The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A 2014 Hyundai Elantra for Christmas with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

'Twas four days before Christmas, and all through the club, not a single bear was stirring, not even a cub. The fishnets were hung, by the faux fireplace with care, in the hopes that Trixie and Katya, would magically sprout thick, luscious hair. They were comfy and nestled, all snug in their beds, whilst questions of "Who would play her?" danced through their heads. When out on the boulevard, there arose such a clatter, it was their crazy neighbor Andre, dressed like the Mad Hatter. He yelled up to their window, "Hey Trixie! Hey Katya! Come down and let's party!" To which Trixie replied, "I can't! I had Taco Bell and now I'm a bit farty!" As Andre ran away, in a ketamine-fueled haze, Trixie and Katya turned to the camera and yelled, "To all the Bald & Beautiful listeners, we wish you Happy F**king Holidays!" Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To listen to our podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be helpful! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Welcome back to another riveting episode of The Bald and the Beautiful. I'm Katya and I'm just waiting for my co-hostess, Trixie Mattel, to untangle herself. She seems to have gotten tangled up down there. She seems to have, um... We are episode what? 60 or something? Something.

No, no, no. Probably like 50. 50? 51? Could be 51. Because it's been a year. A 5150. No, is it?

I honestly have no idea. Have you ever been 5150? Yeah. I think that's when you get clotheslined, right? No, I think that's when they can body snatch you without you signing your own. Like, help me, my mental health. I know I keep asking them. Can someone please come?

Can I get 51 50s? I would love 51 50s. 51 50s. Yeah. I got to just address the elephant in the room. Do it. I love my Christmas present. Oh my God.

Okay. The Hyundai elantra that i the 2014 i do think eden stopped by to pick them up to exchange them they are okay they have been refunded yes they have been refunded i'm just waiting for the the um the correct size kati got me the most beautiful gucci sneakers they're black they're beautiful i love them and then it's great like, like deep, deep, deep, dark,

rich color, blue cardigan. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was black, but I thought it was too until I got black jeans and went, no,

I lied to test your test. That was a lie. Do you like it though? Love it. Okay, good. I'm glad. I'm glad.

I like Christmas, but now that I have a little bit of money, I have a little bit of wiggle room in terms of like, you know, stuff. Um, I like a little bit of money, I have a little bit of wiggle room in terms of like, you know, stuff. Um, I like it buying people's stuff, especially if they're easy and say,

Hey, by the way, this is what I would love for a Christmas present. I don't have to do a lot of guesswork or whatever. Yeah. I love that. Well, that's what I tried to do with you and you won't tell me anything.

No, I know. I honestly don't want anything. And it's not like a passive aggressive, like none of that. No, no, none of that. Not like how I would play it. Which is to say I don't want anything so I can complain later.

Oh yeah, I would get anything. Please, please. I thought about sending you something. I can't remember what it was, but I went, I got myself so many things at the fucking Rose Bowl flea market. Have you ever been there? I went with Andrew once. We went doll hunting.

I found some great dolls there. That fucking Rose Bowl, she skied it in my face. Who would play her? Rose Nyland. And bowls. Sally bowls. Sally bowls.

Yeah. No, it was so good. Mama left the house around 6, got there 6.30 a. you have to you have to you have which i think is crazy i know and that's crazy when i agreed to go you know i drink and it's on a sunday yeah and it's like saturday 2 a.m and i'm like oh i'm like blackout and i'm like the rose bowl tomorrow yeah and then andrew you know serious and he picks me up with his hair modeling in his car and it's like we're gonna're going to need to be there by eight.

I'm like, same thing when Andrew and I have gone to the doll shows, there's doll, like mini doll sale conventions, motels that we go to. And it'll be like eight in the morning. Why that early? I don't get the Rose Bowl.

People were set up already by 6am. Cause old people get up early. Old people. Was it just old though? And I think think that what's funny is by drag queen standards i'm an early riser because i naturally get up before nine yep but i know that to normal people that ain't shit no that's a that's sleeping way in i know yeah vanderpump was like i can't sleep longer than 5 30 well she's also 80 82 is that 80 but i also

think um your clock changes as you get older for real yes yeah my grandmother towards the end she never even really went to bed she had one foot on the ground and she put her head technically on the pillow just to make you know it's like i'm sleeping my head's on the pillow but she had one foot out the bed she had a bad impersonation like long, long nightcap. She was, but she hardly slept maybe four hours a night. Crazy. But you know,

I gooned on David's Christmas present this year. What did you, we would do it. He did the right thing, which is tell me exactly what to buy him. And I bought him this stunning black embossed Gucci duffel. That stuff is so expensive. It is, but David's bougie.

And that's why he's hard to shout for because if he wants something, he just buys it for himself. That's me. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, don't you dare give me something I don't want.

Cause I'll tell you. Yeah. I can't fake, I can't fake stuff like that. I know. David on the phone was like, well, I gotta get, he's, David said, send me some of the toys you have in your favorites on eBay.

Cause he knows I'm always Looking at toys Sure He goes Cause I'm afraid My present's not good enough I said Oh babe

If it's not I'll tell you Don't worry I'll tell you You know I'll tell you Somebody got me something I What was it

And I I think I was like What the fuck was it I can't remember And I was like I just I couldn't Like i was like and i think i just tried to change the subject but i can't remember what it was but it was just like not something i particularly would want for myself and not something i would particularly pick out

for myself you know what i did this year this year i made things real easy i got that rupaul ornament i got a dozen yeah and i gave that was my professional gift. You went to Pete? Yes. Yes. I saw every manager, every, I'm like, here's one,

here's one, here's one, here's one. I cannot believe the real tragedy of this Christmas season was of course, the fact that we don't have Trixie and Katya ornaments. How is that not possible? How is that possible? Next year?

Yes. But you guys buy Christmas ornaments from us. Of course they would. Yeah. Yes, they would. Of course they would. Well,

we got a lot of stuff. Salt and pepper shakers. Oh, that's right. It was going to be hot. Salt and pepper shakers. We got a lot? Of course they would. Yeah. Yes, they would. Of course they would. Well, we got a lot of stuff. Salt and pepper shakers. Oh, that's right. Those are going to be hot. Salt and pepper shakers. We got a lot of cool stuff coming out. Yeah, yeah. We got a lot of merch coming down the pipeline.

I found that deep in my capitalist soul, for me to get you excited about merch, it has to be really cool. Yeah. And I don't know, at this point, I don't know what Advent calendar. But here's what I know. Oh. People like us. Yeah.

And they want to have a thing of us so we're not door-to-door jehovah's witnesses no we're actually providing a service because they want a tchotchke they want an item yeah and i and i like that and i support that i don't think is there anything wrong with that i think that's wonderful i however just i don't love shitty stuff like i don't love to like make something that's going to have like huge, you know, green, um,

what do you call that? The carbon footprint that's going to be like churning just a bunch of junk into the atmosphere, you know, you don't taste that shit. So I just want it to be good. Well, that's why I send flowers.

Oh, see you and I differ. Because if I, if I gave you this, yeah, well, this is a candle. I guess that's why I send flowers. Oh, see, you and I differ greatly on this. If I gave you this. Yeah. Well, this is a candle. I guess that's not a good, because that's disposable as well. If I gave you this.

I love a pillow. But you either need to have it forever or you have to do that thing someday like on hoarders where you're like, well, I feel like if I throw it away, I'm saying fuck you to my friend. Well, I love saying fuck you to my friend. I'm watching a lot of hoarders have you really yes animal hoarders no but that's a real

that's a real that's fucking crazy well I well because you know I did wife swap and I got like halfway to be honest I loved wife swap but by season five it's just so cyclical that's a lot of swap it's so formulaic yeah yeah how many wives can you swap?

They need to get into sultans and polygamists because then it's a whole like Red Rover, Red Rover, send your army of wives right over. How about abducting?

Wife abducting swaps. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. I have to text a friend because the Jinx and Dayla show is canceled tonight.

COVID strikes again. Yes. As we film this, I was supposed to go see Jinx and Dayla show is canceled tonight. COVID strikes again. Yes. As we film this, I was supposed to go see Jinx and Dayla's holiday spectacular tonight, and they had a COVID exposure. So the show is canceled. Poor thing. Fucking hell.

So you can get COVID without, this is ignorant. You can get COVID without having been vaxxed. You can still get COVID. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay.

The symptoms are typically much more mild. Gotcha. Okay. I was sick. Very, very sick this week. I'm still a COVID? Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. The symptoms are typically much more mild. Gotcha. Okay. I was sick, very, very sick this week. I'm still a little bit sick, not COVID.

Not COVID. Had several tests, but I got to tell you, being sick is not what they tell you. It's not it. It's not it. It's not fun. You watch the movies,

they get to stay home, play with their breasts all day. Don't go to school. That's porn. What school. That's porn. What movie? That's porn. Sorry. I'm like, what movie?

By the way, did you change shirts? Yeah. I didn't. That's okay. It's okay. It's okay. We changed locations. We're going to take a break.

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And we're back. Dramatic costume change. What a lovely holiday sparkle you've got there, honey. Thank you. Tammy Brown sends me one every year. This is from two years ago. Holiday sparkle. Catch you a piece.

Have you seen Tammy Brown's holiday special? I don't think so. It has some great tracks. One of them is, I want to live in a gingerbread house. I want to live in a gingerbread house. I want to live in a gingerbread house. Yeah. What else?

Any other good things? It's all Christmas songs and it's Tammy singing and she has celebrity guests that she gives them the gift and they unwrap it on camera. Wow. That's great. And Kelly Mantle's in it playing Sheila. Kelly Mantle is... At this point, Kelly Mantle is in it Playing Sheila Kelly Mantle is

At this point Kelly Mantle is playing Tammy's manager so convincingly That I think she is Yeah she might as well be at this point I saw Dina Martinez Christmas special A little while ago Maybe it was two years ago

Did you live? Yeah She's really something else She's something special else. I know. She's something special. Talk about holiday sparkle. Yeah. Yeah.

She's one of the best performers. Like, like laughing, like my, my, my, my middle hurts. Yeah.

The, her wig stock performance, um, with the baby one year. No, the, um, where she,

she, um, so there's, I think it's from the, the documentary wig, the, the documentary, the, um, where she, she, um, so there's, I think it's from the documentary wig, the documentary. Oh, the rose. Yes. So she did Dina Martina.

Um, she comes on, she's announced, you know, they announce her, she comes on and she says that she's going to sing a song, um, a single that's from her upcoming, um, album. Um, uh, and it's called, what is it called? Something of the thyroid. And then she does, it's the rose. Like, some say love becomes the rose. It's the shortest fucking, it's so great. It's so funny. It's so funny. And cheat the system.

Cheat the system. I think that in most drag contracts, like when I work in nightclubs I think that my numbers had to be three minutes. Really? Yeah, I think a lot of them you have to do three minutes Okay, there's a weird thing in drag contracts where you are being paid to basically the verbiage is you're being paid to do The act that you are famous for. Oh, okay so like you couldn't get booked at a bar of males contracts and Wear a completely different makeup and do completely a bar of meals contracts and wear a completely

different makeup and do completely different type of music and like do a different character sure i think i feel like this is all kind of like common sense yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but um she really did where's the something of the thyroid anyways it was just so great it was probably about eight seconds 12 seconds supposed to be some say love it is a river. It's a whole thing. Yeah. So she just did the first line going into the last line. And it's just so perfect.

It's so great. And she looked like a fucking fucking beast. She never breaks character. That's scary to me. That's scary to me. There's a few drag race queens

like that where they never break character. Yeah that's scary to me. That's scary to me. Because I'm never in character. Like I can't ever get into character. I have the opposite problem. You don't feel different in drag? I do. That's scary to me. Because I'm never in character. Like, I can't ever get into character. I have the opposite problem.

You don't feel different in drag? I do. That way? No, not really. I mean, I was, like, I did a character, but it was only on stage. I could never be in character or backstage. Do you know what I mean? I couldn't do that.

I just felt crazy. Do you think I'm a different person in drag? No. I think I am. Do you? I feel like a completely different person. Well, you look like a different person you know but i don't think yeah but i mean you know but then again i'm used to talking to you

and we talk this you know yeah yeah yeah um but she's i would imagine what's her do you know what her name out of drag is grady grady i imagine that they're very two different people they are he's so nice yeah full head of hair thick lush head of hair seriously he has dark thick gorgeous curly hair i imagine you and i are just fucking girl i'm so sick of it bald bald as the day is long bald eagles i don't mind being bald most of the time but lately i'm just sick of the same haircut in a way yeah i was like you know being friends with andrew um young not the presidential candidate but but my friend, the doll maker is,

it's tough because he, he does a hair. He has a hair story. He's got a, like a, an epic saga of just having hair, epic vistas, big sweeping,

heavy, natural vistas. Yeah. And it's tough because I'm like, okay, I don't, I don't dislike being bald. It's quite simpler,

but sometimes I do wish that I had some kind of hair situation happening. Well, Bob just got a, Bob just got a unit installed. Do you see that? I saw that. I love that. I mean,

for a man of color, it's a great option because that texture is so. Is it just a cap? I think that it's shaved to the skin. Yeah. And then I believe that the hair is laid down like by hand. That's incredible. Yes.

It's pretty lit. He looks good. Yeah. I love, I just love a piece. I want to get it. Oh, that's what I was like.

I think that's what I was going to ask you for Christmas, but I'm going to do a little research on my own. Cause I need to get in the thick of it. I did my own research. The COVID people. I did my own research. Oh God. The people won't get vaccinated. I did my own research. The COVID people. I did my own research. Oh God. The people won't get vaccinated

because they did their own research. Is COVID going to be forever? And just like that, Big died. So wait, I'm going to, COVID is, I talked to my sister over Thanksgiving.

She's a virologist. She does viruses. She studies viral videos. Yeah. She's a, she works in, she's a public health, she's a master public health veterinarian, but she works in like basically,

you know, diseases and stuff. And she said, absolutely COVID is here for the rest of our life. Yeah. She said, get used to it. It's not going anywhere.

So, but, but the silver lining is, and just like that big died did you is this from sex in the city so in just like that a new chapter of sex in the city okay i watched all of sex in the city it's not great it's not great it's problematic but it's i don't know it was fun it had a moment it had its moment on tv and on hbo in the early 2000s or something and let me tell you this garbage horse shit fest of bonanza yeah that is the new season that and just like that without kim cattrall it is so rotten it is it is

so rotten do you think that sex in the city people though are so into it that they don't care i don't know because i I can't watch it. And I was really looking forward to it. I was way more excited for it than I should have been. Like, no reason to be that excited about it. Considering the stuff I like. But I watched it and I was like, oh my god. Mary.

It's just manure. Because the Will and Grace reboot was so good. Was it really? It was the same characters, a little older. And then, you know, in the first episode, they explain divorces, why they're single, you know. And it was great. It's the same characters, but transplanted to today's things. Yeah.

Like they made Karen Walker Trump supporter. Makes a lot of sense. Really? Yes. Oh, wow. They make, you know, seeing Grace as a divorced woman is kind of interesting. She's vulnerable in a new way. Maybe then that's a good blueprint because this is like, this series is like they had the girls frozen in time.

Like they were frozen in the 90s or the late 90s or whatever and woke up in 2021. And we're like, what's all this envy? What's all this tran? What's all this woke? What's all this tran? What's all this woke? What's all this Instagram? I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you people? And they're like old, you know, the older, in their 50s, approaching 60. The age of the women who are supposed to be watching that, not gay men,

the age of the women, they do feel that way, I think, probably. But they also didn't wake up like frozen in time like it's you know what i mean like it doesn't happen overnight you know and of course they're just going down the list checking every box of like okay non-binary um trans uh like all of these like uh checklists these diversity checklists and you're like this is this is brutal sometimes in helping we hurt exactly i was like what this is some really really clunky funky um just bad shit and also um spoiler alert one of the carrie's like fairy tale husband dies on the peloton and this the bike yes on the bike

on the end of the first episode and she it, it like, she literally says, and just like that big died. And I couldn't stop howling and laughter because it was, it was so heavy handed and so overwrought and so melodramatic. And then she finds he's like slumped over in their giant, you know, apartment and like looking all glassy eyed. And she comes home and stares at him. Doesn't call the ambulance at all. Wow.

She just looks at him. And then she goes into the shower with her satin Manolo Blahniks and just like cries over his dying body. It's so weird. It's so weird. It's so weird. Is Big her husband? Yes. Mr. Big.

And they've been married this whole time? Yeah. Since the movies. But this is the thing. This is so movies, but this, this is the thing. This is so that she can be seen as a storytelling device. She can be single again. It's for that divorced or women who are widowed. Yeah.

That's me. I see me. It's so grim though. I mean, it's like, I guess the, the whole happily ever after thing wouldn't play out very well for a new series.

Cause who wants to watch you learn how to cook? Nobody, but you know it's just i don't know it's so weird and then one of the main characters did you think it was going to be good also when you and other gay men watch it do you think that you're the target audience yeah because you're not right i've never seen that i think we are like like older gay men like me and then um you know women cosmo drinking but that's what i think it's for i know it's so weird it's like the fun aunt yeah yeah but that's who i am

the weird uncle not the fun aunt yeah i don't know anyways it's it's fucking rotten it's so bad it's so bad it's so unforgivably bad but you know sarah jessica parker looks great that's listen that those those women being beautiful was never an issue no they're all gorgeous no she looks great i have moved on in my tv journey from wife swap and then i jumped ship to hoarders okay which is fine i'll probably burn that well i'm watching rito 911 from the beginning still so fucking good i am gonna watch that too i i've made a note of that the so fucking good. I am going to watch that too. I, I've,

I've made a note of that the other day. I was like, I'm going to watch that from the beginning. Cause I haven't seen hardly any of it. And it's, they're all so funny. Season one, episode one,

the pilot. You're like, how's this a pilot? It's amazing. Really? There's no finding your footing. There's, I mean,

they just know who they are. Well, yeah. And Wendy McClendon. Yeah. Wendy, Wendy McClendon. I'm so obsessed with her. She's so funny. She's so hot in the show. Yeah. And Wendy McClendon. Yeah. Wendy, Wendy McClendon. I'm so obsessed with her.

She's so funny. She's so hot in the show. Yeah. Cause she says it's just tits, big blonde hair, makeup. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm, I've been a big fan of those people since they did the state, which was like so long ago.

And, but that's, I, that's probably why the show works so well right off the bat because they've been working together forever. Most of those guys. It's really good. I'm in season three now. And then I'm watching Hoarders again, which is fun. But I've noticed with Hoarders. We got dirty Diana outside.

The older people who hoard, it's harder to break them of their habits. I would imagine. And I don't, I just don't, I guess I don't understand. Like you ask for the show Hoarders to come help you unhoard and then you resist the whole time. I know. I don imagine. And I don't, I just don't, I guess I don't understand. Like you ask for the show hoarders to come help you unhoard and then you resist the whole time. I know. I don't get that. And sometimes it's like, well, if you don't get this hoard cleaned up, the city is literally taking your house

the week after we leave. Right. And they'll fight it the whole time. And it's like, I know you like your shit, but your house is going to be taken away from you. Right. And that's where that's where all the magic happens. Ostensibly. And we're talking It's not like We have a lot of stuff These people don't have beds

These people Lay down in garbage You go to sleep They just get on the garbage hoarders I mean Guilty And just like that Big died

It's just really Like I don't know It's sort of like Kitchen Nightmares Which is another show I love I love Gordon Ramsay programs You love people

You love seeing people At their worst don't you But there's a story They always improve Oh okay Usually Yeah Kitchen Nightmares, which is another show I love. I love Gordon Ramsay programs. You love seeing people at their worst, don't you? But there's a story they always improve. Oh, okay. Usually. Yeah. Kitchen Nightmares, they'll ask Gordon Ramsay for help with their failing restaurant, and then they'll fight him the whole time. Damn.

What if he knows what he's talking about? Yeah. Listen to Gordon Ramsay. Yeah, he does. I mean- I mean, obviously his job is to show up and yell at you. Yell at you, yeah. But listen.

Yeah, isn't there- I mean, I'm sure they want a up and yell at you. Yeah. But listen. Yeah. Isn't there. I mean, I'm sure they want a success story there too. They want you to do better. They want you to improve. Well, yeah. The show's not satisfying if they'd go help people and nothing changes. Right.

It's like a runner. I'm shooting a renovation show right now. And you have to show what it was like before you started swinging the hammer. Right. So that those reveals are stunning. Are what, what part of the process are you in right now like how far along are you um grieving no um one of the stages of grieving we are in the stage of let's say there's six rooms and a seventh room that's a honeymoon suite and then there's a whole

bar and the pool i would say we're if we're talking just Reno, 30% through. That's it. I would say if we're talking filming, we're probably 40%, 50% through the filming. Wow. This is a long project. It is. We've been doing this for quite a bit of time. Yeah.

Because you have to shoot me in drag shooting like every room. Here's this room. Here's this room. Here's this room. And then all the celebrity guests, every episode has multiple celebrity guests. Damn. Doing DIY. So famous people coming and being like thanks for coming so and so today we're gonna reupholster this couch no way yes incredible i don't want to give away too much but like we are truly all my celebrity friends are getting in full hair and makeup and then they realize this

isn't a joke it's a job we're actually renovating it's a job and they kill the cameras and they put on like a time lapse i'm standing there painting walls for six seven hours sometimes in drag out of drag out of drag but sometimes in drag wow a celebrity and i literally in wigs painting murals on walls jesus christ i mean i've been reupholstering furniture myself. In your free time? Yes. I love it. Do you? It's a second chance. Which is for some of us the only second chance we might get. Let's take a break. Let's take a break.

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And I'm a little fatigued I love doing this with you You're a liar You're a liar You've been lied so much in your whole life, you bitch I don't know what Could you imagine if we never worked together What we would be doing?

What do you You and I never did Never worked together I don't know I don't know If we were just casual friends, the way you and I are casual friends with a lot of people from Drag Race.

Yeah. What would you be doing with all that extra time? Well, I don't know because I mean, if you think about it now, all I do lately is stuff with you. I don't think I'd do anything on my own because I'm in this like retirement phase. It's the commitment to me that keeps you showing up at all.

Honestly, that is really like, it's like if it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't really Inhabit this plane Very much at all You know what I think you would do What I know you struggle with the motivation to write You're such a good writer

I probably would write Have you thought about doing fiction Well yes It's a whole I would love to take a course on it though. Because I'd have to do. A horror story. A ghost book. I'd have to do like, I was looking up classes the other day.

Because you have to have deadlines, obviously, in order to do anything. You're not going to just like, oh, old me. I was going to say. Sometimes we have deadlines. And then we just don't do anything about it. Well, certain things need to get written. Well, deadlines do serve a purpose because especially when you're attaching a deadline to an artistic project, with artistry, you can fuck with it, shape it forever.

It's never done. Forever, forever, forever, ever, ever, ever, ever. Usually what makes me dumb with something is it has fatigued me and I go, I just can't look at it anymore. Absolutely. Or it's like, oh, time's up. Time's up. You're just moving on. When you have a photo shoot, do you like to choose your own selects?

Absolutely. And I can go so quickly. So quickly. I make other people do it. You do? I do. Interesting. Why?

Because. You think you have a, not a very good objective sense of what you look like? I think I look, I don't, I don't know. You think you look a hundred percent in every picture. I don't trust anyone to do it. Okay. But Brandon, Jess,

who runs my socials, I'll be like, can you just pick the best one? Cause I trust them. Absolutely. Not asking Bethann. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. I mean, I think like I'm, I can just, I hate that the fact that with photos, I mean with my face,

10 degrees in any direction away from the light dog no not dog but big difference big difference big difference huge difference we just had to pick the cover for a project and it's tough but the one you picked oh yeah yeah yeah face looks great face looks But in, so out of 30 photographs, right? Because I still don't know how to model. But like 30 photographs, you'll have like, you know, a whole range of, I realized I have three poses. I have mouth open, mouth closed, mouth partway open. But which is, so we go.

But literally it's like. And then tongue out. I've seen tongue out. Tongue out, tongue out. out but that's that's a crutch eyes rolled back yeah that's that's the crutch that's always looks fun but we're talking about beauty it's like it's it's difficult but so yeah i mean you look you just got to get the lighting right i mean because the shapes are all there it's i mean it's pretty hard to fuck that up if you look good which is why all my favorite photographers they just do they do beauty light and then my face does the work Yep, because you can't even tell if my eyes are I was just gonna say that's a real big one because I have a I really recently discovered a lazy eye and And I have a cross-eyed I do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I do. Um, it pops out like

And in In boy like selfies i'll notice, oh shit. Like one eye always is like half open and then kind of migrating. It's fine. I've made peace with it. A lot of people are slightly cross-eyed. Most people are. Yeah.

It's fine. It's fine. You know, when I had to get an MRI for my brain because I thought I was dying, they found a three millimeter growth on my pituitary gland in my brain. But they told me that an estimated 10% of people have a growth in their pituitary gland and anything under five millimeters is considered like, who cares? Snacks. Yeah.

Yeah. People got all kinds of weird stuff in their bodies. Yeah. That's what they said about my waterfilled cyst and my scrotum. Did you have a waterfilled cyst and scrotum? Did. That's your bladder, honey. You can pee.

No. It was the third ball that I discovered while palpating my testes at a young age. Work. And so I went and got an ultrasound. They're like, yeah, it's fine. A lot of people have these. We don't need to.

Because cutting through the sack and getting that shit out there, that's real tough. Yeah, they said, even the best fall down sometimes. Third ball. It's about to be cremba. Cremba.

Yeah. Happy Honda days. Happy Honda. Merry Chrysler. Happy Honda days. Ernie Buck Jr. is coming to town. I can't wait. I love Christmas.

I love it. I love it. Are you going to see the familiar? No. No, we did. We already did that did We already did that We already did that Thanksgiving

You're like We've done it like 38 times Yeah We did it Thanksgiving It was lovely It was fabulous I think I'm going to send everybody

Some scratchers Oh Some scratchers Go white trash with it Yeah Do you think that is okay or no? I think it's absolutely fine You think I should just send it

It's the thought that counts It's Even to write a Card Right It's a huge Everything Yeah I think that's I think it's absolutely fine. You think I should just send a card? It's the thought that counts. It's even to write a card is a huge, everything. Yeah, I think that's it. And I don't want to send, I was like, I'm not going to send just a card. I'm going to send a card with some money in it, something of interest, you know what I mean? Send news. Some kind of activity.

Polaroids, Federica Bimmel. I'm not kidding. I sell Polaroids every Christmas and they go in a minute. Okay, but Polaroids are what? 50 or 60 original Polaroids of me. I put them in a Christmas card And they go in a minute Okay But Polaroids are what? 50 or 60 original Polaroids of me I put them in a Christmas card They go in a minute

Oh that's fab And that way you're giving a gift With a real original like Yeah that's cool Because you can print pictures As Polaroids But these are real original Polaroids That's cool

And you're the only one who has it Yeah I love that That's cool Polaroids are fun They are fun Cameras can be fun Yeah taking pictures is a blast Taking pictures is a blast.

Taking pictures is fun. And then I'm good. I have to bank a bunch of YouTube stuff over the next like week so I can try to relax. Yes. Now, what does it look like you relaxing? I'm so curious to know. It's hard. Yeah.

I'm still going to be running. You have to get taped to the wall. As a woman who ran a hundred, a thousand. A thousand. A thousand and six miles. A thousand and six miles. Yeah. Last year. I want to know how many steps I took.

It was probably close to a thousand. Three, four. I6 miles last year. I want to know how many steps I took. It was probably close to 1,000. Three, four. I'm on the beat. I walk. Yeah. You're on the beat. Yeah. I just can't.

How did you do that? I don't know. How did you do that? Last July, I ran 174 miles. In the month? In the month of July. Isn't that crazy? What does that average out to be?

My longest distance at once last year was 26.1 174 you said yeah, I also got on the scale at the gym. I haven't been on the scale in a year and a half I lost 17 pounds Mary that's five miles a day every single day an average Well, because sometimes on the weekends I would run 15 20 That's crazy. That's a lot of running.

It's a lot of running. Although, because I got sick for a month and a half, I'm starting to run again and I'm having to go back to improv one. Oh, yeah. So five or six miles right now is hard again. That's tricky. I probably couldn't do a quarter mile.

I probably couldn't do a quarter mile. Yeah, you could. I mean, I could, but it would be tough. Your body responds to everything gradually. Yeah. So as long as you don't leave your house and start sprinting. Yeah, you can do it I always thought I was bad at running. I just didn't know how you have to start very slow very slow You have to basically walk for a few minutes and then kind of walk fast and then stretch as you go

And once you've worked up to a run your body can support it. Okay, what kind of shoes you got there? I run the other hokas the hokas. The hokas. Worn by marathon runners and DJs actually. Oh. The DJs stand for four, five, six hours. Oh.

Oh, yes. And not on that, not on that, the pads, the cushions. Not on the cushions. Not on the cushions.

Not on the cushions. Last night I went to a party called Fat Slut. Who would play there? You were there. No. I went to a party called bat slut at precinct um how was it it was uh mateo was djing and it was it's meatballs party i would love that and it's all um at least slightly chubby go-go boys which i love oh that's great yeah i love big chubby roided out go-go boys, big blubbery rolls when you put your head in them. There was one who was at least 6'1".

I know there was a little more of the nature going on there. Yeah, sure. He was massive. You know it's getting juicy. He looked like a Prius. Wow. A hairy Prius. Or like a Prius.

A car. A car. Yeah. I wanted to put his whole body in my mouth. Big dumper. Everything was big. Everything was big. And you know that it was really getting juicy.

And you also know that he probably eats a lot. And so the dump itself was big. Oh, sure. Everything. He's Baconator Fries. Everything. Yeah. Everything.

So it was all the people in the show. Great, great, great, great. And then the contest was sexy eating contest where people come on stage trying to win $100. They give them a plate of food and have to eat it sexy. Sexy. Sexy eating. Anybody do ravioli? Rub it on the food.

Rub it on the body. Rubbing it in the mouth. Rubbing your face in it. Sitting on it. Sitting on it. Yeah. Rubbing food all over the body to try to win $100. It's amazing in a gay bar what people will do when the prize is so nothing.

Yeah. But the fame well i one time took a picture of my cock at the bfd trying to win a bottle of vodka i know you did well it's just the winning it's just the winning it's fun competition well glory is forever yeah yeah it's it's a fun story you ever entered a bar like an amateur drag competition a bar competition i did do a bar one and then i won. It was the only one I did and then that's it. You were the only one competing?

No, it was just me and two others. What about pageants where there's one person competing? That happens a lot. That's crazy. It happens a lot. That's crazy. Because these new queens

don't care about pageants. No. So they're not, who's paying for it? And are they doing the whole thing? They're going through the whole rigmarole. Well, I remember hearing drag queens

be like, well Well I bought that system I bought that pageant system And I'm like what's that cost? What's that retail at? $19.95? Damn Three easy payments on Klarma? I mean shit

There's like the pageant I always forget about this They need to do a more comprehensive documentary In like the whole Miss Gay U.S. of A U.S. of Of A What does that mean? Miss Gay U.S. of A

Isn't Miss Gay U.S. of A a Miss Gay U.S. of A. What does that mean? Miss Gay US of A. Isn't Miss Gay USA and Miss Gay US of A, aren't they separate? I think Miss Gay America and Miss Gay US of A are separate. But there's two different- The branding issue's there. And also,

I'll never get over this. Speaking of fat sluts, I'll never get over the fact that they say, at large, for plus size. I like that. But it's hysterical.

What about classique, meaning old? Classique meaning old and elite meaning old. But at large, to me, that is so funny. But it's hysterical. What about classique meaning old? Classique meaning old and elite meaning old. But at large to me, that is so funny. At large. At large. Like the killer is still at large.

The editor at large. It doesn't mean actually large. Do you know what I mean? I think that the literal. I know that, but I don't think they know that. I don't think they know it either. It's like, it's fucking hysterical to me. Miss gay US of A at large.

At large. Well, doesn't at large mean like you're still out there doing that notorious thing you're doing? Yeah, yeah. The killer is still at large. It's not been caught. On the loose. These people think, oh, the news says the killer's fat. Yeah.

Miss Gay US of A on the loose. You know what? If you're a young drag queen the one that i think is worth competing for is anything miss club miss club miss club miss club club miss club foot miss hair lip miss club foot miss hair lip miss trim your own bangs miss hooded lids um miss veneers um no miss club is like okay let's say you competed for the Miss Rockos West Hollywood. Oh. If you win, you usually win like a guaranteed number of bookings per month, every month

for a year. Okay. Then you actually win work. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's usually what you do win in the systems. You do? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was before. I don't know if it's still the way. But if you win a preliminary for like a state competition, does that mean you get to tour the state? preliminary for like a state competition does it mean you get to tour the state if you win the state one i think you get to if you win the national one then you get to tour around yeah but the nationals is not easy to do like i remember do you know rs exton uh-huh icon if you guys don't know at home yeah it's an amazing drag incredible i saw her when she was miss entertainer of the Year Which is a national pageant And she was traveling to basically Every club that participates in that system She goes to every prelim

Her job for a year was to do that That's incredible also Continental We gotta watch We gotta watch some Miss America pageants Or Miss Gay USMA If you could go back in time would you have done more pageants You think I think I would have.

Really? I think it would have made me a better drag queen faster. I think that those people. That's true. People who compete, they do better. Absolutely. I mean, yeah. But then again, Ginger told me about like comedy pageants and I'm like, that's cool. Oh, yeah. I guess so. One of the categories is a spokeswoman where you walk on stage, they hand

you an item, you have no idea what it is, and you have to try to sell it in a comedic way. Oh, improv that's funny yeah that's great it's valuable skills sure yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and i'm sick of people not thinking i'm gonna be funny just because i'm so hot yeah just because you're huge heavy sweaty tits doesn't mean that you can't make tell a joke i've been feeling really bad about myself But I also know that This is probably the best I've ever looked So that's difficult To not like what you look like But know that this is the best it's been

Do you know what I mean? That's horrible That's so horrible No listen we're in the land of make believe honey We're living in You know Listen you can always change what was when somebody snip yank yank when i was at fat slut last night i had a hat on a beautiful great orange hat that said

you know the cheer logo for for um for cheers no cheer like uh detergent It's a rainbow, it says cheer. It said bear. Okay. It's Teddy Bear's merch, who was on the pod. Gotcha. He has great merch. And I had that on at the bar, and I didn't realize. Because, you know, I like men of all sizes. Yeah.

Especially if you have a good face. I really, like, whatever, whatever. I don't care. But somebody explained to me that a lot of times bigger guys are afraid to come up to somebody who's slimmer like me. Tiny. Because they think that there's like, that they're not going to be into them. Oh, okay. Only big guys are into big guys, et cetera.

Because this guy came up to me and was so friendly and nice. And I was like, everyone's so nice here. And I was like, oh, I have a hat on that says bear. It's the green light. I'm giving them the green light. That's great. God, I could have been nailed by extremely hot bears every day of the week if I would have known that you need to signal to them.

I know. Is there a hat that signals everybody? Is there a hat that signals? Yeah. It says whore. Whore. Cum dump. Yeah.

A non-cum dump. I don't like that. I don't like that. I'm not a fluid collector. A a receptacle i'm not a bunsen burner i don't well so anyway he comes up to you so nice and hot but you know i was just there to vibe and uh i was like oh my god this hat and then my teddy explained to me yeah a lot of the bigger guys that they don't approach someone who doesn't look like them because they don't think that they're going to be into them. And I'm like, you shouldn't have to wear a hat that says bear for people to feel comfortable talking to you.

But I guess you never know. I mean, like, I remember repeatedly hitting on this guy who was like, he's like, told me the first time, he's like, oh, you're not my type. Did his hat say corpse? That's why I went over and talked to him. I was like, talked to him. I was like, Oh, okay.

So you hit on him a few times. Yeah. Cause I just forgot. No, I've seen you go off. Yeah. In a way where you go, um,

I go like, they don't really reciprocate and then you'll wait a beat and then you'll go again and go, Oh, I'm sorry. Goldfish brain. Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

I'm sorry. I forget what just happened. We want to fuck me, but you're also in drag when it happens. Yeah. And so you're riding the high of being the hot slut. Yeah. Or just a slut. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I forget what just happened. We want to fuck me. But you're also in drag when it happens. Yeah. And so you're riding the high of being the hot slut. Yeah. Or just a slut.

Yeah. I mean, physically hot slut. Overheating slut. Overheating slut. Burning up slut. Yeah. But I love to go into a party called fat slut. I love that too.

I love fat slut. I love fat bitch. There's a fat bitch party? No, but there should be. Oh, yeah. That's cool. You fucking bitch. You fucking bitch. There's a fat bitch party? No, but there should be. Oh, yeah, that's cool. You fucking bitch.

You fucking bitch. A party called fucking bitch? You fucking bitch. Do you miss having a monthly show? Yeah. You do? I do, yeah. It was fun.

It's fun. I would love to try to think about doing one here, maybe quarterly. I think quarterly is more of the move because then it's like more of an event. We could do one. Yeah. We did the Globe or something four times a year. That's too much. That's too much. That. We did the Globe or something four times a year.

That's too much. That's too much. That's too much. I want to do like a smaller place. You hire other people to handle most of it and they just do your numbers. Oh, I'm still, that's too, the scale is too big. You know what we could do? I want something like, I want a bar show.

I want like a chill, I want a tea dance essentially. Because I don't want late nights. That's what I want. I want like a a monthly Local like I DJ like a day disco Yes From four to seven Or four to ten Yeah Four to ten

Four to ten That's long Six to ten Four to ten Six to ten Six Ten Six to ten

People arrive at six They dance from six to eight And then they go home And they take the big car And they go home They go And they take the big car. And they go home. They go home and put on the big car. In bed by 11.

I put on the TV. I go to bed. Yeah, but in bed by 11. Yeah. I'm not trying to. Are you going to see the new Resident Evil movie? I didn't know that there was one. Resident Evil is my abusive daughter because I love the Resident Evil games.

Okay. And the movies are all not good. But I still go because it's Resident Evil. is resident evil the one with the pyramid head no that's silent hill silent hill resident evil the first one was mila jovovich little red dress zombie outbreak yeah and she's like a she's like a biological weapon and she's like yeah she's done a million of them right yeah she's been a bunch of them but you know what david silver who's like a um i don't know what you call it he knows everything about movies what is that called a movie buff he also works in the industry so maybe that's why you know i'm moving professional he said that those zombie style movies do very well internationally uh so he said that's because

i'm like if they're notoriously not good how do they keep getting made he said they do well internationally probably because the game franchise yeah that's i mean i always forget how big video games are huge Huge. Huge. Huge. Huge. Huge. Enormous. Yeah.

What's the last game you played beginning to end? It would have to be Mortal Kombat and Sega Genesis. Mortal Kombat 3? Whatever was Sega Genesis. That's the last game

you played to the end. Yeah. That's a long time ago. I know. It was a very long time ago. Very jealous. I stopped when I was a left to right girl

Left to right Once the dimensions started I said not on my watch It's too much to keep track of It just wasn't satisfying Left to right You start and you finish You like two dimensional experiences

Beginning, middle, end Well life's already complicated enough Yeah plus Sonic the Hedgehog That was the only one I went 3D with That's fine Although that was a I don't think that was was that 3D?

I guess it was. It wasn't left to right. I'm gonna go kill myself. That's the pod today you guys. Thank you so much. Goodbye. Bye.