The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Versus Dracula - Episode 6

Episode Date: February 15, 2024

Their quarry is within reach, but after a strange battle, the vampire hunters discover that they must find a different way to stop him for good. Godwin swings big. Phileaux gets nosey. Mutt gets sniped. Additional Music in this Episode: "I'm a Monster" by Nuno Adelaida: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Nuno_Adelaida. Dice sounds by Tal M. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Dear diary, death and beauty have always been, in my experience, wonderful bedfellows. Not only does that encapsulate my whole spooky vibe, it's truly the defining dynamic of my domain. You see, artsy types, they can't get enough of death and danger. There's a reason why the greatest creative minds in the realm flock to Lumino and it's not because of the quality of our public schools. It is because there is no muse more inspiring than the specter of death. Though our public school system is pretty good. Dracula stands before you.

Godwin gets one look at him and screams zooms and tries to attack him with Jennifer Myers. Okay, give me a, give me an attack roll. Fine. Yeah, great. Give me an attack roll. I mean, what do you want me to do, man? It's a barbarian and she sees the thing she wants to kill, like. It's out of my hands. Uh, 17. Okay, pretty good. Uh, is it enough? Let's find out as I pull up. The character sheet for Dracula. Should just probably always have that, have that going. A 17 hits Dracula's armor class. Yes.

So let's get a, let's get some damage going. Oh, wow. That is quite good. Two rage, ten slashing, so twelve altogether. Are you raging? I'm, I, you didn't say that you are, but I will allow it considering. Was I still? Well, why.

No. She said Zunes. That's true. That's true. Okay. Describe your attack. You were bringing this axe down. What are you trying to do to Dracula?

Well, I mean, there's very little consideration on her part. It is very much overhead chop, like, no thought, just sprinting at him to swing. I imagine the swing doesn't find exactly purchased where she was hoping to because Dracula was not like split in Twain with 12 points of damage. So maybe you could tell me if he does like how he doesn't get killed by it. Well, I mean, he's not going to get killed by it. Well, I know, but like you tell me what Dracula does to, I'm just saying with an overhead chop aimed at his head. tell me how it does, like, what does he do? I don't want to say what he does to not get killed by that.

Okay. So you tell me. You bring the axe down on him hard. He shifts his weight a little bit so you don't, you know, lobotomize him in this moment. But you sort of slide the axe down the side of his head and bury it in his shoulder. When you do that, his ear comes off and goes flying through the air and lands on the ground. What happens to it? It just lands on the ground?

Does it wiggle around? Does it turn to dust? Doesn't turn to dust or wiggle around? It doesn't turn to dust or wiggle around. Okay, thank you. I would actually like to tell us that about everything, every object that we encounter. If it's alive or not? No, does it.

If it turns to dust or wiggles around. Thank you. Sure, sure, sure. Okay. When after that, when Ever Dracula, looks like a mutt has pulled out his DeWalt brand vampires and is kind of starting to move forward ready to extract some teeth if this is the moment. Okay.

He says, whoa. Rude. Okay, so he does talk. His reaction to me attacking him with the axe was talking. I'm going to throw the javelin at him now. Talking is a free action. Talking is a free action. Okay, okay, fine.

He is going to put a palm out and strike you in the chest with it. And he rolls a 20 versus AC. Yeah, I mean, obviously that hits. Okay, you are going to take, uh, good God. You are going to take 13 points of, damage total. You take

seven points of bludgeoning damage and you take six points of necrotic damage. Okay. You are thrown backwards 10 feet and land on your back.

You do pull Jennifer Myers out with you. Mutt puts the vampliers back into his pocket. Not the moment. Not the moment. Can't blame you for one. to grab this beautiful bosom. That is not my

intention. Do not put that on it. You nasty dog! All right. You two are probably some of the most bungling burglars I've ever witnessed. I have caught you. This is a private building

and you have taken the belongings out of it. My name is Count Dracula, by the way. So my reputation precedes me. Yeah, bud. Okay. Well, then you know what I am capable of. I'm Crawford Muckner. You can call me might.

Everybody does. You kill Overside 27 of my family members. Give me an insight check. As you say that, Crawford, Muttner. 19. 19. His demeanor is somewhat inscrutable. He is Count Dracke.

He seems unfazed by the fact that an axe has just been buried in him. And you actually see that the wound beginning to sort of close up as if he is sort of regenerating. But when you say your name, you get the impression that he kind of recognizes you, and his demeanor softens a little bit. And he says, you're Crawford, the last of the mutner clan. No, I mean, it's me and Ma, but yeah, basically, you can call me mud. He sighs and says, I have no desire to exterminate the mutner line.

Oh, cool, man. Why don't you give me the puppet and go on home? I never show this. People who know me will tell you, I never show mercy like this. It is wildly out of character for me. But this place is a ecosystem. And monster hunters have an important role to play. Hey, thank you.

So. I never studied negotiation or whatnot, so I don't think that this is going to work. But how about counteroffer? I don't give you the puppet, but I do take your teeth. Why do you want my teeth? Oh, I made a promise to my brother Rusty. He got his ass beat to death by the Invisible Man. You know the Invisible Man?

Oh, yeah, that dude sucks. Yeah, fucking hate that guy, right? That's a little pot calling the kettle, Black. Well, it's just, you know. There's a rube-ness. This is a spooky realm with lots of monsters in it, but a lot of them sort of operate through some sort of internal logic. Invisible Man, he likes to just kick an ass.

He's just a piece of shit. There's a rudeness. By the way, that was Clint. said that. Oh shit. Oh, no. Not. Because because Pinocchi, because the puppet hasn't moved. It hasn't said any. Oh, okay. That's good. You're playing, you're playing, uh, you're playing dead. Is that what you're doing? Um, give me, give me a performance. Hey, he's playing

puppet. I mean, that's fair. Give me a performance. Like, if you saw a puppet laying on the ground, you're like, I think that puppet's dead. That's like, you're very good point. Uh, don't know what happened. Give me a performance check file while this continues to play out. How about with advantage since he is a puppet, which is a performance tool? No. Six. Okay.

Yeah, I don't know how you would possibly understand his reaction to seeing you. But you pretend to be just a regular old puppet. Anywho, so my brother got his ass beat to death, and he made me promise on his deathbed that I would fulfill. our final dream of kicking your ass, taking your teeth, turning them into earrings. And so, I got to do that. No offense. I mean, listen, just like you have no desire to exterminate the Munderer Klan,

this isn't like a personal thing. You weren't the one who killed my brother that was the invisible media. I appreciate this. See, and is this professionalism. It is this professionalism, why I do prefer the Muddner Klan to those Bull Guards. Oh, my God, yeah. bunch of nobs.

How about these? Yeah? Let me, pass me those pliers. Okay. What's the right? Okay, wait. Do I get them back? Because they're mine.

Sorry, sorry. He waves his hand in front of you. Give me a wisdom saving throw. Wisdom. I'm actually not bad at that. Oh, wait, saving throw. Hold on. Mm.

No. Is it lower in it? 14. It was the highest one. Yeah, no. but a 12 was the save, and it's neither of those succeeds. This is, you, it's fucking weird, Tram. It's so weird.

You didn't realize this. This is your best friend, Dracula. All right, man. This is your best friend Dracula. So when he says like, Oh, bud! Yes. Yeah, here's it go.

Here's my vampires. Thank you. I'll make you a deal. Yeah? He reaches up. Pops out his two fangs. Like, it's nothing. The teeth for the puppet

And then we go our separate ways Yeah man Hey for my best friend For my friends Yeah man And I go to grab the puppet While this is happening Lady Godwin

Chuck's her javelin at Dragon She's got herself She's got herself together And out of nowhere Mid-conversation A javelin hurdles through the air Give me a Jesus Christ

That's a 21 Yeah go ahead Go ahead and roll damage Can I use my reaction To try to push my friend Dracula out of the way No I don't think you have that ability That's 10 more fucking damage Okay

No Dracula Where does it get him? This one It goes through the how much 10 damage. This one I was aiming for the heart and I think I got the other side of the chest.

Maybe, I don't know. You tell me. This one, he takes in the chest, it goes through him. You see the back of his cape kind of billow out as the javelin goes through. This one brings him back a little bit. You see Dracula stumble a little bit. He says, okay, he pulls the javelin out of his chest. and now his demeanor is quite different.

Now he is more sort of beastial. You see a lot of wrinkles sort of growing on his forehead as his brow almost extends. You see he does not have his fangs, but it looks like his other teeth are beginning to grow into sharp points as he. She let her talk. Can she talk for a second while he's doing it? this like, sure. Yeah,

this transformation is taking a few seconds. Oh, that looks terribly painful. But I ask you, how many times would I have to hit you with this javelin

to equal getting exploded by your stupid car? I caution you it's going to be a very long night of javelins indeed. Uh, you give me an insight check,

Lady Goblin. It's not a strong, sir. Okay. Uh, 12? Um, on a 12, he stops. His brow continues to wrinkle, but now because it's sort of furrowed. And he says, I don't, I splattered you. Oh, no. I remember you? I remember just a brief glimpse of your face as it sort of spun upwards and away. Oh, I, hey, for what it's worth, I am sorry. I dead. That was. when the wolfman and I parted together, he is a terrible influence on me. And so I do, I, for what it is worth, I am sorry that I splattered you with the car.

I'm sure he's going to throw you a terribly festive wake. Oh, but the thing is, sorry, I wanted to finish, is that I, you have now attacked me twice, and just on principle alone, I cannot allow that in my domain. What if someone is watching? He is going to... Did the damage break the concentration on whatever was on me? Let me roll a con save as Dracula. Must have been really concentrating pretty hard if not,

because I feel like no matter how hard I concentrated, and I'm not Dracula, but no matter how hard I concentrated, I think a javelin, I would at least be like, huh, you know what? It's like your attention would be diverted for at least a second. At least momentarily diverted to see if there was another javelin. Yeah, I can remember that. time at band camp, Justin, when you were trying to concentrate on playing your tuba and all of a sudden the track team, a javelin came flying in.

It was, that's all he would talk about all day. That story is 100% true. It was a baritone horn that I played actually, though. So, but other than that, the working man, 100% true. Details matter. Although it would have been so, can you guys just for a second imagine someone carrying a sousaphone getting hit by a javelin? Because it is fucking funny. He's funny, because you wouldn't even be able to fall all the way over,

because between the javelin sticking through and the size of the phone, you would end up just kind of propped up, like a tent. I'm going to have to reinstall Gary's mod after this, so I can see that for myself. Okay, he turns to Mist and reforms behind you. He is going to do a multi-attack on you, the first of which is, is an unarmed strike, 20.

He is, instead of doing damage, he is going to bite you. Oh. And that is a 26 versus AC. Okay, that one just barely squeaks him. Biting has some special rules for Dracula. It is in our house, not allowed. Yeah.

That is our special biting. No fighting, no fighting. No fighting. No fighting. You feel your life force begin to vacate your body. It is a horrible, hollowing feeling. And you feel like you can feel death's embrace beginning to see, beginning to see. sort of enshroud you,

your hit point maximum is reduced by six points. Oh, out. You, however, he doesn't kill you. Which, knowing what you know about Dracula, he very easily could. Because just moments after biting into your neck, he draws backwards and spits the blood on the And he says, Oh! Normally I love the taste of bird.

I can't get enough of this stuff. What? Blood, it's so delicious. But something is wild. Is happening. Have you been afflicted with some sort of curse or something because it's terrible in there? Well, I don't know where most of this body has been. You've destroyed my beautiful, sensible body,

and left me only with this, this sensual. Chulmi has some of curves. Where them teeth, Griffin, where are the teeth that he pulled out? Where are those? He dropped them on the ground. He dropped them on the ground as he turned into mist. Can I grab them?

Yeah, sure. Yeah, teeth! I have not put you all in initiative, although it is starting to look very much like maybe that is the direction that this is going. Brother Philo, are you still? Are you still playing puppet? Has he reformed yet?

Yeah. He's reformed? He has reformed. Okay. Puppet, I'm just going to call him Fylo. Yeah. The other one's in a bottle somewhere. We don't have to think about it.

Throw the bottle like a polo ball, dad. Summine your corpse to fight Dracula. Philo raises his arms and stumbling in a very awkward way. walks towards Dracula and says, Papa? Off-putting. Hugely, hugely off-putting, yeah, for sure. Okay.

Okay. I'm going to need, okay, I'm going to need another performance check out of you. They don't need a bad idea check. No, it's a good idea. No, it's a good idea, yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's just a bad idea. A weird idea. Bad in like a, not quality, but rather feeling. Yeah, yeah.

Are you my mummy? Okay, 13. He looks at you. He does not look surprised to see you. He looks confused. He kind of crouches down to get a better look at you and says, so you are awake. What are you doing? Why are you doing? Are you pretending to be a small boy? I'm confused, Papa. I'm confused. It seems to bring him great joy to see how confused you are.

To see you in this state. He says, well, this was worth every pimey. Come on, you're coming with me. He takes a step forward to try to grab your arm. I let him. Okay. Make a wisdom saving throw, please. 11.

Okay, he scoops you up in his arm and is holding you. And he says, get out of engrave, both of you. I will not show mercy again. And he turns into a big bat. Just like that. And scoops Pinocchio up in his arms and starts to fly off. Bye. And dad does nothing of this

You do nothing? You don't do anything? Dad lets himself be carried away by Dracula. Right. Okay, so I assume he's kind of nestled up against Dracula. Yes, I mean, you are in the bat's sort of clutches. Right. And you are nestled up against his body. It's a big bat, big enough to carry a, you know, a wooden puppet boy.

Right. Standard measurement. He kind of nestles his face in close to Dracula. Dracula's chest and says, uh, I love you very, very much, Dracula. And his nose grows. Okay. And impales through the bat's chest.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. The end. The end of the story. This is how it was always good. Okay. This is going to be an attack roll.

You're going to have advantage because if this isn't a sneak attack, I don't know what is. So why don't you make an unarmed attack roll with advantage place? Holy shit. 23? Yeah. Does Dracula have a son that will have to fight now or what? Dracula howls as you jab your nose into his chest. And as he does that, he transforms back into his chest.

to Dracula and plummets to the ground. You all had not flown particularly far when this happened, so he still lands sort of in the corner of the junkyard, and you land on top of him. He stands up and throws you off of him, and he says, Okay, I see that you have not missed a step, have you? Bastard. He takes a step towards. towards you to counterattack.

And as he does so, a glowing, enormous crossbow bolt flies in and impales him in the heart. And he goes, he disintegrates into ash, floats away into the night sky, and you hear uproarious applause, cheering, clapping, and screaming, and in that din you hear a name.

Oh, man! Sedrick! God, family. My goodness. Dracula. Defeated. I am hard as a rock right now. You absolute dink.

I had it. I don't know what you're talking about. You may have loosened the lid on the pickle jar, but to the victor goes the spoils. Sadrick, Sidtrick, Sadrick. You fucking kill, Steeler. You were camp Were you camping? You come in here?

We, this fuck Mm. Cedric? He literally sniped you. Yes. The crowd picks Cedric up on their shoulders and bouncing just like carries him back to town all just sort of like cheering and raising the roof

leaving the three of you alone in an empty junkyard. Do I still have the teeth? Did they turn to dust? Give me a luck check Six Not very lucky Oh man The teeth turned to dust

The ear on the ground does it You get an ear But that can be That can be anyone's ear I pick it up and I whisper I'm gonna get your teeth In theory Give me

An No perception check Me? Yes I'm pretty good at that 19. As you are sort of like sifting through his ashen remains, to try and find some sort of prize.

For a second, your hopes get up, because as you're rooting through the pile, your fingers graze against two sharp, sort of pointy things. And you are disappointed as you pull those things out of the ash pile and the light of the full moon and the light from Luminow Tower glint off of two very small bolts. Oh. Huh. Huh.

I've a token for a music lover. I think you two need to leave me. I feel just awful. But Dracula's dead. That's the important thing. Good work, Al. Dragon's not dead. We've had a lot of fun.

I never really got to know either of you terribly well. And I believe our business is concluded. I would like to go lay down for three weeks if you will excuse that. No, he's not. Could I do something first? Oh, please, yes. Um, and he, uh, he casts healing word on Lady Godwin. Oh!

All right. So 1D4 plus your spellcasting modifier. Your spellcasting modifier is plus four. So D4 plus four. Two. Okay. Two plus four, six. So you are healed for six points of.

Oh, is this a cough drop? Thank you so much. Excellent. Alludence. Alluding. I feel marginally better. Can you give. me a perception check, Lady Godwin, as you sort of take stock of your bod here. Okay. 14. With a 14.

Since you have stepped outside of this building, your hand that is attached to you has been hurting and itching and feeling quite bad. It is the hand with the horse bite on it. And you can't tell, I mean, you don't have a medical background. You don't know if this is an infection or what. But as you are sort of being healed, you realize, like, there's this one part of my body that fucking doesn't feel very good. Um, oh, my attached, my right attached hand or my left attached hand. Whichever one, the horse bit as you were holding on to the carriage in the episode one. Okay. Y'all, I wish this was like the end of the, Dracula's not dead, man. Like, this is You go, okay, the Bullgar family has killed, air quotes, Dracula like five times now, six times now.

It's like, I don't know, it was just a cloud blows away, reforms his Dracula get. He ain't dead. Is that true, Griffin? Yeah, yeah. Dracula has been killed and always comes back seemingly. Yeah, he ain't dead. The Bullgard family has racked up quite a kill count of Dracula that has. just been extended by one.

So like, I wish that it was, you know, victory music time or whatever, but like, that weren't it. I still don't have teeth. I almost had teeth. I almost had his teeth. I was going to go. I was going to leave you guys to finish whatever, but the teeth, ugh.

Brother Philo, um, maybe in, I find that my hand started to, um, itch. Um, now that, that I've said it out loud in context, um,

that probably doesn't seem very important to you. Um, I, I'm going to tell Crawford instead. Crawford, yeah, my hand has started itching terribly. Hmm.

That's the, yeah, you're, you're an, you know, animals, look at this, is this common for a horse bite?

I'm going to look at it with my plus five medicine check, with my, uh, backwards wisdom. You know what it is actually? Give me a survival check. Oh, okay. I can do that. What was it? That sucks. That's a nine. That's a nine.

Jeez. Um, is it, it, it, it ain't right. This bite ain't right. Wait, I want to, okay. I want to make some kind of wisdom check as Crawford. Okay. To see if I can connect the fact that Dracula didn't like the taste of the lady's blood. and this bite thing. Because I as a player have connected it,

but I don't know if mutt would. I can't make that assumption. I will give you that on this check, right? It looks infected. It looks like something has happened to it. I think logically, like you don't have to roll to connect two dots like that, right? Yeah, so I don't, man, listen, I don't know.

I have no idea what this is, Lady Garland, but it may be like sepsis, some kind of infection sit in, makes your blood taste nasty because he spit it out. Like, I was going to at first say like, oh, maybe you got like undead formaldehyde blood. But he's like shacking up with Frankenstein. He'd know about that stuff, right? So I don't know, man.

Maybe you got blood poisoning. Is that thing? That sounds like a thing, right? Is it only in the hand? Is that the only place you have the itching? Do you have it in your foot or mouth? No, located from this bite right here. So it activated when I did the healing spell?

No, no. No, okay, okay. I just love this scene of people who came outside. We're attacked by Dracula. Almost killed Dracula. Someone else killed Dracula. And the Lady Gamma was just like, my fucking hand itches a lot. Well, Griffin, I mean, Griff, I don't know what I'm going to say.

You brought it up. You brought it up, dog. That's fair. You might as well say, hey, talk about how your hand itches for a second. I got to get a drink. Like, I'm sorry. You said your hand is. I'm going to talk about it.

What would it, how would you feel if I was like, oh, no shit? Anyway, like moving on in my life. Cool, cool. Anyways, Dracula, huh? You all are now standing alone in this junker. You actually hear behind you inside of the lab. Slopin. Oh, I close the door.

Oh, oh. Time to go. Yep. Okay. You all head out from Frankenstein's Darylick Laboratory. My name's Doug Dugay, and I'm here to talk about my podcast in the middle of the one you're listening to. It's called Valley Heat, and it's about my neighborhood, the Burbank Rancho Equestrian District, the center of the world when it comes to Fuzball, Frisbee Golf, and high-speed freeway roller skating. And there's been a jaguar parked outside on my curb for 10 months. I have no idea who owns it. I have a feeling it's related to the drug drop that was happening in my garbage can, a little

over a year ago. And if this has been a boring commercial, imagine 45 minutes of it. Okay, Valley Heat, it's on every month on maximum fun.org or wherever you get podcasts. Check it out, but honestly, skip it. These are the chronicles of the Rancho Questure District in Burbank, California. These are the events taking place in my house. Hello, sleepyheads. Sleeping with celebrities is your podcast Pillow Pal. We talk to remarkable people about unremarkable topics all to help you slow down your brain and drift off to sleep. For instance, we have the remarkable Neil Gaiman. I'd always had a vague interest in live culture, food preparation.

Sleeping with celebrities, hosted by me, John Moe, on maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts, night night. Can we like short rest or some shit? Because I am down to seven hit points. Yeah, I mean, if you all want to take a short rest, you can absolutely do that. Spend some of your hit dice to recover hit points. If you want to take a long rest to get back your spell slots, which I imagine for Philo are in short supply, you can do that as well. You just need a place to do it.

Well, if Pierre Reynolds owns the thing and we just... Goose light pub? Yeah, we just squished all the things. He'd probably let us chill out there, right? You could certainly ask. Couldn't have to ask. Yeah. Okay.

Let's go there. All right. You all make. your way back into the city center towards the theater district where the ghost light, a pub, is located. It is later. The moon is up. The weather is slightly cooler. The city's sort of omnipresent amber glow is sort of even brighter as it mixes with the moonlight. As the theater, as the shows in the district let out, the number of sort of like buskers and street performers has tripled and the city feels very, very vibrant and alive as you make your way back towards

the ghost light. As you come inside, the bartender takes a look and sees a puppet walk in. I'm just kind of like, oh, okay. And you all make your way back, and Pierre Reynolds is still chilling at his table. His entourage has seemingly increased. as the knight has progressed, and he is just kind of, like, holding court in the back of this pub. Is Cedric here? Cedric, you passed on your way here, just being paraded around in the streets, like a hero. People are really stoked that Dracula has been killed here. Some people are.

Some people are just, like, still wrapped up in their own artistic endeavors. And as he sees you, Pierre says, The heroes return. Excellent. Wait, no, I got to find his voice. Can one of you guys kill Pierre? After he talks this time, so I don't have to do with him. Uh-huh.

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. The brave heroes return. Excellent. Did you destroy the? the hands have you what is this he sees he sees your little

he sees your ringed hand sort of climb up on your shoulder as you mention hands as though it has sort of like heard what is this I sought I asked you to destroy the hands no point out mommy's talking

that one's domesticated domesticated it it nuzzles against you and then scurries back down into your pocket the rest of them though we did we destroyed them destroy where they was coming from destroy the machine left the dog there to eat whatever was left

so then that's done no more trouble from hands that's a guarantee and then my hand gives my shoulder hand gives an okay good I would love a nap and maybe like a burger if you got one something we do not serve hamburger in this

Sorry, say it again. And burger. We do have we have potato wedges stuffed potato skins. Do you turkey club? Everybody does turkey club. We can get you a turkey club, yes.

I think it is the least I can do for you to thank you for your bravery and your service. What is the most you can do? Is that puppy is talking? What's it? What? Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. think the puppet's talking. Oh, that's adorable. He didn't even see his lips moving, did you? Yeah, Mutt starts kind of wiggling his lips a little bit. That is incredible. You are not even touching him. So I do not know how you are

animating the mouth. Strings, of course. Drone. He's a drone. Drone strings. Servos. Technology. Simple machines.

Technology, it is fantastic. Um, hey Pierre Yes One can I nap in one of these boots Yes, I will make you all, uh, I will make you all, I will prepare you all in view And some, some grub Before Frankenstein left, Pierre's so approachable. Did you hear how he just effortlessly said grub like he's saying his whole life?

He's a pub. He's a shop owner you can have a beer with. Um, Pierre, before Frankenstein left to go check up with Dracula, Did anybody go missing who was maybe like, I don't know, like a pain in Dracula's ass? Like somebody, they was like, you just didn't see him anymore. And like the next day, Frank Sin and Dracula left. This is a very dangerous land and people go missing all the time. I mean, hmm.

No, I don't think Pierre would know that. says, it is impossible to, impossibly, to track the comings and goings and dyings of every one who lives in liminal and engraved at large. People go missing all the time. People wander into the woods. They do not come out. You should stop them from doing that. But it is their liberty. I don't know, man. One more thing, Griffin. Does Pierre Reynolds have bolts in his neck? make an investigation check. I lean into his neck.

And I got a three. Oh, no! I kissed him gently on the neck. He leans back like, are you trying to bat me? Are you a Dracula as well? No, man, listen, I'll just ask you. You got bolts in your neck? Oh, is these puppies?

He brushes back his hair, and he has, it sure does. He has two small bolts on one side of his neck that you saw people using sort of as a radio tuner earlier. Yes. I do. Would you like me to have you fitted for some? It usually causes a nominal fee to have them installed, but it is, let me say, worth it if you want to truly experience luminous in a way it is meant to be experienced. Well, would this set work for that? And I held out the two that I got from Dracula's dust. He sees them, he sees them, you know, they're gross, they're a little bloody. He said, I would not advise putting this into you. I can get you some fresh ones.

Absolutely. It's not a problem. Well, there's a family heirloom. Would they work? I mean, yes. It is incredibly unhygienic, but maybe. Okay. No, not right now. Maybe. Yeah, sure. Maybe later. Think about it. Let me, oh, let me get you your checkpoint passes. He reaches in a little bag that he's got with him, and he pulls out a little hand stamp,

and he stamps all three of your hands. Do not wash it? If it comes off, it does not work anymore. This is, I will admit, not an optimized system for this, because it rains, and then all of a sudden, everyone's like, shit, who can go, who can stay, but this is what we have to work with. Okay, I'm going to take a nap now. Okay.

Are you all settling in? Yes. Okay. You all retire to a room? here in the ghostlight pub. You don't sleep, do you, brother Philo, as a, as a, you know,

essentially a construct of a war-forged, I guess, in the parlance of... I think he does rest. I think he needs to rest. But you don't need to become unconscious in order to do so. No. So, okay, everybody, heal up to full, take your spell slots back.

Before we do that, Before he falls asleep, Mutt sets up alarm. Okay. On the 20-foot cube that they're, like, sleeping in. Okay. So that if anything enters that cube, it will wake me up. Okay. I'm just trying to think of anything would.

I don't think so. I think at this point, Dracula just showed up someplace. Oh, for sure. Listen, the invisible man can sneak up on you at any moment. Okay. Your alarm goes off in the middle of the night. The door into your room creaks open very slowly, just partially. You do not see a figure approach as the alarm goes off.

It slammed shut. And you hear, boom, boom, boom. Yeah. Oh! Oh! I chase after you and I'm like my sleep clothes. I'm not sure. Okay. Yeah. Make a, make an athletics check.

Okay. So as a fail, as a crib fail, as a one? You are close. You see footstep impressions in the rug, in the hallway outside, just in front of you, you reach out. You could swear your fingers graze the hymn of his garment. And then he is down the stairs as your feet hit the tassels at the end of the rug, they lose. purchase on the ground and you go tumbling down the stairs, you are going to take six points at bludgeoning damage. As you crumple at the bottom of the stairs, you see the swinging doors of the pub go open as the Invisible Man takes flight into the night. I'll get you someday, you invisible bastard.

And then you, I guess, return to your long rest and heal those points. But not the emotion. about damage. Right. Okay, it is morning, but it is still twilight outside. It is always night in honor. That's fine. We've had the rest, correct? But you've had the rest, yes. Okay, there is a thing that the artificer does called experimental elixir. You used this, I believe, moments ago to shrink your corpse down. Right, but this will surprise you. Okay. We did it wrong. Okay. After every rest, you roll a D6 and it creates an experimental elixir, according to an experimental elixir chart. Oh, I see.

So you don't get to decide what the elixir is. Okay. Well, I will still allow, okay, your body, you hear smash as your body grows back to normal size. No, no, no, no, no. I will grant that. Go ahead and, I guess, roll your D6. And it's part of the artificer thing. No, it's cool.

I love this mechanic. Just go ahead and roll it. Okay, so he rolls a D6. I don't have my... That's a one. What was it? Okay, so a one is a healing elixir.

The drinker regains a number of hit points equal to do 2D4 plus your intelligence. Yeah, right. So I'll just add that to my... Yeah, write that down in your inventory because you will... And remember that you have it.

Yes. And I'm going to put up my items. You all make your way downstairs. You feel refreshed. Your hand still is definitely not feeling great. Even though the rest of you has sort of recovered Lady Godwin, there is still sort of something wild going on. And you all have your stamps.

And as you come downstairs, you see Pierre Reynolds, and he is sort of cleaning up, kind of putting the stools down off of the tables. And he says, so I must ask, what is your next sort of plan of attack? for moving forward. I was just puzzling over that myself, Pierre. You still intend to slay Dracula, yes? After a fashion, yes, but I think we'd rather it be rather more permanent. Mm-hmm.

This is tricky. His castle, it is in the northern Cape. It is surrounded by the strangled miles. He loves capes. Yes, he can't get enough of it. It's surrounded on all sides by the Strangler. Wrangelmeyer, which is quite impossible if you want to not be, not have you so drained from your body. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you how to get to Dracula's castle.

That's a hard name to say. It's hard to say Dracula in any sort of accent that is not Dracula's accent. Yeah. But wherever your fortunes lie, I suppose they will be found through the Norton checkpoint. It's a lot of stinking thinking you're throwing out of things. I'm just saying, like, you're just throwing out problems and no solutions there, my dude. Like, that's not very...

You must understand the risk. It is incredibly dangerous out there. You make your way out of town through the north. Anything goes. You're not protected by the beautiful light of luminous tower. Hmm. It's true. Well, cool, man.

Thanks for the well wishes. Geez. You'll happen to rather dark cloud pier. I'm saying. It is my nature as a French gentleman. Who is that French? No. Belgian.

Belgian. But I have a sort of, I am Belgian, but I have a sort of French disposition. You must leave. I love that movie. You must leave and never come back to me. Oh. Allow me to die in your mind. You know, Pierre, why don't you come with us, man?

Or maybe say we've got a cell phone where we can call you whenever we want. The sound of your voice is so malefluous. You've become like a fourth party member to us, man. Make a persuasion check. I couldn't possibly. I am a business owner. No one would be here to balance the books and work the ledgers. So I must decline.

But I wish you all farewell. We'll be back! As you begin to walk out of the door of the ghost light pub, I need Lady Godwin

to give me a wisdom saving through. Okay. Looking for a 15 or higher. That is a 12. Okay. As you walk out of the ghost light pub, you see an old man

sitting at a table and he's eating a bowl of oats. He nods at you courteously as you walk past you reflexively

lady godwin grab his oatmeal and just bury your face in it and just start eating the oatmeal and after the hot oatmeal hits you in the face I think it only takes a few moments for you to come to your senses

but you have just reflexively stolen this old man's oatmeal what are you doing I'm so terribly sorry. I brought those from home. I don't know what came over me. Let me clean this up. She starts trying to wipe up the oatmeal.

You reach down to wipe up the oatmeal, and some of it splattered on the table. You reach down, and as you reach down, you hear, clunk. You notice. that your hand is not a hand anymore. It is a hoof. And that is when everyone else inside the ghost light pub watches you twist and contort. You fall down to all fours, and you heave and arch your back, which doubles in length. Your legs.

Your legs grow and thicken and all end in big, powerful hooves. Your neck stretches, your face stretches as though it were rubber, and who recover and stand up proudly on all four hooves. You have turned into a warehouse. Maximum Fun. A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows. supported directly by you.