makes his way towards the door that you are just like kind of immediately posted up behind. Okay, I charge into the room and I raise Jennifer Myers above my head, and as I'm about to strike, I yell, dishes, he's weakened. It's your moment to strike. And then I bring my axe down on Memphis. Okay, go ahead and I will give you, I will give you advantage on this.

We'll call this a surprise attack. 22. And you have an advantage. Yeah. And a 19. It's good. You got the advantage because 22 hits. Go ahead and roll damage against Renfield, please.

Okay, all right, 15 damage. Holy shit. That's a big. Yeah, that is a big hit. You bring your axe down into the meaty frame of Renfield. You see your blade slip between his, his paltrons to chop down into the meat within. You hear a wail of discomfort come from inside of this enormous bulky armor. When you retrieve your blade, he stands up and looks at you menacingly. He does not appear to be like heavily heavily damaged at this point. Perfect. Perfect. Let's see how he feels about the next one. Swing again. Dishes seriously any time now.

Okay, go ahead and take your second attack. That's a natural 20. Fuck yeah. So that's double damage, right? It's going to be double damage. That is 24. Jesus Christ, these rolls are nasty. Okay. You swing down and this time you don't get it.

between the cracks of the paltrons, you just shear off a piece of one of the paltrons entirely. It clangs to the floor. He wails as you chop into him again. Can I point something out? Please. That due to the infusion, Lady Jessica Myers has a... Jennifer.

Jennifer Myers has a plus one bonus to attack and damage rolls made with it. Okay. We will add two damage. Okay. To the total damage. I mean, every little bit helps, right? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

You pull back your blade. Renfield, it seems for a second, like he is, he has been sort of grievously wounded by this attack. But then you see him just kind of like pop his shoulder backwards and then stand up. Seriously, any time. And I go in for another attack. Well, no, that is the end of this surprise. Not quite. weapon master attack, when I score a critical hit with a melee weapon, you can take one melee

weapon attack as a bonus. Fuck yeah. Okay. Go for it. I'm going to go ahead and take one more. Thank you. That will not get it there. That's a 14.

Even with the plus one. No, that's not a hit. Your third attack, he catches the axe with his hand. And he pushes it away effortlessly. Give me a persuasion check, Godwin, on these dishes that are laying all around. Perfect. Okay. I have plus three. Yes. But I rolled an 11. I got the same. I got 14 this time. Okay. With a 14, you see Spatchy, the spatula, rattle up off the floor, and then he just kind of flies up and slaps against the helmet of Rinfeld.

And Rinfeld... Now, that makes sense for a first one, but I did call for him twice. And the second time, they'd seen me hit him twice. So I feel like that was a separate persuasion attempt where they actually. actually see me wailing on. I'm going to call for them twice. I think the issue here is less your persuasive technique and more the fact that these are old and fucked up pieces of flatware and dishware. The implication is that if I had rolled very well, in that moment, they would have been a rally to give me one more persuasion check as Spatchy comes back. He didn't even need to argue about it. It's a 13. You wasted everyone's time. Okay, the spatula, you hear that Spatchee go, Oh yeah, I've got him now, baby.

And then he jumps up. Renfield catches him and throws him out the window. He flies like a bullet and just disappears over the horizon team rocket style. I need everyone to roll for initiative, please. Five. Oh, yeah, 19. Eight. Okay, mutt, you are first up in the order.

You and Filo are still back in the ballroom, but you're only like 10 feet away from this combat that is now taking place between Renfield and Godwin. You can tell that that Redfield is is like fine, like not bloodied. Obviously has been damaged somewhat, but despite the like flurry of deadly assaults that Godwin just laid down and then like one little tiny baby slap from his bachelor, he is he is not near, near death at all. Can I reach Godwin? Like am I like if I took a step forward to grab Godwin could I do it without like going all the way in the room or to have to? I mean you can't do it without revealing yourself to to Reinfeld if that's what your your goal is here but you could you could get to Godwin and grab her if you needed to. Who goes next? Who would I know? I wouldn't know that. You would not know.

I'm going to run over and turn back on the ghosts. Okay. That is going to be your move action and your action to interact with this dial. You're switching it just to the dancing ghost setting? Yeah, I want it back to the ghost because I'm betting that Ramfield is very strong and very stupid and we'll be afraid of ghosts. I mean, anybody would be afraid of ghost, Travis. crazy that there's ghosts. Right?

Thank you. Yeah, but doesn't Rinfeld live here? That doesn't mean he likes that room, but I put up haunted mansion decorations for Halloween.

If I walked into my own living room and I was like, what the fuck? I'm going to tell you, bud, you've never worked in a haunted house

then with an overactive imagination. I've worked to many haunted house I get freaked out in there all the time. I thought these grim grinning

ghosts were just here to socialize. And I'm going to designate Renfield as my Slayers pray. as a bonus action. You got it. Next in the order is Renfield.

Pretty easy. Renfield is going to take his giant hand and just sort of try and grab you around the throat and slam you against the wall. You are right next to Lady Godwin. That is a 17 versus AC. That hits, yes. Okay, he hits you for...

10 plus 7, 17, bludgeoning damage. As he smashes you backwards into the wall, you hear something pop within your body. It is extremely painful. Ah! And... Fuck! And he is going to make a second attack against you.

This time drawing a, what would, it looks like a short sword the way he's holding it, but if you tried to hold it, it's actually quite a large sword. That is a 31 versus AC is going to hit. Just got him. Just got me. He brings it down and slashes you across the torso. and you take 15 points of slashing damage. Next in the order is...

Oh, he is also going to... Okay, you see Godwin. Actually, give me a perception check. I will say Godwin and... Fylo, you're sort of at the door. I think you're close enough. You can still... Big eight from me, dog.

Big eight. Fylo? Big two from Fylo. Oh, my God, guys. What's with the rolls? I feel like this whole campaign, I would love to see a statistical analysis. I feel like the role's been really bad. A real sign wave of success.

Feast and famine, baby. It's really weird. Okay, you can't quite, he does something weird. He kind of stands up and shudders a little bit. And then he looks back at you with sort of just these pained, malicious eyes behind his rusted iron visor. Next in the order is, Lady Godwin. Fan fucking-tastic.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I got a new thing. I'm going to, first of all, activate my rage. Cool. Because I use that bonus last turn on my fun, pointless attack. And then with that rage, activated, boop. I'm gonna take another swing with Jennifer Myers at Redfield. Okay. Going for the hole in the paltrow that I made earlier.

Kick ass. And I got a one. Does that hit? Critical failure, does that hit? It does not know your axe. Well, Grimmond, take a second to check. Oh, wait, yeah. Let me look at the math tables.

No, it doesn't hit. It bounces. It might be Gary's will. It bounces right off of his chest plate. He kind of knows how to step out of the way of these strikes now. You do have another attack on the section. Here it comes. Here it comes.

Um... that's more like it. Five plus six, 11. It's more like it. You can't deny me that. No, he, it is more like it.

Yeah, you're getting close. Still nine points away from what would be considered traditionally a success. No, here's what I will give you. You swing your axe down again at that gap in the paldron. And you miss it. However,

in targeting it, you realize like, hey, I thought I chopped him. there and the axe mark that traditionally Jennifer Myers leaves behind a pretty grisly evidence of her grim work, it seems like it's not there anymore. Ah, fuck. I had meant to do this on my turn.

It's a free action anyways. So you just hear from the other room, you know. Run! We should run! Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm running. Okay.

You're going to take an opportunity attack as you move away from Renfield. That is going to be a 24 versus AC. Yep. For 11 points of bludgeoning damage. He manages to just sort of crack you in the back as you run towards the door. However, you are able to get away. Your movement is 30 feet. With that, you could sort of get back to, you could actually get back to the bedchamber, if so was your wish.

I'm running back towards the sound of Mutt's voice. Okay, if you do that, you're going to run across the dance floor and you're going to need to make a deck save to not get burned up by the ghosts. Okay, that's fine. Okay, give me a deck. I'm hoping Mudd has a plan. Okay. So I'm going to roll up a deck save to do that. a deck save.

19 plus 2.21. Okay. Yeah, with a 21, you know these steps. You are able to sort of solo dance your way through the field of dancing specters and make your way over by Crawford. Next in the order is Philo. Philo, you are still standing at the door into the kitchen. You see Renfield there.

He is looking basically right at you now that you are sort of closest enemy to him. I am going to cast enhanceability on Lady Godwin. Okay. That gives Lady Godwin advantage on Constitution checks. Okay. It also grants

2D6 hit points. Temporary? Temporary. Yeah. Okay. Cool. So 2D6 hit points. That's an 8. So that gives you back 8 points. Lady Godwin.

Eight temporary points. It's pedantic, but different. It's a different, yeah, I think. And gives you advantage on Constitution. Saming throws. And then as his action, his follow-up is, he just turns and looks at Renfield and says, I forgive you, my son. And mutt yells, and now get out of the way.

Don't stay by the door. Uh, you see him. Break down in tears. No, he, he, he, I really thought that might work. No, he is, uh. Wait, I, did you mean, I, in a, all right, you meant it in a biblical sense, didn't you, dad? Sorry, first, impulse, I thought we were having another classic Taz. Like, I'm your dad situation.

The classic I'm your dad gambit. Oh, no, no, that was, that was strictly a, uh, a spiritual. I was trying to convict him. Give me an insight check, Philo. Oh, there's nothing else I could do or negative one. No, no, here we go. 17.

You have had similar interactions to this one in the past with other less sort of monstrous entities. I think it strikes you as unusual that there is absolutely no recognition that anyone is even talking to him at this point. Renfield, I think from this interaction, you sort of detect that Renfield, the human being that was sort of a famed supplicant to Dracula. there is no shred of that guy left here anymore. I think from what you gleaned from Spatchy, where he was talking about Renfield being a sort of test subject for some of the dabblings with the dark, immortal science and magical arts, Renfield has become something truly capital M dictionary definition monstrous.

Okay. And you still have a move action, father? That is true. Yeah, I'm going to run towards the sound of mutts voice. Okay, I will need a deck save from you also to not get burnt up by these specters. I will say since you know their true nature now, you are no longer frightened by these things. 19. Excellent. Your tiny, agile puppet frame is able to bob and weave between these specters.

And you make your way to the back. Back wall next to Mutt and Godwin. Next in the order is Mutt. Renfield is still in the other room. He moves after you. Correct. Okay, so I need y'all, right, as soon as you can, to, we're gonna draw them in, right?

And then you guys run for the door. You're gonna get out, right? Yeah. Yeah. Hey. You could do that? Absolutely. Sure.

Great. Cool. So when he comes in, just start a taunting. You know what I mean? A taunton? Just taunt him. You know, I've hit him with an accent of times. I think he feels thoroughly taunted by me. Perfect, perfect, perfect, man.

And I'm going to ready an action. I've taunted his ass off. Okay. I need to be more tauntish, I think. Is the trigger for this action, Renfield, coming into the room? Renfield's hitting about the center of the room. Okay, cool. Or like being all the way.

It's not just coming in, right? I got you, I got you. Next in the order is Renfield, who sure enough, smashes the door out of the way, swings open in its hinges and bashes against the back wall as he marches into the room.

He is going to walk directly through these specters towards you and he is going to just sort of voluntarily take some damage here. What told you? He takes 21 points of, 21 points of radiant damage as he is, he is singed by these specters marching towards you. With that, he reaches the center of the room on his approach to the three of you.

Just so I know, diddo, do we see those kind of re-for, like healing the singearns? Give me a perception or investigation check. That's a 23. Yes, that damage also, as quickly as it kind of like appears and spreads across his skin, it immediately starts to retract. I think you have probably hunted some monsters in the past that have had some kind of like supernatural healing factor, but nothing is nothing like this. Well, here goes nothing. And I turn the dial to the full blast heating up the room, light filling the room. Okay.

And I pull off the knob. Ooh, boy. Hmm. Okay. And then I'm ready to run. And we should run. I need all three of you to make a Constitution saving throw. 15.

12. I have a, I got 13, but what a day? Dad, dad would give a advantage. Well, Dad, that was a worse role, so you didn't help me at all. Okay. Speaker. You turn the dial to this full brightness setting and rip off the knob. As you do so, the light in this room grows so bright that it is difficult to keep your eyes open.

Philo, I don't know if this would affect you quite as much because you don't have meat eyes. You don't have jelly eyes. You've got little puppet eyes. However, all of you are going to take 11 points of radiant damage as this light burns you all. You are, however, able to stay on your feet. And if you did want to try to make a run for it, you are able to do so. The same cannot be said for Renfield. Renfield immediately is blasted. He is immediately underneath this chandelier, and the light that is blasting out of it is pushing him down oppressively. You hear sizzling and shrieking coming from him as he appears to be pinned to the floor. You see him begin to catch flame and then the flame disappears and then catch flame again. He is burning and he.

healing almost in step with one another. But you appear to have, at the very least, stunned him as he is just sort of recursively taking this damage over and over again. How big is the chandelier? It is huge. I mean, it's about maybe eight feet in diameter with just hundreds and hundreds of crystals and bulbs. sort of arranged all around it. And how's it attached to the ceiling? Chain.

Could Philo do an Arcana check to see if it's magically powered or technologically powered? I will say because of your sort of artificer ability, this is like second nature to you. I'm not going to make you roll for this. At very, very high levels of work in both of those fields, the distinction between them, becomes almost irrelevant. This thing is a machine. It is an invention. It does have a power source of some sort.

Whether it is arcane or scientific in nature, like, it's both. That is sort of the nature of extremely powerful, you know, devices in this world. But I would assume that I see you looking at that chain. If you detach that, if you cut that, the chain and it falls, then the power that is pinning him to the floor may cease working.

Yeah, but I'm also about to drop an 8 foot wide thing of gyms on him, right? Yes, but we know he's tough. Okay, let's run. We've got him pinned, right? Yeah, let's run. Let's go. Let's run. Get out. Let's run for the door.

You all make your way back to the kitchen or the bedchamber? The bed chamber, we got to get in the music room. Okay. Yeah. You guys run into the bed chamber. You see Count Dracula was like kind of peeking in the door to see what was going on as you throw the door open and the light shoots into the room.

It grazes him and he jumps backwards. Oh, fuck. Why did you do that? I told you to just go in the music room. No, we're doing that now. And solve the puzzle. Yeah. Now, you're going to solve the puzzle now, but now you've also got a big armored monster chasing you.

How is this better? We did anyways, man. We had big armored guy coming anyway. It was all a massive waste of time, okay? And we're trying to not get bummed out about that. Okay, you're just going to have less time for the puzzle now. I know. We all know.

We know. We wasted everyone's time. It's going to be a kick-ass puzzle, but now you're going to be so rushed. You might not appreciate sort of the final. Wait, listen. We'll take a breather right here and we'll circle back. Okay. That way we can really enjoy it.

But you should go into the possible. Yeah, I'm trying to. This whole time must have been walking towards the door. Okay, okay, yeah. Okay. You all step foot into what has been referred to as the music room. All around you as you enter this room are shelves, these low shelves just stuffed with sheets of paper.

There's paper sort of scattered all around the floor of this room. And as you approach now, you can kind of clearly see what you couldn't make out through the crack in the door earlier. It's just sheet music, just laying around furiously and sloppily sort of just tossed about. And nearly all of this sheet music is incomplete, just abandoned after a few bars. In the center of the room, there are a few chis-longs surrounding a small, empty table. And then you also see this upright piano that is sitting in front of this fireplace that you clocked earlier, in which a fire is roaring healthily. This piano is, yeah, that's what I will give you just from coming into this room.

You hear shrieking and stomping coming from the ballroom, just a couple rooms away. What do you do? Is it all different sheet music? Yeah, I look for titles. There are no titles on any of the sheet music. If you all want to make a perception check to see if you see anything else in here or if you want to investigate one specific thing. Go ahead and do that.

I got 21 perception. Wow. Just looking around the room. Hold on, plus the D4. Okay. Plus the one, 22. Okay, the DC was 22 on this role. Oh, fuck yeah.

You notice that, you know, in a lot of the rooms you've been in, there have been sort of, have been in a state of different levels of kind of decay and disuse. That is not true of some of this room. You see that the piano in particular seems to be in perfect working order. The room may be a mess. There's some, it doesn't look like the Shays Longs have gotten a lot of action lately, but the piano has.

The cover is open for the piano. The keys are clean enough. There is some, there's like sort of a stack of sheet music on a little stand, sort of sitting in front of the piano. That is what you get with a, with a high enough perception check. Yeah, I think that's what you get. Anybody else want to look around or investigate something? Yes.

Could I specifically investigate the music that is on the piano? Yes, absolutely. Give me an investigation check, please. About 22 for that. That is very good. Do you have proficiency with any instruments, Philo? figure there's an outside chance that that might be true because I know artificers get some stuff.

Let's say yes. No, let's say let's look at your character sheet and find out. I'm looking at my character sheet. On the side, dad, it says proficiency in language. Let's see. Armor, weapons, tools, tools. No. Alchemists, carpenters tools, jewelers tools.

Thieves tools, tinkers, tools, woodcarvers tools. I have proficiency in loot. And loot. Okay, I think without your perception check early, you notice that there's some similarities between like the different pieces of sheet music scattered all around. With your investigation check, Philo, I don't know that you glean any sort of musical learnings. However, you do begin sort of rifling through this stack of sheet music on the piano. And you just are sort of tearing through the pages, seeing if you see anything strange.

And you do. At the back of this stack of sheet music, there is a crumpled up piece of paper, unlike the others in this stack. It has clearly been torn from a notebook of some kind. And on it, scrawled in handwritten ink, you begin reading it over. It says, one bunch bananas, apple cider vinegar, spaghetti. sauce, kidney beans for chili night, Tostito scoops for chili night, garlic, just kidding, tums for chili night, peanut butter smooth, cabbage. Cabbage. Cabbage? Cabbage? Cabbage?

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