The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast - Why Do I Feel Guilty When I’m Off Sick From Work?

Starting point is 00:00:00 My name is Diakalola Amujam. I am a recent psychology graduate from Ireland. I am also an aspiring clinical psychologist. Dr. Marion's book, The Clinical Psychologist Collective, has been so helpful to me on this journey to become a clinical psychologist. As I plan to continue postgraduate studies in the UK, I found it extremely useful that this book provided in-depth information on the UK. the declineside application process. I enjoyed reading about the experiences of both qualified and training clinical psychologists. The various narratives were my favorite part of the book, as everyone's story was different and it provided amazing insights into the clinical psychology

Starting point is 00:00:49 journey. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone interested in psychology and aspires to become a clinical psychologist. Have you ever been signed off work and then spent half your time feeling guilty for not working. You know you're unwell, your doctor knows you're unwell, you might even have the ability to tell someone else in exactly the same situation that they're not well and they shouldn't be working. But somehow when it's you, resting can feel suspiciously like failing. So why do we find it so difficult to be ill? I'm Dr. Marianne Trent and this is inner work. Hi, welcome along. There can be so many different reasons why you're signed off sick from work.

Starting point is 00:01:44 And yet, of course, intellectually, we know that we're there for a reason, but it sometimes doesn't stop that sense that it feels like we're skiving, it feels like we should be doing more, or that we should still be at work, and it's not right. What we're going to look at today is kind of just to have a little examine of some of those thoughts and feelings. I think one of the tricky things is being able to imagine, you know, perhaps what your colleagues or other people doing the same job as you will be doing right now because you're usually part of that workforce. And we almost need to give ourselves permission to just allow them to be doing that whilst we are doing what we are doing. We don't need to be constantly

Starting point is 00:02:28 comparing and contrasting because that's more likely to make it that you're coming up short. your job right now is to help yourself feel better or to rest or to heal. Their job is to be doing whatever they're doing. So we're just trying to encourage ourselves to stay in our own lane and not compare ourselves to them because it might well be that we're not going to measure up favourably to that. And even if you know that you've been in a really busy work environment and that, you know, it's going to be more stressful because you're not there, that just has to be accepted because right now you're not well enough to be at work for whatever reason that is.

Starting point is 00:03:10 Like I said, your job right now is to get yourself well again so that you can go back out there and kind of do all the things again. Or it might be that you're like, this work is really part of the problem. I need to find something else to do, but you're going to need to find the energy to do all of that as well. And I think the next thing I want to talk to you about is the idea that our productivity gets so tangled up with our self-worth. It's that idea that if I'm not producing something, completing something, doing something, achieving something, you know, properly earning my money, then it isn't enough. I'm not enough. I'm not validated. I'm not, you know, who I'm used to being.

Starting point is 00:03:58 Again, we need to just take a little look and just think, right, right now, my productivity, I'm allowing myself to perhaps be less productive than I usually would be, because I'm trusting that that's part of my story to becoming well again. So it's just accepting and tolerating that, even if it feels a little bit tricky. Now I want to talk to you about that urge to kind of prove that you're really, really ill. And I'm going to give you a little example from when I was off sick after losing my own dad. And I was doing some really unusual things. And on the days where my children were at school or at the childminders, where I would usually be at work,

Starting point is 00:04:46 it gave me time to do other things. You know, I was learning how to make soap in my kitchen at one point, but, you know, I couldn't be comparing and contrasting that to the job that I do as a qualified clinical psychologist. So just because I'm well enough to follow a simple recipe to make soap doesn't mean that I'm able to hold a clinical caseload of risk and, you know, of responsibility of running supervision sessions, of going to supervision sessions, because those two jobs are very, very different. So, you know, me being able to spend time producing something, you know, and immersed in an activity like making soap, gave me a break from the pressures of my work and was all part of my recovery. So do try

Starting point is 00:05:35 not to kind of constantly be like, oh, well, if you've gone out for a walk, then it must mean that you're well enough to be at work, because I really do think that those two things are not the same. I also want to check that you definitely are off. work because actually keeping an eye on your emails, on your phone or on your work laptop or you know occasionally logging into teams or seeing how your workflow is going that is not that is not sick leave. If you're on sick leave all of that should be parked over here or parked with someone else to get them to do that. If you are on sick leave you are not meant to be doing any of those things because you're not well enough to be doing them. And I know, I know, I know,

Starting point is 00:06:26 I know that being disconnected from that or feeling like you can trust other people to do things, that can be really hard. But we need to know that if you're off sick, you're likely not even insured to be doing some of those things as well. So it's really empowering yourself to stay boundary to not keep checking in, to not keep doing part of your job, unless that's what you've been agreed that you're going to do, unless you're doing some sort of phased return program, there should be a very different setting between you working and you not working. So I really just want you to make sure that you are in work off mode, not work on, partially on mode. I want you to just really be honest with yourself. Recovery really isn't something that you need to

Starting point is 00:07:17 perform efficiently. You don't need to cram every second of the day with, you know, useful, productive things. Like it really, it really isn't that. You know, a day where you spent genuinely resting or maybe gently moving your body, you know, nourishing yourself with some homemade food or something healthy, you know, the other day I went to the shop and I just walked there and I'm picked up some pre-slice watermelon and it was so delicious. You know, a day spent nourishing yourself. Obviously, that's not all I ate that day. A day where you're able to start rebuilding those blocks is really, really important. And I really, as a last thought, want you to have a think about chunks of sick leave. Obviously, different employers will vary, but when it comes

Starting point is 00:08:05 to the NHS, often it's better to have one period of sick leave rather than multiple. multiple events of sick leave. So what I don't want is for all the guilt, the pressure, the shame, the worry about what's happening at work when you're not there, to mount up in your kind of pressure list to get you back to work sooner than you're ready to be there. What we want is for when you return to work, for you to be able to, you know, maybe do a phased return, but to start to thrive, to actually enjoy being back with your colleagues, to enjoy doing the work that you have chosen as your career.

Starting point is 00:08:41 and to help that enrich your life not detract from it. So I really want to make sure that by the time you go back to work, that you really are well enough to be there, or certainly curious about whether that will, your current wellness will be sustained. So I appreciate that workplace HR and, you know, how much sick leave you've had in the past and whether you even get paid sick leave at all

Starting point is 00:09:10 And if you're self-employed like me, you don't often, that that might mean that you're going back to work sooner. But if you're employed and you do get good sick leave policies, good sick leave pain, just make sure that you genuinely are well enough to be back at work. Thank you so much for watching or listening to this episode of Inner Work. I would love to know what you think. If you've enjoyed this episode of Inner Work, I think you might also really enjoy the one on safety and why that might be what we're striving for.

Starting point is 00:09:44 The next episode of Inner Work will be along at 8pm UK time. Thanks so much for being part of my world. Do be kind to yourself. I'll see you soon. Take care.

The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast - Why Do I Feel Guilty When I’m Off Sick From Work?

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