The Amelia Project - Episode 25 - Tatiana Gurkovsky

Episode Date: September 20, 2020

“He’s right. We said we’d let the dice decide.” Episode 25, Season 3. With Alan Burgon, Julia Thorne, Julia Morizawa, Amrita Acharia, Torgny G. Aanderaa, Benjamin Noble, Ravdeep Singh Bajwa, Gianluca Iumiento, Erin King, Jordan Cobb, Amir Mirzai and Merlin Mohseni. Written by Philip Thorne. Directed by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager. Sound design and music by Fredrik Baden. For full credits see our website. The Amelia Project is an audio fiction series. We recommend starting at the beginning. Congratulations. You’ve reached the content warning. The Amelia Project is about death, mishaps, mayhem and misfortune. And cocoa. If you’re not comfortable with this, stop listening. Now. The Amelia Project is part of the Fable & Folly Network. Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partners Check out this episode’s sponsor, Function of Beauty! To take your four part hair profile quiz and save 20% on your first order go to: FunctionOfBeauty.com/amelia Website: ameliapodcast.com Transcripts: ameliapodcast.com/transcripts Twitter: @amelia_podcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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It's our most blootiful drink yet, so try it while you can, only at Starbucks. Here we are, season three of the Amelia Project, and we pick up with the dice roll. Are MI5 agents Cole and Haynes outside the offices as Alvina fears, or is the interviewer right, and are they just bluffing? Will the Amelia team decide to stand their ground or flee? All that will be answered in today's episode. This season premiere is dedicated to our wonderful patron Eric Demarge. Thank you so much for all you've done for us during the lockdown, Eric. It really means the world. Now, sit back and enjoy. Oh. Oh.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. A four. Very good. That's that settled. What? I guess it is. No. We have to either call them back or... You can't stand losing, can you, Alvina? This isn't a game. This is serious.

I told you, Alvina, they don't know where we are. Even if they don't, it's just a matter of time before they... Stop it, both of you. He's right. What? We said we'd let the die decide But It's settled

Not a word about any of this to Joey, Salvatore or Kozlovsky We don't want to rattle them Seriously? Business as usual? Business as usual Where are you going? Popping out Did I tell you that the corner shop has finally stocked up on Maltesers?

You've got a client in five minutes Oh Yes Yes, of course Did I tell you that the corner shop has finally stocked up on Maltesers? You've got a client in five minutes. Oh, yes. Yes, of course. Right, so, Mr... Mrs... Miss... Lady... Typical! It's a sir. Sir, isn't it? Sir? Cardinal. Doesn't have a clue. Too much background information clutters the brain. I like to be surprised.

I hope you're right about this. Rain. I like to be surprised. I hope you're right about this. I am. Trust me. Your client is Tatyana Grykowski. She'll be with you in five minutes. Good luck. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Shh. How long? Ten minutes. I don't think they'll call.

Well, then they're in for a nasty surprise. Status update. Still nothing. Ten minutes, then we move. Cole? You're shaking. Are you scared? Excited. It feels like we've been waiting for this forever.

Oh, just ten minutes to go. Ten minutes to go. The Amelia Project. Created by Philip Thorne and Osteen Braga. With music and sound design by Frederick Barden. Episode 25. Tatjana Gorkowski. Joey, Salvatore, I'm ready for the next client, please. Come in. Ah, Miss, um, Gorkowski?

Привет. I'd shake your hand, but as you can see, my arms are chained behind my back. I'm so sorry, Miss Gorkovsky? Привет. I'd shake your hand, but as you can see, my arms are chained behind my back. I'm so sorry, Miss Gorkovsky. Joey, Salvatore, release her immediately. But this is ridiculous. We ask you to blindfold the clients when you bring them here, not chain them up and parade them in front of me like Marley's ghost. I am so sorry, Tatiana.

Can I call you Tatiana? Can I offer you some cocoa to make up for this? Don't worry. I let them chain me up. Oh. You did? Mm-hmm. We used 12 meters of chain from the bottle of disappearance and 15 padlocks. But why on earth would you let them chain you up? Oh. You don't know who I am, do you?

Of course I do. You're Tatyana Gorkovsky. Exactly. Wow, Joey. Now, I can shake your hand. How? Bravo. How? You're an escapologist. The best.

Well, it's an honour to meet you. Oh, this calls for two cups of our finest cocoa. Joey, Salvatore, go make yourselves useful. Cocoa coming, boss. Goody, goody gumdrops. The cocoa will blow your mind. Please, take a seat. I'm eager to hear your story.

Is it safe in here? Oh, don't worry. In here, you're safer than a bubble-wrapped turtle in a bank vault. Ten minutes, Rob. No call. Pity. I wanted to do this without fuss.

Press always complicate things. Oh, well. Their choice. State of the update. Hang on, hang on, hang on. What? If it's just you and me, we can still keep this low profile. Status update.

What? We go in alone. Just do this quietly. Er... But... Hello, status update. Change of plan. Stay put. Cole and I will enter the building alone.

I'll signal if we need backup. You got that? If you say so, sir. Shit. I hope this is right. What are you worried about? That Alvina and her pepper spray There's also Joey and Salvatore

Nathaniel took them out at one punch Yeah, Nathaniel What's that supposed to mean? I go to the gym twice a week No you don't Anyway It's one o'clock Joey and Salvatore are probably having their siesta

Okay Anyway, it's one o'clock. Joey and Salvatore are probably having their siesta. Okay. Let's do this. Yes. Oh, I just love magic. Escapology isn't magic. Well, your escape back then looked pretty magical. Escapology relies on technical skills. Lockpicking, contortion, critical thinking.

Will you teach me? Maybe. Oh, you must know Alexander Morozov. I've heard of him. Heard of him? Good God, the man's a legend. Nothing he can't escape from. A nuclear bunker, a runaway train, a coffin buried in concrete, a... All right, all right. I get it. What's wrong? Did I... Oh. Oh, you're jealous, aren't you? Don't be silly. You're

jealous that I know Morozov, but I didn't know you. I'm very big in Russia. I'm sure you are. Bigger than Alexander Morozov. Really? Really. Well, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the wider world finds out then. The world finds out tomorrow. Ooh, what happens tomorrow?

I escape from a straitjacket while dangling upside down from a burning rope hanging over a tank of piranhas. It will be broadcast live on Russia One. Now that's impressive. And you think that will get international attention? If it goes wrong, then yes. Oh, I see. Let me explain. Please do.

The flames work their way down the rope towards my legs. I struggle to remove the straitjacket. I remove one arm. The flames catch my trousers and set me on fire. I wriggle in mid-air, frantically trying to release the other arm. The rope burns through, sending me hurtling towards the fish tank. A giant splash! The water extinguishes the burning straitjacket.

But now the piranhas come at me. The water turns red. Oh, bravo! Who will people talk about after that, hmm? Alexander Morozov or Tatiana Gorkovsky? Ha ha ha ha! Why is it so dark? It's just like in my dream.

What? The office. I think it's that door over there. Okay. Let's check. It's okay It's okay, I just stepped on the On a Malteser Christ I was about to call backup

That door there That's his office. I know it. Can you arrange my death for me? Let's see. It takes place tomorrow, you say? At 7.30 Moscow Standard Time. 7.30... You know, they say you're the best in the business. Stop. No, yes, we are actually the best in the business.

We've helped clients escape from speeding vehicles, cannons, coffins, and plummeting jets. No. Yes. So, you can get me out of the piranha tank. I'll knock. Ready? Oh, my God. Yes.

Ready. At Amelia, we like to do the impossible. Come in. Hands above your heads. What the fuck? What's happened here? They've escaped. Impossible.

Two cocos. Ah, just what we need. Thank you, Salvatore. How is it? Oh, just sladky soply. I beg your pardon? Thank you, Salvatore. How is it? Oh, just slatky soply. I beg your pardon? I said it's extraordinary.

Mmm. Yummy. Ah, yes, that's the correct answer. You know something? I am going to help you. And in return, you're going to teach me how to escape from those chains. It's a deal.

Yes! Look at all those boxes. Are there more tapes? Empty. Fuck, fuck, fuck. They've grabbed everything and left. How can this be? They might still have left something useful among all this mess.

That's nothing. It's empty. That's empty as well. What the fuck? More Maltesers? What the hell? I can't believe they got away with this. I mean, we just... What? Shut up.

Excuse me? Listen. You think they're still here? Take our positions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take our positions Hands up! You okay Mia? Yup Got this one in a headlock

Give me your gun No You don't want another kick in the jelly beans do you? Here you go. Excuse me, I'm having trouble breathing. Is that better for you sweetie? Who's in charge here? That would be me. You? Really? Huh. Let him go, Mia. Jackie Williams and Mia Fox, CIA. What? That's right, honeysuckle. Game's up. Christopher Haynes and Henry Cole?

Am I five? What? Are you bullshitting us? I was about to ask you the same question. Show us your badges. Show us yours. Show yours first. Let's all show our badges on three, right? One, two, three.

Well, this is awkward. Why didn't you tell us about this? We're supposed to cooperate. Why didn't we tell you? Why didn't you tell us? You conniving, underhand, backstabbing yanks. Cooperate when it suits.

And when it doesn't, just kick us in the balls, right? Excuse me? You never shared with us that you were onto Amelia. You know, it's no wonder this country's such a mess. They put men like you in charge. You really think we want to trust you with our secrets? What's that supposed to mean? Ouch, my nuts. Such fucking softies.

This is about Welby. I bet it is. You wanted to sneak in here and get those plans for yourself. What? You think we don't know about Anthony Welby? Cute. Over there. Looks like a thermos of...

Yep. Coco. Why don't we all have a cup and talk this through? We've obviously got some catching up to do. We have to determine at which point the switch takes place. The switch? Yes. Switching the real you with a replacement corpse that will be eaten by the piranhas. I see. How high up will you be? I'll be hanging from a 60-meter crane.

Great. Your face won't be recognizable to the crowds. That means the replacement corpse can be in the straitjacket right from the beginning. It can't just hang there like a dead weight. It has to look like I'm genuinely trying to escape. I have to wriggle and kick. Kozlovsky has always wanted to experiment with remote-controlled corpses. Looks like this is the perfect case for it. No.

No? It won't work. Why ever not? I told you. The stunt is for live television. There will be cameras pointing at my face. Close-ups. They need to capture my sweat and screams. It has to be me. The real me.

Well, roast my rump and call me a chump. I'll need some more cocoa to jog the imagination. This is most certainly a three-cup case. Oh, wow. Gosh. Holy moly. That's what all the fuss was about. I finally understand.

How did you find this place? Yes, a few months ago, we sent two spies to Amelia, Tara and Lily. They were sent on a wild goose chase across the country and picked up in a blacked out van. But we gave them tracking devices. They were brought here to Battersea. Where else have you looked? Sorry? How many of the other locations?

Um... Jesus, the Amelia Project is in your own backyard and you don't even know how they operate? Are you saying this isn't the only... We know of five offices. There's this place, some rooms above the Rising Phoenix Pub in Hampstead, a converted barn in Cumbria, an abandoned chapel in North Yorkshire, and a cottage on the Isle of Wight. This episode is brought to you by RBC Student Banking.

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Put your hands together for Lady Raven. Dad, thank you. This is literally the best day of my life. On August 2nd. What's with all the police trucks outside? You know the butcher? Goes around just chopping people up. Comes a new M. Night Shyamalan experience.

The feds heard he's gonna be here today. Josh Hartnett. I'm in control. And Salika as Lady Raven. This whole concert? It's a trap. Trap. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Only in theaters August 2nd. Any solutions yet?

I'm thinking, I'm thinking... Ah! Can you swim? Yes. How deep is the aquarium? Six meters. Are you allergic to ginger? Excuse me? Just answer the questions. Are you allergic to ginger?

No. How long can you hold your breath underwater? Two minutes. Excellent. Can you handle power tools? I think so. Good. Do you suffer from claustrophobia? No. Good, good. Can you wiggle your left ear?

No. No? No. Oh. Well, that won't work then. Well, what was the idea? Never mind. There's always plan B. What's plan B? We'll position you so that you miss the aquarium by just a few centimetres.

Joey and Salvatore will be behind the aquarium with a crash mat. We'll install a tank of compressed air at the bottom of the aquarium with the replacement corpse inside. Once you fall, we'll activate the trigger to punctuate the tank of air. There will be a tremendous splash and the corpse will be released. The piranhas will take care of the rest. Wonderful! I know. Now, have you thought about what you'd like to do next?

The world's your oyster. Yes. I will be the world's leading expert on Tatyana Gorkovsky. Don't you want to move on? Tatyana Gorkovsky will be dead. Yes, Tatyiana Gorkovsky will be dead. Yes, Tatiana Gorkovsky will be dead, but her reputation won't be. The end of Tatiana Gorkovsky, the woman, is just the beginning of Tatiana Gorkovsky, the legend. Oh.

I'll write a glowing obituary. You'll write your own obituary? I wouldn't want to leave it to anyone else who has a better knowledge of Tatiana Gorkovsky than moi. A week or two after my death, I'll also publish a biography. Writing a biography will take more than a few weeks. I've already written it. One more proofread and it's good to go. I'm also on draft three of the screenplay. I expect Hollywood will be asking for the movie rights before I'm buried. You'll be eaten by piranhas.

Not much to bury. The hours immediately after my death will be crucial for molding my image. I want to be remembered the right way. I've shot a documentary about me featuring all my greatest stunts. I'll upload that to YouTube. I've got to hand it to you.

You do seem to have it all planned out. After my death, there will only be one Russian escapologist on everyone's lips. Tatiana Grukovsky. I will go down in the pantheon of great escapologists who died for their art. The Russian Houdini! Ha ha ha! So you're saying they haven't escaped. They're just somewhere else.

But then why is this place such a dump? Looks to me like someone left in a hurry. Have you checked out the other places? The barn in Cumbria? The cottage on the Isle of Wight? Yes. This was the last place on the list. What did you find at the other places? Found them in the same state as here. Empty filing cabinets, papers everywhere. So they have escaped? Not necessarily. But if they weren't at any of the other five locations? Those are the five locations we know about. There may be more. In fact, I'd say the fact that they weren't in any of these locations proves that there are. Right. And why do all these places look like they've been ransacked? Because someone else got there first.

What do you mean? Who? Who got there first? I'm guessing the Russians. What? So now the Russians know about Amelia too? That's how we know. We were listening in on the Iranians, who were listening in on the Russians, while they were talking about Anthony Welby. That led us on to Amelia.

Fuck. We moved as fast as we could, but they've overtaken us every step of the way. Every place we turn up, they've gotten there first. You think they know about Amelia's other locations? Well, they've collected info from five different offices, so I'd say there's a very good chance, yes. Now it's time for you to uphold your part of the bargain.

You want me to teach you how to escape from chains? Yes, chain me up! It's an art. It takes practice. Oh, I'll be a dedicated student. Oh, come on, you promised. Okay. Put your arms behind your back. Oh, come on. You promised. Okay. Put your arms behind your back.

Oh, this is so exciting. Oh, I can't wait to show Alvina this. I'll tell her I got myself chained up by mistake, and she'll give me that despairing look like I'm a toddler who's got stuck in the toilet seat. And then I'll go, ta-da! And her mind will be blown. I'll attach one padlock here.

Yes. And another one here. Right. Not too tight? No, don't worry. Still got a bit oflock here. Yes. And another one here. Right. Not too tight? No, don't worry. Still got a bit of wiggle room. Ouch. That, that's, um, that is a little tight.

Shh. Press the intercom. Excuse me? Darling, you're going to press the intercom and tell those two Italians that you need some fresh air. You're popping out to get some chocolate. Do you feel that? What's that? That's a gun.

Any funny business and I'll use it. Now press the intercom. But my hands are chained behind my... I said press the intercom! Just do it! Face. Joey, Salvatore, I need to get the office out of my lungs for a bit. I'm just popping to the corner shop for a...

Kit Kat. Back in a jiffy. Good boy. Where's your coat? Over in that wardrobe. There you go. What do you want? We're going outside.

Where are we going? No more questions. Who sent you here? Let's get going. What's your real name? Move! We hope you enjoyed this first episode of Season 3. The story continues next week.

If you can't wait that long, consider becoming a patron. Today we're releasing a bonus episode exclusive to $5 patrons. It delves into the story of CIA agents Jackie Williams and Mia Fox. To listen to that and get access to all past and future bonus content, go to patreon.com slash Amelia podcast. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com slash Amelia podcast. Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first, the credits. This episode was written and edited by Philip Thorne.

It was directed by Einstein Breger and Philip Thorne, with music and sound design by Frederick Barden. The episode featured Alan Bergen as the interviewer, Amrita Acharya as Tatiana Gorkovsky, Julia Morizawa as Amelia, Julia C. Thorne as Alvina, Benjamin Noble as Agent Haynes, Torgny G. Ondero as Agent Cole, Einstein Breger as the head of the firearms unit, Gianluca Yumiento as Joey, Ravdeep Singh Bajwa as Salvatore, Jordan Cobb as Jackie Williams,

Erin King as Mia Fox, Amir Mitzai as Bijan, and Merlin Monseni as Jamsheet. The episode was recorded at the Bridge Writing Studio in London, Spike City Studio and LSI Lutz Produktion in Oslo, Torngeber Studios in Vienna, and Loudoun County Public Library in Virginia, USA, and engineered by Billy Halliday, Gabriel Geber, Robert Rustad Amundsen, and Steiner Borgen. engineered by Billy Halliday, Gabriel Geber, Robert Rustad Amundsen and Steiner Borgen. The Amelia Project is produced by Imploding Fictions with graphic design by Anders Pedersen.

Thank you so, so much to all our patrons who keep this show alive, and a special thank you to Angel Acevedo, Jem Fiddick, Eric DeMarge, Sophie Leveso, Sophia Anderson and Katarina Zindelar. And now, the epilogue. What do we do next? Well, I guess we have to update Northcott. No. What? Shh. What?

Can you hear that? Shit. Let's hide. You must be joking. Come in. Come in. Everybody else has. Why not you? Yeah. You're too late, mate. Am I five? Make yourselves at home. Put your feet up.

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