The Amelia Project - Prelude 5 - Espresso

Episode Date: January 31, 2018

“A mobile phone? Why why why why why why? Why would you do this to me?” Prologue to Episode 5, Season 1. With Alan Burgon and Julia C. Thorne. Written by Philip Thorne. Music and sound design by Fredrik Baden. For full credits see our website. The Amelia Project is an audio fiction series. We recommend starting at the beginning. Congratulations. You’ve reached the content warning. The Amelia Project is about death, mishaps, mayhem and misfortune. And cocoa. If you’re not comfortable with this, stop listening. Now. The Amelia Project is part of the Fable & Folly Network. Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partners Website: ameliapodcast.com Twitter: @amelia_podcast Patreon: patreon.com/ameliapodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A mobile phone? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why would you do this to me? Do I really need to remind you? That MI5 agent destroyed your last one. Yes, and my life has been so much easier since. Anyway, this is an upgrade. It's a smartphone. Oh, a smartphone! What the devil would I want a smartphone for? You'd want a smartphone because we're living in the 21st century? Because upstairs needs to be able to contact you at all times? Because this is going to make your life so much easier?

Oh yes, technology never makes things easier. If it was up to you, you'd still be writing with a quill. Don't be silly. I know my way round a typewriter. Yes, about that. What? We'd prefer your reports to be typed up on the computer in future. What can a computer do that a typewriter can't?

Look at maps, calculate, scan pictures, play music, make calls, search the internet. And why would I want to do that? Look, I know you're set in your ways, but you're not going to get out of using a smartphone. It's really very simple. And you can ask it to do things for you. Excuse me? Ask it. I am not talking to a... Set do things for you. Excuse me? Ask it. I am not talking

to a... Set my alarm for 6.30 a.m. Your alarm has been set for 6.30 a.m. Oh, for God's sake. Remind me to ring Kozlowski. When should I remind you to ring Kozlowski? In two hours. I will remind you

to ring Kozlowski in two hours. See? Think of your smartphone as your virtual assistant. I can't believe this is happening. Joey and Salvatore are perfectly capable. We both know that's not true. Now look here. Salvatore makes killer espresso. Can it? Gee, it... Oh God, what gender does a computer have? Can it make espresso?

It can order espresso. It can schedule your meetings. It can check the weather forecast for you. And it does it all without swearing in Italian. That's got to be a plus, right? I find its subservience tragic. What an existence. Grow some backbone. Learn to say no. I'm having no part of it. I do not talk to machines. What if I told you your next client is a machine? That's it.

I quit. I can't do this anymore. I can't believe that I'm doing this anymore. Hey, come back! No, I'm done. Siri. Episode 5 of The Amelia Project. Coming soon.