The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast - How to support an aspiring psychologist – or ask for the support you need when you are one

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi there, it's Marianne here. Before we dive into today's episode, I want to quickly let you know about something exciting that's happening right now. If you've ever wondered how to create income that works for you, rather than constantly trading your time for money, then you'll love the Race to Recurring Revenue Challenge with my business mentor, Lisa Johnson. This challenge is designed to help you build sustainable income streams. And whether you're an aspiring psychologist, a mental health professional, or in a completely different field,

Starting point is 00:00:32 the principles can work for you. There are also wonderful prizes to be won directly by Lisa herself. And if you join the challenge by my link, you can be in with a chance of winning a one-to-one hours coaching with me, Dr. Marianne Trent. Do you want to know more? Of course you do. Head to my link tree, Dr. Marianne Trent, or check out my social media channels, or send me a quick DM and I'll get you all the details. Right, let's get on with today's episode. If you're looking to become a psychologist, then let this be your guide. episode. With Dr. Marianne Trent Hi, welcome along to the Aspiring Psychologist podcast.

Starting point is 00:01:33 I, as you might know by now, even if just from the jingles, I am Dr. Marianne Trent. And I am here to make this whole process a little bit more like it feels like it's on your side. And hopefully like you have some control and some compassion, someone that gets it, someone that gets why this is important to you. And I would hope that I am not the only person in your life who does see you, who does see why this is important to you and supports you with it. But I know that we sometimes can be very different than the families where we were raised. We can be different than those we are around. And that can make us feel a bit more lonely, actually, a little bit less supported than would be ideal. Or maybe those who are around you, just, you know, they try their best, but they don't really get it. I was speaking to my personal trainer yesterday and she was a midwife originally and we were talking a bit of a personal professional reflection

Starting point is 00:02:54 as I was strength training but we were talking about what it's like working in a service where you're caring for others and when you are surrounded by people who don't work in that same kind of zone, that same realm and how hard it can be for people who might be working in very different environments, who might have very different job roles to really grasp what it is that we are doing. So this episode of the podcast is kind of, yeah, it's for the people around you, but it's also for you to use this, hopefully, as a bit of a reflective space to think about what it is that you need optimally and whether, you know, when we're on model for thinking about complex trauma, which is my specialty, whether we're thinking now that we're grown, whether we can perhaps do some of the things that would help us to feel optimally supported, but do them for ourselves rather than waiting

Starting point is 00:04:08 for someone to come and rescue us, which may or may not happen. So you might be listening to this because you do love and care for someone who is an aspiring psychologist and they thought it might be helpful for you to listen to. I know that someone recently contacted me to say that her partner already listens to this, not because he has any interest in psychology, but because he likes my voice. And she did do a bit of a funny emoji then so um thank you to you whoever you are that is listening and if you are the partner concerned she might well be jabbing you in the ribs now and saying yeah that's you that's you um so let's um also you know compared to the previous episode that I filmed, which was how to be a psychologist when you're not in the mood. Please note that my audio is hopefully sounding a whole heap better. Because today, dear listeners, I can be bothered. And actually, I've had more comments about the I can't be bothered.

Starting point is 00:05:27 I'm not in the mood. And that combined with the comments regarding the brilliant episode that I did with Lucy Johnston than any of the other episodes that I have released so far. It really resonated with people. Well, obviously, Lucy Johnson's did. She's incredible. That's a really strong episode to listen to on formulation and the power threat meaning framework. If you haven't caught that already, then please do. That is episode number 21. But episode number 22 was, yeah, how to be a psychologist when you're not in the mood. And that really has resonated with people.

Starting point is 00:06:13 It's really helped them feel seen, you know, and heard, which is a very nice position to be in, that people do go out of their way to say god i loved that that was really good um and someone else has been in contact with me about the psychiatry episode they really found that useful and you know really opened their eyes to thinking about um whether you know how important um the history of mental health is so yeah if you particularly enjoyed one of the episodes or maybe all of the episodes and you're like touting to be my biggest fan maybe you're like my children and you think I should also have merch I don't see it coming anytime soon but you know if you would indeed buy merch let me know let me know my children will be

Starting point is 00:07:05 delighted I feel like because I've mentioned my children I do now need to say what they say to me all the time which is mummy do ask them to subscribe to you on LinkedIn do ask them to like do ask them to comment so if you're on um did I just say LinkedIn? I'm like LinkedIn obsessed. Come and engage with me on LinkedIn by all means. But I was talking about YouTube. So yeah, come along on YouTube. At the moment, you won't be able to actually see my lovely face because I'm wearing a green top that actually I have spilt a bit of toothpaste on, I won't lie. And so I am not camera ready, but you can still stream this content via YouTube. So, yeah, if you're over on YouTube or if you're like multitasking, as we are pretty good at doing in psychology, then just, you know, flick across to good thinking psychological services on youtube and just flick across to good thinking psychological services on youtube and come and like everything comment engage do all those wonderful things you could even click the notification bell couldn't you whilst you're there go on my children are going to throw me a party

Starting point is 00:08:23 when i get to 200 subscribers so come on help make that happen you can do it you've got the power anyway I digress as I tend to do at times because it's hard talking to yourself when you're just looking at a podcast mic I find that I go to various wonderful places anyway so So you are perhaps listening to this episode because you're either an aspiring psychologist yourself or because you love and care about someone who is. And, you know, sometimes people tell me that people go, oh, well, you know, why would you do this if you don't have to, you know, given that it's so competitive to get places or, you know, if you're going into counselling psychology, given that you

Starting point is 00:09:11 have to self fund and there's many, many, many hoops to jump through for things like forensic, why would you bother? You know, why don't you just go and get yourself, you know, a better paid job? You know, you know, the people that you were at university with, you know, they don't you just go and get yourself, you know, a better paid job? You know, you know, the people that you were at university with, you know, they're now earning X amount, you know, they're not having to study every weekend, you know, looks like they're having a great time on Facebook or Instagram because you're probably younger and cooler than me. But yeah, and it's like, oh, I don't really, I don't feel that seen or I don't feel that heard because let me tell you how it was for me. It felt and it feels like this profession is part of me. You know, it was always going to come to fruition. That's how it felt to me.

Starting point is 00:10:09 Once I decided what I wanted to do, I felt just that, you know, so my husband was really surprised when we met. He was like, why haven't you got more hobbies? Like, what do you do? And I'm like, well, you know, I do a bit of Pilates and I sing in the shower. You know, I like hanging out with my friends. He's like, yeah, but you don't do anything. I was like, well, I don't know. I'm all right with that. I'm all right with that. And I, you know, on reflection, think it's because I so enjoy my job that I haven't been looking for like distractions or reasons to get up each day, you know, and counting down the hours when I'm at work. Because generally, as I said in the I Can't Be Bothered podcast episode, generally, I love what I do. And it feels like a real honour that I get to do it. And for someone who doesn't feel that way about their work, you know, perhaps they're living for the weekends rather than living

Starting point is 00:11:26 to work. And I wouldn't say I'm living to work, but it feels like I get to bring myself to work. I do probably laugh a bit less when I'm at work, although my clients are very funny sometimes as well. So that's not always true. But, you know, it's yeah, it's not a hardship doing my job. And it feels well, it is sometimes it is sometimes, you know, when we're working with incredibly complex clients that just, you know, it makes you feel sad for what they have been through that's one of the hardest parts of my job is to just think how mean and awful people can be um to one another and also to themselves too um and that's part of you know my thinking around compassion focused therapy as well is we have to be able to embrace how awful humans can be to ourselves and to others as well is we have to be able to embrace how awful humans can be to ourselves and to others as well

Starting point is 00:12:28 but yeah how if you are listening to this can you support an aspiring psychologist without invalidating them even accidentally you know by suggesting they can do something else. So sometimes that might be useful. So I know when I was an aspiring psychologist myself, I was applying to jobs all over the country. You know, at one point I had an interview offered to me in the Lake District and one in Nottingham. And I was living close to Milton Keynes and working there currently. And I was also doing a distance learning master's, which was based in Birmingham. And that's a lot. You know, I was also recovering from a car crash and I'd broken up with my partner. That's a lot to be going through.

Starting point is 00:13:19 And then to suddenly be having to dart around to different interviews. I also had one at an interview in Birmingham at the same time, I seem to recall as well. And I just felt like one day I just thought, oh, I can't do all of this. You know, it feels it feels too much. You know, I'd hit a bit of a wall and I just thought what am I doing and I almost needed permission from my mum to say why don't you you know cancel the Lake District interview because maybe upon reflection you didn't quite realize how far the Lake District was from our house and you know that's just because you're not that good at geography that's not one of your special skills, Marianne. And, you know, just think about the jobs

Starting point is 00:14:08 that will lead to less upheaval. And so, you know, when you're supporting your loved one and they're thinking about applying to jobs, you could help think with them about the real world impact of upping sticks and moving your entire life you know not to say don't do it but just to at the point where they're even applying for jobs think about whether they you know what factors would be involved and when they have still chosen to apply and maybe it hasn't worked out or they have had that moment like I had where I was just collapsed crying on the stairs you know just so out of resources what they might most need at that point is a hug not an I told you so because you know I know when I was speaking to my personal trainer we were talking about actually it's being really useful to have someone who can just listen.

Starting point is 00:15:10 Not someone who tries to fix the problem, not someone who, you know, goes into problem solving mode. And I know that in our industry, in psychology, we can't really share details about our work. But we can bring up with you details about the themes that it evokes in us. And for me, yeah, like I said, it's, you know, as I as I reflect upon this now, I'm thinking about key images that you do sometimes get a bit stuck with. And I guess that's almost like a bit of vicarious trauma. And it's thinking about, you know, whether we might need some help processing some of those memories that get a bit stuck. So I'm not going to share mine with you. I don't want to vicariously traumatize you. But it's certainly useful to talk about this stuff with your supervisor or with someone that you love if it isn't breaking confidentiality because

Starting point is 00:16:13 what we know about trauma and what we know about things that do get stuck in our minds is that it makes us think like we shouldn't talk about them or think about them or we can't cope with thinking about them. But what we also know about treating trauma is that when we begin to be able to accept what's happened, to think about what's happened and to control what's happened. And if you do like the idea of acceptance and control, you could also try listening to the podcast episode with the lovely psychologist who wrote Act Made Yorkshire, which you can also download from all of your favourite podcast empires, I shall say so yeah ACT can be really transformational for clients but also for us as aspiring psychologists as well but what we know is when we're able to manipulate and explore and think about those things that the little tenterhooks that trauma has got into us are kind of

Starting point is 00:17:21 freed up and if you can imagine I grew up with cats but you know they'd get those little burrs in their fur and you have to try and ease them out and then they're not bothering the cat anymore um so yeah trauma can be a little bit like that needs a little bit of help getting out of the fur that it's got stuck into okay let's pause here And you're getting a little exclusive of the first play of my own little jingle. You may have heard it already if you're already connected to me on LinkedIn. If you are on LinkedIn or if you're registered on LinkedIn, you can click on my face and this video will play to you. And I'm even like a little bit dancey in it as well. So who doesn't want to see that, right?

Starting point is 00:18:09 But yeah, if you would like to watch some audio to go with this visual, you know what to do. Go to LinkedIn and click my face. You've got permission. Go on. is here to help aspiring psychologists she can help you become a success she has books podcasts and does a q a she's here to help in so many ways it's dr marianne Okay, so welcome back. If you are supporting someone that you love, that you care about very much as an aspiring psychologist, then sometimes we might need a little bit of help with just, you know, feeling like someone does care for us.

Starting point is 00:19:10 I've often thought how weird it would be to date another carer, you know, to date a nurse or a doctor or, you know, an occupational therapist or another psychologist. Gosh, that would be weird for me. Someone that's also, you know, used to being in the care profession. You know, how would you ever get through a door if you're both, if you're both really, you know, selfless, caring people? You know, is it not like constantly oh no after you oh no no after you I insist um you know how does that get done so if you are in a relationship with someone else who also is in the caring profession do let me know what that's like for you because I've only ever really dated people in management and sales um I don't know what that's like for you because I've only ever really dated people in management and sales um

Starting point is 00:20:05 I don't know what that's about you know could probably formulate that but that's just the kind of people that I've ended up with um and my husband definitely fits that camp as well so um yeah some but sometimes you know what we need is someone to know that we're, you know, the end of a tricky week or even a tricky day. And when we get in, you know, there's a bath run for us and, you know, there's a spaghetti bolognese underway. And then, you know, whilst we don't advocate drinking, if there happened to be a glass of wine on the table with dinner that might be ultra lovely you know and I think if you are studying whilst you're working or if you're striving generally it can be really useful if you've got a partner or even if you have just got um you know someone else that you care about that's in your life, to help make sure they know about any

Starting point is 00:21:06 upcoming deadlines and submission dates. So when we are in academia, we usually will have submission dates given to us, like for the whole course, basically. I think I had the whole, the whole lot of submission dates for all of my essays, you know, almost like two years ahead of schedule, three years ahead of schedule. And so I could predict and plan, you know, leave in around those. And, you know, it's useful if someone else has also got that in mind as well. Because then, you know, if you do try to book, you know, some trip that's close to it, you know, it's just worth that conversation of, well, you know, but you have obviously got that essay in at that time. And similarly, you know, the period of September to springy summer can be tricky for

Starting point is 00:22:04 aspiring psychologists because you don't know whether you might be called on for interview and someone in my membership was telling me recently that their partners found it very tricky, very tricky knowing how to support them during this application and interview season and so let's think about that as well. So just holding in mind those important dates, you know, for things happening. But also when people have got interviews, you know, it's quite normal at times to have like a crisis of confidence. So even on the day where I did my first ever private psychology appointment, I was just really highly strung. I was, you know, had all the imposter syndrome going on. I remember having a little sob at my kitchen sink because I just was so worried about it

Starting point is 00:23:01 not working or someone thinking I wasn't good enough. And it's really normal that we feel worried about things when we haven't done them before. We can't expect ourselves to be an expert in something we haven't done before. And for me, the thing I hadn't done before was transact directly my time for money with a client because I'd always been paid by an employer before and this was this was brand new for me and that felt like all new kinds of levels of vulnerability and exposure and so you know what you wouldn't want to be doing in that circumstance is kind of invalidating that and saying you know you you do this all the time you know you've been qualified for years you know I don't get it you know because that's invalidating the way someone's feeling

Starting point is 00:23:58 you know a more compassionate stance of what's really normal to feel like this, because this is a big deal, you know, this matters. So whether you could think about just shaping your, your language to be more, yeah, more compassionate and more on board with what your loved one is bringing to you. So they're not asking you to fix it. They're just asking you to kind of sit with them in their distress, really. So whether you could just take a breath, lower your own shoulders and just, you know, maybe give them a hug and say, you know, I think this is going to be OK. I think we've you know, you just got to be there, go out there, show them your brilliant self. And then I will be here for you at the tail end of the day and we can chat through how it went and we'll just see how that goes. So you're regularly running baths and

Starting point is 00:24:54 making spaghetti bolognese, you are on call you know for when things feel wobbly, you're mindful of upcoming dates and important submission deadlines, you are like just fully available with hugs. All of that stuff I'd say it sounds like you're doing a grand job but sometimes you know this kind of work does take its toll so when we do start training, it's really common for a number of relationships in the cohort to break down and for people to kind of, I don't know, we never quite worked out whether it's a case of suddenly getting your ducks in a row that makes you look at other duck areas of your life and think whether that's working for you or whether it's the unique stresses and change that goes on throughout you know commuting or whether it's you know just that developing in this profession means that we do change and grow. And sometimes it means that we will grow in a different direction than people that we have been with previously. And things can make you can feel a little bit stagnant, maybe. And so maybe that's a reason why relationships

Starting point is 00:26:21 break down. But if you're listening to this because you are with someone who is an aspiring psychologist, then it's perhaps useful for you to know that figure, that stat. I don't know if there has been research done into it, but it is super common. So, you know, if you're looking for a thesis topic, anybody, that might be one to look into because certainly within my cohort alone, there was a number of breakups and there was in the year below and the year above, there always is, you know, and it's because it's life, isn't it? Life happens. But yeah, it's worth bearing that in mind. Because if you don't want to be without this person that you're listening to this podcast about, then you're

Starting point is 00:27:05 going to need to make sure that you are on the same team, you know, that you are talking regularly, that you are, you know, on board with their goals as well. And maybe even thinking about growing with them or growing in some other areas so that you're also energized but when we start placements when we start new job roles when we're doing anything new for that matter we can become a little bit like our very much younger selves so when when babies are learning to do new things their sleep can go haywire because they're processing and they're laying down all these new neural pathways um they call them developmental leaps um in in in psychology um child development terms um suddenly the sleep gets even more bonkers and you're like i didn't

Starting point is 00:28:00 think it was possible to be any worse than it was. I was wrong. I was naive. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And I think the same is true of new placements and new jobs and new theories that we're learning. Our sleep can go equally bonkers, you know,

Starting point is 00:28:24 and it's just knowing that that will pass knowing that the person that you love or if you're listening to us because it's you you're the person you love um you know just expecting and um knowing that that will settle down it's just really normal um that we that we have that way of processing know, that our sleep can go a bit bonkers. So this time will pass. But yeah, knowing that it can be really stressful. So even within most doctoral courses where there's placements, there will be at least six placements across a three-year period.

Starting point is 00:29:02 That's a lot of change it's a lot of new people to learn you know faces and names and different systems and some of these you know placements might use different operating systems it's a lot to learn there's really a great many steep learning curves and so it's just knowing what your loved one is going to be going through as they you know embark upon then these next stages of their career it isn't a case of getting you know that doctoral offer or whatever and then it's plain sailing it is tricky you know there's a lot of hoops to jump through and knowing that if a placement isn't going so well that that is going to really impact on that person and they might need you all the more with your arms and your spaghetti

Starting point is 00:29:52 bolognese so I hope that you found this a really helpful thought-provoking compassionate episode as ever I would welcome any thoughts that you've got around any of this and if you've got any special requests for podcast episodes please do get in contact with me you can do that with the details in the show notes section or on my link tree which is dr mar Marianne Trent on Linktree. Any other points that I would like to talk to you about? Let me have a little think about that. Yes, if you do like what I talk about and the kind of things I help you with, then you might find it helpful to sign up to my aspiring psychologist membership waiting list which opens again on the 1st of July 2022 you can come and come and get involved and when that opens I will let you know and you can come and book on but it's a really nice membership

Starting point is 00:31:01 group people are finding it very supportive and you you know, helpful, energizing, all of that stuff. So if that sounds like something that might be useful for you, then do come along to that. I'm also going to be setting up a free Facebook group, which is as yet untitled. So watch this space. I think that might be about it for now. But yeah, do come and connect with me on socials. I love helping you celebrate. And if you've got any thoughts about this episode,

Starting point is 00:31:36 or if you'd like to record a testimonial for me to appear within the podcast about any of my work and content, then do please get in contact. Otherwise, thank you for listening and be on your way to being qualified it's the aspiring psychologist podcast with Dr Marianne Trent My name's Jana and I'm a trainee psychological well-being practitioner. I read the Clinical Psychologist Collective book. I found it really interesting about all the different stories and how people got to become a clinical psychologist it just amazed me how many different routes there are

Starting point is 00:32:47 to get there and there's no perfect way to become one and this kind of filled me of confidence that no I'm not doing it wrong and put less pressure on myself so if you're feeling a bit uneasy about becoming a clinical psychologist I definitely recommend this just to put yourself at ease and everything will be okay. But trust me, you will not put the book down once you start.

The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast - How to support an aspiring psychologist – or ask for the support you need when you are one

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