The Always Sunny Podcast - The Waitress (with special guest, Mary Elizabeth Ellis!)

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

There's a beluga in the Schuylkill.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the podcast. We are back. Everybody's in the studio today. We're back. We are starting. Yeah, this is this is it. You guys aren't good at guests yet. You got to tell somebody. No, no, no.

No, Megan's the one that's got to tell us. Yeah, she didn't say she just said make sounds. Now, guys, everyone's back. Everyone's back in person. Megan's here. Mary Elizabeth Ellis is here. Not a lot of hair, though, between the men. No, we all made a short.

Yeah, we went short, but. And I added a little hair. And you've added some hair. I added a little hair to thicken it up. Sure. Yeah, you added hair to your hair. It's a it's a Hollywood secret. It's like some clips in there. Maybe like fake hair in my hair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All you have left is a rat tail. So. Well, I'm trying to keep up. That's the stress a little bit with me. But before we get into it, we were going to try something with Mr. Glenn Howard's head here.

Yeah, this is this is a. So I wrapped the movie. I finished the movie. Not last night, but the night before last. And I no longer have to walk around in the world like this if I choose not to. And I choose not to. Right.

So a fryer tuck thing. I took the hair and continue in the front. Does it? I thought it was just smaller. It's just a ring of baldness. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Ring of baldness.

Is that what it is? Or is the other way around where it's just a little patch of hair? That's a good look. Yeah, he's getting a big stuff. I can't remember. A yarmulke of hair. Google fryer tuck hair. It's not that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, no, there's different versions of him. Oh, man. But that's the best version. We'll have the hair people build you a little piece. He has a skin yarmulke. Skin yarmulke. Skin yarmulke.

What a rascal. Yeah, rascal. All right, but we're going to we're going to take the rest of your hair off, Glenn. We're going to cut that, cut that, cut that. We're going to cut that hair. Well, should we have our special guest cut that hair? No, I don't want to be in charge of that.

No, are you sure? Is too much pressure? No, I'm not a woman that works for you who comes in and cuts your hair when you want me to. No, but we get to tell you what to do now. That's true. I wasn't sure if you were aware of that. Yeah, yeah, we're back.

Cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that. It's not a political show. No, let's move on because we need joy. We need joy. We enjoy that. Enjoy that little art. All right. But I am excited about all the ways that this hair could come off.

So I'm down to pitch some. Well, we have a. Because we can, can we, can we? Yes, but can we mess with it? We can grab at it and start yanking it out. There's one way to do it. We can try a couple of different styles before we go all the way off. Right.

Should I get baggies? Do you guys want to save it or? To glue on the front? Yeah. We should get some kind of baggy to cover Glenn's shirt so it doesn't get all the little hair particles down. She's got a. All right.

So what is that? And who would you like to do the clipping? What if we have two people going at once? I'm doing one thing on one side and Charlie's doing something on another razor. Oh, OK. What? So what somebody's using the razor? I would like to shave it.

I've never shaved someone else's head and I'm excited by the prospect. I think you should do it. I think you should do it. And I was OK with this. Can I have a help? Well, you want one? I see. OK. I was going to try and draw something in there.

But I think that that it's not that that razor might not be dexterous enough. Yeah, you might need something a little more. You want to do something fun first? What are you? What do you want to do? Or should we just? There's not a great pallet there to get this. Oh, move the coffee out of the way. It's like a lightsaber.

Are we OK? You want to just get to it? Do we need to? Well, I just want to make sure that we're good. Are we good? Do we get a camera up in the back too? So we can see what's going on back here. It's very exciting from my perspective.

It surrises in the back. That's the the psorias cam. You don't want to. By the way, that is that this is the area that has the psoriasis. So this is the area that I need you to be the gentlest. OK, hold on a second, too. We can make this multimedia. I'll just film it from the other side.

Yeah, let's get a shot here. Now, I don't know very well, but I think you go like this and up. Yes, that is correct. And up. I don't go along the grain in the hair. No, you go against it. You go against the grain. OK, I think you're supposed to push hard.

Yeah, just push hard. Don't push hard. It's simple. Here we go. You can tic-tac this. How's that feel? That's not too bad, buddy. Not to be left out.

Wow. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. All right. And this is the gentle area. I got to go gentle here. Got a little dry skin in the psoriasis. Can you see it?

I'm real bad. It's not bad. It's been irritated by the. No, no, no, no. I have. Charlie, have you ever shaved somebody else's head before? No, this is the first. This is the first.

Glenn, I'm sensing an opportunity to really release here to let go of some things that you've been holding on to. Let's get spiritual with it. Yeah, people open up to their hairdressers, right? Yeah, you should just do that. We might have to do like a time lapse. Oh, Rob. That was fun.

That was a good show. Is it satisfying? Yeah, I think so. I think I could be the guy who's like, all right, you're shipping off on Thursday. Right. How is it? Is it is it close to the length on top or is it not even close because it's pretty. It's really short on top.

I mean, I just shaved it. I think I'll adjust it after you get that off. I'll adjust it because I think it goes a little bit closer. Why wait? So this thing can go closer and we didn't do that. Got a good head shape. Go on. That's why I was upset.

I appreciate that. I, yeah, I've buzzed it pretty damn close before. I've never shaved it, shaved it, but I've buzzed it like the way Rob has it even shorter than that. And yeah, I was all right with it. This was a problem because I shaved it. I had it done and it was a three and I know that for a fact because the woman that cut it said this is a three and you can do it yourself if you want because it's a three.

I was in New York City and it had grown back when it was at a weird spot where I was like, I can either let it grow in or I can shave it again back down to a three and I kind of like it. That look, it feels good. So I went out to a store in New York City and I bought a razor just like that and I set it to three, the three setting and I shaved it and it went basically as short as that. What the hell? And then I called around and it turns out it's not a universal number.

No. A three is not a three. No. Depending on the, now how the fuck does that make any sense? I'm so sorry this year's a Canadian three. Yeah. This is a New York City three. Three is Canada as a two.

Let's just make it as confusing as possible. Why not just have an accepted. A standard. A standard. Man. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty good.

Is it pretty close? Yeah. Man, I want the eyebrows to go so bad. I did too. I wanted to shave my eyebrows off. Yeah. I wanted to shave my eyebrows off and the face. No.

We're not going to do that. No. Thank you, Charlie. No, but I want to. I'm just saying. Yeah. You want to. I get it.

I understand the want. Look at this guy. I'm really taking care of me, man. It was a con heir. I threw it in the garbage. I feel. I'm going to just give myself a little shake here. Yeah.

Shake it off. Charlie, you've got a lotion in his head up now. I have so much hair in my hands. We have a bathroom. You could go wash those hands. Glenn's in there looking at his head. You guys can talk about it in the bathroom. How are you?

I'm so happy to be here as a guest, I feel. Like all the attentions on me. Yeah, totally. Completely worth my time and energy and effort. Yeah. It feels like you made your way all the way to the studio and all we've been talking about is everybody else but you. So glad you're here for this.

Thank you. Well, it was really fun. Well, now that they're gone. Let's get into it. I feel like a naked mole rat. Yeah. Yeah. That's what he's like.

Yeah. I feel like I've been stripped of, of something, you know. Dignity. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Stripped of my dignity.

Stripped of sort of my iconic look, you know. Do you think you, is that like you're letting the camera go? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Is that like you're letting the character go now that you shaved the hair off? I think that I, that'll set in a little bit later, but it is amazing how much, how much that really did affect everything, like how I felt, how I walk into a room, how I feel when I walk into a room. I mean, it is amazing, you know, as an actor, anytime you can have like a tool like that to like really assist in your transformation, you know what I mean?

Not that I was doing anything like crazy transformative, but you know, character has a very different energy than mine. So it, it was, it was actually super helpful. And just to be able to tell people like, I'm, I'm working. So. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, I wore a hat.

I wore a hat everywhere. There were those moments, you know, you know, when you're wearing a hat, like you sometimes you take the hat off and you just kind of like rub your head and I'd be like, oh, shit. It wasn't even that I was embarrassed about being seen as like a bald guy. I don't, I don't care about that. I actually didn't mind the way it looked. I, I, in some ways I kind of liked it. The only thing I was paranoid about was like, I don't even care if people were like, oh,

Glenn Howerton is, is bald. It's more, oh, Glenn Howerton's bald and he wears a wig usually, but he normally, he normally wears a hairpiece because he's embarrassed that he's bald. That bugs me. That's the thing that bugs me. Actually be like, if I just. Yeah, I would think that you would think that that was awesome. If there's like a few people out there that start a Reddit thread.

No, that is funny. That is funny. But, but no, I, but does that make sense? Like, I wouldn't care if I was just a bald dude. I wouldn't get a shit like. You didn't want to seem inauthentic. No, you didn't want to seem inauthentic or insecure or insecure that I was hiding it. Yeah.

And meanwhile, it's an insecurity that's making you feel bad about, you know, right? It's an insecurity that's like, people are going to think I'm insecure. Yeah. It's a crazy. It's a loop. It don't make no sense, man. Guys, I'm insecure that we've invited Mary with Alice in a podcast and haven't really talked about her or to her at all.

Or let me have a moment to talk or. Fair enough. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Welcome to the podcast. Let's do it. Let's jump into it. Let's jump into it.

I also want to say I'm a big fan of the podcast and sometimes I'm a creep, but usually I'm a listener because I usually listen in the car. But sometimes I take it off car mode and glance over, which is irresponsible and why I yell at other people while they're driving in their cars like, I can't put your phone down. Yeah. Why are you? Yeah. And you're doing it.

You then heard last week that you got credit for Rob dancing with elbows in your face during the dance marathon episode. If you're caught up. Oh, I don't know if I listened to last week. Yeah. Why don't you tell Mary Elizabeth what you told us that. I remember you were the one that, I was just trying different things and you were like, yes, do that.

Try to hit me. Don't actually hit me, but it's funny that I'm not sure if I'm going to be struck. Oh, good. Yeah. I love that dance. And then I remember you were laughing and I was like, oh, well, she's laughing then I'm just going to keep doing it and you were literally like bobbing and weaving as I was doing the elbows.

That was such a fun episode. So many, just like a party. Yeah. I love it when we have like a party episode. The dance episode. Yeah. Like just everyone's there. Most fun.

Mary Elizabeth, we have been together for 20 long years, wonderful years. And it's been well documented. Some people think we met on Reno 911, but we were dating well before that. But do you remember? Are you asking me to marry you? This is a renewal about. Knowing what I know now. Yes.

Oh, I was going to say, yeah, you have fun raising our child by yourself. No, my question was, what's your first memory of meeting these two jokers? Oh, yeah, that's a good question. That is a good question. She doesn't remember. You see how we made it about us again? Charlie just made it about us. I love the spirit of the question.

And what's your favorite thing about each of us? Yeah. Because we could flip that. Well. But sure. I feel like I met you and Bacchus at that woman, you were living at like a woman's back house. That's right.

That's correct. It was the very, very first place. You were just living and I feel like Charlie was like, my buddy is from New York, just got here. That's right. I feel like I get high and drunk somewhere else today. That's right. And you came over.

At a different place. And we lived in the guest house of an older lady. Who's that lady? Don't know. Found her on the internet. Okay. And we lived there. And that was a brave new world at that time, by like an internet house.

And the driver across the country, we didn't know if it was going to be there or not. We just drove there and it turned out we rang the doorbell and she's like, class, welcome here. You had 50 bucks in your pocket. Yeah, and she ran to see us and that's not true. Wow. That was a part of the... She propositioned you guys here and there, of course.

Two hands. Two hands. Man. And she was, I think she was 85 years old. Did you guys try to grift her out of her money? Tried to talk her out of her life savings? No grifting. No grifting.

We did just share that, get a little guest house. But for a short period of time, I think it was like three or four months. And in that period of time... So that was before... We met him. We met then because I think that I didn't even... I don't think you and I even started hanging out together until you had moved into that apartment.

Yeah, the other apartment. I feel like I also... My earliest memory of you places you and your apartment that you lived at, that you ended up moving into. I moved in next door. Next door. I lived... I've lived...

Just to be clear, and I don't know if we've made this clear in the podcast, I've lived either with... He's a parasite. That is the... That is well established. He's a parasite. That is well established. Well, I hitched my wagon to certain stars.

I loved it when you lived with us. It was like having a teenage son. Yeah. You'd play video games and I'd watch you. Yeah. You'd just have a cigarette to drink coffee. There was a zombie game. I think you were playing.

Resident Evil. Resident Evil 2. Yeah. I'm the Sega Dreamcast. You decided to have a kid after that. That's... Yeah. Yeah.

I was like, oh, I just really missed that. Yeah. I wanted to birth someone who would make me dinner on the George Foreman tater tots and... Oh, I love the George Foreman grill. Yeah, a white trash dinner. Yeah. Man, I have nothing but good memories of that, but of course, I was the parasite in this situation.

I do remember the conversation when Charlie said, hey, man, and I can tell by the... Time to go. Like, it's time to go. But he did it, he was just, you know, they're the sweetest people and he did it in the nicest of ways and was like, you know, just marry Elizabeth and I are going to take the next steps, which is like... Not living with another dude. Living with another dude.

By the way, I've been that person for years as well. Like the New York Charlie was on everybody's couch and apartment hopping until I found the place on Orchard Street. And then, you know, even until I got the IFC money, I just, I was like, you know, living kind of like in one place till it ran out or people got sick of me. And then Mary Elizabeth, when we first started dating, I came out and lived with you in Silver Lake and tell your roommates kicked me out. I've been kicked out of the best houses and apartments all over the city by the best people.

But, you know, you were never kicked out for bad behavior. No. Same with me. It was just like... Overstage you're welcome. Overstage you're welcome. Yeah. You sucked us dry and then it was time to go.

It's time to go. Um... I paid rent. Yeah. Right? Yeah, I paid... Yes, I paid rent. It was nominal.

It didn't mean anything to you. I just took one of your checks and just took it to the bank. I just cashed one of your checks. I didn't even notice. So, he did do the job of just renting Charlie's money to the bank for him. And then, Mary Elizabeth, at some point we started making... Love. Love.

Sweet. Sweet. We started making... It's always sunny and we asked you to play a part. Yeah. You were still living in that Silver Lake house, right, when we shot the first... We shot the part of the... Not pilot, but like pre-pilot pilot at my house where I lived with Artemis, Bob Danny.

We also shot stuff outside the Olive Garden in Burbank where I was working. Well, that was so... That was a different thing. Yeah. That was when we were doing the... Have we talked about the first thing that we shot on this podcast before we shot the Always Sunny? I think we have.

The Haley Joel Osmond... We'll talk about it again. I still have all of that. Yeah. You've got all the tapes. I've got all of those DV tapes, which we can start uploading. We own all of it. We can put it into the podcast and people can see the stuff we did.

We should have someone edit it together. Yeah. We had a mockumentary about a grown-up Haley Joel Osmond living with and grown-up Franky Muniz. Yeah. And they were both broken. One of you had been in prison and had like a teardrop tattoo even though you hadn't actually killed somebody.

Oh, really? And I played your acting teacher. You read the acting teacher. Or a bald cap, as I recall, actually. Yeah. Yeah. And who did you play in that? I don't...

I think I was just a waitress at the Olive Garden. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's right. You were a waitress at the Olive Garden in Burbank and you played a waitress at the Olive Garden who Haley has a... Crucial? No, has like a full-on relationship with.

Maybe that's... Oh, okay. A backdoor relationship. Honestly, we might have taken that character and been like, hey, do a version of that character for... Yeah. Play a waitress in this thing, too. And then play a waitress for the rest of your life.

Yeah, there's no scream waitress at you for the rest of your life. Yeah. Do you know any other types of women other than waitresses or is that just what you write in? There's birds. Birds and waitresses. There are airplane waitresses, what do they call them? Stewardess.

Flight attendants. Flight attendants. Flight attendants. There's... Waitresses in the sky. Moms. There's your mother. There's your mother.

Yeah. Yeah. The dishwasher. At that stage in our life, though, I don't know that we knew many women who weren't waitresses or... That's true. We were all waiters. We were all wait staff.

We were all wait staff within the last few years, so... That's so funny. I didn't remember that you had played a waitress at the Olive Garden in our first thing, and then you were the waitress in the coffee shop. So let's just reveal the waitress's name right now is... Just kidding. Oh, my God. Just kidding.

Do you guys remember what it is? Yes. I remember from our... From the original home... So in the original home movie. Yes. And then we could... Well, you know what we should do?

We should say it and then we can bleep it out. And I do remember what I... No, somebody's gonna mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you put a black thing over the fountain. Well, I'm reserved the right to change it if we decide... Sure. Of course.

And by the way, we didn't actually name her that. We just... We named her that and then took it away and decided that's not what her name should be. Well, no, it's not that we decided... But it isn't homage to where we were at the time. Do you remember? I don't remember. I have a guess.

Okay, I'll just... I'll say it. Wait, would you... Should we all say it on the count of three? One, two, three. Yeah. Oh. It's your first name.

Nice. But if we did reveal that in the episode, you ought to just be like, huh? Yeah, there's no... But it's not baked into the show. So... No, but everybody always wants to know what the waitress's name is. Yes. But it's so much funnier, of course, that you don't know.

And I remember a similar thing happening in the writer's room. We realized we needed to name Mac, season whatever it was. And I think I just said, oh, let's just make him Jimmy McDonald. And then I remember you coming into the writer's room and being like, what's his name? Jimmy McDonald? And I was like, yeah, I don't know. We just got to come up with the name. And you're like, yeah, but we've done it for so long.

We haven't revealed it. It should be a big reveal. And I was like, I don't know. I just keep it simple. And then we started pitching on it and you were like, no, it's definitely Ronald. That's because my baseball coach's name was Ronald McDonald. Yeah. I knew Ronald McDonald.

Which is great. But we would need something equally as profound as that for the waitress, otherwise, if we just called her... No one would... It just wouldn't have any resonance. Cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that. So guys, what can't Megan afford this week? Well, this week, they're trying to raise her rent.

And she spent all of her money on the Tesla, of course. So if she can't scrape together the difference, she'll be forced to live in it. Can you live in a Tesla? Well, let's make sure Meg doesn't find out with the help of our friends at Athletic Greens. Athletic Greens makes one of our favorite green powders on the market, AG1. I use it because it contains less than a gram of sugar. This contains no GMOs, no nasty chemicals, or artificial anything, and it fits any diet that I may be on.

Tasty, makes you feel good, stimulates, and also weirdly helps you sleep at night. It's got 75 high quality vitamins, minerals, whole foods, sourced superfoods, probiotics, and adaptogens. It's also good for muscle recovery. Yes. So to make it easy, Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit atleticgreens.com slash sunny.

And again, that's atleticgreens.com slash sunny to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional endurance. If you got hair and you got bush, you better start using the following products from Manscaped. Whether you're looking to go bald like an eagle or just in need of a safe trim, Manscaped is dedicated to helping you level up your full body grooming game. I personally recommend the Lawn Mower 4.0 package. It's an electric trimmer designed to reduce grooming accidents and shave hair on loose skin, thanks to a ceramic blade and advanced skin-safe technology.

When you trim the hedges, the tree stands taller. That means your dick looks bigger. Yeah. What are you going to tell me next? You're going to say that they've got some sort of a nutsack freshener and aftershave coolant. Is that... That's exactly what we're going to tell you next.

Finally add some pep in your step with the Crop Preserver Ball Deodorant and the Crop Reviver Spray on Testy Toner. That's a lot of goodies for the boys, isn't it, Seth? The full Monty. They have a bunch of other products on their website too, so go check them out. Get 20% plus free shipping with our code, Sunny. That's S-U-N-N-Y at Manscaped.com. Again, that's 20% off with free shipping at Manscaped.com and use our code, Sunny.

Don't be a fool and purchase Manscaped's ultimate bushwhacking tools. Should we go to a clip? Yeah, let's do some clips. Yeah, let's watch some clips. Mary Elizabeth, I got to say when I was looking at these, I love that you go through quite a hairstyle transformation over the course of this show. I do. Always good, but interesting every time.

It sort of reminds me of Mariska Hargitay and Law and Order SVU. You can kind of demarcate the seasons with her hairstyle. What do you want, Charlie? Well, maybe now that you know that I'm not racist, you and I could maybe go on a little bit. Dude, N-O. How many times do I have to say it to you? One time is fine.

Well, apparently one time is not fine. Well, one time per time, but I excuse all that. It's fine. What's going on up here? Oh, not too much. Charlie's using you to prove that he's not racist, and then he asked me out on a date. Wow. Yeah.

That's from the first episode. Yeah. Yeah. We just- It's problematic right out the gate. I mean, sorry. Just not fucking around. Just probably, I said problematic right out the gate.

That's good. That's the point of the show, right? You play the assholes. You play the assholes. We all play the assholes. Total. Mesky, did you have a little cold when you shot that scene? Yeah, I was like, I want to start talking like that again.

As I said, my nose a little bad, but I was like, yeah, did N-O. That was a coffee shop where we shot the original home movie pilot, which that scene, I think, not the home movie scene, but when we first got a budget from FX, that scene is in the episode where I have the red sweater and I'm watching you. It's from Charlie as cancer. That's exciting. I know. No, it is.

I'm just trying to remember. I wasn't saying- Yeah, I didn't follow what you were saying. You're saying- I'm just not realizing I was talking out loud or not thinking. No, what you're saying is there was footage- the original pilot that we shot was Charlie as cancer. Yes.

It was not the gang that's racist. There is footage from the original FX pilot that we shot that we then ended up reshooting a bunch of, but there's stuff from the original 2004 one that we shot in Charlie as cancer. Yes. That's what you're talking about. That would be the first scene that we shot for the show, not necessarily that one. Right. But the first coffee shop.

But it was the first one that aired with- That was the first one that aired. With the waitress character. And did we go on a date in this one? Is that the one that we then shot the date in Philly? No. No. The like montage date?

No. That was in Charlie as cancer. Okay. So that was the- I get it mixed up too because that was the original pilot, yeah. We used to shoot in Philly. Yeah. And we used to drink a lot of yingling. A lot of yingling.

Yeah. How much of all of the things. Yeah. And there was a- There was a beluga. Remember, there was a beluga in the- Scoogle. In the Scoogle.

There was a beluga in the Scoogle. A beluga? What the fuck are you talking about? A beluga whale. A beluga whale in the Scoogle got trapped in there. The pilot, there was a beluga whale shooting in the Scoogle and just the Philly accent. A beluga? A fawn in a beluga?

A beluga. A beluga. And the Scoogle. And the tree. A beluga. It's a beluga. And I'd never heard that accent and I just couldn't stop watching the news. I was so excited.

How did a fucking beluga whale get in the Scoogle river? Swamp. Uh, probably released from someone's evil lair. You know what I mean? Like, this beluga's not doing what we needed to do. Dump it in the Scoogle. Just dump it in the Scoogle. I told you to get a shark, you know?

Can't do shit with a beluga. I don't know if I'm sharks and whales. What are you doing with a tea? Belugas with the- Lumpy muscles. All right. What do you want, Charlie? I like your bracelet.

Great. That's one of those Lance Armstrong race for the cure. Livestrong. Kind of things. Yeah. Cool. This is the scene. This is one of the first things that we shot.

You must be a very compassionate person. I'm not. Did you want something from me? Just straight up. I'm not admitting it. I'm not. I'm not. All right.

Hey, Dennis. Charlie has cancer. Really? It's so sad. No preamble. Are you okay? Just so long into the eyes. But also looking at all of it.

Yeah. And then back up. This is so much better to me as an introduction to your character because it's not- You're not just playing the foil to Charlie's craziness. Yeah. You're actually a real piece of shit. You're a piece of shit too. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. The waitress. If she loves- Because in the other episode, it's- she sort of seems like the rational one and Charlie seems like the moron. In this, if you're attracted to Dennis, there's something very wrong with you. You're a real piece of shit. Well, no.

He was the Golden God. We went to high school together, you know? And just chasing that Golden God tale. Yeah. And we had that all written out in the canon. We knew exactly- Oh, we had it all planned out. It was all planned out.

They went heavy on the eye makeup. Yeah. Well, we were doing like a 90s, like, I don't know, Jeanine Garofalo. Like, she's like- Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like cranky, like, yeah, kind of thing. Right.

I was thinking, I'm thinking more Shirley Maclean. Well, that's 60s. Well, that's 60s. You get that Shirley Maclean look to, and then I miss the brown hair. For sure. I know. Yeah. Well, I'm getting my hair done tomorrow, you guys.

Make it brown. Make it brown. Make it brown. Make it brown. Make it brown. Make it brown. Good job. I will.

Or I'll fucking take it to the Supreme Court. Done and done. Brown hair. And then you'll get your hair for sure. And then you'll have brown hair. Then you'll have brown hair. We'll have all the brown hair. Yeah, that's right.

Come on. Speaking of crazy women, I do have to say that it is always a delight to see where my character is going at the beginning of every season. I'm like, okay, so what are we doing? We doing sober. We doing on the wagon. We doing off the wagon. Right.

And I appreciate that. We untethered you more as the seasons went on with the wagon thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm shitting on a purse at some point. I will say when we go brown with your hair, I don't think, so when Merliswith and I go like through the airport or out to a restaurant. When we go brown with my hair. When we go brown with your hair for the show.

When we go brown with your hair. Like when we're pregnant. When we're pregnant. When we sit down and we make it brown. Where we're going with my look for the year. Well, the one who gets recognized when we walk around is you. But that's also because I always make eye contact with everyone. Yeah.

Yeah. Cause you're wearing your Ray Bands and you've got a hat on. You've got your head down. Yeah. Which I would have done before fame as well. You know what I mean? Like when we first started dating in New York, if you walk by strangers, you're like, hi, how's it going? How you doing?

Hi. Oh my God. Hey. Hi. Hi. That's a cute shirt. I like your outfit. You know.

Oh yeah. I know it. You seem uneasy. Are you on drugs? Can I have some? Trying to get us mugged, man. I do remember you being like, you're going to get stabbed. This is New York City.

What are you doing? I'm being nice. Yeah. But it's suspicious. Yeah. When we go brown with your hair, when the Supreme Court decides that your hair must be brown. Yeah. I don't think you'll get stopped as much.

Let's see. We'll see. Okay. Next. Next. I'm not talking about this anymore. Yeah. Yeah.

Moving on. Moving on. Bam. Bam. What's that? $200. Why? Because I'm thinking that that might help convince you to sleep with our friend Charlie.

Gross. $250. Deal. Oh wow. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. That's fun.

You're just a piece of shit. Yeah. I do remember, this is the first episode that I remember watching that as an iconic for me for the waitress, because for exactly that reason, because I was like, oh, good. She gets to do bad stuff. She's the best. She's good. Yeah.

She's just as bad. She's like, she's rejecting Charlie in every episode, which I think is everybody's favorite part. Yeah. The most fun. It's everyone's favorite part. Yeah. That's fine.

And it is also crazy that we're all in our own clothes all the time. Oh yeah. Oh my God. I own every single one of those. Yeah. In the beginning it's, but not that hat. I don't think that was your hat. I think somehow we're like,

Well, we wanted you to wear a Philly's hat. I don't remember why. That's what it was. You can't, she couldn't show the logo. Yeah. So you turned around backwards. Yeah. But what was the, why did we want to have you in a Philly's hat?

Was there like a reason? To make it feel, I don't know, real. Philly. Wait, wait, wait. Don't go. I want to go inside. No. I'm not going to ask you inside, Dennis.

Why not? Because I really like you. Wow. Yeah. I really like you too. Then let's just take it still, okay? Now this is, this is the city of Philadelphia. This scene is great.

This is Todd Bierman's place? This is Todd Bierman's house. Yep. Crazy. No, wait. I love you. Get your face, get your face. I just want to patch it.

So desperate. I like that you felt bad about saying it at least. No, I didn't. No, no, no. I just was trying to get the words out. You measured it. I was just trying to get the words out. I was like, how do I get these words out and come across as sincere?

That's what it was. She didn't feel bad about it at all. No, no, no, no. Not at all. I was worried that if I didn't commit enough to it that I wouldn't get away. I was also checking in with you. Am I getting away with this? The answer was a resounding yes.

I kind of don't know what to say. I kind of don't want you to say anything. You're so... So close. Yo, I'm ready to talk. Kind of pretty close there, pal. I almost sealed the deal. Sme me at Patties and we'll work it all out.

Sme me. The mess, the phone mess. Well, let's go. No. I'm going to go. Yeah, I'm going to go now. We should take it slow. You were right.

Why would I not want to go home with this one? It's crazy. It makes no sense. Well, you have an agenda. You have a... I know, but she's... Because she likes you and you hate yourself. I can have it both ways.

I can have it both ways. But you realize that it would be... That's the psychology of it. It would be a lot of trouble to deal with Charlie. You're trying to get a thing from Charlie. You don't care about that as much as you care about getting the thing, which is not doing the Charlie work. I feel like I...

Yeah, all right. I had sex with your dad. That's right. I had sex with your father because just like you, I like my sex old and ugly. And with fake hair on their heads that falls off. When you have sex with them, it just falls off because that's what you do, Dennis Reynolds.

You like to have sex with old people. That's the end of the episode, right? Tell us about that. That was the first scene you ever shot with Danny? Yeah. That scene right there? Yeah. Yeah.

And we asked you to improvise a lot of that, right? Because not a lot of that was written. I think we put you in sort of a bad position to have to... Go off. Just kind of just go off, which is... Hard. It is. It's awkward.

Thank God I'm a genius. Yeah. If you haven't been a genius, it won't fall off. Yeah. There was also... Did we come in through a door? I feel like we were just behind like a black curtain. There was no like psych or whatever.

No, we didn't have a backdrop or anything. No money. Yeah. You see a weird piece of a wall that doesn't exist out there. I really feel like we were behind like a stage curtain or something. And I had only... I feel like I hadn't met Danny all that many times before we started shooting season two, right?

Probably. Yeah. So I feel like I was like, hey, how's it going? You know what he's like? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. To me. And I'm like, what is happening?

He was in care. He was being in character? He was getting in character. Yeah. But I was like, oh, but it helped. Yeah. Yeah. That's right, right, right.

I'm disconcerted. I don't know what's going on right now. You were uncomfortable. Danny has a thing where right before the camera rolls, he usually... Yeah. Like an improv line or two in the... Make some sounds. Yeah.

Like if he's being lascivious, he gets into that or if he's being angry, he might be moody about something. But like... Yeah. He goes that way sometimes. It's not like a method thing, but it's just a little warm-up so you don't just go in ice cold. Yeah.

But you don't know him. But as you said, no, but that was also helpful for you because you really genuinely look disturbed coming into that scene. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's great. Yes, but other than that, had you talked to him or were you guys...

I don't know. I don't remember how much we had hung out with him before. Not much. I mean, we didn't really know him that well. We were still on the clock at this point. Oh, yeah, yeah. This early in the shooting of season two, we had, what, 15 days to shoot him out entirely. And so we knew we had to just churn through it as quickly as we could.

And then he gave us an extra two, or some five or something like that. But yeah, I think at this point, we weren't hanging out. We just get the guy in, get the guy out. Have you gone to the upfronts or was that later when he told the box of teeth story? That one. The box of teeth and watches story was told to us at a lunch before we even started. But then he told it at the TCAs, I think, the like upfront, the television critics. Christ on my head.

Yeah. Or words or whatever. We did go to one of those. I remember Ice Cube being there because he had this show Black and White or whatever it was called. Wow. Did he produce that? Oh, the documentary.

Yeah. And I was before, you know, I worked with him, so I was like, wow, that's Ice Cube. But like, and then Danny gets up and, and of course, Danny and Ice Cube talk to each other in that way that celebrities do, you know, or they're like, hey, you're famous. You're famous. Let's do it quick. But we weren't famous, right? So we were just like, oh, the famous, the famous, the famous people on our line.

Look at him go. You can just do that. You can just do that. Yeah. A constellation of fame. I don't feel like I can do that. Do you feel like you can do that? Yes.

It depends on who it is, I guess. Yeah. It depends on who it is. Yeah. It depends on who it is. But at this point, I do find that, that even people, you know, it used to be that nobody knew what the show was. And then there would be the occasional people that had seen the show and liked it and knew

what it was. And now there's a lot of people that have seen it. Still quite a few who haven't, but they still know who we are. You know what I mean? At least it's been on for so long. They couldn't get away from it. They couldn't avoid it. They tried.

They love Mountain Dew. They love Mountain Dew. There's just massive Mountain Dew fans. I got my Mountain Dew fans. And there's certainly a cut off with age, right? Like, still like 50 and over might know the show might not be sure. Artemis and I got assaulted in a bar on Sunday being together by two parents whose kids loved the show.

And then we're like so excited to take a photograph with us and it was so overwhelming because that doesn't happen in LA normally. So this was in LA? Yeah. Normally in LA people, when they get that excited and then you think it's about you or like, can you take my photo with Brad Pitt who's standing behind you? Yeah. You're a person here to hold the camera to take my photo with Brad Pitt.

But it's got to be, it's got to be even more intense when you and Artemis are together. I think they were. I find it's always more intense when I'm with one of the other, when I'm with these guys or one of these guys or, you know, Caitlin or Dan, anybody, you know. I talked to you guys when I was in New York. It was my birthday. We went out, Artemis took us to this Irish bar that was open to like three and three or four in the morning or something like that.

We walk in, it's like, you know, COVID's still happening. We walk in, it's almost empty. So exciting to be in like a place that's almost empty in New York, you know. And we're like, oh, we have the run of the place. There's just three people there, two women and a guy. And the blonde woman's like kind of swaying and then like she makes eye contact with me and I'm like, oh, shit. Like not, not that she recognized me, but just that she was like, I need to talk to

her. You know. So. I see somebody. You know, she's like. Just start looking at your forehead. And then like this. Yeah.

It was like drunk people always look at. I think they look through you. They look through. I think that's a trick to do. It's like, if you just like through somebody. And I feel like women to women drunk often, they need to tell you a secret, but into your mouth. I'm going to tell you and you're like, that's, I don't hear that way.

So. If you put your. It's the best way to tell you is to get it into your mouth. If I put my secret in your mouth, then you'll have my secret in your mouth. You can eat it. You can hold this. Then you can eat it. You can eat it.

And feel my pain. Then you pass that on to your friend's mouth. And she was like, wait, wait, but am I in Philadelphia now? You're not. You're still in New York City. Yeah. But. Yeah.

So. Yeah. That was amazing. She was very confused and wanted to know where Danny was. Speaking of like taking pictures of celebrities, I remember going to the boom, boom room with Danny and we were all there in New York City. Like after we were doing a press tour and we, and he was like, let's go ahead and boom, boom.

Yeah. I remember that too. What is the boom, boom room? No. What was that? Is that the karaoke place? I don't know. It was just something Danny knew.

Somewhere off Times Square where we had been doing. It doesn't sound. Yeah. It's some kind of club. And of course, like Danny's getting swarmed. And I remember some like club girl be like, take a picture of me and him. Take a picture. And she like, you know, shoves her camera into my hand.

And then she's like talking to Danny. She's not really paying attention. So I just kind of walk over to the other side of the bar and just hang out, like have a drink, you know, and she's like freaking out. Some guys stole her camera. And then I like, I come back and I give her the, she's like, why don't you go? I was like, how far back did you want me to take the photo? She's like, get out to me.

Give it back to me. It was also, it just was a camera, right? Like it was a camera. Yeah. It was my cell phone. But yeah. That's amazing. It used to like the toy with people.

That's funny. I know. The drunker I got, you know, it's hard, it's hard to go into an Irish pub these days. It's a, it's just, there's no higher concentration of sunny fans than, than in an Irish bar. I mean, the last time I think I was kind, I mean, one of the last times I was even in one was with the whole cast and we, just for fun, we were like, let's just see what happens if we go out to an Irish bar in New York city. We were there for like some upfront event or something like that.

And it was a shit show. Asking for it. Yeah. Just asking for it. But you know what? Speaking of Danny and getting to know Danny and fame and I always feel like when people are like, how, if someone who's not an actor in the industry sees people being super excited about seeing me and wanting to take a photo with me and then they're like, how is that?

Like what's that like? I feel like Danny early on was really great at teaching us to be grateful for that because those fans are the people who let us do our jobs. Like having a fan is how you get to keep working and it always so, so it's nice to go into it with that. Like I really appreciate it. I still, I still really appreciate it because I feel like it's not because I'm famous. It's because they love the show, which feels good.

Like that feels good. It's like, if someone's excited to meet me, it's because they like my work. It's not because I'm famous. Yeah. Like in that, cause there is a decision. The boys at the grocery store, you know, they genuinely love the show, but Danny, you know what? Cause we always started to say that, like he was such a good example of how to be gracious

for the fans, but I also had this other side, right? Where if someone was like crossing it or if he didn't want to deal with it, he'd shut it the fuck down. Yeah. And I liked that too. Like it was a good lesson of like, hey, be gracious to everyone, but also have boundaries and protect yourselves. Anyways, lots of good Danny lessons in the beginning.

Yeah. And so much now. Now we're teaching him. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh my God, Charlie, where did you get a baby so you can just give me the baby and stop screaming.

You know, there was a time where I said, not a total piece of shit. Like savings. You're concerned. Kind of babies. And you threw your swords away. You threw your golf clubs and your tasty treats. Tasty treats. Tasty treats.

Yeah. Give me the number for child services. Yeah. So she's like... There is a point. The whole overometer, it just depends on who we need to be there. It's your needs and wants. Yeah.

Right. So the whole thing is like if you really need or want something. She draws the lines at babies. I think I get from that though that she is genuinely concerned for the well-being of that baby. She should be. A man in covered in filth. That's right.

Yes. Has strapped this baby to its chest. I remember us questioning in that, that I was like, so I just tell the guy that works with me to get me the number for child services. Yeah. So I still am kind of a piece of shit. I'm like, I'm not going to do it. Find me the number for child services.

You're the manager. I'm the manager. You're the manager. Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to flip through the phone book yourself. Right. Here's a scene with you and Caitlin.

Dave. Oh, I love this scene. Hey. Hi. This one's great. Are you applying for a job here? Here? Yeah.

What are you crazy? Gross. I'm working here. That's why I'm working here. So. Do you think that you could get me a job? Here? Yeah.

I thought you weren't applying. No, that was a lie. Oh, okay. Did you go to high school or? Oh, yeah. So that's where we picked up on that in the last one. Well, I don't know that we goofed up. We just hadn't written.

Yeah. We just didn't know. No, we goofed up later. So you did that improv. And then later we established that you sat next to her and that she didn't remember. But we had forgotten the improv when we wrote that. You shouldn't be drinking in a shoe store. What is the matter with you?

I told you to pace yourself. I have a drinking problem. Well, then you should know how to hold your boobs a little better. I'll hold your boobs a little better. Are you and Caitlin together? It's such a good dynamic. It is. It's always like, it's always like a thing I have to like stage myself after though.

And be like, Caitlin does like me. Yeah. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you.

Like Caitlin does like me. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you have a bad attitude when you're drinking. You have a bad attitude when you're drinking you huge footed slut. I mean I love you. Huge footed slut. I love that that's what I'm section the city turns into. Yeah.

Yeah. That's so good. The makeup was fun for that too because we put lipstick all around the bottle. bottle, so it just was making like bottle marks around me. What is it? How do you do the, because your drunk acting is just phenomenal. It's phenomenal. Thank you. I have a lot of practice. And I don't know how you, how do you, I know, is that it though? Are you literally just drawing from like what, what, because like I feel like, I don't know, it's just, I find drunk acting to

be extremely difficult and it seems to come so naturally for you. You guys have all talked about this, but I feel like all of our drunk acting is good, but I remember, I remember being like in college, then being like, when you're drunk, you are trying very hard, right? To sound drunk. To sound drunk. To sound drunk. So you think about what you're going to say a lot before you say it and over and on. That's very good. Pretty goddamn good. Yeah, I know. I remember that trick too, but for some reason I don't feel like it. I can,

I can't just can't pull it off as well as you can. I don't know. I feel like your drunk acting is very good. Well, thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah, that's so stupid. Why does he think this will work? That lyric, if you want to, if you want to marry men. I have to say that moment where you open up the program in the middle of his song to be like, is this one is not listed. Yeah, the song is not listed. I thought we had finished.

Oh my God, that kills me. Everyone in the awful plays that you've ever been to. Yes, where you're like, how many motherfucking more songs are there? You, not to objectify you for a second, but can you pull that back up, Matt? You look great. It feels like very, very rarely in our television show do we, do people look good? Yeah, especially when you stand up and you got a hand on a head. Find the light.

Got that sweet, sweet cleave going on. This is when it's nice when you've been on television since you were 25, so you can be like, oh, remember that part? Like how my parents were always like, don't just don't get naked. And I really wish I had. That would have been the time, right? That's what I'm saying. There's still time. Anyway, let's get naked. That's what I'm saying. You just don't want to get to a point where it's brave. You know what I mean? When people talk about it, well, Mary Elizabeth Ellis,

she bared it all and she was, it was such a brave, so brave, so brave of her. It's amazing. This is a big scene in the canon of the show that we should talk about. I'll play this one next. Which one is this? Whoa, that's a different look. That's a different look. I don't ever remember your hair looking like that. I see you poke around the preschools and the playgrounds and you got that longing look in

your eyes. I don't know what's, can you stop it for a second? I have no idea. I've never seen her like this. I don't know what episode this is. I don't know what's about to happen. Oh, really? This is not even that long ago. This is the episode where they actually have sex, I think. Latest. Yeah, but do you not remember that that happened in the show?

No. Now I'm remembering it. Yeah, I may be remembering it. Now I'm remembering it. You're about to watch. He tells her, bitch. Okay, yeah. Life with Charlie and a baby. Did you really think that this was going to work? Did you really think that you would just have me in here and you could just

hurl insults at me and... I've tried everything for years with you and I just, at this point, I just don't know what else to say. So why don't you just go find somebody better? Because there is no one better. That's so sweet. I love you. And that's how people should propose.

That's a really funny concept, though, like pining after your character forever. I'm finally getting it. The reality of a relationship that you've... And so, well, that's a true thing, right? People really want a thing super bad and then they get it and they're like, wait a second, what? Also, just like looking at lying in that bed made me so grossed out right now. Yeah, that cat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's pretty gnarly. If you can't even shoot me, at least let me finish my drink first. Is this cat food and whiskey? I'm not gonna shoot you. What if I missed? Well, then you'd have to say you missed me. Maybe I did.

Meg. Maybe I missed you, too. I mean... I think you better work on the aim. Can I fix you a drink? No, thanks. I'm sober. Plus, I saw you put cat food in it.

What are you doing? Also, the voice that you're doing. Plus, I saw you put, like, however you're doing that voice is amazing. It's so right on in. Thank you. We were playing with when to keep it and when to... Yeah, yeah, that was one of the things. Yeah, that was one of the things. Funny episode.

Yeah, here it comes out. All right, because you dropped it. You did, Charlie. I saw you scoop it out of the bag. This is so bad. You're so close to me with that. I'm gonna put it down. So good.

What's that, Charlie? Okay, so good. That's just so good. Top to bottom, top to bottom. I completely forgot about that episode. It's fantastic. Oh. Yeah.

You're writing in that episode, Meg. The most fun. Oh my God, so fucking good. All the performances. Heath Cullen's fucking direction. Yeah, he's awesome. Dude, he fucking nailed it. And Mary, you were acting in that.

Like, you were born to play something in that genre. To truly, truly, truly. Thank you, so fun. I know, it's so fun to write into an episode that you get, like, a glamour shot where we, like, specifically set up for that one moment when he first sees you and you look up and then he's just describing how beautiful you are.

I was like, I loved writing that. And then the Sabrina, the head of costumes, was like, thank you for writing something that has costumes in it. So I'm not just dressing them the same clothes. Our own clothes. Just basically dressing them. In our own clothes. Yeah.

Okay, well, here's the bog stuff that I also really love from this year. So watch this. Waitress? Oh my God. What the hell are you doing out here? What are you doing out here with a toiletry bag? Are you going to brush your teeth in a stream or something?

No. I was going to shave my legs. Ew. Gross. Judgey. In the bog. She's sinking in a bog. But she'll catch it.

He'll take it through and take it out. Take it out. She can't help it. She can't help it. Just give me a big tug and I bet you could get me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, here. I got you.

Let me just stop. Oh, my hand. And I'll say, say, say, two times. Two times. This was not scripted. No. I saw this in the cut. That was your idea.

Was it? Yeah, the same as your idea. I feel like that's class. And then you were like, do it 15 times. And I was like, do it as many times as you can. It's hilarious. It's fun. All right, here we go.

Say it. Oh, no. It's not fun. The third time you're like not like playful about it. I will. I will. I will. All you have to do is one thing.

Yes. Great. What? Say my name. Valentine. Valentine. It's Diana. Denise.

Dennis. Danny. Tries Dennis. Oh, no, no, no, no. You got it a while back. It's just I'm really enjoying watching you struggle. You drunk bitch. Oh, she went under.

I asked her to go under for one take. I was like, you got to go under. I can't believe she. You know I'm not a psychopath. This is really funny. Crawling over you. You're doing it. Climbing over you to get out.

Flash ladder. You're doing it. You're doing it. I'm right here. I'm right here. I'm right here. Oh, yes. Wait.

I'm on the dirty bitch. You dirty bitch. Oh, that's fun. It's a relationship. It's fun. Were you calling her dirty bitch because she was physically dirty? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, all of it.

She did you dirty. What I'm saying, what's happening. Wow. Feeling. Yeah. Very enthusiastic. And that was just a selection. There were many, many.

It's just a taste. Fantastic. I feel like I had so many more questions to ask you. But so will you, I still have things I want to talk to you about. Will you come back at some point? No, this was it. This was it? Okay, this was the big one.

All right, I'll do whatever you tell me to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't ask. That's the thing. Don't ask. Yeah, you know. She can come back with brown hair. I got to come back with my brown hair, so my brown hair. We've decided it'll be brown.

Yes, we've decided. The men have decided that it'll be brown for us. Jokes aside, you know, it's been a pleasure doing, obviously. Business. We live together and have been together for many years. But working together is always a joy. Every time you're on set, it's a blast. And I hope we get to do more and more and more of it.

Yeah, I mean, you've been such a huge part of this from the very, very, very, very beginning, which is something I, at some point, I want you to come back and talk about what that was like in the beginning. Like your memories of what it was like in the beginning. But we'll save that for the next one. I'm so grateful for this. And always when people are like,

what's it like to work with your husband? What's it like to work on Sunday? And it really does feel like family. It does. It does. It's just fun and easy and lovely and we drive each other crazy sometimes. And I miss our family vacations to Philly.

I want us to start. I know, I miss that too. I have a professional question for you. Okay. How similar was working with Paul Thomas Anderson? Working with us. Is it the same vibe on set? It's the same.

Is it the same level of genius that you? Yeah. I put out a movie every four or five years. We put out a mini movie. Eight mini movies every year for the last 20 fucking years. Eight to 15, yeah. That's what I'll start saying. Yeah.

I'll start saying instead of it's like being with family. I'll say it's like the Paul Thomas Anderson of television. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. You will.

I like that. They're the PTAs of TV. PTA TVs. I'm just going to do this. Yay. Thanks, Mary Elizabeth. Yeah, thanks for having me.