The Always Sunny Podcast - Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use promo code ALWAYS to get TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in FREE bets INSTANTLY when you place a five-dollar bet this Sunday! Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms.

Good morning everybody! Good morning! Good morning! What's this? I don't know! It's a different line! Yeah, I got us a new table and new chairs. Just, you know, I listen to you guys when you complain about stuff. These are chairs that don't slide?

They don't slide. They do move up and down. If you want to, like, come up or... I messed this up. See, when you actually slide, they kind of ride up. They ride your undies up in your butt. They'll slide. Well, Charlie can slide on anyway.

I did grease my gloves. Oh, look at this. Is this the thing now? Well, you know what we can do? Either thing. I like the table. I like this. Let's say you can kind of lean into it. I've also got your headphones there. That's for when we watch the episode.

We can change if we want. Yeah, we can go back to the other chairs. We still have them. We can do whatever we want. People don't like change. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the part of the podcast where Megan has to explain things three different times. One, because Charlie was singing

while she was explaining it the first time. Secondly, between the two of us right now, and then Glenn's going to walk in, she's going to explain it again. But only if Glenn asks. If Glenn doesn't ask, Megan doesn't necessarily have to offer the information. We'll find out. I'll keep giving it to you.

This is like the table. I like it. That's a beautiful table. It's heavy. Three strong men. And a dolly. That's right. You can just pay men. Men don't do anything with money.

You can always pay a man to lift. You guys will always be useful for that. As long as you can lift stuff. You can't pay me to lift shit. Good morning. And here he is. Mr. America. So today I'd like to start,

because I'm coming in hot today, with some structure for this podcast. Sure. We did say that structure, we would just do a bunch of episodes, and then the structure would just sort of emerge. Yeah, but I thought it was going to be more organic. More organic, yeah.

Could we get some structure to how we find structure? Yeah. I was waiting for it to just emerge, but then I thought maybe after 46 episodes, I should maybe forcefully emerge it. But you guys can resist it then and not do it

if you don't like the structure. We could know about it. Yeah. You mean this will be the structure moving forward? Could be. I'm just going to pitch some structure to the podcast. We have regular little segments.

But the first one is just coming in hot, which is just what you guys do naturally anyway, which is just the first segment of the show would be who's coming in hot. We like it hot, hot, hot. You know Buster Poindexter's song? You know Buster Poindexter?

He was a campfire story song. He was, yeah. Shoot scenes with him. He was also the lead singer of the New York Dolls. He sure was. And he would start every take with like, let's shoot this motherfucker. I was like, that's good.

I like that. I'm not going to use it, but I'm not going to use it or ever do it or say it. Understand why you're saying it, Meg. I'm coming in hot with a couple of things today. What are you hot about? I'm feeling quite content.

Well, I don't want to derail Meg's attempted structure right now. We could talk about what I'm hot about or we could just go about it. No, that's part of the structure. Who's coming in the hottest? We start with a hot take. I saw another event.

I think it's because of the heat in Los Angeles and really all over the world. And also because I think people are still coming out of the pandemic and don't know how to act around other human beings. So everybody's acting like an animal. I saw another event.

I was not involved of although I thought I might have to be. You're going to step in? The hero complex. Oh, it was like firing. Mr. Justice. Here it comes, Rob. Justice. Hey, Justice,

who could spell that? If that was your last name, Rob Justice. You could change your name to Rob Justice, which would be a much better name than Rob McClendon. Rob Justice, I like that. If you go out and ask 10 people if they could spell Justice, I'll bet you 50% can get it right.

Oh, God, you think that's it? Walk around, bud. Have you been walking around recently? No, I don't leave my house. I built a structure. I was in my rear view mirror. And I came outside of myself and said, and I was like looking at it

and I was like, okay, when do I jump in? We were stopped. What is the situation? Am I going to get out and jump in? What happened? It was insane. I'm driving along Sunset Boulevard and I see this woman

who's a little ahead of me. She's in the right hand lane. I see her roll down her window and very clearly takes her hand and is like full of detritus. I don't know exactly what it is. Thank you for using that word. She just throws it out the window, right?

For those who don't know what detritus is. It is a very good word. It's not just trash. It's like knick-knack trash. You know what I mean? It's less so like trash you think of like banana peels. Detritus is more like the loose stuff that's in like the cup holder

in your door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like willy-nilly trash. It happens so fast. The stuff that's not big enough for a thrift store. Yeah, like, you know, like, I'm not in shocker. But when you see somebody like flick a cigarette

out of their car window, which of course in fire season is always dangerous and disgusting anyway, but at least you go, I guess I understand. Nobody wants to have a cigarette butt in their car. But this woman, this woman just, it looks like she just went down the side,

like that little side pocket, which is like, you know what, I'm sick of this being there. I'm sick of this being in the pub. I need a place for my water bottle. It looked like there was like bits of plastic. It was just a bunch of, that's why I used the word detritus. It just looked like a bunch of shit. And she didn't look first to make sure you weren't around

before she threw this out of her car. She knew Rob Jessens was around. She thinks twice. That's why you need to start to garner a reputation throughout the city because then people will be aware if they throw detritus out the window, Rob Justice might be there. Get a bumper sticker and say, I stopped for detritus.

Yeah, that's right. And you know, it's like the beginning of the Michael Keaton Batman, the first Tim Burton Batman, you know, he's like, tell your friends about me. Oh, tell your friends about me. Because he's like holding the guy on the thing and he's like, tell your friends about me. Anyway, okay, sorry.

What kind of a car are we talking about? Could have been a crime too. It could be like evidence she's trying to get rid of. It was a nice car and I spotted this. It was a white BMW. So if there's a lady driving out on Sunset Boulevard and a white BMW. It was a nice car.

And of course, whenever I see people throwing things out the window, I'm always fascinated. I actually don't feel as much anger. It's more fascination. I don't get it. That woman lives ostensibly in the city. I mean, she most likely lives in the neighborhood that she just threw her shit.

If it's a crappy car, you already don't like it, but at least you think, man, maybe their life circumstances are so bad they just can't take it anymore. The world fucked me, so fuck the world. And I have compassion. You can't excuse the behavior, but you have compassion for that.

You say, if people just go, I don't give a shit. The world has fucked me over and over and over again. I just don't care. I think a key element to Rob Justice is compassion. I think without compassion, Rob Justice is just Rob Fury. Rob Fury is a different guy. Rob Fury is a different guy.

Rob Vengeance, no. You're mad at this elitist trucker. No. Fascinated. I don't even have a split second to be upset. Because what happens is, what I hear is someone fucking slams on the brakes

and then I look out of the corner of my eye and the mirror, I see a jeep that's behind her that swerves and then honks on his horn. And then I look back and this guy's in a dead stop and then there's cars behind him

and I thought I heard somebody slam into the back of him but I don't think that that's what happened because then we're continuing on and then I realized I pieced it together that whatever she threw out, he swerved to miss. You're looking at this in your rear view mirror, correct?

Yeah, it's all happening very fast but she speeds up. She's ahead of me. And I don't know that matters. I'm just trying to get a full picture here. I was just thinking like it was a white jeep and then you're like that detritus is going to really show on my car if it hits it, you know

but it's already a brown jeep, so I moved to get out of the way. It's also a jeep. You blot right through detritus. That's what's the point of having a jeep. The fact that he swerved at all is absurd. I need to have a conversation with him about why he wanted jeep. Well my guess is, based on how quickly it happened he might just not know what was happening.

There was just like a bunch of things. Like a wrangler, like top down. A jeep wrangler, yeah. And I learned very quickly that the top was down, the windows were down, everything was down. Okay, so that detritus could be getting in and hitting this guy in the face. Talking airborne detritus, yeah.

Then we... Right? What was the height this was thrown at? Was it a low chuck or was it tossed off in the sky? It was even weirder. It was even weirder because when I saw it, and this leads me to believe that maybe there was food involved because she threw it out.

And I was watching this like, I can't believe that just happened. I watched her come in and she rolled up the window. The window was going up on one side. Maybe it was on her right side that she could put the window up. And I watched her do like this, like she was wiping her hands off. Like get that out of my car.

Like greasy french fries. Or like a peanut in this wrangler guy could have an allergy. So this is a life and death situation here. He swerving. Peanut hits him in the face. I'm assuming it's a he, I don't know why. Oh yeah. It's most definitely a he.

So then we wind up stopping in traffic and then this car just peels out. The Jeep peels. Because now he was at a dead stop. He peels towards us and I'm like, oh man, this is going to... But there's a part of me that's thinking, oh great, I don't... I don't have to dole up the justice.

This woman's about to get some justice, but I don't know what he's going to do. Sort of a weirder. This type situation. No, well this would be Guy Fury. This is Guy Fury. And I look over, he's got a shaved head. And I'm like, okay, already.

Someone with a shave. He's consciously making a choice to shave his head. It could be that he's an actor playing a part. It could be that he has cancer. It could be that he's just going bald or it could be that this is a choice. He wants to look a certain way. He could see hairs detritus and just feel like...

I got to get all the detritus out of my head. And he gets really up close to her and just lays on the horn. Now I'm next to her. And she's just dead. Just hands on the 11 and 2. Just staring forward. Can I guess?

Yeah. 50s. Yeah, I'm picturing 50s, 60s. Yeah, early 50s. I feel like a person in their 20s, in this day and age for the most part, is like, you can't do that. I feel like you're either the type of person

who has bettered themselves or you're the type of person who's like, this is my world. Or you suffered a lifetime of petty miseries and you just... Well, but the petty miseries are at a certain point are your fault. You got a BMW, man.

Not to suggest that she doesn't have her fair amount of pain. However, it's privileged pain. Yeah, right. Which is a different kind of pain. I assume. Yes. Could be a stolen car.

Well, she was going somewhere at 8.30 in the morning. She was coming from the west side. There's only so many places you can... You're either living in Malibu or the Pacific Palisades or Brentwood or Santa Monica. You're doing okay. Now, does that mean that you're not unhappy?

That you don't have pain in your life? No, of course not. There's no excuse for throwing the trash out the window. You're next to her. I'm next to her. And then the Jeep is behind her. And he's just laying on the horn. And he's yelling at her,

but she's pretending not to notice. And I'm like, okay, let's get it out the popcorn because now I want to see what's happening. I love the idea of pretending not to notice. Oh, what else are you doing in that situation? Because the guy... She's stuck in traffic. The guy could get out of the car.

So then the light goes green and we pull up and I see he's trying to get behind me or next to me just to get next to her. Yeah. And now we're in stop dead traffic. It's on sunset at rush hour. So eventually we come to another red

and he gets right up next to her and he pulls up next to her and he honks on her horn, honks on the horn and he's like, roll down your window, roll down your window. She's not rolling down her window. He spits onto her car. Spits onto the car. And now I'm like, oh, shit.

How did he launch his spit that far? Yeah, so over the passenger seat onto... Did he go over the passenger seat or is he on her left? Remember, the Jeep is wide open so I don't know if he went over the roll bar or through the roll bar. I just saw him make a very clear spitting motion. So this guy's a good spitter.

Spit is like liquid detritus, right? Liquid detritus. It's the detritus of the body. And if you've got your top... If you're a completely topless car wise, you can launch it like a mortar. I'm not sure if the inspector actually hit the window or not.

I'm not sure if it actually made contact, but who knows. He's already pretty aerodynamic on account of the shaved head. It's just like a cannon here. Maybe his hair blew off because he was driving around in the Jeep. But again,

maybe he has cancer and he was on his way to get his chemotherapy and he had mucus in his lungs. Who knows? He needed to work that out. These are all the things that Rob Justice is weighing up in his head. Traffic sucks as it is

and it's pretty interesting that there's something interesting about it. But I'm also thinking at this point now have the scales of justice flipped? At what point do you need to engage? Which... When do I get to get involved?

When does this become about you? I feel jealous. Why do I only get to watch this? Why can't I be a part of it? How can I insert myself into this to raise it from an 8 to an 11? Where's the showmanship here? Where's the opportunity to really escalate this

into a dangerous situation? So that you can feel something. So that I can feel as though I'm important. So I can make this about me and not his spit or her detritus. Do you still have the metal baseball bats in the back of your car? There was a thought.

There was a thought. Who do you bash? That's the question. I know I should bash someone with this bat. Like... Rob Justice! There are no winners in this. Only losers.

So you might as well bash a couple of loser nerds. Trash thrown. Trash thrown. I'm not sure if this guy's going to get out of his car. She's terrified now. And now I'm thinking, well, yes, she deserves to be admonished, but certainly not

physically harmed in any way. But I don't know that he... Now I'm noticing he's got a seatbelt on. So he's safe, which is good. But I'm thinking once that seatbelt comes off he's going to get out of that car and we're just stopped in dead traffic. And I'm just watching, watching, watching.

And then luckily the light turns green and she just makes a right turn and just gets off the street. And I'm thinking he's either going to follow her or he's going to keep going down Sunset and he kept going down Sunset. Screaming at himself the entire way.

And then he like, you know when you're like upset and he just wanted to drive fast, he like found a turn lane in the middle of the road and just like zoom down Sunset for no particular reason other than his rage. Now if he had turned after her, would you have had to go?

I definitely would have. He looked like he was going to kill her. Well, this lady, you know threw her to try this on the wrong on the wrong cheap ring. And perhaps perhaps we'll think twice. I know, that's the fucked up thing about human beings

is that you want to believe that that people wouldn't do that in the first place, right? But she did it. And now the next time she goes down to that side pocket and picks up a bag of Vaseline and dog hair and pretzels,

she won't throw it out because she'll go, you know what, there might be some psychopath behind me who might spit on my When is that interesting? I mean, that's you know, as we struggle with the you know, struggle with how to discipline our children when they do something wrong, you know.

In an ideal world, you want that woman to think I'm not going to throw this detritus out the window because it's the wrong thing to do. It's bad for the environment. I should just wait, find a trash can or maybe even recycle some of these components. And you know, you want that to be her reason,

not like the fear of like some psycho and a Jeep Wrangler beating her ass. But sometimes well, natural consequences are a real thing. That's the thing with like parenting, right? You don't want to you don't want to give punishment out you want to, but you do want to instill natural

consequences for behavior. Sometimes there aren't any. I know, but is that is in this circumstance, the natural consequence that somebody either like a cop might see you and write you a ticket which we all know is never going to happen or someone might come and bash you up. I mean, I don't know.

Who knows? We can't we can't. You're getting into perception and reality here as far as we know, these two are lovers, right? This is some sick dance that they do, you know, it's like I drive, yeah she goes she takes a right, he goes straight

they meet around the corner at the back of their apartment and they have crazy sex. He was speeding off to do an end around to the apartment that they were going to go meet at. That's right. This is like their we ain't sick dance, man. It's the only way that they can

attempt to reproduce. And this is what they just are desperate to have a child. Nothing's working. And they're like, maybe if we maybe if I'm curious enough, maybe if you're you know, right? Maybe if you seem privileged enough and I'm and I seem sort of low class and yes.

Yes. That's hot. That's pretty hot. It's pretty hot. Anyway, speaking of revenge, this episode. Yeah. Oh gosh. Right. Are we talking about an episode today? Rob, that was a good story. Thanks for bringing it. Oh yeah. Coming in hot. Coming in hot with that.

This leads right into my next possible structure idea, which is that people keep asking for us to do a little like recaps of what the episode is about at the start. So we know which one we're talking about. So this segment is called that is what happened. And it's just where I give like a short

thing about like what episode we're about to watch. Season four, episode eight, Patty's Pub, the worst bar in Philadelphia. It aired on October 16th, 2008. Written by Scott Marder and Rob Rosell and David Hornsby. Directed by Matt Shackman. In this

episode, a newspaper reporter gives Patty's Pub a terrible review. So the gang kidnaps him in order to smooth things over. As one does? That is what happened. That is what happened. That is what happened. I have not seen this episode in ages. No recollection.

Okay. I know he gets tied to a chair. Yeah, I remember very little. You know what? It's not such a big deal with short hair, but headphones on and off once the hair is longer. Well, it's either on or it's off. I don't know if we're going to be able to I don't know if this is sustainable once my

hair grows out. Once your hair grows out. Yeah, what if you were Yeah, then you do that. Or you go like this. Or this. Yeah, that's cool. That works. It works. Protect the hair at all costs. Yeah, exactly.

Okay, here we go. 442. It's thin, sure, but Wait, actually, can we pause? I wonder if we did 442 because that's that's the time that I was born

on my birth certificate. I wonder if that had something. I mean, that can't be a coincidence, right? Yes. That's literally when I was born. Was it the same day of the week? No, no, I'm just saying it was it was at 442. No, whatever.

I was actually born at 420 on my That's cool, man. That's fucking cool, man. It's just so dog-gone thin. Oh, it's incredibly thin. Yeah, it's thin, sure, but I gotta say, I don't care for it.

Charlie, the thinner the TV, the better the TV. That's straight up fast. Guys, guys, guys, check it out. All right, look. Already we're discussing the thinness of TVs as if it's kind of like a a new thing. It was a new thing.

Was this a direct TV ad that you guys placed in because it says direct TV on the It sure does. I don't know what that is. Very prominently. I didn't know if it was like a tie-in or something. That may have been around the time that Fox bought direct TV.

I believe Mr. Murdock bought a bought direct TV and they might have snuck that in, I don't know. Yeah, for the for the listener and creep whenever you see a product on our show it's either because we got away with it

or we're not getting paid, but the network is getting paid. So just so we're clear we're not getting paid by direct TV. No. But we are getting paid by the network and studio

and the more money the show makes the more money they're willing to pay us. Well, that's not even true. It's the more money that we are willing to negotiate for and threaten to quit over which we've done a thousand times. Alright. Guys, guys, guys, check it out.

We got a review in the paper. Read it, read it, read it. The first thing I noticed about Patty's pub is it's charm. It has none. Uh-oh. Are you serious? There was an ominous feeling that you could get stabbed at any moment. That's good, right? How was that good?

That's the exact type of atmosphere I've been trying to cultivate. I'm the level-headed bouncer that keeps violence in check like Swayze and Roadhouse. We added a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a debate about whether or not to add that squish. That seems like something Glenn would want.

That I would want. I think we were all pretty much on the same page about that. I think we all kind of agreed. It's a little over the top but it made us all laugh. It's violence in check like Swayze and Roadhouse. Oh, it's little? Yeah. Or did you think that my movement actually made that... No, I didn't focus on it.

We debated more the volume of it. We're like, it's fine to have a thing in there, but how loud should it be? Right, how loud should it be? Patrick Swayze and Roadhouse. Yes. R.I.P. Patrick Swayze. R.I.P., too young. I've never seen Roadhouse. Is that like a favorite movie of you guys?

Well, then we need to remedy that in studio. I think a... in studio viewing of Roadhouse would be absolutely phenomenal. 100%. I would be all in on that, man. I love that movie and I haven't seen it in a long time. 20, 30 years, I don't know. You can have this back again on this episode.

I just remember there's like a band... Whenever the band plays, they're like behind a cage. Yeah. They're like behind a cage and the guy's blind, right? Yeah, yeah, Jeff Healy. That's a real band. Jeff Healy. Oh, right, Jeff. Yeah, right. How do I talk to an angel? And does he play behind a cage usually?

Not in real life. I don't think we should... We shouldn't cage the blind anymore. I just don't think it's right. Times have changed. I mean, usually you can a beer bottle on stage if you don't like a hat. Right, but if you're blind, you can't...

Yeah, you can't dodge it. That's right, so you gotta have the cage. I think Jeff has passed as well. Did Jeff pass? I think so. All right, well, RIP, Jeff. RIP, Jeff. In check, there have been many stabbings.

I feel unsafe here every single day. Most stabbings have been down, man. I don't know why. Not only did the surly white trash waitress refuse to make it, but she proceeded to call me a word that I cannot print in this paper. Surly? I was forced to listen to the three classless boars

who call themselves the owners, get drunk and yell over each other. Okay, wait. This is just us commenting on the show. Basically, us commenting on all the criticisms of the show. It may have been what we took a review. Yeah.

I think we knew the sentiment existed out there in the world. I don't know how because we didn't have social media at the time, so we weren't looking at comments and stuff, but there were comments on IMDb. You could go to our IMDb page, remember? They weren't wrong. No, it is often that.

Oh, totally. Yelling over each other is just a matter of whether you like that or not. I find it very entertaining. Yeah, that's my style. I think it's very charming. Okay. This one goes out to you fantasy football fans, but not just any of you.

I'm talking to the nerds. You know who you are. You who has this podcast on in the background is you sift through 30 tabs of research for your last-minute draft. Don't panic and reach on a QB again this year. The first Sunday of the NFL season is here, and Draft King's sports book

and official sports betting partner of the NFL is giving new customers a can't-miss offer to celebrate the return of football. Right now, new customers can bet just $5 and get $200 in free bets instantly. Basically, you can use your money to buy more money.

Buy money these days? That's great. Download the Draft King sports book app now and use promo code always to get $200 in free bets instantly when you place a $5 bet on any football game. That's code always.

Only a Draft King sports book and official sports betting partner of the NFL. That's always A-L-W-A-Y-S. Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details.

Today, we are brought to you by our friends at Manscape, the leader in Below the Waste Grooming. We all know that being shaved and smooth is vital to peak confidence. There's a certain confidence that comes with being properly groomed down in your Netherlands. It's an aura.

It's a, it's a vibe. It's science. BGE. Big groomed energy. So how does one acquire BGE? We've put our top minds on the case. And so far, we've only found one way to retain a constant state of BGE. The Manscape Platinum Package

4.0. It's a one-stop shop for men who deserve it all. They've designed this package to redesign your package. So you walk around like you're Pete Davidson. So go ahead and join the 4 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped. Get 20%

off and free shipping with the code Sunny at Manscape.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at Manscape.com. Use the code Sunny. Unlock your big groomed energy with Manscaped. And remember when you trim the hedges, the tree stands taller.

BGE. Fisher Stevens. Hi, are you Mr. Lyle Corman? Yes, can I help you? Hello, nice to meet you. We're here from Patty's house and we have come down to give you the opportunity. We've talked about Matt a little bit, but this is directed by Matt Shackman.

Matt Shackman is one of the biggest directors in Hollywood right now. We've talked about Matt a lot. Yes, but he signed on to do Fantastic Four. He might be directing the Fantastic Four movie, but I think he may have even dropped out of that to do a bigger movie. No, no, no. He dropped out of Star Trek.

He was signed on to do Star Trek and he had to drop out because it conflicted with Fantastic Four. Almost said Fabulous Four. The Fabulous Four would be. We should potentially do a movie called The Fabulous Four. By the way, Fisher Stevens

is not only a great actor, he's been around a long time, but a great producer as well, producing many great box features. He's on Succession. He's on Succession. I remember thinking it was a big deal that he wanted to do the show.

He certainly did an audition for it. We must have just reached out. No, I think Wendy came to us and said Fisher had come in for something else and that he mentioned that he was a fan of Sonny. Oh, was that what it was? Yeah. We liked him. We thought, yes, Sonny. I was psyched we got him.

He's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, buddy, we will jam your asshole up with Sonny lawyers. You won't know what to do with yourself. I'll have you know we have a team of lawyers on retainer just to deal with people like you. Really? Yeah. Well, check this out. You're all out of time, bitch.

Boom. You just got phased. This just in, Poopoo Pants. People don't read newspapers anymore. That was a flip. Pause. There you go. Okay. Poopoo Pants. This just in Poopoo Pants. This is the second time that we've talked on this podcast or seen

someone deal with the situation by spitting. Yes. We're just dealing with animals. People are animals. It is one of the ultimate signs of disrespect, isn't it, to spit in someone's food or their coffee or in their face or on their BMW.

And by the way, it's kind of crazy to think that people aren't animals. Yeah. Right, because they are. That's true. We're fighting it all the time. Right? When we don't spit, we're containing it. Yeah. We're keeping it. We should be lauded for not spitting more often.

In fact, very few animals spit. Camels, you know. Yeah, that's something nasty. Camels are fucking spitting, motherfucker. Fucking camels. I don't know anything about camels. Don't get me started on the camels. How do they get the water in that hump? You know what I mean? All right, let's go.

How do they get all that milk in there? It's like less than 20 seconds from you saying we're not white trash to breaking his clocks, spitting in his coffee cup. You timed it. That's the joke. Hey, you guys want to see something? What?

I did something. You know, reservoir dogs? Yeah. I'm sure people have noticed this before, but that curb is just so absurdly high. So high. Yeah. It's a wonder that they haven't...

Somebody hasn't sued the city over that. People have sued the city over way dumber shit. Than that, which is actually very dangerous. Yeah. You see us like Danny can... We need to get a step stool to get up on that, that fucking thing. Yeah, I know. Is the curb high?

Or is the street low? It's a good question because I think maybe it's a combo of both. It's a very strange... They figured it out on most streets though, you know what I mean? They figured out how to not have the curb be too high. I mean, that's ridiculous. I've never seen anything like that

anywhere else other than here. Well, that's part of the charm of the UD-8ness of this, isn't it? It is, isn't it? Yeah. Okay, I think we're on the same page. This is not a kidnap. No. No, okay, all right. We do need to keep him here for a couple of hours so he doesn't do anything rash. He's borrowing it.

Let's take a few precautions here. You know, why don't we shoot over to Corman's place and make sure that Charlie left without a trace? Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Fancy Pants writer man, I was thinking maybe you could write a new review, you know, and this time maybe out of few less lies. How can I write a new review

if I am taped to a chair? Come on, man. See, he's twisting everything I said around. He's making me look like an asshole. Look, nobody has to write anything against their will, okay? Thank you. I have to go to the bathroom. Huh? I have to pee. Okay, sidebar.

I don't really remember any of this episode yet. Little pieces, but I remember Friends of Corman, which is about to come up right here. Oh, when the neighbor comes in. I don't remember that. Friends of Corman. Yeah, that was funny.

That did not sound like Corman. Who are you, people? Friends with Corman. Yeah. Mr. Corman lives across the hall. Does he? Does he? Where is he?

I don't remember that at all. So you guys got the wrong apartment. Yeah, got the wrong apartment. Now there's two kids not partying. Well, we don't know that yet, but yeah. It's called Escalation. Yes, classic escalation.

Now back to the cooler conversation that we were having earlier. I feel like in your article, you missed an opportunity to mention my bouncing abilities. Now it's really more about smarts than anything else. For example, if there was an altercation in this bathroom, I would blast in looking to neutralize. Yeah? No, I would check out my environment

and I would look to see if there's anything that I could use to my advantage. Like this pool cue. Here we go. So earlier in the show, we have we put in the sound effect of my hand whipping through and that just happened naturally. And then here, I'm adding it.

You're doing it. I'm doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Always wait a minute. Hold on a second. Is that what I don't think I ever knew that. I always thought you were going because you were doing the you were doing like breaths. You were making the sound. The sound that the

Dude, I never knew that. I'm learning that right now. I always thought that was like it was like a like you were some kind of a breathing technique thing. No, and I was doing the sound effects for the Holy shit. Did you know that? Am I an idiot? No, I probably thought of it as like just like a

yeah, like a breathing thing. That's so interesting. Wow, I can't. That's, hey, listen, we're learning. You know, that's one of the beautiful things. You know, picture dogs to poop. Yeah. And I learned that. Oh, by the way, I did that this morning for the first time in a very long time. I did that this

morning and you know what to answer your earlier question about what kind of dog it was. It was like a I'd say around a 30 pound dog. It was white for some reason. It was definitely, you know, in that position. It just just a mutt, you know what I mean? But it was white. Good.

Like a white dog. Yeah. Good. Yeah. Because at the juxtaposition against the brown poop really helps to see it. I think that's right. That's why. Does this dog have a name? No, the dog doesn't have a name as far as I know. I mean, I'm sure he does. But is he in a field? Is it a she? He? What are we talking about?

It's not that specific of a conjuring. OK. OK. It's not that specific. It's just a medium sized white dog. That's right. Yes. And he's sort of floating in space in my mind. Sure. Sure. I mean, he's not. And it didn't work there. Well, you know, I think it was like one

of those things where like I just remembered our conversation about it. So then I just pictured it, but I don't know that I really needed it. I just kind of happened. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. Inspired in there. Yeah. And normally

that wouldn't happen unless I wanted it to. Because I could fire right in your chest. Because I got the skills to do that. Dude, there's like no tape anywhere. All I could scrounge up is a bandana. No, that's too small. Oh, I could wear it though. I should wear it. I know, but I found it sort of, sort of feel like I appreciate you looking for me

and finding it for me and doing the Charlie. It immediately becoming about who gets to wear it. That's not even why you brought it in there. That's very our show. Yeah, I brought it in to tie his hands up, but now we want who wants to wear it to look cool. Yeah. Now that you know that wearing it is an option. Yeah.

No, it's wrong. You got to be kidding me. Just please get me out of this bathroom before I bomb it. It is absolutely disgusting. Well, excuse me, Mr. Man. Again, the cat.

Kathy Bates and Missouri. Kathy Bates and Missouri. Mr. Man. In fact, it's so clean. I would say you could eat out of these urinals. You absolutely cannot eat out of these. Oh, really? What's this?

Charlie, don't. Wait. I remember what that was that he was eating. Rice cake. No. No, no. Do you remember? Hiccuma. Yes, Hiccuma. It was Hiccuma. Blue Hiccuma. Yeah, blue dyed Hiccuma.

Yeah. Because it had the texture and quality and the crunch. Nice. It was sitting in the urinal. It's a fake urinal. Nobody has ever peed in that. We don't know that for sure. We don't know that. We don't know where it was sourced.

It looks like a public park. It probably came from a public park. One of us is going to have to help his... Whoa, dude. I'm not touching his dick. Charlie, you're the one that used all the tape. Are I fine? Then compromise. We'll both do it. That way, it's equally weird for both of us.

No. Oh, no. No. No. He's grating this. Everyone's trumped us. Did he get a little bit hard on us? Can we not talk about... I just felt like he got a little bit... It was very weird.

Why did it move? We got a problem. Oh, man. What happened, dude? There was a slight mix-up with the apartments. This is Corman's neighbor, Mayhemar. What happened to doing this without a trace? It's a long story, but the punchline is that

he started asking questions. You asked a lot of questions. Let's just keep him in the trunk for now. I can't kidnap more people to cover up the original kidnap. I think it's a classic mistake. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know there was a handbook on kidnapping. We got to get him inside.

There's another bit of an issue, which is that I locked the keys in the trunk just now. Are you kidding me? I didn't want to bring that up. You guys deal with the situation out here. Let's go talk to Corman. He's writing that new review. I don't want to see that man right now. We don't want to deal with him anymore.

Something happened. Nothing happened. Guys, stop. You have to hike up your pants. Watch this. You have to hike up your jeans because you can't get a stretch. The jeans didn't have as much stretch back then.

They gave him a little tug. They made him harder. I also had to angle my knee inward in order to get up there. It's a high step. Do you guys remember jeans with no stretch? That. They were pretty loose, buddy.

Dammit, dude. People breaking the cars all the time. A piece of me wants to chop this whole guy in the trunk thing up to a loss right now. We can't do that. We got to get him out of the car. Why don't you just let me take the hammer and smash the window and we'll just pop the trunk? Charlie, if we were going to smash the window,

I would simply do it with a roundhouse kick. Come on, we're not going to break this window with a roundhouse kick. Let's get serious here. Charlie, I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life. Help! Please let me out of here! Oh, shit!

You know what? There was a float on the ground and I wasn't calibrating that great. Just mirror, bro. Take one karate class if you're so into karate. You know? You saying that almost makes me feel like maybe we did have earlier references to it.

I mean, I don't know. Or maybe it's just you're just referencing the number of times he's insisting on it in this. I think it's come up before him with karate. The first time he ever did that was in the dancing, right? Was that in the dancing episode? And he doesn't talk about

being a karate master or anything. That's true. I don't know. He's super into it in this episode. Did you guys have a Bible that you wrote for us and stuff or anything? Of course, extensive. Very Tolkien-esque. Like a whole family tree.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. About Mac being gay, but it wouldn't come out. We would reveal that much later. After we finish with It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, we're going to do a Game of Thrones thing. Go back to where Frank was a kid. There's a prequel and a pre-prequel.

Hey, man, do you see any hypodermic needles laying around? What the hell is that? Diabetic. Now a diabetic cat is in play? Jesus. We can't catch a break. Oh, Jesus Christ, Charlie. You broke the window? Dude, the guy's taking dump. What was I supposed to do?

Wait, he's all tied up. How did you... Let's not talk about how it happened, okay? Just happen. Give him his cat. Dude, your cat's freaking out. That's not my cat. Oh, my God. What the hell are you doing, Dave? What are you doing here?

Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? Jesus Christ. We'll look at the other room. Another cat actor. How is it to work with cats? This is the second one, I think, after Age of Jack Power. Cats are kind of a pain to work with.

Cats are a little tougher. Dogs, like, obeys rules better. Cats, like... They do it better, but let's be honest. I've met people who have trained their dogs just to be around the house, a thousand times better than any animal trainer we have ever worked with,

who can't ever get the dog to do anything. It's astounding to me. It's astounding to me. How little the people who are hired to train dogs for film and television seem to... I'm disparaging these people,

but get it together for Christ's sake. So... We need a dog trainer trainer. You need a dog trainer. I don't know, man. Sometimes you see those dogs, they ring a bell, if I open a door, read a book. Until you call action. Until you call action.

Then all of a sudden, they're the dumbest fucking dogs on the planet. They just want to treat. I did a thing with a bear once, with a bear where they just had a little orange wire. That was supposed to be an electric wire. So the bear won't go past this wire,

and you're like... Wait, what? I think the bear would go past too. It might be like, that fucking wire hurt, and now I'm really pissed. I'm just going to maul everybody. I don't know who's responsible for that wire, so I'm just going to maul everyone in sight. Okay, creeps and listeners,

it is your favorite time of the week. That's right, the ads. Oh, man, and this week, guess who we're brought to you by? Guess who? It's Shopify! It's Shopify, man. Shopify gives entrepreneurs resources once reserved for big businesses. So upstarts,

startups, and established businesses alike can sell everywhere, synchronize online and in-person sales, and effortlessly stay informed. Because success is a million milestones on a forever-evolving path. That's right, the American dream. Reaching that picture-perfect

zenith in life usually takes a considerable amount of effort in labor and gain. Well, that's where Shopify comes in. It's a business from first sale to full-scale. Now, that sounds like possibility to me. It sounds like success. So guys, go to Shopify.com

slash sunny all lowercase for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify's entire suite of features. Grow your business with Shopify today! Go to Shopify.com slash sunny right now. That's Shopify.com slash sunny.

If he had those slidey chairs that we have, he could have just... He could have just slid right... He could have just slid right... You're willing to not force you to write that review if you are willing to step up, do the right thing and not tell anybody that this happened. I don't care. Whatever it takes

I mean, out of this bar, away from you people. My man, that is the attitude we've been waiting for. That's right, man. Where's this guy at, man? Now, we won't charge you for the duct tape. That was a joke. I really don't like this guy. You're an idiot! Well, we'll see

who's the idiot when he wakes up tomorrow and doesn't remember a thing. I don't think that's how it works, Charlie. It's definitely not how it works, man. Well, we may as well embrace the amnesia angle because we have no other options at this point. Okay, I'll go get yesterday's newspaper. Okay, you guys ready? One, two, three.

Oh, yeah. We've already moved faster. That's pretty good. No? Yeah, yeah, it's okay. I love this episode. I enjoyed it very much. I'm going to say that out of the episodes

we've seen so far, how many have we done about 40 something? That's in my top 10. Really? I love that episode. I thought that was great. Was it because there was no Danny in it? Oh, I didn't even notice that. I will say that not having to facilitate

a fifth character. We did because we had Corman in there. But I will say that it does make it a little bit easier to tell more story. I missed Danny in it, but I feel like it's one of my favorites.

It's not one of my favorites, but I can't pinpoint why. Maybe you're missing Danny. Yeah, maybe that's it. Sometimes it feels just a little flat, but I don't know, it's not bad. I laughed a lot. That's the goal, right?

You make seven people laugh at it a lot. That's the goal. That's the goal. How are you feeling so far? Feeling about... About... About the rewatch. Are you enjoying this?

Generally speaking, are you looking back on the old episodes and thinking like, are you looking back on the old episodes like, what's your general... It seems like the consensus is we're enjoying it. I'm enjoying it.

Me too, absolutely. I'm very proud of the show and it's nice to go back and feel like the episodes, even the ones that you think we're misses, aren't as much of a miss as you felt like they were. I'm excited to get to the ones that I know for a fact that fans hate, that we love.

I think that'll be fun. Like Liberty Bell and Frank's brother. Here's a good question, because this whole episode is about criticism and stuff. Do you guys take any of that personally when people do rankings of the episodes or criticize the show

or any reviews coming out back then? Was this episode... Was the idea for this episode to go right at criticism in general? I don't take other people's... It's more my own criticism, right? If I feel like we're in the editing room and I feel like this one

missed the mark, I beat myself up, man. That hits the hardest. I want them to all be great. I'm sure you guys feel the same. Yeah, no, absolutely. We've touched on this a little bit, but I think

if the majority of people really dislike something, it definitely bothers me. I'm hoping that you guys are driven by it because this is actually one of the segments I'd like to add to the show, which is who are we doing it versus, which I thought might be good if every episode

we find somebody for you guys to do the podcast against. And for this episode, I thought we could do it against negative comments that we've received about the podcast, which I have in this coffee cup if you guys wanted to pull any out and read some negative criticisms. You want to just grab a handful of those?

Oh, no, you're going to take the whole thing. Pull them out randomly. Read some mean things that people have said about this podcast. Now, they have gone to our pages in order to say these things. To lodge these complaints. They want these.

Well, they're getting exactly what they want right now, which I have to say is one reason not to do this, but you know what? Also, fuck everybody. So it could be fun. Great to see the real tired and grumpy actors behind these attractive

and polished characters. Some of the whitest shit I'm going to see today. That's great. I mean, that's encouraged. That's about right. That's pretty white. It doesn't get much whiter. I think that was when we were doing this bit. That specifically

refers to that. Megan, this one's anti-you. Do you want to hear it? Yeah, great. Let's see. Please give Megan her own Always Sunny podcast so she isn't on this one. So they still want it to be a sunny podcast to be clear. Can you imagine me running my own sunny podcast

separately from you guys? I don't know. Maybe we should consider it. Wow, this podcast has gotten so lazy, so fast. They pretty quickly went all zoom even though they said they had a studio and now Glenn just doesn't seem to doesn't even

Glenn just doesn't even bother. Soon it will be. It will just be Megan talking by herself. Well, to be fair, there was a period in which we all had to go on zoom because we were all working. You didn't show up for like two or three episodes and then we were just carrying the weight.

Mac out here looking like a young Gilbert Godfrey. I think with the buzzed hair. With the what? I think with the buzzed hair. I see it. I see it a lot. I don't see that at all. She's right. It's the hair. It's the hair, but also the face.

A young Gilbert Godfrey. I am my young Gilbert Godfrey. Every young. I wonder why all three of their postures are overly feminine. Must be something that naturally happens after living in Hollywood after all those years. What the hell? What is a feminine posture?

I look at the two of you. Charlie, remove it all. The two of you. What are they? What? I have no idea. Seriously, what are they referring to? That's ridiculous. Shot. I don't understand it at all. This one makes no fucking sense.

I don't like condescending people two episodes in a row. I've had rudeness at the beginning of it feeling directed towards me. I'm not your mother. I know how to count, dude. I love the show lots, but having a woman belittle me at the beginning of it

is not a good feeling. I put a little message at the beginning of one of the podcasts saying, for the dance episode, you should watch this on YouTube because it's really visual. Then I did one to explain why we skipped Mac and Charlie Die Parts one and two

and people thought I was being condescending. No, no, no. You said something very funny. You said, if you want, this would be a more visual episode. If you listen or could turn into a creep for an episode, you should maybe watch it or don't. I don't care. I'm not your mom. If somebody doesn't get that joke,

they can fuck all the way off and stop watching altogether. Shut the fuck up and turn off your podcast machine. Yeah. Turn off everything. I love you, but I don't want to be called creeps. Can we not do that? It's a very sinister word

for people who adore you. Fuck off. Turn it off. Creep. Creepy thing to say. Creepy thing for that creep to say. What a creepy thing to put a creep in there and creep on you like that. Yeah. That leaves me to believe that you don't understand

what this show is. I think it's so funny that this person doesn't like having a woman belittle them, so they'd be fine if we belittled them. Yes. They'd love that. That's misogyny. Well, they might have had a really fucking shitty mom and it's just bringing it up.

Sure. This podcast makes me feel uncomfortable because at some point, I've seen all of their ankles. That's great. That's funny. I wonder if we should do a whole episode where that would really turn some people on too. That might actually spike in the...

Well, you know what, if Meg did one with no shoes on, that would spike the internet. You should literally put like hair on him so that I hop it feet. And this guy comes in and... Oh, you're taking all the photos. Yeah. This guy comes in to take photos.

Years ago, starting out, we did some play downtown and some guy comes in and he's talking to this actress and it wasn't Mary Elizabeth, but it was the other woman in the play and he said he was like with the LA Times. He was like, I'll take some pictures for the article

and he's like, you know what? Get comfortable. Kick your shoes off. And she's like, okay. And he's taking pictures. He starts taking pictures of her feet and she's like, what's this? She's like, no, I'm just... I'm getting her a variety of things.

And then someone like shushes him out of theaters like, yo, get out of here. And she's like, what an amazing... What a life, dude. What a life to just be like, all right, okay, here comes another show. Camera, where's my camera? Where's the film? Marty, where's the film?

He's got an assistant. He's got an accomplice. All right, all right. Do I look like a reporter? How do I look? All right, let's go. Go, go, go, go. But how nice to know your thing so clearly. This is what I'm going to do is my whole life's purpose, get pictures of actresses.

Yeah, and I would say there's enough pictures of people's feet, I'm sure, on the internet, but, you know, but this guy, that's not enough for him. He needs to be the one... No, it's a thrill of that. I've scammed you into exposing you for it. Yes, you've shown it to me. Because otherwise, just hanging out at the beach

with a really long lens camera and you're just... You know, you're just fucking scoring. All day, baby. Just fucking feeding everybody. No, you need to... You don't need a cover story or anything. You're making feet all over this beach. You see this shit? God, but I didn't talk him into it. Don't do nothing for me.

You know, I got to talk him into it. I need to manipulate him into it. We're going to shoe store, man. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, that's overloaded. I do, but you guys know I have freakishly long toes. So I think it's going to freak people out. Let's let the creeps... My middle toe is as long as my pinky finger. No way.

He's measuring. No, I promise you. Your nipples are the sizes of dimes and your middle toe is... I've got toes. This is not the handwork of the guys. I've got toes like fingers, man. It's fucking weird, yeah. How many knuckles can you open a jar of peanut butter with?

I can't, but they barely move. They're like... I don't know. They're like fucking paralyzed. But my feet, they don't... They don't... It's weird. Well, that brings us to our final segment, which is, did we do it? Which is where we discuss whether or not we did it. I think we did it. Yeah, we did it.

So good. I thought we came in hot and funny. We came in hot and funny. And we ended funny and... What more can you want? I can come in hot again. Guys, I want to France. Oh, okay. So hold on a second.

For those who aren't completely and totally up to speed on this, for the listeners and the creeps... We should pick it up next episode, because, buddy... It's a whole thing. In anticipation of this next episode, because I'm very much looking forward to this, Rob. There was a time where you came in hot about French people and how...

I don't know. Recognizing that it was ridiculous and unfair to take an entire country and whittle them down to a stereo type of course. You were being funny, but you were, you know, disparaging the French in some ways. And then you had a couple of encounters with some French people that made you go, you know what, that's just me disparaging an entire country.

That's bullshit. I just met a bunch of really great French people. And then you went to France, and I'll leave it at that. Okay, thank you. So we won't... So we're going to find out when he went to the country where these people are all over the place.

Well, it's their country. They're French. Final reviews of the table, too? Good? I'm sure because you changed things up and you're a woman and you made the decision people wanted. I could use a lumbar pillow.