The Antiquarium of Sinister Happenings - Lot 030 : Professor Egghead Season One : Episodes 1 -4

Episode Date: February 11, 2024

If you find a VHS tape titled Professor Egghead’s Adventures….don’t watch it.Professor Egghead Season One : Episodes 1 - 4Written by Mike J. Langerhttps://www.youtube.com/@MikejlangerNarrated by Trevor ShandStarring Nils Frykdahl as Professor EggheadConan Freeman as TeddyMark Redfield as The FatherDee Quintero as The BarristaAndrea Richardson as The Hairdresserhttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/jw3riu/if_you_find_a_vhs_tape_titled_professor_eggheads/Featuring Stephen Knowles as The Antique DealerTheme music by The Newton BrothersAdditional music by:CO.AG. ([e-mail])The Ceremony by Vivek AbhishekSUBSCRIBE on YOUTUBE: https://bit.ly/3qumnPHFollow on Facebook : https://bit.ly/33RWRtPFollow on Instagram : https://bit.ly/2ImU2JVBaba Yaga by David Wagner / Monst3rThe Abandoned by David Wagner / Monst3rGhost by Tim Beek Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Love is in the air. Come on in, friend. Come on in. I bet I know what brings you across this dark threshold. Maybe a gift for a special someone for Valentine's Day. I applaud you for thinking outside the box. Not sure whether or not it's a good idea, but I applaud you just the same. Let me see.

As you know, from time to the box. time we've been getting old VHS tapes in. Really has become quite the trend. Nothing is sweeter than the scent of nostalgia, one of humankind's most cherished delights. You will find that this particular tape, however, isn't very sweet at all. So cozy up real close to a loved one.

And remember to be kind and rewind this story called, If you find a VHS tape titled Professor Eggheads Adventures. Don't watch it. Before we begin, I want to point out some of the customers whose names have been etched in brass on this beautiful plaque I had made

above the front desk. These are some of the members of the inner circle of the antiquarium. We go by the Obsidian Covenant. Recent initiates include Ari Filo, Big Murphy Energy, might divine.

Francis de la Paz, Sicily Smith, Benjamin Membrano, Esme, Kara, and Mr. Insomnia. We are ever appreciative of your devotion to The Order. Go to The Obsidian Covenant.com to receive the sacrament. Now, where were we? Oh yes. Welcome to the antiquarium of sinister happenings and odd goings on. Teddy's VHS collection never really came up in conversation. Sure, occasionally I'd say something about the oblique pop culture reference t-shirt he wore,

and I recall having a discussion or two about his obsession with 90s sitcoms, but most of her time together was spent talking about the strangeness of the locals. I originally moved to Prague to squeeze out as much fun out of my 20s as I could in a cost-effective manner. Beer was cheaper than water. Rent was infinitely more affordable than San Fran, and there's something to be said about dating in the porn capital of the world. Teddy's reasons for moving to Prague, on the other hand, were a bit more... Whenever I would ask him about his departure from the States, he would wax poetic about the dark Gothic streets, about the strangeness of the city, about how he could feel Kafka's perpetually confused spirit drifting through the subways.

But it wasn't until one rum-soaked evening that he gave me something concrete. You can also find some pretty niche VHS tapes here. And I like collecting VHS tapes. Maybe he wanted to press the subject further. Maybe he wanted to show me his collection. But to be honest, I didn't care. I liked the dude. He was weird, but...

I liked him. Frail and covered in adult acne, Teddy was funny-looking and meek. But the guy had a heart of gold. Whenever I found myself lost in the absurd bureaucracy of the city or was looking for an explanation to the strange customs of the progress, Teddy was more than happy to help. He moved to the city just a year before me,

and somehow he had managed to get a grasp on the strange consonant-filled lingo with the locals and knew of just about every expat-friendly gem hidden around the dark alleys. We weren't unfriendly enough terms to be conflict-free roommates and occasionally grab a drink together. I like the dude.

I just didn't want to enter check out my weird hobby territory. It wasn't until he went missing that I saw his collection. All right, so a regular VHS tape fits about four episodes of a 20-minute show. Judging by the sparse amount of space available in Teddy's room,

he had enough tapes to stay occupied for weeks. Whilst Teddy was privy to all the drama of my personal life, I didn't know much about his. I never met any of Teddy's friends, but I presumed he had some. For the first two weeks of his absence, I assumed that Teddy was just on some spontaneous hiking trip with some friend I never heard about. One worried phone call from his father dispersed those illusions. Teddy was missing, and Teddy only had one friend in Prague. Me. His father flew in from Maryland, and for six months he stayed in his son's cramped room. I'm going to be honest it was miserable, rooming with a grieving father.

But the guy continued covering Teddy's share of the rent and I didn't want to be soulless. For six months, he searched the city for some sort of evidence that his son was alive. But Teddy's disappearance was total. I had no leads, the police had no leads, and after a year of searching, Teddy's father ran out of hope. long after it became clear that his son was not coming back. Teddy's father flew back home to hold a memorial service. They invited me to come and speak at the service, even offered to cover my airfare to Baltimore, but I declined.

I didn't know Teddy well enough to speak to his grieving family, and traveling across the Atlantic is about as pleasant as a sleep deprivation experiment. Instead, as his family gathered to mourn, I made my way to Teddy's VCR. I was going to put on a random friends episode. Teddy seemed to have really enjoyed that show. But when I tried to pop in the cassette, there was resistance from the machine.

The slot was already filled with a different tape. Adventures of Professor Egghead, Season 1, Episodes 1 through 4. To pay my respects, I figured I'd do my best and try to indulge in Teddy's weird hobby. I pushed the tape back into the machine and pressed play. A coffee shop flickered to life on the screen. On first glance, there didn't seem to be anything wrong with it. A group of teens gathered with laptops in what looked to be a study group.

Out by the window, two friends had an animated conversation. A small line of people dressed in gray office garbs stood in line waiting for their coffee. Yet, the longer I watched the coffee shop scene play out, the more I noticed, something was... Off. The teens relentlessly typed away at their computers, but the screens of their laptops were off. The conversation by the window was filled with excited hand gestures and bouts of laughter, yet the two friends made no sound when they moved their lips. The line of office workers stood patiently in line, but no orders were ever filled. The whole coffee shop seemed stuck in the same 30-second loop that repeated over and over.

It was as if everyone was waiting for something. Sitting behind the thick screen of Teddy's television, I waited as well. It was faint at first. I even paused the tape to see whether the sound wasn't coming from my neighbor's apartment. But soon enough, it became clear the noise was originating from the television. Somewhere off screen, a live studio audience was clapping and cheering. anticipating the arrival of a beloved character. The studio audience hollered with joy as he appeared on screen,

but my stomach went flush with discomfort. This man, this creature, this thing that stood at the entrance of the coffee shop defied all reason. A face of a human, a desperately tired human, drooped from his egg-shaped body. Over his stubby limbs he wore a dirty lab coat,

and the sparse nest of hair on his pointed scalp looked like it hadn't been washed in years, but it was his eyes that stoked true discomfort in my core, bloodshot, and lined with the yellow grime. They stared straight into the camera. The abomination screamed in a queer accent, drenched in anger.

I am Professor Egghead. I have come here. to awaken myself for another day of science. The studio audiences joyous clapping turned to wild laughter. Yet no one in the coffee shop found the creature's outburst funny. They all seemed scared. With rage-filled storms, the egg-shaped being lumbered his way past the frightened business folk to the front of the line.

I demand boiled water. I demand boiled water that has been strained through Crust beans of the coffee plant. If I am to get any science done on this day, I must have caffeine coursing through my powerful veins. Everyone in the coffee shop seemed wholly uncomfortable with the existence of the Eggman. His presence radiated a fury throughout the entire establishment.

But it was the young barista he was facing, who received most of his ire. She looked to be on the edge of a panic attack. I don't understand to you. No one understands the egghead. He screamed, raising the nubs of his arms to the sky. No one will ever understand the egghead. This drove the studio audience wild.

A deafening bout of canned laughter boomed from the television. With a deep-seated confusion in my heart, I cut it off with the remote and went on the balcony for a cigarette. For a while, I tried to make sense of why Teddy would watch something so unhinged, but those thoughts didn't stick around for long. Teddy was a weird guy who was into weird things.

Trying to understand his tastes was just as futile as the six-month search effort. A part of me wanted to believe that he was still hiding somewhere in the smoggy city that stretched out beyond the balcony. But I knew the truth. Teddy was gone. And somewhere, out in Baltimore, his family was gathered around. a corpseless funeral, saying goodbye. His father cried a lot, just about every night for the first couple of months.

It wasn't until I had to put on headphones to drown out a grown man's sobs that I realized how thin the walls of the apartment were. Even muffled through blaring music, those 2 a.m. howls were scratched into my memory. Standing on my balcony, alone, hearing faint echoes of the man's whales, I realized, I needed a drink. I rushed out of the house in search of company. However, the television screen in Teddy's room caught my eye. The screaming egg creature was still staring at the camera.

Stuck in an angry shout. If Teddy was around and he sat me down to watch that madness, I probably would have lasted longer. A twinge of guilt sparked in my chest for never humoring Teddy's obsession. As soon as I resumed the Teddy. The cafe was replaced with a barber shop. Much like the previous scene that was an e- Oh, what a bunch of Malaki!

The VCR just ate the tape. Tell you what, I'm gonna grab my tools and I'll be right back. We'll get you up and running in no time. Leave a message, please do so at the time. I said no refunds or anything. I sought some tools a few days ago from the antique aquarium. Saw specifically to help around the house. Not to get rid of the dead body in my living room.

Definitely not because of that. I'm saying too much. I've been in the closet for an hour. But the saw has been making noises all by itself. All by itself. I know that you send no refunds or anything, but please, can you? I'm going to take it back. I can't get out of my closet.

Maybe bring the dead body. with you. I don't know. Thank you. Um, just come and get it. I am so sorry about the interruption, but you are good to go. Let's see what that unhinged Professor Egghead is up to now, shall we? A twinge of guilt sparked in my chest for never humoring Teddy's obsession. As soon as I resumed the tape, the cafe was replaced with a barbershop. Much like the previous scene, there was an air of artificiality surrounding everything on the screen. A heavy middle-aged woman hovered over the single customer that the barbershop had with scissors in her hands, yet she never made a single cut. Another employee was using a broom to clean up the remains of her previous haircut, but he never actually disposed of the hair.

He just pushed it around the floor in a circle. Even the bright colored fish in the barbershop aquarium seemed to be swimming around. in a steady formation. The barbershop was stuck in a familiar 30-second loop, waiting for something to happen. After a minute or two, the cheering of the studio audience

started to reverberate through the quiet room. And Professor Egghead! The mad creature raved as he burst to the door. I demand that the dead cells be removed from my scalp with sharp knives so that I can be born anew. His words, were much angrier than before.

The egg-shaped monstrosity was foaming at his mouth with rage, but his eyes still seemed comatose. I am Professor Egghead, and I demand your attention! He yelled impotently waving his short arms. The studio audience found his frustration hilarious. Everyone in the barbershop was doing their best to look away. But the malformed scientist would not be ignored. He wobbled up to the occupied...

chair and started to nudge it, making the hairdresser's job impossible. Please, sir, could you just wait for your turn? She finally said, doing her best to look away from his horrible, suffering eyes. No! I demand attention now! I demand my scalp be cleansed of filth so that I can wholeheartedly commit my egg-shaped body to science. With one swift motion, the nightmarish creature

grabbed the man in the chair and threw him to the ground. There was stunning force in those stocky limbs of his. With a spine-chilling crack, the innocent customer slammed, skull-first into the floor. He lay there, unmoving. The studio audience saw

the random act of violence as the pinnacle of comedy. There are no more customers for you to serve! Professor Egghead screeched as a faint trickle of blood crawled across the white floor. It is now time for you to serve the egghead. It is now time for you to cleanse my scalp.

With clumsy effort, the creature climbed up on top of the chair. The hairdresser was extremely distressed. But the audience found the egg man's climb to be deserving of raucous applause. Bring out the knives and alter my appearance. He screamed, kicking his stubby legs in frustration. I am a busy man, and there is science to be done. Do what I demand! For a moment, it looked like the hairdresser was going to say something.

Like she was going to decline the malformed maniac service. But she reconsidered. With shaking hands, she grabbed a hold of the greasy tufts of hair in his oval scalp and started to cut. I am, Professor. The creature screamed looking straight into the camera. I always get what I desire. All shall be given to me in the name of science. It was as if he could see me,

as if his tired eyes were reaching past the television screen and trying to bring me into his demented world. The glimpse into Teddy's confounding media diet was enough for me. I still didn't understand why the guy would watch the tape, but I was certain I wanted to turn it off. I reached for the remote with my sweaty hands, but before I could turn off the television, the scene changed again. For a moment, I was sure my eyes were playing tricks on me, that I was having some sort of psychotic break with reality.

But the longer I looked at the screen, the more certain I was of what I was seeing. I desperately scrolled through my phone searching for Teddy's father's number, but I kept my eyes glued to the screen. A colorful fast food restaurant flickered to life on the television. The line to the counter stood still. The customers held their burgers in anticipation, but never ate. And somewhere off in the distance, a studio audience started to clap. Rings. Teddy's father picked up right away.

I, uh... I found your son. I said. The red uniform was an unusual choice of clothing. and the beginnings of a patchy beard were starting to grow in his face. But I recognized Teddy right away. He was standing behind the counter, nervous, as if he knew what was awaiting him.

You found my son? Where's my boy? I tried to explain what was happening, but I kept on tripping over my words. The tape, the egg man, the insane eyes. I didn't know where to start. Before I could gather my thoughts into something coherent, The television exploded in another wave of celebration. I'm Professor Eggheads!

The fever dream boomed from the screen. I demand the grilled carcass of an animal between two pieces of processed wheat. I must receive nourishment before I indulge in the science. I'm sorry, sir. Teddy said to the monstrosity that waddled towards him. There are other customers. If you just wait your place in line, There are no other customers than me, Professor Eggheads.

The creature shrieked as he shoved the innocent bystanders to the floor. I demand flesh and bread. I demand fuel for my body so that I can commit my mind to science. One by one, they crashed headfirst into the floor to the crackling joy of the studio audience. Soon enough, the egg-shaped abomination. was face-to-face with Teddy. You have found my boy? Please, please tell me my boy is safe.

Cryed the voice from the phone. I will destroy all that is in my path in the name of science. The walking nightmare hollered. Bring me a feast worthy of a philosopher king! With each uncomfortable twitch of Teddy's face, the audience on screen exploded into another fit of hysterical laughter. I tried to turn down the same. sound of the television so that I could hear the grieving man on the phone, but it was to no avail.

With every press of the remote, the Eggman shouted louder. With every decreased decibel, the studio audience became wilder. Leaving a desperate teddy flickering on the screen, I escaped to the balcony. Please, please do not joke about this. I cannot handle cruelty right now. I took a deep breath, lit up a cigarette, and explained myself. I told him about the tape, about Professor Egghead, about Teddy. All I got in response was silence. I tried to imagine how I would respond if I was on the other side of the phone, how it would make sense of it all.

But I couldn't. I waited for the man's response with echoes of canned applause playing in the back of my mind. It all sounds crazy, but... A wave of dizziness washed through me. My cigarette plummeted down to the streets below. Suddenly, the overcast city in front of me was impossibly bright. As if someone had turned on a thousand fluorescent bulbs across the sky. Plaus.

The canned applause that I thought was a simple memory in the back of my skull. Legs felt weak. Feeling the balcony railing, I stumbled back into my... I am Professor Egghead! Boomed the television. I have a... arrived to exchange monetary tokens for goods. I must stock my domicile quickly so that I can commit the rest of my time on this planet to science.

The audience clapped and laughed, but suddenly they went silent. The only thing that I could hear was a gentle, repetitive beep. The beep of a supermarket checkout aisle. What is this? In the name of science, what is this? Past the buzzing lights in front of my eyes, I could see a spot of dark. I blindly crawled towards it, desperately hoping to regain my sight. Where is he?

Professor Egghead demanded. How am I to make a purchase when the sales clerk is missing? As I felt my way towards the one part of my universe that wasn't drenched in eye-burning light, a tower of cassettes collapsed against my back. I was back in Teddy's room, and I was looking up at the screen. The television was calming to my eyes, but it stirred fear in my heart. I was looking at the fluorescent-lit checkout line of a supermarket. A trail of blood and bodies led up to an unattended register.

A defiant Professor Egghead gripped his shopping cart and stared into the camera with dead eyes. I have taken temporary leave from the world of science to purchase goods, and this is how I am rewarded? Where is the shop assistant? I demand the shop assistant. He screamed. The studio audience was in complete silence. All that could be heard was the gentle beep of a far-off checkout machine

and the professor's labored breathing. Where is he? I demand answers. Where is he? Spit was flying from his mouth on the top. camera. In a show of rage, he started jabbing his shopping cart in the direction of the audience. I am world-renowned scientist, Professor Egghead. I do not have time for this. He wheeled his cart back and forth, foaming at the mouth as if you were a rabid dog.

But something behind the camera caught his exhausted eye. Oh! His voice losing all its fury. There you are. His sudden change of tone made me flinch away from the screen, but his dull eyes followed me. Professor Egghead can see you. His eyes still dead tired, but his mouth forming into a thin-lipped smile. Come back where you belong.

Let me pay for my goods so that I can return to my work in the field of science. The clapping resumed again. It was quiet at first, but as the abhorrent grin on the television grew, the applause became louder and louder. Whatever was happening, the audience loved it. Come on back to Professor Egghead. I demand attention. He said, flashing a smile of thin, yellowed teeth. The light around me reverberated with growing strength. The clapping and cheering and whistling was so loud.

it felt as if my eyes were about to pop out of my skull. I demand attention. The Eggman screamed, the rage returning to his voice. I demand it! I demand it! I demand! And so did the blinding light. I was back in Teddy's room, alone and drenched in sweat. For a moment, I just lay on the floor, staring up at the cracks in the ceiling, trying to find a loose threat of sanity in an insane world.

but before I could even begin to process the madness I had witnessed, my phone started to ring. It was Teddy's father. He begged me to turn the tape back on, to rewind and find the image of his lost son, to bring some semblance of hope back into his life. I refused to be in the same room as that tape, let alone to watch it again. Whatever was on that cassette was cruel and dangerous. I didn't want to end up like Teddy. He offered money, he wept, he got angry, but nothing that he could say or do could make me go back to that hellscape.

I offered to mail the tape to him, but the idea of entrusting the footage to the postal service drove the man furious. After two hours on the phone, Teddy's father informed me that he'd be flying out to Prague and retrieving the VHS tape himself. I didn't argue with the man. The thought of not being alone with the confounding reality of Professor Egghead, even eased my mind somewhat. With the last-minute flight, Teddy's father would be back in Prague in less than two days. I figured I could hold out that long.

I was calm. It didn't last long. As I went to sleep that night, I couldn't escape the vision of those dull eyes and that angry mouth. Even as I write this, with the morning sun quietly peeking into my room, the visage of the egg-shaped man,

still haunts me. Yet, it's not the mere idea of Professor Egghead that is stealing sleep from me right now. No. There's something much worse that is keeping me awake, as I found myself leaving behind my worries and nodding off to sleep. I started to hear things. I hear... Beeps.

Whenever I'm about to fall asleep, I hear the gentle beeps of a checkout machine. And beneath those beeps, I hear steadily growing applause. I fear that if I fall asleep, even for a second, I'll be transported into the same demented reality where the egg-shaped man makes his demands. I fear that I will disappear, just like Teddy. I can stay awake. I don't know how to make this stop. All I know is that I don't want to go back there.

another one of Professor Egghead's adventures. Thank you for your patronage. Hope you enjoyed your new relic as much as I've enjoyed passing along its sordid history. It does come with our usual warning, however. Absolutely no refunds, no exchanges, and we won't be held liable for anything that may or may not occur while the object is in your possession.

If you've got an artifact with mysterious properties, perhaps it's accompanied by a history of bizarre and disturbing circumstances. Maybe you'd be interested in dropping it and its story by the shop to share with other customers. Please reach out to antiquarium shop at gmail.com. A member of our team will be in touch. Till next time, we'll be waiting for you. Whenever you close your eyes, in the space between sleep and dream.

During regular business hours, of course, or by appointment, only for you, our best customer. The Antiquarium of Sinister Happenings, Lot 030. If you find a VHS tape titled Professor Egghead's Adventures, Don't Watch It. written by Mike J. Langer, narrated by Trevor Shand, starring Niels Freakdal as Professor Egghead, Conan Freeman as Teddy, Mark Redfield as the father, D. Quintero as the barista, Andrea Richardson as the hairdresser, featuring Stephen Knowles as the antique dealer. Engineering Production and Sound Design by Trevor Shand. Theme music by the Newton Brothers. Additional music by Coag, Vivek Abyshech, Monster, and Tim Beak.

The Antiquarium of Sinister Happenings is created and curated by Trevor and Lauren Shand. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at Antiquarium Pod. Call the Antiquarium at 646-481-7197.