The Antiquarium of Sinister Happenings - Lot 003 : The Four Hour Tape

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

A videocassette you weren’t supposed to see holds a secret you weren’t meant to hear.Written by Moe T.Stars Trevor Shand, Chris Koehne, Lauren Clare, Seth AutumnFeaturing Stephen Knowles as the Antique DealerTheme music by The Newton Brothers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why, hello there, and come on in. Before I urge you to browse our selection of relics, it would be ill-mannered of me not to share with you this extraordinary piece we just got in. A mysterious VHS cassette, its only markings are a government seal, and the word confidential stamped across it in red. You ever heard the quote, Satan does not want an invitation. He flourishes on our curiosity.

Get out your popcorn for the four-hour tape. Welcome to the antiquarium of sinister happenings and odd goings on. I'm a low-level U.S. government employee. I just saw something I wasn't supposed to see. You know that meme about how presidents and governors after getting elected look super shell-shocked and stressed the next time they make a public appearance? Like the first thing that happens after you come into powers that you're pulled into a room and told all of the secrets of the world? Well, it turns out it's true.

As a matter of fact, it's a VHS tape. The four-hour tape was always a bit of an urban legend at the office. I'll be keeping the details of my role in government very, very vague, but to be absolutely clear, I am very low level. My role is caked between layers of bureaucracy and in the grand scheme of things, it's a pretty inconsequential role. Yes, top secret meetings did occasionally happen in our building, but my focus is pretty limited and heavily administrative. So you do what any other department does when you're in the bottom rung of the hierarchy. You discuss rumors, rumblings, crazy conspiracy theories, and everything in between. It's water cooler conversation for us.

Man, I wonder what the folks at the same. Top are doing right now, that kind of stuff. Out of all the rumors that flooded around the office, the four-hour tape was always the one I found the most fascinating. The crux of it. Once you reach the highest clearance level, you were sat down and shone this tape. None of us knew what the contents of the tape were, or if a tape like this even actually existed, but it was fun to speculate about it every now and that.

Most of the time, we found with our little rumors and conspiracy theories that the might have mundane answer was usually the correct one. Life in general finds a way to surprise us with how boring everything can be. Now, there's something you should know about me before I continue. I'm a wimp. All right, I'm meek, anxious, and generally restless. I'm a chronic rule follower. There is no part of me that wants to dig up secret documents and uncover the truth

about what happens at the highest level of government in our country. So when I discussed the events of four nights ago, please be mindful of that. I didn't ask for this. And I'm only sharing because I don't know how much time I have left anyway. And I can't live with this stuck in my conscience alone. It was nighttime at the office. I'm known to be a bit of a chronic workaholic.

And there was something I really wanted to get done before the week was over. So I was working later than usual. I went to print a document on what I thought was the printer in my immediate. vicinity. The notification on my computer showed that my document was being printed, but I didn't hear any noise or paper coming out of my local printer. I checked the name of the device I selected, and it looked like I'd accidentally clicked on a printer that was being used on another floor.

In any normal circumstances, I probably would have just forgotten about that mistake and reprinted the documents on my local printer again, but our general management here is quite stringent on us making sure that all confidential documents are accounted for. We are not allowed to share department-specific documentation to other departments. Fuck it, I thought. I looked up a map in my inbox showing the locations of all the company printers. Turns out, I'd accidentally clicked on the printer named Prince Charming up in the seventh floor. Funny name. Off I went.

I really should have just let it be. I emerged onto the mostly empty office area. In case you were wondering, the building I work in is huge. But I'd worked there long enough to know my way around it, so I knew the area surrounding the printer relatively well. I made my way through the hallways and eventually spotted the printer with my freshly printing papers minting it. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for continuing my lifelong streak of following the rules.

As I went to grab the papers, I noticed some light buzz in a meeting room. nearby. I looked through the window to see roughly 10 people hanging out around a snack table. In the room, it was a large, old-looking TV on a cart, and rose of some of the fanciest folding chairs I had ever seen, organized in a neat fashion. I didn't think much of it and started walking off until I heard the door open. Hey, Mr. Boscoitz, right? Jesus, man, we were supposed to start 15 minutes ago. Get in here. No, sorry, I think you have the wrong. I don't care why you're late. Just get in here.

Grab a plate of snacks and sit out. We're about to start soon. Put your phone in the bag, electronic watch in the bag, and anything else on your person that can be used to record audio or video. Something about a sternness and tone short-circuited my brain. For guys like me, there's a third option beyond fight or flight. It's called the Just Go with it until it's over. Also known as the Captured Rabbit Strategy.

I put my phone and my watch in the bag. I meekly tried to butt in with another, sir, I'm not Mr. Boskowitz, but he had already pulled me into the room at this point. He closed the door and walked to the front by the TV. I thought about making a break for it, but I decided to just see it through at this point. Hoping deep down that whatever was happening was as inconsequential as my job was. Everyone had their snack plates and were heading to their seats. I awkwardly grabbed a muffin from the snack table, put it on a napkin, and took a seat in the very back row.

Everyone was spaced out from each other. It didn't seem like any of these folks knew one another. I quietly sighed at the thought of having to sit through some sort of boring informational seminar or a relevant training session. After a few minutes of everyone settling in, the man who originally brought me into the room started talking. There was an equally serious woman standing next to him and a secret service-looking fellow standing in the corner. Huh. I started wondering to myself why we were going to watch a video off of a very old-school-looking, TV.

It felt like we were all back in elementary school or something. All right. I just need to do a final run-through before we get started. I know you all read through the emails and signed your releases. I just want to recap some of the ground rules. You're allowed to get up and grab another snack, but beyond that, we want you to pay full attention to the tape once it starts playing. If any of you needs to go to the bathroom,

we strongly urge you to wait until the presentation is over. If you absolutely have to go, We'll pause the tape and one of us will escort you. There's water in the corner by the snacks. Cups are there as well. And goes without saying by any discussion of this presentation to folks who do not have top compartmented clearance is a breach of your terms of employment, a breach of your non-disclosure agreement, a breach of your multiple sign releases, a breach of the U.S. Criminal Code in the state of...

Breach of the conditions laid out by the Committee for the Protection and Preservation of Human Consciousness. Any questions? They started dimming the lights. Fuck, it felt like I'd missed any window of opportunity I had to leave. Too late. That committee named me highlighted sounded way above my clearance level. The woman at the front of the room pulled out a VHS tape from a bag. And very slowly and securely, put it in to a VHS player.

She pressed play. I took a deep breath. Those water cooler conversations I'd had with my coworkers were starting to float to top of my mind, but I quelled them. There was probably no need for panic. It was just a stupid government meeting, right? The tape started. The beginning was familiar enough.

Various disclaimers about this being incredibly confidential material, yada, yada, yada, insignias of relevant organizations, presidential libraries, etc. I've seen a lot of these videos like this. That insignia looks strange. Like something was off. I scanned it. Presidential Libraries. That same eagle, those same stars.

This time there was a navy blue hand on the left shoulder of the eagle. Did they update the logo? Before I had time to ruminate on it too much, the tape cut to a logo I had actually never seen before. Committee for the protection and preservation of human consciousness? The logo was just an image of planet Earth. The video cut to a room that looks similar to the Congress floor, but with some strange differences. seats were much more spaced out. The podium looked like it had seen better days, and the whole room looked to be on a pretty steep incline. Everything was in black and white. It looked like they

were about 50 people in attendance. It was hard to make out the faces. Everything looked very dated, like the video was from the 40s or the 50s. The tape lingered on this one shot for quite a while. Minutes passed. I noticed what looked to be a choir, all in outfit and perfectly huddled next to each other, standing in one of the corners of the room. It really felt like I shouldn't have been seeing this. None of this was meant for my eyes. After a few more minutes, the tape abruptly cut to an awkward angle video of a man speaking at the podium in the room. It was too zoomed in, enough that you couldn't see his eyes or his hair. It didn't look all that professional.

I couldn't tell who he was. He spoke. The tape cut to a camera slowly panning over all of the faces of the folks seated in the room. The attendees looked pained, somber. The man continued his speech as the camera continued panning over the committee. Extra, this was the truth. Like the saying went, the truth would set me free. the service department at the Antiquarium.

You're sorry you're having trouble. The chaos magic encoded within this audio file has detected excessive levels of transference from your subconscious. Please hold and we will resume your sacrament momentarily. Lasiatte only speranza, fetching trate. Everyone here at the Antiquarian. Turn to the sacred right already in progress. Should you become uncomfortable at any point during your experience?

Please reach out to an associate or press stop on your device immediately. Thank you. I felt nausea coming in. I awkwardly and slowly took a... The table. returned to a now corrected angle of the speaker at the podium. His eyes were visible. They looked strained, like they'd seen multiple versions of hell.

To the nations who still disagree, I thank you nonetheless for accepting the majority decision. What's this? Cremant? We... He showed the man at the podium looking down. He was reading off of something. For the first time, he looked nervous.

I saw some humanity in him. We honor the agreement that... For the first time, my fight or flight, response was actually flight. I wanted to escape, but I didn't know what I'd even be running from. We'll continue to... I just wanted it to end.

Just continue to sharpen... Jesus Christ, our planet is a fucking farm! I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. The tape cut away to a larger view of the Congress-like room. The somber committee members in attendance and the members of the choir in the corner who I could only imagine looked horrified.

Where were the visitors? Why couldn't I see them? The camera then people. hand to a number of larger, empty seats. The same slow style of video panning as the one that happened earlier with the committee members. No visible entities in the seats, but the seats themselves. The man at the podium carried on with his speech as the camera pan on those blurry seats continue. We should acknowledge the privilege of knowing that there is indeed life in the cosmos.

That extraterrestrial life has chosen to visit our planet, provided by nature, extend beyond the confines of planet Earth. Mine order of things, greater power. I shouldn't have stayed late at work. I should have made my identity clear from the very beginning. I knew that I was not supposed to see this. And while... Fuck, it really looked like the speaker was about to cry.

While the process of consumption and lengthy one, we respect the trade-off that comes with the preservation of our species. So acknowledge, as part of the promise, that substitutes for human life. I didn't need to know this. This whole thing was way too specific for me. Final major acknowledgement. Then cut the footage of the choir as the speaker continued.

A very loud backing track of the Star-Spangled Banner started playing from the video as my stomach sank. The tape showed footage of the choir singing on top of the track. Not sure if it was because they were scared for their lives, but I could really tell they were singing their hearts out. As they sing, the camera continued to pan over the blurry seats. They finished singing in the anthem. Fucking hell I had forgotten I was sitting in a room.

I had disengaged from the video for a brief moment. I had mentally returned to the present day. This was our world. This was our fucking lives. The people at the front continued fast-forwarding through the tape. It looked like they were skipping through performances of the other national anthems. Fast-boarding went on for a while. Every small while, it looked like a new choir group was entering the Congress-like room to sing a different national anthem.

On and on the tape went, I had to fight the urge to pass out. The woman at the front of the room standing next to the TV started speaking up. We are legally obligated to get to the end of his tape, but you don't need to look at the rest of it. Please feel free to look down, or close your eyes, or grab a snack. I noticed the others seated in the room were taking that advice. most of them decided to look straight down for some weird reason. I couldn't.

The fast-forwarding progressed. On the tape, it was in another choir group joining to perform an anthem, and then another, and then another, it looked like we were near the end. The fast-forwarding now showed a conversation between the man at the podium and another man who was whispering in his ear.

The man at the podium was vehemently shaking his head. The other man continued whispering. This continued on. Eventually, there was a quick moment of the man at the podium, begrudgingly nodding. The last few, fast forward in moments of the tape remained burned in my memory to this very moment. There was pandemonium.

The attendees were sitting in their chairs, frozen, shivering, crying. People in the various choirs were running around the rooms in fast motion as blurry spots started covering them, and ungodly things started happening to them. Fuck, why didn't I look away? If ever there was a fucking time to follow orders, it felt like the whole thing went on for way longer than it should have. Finally, the people at the front of our room stopped to fast forwarding. They pressed play on the tape to cover the very final moment. In the tape, the man at the podium clearly emotional spoke his final line.

The agreement has been ratified. Final shot of the video is the full room. The committee members in their seats, shivering and crying, the dismantled and bloodied choir members strewn about the room, the blurry seats with blood smeared on them. The video then cut away. Back to that same insignia on a black backdrop. The presidential libraries.

That eagle, those stars, the navy blue hand on the wing of the eagle. The lights in our room turned on. The rest of the night was a blur. The people at the front of the room told us it was best for us to sit for an hour to digest the information. No discussion about the video was allowed to take place. When we were ready to stand, we were allowed to leave and go, home. They gave us some pointers on how to accept the information over the coming weeks, things like taking long walks, exercising, watching a sitcom, etc. I wasn't worried about them realizing that I

wasn't supposed to be there. If anything, I felt a strange camaraderie with everyone in the room. We were all truly in the same boat. As soon as I left the building and I got in my car, I just drove for as long as I could. I would stop for gas, then I'd keep driving. I'd stop again, then I'd keep driving again and again and again. I'm holed up in a hotel now. I'm just glad I could get this off my chest. The funny thing is, all I can think about is the length of that stupid fucking tape. Well, I can't confirm.

I feel like if it were played straight through without fast forwarding, it would only been three hours. I wonder if the four-hour tape rumor came to the fact that we all needed that extra hour to digest that information. And now you're probably wondering, why don't I name the species that is going to spell humanity's doom throughout the rest of time. Why am I calling them? Well, as the

self-appointed leader of the committee for the acknowledgement that we should have just chosen extinction, I don't feel the need to honor our captors by calling them by their name. If I don't see you again, I appreciate the water cooler conversation. Thank you for your patronage.

Hope you enjoyed your new relic as much as I've enjoyed passing along its sordid history. It does come with our usual warning, however. Absolutely no refunds, no exchanges, and we won't be held liable for anything that may or may not occur while the object is in your possession. Oh, you think just because you're only listening to my voice that you have nothing to be concerned about, let me assure you that your visit to the antiquarium, whether in the flesh or in your mind's eye, is most certainly not in vain.

You are, after all, the architect of this place. I must say you've done a hell of a job. Even the way you have given me a face and carved out the most minute details of my person in that Cerebrum of yours is quite impressive indeed. Therefore, the items you procure within these walls, even on a metaphysical level, are very, very real, and are now and forever part of your subconscious. All part of our standard bill of sale, really? Till next time, we'll be waiting for you whenever you close your.

your eyes in the space between sleep and dream. During regular business hours, of course, or by appointment, only for you, our best customer. You have a good night now. The Antiquarium of Sinister Happenings, Lot Zero-Zer3, The Four Hour Tape, written by Mo T, narrated by Trevor Shand Featuring Chris Cohen and Lauren Clare as the officers Seth Autumn as the speaker Stephen Knowles as the antique dealer

Engineering production and sound design by Trevor Shand The Antiquarium of Sinister Happenings is created and curated by Trevor and Lauren Shand Theme music by the Newton Brothers Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at Antiquarium Pod Call the Antiquarium at 646-481. 7197.