The Antiquarium of Sinister Happenings - Lot 099: #magicmurderbear

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Lot 099: #magicmurderbearConsigned by: Chris Hicks Starring: April Consalo and Melissa Medina Featuring Stephen Knowles as The Antique Dealer Theme music by The Newton Brothers Additional music byCO.AG ([e-mail]) Vivek Abhishek Kevin MacLeod SUBSCRIBE to them on YOUTUBE: / vivekhsihba  LIKE them on FACEBOOK:  https://rb.gy/nhgn0iFollow them on Spotify/ iTunes/ Amazon: https://tinyurl.com/rxdcjqt Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

P equals G. Well, look who we have here. Greetings, old friend. Ah, do mind the shelves there. Some of the softer pieces have a way of moving around on their own when disturbed. Now then, lot 099. A most curious specimen. A plush bear.

Well worn. Well loved. It arrived wrapped in parchment that smelled faintly of sage and cheap tequila. The accompanying note read only he just wanted to help. The story of its origin comes from a celebration gone somewhat spirited. This is hashtag magic murder bear. Before we begin, I want to point out some of the customers whose names have been. been etched in brass on this beautiful plaque I had made above the front desk.

These are some of the members of the inner circle of the antiquarium. We go by the Obsidian Covenant. Recent initiates include Stephanie Karbowski, TGZ Thunder, Kelsey Trapp, Rolando Foster, Ryan C., L.S., Tavern Tyson, Christopher Nelson, Rufus Cope, Casey Malden. We are ever appreciative of your devotion to The Order. Go to The Obsidian Covenant.com to receive the sacrament. Now, where were we? Oh yes. Welcome to the antiquarium of sinister happenings and odd goings on.

Which is what I call my birthday. My name is Kaylee, but I also go by Kay, even though my best friend Jess calls me kale. You know, like the lettuce. She started doing this one time after I asked her something, and instead of answering okay, she said, Kay, and I thought she was saying my name, so I answered what? And then she said,

again so I answered louder what and it turned to this whole thing of her saying K and me saying what K what K what K what until we were screaming back and forth at each other so loud that the manager kicked us out of Volta after that she started calling me Kale instead of K to avoid confusion people still call me K just not Jess where was I oh yeah the murders Wait, not yet. We haven't gotten to that part. Stay with me, okay? Oh my God, even I do it sometimes. Anyways, back to K-Day. So, I drove over to my boyfriend Ben's apartment that morning to surprise him into taking me out for breakfast. I'd let him choose where we went, as long as it was somewhere that served mimosas and eggs bunny.

Gotta have my eggs bunny. It's a K-day tradition. I had my Instagram live going the whole time. Hands-free mode while driving, I'm not a monster. so I could document my whole K-Day adventure. Anyways, I showed up at his apartment and guess who answered the door wearing one of his t-shirts? Monica. 200 measly Instagram followers, Monica. Ben was cheating on me with Monica. Monica!

I was devastated. Anyways, I drove back home crying, telling all my Instagram live followers how awful Ben was and how much I hated. him. I might have shared his phone number, email address, and Netflix boxword. I don't even remember all I was saying, because I was so upset. Can you blame me? And to make matters worse, Ben had the audacity to show up in the comments of my Instagram live stream to trash talk, me. Me! He was saying how clinging I was, how we never said that we were an exclusive boyfriend girlfriend thing, and how he was going to give the earrings he bought me for K-Day to Monica because she would appreciate them more.

said good because they were probably cheap laboratory-grade gems and not authentic gemstones, so they look better on a trashy bitch like Monica anyways, which he said was proof that I was extra. The worst part? All the drama he generated might jeopardize my influencer status and scare away potential marketing campaigns. I've worked hard to get over 100,000 followers, and even though online drama is great for engagement, I didn't want to experience it on K-Day of all days. Anyways, I got home, put my pajamas on, and crawled back in bed where I planned to spend the rest of the day and possibly the week. K-Day was ruined. As I was crying myself to sleep, I heard this loud banging at my door.

At first I thought it was Ben, either there to apologize or ask for his stuff back. How dare he. Go away! Let me in. Is that Jess? Yeah, bitch. Then the next door neighbor started banging. on the wall, so I got up and let her in so he'd stop eaves dropping on her conversation.

Shut the fuck up! So anyways, I got up and answered the door where I found Jess waiting in her barista apron. She ran inside and threw her arms around me. I came over as soon as I saw what you put on Insta. You poor thing. Oh, it's very sweet. How are you holding up? Shattered.

I thought he loved me. Kayle. I never would have said this to you while you were dating, but I never thought he was good enough for you. Okay, there, radical honesty. My therapist would be so proud. Why not? He was sweet, had great hair, good abs. Not to mention he played guitar in a band.

Okay, he played bass, Kaylee. Base. You never date a bass player, unless... Unless he's the lead singer, too. Your mom told us that. Yeah, well, mom really knows her shit, so... When Jess went to the kitchen to toss her... empty frat cup in the trash, I slid down off the couch onto the floor, hugging Bear Bear.

My giant stuffed teddy bear, I nuzzled into his sluffy chest, my only sleeping companion for the foreseeable future. Just returned from the kitchen and plopped back down on the couch. I hate seeing you like this. I sighed, tracing my fingertip around Bear Bear Bear's ear. I won't feel like doing anything. I just want to lay here and put today behind me. Oh, come on. It's Katie. Yay, not Ben ruins everything day. I mean, you know what we should do. We should get back at him. I glanced up at her, resting my chin on Bear Bear's chest.

How? Jess thought for a moment, then a huge grin spread across her face as she pulled out her phone. We're going to curse him. Curse him. Jess held out her phone to me as she spoke. Check it out. I created a Wiccan Pinterest board a few years back. Remember when I was like really into Ariely?

Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande is Wiccan? Yeah. Where'd you learn that? Buzzfeed, duh. She took her phone back and scrolled down the page. Okay. I'm sure we could find something good to curse all, Benny, two times.

She scrolled through the list of the many different spells and curses she had saved. Most were in foreign languages, but the titles just saved them under all English. Oh. What's that one? A golem is an entity summoned by this spellcaster to perform a task. This is perfect. We can send it to kick Ben's ass and get those earrings. He said he was going to give you for K-Day.

What do we need for it? Okay, first thing we need is a vessel to animate, like a statue or something. I sought up, hugging my giant teddy. What about Bear Bear? Yeah, hell yeah. That's perfect. What else? Let's see.

Salt, precious gemstone, charcoal, purified water, some herbs from your pantry. I mean, we probably have all this stuff. If not, we can get it pretty quickly. It says we need a cauldron. Shit. Slumping back down in her seat before springing back up. Wait, didn't your parents send you an instant pod for K-Day? So anyways, that's when we decided to summon a gollum.

We also decided to do shots of tequila and make it a girl's night activity. It was still K-Day, after all, and Jess really wanted to cheer me up. I don't remember how many we did, which is a good. good indication that we did too many. At first, I thought a gollum was that creepy frog guy from the Lord of the Rings. Don't get me wrong, that little freak was pretty mean. But Ben was like 6'4, and he did CrossFit, which is probably something they didn't even have back then.

But Jess explained that the movie one was different because they used a different vessel and that our gollum would be bear bear. Gotta hand it to Jess. She's pretty smart sometimes. She gets it from her mother. Anyways, we put the instant pot on the counter and set it to saute. As it heated, we added the ingredients. purified water from my breta filter,

charcoal from a bath bomb, sage and a few other herbs for my pantry, kosher rock salt, and a sapphire from Jess's nose ring. Can I see her hand? Just asked as she plucked her nose ring from her left nostril and dropped it in the instant pot. So I gave her my hand,

not paying attention because I was setting up filters to take a new profile pick for Insta, one that didn't have that lying two-faced Ben in it. As I lifted the phone to snap a cute photo of Jess and I, making our gallum sauce. Jess sliced my palm with a knife. And it hurt, like, a lot. To make matters

worse, I snapped the pick just as she sliced my hand, and I was making an awful face. Ow! What the F, Jack? No, go out. What? The recipe says it needs your blood. The blood ran down my fingers into the pot, swirling into the rolling mixture. You don't just slice someone's hand,

I yelled as I wrapped my hand in a towel. It's 20-25, Jess. You have to get Consent first. I figured it would hurt less if you didn't see it coming. I took another shot of tequila for the pain, then another just because. I made Jess do one as punishment for slicing my hand. Then she did another, just because.

So anyways, I bandaged up my hand while Jess finished loading the recipe into the instant pot. When I returned and peaked over Jess's shoulder, the black liquid fizzed rapidly in the metal basin as the warm smell of sage and jasmine waffed it up into our faces. I'm not sure if the fizzing was from the sun. spell or the bath bomb, but whatever it was, it looked cool. Is that everything? Uh, yep. All that's left is to read the incantation.

She held out her phone to me. On it was a wall of text in an unknown language with squiggles that looked like fancy bits of pasta. I can't read this. Oh, uh, Google Translate, one sec. She said, taking her phone back. After a few clicks, she handed it to me. Okay, here, try this. Much better. I recited the incantation I call upon my sacred power Bring life to my creation Bound unto my will

Bound unto my blood Serve me Protect me And see my bidding done Awaken Awaken Awaken, awaken My creation

One moment please I believe something just fell in the back room Possibly the shelf with the kitchen implements again. Excuse me a moment while I make certain none of them are trying to cook. The message. Again, I just wanted to say thank you so much for the job offer. I'm so excited to start covering the store for a little bit here and there. I did want to check with you because I noticed on the onboarding paperwork that it said the employee contract had to be signed with

blood. I just wanted to make sure that that was correct before I filled it out. But Anyway, I'm so excited to start. I can't wait, and I'll have that onboarding paperwork completed as soon as I hear back for you. Thanks. Have a good day. Messages. Now, where were we? Ah, yes.

Don't want to miss K-Day. What do you say? Shall we? I call upon my sacred power. Bring life to my creation. Bound unto my will, bound unto my blood, serve me. protect me, and see my bidding done. Awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken my creation.

We looked down at Bear Bear propped up against the dishwasher on the kitchen floor. Jeff tied a bandana around his head to make him look more badass. I wasn't sure at first, but seeing him in it, it definitely made him look tougher. Tough or not, he sat there on the kitchen tile doing nothing. Give him a command. And gollums totally work like Siri, or like any CEO who likes to have his stuff stumped on. It's the whole thing. I cleared my throat and leaned down in Bear Bear's fuzzy cream-colored face, staring him directly in his marble eyes.

I also may have done another shot. And so may have Jess. Is it so called a shot if you're drinking straight from the bottle? Hey, Bear Bear, I command you to go teach that two-timer Ben a lesson. Yeah, what she said. Woo! She may have done another shot. Tell him to get your earrings, too, bitch.

I pointed at Bear Bear Bear. And get my K-Day earrings from that gutter-tramp Monica. Jess slid down the kitchen counter laughing. Oh, tell him to film it. What? Film it so you can put it on Instagram. Good idea, Bear Bear Bear. Do what Jess said, too.

Film it for the gram. I high-fived Jess and tried pulling her up from the floor. Instead, she pulled me down with her, so we were both on the floor, drunk and giggling. While we were down there, I heard a loud gurgle above us on the counter. I climbed back up to my feet, staring down into the pot as the black liquid bubbled up towards me. Jess was laughing so hard I thought she might pass out. Meanwhile, the black liquid rose up the walls of the instant pot towards the lip. Is it supposed to do that?

Jess. Jess was no help whatsoever. rolling on the floor in a drunken, giggling fit. Before the pot boiled over, I slammed the lid down and locked it in place. The vibrations continued, becoming more violent as the pot walked down the counter, knocking over the nearly empty tequila bottle and spilling it on Jess. I held onto the instant pot, trying to keep it in place as I pressed the stew button. The vibrations grew louder, taking on the guttural tone of a chorus of voices,

chanting in whatever that squiggly pasta language was. The pot hissed as the pressure built up. The vibrations growing stronger, shuddering more and more violently until the instant pot reached pressure. The pot groaned and popped as it settled in place on the counter, shuddering one final time. On the readout, the timer counted down from 24 minutes. I looked down at Jess, who was preoccupied with looking the spilled tequila off the back of her hand.

Her giggling fit over, Jess looked up as if she was about to cry. I'm sorry. That I cut you. I just wanted you to have a good K-Day. Maybe it was the tequila, or maybe it was the fact that Jess was my best girl and the only person looking out for me when I was at my lowest. Maybe it was both. I kneeled down on the floor and hugged her. I love you, Jess. You're my best friend in the world. I love you too, Kay. Happy K-Day. She might have wiped her nose on my shoulder, but I didn't care. That's what friends do for one another. So anyways, we left the instant pot and Bear Bear in the kitchen and headed to the couch where we watched rom-coms, ordered pizza, and drank White Claws. Not that we needed the White Claws, we were both pretty drunk from the tequila shots during our spellcasting, but once you lock yourself into a drinking binge, the only proper course of action is to see it through to its blackout completion. Memories from the rest of the night were clouded behind a drunken haze. I remember fragments, little snippets of clarity,

like the alcohol was a thunderstorm and my brain was a dish network satellite receiver. Thoughts crackled and buzzed, pausing and skipping as I remembered things throughout the night. I just think I recall a loud pop in the kitchen not long after we moved to the couch. Maybe it was a bang. Whatever it was, it was loud enough to get my eaveshopping neighbor

to pound on the wall and tell us to quiet down. He really needed to get a life. When I turned to check what had caused it, I noticed the lid from the instant pot had shot up from the counter and embedded in the plaster of the ceiling. I don't think it was supposed to do that. Jess agreed. When the pizza arrived, we asked the delivery guy about it,

and he too agreed that it shouldn't do that. It must be defective. Jess said as she folded a slice of pizza and shoved it into her mouth. Hope your parents kept the receipt. We finished the pizza and drank all of the white claws. Even the grapefruit ones that we pushed to the back of the fridge, because, ew. The last thing I remember was counting down to midnight

and toasting with Jess that another successfully celebrated K-Day was in the books. Then Jess curled up on one side of the couch and I, the other, as the credits rolled on whatever movie we just finished. Anyways, sometime later, I remember floating through my apartment. I don't know how it happened,

but I remember looking up and seeing the charred underside of the instant pot lid hanging above me as I glided through my apartment towards my bedroom. My head was still swimming from all the drinks, so it might have been a dream. I felt myself lowering into the bed as the covers fell over me, tucking me in. I felt a tickle against my forehead, like you'd feel if someone brushed the hair from your forehead or perhaps leaned in for a soft forehead kiss.

As I fell back to sleep, I remember thinking that it couldn't have been Jess. I knew that because this one time I jumped on her back at Coachella to get a better view of Post Malone, and she folded like a fitted bed sheet, all rolled up and crumpled. It couldn't have been her. I convinced myself that it must have been a dream. Anyways, when I woke up the next morning, I had a throbbing headache, and my mouth was as dry as cotton. I went to the kitchen and filled up a huge tumbler of water from the filter on the sink. I probably should have noticed that Bear Bear was no longer in the kitchen, but my priority was hydration.

Just stirred from her spot on the couch, rubbing her eyes and holding her head the same way I was holding mine. I joined her on the couch, handing her the Tylenol bottle in my cup of water. She pulled out her phone, grinning a bit. Oh my God. You sent me a video last night. I did? I don't remember that. I patted the pockets of my sweatpants. Where's my phone? Jess's grin faded as she watched the video. Did we leave last night? night? I slid over beside her to watch the screen. The video was dark and grainy, but I recognized the stairs leading to Ben's apartment. Did you go to Ben's apartment? I hope I didn't say anything stupid. Her scream was trashy. Her scream cut off as the video ended.

Was that us? Before I could answer, the front door opened. As we turned to look, Bear Bear entered, walking under his own power. His furry legs caked with dirt and mud. Tucked into the bandana on his forehead was my missing phone. The rest of him was matted with what looked like blood or spaghetti sauce. Oh, and he was cradling Monica's severed head in the crook of his arm like a Balenciaga saddlebag. Bear Bear lurched into the living room and sit in front of me on the couch. He bowed his head.

At first I thought he was doing some sort of show of respect or something, so I bowed back. but then my phone slid from the bandana into my lap, so I guess he was just giving it back. Well, I guess the spell works. Cool. Bear Bear dropped Monica's head on the coffee table next to the pizza boxes. He walked back to his corner of the room, falling to the floor, lifeless, returning to his original form.

My jaw hung open, stunned. Jess, on the other hand, leaned forward and studied Monica's head. Those earrings do not look right on her. I blinked, shaking my head as a little. turned to her. What? Jess grabbed Monica's head and turned it towards me on the table. Look, her jaw's like way too square for tear drop earrings.

These would look better on you, is what I'm getting at. She twisted Monica's head back towards her as she removed the earrings. Once she had both of them, Bear Bear Bear sat up in the corner. He let out a low growl as he tilted his head toward Jess. Relax. I'm giving them to her, Jess said, as she dropped the earrings into my palm. Bear Bear slumped over on the floor again, lifeless. I got up from the couch and headed to the bathroom.

I'm going to go wash these and probably throw up. I splashed cold water on my face as I leaned against the mirror over the bathroom sink. The inside of my mouth went from feeling like cotton to salivating, tasting like I was sucking on a mouthful of Chucky Cheese tokens. Don't ask how I know that. Just trust that it's accurate. My stomach gurgled as a cold chill washed over. me. It was hitting me all at once. Too much booze, too much pizza, and too much witchcraft murder.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out, seeing a notification that Jess had posted something on her insta. When I opened it, I was greeted with a picture of Bear Bear. Taken just now, his fur matted with blood and dirt on my living room floor. Jess used a sparkle filter on the photo and added a caption. Ariana Grande would be so proud. Hashtag, Magic Murder Bear. So anyways, that's when I threw up. Thank you for your patronage. Hope you enjoyed your new relic

as much as I've enjoyed passing along its sordid history. It does come with our usual warning, however. Absolutely no refunds, no exchanges, and we won't be held liable for anything that may or may not occur while the object is in your possession. If you've got an artifact with mysterious properties, perhaps it's accompanied by a history of bizarre and disturbing circumstances. Maybe you'd be interested in dropping it and its story by the shop to share with other customers. Please reach out to antiquarium shop at gmail.com.

A member of our team will be in touch. Till next time, we'll be waiting. for you whenever you close your eyes in the space between sleep and dream during regular business hours of course or by appointment

only for you our best customer the antiquarium of sinister happenings lot 099 hashtag magic murder bear consigned by Chris Hicks

starring a Corporal Consolo and Melissa Medina, featuring Stephen Knowles as the antique dealer, engineering production and sound design by Trevor Shand. Theme music by the Newton Brothers. Additional music by Coag and Vivek Abashek. The Antiquarium of Sinister Happenings is created and curated by Trevor and Lauren Shand.

Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at Antiquarium Pod. Call the Antiquarium at 646-481-7197.