The Amelia Project - Episode 39 - Long Live the Revolution!

Episode Date: June 20, 2021

“This is really going tits up isn't it.” Episode 39, Season 3. With Julia Morizawa, Julia Thorne, Lory Martinez, Federico Trujillo, Arturo Tovar and James Carney. Written by Philip Thorne. Directed by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager. Sound design by David Devereux. Music and sound direction by Fredrik Baden. Graphic design by Anders Pedersen. Production assistance by Maty Parzival. For full credits see our website. The Amelia Project is an audio fiction series. We recommend starting at the beginning. Congratulations. You’ve reached the content warning. The Amelia Project is about death, mishaps, mayhem and misfortune. And cocoa. If you’re not comfortable with this, stop listening. Now. The Amelia Project is part of the Fable & Folly Network. Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partners Website: ameliapodcast.com Transcripts: ameliapodcast.com/transcripts Twitter: @amelia_podcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Rum 40% alcohol by volume. Hello and we're back with a brand new episode and this week it's time to catch up with Amelia and Alvina. When we last left them, they just managed to escape from the smart coffins. Now Amelia, Alvina, Perez and Savannah have reached the city of Monterosa where they want to install Perez as the next leader of Panaragua. We are deeply indebted to all of our patrons who fund this show. Without them, we wouldn't be doing this. Without them, we would have given up a long time ago. So thank you to all of you who are chipping in, and today we'd like to extend a special thank you to Elizabeth Curry. This episode is dedicated to you, Elizabeth. And now, without further ado, it's time to go to Monterosa. I can't wait to see Enrique's face when he finds out I've risen from the dead.

He's going to freak out. I'm looking forward to how President Julia reacts. He's a very superstitious man. He's going to be so spooked. Shall we take bets on how quickly he flees the country? You know what, Amelia? He might need some disappearance specialists. I guess we could squeeze in one last gig before we leave Panaragua.

Ah, look. Wow, that is a lot of orange. Orange flags draped from the balconies, orange banners and bunting, orange smoke. They've even painted entire buildings in orange. Iglesia de las Lagrimas Puras, all in orange. I knew you would keep the revolutionary flame alive. I feel so proud to be a Panaraguan. Look, there comes Guillermo. He's...

He spotted me. He's running towards us. Look how excited he is. Let the resurrection of Pablo Perez Garcia begin. The Amelia Project. Created by Philip Thorne and Øystein Braga. With music and sound direction by Frederik Baden. Episode 39. Long live the revolution.

Hey, Guillermo. Guillermo. Long live the revolution. Long live the revolution. Guillermo, my friend. Don't be scared, my friend. I have returned from the grave to save Panaragua. The president warned me about you. The president?

¿De qué hablas, Guillermo? It's me, Pablo Pérez García. You are under arrest. ¿Estoy qué? Guillermo, guarda esa pistola. It seems there's been a big misunderstanding. No, no, no misunderstanding. The president wants to see him. When you say president, do you mean...

You mean Presidente Julio Che Rodriguez Alvarez de la Fuente, Major General of... Do not mention that name, or I will shoot you! Okay, easy, easy. Since the revolution, that name is forbidden. Since the revolution? Since the great Panaraguan revolution of 2020. When, um, when was that? Since the revolution? Since the great Panaraguan revolution of 2020. When, um, when was that?

Four hours ago. Oh, Lord. We missed the revolution by four hours? Presidente Miguel Emilio de la Navarra, leader of the Panaragan Python Army of 2020, has been a better leader in the last four hours than Presidente Julio the Tyrant in the last four decades. Miguel? ¿Tú me estás jodiendo?

¿Miguel? Presidente Miguel Emilio de la Navarra. You put Miguel in charge? He can barely remember my coffee order. Pablo likes it black with one sugar. See? It's not that difficult. But Miguel always adds milk and three sugars. Do not criticize President Miguel.

Why Miguel? After Pablo Perez Garcia died... Hello? I'm right here! The path to the palace was clear and we had to cease the moment. You do recognize me, don't you? Miguel bravely stepped forward. He addressed the crowds from the palace balcony and the people loved him. Now Panaragua is free!

Long live the revolution! Long live the revolution! Why are you saying that? Oh, um, have it. Do not take the revolution's name in vain, huh? What are you talking about? You have no respect. Marching in here on our day of victory,

mocking our new leader and posing as our old one. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Espérame, espérame, espérame. Juan, el rocio. Arrest the impostor. Hey, this is crazy! This is really going tits up, isn't it? Nice, well done.

Where are you taking us? We can explain! Long live the revolution! Long live the revolution! You said they'd welcome me with open arms. How could we know they'd fast-track the revolution and put the coffee boy in charge? Shut up and keep walking. If we'd got here a few hours earlier, it would have all worked out.

I can't believe how quick they were. They didn't even have time to mourn me properly. I told you to shut up. What's your plan? What's your plan? To get us out of this omni-shambles. I don't have a plan. You always have a plan.

Not this time. You? Nope. I'll let the president know you have arrived. Don't you worry. What do you mean? I'll sort this out. You will?

We have to tell Miguel the truth. You think? Yes. Guillermo is an idiot. But Miguel will understand. He's ready for you. He's ready for you. You are about to meet President Miguel Emilio de la Navarra, leader of the Panaragua and Python Army of 2020.

I'm going to give that naughty boy a piece of my mind. Well, well, well, well. Isn't this a surprise? ¿Cómo te atreves? ¿Quién piensas que eres? Quítate ese símbolo de la chaqueta inmediatamente. Estás oficialmente suspendido. ¿Guillermo? Yes, sir. Throw her into jail. Yes, sir.

¿Qué? Esto es ridículo. Suéltenme, ahora... Lo siento por eso. He pasado por mucho. De todos modos, es encantador verte, Miguel, mi amigo, y muchas gracias por entrar durante mi ausencia. Tu coraje será recompensado. ¿Cómo te gustaría ser mi segundo en comando? Por favor, deja de hablar. ¿Quién eres tú? ¿No es tan obvio? Soy Pablo Pérez García. Please, stop talking. Who are you? Isn't that obvious? I'm Pablo Perez Garcia. Pablo Perez Garcia died in a car accident?

That, you see. It wasn't really a car accident. Of course it wasn't. I am not stupid. Oh, you know? Everybody knows it was fake. Ah, they do? Yes, by the Russians. Que? The Russians planned the accident to kill Pablo Perez Garcia.

Ah. They've got blood on their hands. That's not actually... We're building a monument to commemorate Perez at the site of the crash. That's very kind, but you see, I wasn't really killed. It was a sham. I pretend this. Why would the Russians pretend to kill Perez?

That doesn't make any sense. It wasn't the Russians. Who else? Um, I think this is where you step in. Ah, yes. Who are they? Amelia. Alvina.

You both have the same name? No, no, no. I'm Amelia. And I'm Alvina. This is very confusing. Amelia and Alvina are the most distinguished disappearance specialists in the world. Is that so? It certainly is.

We can fake anyone's death and bring them back with a brand new identity. So you faked the car crash? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We had nothing to do with that. You didn't? No. So what happened? It's a long story. I have time.

Uh, well, there's this other death-faking business. The Incognito Project. Bunch of amateurs. Complete losers. They're very jealous. Paid us a visit back in London and tried to blackmail us into giving them our surgeon. When we refused, they set MI5 on us. So we fled to the Russian embassy and were put on a flight to Moscow. But ended up in Panaragua. That's when we heard that President

Giulio wanted to fake his assassination. You plotted to fake the tyrant's death? No. Oh, that was the other one? The incognito project? No, no, no. You're telling me there's a third death-faking business? Our colleague is working for President Julio, but we're working for Perez. Anyway, it turns out Mateo was tracking us. Mateo? The moron who runs the Incognito Project. So he faked our deaths while we were driving to Monte Rosa. It was us he wanted. Perez was just collateral.

So we all end up six feet under. In smart coffins. But we managed to escape and freed Perez and Savannah. Put Perez straight to Monterosa. Only to find the revolution had already happened. That's your story. I'm aware it sounds a bit... Crazy.

Right? It's the truth. It really is. You don't believe us? This is the most ridiculous story I have ever heard. Ay, por favor. You seriously think that you could walk in here with that bullshit story and I just, what, just buy it? Look at me. What? Look at me. What?

Look at me. Calm down. Look at me. I'm looking at you. What more proof do you need? Yes, you look like Pablo Perez Garcia, sure. I look like Pablo Perez Garcia? I look like Pablo Perez Garcia?

I don't just look like Pablo Perez Garcia. I am Pablo Perez Garcia. Isn't it obvious? I must admit, it is most convincing. You seriously think I'm in disguise? Well, these two finally, this Alicia and Alina, was it? Alvina and Amelia. Sure. They just told me they're world experts in providing new identities. Isn't that so?

Oh, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick here. Oh, why so modest? You've done an excellent job. I knew the real Perez and even I can tell the difference. Ha! I've got it. Here's how I'll prove I'm Perez. Oh?

I don't just look like Perez. I know everything about him. Go on. Ask me anything about myself and I'll answer. All right. How does Perez like his coffee? Black, with one sugar. Ha!

Wrong! He takes it with milk and three sugars. No, I don't. Why do you always get that wrong? You're messing with me, right? You're being funny, Miguel? For the love of God, please tell me you're being funny. You know it's me.

You must do. Here's what I think. I think you're just a Russian stooge who think he can just waltz in here and seize power. I think you know exactly who I am, but now that you've tasted power, you don't want to relinquish it. Get out of here, you fraud! I'm the fraud? Really? Look, Miguel, I'm going to sing you a song.

I'm not going to believe you. No, because you're not the real Perez. I knew the real Perez. I drank coffee every day. You already tried the real Perez. You don't want to share it again. Look, I'm going to sing you a song. I'm not going to believe you because you're not the president. I knew the president, I drank coffee every day. You're the president, you don't want to share it with anyone. Look, I'm the president of this country, you know? I'm the founder of the Paraguayan fighters. Oh, guys, guys, guys, let's cool it.

Isn't there any other way we can sort this out? I can have you thrown in jail. I can have you executed. Look, I get it. You're enjoying the moment of fame, but it won't always be like this. Leading Panaragua will be sweat and tears. It will be dangerous. You know the tyrant won't just go quietly, don't you? I've dealt with him.

Miguel, I'm sorry. I was arrogant. When I'd say you'd be my second-in-command, that was insulting. You've played an important part in the revolution. How about we share power? Guillermo! Si, senor. Take this madman and his friends out of here. Wait, no. Miguel! Throw these traitors in jail.

Be reasonable. Wait, wait, wait. There must be something we can do for you. Miguel! To you, it's President Miguel Emilio de la Navarra, leader of the Paraguayan Python Army of 2020. Eso es un escándalo. You've wasted my time long enough. I have important business to attend to.

Out! Now, hold on just a minute. This is ridiculous. There must be something... Do not put your hands on me. We're going. We're going. Just, no. Don't touch me. We're going. Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no. But a banana? That's a yes. You're going to regret this. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. You're going to regret this.

How long are you going to leave us here? That's for the President to decide. Ugh, great. Just great. This is a scandal. How's your cell, Amelia? You know, I was just trying to decide what's preferable. The bunker in the jungle, the smart coffin, or this prison. The smart coffin had the muscles from Brussels. Yeah, but the bunker had vino tinto.

Good point. In any case, I think we can safely say this place is the lowest of the low. Or maybe we just haven't discovered the entertainment options yet. I very much doubt we'll find booze or hot Belgians here. And it stinks. It's inhumane! Oh, hello. We have a neighbor. Nice to meet you. I'm Alvina. Hi, I'm Amelia.

Pablo Perez Garcia. Julio J. Rodriguez Alvarez de la Fuente, Major General of the Panarago and Freedom Army of 1972. Julio? Wait, Perez? Well, that's our entertainment sorted. You callous, cold-blooded, diabolical tyrant! I piss on your mother's grave and wipe my ass with your birth certificate. You vile, treacherous, slimy worm!

I cut off your other ear and fry it with unnecessary number of chilies and serve it to your children. I will cut off your head and dropkick it into a crowd of chaining Pararaguans! I will tear off your testicles and put them on my mantelpiece in a jewel-encrusted display case. I will not rest until your bloated body is dragged through the streets of Monterosa and every Panaraguan can spit on you. I will never be content until I have sawed off your arms and pummeled you to death with them. Can I interrupt? I am not finished. All the paper in the world wouldn't be enough to write down all the ways

that I could seek vengeance on him. I respect that you're arch enemies, but... Panaragua is mine. Panaragua belongs to the people. I was born to lead the people. Neither of you is going to do any ruling anytime soon. You're just going to have to come to terms with that.

Alvina is right. We might be in here for a while. I suggest you call a truce. You must be joking. You can settle your differences once we get out of here. For now, we're going to have to try to get along. Yes! Focus on the things we have in common. Que? I have nothing

in common with Pablo Perez Garcia. Sometimes you can be surprised. Like that time I was stuck in a warlord's tank at the Libya-Sudan border. We ended up discovering a shared passion for early Regency romance novels. And after that, the time just flew by. Hey, we should do some bonding exercises. Some what exercises?

It'll help pass the time. I'm in. Ooh, here's one. Everybody has to share something negative that's happened in their life. It can be personal or work-related, but it has to be true. Then we discuss the experience, but focus only on the positive and try to find the silver lining. So, who wants to go first?

Mm-hmm. So, who wants to go first? becoming a part of our community and making a small donation per new episode. You'll have access to some fun perks in return. More info on ameliapodcast.com. This episode was written and edited by Philip Thorne with story editing by Einstein Breger, sound design by David Devereaux of Tin Can Audio, and music and sound direction by Frederick Barden. It featured the incredible Federico Trujillo as both Perez and Miguel, Giulia Morizawa as Emilia, Julia C. Thorne as Alvina, Laurie Martinez as Savannah, James Carney as Giulio and Arturo Tovar as Guillermo. The episode was recorded at the Bridge Writing Studio in London, LSI Lutz Produktion in Oslo, and Love Tracks Torn Studio in Lüneburg, Germany. Graphic design by Anders Piedersen and

production assistance by Marty Patsyvay. Thank you to each and every one of our patrons and a shout out to Sophia Anderson, Kate Sukiyasu, Sophie Leveso, Jem Fiddick, Alba de Sant, Travis Curtin, Ruchab Shukla, Amelie Harris, Stephanie Weitenhiller, Chloe Leveso, Jem Fiddick, Albina Sant, Travis Curtin, Rushabh Shukla, Amelie Harris, Stephanie Weitenhiller, Chloe Lefferman, Elizabeth Curry, to whom this episode is dedicated, Mince and Such, and Victor Hesselbaum. You guys are incredible. Now, remember our voicemail, the number for which can be found hidden in several previous episodes? We occasionally still get mysterious calls to this number, and we've heard everything from remember our voicemail, the number for which can be found hidden in several previous episodes? We occasionally still get mysterious calls to this number, and we've heard everything from terrifying screams to barking dogs to people claiming they're calling from outer space.

Anyway, we recently received a message that seems to be in code, and we need you to help us to crack it. If you figure it out, send the answer to implodingfictions at gmail.com and the first person to do so will win a prize. And if you'd like to call our voicemail and leave a message, we'd love to hear from you. If it's weird enough, who knows, we might even play it on the show. Anyway, here's that coded voicemail. I'm going to go ahead and turn it off. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Night has fallen. The moon is full. And we're inviting you to listen to Canada by Night, a podcast where professional improvisers play Vampire the Masquerade.

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