The Amelia Project - Episode 34 - Pablo Perez Garcia

Episode Date: April 11, 2021

“Hello. I’m Pablo Perez Garcia. I’m the leader of the Panaraguan Pythons. Now, you are going to help me.” Episode 34, Season 3. With Julia Morizawa, Julia C. Thorne, Federico Trujillo, Lory Martinez, Erin King, Jordan Cobb, Jessie Baade (AKA Mama Bang Bang), Torgny G. Aanderaa, Benjamin Noble, Alexander Mercury, Alan Burgon, Alex Scott Fairley and James Carney. Written and directed by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager. Sound design by Dominic Hargreaves. Sound direction and music by Fredrik Baden. Graphic design by Anders Pedersen. For full credits see our website. The Amelia Project is an audio fiction series. We recommend starting at the beginning. Congratulations. You’ve reached the content warning. The Amelia Project is about death, mishaps, mayhem and misfortune. And cocoa. If you’re not comfortable with this, stop listening. Now. The Amelia Project is part of the Fable & Folly Network. Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partners Website: ameliapodcast.com Transcripts: ameliapodcast.com/transcripts Twitter: @amelia_podcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? You can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken parmesan delivered. Sunshine? No. Some wine? Yes. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. See app for details.

Cold tapes. A gripping crime story that will chill you to the bone. You know, life on the base means, well, it's close to six months without light. That does things to people that study that he was doing to watch us and then set off us like mice around this special little experiment how many people are on this base 16 on this one someone amongst them is our killer experience cold tapes the murder mystery podcast game. Start your investigation where you get your podcasts. Hello everybody, we're back on your podcast feeds and we're here to stay until summer

with new episodes every fortnight. Today's episode follows several story strands, so if you can't quite remember what happened in Season 3 Part 1, we recommend listening to our latest release, Spiked Cocoa, first. It's a rollercoaster recap through what happened so far. We left off with Amelia and Alvina stuck in an air raid shelter, telling each other stories and drinking vino tinto, when suddenly a voice from the darkness surprises them. in an air raid shelter, telling each other stories and drinking vino tinto, when suddenly a voice from the darkness surprises them.

Someone is lurking in the shadows. Enjoy today's episode. Now that was very interesting. Gasp! Shit! You made me drop the candle. Who are you? Where are you?

Gah, I can't see a bloody thing. Hello. I am Pablo Perez Garcia. I am the leader of the Paradawan Vitals. We are freedom fighters. Welcome to our headquarters. Now, you are going to help me. Not again. Sorry. Oh, it's just, since arriving here I keep getting pestered by disembodied voices. You've helped someone else. Only a fetus. She's hallucinating. Due to the lack of food. Can we get some light in here? I

can't believe you've just been lurking in the dark this whole time. Did you listen to everything I said? You really keep a corpse in your bed for three weeks? You should have told us you were here. I was enjoying the story. Are scones really as good as they sound? Do not make my craving even worse! Well, since you know all about us, I think you should tell us about yourself.

Certainly. Start by telling us what you look like. I'd like to picture who I'm talking to. I have blue eyes and dark hair. I am wearing an orange bandana. My left ear is pierced with a golden python. My right ear is missing. You lost it in combat? No. It was cut off when I was 12. By President Julio Che Rodriguez Alvarez de la Fuente,

Major General of the Paraguayan Freedom Army of 1972. He cut off your ear when you were a boy? That's horrific. He wanted to make an example of me. Why? What did you do? I was born into the last Aipecan tribe in the Canary Forest. When they came to raise our enclave, we chained ourselves in front of the loggers. The president came to the forest.

He said if we didn't leave, he would kill us. As a warning, he took me, the youngest boy, and cut off my ear with his pocket knife. That day, I vowed to bring down the monster and free Panaragua. So you founded the Panaraguan Pythons. I joined the Panaraguan People's Party. When the leader was sentenced to death, I took over the movement. I ran a nationwide recruitment scheme, trained members in combat and espionage,

forged links with rebel groups around the world, and renamed the movement the Panaraguan Pythons. The movement has gone from strength to strength, and now victory is in sight! I just need your help, and tomorrow Panaragua will be free! Our, uh, help? We generally, um, try and stay out of geopolitics. It's too late for that.

That's for us to decide. Excuse me? We choose which cases to accept, and we don't take orders. I don't mean to be rude, but... Yes? You're in a bunker in the middle of the Panaraguan jungle. Yes? Surrounded by my men.

Yes? Do you really think you have a choice? Man's got a point. You mean we're your prisoners? I would prefer to call you my guests. But... The hospitality has been amazing. Listen. What's that?

Savannah? Ya pueden salir. El chiplo se está esperando. Right. Time to go. Hang on. Where are we going? Monte Rosa. But...

To the President's Palace. But we're... Quick! It's a long ride. But we have... We'll have time to discuss strategy on the way. The jeep is waiting. Thank you. Monta Rosa, ya llegamos. I don't know who you think we are or how we ended up here, but it seems there's been a mix-up. Orchestrating coups is not what we do. We specialize in...

I know what you do. You do? Then why are we here? Why aren't we in... Russia? How do you know? Tell us what's going on here. Hey, hey, you have to explain.

We were on a plane to Russia. Ay, ay, ay. Wait. You abducted the plane? How? The plane was headed to Panaragua from the start. What? No, we went to the Russian embassy.

Natalia Federov is a dissident. She subverted the Kremlin's orders and sent you here. You're serious? Why? Do you know what your friend is doing in Russia? He's in prison. He's working for the Kremlin. Okay. And the Kremlin does not want a regime change in Panarremlin. Okay. And the Kremlin does not want

a regime change in Panaragua. Okay. Your friend is planning a fake assassination for Presidente Julio Che Rodriguez Alvarez de la Fuente, Major General of the Panaraguan Freedom Army of 1972.

They want to fake the President's death? No. Not just his death. They want to fake the president's death? No, not just his death. They want to fake the revolution. Excuse me? I told you, the Kremlin wants to uphold the status quo. Then why don't they just kill you? Because the toothpaste has come out of the tube and they know it. Did he just say toothpaste? Yeah. Have you ever tried putting toothpaste back into the tube after it's been squeezed out? It's impossible. Your point?

It's impossible to put back the revolutionary spirit I have unleashed. Do you mean the Russians have accepted that revolution is inevitable? Yes. And rather than resist the revolution... They will fake it. How?

By faking the president's assassination, then bringing him back as me. You're saying the president will keep running Panaragua, but with your physique? Yes. Panaraguans get the revolution but the status quo is maintained that's impossible I've been told that for the Amelia project nothing is impossible how will they turn the president into you

you are the experts of transformation are you not Only with Kozlovsky. Kozlovsky? Our surgeon. And he's not in Russia. And where is he? He's... That's a very good question. You mean you lost your surgeon?

Yes. I wonder if he's woken up yet. Miss Kennedy. Miss Kennedy. Miss Kennedy. Jackie Williams. Mia Fox. Reporting for duty, ma'am. Well, welcome to London.

How are you finding it so far? Rainy. Cold. Lots of ugly teeth. Ah, the teeth! I've been the head of the UK office for nearly 15 years, but I still haven't gotten used to the English state. Haven't they invented dentists over here?

Anyhow, where's the surgeon? We handed him over to the security guards. What security guards? The two guys who waved us in when we arrived at the parking lot. What parking lot? I think it said New Mill Road. That's not our parking lot. What?

That's not our parking lot. Then who were those two men? Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but where? Tem's house. If they realize that we took the surgeon, that's the first place they'll go. They could cut us off. We have to go somewhere else. You goddamn shit for brain knuckleheads!

How the fuck did you manage to be had by a pair of lobster backs and crumpet stuffers? Get out there and give me that goddamn surgeon! You've been stationed here for two years. How could you not know which parking lot belonged to the embassy? I haven't been hanging around here. I've been in the field. Two years? You've never parked here.

Driving on the wrong side of the road freaks me out. Carl, your dry cleaner is something else. They just took the bag. No questions asked. Agreed to hang it in their storage. No questions asked. And they even agreed not to open the bag until we come back for it. Yeah, it's a good place. Oh, those two ladies have really got your back.

Yeah, those two and you. Normally they're two Vietnamese ladies, not Americans. Excuse me? No, no, you think that was them and... Oh, my God! They're coming. Damn it! Throw him down the manhole!

Oh, God, I can't take the smell down here. Man up. It's just you. You've got to find him. Oh, God, my trousers. There's shit on my trousers. You found him. He's bloody heavy.

Where did we park the car? There. Right. Where do we go now? No. No, not again. How the hell? Stop.

Stop. Stop! They won't find us on this rooftop. Aha! Hand him over! Now! Quick! Into the air ducts! Oh, no, no! Mia, where are you? I can't see a thing. It's pitch black.

What are ventilation systems always squeaky clean in the movies? This one's... Mia? Mia? Over here. Where? Over here. I have an idea. Brilliant.

Don't ever come looking at a bridal store. Brilliant! Don't ever come looking at a bridal store. I reckon Kozlovsky is locked up in an MI5 holding cell somewhere. Yes. Probably. Wedding dress, wedding dress, wedding dress. Ah, zip bag. It's just a suit.

Damn. They tricked us. When do you think they really took him? A slaughterhouse. I can't stand the sight of blood. Oh, Cole. It's hanging right there. Between the pig carcasses.

Oh, God. Oh, God. That's intestines. Between the pig carcasses Oh god Oh god That's intestines I'm gonna throw up Oi, you can't be in here, get out Fuck I really thought that was Kozlovsky Nope Well, I'm out of ideas

We've lost them We're well and truly fucked Ha! Oh, shit. Gotcha. Gotcha. What do you mean, gotcha? Where's the surgeon?

Well, I might ask you the same question. What do you mean? The surgeon? Where did you hide him? Where did we hide him? Yes. Um, you had him last. No, we didn't. Did we?

Ugh, this is a complete clusterfuck. Okay, okay, let's try and think back and pinpoint where we lost him. We put him in a bin liner and hid him in a dumpster behind Morrison's. From there, you retrieved him, put him into a suitcase, and checked him into luggage storage at St. Pancras. We lugged the suitcase over to the British Library and put him in a cleaning cupboard.

You took him out of the cleaning cupboard and into the ladies' lavatories. We put him in a wheelchair and rolled him over to the Royal Free Hospital... On the bright side, it means you have nothing to fear. Okay. Kozlovsky is the only person

who could turn the president into you. You're wrong. They're doing it without this Kozlovsky. How do you know? Our man in Russia sent us their plan. Really? How do they intend to do it? No idea.

You just said you've got their plan. Yes, but it came in code. Huh. I need you to decipher it for me. What kind of code? Something to do with insects. Insects? Show us this plan. Maggots, sawflies, a jumping plant louse, a stink bug, a dozen shining leaf chafers, two dozen leaf rolling weevils. A jar of spider wasps. Thorn bugs.

Red-fanged tropical fire ants. Spittle bugs. Canadian woodcutter bugs. Meadow hawks. Giant darners. Black saddlebag skimmers. You've got everything you need. Boris will be picking you up in just a few minutes.

Oh, Drat, I don't have any pincer ants. What do we need those for again? Nose hair removal. Won't a pair of tweezers do the trick? Do you have tweezers, Olek? Not to worry. In Panaragua, pincer ants outnumber humans by a million to one. And they're attracted to chocolate.

Chocolate? I'll just leave a piece of chocolate on the ground and it'll be covered in pincer ants in no time. I'll give you a Malteser. Thank you. Now, let's see. Glowworms, sucking lice, Brazilian treehoppers, harvester ants, globe skimmers... Bog wasp venom for Botox, spider silk for skin grafts. Nymph bug saliva for skin tone. Alvina? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Ant? Yep. What? Oh, Jesus. Ant? Who's Ant? This has just gotten a lot weirder. Ant is a maverick entomologist.

Huh? Entom... Que? Insects. They want to transform the president using insects. It's not a code. I don't get it. Neither do I.

It's beyond bonkers. You're saying their plan is... unrealistic? You tell me. It sounds, well... fattier than a box of bats? Si. You have nothing to fear. It won't work.

That's what people said about the cybug, and you know how that turned out. It doesn't actually need to work, as long as it seems it does. Come again? What do you mean? The Russians must think that everything is going according to plan. I don't follow. I want them to believe that the man declaring victory on the balcony is the president

pretending to be me. When in fact, it's... The real me! Huh. I want them to believe they've won. It's the only way they will leave Panaragua in peace and stop meddling here. That gives us some breathing space to put this country back on the right track.

Blimey. Risky. What do the Russians want you to do? They want me to shoot the president from the tower of the Iglesia de las Lagrimas Puras. They'll take safety precautions, of course? Of course. But they'll make it look like the assassination was successful. I'll cross the plaza and enter the palace.

They'll be waiting for you there? Yes. They'll kill you? That's where you come in. And how's that? I need you to fake my death. What? You must fake my murder in a way that the Rusians are convinced that I am gone.

Oh, heck. That way, the Rusians will withdraw from Panaragua, and once they realize what's happened, it will be too late and Panaragua will be free. And what happens to President Julio... Presidente Julio Che Rodriguez Alvarez de la Fuente, Major General of the Panaraguan Freedom Army of 1972. That one. I was thinking we should give him a new life.

In a hut. In what's left of the Canario Forest. Give him a taste of what he's done to the place. Poetic justice. I like it. If we're going to do this, we have to come up with a plan quickly. The only way we can pull this off is by liaising with our colleague. Can we get a message to him and Ant?

That will be difficult. I thought you said you have someone on the inside. There is someone feeding us information, yes. But we don't know who it is. but we don't know who it is. Brazilian treehoppers, harvester ants, globe skimmers and three Australian plague locusts.

Right, that's all the specimens. Once Boris gets back, I'm good to go. We have to send you off with... We don't have any champagne. Oh, in the absence of champagne, we'll raise a Malteser. send you off with... We don't have any champagne. Oh. In the absence of champagne, we'll raise a Malteser. Another Malteser, Ant. Thanks.

Malteser, Oleg? There you go. And one for me. Ready? To success in Panaragua. Success in... I need to talk to you. Oleg? Oleg? Oleg?

But... Oleg, did you just... Yes, I need to talk to you. He... You... You talk. I talk. Well, cover me in custard and call me a crumble.

Now, listen carefully. Call me a crumble. Now, listen carefully. We hope you enjoyed this episode. Stay tuned for a listener voicemail, but first, the credits. This episode was written and directed by Flipthorne and Einstein Breger, with sound design by Dominic Hargreaves and music by Frederick Barden. It featured Federico Trujillo as Pablo Perez Garcia, Julia Morizawa as Amelia, Julia C. Thorne as Alvina, Laurie Martinez as

Savannah, Jordan Cobb as Jackie Williams, Erin King as Mia Fox, Mama Bang Bang as Miss Kennedy, Benjamin Noble as Agent Haynes, Torgny G. Ondero as Agent Cole, Dominic Hargreaves as the slaughterhouse worker, Alan Bergen as the interviewer, Alex Scott Fairley as Ant, and Alexander Mercury as Oleg. The episode was recorded at the Bridge Writing Studio in London, Love Tracks Torn Studio in Lüneburg, Germany, and Spike City Studio in Oslo,

and engineered by Dominic Hargreaves, Billy Halliday, Stefan Heil and Robert Rustat Amundsen. The Amelia Project is produced by Imploding Fictions with graphic design by Anders Pedersen. Thank you to our patrons who keep this show running

and a massive thank you to our super patrons Sophia Anderson, Kate Sukuyasu, Sophie Lavazzo, Jem Fiddick, Alban Asant, Travis Curtin and hello to our new super patrons Rushabh Shukla and Amelie Harris. We have been receiving more amazing disappearance requests from you over the past weeks and months and we'd like to play you one of our favourites now. If you'd like to leave a message, well, usually I tell you to call our hidden number,

but we're experiencing some technical difficulties and unfortunately have been unable to decipher some of the recent messages due to glitchy audio. So you can email us your audio clip instead. Simply email your voice message to implodingfictions at gmail.com and tell us why you need to disappear. The message you are about to hear was sent in by Nikki Vedder. Is this thing running? Yes, of course it is. I hope this line is secure. I've gone through quite the trouble of trying to obtain the number. But I guess it is, since looking for it has been a pain, because there were no traces of it anywhere. Props to you, I guess.

I just have an entire ocean between the US to the UK trying to block my call to thank for that. And I have no time. I'm hearing double. You might be too. My life is being split in half and spilled into a story. And I can't pull myself away from the computer's keyboard. Now, you've got to help me. Lend me a hand, if you will. I'm a writer on my off time, trying to finish a story and get myself out there. I'm writing a book, just an idea, brainstorming thoughts and writing splurges of events to put in it. Look, it was meant to be just something to pour my thoughts and ideas into, just in a reliable outlet. And what happened? I didn't have a name for the protagonist of the story yet, and I'm a perfectionist in regards to naming the characters, with it just fitting. It was giving me a bit of trouble, more than what it was worth, really, so I put in mine as a placeholder. Nick Hole, you know? And I thought it'd work. Just a placeholder,

nothing big, I'd just change it later. My identity is draining from me. You, please, you must help me. You must. I had no idea it turned into a Dorian Gray adjacent situation. And I feel myself draining, spilling, pouring. But I can't stop writing, writing, typing ideas that are pulling me head, heels, and all into it. There's always time for a story, but tell me, is there time when a story has you plotting the writer's own demise by pulling her into the book she wrote, her own writing and words being her undoing? Poetic, yes,

but not the way I want to go. I want to live. I want to do things that aren't dreadfully to the T on a schedule. And I'm getting weaker the more I talk. I need to get out of this book and its damn self-imposed deadline. So please, I forgot to disappear. This is Paulo Perez Garcia speaking. The leader of the Panaraguan Pythons. We need your help. If you want to support our fight for freedom and help pay all the people who work on this podcast, please become a patron of the Amelia Project on patreon.com slash ameliapodcast.

The revolution depends on you. Viva la revolución! The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish. I got this really strange email last night. I need to see what's going on with this mystery file.

Hey, it's a map of a town called Ocean Bay. Someone sent these images to you for a reason. I'm so lost right now. When was the last time you chose a direction and followed it? I'm going to Ocean Bay. We don't get many tourists this time of year. Ocean Bay is a friendly town, but we're not that friendly. I never sent you an email. I don't even know you. And why exactly are you here? The map is the reason we're here. Maps help when you're lost. Do you know what a trap street is?

Trap streets aren't real. They don't exist. Don't trust anyone unless they give you a reason to trust them. I think he's dead. How could so much damage happen to a human body in such a short period of time? What the hell is going on here? From the creators of Strange Air, this is Trap Street. So maps can have secrets. Yes, maps can have secrets.