The Amelia Project - The Amelia Project Live at Theatreship

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

A little sneak peek at our upcoming live show! Tickets here: https://ameliapodcast.com/live-at-theatreship Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, this is Client Outreach Officer Alvina Wright. If you don't know what services we offer, please hang up. If you want to offer your services, please also hang up. In fact, if I haven't asked you to call, please just hang up. Oh, unless it's Walter or Amelia of course, but if it's you Amelia Amelia I would have picked up so you'll never hear this. Alvina pick up I have exciting news we are faking a death wait for it in a lighthouse a mysterious lighthouse keeper with a dark secret and the only way to get there is by ship yes Yes, I knew you'd be excited by that. So, you need to acquire a very large boat, and I mean huge, preferably a cargo vessel of some sort.

Also, we don't know what the lighthouse keeper looks like, so we can't prepare the replacement corpse in advance. I mean, Kozlovsky will just have to bring every spare corpse he's got. I'm sure he'll be able to patch something together on the spot. Maybe we could build a lab for Kozlovsky down in the hull. Isn't this exciting! We've been stuck in this office for far too long. Oh how I miss the smell of salt, sun and seaweed. The aroma of an uncharted world. Ahhhh. Cargo ship, Alvina. Bye tomorrow.

We're all going on a field trip. Ahoy there, dear Amelia listeners. We really are going on a field trip. On the 31st of May 2025, we are venturing out of the studio and bringing the Amelia project to the stage, or rather to a boat. Moored at London's Isle of Dogs, Theatership is a 110 year old cargo barge that has recently been restored and converted into a floating theatre. Producing a full evening live show is something we've always wanted to do, and when we found this venue once steeped in history and stories, we knew we'd found the perfect place for it.

Hi there. I'm not here. Well, I mean I am. Just not right now. This got very existential very quick, didn't it? Anyway, if you want to leave a message, well, only do so if you feel like jumping into a bathtub full of piranhas carrying a plugged-in toaster loaded with arsenic-flavored pop tarts, have the tenacity to survive the experience, and emerge with a new identity. Otherwise, I suggest you hang up.

A cargo ship? By tomorrow? Really? I cannot get us a cargo ship by tomorrow! By Wednesday. Maybe. For the record, I am not excited by a field trip to a remote island, nor by the idea of a company outing. Not if it's going to cost us our entire annual budget and then some just to hire the transport we need to get there. Amelia has been very clear we need to cut down on spending. And don't say spending shmending, that is not an argument. You just said spending shmending, didn't you? I know you did. Anyway, I will look into how to get a cargo ship. So, I've looked into getting a cargo ship and basically the only ones we can afford are discarded.

For our budget we can purchase, purchase mind you, not hire, massive piles of rust that don't even come with a captain. We've written a brand new Amelia case, especially for this unusual venue. It's an old Marinus tale featuring an ancient curse, pooping seagulls and sea shanties. The show takes place on the 31st of May 2025.

The evening show has already sold out, but we've added a matinee for which tickets are still available. We do recommend booking now though as the boat has limited capacity. Amelia here and I'm not in. I have flown off like a bird. You think that's a joke but it's not. Anyway if you still think we're a plumbing company, just go away. This is not Miss Plum's plumbing anymore. I cannot unclog anything.

In fact, the word unclog makes me feel a bit sick. Oh, and if this is you again, no, I will not go get you Maltesers. Amelia, how are you? This is your dear friend Kozlovsky, in case you were wondering. I need a favor. The MS Corrosion, that is the new name we gave her

after her last name fell off. She is not equipped with freezers. Arthur has asked me to bring all the corpses at my disposal. We do not know what this lighthouse keeper looks like, and Arthur says we need easy access to any possible likeness. But I cannot bring 132 corpses without a freezer or a lot of embalming liquid. And to be honest, we do not have time to thaw and embalm them all. Yes, I do have 132 corpses currently in storage.

Thank you for the new deep freezers. The ones from that old pizza restaurant are surprisingly roomy. Why do I have so many? It is a long story and I would not want to bore you with details. I will just sum it up with some key words. Football team, tourist bus, the national Tajik ballet, vodka, spaghetti junction, undertaker, bankruptcy, insurance fraud, alvina, grumpy interviewer, client payment.

Ha ha ha ha! I will only need three or four new freezers, and I do not mind if they are second-hand Where is this lighthouse exactly I? Got us a ship, but I don't know if it'll even get us out of the Thames estuary. I Basically saved it from being made into nails I Also decided to let Amelia convince me Joey can steer a boat. I don't actually believe her, but she said if you don't let Joey dock that boat I will dock your pay, so I guess we're going on a field trip. Yay! We really hope you'll join us aboard Theatreatrisship on the 31st of May 2025 as the interviewer Alvina and Kozlovski set sail to help a mysterious client in a remote lighthouse.

You can get tickets by going to AmeliaPodcast.com There was a captain on a ship with a heart of stone and a temper quick His crew rose up in mutiny and threw him in the sea They made him walk the plank, splashing to the sea He sank, but the very next day his flag would fly The captain wouldn't die La di da da da, la di da da da da da da La di da di da I'll ask Salvatore to weld the worst rust holes shut. I'll get the life vests. Go to AmeliaPodcast.com for more info and the last few remaining tickets.