The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone Versus The Wonderful Wizard of Oz: Live in St. Paul!

Episode Date: September 17, 2026

Lions and tigers and bears, oh shit! Glinda the Good Witch has gone missing and her bubble dispatched to find the three heroes of the realm. Unfortunately for the denizens of the Emerald City, it found Lady Godwin, Winnie-the-Pooh, and one Crawford Muttner, and it’s up to them to save the day.Midwest Food Bank: https://midwestfoodbank.org/disaster-relief/ Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Dear diary, I find myself in a bit of a muddle. I haven't earned for my munchkin friend in, oh, such a long time. I am worried something has gone awry. I suppose I will have to investigate. But just in case something goes, Araya, I am instructing Mr. Bubble to go fetch three heroes of the realm. And you know whom I'm talking about. No sense in putting it off.

Let's get this shit started. Motherfucker. That's also what he says to his kids when they get in the car. You know who has two thumbs and his DM in this one? Oh no. Bad news, guys. He told us backstage he was preparing for 20 minutes of people chanting his name. I don't think we have enough material to get through the whole act. It's not good, yeah.

Hey, St. Paul. Just icons who happened to be? In the audience, tonight, welcome to TAS versus the wonderful Wizard of Oz. So important that that part is on there. Please, we didn't have room for it on the slide, but please know it's the wonderful Wizard of Oz, since that's the only thing that is in public domain. Yeah, you can't tell, but that's a lowercase W. It's just, it should say, a Wizard of Oz.

The idea of a wizard of us. Why don't you introduce yourselves as people before you introduce yourselves as characters? Oh man, where do I start? I'll start with Justin. Yeah, I love that. Hey, my name is Justin McElroy. And is this just a place for me to sort of scribble in

whatever personal details I feel? I guess so. We have never done this in 17 years of podcasting. Like an icebreaker or something. two truths and a line. I'm a Scorpio? Is that? You're never going to believe this, but I'm a Scorpio too.

That's so wild. That's so crazy. And that's the first thing you need to know about me. The second thing is my name, Travis McElroy. But I think that Scorpio defines me way more. But I haven't looked into it or anything. I don't know what it means, but... I'm Griffin McElroy.

The youngest... Thank you. I'm in Ares, but... That's not one of the good ones, from what I understand, so I don't tell us. Typical Aries. Yeah. I'm Clint McElroy, and I'm a Leo. Yeah, you are.

Lead us, you proud lion. I like long walks on the beach. That's categorically untrue. You all like long walks fucking anywhere, man. I don't walk anywhere, that's true. All right, shall we get started? Please. Before we do, does anybody have a spare D20?

Are? This is real. You. Very impractical. Excellent. Oh, you just wait. You want to talk impractical. Wait until he brings out the big detroit.

All right. We are no longer in the land of a thousand lakes. But in the wood... Is that not here? But in the wood of a hundred acres. Okay. I feel like you've just stepped in it. But we're going to...

right over that moment. You are the audience at the roast of Winnie the Pooh. Oh, great. Cool. Cool and great. They have brought in a couple of very special guests to do this roasting.

When you say they, do you mean Christopher Robin? Because if so, that's really fucked up. He goes by Seedog now. He's 23. He had Piglet teamed up on it. Piglet was like, Oh, burn him down. Yeah.

Now I'm going to get his ass. Don't hold back. I don't actually think piglet's allowed to be on stage tonight. I was going to see. Not piglet, actually. And Tigger. We're not even mentioning Tigger. Lowercase piglet, just a small pig.

Yeah, a talking pig. That was a round. We have heard from a rabbit and a donkey that was kind of bummed out. Most donkeys are, though. I'm a nondescript sad donkey. So, Justin, why don't we let... Why don't you introduce your character? Now, introduce yourself to the audience

because you guys are not from the 100-acre wood, so maybe they don't know who you are. Introduce yourself and take your shots at Poo. Greetings. My name is Lady Godwin. Rather nice. Surprised? I suppose.

Still surprised by the reception. I'm here to roast Winnie the Pooh, isn't it funny how a bear likes honey? Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. I wonder why he does. Could it be syphilis? We all know that honey is

one of the great natural cures for the flirt's comeuppance. And I am not discreetly drawing parallels between Winnie the Pooh and his consumption of that product,

and those who do have the sexually transmitted illness of syphilis. Not that there's any shame in that. We've all had a rollic with it, I suppose. If you get it treated, no harm, no foul. But I think winning the poo has syphilis. I've never done a roast before. All apologies. Travis, your turn.

Follow that. Hey man, everybody. It's me, Crawford and Muttering, Car me Mud. Everybody does. You may not know this, but I'm a king of England. So believe me, when I say this guy's a royal pain. And I'm trying to describe what this bear looks like, but my memory's a little fuzzy. I remember when I met Winnie the Pooh back in college, and back then we just called him Winnie,

but this guy stunk like shit. And the name just kind of stuck. That's low-hanging fruit. I thought we all agreed. we weren't going to do the poo thing. I didn't agree to nothing. Okay. This old bear is so silly.

Wow. That when I told him... How silly am I? Thank you. See, that was your part. Yeah, no. That when I said, do you want to go to the mall? He tore a guy to shreds.

Huh? That's actually... Well, they're giving me the light. That's my time. Thanks, folks. That's actually a true story. That did happen. That's why I have to wear this ankle monitor.

Playing the part of the master of dad jokes tonight will be Travis McElroy. That's an honor coming from you. Yeah. I learned it from watching you, Dad. A man who literally showed me a book earlier today that said more great dad jokes. At this point, the Roast Master. Thank you. Thank you for updating the sideball.

Delete whatever. pictures you have taken they are no longer legally defendable. It's the roastmaster. He knows where the green is. It's near the blue. Right.

Like he can't. The roastmaster Lumpy, the insult comic Hufflelump, steps up to the podium and says, Well, you know, it's really important that we give our roastie a chance

to fire back at his two tormentors, so Pooh, go right ahead. You guys can see him too, right? Yeah, but I'm pretty drunk. Okay, thank Christ. Thank you all for being here. I'm Winnie the Pooh from the 100-acre wood, a construct of a child's imagination, and yet here I am.

I want to thank Fred Durst and his great great-great-grandmother for being here tonight. You know, Crawford-Mutner is not an intelligent man, unfit to be the manager of a cracker barrel restaurant, let alone king of England. Yeah, I did get fire from Cracker Barrel, that's true. Lady Godwin actually frightens me quite a bit. So I'll just say kind of looks like if Joy Behar was in a terrible car accident. Old.

Was that too much? It feels like it in the moment. I feel like we've discovered a whole new form for the show. Yeah, why do stories anymore? Hey, Dad, it's called my brother, my brother, me. We already do. We just insult each other for an hour. Yeah.

Suddenly. A large, iridescent pink bubble. I'm talking like 10 feet across. Comes lowering down from the sky. The aliens, man, I knew it. The 100-acre woods denizens all scatter, but you three. Cowards! After hurling some epithets their way, stay there.

It lands. It settles gently in front of you. And a hatchway. opens up in the bubble. What do you do? Is this something you guys know about? Have you done bubble? This is only like the third time we've hung out. Does bubble stuff usually happen to you guys? Um, do I have eyes on Christopher Robin? Is he, or see Robin? Is he around? They're all kind of quaking at the edge, but I think you could probably see you. I want to see how, yeah, because I don't know if some people hire a Glinda

impersonator sometimes for a party or an event. So I want to clock, uh, but I think. I want to clock, See Robin and see how he's feeling about this. Okay, give me a perception check. Okay, dad, I'll just do that for you no problem. Oh, that Mac is gonna be at 15. I think that's good enough. You do catch Christopher Robin's eyes and he's going... This isn't your thing, see Rob?

Okay, I'll handle this, man. As King of England, I welcome you to Earth, we surrender. I'm well handled. One time I got trapped in a bit. soap bubble and it was very whimsical and quite fun. It feels like we should get up in this one too. Is it empty? Oh, it's, yeah, it's empty.

I mean, there's some... Why did you say it like that? Dude, if we get in there and there's a fucking werewolf? Yeah, yeah, sure. I want another perception check, Dad. Hey, I'm looking again in this cookie bubble of yours that may or may not be kind of empty. It's a 12. What's it look like in this?

There's, I mean, there's like a standard dashboard. Just your standard, just factory, standard bubble dashboard. Just like you see. Hetching a lot for a 12, Mac. All right, no, I'm going to charge in there. Charge in, all right. I walk in because it's a bubble and I don't want to bob it. That's a good idea.

I know, I know Christopher, this is totally fucking part of it, guys. This is totally part of it. and it's going to take us to the casino or whatever. Hey, see, Rob, is this that crypto bubble you were telling me about? I did not prepare Christopher Robin voice. Yeah. Wait, I didn't know it was an option that when we didn't have a voice ready, we could just go, mm-mm.

File not found, my dude. Dad, you're changing the fucking game tonight, dude. You step onto the bubble. Yeah. And they're laying on the dashboard is a card. and it reads, Your help is needed. An entire world is at stake.

Help us, three heroes of the realm, you're our only hope. And as soon as you board, the hatch slammed shut behind you. And the bubble zooms into the sky. And we're off to save crypton. All three, give me an athletics check.

Sure. I'm good at those. I bet. I've played this character twice. Dad, that's a 25 for me. Wow. 16 from winning. Nine.

Ooh. Well, this bubble starts a rockin. Wait. Are we, wait. For traditional turbulence reasons. Well, actually, no. You two. Dad, I want to be clear, I got a 25 in athletics.

You're good. You're good. I'm good as great. Am I? No problem. Am I rocking myself? No, but they are nice and secure and you're having trouble finding your footing.

This is making the bubble shift all around and swirl all around. What do you two do while he's stumbling and bumbling? I'm watching. Did you hear some of the shit he said about me? Yeah. That was horrific. When I got a 25 in my head,

I imagine that I'd imagine that I'd just. jumped up on two counters like Jean-Claude Van Damme and TimeCop. Yeah. So in my, unfortunately, in my imagination, I'm unable to help at this moment. I see. I'll help. I'll lay my soft, cushy body underneath him in the least erotic way imaginable. Well, yeah, because we don't want to add to the rocking. No, we certainly don't, Clint.

Okay, that saves mutt from having to take any damage. Oh, good. The bubble settles down, travels through the clouds, it comes back down just outside of the gates of a gleaming green city. It's beautiful. And it's almost really speed running this one. It's almost gem-like. Sure.

So you land... You mean like weight benches and shit? No, let me say it clearer. Gem. Jam. Jam. Jam. It's truly outrageous.

Yeah, sure. Dom. No, a gem, like, as you might expect. That was the correct response to that joke, by the way. You guys crushed it 100%. So as you can imagine, it looks like, well, Parodots. Point of order.

Do we know about the Wizard of Oz, our characters? Do we know about the Wizard of Oz? It's not up to you. Chill. You're not my dad. That's my dad. Nice try. I would say, no.

Okay, great. Correct. Maybe you are my dad. I spoke too soon. The bubble stops. The hatch opens up. And you emerge from the bubble. What do you do?

Well, I hold my breath because I don't know if there's oxygen on this planet. Good idea. Give me a science check. Well, that's not a skill. That's not a skill. Nature. The opposite.

Cool. That is an 18 plus 4 for a 22. You take a deep breath and your lungs fill with sweet, sweet oxygen. I don't trust you. You see Lady Godwood on the ground. She rolled a three.

she couldn't figure it out do I need to roll to see if I can breathe if I know no I don't think so because you're all full of stuffing right let's get this clear because trust me this will factor in later okay I want to say a huge thanks to our business manager Amanda who helped dad in preparing

some of this stuff she sure did and did some incredible work both of you together and then today in the car ride from the airport to the hotel, Dad looked at me and said, is Winnie the Pooh made of stuffing or meat? And I was like, well, stuffing, I guess. And then him and Amanda shared a look that suggested a conversation

or a disagreement had taken place long beforehand, like, mm-hmm, told you so. I looked down at my ankle monitor is going on. And I say, oh, bother. I use Jennifer Myers to cut the ankle bracelet off. It's not an ankle bracelet.

Oh, God. Okay, give me something roll. An attack roll against... An attack roll against an inert object. 24. Yeah, off it comes. Off what kind. No, that's the worst thing you can do to it.

Michael monitor. But I throw it back in the bubble, so it'll zip back to your house, or wherever we were. Sure. So on their radar or whatever, it's going to look like I just suddenly took flight to another land.

What it looks like is you got to, and it's like, no, I can't do this. I'm on house arrest. I have to go back. Okay, I'm square now. That was my big story arc. All dealt with. We got more.

A window set into the gate opens up and a man dressed all in green I love this except for the hat yeah where you trying to put it up okay with a droopy mustache and short hair and twin curls on the top of his

head that you cannot see because he just put a hat on right says what do you want hey man you send the bubble for us dude I don't know what you want yeah let's take what do you want let's take it down a notch or two oh you're not who I I was expecting at all.

Who were you expecting? Well, I was expecting the three protectors of the realm. Yeah, that's us, man. Believe it or not. Well, one of us subs in and out, depending on... On whose DM? Yeah. Oh, well, I don't know if I should let you in or not.

I mean... Look at these! My arms... And I got Scaliburves a magical sword of the King of England. England, does I do anything for you? Um, I mean, I'll cast a spell. I never get to do this because, um, uh, okay, I'm gonna cast, I'm gonna cast Misty Step and just teleport like five feet to the left.

Pff! How does that shake you up, partner? A magic spell myself once. Come on in! Were you married to it? He introduces himself as Lord Growley. Oh, yeah. Okay, I'm a king, just so we're aware of the kind of hierarchy.

Well, I understand. That was the role that I played in the MagC.T. production of Wizard of Oz, Lord Growley. So Justin's going to have a lot of notes for Dad sort of throughout the... A lot of insight into the role. I really walked a mile in his shoes. Sure. He says, welcome to the Emerald City. and leads you into the only structure near the gate.

I'm so sorry. Is every building in this whole city made out of the precious gemstone emeralds? Well, yes. So it must get just hell-a-hot around noon or whatever when the sun's kind of cutting through, right? Blinding. It's not good. And I would imagine not a lot of privacy.

No, no privacy whatsoever, but hell's fire to our plants grow. plants grow. I like the sound of that. Do you have emeralds just laying around that we could take with us? Because they're actually worth a great deal where we come from. We'll talk. He leads you into the only structure that you can see, and that's a gift shop.

You walk into the gift shop and you notice the shelves are almost completely empty. They got any magnets? No. Magnets? What would they stick to? Magnets? Uh, no. The 10, ma'am.

Oh, okay. Damn, you're, you always think one step ahead, man. You're such a fucking pro. Thank you. Lord Grailey tells you, things are bad here in the Emerald City. Tourism has dropped right through the floor. The beauty shops have all closed. Nobody comes to get their metal bodies buffed out.

We've really... That's a specific service you got, man. Yeah, of all the things you listed as part of your tourism package, that seems an odd. The dead man showed a business was pretty bad. Self-explanatory then, I suppose. We really have had to rely on Glinda the Good Witch or the South. She's too busy fending off occasional attacks of flying monkeys and the occasional wheelie, and isn't really that up on city management?

What a whimsical situation you've got going on here. But also incredibly depressing, man. That's amazing. You rarely get things that are so whimsical and sad. Well, it's about to get sadder. Ah, awesome. Cool. There was this big brew ha-ha in Munchkin land,

and she went to go check it out. This has been like two weeks ago, and we haven't heard from her since. Did you call her? No, no, no. It's Oz. Terrible self-service. She told me she was programming Mr. Bubble to retrieve the three heroes of the realm. It's called Mr. Bubble.

Well, I sort of ran out of creativity after I came up with whole Paradot joke. But he grabbed you three instead. We can fetch a witch. Sure. That seems fully within our... Would you? That'd be my honor, of course. Would you fly to Munchkin land and see what happened to Glick?

Do we have to take the bubble again? He had a real hard time with it. All right, shut out, man. He ain't shit like five times in that bubble. I gotta get my bubble legs under me. Well, it's just sitting there. I mean, I don't know how to work it, but I mean, maybe you could, you know, take it if you want.

Looks like you know how to work it. Damn, Winnie. Okay, I- Never not trolling. Always on. I'm gonna- Just like in college, my dude, smell like shit, but locked it down, left and right.

You mess, like 100% of the shots you don't Yeah, man. That's what Jesus said. So what do you decide to do, Kings? Is there a road of any kinds of brick that we could walk or should we try to figure out how to steer the bubble? I can drive the bubble. I think you can do both. There is a road.

We'll roll it. Get in the bubble and start running. Now we're talking. Can we hamster wheel the bubble right down the vehicle? Oh, that would be funny. Yeah. You'd die, but it would be... You don't know that.

Huh? The dice will decide if we die or not. That's why they're called die. You know, I, I, uh, that's good. Thank you. My dad taught me. Before you go, I hate to send you off without any help at all. It just so happens that we have three swag bags. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah, man. A red one, a gold one, and a white one. Somebody, each of you roll a 20. Roll a D20.

Why are you saying... Why did you say... What does that mean? I mean... I got a not 20. Wow. Wow. I got an 11.

19 for me. So, you get to pick first, mutt. You say red, white, and gold? Red, white, and gold. I'll take a gold I mean. Gold. But that's the color of sticky honey. Inside...

Inside... Inside... That swag bag is a gold... medal. That's cool. Oh, sick, man. With courage written on it. Please give this to much. Do you got one? Hold on. I've been dreaming of this moment my entire life. It felt as good as I thought it would to get a medal from our dad. Hey, this is nice and all, man, but you got one for like curling or something? Just hold on. Lady Godwin. If we don't steal some valor every show, I just don't know what to do with myself.

Well, let me tell you this. That medal will give you plus three on intimidation. Like, what does that mean? You keep saying these numbers. All right, let me try it again. That medal will give you plus three on intimidation checks. Is it giving plus three the button in it all? Yeah, he sounds so paternal right now.

It's like very badly. Lady Godwin, you choose next. Red or white? Red for me, please. Red. Of course. You get this beautiful heart. Ooh, nice.

With a cloth. inside of it. You're still doing that thing, huh? This will give you, this will give you plus three on persuasion checks. And I guess I'll take the Snickle Fritz. You take the white and you receive this diploma. How did you know it was gonna have my name on it? Because I had two more.

I planned this shit. Always let him see you work. Dad, that's what I've heard. I can't read any of these words. Well, you can now because it gives plus three on intelligence checks. Hold on. And you can magically read. I don't care what happens the rest of this adventure.

You just gave Winnie the Pooh the power of literacy. This is a really meaningful moment in his life. I guess maybe your head isn't just stuffed with stuff. So if you're made of stuff and when you eat honey, Is it just gumming up in there? Yeah, man. It's a real horror show. All right.

Lord Graley leads you back to the gate. It's hardened into sort of amber resin. Lord Grailie leads you back out the gate and up to the back to the bubble. What do you do? Hop on in. I get in. I start pushing buttons.

You start pushing buttons. And as soon as you push the button. Well, after Lady Godwin gets in. Thank you. Okay. You push your button. and nothing happens, except a glove compartment opens and out pop three BADs.

What's that mean? It smells bad. Oh, summon the BADs. Oh, my God. Big ass dice. He did, oh my God, he did have bigger dice. I take back what I said earlier. You really did have bigger dice?

I really did have bigger dice. Now, the BADs are very special. Okay. They're big. Once per act, once this act, once in the second act. We got you. You can roll your big ass die. Yeah.

And you get advantage on whatever role that is. Okay. So it's your choice, but you cannot use them more than once an act. Per act. You've made that explicitly clear. You said it. You said it. Dad, if we use them in this acts,

and then the next act Can't use it next act, no. No, you can use it the next act. What? So as many times as we want. Unlimited time. Now, this is important if I don't use it this act. No, you cannot stop.

So if you don't use it, you lose it? For every action you take, you get to roll the big dice. Okay. All right. You're not going to get the bubble to work just because we're running out of time. So. Lord Grelley sticks his head back out and says, You're still here?

Yeah, man, you do it. No, I think your only option is to follow the yellow brick road. Yeah, that's what we would say we would do like moments ago. And then you got all weird about it. Okay, take a walk. Get going. I shove the bubble down a hill in anger. Oh, that's good.

That's good. There's no way I would incorporate it to come in again later in the game. Well, you're welcome. Justin's actions have made that impossible. It is. All right, you start walking. I want to know what you're doing. What are you doing?

Oh, you're running. So you're not staying with the group? No, I assume they're running too. Yeah, we're all really fast. I'll also run now if he's running. I go Beastiel all fours. All right, I want to know what are you doing to pass the time while you walk? Screaming.

Screaming at how hard we're running. And it's really cool. I use wild shape and turn into a war horse. Very cool. Are you guys talking about anything? I ride that horse. I'm a war, I can't talk, dude. I ride the horse with my sword held high.

You guys can both get on me. I'm huge. Yeah, we ride on him. I ride on him. I try to talk to inanimate objects on the way, on the off chance that they have a soul. And the Wizard of Oz, you never know. We're oiling everything we see.

Yeah. In case it's just stuck in one position. Yeah. So is this horse made out of meat or... You know what's fucked up? When I wild shape, it is meat. That's the only way he can digest the honey. Yes.

Okay. Okay, so... It's like a juice clout. Well, sort of. I just kind of wild shape like a raccoon's stomach inside of my plushy floor. It's not great in there, guys. I warned you. All right, so you're going along for a few minutes,

and it's... It's been eight hours. Making some... It's been eight hours. Somebody... No, all three, give me a perception roll. Okay.

As a horse, my stats are different. You don't see shit. No kidding. 17 plus 3, 20, dirty 20. I got a 3 plus 7. 10. Okay, poo.

Yeah. You notice a sign. It's kind of off to the side and it's... you know, it's obscured a little bit, but you can make out that it says 40 Winkies Botanical Garden.

I got you, man, 40 Winkies. Sorry, is it botanical? Botanical garden, yeah, all right. Is he pulling towards it or away from it? Oh, well, you're going towards the sign, but since that was a dirty 20, I'm also going to give you the fact Yeah.

That you look around and you notice that you have wandered into the middle of a gigantic field of poppy. All right. That means nothing to me, man. But listen, I am pretty tired. Poppy. Yeah, shut up, man. I'm doing it. Attractive to the eye.

Soothing. I'm doing it. Yeah, no, I got it, man. Yeah. Hey, I'm going to knock on a lot. I was pretty drunk at the party. We were up pretty late. Forty Winkies sounds pretty good right now.

I could really use the rest. Mutt and Godwin, give me a medicine check. Can I just graze? I got 17 plus 4 for 21. I got a 12. Okay, mutt, you survive. What? Survive?

What a kick-ass way to announce that. That's going to do it for trusting, everybody. Let's hear, Philly's wrap. Hey, everybody, come out to my live solo shows in Toledo. I'm going to be doing a whole new set. that. See you later. Thank you. Lady Godwin, you fall fast asleep. Cool. And down amongst the poppies you go.

I nudge her with my foot. Hey. Sorry, I fell asleep. Get up. Does my equine constitution not require me to make a... That's why I asked about the meat and the stuffing. He did clarify that. Oh, wait, are we having meat and stuff in later? Because I'm starving. I did clarify that when I'm in wild shape form, I am a meat construct.

Give me a medicine check. Just to be fair. I'm just kidding. I'm immune. You're asleep. Yeah, that yeah. In horse form. All right.

Mutt? Wait, were they on me when I fell fast to sleep? That's not good. You wish you were full of stuffing now, don't you? A little bit. Mutt, what are you going to do? I mean, I am pretty tired. I'm taking a nap looks gray.

Voluntarily. Bye, but bye. I'm going. I'm going. Am I going? Um, yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to, I'm going. Hell you, man. I'm going to use summon beast. Shit. And I don't know if this is in public to me, but I want to summon Horton the Elephant to tear up all these poppies looking. Horton actually is not. So, then just a random.

elephant who's hungry for poppies. Gordon the Packaderm. Gordon the Packaderm, okay? To stomp on the 19th of June. I want a big elephant to come stomp on all these poppies. All right. Do you have to give me a roll for that? I don't think so. Okay.

No, I just have to concentrate real hard on it. For an hour. That's cool. And we'll sleep. Is that right? Yeah. It makes for rivets. We're gonna grab a nap while big spectral elephant stomps on all these flowers. Can I get my wild shape charge back? I'm just kidding. It's not gonna be relevant. Don't worry about it.

I don't count spell slots anyway. No, you certainly don't. So what is your elephant friend do? He just stomps on all the flowers, just really messing everything up. There's an awful lot of them. Did you tell him that his, the Clover with Whoville was somewhere? That's a lie, man. You can't lie to-

He didn't exist before I drew him there. He won't exist afterwards. How deep does your morality go, Griffin? A person's a person. He's not a conjuration of my mindscape. Yeah, so am I. So are you saying that you successfully stamp out all these poppies? Correct.

Okay. I would say that with the stamping, you two come out of your little nap. Yeah. I was also napping, to be fair. I was pretty tired. And you follow the path of the stomped poppies. Oh, okay. And you have successfully...

Stomped on some flowers. Stomped on some flowers. Amazing. Rewing the local biome. I'm 40 winkies. I'm Winnie the Pooh. I lost concentration when I fell asleep. And I'm not going to do another wild shape charge

for the vine like that. Okay. I'll allow it. But I need all three of you to do a wisdom check. Amazing. I'm so good at those. I'm worried about what we've just done to the price of opium around here.

16, wisdom check. Wisdom check or wisdom saving throw? Wisdom check. Got you. 19 total. Wow. Five. It's all right.

Better to be healthy and wealthy than why is I supposed to. Excuse me. That's what Benjamin Franklin said. You all three. 21 total. You all cleared it. You all cleared it. Wait, he cleared it on a five?

You were all kind of tempted to stay here. Now, not too tempted. But not tempted enough. Now, I'll pull a leg, God went away. You got a history with poppies you ain't tell us about? I thought I did for a second, and then I felt, look, I didn't. And we can go. Welcome to this very special, this very special Taz Live show.

You eventually come to a very large forest, vast, huge trees, so large that their upper reaches seem to blend into a leafy, green canopy, so dense that the shadows blend into an inky morass. God, I hope somebody's writing this down. Like a Jason morass? God, I hope someone wrote that down. You are really leaning into me. Verdant hillocks.

And I don't even know what a hillock is. But there they are. This is the part of the live show that AI wrote. And they're verdant. up both sides of the yellow brick road. All three of you, give me a perception check. 17 plus 4, 21. 3 plus 7. 7. 10.

17 plus 623. 16. Okay. You two here. It's not how much you, it's not what you see. It's what you hear. And it's not so much what you hear. Awesome.

then what the fuck is it? But how loud it isn't. How fuck are you talking? Guys, this is, I think... Well, we all knew this day would come for dad. As you get older. For the remainder of our time together, I think it is only prudent for us to assume

we are still under the effects of the poppy flowers to a certain extent. Those three bears are right. You pick up on standard wildlife sounds, but they're very muted. They're not really, you know, energetic. As you move along, there's another sign along the side of the road, but it's been placed oddly, like, so that it's facing away from the road. Can I cast speak with animals to try to hear what these wildlife sounds are trying to communicate?

I'm also going to cast speak with animals because I don't like secrets. Okay. Cool, cool. So I guess we'll just let you know later, Juice, kind of what the animals are. It's probably something about acorns. I'm not that in Ballersgate 3. I'm pretty sure there was like a fucking hat you could wear

that let you talk to animals. We'll keep an eye out for something like that for you, my man. Maybe if you press your ear against my ear, like a headphone. How about this? I'll just put the time into learning chipmunk. Okay, great. Okay, so you come across a pride of lions sitting in lawn chairs.

Some of them are applying sunscreen to one another. A couple of them are reading the latest best-selling paperbacks, like a lion and winter, pride of the Yankees. Nothing? No. Do you people not read? That's why they're here. I do.

The leader of the pride, a majestic beast with a full mane, fetches a white claw out of a cooler. Come on, you're not. Got that one, right? Because he has cause. Yeah, they got you. Looks in your direction and says, Gur.

Hey, what up, man? I say, in lion. And all the rest of them echo you and say, Gur. We can actually understand you so you can actually communicate with us beyond these primal ungulations. That's what we said,

Gur. Oh, I see. Febly wave their paws in your direction. What's wrong? Wait, I don't understand that. My friend here asks, what's wrong? My other man, nothing's wrong at all. Everything's fine.

What's it saying? It said nothing's wrong at all. He seems pretty depressed. We should... Can you ask why it's depressed? Why are you so sad? This gig is not what I thought it was going to be. What's it saying?

It says the gig isn't what he thought would be. What did you think it was going to be? I don't know. I'm not going to do any world. I thought it would be a lot more. rewarding than this. Yeah. And you see another sign oddly placed. Yeah. Again, facing away from the road that says no petting. Oh. Up ahead, you see a couple of tigers looming over a gazelle laying on the ground. Both tigers are on their cell phones, and so is the gazelle that they're looming over. They hear you approach, but they don't even look up as the tigers go. snarl.

All right. And the gazelle says, Bleet. All right, cool, man. We can understand you. Why is everyone so, so sad? Or at the very least, kind of bummed out, like Oni has taken over.

Look, man, this is just a gig. This is not what I imagine. You're being paid to sit here in the field in a cruel mockery of the circle of life. like a zoo kind of deal? Who's paying you? Why should I tell you? Just because I'm the king

and I pull Scalibur in a very scary, intimidating way. Wait, wait, but the sword away. What on earth are you doing? No, not in a threatening way, in an intimidating way. Stay growling at me! Oh, sorry. No, I explained it in like I'm the king and so I need information,

and then I pulled Scalibur. Oh, thank you. In what will hopefully be an intimidating way. what he was doing. You know, the craziest thing, I thought I was picking it up. Honestly, I did. She thought she was pretty close

to figuring out what... Yeah, I was explaining to her it's not a threat that I was doing, and she's like, I thought I know. But he will fuck you up, though. But I don't want to. Are you doing an intimidation? Give me an intimidation check.

Don't forget your badge, Travis. That's why I'm doing it. That's a Nat 20. Oh. Look, look, man. I am the king of the forest. I knew. Yeah, look, cool.

Look, I'm just trying to get my union card. Just please don't kill me. Help! Hey, whoa, man. When he screams help, I tear his throat from... You're very close. You notice sound coming from a very...

large gate further down the road and a tall fence stretching out of sight on both sides. And there's a sign over the head that says, thanks for visiting the wild safari, come back soon. And out of the middle, from two security gates come four very ferocious looking, very tall bears. And they come rushing to you. My dudes! And one of the bears says, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hold on a second. Who are you people?

Oh, I see. It's lions and tigers and the other ones. Oh, shit. You know, we ought to workshop that as a name. That's better than... Well, I'm the King of England, as I have just proven, with my sword held high on the glint of his... Sorry, do you guys speak sort of common, the common tongue?

Because I feel like we're really excluding our other friend here. Here, hold this, and I hand them the diploma. Two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the same side. Wait, it's still not speaking English. But man, if you could hear it, it's pretty intelligent. What does that mean? So are you all a celebrity tour? I mean, because we don't open for a couple of weeks.

Okay, but open what, man, and who's, like, arranging this? That's what we want to know. To open the wild safari. What do you mean? I have a question. Have you seen Glenda come through this way? The nice lady with the quavery voice? We've literally never met her.

I don't know. She's a good witch, apparently. Oh, the bubble lady. Yeah, bubble lady. She flew overhead a couple weeks ago. Which way? That way, and he points towards the gate. All right.

Well, you haven't answered my question yet. What's that? What the hell are you doing walking through our park when we're not even open? Well, the gate was unlocked. Yeah, we didn't climb over any kind of perimeter things. Yeah, I didn't do an athletics check or nothing. Well, that gate is unlocked, so I don't know how you're going to get out of here unless you can explain to me who the hell you are.

I have an idea we can use the universal language. Of what? I pull out Jennifer Myers from behind my back. Roll for initiative. Oh, wow. Okay. But before we do that, because we're about to wrap up this act,

make sure you check out the posters in the lobby. Beautiful. There are some out there that we signed. There's also the Paul Saboran Memorial Tommy Buddy Life coin. Are we wrapping up this act, Dad? I didn't know. There's 23 seconds left on the timer, Griffin.

Oh, excellent point. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to leave. We're going to leave on a cliffhanger. Okay, amazing. And we'll be back for Act 2. Okay, yeah. I want to say a big special thanks to choreographer, Travis Wall,

for all the help in putting together that dance number. And thanks to Tom, who edited that fantastic video. Tom's here tonight, everybody. Yeah. If you enjoy our video products, it's mostly because of Tom. Yeah. Also, I want to say thank you to the Fitzgerald Theater, as long as we're doing, thank you.

Thank you for having us. This lovely theater. And a big thank to Teresa McElroy, who was the voice of Glinda. Yes. It's the first time I've ever heard her curse. It was jarring. Now, Dan, we forgot to use our BADs in the first act,

so we can use them twice in the song? Is that how it worked? I forget. Now, technically, Travis ended the first act, so I'm not sure if you know. So I think technically the first act still go away. Say man and wife. Say man and wife.

I know you. said roll initiative and usually that is Ironclad, can I use my big ass dice to try and diffuse this situation with a little bit of bear to bear social massaging? I will allow it.

Okay, great. Does that mean I roll it twice? Huh? Does that mean I roll it twice? The big ass dice. Yes. Okay, I'm... We made such a joke out of clarifying the rules of the big ass dice that when I actually need to do it, um, grab your dice. Hey, can I, hey, could I borrow your

that makes you better in persuading people? It's only on intimidation, man. 12? 18! If it's persuasion. Yeah, but I have to hear what you say to them. Because they're there, bearing their teeth, their claws are out, they're ready to go, they're ready to rumble.

You know what I do? I plunge my hand into my torso. Just bear with him. And then I pull out a paw of sticky honey. Oh, gross, that's his blood. It's not. I don't normally have blood. Have you guys had this stuff? Because if not, I'm about to rock your fucking block.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm not interested in rolling today. If we will share that horrible stuff. It's sweet, sticky honey. What are you talking about? Here, have a smack roll. I just rub it on his mouth. First taste is free, my man. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, I'll tell you what. No, what do you think of the honey?

It's delicious. Thanks, I made it. So while this exchange is going on... Oh, sorry, Lady Godwin, I just created honey from my sweet sticky body. Thank you. And you know what, next time, feel free to not translate that. As you're having that exchange, the lions and the gazelleys and the gazelle. Zell and the tiger and all. Oh, I got enough for everyone. No, no, no, no. They're,

they're totally fed up. Let him cook. Hold on. They're, they're fed up. And one by one, and they're fed. They're taken off their photo IDs. They had like photo IDs and they're coming and they're glaring at you and saying, uh, nobody said anything about there being another apex predator and they're all like throwing their photo badges at you. Okay. I'm I want to ask one more time, man, when you say nobody, you got a boss, right? Yeah, hey, yeah. Being a little dodgy. Do you need a lozzener or something, my man?

We're very compartmentalized. I don't know who my boss is. I just show up, clock in, clock out, use my photo ID, and on I go. Can I have one of them photo IDs? Well, they're laying around all over the ground. I scoop up eight photo IDs. Okay. All right.

Can I just real quick roll a nature check to explain to these animals how wrong they're doing it from a sort of natural perspective? How much better it would be if they were just out living their dreams in the real wild? Eating each other. Well, I'll leave that part. I'll leave that part out. Yeah. Make that change. It makes me so sad to see 8 plus 5.13.

Nah. Can I try to? Can I try to explain? Played it to him. Yeah, go ahead. Wow. Actually, nature is... Yeah, I got 21 total.

I would... How much stuffed animal who lived... Wow. I would like to try... Oh, go ahead. ...with disadvantage. Okay. Because I don't understand them.

So, it's a five. And a... Six. I was looking... So it's six total or eleven? It would be a four. five because we take the worst one with I got a 21

That's pretty good And I can make sweet- Oh I'm sorry I didn't hear the 20 part I thought you said one No 21 no explain it to them then oh sage Okay listen man You know fish got to swim Birds gotta sing

Rainbow's got to shine You guys know about rainbows You love that shit here Yeah right So somewhere You're all bears right You're shitting in toilets That ain't the way it's supposed to be.

No, sorry. Bear's got a shit in the woods, man. Oh, we do. We do. Okay. We just walk it through that part. Why do you got a photo ID? A bear don't need no photo ID.

Tiger don't need no photo ID. Your ID? It's a job. Open your mouth. Open your mouth. Them teeth is your ID. Wait, it's going to bite you, a step back. No, no, no.

No, no. I'm explaining. Sorry, let you go in. I'm explaining to them how their teeth is their ID. Okay. Like, imagine a bear would roll up to a bar. Don't talk to me anymore. Nobody's going to stop a lion or tiger or a bear from going in somewhere.

They're just like, whoa, what up, dude? I'm a fucking tiger. And then they're like, oh, fuck. And then you still eat. You've really given us something to think about. So go live in the woods in the jungle and shit. Try to eat the man cub. That's what you guys should be doing.

trying to get man's red flower or whatever now be careful because some of those man cubs will put you in something called prison if you do it and you have to wear an ankle monitor that's true I don't know if mowgli is in the public domain

or not I didn't say nothing about no fucking mowgli man just a generic man cub can we be on our way yes for God's sake be on your way the whole idea was hey we found a shorter way out of this bear fight and it's been 15 damn minutes.

Yes. All right, so on you go down the yellow brick road. You move on down, move on down the road. The jungle kind of thins out. As a matter of fact, the trees are more scattered and not nearly as leafy. How are the hillocks? Describe the hillocks.

There are no hillocks. Fuck, dude. Getting bleak. Let's turn back. Just hills. The trees are pretty bare except for, some apples. They have some apples on them. Now listen, Dad.

Like these bear trees. I, Travis McRoy, know what's up? But Mutt? He's just a simple country ranger who loves him a shiny red gala apple. Listen, you've got to... He grabs one of those fuckers. And when you do... No!

Suddenly there's a face in the... face. All of a sudden, I'm Bernie Fy. It happened. You finally beauty. You did it. And the face seems to move, but instead of being angry, he says, how'd you do? How'd you do? How'd you do? He also has a photo ID. Cool. And the name B. Davis is stamped on it. Wait, hold on.

Are we talking about the tree or the apple? Tree. The tree has the fence. Yeah, but don't be stupid, Griffin. Why would an apple have a face? Apples don't talk. Trees talk. Read a book. And he says, my name is Ben Davis, and my bark is worst of my bite.

L-O-L. Wait, shit. I assume you're here for the presentation. What part of your body is this apple that I'm about to consume? Legally, you have to tell us. Yeah. It's like a goiter. I'll take that

I eat it does that help no I'm I still want to know if you're here for the presentation of apples am I didn't know of Ambrosia Acres resort oh no

this is your chance to get in on the ground floor what promises to be the most spectacular timeshare resort in all of Oz Ambrosia Acres at the end of our very short sales presentation You will each be awarded. I start backing away.

Wait, wait, wait, and a two weeks stay in one of our lunch, me tree houses. For sure. With a voucher for free trip to our fritter and cider buffet. And it's a very short presentation. Okay, listen, I've seen guys like this before.

It always seemed to be one invited to every party, no matter how hard you try it out to. One person would slip out of brochure out of the inopportune moment and start pitching you. I know how to handle this type. Okay. Go ahead. Present away.

Great. Now, it's only 19.5 hours. Okay. A day. The presentation? For, yeah. Is there a sort of abbreviated version? No, no, no, just this one.

19 and a half hours a day for four days. Quibbibit for me. And nights. Quibbiet. Wait, I want to try something. Hey, Tree, can we talk to your branch manager? The new Clint McElroy, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, Dad, if you didn't know that already, just check every Instagram comment. Yeah, sure. Hey. I've got a good way of shutting this guy up. Oh, please. I know a thing or two about getting stuck in trees. And I'll just sort of jump into his mouth and get my butt sort of stuck in the tree.

Wait, you jump butt first? No, man, like Winnie the Pooh does it, get stuck with my butt outside of the tree. tree like, oh, balder, it's happened again. For the love of God, where are you sticking it? I'm sticking my whole upper half. Yeah, he's jumping in his mouth. He's jumping in his mouth, that. To make him stop top.

You're looking like what I did is weird. Roll a D20. I say what I do, and you tell me what dice to roll for it. Just roll D20 and tell Griffin if he climbs in your mouth. I never judge you for any of the weird shit you've done. Yes, you. do. What do you thinking, dad?

I'm thinking acrobatics check how well he wedges himself in the tree's mouth. Yeah, acrobatics. Acrobatics. We need to whose speciality. Here we go. 15 plus 217. Oh, God. This is horrible.

Boy! Now he's stuck. He can't handle it. You completely intimidated. You've broken his whole sense. of what is right with the world. So he says, here, take the fucking apples and get out of here.

And when you eat those apples, it restores all your hit points and your spell slots. Amazing. That's a good tree. That's a good fucking apple. So you ease on down, ease on down the road.

Hey, very much. That's how I like them apples. I look at the tree. I say, hey, keep it tight. He's picking stuff out of it back. Yeah. Did you guys see that? Just like when we went on that ski-driven night to do, Wendy.

You crazy, man. Always jumping in people's mouths getting wedged in there. I'm just glad it was a tree this time. Just when I felt it. And you all look back and you kind of noticed that, you know, I don't know. The tree houses they were building in those trees looked kind of cool. Hey, Dan, are you gilting us into not listening to your 19 and a half hour sales pitch at our live show that has 28 minutes left? In hindsight.

You guys look back and you really regret not letting that tree tell you about these houses. Can I take a brochure for later, Dad? Okay. I take one and I eat it. Now give me a wisdom check, all three of you. Okay. Mine should have advantage because I got the brochure. I think we can all agree on that.

I'll give it to you. Nine. So my first one was a three, so thank goodness for that fantastic advantage. 13, though. Sheesh. I don't know. 13. Mine was an 11. Just the least funny numbers.

Wow. Yeah. I tell you, Mutt, you and Poo really looking wistfully at those tree houses, and you're thinking maybe, you know, maybe it'd be worth staying here. Maybe this would be something that you really want to hang with. I curl up under a tree, like a beautiful fox. Okay. Like I'm going to just sleep there in the roots of a tree

Like I've always dreamed like in David the Gnome No, sorry, I went out of character there for a minute And I was just feeling like myself there for a second Sorry Sort of psychosexual David the gnome based voyage Well, there was nothing sexual about it I made a dream of being a fox curled up in a gnome's lair Without it being sexual gripping.

Godwin, what do you do when you see your two buddies Just kind of languishing? Did we solve the encounter or not? This is where I'm like, you did. You did. tripping out. It's like we finish it and then we saw them and gamorahed and look back at it. And it's like, I don't know.

It's almost like there's maybe an additional thing going on. Yeah. It's, uh, I guess I go back and I'm like, well, okay. Um, how is everyone doing? I'm feeling real good, man, about this treehouse idea. Like, maybe we should let him talk. I'm standing like 20 feet away. I do not want to come close.

I thought we were done here. Lady Godwin, I would like you to make a persuasion check. Ooh, plus three. But, yeah, plus three. And I will tell you this, if you do not succeed in talking your two friends out of staying here, you will finish this adventure alone. Sick. Backstage.

All right. We got snacks. Big ass dice, big ass dice, big ass dice. Here he goes. Don't throw it too hard or else it'll crumple. That's a natural one. It's so big. It's so big.

You can really see what a one it is. It's an undeniable failure, juice. Here we go. Yeah, baby. Oh, shit. That is another natural one. Goodbye, everybody. By the posters, everyone.

Travis and I will check you guys later. Hashtag, Adventure Zone, St. Paul. Bye, everybody. Okay, so that was for mud. Okay, so now I'll try for Winnie the Pooh. Now you try for Wendy the Pooh. But I also know I can only use those dice once per hour. I think I admitted that you could use it.

I have let you stock by that so you can do it twice. You all are about to see mathematical history be made on this stage tonight. It's a 20! It's really good, Juce. I like the fact that you all know D20s so well. You can't see that that's a 20. But you can tell from the side. It's from my expression.

I think my facial expression said it all. I think you're so persuasive with that 20 that it takes care of both of them. Wow, yeah. Because I have no plan for one of them staying. You wrote such a big check there, Clint? I heard your butthole pucker from six feet away, my man. So you move on down, move on down the road again.

You're through the trees now. and before you stands the most impressive cornfield you've ever seen. I guess, yeah. Hey, Paul, hell yeah, dude. Can I just say, Dan, I, Travis McElroy, have seen many at Cornfield.

I've never ranked them. Yeah. On scale of impressiveness or not. But then I look at it, hold on, let me finish. Then I look at this one. I'm like, fuck, yeah. That's a corn. Cornfield, my dude.

Give me a perception check, then, mutt. Let's see if I'm impressed. Should I use my BAT on this one? That's a knot 20. Jesus Christ. I fucking love this cornfield. Also, everybody, flame bright dye. Available to Macquarie.

And the Macquarie family merch store. You too could roll 18 Nat 20s. Okay, these stocks of corn have grown to a height of 12 feet. About an elephant's eye? Dad, I have no fucking idea if that's normal or big or what. No, that's big. Okay. And they look metallic.

Shit. The shucks are razor sharp and the wisps of corn silk coming out of each ear more resemble wires. I know what happened, guys. Than any kind of organic fiber. The scarecrow and the tin man had some babies. This is their babies. These fibers crackle electricity. Yeah.

And the yellow brick road. And they fuck some lightning in there too. Maybe it was like three way of things. The yellow brick road leads right up to the only opening you see, which leads straight ahead into the cornfield. Hmm. Now, Poo, give me a perception check. Okay.

Two. Plus. Godwin. Six, eight. Godwin, give me a perception check. Okay. I got you, Dad. It's a two.

I see it all. Doubles. Doubles. Can I divide my net 20 between the three of us? That would be 24. We each got eight. Yeah, okay, I'll give it to you. Pretty cool, course.

There's a sign off the side, but it's been covered with either tarpaulin or tarpaulin. We really need to write a strongly worded letter to whoever is putting these fucking signs up, man. They're putting them up all higgledy, piggledy. I use that dude from, what is it, Tears of the Kingdom, who's like, I don't know how to put them. it fell over again. I used my incredible strength to rip the tarp off of the sign. Okay.

And it says, Tibia's Corn Palace, lend us your ears, and maybe other body parts if you're not careful. Welcome to Tibia's Corn Palace. Yeah, Dad, I know. I played Tibia in the same

MaxCD production. He's the head flying monkey. What's up? All right. I only had the budget for one flying monkey. Well, you only needed one. when I was there doing it, I made it feel like there was a whole squad of monkeys in one. I am going to use my axe to chop down all the electric corn.

No, it won't work. You'll be electrocuted. Oh. Well, let him roll to see how much you do. I appreciate that. More things should tell you that. Don't hit this with an axe, buddy. That's on the other side of the sign.

Danger electricity. Exes, don't do it. All right. Suddenly a wicked-looking crossbolt. Comes flying down out of the air and strikes the ground near you. Perception check. Who? All of us?

Yeah. Or is that the name of the crossbow bowl? Thirteen. That does it. There are 12 flying monkeys. What? Jesus Christ. All armed with ugly crossbows coming your way.

Well, you don't have to be shitty about the quality of their crossbows. These stinky monkeys and their ugly crossbows. Now, I will tell you this, if you go into the maze, their view will be partially obstructed, and they won't have such a clear shot at you, he said, trying to lead them by the nose. I didn't realize it was a maze, but I guess it's a maze maze and I'm doing this shit. I go in. I just heard Amanda say, Jesus Christ, from 20 feet away. All right, the maze, let me describe the maze to you.

Okay. It goes up, right, right, right, right, right, up, left, A, B, A, B. No, it's even easier than that. All right. It's a straight line. It's a four by seven grid with nothing but four-way stops. Think four-way intersections of a highway. Okay.

All through it. That's all there is. But at each intersection, there is a blue enameled disc set in the ground. Okay. Which will tell you which way to go. Oh, my God. If you go the wrong way, you will be surely electrocuted.

If we go the right way, then you are not surely electrocuted. Do we know where it starts? It's right in front of you. The first enamel plate is right in front of you. Is it like the far left? Yeah, man. There's the first enamel plate giving you a clue

as to what direction to go in. Fucking, I guess. Yeah, okay. No, up. We go up. That's up, I think. Yeah, we go up. I think that one means up. Let's go up.

Hmm, I tell you what. Give me an intelligence check, please. What do I get to add? Plus three? Okay, so that's going to be a 13 minus one, 12. That tells you that's not up. It's right. Wait a minute.

Correct. You turn right. Right. Their right hand. Stupid? Hey Griffin, sorry about the stupid thing. Right. As incorrect.

Right. Oh, okay. Got it. Next. All right, you move on to the next intersection and you see the next inlaid panel.

Huh. Now, this is interesting. We see a... Oh, they left. That person left. Left. Okay, so what we see is a person running...

I'm just for history. Oh, yeah, thank you. Yeah, for posterity's sake. We see a person running away from a person who is standing still. Yeah. And they left.

Left? Left is right. No, wait. Left is correct. You move on to the next enamel panel. Jesus Christ. Guys, I gotta be honest, this is getting a little heavy for me. I wild shape and turn into a hawk.

There is somebody... Okay. Now, Dodge 12 crossbolts. Would you like to reconsider your hastily chosen response? No. I'll make a dexterity save against 12 crossbowl attacks. I said what I said, and I meant what I meant. I understand.

A poo bear is faithful 100%. Eight? No. You take a million. No, let's say three points of damage. Pretty shitty. These are not just ugly crossbows. They are shit.

They are surely to 12 points. But your wing is. So damage you can no longer fly, smart guy. Damn it. Okay. All right, so the next enameled plate is a sun beating down mercilessly on a very sweaty person. He said down. Down?

Yeah, but down would be going back the way we came. It doesn't matter. It does matter. Rice is in the... No, it's right above us, right? The sun is right above. The sun is beating down mercilessly. He said down again, guys, the answer is down.

It's not down. It's a swirly-shaped pattern. The sun is right. beats mercilessly. The sun beats... Boy, I bet it's a pretty high temperature. Up. For the heat being up.

I bet it's a pretty high temperature. Yeah, it's... Dad, we don't get it. You can't just keep saying the same shit over and over again. Like the temperature's rising? All right, fuck it. I got shot by these guys and it didn't

hurt that bad. I'm going left. Lady Godwin. You go up. Lady Godwin. How you gave us your fucking clues? I go left, he goes right, she goes up. Who dies? Which direction did you go?

I went left, he went right, she went out. Who dies from it? Not mutt. Mut is right. Mutt makes a 90-degree turn. That is a measurement of an angle, not an indicator of direction? 90 degrees. If it was 90 degrees, yes, I'd be warm.

I would not melt. like this human being made of pudding is. That's just artistic interpretation. Also, a 90 degree turn could be two different ways. No, it couldn't as you'll find out if you'll just

move on the next damn thing. Next damn thing. So we needed to know the next thing. This is a right, Dad, this is inappropriate to show there could be children here tonight, Matt. It's too forward. Forward.

Forward. You move on to the next one. That's a person that's on fire. That's 180 degree. They're burning up. We go up for burning up. I'll give it to you. Wait, no, don't fucking, what it?

Well, think how much it would take to set you on fire. That'd be 270 degrees. Again. Which takes you to the next placards. How many of these you fucking have, That? Go yoga. Here's a person with

they're made of right angles. Yeah, but what angle, Travis? This one's 114 degrees. This person's all fucked up. They make an E with their body. We go east. East is correct. You move on.

We stand still. There's the next one. Oh, we stand still right in the middle. Stand still and wait. And wait, and we wait. You can. That doesn't make any difference. Okay.

The face is blank? Just right. Just right. It's annoying blank face. That's a normal face. Think anatomically. Straight. Hey, dad, there's 12 minutes left in the show.

What is that picture? A face. A face. A face. A face. You move ahead. Yeah, ahead. Dad.

This is the last one. You promise? I promise. I would just. getting started. That's a wizard. It starts with W for West. He has a hat on.

There's shade. Or he's wearing a mask. A mask for North. It's the Wicked Witch of the North, correct? Yeah. You have cleared Tibia's Corn Palace. I look up at the...

Wow. Don't you pawn this off on tibia. I flip two big birds right to these flying monkeys. The road leads you into a quaint village that looks like that. Cool. And at the end, the very end of the yellow brick road, it kind of swirls

into a point right in the middle. And right next to that is this dilapidated old farmhouse. Shit. Now, I say dilapidated, but it's dilapidated looking. It's kind of sitting at an unnatural angle, but it looks to have been freshly refurbished and painted,

but painted to look like a dilapidated farmhouse. It's really confusing. Is it available on Airbnb or has it been flipped or what? Give me an investigation check. Just see if it's been flipped. Have Joanna Gaines and Chip Gaines been here? No, I got a one. I have no idea.

if Chip and Joanna Gaines have been here. I'm looking as hard as I can. I waste 20 minutes looking for Chip and Joanna Gaines. I got a 12 on my investigation check. I'm going to do an investigation also, but it's specifically to see if the things in the house are real and functional were decorative. Okay, that would be looking through the window to see.

I got a six. I will give you the 12. The 12, you said? Yeah, 12. Very generous. Well, I'll give you the 12 because we've got nine minutes and 45 seconds left. You notice that you can look at the place. The door is not functional. It's like painted on.

But you can see some footprints in the dirt around the side. And you follow those footprints around. And there's a storm door, a worn storm cellar door. That's a beautiful phrase, Dad. Maybe one of the most beautiful phrases ever written. With a small again. Warren Storm Cellar Door. Again, AI.

Hey, I want you all to know that my dad's joking, there's no fucking way he knows how to use AI. Not a chance. Not a fucking chance. He has a problem. Dad thinks that using AI is watching the movie artificial intelligence while writing

and being inspired by Haley Joel Osmond's performance. Next to the storm doors a sign that says cast only. The door will not open, but there is a card reader next to it. Okay, I look at the card reader, and then I hit the door with my axe as hard as I can. It's an 18. I'll allow it. Thank you.

And it's much faster than using the photo ID that I worked in so diligently. I had, well, I had eight of those as well. That was my backup plan. Okay. The door opens, and you just say, send a ladder into darkness. Oh. You are in a very large, very dark cavern.

Which opens up, which opens up. I cast light on Scalibur. Whoa. Okay. So it's not dark anymore. It's still kind of dark. No, it's not. Because it opens up into a way. There's lights on.

A larger, that's from a scalber. Is it a Scalibus? That's from Excalibur. Okay. And you're walking through an even bigger, not quite as dark cavern. You see a large map. It hasn't been mounted on the wall or anything. He's kind of sitting on the side.

But it shows the same route you just took. The stretch of Yellow Brick Road from Emerald City to Munchkin Town. And sections are labeled, 40 Winkies Botanical Garden. Oh, my walk-through Safari. Ambrosia Acres Resort. Tibious Corn Palace. the farmhouse palace is in quotes with the question mark

of the end and then it scribbled in still working on the name not certain it says in parentheses with red marker should we mention that it's razor sharp maze in name of attraction no you stupid idiot then no one would go to it

what about extreme danger maze but we spell it X then dash T-R-E-M-E and then we can't keep the teens away suddenly Oh. From one end of the cave. I want, just in my head, I want you to know, Dad, that suddenly is like, we've been staying there 20 minutes in the darkness, and it's like...

Well, it kind of felt like it to me. Evil billows of smoke appear, and from within the smoke, a voice cackles. Welcome, my pretties. Oh, my God, thank you. I can see the look on your awestruck faces. Because, as you have undoubtedly already guessed, I am behind it all. And a figure flying on a broom comes zooming out of the smoke, flying over your heads, circling and finally landing at the opposite end of the cavern.

And the figure speaks, yes, it is I. Tadipoo. What? Huh? Sorry, we were looking for Glinda? No. It's me. Tadipoo.

poo. You know. No. Sorry? We don't know. Taddy poo. Is the witty the poo? Are you guys related? Holy shit. Is this a stuffed bear that we're talking to? No. I don't fucking know this guy. This is a rather short

woman. She's dressed in beautiful powder blue dress. Cool. She has shining silver hair, twinkling blue eyes, rosy red cheeks. She is basically adorable. Oh, and she keeps looking at you. Come on. We don't know. Taddy.

You just, you say it over and over again, is it gonna make us know who you are? It's actually losing me in summer. I am the witch of the North. Okay, I'm gonna do a history check. Oh, that's good. Five. Does he know where North is?

Yeah, it's the direction when the sun is melting the man. If they'd put me in either one of the movies, you would know. Oh, like Wicked and Wicked 2? What movies and also, what? It's a movie. So wait a minute. Aren't you the potential investors?

No. Oh, this is awkward. Well, maybe. Hold on. I got all of England's coffers at my disposal thing, which I only just now realized. In Yellow brick. Maybe. In Yellow Brick Road Roadside Attractions LLC.

I fucking love it, man. I'll take 10%. Daddy. Daddy, are you constructing a themed entertainment based on Dorothy's Blossy? Yes. I saw a vision of a kingdom called Gatlinburg. Okay. Uh-huh. One unified strip of attractions.

Okay. So I've spent a lot of time. Would Wisconsin Dells have landed better? All right, dad, take you back, say Wisconsin Dells. I have gone through a long time trying to work up after seeing a vision of a kingdom called Wisconsin Dill. I had to gather a lot of power and a lot of items to get control. I needed Glenda's wand to mind control the munchkins

because they said it was too commercial. I have my fabulous cumulonimbus 3,000 magic hat, which controls the weather, exposition, exposition, exposition. That way it's always nice and temperate, which helps the walk-up traffic. Yeah, that's a good thing. playing actually. And then I

had to get the silver shoes you know for zoning. So I paid the Munchkin Coroner a couple of bucks and got him to switch those phony baloney ruby slippers for the silver ones. Yeah. Sick man. The Munchkin Coroner.

Yeah, that was the role that I played in the Mag C.T. production of Wizard of Oz. Hey, can I just say do you have like an investment portfolio? Is that I want to see a business plan? something you can show me, because I'm, you got me on the hook and I reel me in. Can I finish the damn pitch? Yeah, please.

The kid from Kansas and her henchman deep six the Witch of the West. I got her broom. That helped me with marketing because you know what's better than word of mouth. Smoke messages in the sky. Hell yeah, man. So I guess the land of Oz will now know the name

Teddy poo. Are you flexible on the name? Because, listen, as a shark. I'm on board. I'm not wild about Tadipu as branding. What about Muttland? You'd have to buy 51%. Hey, Tadipu, sorry to interrupt.

Where is Glinda, though? Oh, she's locked up in a cell waiting for execution. If you'll excuse us, we're going to get her, okay? Oh, well, I think you'll have to talk. I pick up Tadipu and throw her across the room. And you can't say it's not a surprise attack. You were in the middle of talking.

Eighteen. When you do that, she goes flying. She loses the broom, her hat flies off, she drops Glinda's wand. Can I use my big ass dice? I want to fire off a cross-oble and see if I can pin her to the wall by her blue dress. Knock yourself out. You can do it. Shoot this old lady that Justin had already said.

She may not be dead yet. I don't know. Here we go. Six. Six? Not very good. Big ass, nice. That's nice.

Big ass, nice. Big ass dice. Another shit! 13? Does 13 hit? Does 13 hit this older? No, sorry, plus 9, a 15. A 15.

Does a 15 hit a senior that has just been tossed across the room? She might be a child. Yes, it does. And when she goes flying, and when she's pinned to the wall. By her dress, I didn't spear the child or her. spear the child or old woman or old woman child. She looks up at you and says, So is this a no on the investment thing?

It's a maybe. We don't. A hard maybe. Right. We have to do the Glinda thing, and then we'll come back and hear the rest. Oh, helltaker. Oh, nice, okay.

I put Glinda on my back in a fireman's carry. Okay. That's good? Thanks. Wait. You don't have to spell it out now, but I am curious if there's any, like, intro you do or explanation to Glenda.

Or you just say like, let's go. Hi, I'm Lady Gardin. I would love the shoes. Let's go. And from deep, deep, deep within the cavern, you hear the sound of like a thousand voices all at once. And they come rushing out. And they're all in unison going, Oh, we all. We all.

We all, we all, oh, we all, oh, we all, we. That was clearly the end. I think maybe you should get the hell out. Okay, we... Yeah, now we leave. We run. Yeah, you do run. Yeah, we do.

I fall down. Oh, no, go on with Ellie. I picked Travis back up. Oh, but I pissed my pants. All three of you, give me an acrobatics. check. You have to go up that ladder. Oh, we.

Keep going. Keep going. Yo. I got an eight. An eight. T. Oh, God. Oh, he's getting louder.

What was it? Agrobatics. I got a seven. Okay. I got 17 plus you said acrobatics was four. 21. I drag him up with me. Okay.

As you go sprinting towards the ladder, Glinda leans down. snatches up her wand from the floor where it dropped when you shot Tadipoo. Yes. And she says, that's enough of this shit. And waves at the winkies, the thousands of winkies coming at her. And they stop right in the middle of, oh, we all. No?

Somebody didn't come to rehearsal. And you clamber up the ladder. safely. And the silence extends for 30 seconds and Lady Garwin says, they had families. And congratulations. You have succeeded in Taz versus a wonderful wizard of ours. Thank you so much, everybody. Thank you. Have a great night. Thank you. Thank you. Maximum Fun. A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.