The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast - How to Grieve Whilst Building your Career

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

Show Notes for The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast Episode 143: How to Grieve whilst Building your CareerIn this podcast episode, I am chatting with Jazmyn, an incoming trainee clinical psychologist. We discuss her journey to becoming a trainee clinical psychologist and the challenges she faced along the way. We also talk about the recent loss of Jazmyn’s mother and how it has affected her personally and professionally. We emphasise the importance of allowing oneself to grieve and process emotions while also pursuing their goals. We go on to discuss the impact of personal experiences on one's ability to connect with clients and the importance of having a supportive supervisor. The Highlights: 00:00 - Introduction to the episode's theme00:33 - Welcome to the Aspiring Psychologist Podcast01:40 - Dr. Trent introduces Jazmyn Thompson02:14 - Jazmyn shares her feelings about starting her training03:38 - Jazmyn talks about her mother's passing06:04 - Reflecting on her mother's strength and motto09:59 - Deciding to continue her psychology career11:01 - Impact of her mother's terminal diagnosis13:30 - Dr. Trent shares her own experience with grief18:29 - How grief has shaped Jazmyn as a psychologist24:15 - Finding moments of joy amidst grief30:16 - Importance of honouring one's own grief journey32:37 - Advice for trainees dealing with grief38:47 - Encouragement to apply despite personal challenges41:17 - Closing remarks and final thoughts42:27 - Invitation to join the Aspiring Psychologist CommunityLinks:📲 Connect with Jazmyn Thompson here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jazmyn-thompson-1a7826125/🖥️ Check out my brand new short courses for aspiring psychologists and mental health professionals here: https://www.goodthinkingpsychology.co.uk/short-courses🫶 To support me by donating to help cover my costs for the free resources I provide click here: https://the-aspiring-psychologist.captivate.fm/support📚 To check out The Clinical Psychologist Collective Book: https://amzn.to/3jOplx0 📖 To check out The Aspiring Psychologist Collective Book: https://amzn.to/3CP2N97 💡 To check out or join the aspiring psychologist membership for just £30 per month head to: https://www.goodthinkingpsychology.co.uk/membership-interested✍️ Get your Supervision Shaping Tool now: https://www.goodthinkingpsychology.co.uk/supervision📱Connect socially with Marianne and check out ways to work with her, including the Aspiring Psychologist Book, Clinical Psychologist book and The Aspiring Psychologist Membership on her Link tree: https://linktr.ee/drmariannetrent💬 To join my free Facebook group and discuss your thoughts on this episode and more: https://www.facebook.com/groups/aspiringpsychologistcommunityLike, Comment, Subscribe...

Hi there, it's Marianne here. Before we dive into today's episode, I want to quickly let you know about something exciting that's happening right now. If you've ever wondered how to create income that works for you, rather than constantly trading your time for money, then you'll love the Race to Recurring Revenue Challenge with my business mentor, Lisa Johnson. This challenge is designed to help you build sustainable income streams. And whether you're an aspiring psychologist, a mental health professional, or in a completely different field,

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Right, let's get on with today's episode. Is there ever a wrong time to pursue your professional career in psychology or to advance it beyond its current state? That is the question. There could be a variety of reasons why you or others around you might be telling you that it could be the wrong time. And today we are taking a closer look at that with personal insight and reflections from my guest. It's a wonderfully powerful, evocative episode. I hope you find it so useful. Hi, welcome along to the Aspiring Psychologist podcast. I am Dr. Marianne Trent and I'm a qualified clinical psychologist. As I said in the intro, we are

looking at whether there is ever such a thing as a wrong time to pursue your career in psychology or to progress it beyond where you are currently. And we are talking with Jasmine Thompson, who lost her mum within the last 12 months. And it is a really, really special episode. I cry, she cries. We do talk about grief quite openly and how it's affected us and our practice. And I hope you can look after yourself if you are struggling right now. If this does feel a little bit too raw, you might choose to watch or listen at a later stage. But it feels like a really important conversation to have

and so I hope you do find it useful even if you are not currently grieving I think it will help you to really develop some insight some understanding to what people you might be working with might be experiencing and maybe to think about you know this being a useful episode for if things happen in future i would love to know what you think to the episode do please come and connect with me on social media where i'm dr marianne trent everywhere and also come and join the free facebook group the aspiring psychologist community with dr marianne trent but yeah please look after yourself i hope you find this a really helpful episode and i'll look forward to catching up with sharing psychologist community with Dr. Marianne Trent. But yeah, please look after yourself. I hope you find this a really helpful episode and I'll look forward to catching up with you on the

other side. Hi, just want to welcome along our guest for today, Jasmine Thompson. Hi, Jazz. Hi, how are you? I'm okay, thank you. Thanks for asking. How are you? Good, yeah, I'm good, thank you we were just talking about how it feels to be calling yourself an incoming trainee clinical psychologist because as we record it's the summer but when this episode goes live you're going to be days away from having that lanyard around your neck that actually says trainee clinical psychologist so how is that feeling for you? It's just crazy hearing you say that and knowing you know yeah in a few months I'll be starting it's been such a long time coming and and you know everyone knows it's a bit of a relentless process well it can be for me it was quite challenging so for it to be actually I'm there and as you said seeing my name with

incoming trainee clinical psychologist is just it's surreal but very grateful very excited. Oh well well done to you because you know I know they do not give these golden tickets away lightly or easily so it's absolutely well earned but you know the reason for us talking today is that there's a very special someone who you would have dearly loved to have been able to say and they weren't there were they do you want to tell us a little bit about about what I'm talking about Jazz? Yeah absolutely and I think those watching my eyes will go a bit glossy but it happens um but my lovely mum sadly died a year ago um almost a day so in um July last year in 2023 um she had cancer she first was diagnosed when I was actually 12, so around 15 years ago.

And it was always kind of in the background. But my mum was amazing because she never made it a huge part of our lives. She was amazing. She'd work through, she ran her own companies. So she worked through all her treatments. And it was always something that was happening in the background that didn't hugely impact us. I think we were always very positive about the treatment she was getting but sadly a year ago she did have a terminal diagnosis. She got a brain tumour which was unable to be treated. We found out about that around

April, May time. So it gave her about three and a half months left. So it was, you know, the most challenging thing I think I'll ever go through. she was just incredible her kind of motto and something she shouted from the rooftop was every day's a gift so she had her own um company let's reset which was all about putting well-being and center of businesses that um I set up with her a few years ago kind of in lockdown um so she kept on talking about that until the very very end um so it's yeah it's very very special and becoming a clinical psychologist was something we always spoke about i mean when i started studying my undergrad she started referring to me as a clinical psychologist and i was like mum I'm not one yet stop telling your friends and colleagues I am one because I'm really not but I think um she's manifesting for me and we've got

there in the end but yeah third third year trying but I really do feel like it's the right time and last year it would have been a very very challenging year this year if I had got a place. So sorry to hear about the loss of your mum you know having lost my dad I know what a derailing process that is but also you're younger than me as well and so you you know you hope and expect to to hold on to your parents for a little bit longer and it might be timely to to mention a charity that I mentioned recently but they can never get enough mentions, really. So if anybody listening to this has lost a parent, you know, younger than 30, basically, do check out the charity called It's Time. I think on Instagram that It's Time charity.

But if you're watching on YouTube, there will be details in the on screen and if in your listening it will be in the show notes but it's very unique to lose a parent so young and it does affect us and especially you know given that you had a long journey with her illness as well that that shapes us and leaves its impact on your childhood and your young young adulthood in a way that is is just if you haven't had those difficulties others you know perhaps don't realize what it's like to have had that so sending you my deepest condolences your mum does sound like an incredible soul um and you know I've listened to one of her podcast episodes that you were in and she's just, you know, she's just got just a wonderful, had a wonderful spirit, a real energy about her. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. She's just, yeah, lit up every room. talking today really is, I remember when shortly after my dad died, and I was looking at

doing some training in EMDR. And I was told, you know, maybe it's not the right time for you, you know, with all of that stuff. And you know, with your young child who's not sleeping, and it's obviously a really tricky time, and you're juggling a lot of things um and I kind of mentioned oh I'm going to give it a miss this year to my um to my friend and colleague who um we trained at the same time we were assistants at the same time but we were on different courses and she was like what it's totally not the wrong time you're gonna going to love this and it's going to help energize you and it's going to help give you your why and give you your purpose. She was like, definitely, definitely do it. Like, I think this is going to be great for you.

And actually, she was right. She was right. And actually, I don't think I would have had the confidence to start my business if I didn't have like a specialty or like a thing. Like,'t even think you need a thing and often we don't need to think we're enough as we are and maybe I never needed the thing but I feel like having done the EMDR that I felt validated enough as well as the doctorate and the masters and the undergrad you know and the years of clinical practice I needed an extra thing to

feel like I was offering value for money. So I also, that was a very long story, Jazz, but I'm delighted that I did what I did when I did it. And, you know, it was tricky. And I did end up crying during my training, because what we know, and what you should be prepared for is that often all roads lead to grief. So if you're doing any sort of therapy practice, you know, you only need to pull a small thread and then and then you'll get there but it's okay you know to be emotional I guess we don't want you crying in sessions with clients necessarily but I think we do some important healing whilst we're trying to learn how to heal others too. So tell me what that evokes for you.

Tell me, had people said to you, maybe, you know, maybe grieve for a year, get on with training next year, you know, maybe this isn't your time or the opposite. What was your experience? Yeah, it's really interesting you were saying about your friend saying, go and do it. Because I had a similar situation. I think I was the one because as I said, mum died in the end of July, and obviously applications start in September. So by the time it came round, I was thinking, there's no way I'm applying this year. How am I possibly going to apply how you know how am I going to cope

and I met an incredible lady by chance absolutely by chance who actually works in the BBC and I was thinking you know what I'm going to go into TV I'm going to leave psychology maybe it's not for me and you know with everything that's happened maybe I won't be able to cope essentially and I had an amazing dinner with her where she was very kind and generous with her time and talking about the work she did and asked me about what I did and kind of what previously I wanted to do and she just just said, yes, when you talk about psychology, and even the declines, your face lights up, you're so passionate about it. You need to keep going. And although it feels like right now is in the right time, I'd obviously told her the process

of it. She goes, Jess, you don't know how you're going to feel in six months time by the time the interviews come up. And you don't know how you're going to feel in six months time by the time the interviews come up and you don't know how you're going to feel in a year's time I can assure you it's probably going to be better than you're feeling right now and it she was spot on she was spot on so I as I mentioned this was my third year applying and previous years I was starting those applications in September I was doing the reading doing you, all the preparation that you can for the application. And by the time I started my application this time, it was the end of October. Obviously, I'd had previous drafts,

but I think I kind of took the pressure off myself and thought, I don't know how I'm going to feel in six months. What's meant to be will be. and I think I actually wrote the best application I've ever written because I took that pressure away and I thought you know what it's not meant to be then we'll we'll think about other things um and she was so spot on because by the time it came to my interviews, it had been over six months and mum had died. And I just felt stronger in myself, more resilient. My work had been fantastic. So I had a really good phased return to work.

I'd got back into clinical work. I supervised. So, you know, with supervising, you can't screen out different cases. There were, you know, bereavement cases, cancer cases. I had to speak to a client who had gone through a similar situation as me. So I kind of felt, actually, I can do this. And yeah, by the time the interviews came out, it really did feel like the right time. And here we are. And I think it's one of those things that i know you know in a few weeks

when it's the anniversary that will be another challenging time i've got a summer now to kind of breathe reset but also kind of do some of my own processing and then hopefully by september i'll feel stronger still and you know be able to go through the waves of grief because that's exactly what grief is it goes in waves and comes up at yeah different times yeah and sometimes we will stand closer to that grief and at other times we'll feel a bit further away from it so we recently had father's day which i think was my fifth one without my dad and I just you know it's tricky because I miss him but he's not getting any more dead you know do you know what I mean does that sound really crass it's it's I've sort of accepted it now and knocked enough of the lumps off the trauma that it's just a level of sadness

that is always I'm getting upset now but always the same volume yeah yeah yeah unless I really connect to it like I am now and that's okay you know yeah it's okay and you know it will be six years in December yeah I think that's gonna cry today but you know I think almost if you're thinking oh well I'll apply for training now like my I don't know like I was thinking so I was um friends and supported a first year trainee when I was still in the NHS and actually her parent um died I think just as she just as she was starting training um might have been literally right at the start of training and that was so hard to try and meet people form part of a cohort when you were in acute grief and then trying to get all your work together and get your assignments done and really really tricky and actually one of the

things I found most challenging about having a very unwell parent was fear that I would miss it you know I'd miss the moment and I'm almost you know I was fortunate I was able to be there and I wanted to be there when I was but I'm almost like freed from the worst thing that could happen like for me like missing it do you know what I mean yeah no and I can really relate to that and I think you know last summer I was able to take off time to be with mum and you know I was right there and oh gosh we're both getting each other going now but you know there I have that comfort that I couldn't have done anything more and for those couple of months I was able to just think about her do all the things that you know you want to do in those past months and you know

she was so positive so we had so much laughter and we were so lucky because we have a beautiful place by the beach in Cornwall so we could see the sea every day it was stunning and I think just just before I had um I think it was almost like the week we found out she was terminal you know these things happen at lovely times um I had got my rejection from another de-clinic at uni and it was so you know it was so bittersweet because I was thinking you know thank goodness in a way but equally it doesn't hurt less every rejection really really hurts but I think you know if she I don't know where I'd be right now if what had happened hadn't happened or if she was still suffering she was amazing that actually the acute period of her being really really poorly was actually in the scheme of things quite short you know she went to the

Galapagos with my amazing 80 year old granny last january so between january and may she was incredible and well and fit so you know i feel so lucky and i think this process and this training will only make me feel kind of i guess closer to her because I know how much she wants it for me. Yeah. Oh, thank you for being so authentic and sharing that with us. And we're both a bit of a mess today, but perhaps we're always going to be, Jazz, and that's okay. You know, we're humans. I do think I'm a better psychologist for what I've been through do you think that this has affected you as a human and a psychologist oh absolutely absolutely and just even getting the experience of being on the other side my mum had an amazing clinical psychologist

from her palliative team and she was just incredible and we actually I was there in the sessions because mum was always you know worried how her body would kind of respond to emotion but just having that insight into some of the work clinical psychologists do and you know I'd never really had experiences of hospices before and I had so many kind of expectations that it just wasn't accurate. I thought they were going to be really kind of depressing and horrible places that people go to die. When it was the most, again, it was in Cornwall. It's the most beautiful hospice ever. They were so positive all the time. And it was really aboutwall it's the most beautiful hospice ever they were so positive all the time

and it was really about making mum as comfortable and happy and able to do things as possible so it's really given me insight into a part of I guess life that as you said is inevitable for some that I wouldn't have had and I think just being able to I think we all go into this profession because we are compassionate we are empathetic but when you go through your own challenges you can relate in a slightly different way um and then it's about just having a balance you know there's moments like now where you're you know I'm really thinking about it, reflecting. So of course I'm gonna get emotional, but there's an amazing,

our brains are just so fantastic, aren't they? They can compartmentalize and you can kind of have a work, political head on where you can separate yourself more. And I think I find myself sometimes it touching and I think, oh, I can relate to this, that I'm able to hold myself back. And I think it's important to then have moments like today and connecting with others. And again, thank you for sharing your experiences. I think that's probably why I'm more emotional.

Like, you know, you connect to other people that there's that time and space to be able to do so. Yeah, and I echo what you said. You know, I thought hospices were going to be bleak and gloomy and full of miserable people that hated their job. It's not. People choose to work there because they adore what they do literally they live for dignity and respect and compassion you know special special people you know and I I spoke in the book the grief collective which I put together after my dad died about um and I think about it with clients actually something called prawn sandwich moments

i don't know if you're familiar with me talking about that but even in our darkest times so as you go on to process traumas with people in the future sometimes we just pay attention to the awfulness you know the images that we've got of what happened and how awful it was but we forget that maybe during that there were actually moments of comfort you know maybe somebody brought us a drink or in my case I went to the cafe so my dad had said please don't leave me by myself so I made a pledge to him that you won't be by yourself someone will always be with you so we kind of had a bit of a relay going but I went to the cafe and bought a baguette and brought it back and sat by the bedside which also feels a bit weird because he was nail by mouth by then like but he was like filly boots

um and I had the tastiest prawn baguette of my life like so nice and like I was really enjoying the food whilst sitting by his bedside and it being awful but it's those moments actually even during something really harrowing you know perhaps someone gives you a hug or perhaps you know you have brought your favourite tea

in a hot flask with you and you can have moments where actually you're decompressed and you're self-soothing or you're comforted or you allow yourself to be comforted by someone else and even in really horrendous things that have happened when we begin to to speak with the person who's experienced the trauma even at the hands of someone else when they're able to connect to those prawn sandwich moments of of comfort or where it just wasn't so bad where it

was actually calm and quiet and predictable and controllable that really helps to to put punctuation in so otherwise what feels like a just a big mess big soup flood of of chaos does that make sense oh I so agree and as I mentioned mum's little thing was every day's a gift and she we would constantly consciously talk about the best things in the day and see we would just talk about all the all the good things and i think have you have you heard of kind of one second a day it's an app where you take kind of a one second of every day and i've been doing it for i started it actually before the first lockdown as covid started that year because i thought oh this is going to be the best year ever and i'm going to do all these

things and then obviously we were locked in but actually i continued the one second a day and i looked back on it and obviously we remember what lockdown was like and being you know not a restricted on doing so many things but my one second a day video looks like honestly that I had the best year of my life and in hindsight it's even more special because I was with mum but because we were in Cornwall for it because I was working I was doing my PWP training in Cornwall so we had the sea we had, I was doing my PWP training in Cornwall, so we had the sea, we had the most amazing summer as well, so literally by the sea every day, I'm with mum every day, we were eating good food, and I think it is that, that video really hones that into me back then, but actually even at a time that is challenging, there are always

good moments in every day, and I believe that also with my time with mum you know obviously it was a really challenging few months in summer but there were really good moments and ours was a crab sandwich that was my my my prawn sandwich equivalent um the most amazing tip I remember it and because the great thing about mum is she could eat till the end which I think well it's the best thing ever because she loved her food so we ate a lot of good food and it's always a good thing to reflect that is important so my dad died of esophageal cancer, so eating was problematic for quite a while before he died. But your crab sandwich sounds amazing. And, yeah, you know, where do we draw the line between, you know, gaslighting and positivity, you know?

And when clients are, like, relentlessly positive, even in the face of tragedy and sadness, you know, sometimes I'm like, it's safe to look at the sad bits a little bit. You know, I absolutely see the value for finding joy. But actually some days, I had a really shit day yesterday. One of my days clinically, really, really rubbish, awful, you know. And there's not really any reframing around that some days. You know, my little boy gave me a hug and my husband put the kids to bed. But this is just cushioning the rubbishness, isn't it? You know, at least everyone wasn't mean to me and didn't throw tomatoes at me.

And, you know, they didn't all move out you know it could have been could have been worse but just you know I was knocked professionally and confidently and that has its impact and it's not okay to kind of shine up our shoes and and think oh it's all fine you know it's all fine because sometimes it isn't and we have to honor our truths don't't we? Yeah, yeah. And I think, you know, especially when you're going through a traumatic situation, you can't just, you know, hold on to all the positives and reflect on all the great things, because the reality is, it is really hard. And there are elements that are traumatic. And I think, you know, grief is a brilliant example of that, that, you know, it doesn't leave us. As you said, there are, you know, our world a brilliant example of that, that, you know, it doesn't leave us. As you said, there are, you know, our world around grief gets bigger, but the size and the pain of the grief stays the same.

And it's just remembering that it goes in ways. And I think what I take comfort on, and I guess it is a positive stance, but I let myself, if I'm having a bad day, I let myself have a bad day. If I'm really missing mum, I let myself. And especially, I know this time of year, it's a month till the anniversary, I'm going to have more wobbly days and moments like this. But I know that it will pass. And I know that there will be times where it doesn't feel as big

and consuming and I think that's what I take comfort in that I can let myself I can almost write off the day and be like okay today's not not the day that I'm gonna get things done in the same way but tomorrow might be a bit better and if it isn't it will eventually pass and absolutely and sometimes um some people say that actually the day of the week is more evocative for them so for example if their loved one died on a saturday or sunday or tuesday it's actually that day in that week that feels most connected because it's got a similar rhythm whereas if you know if they died on a Thursday and their anniversary is on a I don't know a Sunday there's a very different rhythm to the day if that makes sense but you know in case it's useful I never work my dad's

anniversary um and actually I just try to make that a mindful day where I take a day's annual leave and just allow myself to be a bit sadder or to do something a bit more fun, you know. And actually on my dad's birthday, so the pandemic did rather get in the way of this, but he died in December 2017. And his birthday was actually 10 days before he died, which is just a bit rubbish you know um but my brother and me and my mum on his first birthday anniversary since he died we did we go we went skydiving like indoor skydiving so there's my mum who's 70 at the time my brother and I think I was 36 I might have been 37 by then um and my brother who's a couple of years older than me you know and we were all doing that together and then the next year so my dad was actually a boiler man and he um obviously often wore boiler suits or trousers

and just randomly the next year we went go-karting so for two years in a row on his birthday we were all wearing boiler suits so I was really really excited to see what 2020 brought and then of course very much like you said we saw what 2020 brought and we actually haven't done any more boiler suit activities so if anyone's got any ideas of boiler suit activities that my brother and my mum and I could do um you know let me know but yeah I I guess I make space for that and that might be something that's useful and ultimately maybe I'll be able to bear to to work his birthday or his anniversary but maybe I don't have to you know and that's okay I think so and I tend to find that the actual days aren't actually that bad I think it's the build-up because you are

expecting it to be a really hard day and it may be different as the years go by because I think it's a lot of firsts and there's a lot of people that tell me you know get through the first and they're gonna be hard and I think similarly like my mum's birthday we went to the theatre we went and saw Hamilton which was her favourite show. I went to afternoon tea and my granny came, my auntie came, my brother was there. So it was really special. But the day after, I just actually, I got through it because her birthday was two days before Mother's Day, so it was the week of her. And then after that, got through Mother's Day, it was okay, and then just collapsed. So exhausted and like emotionally drained so

sometimes it's unpredictable but we just have to go with the motions and I think as you said doing nice things to remember our loved ones when you can if it's on the anniversary then great but if it's not then that's still great just having moments to still you know remember them and do nice fun things I think it's really important yeah it's very much you know you have to get to the point where maybe if it feels too difficult now but ultimately we have to get to the point where we know that we're allowed to live a good full enjoyable life we're allowed to experience joy again even though that person's not there and that's okay. I'm just thinking if somebody's listening to this episode and they're in the middle of something very tricky right now,

what would happen if you were a trainee and the worst is happening? You know, actually it is still just a job. You can take a period of sick leave absence and I guess you'd speak to your placement supervisor about hopefully you'd have a good relationship you'd speak to your cohort you'd speak to your course tutor and you'd you'd come up with a plan really for what's going to help you get through what you're going through and what period of time you might need and ultimately it is just a job if you need to kind of defer for a few months or drop down to the next cohort next year have that conversation that's I guess what are your thoughts around that I think I think communication is so key and to be as open as you can and ask for help is you know it's it's hard but I think it

I can't stress how important it is my I've always been one of those people that has felt like work is the most important thing and I love it I love the work I do and I felt really guilty about taking time off work but I had an amazing supervisor who was like Jaz it's actually spending time with your mum is way more important than work it is just a job and it will be exactly where it is when you come back and when I came back again I actually changed supervisor my next one was like just as amazing and I was saying you know I'm back and I'm ready to jump back in and blah blah blah like a million miles per hour and she just paused me and she was like dad you don't need to jump back into it let's go gradual take it as it comes keep the

communication open and I did I had a real phased return over a couple of months and it was the best thing because now I'm working at full capacity and have done since around Christmas time and I feel myself at work again I don't feel kind of on the edge or kind of like I'm having to battle things or put things to one side I just feel myself and I can imagine in training and I guess it is similar NHS settings we're so lucky in the NHS with the sick leave that they're able to support you with and a lot of services are really flexible that keep that communication open so they can support you through it and I'd hope that if it had happened during training that I'd be able to get that same support in a similar way and you know not not every journey is linear is it and at the end of the day you'll still graduate you'll still get that title if you want

it but it doesn't have to be in one go if you have something this big going on yeah absolutely and just you know yeah like you said ask ask for help people aren't mind readers and you don't need to put all this pressure on yourself to keep doing everything and juggling all the plates and I think you know I think it's a little bit different if we are not doing a clinical facing role because you can kind of be a bit more insular, but what you so nicely demonstrated when you were talking about supervision is that you're going to get stuff that's going to rub up against your raw wounds when you least expect it. So when I did my phased return,

we did try to avoid grief stuff, but then I ended up picking up a client with the same name, you know, the same name cropped up in like as being key to the story and I thought you just couldn't necessarily see that coming and you know the like you said there's death and illness and dying everywhere and even when you are trying to be a bit selective you will still get rubbed and you need to make sure that you aren't going to be a complete mess and you're still going to be helpful and not just kind of make it you know transfers cancer transfers all that good stuff but you know a good relationship with your supervisor is key isn't it absolutely

absolutely yeah no I had a call with a client who was really upset recently bereaved and he's like you just don't understand to me getting really upset and I'm there like I do but I can't say I do and it was really it was really challenging but again my supervisor was amazing and I think you know where you can be flexible and avoid those cases where you can is great especially in the early stages but it's also that understanding that we can't screen out everything and of course it will come out but it's important to think step back and reflect afterwards has that impacted me where am I feeling how am I fitting with it

right now and how can I go forward yeah I mean I guess it depends on the placement and it depends on your style and it depends on what feels authentic to you. But I will, you know, often now these days say, oh, I'm really sorry to hear that. You know, I lost my dad too. So I kind of get some of what you're saying. And then you almost can take a breath and go, oh, right, OK. Right. You know, you almost levels the playing field and you know where you're at. Like you and I obviously have a lot in common. And so you feel like, you know, it deepens the work almost because you've got that context and that shared understanding but that said we don't need to have experienced the thing that someone has experienced to be able

to clinically help them but it's a balance and it's what feels okay for you and what feels safe and and if you're in a dynamic service and obviously that's that's not what you're going to do you know we're going to very measured in our responses okay um is there anything we haven't spoken about that you think would be useful for somebody that's kind of mulling over all of this stuff i i think the only thing bring it it back to applications, I would just always say, just do it. The application process is such a long process. And as my amazing guardian angel Sue told me, you don't know how you're going to be feeling in six months time. So if you're going through something around that September period just

put the application through and wait and see you don't know what's going to happen take the pressure off yourself and have comfort in the experience you have and and you know what's meant to be will be we know amazing potential clinical psychologists don't get on because, you know, the demand and everything else. So I think don't take yourself out of the running because you don't feel ready in the moment. I also think that, you know, the first year, I'm so glad I applied. I wasn't anywhere near ready the first year I applied, but I wanted to

get to know the process because it is quite a unique process. And again, it was a trial run. And actually, I ended up on a reserve list of my first year, because again, I think I took the pressure off. Second year, I put so much pressure on myself to get it. And then mum got ill in the middle of it. So that didn't work out so well and then this year again pressure was off but I felt ready and I think you get to know the process um and yeah just have confidence in yourself but also you know rejections are always going to be hard they're always going to hit they're always going to make you feel like you've failed even though you haven't um so you know be as everyone says and I know your previous episodes have said

you've said you know it's important to be kind to yourself and um protect your energy around it as well thank you that's such good advice um and I know that you've you kind of um slipped into my dms on um linkedin originally to say how much you've enjoyed the podcast and how it's been a really nice companion to you during this process so thanks for your kind words both today and before the podcast and once again I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum she sounds very special people want to listen to her podcast which is still running um where can they do that yeah on spotify is the best place to go um it's called let's reset the podcast and obviously the last episode is quite a triggering episode it was her last one and

she very much openly spoke about dying but also about her career in marketing and her most recent business let's reset but the whole key idea of it was talking to lots of different entrepreneurs CEOs people in business and talking about how their well-being impacts what they do so there's some brilliant brilliant speakers on it ran for about three years so there's about 50 episodes to listen to and yeah I'm sorry I never got a chance to talk with her but um you know I'm pleased I got a chance to speak with you um well done and wishing you all the very best for your training and beyond. And if you need anything, give me a shout. Thank you, Marianne.

It's been such a pleasure to be on the podcast. And yeah, I hope it helps, you know, one or two people going through similar challenges. I'm sure it will. I'm sure it will. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you. Oh, thank you so much to our guest, Jazz. What a very special episode that has been.

Thank you for listening all the way through and watching all the way through if you're on YouTube. I would love to know what you think to this. You can drop a comment on Spotify if you have got any thoughts. You can also drop a comment on YouTube where I'm Dr. Marianne Trent. I would love your feedback. Come and let me know on my socials, Dr. Marianne Trent. Come and join the free Facebook group, the Aspiring Psychologist Community.

You know, it feels like this podcast is doing such important things. What a privilege it is to do and to have such important, powerful, poignant conversations such as that that I had with Jazz. If you enjoy the support and the camaraderie of this podcast, imagine what it's like in the aspiring psychologist membership which you can join from just 30 pounds a month please do check out the books the aspiring psychologist collective and the clinical psychologist collective and with special relevance today the grief collective which is a unique collection of 54 stories related to people who've grieved not just for people who've died but things they've lost or people they've lost mostly it's people um yeah gets also wonderful reviews thank you so much please do subscribe please do follow the show do follow the show. That is the kindest thing you can do for any podcaster if you value their content, is just to subscribe or follow the show. Thank you so much.

If you've got any ideas for future episodes, please do let me know. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. I'll look forward to bringing you the next episode of the podcast, which will be available from 10 a.m. on Saturday and from 6 a.m. on Mondays for the MP3, wherever you get your podcasts. Take care. If you're looking to become a psychologist, then let this be your guide. With this podcast at your side, you to be on your way to being qualified

it's the aspiring psychologist podcast with Dr Marianne Trent my name's Jana and I'm a trainee psychological well-being practitioner I read the clinical psychologist collective book I found it really interesting about all the different stories and how people got to become a clinical psychologist it just amazed me how many different routes there are to get there and there's no perfect way to become one and this kind of filled me of confidence that no I'm not doing it wrong and put less pressure on myself so if you're feeling a bit uneasy about becoming a clinical psychologist I definitely recommend this just to put yourself at ease and everything will be okay. But trust me, you will not put the book down once you start.