The Amelia Project - Episode 33 - Alvina

Episode Date: January 10, 2021

“Do you always arrive by propeller airplane?” Episode 33, Season 3. With: Julia Thorne, Julia Morizawa and Federico Trujillo. Written by Oystein Brager. Story editing by Philip Thorne. Directed by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager. Sound design and music by Fredrik Baden. For full credits see our website. The Amelia Project is an audio fiction series. We recommend starting at the beginning. Congratulations. You’ve reached the content warning. The Amelia Project is about death, mishaps, mayhem and misfortune. And cocoa. If you’re not comfortable with this, stop listening. Now. The Amelia Project is part of the Fable & Folly Network. Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partners Check out this episode’s sponsor: ISSUU: Get started with Issuu today for FREE or if you sign up for a premium account you will get 50% off when you go to ISSUU.com/podcast and use promo code AMELIA. Website: ameliapodcast.com Transcripts: ameliapodcast.com/transcripts Twitter: @amelia_podcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? You can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken parmesan delivered. Sunshine? No. Some wine? Yes. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. See app for details.

Cold tapes. A gripping crime story that will chill you to the bone. You know, life on the base means, well, it's close to six months without light. That does things to people that study that he was doing to watch us and then set off us like mice around this special little experiment how many people are on this base 16 on this one someone amongst them is our killer experience cold tapes the murder mystery podcast game. Start your investigation where you get your podcasts. Happy New Year and welcome to a new episode of The Amelia Project.

We're back today on the first Monday of 2021 to release the last of our pre-recorded episodes. But the good news is that thanks to an increase in Patreon support, we can now confirm that we will be going back into production. In fact, we've already started going back into production and we will launch the next part of the season on the 12th of April 2021, with new episodes coming out right up until August. Thank you to everyone who has become a patron over the last month. As we've said, our resolution this year is to slowly start turning this from a hobby into a job, and you're all really helping us with that. As a special thank you, we will be releasing a full-length bonus episode for $5 patrons in March. More info about that at the end.

We absolutely love it when we receive emails and messages from you, and our listener and patron Lee recently wrote in saying something rather lovely. He said, After a rubbish day at work, to melt into an episode is bliss. So, we invite you to close your eyes and melt into today's episode. Unless you're driving a car, in that case, please don't close your eyes. But you can still melt into today's episode like a marshmallow bobbing atop and slowly melting into a cup of cocoa. We last left Amelia and Alvina at the beginning of the last episode in a mysterious location where there was a sudden explosion.

I can't see anything. Me neither. If we just wait a bit, maybe our eyes will adjust to the dark. Or we could look for a source of light. Mm-hmm. I think I'm moving towards the door. Yes! Ah, damn. Wait.

What's this? Won't last long, but... There's a candle there, on the shelf. Ah, that's better. This room is almost scarier in candlelight than it was in the dark. The flickering shadows, the dark corners... It's bigger than I expected. What is all this stuff? Pickle jars, canned food, wine bottles, crates of ammunition.

Did you just say wine bottles? Why? Do you reckon this is a good time for a party? I do, actually. We might as well enjoy ourselves whilst we're waiting for this to die down. Well, I wouldn't mind a drink. Gah! Oh, damn. What is it?

I just caught myself clutching at my neck. But it isn't there, is it? No. It isn't there. Oh, damn it. Let's do it. Let's open a bottle. Calm the nerves.

Let's try this one. Do you... do you think it will die down? It's not going to go on forever. Now, let's see if I can find something to open this with. Ah, a screwdriver. That should do. I mean, I appreciate that they shoved us down here rather than, I don't know, give us machine guns and send us into the jungle. Still, it is a pantry, not actually an air raid shelter. If we don't make it out of here, at least we'll end it in style. This is a 2005 vintage vino tinto.

Vino tinto just means red wine, doesn't it? Eh, the label is handwritten. Interesting. One glass for you. This will either be the worst wine we've ever tasted... And one for me. ...or the best vinegar we've ever had. Arriba, abajo, al centro, padentro...

Salud. Oh my god, this is actually amazing. I told you, we're gonna go out in style. I thought it was going to be rank, but this might be the best red wine I've ever had. Maybe even the best wine I've ever had. Better than your very first glass of Veuve Clicquot? You mean when we first met? Yes. You know it doesn't compare, Amelia. That day was...

odd. Thank you. The Amelia Project, created by Philip Thorne and Ostein Braga, with music and sound design by Frederik Barden. Episode 33. Alvina. Alvina. What the... It can't be. It can't be them. They can't be arriving by plane.

There's no landing strip. It will go right over the edge. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God. It is landing here. Oh, jeez. Oh, Oh jeez, oh jeez, oh jeez! That was close. John and Jesus in a sack race. What are you doing living in a place like this?

Are you... Amelia, from the Amelia Project. You're Julia Thorpe? You called us? Yes, I did. Do you always arrive by propeller airplane? Oh, uh, we don't normally do house calls. Well, my circumstances are... rather particular. Normally, I wouldn't be the one doing the interview, but my colleague is off to Bogogobo for a disappearance.

Cute cottage. Spectacular nature. But that landing strip? Very short. It's not actually a landing strip. At first, I thought I had a fleck of dirt on my windshield, but then I realized that was actually your island. I only just managed to stop before going over the edge. And that is where your cottage is, perched right on the edge of a cliff. It used to be further in. Erosion has washed off much of the cliff face. Gotta be careful.

One day the whole house will come tumbling down. I've moved all the heavy items over to the north side of the house. Probably for the best. Can't believe I managed to break in time. Originally, I reckoned I'd be landing at St. Mary. They actually have an airport. Well, to be fair, when you gave your address, I thought, Oh, Cornwall, I can take the beetle down.

But then it turns out you're not actually in Cornwall. I did say I live on the Isles of Silly. Oh, they are rather silly, aren't they? Tiny. Well, yes. Before I left, I looked at a map to see where I'd have to go once I landed at St. Mary, and then I realized you're not even on St. Mary. No, you're on an island off of St. Mary called Tresco. Only you're not on Tresco. You're on an island off of Tresco called Briar. Only you're not on Briar. You're on a tiny little

rock off of Briar called Samson. Only inhabitants, you and some seagulls. And I think the seagulls escaped when I landed. Your plane is rather... loud. Electra 3? Ah, she's a beaut. Normally people arrive by boat. People arrive here often enough to call anything normal? It is a quiet place. Normally. Sorry. I always get a bit worked up when I've flown in a storm.

You don't happen to have a cup of cocoa, do you? Cocoa? Nothing calms the nerves like a nice cup of cocoa. But tea is also fine. Peppermint, if you have it. Ooh, I'll make you a cream tea. I have homemade scones. Oh, that's not necessary. It won't be a minute. Anyway, the kettle's just boiled. So, you want to die?

No. No? No. No? No. But on the answer phone you said it was urgent. It is. What is?

Faking his death. Here's your tea. His death? Yes. You want Here's your tea. His death? Yes. You want me to fake someone else's death? Yes. Well, does this person consent? Well?

No. I won't have that tea then. We don't do involuntary deaths. The client has to consent. Oh, I should have called and explained. I guess I'll just have to head off again. Ugh, that's annoying. Flying all the way out here for a dud. No, no, no, no.

It's not a dud. It's not? No. You don't have to worry about his consent. Oh, sorry. I got the wrong end of the stick. You are his secretary? Personal assistant. Sort of.

I'll have that tea after all. So, where is the client? Over in that room. I'd like to speak to him personally. Um, I'm afraid you can't talk to him. Why not? Is he asleep? Not exactly.

Can't he talk? Are you interpreting? No, definitely not. Well, I'm at a loss then. Who is the client? Ronald Bryson. Ronald Bryson? The Ronald Bryson? Ronald Bryson Ronald Bryson? Ronald Bryson? The Ronald Bryson? Ronald Bryson Ronald Bryson?

Ronald Bryson of Bryson Industries, yes. He's number 19 on the top 20 list of the richest people in Britain. We keep an eye on that list for potential clients. I'm very excited to meet him. Well, that's the thing. I'm afraid you won't be meeting him. But he's just next door. Yes, but he's dead, but... He's dead.

Sorry? He's dead. Already? Excuse me? I thought you wanted me to kill him. No, I mean he's really dead. Really? Really.

How did he die? Natural causes. Heart attack. I think. So you're saying there's no need for services after all? Oh no, there definitely is. I absolutely need you to fake his death. You want us to fake the death of a man who is already dead? Yes.

He's starting to smell. When did he die? Three weeks ago. I used quicklime to preserve him, but I might have done it wrong, because now this fungus has appeared and... Okay, okay, okay. Let's backtrack. I think you're going to have to tell me your story. Sure. Have a seat.

Oh, I'll have one of those scones to go with your story. My colleagues got me hooked on sweet stuff. It's not good for my cardio. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Mmm. Mmm. It's my, mmm. Heh. Mmm. It's my own recipe. It's delicious. Now go ahead. I'm all ears.

I was on this dating app. I'd been on it for a while without meeting anyone interesting. But then, just over three weeks ago, Ronald popped up. He wasn't like the rest of them. He seemed seemed refined. So we decided he would take his yacht and come and visit me. A yacht, eh?

The first clue as to how rich he is was. You couldn't tell from the name? I thought it was a fake name. Why? If someone put Bill Gates on their dating profile, you wouldn't think it was actually Bill Gates, would you? Not with Bill Gates, I wouldn't. If it was Larry King, I might.

Well, I never thought a millionaire would use his real name on a dating app. Imagine my surprise when he got off the boat and it's actually him. He didn't understand why I was so gobsmacked. He kept on going, but I always said who I was. Island girl like you, rich man like that. Sounds like quite the romantic story. It was, I guess. Until I got to know him. He wasn't as nice in real life as he was online? Oh no, he was perfectly nice. Really, really nice. Nice manners, nice clothes. He gave me nice compliments.

He even promised he was going to get my roof rethatched, which was especially nice of him. He even promised he was going to get my roof rethatched, which was especially nice of him. He had bought me some very nice flowers. He was a very, very nice man. But... He was so boring. He had no personality. Strike that, he had one single character trait, and that was being a pedant. He kept answering texts from his staff, micromanaging everything.

Not just which investments to make, no. Are we going to hire this or that intern? What should the company Christmas card say? Which charity do we choose for the annual fundraiser? The Rare Rock Appreciation Society or the Foundation for the Preservation of Rocks? Did you just say rocks? Oh, sorry, I should have mentioned. He was obsessed with rocks.

Grey rocks. I think he sounds quite fascinating. Believe me, he's actually more interesting now than he ever was alive. At least now there's an interesting fungus growing on him. I didn't know how I was going to get through the evening. He made me look at photos on his laptop. Picture after picture after picture of rocks. All of them slightly out of focus. I told him they were lovely. He smiled. God, what a boring smile.

But I didn't want to be rude and tell him to leave when he'd come all the way out here. You do live behind the back of Beyond. Then, just as I was trying to get a little break from the boredom, preparing some scones with cream and jam, I suddenly hear him plunging over on the floor. What did you do? I tried CPR, but... He was gone. The right thing to do would be to report that there's been a death, right?

So I get my mobile out and I'm about to call Brian. Who's Brian? Oh, sorry, he's the baker over on Tresco. Why on earth would you call the baker? He's also the local doctor. Of course he is. No bread? Someone's dead! Local saying.

Anyway, just as I'm about to make the call... Splash. Splash? A drop of water from my leaky roof lands right on my phone. And I think, that's a sign, isn't it? I really need to get that roof retouched. But I can't afford it. And Ronald has just promised me...

That he would pay for it. So it's not really stealing if it's something he was going to do anyway, is it? Is it? And whether he's reported dead now or the next morning makes no difference, does it? Does it? Go on. So I... I put the order through.

For a new roof. Then I place Ronald in my bed. It felt more respectful than leaving him on the floor. And I go to sleep on the sofa. A few minutes later, I'm woken up. An important message coming through on his phone. You see, Bryson Industries hosts an annual fundraiser. It's a big deal. But Ronald had been putting off choosing which charity they're going to support this year. The Rock something or the something Rocks? Exactly.

Now his staff needs a decision right away or the whole thing will be cancelled. So I decide to respond. You knew the password to his phone? I used his fingerprint. Ah. Which charity did you choose? The Dogs Trust. Neither knew the password to his phone? I used his fingerprint. Ah.

Which charity did you choose? The Dogs Trust. Neither of the rock ones? No. I like dogs. Impersonation? Identity theft? That's a felony, you know. Hardly. I just chose a worthy charity.

There is such a thing as a white lie. And a grey one. I have a feeling this isn't the end of the story, is it? It hardly took a minute before the next text message came through. Should they book Barnaby Hall for the fundraiser? It's about to be fully booked. They need an answer now. I say yes. Put the phone down. Try to gather myself. I just need a moment to... tried to gather myself. I just need a moment to... It beeps again. What colour tablecloths for the charity dinner?

Dark grey or light grey? Dark grey, clearly. I go for dark grey, obviously. Stone plates, gold cutlery. It has to be classy. We want people to donate, not just eat and leave. Then I turn the phone on silent. I have a dead man in my bed.

I just want some rest before the morning. I have to get my story straight. But out of the corner of my eye, message after message after message, they keep ticking in. Buffet or plated food? Plated, of course. Who to invite?

Royalty? Business owners? Should some of the dogs be present? I'd observed Ronald all night. He would always respond immediately. So if I didn't... What I don't get is he could have died at any point that evening, which means at any time you could have just stopped. But the dogs... What about them? Do you know how many abandoned dogs there are in the UK? Do you know how many dogs are put on the street every day? How many homeless dogs die every winter? I don't. They deserve better. This fundraiser means a huge deal to them. But without Ronald to oversee it all, his staff won't know what to do. So I... take it upon myself to make sure it's all done the right way.

Just for that night? And the next morning. When I woke up, they had been texting me about the fundraiser keynote speaker. Now Jessica, she's the vice president of Bryson Industries, she seems to think that it's appropriate to invite Jeremy Clarkson to speak. Absolutely not. Then Moyad from accounting texts suggesting Ryan Reynolds, which is frankly ridiculous. If anyone is going to speak on behalf of abandoned dogs in Britain, it obviously has to be Emma Thompson. But Ronald has to contact the

keynote speaker personally, which means... You have to do that. It took me three days to get a reply from Thompson's agent. She politely declined. So then who were we going to choose? Kylie Jenner? Or maybe the Beckhams? In the end, I go for Carol Vorderman and... How long did it take you to get the keynote speaker sorted? Eight and a half days.

Iggy Pop is very happy to do it. So you... Had to postpone reporting Ronald's death. In that time, Ronald must have been getting a lot of other messages. His sister texted. Was Ronald planning to attend his niece's birthday this year? He'd only missed the previous six. It really was about time he gave that poor girl some attention.

I looked the niece up on Facebook. Apparently she likes unicorns and cupcakes. So I ordered a stupidly expensive three foot wide unicorn birthday card and 700 cupcakes to be delivered to her school. 700? Big school. Lots of pupils. Didn't know who her friends were so I just got one each. Wow. Worked a treat. His sister was super happy. She thought it was cute that the cupcakes were all decorated like different types of rocks. She said, That's so you, Ronnie.

Clever touch. All this time, I'm thinking, It's going to be over in a minute. As soon as this fundraiser is sorted, I'll call Dr. Bryan, report Ronald's death. By this point, I had my story ready. I mean, we met online, so that's basically public already. Then I'd say we fell in love the moment we set eyes on each other, spent a romantic week on my island, Ron being so enamoured he didn't want to leave,

and then suddenly and unexpectedly, he passed. Which is basically what happened. I just needed to amend the timeline a little. I had it all planned. How I'd cry when Dr. Brian got here. How I'd be all silent and tough at the funeral. But before all that, I just had to make sure that Barnaby Hall didn't pull out. They were afraid the homeless dogs would shit on their Axminster carpets. Let me guess. Every day you

kept getting more emails, more texts, more decisions that needed to be made? I put a lot of them off at first, but in the world of finance you have to be on the ball. On the first day I lost three and a half million pounds because I sat on the fence about selling some Saudi Arabian stocks. Jessica was furious. Sure, but then eight days later, when you've got the fundraiser all locked down, why didn't you stop? Barnaby Hall only finally agreed to the dogs this Tuesday. We have to cover the floors in plastic. I see. And Tuesday would be, what, 17 days after his death? 18. By this point, I'm basically running his life. His business decisions, his investments. I can't just respond to some things, I have to respond to everything. Every single little thing.

To be fair, I'm probably the best personal assistant he ever had. Only he's dead. Yeah, that's the downside. There was just so much to do, and then suddenly... It was too late. If I'd called at this point to say that he's dead... And Dr. Bryan had come here to find a corpse which had been decomposing for three weeks... That wouldn't be good. Who's to say I didn't kill the poor man?

You have no motive, though? Huh. What? In the last few weeks, I've pulled Bryson Industries out of fossil fuels and invested in green energy. I've restructured the company's pay scheme to ensure equal wages worldwide, and I made all our clothes brands fair trade. That easily looks like... motive. Our clothes brands?

See? I'm in too deep! You've been running quite a scheme here, haven't you? I guess so. Why end it now? Running his life is taking up all of my life. And it's getting suspicious. I'm turning down business meetings, gala dinners, birthday invitations from his mother. Soon someone will come looking for him.

So we have to fake his death to hide the fact that he's already dead. Well, that's a new one. Can you do it? Of course. Oh, that's great. Where do we start? Well, first of all, we'll have to make his corpse disappear. Now, in this storm, I'd rather not make any unnecessary trips, so I suggest we come up with a death that doesn't require me flying to London and back for a replacement corpse. He's still in your bed? Yes. Why haven't you buried him? You can't bury anything here.

Samson's a rock. And rowing across to Briar with a corpse-shaped sack isn't a very good look. Why not burn him? Fingerprints and DNA? They would go away if you burned him. No, no, I mean, I've been sending letters on his behalf. I've been putting eyelashes in the envelopes. You've been thorough. I like doing things properly. I assume you're using Mr.

Bryson's money to pay us? No, that would be stealing. So how are you paying? I have some savings. How much? A bit. Our services start at 80 grand. Oh, I don't have that much. at 80 grand. Oh. I don't have that much. Any chance of a discount? Listen, this interview alone, with it being an outcall and all, I mean, are you sure you don't want to use Mr. Bryson's

money? Compared to what Bryson Industries is worth, our fee is a drop in the ocean. It feels wrong. You've been impersonating this man for nearly a month. I have to draw the line somewhere. I see. You're the stubborn kind. I have to draw the line somewhere. I see. You're the stubborn kind. I'm so sorry. I've wasted your time.

I'll pay what I can towards your coming here. I just didn't realize quite how expensive it would be. I guess I'll just have to figure this one out myself. And I guess I'll just have to make my way home. Thanks for the tea.

And the scone. Actually... What? You've been running every aspect of this man's life for nearly a month, but you haven't even been close to getting caught? No. I don't think so. Do Sisyphean amounts of paperwork frighten you? I like order.

Are you squeamish? You can ask Ronald that. And you have a morbid sense of humor. How would you like a job? Sorry? With us. With the Amelia Project? Yes.

Doing what? Office assistant. I'll help you fake Ronald's death in exchange for your lifelong services. What? You've dotted every I, crossed every T. What? Death fraud? albeit to a dead man, but still. My colleague, he's not one for paperwork. Don't get me wrong, he's one of a kind. No one above or beyond. But he needs someone at his side with a firm hand.

And that's not you? Not anymore. I'd like to focus more on the bigger picture. What does that mean? Let's just say there are some people out there that we need to... keep happy. To ensure the safe running of the operation. So then I need someone on the ground for the day-to-day stuff.

I'd have to move to London? Yes. Would I get paid? Of course. Do I get any days off? I can't promise that. But I get to help you fake deaths. Yes. Me and my two partners.

Our interviewer and our surgeon. And we have a fair few subcontractors. You know what? I'm in! You're in? I sure am! You don't want to know more about us first? No. I'm in.

This is the most exciting thing to happen to me in decades. I think that's why I went on that dating site, actually. Not to meet someone, just to experience something. This island is dreadful. Nothing ever happens here. You do realise we'll have to fake your death as well. All our employees need to be off the grid. Well, I don't care.

Who's going to miss me? The seagulls? Bye, seagulls! I'm off tossers! They shit on my porch. Ooh! Can my new name be Alvina? Sure. Why?

The Lost Girl by D.H. Lawrence. It's my favourite novel. Ah. In that case, your new name will be Alvina Wright. Because you're making the right decision. Alvina Wright. Because you're making the right decision. Alvina Wright. Oh. Can Alvina still like scones? I'll give up anything, just not scones.

You can craft your new personality any way you like. Listen, I've had an idea for your disappearance. Let's bump you and Ronald off in one fell swoop. Ooh, how? Do you have any of that quicklime left? Plenty. Why? We're going to use the exothermic properties of quicklime to break the rock face. Break the...

We're going to make this house fall into the sea. Oh. I grew up here. It will be grand. In a minute, you will call Brian. Dr. Brian? Baker Brian. Ordering a cake for you and Ronald's engagement party. It's Valentine's Day today, isn't it?

And Ronald just proposed. Then suddenly there's a terrifying noise in the background. The cliff is breaking. The last thing Brian hears before the line is cut off is you screaming, Ronald! Ronald! As the house tumbles down and is swallowed by the waves. Wow. That's poetic. And spectacular.

We'll watch the house fall as we fly off. It also sounds surprisingly... simple? The best disappearances often are. Killed by a rock breaking off. It feels perfect for Ronald. Seeing how much he loved rocks. Are you ready? I think so. Good. Let's begin.

Wait a minute. Did you say we were going to fly to London? How else will we get there? I don't really fly. You can take it easy. I'm a very good pilot. Relax. I learned from the best. I'm still going to need something for my nerves. I have the perfect solution.

It's something we have to do anyway. It's sort of a ritual. Champagne? Veuve Clicquot. You ever had it before? No. It's good stuff. We don't skimp out, Amelia.

Veuve Clicquot. You know, I think I have made the right decision. Do you have any glasses? Um, here. What should we toast to? Death. That's morbid. That's what my new life is going to be all about, isn't it? It sure is. To death, then. To death. Do you remember what we toasted to? To death.

And what a wonderful life of deaths we've had since. We sure have. This red wine is amazing. The Panaraguan certainly know what they're doing. You kept your dead date in your bedroom for three weeks. Now that was very interesting. Shit! You made me drop the candle. Who are you? Where are you?

I can't see a bloody thing. Hello. I am Pablo Perez Garcia. I am the leader of the Panaraguan Pythons. We are freedom fighters. Welcome to our headquarters. Now, you are going to our headquarters. Now, you are going to help me. Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first

the credits. This episode was written and edited by Einstein Breger with story editing by Philip Thorne. It was directed by Philip Thorne and Einstein Breger with story editing by Philip Thorne. It was directed by Philip Thorne and Einstein Breger with music and sound design by Frederick Barden. The episode featured Julia C. Thorne as Alvina, Julia Morizawa as Amelia and Federico Trujillo as Pablo Perez-Garcia. The Amelia Project is produced by Imploding Fictions with graphic design by Anders Pedersen.

is produced by Imploding Fictions with graphic design by Anders Pedersen. Thank you to all our patrons. Whether you pledge $2 or $200, your support makes us so happy. And a special shout out to our super patrons, Jem Fiddick, Sophie Leveso, Sophia Anderson, Kate Sukiyasu, Jamie Pish and Travis Curtin. The next part of the season launches on the 12th of April with the episode Pablo Perez Garcia. If you make a $5 pledge on Patreon, you will get an additional full-length bonus episode before that. And of course, you can also check out all the bonus content that we've posted in the past.

You'll also be helping us to spend more time making the show. Our aim is to keep making this show bigger and better and eventually do it full-time if you'd like to support us go to ameliapodcast.com and click on support the show and now the epilogue Hey, open your eyes I don't want to But you should see it, it's falling Falling? Oh my god, oh my god, we're going to die Not the plane, your house

Open your eyes I'll take your word for it Relax, the plane is fine It's shaking rather a lot though You've got nothing to worry about. I learned to fly from the best pilot there ever was. Who's that? My grandmother.

I'm named after her, you know. Wait a minute. Really? There we go. Your eyes are open. Was your grandmother? Yes, she was. Does that mean she didn't die?

Does that mean the Amelia Project helped her disappear? Is the organisation named after her? In order, that's right. She didn't die until years later. And yes, we did help her disappear. Sort of. It's a long story. And yes, we are named after her.

Wow. Um... What is that? What? That on your windscreen. Oh, that. That's Samson, your former home. Wow. It really does look like a fleck of dirt. The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish. Mount Absalom. A community. A heritage.

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All right. Now let's get out our math homework. A place to work. Here at the Solari Bottling Works, we produce over 2,000 bottles of celery soda every day. A place to work. Here at the Celery Bottling Works, we produce over 2,000 bottles of celery soda every day. A place to raise a family. It's a girl. It's a place of history.

And here we have the barrel of whiskey that Confederate soldiers stole from Mount Absalom patriot Amelia Pleasance during Morgan's reign. And of course, a place of celery. 201st Celery Festival, I dub thee open! Mount Absalom is the perfect place for making memories. For making memories. For making memories. For making memories. For making memories.

Make your memories with us. Make your memories here in Absalom. Paid for by the Delphic Order of Van Absalom and Soleric Bottling Works. Refreshing Soleric Soda and Diet Soleric Soda. Unwell, a Midwestern Gothic mystery.