The Amelia Project - Episode 35 - Oleg

Episode Date: April 25, 2021

“My name is Oleg Kamenev.” Episode 35, Season 3. With Alan Burgon, Alexander Mercury, Alex Scott Fairley, Andrey Zayats, Julia Morizawa, Julia C. Thorne, Federico Trujillo, Lory Martinez, James Carney and Alvaro Flores. Written by Philip Thorne. Story editing by Oystein Brager. Directed by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager. Music and sound design by Fredrik Baden. Graphic design by Anders Pedersen. For full credits see our website. The Amelia Project is an audio fiction series. We recommend starting at the beginning. Congratulations. You’ve reached the content warning. The Amelia Project is about death, mishaps, mayhem and misfortune. And cocoa. If you’re not comfortable with this, stop listening. Now. The Amelia Project is part of the Fable & Folly Network. Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partners Check out this episode’s sponsors! AWEBER: Get started building your email list with AWEBER today for FREE and please let them know we sent you by going to aweber.com/amelia DIPSEA: Get your 30 day free trial by going to dipseastories.com/amelia Website: ameliapodcast.com Transcripts: ameliapodcast.com/transcripts Twitter: @amelia_podcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Cold tapes. A gripping crime story that will chill you to the bone. You know, life on the base means, well, it's close to six months without light. That does things to people that study that he was doing to watch us and then set off us like mice around this special little experiment how many people are on this base 16 on this one someone amongst them is our killer experience cold tapes the murder mystery podcast game. Start your investigation where you get your podcasts. Hello, dear Amelia listeners.

Hope you have your cocoa ready. Speaking of which, last week we received an email from our listener Sharon Berman, who sent us an article from Medical News Today headlined, Cocoa may protect males' hearts from the effects of mental stress. So there you have it. Don't take it from us, take it from Medical News Today. There's no harm in a good cup of cocoa now and then. The only thing that makes us even happier than cocoa, well, the thing that allows us to buy cocoa in the first place is people becoming patrons of the show. And we'd like to dedicate today's episode to our super patron, Ruchab

Shukla. Thank you, Ruchab. We pick up where we left off last time, in Ant's cell at Golovin Prison. Enjoy the episode. episode to success in panoragua success in i need to talk to you oleg oleg but did you just yes i need to talk to you you you talk i talk well cover me in custard and call me a crumble. Now, listen carefully. Oh, damn! Boris, how kind of you to drop in. The plane is ready. President Julio Chirudriguez Alvarez de la Fuente, Mayor General of the Panaraguan Freedom Army of 1972, is waiting.

You got your insects? Everything but our pincer ants. But we'll get those on the ground in Panaragua Then it's time to go Good luck, Ant Have a good revolution Hurry up! The revolution waits for nobody The Amelia Project Created by Philip Thorne and Ostein Braga

With music and sound direction by Frederick Barden Episode 35 Oleg Welcome back to your cell. Home sweet home. I got you more books. The complete works of Dostoevsky? Just as you asked.

You're too kind. If you need anything else, Alek is at your disposal. Damn. I have urgent business at the Kremlin. I'll come back and tell you once they've landed safely in Panaragua. When will that be? Six hours. Enjoy the Stoyevski.

So, Oleg? You talk? Да. Does Boris know? Нет. Not again. I thought you could say more than yes and no. Да. Sorry.

Force of habit. Aha! We are getting somewhere. How long have you been monosyllabic? Two years. You've only said да and nyet for two years? Da. So why break the habit today? Oleg?

I think you can help me. You really think this is the moment, Oleg? You might have noticed I've got rather a lot on my plate right now. In return, I will help you. How can you help me? I will find your friends. Boris has already promised he'll take care of that. And you trust him.

I get your point. But why should I trust you, Oleg? And to be perfectly blunt, even if I did trust you, how the dickens would you do it? I mean, you've been perfectly useful procuring letter openers, Maltesers, and Russian literature. But these skills do not extend to locating and retrieving missing people. For all we know, Amelia and Alvina could be in an Iranian basement, a US holding cell, or a Chinese torture chamber. And you think you're the one to get them out? Da. Why?

Because I used to be a special agent. You did? Da. Well, Oleg, you have my ear. Tell me your story. Oh, wait! Is there still cocoa in the thermos? I thought you didn't like it. It's not les dumes à go, but it's

better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Anyway, no stories without cocoa. Two cocos. Thank you. You may begin. My name is Oleg Kamenev. Should I know that name? My father was the president's head bodyguard. My grandfather was marshal of the Russian Federation.

My great-grandfather was the head of the militia. My great-great-grandfather was an aide to Tsar Nicholas. I get it. Your family has a long tradition of serving Russia, so you joined the Secret Service to make your own contribution to the family name. My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather single-handedly drove the Mongols out of Russia. After that, it's hard to do anything impressive. A tough act to follow. But then I saw an opportunity to make my mark.

How's that? Once a year, there is a competition among the Secret Service to determine who will become Mikhail's new secretary. A secretary? I decided to compete. To become a secretary? Mikhail's secretary. Mikhail. Since arriving at Golovkin, I hear Mikhail, Mikhail, Mikhail.

Boris seems terrified of this Mikhail. Everyone is terrified of Mikhail. What makes him so special? Mikhail is the boss. Whose boss? Everyone's boss. Everyone in Golovkin? Golovkin, Moscow, Russia.

What about your president? What about him? Surely Mikhail isn't the boss of... What Mikhail wants, Mikhail gets. Sounds like Kozlovsky. Sorry? So you're telling me that the president of Russia is in Mikhail's pocket? Uh, not just the President of Russia.

Excuse me? But this is where he has chosen to set up his headquarters. His offices are in Kremlin. But his influence extends beyond. For every Kalashnikov smuggled into Africa and every ounce of methamphetamine sold in the US, Mikhail gets a cut. From car thefts in Bucharest to counterfeits in New Delhi and casinos, camps in Monaco, Mikhail is everywhere. There isn't a pimp, poacher, bootlegger, smuggler or scammer who doesn't report to him.

Are you telling me that Mikhail is some sort of mastermind of organized crime? That's just a small part of it. Oh? Mikhail has private numbers of presidents and prime ministers around the world. He has dirt on CEOs of multinational corporations. Media moguls owe him favors. The Pope has him on speed dial. Well, serve me with syrup and call me a pancake.

I think I'm starting to see why becoming his secretary is a big deal. The selection procedure for becoming his secretary is open only to the best agents. What does it entail? You need an excellent memory. I was given half an hour to memorize every town, village, and hamlet in Russia in alphabetical order. You succeeded? Abakan, Abaza, Abdulina, Abinskachinska, Deist, Kadyri, Akis. Okay, okay, yes, yes, I believe you.

They test your concentration by making you transcribe someone reading from a car repair manual for 24 hours. Well, I know you managed that. Yes. I was one of only three people who succeeded without making a single error or passing out. And then they tested their ability to withstand torture. If you don't mind, I'm a bit squeamish when it comes to torture. So were Igor and Yerik. So you were the last man standing. I was. Congratulations. You got into Mikhail's inner sanctum. I did. I traveled the world. Revolutions, coups, assassinations, elections and referendums. Mikhail's influence

is everywhere. And what were your duties? I answered calls from prime ministers and mullahs. I took the minute of all of Mikhail's meetings. Newspaper editors sent me their stories and waited for me to confirm Mikhail's approval. I kept tabs on his enemies and added new ones to the blacklist. I chased up payments from arms dealers in Texas and made sure payments to lawmakers and judges were received on time. You and Alvina would have a lot to talk about. Excuse me? Did you enjoy the job? Breakfast on an oil shakes yacht.

Lunch with the king of Spain. The jetting off to Romania to oversee an arms deal. Dinner with the head of the Turkish secret service followed by drinks with the drug lord from Uzbekistan. Every day was different. Every day was a challenge. Oleg, then what are you doing in Golovkin? Don't you find it rather dull here?

It is very boring. I sympathize, Oleg. I really do. But you are going to get me out of here. First, I need to know what got you in here. Why leave your job? It sounds like you enjoyed it and were very good at it. After 10 months working for Mikhail, the new competition started. The competition to become Mikhail's secretary? Yes. So someone was going to replace

you? Yes. Why? That's how it works. Mikhail gets a new secretary every year. And what happens to the old one? They're dispatched to different corners of the globe to run parts of the operation. The shellfish black market in Cape Town. The taxi medallion racket in New York. The troll farm in Ashgabat. A troll farm? Internet trolls. Oh.

The plan for me was to go to Manila to head up our password printing operation there. But you're not in Manila. Indeed. So, what happened? I didn't trust Mikhail. After following him for almost a year, I knew he doesn't delegate. He micromanages every detail of his empire. He's as invested with our three-cup Monty business in the streets of Montmartre as he is with a multi-million dollar Wall Street scam. He sounds paranoid. His levels of control are extraordinary. The only person with a true insight into what's happening is his secretary. I was the only person in the world who knew who he was meeting, when, where and why.

This is why he only keeps his secretaries for a year. That way nobody knows too much or becomes too powerful. Hmm. And you didn't trust him to give you a new position in Manila, you say? My predecessor was a woman called Olga Stepanova. After her time with Mikhail, she went to the Silicon Valley to oversee our data mining operation there. I received emails from Olga, but never met her.

We were in San Francisco to see the developer for our new cryptocurrency, so I decided to track her down. I couldn't find a single Olga Stepanova in the Bay Area. You see where this is going, don't you? You think Mikhail killed her? Yes.

So, Mikhail recruits a secretary, confides in them for a year, then wipes the slate clean and starts the process all over again. That way nobody can rise up to rival him. That's ruthless. Ruthlessness is one of Mikhail's most formidable traits. So what did you do? You tried to escape? From Mikhail? Running from Mikhail is pointless. Instead, I faked an accident. Mikhail's Kremlin office is at the top of the Vodovodnaya Tower.

I tripped and fell down the spiral staircase. Nice. You bubble-wrapped yourself under your clothes, I presume? I wish. I dislodged my right arm and broke my left leg. Ouch. Well, that's why you should always hire professionals. And that's why I'm talking to you. Apparently you are... The best in the business. Yes, I am. Continue your story.

During his night shift, a guard from the Kremlin regiment found me at the bottom of the stairs. He brought me to Mikhail. Mikhail asked what had happened. I didn't answer. He asked how long I'd been left at the bottom of the stairs. I didn't answer. He asked if I I'd been left at the bottom of the stairs. I didn't answer. He asked if I could hear him all right. I said, duh. He asked if I remembered anything. I said, net. You feigned memory loss. Yes. And you thought Mikhail would buy that? What did I have to lose?

The worst that could happen was that I'd be executed earlier. But if he believed it, there was a chance. But he didn't? No. He chose to execute me on the spot. Oh. He bundled me into a car and drove me to Golovkin. Boris was waiting for us. Follow Boris, Mikhail ordered.

He will take you to your new home in the Golovkin basement. What did you do? I said, duh. Why? What else could I do? So you followed Boris? I followed him down to the basement, praying he wouldn't take me to the Vasilievich chamber. Why? What happens in the Vasilievich chamber? I thought you said you were squeamish. Let's just say it's where I used to send Mikhail's worst enemies. And is that where they took you? Yes. I tried to stay calm and not show any emotion. You know what happens in the Vasilievich chamber? Mikhail asked.

Нет, I replied. I entered the chamber and the guard strapped me into a chair. Mikhail waited and stared at me. He waited for one minute. I just sat there. He stared and stared and then he told Boris to release me. It had been a test. Mikhail was convinced that I had lost all sense of speech and memory. He no longer saw me as a threat. He took pity on you? Of course not. He just realized he could still use me, but he didn't want to risk me being out in the world. So he kept you in Golovine. If you ever started talking, you'd be safely isolated.

Oh, this way you could still put your elite secretarial skills to use, transcribing everything that goes on in Block D. Yes. So this means you can't leave Golovkin either. I'll leave three cells down from yours. I had no idea. I report to Mikhail about every chemist, philosopher, engineer, physicist, hacker, biologist, astronomer, psychic, statistician, and alchemist in here. There's something I don't understand, Oleg. Block D is home to the most cutting-edge minds in science and technology.

Yet Mikhail relies on you manually transcribing everything. Why not install a recorder? Or a camera? Mikhail doesn't trust anything that can be hacked to digitally transmit it. I transcribed everything by typewriter. Boris collects the papers as soon as I leave each cell. After Mikhail reads the reports, he shreds them so no traces are left. Old school.

Clever. Stupid. Oh? I told you how I memorized every town in Russia. These skills haven't faded. There is a copy of everything that is said in Block D in my brain. Wow! That's a lot of stories. Indeed.

Oh, I would love to pick your brains, Oleg. Oh, Ant told me Abd al-Rahman Safar is an inmate here. Is that true? He's really using clairvoyance to help the Russians obtain state secrets? Yes. And there's an engineer working on the world's first robotic ballerina? Hiroshi, yes. Well, how's that going?

I mean, is it really going to star at the Bolshoi? Ah, at this morning's rehearsal for Sleeping Beauty, it lost its balance during the pirouette and fell into the orchestra pit. Oh no! It electrocuted the trombonist. Sleeping Beauty won't go ahead next month. Mikhail will be very disappointed.

So here you are, keeping tabs on Mikhail's army of mad mavericks and quietly collecting their stories. But what do you do with their secrets? I share them with the world. What? It's my revenge for what Michael has done to me. You're saying Block D's secrets are public knowledge? Not public, no. But I make sure they get to the right people. But how do you get the secrets out? I thought you can't leave Golovine. I can't. And I don't assume they've given you a phone or an internet connection. No. So? Being around Mavericks has its advantages. Someone's helping you get the information out. Who? Abd al-Rahman Safar. The psychic? Well, strain me through a sieve. Golovin's guards and gates

are useless when it comes to telepathy. You've been psychically transmitting what goes on in here to the Kremlin's enemies? Every evening on my visit to Abd al-Rahman Safar's cell, I dictate today's events to him. I also tell him who the information should reach. Agents, politicians, freedom fighters, journalists, ambassadors, scientists and generals. From my days with Mikhail, I have a good knowledge of his enemies. What about our plan to fake the Panaraguan revolution?

Pablo Perez Garcia knows it all. What? No. If this mission fails, Boris won't help me find Amelia and Alvina. All the more reason to put your trust in me. I can't believe you've been leaking Golovkin's secrets right under Boris's nose. Boris is a blockhead.

How did he end up here? That's a story for another time. Right now, the question is how you're going to get me out of here. There's only one way. What's that? I're going to get me out of here. There's only one way. What's that? I'm going to need to meet my neighbors. What do you mean?

I need to see what skills we have at our disposal. You want me to introduce you to block the inmates? Can you do that? Boris won't be back until he has news of the president's arrival in Panaragua. The next few hours are the perfect opportunity. Yeah. You'll give me the tour? I'll give you the tour.

It tastes like... Soyo. I think it's delicious. My friend hasn't developed her mate palate yet. Give it time. I don't expect you to be here longer than necessary. Stop being so grumpy, Alvina. You really like it?

Mate grows on you. Like with cigars. At first you think they just taste like burning smoke, but then... You smoke cigars? Remember that Cuban theater director who could only pay with a crate of Cohibas? It would have been a pity to let them go to waste. Well, mate isn't my cup of tea. Tea!

What I'd give for a nice cup of Earl Grey in a china cup! A scone with jam and clotted cream. Is food all she ever thinks about? Hey, we've been on the road for more than five hours. She's right. I'm getting tired, too. How long until we arrive? Do you see those towers over there?

Uh, yes. That's Palacio de Santa Maria de la Purísima Salvat Romero. You mean we're almost there? We'll be in Monterrosa in 20 minutes. And we really can't get a message to your contact in Russia? No, unfortunately not. He only speaks to me in my dreams. He what? He speaks to me in my dreams. He what?

He speaks to me in my dreams. You really think this is a time for jokes? It's not a joke. Hang on, hang on, hang on. All this. The president waiting to fake the revolution and steal your identity. The insects. You know.

All this because of a dream? We're acting based on a dream? Yes. Isn't it incredible? I'm out. I'm not doing this. Just forget it. Leave me here at the roadside. Alvina, you really think someone is communicating with him in his dreams? Well... Oh, of course. You and your telepathic fetus. All the information I've received in my dreams so far has been accurate. The ambush in Villa Topacio, the Russian insurgent posing as the bomb expert... I believe you. Fine. Time to say goodbye to sanity once and for all.

So what's the plan? We have to get to Ant before he enters the palace. If we can find a way to speak to him, he'll help us. You think he will? Yes. He owes us a favor. We helped him disappear. Yeah, and we know how that turned out. He ended up in the hands of the Russians. Not our fault.

I just think... Stop being so pessimistic, Alvina. We can do this. Yes. We can do this. Yes. We can do this. Okay. We can do this. Ugh, look at this jerk. What is he doing? Savannah, watch out!

There's a bus! Oh my god! Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes! Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits. This episode was written and edited by Philip Thorne, with story editing by Einstein Breger and music and sound design by Frederick Barden. It featured Alan Burgum as the interviewer, Alexander Mercury as Oleg,

Alex Scott Fairley as Ant, Andrei Zayats as Boris, Julia Morizawa as Amelia, Julia Seathorn as Alvina, Federico Trujillo as Pablo Perez Garcia, and Lori Martinez as Savannah. Recording assistance by Dominic Hargreaves, Billy Halliday, and Stefan Heil.

The Amelia Project is produced by Imploding Fictions with graphic design by Anders Pedersen. Thank you to all of our patrons who keep the cocoa flowing. And a shout out to our super patrons. Sophia Anderson, Kate Tsukuyasu, Sophie Leveso, Jem Fiddick, Albina Sant, Travis Curtin, Amelie Harris, Rushabh Shukla, to whom the episode is dedicated, and Dankeschön to our new super patron, Stefanie Weitenhiller. For more info about the show and team,

transcripts, articles, merch, fan art, and ways to support us, visit ameliapodcast.com. Ah, Panarau. I am back, and this time I am here to stay. Where is the insect man? I'm here. I hope the leaf-rolling weevils made it intact. We're counting on them to make your hair shine.

Sir, sir! What did you say? Sorry, I mean Presidente Julio Che Rodriguez Álvarez de la Fuente, Major General of the Panaraguan Freedom Army of 1972. I should have you executed for such disrespect. I have urgent news. We will wait until we reach the palace. You need to hear this. It's about Pablo Pérez García. And what about that cockroach?

Cockroaches don't deserve the bad reputation they get. They're actually very... Shut up. What about Pablo Perez Garcia? He's dead. What? He's dead? Really?

How did he die? A car crash. Are you sure about this? Without a doubt. Collision with a bus. Four corpses retrieved from the wreckage. Perez, his assistant, and two unidentified women. The Fable & Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. The thing out there wasn't a vault at all. Yeah, I know what he thought. Dr. Eggers didn't think it was designed to keep things out. I know what he thought.

He thought it was designed to keep something in. Do you even understand the difficulty trying to keep a base like Fathom at the bottom of the ocean from killing everyone in it on a daily basis? Oh, my God. Everyone hold on to something. I think whatever is on the other side of that door out there, it's not friendly. I think it's trying to get out. That, my friend, is a dire combination.

That's a bad sign. Get out of the door! It's spreading like some kind of technological contagion. We can either stop it here or watch the world burn. Fathom. The first season of Derelict. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or learn more at derelictpodcast.com.