The Amelia Project - Laplace's Demon

Episode Date: May 7, 2026

It's the Amelia event of 2026! An interactive live show, aboard Theatreship, our favourite venue in London! Get your discounted ticket HERE! Each show will be different, depending on how the audience votes, so why not come to all three? You can see a video of our previous live show HERE. In addition to the show there will be time to chat to the team in the bar, cosplay, exclusive merch and more. We hope to see you aboard Theatreship in August! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Alvina? Alvina! Why don't you pick up? Please pick up. I have a dilemma. And I need you to help me make a choice right now. Oh. Okay.

So, there's this live show coming up, and I can't decide if I want to go or not. The show is called Laplace's Demon, which sounds intriguing. And it's a choose-your-own-adventure story. Yes, you see, the audience gets to vote and decide what the characters are going to do next. Now, Alvina, yes, I know, you might think this is an easy choice. I should go, of course, get excited, laugh, make new friends. Why ever hesitate?

Well, I'll tell you why I hesitate. You see, there's a catch. The show is about... Well, I mean, there's no easy way to put this, but it's about us. us. I'm not joking. It's a show about the Amelia Project. And I'm going to be in it. And you're going to be in it. And I'm worried about how they'll portray us. I mean, what if this, um, uh, good Lord, what is his name again? Um, uh, Alan Bergen. What if, what if he isn't any good at playing me? They say he's a Scot, you know. I don't think he can do the accent. It might be really

embarrassing. On the other hand, the show is at a theatre ship. Yes, you heard me correctly. A theatre ship. It's a London theatre situated on a boat, in water, floating, right there. I mean, which sounds incredibly charming and atmospheric, and it would remind me of my seafaring days. Oh, I miss the waves. I was a world-class swashbuckler, you know. Apparently Koslovsky went to to the Amelia show last year, and the fans were having impromptu craft workshops on deck, drinking, well, cocoa, presumably, and making each other friendship bracelets. Superfans and new listeners all bonded and, well, in all honesty, it looks like this year's event is going to be even better. I mean, you can join in a game of Amelia Monopoly in the bar.

And, and, if you cosplay as a character from the show, You get a personalized certificate of your fake death. Oh, and apparently this year they've even installed aircon. Yes, because Kozlovsky said that last year it was so hot that he was just melting. Yes, he said it reminded him of the time we had to outrun a sandstorm dressed entirely in velvet. Or the time we had to dig for a lost city with nothing but teaspoons. Or when we had to bake ceremonial bread on the bonnet of a jeep for a bunch of nomads who were refuse to acknowledge the concept of shade.

I mean, that really was hot, but he said it was even hotter than that. Yes. He even got a media's name wrong. Can you believe it? I mean, not that the rest of us didn't make mistakes either. But never mind, never mind. Fun times, fun times. You know what?

Forget it. I've made up my mind. I'm not faking any more deaths today. Cancel all my appointments, please. The Norwegian Crown Princess can fake her own death. I'm taking the day off. I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon fighting with the googly

until I have safely secured a ticket. And then I'll figure out who I'm going to cosplay. And yes, before you say anything or before you roll your eyes because I can see you doing it. I know what cosplaying is. I do. I cosplay as the gravedigger in Hamlet

all the time. So there. Right, fine, fine. Lorraine told me what it means But maybe Maybe I'll go as you Or Koslovsky I'll go as Kostovsky

Oh that's brilliant Nobody will ever suspect it Oh could you do me a favour Could you organise a doctor's coat for me Bonson burner and some stilts Think about Four feet should do Four feet stilts

Maybe five just to be safe Oh and could you paint A Phoenix tattoo on my forehead Oh you know what stuff it just get a real tattoo on my forehead. Kostovsky can always remove it afterwards. Oh, this is going to be fun. Oh, and I've just had an idea. Alvina, why don't you join me? Yes, the show is, um, where is it, uh, here? The show is on for three nights. That's the fourth, the fifth, and the sixth of August, 2006.

2006 already God, time flies Never mind Yes, so it's on for three nights And it'll be a different show every night Depending on how the audience votes I mean, isn't that a genius idea? It's going to be so much fun

Oh, and do you know what? There's a really good offer on tickets at the moment So I'll just get us tickets for all three evenings Yes, why not? Then we'll get to see three different versions of the same show across three separate nights. I mean, it's going to be so much fun. Oh, thank you for coming with me, Alvina.

Yes, it's going to be wonderful to have you there. And I will see you at Scrabble tonight. Yes. Right then. To do-de-l-l-l-oo. That's right, we're coming back to London with a brand-new, interactive live show. We had such a good time last year meeting so many of you

and performing in this historic venue, a 100-year-old cargo barge that's faked its death and returned as a floating theatre. So we simply had to return. You can get your tickets for this year's show by going to ameliapodcast.com and going to live events. There are still tickets for all three shows

and each one will be different depending on how you vote. The boat also has a lovely bar where we'll be drinking crack and rum after the show So do come and say hi, there'll be exclusive merch on sale, and it's just going to be a really fun couple of nights, so do come join us aboard. If you want to get an impression of what an Amelia live recording is like, you can also watch a video of last year's show on Patreon. You can get that by becoming a $5 patron, but it's also available for individual purchase. Again, you'll find all

that on ameliapodcast.com. We'll be back with new episodes next month, and we hope to see as many of you as possible live in August. The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish. How much do you know about cryonic preservation? Cryonic preservation. The preservation of human beings at extreme low temperature. You mean like Walt Disney? I swear to God, if you say anything about Walt Disney's frozen head, I'm hanging up this phone right now.

Swear to me, you've never heard of the Red Valley Seabolt until I'm. I just told you. I swear. You swear. Could you take your hand off my knee? Look, Warren, if they're sending the butter wouldn't melt Newboy looking for Red Valley, it'll be for a reason. Trust me. People are losing their lives in this company.

We pulled him out too soon. He is awakening exactly as we planned. He's dying on me. We're all murderers here. Brianie, you, me, that doorman probably. Guy on the corner there with a neck tattoo. I bet he's killed someone. Would you like to cut his head off?

I'm sorry. Yes, so. It's funny. Gordon, why are you sharing this stuff with me? Why are you smiling? I don't know. I smile when things get awkward. Get in your golden bullet, pick me up.

You want to go to Red Valley. You want to go to Red Valley. Red Valley. Red Valley. Red Valley. Red Valley. Red Valley is available on all podcast providers. Do you want to continue?