The Always Sunny Podcast - Who's More Healthier? Part 1
Episode Date: September 26, 2022We've given all of our fluids....
Transcript
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It's fucking works, man. Welcome back to the podcast everybody. We've got a very special
episode. Explain to us why it's special. Well, in anticipation of the episode, Sweet D has a heart
attack. We started thinking offline, offline, offline. We started thinking and talking about the
episode and if we had any ideas on how to spice it up, pepper it up. Sure. And the suggestion was
made that we all get our blood work done and that Meg included and that we have that blood work
analyzed by professional, not just like a bag of it, not just like a plastic bag of it that you
carry around. And we've discussed that and then we started getting into the conversation of which
doctor to use. And then once we started 15 minutes into that conversation, we realized this should
be on the pod because everybody's got a different idea of what a doctor is apparently. So, A, maybe
what we should do is we should talk about whose doctor we think we should use or if we should
find, I mean, a completely outside fifth party who can remain neutral. But the overall goal,
if I'm not mistaken, is to find out who is the most healthiest. Who's more healthier?
Isn't that the goal? Yeah, I thought that was the goal. I was bumping on the grammar.
I did it on purpose because that's a Mac reference. He says more better.
We should get our eyes checked as well. Yeah, because he's got perception issues.
Flexibility. I mean, like, what are we talking about? Like, what is health?
What is health? And then how do we get into mental health?
How do we get into... But this is a part of the problem too because each doctor is going to have
a different view on what numbers look good, right? A more conventional sort of doctor is going to
use a different standard than say, you know, someone who, I don't know, has
like, more progressive view on health. Well, here's the thing.
No, you can... You can... Each... Different doctors can interpret the information differently.
Should we go to the type of doctor that you would want to deal with your health if you
were having a heart attack? Well, you would want... You would want the most conventional...
Okay, you would want a cardiologist. However, I would say a very strict Western medicine
cardiologist, right? But at the same time, that's reactive as opposed to looking at
overall heart health and projecting forward. Meaning traditionally, and I'll let you speak
to this because this is more your bag than anything else, is that Western medicine leans
very heavily in not into preventative care, but into reactive care. You come in, you have heart
problems. Well, let's just get you on some medication and then you'll be on that for
the rest of your life. There's never a question of what are you eating? And that really is
kind of true. Yeah? Absolutely. Yeah, that's one of the biggest problems with it. Yeah, for sure.
Now, this is why this is why I actually like my doctor because he is a heart specialist. That's
how he started. He was a total Western medicine guy. Now, I noticed you said he and him and guy.
Now, are we going to say it's important? I think we can all agree on this. We want it to be a man.
Before we land on the doctor, what the test should be? Do we have a prediction
for who is the healthiest? Again, what does it mean? What do we mean by healthiest?
Not sick.
Fair, but I can tell you that I'm in very good cardiovascular shape, but my liver is probably
shit. I think what it is, is it's complicated. It's complicated, right? Because, you know,
as I was saying, my doctor, he started out as a total Western medicine guy and still studies.
This is a guy who is in his 70s and still continues to read research papers. He reads,
he even said to me the other day, he's like, I shouldn't have been a doctor. I should have
been a professor. I should have been a teacher because he finds the academic side of the medical
profession more fascinating than I think actually practicing medicine and applying it.
It's kind of rough. You're in an appointment with him and he's questioning whether he wants
to be a doctor. I don't know if I want to be here right now, Glenn. I would have been better at
something else. Anyway, take off your pants. I had the opposite reaction. I was like, that's
amazing because this is a guy who literally, because that's the thing with doctors. Sometimes
I feel like at a certain point, they stay up on the most recent research. They're still going on
like what they learned in medical school 30 years ago. You know what I mean? That's what I like
about this guy is that he's not doing that. He's looking for all the most recent evidence and
research-based stuff about what it is to be healthy and how to get there.
Because I can tell you that my general physician is exceptionally Western medicine and he does the
same thing except what is the data? What's the data set that your guy is using? What my guy
is using is clinical trials. Yeah, exactly. My guy, his whole thing is like the most recent
thing I think, as I understand it, and I'm going to botch this, but what we're discovering is that
the whole trying to live a longer life, dealing with human longevity, is not just about not
wanting to die. It's the implication that if you are living longer, you are by definition
more disease-free because you can't live longer if you're riddled with disease or you have diseases
that are going to cause you to age. Disease is what causes you to age. Your things start to
break down. They stop working as well as that. That's what he specializes in, is essentially
trying to keep your body as youthful and young as possible, not for aesthetic purposes, but for
the purpose of living longer and more disease-free. Don't all doctors try to keep you disease-free?
Isn't that the thing? No, I don't think so. That's what Rob was talking about.
I think they react to when you get a disease. Yes. He's trying to get out ahead of saying,
hey, before you get a disease, I think you should do this. What is his approach with you?
Once a year, I go in, I get gobs of blood taken, urine, feces, saliva, whatever he needs to do.
He's trying to get the big picture. Yeah. He wants to test my
vitamin and mineral levels. He's testing my hormone levels. There are certain markers
that exist for whether you're aging, whether you're biological age internally, or if you're
older or younger. That's a good test. This is how old you are. This is how old you really are.
Yeah. This is how old you look. What's the legitimacy of that test, though? That's the
question. How much of it is... Well, for the sake, for the purposes of the podcast,
it is 100% ironclad legitimate. Yeah, but it could be, or it could be... Look,
there's a lot of pseudo-science in this stuff floating around. Sure, I think that's fair.
It's hard to know. Let me give you this $500 age test, too, and we'll check it out.
Yeah, we have to believe more accurate than the Zoltar machine on the boardwalk that you
went into. I'm not going to be surprised anymore. I got a spot on.
You have nailed me to a T, my friend. It's at the difference between... I think we have to
figure out what the... Then we have to agree on what the markers would be. It would be the
difference between, say, the SATs or an IQ test. We're finding more and more often that
any kind of standardized testing is just so subjective and so based on culture and...
A certain style of learning.
A certain style, yeah.
Yeah, and also based on environment and understanding what you're playing. Whereas
intelligence testing is basically about processing. It's less, as I understand it,
it's less based on subjective.
Look, because it used to be thought that you could not increase your IQ, and haven't
they recently learned that that's actually not true? You can actually improve upon your IQ?
Don't know.
I suppose if it's just a test with a score, theoretically, why couldn't you approve upon
that? Well, as I think...
I think I just said approve, which means I would do very poorly on it.
We don't know enough about intelligence to dispute it.
Yeah. How do we approve upon that?
How do I approve upon this?
How do I mean?
Well, there's the doctor that you have to pick to analyze the results, but also we could
talk about what kind of phlebotomist you like, meaning the person who's actually taking the
blood, what style did you like of that? Because I have a real needle phobia, and I've had a nurse
one time think that it would be better for me if they say I'm going to do it on the count of three
and then do it on one. I don't like that.
You don't like that move?
I don't like that move. We're building trust here. You've got a needle, you're about to stick
in my body. I think the style of phlebotomist is probably easy for all of us, because it's
pretty standard, which is skinny waist big tits. Oh, yeah, skinny big tits.
Skinny big tits, right?
Yeah, the only...
It's not what we... It's not what we... It wasn't that the only acceptable...
Body type. Body type.
Body type. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Skinny big tits.
And that's what you wanted a nurse.
That's what you wanted a nurse.
Yeah. And then the assumption is there that she can actually do her job,
but that's not even there, because they can all do their job.
She went to nursing school.
Yeah, she went to nursing school. She did the whole thing, but she also...
Yeah.
It's Los Angeles. I bet I can find that for you.
Oh, yeah. We can find... Of course.
Have you ever seen those billboards that are for medical marijuana doctors?
Now, they don't have them anymore, because it's legal in LA.
But there was one for a while that had just a really pretty woman on it,
and it would say actual doctor. That was part of the selling.
Oh, God.
It was like, not only would you get a weed prescription,
but a hot lady is going to give it to you. She's a doctor.
Sure. Don't worry.
Actually.
Yeah.
Yeah. If you can believe it, this person.
If you can believe this person.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, if there's... It'd be fun to do it in a way that it's not going to be too vague,
right? To get some kind of concrete.
That's what I'm saying. We have to agree on whatever that is, and then it's ironclad.
Well, we could excise some of the more controversial elements of it, right?
Some of the stuff that's a little bit newer and less time tested.
You know what I mean? We could remove some of those things and stick with the things that we...
are pretty provably correct, although science, as we have established, is a liar sometimes.
Should it be relative to our age? Meaning, you know, because Meg and I are significantly
younger than you guys, if we were to compare our numbers to theirs because they're in a different
age. It's also...
You know what? I have to say, I was thinking about this and getting just a little bit of
anxiety because this is a contest that I want to win.
Yes. There's a number of reasons for that, but the main reason isn't because I want to beat you
guys or anything like that. It's that I have poured so much time and energy into being as
healthy as I possibly could.
If you don't win?
That's going to wreck me.
That's going to wreck.
That's going to wreck you to the core.
But the thing that fucks me up is that over the course of this summer, basically,
for the last two or three months, I've gotten so tired of eating super healthy
that I've just gone, well, what if I just do a little bit more of just eating whatever I want?
So for the last two or three months, I've been eating somewhat healthy, but eating whatever
the fuck I want.
Enjoying your life a little bit more.
Enjoying my life a little bit more and not being so...
Where does that go into the health balance?
That's my concerns. I feel like that's going to fuck with my numbers and I'm like,
I just spent the last...
I don't think it is.
I don't think it is.
Maybe not.
What if it doesn't and then you find out that you could have been eating that way the whole
time and it wouldn't have affected you?
Well, or that it's only because it's only been going on for two or three months.
Yeah, yeah. There's a balance. I mean, there's no arguing that if you only ate fried food and
soda for three meals a day for your entire life, you want to be in good health, but there's
probably something like if you're depriving your body of a certain amount of whatever,
I don't know, enjoyment, sugar, whatever it is, that you might be unhealthy in a different way.
It's hard enough.
What do you want to win the most?
Cholesterol, testosterone, what would be the thing you'd be most excited about?
I know for a fact that I had a drop in my testosterone and my doctor was like,
Of course, you were older than 40s.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My doctor was like, this is fine as long as you're still functioning
and everything's fine, go about your business. I've done nothing to get it up.
Has that corresponded with any change in your... Do you feel that hormone drop?
No difference.
Oh, really?
No.
No.
It's great because it's so gradual, maybe.
Yeah.
Right, right, right. Yeah, you don't see it happening.
Or you had so much despair that it's like...
Yeah, that might be it too.
So manly.
It used to be so manly and now you're just regular manly.
Now you're just very manly.
Well, I've enhanced myself just through my diet and my vitamin intake.
So there's that.
But that's part of it, right?
It's like, what have I been doing to get those numbers where I want those numbers to be,
where my doctor wants those numbers to be?
But I think that's okay.
I think that's fair play.
Of course.
Because that's the state of your body as it stands right now.
It doesn't matter.
Or if we do this in three weeks, everybody has the opportunity to clean up for three weeks
if they really want to or a month.
I'm thinking about it.
I'm considering that.
Yeah, and it's a good motivator.
But I feel like that's not what we should... I don't think that that should be.
No, we should just be living our normal lives.
Yes, I think we should go about our business the way we normally would.
Do what you're doing.
Do your normal healthy shit, but also do your normal unhealthy shit.
And let's see where the...
I mean, I wonder if it's just as simple as like,
let's just take a standard blood test and start with that.
And what do those numbers mean, where are we at?
But again, like the interpretation of those numbers, right?
Because I've gotten some of those blood tests back and my doctor's like, okay,
we used to think, and the conventional way of thinking is that this is where you want to be.
But what we're now learning is that you actually want to be closer to this.
There have been specific moments when I'm going through my blood tests with my doctor
where he's like, don't worry about... This is a little high, but don't worry about that
because we're discovering that that doesn't really matter.
Yeah, it's maybe certain cholesterol markers.
And does he prescribe you like sound baths to get rid of it?
Or like, what's his prescription?
Yeah.
Well, so his whole thing.
His whole thing.
He's slapping the face right there.
Yeah, it was a slice again.
I'm not going to...
Yeah, that was a dick.
Hey, but you know what?
Here's what... When somebody goes slap, I just...
He's rolling.
I roll with him.
I'm like a blade of grass.
I'm blowing in the wind.
I sway, but I don't break.
I don't snap.
I'm a blade of grass, baby.
I'm known for that.
It's all the sound baths.
What's that?
It's all the sound baths.
It's all the sound bathing.
Sound baths, sound baths.
Sound baths is awesome.
Maybe we're trying it out.
No, actually, I've never done that, guys.
Oh, look, you all three of us have a new oven.
Awesome.
Yeah, I'm going to see you.
It's very cool.
It's delightful.
I just play these bowls.
They like, they rub this thing around the rim of a bowl and it just makes this tone.
That sounds lovely, but hand me a hand.
Just give me a handful of pills.
You know what I mean?
And also I'll have one.
But that's interesting that you're more into the...
They're not pharmaceuticals.
They're not pharmaceuticals, they're plant-based.
They're all, yeah, the best version of the vitamins.
How far, okay, how about this?
Are we going to do things like eyesight and hearing?
Are we checking to see who the superior human is?
Is my question.
I'm like, my hearing is terrible.
My hearing is, but I have very good eyesight.
My eyes are going.
And your eyes are going.
My ears are.
Your ears are great.
Great, yeah.
And what's more important?
Would you rather be able to see or hear?
No, I don't get sleepy, you know, the way you're sleepy a lot.
Yeah.
But shit hurts, you know.
You don't get, but there's, you know, for me,
it's really that afternoon dip.
That's when it really gets me.
I don't get that.
But you don't get that.
No, that's great.
Pretty good energy all day.
But I'm in pain.
God bless you, man.
Like, yeah, shit.
Flexibility.
That's going to be rough for all of us.
That's going to be rough for all of us.
That's going to be rough for all of us.
That's something actually.
Because you can't get lower.
Not anymore.
I can't get lower.
You could probably get lower in all of us.
Meg, you're probably.
We could find out how low we can go right now.
Splits.
That's something we can do right now.
I can't go low, but I happen to know I have impingements on my head.
So it seems a little unfair.
So it's like it's going to.
Is that going to hurt?
Well, it's not necessarily unfair.
That's just where his body is.
I know.
But is it going to hurt you to try it?
No.
Okay.
So we should see how low we can go.
Yeah, let's see how low we can go.
Now this is cold.
This is going to be real dangerous.
Now you're in shorts.
So in shorts, which allows for more free and free flow.
By the way, by the way, that's why this is getting.
Until it starts to.
But you've got to factor in your body weight
can push you down a little bit lower.
I've never had a widespread.
I've never had a widespread.
You definitely are going to be able to get the lowest, I think.
I definitely used to.
I would say that that used to be true, but I don't.
But that's not a flexibility.
That's a skeletal thing.
Say a lot of that is.
Yeah, a lot of that's.
What about, okay, how about this?
What about just being able to touch your toes?
Well, I can do that.
No problem.
I think I can do that.
There you go.
I think I can do that.
But cold.
Yeah.
So we could all get there in 15 minutes.
Well, let's just try to touch our toes right now.
OK, let's try to touch our toes.
From a standing position.
Oh, Christ.
All right.
Oh, you went down fast.
Can you put your feet together?
Put your feet together.
Oh, you're grabbing your toes.
You son of a bitch.
Oh, look at that.
Yeah, no problem.
No problem.
Oh, that's not my camera.
I can do it, but I didn't like it.
My hamstrings didn't like it.
No.
But I like shoulder rotation I get.
Oh, see, that's like.
Yeah, my shoulders.
On my left side.
Yeah, for him to do it.
It's no good.
All right, ready?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Easy peasy.
Easy peasy.
My shoulders are just fucked, man.
I don't know if it's.
Are there different markers for a woman and a man?
Aren't there like.
There probably are.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
See, but look, but look how quickly this is what's amazing about the body is that
if you just stretch for it for five, five minutes, you can put your foot.
Yeah, of course, you can grab.
And you feel a little better too.
The second you sit back on that chair, you're like, oh, good.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
You just released a bunch of.
I stretch every single night before I go to bed.
I've got to be more flexible.
It doesn't take.
It doesn't take.
Well, I'm probably better than I would be if I weren't doing that.
But it does.
It's surprisingly less cumulative than I would have hoped.
In other words, like that I've a sort of end of range.
And I think I'd have to work a lot harder to to increase that that range of motion.
But that that's actually something I really want to start doing is like,
like just, I don't know, spending more time like doing mobility exercises.
Just like my shit is like getting real tight as I get older.
Yeah, everything just tightening up.
And I don't like it.
Man, it's getting dry.
Yeah.
Well, we can also strength, right?
Like I've I've I've taken a dip in my strength training.
You stayed up with it and increased upon it.
Yes.
But and the question is walk around like being strong doesn't really matter.
And I sometimes I wonder functional strength is a functional.
Like I was at the beach in Florida and, you know, there was a guy who was like
really muscular, right?
But also fat in a way.
Yeah.
Like, you know that look where he like had giant belly, but it was also ripped.
And I was like, he's he and he's not he hasn't started cutting yet.
Yeah, I couldn't tell.
I was like, is he is he in good health or is he in bad health?
That's I don't think it's maybe it's specific to his personal body.
Like, isn't that part of it too?
Or it's like, sure, somebody's body wants to be big.
And I think it's at like rail thin is like maybe not good for that guy.
Yeah, you may have a certain natural proclivity towards size that some of us
think there's like a certain kind of fat that's healthy to have to like the
it's got to turn like gray, fat or brown, fat or brown fat.
Is it brown fat fat around your organs?
But that's what you don't.
I think that's what you don't.
That's what you don't want.
I think there's a good fact that they're realizing.
Is there I think they're realizing.
We definitely need doctors.
Any doctor, any doctor for any part of town.
Yeah, yeah, it's going to be better than us.
Joints are getting bad, man.
Like doing like pull ups.
The muscles feel fine, but the elbows, man.
Like elbows are bugging you.
Not only if I'm pulling my body mass up and down over and over and over again.
What's what's giving you problems physically?
What do you what do you feel in these days when you work out?
Is there something that's given you problems or the sport that you play
where you're like, God damn this knee or whatever.
I don't have any of those lingering issues, but I think it's because I was never an athlete
and never did any of these things.
So like all my frequently are you doing the ice bath things?
So the cold.
Yeah, the cold plunge.
Cold plunge.
Yeah, I shall do that three times a week.
Oh, yeah.
So so that could be a part of that.
I could be keeping your inflammation weighed out.
Also genetics, like my dad still runs five miles a day.
God bless.
He's never had any problems with his knees or ankles.
We're small people.
That's helpful.
Like I think carrying around large amounts of weight is not great.
Gravity is not pulling on you as hard.
Being a really big person has its benefits.
Certainly like I think people in society will take you more seriously at first.
And there are certain benefits to being a big tall guy.
Man, I was on a little plane from Dallas to Destin, Florida, you know,
like one of those American ones that have the two seats and the one on the other.
And I went to the bathroom and my head was touching the ceiling.
Yeah.
I'm like, how the hell is a large guy getting in this place?
Yeah, he's.
They hunch.
They got a hunch.
That's why I got a hunch down.
All people like I've had to work always on pulling my shoulders back and my posture
because I got tall really early when I was younger.
And you didn't.
You didn't like it.
I didn't like it and especially because the guys hadn't caught up yet.
So I was like, make me smaller.
It was curling my body and all the time.
So I have to work on that.
Well, what happens if one of us finds out that we have brain cancer?
That's the fear, right?
Why is that the fear?
That's the good thing.
Oh, you don't want to know.
You don't want to know.
You don't want to know.
Okay.
That's actually fascinating.
And I think there's a part of you that really is joking and a part of you that really feels.
I know lots of people who truly believe that.
Yeah.
No, I do.
If I have a freckle that's cancerous, yeah, go ahead and chop that off.
If I have a brain tumor and I got like a month to live one way or the other,
then I'm like, I'd rather just be like, pfft.
Well, somebody just told me a fascinating story yesterday.
This is completely and totally anecdotal, I admit,
but they were saying that they were reading about something that happened,
some story where a doctor mixed up two patients charts, just completely mixed them up,
told one of his patients who was in perfectly good health that they only had six months to live,
according to their chart, told the other person who had six months to live
that they were in great health and they had no problems.
And the fucking guy apparently who was told that they had six months to live,
who was in perfect health, died in six months.
And the other guy fucking lived.
Now, that's a great story.
And it's like, isn't that great?
It's such a.
No, no, let's stop there.
It's such a great story.
It's such a wonderful internet parable.
It's a great story.
It's a great story.
How long do you want to live?
How long do you think you're going to die?
How long do you want to be when you're going to die?
Bob's not entirely convinced.
I'm not 100% sure.
I'm not going to be the first one.
We've talked about this before.
You don't think you're going to die?
There's a chance.
He's not 100% sure he is going to die.
But this corporeal plane will cease to exist.
Yeah, the meat puppet.
The meat puppet will cease to exist,
but I will upload my consciousness into some sort of.
Oh, so you're going to keep the worst part?
Yeah, you're going to upload yourself
into into a sentient computer being.
Yeah.
Whose body just doesn't need a bunch of pills,
just needs an oiling every once in a while,
like an application of some sort of a lubricating thing,
possibly some sort of a power source.
And beyond that, you'll live forever inside the body
of an android.
Who knows that I need a body at all?
Maybe I just exist in a main frame.
Well, we're making the planet completely inhospitable
to this corporeal form.
Yeah.
And eventually we will.
We've got to go digital.
We're going to have to go.
We're going to have to basically.
Get out of these analog meat sleeves.
Yeah, do you think that we will just end up living
our conscience, our consciousnesses
will just end up existing in the metaverse?
I don't know.
I think that'd be sweet.
Don't you want to be done?
But you want to just come to an end?
Absolutely.
I feel like I'm just getting started.
Oh, really?
Nobody you beat.
But yeah, you pick.
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I did find two women.
But I go see for my, yeah, not interested.
I knew you guys wouldn't be interested in that.
I like, I love the idea of a woman.
Just in general.
The idea of a woman.
Oh, OK.
You like, yeah, I have a big example of a woman.
Just like as a thing.
Wait, because then we can also...
You're a little excited.
The idea of a woman just got out of you.
We can ask her opinion of who's more attractive.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
Which is the most important.
That's professional, yeah.
That's good.
Yeah, absolutely.
I think that's totally appropriate.
Well, we're asking her whose health is more attractive.
Why can't we?
Yeah, if you were going to let one of us impregnate you,
which one would you pick based on our work in jeans?
Who do you want to take in the back of bank?
Yeah, which one would you want to take you in the back of bank?
Exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I have actually, I have, joking aside,
I've had a number of female doctors over the years,
and that has never been concerning in any way.
But one thing that is concerning, and I think we're now,
I don't know if Meg's quite there.
I know you guys are there.
We're at the age when you walk in,
and you're older than the doctor,
or the doctor is your same age.
Yeah, I have not had that experience yet.
It's happening way more often, way more often.
That's, that's scary.
Yeah.
These are supposed to be people who are older than us.
I, that's, wait, let's break that down because you're like,
well, you're not even good enough at health
that you haven't even lived as long as I have.
Well, no, I think that's more like knowing your own,
like, lack of expertise in just things in life
to be like, this person who's younger than me
is going to be an expert on my health and well-being.
Yeah, I'm coming in and going, I'm a moron.
But in my mind, I'm a young moron, which I'm not.
But I'm, but in my mind, I'm going, I want.
Do you really think you're not when you,
you make that joke a lot about being old or,
because I still think I'm young,
which I think is actually good for my health.
No, I don't think of myself as old.
I think that I'm young and I feel young,
but I recognize objectively that I'm not.
Again, it's relative to this.
It's relative, yeah, relative.
But relative to doctors, let's just say, in my mind.
So I'm walking in and saying,
I generally don't love having anybody of authority around me,
whether it's a parent or a boss or I don't enjoy that.
But when I go into a doctor's office,
I want the doctor to be my mom or my dad.
I want them to take care of me.
I want them to be in charge,
because I don't know anything about medicine or science
or my health, and I want to trust that they got it.
That's why when I walk in and it's like a 30-year-old,
I'm like, oh, fuck.
You don't got it.
You don't got it.
So the only place that you feel vulnerable in your life
is in the doctor's office that you need?
No, I feel vulnerable a lot.
I feel vulnerable.
But then what you want authority figures around you
to take care of you in your regular life?
Is this one of the only places
where he wants to submit to someone else's authority?
Yes.
By virtue of the fact that they have a tremendous wealth
of knowledge that you do not have about the thing
that you're there for.
You want to be in control,
because it's very scary to be out of control.
And then the only place where you're like,
I would argue it's probably two places,
but you go into a doctor's office and say,
okay, I'll give up control,
because I know that I can't control this situation.
I just don't have the expertise.
Probably also when you're on an airplane,
you're like, you don't freak out on an airplane.
You're like, I'll give up control to the pilots or the...
Yes, however, when I see a pilot who is younger,
I actually have the opposite reaction where I'm like,
reflexes.
Yeah, I'm like, this person got here
because he or she is like...
Fucking top gun up here.
Exactly.
I don't want Leslie Nielsen.
Exactly.
I want somebody who's excited to be in that cockpit
because they still love it.
I'm too excited.
But the same thing could be.
But the same thing could be.
I think he's trying to drink.
Of course, the same thing could be.
He could be some of my doctors,
which is like they're so burned out at this point
that they're like, whatever,
you're going to die anyway.
What's the human point, you know?
Well, how old's your guy?
He's, you know, I don't know exactly.
I want to say he's in his early 70s.
Oh, my god.
He's whizzing his all the time.
My guy, you know, he's Danny's guy.
Oh, yeah.
And he's...
He's Western.
He's pretty Western, but I mean,
he's up on all his reading research
and he is a sought after doctor.
Yeah, he's a big Hollywood doctor.
Top guys.
He gets like flown to other countries
by people that are like, I need to see you specifically.
He's keeping Danny alive.
He's doing great with Danny.
Danny's doing good.
Yeah.
That's a thing.
He's looking great.
We should consider Dr. Kipper.
He's the best.
Do you have a doctor?
I have a doctor, yes.
I think he's great.
He's probably just like middle of the road,
very, very Western, but very up to date on,
again, all the data that he uses,
whenever he references things,
it's all like very buttoned up medical papers and whatnot.
Is this the guy that gave us the B12 shots that one time?
No, that's the guy.
Well, what's great about him,
so he's one of the Hollywood doctors who comes around
and gives us physicals for the creeps and listeners
who don't know this.
Every time you run a new season of a show,
the insurance company makes you get physicals.
And what they'll do to just save time
is they'll send a doctor to the officer of the stage
and they'll just give you a physical.
Those people are unbelievable.
So we found a really great one.
And at one point, somebody asked for a B12 shot
because it was really like in the height
of cold and flu season, pre-COVID.
And he shows up with like a whole canister film
and he goes, I'm just FYI, these are bullshit.
And he's like, there's no science to prove that these work.
But if you believe that they do, and you want me to,
there's no downside to it.
Well, no, I don't.
There's no downside to it.
Thanks a lot, doctor.
So if you want to take it, I'm happy to give it to you.
But I have to tell you that there is no science
to suggest that these actually work.
Well, isn't there...
Everybody said, load me up, doc.
Yeah, come on, hit me.
Is it there's some...
Well, here.
You're here.
Well, you're here and it looks exciting.
Something cool could happen.
Might get a little hot.
What if, okay, what if we did this?
This might be a lot of extra work.
But if we had each individual doctor analyze the results
themselves and then we see the difference in doctors.
Oh, now that's interesting.
So basically, we get the results
and we give them to all the doctors.
And we say to them, look, we know you're busy
like saving lives and stuff.
But we got to find the podcast we got to do.
But take time out of your extraordinarily busy
life saving schedules.
Now, we are in Hollywood.
This is what I mean.
And doctors enjoy spreading the message.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right of health.
Maybe they'll be into it.
They'll probably also bill us for the time.
Yeah, they'll bill us as they should.
As they should.
Yeah, sure.
Sure, they're providing a service, aren't they?
That would be fun.
And then we could have the doctors on.
I don't know if my gut...
Well, I don't know, maybe.
We could have them on not together.
Because they might fight.
Because they might fight.
For their own one-hour own safety.
Now that would be amazing.
Our three doctors all sitting in these chairs right here
arguing about the results.
Yelling over each other so no one can understand.
If we could make that happen, that would be amazing.
They probably would have a very calm and collected
conversation with it.
And guess what?
It'll be fucking boring.
Probably agree that it would be boring
because doctors aren't entertainers.
I don't think it would be boring to me.
I'll say that because I find this stuff fascinating.
Well, we could see if it was boring.
And if it was, we could cut it.
Cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that.
Or we could add sound effects or cool things to jazz it up.
You know, when you're like slowed out of frame,
it's like, I think your numbers are high.
Or high, or high, or high.
Yeah, stuff like that.
Yeah, all those kind of things.
Keep the kids engaged.
Wow, the little sound effects board, you know?
Well, we should come up with a definitely like a top 10 list.
Top 10.
Top 10.
Most important things, like we can agree on.
Things like that are just a simply objective, right?
Blood pressure, cholesterol, testosterone levels.
Well, it's good that we're all advocating for our doctors
because that means that we're all, you know,
feeling pretty confident about the doctors
that we're going to see.
So I'd call that a win overall.
Okay.
Yeah.
If I wasn't advocating for my doctor
and I was leaning towards yours,
then I'd probably want to switch doctors.
So medicine, basically a good thing, right?
You guys have fallen on the side.
Pre-medicine.
I'm pro-medicine.
I'm also pro-preventative care.
It is fascinating.
I am as well.
And I'm also pro, even though I lean towards
traditional Western medicine, I'm like,
but also look into the other stuff too,
because I do think, and I have seen examples where it's worked,
you know?
Yeah.
Have you done acupuncture before?
I have.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That didn't do much for me, but the guy that I went to
for acupuncture did cure my son of this crazy rash thing
he was having when he was two,
where his pediatrician had no clue how to treat it,
and then we went to a dermatologist, and they didn't know,
and this guy gave him a bunch of herbs to sort of heal his gut,
and the rash went away.
Wow.
Inks, right?
Yeah.
So I've seen it.
Never worked, baby.
Never worked.
I have seen it.
I have not seen it at all, nor do I want to see it.
You know what I mean?
From a medical sense?
No, thank you.
No, thank you.
I don't want to see it all.
Well, they're going to see it all on Friday.
They're going to see everything inside me,
and I could bring that in if you'd like to the video.
Want to see deep inside your body?
I need to go.
Can I come along?
I need to get a camera up there and see what's what, you know.
What are you saying?
You want to join?
You want to join?
Can you just make it a two-shot?
Yeah, a two-shot.
Well, we have-
Get in for coverage.
Can you get us in a three?
Glenn, we have the same pathologist.
I've been going to your guy.
Oh, yeah.
We got the same butthole guy.
And we got the same butthole guy,
and he says it's time to go get it.
That's what he's been to every time I go see him.
He's like, when are you getting that call on us?
When are you doing it?
Yeah, I know.
How often are you going to see a butthole
just without getting a call on us?
I mean, not that often.
I'm just saying every time I do it.
So many women out there fantasizing about us,
and here we are talking about our buttholes
and our butthole doctors.
Cut that.
Women fantasizing about us.
Absolutely.
Come on.
No.
Yeah, sure.
I don't think so.
I'm going all salt and pepper, you know.
No, man.
I'm going to turn into a silver fox.
That's my mindset at least.
That's yourself, Tom.
Why are you going so gray?
Is it, could it be your health?
Could be your age.
I don't know if that's related to health.
I don't think so.
Yeah.
I think it's related to hair.
I think it's just genetics.
It's just genetics.
I still got all my hair though.
So that's good.
Yeah, most of it.
Well, you cut most of it off.
I did.
I just mean, I was, it was, you know,
of course there is that small part of you
that's that, you know, you're like,
I know this doesn't make any sense,
but what if it doesn't come back?
Well, you'll find another doctor in Hollywood
and Beverly Hills.
And they'll put some hair in your head.
I did read a thing, uh, talk about in there
on the comments where someone said, uh,
that we all have hair plugs.
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
Oh, we do?
We're, oh, I'm getting, I'm getting,
we're getting a lot of, uh, yeah,
a lot of comments about how like we're.
My man, if I had plugs, you think I would get
a much better head.
I know.
Absolutely.
I would get like, I would have the.
Oh, and I'd be, I'd be fucking Teen Wolf, man.
I just come down to here and be fucking.
And the, and the, and the work done,
people have been like, though,
they've had a lot of work done.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fantastic.
Buddy, if I, if this is work done,
I need my money back, you know,
give me my fucking money back, man.
Yeah.
Whatever.
People want to think what they think.
But I do take, I do take a lot of, you know,
supplements that are supposed to help
with like good skin and hair and all that kind of shit.
So, you know, maybe it's working.
I don't think we, I don't, we don't look like
we've had plastic surgery.
What the fuck are people talking about?
They're joking, right?
I don't know.
I don't know.
People just like to.
Yeah, they want to lie you up.
Yeah, that's okay.
I'm not going to let them get to me.
I'm a blade of grass, baby.
Establish that.
Blood health.
Blood health.
Brain, but how do we get into brain health?
How do we get it?
That's probably the most important health there is.
Mental health.
Mental health.
How do we try to find a therapist that would come in
and be like, well, you're fucked up.
You're not so bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're a lost cause.
God, I wish we could find somebody who would do that.
Yeah, just break us down.
Yes, I would do that.
That'd be fun.
Like I wonder if there is like, is there like a quick sort of like,
you know what I'm saying?
Like a, like a set of questions that helps someone determine
your sort of baseline mental health.
Should we ask the audience what they want us to do?
Talk to a therapist, see that, see everything.
Just the blood work.
What are they?
What do they want?
What do you want from us?
You want to see our outside, you want to see your insides,
you want to get us on our heads here.
Yeah.
You want it all, man.
Yeah, of course they want it all fucking blood sucking,
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Just for all the creeps and listeners out there, I'd like to introduce what we're doing today,
which is we are getting our blood drawn for these tests that we were talking about to compare all
of our numbers. We have Amy here, who is our phlebotomist. I've already mispronounced it,
phlebotomist. And she'll be taking all of our blood. Now we're not doing urine or feces. We are
not. Are we? Are you prepared for that? I just peed. I just peed too. Oh, you were planning on
taking. I didn't know that. It's urine. Okay. Okay. But no feces. We can skip that part.
Amy, what happens if they refuse to fill out this health questionnaire? I can't force them.
Okay. Well, there you go. But see, now that makes me want to.
Yeah. I'm kind of with Rob on. I'm leaning towards Rob here because
I'm curious to know what the answers are purely based on the numbers.
Well, okay. So for example, number 17, how often do you use your cell phone while driving,
excluding hands for usage? It's an overall health. Yes. And risk assessment. And it's very easy for
one of those. Wait, it's a health risk assessment? They don't have a question on here though is,
do you work with three men who refuse to do anything that you ask them to do? And does it
cause you stress on the daily health? Which could damage your health?
That would potentially raise your blood pressure, which is a metric that you could test.
Yeah. I will say that the questions are too antidotal. Right? They're not scientific enough.
Right? So like, no, this is your concern, right? That's like, nobody can tell me what to do.
It's my phlebotomy. All right. It's time to draw our blood.
Now, can I ask a question of you guys? Did knowing that we were getting our blood drawn
today, did anybody clean up their act at all? I thought about it and then I decided,
I decided not to. I was like, let's just be honest and fair.
Slightest. I also learned something about myself and maybe you're
keying in on this right here, Glenn. I actually went the opposite direction and I think it's
because at first I thought, well, maybe I'll clean up for it. Then I decided, no, no,
I won't do that. I want to be honest. Yeah.
And then for some reason, I went too honest. Yeah, the opposite direction.
That's what happened to me. Opposite. I started drinking more
and exercising less. Great. You guys are going to be healthier than me.
I don't know. I don't know. So much of it is genetics, too.
You know, so much of it also is like, what's your gut biome doing versus what's my gut?
It's getting bigger. Are we checking your... We're controlled completely by the bacteria
in our stomach. You realize that, right? That's what science is talking about.
Maybe you, bitch. Sure.
Sure. That's the bacteria talking. You love me, the bacteria.
The bacteria is like, don't let him know we're in charge.
Well, our phlebotomist, I can't say that nurse. Can I call you nurse because I can pronounce
that word. No. Phlebotomist.
Yeah. Yeah.
So sorry. It's okay.
Amy is also Mike. So you guys can ask her questions if you have any about this blood draw.
Okay. Knowing that we will also have a doctor coming on.
Oh, you raise your hand first. You can go ahead.
No, I don't know. No, no, no. I'm just excited. I'm excited.
I just, I'm a little confused. Most of the time when I get a blood draw, I have to come in fasting.
I actually haven't eaten today, but I have had, so, but I feel like my blood pressure is going
to be higher or whatever is the metric for this because I had coffee and no food.
That'll affect your cholesterol, right? Whether you've fasted or not.
Yeah. Correct. It will. It won't, but from what, you know, the way they've been doing it lately,
I've, we've been seeing a lot of doctors making orders without requiring fasting.
So it's, I guess, showing that it's not really making too much of a difference, but
whether you're fasting or not, I would always recommend to fast, of course, if they do a lipid
panel, which is what he said, your cholesterol, it can raise it up, but.
Well, what about if I've fasted, if I've not just fasted, but I've had coffee,
like just black coffee. You're good.
That won't affect any of this numbers on anything.
The difference with fasting and nothing by mouth is when you're fasting, okay, you can't have no
food or anything like that. You can have all the water you want. You can have coffee, tea,
no cream, no sugar, no additives into it. Nothing by mouth is exactly what it is, just nothing by
mouth. So is, is my score going to be affected, would you say, in a positive way for having
being fasted or. I think you would get a more accurate result.
I think what we're looking for is, and I think we can all agree that this is going to happen no
matter what, there's going to be an asterisk at the end of this. Absolutely.
We're all looking because, and this is what's great, if it works out and we feel great about
the number, then it was all. That it was, it was all done perfectly right.
Yeah, and then if it's not, then we can just throw an asterisk up there and say it's all
flawed. Okay, great, great. No, I just had a colonoscopy. I'm sorry. Yeah, no, it's fine.
I enjoy, I actually enjoyed it. Did you enjoy it? I did enjoy it. It was really easy. That's
interesting. It was really fun. They made it really fun. Really? And, but will the propa fall
that might still be coursing through my system, will that affect my blood? How long ago did you
do it? Four hours ago. Wait. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. It was. You can do it. You can
do it like in first thing in the morning. No, you did it like 40, like 48 hours ago, right?
I didn't get to work. Yeah, it was a couple of days ago. It was on Monday. Yeah. You'll be fine.
I feel great. I think we should just watch the needle go in. I have a weird thing. I don't like
to look at it. I can't look at it either. I enjoy, this is very strange. I, if I see it on
a movie or a television show, I have to look away, but I enjoy watching the needle go into my
own. That's funny. Yeah, I don't like it either. You're like things going in your arm and up your
butt. You're like, you just like to be broke. Yeah, you like to be penetrated. I don't even
fucking hate you. He's enjoying this and I can't enjoy it. I might have saved our species.
Like they might have been like, they're getting too much pleasure from this. They're learning
to enjoy this. It's not worth our time. I gotta be able to get in there. Okay. Can you come around
a year or I can move the microphone? We do or we having to do one of us at a time or are you
going to stick us all in? No, you got it one at a time. Yeah, one at a time. Must be safe.
Oh, nice. Yeah. Actually, I mean, it does help the vein
pop, right? To squeeze something, doesn't it? I don't know. My phlebotomist always gives me
one of those stress balls. Do you have a dedicated phlebotomist? Well, when I go to the
doctor, the phlebotomist at the doctor's office. Stop saying phlebotomist. Now,
phlebotomy, as I suspected, is also from the Greek words. Yes, that's right.
Phlebs? Phlebs, meaning vein and tome, meaning a cutting.
Cutting. Right before I gotta go. Yeah, vein cutting, vein cutting. These are the panels you
guys chose. Yes, I like was a lot of looking at how many there are someone who chose these.
We chose them in conjunction with our doctor, Dr. Kipper. Dr. Kipper. Dr. Kipper sent me
really funny texts. He's like, I've already decided that you're the healthiest.
Can I go next? Yeah, go ahead. Stand slowly here. Be careful. Watch out for the gas.
I'm getting so hungry and I'd rather just stay fasted since. Is that the first time you've
ever heard someone saying it's my phlebotomy? It is the first time. Yes.
I appreciate it. People thought it. Probably not because it's ridiculous.
When I first started doing phlebotomy, one of my patients, I had a, I was brand new,
and I had just stuck the needle into the bevel of it was just right at the tip there,
but not all the way in. And it just hit it enough to where the blood just shot a straight stream
straight up in the air. Oh boy. Yeah. And the patient was looking the other way and I was like,
oh good. Nothing. Exactly. Just big, big, like, big, like, splatter, blood splatter all around
your face. Exactly. Okay. Can you make that happen on purpose? No, I can't.
A lot of freaks out there.
It's inserted.
Inserted. I'm done. Great. Thank you. And then we just got to pee into cups.
Pee into cups, stand on the scale. Oh, okay. I'll take a peek up. You got one? Oh, yes.
And now she'll take our blood pressure.
Oh, thank you. Fuck you. That's all I want to do.
Oh, this one I like because I can see it's not me. It's not me. I'm not doing it.
Your blood pressure is abnormal.
What does it say? What does it say?
Abnormal. My blood pressure is. You see, doctor, immediately. Who's going next? You want to go next?
Yeah. Do you want to do me? Okay. All right.
I'll trust this one. I don't know about this machine, man. I don't know about this machine.
I don't know if the machine works right after me. Let you know. I want you to know.
It looks good to me. I don't know why it means abnormal. That's pretty good.
You're abnormal, motherfucker. Your blood pressure is 159 over 78.
That's pretty good. That's abnormally good.
That's not bad. Yeah. Okay. Well, we've given all our fluids.
So we've given almost every one of our fluids to Amy.
Fill the blood bucket. Yes. Thank you for coming, Amy. And can you tell us the name of your company
that you're working for? Absolutely. I am with National Phlebotomy Provider Network.
Owner is Nathan Cron, and we really appreciate you guys choosing us to come and do this for you.
Thank you very much. Thank you, Amy. Thank you. All right. We can't wait for the results.
To be continued next week when the doctor is in. Can I propose a, I don't know what your format is,
but this is chaos. And we have the results. We thought like, oh, this would be a good opportunity
to find out if any of us are headed towards a heart attack country and get our blood taken
and find out what's going on inside of our bodies. And, but most importantly,
to find out who's the healthiest. So we are, this is a competition.
And I'm just hoping that you're not biased towards Charlie because he's your patient.
Tune in next Monday for part two, where we'll find out who's more healthier.