The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast - What Is Shame? A Psychologist Explains Its Hidden Power

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

Have you ever had a moment where you felt fundamentally flawed? Like something was wrong with you, not just what you did? That’s the voice of shame. In this solo episode of The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast, Clinical Psychologist Dr Marianne Trent unpacks what shame really is, how it can quietly shape your mental health, and why naming it is a radical first step toward emotional healing.We explore the psychology of shame, including how it develops in childhood, relationships, culture, trauma, and identity and how it can manifest through perfectionism, people-pleasing, low self-esteem, and burnout. With relatable examples and two fictional case studies (James and Amina), this episode shines a compassionate light on the invisible wounds shame can cause. Whether you're supporting therapy clients or dealing with shame yourself, this episode helps you understand its grip and how to loosen it.📌 Look out for part two coming soon: What to Do About Shame.Timestamps:00:00 – Introduction: Is there something wrong with me?00:50 – What shame is and how it differs from guilt01:48 – Brene Brown’s definition and why shame is often invisible02:20 – Childhood roots: parenting, rejection, trauma, and marginalisation03:46 – A powerful example of body shame and religious upbringing04:51 – How shame hides: people-pleasing, self-criticism, addiction, avoidance05:46 – Case Study: James – heartbreak, masculinity, and silent shame06:38 – Case Study: Amina – failed application and feeling unworthy06:58 – Why shame can fuel anxiety, depression, burnout, and paralysis07:55 – The power of naming shame and exploring whose voice it echoes08:45 – Dr Marianne’s own experiences of shame and overcoming self-doubt09:17 – Next steps: part two on treating shame, membership, and supportLinks:🫶 To support me by donating to help cover my costs for the free resources I provide click here: https://the-aspiring-psychologist.captivate.fm/support📚 To check out The Clinical Psychologist Collective Book: https://amzn.to/3jOplx0 📖 To check out The Aspiring Psychologist Collective Book: https://amzn.to/3CP2N97 💡 To check out or join the aspiring psychologist membership for just £30 per month head to: https://www.goodthinkingpsychology.co.uk/membership-interested🖥️ Check out my brand new short courses for aspiring psychologists and mental health professionals here: https://www.goodthinkingpsychology.co.uk/short-courses✍️ Get your Supervision Shaping Tool now: https://www.goodthinkingpsychology.co.uk/supervision📱Connect socially with Marianne and check out ways to work with her, including the Aspiring Psychologist Book, Clinical Psychologist book and The Aspiring Psychologist Membership on her Link tree: https://linktr.ee/drmariannetrent💬 To join my free Facebook group and discuss your thoughts on this episode and more: https://www.facebook.com/groups/aspiringpsychologistcommunityLike, Comment, Subscribe &...

My name's Yana and I'm a trainee psychological well-being practitioner. I read the clinical psychologist collective book. I found it really interesting about all the different stories and how people got to become a clinical psychologist. It just amazed me how many different routes there are to get there and there's no perfect way to become one. And this kind of filled me of confidence that, no, I'm not doing it wrong and put less pressure on myself. So if you're feeling a bit uneasy about becoming a clinical psychologist, I'd definitely recommend this just to put yourself at ease and everything will be okay.

But trust me, you will not put the book down once you start. Have you ever felt like you were the problem? Not just that you made a mistake, but that you were fundamentally flawed. That sinking feeling, the urge to hide, that voice in your head saying, if people really knew me, they'd walk away. That's shame and it runs deeper than fear, guilt or embarrassment. It can shape our sense of self, our relationships and even our careers. I'm Dr. Marianne, a qualified clinical psychologist and if any of that resonated you're in the right place.

Let's talk about shame and like and subscribe for more. Hi, welcome along and thank you for being here so shame can show up in a variety of ways and keep us from fulfilling what might be our full potential. You might be watching this because you yourself are struggling with shame or because someone that you care about is or maybe even someone that you're working with clinically might be too. And in today's episode, we're going to be looking at what shame is, how it shows up in our lives, and what influence it can have on ourselves and those around us too. What is shame?

Shame is an intense emotion that makes us feel like there's something wrong with us at our very core. Unlike guilt, which is about feeling bad for something we've done, shame is about feeling bad for who we are. It tells us we're unworthy, unlovable or flawed. There can be a really nice way of thinking about what shame is and how to separate it from guilt. So shame is like a focus on the self. So that's like I am bad. Whereas guilt will focus on behaviour like I did something bad. Shame, importantly, is often invisible.

People might not even be able to name it or kind of get a sense of it. But that doesn't mean that its effects can't still be felt really deeply. ground calls shame, the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. So let's take a look. Where does shame come from? It can often develop from childhood. It's about the way that we've been reared and those experiences that we've had when we've done certain things in our lives. They might result from things such as critical or shaming parental style. experiences of neglect or abuse having been bullied rejected or isolated messages from

school religion or society about what is acceptable and what is not experiences of racism homophobia abelism or other marginalisation even as adults like we can be really well meaning but accidentally shame people with the language choices that we use that might look like you should be ashamed of yourself don't be silly stop crying your being a baby. Shame can also develop in later life, especially after trauma, rejection, failure or having been humiliated. When I was on LinkedIn the other day, I saw a really powerful post where someone had been talking about their experiences on graduation and where they had worn an outfit that they wanted to feel really excited and proud about. So they'd worn a dress,

probably quite similar to the dress I'm wearing now, with their arms out and showing their legs. And somebody had said to them, well, don't you feel ashamed having your body out like that? And that had made her think, actually, no, I don't. You know, this is who I am. This is my authentic self. And it had made her think about whether she still wanted to be part of the religion that she had been raised in. So that gives a really nice flavour, a really nice example of how shame can be kind of layered upon us and then reinforced over time by the people around us. But of course we get choices. Once we get to be grown-ups, we can choose to do something differently. And more of that will be coming up in episode two about what to do about shame. Today

we're taking a really deep dive and unpacking what it is. So how does shame affect us? Oh, shame can be tricky. It can be the master of disguise and it can show up in so many ways, including people pleasing, perfectionism, avoidance, self-criticism, substance use or addictive behaviours, disconnection from others, bodily shame or low self-esteem. And it's important to remember that shame thrives in secrecy. When we avoid speaking out loud about shame, that is firmly keeping shame in the driver's seat and in control. I thought it might be really nice to look at a couple of case studies so that we can really illuminate how and why shame shows up for people. Firstly, let's meet James. James is a 36-year-old teacher and he recently found out

that his long-term partner had cheated on him. Rationally, he knew that it wasn't his fault, but the shame hit hard. His internal thoughts were those like, I must be boring. I'm not a Everyone's going to think I'm pathetic, maybe I'm not good enough in bed. He has been withdrawing from his friends, keeping himself busy at work and telling himself to get over it, stop being stupid, man up, all those kind of things. But the shame stays under the surface, unspoken and feels so heavy. Let's now check in with Amina. Amina is an assistant psychologist who applied for training but didn't get in this year.

Although she has had excellent feedback from her supervisors over the years, and she rationally knows how competitive this process is, she feels crushed. And inside her thoughts are spiraling, I'm not good enough, I should have done better, everyone else is progressing and I'm being left behind, everyone will know that I'm not good enough. She starts avoiding professional spaces online, she doesn't tell her friends what's happening, she feels alone and ashamed. This isn't guilt, Amina didn't do anything wrong, but she feels like she is wrong, like her worth is in question. So why does shame matter? So shame isn't

just an emotional experience. It can affect all aspects of our life, including our behaviour, our relationships and of course our mental health. It can be linked to depression, anxiety, PTSD, disorder eating and low self-esteem. In career situations, It can cause paralysis around applying for roles or courses, putting ourselves forward, avoidance of feedback, and of course, burnout from overworking to prove our worth. Shame can affect everyone, and it can hold us back. It can make us feel like we are missing the opportunities like they're passing us by because we think we're not good enough for them or that we're somehow internally flawed. The importance of naming shame. Shame is powerful, but it does lose its power when we speak about it.

This episode is your invitation to recognise your shame, understand its roots, know that you're not alone, and begin to move from shame to self-compassion. We're going to be exploring more of that in this sister episode on what to do about shame and how to treat it. In the meantime, I'd like you to reflect on a few things. Where does shame show up in your life? What stories does shame tell you about yourself? And whose voice might that shame voice be using? If you find yourself in the position of either James or Amina or someone entirely different, please know that things can change that you can feel differently and that treatment is available.

If you need advice or support, please check out the details on the screen or in the show notes. I think it would be disingenuous of me to not share. my own experiences of shame, not feeling like I was good enough. Even when I was starting out to write the grief collective book, for example, I had this sense of, oh, what my others say, you know, maybe I'm not good enough to be doing this. Maybe I shouldn't be doing it. You know, maybe I'm not the right person to be doing this.

And the same with the Our Tricky Brain Kit. You know, oh, dear, like, oh, you know, little old me, I'm not good enough to do this. but we've really got to be able to tune in to the things we're saying about ourselves. And we're just going to be just a little bit curious. Maybe that's not true, you know? So there's more coming on what to do about shame in future. But please know that you're not alone in this,

and it affects all of us in all walks of life. If you're watching this because you're an aspiring psychologist, please do check out the aspiring psychologist membership run by me. And if it's your time and you're ready for the next day, in a more intensive way where you'd like to see me 12 times in a year one to one, then ready to rise is for you. Let's really take this shame, turn it on its head, you know, explode it out of the water and get you to your full potential. Yes, that you're sad to be on your way to being qualified Yes, my name is Veronica Kassova.

I live in Edinburgh and Trent. I just graduated with a master's in psychology of mental health. Marion recommended me the Clinical Psychologist Collective when I was networking on LinkedIn and I must say I love it. It is one of a kind. It's like a window into the lives of people on the path of becoming a psychologist. The stories are unique, honest and filled with a kind of intangible wisdom only personal storytelling can uncover.

A common thread in the stories I valued most. was to be compassionate not only with others, but with myself too. Also, not fixating on becoming a psychologist, but enjoying life, grow, and the final results will come as a by-product. Marian, thank you for taking the time to collate all the stories. The book is a true gem, and I think every aspiring psychologist should have a copy on their shelf. Thank you. Thank you.