The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast - Why You've Stopped Trusting Yourself (And How to Start Again)

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, I'm Max and a work as an assistant psychologist in the Learning Disability Service in West Yorkshire. Like most people working in psychology, I'm slowly but surely working myself up to that seemingly impossible goal of getting onto the clinical doctorate. With that end goal in mind, I thought I'd have a look at what's out there and see what books might be helpful for this. I came across Marion's book, The Clinical Psychologist Collective, and decided that this would be a great thing. for me to help me on my journey. I found Marianne's book really informative, most insightful. I especially liked how the story has reassured me that you don't need to be academically perfect

Starting point is 00:00:43 to become a psychologist, and that as long as you have good interpersonal skills, such as compassion and empathy, you will get there. I would highly recommend this book to all aspiring psychologists, nor so those who want to know a bit more about the world of clinical psychology and made me want to work in that field one day. What if the person you've stopped trusting is yourself? Not because you're weak, not because you're incapable, but because somewhere along the way, someone or something taught you that your instincts couldn't be trusted. Maybe it was burnout, maybe it was an unhealthy relationship. Maybe years of criticism drowned out your own voice. Today, I want to explore what it really means to begin to trust yourself as a lot.

Starting point is 00:01:30 I'm Dr. Marianne Trent, welcome to Inner Work. This week in the main episode, Psychology Actually, I'm chatting with Dr. Ellie all about her time on the traitors and what trust is. But I thought we'd take a little look in Inner Work about what trusting yourself looks like, which can be a very different ballgame than trusting or distrusting others, mainly because we are always with ourselves and that can make life quite tricky. One of my colleagues and psychologist trainers once said, I think there's often a very good and important reason why this shows up for you, why this shows up for us. And that is certainly the case when it comes to

Starting point is 00:02:26 feeling like you can't trust your own judgment. So let's take a look. So often when I'm working with adults who might report to me that they've had, you know, anxiety or depression showing up for them at different periods of their life, on and off, on and off, and they don't really know why. They'll be like, well, you know, I've had a pretty good upbringing. My parents are all right. You know, came from a happy home. So, I don't know, it's just me, isn't it? Like, I'm the problem, it's me. And then over time, as we begin to take a little bit of a look about actually what their early experiences were like, we can often begin to piece together that actually maybe things in their development, their early years, their first 18 years, were not as calm, we're not as

Starting point is 00:03:16 consistent, we're not as predictable, and we're not as safe as they deserved for them to be. Not because they're a queen, not because they're a king, not because they're a princess, but because all of us, you know, regardless of who we are, when we're born, when we grow, when we develop, we deserve to have a safe, good enough childhood, where we are loved, where we are protected, where we are fed, where we are clothed, where there's consistency, where there's boundaries. And really, that might sound like very simple things that humans need, but that is really the bare bones about what helps us to thrive. So when we look back on people's lives sometimes and they're like, well,

Starting point is 00:04:01 you know, my parents were in a domestically violent relationship. One of my parents was low in mood, depressed and was thinking about suicide at one stage. You know, maybe someone in the house or went to prison or, you know, maybe we were hit as children and I was really scared for my own safety or the safety of my siblings. or maybe just do you know that sense that your family didn't feel the same as other people's families. We begin to piece together a little bit of a presentation which might then explain why trusting ourselves and trusting other people might feel problematic. Because if we've always been told bad things about ourselves or that we haven't been raised

Starting point is 00:04:44 in a way that makes us think we can achieve and we can produce an outcome that is something we're striving for and that it's okay for us to strive for things, then we're very quickly going to begin to undermine our own hopes, our own dreams. I really like the book by Simon Squibb called What's Your Dream? Because it really can get us to think, right, if I took all of the expectations, all of the self-limitations off myself and just allowed myself to think, what would genuinely light me up, you know? How can I do? trust myself to back myself to get me where I would want to be if I took away all of that external noise or maybe sometimes even that internal noise. And I love it. His philosophy where

Starting point is 00:05:37 he's like, you know, I'm going to give you this money to get you started to get you over this first hurdle, you know, because then, you know, who are we kidding? If we're not getting our dreams, if we're not backing ourselves because we've been saying this reason why I can't do it and then that reason is taken away, then I think, you know, we do then have to do the inner work. We have to be curious to think about why we are getting in our own way. And it might be an element of self-preservation, which is okay, you know, because doing new things does feel a bit scary, does feel a bit risky. But I think it is just holding it gently with curiosity and having a look at it and thinking,

Starting point is 00:06:18 What is that about? Is that genuinely true? Or is this a decision that I'm making based on old information or, you know, information that I'm imagining might come to pass in the future? So just be watchful. If you're getting in your own way or if it feels like, you know, other people will say things, just take a look, see what you think. I would love to know what you do think. What is this bringing up for you? What is your dream? Are you able to trust yourself with it so that you can achieve? I would love to know. Thank you so much for being here. The next episode of Inner Work is at 8pm on Wednesday. And if you've enjoyed this episode, I think you'll really like this one on screen, which is about stopping, waiting to be chosen and choosing yourself, controlling your own destiny.

Starting point is 00:07:13 Thanks for being part of my world. I'll see you soon. Take care. I'm Jo and I work as an assistant practitioner in a CAM service in Lancashire. I bought and read Marianne's book The Clinical Psychologist Collective to accompany me while completing the clinical psychology training application. It proved to be really good company. I found it sparked ideas of how to build experience and skills, but more than that, it offered the chance to get lost in people's stories. It provided a timely reminder not to get so caught up in an end goal,

Starting point is 00:07:55 and to value and enjoy each job we fulfil along the way, because the work we do now is important and matters to those we sit alongside, as well as ourselves. It also gave the reassurance that there are eclectic roots into clinical psychology, which is important for me as someone who's had a meandering journey and not a typical route to the profession. I wholeheartedly recommend the book for both personal and professional reasons. Be prepared to put evening tasks on hold for a while though,

Starting point is 00:08:24 because once you've started reading, it's tough to put it down.

The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast - Why You've Stopped Trusting Yourself (And How to Start Again)

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