The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Beginner's Guide to Comic Books, Butt Stuff, & Homemade Limeade with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

We here at Bald Headquarters would like to use this week's episode to introduce our listeners to the mostly-unknown art form of comic books, the even more obscure phenomenon of superheroes, and the finer points of the opening of the rectum on the body's surface, colloquially known as "the anus". And while you're listening, please enjoy a wonderfully-refreshing early-Fall beverage recipe from our Myspace page: "Katya's Eat the Poor Limeade." A spoonful of sugar and a dash of love is all it takes to wash away the thoughts of the filthy proletariat. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To pre-order your copy of our new book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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we have, wait, it's probably good that that camera is covering my head so I can't see, I can't see at all. Look,

look, look. It's literally like, okay, people, this is a podcast podcast i guess i should tell people what's happening it's the palliative care princess's last hurrah do you know what it makes me think of it makes me think of the movie bicentennial man with robin williams and he dies at the end and then his his his wife wants to be her machine turned off and she turns to the robot that's turned humanoid. And she goes, I'm ready for the machines to be turned off, Galatea. And Galatea goes, one is glad to be of service.

Turns her machine off. And she's dead. Yeah. I think of the elephant man at the end when he goes to bed knowing that he will die. And then there's a giant lady's face on the screen that says. I've never seen the elephant man. It says. Is that like the.

Nothing will ever die. Nothing will ever die. That's kind of depressing. Yeah. It is. Part of what makes life enjoyable is that, you know, it's it's it's one piece of cake. Yeah. It's not a whole cake.

No. This is how much you have. Yeah. On the bakery. Oh, yeah. You know, that's a it's one piece of cake. Yeah. It's not a whole cake. No. Yeah. This is how much you have. You don't own the bakery. Oh yeah. You know, that's a good, that's a good, Oh my God.

What? It's like in the TV show Watchmen, which obviously had a huge impact on my life where Dr. Manhattan goes, well, our relationship ends in tragedy. And she's like, well,

why does it end in tragedy? And he goes, don't they all? Don't they all? Somebody dies. Yeah. Should we, yeah, I guess we're rolling. This is it goes, don't they all? Don't they all? Somebody dies. Yeah. Should we? Yeah, I guess we're rolling.

This is it. Why don't you tell them? I mean, this is a podcast. Should we tell them what they're not seeing? Look at this. Wait, they're not seeing this? Well, most people are listening to it in their commute, on the train. Oh, sure, sure.

But some select few. Someone checking the tube pipes. Someone will be watching this, though, so they can see how horrible it looked. Just in bed drinking a Red Bull like Kathy Hilton. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen that clip? No.

It's amazing. No. Kathy Hilton. It's like 2 a.m. And Kyle Richards is asleep in bed. And Kathy Hilton is up reading a magazine drinking a Red Bull. And she goes, Kathy, what are you doing? She's like, I'm having a soft drink.

She's like, that's a Red Bull, Kathy. She's like i'm having a soft drink she's like that's a red bull kathy she's like what's a red bull oh my god it's fierce well we're at we're we're here in buffalo we're here in buffalo we can say where we're at because we're gonna be gone by the time this comes out we're at the fabulous curtis hotel gorgeous actually super gorgeous curtis hotel um the toilets here mama heated seats Heated seats Toilets by Prius Toilets by No not Prius Volkswagen Toilets by Tesla

It's Hyundai Volkswagen Toilet Yeah Warm seat Warm seat And you know I'm so trashy When I sat down on the heated seat I went

Someone was just in here I just I just The same thing I was like Someone was in here Who has been shitting on my shitter Someone's shitting on my shitter.

It's a little warm in here. Well, Brandy, can you turn the air up a little bit for Miss Big over here? Oh, that's how the air operates? Oh, wow. Do you see his hands reaching? This is a space hotel. Brandon's in here. The claw from Upstreet

This place It has one of those Space toilets It has a front And back bidet Yeah So I got my Hole cleaned out

And my gun All scraped out Power washed Took the veneer off Took the aluminum Siding right off Wait you got your Front hole and back hole

Cleaned out Yeah And then it has A butt dryer Yes the dryer I haven't tried it yet But I looked at it. Let me tell you something else.

I'm going to give the feet people something because I'm hot. Okay. Selling feet pics. We got to talk about selling feet pics. But the hot tub. Have you used the spa? The hot tub? The bath?

No, not yet. The bathtub not only has bubbles and lights. When it empties, the jets blow for a while and dry the tub. Jesus Christ. Yeah. You know, I'll tell you this, though. Once you buy a motel and everyone knows about it, jets when it empties the jets blow for a while and dry the tub jesus christ yeah you know i'll tell you this though once you buy a motel and everyone knows about it whenever i go to motels now they roll out the red carpet i'm not joking they always there's a basket this is the first motel i've been in where there wasn't a basket that says like we love your motel show i hope you enjoy our suite people are so much nicer to you because suddenly I'm like Gordon Ramsay Right Right Because I opened one motel

Right Suddenly I'm Tabitha Maybe I should open up something My name's Tabitha I'm taking over I should open up a coffee shop So that everywhere I go There's an ivy drip

Full of piping hot coffee Going into all my orifices It was closed How long was the line? It was like What is long to you line? It was like eight or nine. What is long to you? Okay, eight or nine people. Not on your life.

Would I wait for that? Not on your life. And if I... I wouldn't wait in line for oxygen if I was drowning. No. And I know from experience this morning, it took forever. And I'm not a person who likes to wait for anything.

If I have to wait more than three minutes, I'll just leave in a huff. And I'll bitch about it for the rest of the day Rather than solve the problem Like a patient normal person You complaining? Speaking of which I'm doing a recap Radio City Let's talk about it

I have a bone to pick With the entire human race I know I know I know this You're here We're doing the HVAC pod Once again

We're back on our HVAC bullshit. But the thing is we had the incredible honor. First, let's say we got to sell out radio city music hall, which is one of the largest indoor venues in the world, I believe. Yeah. And not only that,

I mean, it's so it, it was, um, we've been doing this show that, um, uh, when,

when it was Written decided So one of the numbers was inspired by me Obsessing over Liza Minnelli Performing New York New York At Radio City Music Hall Go to YouTube you can Google it What I should have known Or should have paid attention to

Was the fact that she was sweating Through her fucking She was sweating like she just jumped out of a pool. Now, if we know a couple of things about Liza, we know a couple of things. Number one, she's not exactly the most sober gal in the world. She's from the Bob Fosse generation, you know? A couple of goofballs.

A couple of goofballs. When she gets tired, they just take a slingshot and they shoot it atderall down her throat. We're not joking about addiction, obviously. No, no, no, no, no. And this is not, I mean, anybody knows anything about the 60s and 70s? The doll, Valley of the Dolls. You ever seen Valley of the Dolls?

People didn't know as much about dolls. Nearly once, she needs another doll. Did you watch the documentary on Adderall? Called Take Your Pills? No, I haven't. Adderall was originally marketed to children. The interior conversations were, what about speed for children? And they were advertised it as my mom, my, my, my daughter, Denise is gets perfect grades

on this pill. Yeah. She's so well behaved and she's so focused. Basically it's like make your kid the perfect kid. Yeah. But don't you think that would also make kids screaming and crazy well i don't know you'd have to ask the what the 300 million kids on adderall today that's something else i learned in that documentary it's like the number

19th most prescribed drug in the united states or something they were saying college kids ivy lead schools everyone's on it everyone's on it and they were saying pills are only like two dollars each i'm like yeah it's crazy well that's how I got addicted to it at college yeah Adderall specifically did you take the pills

at first yeah because I saw an episode of Desperate Housewives and Felicity Huffman was taking her daughter's Adderall to get things done

around the house I said oh let me try that well thanks Felicity look what you've created Desperate Housewives yeah I found out wasn't Vanessa on that Vanessa Williams yeah you know what Well, thanks, Felicity. Look what you've created. I know. Desperate Housewives. Yeah.

I found out. Wasn't Vanessa on that? Vanessa Williams? Yeah. You know what? For somebody who abuses your feet, those actually look great. Don't you think? Thank you.

Do you do the cheese grating on the bottom? I surely do. Oh, wow. I have a travel grater with me. Really? Oh, yeah. They look amazing. Thanks. Let's see what I'm serving.

Yeah. They would be funny if they were black. They might be. I'm just gonna be brave It's actually not bad Oh it's great Yeah yeah yeah Look at the slant though Look at the side

That is so crazy Yeah Oh my god It's crazy I know It's the pointy foot It's embarrassing It's so crazy

It's not okay It's so wild There's a lot wrong Look I have petite little Cinderella. What if I had no... Cinderella. What if my toes had no neck and they were like that? Like this.

It's this. Okay. So Radio City. Huge, huge. We were saying that it was like a huge achievement. Amazing, unparalleled, career-defining moment, right? And not to mention all of the amazing people of, like, New York has some incredible fans.

G. Laurie Cooper. G. Laurie Cooper. Laurie G. It could be G. Laurie Cooper. It could be Laurie G. Cooper. We don't know. We don't know, but it's Laurie Cooper. And she was there. Laurie Cooper was there. Gino Birch We don't know We don't know But it's Laurie Cooper And she was there

Laurie Cooper was there Gina Birch was there Gina Birch Jodie Harsh was there So many people were there This Vanessa Williams came Are you serious?

Yes Seriously? Dead serious She was in town And now Queen of the Universe She was like I'll come to your show Incredible

And then this funny guy That I follow on Twitter that you know who is it? I think his name is Paul, Orange Pulp. So funny. I DM'd him and said, I'm so happy we performed

on a Monday so that the Twitter gays would come. Orange Pulp. He has maybe the, him and Rose maybe have the two funniest Twitters.

So funny. So funny. Katie Delaney's up there too. There's a few people where every time they tweet, I'm like, yeah. Yeah. yeah so but anyways so that was a great thing

however we go into two days of rehearsal because we have some significant changes to the script we have to work on which we didn't get

until two days before we didn't get to two days before we said hey quick just so you know Kelly there's extra monolog monologues yeah she did fabulous by the way amazing i don't side note i feel so comforted going on stage because it's kelly's show yes we're just there we're just we're just like window dressing and she's the main event um but we go to white plains new york to this um performing arts center on a college for two days. SUNY Purchase. Is that what it was?

SUNY Purchase. SUNY Purchase. Southern State University of New York Purchase. Okay. And it was freezing. Absolutely freezing. It was so cold. The dancers were complaining.

That's why I know it's really getting juicy when the dancers are complaining. When their teeth are chattering. Yeah, yeah. When there's like ACLs are about to get snapped. That's when I know it's probably going to be room temperature for me. And then we go into Radio City and it was freezing. when there's like ACLs are about to get snapped. That's when I know it's probably going to be room temperature for me.

And then we go into Radio City and it was freezing. And then a funny thing happens during the show. It gets so hot that I don't know what to do with myself. It was hot in your dressing room too. Oh yeah. I had to change. I had to switch dressing rooms halfway through the evening because I started to have a meltdown. I started to have a meltdown in the dressing room. I had a meltdown too that day.

Did you really? I woke up just not feeling it. I won't get into it, but I've had some chronic pain issues. Oh, yeah. And I woke up and I also had a headache and I said, not today. And then I started to have a... How does that materialize for you? Well, it hasn't ever happened until maybe a couple months ago.

Circular, strange, pain, mental, like, oh God, I'm going to die. Anyway, so I tell David, I said, you need to go on this tour bus with me and you need to take a nap with me. And you need to wake up a different person. And that's exactly what did oh that's great we'll get feeling great that's a good if you have a bad day get back in bed and do it again you know start over that's a really good idea seriously try that start fresh because you once the show was backstage and I look on your face. I couldn't believe it. I was like, do I go say break a leg or will I get punched in the mouth? That was a look on your face. When I came off the stage.

So going on the stage, I was like, first of all, like the meet and greet. Oh, okay. So we go down to do the meet and greet and I'm noticing the temperature. It's really hot. And I say, and all, I see all, all of our managers and agents around milling around,

basking in the achievement of this glorious moment as they should, as they should. Once the pig is strapped up in air conditioned. Do you know what I mean? Like it's when, when, when babe, the pig is, is, you know what I mean? Like you can't know you're right when babe the pig is is you know what i mean like you can't know

you're right once the pig is hoisted and then is is comfortable then you can start like receiving the applause but not a moment sooner not a moment sooner and so i was like i need a fan i need a fan and then someone comes and brings this um you know those little those little handheld fans that like the the battery powered fans that people have at their office desks sometimes. That's like a joke. That's what they taped to the floor 18 feet away from me. 18 feet away pointed at your feet.

Yeah. And I was like, and then one of the producers started to laugh and I said, this is not funny. Comedy is tragedy plus time. So we're not laughing about the tragedy as it is unfurling do you know what i mean i was there yes and i picked to meet and greet for this tour that i thought oh this is easy it's just a little dress it's a full corset i forgot about that pads and

body makeup body makeup yeah full body makeup five minutes of body makeup yeah but the body makeup makes it that's nice it looks really nice to put body makeup on if you're gonna show your skin if you're gonna be a cross-dresser a goon a club kid a split attendant a model a pro wrestler like there's just some things where if you're gonna be photographed and stuff just put on the body makeup and if you don't have body makeup put some foundation in your hand mix it with Telling you it makes the look. See, I can't do that because I have tattoos. But tattoos covers. I just do.

I do all this and then it blends in. I don't think I've ever had that much problem. Well, tattoos cover a lot. Yeah. But like up here, I always put makeup on anything that's covering up here. Anyways. Anyways. Tattoos have a great.

Bless you. Bless you. Don't cover your mouth that's fine cope it's over no so anyways the show starts and it's it's the level of stagnant on stage that i have hitherto not experienced it was so hot it was so even kelly was sweating that's how i knew it was really really bad and she never sweats 70 she never sweats you know how you have when you have a grandma you got to constantly put a blanket on her lap that's kelly and also the dancers they're comfortable so the dancers are happy and comfortable i'm pissed when i went i went to um there's a part where i i i jump on michael and he spins me around during my second number drenched drenched wet wet mud wet wet mud yeah well the good news is um due to some emergency meetings following the

show we now have air-conditioned condos tents side now on our show when you walk off stage there are air conditioned tents With an air conditioner running With our costumes in there So when you go to your costume change There's a crisp 60 degree Tent

Uh huh A FEMA trailer It's a It's a hurricane relief Pop up tent It really is It's a It's a

I'm Rene Russo In Outbreak Girl 12 Monkeys I'm Gwyneth Paltrow in 12 Monkeys. Isn't she in that? She is, right?

She's in Contagion. Oh, it's not 12 Monkeys. She's the first one to die, but this is her in Contagion. She got a Google head. But she didn't get her Oscar for that. No. It's so amazing. She didn't get her Oscar. Eden and i were joking that when she's gonna

open the um she's gonna wake me up one morning and i'm gonna be dead but i'm gonna be i'm gonna have the most ridiculous expression on like you know like planning it as you slip away you're gonna be okay what's my what's my bad yeah i love that um but it was 6,600 people totally sold out. It was totally unreal. It was amazing, yeah. It was great. And then the next night. You know, to follow the high of Radio City Music Hall and then to be in Cleveland, Ohio on a Tuesday,

it actually was a blast. I had a great time. Because all the pressure was off. It was like we did this big show and now we can shit on the stage. I had a great, and I had a wonderful time. I have a good time when I'm out there no matter what. It was Cr we did this big show and now we can shit on the stage. I had a great and I had a wonderful time. I have a good time when I'm out there no matter what. It was Crank Tina.

She came to my dressing room and said, I need you to know you're going on stage with Crank Tina tonight. I said, OK, let's take a break. Let's take a break. This episode is brought to you by CIBC. From closing that first sale to opening a second store, as a business owner, you've hustled to accomplish a lot, but the rewards don't stop there. When you earn two times more points on things that matter to you and your business,

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School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. And we're back. So I got to talk to you about something else. Yes. I've been reading a lot of graphic novels okay and i want to tell you about a few of them but i'm not done talking

about what i want to talk about okay we'll give you a few more minutes okay um so i i i come off of stage uh-huh and i say it's not worth it uh-huh it's not worth it i'm done we're packing it up the show everything well do you realize i mean i don't know if this is for everybody's business but you realize if we quit the tour in the middle of it we would default on it we would own millions and millions of dollars we don't just get to go home without getting paid no we have millions of that's not how that works home without getting paid no we have oh millions of duff that's not how that works but if it does if i have a crack up there's a clause there's a there's a million dollar i don't know there's a crack up clause is there well there's a crank tina clause you get your typewriter jessica fletcher last minute additions is that her name jessica fletcher uh-huh look how gay i am look how i'm

sitting i look like i look you know what i look like i look like um under the tuscan sun yeah i also look like et i was getting more maybe more of that i also but you've got the shape of diane lane you've been the shape of water i'm the shape of water um okay so graphic novels well i've read a few i'm gonna be honest I read a lot Okay I read a lot A lot of books in London All I did was read Because I stayed at the Gore Hotel Which had bad wifi

Just electricity Barely Almost no wifi So I read books Like the olden days Like Yes Like Candlelight

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Uh huh Omnibus 1, 2, and 3 Great But there's a lot of pictures In these books Yeah yeah It's a lot of pictures A lot of words They're real. It's a lot of pictures, a lot of words.

They're real easy to turn. But really cool. I mean, I can't draw. I can't even draw a circle. So me looking at artistry, every page, I'm like, how do they do it? Because I can't draw nothing. So I just love it. I read a DC Universe Watchmen crossover called Doomsday Clock, which was Superman versus Dr. Manhattan.

Who wins? Ultimately, everyone wins. It was kind of a fake out, to be honest. Okay. They work together? Yeah. They provide AC for everybody. Yes.

They provide AC for all the girls. And then I read this series called The Boys, which is apparently a TV series now. I read the whole thing. You don't know about this one? I don't watch television at all now. I read the whole thing. You don't know about this one? I don't watch television at all. But I read the whole series. You're such a liar when you say that. Six books.

I read all of them. It's such a great show. Yeah, it's amazing. The book was amazing. I ate through probably one, what do you call it? Omnibus? I don't know. A book?

There's one through six. I read through one a day. You got to watch the show. The show is fantastic. Yeah, it's fierce. It's so bloody and it's so nasty. And rapey. Well, yeah.

I mean, sexually assaulty, rapey, bloody, violent. It's very dark. Yeah, very, very dark. Trigger warning, blood, violence, sexual assault. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I liked about it is, is well if superheroes were real they would be basically like assholes corporate owned yeah yeah like plus elizabeth shoe is in the first season oh yeah who's she playing she plays she's like the head of the um that's a great role for

her yeah exactly you're talking about yeah and it's also like uh you know these superheroes are like squeaky clean publicity wise but behind the scenes they're like corporate bribes crime sexual assault drugs yeah it's basically just capitalism yeah because let's be honest

if you're human beings and you had powers that made you untouchable do you think it would really make you a better person I don't think so I doubt it yeah

I doubt it not in today's climate but I also like reading about superhero stuff because we are costumed crusaders it's true in a way

yeah we're mostly self-serving yes but still and i some of us certainly have our kryptonite and right now i'm reading because i'm obsessed with alan moore who wrote the watchman i'm reading v for vendetta i've never watched the movie or anything so i don't know anything look at the art inside just crack it open i don't know what you call this style look how how it's like all shadowy and like 60s. Isn't that amazing? How do they do this?

Seriously, I don't know how they make comic books. I know that someone draws it. Have you ever picked up a comic book before? No, I've never read comic books. So I think someone draws it and someone colors it, right? Two different jobs. But look at the coloring in this one. Yeah, it's gorgeous.

The pale yellows and the teals. It's gorgeous. It's so cool. Basically,s and the teals. It's gorgeous. So cool. Basically, I'm only a few chapters in, but it's about like a version of London in 1997 where it's run by fascists. Fischism. Fischism. I love it.

That's what I've been up to. I just read books now. And you know how I am when I discover something new, I base my whole personality on it for like six weeks and then I move on. What I particularly love is how you're the first person to ever discover it though that's that was that's really cool that's me making conversation be like do you know about batman people like yeah we all know about batman i'm like i don't know if you know about batman but no see i i read one book i now know about batman what about a graphic novel novel of us hvac we could do a graphic novel of this show yeah that's

true it but but i would have to be in like smell-o-vision and it'd have to be a packet of moisture at the end of each chapter to rub on yourself like do you like squeeze open and it splats you in the face or like a little a packet of barbecue sauce to rub on your skin like bronzer i got a tom ford uh it's like a tom ford men's gel bronzing tint because i was fake baking for queen of the universe oh because my face wipes you know what take off makeup takes your fake off so fast yeah so then i was trying to tint it to get it to match and i would like put it on and then go see myself in the state and catch a tory mary chicken cacciatore teriyaki orange chicken face hi top row of white rectangles bottom row of crooked brown

chicken chicken teriyaki face bald head oh oh just uh i wrote down a couple of it i was i think about you a lot wait wait wait wait wait wait wait i have a question. What is your phones right there? Oh, thank you. What is the opposite of horny? Oh,

I had a, I had a, I was in bed last night. I was laughing. Just do this. Like I have hair. What? I just tucked my hair behind my ears.

Like I have long hair. I am so disgusting. It's really like, it's, I don't know. I don't know what we're going to do. We got to do something. Go on. what's the opposite of horny yeah yeah hold on i was in the bed last night cracking myself up do you ever do that oh yeah yeah yeah i was i was cracking myself up on the tour bus just

cracking up i was i was in the bed alone with the covers up to here, like up to my chin laughing, crying. That's me when the edible. It is. It really is. And I was like, what is the opposite of horny? Because whatever the opposite of horny is right now, that's what I'm feeling.

And I feel great. Like I'm not, I'm not. Nope. Cause usually that kind of thought is like a weed thought. Oh no. Thinking too deep. I did.

I did. Yeah. Thinking too deep about something that's not, you know, like when I get high like that, I'm in bed like, does the mailman deliver his own mail? You know what I mean? Like shit you should not care about. And I'm like, is that allowed? You know what I mean? Like like like it doesn't make any sense

you know what i mean like does the villain i'm like does the sun make noise yes weird shit probably if you were up close which you can't be i bet you it sounds like chicken crackling like a like a deep fryer like um like a um uh uh pork rinds crackling deep fryer. Like a pork rinds crackling. Deep fryer. Deep fryer. Have you ever deep fried anything? I'm not going to lie. I mean, anybody who works fast food or anything, if you've ever had a job where you get to use a big fryer and dip like frozen French fries into grease.

It's thrilling. Yeah. Because when, you know, the ice in the fries, when it hits, when frozen water like that hits crackling grease, it spits a lot. So it's like. That's exciting. It's really, I remember really enjoying it. Okay.

And then in food service, you blanch French fries where you basically cook them like 80%. Okay. So that when someone wants fries, you just have to drop them in a couple minutes. They're done. Oh, gotcha. That way every time someone eats fries. They're fresh. Yeah. They're fresh

Okay There's a lot of Do you know about like TikTok of like McDonald's I don't know anything about food Okay So like when you Like you are

What you are to books Is I'm gonna be to food soon Learning about how food How it's made Or yeah And how to eat it Would you ever wanna like Would you ever wanna learn

To cook or anything I'm going to Because now you have a house Yes and I have a beautiful kitchen And let me tell you this Now that you have a house Would you ever want to like, would you ever want to learn to cook or anything? I'm going to. Because now you have a house. Yes. And I have a beautiful kitchen. And let me tell you this. Now that you have a house, you're going to want to just get hungry, make food, and then not have to find it, buy it.

I don't want to leave. Right. That's what I'm saying. I don't want to leave. So I've been purchasing food at the local grocery mart. Do they know? Yes, they know. Okay.

And I've been, well, I haven't been cooking per se, although the other day, Fina came over, and guess what I did? What? I said, are you hungry, ma'am? Let's have some pasta and garlic bread.

I did. You cooked garlic bread? I boiled the pasta. I heated up the sauce out of a can, out of a jar, and then I had a baguette that I sliced and put butter and garlic salt on, put it in the oven. And we took it out. It was very rock hard, probably because it was stale, but we still ate it.

I ate it. And I thought it was very delicious. And then I cleaned up the dishes myself. Well, I'm very proud of you. Thank you. Green Chef. Not unpaid plug. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Green Chef would bepaid Unpaid plug Oh yeah yeah yeah

Green Chef would be sickening for you No Because you don't have to go to the grocery store They want to go to your house Okay but I want to go to the grocery store You do? Yeah cause I want to go with no bra and a tank top And have someone call me a slut

Go to the Gelson's at 4am like RuPaul You know she shops at like 4 in the morning That makes perfect sense I don't even think they're open People that tall She's in there just like I'll take what I need I have an account she she she takes a chair and she's like supermarket sweep she runs through the aisles and she's like she takes one of the carriages breaks the window

goes every morning every morning you know by the way shout out, shout out friend of the pod. Shangela's on Dancing with the Stars. Oh, I know. Good for her. Dude, I think that that is probably the hardest thing to do. I was going to say, I was going to say, because Courtney did that too. And I was like, that is a job for the Courtney acts and the Shangela's of the drag world. Because let me tell you something. Tell it.

That job is not fun no every time on a television show when i have to dance it's it's hard but imagine if vanderpump told me she's like basically you're in rehearsal five days a week 12 hours a day oh yeah all day all day to me that means injury horrible pain and and not the horrible quality of life and michelle did strictly which i think is similar strictly strictly dancing yeah it's the uk uh-huh yeah i'm assuming it's it's probably the same you probably lose weight yeah get horrible blisters horrible horrible foot pain and every other kind of pain and the waiver because if one of these celebrities breaks their leg like oh what do you mean you're gonna sue them well it could if you really hurt yourself dancing on television it could affect your career forever true you know so i don't know what they get paid

i hope they get paid good because it looks so hard there's not enough money in the world for that honestly i would never do it i could never do it i wouldn't last one day rehearsal mary i do i do two wiggle numbers in this show and it takes everything I have. Is there like a competition show that's not drag related that you would like to do? Mine is Worst Cook Celebrity Edition. Oh, yeah. Is there like a hottest sleeper? Where like they just measure the amount of sweat that you do while you sleep?

Oh, hottest. I thought like sexiest looking while you sleep. I was like, I've seen you sleep on airplanes. It's this. You sleep with a permanent frown. It's really, it's like this. Like someone's hurting you. By the way, I'm Botoxed out right now.

Wait, let me see. Wow. I need a refresh. And I've been using this. i've been using this oh that looks pretty good pretty good yeah i've been using this chemical exfoliant i don't want to steal your shine editors note trixie and katya are currently comparing the smoothness of their skin on camera let's do it Oof No, you look great. You're a decade older than me. Yeah, is it eight years? Seven that's ten Okay, but wait wait wait wait, what's the opposite of horny?

Well last night Trevor on the bus said frigid it's not that oh Well, last night Trevor on the bus said frigid. It's not that. Oh, Brandon said frigid. But that means like never, never. That means like not arousable. I would say because being horny is like you're turned on and you're very sexually interested. Like you're looking for it.

The opposite of horny is the feeling after you cum. Satisfied? It's like when you are done eating because you're full. After you have sex, you're like, yeah, I'm cool to never do this again. Right. What is that? Every hookup, you're like, why did I do that? Yeah.

But I've been having that feeling for like the last two days. And I love it. You do? Oh, my God. Not being horny. Yes. I go through phases. I just saw David for two days, so we immediately did it.

But you know. We immediately did it. I wrote down some notes. One of them says, I love my job. I don't know what the fuck that means. Oh, we have to talk about the service in the UK. We have to talk about the service in the UK. What kind of service? service the the the okay i

understand that in america having people in the service industry work for tips it's a hot subject some people when i when i when i was a server i loved the fact that i left with cash and my good service meant i could get rewarded for it you know what i mean yes yeah but you could say it's unethical to have people work for $3. It depends. Absolutely. It depends who you talk to. Yeah.

But in the UK they don't work for tips and they don't care to come back to you. No. You can go in and sit down until you flag someone down. They're like, and what the hell do you want? You're like, well, can I order?

They're like, Michelle Collins and I got bread at the Ivy and we asked her, she asked for bread plates and the guy went, he looked back and he came back with one bread plate. There was two of us. It was so crazy. It was so crazy everywhere. I mean, it was just, it's just a different world because in America I would say that they are overly taking care of you.

Yes. You still working on that yeah yeah it's too much it's yeah but in the uk you need to do like um desert island human skulls spelling out help in order to get a salad fork so like what is the truth that's got to be the truth has got to be people who are available and happy to help you but they're paid well enough that they're not like right right right right right yeah it was wild damn i don't recall i don't recall that i guess they just every uk experience they have i try to block out well that's they it's a it's a double-edged sword though because

i have changed my tune on food in the uk you You love it. I had wonderful food everywhere I went. Oh, great. This is the secret. I let people pick the restaurants and they took me to places I would have never picked myself. Okay. Okay.

Michelle Collins took me to an Israeli restaurant. Okay. I was like, Oh God, I'm not going to like it. I'm not going to recognize any of the food worked me out. Well, the,

the, the key about English food is that you don't eat english yeah you eat indian you eat indian and the indian and food i've had in london is like beyond it's beyond israeli restaurant food which is uh i was told to me it's basically mediterranean but a little different it was so delicious and when i was in israel i think i ate a mcdonald's like so maybe that's your problem so i think i just need to take more trust falls when i'm when i'm traveling and try not to have the problem is i travel and i want the same food i eat at home yeah no and that's not realistic is it i don't think that's

very realistic at all let's take a break let's take a break. Let's take a break. Cutting edge facilities and a best in Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence and innovation meet. Learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. This episode is brought to you by Dyson OnTrack. Dyson OnTrack headphones offer best in class noise cancellation and an enhanced sound range, making them perfect for enjoying music and podcasts. Get up to 55 hours of listening with active noise cancelling enabled, soft microfiber cushions engineered for comfort, and a range of colours and finishes. Dyson OnTrack. Headphones remastered.

Buy from DysonCanada.ca. With ANC on, performance may vary based on environmental conditions and usage. Accessories sold separately. After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures one specially developed helmet thousands of high intensity focused ultrasound waves zero incisions and that very same day two steady hands from innovation to action sunnybrook is special learn more at sunnybrook.ca special some of the other cultural things we're back uh cultural things i experience would you like a diet coke of full fat oh full

fat is the best full fat is the best full fat full fat red bull do you want full fat red bull yeah full fat always fat full fat it's disgusting why don't we say sugar i don't know fat do you want as if there's gonna be lard floating in the top like Crisco. It's going to be a solid. It's a solid cylinder of just lard that you have to like suck through the can opening. Because it's not fat free Red Bull. It's sugar free. So then why is it full fat? I think because they know that like the sugar becomes fat. They want the Americans to be like, yeah.

So you want the fat. So you want the fat, you big fat fuck. Also, not to call anybody out The grinder there H and H The H and H in London Oh my god The high and horny

Is unchecked It's huge It's a huge issue Well I guess I hope that I hope that the gays there Get the help they need I guess they're doing

Methadrone now too Now what's that There's like a new There's like an Or it's not new But it's like a new, there's like an, or it's not new, but it's like a drug. It's a stimulant. As I chug my Red Bull, I'm like, people are gross. This is full fat.

I'm going to look it up. Oh yeah. That's the only way. Sugar-free Red Bull is disgusting. Hi chin, hi chin. Methadrone. I just hope the people find the help they need because geez. Methadrone is white white magic meow meow oh see

see that's cute that's cute yeah yeah yeah um they gotta call things scary they got drug dealers gotta do their duty yeah by calling the drug scary names yeah like um certain death a black stallion that sounds fun yeah that sounds great actually you actually. You know? Yeah. So it produces effects similar to MDMA, amphetamines, and cocaine. Okay. See, that sounds like a sex drug. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, H&H, it's tough. The other thing I have to talk to you about is I haven't been keeping up on Celebrity Drag Race although I'm quite jealous that you did it because I found the first season

to be very enjoyable. Oh my God, wait, wait. Yes, let's talk about that because it just came out. We gotta talk about your outfit. No, no, no. We gotta talk about everything no We gotta talk about everything We gotta talk about everything

I'm gonna put them on blast right now I support you And I actually thought She hated it And I thought My taste level I said I bet I'll like it When I saw you in it

I said What were they thinking What were they thinking I don't No So my partner Whom I actually happen to know of Thank God, because I'll just say that he appears in a show that I'm very familiar with. Thank God, because I was not familiar with several of the other people.

And I love him, by the way. And he said that he had proposed we do Britney and Madonna. Oh, that would have been great. Which would have been perfect. Who would you have been? Madonna, obviously. I don't know. Well, because he's much younger than me.

Oh, is he? Yeah, he's much younger than me. He's like 25 or something. And so that would have been amazing. Me against the music? Hey, Britney. Do you know what I mean? It would have been perfect. That would have been so fun.

It would have been so, so fun. Instead, they have us do this act. The subtext of which is a little R-A-P-E-Y. Oh, really? In what way? Well, we were Avon sales ladies selling cream that makes men take their clothes off. ladies selling cream that makes men take their clothes off. It's,

it's, I don't think it's, I mean, it's, it's comedic drag dancing. Well, that's, you know what I mean? It's not the problem.

The problem was the whole number. You're not in lost. Do you know what I mean? Like it's, it's not a dramatic, you're lost. I was gonna say The real problem

The outfits Brittany and Madonna Would have been so fun Would have been so great This number was so boo boo The costumes Purple and red Purple and red

I hate those two colors together So much Never in my life Never in my life would I ever Purple and pink I don't wear purple Do you know what a red hat lady is? I don't wear purple

Do you know what I mean? I don't do purple Uh huh I don't ever do purple really I mean there's one time in my life Where I've worn purple Purple's one of those colors It's hard

I like a lilac Sure Especially as a blonde I think it makes my hair look really buttery But see I don't like pastels Okay Jewel tone purple It's fabulous

On like deep skin Sure Not on deep Medium skin Very fair skin It's just not the color No No

It's not The costumes were so gross And the hair was so matronly And it was just like That wig That wig was so off Why did they do that to you? They really did me dirty

But how about this though? How about this? So I agree to do the thing Because it sounds like fun Yeah And it was just like, that wig was so off. Why did they do that to you? They really did me dirty. But how about this though? How about this? Um, so I agreed to do the thing cause it sounds like fun. Yeah. And, um, and then I get the schedule.

Tell it. My call time was 6am in drag to get picked up. Face done 6am in drag. No. So I said, okay, will you be shipping the methamphetamine To my apartment the night before

Or how should we Broach this Guess what time I was On camera 11am Are you saying you were in drag for 5 hours before anything happened Was it rehearsals Why were you there at 6 in drag

Was it rehearsal They wanted me to do a Was there rehearsals? Why were there tics and drag? Was there a rehearsal? They wanted me to do a 10 second run through Like you know how they do Like checking in on the diva As she gets painted They wanted you to do like a Is everything okay?

How's it going? 10 seconds Who did the makeup this season? They worked those girls out. Yeah, I think it was like Mayhem, Layla. I'm not sure. I forget. But a few drag queens. Yeah.

Great thing about Celebrity Drag Race is they get real drag queens, which honestly, any show you've seen where it's bad drag makeup. Yeah. What's that show? The Divorce Show with Jonathan Taylor. The Divorce Show? Neil Patrick Harris. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Uncoupled. Uncoupled. Uncoupled. The divorce show with With Jonathan Taylor The divorce show with Neil Patrick Harris Oh oh oh oh

Uncoupled Uncoupled Not Jonathan Taylor Thomas The divorce show with Jonathan Taylor Thomas Yes The Netflix show with Neil Patrick Harris

The drag queen in that Yes That's an example of A union makeup artist Doing drag Who's like googling drag And then getting Buying a glues to get CVling drag And then buying a glue stick at CVS And then you look at like Vanessa Williams on Celebrity Drag Race

You're like okay a drag queen did that It's a big difference Also Layla just won an Emmy She sure did Layla Six and Luscious won an Emmy For makeup for We're Here That is so sick That means every makeup job they ever get

They'll be able to ask for more money emmy emmy award-winning makeup artist it was the hard it was one of the hardest gigs i've ever done i don't blame you it's no i know i know i know but it was like it's a fun gig well it was so but wait wait. The one thing I will say, the one thing is keeping it back to HVAC. Uh-huh. Bring it back home. When you know,

there is always a silver lining when you know that RuPaul is in the vicinity. Uh-huh. Because I'm not happy to see RuPaul, although I am. You know, I'm always happy to see RuPaul. I'm more happy to feel RuPaul. I'm more happy to feel RuPaul. Not literally, but I'm more happy to share the air with RuPaul.

The air con. Because I know that if RuPaul is in there, I'm going to be okay. Yeah, of course. 50 degrees. Sickening. 50 degrees. I think of her as a canary in a coal mine. I think of her as an ice sculpture.

Do you know what I mean? She's an ice sculpture. She will melt and it has to be perfect. In the coal mines, if there's coal in the air that bird dies, if RuPaul's in there, that means it's safe for me to go in there. It's a safe space. If you call yourself an LGBTQIA plus space and you don't have air conditioning, you're a liar. You're a liar. You're harming gay people

how does it feel to kill gay people and just do the drag queen call time should be the last minute I'll tell you this I will always show up absolutely ready

and on time so don't fuck with me Maria don't fuck with me don't fuck with me and don't do that thing where you lie to me and say

because you didn't know I was going to come on time I will be there on time don't do that don't elicit me don't elicit me don't Valentina me and don, cause you didn't know I was going to come on time. I will be there on time. Don't do that. Don't elicit me. Don't elicit me. Don't Valentina me. Yeah.

Don't Shangela me. Don't like, I will show up. If you tell me the time I will be there. But also, and here's the thing is like, um, this happened, um, with another, whatever, whatever. Um, if this is a drag queen production, like when it happens that like when you're a guest on like Grey's Anatomy or something,

I totally get it. Because they don't know. They don't know. They don't know that your beard grows in by the minute. They think you're Ellen Pompeo, you know, and that you can just sit around

in a gorgeous trailer and be amazing. You know, like you can look, you'll look from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. You'd look the same. Yeah.

That's not the case. But they don't know that. So you understand. But they know exactly what they're doing and so there's no excuse and that makes me so angry there's no excuse but you know even vanderpump was telling me they're shooting uh vanderpump rules and she was like i have them basically she's like i refuse to go in and like sit there while other people film scenes she's like i'm always on time and i come ready so tell me the exact moment and i will be there yeah you can count on me yeah yeah my god well one other thing what is it

i've been having sex in my butt i know it's great you know it's a second act for you yeah it's a bloody second hand it's a little like the you. It's a bloody second act. It's a little like the- Do me a suggestion. Well, I wouldn't say that what I've done with my asshole has led me down absolutely fruitful paths. But my advice to you is no fingers.

No, I don't like that. When people are like, start with the finger i'm like with a fucking fingernail on it are you jack the ripper no no they pull their finger out i look like a carved pumpkin like no we're not doing that i hate that absolutely not no um this is like some real shit i know people who have a really tight butthole who if a guy's coming over that they know they're gonna have sex with they will like they pre-fuck themselves yeah yeah yeah and i i think that probably is good for people who are trying to get used to it i don't know i'm a bottom but i have the time i don't even want to do that so like the problem is like i'm in a relationship so like most of the time when you're when you're

having a relationship sex not every time is yeah the the avengers right right you know sometimes it's just like a little like can we do this where we're both on our backs and the lights are on and we're watching television you know like it doesn't have to be an event you know and then i don't like to do full sex with strange men uh-huh so like i don't know getting fucked in the butt is a lot it is a lot it's a lot we come to you from the mountain of entertainment to tell you what's streaming on Paramount+. Blockbusters. Like A Quiet Place Day One. Originals, including Yellowstone.

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into extraordinary hydration so you can live a more extraordinary life. Live more with Liquid IV Hydration Multiplier. Available in refreshing lemon, lime, passion fruit, and strawberry flavors. Buy a stick in store at Costco, Walmart, Amazon, and other Canadian retailers. First of all, here's what I have some real, I'm not starving myself. I'm not doing any of that. I'm not doing any whole like colonic irrigation systems. Absolutely not.

If you need to, like the joke about like, I'm a bottom. So I have water for dinner. No, if eating any food means you are having loose stool, you need to go to a gastroenterologist. Absolutely.

Okay. Yeah, that's true. And I have had, I'm very aware of my digestive system and I know that if I just go in there with the shower head,

boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah, yeah. It's fine. And there's no problem so far. I mean, you're not getting fracked. No.

And I'm not getting fisted. No. I'm not getting fisted. I love that your friend group, you can't ask for bottom advice because they're like, start with the elbow. I can't. I can't. I was like, well, can you get't ask for bottom advice because they're like, start with the elbow. I can't.

I can't. Like, well, it's like, well, can you get up to the knee yet? Like, no, I can't get the foot in there. It's it's they're not helpful. They're not helpful when one. Yeah, it's not helpful, but it's fun. It's enjoyable. It's fun.

It's a lot of things have to be in the alignment, though. Like, yeah, not you want to be like not tired. I don't know. As I get get older i'm more interested in sex in the middle of the day after dinner i'm tired yeah i'm old but i don't have six in the morning david used to always want to have morning sex and i'd be like it'd be like nine in the morning and i'd be like you karate chop across the bed. Like, get out of here. Scat. Go. I'd like chase him off the porch of the broom.

Get out of here. Go on, get. Yeah. But you know, gorgeous devours cute. What do you love about your new house? The fact that I'm Lady Freeze. I'm Lady Freeze. Are you air conditioned out? Is it central? I am Lady. Oh yeah, yeah'm Lady Freeze. I'm Lady Freeze. Are you air conditioned out?

Is it central? I am Lady. Oh, yeah, yeah. Lady Freeze. Remember the heat wave that just happened? Oh, no, you weren't there. Didn't happen to you? You weren't there.

I wouldn't know. Because I was like this. It was so hot in London too, though. It was 95, 104 one day. I stepped out onto my gorgeous deck to pick a lemon from the tree and went back into the ice box and made lemonade girl let me tell you one of the fanciest things about living in la if you have a lemon tree make a little gin and tonic or whatever let me just go pick a lemon yeah i grabbed 10 limes off what did you do with them it's like a hostage situation i'm gonna make the tree leave

me a half million dollars and i'll give them their lemons back. Meyer lemons. You love it? Obsessed. I got a giant, I don't even know what it's called. It's like a carafe, but it has a spigot on it. And you put the lemons in there? I squeeze them all into there with tons of ice and water.

No sugar. That's not lemonade. No, no, no, no, no. That's limeade. No sugar. No sugar. Oh, that's not lemonade. You're drinking lemon water. No, no, no, no. That's limeade. No sugar. No sugar. Oh, that's not lemonade. You're drinking lemon water.

No, no, no. Lemonade. These Meyer lemons are so flavorful. They're like the size of grapefruits and each one yields about that much juice. You're going to do the master cleanse? It's so delicious. You don't even need sugar. Do you know about the master cleanse?

It's bullshit. Yeah, the cayenne pepper. I think it's cayenne pepper maple syrup. Maple syrup in lemon juice. It's crazy. It's crazy. It doesn't? It's bullshit. Yeah. The cayenne. I think it's cayenne pepper. Maple syrup. And lemon juice. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's lunacy.

It's lunacy. Those people are lunatics. Lunatics right over there. Fasting is okay. Might as well just do fasting at that point. You might as well. Yeah. It's just, you're crazy.

You might as well just eat right. Well. Feed. Feed pics. Feed pics. Well, thank you for joining us today. Thank you for eat right. Well. Feet. Feet pics. Feet pics. Well, thank you for joining us today. Thank you for joining us. Yeah, we'll see you again very soon.

We're on the road. We're heading to, we're doing a show in Buffalo tomorrow. Yeah, if you want to come see us, we're playing all over the United States and Canada. Canada. Mostly Canada this month. Mostly Canada. And then we'll be coming over to Europe and the UK. We're playing everywhere in Europe and the UK, including Wembley Stadium in London. Yeah. And God, we'll be coming over to Europe and the UK playing everywhere in Europe in the UK including Wembley Stadium in London

Yeah, and God we'll be doing this till Christmas. Yeah get into that get into it. Happy holidays I have been grabbed. I mean this is coming from me. This is coming from a hardcore workaholic I'm not talking on my ass. I've been telling everyone when this tours over in the spring I know we're not doing this again. No not on this level and not for this long. No in the spring. I know. We're not doing this again. No.

Not on this level and not for this long. No. COVID changed me. I'm a homebody. I want a husband, a home, a pet, and cable.

Do you realize? I want to like get the mail. Do you realize? I want to get a Zumba class. Do you realize what it took to get me out of the place? I have a brand new car, a brand new house,

a brand new person who's been doing sex to my decrepit body central air conditioning a Meyer lemon tree Gorgeous cable a new Game of Thrones show a lovely rug a new bed frame a brand new mattress Cjo sheets three Jets coming out of the horizontal part of the bathroom just like in here I don't hate it right now, but it's challenging. I love my life. I know. And I hate it right now. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I don't hate it right now, but it's challenging. I like being on stage. Everything else is just part of it. It's just part of it that I could take or leave. I don't like getting in drag. I don't like sleeping on a bus, you know, but I like doing the show. That's it.

Yeah. I love sleeping on the bus. I'm lying. I love it. You do? Oh, retire. Have my little half sip of wine and then retire to the back bus where I read my little book

and go to sleep like this. We've been having piss and shit smells. On the bus? Yeah. Are people shitting on the bus? They're not shitting, but it smells like it. All right, we'll see you next week.