The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Versus Dracula - Episode 28

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

The monster hunters fight their way through artists and musicians to take out Dracula's conveniently placed sources of power. Mutt does some unpacking. Godwin plays some Bridge. Phileaux does some rescuing. Additional Music in this Episode: "Instrumental Mystic Song for Paranormal Videos" by UNIVERSFIELD: https://freesound.org/people/UNIVERSFIELD/. Dice sounds by Tal M. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

What's up, Diary? It's me, Jeremy Pipes, coming at you live from my bed at my house. Well, I got my bolts today. The rest of the guys in Five Alive were like, No, Jeremy, it's clearly some kind of mind control implant everyone who gets a max super sauce. Those dudes are always trying to hold me back, so I threw up the deuce and hit the road. Now I'm solo cruising on the vibes of this city and my creative juices are blasting out of every hold. Also, every night, I'm haunted by... visions of an apocalyptic blood feast, whatever that means. Anyways, I got Farrell coming over later to help me whip up the new song of the summer.

Like and subscribe. Pipes up. Pipes out. Mut, you are paralyzed on the ground. You can feel a toxin of some indiscernible variety coursing through your veins that has laid you out. and you can see in the light of your enchanted lantern the silhouette of the invisible man. He is holding a knife. He steps in front of you into this clearing with the last remaining conduit in it. The invisible man sort of kneels down in front of you, Mutt, and says, Can you talk?

Yeah, apparently I can. Cool. Anything you want to say before we do this? I love it to know your name because I've just been calling you the invisible man and that seems awful formal for, you know, what's about to happen. My name is Teddy. Okay. And you killed my best friend.

Uh-huh. You killed my brother, though. Do you know how hard it is making friends when you're invisible? It's pretty fucking hard. Yeah. I imagine, man. Listen, my name's Crawford Muttner, everybody calls Mutt. Your friend of Chippocabra was badly injured, wasn't going to recover from it,

and was kind of wreaking havoc on the, like, nearby animals and people and stuff. in his kind of panic. And so... You euthanized it. I mean, that's an awful fancy term, but I put him down. I was four years old. Like, me and my dad did it together.

I was four? Hold on, wait. Hold on, wait. This is now Griffin. You were four years old when you killed the Chupacabra? Yeah, man, that's established. That's canonical.

It's canonical because you said it at another point. That is how it works on this show. Yeah, that's true. Holy shit. Four years old. So you were a four-year-old doctor of church.

Chupacobrodology? No, my dad, man. Tell me. Okay. So you did it because your dad told you to. Yeah. That's all fine then. That's all good.

That feels sarcastic, Teddy. Yeah, it is. Listen, you killed my best friend when you were a toddler, and that sucks. My only friend. And then your brother tries to hunt me down. News alert, I'm not a monster. I'm a dude who is invisible. So I don't understand what you're.

beef is. Wait, hold on, man. You think I have beef with you? Do I hear this? No, this is happening like a city block away from where you are. So maybe. Give me a perception check,

Lady Godwin. Canonically, I have amazing hearing canonically. Yeah, okay. I didn't realize we could start saying canonically. I think what you are doing here, Justin, is you're not willing to see how well you hear. You're willing to see how loud we're being.

Maybe we're shouting at each other. Yeah, that seems like a fortune. I need a big, big, high perception check here from you. Okay, it's a nine, so we move on, whatever, but at least we checked. You gotta check, you gotta know. You gotta know. That's why we check. I want you to say out loud that you are not some virtuous guardian of the natural world.

You are a game hunter. You are in it for the prize and the glory, and if you can't admit that, To yourself, I'm going to kill you. Okay, wait. Now, before this news fort, what are you basing that judgment on? He is going to attack you with advantage. Well, I asked a question. Yeah, and in response to that question, he is going to stab you with a knife that is going to be an 18 versus AC.

I mean, yeah. He puts it right in the other shoulder. I'd take four points of piercing damage. Ow. Teddy, ow. What are you doing here? What's this journey you've been on that I've been trying to follow you through the whole way to exact my diabolical revenge? Well, I made an oath to my brother that you killed just point of fact.

He started it. Okay. I mean, that's fair. Like, I don't know what vitriol you're picking up in my voice right now, daddy. But so my brother made me swear to kill Dracula, take his teeth, and turn it into earrings. You heard yourself say that out loud, right? You heard that? Yeah, but you also heard the part where I said, my brother made me swear to do it. It wasn't like a passionate goal that I've had all my life that's like, ooh, I just got to get these tooth earrings.

So your dad told you to kill Chupacabra. Your brother told you to kill Dracula. Yeah. And who told you to kill me? Oh, that's all me, baby. Okay, so which one of us then is a killer, would you say? I mean, you seem to be pretty oblivious about the situation you're in. He picks up the knife and rears back. And you seem to be pretty oblivious to the turn order, because up next is Sir Kevin, whom I am in control of.

Oh, okay, good. Okay, yeah. So Sir Kevin's going to come charging in and tackle that their Invisible Man. Okay, make an attack roll. Sir Kevin leaps over your body on the ground to try and collide with the Invisible Man. Makes an attack roll to attempt to do that. Very slowly, but that's at 27. Holy shit.

Yeah, that hits. Are you trying to defeat him or move him? I'm trying to... I'm trying to knock him out. of the way so Kevin can get my paralyzed self out of there. Okay. So it's not going to be a damage role. I think that he is able to knock him back five feet.

Yeah. And push him backwards. And Sir Kevin says, my leash, are you injured? Yeah, man. Allow me to suck the poison out. No, no, no. That's not necessary. No, get me to Philo, please.

I don't know who that is. That's the puppet man. Give me to the puppet man. Yeah, man, listen, I'm like 14 seconds old. So like, oh, that thing, the puppet, the fly, yes, okay, yes. The flying puppet man, yeah. Okay, he. You really got to lean forward with this show anymore, huh?

You really got to be dialed in or you are going to be fucking lost. Sir Kevin, the gorilla knight, is going to pick me up. Cary me away from the invisible man who wants to kill me because I, and the brother of, I killed the Chupacrook. when I was four years old, and my brother had tagged him. And so now, Sir Kevin, the gorilla knight, is going to pick me up and take me over to the flying puppet man, who is a monk, who is trapped in the body of Pinocchio, along with Abraham Van Helsing, and he is going to use some of his magical potions to heal my wounds.

I don't understand what part of this is confusing to you, Joseph. I don't know if there is a wiki, but if there is, the people running it are doing a great job. That's all I wanted to say. Okay, so next in the order is the organ grinder and Jeremy Pipe's... Is he pick me out? Am I on, Kevin? Yes, I am moving you away. He is dragging you down this sort of western exit from this clearing.

The conduit is still active. The conduit was not destroyed. But mud's not, so... Mud is not. Yes, mud is down. Okay. Jeremy Pipes and the organ grinders start going back and forth. Pipes, very lively, steps out of the way of one of the organ grinders attacks with his giant instrument.

That sounds, anyway. Gross. You get it. And hits the organ grinder in the back with a bolt of flame. Tyler! It's cool. I'm so big. Cool, man?

Next in the order is the searchlight. I think the searchlight is, going to move now. I think the searchlight is going to be redirected, sensing a fracas here right in front of the tower entrance. It is going to highlight Jeremy Pipes in the organ grinder. And so, Godwin, you are not going to have to make a dexterity saving throw for the first time in this battle. Man, I'm good at those, too. Oh, well. Next in the order is... Is it a constitution? I can never remember. Is it a constitution I have constitution saving throws? advantage, the danger sense.

Dexterity. There was like Dex. It's on your character sheet. I know it is. I'm just making conversation. Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't realize. Sorry, Joseph.

Just making conversation for the podcast. You know what is Constitution when you think about it? Is that something you can exercise? It's how tough you are. Oh, okay. I was just making conversation. Okay, Lady Godwin, you are standing in the center of Town Square, basically. The bridge clubbers have taken out Daphney Golden Good.

maybe even taking it a little too far. Oh, definitely. There's no maybe. Yes. You are in sort of contact with the ingenue who just leveraged a ineffectual attack against you. In the distance, you see Jeremy Pipes and the organ grinder, Tyler, battling it out in the searchlights glow. Which has to be fairly diminished now, right? It is extremely diminished now.

It does not seem to be bothering them as much. So, okay Northwest is still up No, northwest is down Northeast is still up Okay, so what are we using to delineate up and down? These skulls that I just put on the northwest one

Okay, so you know it wasn't there before though, right? I do, I do, yeah Okay, thank you. Okay, good. All right, so the Northwest one is out and the center one is out. Everyone just treated me like I was some sort of buffoon. No. Listen, the skull wasn't on the little lightning bolt. Let's just put it that one. The skull wasn't on the lightning bolt. You got me.

All right. I'm going to charge off to the northeast. I'm going to shove the ingenue in, what is that next to that? Is that a manhole or something? Yeah. I'll shove her in the manhole. I'm going to go to northeast. Okay, well, make an attack roll against the ingenue then. That's got to do it. That does it. You are able to move the ingenue five feet to the side into the open manhole that she was standing next to. She, Fails her next... And then I look, I lean over the hole and I yell, Break a leg!

Nice. And then the music comes on, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. Justin's joke ends the bit. Gotcha.

I finished my bit. Now you do your jokes. Yes, she fails her dexterity saving throw. You watch her plummet into the darkness, and then you hear a slight splash. and a loud crack, and she is... Wait, in that order? Yeah, and that ball's pretty much...

A very quiet splash and then a weirdly loud crack. It echoes. Okay, she is out, and you are free to move. So you're just charging towards the northeast there? Yes. Well, I want to... I want to head towards Jeremy Pipes just to make sure that he's okay.

You are easily able to get up to Jeremy Pipes. How's it going, Jeremy? I'm going to kill you. What? Wait. No, the organ grinder is the good guy. Did you forget which one of us had been sort of unhypnotized? Oh, sorry, Jeremy.

This is so embarrassing for you, but I know that old brains sometimes have trouble keeping sort of binary information in check. Don't worry about it. Or, Jeremy, was I just distracting you for this? And then the organ grinder does some sick shit. It's not the organ grinder's turn. It's yours. Yeah, but I'm giving him my hurt.

He's conferring his turn upon him, Griffin. I'm giving my turn to him. Come on, man. Read a book. That's a popular. If you want to push the organ with another, you have another attack. No, I'm going to,

I'm going to kick Jeremy Pipes while he's distracted. Okay. Double distracted, because he thought the organ grinder was about to do something. Yeah, this is some real. Into the organ grinder who will bear hug him. I'm not asking for much. That's cool. No, make another attack roll against Jeremy Pipes, please.

You can't blame me for thinking Jeremy Pipes is a good guy. You know what I mean? Yeah. He seems really nice. Fuck. 12. So nice, I can't even drop kick him. You try to drop kick him, but he does like a cool backwards dance slide out of the way.

I knew it was a failure. I don't know why I said drop kick. That's the worst kick to miss. Yeah. You sail past him and you collide with the organ grinder instead. and you fall prone to the ground. Oh, you want a taste too? Let's go. I'm good.

Right, right. Did you forget which one of us got hypnotized? Listen. It happens. Come on. Is that it for your turn? No, I got one more. Okay.

Give me a boost. I'm kicking him again. Okay. The organ grinder picks you up from the ground, so you don't have to spend any more movement. No problem. No, wait, I clicked the axe. That wasn't right. I'm kicking you. That's fine. It's 11.

Yeah, I think it's best. It is. It weighs the same mob fire. You just step forward. You do another jump kick towards Jeremy Pipes, and he just steps, he does the same dance move the other way, does a spin, points up in the air. And you hear cheering coming from somewhere as you land prone on the ground on the other side of Jeremy Pipes.

He's like, hey, you don't, hey, stop. is so uncomfortable, don't, right? Like, you're trying so hard, but you're, like, not doing a good job, dude. And that's, like, so cringe, man. I...

You're really breaking my heart, Jeremy. I'm going to be honest. You're not the first one. Quite rude. Next, in the order, is the four-string, the four-piece string. I did take out the ingenue.

I mean, like... Yeah. No, it wasn't a completely useless turn. Like, you took out the enchano. Okay. Basist and banjuists don't have enough move to catch up with you. They move into the fray here. In fact, they're going to dash on their turn to get in contact with you,

but that is their action. Theater troop is all out of commission. I'm going to roll a die here just to see how this battle with Pierre and the Mimes is doing. Okay. You hear, again, what you think is a very one-sided battle happening in the distance with beastial roars, just sort of echoing down the alleys every now and then. It is not a one-sided battle. It's just that Pierre Reynolds, in his wear-bear form, is battling mimes, and so they're like being pretty quiet about it. Next in the order is Brother Philo.

Brother Philo, you have just taken out the northwestern conduit. is one more remaining. The only sort of, the only sort of combatant that you did not take out with your last action is the painter who just stabbed you in the eye with a paintbrush. Other than that, there is no one else in this clearing. What do you do? So what's Mutt's situation, he paralyzed? So you can see, I would say because Mutt sort of spent his guerrillas action like getting him out of there, I will say that you can see behind you. with your remaining non-paintbrushed eye,

the image of a massive spiritual gorilla dragging the prone form of mutt out of an alleyway. Can I get to him? You... I am flying, which means I move twice as fast. No, it doesn't. You could do it with like a dash. You could get within like spellcasting range, maybe,

but I don't know if that is sufficient. Or if you're going to throw, a potion or something. Like, I think you could have some options, but you would not. There's a pretty wide gap between the two of you, so you wouldn't be able to just get right up to him. Okay. Is he going to be able to make a save throw to try to break out of that? Yes.

Out of that? Okay. Yes. I'm going to, uh, okay. I am going to cast expeditious retreat. Okay. This allows Brother Philo to move at an incredible pace when you cast a spell and then as a bonus action on each of your turns until the spell ends, you can take the dash action. Okay.

That'll certainly be good for you to have on for this. So Expedition's Retreat is a bonus action to cast. When you cast this spell and then as a bonus action on each of your returns until the spell ends, you can take the dash action. Okay, great. So, yes, with this, you are able to dash with the spell. This will allow you to get to mud, no problem. You are going to take an opportunity attack from the painter. Okay.

As you are right up next to him. Okay. That is a 9 versus AC, not going to do it. Okay. Yes, you are able to, what does expeditious retreat look like before I scoot you over there? What's that look like for the way that you do magic? His little straps of his laterhosen start to glow. Okay.

And since he's flying, he is flapping his arms twice as fast. Okay. Which allows him to get to mud. Okay. You zoom over to this alleyway where this big spiritual gorilla is dragging mutt away from the clearing. He says, small puppet man you must help my leash he is gravely injured he has requested your help please do your funny joke show or whatever it is you have prepared little puppet man i i will certainly try uh if i am allowed to cast us another spell uh i mean you still have your action expedition retreat is a bonus action to cast so you are good i have nothing that will break him out of Cool, man.

Perfect. Perfect. But. Well, glad you came over here to tell me that face-to-face. But... P-st. P-st. But...

I can't help. I cast resistance. Okay. On mutt. Once before the spell ends, the target can do a D-4 and add the number rolled to one saving throw of its choice. Amazing. Great. It can roll the die before or after making the saving throw.

Kick-ass. Very, very good. What's this, what's this look like? Is this a, some sort of ungent or is this magic, magic? Is it applied topically? Yeah. Orally. No, I think his little nose glows.

And he, he, he frinky frinkes your nose with his nose. Excuse me? You, excuse me, sir? Excuse him, what? Frinky, frink. He just, we just rub noses back and forth. And the magic is. in the noses.

Okay, man. The magic is in the noses. All right, man. My liege, are you okay with this? This is so... I'm a spiritual gorilla who was born 20 seconds ago. You asked me to help. You asked me to do something.

Now, I get enthusiastic consent, my dude. Thank you so much. I feel... Okay, just got to check. Better. I guess I feel like I have a better chance of breaking this and then... Thanks, man. Okay, next in the order, the visual artist.

The painter is going to... Make his way. No. No. I'm going to summon Cronut. I'm a little worried about him and he could be of help. Cuckoo! Cucal! Cucal!

Deeply, far, far off in the distance to the north, you hear the sound echo and you feel a sort of spiritual closeness. as Krona, your terrible pumpkin homunculus, begins to return to your side. I will say this will be a bit of a trip for him, so not on this turn, but you have begun to summon back Kronut. To me, Kronut, to me! I just said I'm on my way.

I know. I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. Next in the order is the painter who is going to, I think, just sort of sprint to this. clearing here and I think start making his way towards the center of town where the rest of the kind of mind-controlled population of Lumino is beginning to migrate to. Next in the order is mutt. Okay. Before we do anything, you can make a Constitution saving throw and add a D4 in order to try and break the toxins grip on your body.

Okay, well, right now it's a 14, and I'm going to roll a D4, and out of one, so it's a 15. That is just what you needed. You are able to wiggle your fingers and wiggle your big toe, and then you are able to sort of slowly, and I would say painfully, regain your senses able to move. and with this, Sir Kevin is going to stand you back up on your feet. Sir, you are looking hail and hearty. Do you have a succession plan in place just in case you were to meet your demise in this honorable battle? Yeah, I don't plan to do that, but if I do, take this sword, and I draw Scalibur, and stick it real hard in the ground, and then the next person to pull it out is king. Oh, but I can't, okay.

No, for sure. Like, I, no, it's just, it's dumb. But, like, I thought, like, maybe you were going to do it too. That's not how it works, I think. No, I know, I know. And, like, I'm so embarrassed. You can see it into the ground and pull it right back out. You think, my liege?

We'll see. I'll wiggle it when I put it in, so the hole's extra thing. Good common, man. Okay, I need to do a thing real quick. Sure, thanks. With that 18, can I hear? Yeah, now you can hear this conversation. Yeah.

Timbs! We'll see. Um, I turn to the Invisible Man. Okay. And I say, I'm going to be honest with you, Teddy, as kind of fibbing before. Because the fact is, I do have beef with you, and I'm really, really want to kill you. Because you killed my brother, and he was like the last brother I had going. So.

I hope one day Travis gets to refer to me that way. Yeah, the last brother I had going. And I'm going to attack Teddy with Scalibur. Okay. you rush right back into the fray. Go ahead and make an attack roll. Actually, first, first, I'm going to use a ensnaring strike. Okay.

Which is a bonus action. Cool. I'm going to now take a swing at him with Scali. Okay. With incnering strike weaving around the way to see it. I keep hitting. there we go that is a 16 plus 4

a 20 that hits the invisible man and that's 4 plus 1 damage 4 plus 1 damage so 5 and then within snaring strike

a writhing mass of thorny vines appears you know he's got to succeed on a saving throw or be restrained until the spell ends Oh, so go ahead and roll that. He's got a beat a 15.

Okay. He got a 15. Yeah, so he beats it. That's fine. And now I'm going to take a second swing on him with my second attack. Okay. No, I don't think that's going to do it. Seven plus four, 11?

No, he parries your second attack out of the way with his envenomed knife. And now it's Kevin's turn. Yes, it is. The Invisible Man took a prepared action earlier. when he sort of got the jump on you here. That's fair. Uh, hey, Kevin? Yes, my liege.

Can you come, like, hold this man in your gorilla grip? I can certainly try, my leash. You got that gorilla grip? He looks like some sort of ghost. And I'm so... He's an invisible man named Teddy. He killed my brother. I killed his friend of Chupacra when I was four years old.

Because my dad told me to. You killed the Chupacabra, because your dad told you to. Well, he was deeply injured and it's... Everybody keeps saying that like it's a weird thing. He was really injured and my dad was teaching me to kill monsters without any emotion. And so... And yeah, I cried a bunch while I was doing it because I was four.

But it was a very... Was it fucked up? Wait, hold on, man. Hold on. Did that fuck me up real bad? My leash, you're hearing it, right? Yeah, now that I said it out loud. If I was gravely injured, if I was gravely injured my leash, would you destroy me?

Well, if you'd ask me five minutes ago, I would have said yes without thinking about it. But now, huh. Okay, I'm going to kill the invisible manna, and then I got a lot to unpack. Okay. That is, okay, so he is going to make an attack roll against the invisible man to try to hold him. Why don't you roll that? 17, plus whatever, my big gorilla strength. It's going to be a strength contest, right?

Okay, hold on a grapple. Bees your spirit. Got to see what the strength is. Strength is plus four, so it's 21 total. Okay, let's see. Oh, that's a crit fail. Oh, now he's pushed him. His implants fell out.

Let me go. He's so close. He almost is like getting it. I feel like we're on the cusp of some major revelations. Well... It's hard to breathe when you're squeezing my ribs like this. Uh, next in the order is the invisible man.

He says, Fine. He drops his knife. Fuck. Hey, face, man, that's gonna make it way easier to kill you. Oh, no, wait. Was that like a surrender move thing? Uh, he shakes his head and says,

Just do it. Well... fucking sucks. Teddy. What, man? Yeah, oh, I'm sorry. Did I make murdering me not fun? You were trying to murder me first.

For revenge, I had a great reason to do it. You kill my brother, Teddy. It's, did what I, did what I do? Was it fucked up? Yeah, man. I gotta think about this. Sir Kevin says,

I feel like, my leash. If I may, I don't want to speak out of turn, but maybe the two of you have a lot you could talk about and learn from each other. It seems like violence has poisoned the heart of both of you. Well, poison my shoulder. That was poison. Yeah, that was poison. Pretty good stuff. Violence poisoned both of my shoulders with poison. But, sir, perhaps you will have issues stemming from Your childhood from the life you were born. Oh, that seems like a lot of work, Kevin. I'm saying yes for sure, and maybe this isn't the right time for it.

But maybe don't kill the invisible man and you guys can like hash this out later. You know what? I'll say this. That sounds like a lot of heavy emotional labor. Teddy, if I let Kevin go, you leave me alone. I leave you alone. You killed my brother. I killed Chuba Cobra.

We call it even. How's that sound? Then we don't have to unpack any of our shit. Give me a persuasion check. I assume with advantage, because my gorilla is squishing him. No, not with advantage, but it won't be a very hard persuasion check. He is also... He had 18, flat 18.

Flat 18. He sighs and he drops his other knife. It was hidden. Yeah. This was part of yet another one of my diabolical track. Okay. So you're saying we walk away, even Stephen, and we don't have to unpack all this emotional trauma that has been inflicted upon us by each other and our families? Correct. Yeah, man, sounds pretty fucking good to me.

Awesome, dude. I didn't want to make any changes to my life at all. That sounds great. Yeah. No, I thought about, like, growing as a person for the first time. And I was like, no, thanks. That's so much work. Are you kidding me? so I can just scoot. Yeah, man. But hey, don't let me see you again. Wink, you know what I mean? That's good.

And hey, if you're lonely and you ever want to hang out and grab a beer, let me know. Yeah, I'm sorry about your brother. You seem like a cool dude. Yeah, I'm sorry about the Chippocabar, man. I was four years old. It's real fucked up.

And mud just starts bawling crying. Yeah, even so I'm saying, don't fuck, don't fucking, no, don't fucking. No, I don't want to unpack it. I don't. Oh, I can suck it back in. I can suck him back in. God, I've been so lonely.

I know, man, no, no, no, no, we don't got to do this. We don't got to do this, don't got to do this. We can talk about it. We don't want to talk about it. We're just going to hang out and have a beer and watch sports. Okay, he's fucking takes off running out of the clearing, uh, leaving you. I can't get a good perception chick to save my life. Yeah, you didn't hear any other.

I've been rolling single digits trying to weigh in for two minutes now. 17, I roll the 17 perception. Yeah, you heard all that, brother. I just want to encourage you to dig deep. No. No, not meant to be. This is, hey, I don't know if you guys know this. This is a fucking game.

This isn't a place for emotional development in any way. This is a silly game with dice and maps and shit. That was really close. I got genuinely scared because as a DM, I would have to like kind of shepherd that conversation, but I don't know how to fucking do that. We're not going to have emotions. Travis, we're fighting Dracula. Yeah. You get the campaign's first point of inspiration for the decision.

Oh, thank you, man. Okay. I think I clicked a button and a sun lit up on the screen. That's amazing. Hello, sleepy heads. Sleeping with celebrities is your podcast Pillow Pal. We talked to remarkable people about unremarkable topics, all to help you slow down your brain and drift off to sleep.

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the only true crime podcast that won't leave you feeling sad and bad and scared for once. Only on maximum fun.org. Okay. The organ grinder and Jeremy Pipes are continuing their fracas in the middle of town. And I rolled it the unfunniest ten. And so this battle is locked in an intense stalemate as the organ grinder and Jeremy Pipes continue their melee. Okay. The searchlight is going to move.

Can it get both brother, Philo, and mutt? No, just barely not. Not Kevin's butt. It does see a gorilla, so it's like definitely going to shine on mutt and the gorilla. Make a dexterity saving throw, mutt, a very, I will say, beatable one. You can tell from where you are that, maybe not. That's a two. Two plus seven, a nine.

No, that is just shy of what you need. You take two points of radiant damage. Oh, ow. Not nearly as bad as felt. No, it's just kind of real warm. I take my jacket off when I feel better. How many hit points does Sir Kevin have? Sir Kevin?

He has one guerrillas worth. I mean, is this a one-hit wonder sort of situation? No, no, no. He has, for land, he has 30 hit points. Oh, okay. He has also singed for two, but he is fine. Ow, what was that? It's the...

Rage? Yeah, no. I know. You've never been heard before, Kevin. No, but my skin, it feels not happy. What is that mean? It's just the sun's too. Come here, baby. Come here. Guerrilla stuff is coming out. Guerrilla stuff is coming out. Do you see? Hush little grill. I don't say your word. I have aloevara.

Don't touch my monkey. You have banana. As puppet, you have banana? You have? I give him banana yum, yum. Oh, amazing. Okay. Next in the order is. is Lady Godwin. You are, once again, it's fitting your position on this team, surrounded on three sides by enemies, Jeremy Pipes,

the banjoist, and the bassist from the four pieces. You are standing right in front of the door of Lumino Tower, which remains locked, and it is your turn. So who are these castes? I see Jeremy Pipes, remind me, who are these other two gentlemen? The banjoist and bassist of the... The rest of the band.

The rest of the band. Are they part of Jeremy's band? Are they just like... They're a different... They're a different band. They're a different band. They're a different band. Session musicians.

Yes, exactly. Did the organ grinder do anything? Him and Jeremy Pipes are pretty well matched here. Okay, good. They are battling. I will say that you are flanking Jeremy Pipes now. And so you would have advantage on any Jeremy Pipes-based attacks. The same is true of Jeremy Pipes,

because you are also being flanked in this moment. Okay. I'm going to throw the banjuist at the generator. So this generator in the middle of town is destroyed. The generator that hasn't been destroyed is about 60 feet away. No, even more.

Yeah, no. Yeah, I mean, does it seem like a good place to land right now for your body or like a bad... No, no, no, don't keep it wrong, it sounds like a bad place to land for your body. The problem is that, uh, It is a full 80 feet away. I'm looking at the broken one, man.

Oh, you want to throw him at the broken one? Yeah, because it would hurt. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, and there's probably, you don't know how this kind of thing works, Griffin, but there's definitely still electricity in it somehow. Okay, you know what I'm saying? Make a melee attack roll against the banjoist as you attempt to toss him back into the shattered conduit. I hate not to be able to use my axe.

This sucks. 13. Um, his armor helps him from, no, 13 hits. Uh, he does not have armor. He is a banjo player. Fair enough. Again, what these, these, uh, mind-controlled citizens of the city, uh, have in quantity, they desperately lack in quality.

He's usually guarded by like throngs of fans and banjo enthusiasts. You know, that's usually the armor that he has with him, the natural love that people half. Yeah, this bandroes is a big deal here. Jeremy Pipes actually looks at the banjurist and is like, is that, is that pluckadilly slim? And the banjurist nods, mm-hmm, and gets launched backwards. No, wait, I'm Dracula. So wait, I just need to understand. So basically, Jeremy Pipes asked him a question. He answers it and then his throne. Well, as you kick him, his body moves first and his head stays in place, stretching out for Just a second. Like a Looney Tunes kind of thing.

Exactly like a Looney Tunes kind of thing. I've updated his token to Pluckadilly Slam and you launch him backwards. Okay, so he's going to play with this. Let's do, this is going to be, we'll say a D6 of bludgeoning damage as he is thrown back into this machine. He takes three points. Not quite enough to take him out, but it does. Yeah, but then I yell, Take care of my light work, ladies.

Okay, the bridge clubbers all turn next to the remnants of Daphne Goldengood. And on their next turn, they will follow your orders as their social... That's the 21, by the way, on the persuasion. Oh, no persuasion needed. Juice, you are... I guess I already persuaded their balls off. Yeah, give me an insight.

Yeah, you've awakened something in them. Give me an insight check. Like maybe the insight is, no, not with a three. I don't know. Okay, no, with a six total in insight. You are being regarded with a level of prestige that even for you is levels unknown from these bridge clubbers who you have broken from their thrall and taken out their former alpha. There is some primal pack politics stuff happening that is bewildering. to you. But they nod. No problem.

Okay. I'm going to is, would I have advantage on pipes right now? Is he like engaged? He is, you have him flanked, yes. Fucking great, man. I'm going to attack him non-lethaly with Jennifer Myers. Amazing. The flat side. The flat side. Great. Jenny, I call that. 21.

21 hits. Go and roll damage. An 8. 8. Plus you do extra damage when you're raging, right? Yes. Plus 2. So 10 damage to Jeremy Pipes.

10 damage to Jeremy Pipes. He was not ready for that. You smash him over the head with the flat side of the blade. Well, I have advantage, right? Oh, right. Yeah, I guess you could try and crit. Just, I mean, you know. Yeah, go for.

Bro. and clock, right twice a day. Blindscorre, what have you. What have you? 17, it's not as far off as it could have been. 23. That hits better. I like that. Yeah, but the damage is the same. You bonk him for 10 points. I yell out

to him, Jeremy, do you know what the worst part about being an international singing sensation is? Huh? The axe attacks! I believe you have one more bonus attack you can make with your rage if you... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the next part. Okay, great. That's what the follow-up to that is another axe attack. And that's a 18 plus 6.

These roles are getting consistently higher. You still have advantage if you want to go for that. Just two more points on that dime. We'll get that sweet. No, not this time. No. Okay, 24 hits. That's 11 plus 3.

That's 14 plus 2. Plus 2. 16. Fuck you, Jeremy. With that, he stands up. and he looks confused for a second and it's like, do you smell pennies? And then smash him over the head again.

And you see a trickle of blood begin to stream down his forehead onto his perfectly sculpted nose. Non-lethally. Non-lethally. And his eyes start to roll back in his head. It's non-lethal, but you fucked him up, man. Like, he's not going to die.

But he dabs the blood. He's forgotten some math. He touches his forehead, and he looks at the blood on his hand, and he looks at you. Godwin, as his eyes start to roll back in his head, and he says, this is going to ruin the tour. And he goes down. Okay, next in the order.

Barbershop Quartet is down. Theater Troop is down. Roll to see how. Oh, yeah. Pierre goes beast mode, literally in the corner. And you hear one more primal scream and then two more voices cry out in pain.

Breaking their sacred mime oath. No way. The scream of a mime. Okay, here's my question. Is the scream of a mime very quiet? or is it all the noise pent up over time? It echoes. It echoes. The windows

in this block of the city shatter instantly. It's a lot of black bolt kind of thing. My heart made that noise the day the six finger ran. My father. Okay, with that, Pierre Reynolds is going to peel off from this confrontation

and begin making his way towards the center of town. Next, in the order, and all that, and Okay, Philo, you are up next. Nice and simple.

I'm going to take out that last pylon. With how and... I'm going to do it the same way I did. I'm going to fly it to the orb. Okay. Jam my little Phillips head into it. No, flathead. Flathead.

Well, you just look for a switch or something. No time. No time. Yeah, yeah. Okay, man. Go time for switches. Lord Kevin says, should we take a step back puppet man?

Yes, yes, yes. That would be prudent, yeah. But I find myself unable to do so. It's not his turn. So go ahead and let's see. This would be another Arcana check, right, as you attempt to dismantle this last remaining. 22. Yes.

Okay, with a 22, y'all are all going to make dexterity saving throws with advantage. You are able to control the destruction of this conduit a little bit better. Are you sad that you don't get to make one? Me? No, Justin. He said, oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I just have, I already have advantage on stuff like this.

You don't have to take it, yeah. I get double advantage, which should be cool. I got a 21 total. Okay. 14%. Sir Kevin Crit on his. Hell yeah. I got a 20.

Okay. You all. If I ever go on Twitch, Sir Kevin Crit. is going to be my user. That's really good. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah.

Okay, you all are able to easily sidestep. Or Dr. Disrespect. Just a no. I think it's free. It's available. Yeah. Okay. That doesn't know about the Dr. Disrespect drama,

so he just thinks Dr. Disrespect is a sick-ass name. And it is. Honestly, that's why I was taking it. A bolt of amber electricity rips out of the orb and streaks up the walls of the building between the three of you, sending bricks scattering all over the clearing, you are able to easily dodge them. As this last pylon goes down, and I'm going to put a skull on it, because I know some of us really need the skulls, the searchlight extinguishes. And you all see the light at the top of luminow tower begin to flicker.

It is flickering in a sort of rhythm, sort of slow at first, but you see it sort of hasten as moments begin to pass. Lady Godwin, where you are, the front heavy metal door of the tower there were streaks of sort of amber light going through the metal plating of the door that extinguish completely. The door is still closed, but this constant sort of machine hum that you heard coming from the door has been silenced as you knock out the last of the pylons. Philo, that was your turn. We are now at mutt. That is the picture of what is going on right now. Okay, cool.

I'm going to check my spell slots. Okay. But then if they're okay, I'm going to attempt to do Zephyr strike. On. Well, first on myself. So I'm going to run forward to where I can see things. With your speed, you are able to get here. Okay.

Sort of up with Brother Philo on the side of Lumino Tower. Whoever the musician is that's attacking. Yes, you can see the basis, the remaining musician that is attacking Godwin. Okay. I am going to target him. Okay. Yeah, I got one more spell. Great.

And hit him with Zephyrstrike. Use Zephyr Strike and shoot him. Okay. Make a ranged attack roll, please. Wait for. it is a 12. That hits. Sick.

And then 10 points of damage total. Where are you aiming at on him? His foot. Okay. No, his knee. I'm going to do a Terminator. Go for his knee. Okay.

You send a bolt flying into his. knee, which spins him around. And he yells, oh, that was bad enough to kill me. I actually have advantage on it by so I could just see if I could kill him. Yeah, I mean, you could try to crit, I guess. Why do you have advantage on the hit? Because I use effort strike. Oh, that's what it is part of it.

It also gives me one D8 extra damage. No, okay. I almost quit. I could also do 1D8 extra damage, but it sounds like I don't need to. No, you don't. You hit him in the knee so good that he, goes to sleep right where he's standing. You leave.

You take him out. He passes out from the shock of what has just happened. Okay. And then I get another 30 feet of movement from Zepardtruck. Okay, you can get basically wherever you want here in this center. I'm going to get up to Lady Gobind. Okay. In front of the door or to her side.

Can I open the door? Not now because you have taken your action. Oh, complicated door, huh? I mean a giant. If I Travis McElroy opened a door, I wouldn't mark something off my to-do list, if you know what I mean. There is smart butt. There's like no doorknob to the store. This door is mechanically opened and locked.

I thought you were saying it was like a smart butt kind of lock where only the right butt would open it. Only Dracula or Frankenstein's butt. Maybe if you had cut Frankenstein's butt off also. I said, I told you guys. I told you guys to cut off his butt in case there was a microchip in. and then open the door. Okay, the bridge clubbers are going to make three attack rolls

against the poor frame of Piccadilly Slim. Only the last one of them hits. He's down to one HP, so you see them stomp on Piccadilly Slim, who also becomes as dormant as Daphne Goodingold in the corner. I think with that, you all are briefly,

I'm going to say the remaining, there's like two people who you have not taken out in this encounter. They are far enough out that you all have a beat here where you are out of initiative. As the clubbers finish off Piccadilly Slim, you all see a circular object flying through the sky. As it slowly glides down into the clearing, you see. a frisbee that as it lands on the ground transforms into the shape of Elizabeth, the sports druid, from a nearby manhole, Gordon Clearwater pops out and joins his wife. And he says, well, you all seem to have done quite well for yourself. You did forget to run the dryer.

So we did actually come, there's like 50, 50 gold penalty for that. But let's focus on matters at hand. You all really cleaned up here. Yeah, just in time, Gordon, you know, here to help. We appreciate it, of course. Fylo, you are able to join the group here in the middle of you, if you wish. And Lady Aggies safe and secure and everything. As you say that, you see Lady Aggie come around the corner into the clearing, and she is joined by just another form.

It is another animal. A dog, he looks pleased as punch. You all also see Sloppy. Sloppy! And him and Lady Aggie are sort of affectionately nuzzling as they approach the unconscious. his body of Jeremy Pipes, and Sloppy just starts kind of chewing on Jeremy Pipes, I don't know, now listen, if you two's going to be together, there's something very important I have to do, and I draw Scalver, a knight the Sir Sloppy, so now you can be Sir and Lady,

so now there's a balance of roles, or else there's too much strain on the relationship, you know what I mean? Sir Kevin comes, let me not be unequally yoked. Exactly. Sir Kevin comes around the corner and sees this ceremony and he's like, oh, you just, so any animal, you just... You have seniority. Okay, do you hear that dog? I'm in charge.

And the lizard, I don't want to freak your bean, man, but you only last for an hour anyway, so... I only, what? Don't worry about it, man, don't worry about it. You all see, as you congregate in the middle of this clearing, Pierre Reynolds runs in to join you. And he runs up. You see Gordon get very scared as this wear bear charges in.

Pierre runs up to you, Lady Godwin. And he says, I let the bear out. I don't know how to put him back in the bottle. I understand. Here's what I need you to do, Pierre. Except that you are also the bear. You can't put the bear back in the bottle.

You can't change. You're you. I'm me. That's fine. But we need to accept the bear. Stop stuffing him away. Let's try loving him. Loving the bear.

Love the bear. Love the bear. People all over America. I'm sorry. Love the bear. No, yeah. Hulu viewers agree. Rave reviews, man.

You are right. It's part of me. Thank you, Lady Godwin. Did you kill Daphne Goldingood? I didn't. As you say that, you all see figures illuminated. by the burning Hyundai Alantra and the faint light from the tower above. For the most part, these streets here have gone silent.

I'm not going to put a hundred more tokens on this map, which is already quite crowded, but you see coming through these sort of four main alley entrances to the north and the south and the east and the west, you see figures of shambling citizens of Luminow beginning to stage a second wave assault against the center here. You see Pierre turn to you, Godwin, he says, leave them to us. You get in the tower. We will hold them off for as long as we can.

You're going to finish Strachula, yes? And take you, Steve. Elizabeth looks at the three of you. She says, go with my blessing. She's going to cast mass cure wounds. Heck yeah. Oh, yeah. On all of the injured parties here.

And you know what? Go ahead and heal up to full. This is going to be a big heel. You all are down a bit just to make this clean. You feel just it's like you. you've just drank 30 Gatorades. Oh, hell yeah. You feel like electrolytes coursing through you,

repairing your wounds from the inside out. Um, she looks at you and says, bring back the sun. And we'll figure out the stuff with the dryer later. Fair. But it's important. It's our home. And we let you crows.

in it. And the least you could have done is the linens just go and bring back the sun. Listen, you want a good review on TripAdvisor, don't you? Gordon smiles and says,

that hasn't been invented yet. Yeah, it's okay, fine. You're fucking pumpkin fries in it. But I say Kroonet, you do what Pierre tells you, help these fine folks fend off the frongs, throngs. Sorry, I got on the frongs. That has to be really deliberate about what's going off with Croninett at all times,

so my brothers will try to disappear him again. Yeah. I can't believe you're the one defending this. You're the one scared of the pumpkin. It's for you, dude. Justin and I, Justin, you're the only brother I've got going. And Griffin and I are trying to protect you. Kroonut.

Stay with them. It's the only cronet dad has gone. That's true. I try it. I don't have anything else. And then... Finally, a son, dad can be proud of. Can Philo uses T's tools to open the door?

Yeah, sure. Give me a slight of hand check and add your proficiency bonus to this role. That is a 17. plus proficiency that would be a dirty 20. Yes, with a dirty 20, you are able to pry a couple of flathead screwdrivers in between the two doors. And as you pull them apart, you make a big enough gap that the sort of assembled people here, you see Tyler, the organ grinder, help you pull these massive doors open. And he takes up defensive positions as the, you're a sure.

associates throughout this adventure stand in a phalanx blocking the front door of Luminow Tower. The vampire will see us now. Let's go. And then just a quick eight-hour nap to get back all my spell slots. Maximum Fun. A work-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.