The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast - Watching Someone You Love Struggle (And Not Being Able to Fix It)

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, my name is Beth and I'm a psychological well-being practitioner from Newcastle. I just wanted to say the biggest thank you to the contributors of the clinical psychologist collective book. I've enjoyed reading this so much and loved having an insight into the range of backgrounds and experiences. People have prior to applying for the doctorate. And it's been really interesting seeing the potential barriers to the application as well and how I can try and work around this. I really started to doubt myself and whether I was good enough to apply for the clinical psychology doctorate, but this has really given me the confidence boost that I needed to give it a shot. So the biggest thank you ever. Hi, welcome along to Inner Work. I'm Dr. Marianne Trent, a qualified clinical psychologist. Now, the main podcast episode this week was all about externalising eating disorders from the person that's experiencing the mental health illness. And I think that that's very much, going to be a useful episode for people who love people who are experiencing eating disorders. And what can be really, really tricky in cases like that, or really when anyone you love is going

Starting point is 00:01:17 through anything is being able to hold on to the factors that you can control and kind of accept and tolerate the ones that you can't. also to be able to hold hope for other people. So in my work supporting aspiring psychologists, sometimes people will come along and be like, I just, ah, like a cough, I don't know how much longer I can carry on doing this for. People, when they then have career success

Starting point is 00:01:48 as a result of the work we've done, they will say to me, it feels like you held the hope for me when I couldn't hold it for myself. And I think that can be around a lot in people with mental health difficulties and diagnoses and presentations. It's really hard to watch someone you love go through something that you can't fix, especially if it feels like they ought to be able to fix what is going on

Starting point is 00:02:22 and to kind of manage the way that you are feeling about that. And I think in parallel with that holding hope is the idea that compassion is the key. So with compassion and compassion-focused therapy, as you might well recall from the lovely episode I did with Professor Paul Gilbert, it's that idea that we can be moved by someone else's distress, but also we need to be aware of this incredibly powerful interplay between shame and kind of worsening outcomes for us as human beings. Now, shame isn't going to fix someone, you know, layering it on ourselves or someone else is not going to make the situation resolve itself.

Starting point is 00:03:17 It's not going to make it better. And yet people with eating disorders presentations, addiction, alcoholism, drugs, gambling, shame can be so easy to dish out. This is where family therapy can be really useful to help people to show up differently, really, to show up in a way which is problem free. So systemic therapy is something that I've always really enjoyed seeing. in action. So when I was on placement, I was part of a couple of different systemic therapy teams during my training years as a clinical psychologist. And it's elements of that that I've woven into my qualified work as well. It's really powerful. And it's just really important to remember that shame doesn't heal. Shame will continue the difficulties. So it's

Starting point is 00:04:18 really, you know, none of us are perfect people. Sometimes I will, you know, attempt to use a little bit of shame accidentally with my children, but when I spot that I've done it, and then I'll have another go, I'll rephrase it, and I will try to make good any shame that I've made them feel, because that's not how I'm choosing to parent. That's not how I'm choosing to show up. I try where possible to be curious. Sometimes our fear can get in the way, can't it? Our fear about not being able to control or not being able to keep someone safe. And then sometimes kind of shame and disappointment can come out as a result of that. So, you know, speaking as a qualified psychologist, but also a parent, also as a friend, as a daughter, as a wife, I'm not perfect. I'm just

Starting point is 00:05:08 striving to learn from my mistakes and to do better next time. I love your thoughts on this. How have you understood or kind of taken home any messages from inner work or from the main episode of psychology actually? I would love to know. If you don't already follow the show on MP3 or subscribe to the show on YouTube, now's your chance. Come on, dive in. Come and let me know what you think to these episodes by tagging me on social. media where I'm Dr. Marianne Trent everywhere. Thanks for being a listener or watcher to inner work. The next episode will be along next week. I'm experimenting with the idea of launching this every Wednesday evening. So this might be when you're watching this. It was previously

Starting point is 00:05:57 a paid podcast, but I decided I'm going to make it free, create the fan base for it and create the content. I'm doing it anyway. So you may as well. well, listen and watch. Love your thoughts. Thanks for being here. I'll see you soon. Take care. I'm Jo and I work as an assistant practitioner in a CAM service in Lancashire. I bought and read Marianne's book, The Clinical Psychologist Collective, to accompany me while completing the clinical psychology training application. It proved to be really good company. I found it sparked ideas of how to build experience and skills, but more than that, it offered the chance to get lost in people's stories. It provided a timely reminder not to get so caught up

Starting point is 00:06:52 in an end goal and to value and enjoy each job we fulfill along the way, because the work we do now is important and matters to those we sit alongside as well as ourselves. It also gave the reassurance that there are eclectic roots into clinical psychology, which is important for me as someone who's had a meandering journey and not a typical route to the profession. A wholehearted recommend the book for both personal and professional reasons. Be prepared to put evening tasks on hold for a while though because once you've started reading it's tough to put it down.

The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast - Watching Someone You Love Struggle (And Not Being Able to Fix It)

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