The Amelia Project - Episode 84 - The Battle of Stiklestad (1030)

Episode Date: November 22, 2024

"This will be the site of a great battle, a battle that will go down in Norwegian history, and you my friends, have front row seats!" The Amelia Project is a fiction podcast comedy about fake deaths and new identities. In this episode we take you back to a defining moment in viking history... The Amelia Project is a production of Imploding Fictions. This episode features Sveinung Oppegaard as Thorfinn, Alan Burgon as The Interviewer, Hemi Yeroham as Kozlowski, Julia C. Thorne as Alvina, and Sveinung Oppegaard, Alan Burgon, Fredrik Baaden and Philip Thorne as the viking armies of King Olaf and Tore Hund. The episode is written, directed and edited by Philip Thorne with story editing by Oystein Ulsberg Brager, sound design by Paul Kraner, music by Fredrik Baaden, production assistance and research by Maty Parzival and graphic design by Anders Pedersen. Website: https://ameliapodcast.com/  Transcripts: https://ameliapodcast.com/season-5  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Donations: https://ameliapodcast.com/support Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-amelia-project?ref_id=6148 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ameliapodcast/ Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ameliapodcast X: https://twitter.com/amelia_podcast Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/theameliaproject.bsky.social Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Amazon Black Friday week is here with up to 35% off toys to stuff their stocking, noise-cancelling tech to silent their night, and fashion like slippers to missile their toes. Shop Amazon's Black Friday deals now. Life and death were two very realistic co-existing possibilities in my life. I didn't even think I'd make it to like my 16th birthday to be honest. I grew up being scared of who I was. This episode is dedicated to Kaylee Wilson who grew a hairdo so long the face and eventually the whole body was no longer visible. When Kaylee got a haircut, the hairdresser discovered there was actually no one under the hair.

Kaylee will reappear as a Komodo dragon tamer for an Indonesian circus. Be like Kaylee, support the show on Patreon and let us fake your death. And now enjoy the episode. Oh, Snorri? Are you alright? I am fine. Just a little ash in the back of my throat. But the burns are healing? Are they not? I mean, you're not in too much pain? Come now. It is not my first mean, you're not in too much pain. Come now. It is not my first brush with fire you had. Yes, but it was the first time you were pushed out to sea in a burning boat.

The funeral boat did blaze magnificently, did it not? Oh, quite. I really think we gave Bjorn a worthy Viking send-off. Yes. Poor Bjorn a worthy Viking send-off. Yes. Poor Bjorn. He just was not cut out for all that wrestling and drinking and pillaging. Well, thanks to us, he'll never have to spend a rowdy night comparing axe sizes ever again. As he's free to live a quiet life as a scald writing songs and poetry by the fjords. It will suit him so much better.

Oh dear. Are you sure you're all right, Snobbit? I am fine, more than fine. I feel rejuvenated. Well, I feel sluggish. Must be all that meat. Meat and mead. Yes, you have put on some serious Viking belly.

Yes, I have, haven't I? Well, I mean, I did eat half a boar at the funeral feast last night. Half a boar? Do you not think that it is overdoing it a little, Arthur? Well, that was the point. Yes, you see, I got into a boar-eating competition with the Wolf Clan and showed those horned hooligans I could out-feast them. I know. At your age, you should... It was a distraction. I do not...

Well, they watched me chomp boar. They didn't notice you changing places with Bjorn in the burning boat. In any case, our work here is done. And may I suggest we travel to the Mediterranean next? I crave sun and fresh fruit. Yes, fresh fruit. Sure that wouldn't come back on me like this, Boris. But first, breakfast.

What do we have for breakfast? Salted herring. Nom nom nom nom? Salted herring. Nom nom nom nom. Salted herring, of course. Yes, I left the herrings outside the tent. Because of the smell, you know. I'll go get them. What I would give for a fresh orange.

A bracing sour lemon. A cluster of sweet juicy grapes. And maybe a sun soaked beech to eat them all. Yes, all in good time, all in good... Oh, um... What? Err... Snorri?

I hate that name, it is time to change it. What? Well, we may not be leaving Norway as soon as you had hoped. Why? What is wrong? Well, nothing much. We just seem to be surrounded. By the Wolf Clan? Do you think they have found out who we really are? Let me just... Careful, Artur.

Nope. Different shields and helmets. No wolf's paws and no runes. That is a relief. Lots of crosses on their flags. Do they seem friendly? I don't know. I mean, they have very pointy looking spears. Oh dear. Oh, they seem to be gearing up for a fight. When are vikings ever not gearing up for a fight? But I think we might be safe.

It does not sound like it. Well, I mean, they seem very preoccupied with polishing their shields and sharpening their spears. How does that make us safe? I don't think they've noticed us. Really? Really, I mean, there are dozens of tents just like ours. I mean we blend right in. I thought you said you pitched our tent in an empty field. Yes, I thought so too. But I mean it was very late and very dark and my head was spinning from all that

meat. Not to mention the exhaustion from lugging your giant body out of the sea, across the fields and all the way to Sticklistan. You pitched our tent in the middle of an encampment! Oh, erm… Ha! Speaking of lugging bodies… Yes? Look, there's someone lugging a body! Really? Close the flap, Antwerp, close the flap!

Oh, I think… What? Yes, yes, he's definitely spotted us. Oh no… Yes, he's walking towards us. Oh no. Yeah, so he's walking towards us. With the body. What do we do? Offer him some salted herring?

What? The The Amelia Project, created by Philip Thorne and Oystein Ulspeck-Braga, with music and sound direction by Frederik Barden and sound design by Paul Kræner. Episode 84. The Battle of Stiklestad. 10.30. Oh my... Hello. Hi. If you tell anyone about this, I swear in the name of Jesus Christ our Father, that I will cut your tongues and put them in your mouth, as far as it is visible. Right. Do you know what he's saying?

No, but I wish he would lower that axe. Yes. Give me a word, do you understand? Give me a single word from Satan. Why do you think he is waiving the crucifix? Yes. It et orsjånnågir. It et egnast satans ord. Why do you think he is waving the crucifix? I have no idea. He seems very angry. Excuse me, kind sir, but... My name is Snorre, and this is my friend Antur.

Are you Angel Saxon? Yes. Yes. But your names are not... Who are you? How-Saxon? Yes. Yes. But your names are not... Who are you? How did you get here? Well, um... Now that is a long and strange story.

We are... you see, aren't or we... We are, um... we are, um... stone carvers. Stone carvers. Stone carvers. Stone carvers. Stone carvers. Stone carvers. And we have traveled to your beautiful country to study the runes. The runes. Yes, the beautiful.

Study the runes. We love them. Show me your hands. Yes. Show me your hands. My hand? Why? Right, yes. Excuse me.

There we are. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. No calluses, no blisters or scars or anything. No, no, I'm sure that... Do you think I'm stupid? No, no, that... See that there? I'm sure that's a callus.

No. No. Right, okay. No, okay, right. I will cut off your head and feed your tongue to your dog! Please lower the axe. You're right, we are not stone carvers. You are a liar.

No, well, quite lie. We are in fact... Help. We are not stone carvers. You are a liar. No, well, quite lie. We are in fact, help, we are... You are Tore Hunsmen. Damn it, Tore Hun. I beg your pardon? Is it possible? You are Tore Hun. I am not Tore.

His men, Tore the dog. No, I don't know who that is. I will cut off your head and drink mead from your skull, you heathen! Oh, uh... And then I will burp in your face. That doesn't sound pleasant for either of us. Um, please, there's no need to be so confrontational. Admit it.

Please. You are Torruhunze. We don't even know who this Toro-Hun... We are Heelers! That's what I said! Heedens! Er... Oh no, no, no! Not Heathens! Heelers! What? Yes.

Yes! Yes, he's right! We are! Well, I mean, he is a Healer! A miracle worker, really. But we prefer to keep it hush-hush, you know, lots of... Friend or foe? Fuh? Huh? The body.

Oh, yes, he's a friend. Nah, he looks like he could do with some attention. What? Huh? I told you, I am a healer. May I take a look? Great idea. But, but...

Can you save him? I can do my best. And he is the best in the business. The Lord be praised! Dear God, you who are in heaven, may your name be blessed. Now, let me see. Well, he is still warm.

Yes. Well, that's a good sign. Right. Well. Hello. Hello. He really is the best in the business. He'll do everything he can. And while Snorri performs his examination,

why don't you put down the axe? Okay. Thank you very much. And introduce yourself. Yes, why don't you tell us your story? I am Thorfinn. Right. Why don't you tell us your story? I am Torfinn. Right. That's...

...brilliant name. Nice to meet you, Torfinn. Erm... And it seems you're a warrior. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And which clan do you belong to, Thorfinn? I serve the Lord Almighty.

Right, yes. Yes. Yes. Good. Yes, don't we all. But more precisely, who do you serve here on earth? I serve his representative. His representative? Yes.

Ah, right, great, great, good. And who might that be? Are you stupid? Sorry? It's King Olaf. Olaf the Digger. Olaf Haraldsson. Harald...

Haraldsson? King Olaf the Second. Yes, yes! It was on the tip of my tongue. Now I have heard of him. Oh yes, he went on a bloody rampage annihilating petty kings and chieftains across the land, if I recall.

Yes. I remember it like it was yesterday. Yes, I'll bet. He is a hero. Right, but didn't the Danish king oust him and drive him into exile? We don't talk so much about that. No, right, of course. But he's back now. Oh, he is. Good about that. No, right, of course. But he's back now!

Oh, he is? Oh, good for him. Wonderful. And nothing can keep a divine king from his kingdom. Well, I should think not. No. He's the boss. Good.

He's the boss of everything. He is telling us about Jesus. The crucifix! Crucifix, yes. But of course! You're Christians! Christian Vikings! Yes, yes.

Yes, it's Jesus. Right. Great. And how do you feel about that? Yes. Of course. Ha ha. You're Christians. Christian Vikings. Errr... Yes, yes. Yes, yes, Jesus. Right. Great. And, um, and how do you feel about that? Oh, grateful. Really?

Oh, really grateful. Does everyone feel grateful? Yes. Are you sure? Yes. Are you sure? Yes. Really, Torfun? Everyone. Absolutely everyone in the Viking Realm feels good.

Well, you could say everyone that counts. There it is. There are some stupid farmers who don't think that swinging acts is a compelling argument. But still, resist the love of Jesus Christ. Yes, I thought so. But we are about to drive our spears through their guts and show them who's boss. Right, yes. Wait but what is that noise? The peasants there, they're led by Tore Hunn, Tore Dog, as I said earlier.

And they will arrive any minute. Oh good lord. This, this will become the site of a great battle. Oh no. A showdown between God and the heathens. A battle that will go down in Norwegian history. And you, my friends, have front row seats. Of all the godforsaken places to pitch a tent. Right, well, Torfinn, that does of course

sound very exciting. But you see, I tend to prefer my entertainment of a more pacifist nature. Yes. What? Pacifist? Yes, pacifism. Huh? Your man Jesus was a big proponent. No, he was not. He's Jesus. Yes.

Yes? No, you know, but you know, blessed be the, um, blessed be the peacemakers and and love your enemies and all that love Huh? Yes If anyone slaps you on the right cheek turn to them Right cheek. No, no, no, I didn't mean no. No, no one's going to slap you on the cheek. No, no Rest I'm very stressed. No, no, no. I'm very stressed. I'm very stressed now. Oh, no, no. We all are. You're a very big man. And we're all stressed.

Yes, you should be. Right. Don't slap me on cheek. That would be an unwise move. Yes. I will take a red. Ten times my size. No, and I'm a pacifist. Remember? Pacifist? I don't understand what Pazis. I skjønnit kalluset. I... Good Lord.

Um, didn't King Olaf mention anything about Jesus loving his enemies or... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Nonviolent action? He didn't mention that. No, of course he didn't. Not be... Not slapping! Not slapping! Right. Um... This is strange.

Well... Well, you know what? I'd love to hear more about this, but right now Not slapping? No. Not slapping? Right. This is strange. Well... Well, you know what? I'd love to hear more about this, but right now I have a battle to win. There's a ditch between our two sides, and the first thing we must do is the Norwegian way of resolving a conflict. We hurl flaming torches across that divide. Oh, it sounds like you have a solid plan, Torfin.

So why don't we leave you to it, and we'll just scuttle off into the background somewhere. What? What? What? What? Well, you see, Snorri and I aren't warriors. No, we have nothing to contribute. And honestly, I feel we would only be in the way, so I think it would be best for everyone, really really if we just get the hell out of here. Stumps!

Sorry? You are not going anywhere. But not until you and your friend has finished the healing thing. Oh, yes, right. Ah, yes, I almost forgot about that. How's it going, Snorri? Is that problem resolved? I am sorry, but there is nothing I can do.

What? What? Are you sure? Well, I said I would do my best, but for some mysterious reason, I cannot. Snorri, I don't think that this gentleman here wants to hear her. Cannot. You must do it now. I thought I don't know what to do.

Be patient! I have been patient. Oh, strange. This man is dead. No. No, no, no, no, no. No! I am sorry.

We both are. You said you could heal him. If Snorri couldn't do it, there really was nothing to be done. This is a tragedy. You obviously loved him. How did he die? You know, uh... you know the salted herring? Love it. Unfortunately.

It's a very nice meal, but you need to be careful with the little bones. Oh... Choked? It does explain the blue complexion. Yes, it wasn't pretty. Nothing good can come from salted herring. Yeah, apart from a good breakfast. The peasant army?

They sound very close indeed. Oh my, uh, Thorfinn? Oh, no! Oh, Good lord, I hate arrows! Thorfinn? Thorfinn? Oh, good lord! Thorfinn? Thorfinn?

Thorfinn? Thorfinn, wake up! Wakey wakey! Wake up, big man! Thorfinn, they're attacking us! What is wrong with him? Battle! Battle! Hello!

You can't just sit here! Protect us! Torfin, please! Go scramble some heathen guts! What's the point? Sorry? What? It's futile. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! That's not the Viking spirit!

We're already lost! What? But, but Torfin! A moment ago you seemed so gung-ho for this! What was it Jesus said about turning the other cheek? Tell me more! Not now, Torfinn, not now! They're right here! No! Good lord! Oh, that one was close! Torfinn, why this sudden change of heart? Because without a leader, our course is doomed.

Without a leader? What? What do you mean? What on earth are you talking about? Without a leader? Why don't you have a... Oh, Artur... Oh no, no, no, no... The body I have laid across my lap. No.

It is the body... The body of... Yes, of course it is. King Olaf. Bumble knows it's hard to start conversations. Hey. No, too basic. Hi there.

Still no. What about... hello, handsome? Ugh, who knew you could give yourself the ick? That's why Bumble is changing how you start conversations. You can now make the first move or not. With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat.

Download Bumble and try it for yourself. The faster money and data move, the further your business can go to a seamless digital future for Canadians. Let's go faster forward together. In Life, Interact. Uh, well, bless my beard Together. In life. Interact. Ugh, well bless my beard and call me a bishop. The mighty King Olaf, felt by a herring.

You see now why this battle is pointless. We have lost our spiritual leader. Right, um, now, in the long term I can see how this is a blow to the Christian project. But in the short term, Torfin, I'd still rather not get run through with a peasant's pitchfork. He's right, you have to fend off the attack. Yes, you can't just sit here and mope. You're right. You're right. At least I can die a worthy death.

A death that will take me to Valhalla. Yes, that's the... Valhalla? Yes. To where? It's a grand hall with a roof of golden shields where fallen warriors feast, fight and fuck, and they have a great time, and then the day after they just go out and fight and fight again and come back and fuck.

Fantastic time! Yes, it sounds lovely, but don't forget, you're Christian now, Torfin. Right, yes. But there's still Valhalla in the Christians. I don't, well, I mean, there's heaven, I guess. Yes. But a bit less fighting and... fornicating, maybe. But...

In heaven? No of the fucking? Erm... Oh, that's a shame. It's always been like that. You die, you fight, fuck, fight, fuck, after. That's the rule. Pacifism. Remember? Torfin, pacifism. A little bit of fucking. I mean, are you sure you're a Christian, Torfin? I mean, you know, there is still time. You could switch sides. I know. I have already... Me and Olaf, we have done the water thing. Baptism, yes.

I am Christian! I believe in Jesus! Right, no, yes, of course, yes, yes. But since King Olaf became the unfortunate victim of a herring bone... Yes! Oh, that's so unfortunate! So unfortunate, yes. You know what? Herring wasn't even on Oh, that's so unfortunate. So unfortunate, yes. You know what? Herring wasn't even on the menu today.

If the cook hadn't found a misplaced barrel of the salted herring. Um, just a moment. Where exactly did you find this herring? You know what? I've never even seen that barrel anywhere. Just don't even know how it got there, the salted herring. I want to know. If only Olaf had died after the sunrise, on the battlefield.

What difference would that make? I mean, death is death, right? What? No disrespect, but whether it's a bone in the windpipe or a spear up the rectum, the outcome is the same. You are not serious! Yes I am. I mean I would actually say death by herringbone sounds less painful, so maybe Olaf got lucky. You know, if you die from the fish, that is just funny. No king wants to die a funny death. A death by battle is heroic.

They yell and scream and say yes! It seems the notion of a warrior's death still runs deep here, so... Yes, erm... Right, Toafin, how many people know about King Olaf's demise by Fishbone? Only you and the cook. Right. And I killed the cook. Oh, right, erm... Okay.

What? You don't like that I killed the cook? Oh, no, no, no, I mean... Like? Dislike? I didn't know the man. Should I not have killed him? No, I mean... I was so stressed! No, of course. He just choked right in front of me! What was I supposed to do? Right. Yes.

The stress? Of course. So I killed the cook supposed to do? Right, yes. The stress? Of course. So I killed the cook? To relieve the stress, yes. And his brother? And his brother? His brother was standing right next to him. And like I said I was very, very stressed.

Yes of course, in a classic case of wrong place wrong time, who am I to judge? I decided not to raise the alarm, because that would have been a bad idea. Quite. I mean with the heathens just moments away it would have been completely devastating for Morale if they found out. Oh no, yes. So I looked for a good place to conceal the body, try to hide, you know, so the men don't get to see Olaf, see him, see the king. Like that. Absolutely. I think you made the right call. Yes. And that's when I found you too. When you said you were healers, I was really happy. I thought you had been sent by God Almighty himself. You really can't save him?

Sadly, no. No, but perhaps this isn't the blow you think it is. I mean, don't you think someone else will step up to take Olaf's place and continue the Christian project? Once it has been tainted by herring, I don't know. I admit it's not a great look, but are you really so attached to it? Herring? No, no, no.

Christianity. I mean, Thor, Odin, Loki. I can't help but feel that Jesus has some tough competition. Yes, but Jesus is such a badass. Badass? Really? Yes. Yeah, he's turning water into booze,

commanding the storms at the Sea of Galilee, standing up to the Roman Empire, walking across fjords, casting out demons, decapitating the monilenders. Decapitating? Decapitating them? Yeah, with his holy axe! Right, yes, of course, the holy axe.

But now all anybody will think of is herring. Unless… Unless what? What are you thinking, Arntor? Or anybody will think of his herring. Unless... Unless what? What are you thinking, Antur? King Olaf rides into battle! Antur what? What? On his horse!

But... On his horse? Yes! Wielding his axe! Yes! I knew you could bring him back! I knew it! Antur? What? No! You are set him back! I knew it! Antur! What? No!

You are set by God, I knew it! No, Torfinn, we can't revive him! You can't? No, we cannot! No. How would we do that? But what can you do then? But we can make it seem so.

How? Through mischief and misdirection. But we can make it seem so. Ah. How? Through mischief and misdirection. Huh? Ha! A plan so good even Loki himself would approve. Yes, you said nobody apart from us knows the King is dead, right? Yes, yes. Well, we will delay the realization by making him seem briefly alive,

and then shift the moment of death to the battlefield. Er... Will that work? I am not sure. Oh, good lord! Yes! And we must be quick. But he is all limp.

Look at this! Look at this! How is his arm going to hold a shield or an axe or anything? Well, Snorri... Look at this! Well, I could paste the corpse in resin to make it stiff or insert metal into its limbs. Right, yes! Wonderful idea! But we do not have the time! You and the King have horses? Of course. Snorri and I will need horses too. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, The Puddle-nage? You want to transform the King into a rod puppet? Huh?

Well, we will use the spears to control the King's movements. It is not a bad idea. Tuafin, you will lodge your spear into the back of the King's skull. You're not squeamish, I hope. Right, yes, there we are. He is not squeamish. Right, you see, this will allow you to tilt and turn the King's head. Sir, I will ride behind him and tilt, do the, with the head stick.

Tilting the head. Yes, you will ride behind him with the head stick. Yes. And you must ensure the King stays upright for a minute or two at least. Do you think you can take the weight? I have dragged a long ship up a hill. Perfect, yes, look at those arms. Wonderful. Snorri and I will ride on either side of the king.

We will attach our spears to his hands, so we can control his arms. Yes, now he should be carrying his axe of course, and maybe in the other hand the crucifix. Why not? Well, we can attach them to his hands with nails. Perfect! Oh! This will be just like Jesus. Sorry? You know, you know the nails. Nails through the hands, the palms.

Oh, of course, yes, yes. Oh, how very fitting. Yes, that's my favourite bit when Thomas doesn't believe that Jesus was standing up from the dead. And then BAM! He appears from behind him with really bloody hands. And he says to Thomas that he should take his finger through the hand hole. And he stopped the doubting. He believes. That is so badass! Such a badass. That is so badass. Such badass, yes. That's the warrior way.

Right, well, we will let King Olaf ride valiantly into battle and give him the hero's death he deserves. I do wish we could practice this. Manipulating a human rod puppet will take considerable coordination. Snorri, we don't have the time. And in the heat of battle, who's going to notice if his movements are a bit stiff? Eh? And we don't need to keep him on his horse for long. Remember, as soon as he's been seen riding valiantly into battle, he can fall like a martyr.

And he's not carrying a shield or anything, so the first arrow hitting him straight to the ground. That will be his bane, and he will die in honour. Perfect. Yes, and oh, oh, good lord, die in honour. Perfect. Yes, indeed. Oh, good lord! That was a close one. We should go. It sounds like the peasants have crossed the ditch. Yes, just one more thing.

Good lord! Right, that's not good. We don't have a lot of time. No. No, we don't. But quickly, in return for helping you with this… What? What do you want?

You want to be the next rulers or Norway or something? No! Oh, Snorri, do we want to be the... Stop it! No, no, no, no, no, we just want safety. Once the king has fallen, Snorri and I will ride close behind you as you cut across the battlefield, fending off the peasants. You seem like a formidable warrior, Torfinn. I trust you can lead us to safety. You have my word. Then our lives are in your hands.

Are the sword and crucifix nailed on? They are. Onward, Christian soldiers! Ah, off into battle. Oh, God. Oh, God. I really wish I hadn't eaten half a ball last night. Right. Let's do this.

Time to put Olaf on his horse. This is our last push. Forward! Forward now, men of Christ! Men of the cross! Men of the king! I can't wait for this day to be over. All right, out we go. Stay Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits. The Omelia Project is a production of imploding fictions. This episode featured Sveinung Oppegård as Torfin, Alan Bergen as the interviewer, Hemi

Jiroham as Kozlovski, Julia C. Thorne as Alvina and Sveinung Oppegård Allen Bergen Frederick Barden and Philip Thorne as the Viking Armies. The episode was written, directed and edited by Philip Thorne with story editing by Eistheim Ulstberg Braga, sound design by Paul Kraner, music by Frederick Barden, production assistance by Marti Parzival and graphic Design by Anders Pedersen. If you enjoy the Amelia project, it would mean the world to us if you could spread the word. For example, by leaving a nice comment or review on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts. And if you do, please try and incorporate the word

Ambrosial. Then we'll know that you know and we'll send a secret invisible deathfaker salute across the intro web. For the full premium Amelia experience, without ads and with bonuses between every regular episode, consider becoming a supporter on Patreon or Apple Podcasts subscriptions. With Christmas coming up, this will also give you the opportunity to listen to our two holiday-themed bonus series, the Amelia Audio Advent Calendar and the 12 Deaths of Christmas. A big thank you to everyone who's already supporting us and a shout out to our magnanimous

super patrons, without whom this show would disappear and reappear as the True Mime Podcast, a silent interview podcast with mimes. At the time of recording, our super patrons are Celeste, Joes, Heat312, Jem Fidic, Alban Assant, Ambly and Alison, Stephanie Weithniller, Raphael, Eduardo Vivas, Verastaki, Alison Thro, Patricia Bornfag, Nabrai Scott, McCliff Heisinger, Michael West, Diana Burch and Brighter, Tim McMacken, Blythe, Varnie, Lee and Vy, Huardine, MrSquiggles every single time, but we're Nixie, Mystic Sybil, Tiffany Duffy, Jason Woods, Rhino Mara, Christine Bejuga and Stefan Hartinger. Yes, it's a challenge every single time, but we're so grateful to each and every one of you. And now, the epilogue.

So thanks to you, the battle of Stiklestad was won. Er, lost. What? Well, the peasants defeatediklestad was won! Er, lost. What? Well, the peasants defeated Olaf's army. The battle was lost. Oh no, so the whole thing was kind of pointless then? Oh no, not at all. I mean, while the battle was lost, the narrative was won.

The narrative? Yes. A year after his death, King Olaf became Saint Olaf. Rex Perpetus Norvigie, eternal King of Norway. Ooh. His sainthood encouraged the widespread adoption of Christianity. I mean, to this day, Olaf is Norway's patron saint,

a symbol of national pride and independence. I did not know that. I mean, his axe is on Norway's coat of arms. Are you sure that's not the Holy Axe of Jesus? What? Oh yes. No, no. And the 29th of July is a national holiday. Yes, Ørsok or Olaf's Wake, a commemoration of his death in Stiklestad.

And what would have happened if you hadn't been there and King Olaf had choked on a herring? Well, yes, or if Kozlovsky had managed to revive him. Yes, why couldn't he? Sometimes a curse and a miracle are hard to tell apart. What do you mean by that? Think about it. If Olaf had lost the battle but survived, then he might never have become a saint, and he might never have succeeded in making Norway a Christian country.

Huh, right. Imagine if Norway was still populated by Vikings, traveling around in long boats, hyped up on mushrooms and mead. Ha ha ha ha. Or walking around on skis with their long beards and icicles hanging from their nose hairs. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, um, I just described a Norwegian, didn't I? Yes, yes you did. Yes.

Well, Alvina, you can make a note of that. Of what? Sometimes, the course of history hangs on little more than a fishbone. Ha ha ha! The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish. Sign. That's a geometric waveform or arc that rises and falls. And a new Canadian TTRPG and podcast inspired by that almost soothing mathematical motion. Let me show you. The action begins to rise as powerful strangers in a ruined yet vibrant world band together. If you run north they will chase you. I suggest you stand behind me. Hardner, I'd rather stand beside you if you're willing to help.

Tension continues to mount higher as our characters must push themselves beyond their usual limits. As I'm climbing into the into the driver's seat I'm gonna say to Sarah, sometimes you gotta make tough decisions. I'm climbing into the into the driver's seat, I'm gonna say to Sarah sometimes you got to make tough decisions I'm driving now and it peaks as a danger and excitement hits Zenith leading to great failure or success Fenrir would be just fire at this point. She straight up might die like this encounter might murder you No what? You lit me on fire! We're gonna be on fire, baby! And this tension relaxes. A tragedy, but more often humor, that comes with great pals being around a virtual table playing a game.

Discover Sign on your favorite podcast player. S-I-N-E. Choices of the characters are theirs to make, but the fate of the world is up to the dice.