The Amelia Project - Forgive Amelia - Part 1 - Greggman’s Brand Hot Chocolate

Episode Date: August 8, 2021

“I know this is a bit unorthodox of me, but right now I’ve got a car full of sinners with a mighty burden to get off their shoulders.” Forgive Amelia - A Triptych: Episode 1 - The Interviewer A three part mini-season cross over with Forgive Me! by Rogue Dialogue Productions. Read more about Forgive Me! here: roguedialogue.com/fm-about With Casey Callaghan, Alan Burgon, Julia C. Thorne and Julia Morizawa For Rogue Dialogue Productions: Written and edited by Bob Raymonda Directed by Bob Raymonda and Jack Marone Sound design and music by Adam Raymonda Graphic design by Sam Twardy For Imploding Fictions: Story editing by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager Graphic design by Anders Pedersen The Amelia Theme tune is by Fredrik Baden Production assistance by Maty Parzival Forgive Me! is produced by Rogue Dialogue Productions and created by Jack Marone and Bob Raymonda. The Amelia Project is produced by Imploding Fictions and created by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager The Amelia Project is an audio fiction series. We recommend starting at the beginning. Congratulations. You’ve reached the content warning. The Amelia Project is about death, mishaps, mayhem and misfortune. And cocoa. If you’re not comfortable with this, stop listening. Now. The Amelia Project is part of the Fable & Folly Network. Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partners Website: ameliapodcast.com Transcripts: ameliapodcast.com/transcripts Twitter: @amelia_podcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? You can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken parmesan delivered. Sunshine? No. Some wine? Yes. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. See app for details. Hello dear Amelia listeners. As you will know if you listened to our last info release, season three may be over, but we're staying with you throughout the summer. Starting today, we're releasing the mini crossover series Forgive Amelia a Triptych. It doesn't fit into the chronology of season three. In fact, it takes place long before

prisons and robots and Panoraguan presidents. It takes place before the beginning of season one. Forgive Amelia is a crossover series between The Amelia Project and Forgive Me, one of our favourite new comedy fiction podcasts, in which a young priest, Father Ben, arrives in a new small-town community and soon finds himself butting heads with the eccentric parishioners. Each of their episodes takes the form of a confession, and in the coming three crossover episodes, the interviewer, Alvina and Amelia, will all take turns meeting Father Ben in the confessional. No prior knowledge of Forgive Me is needed to enjoy the episodes, but if you like what you hear and you want to find out more about Father Ben and the strange

and quirky little community of St. Patrick's, once you're done listening to this, you can head over to Forgive Me, and you can binge their first season of six episodes. But right now, it's time to transport you back five years, before the beginning of season one, when the interviewer Alvina and Amelia find themselves in upstate New York. Why? Well, that will slowly become clear over the next three

episodes. Enjoy. Hi, you've reached Father Ben at St. Patrick's Church. We aren't here right now to take your call, but leave us your name, number, and a brief message after the beep, and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. But before we get to that beep, a note for some of our previous callers. While we truly appreciate your enthusiasm for the sacrament, it is both impossible and unethical for us to take your confession via voicemail, as I am not the only one with access to this mailbox. Please come in during the time stated on the church bulletin and I'll be happy to... Hello, this is a bit unorthodox of me, but right now I've got a car full of sinners with a mighty burden to get off their shoulders. We're in a bit of a pickle and need to be attended to immediately. I know it's late and don't currently have access to your community bulletin, but I'm hoping you'll be ready for us

when we show up in, uh... Well, now. Thank you. Is this all really necessary? I'm the one that's flying the plane out of here. Yes, but Joey and Salvatore have gently insisted on this little pit stop. And I don't know about you, but I doubt our chances of getting past them and onto that plane if we don't honor that request. Oh, great. Another unscheduled stop at a dark and dingy building. You know, I was promised excitement for my first time in the field,

but this has all been terribly dull. I promise you, Alvina, next time we do everything by the book. If he just bothered to read the research, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. That's all rather a moot point now, isn't it? It wouldn't be if you just do what you're supposed to for once in your life. Hey, that's enough. Can we please just get this over with? I want to be back in this van and on that plane in no more than an hour. We can't still be in this town at sunrise after all of that.

That's fine by me. I can't wait to be back home. And what about you? Do you think you can actually keep things brief for once in your life? You warned me, Amelia. Well, I'll go in first to test the waters. Just to make sure this chap can actually handle what we've got to tell him. Oh, you can go first, all right. But we're not going anywhere else, so put that thought right out of your mind.

Do whatever you've got to do to be in and out of there as quickly as possible. Your wish is my command. Hmm. Well, I suppose this will have to do. I'm sorry if you've been waiting long. You kind of caught me just as I was getting ready for bed. No need to apologize. I was just admiring this, uh, fine building you have here. It really is something, isn't it? I'm not entirely sure if you're being sarcastic or not.

So I'm just going to leave that question untouched for now. You're the one who got me up in the middle of the night banging down my door with an emergency. If you don't like St. Patrick's, I'm sure one of the many other churches in the area would be just as happy to help you out. No, no, no. Forgive me. I'm afraid we've got off on the wrong foot. St. Patrick's is perfect for exactly what we need. And that would be what now? Well, isn't it obvious? Absolution. Absolution for what?

Um, I was hoping that you could maybe take care of that without us having to go into all those pesky details. That's not how things really work around here. I'm not in the business of indulgences. Yes, and isn't that a shame? Oh, things were much easier when all of this was more of a transaction. I could walk in, give you my handful of shillings, and you'd tell me I was free and clear, no questions asked on the church's part. I mean, if you need to put it like that, one could still go so far as to say that every confession is a transaction between the sinner, the Lord, and the priest that hears it.

Ooh, that's good. I like that. Only we don't really exchange in currency so much anymore. Unless you consider personal anecdotes gold, anyway. We find our business thrives when we prioritize both. So, tell me then. What's your story?

Oh, you'll have to be patient with me, Father. Yes, I'm still not entirely sure if I can trust you yet. Trust me with what? My story. And what on earth do you have to fear about me knowing that? I've lived an exciting life full of twists and turns. I'm proud of where it's

taken me, but I'm unsure if a man like you would look kindly on some of the details of those twists and turns. Then why come here in the first place? Well, that's easy. Oh, yes, because if I didn't, you see, Joey and Salvatore might have broken our legs. Who might have what now? Oh,

don't fear, Father. They're good boys, Joey and Salvatore, so long as you stay on their good side. You know, I have a feeling you'd love them. They're good, devout Catholic boys through and They're good, devout Catholic boys through and through. Good, devout Catholic boys who threaten to break multiple people's legs if, what, you don't take the time to confess your sins? Exactly. That's just how devout they are. Oh, they look rather dreadfully upon blasphemy of any kind., do they make a fine mug of cocoa like you can't believe in mere seconds flat.

Speaking of which, would you happen to have any on the premises? I always find it easier to get to the heart of a story with warm hands and a full belly. I do, actually. Would you like some? If it wouldn't be too much trouble. Do you mind leaving the confessional? I'm more than happy to make us a drink, but the kettle's back in my office, and Sister Catherine always scolds me when I indulge in anything other than the sacrament in the church itself. Why would I mind leaving the booth? Well, some folks prefer to keep their confessions anonymous. I've got nothing to hide.

Is that so? Why are you so afraid to tell me why you're here then? Oh, you getting a good look at my face and knowing what I do during my day-to-day are two very different things, Father. All right, I can't argue with you there. Shall we? We shall. Come on, right through here. Come on. Right through here. All right, you've got me. This place may not be much to look at, but I've got to admit,

there's always something interesting to find inside a stained glass window. Even the most unassuming of cherubs looks beautiful in the sun, doesn't it? That it does. But it's currently pitch dark outside. Oh, you know what I mean. Feel free to make yourself at home while I get this ready. I will. Oh, uh, that's my seat. You told me to make myself at home, didn't you? Well, yes, but I didn't mean quite to that...

I find myself most comfortable behind a desk. You understand, don't you? Sure, I guess. So, what's on the menu here? You are in for a treat, my friend. I know everybody and their mother prefer Swiss Miss. No one prefers Swiss Miss! This? This is the good stuff.

Gregman's brand hot chocolate. The good stuff? Mmm, sure. Yuck. I'll tell you my secret, though. You see, these packets, they come with dehydrated marshmallows already inside the powder. But the trick is to add a handful more fresh ones on top for extra flavor.

What was that name again? Gregman's. And where is this Gregman's? Oh, well, it started outside of Rochester, but you can find them all over now. I even stopped by one on my way to Pittsburgh once. Great quality food, good prices, and they really take care of their employees.

They've even got a bit of a cult following, if you can believe it. I really, really can't. But I'll take your word for it. Oh, this is so good. I can't remember the last time I made myself a good cup of cocoa. I'm so glad

you asked for this. Yes. Now only if I had got one. Alright, so now that we're all settled in here, what brought you in tonight? Your name is Ben, right? Yes, that's right. What's yours? Have you ever imagined yourself with a different life, Ben? What does that have to do with anything?

It's all related, I promise. Just answer the question. Well, sure. Of course I have, hasn't everybody? Most certainly. But I'd like to take it one step further. Have you ever found yourself sitting in this woefully unimpressive building, fully plotting out the details of your preferred new life? Seems unnecessarily mean, but I'll play along. Sure I have. And what would you be doing

if you were given the chance to start over? Well, I've been watching a lot of those RV and tiny house shows on the Home Network channel recently. And gosh, if this isn't a beautiful country. I suppose if I didn't have any other prior responsibilities,

it might be nice to get rid of my meager possessions and take to the road. See the sights for a while. Oh, surely you can think of something with a little more verve than that. Pretend that resources were not an issue. I'm a simple man, friend. I find a lot of joy in witnessing the world around me. I don't need much more than that. Of course you do. We all do.

But when you search into the deepest reaches of your soul, that's all you can come up with? You're really trying to tell me you'd rather cram yourself into a smelly caravan and drive down Route 17 than climb the steps of Machu Picchu? Or explore the depths of the catacombs beneath the Vatican? Come on, you're a holy man!

There have to be plenty of sites you've only dreamed of cooped. Come on, you're a holy man. There have to be plenty of sites you've only dreamed of cooped up in this slipshod mess of a building. Well, I guess if you put it that way, there might be something more... Picture this. Tomorrow, you've gone out to pick up your morning breakfast, and when you return, the whole building is up in flames. It's ambiguous enough that it could have happened after you got back, and there's no one else around to see it, to prove that you weren't incinerated in the explosion. What would you do with your newfound freedom? Freedom? How can you call that freedom? You're talking about my whole life going up in smoke. Yes, exactly. If it were

to happen, what would you do next? I would immediately start checking to see if there's anyone hurt, and obviously start thinking of ways that I could rally the town to fundraise for its rebuilding. It may not look like much, but a lot of people rely on this place. Benjamin, I have no doubt that you're a virtuous man with plenty of passion for the people you serve, but I have a hard time believing that there isn't some small part of you that doesn't think about walking away from it all. That hasn't dreamed of giving it all up and taking on a new pursuit, like crochet, or train spotting, or extreme ironing, or chasing after your one true love. Extreme ironing? It's a competitive sport, also known as EI. It consists of ironing clothes in different, usually extreme situations,

like while rock climbing, surfing, on a kayak, bungee jumping... Stop. What? I... What? I've already found my calling. I have faith in the path that the Lord has set out for me. Faith is a wonderful thing.

Without it, nothing is possible. But with it, nothing is impossible. I like that. So why do you have such a hard time having faith in yourself? In your ability to live a remarkable life? Excuse me, but I don't remember being the one leaving a frantic message on your voicemail in the middle of the night. What does my life have anything to do with whatever pickle you're currently in? Because. Your ability to play along with this thought experiment with me will help determine whether or not I can trust you with the real reason I'm here. And you're saying I'm currently failing that test? Not necessarily.

But you aren't passing with flying colors, either. Look. I'm a happy enough man. I'm good at what I do. I really am. Even if the people of this town don't always appreciate that fact. I'm confident that I've made the right decisions for myself, and I won't go back on them. won't go back on them. And, just in case it bears repeating, part of my responsibility as a conduit for God is an innate ability to keep whatever is told to me in confidence private.

As long as you haven't caused anyone outright harm, your secrets are safe with me. Well... You didn't cause anyone outright harm, right? Oh, God, I forgot how awful this was. Didn't cause anyone outright harm, right? Hmm. Oh, God, I forgot how awful this was. Oh, is there something wrong with your cocoa? I'd be more than happy to make you another cup if that one's gotten cold.

No, I'm quite all right, thanks. All right, more for me, then. Your loss. I'm sure you'll feel that way, yes. Why don't you just try to tell me, in whatever way makes you feel the most comfortable, why you're really here? I'm afraid I might injure your sensibilities with the full scope of the truth. I live in a world that's nothing like anything you've ever imagined. Even in your wildest dreams.

I'm sure I've heard weirder things. You see, Padre, my associates and I, we traffic in stories. In the stories our clients tell in order to convince us to take them on. In the stories we craft for them in order to give them a new life. It's an incredible vocation. And like you, one I feel fiercely grateful to have stumbled upon. It gives me purpose like you wouldn't believe. But it also means I must keep my inner circle relatively small.

I have to be able to be confident that they can keep a secret. Do you understand where I'm going with this? That thought experiment... It wasn't really a thought experiment, was it? Are you positive that you're entirely attached to this drab building? I think it'd look rather pretty as a pile of rubble. Pretty positive,

yes. And you're quite sure I can't tempt you with extreme ironing? No, I'm alright, thanks. Okay then. I'll let you keep your humdrum existence. And I'll be thanks. Okay then. I'll let you keep your humdrum existence. And I'll be on my way then. You can trust me.

Are you positive of that? Once you hear this tale, there's no going back. I am. Oh, God, it really doesn't get any better, does it? Anyway, the story that brought my colleagues and I here, it had it all. Romance, deceit, a decades-long family rivalry, even a food festival. Although not exactly the one I was hoping for. And which one were you hoping for?

I've heard your modest hamlet is home to an utterly scrumptious donut festival. And I was mistaken when making plans for our next disappearance that the two events may coincide. I'm always ready to indulge in a delicious pastry, aren't you? Yes, that event was sadly cancelled after last year's incident. Color me intrigued. My predecessor founded the festival based on what I understand is a bit of an obsession with the things. Apparently, against Doctor's orders, he signed up for the donut eating competition, and at about 15 bear claws in, he had a heart attack. Hence, my tenure at the wonderful St. Patrick's began.

Hmm. Sounds like your predecessor and I would have had a lot more in common then. Oh, goodness, no. He's fine. He lived. I'm going to pick him up next week, actually. Oh, thwarted by imperfect timing again. Which festival did you end up attending instead? The annual Salt City Potato Festival over in Syracuse. Ah. I see. Alvina swears that she had the right

one written down in the case files, but who's got time to read all of that? I find paperwork to be dreadful, and that I'm fully capable of doing all the research I need by simply speaking with our potential clients. Recently, for example, the heartbreaking story of these two ill-fated kids painted such a clear picture in my mind of their violent deaths. Now, I love a root vegetable as much as the next man. I even hold a world record in a potato peeling contest, if you'd believe it. But a whole festival dedicated to the lumpy things?

Give me an unlimited tray of sweets over savory any day. Things got pretty ugly over there this year, didn't they? That they did. Would you like to tell me what you and your colleagues were doing there? I'm sorry, Benjamin. I like you. I really do. But I'm just still not entirely convinced you can handle the kind of subterfuge that knowing a story like this entails. Look, I won't dance around this anymore. I know you think I'm just some simple dolt because I live out in the boonies and preach at a humble little church like St. Pat's.

I know you think I'd be better off taking you up on your offer of burning this place to the ground and starting all over again. But what you don't realize is that I am already living that life. I have already abandoned everything and everyone I knew just to vanish in the cover of night and start over. To get accustomed to a new home and new people and try to juggle all of their problems while simultaneously avoiding my own. And this place here? This is my second chance. It may not look like much to you, but it's mine. And the secret that pushed me to make this decision is big enough that if it got out, I would have to do it all over again. And trust me when I tell you that that is the last thing that I want to do. How big? How big what?

The secret. Breaking my vows, carnal sin kind of big. Ooh, and what kind of sin is that? The... romantic kind with a member of my last church. Oh, really? She was married. I see. That is very serious, Ben. I'm aware.

Well, I have to say I'm impressed. Given our brief interaction so far, I wouldn't have guessed you had it in you. No, you wouldn't have based on that short of a conversation, would you? Now, about the salt potato incident. Please, do both of us a favor and tell me what happened. All right, then. Have it your way. But don't say I didn't warn you. Oh, it was all supposed to be perfect.

Two star-crossed lovers, heir to two warring potato-based empires, ready to throw it all away and begin again anew. It was all rather Shakespearean, really. They were my little Romeo and Juliet. started for them. And Alvina and I, oh, we dotted every single I and crossed every single T when it came to our plans for... the accident. But even the best-laid plans have their downfalls, don't they? And what was yours?

Goodness, is that what time it is? Well, you must forgive me, Father. But it's getting dreadfully late. What, You're leaving? Have you decided you don't trust me after all, then? Or are you just cutting and running? Oh no, quite the contrary. You passed the test.

Just not with flying colors. If we are to keep it nautical, let's say the colors were up, but not flying. There could have been a tad more wind in your sails. Plus, you still have two more confessions to take. You've barely confessed a thing. But you did. Hopefully you've got better luck with the next one. I'll send

her in. Just go easy on her. She's had a rough week. I'll do my best. I really appreciate you taking the time to chat with us, Ben. I hope the next time we meet is under better circumstances. Yeah. The same goes for you.

Forgive Amelia, a triptych, is a production from Imploding Fictions and Rogue Dialogue. This episode was written and directed by Bob Ramunda and Jack Marone Story editing by Philip Thorne and

Oystein Breger Here's our cast in order of appearance. Casey Callahan Father Ben Alan Bergen The Interviewer Julia Morizawa Amelia Here's our cast and order of appearance. Casey Callahan. Father Ben. Alan Bergen. The interviewer. Julia Morizawa.

Amelia. Julia C. Thorne. Alvina. The Amelia Project theme song composed by... Music arrangement, composition, sound design, and mixing for this episode by me, Adam Raymunda. Production assistance from... Graphic design for this crossover series by Anush Pedersen and Sam

Twardy. This is the first episode in a three-part crossover series. On Friday, the 30th of July 2021, we put on a live stream performance of this very episode, and we'll be doing the same for the next two. If you missed the live performance,

you can watch a replay of the stream by supporting The Amelia Project or Forgive Me on Patreon. To become a patron of The Amelia Project, head over to patreon.com slash Amelia podcast. And to support Forgive Me, make your way over to patreon.com slash roguedialogue. The livestream event for the second episode will be taking place on the 13th of August 2021. We would adore it if you joined us. We'll be back in your feed with episode two of Forgive Amelia, a triptych, on the 22nd of August 2021. and I am trash, without whom the Amelia Project would not be possible. as one both ready for a fight and assured of its outcome. I'll have that relic now. That cool pretty boy have more healing. We gonna need it.

You guys might. One of you dies and I'm running for it. So don't. We'll have to use every advantage and we've not many left. So I'm confused. What am I supposed to say to him? Marcus, it's a role-playing game. Right.

So you're this holy guy, Benedict. Right. And he's just joined this-playing game. Right. So, you're this holy guy, Benedict. Right. And he's just joined this adventuring party. Right. Why? Because we needed someone to heal us and not ask questions. Dumb! What?

Any reason you want, Marcus. That's the great thing about this game. You can be anyone you want. Do anything you want, for any reason, so long as it's true to your character. Cool. I totally got this. Wait, but... This artifact belongs to my church, and as such, I

cannot part with it for any price. Uh, what did I say? Kill them all! The Ordinary Epic, a podcast series about the extraordinary, the ordinary, and something in between. Listen now at TheOrdinaryEpic.com or on your favorite podcast app.