The Always Sunny Podcast - Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

Rich guy moment of zen.

Okay, I think we're first sip of coffee today. Oh, nice. That's the best one. That's the best one. You never get that one again, you know what I mean? It's that first sip. All the endorphins. Now I would say, having known you for very long,

you don't slip as much as you slurp. There you go. Slurp? Glenn doesn't sip as much as you slurp. I do tend to slurp. You're a slurper? I admit that I am a slurper. You're totally right.

And it's so hypocritical too because I hate mouth noises so much. And I recognize that. You know what, a slurp isn't half as bad as a chew. Or a gulp. By the way, I agree. A gulp? A gulp can be.

Oh, like a louse. A super loud gulp. How about smacking after you eat? Where you're like, ah, like that sort of stuff. Yeah, that's bad for sure. It's not great. It's not a smack of satisfaction. Yeah, I don't want to hear your satisfaction.

Yeah, I don't want to know how satisfied you are. I didn't even find to hear someone like growl and eat something and be like, oh, that would have bothered you at all. What about a smack of disgust? They go, it's just, yeah, you're just like, don't shove your satisfaction in my face. I'm trying to enjoy my own meal now. Go ahead and suck it like the rest of us.

If you want to show me how upset you are with what you're eating, that's fine because I'm enjoying my food. And now I know in relation to you, I'm happier. A smack of disgust, you know? A smack of disgust. Like that doesn't bother you. What a smack of joy is. It's upsetting.

It's really that you don't want other people to be happy. That's what we're getting. Is that what we have? Oh, I mean, you can break it down to all sorts of things. Well, I actually did go to a hypnotherapist about this at one point. And he actually, this, oh, no, actually, no, I went to a hypnotherapist and a regular therapist. The regular, it was just about, you know, all kinds of things.

But the hypnotherapist specifically, I went to, you know, to deal with the whole like, is there a way that, because this guy had it was like, it was actually Jimmy's guy, Jimmy, this guy, Jimmy, stop smoking. That was a gulp. Did anybody, we capture that. Oh, I go, I have a, I have a loud door noise. That was a gulp. I think it bothers me.

Interesting. Now, it didn't bother me. I wouldn't have thought about it except that you just talked about it the whole time. I'll have to cut all the gulping. We'll just go away from the mic. I have to, I have to think that we caught that. Sorry.

I don't know. Anyway, you caught it. So anyway, I went to this guy and, you know, he had a pretty good reputation and I was like, look, this is my situation. Can you help me with that? I just, it really bugs me when people smack their gum, when people, when I can hear people chewing their food,

especially when they're smacking. He said, yeah, I can help you with that. You know, he hypnotized me. Nothing happened. I mean, as far as I could tell, I was like, you know, he just like, you're an elevator and you're going to start, I'm going to start counting down from this. And I was like, oh, this is interesting because I don't

see how this would do anything. And then he said, It was on the ball of cereals. Well, wait a minute. Actually. I'm really sleepy. You're so sleepy. Okay. You're joking?

But that's exactly what he did. I am not kidding you. As he was putting me under, he had a glass of water and he would go and he would be like, and we're going down from where on floor 50, 49. And you're on 48. Wow. 47.

Was it intentional or was it? I think it was intentional. And you paid him for this. But maybe he programmed slurping into your brain and that's why you slurp. No, I think I've been slurping for years. I think I've been slurping for a long time. That's what he has programmed your brain to believe.

I remember it was also, it was like a blue plastic cup. I don't know why I remember that. Was he even there? Did he even exist? I don't know. But it was, it was crazy. And I remember thinking like, well, this is just really fucking irritating.

And I don't feel hypnotized in the slightest bit. You were irritated. I was irritated. Guys, I'm coming in hot today. Oh, Glenn coming in hot. And it's not about slurping and mouth noises. Okay. I had a crazy, crazy day.

A night and day, Friday night and Saturday. The kind of thing that sent me into a rage. You. Because it was, You were in a rage. I was in a rage. But then something happened at a certain point where I just surrendered to the situation.

And then all sorts of life lessons crept in over the course of the time that I was going through this ordeal. Okay. So here's what happened. So earlier in the day on Friday, my key fob on my car. So I drive a Tesla.

I drive a Tesla Model X. Okay. The key fob stopped working on my car. Okay. That's okay. You can use the app on your phone to drive your car. Okay. So I was like, okay, that's a good failsafe. That works.

So I'm driving around. It's all good. I go to pick up my buddy Nick Wexler because we're going to a screening at the DGA of a friend's new show that he's made. So we go to the DGA. I park. The DGA is the director's guild.

Yes. I'm sorry. Yeah. The director's guild of America. Yeah. Yeah. I park in the bottom floor of the parking garage. You can probably already see where I'm going with this.

Now, in order for the app on the phone to work, you need to have internet connection on your phone and the car. The phone does not speak directly to the car. Now, I can Bluetooth music from the phone to the car, but I can't control the car through the Bluetooth. Yeah. So we get down to the car and my key fob is not working

and I can't connect to the internet and suddenly I'm like, OK, there's got to be a solution to this, but this is wild. I can't. I don't know what I'm supposed to do here. And I was like, maybe I just need to go get a new battery for the key fob. So I went to get a new battery.

So we walk over to the right. I'd get a new battery for the key fob, but I was like, but there's supposed to be an indicator that says you've got low battery. So anyway, put a new battery in. It still didn't work. Couldn't figure out how to get my car out of there. It was like, I guess I'll just Uber home.

So I just Ubered home, left the car there, told security. I was like, I put a note on my car. Please don't tell my car. I go back to DGA that morning as early as possible. The second I arrive, everything, the whole building is taped off as if there was a bomb threat or something. And I'm like, this is crazy. Like every step of the way throughout this whole story,

every single thing that could go wrong went wrong. Nobody would tell me what was going on. Finally, I got the supervisor's attention. He got the security guard. I was able to go in. Turns out they were just doing construction on the roof. OK, all good. I figured out a way the night before that there is a way you can get in the car

without the battery on the key fob working using the chip. You can put it on a certain place in the car and the door will open. Then once you get inside, you can put it on a certain place inside and the car will start. It's like, oh, that's a good failsafe. So if your fob's not working and you don't have access to the internet, there is a way to open the car and to start it. Because I couldn't even open the car the night before.

So I did the thing. Car door opened. I'm like, yes. OK, sweet. Put the thing where it's supposed to go to start the car, wouldn't start. Moving around, tried this for about 20 minutes. Wouldn't start. I was like, this is unbelievable.

So I was like, OK, fine. Take us there, though. Take us there at that moment. When you did that. Can you reenact that moment? I just want to see. I want to feel it. Because you screamed.

I screamed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can imagine this moment when the key fob got to the moment and you looked and it didn't start. Can you take us there? Was your car also the only one now in the parking lot? Yeah, so he's alone. It was a Saturday.

It was a Saturday. So the whole parking garage was completely empty. Also, by the way, I can't be on the phone with Tesla troubleshooting because I don't have reception in the garage. You sure? Yeah. OK, we'll get to that. Do you remember what you screamed?

Was it, was it? Fuck. Just fuck. Yeah, that's what it all was. Just a big like, fuck. Like, just like. And then once I got that out, I was like, OK. So then I'm trying all these different spots to try to get it to work.

Can't get it to work. This is unfucking believable. So I was like, all right, I'm just going to put the car in tow mode. And no, I'm just going to go call AAA and now that I know I can get in the car, I know I can put it in tow mode. So I go call AAA, call AAA. They're like, what's the, what is the clearance of the parking garage? And I was like, I don't know.

And I asked the security guard, he's like six and a half feet. And he was like, ooh, that's, that's really low. We only have a few trucks that can do that. Let me see what we can do. Right. So they did actually find one that was low enough that they could dispatch out and get out there. So I go down to the garage to put the car in tow mode. The car won't go in tow mode.

The screen works. Everything works. I'm doing everything right. The car's in park. It says your car has to be in park. You got to have your foot on the brake for the car to go in tow mode. But it's grayed out. No matter what I do, it's grayed out.

I can't. I don't want to derail the story, but like. No, please do. Fucking keys, man. Like keys. What was wrong with the keys? It was a great system. You put it in a thing and you turn it and then the car went.

My wife's got a key fob, right? She operates everything with the key fob, but if everything, if all else fails, there's a little key that slides out of the fob that you can use to open the door. There you go. And you can pull off the start, stop button. Sure. And there's a key thing behind it. I one time put the TV on my house on like an app on my phone and then, you know, like

the Wi-Fi would go off on your phone and then you couldn't control the TV and it was just a fiasco, right? And then I had the guy come to the house to be like, Hey, can we get this off the phone? And I just want to go back to a remote. I can hold my hand and guys like, sure. He's like, you know, if you want, I could actually put all the lights on your house, on an app, on your phone. And I was like, he's like, for $9 million or whatever.

Yeah. I'm like, first of all, man, that would be my version of a nightmare. I love that. There's a switch on the wall. I push it down. The light goes on. I push it down. The light goes off.

It was a little dimmer. And as fancy as I want to get with the light switch. You're 100% right, by the way, because I didn't do that in my house and I wish I did. Yeah. There's certain things that we just don't need to improve upon. Yeah. Lightswitches, keys. Well, those are time tested.

Thousands of years, those have worked. That's right. That's right. Yeah. No, sometimes analog really is better. So listener and creep, you don't want to be rich. You don't want to be rich. It's not that great as we can see.

That's exactly right. It's better to just have your Ford Taurus with the, you know, don't worry about what glass. Even though it doesn't matter. The cheapest economy car they're probably making still probably doesn't have a key and a turn to everything. It's like a button. Yeah. But most cars have a backup key in the fob or whatever.

Like there's some, and their backup system is it just reads the chip. Well, what happens when the fob malfunctions? Because when I tell you everything went wrong, I mean everything went wrong. I got a new battery for the fob and it didn't work. Then I discovered it's not really the battery. There's something wrong. Like the fob's not talking to the car. So now there's literally no way for me to get my car out of there.

So I'm like, I got to tell it. The car won't go in tow mode. I'm going to ruin the car. At one point, did you like, I'm realizing I have my key, my fob here. At one point, did you hold, were you screaming at the fob? No, no, I didn't scream at the fob. Are you sure? Because I think I would.

Rob, if we were writing this for Dennis, the, the ramps would be really great. It would be probably insufferable. Hold on. Let's do that. Let's not even talk about it. Let's do an episode where Dennis gets a new car. Yes. An electric car.

We're doing this. Okay. I think this, this being like the totem for the car and, and having a relationship with this is really. There's a whole episode with just me stuck in a parking lot. Yelling at a key fob. You were just screaming insufferable and trying to say technology, but not being able to get through the word technology back to insufferable, like insufferable, insufferable.

That would be a good Dennis. This would be something that you write because this is your specialty. Insufferable. Yeah. Well, I mean, that is what happened. I mean, technology completely and totally failed me. And then, and then Tesla roadside failed me and then Tesla vehicle support failed me. I was on the phone with these people from 930 in the morning until six o'clock at night.

What? Trying to figure this out. I probably spoke to 12 people over at Tesla. Everybody from roadside would then be like, well, we can't, and then they would send me to vehicle support, then they would send me to roadside and I would go back and forth and back and forth. They can just send you a guy with a charged up fob to? Nope.

That's not a thing. Oh man. That's what I said. That's what I said to, by the way, I also had a very difficult time getting through to any of these people. So finally I called sales and I was like, this motherfucker. I hear you, but you are not getting through to me. Right, right, right.

But I was like, you know, you know who is going to pick up the phone? Someone in sales. And I was exactly right. That's exactly what happened. Within two minutes I was on the phone with somebody from sales lacing into this guy. And I was like, you guys lost a customer today. I've been, I've been a Tesla customer for 10 years. You lost a customer today.

This is fucked up. And I was like, I don't mean to berate you. I know it's not your fault, but you guys have got to fix this because this is crazy. I can't get my car out of a parking garage. You know, and, and, and the technicians that I was speaking to on the phone, we would get, I would get through the whole explanation. They would ask, they would trouble shoot with me. I'd be like, try it, try it, try it, try it.

They'd get to the end of the call and they'd go, well, I guess there's nothing we can do. And I'd be like, what do you mean there's nothing you can do? Sir, you chose to park your car in a garage. I'll say, I caught you at a moment of zen though, because I spoke to you midday, Saturday. Yeah. I got to a real happy place and I'm not even kidding. Yeah. I got to an amazing, amazing place.

I really did. He was telling me the story. He was laughing as he was telling the story. And this was, by the way, probably five hours in. My car had been stuck there since the night before. What time did we talk around? Midday. Maybe like one o'clock in the afternoon, something like that.

Right. So I'd been, I'd been at the, I'd been at the, in this building, like basically I'm friends with everybody in security, all the construction guys outside everybody's mind. They're all laughing at you. They're with all their buds of mind. Well, you know, it's fucking thick ass. No, no, no, no. Actually one of the guys, his name is Eddie.

I remember him. He was one of the construction guys and he had a Model 3. So he had a Tesla and he was like, let me help you figure this out. By the way, this is, this is, this is one of the things that got me to a very zen place. Technology completely failed me. Okay. But humanity completely saved me to a person, almost every single person that I encountered. I wasn't even asking for their help.

I was just asking for their patience. I was like, I've got to get this car out. I know that it's in a tow away spot, whatever, like just everybody was so nice, so helpful, so kind, so accommodating. It was, I didn't know people were still like that. What's the resolution? As far as we know, the car's still there. I abandoned it again.

I went home again. Now, this, this car is like completely across town from where I live, right? So that's the other thing too is I'd call people from Tesla from my house and they'd be like, are you with the car now? And I'd be like, nope. Well, it's going to be hard to troubleshoot with you, with you not near the car. And I'm like, I'm going to kill somebody. I got to kill someone.

It's not you because I don't know how to get to you. Someone's going to die today if you can't help me fall. Figure this out. So humanity is beautiful, but you also want to kind of snuff it out. Snuff a little bit of it out. Finally, I spoke to a woman who said, I do know a tow truck company that has a tow truck that's low enough to get in that garage and he can jack it up, put it on, put your wheels onto wheels, not on a flatbed, but there's this, this is like bar that they put under it.

So your wheels are actually sitting on the bar and now there's wheels. And that is eventually what happened at 9.30 at night. I'd been there from 9.30 in the morning, basically till 9.30 at night with a little break in between where I went home. I didn't eat a meal the entire fucking day, by the way. I was, yeah. You were fasting. I was fasting.

You may be Siddhartha. You may be the Buddha. You may have just gone through transformation. Siddhartha Gautama. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. It was enlightening.

And yeah, eventually I did get the car towed out of there, was able to use the app. The fob still doesn't work. I told my son yesterday, we were driving around. I was like, please don't let me park in a parking garage because that is absolutely something I would do. Oh no. Absolutely. Without a doubt, 100% I am the type of person that would completely forget.

Like the second that all was behind me, I was like, I was like, oh my God, I'm so grateful that I could absolutely see myself going underground in a parking garage and being like, oh my God. Well, that should be an option. Yeah. Parking in a parking garage should be an option. I got to get the fob fixed. We're all vehicles. I got to get the fob fixed.

Yeah, I got to get the fob fixed. Anyway, so that's me coming in hot, but also me coming in enlightened. Me coming in with a certain feeling of surrender. Yeah. Rich guy moment of Zen. Yeah. You know, listen, I'm just going to go ahead and move past the fact that I'm not allowed to complain about everything.

No, of course that's right. You live your life. You got to be able to. You just got to be able to. You got to be able to gripe if you can't complain about your Tesla boy. Well, that's the thing. Well, by the way. We can complain about our television show, which is what this whole podcast.

Can I just, and we will get back to that, but I will say that was the other moment of surrender that was not just faith and humanity restored, but it was also realizing. And this was actually the first moment that I had was I was like, I am so fortunate as a human being and I'm so grateful for the wonderful friends and family that I have and the resources that I have, the fact that I get to work in a profession that I love. I'm extraordinarily fortunate and that. But I think that's what makes your rant or a situation where you get into basically this whole story.

I think it what makes it fun and funny to us, certainly to me is that I know you have that perspective. So I know that because otherwise you just be. I have that gear. That's that's actually you have that gear. Sure. But you also have the perspective like it basically what you what you just said, you have gratitude and understanding of like how ridiculous it might be.

So yeah. And if you didn't, then you just be like a miserable cunt, but you're not. And so. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So so but so when you find yourself in cunty in a in a in a cunty mood, it's really funny. Yeah.

Oh, I see. That's your it's you're saying, yeah, it's it's it's funny because because it's not ultimately who I am. Because you have enough awareness about it. Yeah. Yeah. And then you have the self loathing and guilt that comes that's associated with feeling those things.

Yeah. Because you recognize all the things that I wish I just wish I do wish I could be calmer even in the like, I wish I never even had to. I'd love to get to a place where I didn't even have to scream and get angry, but just be like, just immediately be able to surrender and just be like, OK, there's a fix to this and this might take some time. And we're just going to we're going to figure it out, but there's nothing I could do. I am not in control.

Life is good. But that is what enlightenment is. That is literally that ain't funny. That is funny. The booty ain't funny. He's jolly. He's kind of funny. He's funny looking.

He's fat. He's fat. Yeah. He's jolly looking. But he likes that. He's complex and right. He's not doing a set up at the store on Saturday night. That would be funny.

I would love to see like a hard core enlightened Buddhist set at the comedy store. Yeah. You know what I mean? What would that be? What would that be? That's a good bit to try. And somebody needs to do that sketch. I'm not a sketch writer, but I'd like to see that light and Buddha stand up set.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. How do you how can you? I don't know enough about Buddhism to subvert things and, you know, like I know very little. I know. I don't know. Like you guys know suffering, you know?

You guys know suffering. You know, everyone suffers. Right? You guys suffer. Fine thing. Right? So I'm suffering the other day and I realize, you know, I'm saying to myself, wait a second. If I just don't fight it, is that enlightened?

And that would be like his catchphrase. Oh, that's his catchphrase. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's got the catchphrase of, you know, if you're, if you're of Tesla won't start in a parking garage and you don't get angry, you might be a Buddhist. Sure. He's got a Jeff Fox.

He's got a Jeff Fox. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're now going to take a moment out of this podcast to talk about some real ship. Oh, ship with a P. Yeah. Of course we're talking about ship station, which integrates with every online platform to manage all your shipping from one simple dashboard.

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had that? Because that's good ship. So ship more and grow more with Ship Station. Go to ShipStation.com today and sign up with promo code SUNNY for a free 60-day trial. Rob's right. Start today and get set up before the biggest shipping season of the year. That's two months free. Are you hearing me? Two months for free. Visit ShipStation.com. That's ship with a P. ShipStation.com. Click the microphone at the top and type in code SUNNY. So whether you're starting small or you're scaling up, ShipStation makes ship happen.

Yeah. Don't go to ShipStation.com. That's a whole other thing. I've been there and it's... That's a whole other thing. You don't want to see what's on there. My dudes, I was wondering, how do you feel about sitting in silence? Not good, man. It's uncomfortable.

Not good. It's uncomfortable. I don't think anybody really truly likes sitting in silence, Rob. Sure. But do you know what else no one wants? What's that? To hear what the stranger next to them is listening to because they're playing something out loud like a jabroni and aren't using earbuds. Oh my God, no. No, that's unacceptable. No, it is.

I don't know. Or what about listening to the YouTube videos your kids are listening to in the backseat? That's the worst. Yeah. You don't want that. All of this pain and frustration could be avoided if everyone would just grab themselves a pair of Raycons to listen to their favorite album or go to podcasts, which better be ours. Dude, totally.

Absolutely. Raycons, everyday earbuds look, feel, and sound better than ever. And they're half the price of the other premium audio brands. I love mine. They're awesome. That's a good thing. So you know what else I appreciate about them? The gel tips, you know what I mean? They're very comfortable. They're comfortable. They

don't budge. So you feel like you can go on a run. That's the thing. I want to be able to run around, jump up and down, hit a golf ball. I don't want my earbuds falling out. And with the Raycons on, that's not going to happen. And depending on what you're up to, you can switch between noise isolation and awareness mode. So you have both total quiet or you can hear the music, but you can also hear what's going

on around you. So that's what I'm talking about. I like to keep one ear open just in case Rob Justice needs to step into the situation. What have you been listening to on your Raycons lately? Podcasts. I listen to books on tape myself. Well, they call it books on tape. There's no more tape.

Music. I like music. I like music a lot. What kind of music you listen to these days? Oh, man. I've been listening to a lot of like Bernard Herrmann scores. So he like scored like Vertigo and all these Hitchcock movies, Taxi Driver and like school on.

Oh, man, that guy's. I like the Raycons. Oh, like you're in the movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways. All right, Creeps.

Go to buyraycon.com slash sunny and use the code sunny today to get 15% off your Raycon order. That's code sunny at buyraycon.com slash sunny to score 15% off. That's right. Buy Raycon. That's spelled R-A-Y-C-O-N dot com slash sunny code sunny. I'm not always a great storyteller. I will fully admit because I get bogged down in the details.

Only because you didn't have a great story. Even when I do, though, that story was my Tesla was in a parking garage. I couldn't start it. And it pissed me off. Yeah. Yeah. Which ultimately isn't as good as like a French lady, you know. Well, that's...

Or some guy at the hamburger store. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Him deciding whether to get his double bats out. I know. It's a better story. 100%.

No, 100%. You're right. And I debated not even telling the story because I was like, I don't know this. But then I was like, you know what? I'll just do it. And if it's not good, we'll just cut that down. I was like, oh, it is a good story. Sweet D has a heart attack.

It is. Yes. It is a great story. That is a good story. All right. So we did the Who's More Healthier thing in honor of this episode, but we still have not talked about the actual episode, which I feel like I've heard multiple people say this is one that they point to when they try to get their friends into the show.

Like, I feel like this is one of those ones that people... It's classic. Yeah. Kind of go back to. It's interesting because Danny's story is so weird in this one. Like... Danny's story is a weird, like, direct, let's do One Flew of the Cuckoo's Nest and put him in like a literal One Flew of the Cuckoo's Nest situation.

Even had the actor write that's the son of the... Yes. Yeah. Chief. Tim Sampson. Tim Sampson. Well, Tim Sampson was the guy in Cuckoo's Nest. No, Will Sampson was the one in Cuckoo's Nest.

Will Sampson played Chief in Cuckoo's Nest, and we had his son. Yeah. We had his son, Tim Sampson, play the Chief in our episode of Sweet D. He has a heart attack. One was an Oscar-winning film, and the other one was an episode of... Half an episode. Emmy-nominated. An Emmy-nominated half-hour sequel.

Wow, it's a half-hour sitcom of an Emmy-nominated television show. Yeah. Oh, for Stunt Coordination? Shout-out to Smart Skis Egg. Well, I mean... In Stunts. He threw that thing through the window, and that's a stunt. Yeah.

So... And then Danny climbed the fence at the end of the thing, and he really was just kind of climbing and stuck, and we just rolled credits over, and it was really kind of fun. It was great. Yeah, we were like... And I think we knew we might roll credits over it, so we were like, just keep going. Just go as far as you can go, and we'll just keep rolling on it, and sure enough, yeah. Well...

And we played... Was that the song from... It sure sounds like it. I think that's from Cuckoo's Nest. I think we actually got... It is, right? It is, right? Yeah.

Because they're playing a saw. That's a saw. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Which, you know, people don't know. You can bend a saw like a... Right.

And take a violin bow, and... How do you know that that's what that is? You can just tell by the sound? It's just such a specific noise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm just picking that up at the time, too. That sounds like a theremin.

Yeah, it's a weird... Those are also fucking cool. I'd love to have a theremin. I see people playing the theremin. I'm like, ah, I want to do that. A theremin is an amazing thing where it's like an electric wave, and you just move your hand through the wave, and it changes the tone of the pitch of the wave. How much is a theremin?

I'm going to get one. Let's get one for the... You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. I can play the doorbell. Do we get, let's get a theremin.

And let's just, just, just play with it because I think people think theremin's are cool. I'll get a theremin. Can we get a kick of song? Let's get a song. Let's get a song and a bow and see if any of us can make a noise on it. This, this episode has the most popular meme from our television show. So funny, so good. Also great directing by Matt Shackman too.

I remember they built those shafts for the letters to drop down. And we had someone just offset dumping letters constantly. And it really like adds the tension and the flow of it. Was that his idea? Oh yeah. To have just- Matt Shackman, yeah.

That was Shackman's idea. He was coming down all the time, yeah. Yeah, and then the, you know, Rob Rosell's monologue that he wrote is amazing. Take a look at this. Jesus Christ, Charlie. That right there is the mail. Now let's talk about the mail.

Can we talk about the mail, please, Matt? I'm dying to talk about the mail for you all day, okay? A lot of people ask me if Pepe Silvia was supposed to be Pennsylvania, which I don't believe it was. I don't, no, we should ask Rosell. I mean, we're gonna get him on the show. And by the way, it also wasn't supposed to be Pepe Silvia.

Do you remember that? Oh, was it Silvia or something? It was Pepe Silvia. It was Pepe Silvia, yes. And Charlie, you just kept saying Pepe Silvia. Yeah. And so they changed it. But they had to change the stuff on the set.

Yeah, and I remember Charlie just going, just make it Silvia, because that's what I keep saying. And so they changed it up on the set. Oh my God, that's right. It was Pepe Silvia. It was, yeah. But Silvia just kind of rolled off the tongue better.

But no, it's not a reference to Pennsylvania, but I like that theory. I do like that. So it was very scripted then, that monologue. Was it? Yeah, I mean, I was probably adding some flourishes, but only because of the speed at which we move it. Sometimes it's hard to memorize something that big

because we're just shooting to all pages a day and producing and all that stuff. So I probably was like, I don't know. I think I remember I had enough time to just really work that. You did. So I had it down cold. Yeah, you had it memorized.

I mean, I remember that. You know what's really weird is that, obviously the meme of me smoking and pointing at the board with Pepe Silvia and all the strings, is used all the time for someone who's crazy. Losing their mind. But we didn't invent the string board thing. That had been around in tons of movies and things.

Now, do they really do that at the FBI and over at the police station? Are they doing that? Do they do that? Or is that a TV? They probably replace it with technology now. And there's probably some guy, it's like, I can't get it in my murder investigation.

I can't get the string. Where, what was wrong with the string? We can't even do that. The string work fine. Yeah, there are murders. He is like wandering the streets now because we can't use the string. Because I can't get the string after it.

I can't get the string app. Because it works. The CSI app. I've got the CSI app and it's supposed to have all the... There's no Wi-Fi in this parking garage and this is where the murder took place. And I can't get the string to go to the string. Yeah.

Well, somebody go to the yarn store and just get some yarn. I'm like, well, let me sort this app out. Because all we need is... No, this is easier. This is easier. I'm telling you, this is easier. Do you feel like it would've been fun

to have been a detective? Yes. Oh, yeah. No. Most people have fantasized about like, oh, it'd be really fun to self-crash. Absolutely. I'm not fun.

Well, I've talked... It's grizzly. And it's not like... The detectives that I talked to once specifically, who was the father of a friend of mine in high school, he said, I was like, wow, it's fascinating to be a detective. He's like, it's the husband, the ex-husband,

the brother, the boyfriend. Until it isn't. And then you're all in it. Those are the people that are committing almost all of the crime. Yeah. Sorry, sorry. So husband...

Husband, ex-husband, boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, sometimes brother. I ask you, Charlie, if you think you can remember any of the speech, that classic speech, do you think you still haven't memorized what could you do to stop that? Let's talk about the mail.

You want to talk about the mail? I'm dying to talk about the mail. That's the top, but... This name keeps coming up. Pepe Silvia, Pepe Silvia. I got boxes full of Pepe. I got boxes full of Pepe. Yeah, I remember that.

That's why I marched down the office. And then Carol and HR. Yeah, I mean... And Carol! And Carol! And Carol! There is no Carol and HR. That's a good one.

Yeah, it really is, man. And then culminating in the whole Barney thing is just terrific, man. I don't know who that actor was that we got to play Barney, but he just had a presence and it worked. Yeah, he did it great. But then your storyline's amazing, too.

The whole thing where you go in to work out and then you're arguing with the guy, you go out to your car, the audience doesn't know what's going on, you grab something, you come back in and you put Steve Wynwood in his CD player. Spin class, come on,

a bunch of hamsters on a wheel. I'm gonna ride a bike hard, I'm gonna ride a bike fast, and oh yeah, I'm not gonna go anywhere. Yeah, and then when I walk out, I'm gonna put a bunch of metal onto a metal bar and lift that metal over and over, like a metal jerk. I know, I gotta be honest with you,

I feel like these supplements are doing a great job on their own. You know what I mean? I've got tons of energy, my heart rates up, things are going great. Absolutely, I feel good, too. Look how vascular I am, look at how my veins are popping. Holy shit.

Yeah, I look good and I feel good. I feel good, too, apart from the recent bouts of explosive diarrhea. Oh, you've been having diarrhea. Oh, God, all over the place. Really? You know what that is? I feel your body flushing out all the toxins, I do think so.

I, on the other hand, have not taken a shit in days. Days? Days. I don't sound good. No, it's good. My body's working at 100% efficiency, yeah. My body is absorbing every single nutrient, and it's not wasting a single thing.

That guy who plays the spin instructor nailed it. Yeah, he was hilarious. But he was great. Oh yeah, I have his name too. Oh, you do? Yeah, let's call him out, he's great. Danso Gordon, please. Danso Gordon.

He killed it. Yeah, he was so, yeah. And then when you come back in, that's a gift for you, bumblebee, right? Yeah, that's what you say. Now that was not scripted. That was on the day. On the day he was dressed like a bumblebee.

Yeah, so he called it out. And I don't even know that Coach Dickensballs was. Coach Dickensballs wasn't in the script either. No, that was okay. You and, I will say, when Dennis and Dee team up, I love those storylines. When you guys just get on the same page about something and you're in total agreement,

it's just really fun to watch. There's a lot of good where the camera is aiding the joke as well, that's a great one. Because it's a winner. Yeah, it's a winner. You don't know what's going to happen. The other one where we just put the mirror down and then reveal that you've got the collagen in your eye

and your eyes all swollen. It's all true being. Yeah. It's just a good, like. She does a good. Technical build. Like if you know it, it's two. How would you kill for your bowel movements?

Yeah, that's in that scene too. Yeah, no, but I do think like the, my favorite storyline in the whole thing is the two of you guys. You know, I mean, this is the scene of, you know, you going into the office and day bowel, like the whole bringing up of day bowel, like which if you didn't grow up watching those 80s movies,

it was in multiple. It was in multiple. It was in Ferris Bueller. Ferris Bueller and Secret of My Success with the two people. And Secret of My Success, right, right, right. Those are the two that I remember. We made three movie references in this episode.

Three. Okay, which yeah. Yeah, right. One floor over the poofy's nest. Secret of My Success. Secret of My Success and. And. That's a third one.

A big one. We just talked about it. Beautiful mind? Yeah, that we, yeah, you reveal, beautiful mind had come out around that time. And the idea that he was seeing this like, person that didn't exist. Yeah, movie, I don't think I finished that movie.

I think I watched like an hour of it and I was like, yeah, he's smart. What are you crazy? I get it. We won't talk about it too much, but also that, because we're gonna have Michael not none as a guest, but the scene where he interviews Mac and Charlie

for the job is. Okay, so that scene was very, very short on the page. Yeah, when you watch it, because we've seen the outtakes of it so many times and the outtakes are so fun. And then you see the actual scene yourself and it's like. It's a blind. Yeah, and I remember it being so much longer.

There's been a few moments doing these rewatches where, yeah, either the outtakes or our cut scene were actually funnier than what is in the show. But sometimes you can't like, you know, even though the outtakes are funny, you can't really be in that scene. You have to stop down the whole episode to do a bit that really doesn't push the story forward at all.

Like it doesn't progress the story in any way. It doesn't get you. You're not supposed to be coming out of there hot because this guy was giving you a hard time. Like nothing, it didn't. So you just have, when things like that. The whole thing is that we'll do one job for half the pay. And so that's why he.

Yeah. You don't even have to pay us. And then he's like, well, legally I have to pay you. I'm into my wage. That's a government salary. Yeah, a government salary. I just remember being so tickled by Michael Norton sitting behind the cameras and just watching the whole thing

and just watching this guy. It's always such a pleasure when you work with somebody who you feel like just gets it. Like just gets what it is that not even to say that other people who don't get it aren't funny, but people who get, what I mean is like people who get what it is that we're doing. And he just got it.

He just got it right away, played it totally real. Yet everything that came out of his mouth was funny. His timing was good. Did we ever justify, so much so that we brought him back multiple, yeah, did we ever suggest that he, those are the same people? We know. I don't think so.

The waiter, no. No, but we did talk about it and our justification was there's no reason why this guy couldn't have been working in this office and then lost that job and had to go back to his waiting gig. And then we did establish that he, I think he was trying to be some other things. It might be amazing to have Michael Norton back,

but not as the waiter character, as the character who worked in HR, who hired us. As a different person. As a different person. And it turns out that they're just different people. Maybe they're twins or maybe they're just different. We'll have him play two characters, you know.

And then like, neither of them can see the similarity. They don't see it at all. I think you guys recognize that twin. Yeah. He never recognized the waiter, but he's not the guy you're thinking of. That's really funny. That's really funny.

Charlie and I run into that guy and we're like, oh, hey man, you hired us at the... We worked in the mail room. He's like, oh, right, the twofer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And the waiter's there like, what? And you are...

And... You a twin? And you would be... That's another thing I'd forgotten about in that episode is that we'd been fired. But we're still there, you know. Yeah, right, you established like, oh no, we were fired.

We've already been fired. We've already been fired. Halfway to Siberia. That's what you say about the pig slips, yeah. Also like a continued like bad advice, like you need to calm down, have a cigarette and a cup of coffee. You need to calm down.

Drink more coffee. Yeah, drink more. I've been drinking coffee. I also love when you are delivering the mail in that scene and you're making up those little rhymes for everybody. And you're like... Mr. White, his wife is not very bright. His wife is not.

I think you improved that too. I did improve that. Yeah, I don't think any of that was in the script either. Yeah, that's always fun. Oh, that's you on the other end of the phone, Carl. Yeah, when you slip into the office and you're in Johnson's office. So clearly, yeah.

Yeah, that, yeah. This is Johnson. Oh, sir. Yeah. Who are you and why are you in my office? Who's this? This is Johnson. Oh, I thought you were in Orlando.

I am in Orlando. I'm trying to check my voicemail. A very funny from Rob, like hanging up of the phone very slowly. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's amazing. Were you, were you, did you do like a... When we established earlier in the episode,

we were like, uh, well, dude, I could, uh, uh, uh, uh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was at the end. Yeah. I think it was just in Rob. That was just, yeah. Uh, yeah. Hey, guys, what comes to your mind

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over $75 and free returns, you know, if it doesn't fit. Go to Viori.com slash Sunny Pod and discover the versatility of Viori clothing. Have you guys gotten your colonoscopies? No. Come on. It got to do it. It messes up your bowel flora.

So does colon cancer. Yes. Yeah, colon cancer can do the same. That'll fuck with your flora. Well, but if you've got the right flora, you can bowel it. Well, here's the thing. I mean, health is such a weird, like, okay.

So you could have the best cholesterol, not the best blood pressure or testosterone, but the best cholesterol. And then you could be like, I don't know, fucking bit by a fucking mosquito with malaria and dying a week. You might be the healthiest today. That might happen next week and you're not, you know,

like that has nothing to do with your diet or your exercise. It could be like environmental. It could be accidental. Well, I was talking to a doctor who we interviewed for our documentary series, Welcome to Rexham. And she was talking about, she was talking about relationships

and she was talking about friendships. And she said that there have been major studies, and I'm going to choose to believe her, that suggests that the greatest indicator of a long and healthy life is not your cholesterol or your blood pressure. It is not obesity or diabetes or anything like that. It's having friends.

I think you're right. I think you're 100% right. And more friends you have the longer you live. And also I would say like your diversity of friends too, because like, I consider everybody who helped me with that whole Tesla situation a friend, you know what I mean? They're not people that I would normally...

Did you guys exchange numbers? I did. Yes. These are not people that I normally interact with because they're not in the entertainment business. And most of the people that I talk to are in the entertainment business or they go to school with my kid

or they're on my kid's soccer team. Like that's the extent of my life because that's all I really have room for. You know what I mean? But I think that's unfortunate. I think that's really unfortunate. I really do because I really liked these people, that they were wonderful.

You're Tesla friends. You're Tesla friends. Yeah. Yeah. My stranded car friends. Well, regardless of how healthy or unhealthy I am and we've established that I'm the least healthy of the group, although I fit into a range

of healthy-ish, I'd just like to say I'm happy that I'm friends with you guys and with you, Megan, and that I like to believe I'm going to live a very long life because of it. Fuck you. All right. Fuck him, right?

Yeah. Go fuck yourself, man. Go fuck yourself, dude. That was real lame. That was super fucking lame. You know, like the testosterone shouldn't cause that, all those things. I've been enlightened by Glenn's Rich Guy story.

Yeah. This is my moment. I truly am. I was joking about being a blade of grass on one of the most more recent episodes, but now I truly am a blade of grass. But soon that grass will dry up and harden again and I will break.

And grass dies too. And grass dies quickly. Yeah. Quickly. It's going to happen in about six weeks when I ask you how much you've hung out with your new friends, whose numbers you've exchanged,

and you're going to say zero, and then Charlie and I are going to whip into you. You're absolutely going to lace into me? Yeah. Well. You're going to get upset. Yeah. No, you're absolutely right.

You're absolutely right about that. I don't know if I'm going to hang out with Renee in security over at the DGA, but I tell you what, next time I see him, next time I'm in the DGA building, I don't know if he wants a hug from me. Because that might be weird.

Ask him if he wants to go see Buddha at the comedy store. Yeah. You want to go see Siddhartha Gautama? You're going to have to drive, Renee, because I can't get my fucking car. Because I made the mistake. Yeah. I did that again.

Anyway, how are you, Renee? Renee was wonderful. As was David, the other security guard that was helping me out. Wonderful people. Eddie, the construction guy. I can't remember my tow truck operator. He was a real character.

I can't remember his name. He was driving me crazy. I was trying to think of that this morning. I was like, damn it. What was his name? I really liked him. But the dispatcher's name was India. That sounded on a joke.

Hey, Charlie Chuckles, what you got, buddy? Hey, the Buddha. I'll be right back. Give us a Buddha joke. It sounded on a Buddha joke. Anyone out here living in a temple? Anybody? Any temple dwellers?

Open to panga. You know, that guy coming to my temple the other day said, he wants to put all the lights on a Wi-Fi. I am like... Well, there's no point in punchline, because that would equal happiness, which is the same sadness.

We don't punch people. I said, who needs light? I'm already enlightened. Nice. Very good. I'll be here all week. Actually, I won't. I'll be here, but I'll also be at the temple.

I can do that. I'll be everywhere and nowhere all at once.