The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Versus Dracula - Episode 7

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

The past bites back at Lady Godwin and so the hunters leave the city to find a way to reverse a curse. Phileaux lusts for blood. Godwin lusts for oats. Mutt lusts for teeth. Additional Music in this Episode: "Snow Drop" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/. Dice sounds by Tal M. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Dear diary, Today was a wild one. The Wolfman swung by the castle with a little lunchable of a dude, whose blood alcohol content was high enough to send me to the moon. Wolfman wanted to see my new automobile, and I was like, I'm in no shape to drive, Wolfman, and he was like, don't worry, I got this. So he grooved on down to Lumino, and, well,

Long story short, we hit an older lady with the car so harsh she exploded. Now, I'm no fan of senseless violence. But I must admit that sometimes it is very, very funny. Lady Godwin. Yeah, yes. You are a vast field of gold. golden, glistening, and you are strong and tall and quadrupedal and for the first time in your life truly free of the shackles of what society expects from you. There is a soft wind rustling the grain, carrying the sweet smell of oats through the pasture and back down to a freshly painted farmhouse.

in the distance. You see by the perimeter a wild silver stallion, sinewy and imposing, and it frolics up to you and runs a lap around you before making eye contact with you and leaping over the fence

towards the woods where all the other wild horses row. What do you do? I think I gotta get just a big mouthful votes. You are accustomed to the finer things in this life. You, in your original body, consumed any number of small plates and award-winning meals from restaurants across the city. Nothing rivals this first bite of beautiful golden oats. You, As you graze here, you see in the distance a farmer, an older lady wearing overalls. She shouts something at you in her human tongue, which is inscrutable, calling you in from the pasture.

You rear your head up. When I see her, like, how do I feel about her? Do you tell me? I mean, I don't know. Do I recognize her? She's a stranger to me? That is the human that lets you live in the barn. And the human that made...

Yeah, she's a good human. Yeah, she's all right. The human that made these oats, you have no fucking idea how that whole process works. Fair. But you do know that the oats used to be smaller, and then the human did some stuff to them, and now they are way bigger.

And that's cool. Thank you, science. Appreciate that. Yeah, I'll go ahead. follow what the lady asked me to do. Yeah, seems all right. You start cantering through the oats to the old lady, and as you do, that silver stallion catches your eye one more time,

and you feel yourself torn trying to make a decision between this life of equine freedom and the life you know. Now, you know, I'm so high off of the freedom. I think that I'm experiencing right now from just being in this body and being in this form, I am, I have to sprint after the silver salient.

Can I make an observation? I've played games now with Justin for many, many years. I've never seen Justin so happy. He's dialed in, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I can't believe you'd ruin the flow with that, like, your zaping me have it right now. I was, like, so in the point, in the, in the, in the, in the bucket. That was really in the bucket.

You start at a camera. Canter, feeling the oats whip across your shanks as you, as you sprint towards the fence. I think, I think the word shanks too. And I'm like, I've never done that before. Why would I think of them as shanks? But that is what I knew them to be. That's what they are. You jump over the fence. Brother Philo and Crawford, you see your traveling partner, Lady God, is now a very tall horse, runs and jumps over the bar, and smashes into all of the bottles behind the bar, making a big and terrible mess. There is a giant wild horse loose in this place of business.

Pierre Reynolds looks confused and upset about this state of his small business. Hey, brother Falo. Do you remember earlier today when you transferred your conference? from your human body into a puppet body? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Can I tell you it was wild, man? What's that? I remember thinking, how could today get any weird?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. I'm with you there, but it has. Pierre Reynolds says, So, please, you must. My business. I just remodeled, please. She's making a terrible man.

I'm completely out of this, right? You're in Oates. This is not what I am. Okay, I'm like a different, okay. I'm going to kind of speak with animals. Okay. That's good. That's good.

Yeah. So I can, you know, speak with animals. Yeah. Can you link that in chat? Is it, what are the parameters here? Because this is a, this is a, we're on the board. You gain the ability to comprehend and verbally communicate with bees for the duration. The knowledge and awareness of many bees is limited by their intelligence.

Great. Show me what this looks like. What does it look like when Crawford-Montner does this? So Crawford has had experience with horses. Of course, experience with a lot of animals. He's going to do some horse whispering.

Okay. Hey, hey. Hey, lady Godwin. I'm going to need this to be contested, Gryphan. I have to demand that this is contested if he's trying to contact me. Okay, let me set this up first. though. The connection

to animals that you have Crawford is so potent so unbelievably strong. Your form and your words appear in the plain of oats that Lady Gobwin currently

resides in. As you clear the fence Lady Godwin, you see a familiar human and they are using that wild language that has no winnies or clicks or names. in it whatsoever. But you do actually, you know what?

I say that. He did click. And in that click, you hear concern. You hear almost a warning. Okay, I sprint towards the Silver Stallion. That's what I'm doing. So what do I need to do about him? All right, now I do think we should do a contested check.

So let's do a animal handling check from Crawford-Mutner versus a wisdom. A wisdom saving throw from Lady Godwin. I got a 19 plus 6, a 25. Dang. I did okay, but it's not going to beat that. That's a 15. The result of this check is Lady Godwin, you take the reins a little bit more.

Now it's you, and before it was, Just the horse. Now it's you and the horse. You're in the oats plane, but you're also in your old friend Pierre Reynolds Bar, smashing it up terribly in a body that is unbelievably even bigger and wilder than the one that you have just sort of been switched into. Okay. You gain a moment of lucidity where you feel like you have some control over the situation. Crawford dear, what is happening? Okay.

Well, so hey, hey, hey, it's okay. Um, you, you... How dare you? Yeah, I know you... Yeah, you've been turned into a big horse. You know your class? Yeah. How to you speak to me like this?

Yeah, old con girl, con girl. You have three concrete rungs lower than me on the social stand. And I'm about three hands shorter than you now. So here's the thing... Good Lord. Yeah, you've been turned into a horse. Oh. You're a big old...

pretty beautiful. You're very, her eyes are up here. You're a horse now. And, um, hope, I assume not forever,

but I don't know. I should hope not. They're, so make it very difficult to suck my vengeance on Dracula. I don't make any assumptions, if I may say, from past experience.

You're not, you're not my brain. This is just me at Crawford. Oh, right. You hear his brain. A barn door appears out of the ether. directly in front of you between two trees.

Crawford is standing on the other side of it, and you see an exit from the plane of oats. I will begin my, plotting my escape from this horrid plane, but the oats, Crawford. I know. You should experience it in the way I have. Listen, we all love oats. Yeah, we have oats out here, though.

Crawford, Crawford. Yeah. Do we? We do have oats, but also whatever you're seeing, ain't what's really happening and you just smashed them to a bunch of bottles that got a lot of little cuts and you smell like whiskey

you wreak of booze, Lady Godwin frankly I can't afford to replace them I'm I'm gonna I need to steal one last look at the Silver Stallion you see the Silver Stallion and a tear

rolls down his eye which takes a long time for a horse and it's a regular Schlitterbone He looks He looks You go in the

Slaterbahn You're crying because your horse is gone He looks through the barn door Looks at you He nods He knows This was Never

going to last forever As much as he wanted it to. Thank you. I will find my way back. And I'll go through the barn door. As soon as you... If I have...

Do I have that level of, like, control? Yes. I feel like we kind of open a door and I don't want to rush it. No. You... Okay. You pass through the gateway

into the plane of oats and you see the Silver Stallion rear back as he does, as you do so. And the door shuts me behind you. and brother philo and crawford you see pop up from behind the bar lady godwin in her original but also reanimated form not original her secondary non-perciary form yes right right and pierre says oh thank god oh my goodness

Are you okay, Lady Godwin? I had no idea. You had been afflicted. I... Wait, sorry, Pierre. Do you have some insight into what just occurred? I'm afraid to tell you, Lady Godwin, that you have been struck with the curse of the wear beast.

In this case, a wear horse. Have you been bitten by a horse any time recently? Here. Here, Pierre. saw. The horse right here. No, this is, you said, we're a horse. I, it was here.

It was me. My apologies. The horse was me. It didn't leave. This happens a lot with the accent that I have. Hold on one second. And he picks up a notepad and writes the word, where W-E-R-E, horse. I mean, holds that up. We're horse.

We're horse. I were horse. We are horse. I was a horse. You know the werewolf? The forest? I mean, typically. No, yes, of course.

This is outrageous. I know you know the werewolf. You know the wolf man. The wolf man hits you with the automobile. No. It is. You're saying that I'm a horsewoman. I'm saying, when were you beaten?

When did you arrive in town? Oh. Sort of in the previous morning, probably. Yeah, 36 hours ago. This is terrible. This is terrible. There is a way to reverse it, but there's not much time. When you are beaten and you are afflicted with the way of curse,

you say reverse. It sounds so final, doesn't it? I wonder if there is a sort of happy medium, you know, perhaps strike. There is no happiness to be found in... Where did you... May I talk to you privately, please, for a moment? Yeah, of course. Where did you go?

Hi. My wife just came in to hand me the coffee. She very kindly brought me in. I just can't imagine a stranger thing to walk in. You described me the erotic horse experience that you just... Just, I never am going to walk. Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay.

And Griffin, I would say erotically charged. I don't know... Oratically charged. You're right. You're right. Thank you. There were oats as far as the eye could see, the most... beautiful silver starlight and a woman that felt so much like home that frankly pierre i wasn't obliged

to hurry back for me he pulls up his sleeve and shows you there's a huge bite mark scar on his arm seems old right it looks very old very very uh close over yours looking at it now is like still pretty uh messed up and there's still just a gentle grazing of chestnut brain like hide growing around it. He says, for me, it was a bear. And I went to the plain of salmon where everything was salmon. Towns made of salmon meat filled with salmon people inside of them, and they loved it to be eaten.

Were you a fan of salmon before? Absolutely not. It may not surprise you to find out. We did not get a lot of fresh seafood here in Angrave. but eventually you will cross a threshold where Lady Godwin will be gone and only the horse will remain. But listen, there is...

We can rejoin the others now. I feel like I'm being rude. Oh, thank God. Your friend can be saved, but we have a very narrow window of time. And Griffin, just to establish an eye as a player knows, obviously... Oh, you know all this shit. Right, as a player know this.

But also, Pierre's a wear bearer? Yeah, no, not anymore. Because he did this thing that he's about to say. Okay. So Pierre were a wear bear bear bear bear. Yeah, we're a wear bear bear bear. Well, and Pierre were a wearer. Brother Philo rolls up his sleeve on his wooden arm and shows you where he used to be somebody's home.

The wood used to be somebody's home. He's a warehouse. Oh, man. Yeah. Let me just delete that joke that I had later in the... No, it's okay. No, because now it'll be a callback when it comes back or around. Gotcha.

Okay. You have... When you are beaten, when you are afflicted with the Weirwolf curse, you have 48 hours. 48 hours. If you can, in that very... And it's so specific. It's exactly 48 hours, which is weird. How do they know?

That's my... Yes. if you can in 48 hours Find the beast that bit you Forty eight hours from now 48 hours from the moment of the Of Litch You have like a transformation

No from the bite Oh So I have approximately 12 hours Not a lot of time yes I'm so yes The heat is on as they say You have now 12 Let's simplify things a little bit

You now have 12 hours To find the beast that bit you and bite it in back if you bite it in back Wait, sorry Hey

Pierre Yes You're sure that that's it He rolls up his sleeve Okay Look at this Do you see me going around Throwing down salmon

No No Do I see Do I walk around No pants And a big jar of honey stuck on my head No.

He's right. He can open. Does he? He can hiccundit of buskids? No. 12 hours you have to find him. The beast that bit you. Bight him back.

The curse reversed. If the horse then bites her again, does the 48 hours start over? Double jeopardy. Oh, okay. Great. Yes. But they don't have horse antiponies. They'll keep them up at bay.

I believe I can help you. If you are looking for an... sort of wear creature, they almost always congregate in the wolfman's compound, out in the ungentle wood. It's northwest of town, it is, I mean, it is nearly a half a day's ride, so you would need to get moving pretty quickly if you wanted to get there in time to the reverse of course, but I will also warn you that your friends will not be welcome there. It is really just an establishment for wear people.

And so that might be an issue. But if you are looking for the creatures that bit you, you will find it at his place, which is a nightclub called the warehouse. And that's funny because it's happened so that you were also a warehouse. Anyway, Wolfman is... Call back! Call back! Wolfman is Dracula's best friend.

If you are looking for Dracula, a wolfman may be a good lead. How do the... How do the... Where, how do you think they'll feel about puppet? How convincing is the puppet? I mean, look at him. Hi, everybody! Yes.

I mean, I am upset by looking at him. He is a mockery of sort of humanity. But they are not human, so maybe they are down to clown. Yeah, that's it. This is a coin toss. What does one wear to the wear bear layer? And where is the warehouse? The warehouse is beyond the borders of Lumino.

North from the north checkpoint, you go basically... Okay, so what you're going to want to do is you go north from the northern checkpoint. And then once you hit the Stranglemire, obviously do not go in there. Sorry, Stranglemire east or Stranglemire west? The strangled mire is to the north. I'm saying once you hit the Stranglemire borders, Upper Stranglemire. Okay.

It's just one big mire. That's where the raising canes is. Oh, oh, oh, oh. You're going to hang out. At that point, you're going to hang a Ralph. And proceed to the east until you reach the ungentle wood. Now, I must tell you, once you get there, good luck, because it's a woods. There's no roads.

And if you see, Jeremy, give him my base. Here's the bear that bit me. And then I beat him back. That was an adventure for another time. For here, you are of multitudes, my brother. You have no idea, my friend. Any other questions? Your time limit, I cannot.

It's like 11 hours and 58 minutes now. If you have any further questions. I shouldn't expect it. What I'm trying to figure out is, do we have the sort of relationship where it would be taken for granted that they would be coming with me? or like, since this is just for her, I don't know if she would try to put up a fight. I mean, that's up to you guys. If you wanna hash that out.

Well, that's, I do, I just wanted to check the, yeah, the back history, the existing history. I mean, you all partied up to hunt Dracula. And so this is not, this is running parallel to that. Well, but it is not. Yes, I suppose, I could do this on my own if you prefer. It's not strictly, related to our, well, it is related, I suppose.

It's not strictly our mission, though. Crawford lays his hand high on Lady Godwin's shoulder, looks and the eye and says, I don't have anything else to do right now. So, like, I didn't have any other plans. Thank you. Thank you. And we got to wait a while for Dracula to reform anyways. So, like, yeah, fuck it.

Yeah, and I am, I am charged with helping those in the community in need, and I believe this is you in need, and let's rock and roll. I, yes, I would also point out your little puppet boy, so that you would probably be best with us. Frankly, I don't want you wondering about being newered into temptations

beyond your control. Absolutely. You, I could just pick up, actually. I don't know why I asked. Come on. Yes, all in for us. Whoa. O'Ivo, my friends.

He waves as you all walk out of the bar. And as you do, he lurches over. And you see claws start to form on his hands. What? And then he sucks him back in. No, not yet. What? I fucking...

You didn't see that. The audience saw that. No, not yet. Wait, no, I did. You got to tell me to take my handphones off. Now I know this whole thing's bullshit. He stands up, a nursing. Wait, what'd you say?

You can't just say nothing. You can't say no, we didn't ask the question. Oliver, my, all of my, no, are you okay? Because I heard you bend over and then you mumbled something. You got Tommy troubles? I mumbled, oh, I mumbled, oh, ever. Why would you mumble that? You must go to time limit is TikTok, tick, tick, talk.

Okay, no, what? As soon as you, as soon as you cross the thing. threshold of the bar. He reaches inside his coat and pulls out big Hawk of Sam. Oh, I'll have my pin in here. Hold on. Hello.

Have you seen my pin? With a pin like a brooch? No, like a writing pin. It's got like my name on it. I got it when I graduated. Here it is. Oh, thank you. Oh, it's how greasy.

Hold on. Don't smell it. Always good advice. I wasn't gonna. We're approaching levels of Pierre's accent in this podcast that test the limits of human frailty. We're getting to toxic levels where poison control will need to be called. This podcast is about to be a brownfield site that the government has to pay to reclaim to get all the fucking pepipi-leu-stice to. We're almost out of the fucking building.

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The lands beyond the northern checkpoint leading away from Lumineau. It is like looking out of an airlock into space. The light from Lumino Tower ends. abruptly at the border. You can see a bit of the road and some trees beyond. The rest of it is just stygian blackness. It is way more sparsely populated around this part of the city. You are far from the tower and most of the other important landmarks of Lumino.

There is a portcullis over the gate and standing in the booth. Uh, next to the gate you see Robert Halloween And as you approach he says Ah, hello Oh, uh, seems you all have done quite well for yourselves here Is that, is that your understanding? Looking at us. Yeah, based on what?

Yeah, one of us is quite clearly a puppet. Uh, maybe, maybe, but you seem to have those hand stamps that I love to see so much from people who come to the northern checkpoint. Okay, when you say done quite well for yourself, what you mean is manage to get a thin kind of piece of ink on our, a very temporary piece of ink.

We really made it. Now, I will warn you, it is quite dangerous. Beyond this, I almost fell back into a terrible... You're a wear, Pierre. A wear, Pierre, Pierre, Pierre. Uh, it is quite dangerous. It's not too late to turn around and not go out here searching for Dracula any longer. You could just sort of go on and live your lives. Crawford, your mother probably misses you, don't you think? Hey, listen, man, I want to tell you, um, after we left Pierre's, we all kind of took a nap for a while and now we only got 10 hours left to save, to stop this thing, so we do need to go. Time is of the essence.

Oh, yes, the warehouse curse. Tale as old as time. Well, if you won't heed my warnings, I wish you the best of luck. Stick to the roads. If you hear howling or any sort of scary noises, just take off. Be safe, be smart. Be vigilant. How dangerous, in your understanding, Robert, is the outside of flubino?

I mean, I'm trying, you know, my memory and what it once was what are we how dangerous he reaches down under the counter

and he picks up a lunchbox and he sets it down on the counter and he opens it up and he pulls out a corned beef sandwich and then he goes to the back of his booth and opens up a window and just chucks it out into the blackness

and before it even hits the ground two wolves jump up and just and just and drag it to the woods. If either of you have a corned beef sandwich with you, leave it here. It is not safe

for corned beef sandwiches out there. All right. Well, Robert, this has been chilling, frankly. But time is of the essence, as they say.

I understand. Well, he pulls the lever and the portcullis slides open. Good luck. Godspeed. And I hope. paths cross again.

But that's going to have to happen here in Luminow because I am not going that way. Holy shit, no way. Oh, well, I suppose we do suffer from a lack of flaring here. A brother Filo Crawford, any of you have

any sort of light source? I'm afraid I'd get used to the lighthouse there in Luminow. Oh, yes, I have the ability to infuse a small item and make it a light source. Do you have something that I can use? What an odd way of putting that? I know. You paint it with glow in the dark paint? What do you mean? It's a old rather

stilted way of structuring the... You make something, just say I can make things glow. Why would you be so technical? I can... Okay cool, man. I can definitely make things glow. This is why you have such problem connecting with the layman brother fire. I'm so used to be in the... I'm used to being in the abbey and you know, you Who's Abby? Abby? Oh, come on.

Abby normal. You're better than that. What, Robert? You're better than that. Here, what small item that, you know, we have that, that, you know, wouldn't look odd? Oh, wait, I know, I know. And he pulls out the bloody cross. Sure.

Yeah, that's not weird. All right. Yeah. You pull out the bloody cross. This one. Hey, hey, Filo. What's that? Where'd you get that?

Why you got that, bud? Yeah, let's have a very necessary discussion of the bloody cross you just pulled down. Remember, we found... Is that standard for it for your order? I found it. This is news to us. Oh, that's right.

I guess I didn't feel you in. Okay, found a dead body, pool of blood, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. You know, you're the way you... Knew that part, yeah, yeah, knew that part. And, uh... I guess the part I'm hung up on is where you're like, hey, see this cross covered in that man's blood? Taking that.

Well, it's a holy relic. And so I, okay, I liked it, okay? I thought it would look good with my ensemble. But I was wearing a different ensemble at the time, you know, pretty wood. So, yes, is it all right if I use this, the lightsores? It would make for some really cool ice. Yes. Yeah, it's hard-ass man, go for it.

All right. Your beautiful glowing cross symbol of Christ's love for all of us shines like a beacon in the darkness. As you step through the northern checkpoint onto the road through the winding woods, it is comforting to have this illumination. unnatural though it may be. And you all... A rock. I mean just a rock. A rock would have done a coin.

I mean, a stick. You all set forth. I am going to want a roll here. This is a perilous journey through the wilds. There are some roads along the way, but eventually those. will come to a halt. You have an expert tracker in your party. Yeah. So I am going to need a check from you with any kind of assistance that your friends

may want to give you. I will go ahead and say by providing this light source, brother Philo, you already have assisted on this role. So I'm going to go ahead and give plus one to whatever your modifier is for that action. It was my idea. I mean, I mean, it was my idea. It was my idea. Yes, and it was a cool idea. So I really. But I was like, I assisted really. Right. You know what I?

So this is going to be a survival check. I'm looking for a DC of 15. If you get lower than that, it's not going to be great. Okay. It'll be okay. Is there any other way that Godwin or Philo want to assist this? I have the characteristic, a natural characteristic of intimidation. Okay.

So like that, is something that I can use. So I feel like my presence is a deterrent. Warding off like... Okay. Like the low-hanging fruit, right? Sure. The lightweights, that they're not...

It's not worth it. Like, if I'm a regular brigand, no. Thank you. No. Yeah, you're just corned beef at that point. Give me an intimidation roll. Just to see how effective you are as a deterrent. Okay.

Oh, good. It's a one. I rolled a one. Okay, so I have a way to help as well. Show me what bad... Well, hold on. One joke at a time.

Tell me what bad intimidation looks like from Lady Godwin as you all are traveling through the woods and you don't help. Well, I'm... Yes, sir. These muscles are just aching to get into a little bit of a rough and tough action. Oh my, I'd love to kick a wolf. Maybe rip its ears off. Oh, I'm boiling for a fight. It's got to be it's deemed.

You see a pair of wolves at the roadside. One looks cowed by your speech and the other one looks at it. I'm like, come on. No, man. I'm going to give a minus one to this role for that very, very, very shitty. intimidation check. I appreciate that. Even that feels like an act of generosity. I thank you. I was going to make a history check just to just to refresh everybody's memory

about the incident where she did get bit by the horse. Okay. Because, because if you remember, she had wounded the horse with her axe. So I would assume there would be a blood trail. Oh. Oh, okay. Which might assist.

Yeah, sure. Okay. I'm not even going to make you do a history check. I think that's, I think that that is good. I will give Crawford a plus one on his role. So you're now up to a plus one, Crawford. Let's, well, if I remember correctly, he's up to a zero. Yeah, my math.

No, no, no, you got a plus one for the light, minus one for the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, plus one, minus one. Okay. Two steps forward, one step back. So I am, Crawford has spent a lot of time, right, in the woods, hunting accessories, the natural spore. So I don't know if we've ever, besides Jocasta Nightsrider, I don't know if we've ever had a Ranger on the show before.

Looking at the numbers, Travis, about 84% of our audience just heard that name and was like, what the fuck? Who the fuck is Jocasta Nights? Who's Jocasta Nights strider? Crawford. Let's track. Okay. Let's track.

Put on your boots. So this is like Crawford. Being in the city, right? Being surrounded by like buildings and walking on the stone forest, that's not Crawford's thing. No. That's not where he lives.

This is where he lives. So he's doing stuff. He's looking at little broken twigs. That's good shit. He's tasting the dirt. And then he's spitting it out because he's like, why the fuck did I do that?

Oh, they're looking. I need to keep a straight first. And like Aggie sniffing around, following the horse blood trail, anything can get a handle on. And so when we travel, a difficult terrain in the forest doesn't slow or travel. We can't become lost except by magical means.

We remain alert to danger even when we are engaged in another activity. We can move stealthily. at a normal pace, or I can while alone. And if we go foraging, we find twice as much food. So if you guys want to collect some mushrooms later. And while tracking creatures, you learn the exact number sizes and how long ago they passed through the area.

Oh, great. Yeah. Also, my proficient bonus is doubled in proficient skills when I make an intelligence or wisdom-related check. Okay. Wow. Then I'm going to give you advantage. on this survival role because this is absolutely your shit.

And your proficiency bonus, you will add again to these roles as you do a survival check. We are looking for a DC 15. Well, that's a 25, so that's fucking good. Wow. A 27. Sheesh. And then a Nat 20. Holy shit.

Oh my God. I'm good. He's good at them. Good heavens. Yeah. He's as good at track. as I am a D&D. The horse's

name is Marcus. We're looking for Marcus. You taste the dirt and you're just like, Marcus. You know the horse's name is Marcus.

That's a wild piece of information for you to glean from this, but on a Nat 20, you taste the dirt and you know Marcus. Marcus did come through here. Marcus was wounded and sprinted. off, sort of circumnavigated the city of Luminell, which you all

could have done and not had to do all that shit where you had to get like a checkpoint pass and a lot. Well, I assumed it was wide, is it not? Very narrow city. Not too, not wide enough for Marcus. Marcus followed this road and you are able to follow his trail

as if you had a, as if he was a family circus cartoon. leaving a little PJ dotted line behind as he goes. You are hyper vigilant. Lady Godwin, brother Philo, this is a different dude that you are exploring with right now. This is a, it is magical the way that he is navigating this land.

I feel like watching this for the first time, like Godwin starts to think they might actually be able to kill Dracula. you all approach this fork in the road at the border of the Stranglemire. You know to hangar Ralph, even if you hadn't gotten those incredibly explicit directions from Pierre Reynolds. You know where, you know where to get Marcus. Your hypervigilant nature, Crawford, alerts you. to oncoming danger well in the distance, well before it can be a threat.

Approaching from the east in the direction that you need to travel and sort of coming towards this crossroads and continuing west, you see a convoy. And they are all traveling on foot. You see about a dozen humanoid figures, and they are wearing that same red regalia as the cultists who attacked you upon your arrival in on grave,

with the same opaque red smog seeping from the collars, disguising their appearances. they are towing a cart that is piled with with livestock, with formerly alive livestock, with unalived livestock. Deadstock. Deadstock. And I'm aware of them before they're aware of me, right?

Well before they are aware of you. Okay. I always get deadstock confused with Deathpool. Yes. And Woodstock. Yes, the bird. Yes. Scoop.

So, uh, uh, Crawford just like turns and just says hide to his two companions. And he like kind of steps back into the brush at the side of the road down into, you know, like a roadside kind of ditch divvick kind of thing to become out of sight. I want a group stealth check. I am going to give you a bonus for this. because of the forewarning, the notice that you have given them. And so everyone can use Crawford's stealth bonus, which I imagine is considerably higher than... Yeah, my stealth bonus is a plus four.

Okay, so I got four plus four eight. Okay. 16 plus four is a dirty 20? 15 plus four. You're just using his bonus. Oh, I got you. 19. 19.

3019. I got a 16 total. Okay. We'll strike the low and the high. We'll take the 16. With the 16, you duck down. You get out of sight. And the procession walks by.

And you are able to, you are able to see them very clearly. They are not able to see you. Is there anyone struggling at the back? Make a perception check for me. Okay. And that's 12 plus six plus another two. So 20, dirty 20.

Oh, because this is a wisdom check. Okay. Yeah. Yes. There is a pair of people that are well behind the rest of the procession. In fact, the procession passes by without any sort of issue. And these two are a good, I mean, it takes them another couple of minutes to catch up to where the others were. There is a very tall, very muscular-looking man that with an 18, with a 20, I will say you see stitches on his neck and you assume that this man is also a Frankenstein.

And with him, there is a much older, much sort of wispier-looking man where he, during the same red regalia. Both of them don't have the red smog. You can see their faces quite clearly. They are not going to any effort to disguise themselves. And as they approach, you hear the old man sort of castigating the big one. And he says, I told you not to kill the livestock, living life. Livestock makes for much more appeasing sacrifices, hide.

How many times do I have to tell you? And you hear the Frankenstein man say, yeah. Sorry, man. You know, it was an accident. The livestock here won't surprise you to hear not sort of the most sturdy because they're eating very dead grass and stuff like that, so it was not, they're very fragile. snap like twigs

so I will I'll do my best I mean all I can do is the best I can do you know what I mean? Crawford motions to Lady Godwin and communicates or attempts to communicate nonverbally

like saying like pointing at her pointing at the big one and indicating like a knock on the head kind of thing and pointing in himself and pointing at the little one and indicating he's going to grab the little one. That's so much for you to pantomime.

No, listen, I know. God was just like staring and nodding. This is one of those moments where it's like, oh, he's really used to like hunting with like his family. Yeah. And like doing all this tracking stuff where they're like, and then they communicate back, what do you think maybe biscuits,

maybe like some chicken for lunch? And he's like, oh, I don't know. I have biscuits for breakfast. I think Lady Godwin like nods through all that and then just slowly kind of turns her. attention back to the conversation. Like, yeah, I got it. All right. Sounds good.

At which way. So just assuming she nodded. So Crawford's going. Okay. Okay. Fylo, Fylo, what do you, you see this conversation in place? Do you, are you able to piece together this pantomime? What is, what is Brother Fylo? I believe, I believe brother Fylo got it.

Yeah. Okay. I love that. You see, you see Crawford start to, start to approve. And what are you doing as you, as he begins to take this action, Brother Philo? I'm readying my quarterstaff to conk somebody on the noggin. Okay. So I'm going to need another stealth check, this time individual from Brother Philo and from Crawford-Mutner. If you are successful, I will give you a surprise attack round here on these two.

I got a 15 total. And I got a 7 total. And Lady Godwin, you just see your two friends begin to creep out. And you're just going to... No, I'll slow. I mean, oh, man, if they're creeping... Yeah. No, that will only go bad for me.

I'm watching, though. I'm ready to... Okay. To pounce. Yes. The road is not far from where you all are. are hidden. Crawford, you are successful in this.

And so you are going to be able to get one of them. Can I tell you what I picture? Yeah. When I'm picturing, it's like Crawford steps up, and he's like wrapping his hand. He's going to like wrap his hand around the, you know, the little old man's mouth, right? And he looks over expecting to see like Lady Godwin

conking the other guy out. And there's like puppet Philo with his stick. and a thumbs up. And he looks over and there's Lady Godwin still in the bushes, like thumbs up. And he's like, oh, no. Everything's going wrong. First, I got to say, Dad, it's got to be at least a three-quarter staff for you at this point. Oh, yeah.

It's much bigger than he is. But that's what I'm trying. I'm trying to grab him and muffle his cries to try not to alert. The big one or the little one? The rest of the convoy is like barely visible in the distance. They are. Yeah, I'm trying to grab the little one, expecting the big one to have be in the process of being knocked out. So not only Philo's attacking the big one.

Yeah, that's great. Okay. Give me a, so you're just trying to, this is just an unarmed attack roll as you're trying to grapple this dude, it sounds like. Yeah, yeah Okay So the way that that works I'm not trying to do damage So wouldn't it be like

Athletics check or acrobatics? Something to like grab him Yeah it would be a grapple When you You use an attack action To make a special melee attack a grapple And We are going to do

A strength athletics check Contested by the targets athletics check, you will have advantage on your role because this is a surprise attack. Okay, so I'm rolling a strength check with advantage. You are rolling an athletics check. With advantage, got it. Okay, so that is a 15 total and an 8 total, so 15. Okay, so this is just a straight up.

Zero, that is a 7. So, yeah, you sneak up on the little one, and grab him. As you grab him, you hear him start to protest. Are you trying to like clasp his mouth? Correct. Okay.

You hear. Oh, you can't hit me. Hey, hey, huh? Brother Philo, you creep up. You're creeping. You're creeping. You're creep it up. Getting ready to do a big bong.

Yeah. What does that look like? Is you readying the attack? I think he has a hold of conkey, his three-quarter staff, like in the middle, which he has calculated will give him just enough stretch to be able to whack the big one on the head. Okay. It is, you realize,

it was not the wisest decision to attempt this maneuver with your floodlight crucifix. Yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep. Because this towering muscular man sees a very bright light approaching him from behind. Even before he hears his associate scream, he turns around and just kind of like grabs the stick with his thumb and forefinger in midair as you swing it down on him and just kind of like gently pushes it to the side. Does he seem angry? He does not. Not nearly as angry as the man who you have grappled here.

And you see this big man say, whoa, pop-oo. And, wait, so that was my attack? I mean, you failed your stealth check. So you did not get the surprise attack. I see. Okay. I will say that in this moment, he did not immediately counter-attack you. Okay. So, I mean, he basically has addressed you here and said, whoa, pop-it.

Because he seems to be more fascinated by you than the fact that his friend here has been grappled. I think I would be too. I'm going to take advantage of that. Okay. And take a bonus action. Okay. Which is pole arm master. Yeah, man.

Why wouldn't you have that feat? When you have the attack action with a quarter staff, you can use. a bonus action to make a melee attack with the opposite end of the weapon. Yes. That uses the same ability modifier as the primary attack and has a damage die of D4. You've come so far, Dad. I love you. I'm so proud of you.

I'm so proud of you because I also know you guys leveled up to level four in the intervening episode. We forgot to mention that. And this does mean that instead of taking additional attribute points, you did take the pole arm master feet. And that's fucking great for me. I love that. Okay, go ahead and make another attack roll with your quarterstaff, please. How does this look? I want it.

So he grabbed the top, right? He grabbed the top of it, so he's just going to pivot and use the bad guy's hand as the fulcrum and whack him up the side of the head with the other end of conkey. Okay. And that's a 15. Yes, with a 15 connects. you, as he grabs the tip of the quarterstaff with his thumb and four finger, you just lower your hand to the other side of the quarterstaff and uppercut it right into his jaw.

Go ahead and roll damage for me. That would be a four. Okay, he takes four points of damage. Not a ton, based on sort of this man's pure bulk. I'm a little puppet boy, what do you expect? He does take a step back. And you see him sort of like touches stitches as if that kind of hurt. He goes, oh.

And the man with his mouth covered shouts, Halt the person. The person hide. The buried blood quaff it. And the giant man very quickly, reaches into his pocket and pulls out a glass flask filled with. Now wait a second. There's been enough time for all this stuff to happen.

And I said I was ready to intervene. I clarified that specific. Oh, okay. You got to let me up. You got to let me up. Get messy. Get in there. You see this.

You see this big man pull out this glass flask and pop the cork on it. But I will give you a moment here. I'm gonna leap at him and try to cut his hand off with my act. Jesus Christ. No, that way, you know what? Actually, flat side.

We're gonna use flat side. I'm just trying to knock it out of his hand. Okay. I don't know what's going on, but I don't want him to do what he's about to do. That is wise. Yes. That is where's a big man named high.

Try to drink a potion. Yeah, man. Oh, okay. Go ahead and make an attack roll with Jennifer Myers. and so you're attacking, you're trying to attack the bottle. You're trying to attack his hand, right? Yes.

So this is almost like a dexterity. Let's make an attack roll with Jennifer Myers, and we'll see what we're looking at here. Oh, 15, plus 5, 20. 15 plus 5 is a 20. Okay, with a 15 plus 5, a 20, you smack the flask out of his hand, and it goes flying,

and it tumbles down the road, it lands a good 15 feet away. I'm going to go ahead and inner rage, by the way. Oh, yeah, for sure. He looks up at you, sees a fellow Frankenstein, and his demeanor shifts, and it looks suddenly like he is taking this situation

much more seriously. I'm going to need a, hmm, a Constitution-saving three, from Crawford Munder. Oh, no. Okay. Those are scary in this game, I will say historically, because sometimes they make you turn into a horse

if you don't do good enough. Yeah. Yeah. The heat is on. Nat 20, baby. Jesus, Christ. This is where Crawford Muntner thrive. I am the forest.

The tracking I will give you. What happens here is that the man bites your finger and it does, it's not, his teeth are just, he's so old. You've got to remember, but like, Crawford Munner is a monster hunter, right? Yeah. So this idea of like, an old man, I do. No, subduing a beast, right? An animal in a way that you're not going to get your fingers bitten or being used to it.

Maybe at this point he's been bitten by so many gnarly things that he's just like, oh, yeah, man, it's all scar tissue at this point. Okay, this moment is incredibly tense. It's good to say that sometimes when you're telling a story, Just to let people down. Yeah, because otherwise... In case people didn't sense the tension on their own. Yeah.

You got to tell him. You have grappled this old man who is fighting and trying to fight his way out. You are face to face with this Frankensteinian man who looks like he is about to enter his own kind of rage. And from beneath your hand, you hear this voice say, Unharmed me, you fool? Don't you know who I am? I'm Dr. Checker. Maximum Fun.

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