The Amelia Project - Episode 89 - Z (Year 0)

Episode Date: April 27, 2025

"Without faith nothing is possible. With it nothing is impossible." Featuring Alan Burgon as the Interviewer, Hemi Yeroham as Kozlowski, and Dave Moskin as Z. Written and edited by Philip Thorne, with direction by Oystein Brager and Philip Thorne, sound design by Paul Kraner, music by Fredrik Baden, graphic design by Anders Pedersen and production assistance by Maty Parzival. The episode was recorded at RedP studio in Vienna and engineered by Arpad Hadnagy and Oliver Illes.Dedicated to Miss Nixie. Website: https://ameliapodcast.com/  Transcripts: https://ameliapodcast.com/season-5  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Donations: https://ameliapodcast.com/support Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-amelia-project?ref_id=6148 Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/theameliaproject.bsky.social Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ameliapodcast/ Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ameliapodcast X: https://twitter.com/amelia_podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is dedicated to Miss Nixie, who vanished in the House of Mirrors at a travelling funfair, and who will soon reappear as a cartoonist for the New Yorker. Thank you Miss Nixie, and thank you to all our patrons who allow us to keep telling stories. Arthur! Caleb? There, on the horizon, that is Jericho! Are you sure it is not a mirage? It is Jericho, Arthur! Soon we shall have bread and wine and as many figs as we can eat. Caleb? Yes?

Do you see that? What? In the sand? Is that a phoenix? You are hallucinating, Arthur. Caleb? Yes? Do you see that? What? In the sand? Is that... a phoenix? Ha! You are hallucinating, Arthur. I don't think so.

We have been traveling for five days, and unlike Julius and Salvadius, we do not have hubs filled with nourishment. It is normal that you are seeing things. I really think it's a phoenix. Enough, Salvadius. Enough! Enough! You are right! It is a phoenix! You think it's a message from a client? There is an arrow drawn in the sand, too.

Yes. An arrow pointing... ...in the direction from which we just came. Yes. Yes. We must turn around. What? Somebody needs us.

No, no, no, but... It habs alvidius! Yalla! Yalla! But Jericho... Can wait! The bread and water and things... Will still be there when we return. But... Somebody needs us, Arthur.

A story awaits. Oh, but I'm so hungry and thirsty. Oh, all right. Come on, Julius, old boy. Here we go. Come on. Julius? Julius?

But for goodness sake, are you sleeping again? What is up with this camel? Come on! Yes, well I'm trying, aren't I? Why do you always get so hideous, huh? Why am I always stuck with Julius? You know what? We should swap camels from time to time. How about that, eh?

Yalla, Julius, yalla! God, so lumpy. The Amelia Project, created by Philip Thorne and Osten-Ulsberg-Braga, with music and sound direction by Frederik Barden, and sound design by Paul Kraner. Episode 89. Z. The Year Zero. Enough, Alvidius, enough, enough! A cave? Do you think this is where our client is hiding? Stop our videos. Stop it! Yes, let's go in.

Stop! Right now! Hello? If you come one step further, I will... Spear you with my sword! Um... But you have no sword. What? There is no sword. Of course there is. No there isn't. Yes there is. No there isn't.

Yes there is. Uhhh, alright. Prove it. Sorry? Go on, poke me. You want me to poke you with my sword? Yes. It's a very sharp sword.

I'll take my chances. See? You can't, because it doesn't exist. Now, now, let us not fight with imaginary swords or otherwise. I will... Relax, we do not wish to hurt you. You don't? No.

Oh. Oh. You are... The Brotherhood of the Phoenix. You found me! I will... I will put away my sword. Ugh, Caleb, do you see a sword? I do not.

You have no sword! But I have faith! Faith? In Ares. He will protect me. You think Ares, god of war, is going to magically make a sword appear in your hand if I come any closer? Without faith, nothing is possible. With it, nothing is impossible. And I have faith. I have faith in you.

Helpers of Hades. Helpers of... You think we have been sent from the Underworld? You hide people in the Underworld, do you not? Well, in a manner of speaking... Like the ferryman! Caron, you escort your clients from this world to the next. Yes, but like your sword, it isn't real.

We can have you stoned or torn apart by wild dogs, but you will not die. Not truly. Ah, but do we ever truly die? Oh, Caleb, this man is insufferable. Tell us why you need our help. I... Although, before you begin, we have been riding for over ten hours. Do you have any wine, perhaps? Yes, I'm as thirsty as a sea sponge.

Oh, I'm sorry. No wine. No. Very well, just water. Oh, I am sorry. No, why? No. Very well. Just water. Oh, I am sorry. No water? No. Do you know how to milk a cow?

What? I think I heard a cow in the cave next door. How can you live here without water? I don't live here. I arrived barely an hour ago. I too have been riding through the desert. I don't live here. I arrived barely an hour ago. I too have been riding through the desert. Ten days without a drop of water or a bite of bread.

Ten days without water? That is impossible. If you have faith, nothing is... Yes, yes. Well, let us sit and hear your tale. Who are you and why are you on the run? Ahem. What? Basalt. What?

Basalt! What's he saying? Of course. The floor consists of basalt. Basalt? My friend never sits on Passalt. Why? We are here for your story, not mine. Maybe there is another type of rock we could sit on. I don't know about rocks, but there's some hay over in the corner. Hey! Much more pleasing to the Pottocks. Let us each grab a haystack and begin.

So, what's your name? Zee. Zee. Right. Is that short for something? Zane, Zaid, Zayden, Zebediah, Zephaniah, Zerubabel? No. Have you heard of the Zodiakos Kai Klose? The what? The Zodiac. Your name is Zodiac?

No. The Zodiac? It is a system conceived by the Babylonians, is it not? Yes, to study the starry skies. Yes. Ah. The sky, the stars, they hold all the answers. All the answers? To what? Time, weather, wars. They allow us to predict harvests, heat waves, dust storms, droughts, impending doom and imminent salvation.

The will of the gods is written in the stars. So you are an astronomer. I started as an auger. I thought augers read the will of the gods in the flight of birds or in the entrails of sacrificed animals, not in the stars. Look, I don't wish to disrespect the augurs of old. But? But in my opinion, these techniques are very primitive.

The stars, however, allowed you to give more accurate readings. Yes, yes. My readings were eagerly sought. Farmers consulted me about heat, hail, frost, and hurricanes, and soon my reputation was such that magistrates and consuls traveled far to see me. General Amulius requested a meeting before leading his men to the Iberian Peninsula. I told him there would be an earthquake in Bateca the following day. He delayed the invasion, saving hundreds of Roman lives.

Bravo! Augustus Caesar was very impressed. Augustus Caesar? I can imagine. He asked me to become his personal augur. The Emperor. The Emperor asked for you. What an honor! I declined. You did what?

Of course you did. Why? He's lying! Emperor Augustus never asked him to be his augur? I didn't want to be an augur. I asked Augustus to create a new position just for me. Alright, this is ridiculous. A position as what?

Archpriest of the Zodiac. What does that even mean? Did he agree? Yes. Oh, pull the other one. He even built an observatory for me on Palatine Hill. A tower from which I could gaze at the stars. Do you believe him, Caleb?

I have heard that Augustus Caesar places great value in the wisdom of the stars. Oh, he does. That is why all coins are embossed with Capricorn, the zodiac sign of his birth. He waited until Mars was in Aries before waging war on Germania, and signed the pack of Mycenaeum only when Jupiter was in Aquarius. For every decision, he consults me about compatibility of the stars. If that is so, then why are you here, hiding in the Judean desert, fending off intruders with an invisible sword?

Because I saw something terrible. What? A tragedy was about to occur. Oh, really? A drought? A flood? An invasion? Worse.

A firestorm? Three days of darkness? A plague of locusts? Worse! A plague of locusts is no joke, is it, really? A drought? A flood? An invasion? Worse. A firestorm? Three days of darkness? A plague of locusts? Worse! A plague of locusts is no joke, is it, Caleb? Ah. I can still hear them buzzing in my ear. I said... Worse. What was it? What did you see?

Well, at first I thought my eyes were deceiving me. This could not be. What? What could not be? Every time I looked up, he'd grown... bigger. Bigger? I was sick with terror. What did you see?

Yes, spit it out, Zee. A star... moving straight towards us. What? It came closer every night. Eventually, there would be a collision. You were sure about this? Certain. You told Augustus?

I had to. I see where this is going. He didn't believe you. He thought you were crazy, stripped you of your title, sent you into the wilderness. Well, I'm very sorry, Zee, but this is rather run-of-the-mill. We only help clients who... Wrong! What? He took me... very seriously.

He did? Very seriously indeed. He believed the star would hit Earth. Yes. He asked me how long we had left, and where the star would strike. I'm surrounded by idiots. And what did you tell him? We had another twenty days, and that the star was on a direct collision course... ...with Rome.

And what did Augustus say to that? He wasted no time. He ordered all his legions back to Rome. But that is where the star would hit? Yes! So why bring them back to Rome? I do not understand. He ordered his legions to bring with them every catapult in the Empire. What?

He was going to shatter the approaching star. A bold move. And a futile one. Why? 50 legions with 500 catapults would do nothing to move the star from its course. At least he was putting up a fight. Yes, but a fight against the gods?

No. If this star hit us, not even the mightiest fortress or the deepest cave would offer safety. It would destroy everything. But it didn't, did it? A star hitting Rome is something we would have heard about, even out here in the Judean desert. You are right. Did not happen.

But you were certain, were you not? The star changed its trajectory. I cannot believe it. I ran down the tower to bring Augustus wonderful news. So that was it. It was a false alarm. As far as the collision was concerned, yes. But?

But the star kept moving across the zodiac in strange and unpredictable ways. And the more I observed, the more certain I became that this was no ordinary star. It had appeared for a reason. This star would change everything. So I went back to Augustus. And he was... Well, he was furious. Furious? Why? It made him pull his legions out of Risha, Pannonia, Noricum, and Moesha, made him move weaponry across the Empire, and for what? A costly exercise for sure.

And worse than that, it made him look like a fool in front of his generals. And now, he said, you have the audacity to confront me about this star again? Oh dear. Get out of my sight. So you left Rome. I misjudged the heat of Augustus' ire. Not only did I stay, I can... I continued to bring him news.

Oh, nests, idiots. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, I know. And then one night I...I looked down, and I saw five soldiers entering the observatory tower. Only then did I realize how much Augustus had taken against me. I ran down several flights of stairs, then jumped out of a window. The gods were merciful, and I landed with my bones intact. I untethered a soldier's horse, mounted, and galloped out of Rome.

The soldiers would follow, I was sure, But at least I had a head start. Dalmisha, Moesha, and Atolia. I have been riding ever since. When I reached Judea, I went to a tavern and begged for a drink. The tavern keeper took pity on me. He gave me a goblet of water, then pressed a coin into my palm. It was not the coin of the Empire embossed with the Capricorn. It was embossed with a bird.

The Brotherhood of the Phoenix, the tavern keeper said. Two nomads who appeared to those in need. Those in need of what, I asked? Death, he said, and a new beginning. So I drew your symbol in the sand. Futile gesture, really. Fleeting markings in the vast desert. And yet, my faith was rewarded.

The coins are from our time in Tibet. They were forged from sky iron. Tibetans make weapons from it. It has a power I cannot explain. Sky iron? I've heard of this substance. The coins have a magnetic force, pulling us where we are needed. I don't believe it was the coin that drew you here. No, it was the markings in the sand. No. It was the star.

Z, you have to forget about this star. Forget about it? There is no star. It doesn't exist. Of course it does. No, it doesn't. Of course it does. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does.

Caleb. Zee. Might I suggest that the star exists only in the spiritual, not the physical realm. Come with me. Where are we going? Outside. Ugh. Really, I can't believe we're doing this. Can't we just hop back on the camels and leave?

Oh, let us give him a chance. I'm honoring! I want to be stuffing my face with fakes right now. Can we please just leave? Today, please. I wonder if there'll be live music in Jericho. We are working, do not forget. Yes, well, not yet. We haven't agreed yet to take on his case.

Arthur. What? Arthur! What? Look! Where? Look where? Up!

Oh God, look at me. Well, shoot me like a comet! You see? I have never seen such golden light. And it's so... so big? Yes! This is the biggest and brightest I have ever seen it.

I think it is calling to me now. Uh... what? I am no longer afraid. This star... it is not our downfall. It is... love. Love? Oh, star of wonder, star of night! Right, um, Caleb? I wonder why we did not see it before.

We were too focused looking for clues in the sand. So often we fail to notice the miracles right before our eyes. Oh! Do not worry, it is just a cow. Phew! But we should go back inside. The Emperor has eyes everywhere. Hmm. Yes. Right. Oh, Basalt. Thank you. See, you have told us a wonderful story and shown us a wondrous sight. We will help you.

We will? Yes. Oh. told us a wonderful story and shown us a wondrous sight. We will help you. We will? Yes. Oh. What is that now? We can fake your death. The question is, where can we relocate you? It must be somewhere far from the Emperor's BDI, but the tendrils of the Empire spread further every day.

I may have an idea. You do? Yes, the little village in Amorica. Ah, yes. One small village of indomitable Gauls that still holds out against the invaders. Ah, but the Gauls are proud. Yes.

Do you think they would welcome a newcomer? Oh, well, I mean, if it wasn't for your elixir, they would be under Roman rule. You are right. They do always a favor. Oh, my God, what? Is that a baby? It's very annoying. I am not going to Amorica. All right, well, how about Macedonia?

Not as discreet, but we do have an opening as an olive farmer outside Philippi. Not Amorica, not Macedonia. Well, do you have somewhere else in mind? Yes. Really? Somewhere the Emperor will not find you? Oh, yes. Hmph! I doubt it. I must continue to follow the star.

What? I have followed the star this far. I cannot give up now. I thought you wanted to relocate. Can you please keep it down? I think the star has led me here for a reason. Oh and what's that? It's never been so big and close to Earth before. Yes, so you said. This is my...one chance. Zee? Chance for what? To get to the star! You want to travel to the star? Yes.

And you want us to help you get there? Yes! That is impossible! Without faith, nothing is possible. With it, nothing is impossible. Hmm... For the Brotherhood of the Phoenix, nothing is impossible. Arthur, that could be our motto. Yes, but it is impossible I'm wondering Arthur

you have an idea it is a long shot but what you talked about catapult you have a catapult no oh we are no match yes we do not have catapult no far too bulky yeah yeah of course but we do have plans for a catapult. Oh. And not just any catapult. Zanfam Pau. A what? The Zanfam Pau.

You think we can reconstruct it? What is the Zanfam Pau? I'm not sure, but the Zanf Fan Pao now, that is quite something. Ah, it is only the most powerful catapult in existence. We witnessed it in action during our travels through China, and Qin Shou Hua gifted us the construction manual. And this catapult is powerful enough to shoot me to the star? I cannot promise that.

But you can build it? I cannot promise that either. Assuming it works and you really do land on the star, what will you do? I mean, what do you expect to find there? I don't know, but the star is trying to show me something. I must find out what. I must emphasize,

I cannot promise that you will reach your desired destination. No, in fact, I would say it is rather unlikely. Do you really want to put your life in our hands? Oh, not your hands. The hands of the gods. Of course. One final time. You are absolutely sure I

Have faith Very well in that case we will toast to your safe arrival only we do not have anything to drink Caleb you know how to milk a cow don't you of course I shall return with three goblets of frothy milk lovely oh Of course, I shall return with three goblets of frothy milk. Lovely. Oh, and while you're at it, tell them to keep the noise down. It's giving me a headache. I will. Now, how do we build a catapult?

Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits. The Amelia Project is a production of imploding fictions. This episode featured Alan Bergen as the interviewer, Hemi Jerocham as Kozlovski, and Dave Moskin as Zee. It was written and edited by Philip Thorne, with direction by Einstein Braga and Philip Thorne, sound design by Paul Kraner, music by Frederick Barden, graphic design by Anders Perasen and production assistance by Marty Parzival. The episode was recorded at Red Pea Studio Vienna with engineering by Apar Hadnagy and Oliver Illis.

We will be going on a short hiatus and will be back in the summer with stories from 456 to 800 BC. This show is made by a small team, every episode takes several months to make, and we try and make each one as good as we possibly can. If you enjoy our stories and would like to support our work, we would be really grateful. You can do so by becoming a patron at AmeliaPodcast.com, and in return you'll be able to listen ad-free and gain access to our back catalogue of bonus content. Without our patrons, this show would disappear and reappear as a marriage counselling book

with really interesting examples. Thank you to each and every one of our patrons, and a shout out to our super patrons at the time of recording. That's Celeste, Joes, Heat312, Alban, Asant, Amelie and Allison, Stephanie, Weitmiller, Raphael, Eduardo, Vifas, Verasteki, Alisentrope, Patricia Bornwagner, Bryce Godt, McCliff Heisinger, Michael West, Tim McMackin, Mr. Squiggles, Tony Fisher, Tibby, Florian Byers, Kourtney Mays, Rensen, Boo, Astra Kim, Olivia Dodson, Philip Hansen, Michael David Smith, Alicia Hall, LG, Ryan Burnett, Supercali Fragilistix, xbalexnickel, Tim Mathias, Doctimus,, Ben Carlile, MissNixie, MysticSybil,

Tiffany Duffy, Jason Woods, Ryan O'Mara, Christine Bejuga, Stefan Hartinger, Lucille Farrell, Lydia Ames, Anonymous, Blyvani, Iris, Jade Pickering, Daniela Nissen, Matthew with two T's. The first T is Silent, Kelsey Page, Tucker Egeweiler, Silas X, Isabella Arzino, G the Blue Sky, Canal Crypted and Mez. Thank you to each and every one of you. More info on the show, how to become a patron and live show tickets at AmeliaPodcast.com. And now, the epilogue. Ah, Caleb. You took your time. Hey, where's the milk? The milk?

Yes, you went to get milk. Where is the milk? I see no milk. I forgot. What? You forgot? Yes. Well, just dying of thirst here, but alright. I mean, well, did you at least have a word with them about the noise? The noise? Yes, that racket from the baby, the noise. Ah, no, I did not.

Wonderful, then what exactly were you doing? The baby. It was lying in the straw, and the cattle were gathered around bowing their heads. Right. It was... strange. Strange? What, a family of paupers living among the livestock? What's so strange about that? You know, our camels were there too.

Julius and Salvidius? Oh, maybe that's why the baby was crying. Salvidius can look rather threatening. And Shepard? There were Shepards. I think they had come just to see the baby. They were speaking in hushed tones, kneeling and giving it gifts. That is strange. Why would they do that? The mother and father smiled at me. It was such a gentle smile.

Then the mother ushered me towards the manger. I think she expected me to kneel too. So I did. You what? I knelt. You knelt for a baby? Yes. For a sniveling little baby? Caleb, where is your self-respect?

Then I realized I did not have a gift please tell me you're pulling my leg I found one of our coins in my gun luckily no no no no no one of our Tibetan coins well I had nothing else all right all right so let me just get this straight. You didn't get the milk, you didn't stop the racket, but you did give away one of our last Tibetan coins. A coin that is meant to attract clients. Yes. Uh, well, alright, alright, alright, I'm going over there.

Arthur, you will see. There is something special about that child. Oh, please. I'm not going to be impressed by a baby. Oh. Ah, there's something I forgot to tell you. Oh, please, what? I talked to the father. Yes, right.

He's a carpenter. OK. So he's going to help us. Right. With what? The catapult. He's going to help us build the catapult. Oh.

Beep. Alvina. Pick up. I have exciting news. We are faking a death. Wait for it. In a lighthouse. A mysterious lighthouse keeper with a dark secret! And the

only way to get there is by ship! We are performing our first ever full evening live show on the 31st of May 2025 in London on a boat! Theatre Ship is a cargo barge that has faked its death and adopted a new identity as a floating theatre. And we've written a brand new story, especially for this unusual venue. It's a death-faking adventure on the high seas, featuring mythical sea creatures, pooping seagulls and shanties.

The evening show is already sold out, but we've added a matinee. You can get your tickets for that now by going to AmeliaPodcast.com and clicking on the Amelia Project Live at Theatership. The boat has limited capacity, so book now to avoid disappointment. We look forward to welcoming you aboard. Cargo ship, Alvina. Bye tomorrow. We're all going on a field trip. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,

la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Four bucks a month, Fable and Folly Plus keeps the scares uninterrupted. Sign up at fableandfolly.com slash plus before it's too late. This episode is dedicated to Miss Nixie, who vanished in the House of Mirrors at a travelling

funfair and who will soon reappear as a cartoonist for the New Yorker. Thank you Miss Nixie and thank you to all our patrons who allow us to keep telling stories. Arthur! Caleb? There, on the horizon, that is Généco! Are you sure it is not a mirage? It is Généco, Arthur! Soon we shall have bread and wine and as many figs as we can eat. Caleb?

Yes? Do you see that? What? In the sand? Is that a phoenix? Ha! You are hallucinating, Arthur. I don't think so. We have been travelling for five days, and unlike Julius and Salvadius, we do not have hubs filled with nourishment. It is normal that you are seeing things.

I really think it's a phoenix. Enough, Salvadius, enough! Enough! You are right! It is a phoenix! You think it's a message from a client? There is an arrow drawn in the sand, too. Yes, an arrow pointing...

In the direction from which we just came. Yes, yes. We must turn around. What? Somebody needs us. No, no, no, but... But... Eat up, Salvadius! Yalla! Yalla!

But Jericho... Can't wait! The bread and water and phoenix... Somebody needs us? No, no, no, but... Eat up, Salvidius! Yalla! Yalla! But Jericho... Can't wait! The bread and water and things... Will still be there when we return. But... Somebody needs us, Arthur! A story awaits!

Oh, but I'm so hungry and thirsty. Oh, alright, come on, Julius, old boy. Here we go. Come on, Julius, old boy. Here we go. Come on. Julius? Julius? Oh, for goodness sake, are you sleeping again? What is up with this camel? That's what I'm trying, aren't I? Why do you always get so videous, huh? Why am I always stuck with Julius?

You know what? We should swap camels from time to time. How about that, eh? Yalla, Julius, yalla. God, so lumpy. The The Amelia Project, created by Philip Thorne and Osten Ulspeck-Braga, with music and sound direction by Frederik Barden and sound design by Paul Kraner. Z. The? Yes. Let's go in. Stop!

Wha? Right now! Hello? If you come one step further, I will... Spear you with my sword! Um... But... you have no sword. What? There is no sword.

Of course there is. No there isn't. Yes there is! Uh... alright. Prove it. Sorry? Go on, poke me. You want me... to poke you with my sword? Yes.

It's a very sharp sword. I'll take my chances. See? You can't, because it doesn't exist. Now, now, let us not fight with imaginary swords or otherwise. I will... Relax, we do not wish to hurt you. You don't? No.

Oh. Oh. You are... The Brotherhood of the Phoenix. You found me! I will...I will put away my sword. Ugh, Caleb, do you see a sword? I do not. You have no sword. But I have faith.

Faith? In Ares. He will protect me. You think Ares, He will protect me. Ha! You think Ares, God of War, is going to magically make a sword appear in your hand if I come any closer? Without faith, nothing is possible. With it, nothing is impossible. And I have faith.

I have faith in you. Helpers of Hades. Helpers of... You think we have been sent from the underworld? You hide people in the underworld, do you not? Well, in a manner of speaking. Like the ferryman, Caron, you escort your clients from this world to the next. Yes, but like your sword, it isn't real. We can have you stoned or torn apart

by wild dogs, but you will not die. Not truly. Ah, but do we ever truly die? Oh, Caleb, this man is insufferable. Tell us why you need our help. I... Although, before you begin, we have been riding for over ten hours. Do you have any wine perhaps? Yes, I'm as thirsty as a sea sponge. Oh I'm sorry. No, why no Very well, just water. Oh, I am sorry. No water No Do you know how to milk a cow? What I think I heard a cow in the cave next door. How can you live here without water?

I don't live here. I arrived barely an hour ago. I too have been riding through the desert. Ten days without a drop of water or a bite of bread. Ten days without water? That is impossible. If you have faith, nothing is... Yes, yes.

Well, let us sit and hear your tale. Who are you and why are you on the run? What? Basalt. What? Basalt! What's he saying? Of course. The floor consists of basalt. What? Basalt! What's he saying? Of course.

The floor consists of basalt. Basalt? My friend never sits on basalt. Why? We are here for your story, not mine. Maybe there is another type of rock we could sit on. I don't know about rocks, but there's some hay over in the corner. Hay! Much more pleasing to the Potox.

Let us each grab a haystack and begin. So, what's your name? Zee. Zee. Right. Is that short for something? Zane, Zade, Zayden, Zebediah, Zephaniah, Zerubabel? No. Have you heard of the Zodiacos Kaiklos?

The what? The Zodiac. Your name is Zodiacos Caeclos? The what? The Zodiac. Your name is Zodiac? No. The Zodiac? It is a system conceived by the Babylonians, is it not? Yes. To study the starry skies.

Yes. The sky, the stars, they hold all the answers. All the answers? To what? Time, weather, wars. They allow us to predict harvests, heat waves, dust storms, droughts, impending doom, and imminent salvation. The will of the gods is written in the stars.

So you are an astronomer. I started as an auger. I thought augers read the will of the gods in the flight of birds or in the entrails of sacrificed animals, not in the stars. Look, I don't wish to disrespect the augers of old. But? But in my opinion, these techniques are very primitive. The stars, however, allowed you to give more accurate readings.

Yes, yes. My readings were eagerly sought. Farmers consulted me about heat, hail, frost, and hurricanes, and soon my reputation was such that magistrates and consuls traveled far to see me. Mm-hmm. General Amulius requested a meeting before leading his men to the Iberian Peninsula. I told him there would be an earthquake in Batsica the following day. He delayed the invasion, saving hundreds of Roman lives. Bravo! Augustus Caesar was very impressed.

Augustus Caesar? I can imagine. He asked me to become his personal augur. The Emperor. The Emperor asked for you. What an honor! I declined. You did what? Of course you did.

Why? He's lying! Emperor Augustus never asked him to be his augur? I didn't want to be an augur. I asked Augustus to create a to be his augur? I didn't want to be an augur. I asked Augustus to create a new position just for me. All right, this is ridiculous. A position as what? Archpriest of the Zodiac.

Oh. What does that even mean? Did he agree? Yes. Oh, pull the other one. He even built an observatory for me on Palatine Hill. A tower from which I could gaze at the stars. Do you believe him, Caleb?

I have heard that Augustus Caesar places great value in the wisdom of the stars. Oh, he does. That is why all coins are embossed with Capricorn, the zodiac sign of his birth. He waited until Mars was in Aries before waging war on Germania and signed the pack of Mycenaeum only when Jupiter was in Aquarius. For every decision, he consults me about compatibility of the stars. If that is so, then why are you here, hiding in the Judean desert, fending off intruders with an invisible sword?

Because I saw something terrible. What? A tragedy was about to occur. Oh really, a drought, a flood, an invasion. Worse. A firestorm, three days of darkness, a plague of locusts. Worse! A plague of locusts is no joke, is it Caleb?

I can still hear them buzzing in my ears. I said, worse. What was it, what did you see? Well at first I thought my eyes were deceiving me. Could not be. What? What could not be? Every time I looked up, it had grown bigger.

Bigger. I was sick with terror. What did you see? Yes, spit it out, Z. A star moving straight towards us. What? It came closer every night. Eventually, there would be a collision.

You were sure about this? Certain. You told Augustus? I had to. I see where this is going. He didn't believe you. He thought you were crazy, stripped you of your title, sent you into the wilderness. Well, I'm very sorry, Zee, but this is rather run-of-the-mill. We only help clients who-

Wrong! What? He took me very seriously. He did? Very seriously indeed. He believed the star would hit Earth. Yes. He asked me how long we had left and where the star would strike. I'm surrounded by idiots.

And what did you tell him? That we had another 20 days, and that the star was on a direct collision course with Rome. And what did Augustus say to that? He wasted no time. He ordered all his legions back to Rome. But that is where the star would hit. Yes. So why bring them back to Rome. But that is where the star would hit. Yes.

So why bring them back to Rome? I do not understand. He ordered his legions to bring with them every catapult in the Empire. What? He was going to shatter the approaching star. A bold move. And a futile one. Why?

Fifty legions with five hundred catapults would do nothing to move the star from its course. At least he was putting up a fight. Yes, but a fight against the gods? No. If this star hit us, not even the mightiest fortress or the deepest cave would offer safety. It would destroy everything. But it didn't, did it? A star hitting Rome is something we would have heard about. Even out here in the Judean desert.

You are right. It did not happen. But you were certain, were you not? The star changed its trajectory. I cannot believe it. I ran down the tower to bring Augustus wonderful news. So that was it. It was a false alarm.

As far as the collision was concerned, yes. But? But the star kept moving across the zodiac in strange and unpredictable ways. And the more I observed, the more certain I became that this was no ordinary star. It had appeared for a reason. This star would change everything. So I went back to Augustus. And he was...well, he was furious. Furious? Why? I had made him pull his legions out of Risha, Pannonia, Noricum, and Moesha,

made him move weaponry across the Empire, and for what? A costly exercise for sure. And worse than that, it made him look like a fool in front of his generals. And now, he said, you have the audacity to confront me about this star again? Oh dear. Get out of my sight. So you left Rome? I misjudged the heat of Augustus' ire.

Not only did I stay, I can... I continue to bring him news. Oh no, see? Yeah, yeah, I know. And then one night I... I looked down, and I saw five soldiers entering the observatory tower. Yes, it did seem. The gods were merciful, and I landed with my bones intact. I untethered a soldier's horse, mounted, and galloped out of Rome. The soldiers would follow, I was sure, but at least I had a head start. Dalmisha, Moesha, and Atolia.

I have been riding ever since. When I reached Judea, I went to a tavern and begged for a drink. The tavern keeper took pity on me. He gave me a goblet of water, then pressed a coin into my palm. It was not the coin of the Empire embossed with the Capricorn. It was embossed with a bird. The Brotherhood of the Phoenix, the tavern keeper said. Two nomads who appear to those in need.

Those in need of what, I asked? Death, he said, and a new beginning. So I drew your symbol in the sand. Futile gesture, really. Fleeting markings in the vast desert. And yet... my faith was rewarded. The coins are from our time in Tibet.

They were forged from sky iron. Tibetans make weapons from it. It has a power I cannot explain. Sky iron? I've heard of this substance. The coins have a magnetic force pulling us where we are needed. I don't believe it was the coin that drew you here. No, it was the markings in the sand. No. It was the star. Z, you have to forget about this star. Forget about it? There is no star.

It doesn't exist. Of course it does. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. Caleb. Z, might I suggest that the star exists only

in the spiritual, not the physical realm. Come with me. Where are we going? Outside. Really, I can't believe we're doing this. Can't we just hop back on the camels and leave? Oh, let us give him a chance. I'm honoring!

I want to be stuffing my face with fakes right now. Can we please just leave? Today please. What if there'll be live music in Jericho? We are working do not forget. Yes well not yet we haven't agreed yet to take on his case. Arthur. What? Arthur. What? Look. Where? Look where? Up! Oh god look at me. Well shoot me like a comet! You see? I have never seen such golden light. And it's so...so big?

Yes! This is the biggest and brightest I have ever seen it. I think it is calling to me now. Uh...what? I am no longer afraid. This star, it is not our downfall, it is love. Love? Oh, star of wonder, star of night. Right, um, Caleb? I wonder why we did not see it before. We were too focused looking for clues in the sand. So often we fail to notice the miracles right before our eyes. Oh! Do not worry, it is just a cow.

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Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BenMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Oh, battle time. Yes, thank you. See, you have told us a wonderful story and shown us a wondrous sight. We will help you. We will? Yes. What is that?

We can fake your death. The question is, where can we relocate you? It must be somewhere far from the Emperor's BDI. But the tendrils of the Empire spread further every day. I may have an idea. You do? Yes, the little village in Amorica. Ah, yes.

One small village of indomitable Gauls that still holds out against the invaders. But the Gauls are proud. Yes. Do you think they would welcome a newcomer? Oh, well, I mean, if it wasn't for your elixir, they would be under Roman rule. You are right.

They do always a favor. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God, what, if it wasn't for your elixir, they would be under Roman rule. You are right. They do always a favor. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God, what? Is that a baby? It's very annoying. I am not going to Amorica. All right, well, how about Macedonia? Not as discreet, but we do have an opening as an olive farmer outside Philippi. Not Amorica. Not Macedonia.

Well, do you have somewhere else in mind? Yes. Really? Somewhere the Emperor will not find you? Oh yes. Hmph, I doubt it. I must continue to follow the star. What? I have followed the star this far. I cannot give up now.

I thought you wanted to relocate. Can you please keep it down? I think the star has led me here for a reason. And what's that? It's never been so big and close to Earth before. Yes, so you said. This is my one chance. Z, chance for what?

To get to the star. You want to travel to the star? Yes. And you want us to help you get there? Yes. That is impossible. Without faith, nothing is possible. With it, nothing is impossible without faith. Nothing is possible with it

Nothing is impossible For the Brotherhood of the Phoenix Nothing is impossible Arthur that could be our motto. Yes, but it is impossible I'm wondering Arthur. Do you have an idea? It is a long shot, but what? But it is impossible. What? You have a catapult? Yes.

Oh no. Yeah, yeah, of course. Oh. And not just any catapult. Zanfam Pau. A what? The Zanfam Pau. You think we can reconstruct it? What is the Zanfam Pau? I'm not sure, but the Zanfam Pau now, that is quite something.

Ah, it is only the most powerful catapult in existence. We witnessed it in action during our travels through China, and Qin Shuo Hua gifted us the construction manual. And this catapult is powerful enough to shoot me to the star? I cannot promise that. But you can build it? Ah, I cannot promise that either. Assuming build it? I cannot promise that either.

Assuming it works and you really do land on the star, what will you do? I mean, what do you expect to find there? I don't know, but the star is trying to show me something. I must find out what. I must emphasize, I cannot promise that you will reach your desired destination. No, in fact, I would say it is rather unlikely. Do you really want to put your life in our hands? Not your hands. The hands of the gods.

Of course. One final time. You are absolutely sure? I have faith. Very well. In that case, we will toast to your safe arrival. Only we do not have anything to drink. Caleb, you know how to milk a cow, don't you? Of course! I shall return with three goblets of frothy milk.

Lovely. Oh, and while you're at it, tell them to keep the noise down. It's giving me a headache. I will. Now, how do we build a catapult? Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits. The Amelia Project is a production of imploding fictions. This episode featured Alan Bergen as the interviewer, Hemi Jiroham as Kozlowski, and Dave Moskin as Zee.

It was written and edited by Philip Thororn, with direction by Einstein Braga and Philipp Thorn, sound design by Paul Kraner, music by Frederik Barden, graphic design by Anders Perrassen and production assistance by Marti Parzival. The episode was recorded at Red Pea Studio in Vienna, with engineering by Aapad Hadnaghi and Oliver Illes. We will be going on a short hiatus and will be back in the summer with stories from 456-800 BC. This show is made by a small team, every episode takes several months to make, and we try and make each one as good as we possibly can. If you enjoy our stories and would like to support our work, we would be really grateful. You can do so by becoming a patron at AmeliaPodcast.com

and in return you'll be able to listen ad-free and gain access to our back catalogue of bonus content. Without our patrons, this show would disappear and reappear as a marriage counselling book with really interesting examples. Decky, Alison Thro, Patricia Bornfagner, Bryce Godd, McCliff, Heisinger, Michael West, Tim McMackin, MrSquiggles, Tony Fisher, Tibby, Florian Byers, Kirtney Mays, Rensen, Boo, Astra Kim, Olivia Dodson, Philip Hansen, Michael David Smith, Alicia Hall, LG, Ryan Burnett, Supercali Fragilistixx, xbalex, Nikol Tim, Mathias, Doctimus, Ben Carlisle, Miss Nixie, Mystic Sybil, Tiffany Duffy, Jason Woods, Ryan O'Mara, Christine Bejuga, Stefan Hartinger, More info on the show, how to become a patron, and live show tickets at AmeliaPodcast.com. And now, the epilogue.

Ah, Caleb, you took your time. Hey, where's the milk? The milk? Yes, you went to get milk. Where is the milk? I see no milk. I forgot. What? You forgot? Yes. Well, just dying of thirst here, but alright. I mean, well, did you at least have a word with them about the noise? The noise?

Yes, that racket from the baby, the noise. Ah, no, I did not. Wonderful, then what exactly were you doing? The baby. It was lying in the straw, and the cattle were gathered around bowing their heads. Right. It was, was... strange.

Strange? What, a family of paupers living among the livestock? What's so strange about that? You know, our camels were there too. Julius and Salvidius? Oh, maybe that's why the baby was crying. Salvidius can look rather threatening. And Shepard?

There were Shepard. I think they had come just to see the baby. They were speaking in hushed tones, kneeling and giving it gifts. That is strange. Why would they do that? The mother and father smiled at me. It was such a gentle smile. Then the mother ushered me towards the manger. I think she expected me to kneel too. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Then I realized I did not have a gift. Please tell me you're pulling my leg.

I found one of our coins in my gown, luckily. No, no, no, no, no. One of our Tibetan coins. Well, I had nothing else. All right, all right. So let me just get this straight. You didn't get the milk. You didn't stop the racket.

But you did give away one of our last Tibetan coins. A coin that is meant to attract clients. Yes. All right, all right, all right. I'm going over there. Arthur, you will see. There is something special about that child.

Oh, please. I'm not going to be impressed by a baby. Ah, there's something I forgot to tell you. Oh, please, what? I talked to the father. Yes, right. He's a carpenter. Okay.

So he's going to help us. Right. With what? The catapult. The catapult? He's going to help us build the catapult. Oh. Build the catapults. Oh! Don't you understand what a mass extraction means? It means the ones left behind are about to get buried. That was a new experimental weapon designed by Dex Industries. I wish I could say our training has prepared us for what we're about to see, but I don't

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