The Amelia Project - Episode 85 - Gruoch (tomorrow & tomorrow & tomorrow)

Episode Date: December 13, 2024

"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death." - William Shakespeare. Dunsinane, Scotland, the year is 1053, Macbeth is king. But why has The Brotherhood of the Phoenix been summoned? The Amelia Project is a production of Imploding Fictions. This episode featured Alan Burgon as The Interviewer, Erika Sanderson as Gruoch, Laurence Owen as Gill and Julia C. Thorne as Alvina. It was written by Lauren Grace Thompson and Ian Geers with story editing and direction by Oystein Brager and Philip Thorne, sound design by Alexander Danner and music by Fredrik Baaden. Today's guest writers, Lauren Grace Thompson and Ian Geers, also produce the fiction podcast Fawx and Stallion! Website: https://ameliapodcast.com/  Transcripts: https://ameliapodcast.com/season-5  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Donations: https://ameliapodcast.com/support Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-amelia-project?ref_id=6148 Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/theameliaproject.bsky.social Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ameliapodcast/ Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ameliapodcast X: https://twitter.com/amelia_podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The holidays are almost here, but Amazon still has last-minute deals. Like makeup for the beauty lover, electronics for the tech pro, and home goods for the host who was too busy hosting to shop. Shop last-minute deals at Amazon now. Hello, Pip here. Before we begin, we wanted to thank you for listening to The Amelia Project in 2024. This is the last episode of the year. After this we will be back in 2025. Unfortunately we have to switch from our usual twice-monthly release schedule to releasing just once monthly. This is a challenging time to be making art on the internet and due to some

upheavals in the way various distribution platforms operate, we're taking a hit and have to slow down our production. But we promise the show will continue, in fact we're releasing some of our favourite episodes of the entire show in the year to come, and are working with some amazing guest writers like David K. Barnes of Wooden Overcoats and Gabriel Urbina of Wolf 359. Having said that, if you're able to help us keep the lights on with a five dollar pledge, now more than ever that would be really appreciated. Every single pledge really, really helps. If you want to support us you can go to patreon.com slash Amelia podcast and if you become a member between now and the end of 2024, we have a special code which

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This episode is dedicated to Mystic Sybil who was strangled by fairy lights while decorating a mall for Christmas. She will reappear as an inventor of ice cream flavours. Be like Mystic Sybil and support the show on Patreon. Enjoy the episode. awake. Why did you let me fall asleep? I thought you needed a nap. I can keep going. But you are so tired. We could continue tomorrow. There might not be a tomorrow. There is always a tomorrow, Alvina. No, there isn't. My plan was to wake you up. I was only going to give you half an hour. I don't want half an hour. I want all the stories. How did you wake up? She belling my face. Ha ha. Cats. What are you doing in this remote corner of the graveyard? I began taking a jaunt around the ornate mausoleums and got distracted by these more humble markers.

Any friends of yours in the humble marker section? Or previous clients? Oh, I'm sure there must be some around here someplace. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if half of these plots were actually empty. Half? That's ridiculous. No, a dog running for parliament? That's ridiculous. A banana and mayonnaise sandwich? That's ridiculous. A half-full cemetery is just... what day is it? Wednesday? That's just Wednesday.

What are you looking at? Found one you knew? Antoinette Etienne. Doesn't ring any bells? No, it's not the name. What is it then? The quote. The quote is ever so curious. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time. You are intrigued by Shakespeare's second

or third most famous quote? Well, I would have thought you had higher standards. A quote from Pericles or two noble kinsmen maybe, but a quote from the Scottish play? Now that's just Wednesday. Well, it's just that it reminds me of a very particular case. Someone who was so dissatisfied with their own story, they didn't simply employ the Brotherhood of the Phoenix once,

but twice. Ooh, story time. Story time. Wait. twice? You did a do-over? Well, we don't do do-overs. Yes, I know but- We never do do-overs. Yes. Yes, I'll get to it. I'll get to it Now, where was I? The The Amelia Project, created by Philip Thorne and Osten Ulspeck-Braga, with music and sound direction by Frederick Barden and sound design by Alexander Danner. Episode 84. Gruach. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. By Lauren Grace Thompson and Ian Giers. We're in Dunson in Scotland.

The year was 1053. Could not what place? Alright Scotland 1053 at... Oh! 1053! That's cute. Where on earth could she possibly... at... Oh! 10.53. That's cute. Er...

Where on earth could she possibly... Oh! Shh! No noise! My husband doesn't know I've left my chamber. Oh yes, and God forbid you have an agenda of your own. Now, come into the light. Let me get a look at you. No, no, no, no. I think we can conduct this whole...

whatever you call it from a distance... in the dark... ambience, you know? And you can never be too careful! How do I know you're not going to give me some fancy new plague? But, because I would never! Oh, alright! And I'm just supposed to take your word for it! Oh, men. Classic men.

Alright, alright, no need to lump me in with all of that. Just trying to be kind and get a good look at who I'm doing business with. Really more standard operating procedure than anything else. Oh, well, yeah, well, seems to me that what you're operating with is anything but standards. Well, yes, truth is truth, I suppose. Now, who are you? You'll forgive me for the blunt questioning, but I was called here for important business and I have the oddest sensation I've heard your voice before. Look, who's to say? You know, maybe you have and maybe you haven't. I just need this whole disappearance act done. Done quickly and done now. So let's get on with it now, shall we? Well, we can't be too hasty. There's a whole series of questions I'm obliged to ask in order to find out why you require our services. How you'd like those services rendered, name, occupation, food allergies,

favourite way to spend a Saturday. That one's not part of the official application really, just more of an icebreaker. But you see, it could take quite a while especially considering you'd like to maintain a distance that obscures not only your face but any sense of body language I could possibly... Will you be quiet? How's that for a clear body language and actual language? Oh, I know, I knew it! Oh, you're just gonna keep going even through the hand, eh? Yes, probably. I mean, it's very exciting.

So moist! That's how the plague gets you. Alright, fine. But keep it down! Oh, this is something! You see, we don't typically check in on past clients. Clean break and all. So, so, tell me, how did it go? I can't wait to hear all the details. I mean, I can't even remember. When exactly did we meet and what was your name back then? Well, look, it doesn't matter who I was before. You're still here and you need to help me get out of here before my husband finds out. Your husband? Hold on. Huge castle?

Men looking for you? Queen? Oh, the Queen they're looking for is you! Oh yes, the hushing makes more sense now, yes I understand. So that must mean you're married too? Macbeth, King of Scotland, I'm aware. Well prick my thumbs and call me chuffed, my lady. I'm honoured. Thank you. But please, no need to call me by my title. My birth name is Fine.

Of course. And that name again is... starts with an E... Easily forgettable, apparently. Well, um... Gruach. Gruach, yes! I knew it was something unusual. It was on the tip of my tongue. I have a hard time believing that, but I'll let it slide since you're doing me a favour. Not quite sure about that just yet, but still... Wow! Well, you clearly did pretty well for yourself, Gruach. I mean, Queen and all?

Yeah, sure. Done very well. So proud. Well, no wonder you want to get out of this castle, eh? I bet you don't even have central air in there. I just… Huh? What? Well, it's just odd because… And no offence, but typically when someone uses our services they don't come out the other side a public figure like this.

More often the purpose of disappearing is to, well, disappear. Yes, well, things didn't exactly go to plan. That's not possible. Oh, sure of yourself, are you? Yes, actually. You see, it's my duty as part of the Brotherhood to see every client through to their chosen destination according to the plan. I would never allow anything to interfere with that. You need me to refresh your memory? I don't think so.

Well, hold on, because we're going to anyway. Now, this was back in Inverness. The year was 1032. Right. Serpentine, I never promised to tend to the land, or sun and the animals. That's what you wanted. So did you want to talk this out? Right, yeah.

Er, I think it's smart if you took a bit of you time. I'll go and, erm, yeah. Men trouble. I'll go and erm... yeah. Ah! Fucker! Boo! Men trouble. Jesus Christ, you let you in here? No fear of taking his name in vain, I see. Course not. We're pagan. Now, answer my question.

How the fuck did you get into my chambers? Oh, your chambers. Oh yes, I mean... The orchard walls are very high and hard to climb indeed. What? You climbed up here? That's besides the point. Anyway, I believe you and I are to have an appointment. An appointment? Nah, that sounds fishy. Last time I was told I had an appointment with somebody they pulled a bee-bee up to me. I'm not falling for it again. Different type of appointment. I'm a guest, an emissary of sorts, from the Brotherhood.

Am I supposed to know what that is? Excellent point. Let's just say we're a society of, well, we're a company that specialises in disappearances. Wonderful! Well, why don't you give me an example by disappearing from my private chambers? That's a good one. No, you see, I believe we can be of some... well, I've been told I can be of... assistance to you, if you'd like. I mean, you don't have to, but... Did you make a habit of climbing into ladies' bedrooms and telling them how terrible their lives are? Oh, I never said your life was terrible.

Oh yes you did. No I didn't. Did too. Did not. You told the local knitting circle that your life was terrible on... Let me make sure I get this right. Yes, there we are. Twelve out of the last fourteen days.

Word gets around. Sounds about right I suppose. But let's just say I do believe you. That you do work for some ambiguous brotherhood that specialises in disappearances or whatever. Why should I believe you're going to help me? Err... Yes, alright, you are right.

I typically don't take on domestic cases, but when yours came across my desk, I mean, I was simply fat, no, no, I can't lie. I didn't want to take it. I didn't. Then why are you here? Well, I lost a bet, didn't I? A bet?

Yes, a bet. My colleague, you see, he, I could strangle him, I really could. He held out his hand and said, I bet you can't guess how many beans I have in my right hand. And I said, sure I can. And he said, let us make a bet. And I said, fine.

And he said, let us shake on it. And so we did. And then I guessed eight, but it turned out to be none, which I should have guessed because I'd just shaken his hand. And I would have felt them, wouldn't I? God, I'm stupid. Anyhow, we have this thing where the winner's reward is to decide the loser's punishment, and so he, knowing how much I detest them, said I had to take on a domestic squabble, and well, they're usually so boring.

Oh, oh I'm sorry, am I boring to you? Yes, a little. Look, whether I bore you or not, or whether I believe you or not, or whether I am unhappy or not, or whether my problems are too domestic or not none of it matters because once my husband finds out you're in here it'll be the end for... Hi babe, I was just in the barn

and I was thinking, do you know where the hemlock is? I just checked in the good cupboard but... Oh Er... Good day My love I'm so sorry to intrude This...

I dunno what it looks like. No, no, no, no. We're really more acquaintances from... work. Work? Work? I told him to be furious! It's all good, mate. I'm Gil. Nice to meet you. Right. Charmed. Anyway, I don't really... Like I was saying, do you know where the hemlock is? Tiberius's stomach has been acting up again and I just want to make sure he didn't get

into it. Because Joanna's told me he tried it last week and said that stuff is not edible. I could go into the details but I'll spare your womanly ears. How considerate. Just trust me, a lot of excrement. From everywhere you might expect and honestly, honestly, some places you might not. Did you check the cupboard? I did, yeah, yeah, the good one.

What about any of the other dozen or more that we have? Well we don't really store anything in the bad cupboards do we? Those are more just for show. You think the bad cupboards are for show? Alright, I'll go check. But are we still doing lamb shank tonight? I don't know, did you ask the cooks? Well no, because I thought you were doing it.

Well if I was going to do it then why on earth do we have cooks in the first bloody place? I like it when you cook it. Do you know how long it takes to properly roast lamb shank, girl? Er, no. Well let's just see. If I started cooking it now, you wouldn't be eating dinner until next Tuesday! Oh, what have I told you about telling me things in time? I don't understand it, I don't like it. Would you two like some privacy? We're fine.

Gil? Yeah? We'll do lamb shank tomorrow. Tonight we'll have Angus cook up some beef, okay? But I really wanted lamb tonight. Tomorrow! We can have the lamb tomorrow! Tomorrow? Alright, fine. I'm going to go search for the hemlock, because I've got a sneaky suspicion old Tiberius may have a better idea of what's in the bad cupboards than me, eh? But then I'll probably just be in the barn, so you know where to find me.

Hey, sir? Yes? Are you staying for dinner? Er, probably not. Alright. Well, toodles. Whistling Grrrr Whistling

Husband? How'd you guess? Charming. And if you need to take some time to go and check on your child, you know, to make sure their stomach isn't working... Oh no, Tiberius is not my son! Oh. Lulach is my son. Tiberius is a goat my husband keeps in his precious barn, and refuses to slaughter because he thinks his eyes are amusing. Ah, erm... Ha! Domestic life! Delightful!

Can't get enough of it, but... Oh, that's just not what I thought it would be. Being married? Yes, and to a lad. Do you know how he got his title? He killed someone for it? He killed someone for it. Now look at him.

Can you believe that man would have the swagger to kill anything? Erm, not on purpose, no. He won't even slaughter his goat with the funny eyes because now he's grown attached. Hmm. Would you like to talk about it? No. Alright. It's just not what I imagined. Oh, really? How so?

Well, you know how when you're a kid and you lay awake at night thinking of your future and it's this amazing adventure? No two days are the same. There's surprises, there's romance, there's spontaneous holidays and sure, maybe it's not always going to be easy. Maybe it'll be horrible even, but at least you know it'll be so fantastic that people will remember it. Mm-hmm. And then in walks this tall drink of water bragging about how he's won a hundred battles and slaughtered the lard of the town and is looking for a bride and you think, well, this guy seems to know how to make an impression. You know, whatever happens there is going to be something interesting, and if he thinks

I'm the one for him, then maybe that means I'm interesting too. And that's Gil? Yep. That's Gil. Or was. Huh. What happened? If you don't mind my asking.

I'm not quite sure. We got married, moved into the castle, had Lulok, and then Gil just sort of... ...stopped. As in...stopped? Stopped everything. Stopped sweeping me off my feet. Stopped striving forward to bigger and better things. Just... ...stopped. Right.

And after a while I also stopped being his partner in all that greatness and started just being his wife. And Lulok? What about Lulok? He's seen two summers. He's content to just sit by the pond and laugh at the ducks. Takes after his father in that probably. And do you think they're both... happy? Honestly? I do. I really do. And you?

Well, you're here, so... I don't mean to pry, but... Literally the entire reason you're here. But, if you could, would you want to go back to the way it was before, with Gil? No. Oh, gosh, is that a horrible thing to see? No, not at all, not at all. There's no judgement here.

This is a judgement-free zone. I just want to keep moving forward, you know? The past is... I've done that. Or at least that version of that. And when it was good, it was good. But I don't want to settle for good. I want... Great?

More. I want a legacy that will blow through the sands of time. Something that I'm remembered for. Something that's... I dunno... mine. And what do you think this thing you'd like to do is? Oh, I don't know. It could be anything.

Sure, but this whole process really does go a lot faster if you have some idea of what that thing is. But how could I? Honestly, I know how to knit, cook, slaughter livestock, force-ed cooking and read runes. And the last one I can't even really do anymore because Gil doesn't like shapes with more than three sides. It's not exactly like I was being brought up to be Socrates. So you just want to be... more, with room to be more than more? Oh God, when you put it that way, sounds pretty childish, doesn't it? No, no, not at all. Look, there's nothing childish about dreaming above your circumstances.

For many of us it's how we survive. Maybe we'll put a pin in the what of it all for now and focus on the how. Hmm? Come again? Erm... Let's get as many specifics down as we can before we start shading in the shapes with more than three sides. Yes? Are the services the Brotherhood supplies, and which I regretfully have to offer you...

Because you lost a bet. Because I lost a bet. Because I lost a bet. Charming. To your interest. And those services are? To elaborately and definitively disappear you and place you in a vocation and lifestyle where, hopefully, you'll be able to achieve everything it is you want to achieve.

Right. And how do you suppose we do all of that? Right, well first, we falsify your demise. You're gonna kill me? Falsely, falsely. What, like build a copy of me made of sackcloth and hay and cover it in peck's blood? That's... an idea. Or tell Gil I'm gonna go catch some fish from the river and supply some drunken townsperson with a dampened gown

to show that I've drowned. I actually think the first idea is slightly edging that one out. Or tell him I want to spend some quality time in the barn with his precious goat and burn the whole place to the ground. What? Do I have something on my face? No. No, nothing of the sort, but that plan is a fire in the barn with you inside. That's, well, that's... That's pretty good, right?

Maybe I have a knack for something after all. Maybe your brotherhood of who's and what's what sits is looking to bring on one more? Ha ha ha! Oh, you're serious. If only that were so simple. No, I do think this plan could work. Just tell me, does there happen to be any kindling of any kind in the barn? Something we could use to start the fire from the inside so as not to arouse suspicion? Kindling? Oh yes, anything. Anything. Sticks, dry leaves, hay...

It's a burn in Scotland. Nothing's dry. Ah. Although, I think we may have some of Tiberius's dry hay in one of the bad cupboards. Oh well, there you have it then. We have your escape. We do? We do? Oh wait, this is really gonna happen. We're really gonna do this?

You bet your plain sackcloth we do. Now, there are only a few other questions we still need to answer. Like what? What to do with your belongings. Pardon? How we want to let Gil find out and how best to spare his feelings.

Screw it. And of course, how you want to let Gil find out and how best to spare his feelings Screw it And of course, how you want to spend your coming years Well... I don't know Oh, you don't know? But you sounded so eager for... Well, yeah, for something new, of course. But there's so many options, yeah? Yes, but usually people have ideas, ambitions, dreams. Well, I've got loads of those.

I'm sure. Oodles. Obviously. Massive ideas. You're growing more convincing every minute. All right, how about a proposal? I love a proposal. Yes.

I'll go back to the Brotherhood for the night, and then I'll come back tomorrow. That gives you time to make your arrangements and think specifically about what life it is that you want for yourself. Yes, absolutely. Tomorrow. But when you're considering all of that, also consider this. I can't snap my fingers and put you in a dream. Wherever you go and whatever you do, it will be the start of a new life. But the rest is up to you. I don't know if you realise how qualified I am for that.

I had a feeling you might be. Now, we'll meet back here tomorrow for our little barn fire. Oh, like a bonfire but in a barn! Ha! See what I did there? Well, I thought that was clever. Uh-huh. Right. Well, um... We'll meet back here tomorrow and go through with our plan for your disappearance, yes?

Yes. Tomorrow. Shake on it? Shake on it. But before we shake, are you ready for what this will entail? The challenges, the unfamiliarity and the opportunity it presents? Yes. Yes I am. Shake? Oh well. When in Rome?

You know, actually they don't shake hands in Rome? Oh, oh, oh, uh, you know, actually they don't shake hands in Rome. You know, honestly, I don't care. Right, just a fun, never mind. Tomorrow. I will see you here at the same time tomorrow. Tomorrow. Oh, and tomorrow, feel free to tell Gil, if you can't eat it and it doesn't smell nice. There is literally no reason to keep it in the house Hemlock is so easy to mistake for so many other types of edible greens You say this to me like I don't tell him that every day Well then

tomorrow But when I came back the next day, I couldn't find you. Or Gill, for that matter. But whatever it was that happened, it's obviously worked. You were able to successfully fake your death and look at you now! Queen of Scotland, the lochs and islands! Yes, except... Except for the fact that I'm here now. So why is that? Well, I require your services. Again. Ah, yes, well, um, you do know the Brotherhood's clients don't typically get repeat services.

It's not like we have a punch card. I don't even know what that is, so how could I want it? Actually that would be a devilishly clever piece of marketing. Need to remember to suggest that to… not the time. Never mind. Sorry, I'm still just… baffled. How did this happen? You went through with our plan. We are... shook on it. Like they don't do in Rome. Correct. Yes, they don't.

Do you want the long version or the short version? I find the short version tends to roll into the long version, so let's start there. Well, the short version is a sore an opportunity and I took it. Alright, no role then. So I'm going to have to ask for elaboration. Fine. In the 24 hours between you leaving and supposedly returning, I couldn't get anywhere near the ban because Gil and that bloody goat wouldn't leave.

I even did the lamb shank he wanted just so he would get out of the damn thing and come inside. But no. He wanted to eat in the barn to make sure Tiberius was okay. I should have made roast leg of goat is what I should have done. But by the next day when Gil had to go to his weekly meeting of hearing the peasants whine about whatever it is they're concerned with, I had my opportunity. The barn was so dark and musty since Gil had all the windows kneeled closed to encourage Tiberius's rest, so I had to opportunity. The barn was so dark and musty since Gil had all the windows kneeled closed to encourage Tiberius's rest, so I had to hang a torch up just to see how I could even begin to get the plan underway. Then I remembered I'd forgotten to pack the travel disguise I picked out as soon as you left, and when

I came back, guess who was in the barn checking on his fucking goat. But then... the most amazing thing happened. What? Thunder. In the middle of the day. A sign from above for... I don't know what exactly, but it caused Tiberius to kick over that damn torch.

And all I had to do was... lock the door. So... So you locked your husband in a burning... I couldn't wait on a maybe! I hoped you'd understand. Judgment free, remember? I do, I do, but there's a difference between not judging one's thoughts and not judging one's actions. But if the action were dictated by thought and only carried out after careful consideration, and if it were done not only thoughtfully but quickly and painlessly…

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I... We made it a couple of months, travelling, staying in taverns after hours. So you got away? And you never came back? I... We made it a couple of months, travelling. Staying in taverns after hours. We? Hmm? Oh, me and Lulach. What?

I wasn't just gonna leave my kid there. I'm not heartless. So, as I was saying, after Gil burned up rotisserie style, we travelled for a couple of months, staying in taverns and whatnot until I met... ...him. Him? You mean Mc...

Shhh! Don't say his name! Why? Oh, is it Kerst? Kerst? No! Oh. But there's a whole troupe of castle employees looking for me under that name, and I don't particularly want to be overheard, you know? Gossip! Yes, yes, alright. So, you just freely talked about burning your first husband alive in a barn?

I mean, yeah. If everyone thinks you burned your first husband in a barn, they start doing their jobs a wee bit faster. But you did kill your first husband in a barn, they start doing their jobs a wee bit faster! But you did kill your first husband in a barn fire! Well then, I guess it's a good thing that they do their jobs fast, isn't it? I don't understand. Why do you need me? Why do you need the Brotherhood? If you're doing so well, you've got everything you wanted. I mean, you're the Queen! It's... him... the big guy. McGroog! Yes, yes, all right. Could you please take your hand off of my mouth?

Thank you. Why? Is it because he's... Uh-huh. Oh, Groog, I am sorry. That must be awful. God, it really is. To be married to someone turning so... Horrible. Nice! I... I'm sorry, did you say nice? Yes!

And this is... a bad thing? See? I knew you'd understand. I don't, though. But you were able to understand it when it came to Gil. What's so difficult to grasp here? With Gil, I got it. I mean, he was a low-level led. No harm, no foul.

You and he just wanted different things. It's easy to grasp that. Besides, you were a child. It's impossible to be trapped in a situation like that so young when you barely know what it is you want in any situation, let alone in a marriage. But now you're married to the King of Scotland, who it seems loves you? Uh-huh.

Loves your son? Uh-huh. And is apparently super nice. And you want me to have sympathy for your situation? Yes! In fact I do! Because it wasn't always like that. When we first met, oh god he was so rough edged. He could be really sweet, sure, but really only to me.

He was in a tavern with his men on the way back home from a battle with the Norwegians and I was his server. We got to talking after my shift. I found out that the man Gil killed to become Laird was actually his dad. We had so much in common. We courted for weeks and were finally married on a hill in Saurus with just Lulok and the last king dunking himself of this eating. Oh, he was a sweetheart. Dunks, I mean. So you can imagine how difficult it was when he died of a heart attack in his sleep. I mean, we were completely distraught. But the country still needed a leader, and when you're the biggest and the strongest, you get it.

The concept of tannistry? I do get it. Whether I agree with it? You'd rather the English model of being born into it, then I suppose. Well, no, but I'm… there has to be another option. Well, there wasn't so. We became king and queen. And for a while it was good. First year, no war. Unheard of around here. Not bad. But then year two, peace. Year three, peace. Year four, peace. So you're upset that he ushered in four years of peace? Twelve. Twelve years of peace. Twelve years. And the closest we've come to any conflict is when he used the last bit of roughage in the latrine.

So you're upset that he's ushered in 12 years of peace in medieval Scotland? I'm sorry. What? I know. It's so boring. The economy is flourishing, the people love him. He's just started a national theatre. I mean, it's mostly pupp puppets but it's a start.

It's not like I want a war or anything but I don't know... Do you know he goes out of his way to check on the citizens? Regular trips to the country for charity work, for fun! It's like I don't even know him anymore. I'm sorry and you'll forgive me if this sounds brash, but are you out of your damn mind? Go on. You called us here, the Brotherhood, to fake your death again, because the man you married turned out to be a good person?

Well, when you put it like that, it sounds pretty silly. Oh yes, well that is because it is silly. I mean, from your own reporting, you have about as much conflict in your life as your country does. Which is none. So why do you insist on creating it? No. No, that is not fair. I'm not creating anything. It shites, alright? Every day, every night, every thing is exactly the same.

It's always the same. McGill was nice but boring. Mac was ambitious, just like me. He looked at me and he saw the same thing. Two halves of the same whole. Two souls completely dedicated to doing more. To being more. And you became king and queen. I mean, what's more more than that?

Being remembered. Being good puts food on the table. Being good keeps the populace from rising up and killing you in your sleep. Being good means that everyone goes about their day smiling about and going to the play and baking their neighbours meat pies and it means nothing tomorrow. The king before us, Duncan, was next to you and in the twelve years since he died peacefully and nicely in his bed

do you know who still talks about him? I suppose you're going to say nobody. Bloody nobody! He went to war six times. Six times! And no one cares because he made the stupid choice to not get murdered. I could get murdered! Well, I wouldn't jump right in like that. This is why I need to do it again.

I chose wrong, but I still have time. You can give me the rest. Send me somewhere else where I can make something of myself. Something that people will remember. Ugh, Grook, I hear you. I do. And I'm...sympathetic? But you've already used our services. We can't do it again. What? No. No, I didn't. Uh, the barn. The fire. The new life, we shook on it. It's against regulation.

Oh screw your regulation. Screw it right to the screwing thing. I didn't fake my own death. I didn't go through with your plan. I should still get my shot. I deserve it. You still got a new life. It counts. What is all this? A curse? Are you tricking me? Tormenting me? No, no, no, I'm really not. No, I know. I know I haven't done anything wrong. That's not what I said. You burned your first husband alive in a barn with his goat. That's highly questionable. Oh, for f*** sake!

But do you want to know the real reason I won't help you again, Gruach? What? Because it's always going to be like this. Always. No matter how many times you run away, or how many exciting people you tie yourself to, or how much chaos or joy you create, if you run away tomorrow, change everything about you, it's never going to keep you from feeling the way you do right now. That, that can't be true. That's-

Well, it is. It's them, it's this place, it's- It's you! Oh! And it's me. And it's all of us. And I reckon it was Gil and your husband too. But...

No. I can do something different. I can. I'll do it on my own then. Like how you married Macbeth on your own? Or lit the barn fire on your own? Hang on, Tiberius kicked that torch! Oh no he didn't! But I… I did those things without your help.

Maybe that's why they went wrong. If I have your help, you can help me do it right. You can help me find the life that I want. Maybe the person I am tomorrow will be better than the person I am today. Maybe she'll be worth being remembered. Maybe she'll be everything I'm not. Ugh, Groh, what happens after you live is not yours to decide. That particular tomorrow is terrifying. Unknowable. Unknowably terrifying. But it's not yours.

Then... then what do I do? What else can you do? Stick it out. Find a new life inside this one. You don't have to fear monotony if you're present to little differences. What? That's it? I just stay? And I live every day the same. Day after day after day, just creeping along. The same every time. Just some performance of... Oh! What? Do I have something on my face?

Actually, yes, just like a... Gruach, you're right. I know. But about what exactly? Now, I can't give you a new life, but perhaps, perhaps I could give you a new story. Okay. Explain. Is it enough, instead of living a daring and adventurous life, to have others believe you did? If I can't help you, the person,

is it enough for me to help your legacy? I'm not sure. What do you have in mind? Alright now hear me out. Not right now, not tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, but years from now, hundreds of years in the future, what if I can promise that people will know your name, that they will know your story and tell it for years to come. Oh! We have connections. And even if you won't be here tomorrow, we will.

A whisper in the right ear about someone who lived so long ago, it can't be properly known. Then that whisper turns into a story. That story gets heard by the right person. That person writes a book. That book gets read by, perhaps, a playwright. And then we get something new. A new story. A story that spreads further and deeper than the actual deeds, the actual life of the person

it began with. And that, my dear, that is a legacy. That is immortality. I don't hate it. But I doubt the story of an antsy housewife is going to spark inspiration the way you think. That's why it won't just be the story of an antsy housewife. Although trust me, there's an audience for anything. But it'll be... it'll be... actually... no.

What would you want it to be? Me? Oh, I don't know. Well, why don't you think about it and I'll come back tomorrow. Oh, no, no, no, don't you dare. I'm sorry, I'm joking, I'm joking. I couldn't resist. But seriously, how do you want your story told? Blood. Lots of blood. Adventure.

Right. Ambition. Love. Lust. Something hard. Something about the difficulty of choice. Free will. Good. Maybe some witches. About someone who wants everything but doesn't know what to do when they get it. Who thinks they did it wrong? Well, I think we can work very well with that. But you understand, I can't give you that life today. I don't know if anyone could. But tomorrow, tomorrow people will know your name. Can that be enough? And I'll never see it. No. But I'll try to make it something you'd like. Blood and all.

Right. Well, goodbye, my lady. Goodbye, whoever you are. Your Queen dismisses you. Yes, quite. Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits. The Amelia Project is a production of imploding fictions. This episode featured Alan Bergen as the interviewer, Erika Sanderson as Gruach, Lawrence Owen as Gill, and Julia C. Thorne as Alvina. It was written by Lauren Grace Thompson and Ian Gears, with story editing and direction

by Einstein Braga and Philip Thorne, sound design by Alexander Danner, music by Frederick Barden, dialogue editing by Philip Thorne, production assistance by Marty Patsyval and graphic design by Anders Perasen. This show is listener funded by our magnanimous patrons, without whom this podcast would disappear and reappear as a how to spot a criminal video for MI5. If you'd like to chip in and contribute to future deaths and resurrections, we'd be so grateful. You can do so by becoming a patron for whatever amount makes sense for you, or by supporting us on Apple Podcasts.

Subscriptions either way, you'll get bonus perks and your listening experience won't be interrupted by pesky ads. To find out more, go to AmeliaPodcasts.com and click on support the show. As always, a big shout out to our super patrons at the time of recording. That's Celeste Joes, Heat312, Gemphirik, Alban Assant, Amelie and Allison, Stephanie Vaitenhiller, Rafael Eduardo Vivas, Verasteki, Allison Fro, Patricia Born, Wagner, Bryce Godmer, Cliff Heisinger, Michael West, Tim McMackin, Lee and V. Huardine, Mr. Squiggles, Tony Fisher, Tibby, Florian Byers, Kourtney

Mays, Rensen, Boo, Astra Kim, Olivia Dodson, Philip Hansen, Michael David Smith, Alicia Hall, LG, Heldon Inkheart, Ryan Burnett, Supercali, Fragilistic, Xpialix, Nickel, Timotheus, Doctimus, Ben Carlisle, Miss Nixie, Mystic Sybil, Tiffany Duffy, Jason Woods, Ryan O'Mara, Christine Bejuger, Stefan Hartinger, Lucille Farrell, Lydia Ames and Anonymous. Thank you for helping us tell stories. And now, the epilogue. So Lady Macbeth wasn't some psycho with bad hand-washing hygiene. She was just...bored. Yes, I mean, at least when I knew her.

But honestly, hearing it back just now, it sounds too easy. It wasn't just about boredom or monotony. She was trapped. I don't think I understood that then. But now... You alright? Fine. You want me to tell you a joke or funny story?

Oh, do you know any jokes? Once there were two tomatoes who walked onto a road... You know what, I'm good. Okay. So... Ruach never got to see this Scottish play. It was kind of sad. Oh, but she did.

What? Oh, yes. How? It wasn't even written yet. Leonardo da Vinci's time machine. Ah! It was stashed backstage at the Globe for years. Really? One drunken night, Kid and I placed the time machine right at the door between the dressing rooms and the corridor to the stage.

We brought the entire cast back to the Middle Ages to perform just for Gruech and her husband. As soon as they exited, they were back in London in 1606. None the wiser. No way. And Grueur? Oh, she loved it. Laughed until she screamed. I think the actors were a bit disconcerted.

Yeah. But it was the night of her life, I think. I can imagine. Oh. I wish I had something to toast with. I guess I'll just raise this imaginary cup. Salut. To what? To Antoinette Etienne and her prescient engraving.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. I guess it's not bad. A bit on the nose maybe maybe. But... Not bad at all. The Fable and Falling Network Where fiction producers flourish. So now what am I supposed to believe?

Is any of this for real? Well it looks to me like you're trying to hide. Yeah, my mom always said don't trust anyone. Maybe they'd want to know where you're hiding out tonight. Oh, did you get stuck? Thank you for returning my license, Joseph. That ding dang detector told you. But she was married, you know. Stop being a little prick.

Do you have your doubts? Alright kids, say goodbye to Uncle Joseph. I'll handle it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dad. Just saying how sorry we are to hear about your parents. Why is she talking about you having a mustache? You want to take a walk. Three complete seasons of Dirt on Audiodrama are now available to binge wherever you listen to podcasts or at dirtaudiodrama.com.