The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Versus Dracula - Episode 25

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

A fight ensues in Frankenstein’s lab (inside Dracula’s castle [Outside Lumineaux]). But the monster hunters must be careful in order to keep their promise. Mutt gets strongarmed. Phileaux gets to bonkin’. Godwin argues over insurance. Dice sounds by Tal M. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Dear diary, it occurs to me as I approach my seventh century of walking this world that maybe the human mind wasn't meant to persist as long as mine has. When a mortal man succumbs to obsession, that's one thing. When you're immortal, the smallest thorn in your paw can prove agonizing over time. in the future folks may laugh at my plan. That's okay. They cannot comprehend the unbearable agony of having a fucking song stuck in your head for two-thirds of a millennium. Did you guys roll for initiative in like the days since we last recorded?

Why would I do that off my... That's a good point. thing to do. Like, even if you were playing at home and not like doing a set, you wouldn't be like, yeah, I rolled in the car on the way over here. It was a 12. I do all the time. I do all the time. That's true. That's an 11. I got an 11. Let's see those beautiful dice hit the table. Six. For Fido. Not good. So far, so far pretty bad. I got a 20. Oh, damn. That's very good. That's ideal because I usually need very little time to contemplate my path. Yes. It is kind of nice, isn't it? It's axe base.

It will be an axe base. I know what I'm doing. I have two buttons. There's the two buttons that says, one says axe, one says Toby. So it's really a flow chart. If there's a Toby in front of me, then he gets the toby. If Toby, then. Then there's a third branch that is far javelin.

Right, right. So that is the, but that one I often forget. I do like Justin that on your flow chart, it's, is, their name Toby, yes, attack with Toby's layer. No, then the next one is, could you convince them that their name is Toby? And that has a different branching. Yeah, exactly. So, to set this up again, you all are in Frankenstein's lab inside of Dracula's Castle.

A hat on a hat? Maybe. But don't you worry about your pretty little head. You are standing. Put the cabinet to the Dazagalli car in there. Exactly. You're in the cabinet, in the lab. You all are at the end of the lab, sort of standing on this big metal circular hatch, about 20 feet in diameter.

And on the opposite end of it is Dr. Frankenstein, who is at this very primitive computer terminal typing some stuff in. You approached, you shot him, mutt, and he activated a security system that flashed a brilliant flash of light. in the room. First in the order is actually Dr. Frankenstein. Dirk, can I ask you a question real quick? Absolutely. Absolutely. Does it appear to be a thing that opens?

Yeah, I think it absolutely does. There was also, I would say, just from what you learned from the computer, last episode, there is a garage lift activation option in the terminal. Right, right, right. is what you are currently standing on. So Dr. Frankenstein does not appear to be phased by this radiant light that is now constantly pouring into this room. He is going to press a button on his bangle.

When he does so, some mirror images of him appear. That was really, Griffin, can I say? Yeah. The listeners won't appreciate that Panache, but I certainly did. Yeah, I did time out the token reveal. One just spread into five. It was incredible. Yeah.

I'm also realizing you saw him do this. So with his next, actually, he's going to just sort of run with all the other Frankensteins and just do like a little mix him up. Hey, are you. Just a little Cupid shuffle. Oh, so you're able to move those independently? Yeah. Okay. Well, then can I ask in that case that you put one over that fucking jack-a-lantern so I can record?

please Griffin instead of being afraid for my fucking immortal soul Justin I don't want to freak you out but I see a second one right next to Lady Godwin What? I've just scratched it out with red ink Thank you thank you okay now I can I will censor I do still know it's back there This is dramatic irony which we love on this show You know your character knows it's there but Justin I won't subject you

to the horror. Okay. So, he is going to, he is going to pull out what looks like a sort of, a sort of wand, more of an antenna. It's metal with these rings on it.

Points it at you, Brother Philo, who have elected to stand the closest. And he is going to shoot a beam of radiant light out at you. That is a, oh, not very good. 11 versus AC. That does not hit. Okay, the beam goes a little bit wide.

This beam seems to have come from five different directions, as there are five Frankensteins in this room. It is impossible to tell which of them is the real one. These beams just sort of like slash across the floor, and you bob and weave through them like that cool scene from Ocean's 12. Next in the order is Lady Godwin. Um, hmm. Uh, before you do anything, I need to make a Constitution saving throw.

The security system in this room is still, uh, blasting out this bright white light. 13. Uh, that is not going to do it. You take, uh, six points of radiant damage. All right. Um, until this security system is deactivated, you all are going to continue taking these big hits. Wow, you're pretty hurt, Goblin. Yeah, I'm not feeling great.

Okay. I'm going to attack the, okay. Hmm. I think I'm going to, if I try to attack the monitor, am I going to take an attack of opportunity? You will take potentially five. No, yes, you will take an attack of opportunity if you try to get past Dr. Frankenstein

and attack the monitor. Okay, I'm going to chuck my javelin at the monitor. Okay. I try to fry the three. I like that. The third, because distant. Oh, yeah. Okay, this is, I will tell you off the bat,

You can do this. This is a sort of heavy metal piece of machinery. This would be, not impossible, but it would be difficult for you to. Okay. I would like to lay down on the ground. Okay. And cry like a baby because some things are hard. Can I do that instead?

Yeah, if that's what you want to do, is that a bonus action? No, I'm actually going to use a bonus. It's always a free action. Both attacks. Great. because sometimes things are hard. Okay, give me an attack roll on the computer monitor. 16.

A 16. Okay, you throw your javelin at the computer monitor with a 16. It hits sort of the corner of the glass of the actual screen of this terminal. It sends a little crack down through the glass, but not enough to do any kind of, like, serious damage here. Okay. Okay. It's good glass. Pretty good, yeah.

You have many other attacks and actions to take. Yeah. Man. I'm just hurting pretty bad, but, you know. It is what it is. It is what it is, isn't it? I mean, it's still a game, after all. It's just fine.

It's just for fun. It's just for fun, and it's real. There's a switch. There's a switch on the ground. right? Can I see a lever or something, some sort of... Um, yes, give me a, give me a perception or investigation check. I'm obviously not the person to be doing this. Yes.

That's a four. Okay, there is a lever on the ground. You cannot, uh, it doesn't seem to be illuminated. It doesn't appear to be powered. Okay, but if I had gotten a better role, would it have been? Uh, yes, it definitely would have been. Okay. No, that's not how this works. Um,

Okay, I am going to... You know what? I'm just gonna... I gotta see what these Frankenstein's are made of. I'm going to attack the one of the far left with Jennifer Myers. Okay. Charge up to him and make your attack roll against Dr. Frankenstein. Wink.

Or is it? 17. It's plus six. That is... Plus seven, actually. 24. Okay. So, that is a hit. This is a mirror image.

I am going to roll to see if... this attack rolls back onto the mirror image now. Okay, you swing your axe down through this image of Dr. Frankenstein as your axe just cleanly passes through him. He shatters into a bunch of sort of glowing triangles that spark and sizzle out and vanish, and that mirror image is destroyed. Okay With my last bonus

With my bonus action I'm going to go into a rage Okay, cool Probably should have done that first But hey I didn't need it So whatever You know what I've noticed about Lady Godwin It takes her like a minute

To really get it She's very professional Slow to anger Yes Yeah exactly exactly It's just a job At first A slow to anger barbarian

But God when she's mad Once she's trucking baby Look out Next in the order is Crawford Muttner Okay, I'm going to cast locate object. Interesting. On the crossbow bolt that I shot into his arm.

That's very cool. That's very cool. Locate object does what now? Locate object. Describe or name an object that is familiar to you. You sense the direction to the object's location as long as that object is within a thousand feet of you. If the object is in motion, you know the direction of its movement. Okay, cool.

It can locate a specific object known to you as long as you have seen it up close within 30 feet at least once. Okay, I love this. No role associated with this whatsoever. This is your action, right? This is one action to cast locate object. Cool. It is, you are looking at four now remaining Dr. Frankenstein. It is the one furthest on the right.

you sense your crossbow bolt just sort of in a human, meaty arm over there. Okay, and then for my bonus action, I cast Hunter's Mark, and I say, it's that one. Okay, excellent. That's the one right there,

the farthest right. Hunter's Mark, okay, so that choose a creature you can see within range and mystically mark it as your quarry. Until the spell ends, you deal an extra one D6 damage to the target, but more importantly, you have advantage on any wisdom or perception or survival check to find it.

I love it. Man, this gambit is tough to pull off on a ranger, huh? Yeah. It happens. Okay, cool. I also need you to make a constitution saving throw. I forgot to do that. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.

16. 16 saves. You feel yourself continue to push your steely resolve to the sticking place. And you feel very uncomfortable, but you are not damaged. by this bright, radiant light. Next to any order is... And I'm gonna... Can I say something real quick?

Yeah, yeah, sure. Hey, Victor, just to be clear, and, you know, let's ignore the Crossbow Walt thing and we'll ignore the you blasting us with the radiation thing. We did promise Sutter Dracula not to hurt you. So like, just shut this down now, man. We can figure it out. You got a Dracula here at home.

We don't need to go out to buy Dracula. You have a Dracula here at home. And we can all just walk away. from this, huh? You hear in four voices say, ho is sweater Dracula. Oh, he's the one in the sweater. That was like upstairs chilling out.

Vlad. Vlad. Oh, that guy. Oh, wow. I don't. It's complicated. You hear the four, you hear the four Dr. Frankenstein sort of murmur in consensus.

Yes, it's tough. It's hard. It's a love. It's a complicated thing. I That's I listen I'm as big a Dracula fan as anybody

But it's a Just this weird sort of Obsequious Lebotomized weirdo Dracula is not my cup of tea I like a real deal Bloodthirsty Sorry

As long as we're all talking Yes Could we not do this? No sorry You all have invaded It's Dracula's castle and you are aware of the particular... What if we just didn't? That's a great point, man.

Victor, what if I just didn't do this? Why are we doing this? For him? You can't... Dracula for Vlad? Who is this for, Victor? Because everything I see around me is for them. Victor, why do you want us dead?

I want you dead because he cannot be jeopardized. Philo. Okay. Philo is going to cast the spell, Absorb Elements. Okay. On himself? Free actions are really a double-edged sword, aren't they? Because I was thinking mid-conversation, like, you've been talking forever.

I'd definitely snuck up on you. I'm going to say you're a different thing or something. Absorb elements. Yeah, the spell captures any incoming energy lessening its effect on the recipient and storing it for your next melee attack. Nice. This kicks ass. That's a good pull, Dad. That is a very, very good pull, man.

Hey, let's take that again where I don't sound so surprised. We're patronizing. Hey, good, good pull, Matt. Another one for the big man. Thanks, so good. Here's what we're going to do. This is a reaction on you. This is a reaction.

Whenever I'm backed into a. corner I'm like thank God it's dad's your my guy there's no one else I'd rather be in the shit with and Clint McElroyd all right you're laying it on a bit the fucking surgeon that's what we call him because he gets there he's fucking tactical you've overshot

all right yeah yeah yeah good note good note you taught me everything I know oh man this is a reaction so what we're going to say is make your constitution saving throw first and then I think we can fudge it a little bit and say that absorb elements is a reaction to that, right?

Okay. Reactions typically don't place, I mean, they explicitly don't take place on your turn. 18 for the cost of it. Hell yeah. Okay. I think with that, yes, you channel this energy. What's that look like? What is that?

Obviously, with artificer stuff, like a lot of it is tangible or mechanical or chemical in some way, what does absorb elements look like for you? I think that since he uses items for his magic, I think he extends one of his fingerless gloves on his hand, and the energy is sucked into that. Kick ass. And he has kind of a, you said it was white. The energy was kind of a...

Yeah, it's like a radiant. No, I mean, it's amber. It is the... It's the sun. Amber is the color of the energy. Exactly. Very slight chican of glory around a movie. I love that.

Of the ember light. Fantastic. So you have resistance to this damage until the start of your next turn. And the first time you hit with a melee attack on your next turn, the target takes an extra 1D6 damage of the triggering type and the spell ends. We can hold this for your next turn if you want to keep the damage resistance or you can, if you want to trigger this with a melee attack, you can do it. I'll hold it. Okay. Cool.

So that's just a reaction. So you still have your main action and a bonus action to take. But that doesn't, that doesn't like reduce it in the room, right? It's not like, oh, there's less light now. It does not. No, it does for him. It makes it easier for him. But I don't think that there is a fucking lot of radiate energy blasting into here.

It would be a lot to absorb here. I'm going to cast Tasha's caustic brew on Victor. Now we go, now they, yes. I mean, yes, now we go. Now we go. Now we go, baby. All right, Tasha's Costic brew. Oh, a stream of acid. Fantastic. 30 feet long and five feet wide. That's so good. This is going to be a dexterity saving throw. Okay. So five feet wide, I think you get a couple of these guys. But you know exactly which one is the right one. So that whole ruse is. I mean, he's still very into this. He thinks that this little bit.

that is still working for him really well. Oh my God, no. Five dexterity saving throw is if that is a failure. He fails. Okay. And takes, uh, 10 points of damage. Acid damage. Is there ongoing with the acid?

Uh, it does. Uh, until he can get this, get this off. Uh, okay. He's got to have some kind of like eyewash station. or like, you know, this OSHA compliance. That's really good, travel. I'm going to use that for sure. Fuck.

You see Dr. Frankenstein. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I just noticed that if you cast this spell at second level or higher, and this is second level, the damage increases by 2D4 for each slot level above first. He takes the acid damage at the start of his turns. It is his turn up next. So if this is a second level spell, go ahead and roll 4D4 acid damage. Well, it's not his turn up next.

Oh, right. Okay. It's not his turn up next. Okay, whose turn is it up next? Cronut. Yes, okay. I'm going to... Justin, close your eyes.

Yeah. I'm going to instruct Cronut to fly over and perch on top of the jack-o-lantern that Justin can't see. Okay. Over next to the switch on the floor. Okay, he stacks up. Now there's two jack-lanterns on top of each other. I need a wisdom-saving throw from Lady Godwit.

What? From fear? I need a wisdom-saving throw from Justin. Okay. There's two, Justin, this is two fucking Jacquelinexed up on top of you guys. I roll a four, okay. Justin is... Fuck on Matt where he pisses his pants.

I'm kissing my... Okay, I will make you guys a deal. I will try to piss my pants. Excellent, great. That's what we like to see. That means a lot to me, Justin. Thank you very much. Okay.

Next in the order. is Dr. Frankenstein. He go ahead and roll 4D4 acid damage. I think you're trying too hard, Justin. You got to run it. You said with advantage? No, 4D4 acid damage. Eight. Eight more.

Okay. So he takes eight points of damage. You see him frantically sort of trying to get this acid off of himself. His little cyber buddies are trying to help him out. He's like, stop it. You're made of light. And I don't think he's going to use his action to do this. I think he is going to...

He waves his hands and barks some orders in German to his holographic sort of associates. You see one walk over to the computer monitor and the radiation. light in here turns off. The security system is disabled. You see another one run up to the terminal and you hear a loud gushing sound coming from behind you as another one of the blood tanks opens and a Dracula clone splashes out of it. This one looks a bit more hail and hearty than the sort of withered husk that you so easily dispatched. Lady Godwin. The actual tangible Dr. Frankenstein is going to, let me think, who hit him the worst?

I mean, he's going to hit you, Brother Philo. Again, you just shot him with acid, and he didn't care for that really at all. He holds out his same sort of wand implement. That's 15 versus AC. Yeah, 15 hits. Okay, he shoots you for 13 points of radiant damage, but you're going to cut that. in half because you have resistance to radiant damage. He seems surprised when you take just seven points of radiant damage.

He was like, wow, I really put a lot of stink behind that one, not a mustard. Oh, well, it's always next time. Next in the order is Lady Godwin. The one that is one of the two near there, the real deal? Yeah, so the real Dr. Frankenstein is the one on the right here. closest to the lever. These ones have all been sort of like dispatched over to the terminal

and we're doing stuff in this room. They're doing stuff. They were typing in commands. They freed a Dracula clone. They turned off the radiance. Are they still focused on that? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely great.

Now I'm going to take a swing at the computer with Jennifer Myers. That is the main branch of my path. And that's the one follow. Fantastic. Go ahead and make an attack roll. Oh, that's a 19 plus 625. Fuck yeah. That absolutely hits. Roll, roll damage, adding your fury. Uh, that's fucking, oh no, okay. That wasn't my damage. Sorry, rolled an attack again. Oh, I was so excited, though. Yeah, to get 21 points of damage with this one. Man, it's a one plus three, four, plus two, because it's blood rage.

Yes. Yes, so plus two more, right, for your fury? Plus two for rage, yeah. So eight points, eight points of damage total. Nice. Okay. With an eight, you swing Jennifer Myers down. It's sort of bright red blood trail crystallized behind it as you swing.

and bury it into the sort of steel part of the computer terminal. As you do, bright orange sparks shoot out of it. And when that happens, the three Frankensteins vanish. And you see the real Dr. Frankenstein say, No, don't. That's very expensive. All right. I yank Jennifer Myers out of the computer, and I turn my attentions towards Victor. Okay.

You know, Victor, I asked you to stop this. I said it would end badly for you. And you should know by now the customer is always right. I'll attack with Jennifer Myers, non-lethal. Okay, as you swing your X down, he says, it's a customer. I don't. But I... Because I...

No, wait, hold on. Oh, right, right. Okay, I got you, I got you. You didn't get my great... I didn't know. Okay. I got it, Justin. Thanks, Travis. Oh, I get...

Because you're a Frankenstein... Sorry, I get it now. Did you know Frankenstein is actually the name of the doctor? You? Yes. The you? A lot of people who see my creations, once running around this good. But you just said, hey, sorry to bud.

You just said because she is a Frankenstein. Yes. But you also know that you corrected yourself? But it's the name of the doctor. So she's a doctor? A lot. No, me, I'm the doctor Frankenstein. The monsters have other names like yours is Godbird.

God. What was it? All of this is just while the axe is slowly swinging down onto a good roll. Okay, I'll finish my attack now, please. Thank you. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. That's a critical failure

No, okay, but like, it's the same role It's just I didn't say the right word The revelation, the revelation That it's actually the doctor who is named Frankenstein And not the monster Causes you to swing wide with Jennifer Myers I came up with a great, I came up with a great Great line

You didn't even get Yeah, you're gonna make, oh man I have this one I'm nice tell a story, Justin I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, themed ham over here, Graf, I don't mind telling you. Okay, that is two attacks for you, I believe, right? One on the Terminal One on Frankenstein.

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you and is going to jump on you and try and bite you. Better not. Well, he's going to try to. We're going to see how it goes. Who is? The Dracula clone that was freed from the... Oh, okay, right. New one.

That is not going to do it in a 9 versus AC. He has multi-attack. He is going to just try and tear into you with his claws. That is 16 versus AC. That will hit. Okay. He buries one of his claws into your shoulder. You take six points of slashing damage.

You see this Dracula clone is like out of his senses, seeing Dr. Frankenstein being attacked. I think sort of just kind of coming out of the tank that he was inside of for so long has sort of driven him to a almost like bestial state of just blood lust. Next in the order is Crawford Muttner. So the switch on the ground. Yes. What have we determined is the current state of that switch? It's, it is still dormant.

It does not appear to be lit up. You see that there are some lights on the floor surrounding it. It seems to be deactivated. It's not a, oh, there's also a sign on it that says instant kill Dr. Frankenstein switch. Oh, no. Yeah, it's like a brass plaque, and it says this switch instantly kills Frankenstein when you pull it. That could be a trap. Because if I had a switch in my lab that instantly kill me,

I wouldn't put that on there. No, I wouldn't want to keep that. If I had a switch in my lab that gave me free, like, candy. Uh-huh. And I knew enemies could be coming. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, okay.

Now that the Frankenstein's are gone from the terminal, is the terminal deactivated by the slash, or is it like? It is still, the screen is flickering. it appears to be damaged, but the inputs of this terminal are still unaxed. Okay, I'm going to see if I can sort anything out on it to do on it. Okay. So you sort of got allay the land from Van Helsing in the last episode. He sort of spied with your incredible stealth roles what this monitor can do.

There's four options sort of on this main screen. It's on now. One shows the, this sort of like blueprint UI display of luminow tower. One opens blood tanks. One activates or deactivates the security protocol. And one activates the garage lift. I think all of that is sort of visible to you. And it is not difficult for you to kind of like figure out how to move between these options.

Okay, I'm going to activate the garage lift. Okay, you press the button. and the two words appear on the screen. It says confirm identity. And there is a small, white, glowing pad that kind of flips over on the terminal to reveal itself. That is what happens when you press that button. Okay.

That does not have to be your action, I think, since you didn't actually kind of activate it. I'm going to pull Dr. Franke's over and try to force his hand onto it. So I'm going to try to, like, out maneuver him. So I think this would be a... Do you get two attacks or one attack? I get one attack.

Okay. I think this would be a grapple check. I think if you're trying to, like, get him maneuvered over there, this would be a grapple check. I don't know that you could do this, like, grapple him, pull him over there, and slap his hand down on the thing in one action. But you could certainly receive.

assistance from so. Could I throw him? Not to a degree where you could land his hand just fucking perfectly on this glow. Yeah, I'm gonna grabble check him over there. It's just a question of how much can you do in six seconds, right? Yeah, I got you, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So, uh, make an attack roll, unarmed attack roll against this guy. I mean, because the other option will be I cut his hand off with Scalver, but. Grapple, I'm actually going to Google Grapple check because I fuck this up every time. I promise you, I could do this show for a hundred years. I wish you'd be more gentle with yourself sometimes, Griffith. You could do this show 100 years and not know how crap works.

Okay, it's actually an athletics check contested by my athletics or acrobatics check. So, give me a athletics check, please. Well, it's not great. It's a 10 total. Okay, he is going to make a dexterity check. That is good.

That's a 15 total. You try to, this guy is fucking wiry, man. You try to get your arms around him, and he, like, I don't know, like, pops his elbow under your elbow and, like, lifts it up and like maybe he's wrestling you for a little bit

but it's not successful this grabbing move nice try all state wrestling team 1815 oh yeah man all fiftum chaps

okay next in the order is Philo okay um to set the scene you've got sort of like your two associates locked in immediate melee combat with Dr. Frankenstein and this furious Dracula clone. On the other end of this metal platform you're standing on,

the computer terminal is still on the other side of the platform, reading out confirm identity on it. I'm going to attack the Dracula clone. Okay. With my quarterstaff. Okay, cool. Make an attack roll for me, please. 15.

15 hits. This is a, this is a nude man, mostly. He's got a, I don't know, he's got underwear. Tasteful. Tasteful underwear, science underwear. Okay, roll damage. That is a five, but we add to it, don't we? We?

Oh, yes. From the absorb. For absorb elements. So you are going to roll, I'm guessing you use this as a second level spell or a first level spell. Second. Okay, so yes, this is also going to do 2D6 additional radiant damage. Well, here we don't go. Okay.

All right, 2D6. Well, that's one. That's two. It's three more. So it's eight altogether. Okay. You swing the quarterstaff. Will you get down?

Yes. So you swing your quarterstaff down. And conk him right on the head. And he just kind of rubs it annoyed and looks at you. And then when he pulls his hand away, there's like a small glowing bump on his head that sort of swells up and bursts in a array of white amber. light and he takes additional radiant damage.

He takes double damage from the radiant part of that. Not enough to knock him out, but he is looking wounded. Okay. Anything else you want to do? Any bonus action? Anything like that? Yeah. I have the bonus action of the polar master.

Okay, no, you can make a bonus action to make a melee attack. with the opposite end of the weapon. Yeah. So yeah, go for it. Okay. 23 to hit. Holy shit, yeah, that's a good hit. Good clean hit.

And I don't see where it tells the damage. I mean, it's just your quarterstaff again. Okay. So that would be five. And then your 2D6. And then the 2. Wow. Okay.

This is so complicated. Um, okay. Uh, that would be another six. Two D-6s. You only rolled one D-6. Roll one more D-6. Ah, right. Jesus.

Six. Okay. So that's actually, all right. Nine more. Yeah. So, to math this out, you hit him again. And this time when you bonk him, he looks kind of worried. Uh, you see this welt, uh, rise up, uh, on his,

on his ribs. That's right. When he bunks here, you stay bonged. Yeah, man, get balked, Dracula. This, uh, this welt is quite a bit more

concerning. It grows much, much faster, uh, and swells up much, much larger. Uh, he takes 18 points of radiant damage from this one. And when that happens, this welt swells up. Uh, and, uh, when it explodes, it just sort of destroys this Dracula clone.

He goes scattered to the wind. And he's dead now. And in hell forever. Next in the order is... Cronut. Cronut. Yep. Okay.

Cronut. I yell out... Maneuver 26B! And Cronut flies over to Victor Okay And cast shocking grasp In what way, in what universe?

How can... May I read you? Please. It says here I Clint Macroy am allowed to do. Hold him back, Traff, hold him back. That's about to go run wild on Griffin. Hold him back.

Yeah, Alcamania. Get him channel. Please, Daddy, please. Please, Daddy, no. Okay. He has a reaction He won't talk again No, please

He has a reaction called channel magic Where the homunculus delivers a spell you cast That has a range of touch I'm just reading off the Off the thing here That's just what it says on the thing, Griffin

Which is what it says on the thing, man It says it right here on the thing, Griffin Yeah, he's not doing this This is amazing Okay Let's do it So you're attacking Victor With shocking grasp

Kronut flies it It has to be a touch spell. Krona flies over to his head, wraps his wings around his head, and casts shocking grasp on it. Yeah, man. Okay. Shocking P. P. P. P. Shocking grasp, it is. Shocking grasp.

He is not wearing heavy metal armor. So the advantage does not apply here, but you are going to make your melee spell attack. attack roll against him now. I guess as Cronut? Cronut's good. That's a 22. Cronut's good. Cronuts good.

Okay, yes. That is a hit. Roll damage. And the damage is, ah, not great, but it's three. Three points of shocking damage. That is an acceptable amount for a little guy to be able to dish out. Little cronad. Okay.

He takes three points of lightning damage. Can't take reactions until the start of his next turn. Cool. You hear him shout from behind the wings. What is this thing? This is the scariest thing I've ever seen. Next in the order is him. So, golly.

What are we going to do here, Frank? Well, for one thing, he's going to take acid splash damage. You're fucking right, man. Oh, boy. Hey, Dad, you're doing really good in this fight. Yeah, you're smoking this. fucking guy. So roll 4D4. Oh my gosh.

All right, there's two of them. That's nine. Now, father? Yes. It was D4. It was D4. So you've rolled acid slash. Two of them equal nine.

Well, wait a minute. Acid splash says 2D6. Right. That's a different spell fundamentally than caustic. Sorry, guys. He got you. Okay, I'm sorry. All right. So 2D4? Yeah, a 4D4. Do everyone roll?

to everyone. Seven. Okay. There are large holes now appearing all throughout his lab code has been reduced to tatters. And you see some of the acid is like on his hair. It's like burned. You can see some visible kind of scalp as his hair is just kind of eroding under this acid. He is still not going to use his turn to,

wipe it off. With his turn, hmm. Okay. He presses a button on his bangle. And when that happens, the radiant light security system

reactivates now that there are no longer any Dracula's in the room who might have a disadvantageous sort of reaction to that. Everybody make a constitution saving throw for me. 26 again.

Good job, Dad. 11. 11. Well, 13. Okay. Mutt and Godwin, you both fail. And you are going to take seven points of radiant damage each.

Oh, shit. All right, when Lady Godwin, when you feel that bright, hot light blast you, Maybe it has something to do with your, you know, undead nature. But you are, you feel the legs just like collapse from. No, it wasn't that graphic. It was just because the damage that you did was more than the... The number, right, right.

But sometimes when the numbers do stuff, I'll say, I'll do like a little story. Like, I'll do like a little story or an anecdote. I have always wondered how the little stories you do line up so well with the numbers. Like I didn't, okay. How did you know, Griffin, beforehand? How did you know what the dice are going to do when you were writing the story? I'm so glad that you asked that. I wrote a letter to the dice company and I told them what I needed and what kind of story I wanted to tell and they sent me special dice to do it.

That's amazing. The dice have a little bug inside of, they have a little bug inside of each dice and you can make him move to land on whatever number you want him to land. on the little bug he doesn't last a long time yeah but he lasts a good time you know what I mean it's a great time

while you do have him and he does his thing but the bug they haven't figured out I asked him I was like how do you feed the bug what's he breathe and they're like oh shit so they looked kind of like they hadn't thought about the little bug no one did I ever thought about that before yeah but that's my special bug dice

and they can get whatever you want him to get yeah um okay He is going to try and make a run for it. You're going to get an attack of opportunity here, Mutt. Okay. 17 total. Yes, that is absolutely a hit. That's seven plus a D6 because he is my quarry.

Oh, shit, yeah. It's actually eight plus D6. Oh, yeah, eight plus a six, so 14. Jesus Christ! Okay. That is a 14. He turns to sprint away from you. Describe Scalibur striking him down.

Okay. I would like to use this attack to cast a very special spell called disarm, where I cut his arm off with my sword. So it's sort of a chopping-based spell. Is a chopping-based spell. What's the components? It's the sword and the shoulder. And the courage to do what's needed.

Okay, cool. So I get him right there at the joint, just like, you know, butchering a pig. And I take off the arm that has the bangle on it. Okay. He turns to run and you swing Excalibur up in a beautiful arc through the air. and brother philo, I think through the radiant light, you aren't exactly sure what has just happened, but you feel something wet, thud right at your feet.

And you look down to see Dr. Frankenstein's arm. He spins sending an anime blood splatter shooting up into the air, and he falls down. As the light goes out from his eyes. Oh, wow. Um, Mutt says, hail to the king, Frankie. He looks up at you. Of England.

He was asking. He's in shock. Sorry, man. I'm king of England because I drew scout. Merlin, tell him. Okay. You see Merlin appear and say, Congrati!

Oh, God, it sucks in here. And he vanishes. Dr. Frankenstein is laying on the floor just looking up at the ceiling, uh, murmuring to himself in shop. And you hear him say, uh, he and you should have thought of that. He doesn't hear that part. Don't start no shit. Won't be no shit. You know what I mean, man? Oh, you're dead. He is dead. Do you think, hey, Godwin, do you think he heard the thing I said? Oh, shit. Lady Godwin, I actually need a death saving throw from. Oh shit. Godwin's down too. Uh, uh,

What do I click on here to actually do that, like I'm looking at the death save. I think it's just funny to do it. You can just roll a straight D10. You're looking for a 10 or higher. Okay. D20, sorry. Yes, that would be a very difficult roll. 16.

Okay. That is one success. We are going to step out of initiative, but some stuff is happening sort of right now that I want to impress upon you the urgency of. One, Lady Godwin is downed and dying. Well, to... Lamentum-wise, she's coming back to life. I guess that's a good point. If we're going to use a gerund, let's use trying to recover.

Trying to not be dead. You see... The radiant light is also still pulsing into this room. We're sort of like in that moment immediately after combat, but that will continue to be an issue as long as you all stay in here. The other issue, Brother Philo and Mutt, give me a perception check, please. 21. 21 total.

My God. You see the red kind of lights on this bangle that he was kind of like interacting with have begun to flash in a rhythm that suggests nothing great. Okay. Hey, Godwin, can you, oh, sorry, hey, Philo, can you do something with Godwin? Mm-hmm. And I pick up the arm and I slap that hand down on the pad on the computer. Okay. Awesome.

You slap the hand down on the pad on the computer, and as that happens, the lever illuminates that is immediately next to the platform. And I use the hand to reach over and hit the lever, so I don't have to get off the platform. As you do that, this platform that now all of you are on begins sinking down into the ground, leaving this bright hot light above you. As you sort of vanish over the precipice, you see the security protocol disengage. The light deactivates as the garage lift begins its journey downward. And you begin slowly descending down into the ground. Philo, what are you doing?

How many hit points as Lady Godwin have? Zero. Zero, because it's dead. I cast Spare the Dying. A classic? That's a good one to you. Now we're talking.

On Lady Godwin. What's that to? You touch a living creature that has zero hit points. The creature becomes stable. The spell has no effect on undead or constructs. There is an issue with this, and I hate to be a sort of semantics, but Godwin, is Godwin? No. Let me ask you this.

This is a question for Justin. And this is not a trick or a trap. This is a genuine character question that I'm wondering about. Do you think Lady Godwin is undead? No. Okay. What? No.

She had it at a transplant. That's it. It's just a different body. A post-mortality transplant. I'm fine with that answer. I am fine with that answer. My version is science and your version is magic. So what I'm gonna say is yes, she is alive.

Okay. Okay. I know we do have magic in this world, but Victor Frankenstein used science. This is maybe a conversation we should have had 24 episodes ago. Yeah. Does this mean I just mark these three successes? Spare the dying does what, Dad?

No, no, it just stabilizes. Okay. You are still unconscious and you are still at zero hit points, but you have stabilized. You no longer need to be death saving throws. Then I'm going to cast Healing Word. That's great. Seven.

So I gave you seven. Now, are we going to have a chance to rest before our next conflict? How slow is this thing going down? I've got a potion. Let me look at my bag. I've got one. I will give you one of my healing potions. That's awfully decent of you.

That's real kind. I'm doing great, man. It's real kind. Yeah, mutt, you were pretty, uh, rock solid in there. So you gain a number of hit points equal to 2D4 of my intelligence modifier.

That would be 4 plus my intelligence modifier, which is 6, so that gives you 10 more. Wait, your intelligence modifier can't be 6. That's your saving throw, Clint. I'm sorry, 3, okay. But so what? So it's 7 and 7, it's 14.

All right, thanks, Dad. Jeez, Opeed, that's a good potion. Dad didn't do it. You're right, Dad. I forgot you're pretending. And, and, and... He gives you a hug. Since Cronut is still wrapped around Victor's head. So let's not bring Cronut into this.

Cronut, who has still got his wings wrapped around Victor's head. Yes. Casts spare the dine on him. Oh. It's a touch spell to stabilize him. Okay. He's still out of action. But we did promise Vlad.

we wouldn't kill Victor. Let's do this to set up a little air of mystery. You channel that command to your weird flying homunculus. And what does he say? What is my homunculus? How does he respond? He says, no problem. Yes, maneuver 27.

He is out of sight, though. You all are on this lift that is descending onto the ground. Dr. Frankenstein was not on the lift when he perished. you have disappeared over the horizon of this room, just as the sort of security protocol disabled. You're sinking down into the ground. You're maybe 30 feet down this, like, enormous industrial lift. You issue this command to cronut. You will all hear the sound of, it sounds like a wave, like an ocean wave splashing against

the shore. And you hear several loud thumping noises. The bangle, are you still holding onto the arm? Yep. Okay. The bangle, the red lights are now flashing brightly and extremely quickly. And you see blood. Lots and lots of blood begins sort of seeping over the edge of the hole that you've

descended down. You all, I think, would. Intuit that the blood tanks up in the room above you have been activated. Cronut flies back down to you after you have issued this spell command to him. You don't see or hear Dr. Frankenstein above, but you have no reason to believe that, you know, this spell was not, did not go off without a hitch. As the blood begins to sort of like trickle down over the edge of the hole above, you all, come to a stop as the lift reaches the bottom. You all are in a massive sort of semicircular tunnel that stretches down a good 60, 70 feet.

You are at one end of it. On the other end is a thin metal grate that through which you can see moonlight shining, that this is a grate directly to the outside of the castle. Near where you are, the near end of the tunnel, right where the lift has come down, you see something very familiar, Lady Godman. You see the implement of your destruction. A vehicle shining in chrome, a drop-top, slick-looking Studebaker sits before you. Two things stand out to you as odd about this vehicle. One, the tires are way, way bigger than they were when you were run over by this automobile.

It's giving it almost a sort of monster truck-like appearance. The other odd thing you notice is that there must have been a mix-up at the DMV or something because there's a typo on the vanity license plate. which reads Dragula Maximum fun A workerone network of artist-owned shows

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