The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Blueberry Bayou Adventure with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

Blueberry season is on its way and this Summer, prepare for that special vacation to Disneyland by clearing out your tired old mocktail recipes, your social calendar, and your stomach contents! This w...eek we're making our signature non-alcoholic weight-loss aperitif, "Katya's Berry Bad Decision". It's a refreshing, subtly sweet concoction filled to the brim with blueberries, mint, and regret; all mixed together to get you the Summer beach-bod of your dreams! Ingredients: ▢ 1 cup blueberries marinated in E. coli ▢ ½ cup fresh mint leaves ▢ 2 tablespoons lime juice ▢ 1 tablespoon honey ▢ 2 cups seltzer water ▢ Ice ▢ Lime and mint sprigs for garnish Preparation: Place unwashed blueberries, mint, and lime juice in a cocktail shaker and muddle. Add ice, honey, and seltzer. Shake vigorously to blend. Strain into a mason jar and garnish with a lime wedge and mint sprig. Sip slowly while listening to Russian electro-pop, and stay within 10 feet of your bathroom for 24-48 hours. If you're 21+, try VIIA and enhance your everyday today!  Head to: https://viia.co/BALD and use code BALD to receive 15% off and free shipping on orders over $100! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Get your gut going today with Ritual's Synbiotic+! Head to: https://Ritual.com/BALD today to get 25% off your first month! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's episode of Baldwin the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town. Very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb.
Starting point is 00:00:25 It was such a good deal, it was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving, different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in
Starting point is 00:00:46 and that's really nice. It's also good about like if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb,
Starting point is 00:01:01 there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. I'm mad as hell. And you know what the worst thing is, is when you have no one to blame but yourself. I do think there's a healthier option than blaming everybody else. Right? Don't most people just say it's everyone else? I can't do that though, because I can't, I can't,
Starting point is 00:01:43 I'm not capable of like lying that much. You know what I mean? It's like, well, if you're gonna scream about it, you have to examine it, and if you examine it, then you realize it's you, bitch. You know? I think most drag queens would take the road more traveled, which is... We hear this all the time from our colleagues. Everything in my life is wrong because of...
Starting point is 00:02:02 A, B, and C, and D. My managers, my agents, the network, my fans, and my manager. No, this is like, this is like, this is the opposite thing. It's like, I know it's bad, because I know it's me, because I know I did it. Right. And then it makes it worse.
Starting point is 00:02:16 It's the black mold. It's the black mold, it's the black diarrhea. I got fucking food poisoning the other day to add insult to injury. What gotcha? Blueberries. Full of anti-oxidants. Blueberries.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Where'd you get the blueberries from? Let's put the store on blast. Ralph's. Okay. Did not wash them. Did not wash them berries. You didn't wash them. Did not wash them berries.
Starting point is 00:02:41 And ate a whole thing of them. They were so delicious. Right. I could not believe how delicious they were. I was like, this is too good to be true. What's that extra flavor? Feces, disease. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:50 E. coli in the berries. And then what did she do? Oh, she blew ass for like 15 minutes straight. Then she went to puking. Oh, she went to puking. Oh, she went to retching and hollering and screaming and sweating and screaming and clutching and retching and vomiting and puking. And every single thing that went into her little teenage body
Starting point is 00:03:11 was up in that toilet. Well, have you had food poisoning before? Never. Girl, can I tell you something? It sucks. It was, yeah. And you said, you were just saying that you would never, you would not wish to spawn your worst enemy.
Starting point is 00:03:23 I 100% agree. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I mean, you're not just puking. Your body's shaking. Yeah. Pain, pain, pain. Your full body, you feel poisoned. Pain, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:35 And you are shitting, which sucks. I would rather shit my brains out than puke. Yeah, no shit. The puking is awful. I didn't get much of the poopy end. I got all the malice. The puking. And your eyes are't get much of the end, the poopy end. I got all the melons. The puking. And your eyes are bloodshot enough.
Starting point is 00:03:48 Yeah, thank you. We don't need puking. I don't need more blood, burst blood vessels in my life. One time, I Gelson's in West Hollywood. I got some avocado, like a guacamole avocado spread for some pita chips on one of my health kicks. Immediate throwing up.
Starting point is 00:04:03 Throwing up. And it comes on real food poisoning. poisoning hits so fast, so hard. You go from, that's weird, to like... I was very confused about it because I woke up at three in the morning and I was like, oh god, I feel so weird. Ooh, I feel so weird. I felt like that, it's like, you know when you start to salivate and you're gonna throw, it's like your body's
Starting point is 00:04:20 prepping to throw up. Sure. I was like, oh god, this is weird, this is weird, because I haven't thrown up in forever. I never get sick that way. You know when you start salivating, you're gonna throw, it's like your body's prepping to throw up? I was like, oh God, this is weird, this is weird. Cause I haven't thrown up in forever. I never get sick that way, like stomach sick or whatever. Cause I don't drink, what do you mean? And so like, I never, I don't,
Starting point is 00:04:34 the vomiting thing is like really not a part of my lifestyle. Anyways, the, oh my God, it was horrible. It was horrible. And then for, it didn't eat anything for a day and a half. You get the rental? Yes. You have a rental now.
Starting point is 00:04:48 No, I was in my gutted fucking piece of shit condo. So you're puking in the bathroom with no shower. With the gutted walls and no shower. Yeah, no shower. And I had, thank God for Andrew, because he was like, he took me from, like I barfed all over the rental.
Starting point is 00:05:03 And then I found the welcome one of the bath mats that today it was covered in fucking blueberry puke. Disgusting. Oh, that's a very colorful puke. It was a bright, it was a big, it's a, yeah, blue. And it's gonna like look blue on shit. It was purple and blue and so staining. So staining, blueberry staining.
Starting point is 00:05:23 Yeah. Oh my God, it was horrible. And then-. Blueberries staining. Yeah. Oh my God. It was horrible. And then what about the antioxidants? But the thing is, I can't tell you how delicious these blueberries were. They were good. Did you do it all over again? No, I went into the fridge and I saw I had another case of them.
Starting point is 00:05:38 I was like, don't do it, Jackie. Yeah. Could you imagine if I did it and then did it all over again? To be honest, well, it could be that you didn't rinse them, which I also forget to do. Yeah. And I know that's bad, because people have told me, oh, you're eating VCs.
Starting point is 00:05:52 Right, E. coli. But so, OK, well, I'm never going to eat blueberries again in my life. Right. That's just it. And I don't think I'm ever going to eat food from the grocery store either. How long does it go on for?
Starting point is 00:06:03 The puking and the pain went on for 24 hours and then was followed by the most bizarre window of non-living, a day and a half of nothing. A day and a half. You lose a day. I didn't even know who I was, where I was, or what I was doing. Because I wasn't eating, I wasn't drinking,
Starting point is 00:06:26 and I wasn't moving. Well pick up the phone. I was literally just like this. Yeah, I know. I was the dad of strangers and candy. I was like, did you watch TV? No. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:36 I lost a day and a half. Well you're that sick. Nothing. Even TV is nauseating. Everything is too much. It hurt too much, yeah. I know. I couldn't go up and down the stairs.
Starting point is 00:06:44 I was gonna get hot, I get freezing. So I'm sweating in three layers of clothes and I'm just like, literally Gwyneth Paltrow in Contagion the whole time. Day and a half, didn't go to the bathroom. Didn't go to the bathroom. Wait a minute. Didn't go to the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:06:59 No fluids coming in or out, nothing. Did you poop? No, I can't remember the last time I pooped, to be quite honest. Did you go big potty? Did you go big potty? I haven't gone big potty in quite a while. Dang! Day and a half, nothing.
Starting point is 00:07:13 Nothing. Literally just coming out of the fog right now, like... You're back. Well, you look good. No, I look whole. You look, you look... This background. You look alive.
Starting point is 00:07:24 You look youthful. I am alive.. You look, you look, um... This background. You look alive. You look youthful. I am alive. I'm really sorry you got food poisoning. It fucking sucks. It sucks. It's horrible. I hope nobody has to do it.
Starting point is 00:07:33 I hope I'm the last person on earth who ever has to do it. When I got, the first time I really remember getting it was during the Donald's first presidency. And I remember thinking, wow, this is so bad. I wouldn't even wish this on the Donald. Somebody I really am not a fan of. and I remember thinking, wow, this is so bad, I wouldn't even wish this on the Donald, somebody I really am not a fan of. So I remember thinking, wow,
Starting point is 00:07:49 I won't want this person to get it, it's bad. It's bad, it's horrible, it's horrible. It's like a hangover on crack. Yeah. And also, if you're really food poisoned, the stomach twisting, aching, like, you're not just nauseous, it's like pain. There's nothing in there, and it was, I swear to God, it was distended.
Starting point is 00:08:08 Bloated. Distended and hugely bloated. And I was, I was this... Oh... What about these videos of people coming out of colonoscopies just blowing, just blowing? Oh... Moaning. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Oh... Andrew's driving me back to my apartment. He. Moaning. Yeah. Uh, uh, uh, uh. Andrew's driving me back to my apartment. He's driving you? Yeah, he's driving me. I wouldn't let somebody see me if I was that sick. Oh, no, no, no. It was like, I was like, you have to help me. I was like, help me, help me.
Starting point is 00:08:36 And he was so nice. And he drove me from the thing to the thing. And I was like, the whole time, I was like, how am I not gonna puke, how am I not gonna puke? And I was like, uh, uh, uh. Right. Uh, uh, uh. Right. Uh. Uh.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Horrible. The terrifier. You know, when I was at Disney, I got a little bit of motion sickness, so I kind of had the same thing. Tell me about your Disney adventure. I did see people running around with those band-aids. The motion sickness back of the neck band-aid thing. Dramamine.
Starting point is 00:09:01 I guess it's like a motion sickness patch. From what? From the back of the... From what? What do you get motion sickness from in Disney World? Rides, I guess. But then why are you going on rides? Well, some people want to do the rides, but they get sick. You want to do the ride until you do the ride, then you're sick.
Starting point is 00:09:12 You get sick from the motion. Motion sickness. Well, I watched The Final Destination. You know what my... With the roller coaster? Yeah. Yeah, three. Had to.
Starting point is 00:09:23 You never seen it? No, I watched all of them on YouTube. Because I don't like any of the story. I just Three. Had to. Had to. You never seen it? No, I never. I watched all of them on YouTube. Because I don't like any of the story. I just went all to death. I don't think it's likely to die from that. Roller coasters. I don't like feel unsafe on a roller coaster. No. No. You're more likely to die on the way to Disney in the car than at Disney. That's what they said in the movie. That's what they said in the movie. It's true.
Starting point is 00:09:41 So, um, I went and... Did you put that thing on the back of your neck? No, I don't get really motion sickness, but I went and I stayed at the hotel, Disney California Adventure, because I thought, I don't want... When I think of going to Disney in LA, I think of that fucking 7, 8 a.m.,
Starting point is 00:09:57 trying to get a bunch of faggots into an SUV to drive to Anaheim, being in a parking lot at 8 a.m., trying to like, you know, like that... That whole pre-Disney rigamarole is not worth the squeeze to me. Sure. So I was like, all right, I'll go.
Starting point is 00:10:08 What if I get a room the night before? In the Splash Mountain. In the Splash Mountain. Like at the top of the mountain. It's not called Splash Mountain anymore. Oh, it's not. It's called. It's Tiana's something adventure.
Starting point is 00:10:19 Tiana's Bayou Adventure, Princess and the Frog. Oh, Princess and the Frog, well, Frog Mountain. Frog Mountain. You get a room in Frog Mountain. It's sweet. It's Frog Mountain,, Princess and the Frog. Oh, Princess and the Frog, well, Frog Mountain. Frog Mountain. You get a room in Frog Mountain. It's sweet. It's Frog Mountain, it's sweet. Frogger Mountain.
Starting point is 00:10:29 So I stayed at the Disney California Adventure. Now, last time I went there, which was pre-COVID, I'm not a Disney gay, don't look at my outfit, it's just merchandise. So I haven't gone since like 2018, probably, but I was like, you know what, if I'm gonna go, I'm gonna be Miss Thing, and I'm gonna get a room the night before
Starting point is 00:10:43 so I can wake up and walk into the park because you're staying at a hotel. Yeah, yeah. That's the way to do it. You wake up in the park. Wow, I want to go on a ride. It's right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:54 Rather than, hey, let's get the faggots into a car at 7 a.m. to try to get to Anaheim. Anaheim, yeah. You're waiting in the car for everyone to quaff their mushroom cut and put the glitter in their pubes and put in their contact lenses and their fake teeth and get in the car for everyone to quaff their mushroom cut and put the glitter in their pubes and put in their contact lenses and their fake teeth and get in the car, right? So everybody's, so waking up like, do, do, do, do, do, do, like, oh.
Starting point is 00:11:14 Frog Mountain. The night before I had the lightning, I got the lightning premiere pass, which I guess has cut the lines, which was $349 extra per person, but very horny. Yeah, you're not gonna go. Very horny. I always factor in that, like people say,
Starting point is 00:11:29 oh, well, yeah, well, it's like, well, then I won't go. There's either that or nothing. Right, and I am afraid to say how much these things are because frankly I get roasted for spending money, but I'm just gonna be honest with people and say that I spent the money. You're not gonna apologize for being rich and beautiful. No, so $349 a person, I would say,
Starting point is 00:11:47 if you're a Disney all the time person, go like every five years and get the Cunty Pass and fuck those lines. What do you think about all the children? When I talk about children, I'm talking about teeny weenies. Well, can I tell you what Disney really is? It's a stroller park. It's a daycare. It's a stroller park.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Yes, it is. Four of them. You know, you ever seen the four? Oh yeah, I'm late across. Two twins, I got two twins. I got two sets of twins and we're all going the same speed. If I had kids, they would be pushing me in a fucking stroller. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:12:12 I'd have stirrups like a gynecologist. I'd be like, faster kiddo! Why would you be going like that? Why would you be going ass first? Well, I'm also looking around. You know what I mean? There were so many strollers there. It was stroller getting.
Starting point is 00:12:26 It's stroller getting. If you go to Fantasyland, which there is just... Okay, so this is a lot going on. So I go the first day at the Lightning Premiere Pass. The second day, I got one of those horny VIP guides. Oh, see, that's what I was gonna ask you. That's what they do, Six Flags. I got one of those horny fucking horny people.
Starting point is 00:12:46 They just usher you. They wear plaid. I asked if I could say their name. Their name was Caitlin. And Caitlin, I said, girl, here's all the rides I want to ride today. And she said, all right, let's go. They put an itinerary together. Well, also, if you're like me and you walk around Disney, you have a million questions.
Starting point is 00:13:00 I'm like, when was that built? Who's that? Do you know them? Wait, how many cross? Somebody, mind you, I asked her how many people work here. I'm like, when was that built? Who's that? Do you know them? Wait, how many cross? Mind you, I asked her how many people work here. I said, what, a couple thousand? She said something like 20, 30,000 people
Starting point is 00:13:10 would ever work there. And I said, oh. Or no, I said a couple. It was a lot. But then every time we pass somebody who worked there, I'd be like, did you know her? Do you know her? Do you guys have lunch in the break room together?
Starting point is 00:13:22 Annoying. But then I'm like, how does that ride? What's this? And then all this inside tea. So then I'm like, how does that ride? What's this? And then all this inside tea, right? So then I'm like, I want you to get me on all these rides. And I said, well, what does Miss Jada Pinkett Smith do? How do the celebs get in the back entrance? I want to enter these rides rectally, right?
Starting point is 00:13:35 I don't want to. I want the Jennifer Lawrence treatment. And she said, well, you know, we call it a high profile guest. And that's only for guests where if they're like getting recognized so much that it interrupts their trip. So I take off my sunglasses, I'm cheating out. I'm looking for blue hair, I'm looking for neck tattoos. Nothing.
Starting point is 00:13:51 Because they're babies. The only people recognize, well it was the morning. The gays aren't there yet and the girls. So the only people who are there are families and of course the people who work there know you and I but they can't say anything. So they're just like, nice to see you. And I said, why am I in line?
Starting point is 00:14:07 You know what I mean? So I'm cheating out. I'm cheating out. Finally, an hour and a half in, somebody comes up to me and I go, oh my god, my experience is being interrupted. I'm not enjoying myself because of my high profile status at Disneyland. And then the guy goes, all right, one of my colleagues
Starting point is 00:14:21 saw you get recognized and called it in. So I see here they upgraded you to high profile. So guess who got to walk in the rectal entrance of every single ride? Jada Pinkett Smith. Walk in the exit and say how many times you wanna ride it? Oh, fierce. I'd like to ride the Incredicoaster three times
Starting point is 00:14:36 and I'd like to walk in the end. But what are you doing there as a grown ass man? Riding the rides. Those rides ain't shit. But it doesn't always have to be pulse pounding horror. I like some of the story rides. Those rides ain't shit. But it doesn't always have to be pulse-pounding horror. I like some of the story rides. I like the chill vibes. They're like carnival rides. Yeah, I like some of that.
Starting point is 00:14:52 Or like the Peter Pan ride, which is the story of Peter Pan. You don't like like Pirates of the Caribbean. You don't like Indiana Jones. Those are like story rides. I like the Jurassic Park one because the dinosaurs are really fucking scary. Yeah, that's scary. They were scary. The second one, would they do the fake out?
Starting point is 00:15:09 It's very scary. That one is really scary. And Matterhorn, you know I don't like that shit, but of course I wrote it. Yeah. The Yeti. Hate that, and then Jungle Cruise, they got the animatronic gorillas too,
Starting point is 00:15:21 and I was not down with that either. Sick, sick, sick. I like the Jurassic Park one, because you go in the water too. Yeah, you go in the water. It's lovely. It's a good ambiance. Ambiance, it's all normal until it isn't on that ride.
Starting point is 00:15:33 It starts out fun and normal and it gets fucking crazy. Yeah. Same with the mummy, love her. She goes back and front. Yeah, the mummy's good too. Too short. They're all too short. They're all too short.
Starting point is 00:15:43 You're gonna wait in line for two and a half hours for a 30 second ride. Get out of here. Well, California used to be California Screamin' and now it's the Incredicoaster. That's a pretty long roller coaster. I did that a couple times. That was fun.
Starting point is 00:15:54 Fun. It's the one that's like three, two, one, and just launches you. Yeah, that's nice. Love that. Space Mountain, I don't get why everybody nuts for that shit. It's so, it's like Atari. It's so, it's so, beepity boop boop.
Starting point is 00:16:06 My face in the dark is just beepity boop boop. Beepity boop boop. Can't see. Beepity boop boop, yeah. Can't see anything. It's not great. It's not great, but I gotta tell you about the Star War. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Because I wrote Star War, Rise of the Resistance. Fina told me wait till you write it, it's cunty. But I've never seen Star Wars. Okay, but it's, you literally have to get up. You have to get up and walk. You do walk, yeah. That's crazy. It's like multiple rides.
Starting point is 00:16:31 Multiple rides within a ride. That's crazy to me. I was like, I feel like that's like, I'm gonna go to the grocery store and bag my own groceries. Right. But no, do you know what I mean? Bitch, you haven't ridden it.
Starting point is 00:16:42 So don't try to pick up a shit you've never done, bitch. I have, I have. I've been in it. There's like, so first it's this ride, then it's this, it's like three rides. Yeah, you gotta move. You gotta get up and move. I'm not gonna, when I get into a ride,
Starting point is 00:16:54 you know what I do? I get to sit down and be scared shitless. Right. That's what I want. Well, maybe Disney's not for you. It's not for me, because I hate children. But is it okay that I went? Like, it's kind of like, you're very Christian right now where other people not being Christian is pissing you off.
Starting point is 00:17:06 Yeah. Because I liked a weekend at Disney, you're mad. I'm pissed. You're mad. I'm pissed. I'm sorry you were shitting yourself in your moldy fucking apartment hoe, but I was enjoying myself.
Starting point is 00:17:17 All right? So fuck me, let's take a break. Oh my God. Damn. I hate it. I hate that. This episode is brought to you by VIA, with their amazing lines of both THC and THC-free products. Listen, friends.
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Starting point is 00:22:06 Me neither. So I watched it before the ride. So I would know who was in the ride. Okay. Lovely ride. Lovely ride. It's Splash Mountain with really cool animatronics. Okay.
Starting point is 00:22:16 I thought Star Wars was cool. I've never seen Star Wars. It was still pretty straightforward, what was going on. And I knew, oh, that's a celebrity. That's doing the, you know, at the end of the rides, they're like, thanks, Captain, we made it. And you're like, thanks, Chris Pratt, whatever. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:22:32 I'm always wondering how much they get paid, and it's always in their contract when they do one of those movies, because those movies are just money laundering for the rides. That'd be so fun. What if we had like, you got to be in a ride and you got to be like, all right, don't forget to fasten your seatbelt.
Starting point is 00:22:45 Yeah, it's great. I mean, I love the, at... Bryce Dallas Howard. Yeah, yeah. Running in the heels. Love that. Running in the heels. Running in the heels.
Starting point is 00:22:56 The, what is it? What's the one, the... Universal. Universal's like that. They have like the rides that don't really move, they're all video, but they look like you. You know what I mean? I don't like that.
Starting point is 00:23:11 You don't like that? It's motion sickness. Makes you sick. Motion sickness. Simpsons? That's what I was gonna say. Simpsons is wild. Is some big guy coming out and just beating the hell out of you. It's wild.
Starting point is 00:23:20 And then you realize at the end you didn't go anywhere? That's wild to me. And your head hurts. My brain is not made to jog around in my head like that. Yeah, I love it. But yeah, I get it. I always really like Haunted Mansion, even though it's kind of like a baby ride.
Starting point is 00:23:31 I mean, it's not like a thrill ride. I like Haunted Mansion. It was fun. And also I never go see the shows, because normally I'm so busy trying to ride rides. But since I had the guide, I did everything I wanted to do by four o'clock. So I was like, I guess let's go see Fantasmic.
Starting point is 00:23:43 That's the, you know, the water and the lights and the people singing and all that. So I went to do by four o'clock. So I was like, I guess let's go see Phantasmik. That's the same, you know, the water and the lights and the people singing and all that. So I went to see Phantasmik and I ate an edible and I swear to God when the Peter Pan ship, I'm watching and like, oh, it's water, it's spraying, whatever, I look over to the right and I go, surely I'm not seeing this. Like I just was kind of, I had lifted off at that point.
Starting point is 00:24:04 The giant pirate ship with fucking Peter Pan and Hook and Wendy on it. And I was like- Were they really on it or was it mushroom land? Well, it was really them, it was really them, but it was actors obviously. Oh, okay, but they were real people. They were real people.
Starting point is 00:24:19 Yeah, they were real people. And you know, who knows if Peter Pan looked young, it was far away. It's probably somebody in their 70s. So I really liked it. To be honest, I haven't gone since 2019. And I would say that's a good five years, six years between is lovely.
Starting point is 00:24:36 When I first moved here, I feel like I went once a year because I was like, wow, we're so close to Disney. And I'm like, every five years is good. And- They should do a baby night, a baby, no baby night. They do a no baby night, baby, baby, baby. I don't know. I think they should.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Small World was closed, which I kind of wanted to see Small World. It was closed. It's a small world after all. And there's like little puppets from all over the world. You know, we got the girls from stock from Sweden. Did you go to Pac-Man? No, Pac-Man.
Starting point is 00:25:04 Oh, no, that's Universal. That's Universal. Also,, we got the girls some stock from Sweden. Did you go to Pac-Man? No, Pac-Man. Oh no, that's Universal. That's Universal. Also, I have had this hat for like 10 years, and I pulled it out being like, wow, Pac-Rat me wore like Pac-Mouse. You wore that? Yes, I did.
Starting point is 00:25:15 So I was like, I'm gonna wear my hat that I've had for 10 years, cause you know what, I paid for it. And I go, then I go, look guy, to look, I have a hat. I said, I noticed nobody else has this hat. I thought this was like the standard Disney hat. And I was like, is this cringe millennial hat?
Starting point is 00:25:28 Is this old? And she was like, yeah, that's like nobody wears that anymore. And I was like, okay. Perfect. I guess just fuck me then. Well, I guess long story short, I wouldn't say that for me,
Starting point is 00:25:39 after a lot of years go by to re-remember what you think Disney's like and then go. I just don't... I like it. I don't know about it as like a real full-time hobby. Some people, Disney is their real, real hobby, and I think that's fine, but I just... After two days there, I was like, yeah, I'm good for a few more years. I'm curious about what the Disney gay person thinks about all the babies.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Because I couldn't believe how many babies there were. And that was a real bummer to me. Because it's a very baby centric. Well, it's more for your families. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Which I mean, I think is great. And I think it's wonderful that they have so many stroller options. And like, it is one of the most
Starting point is 00:26:21 ADI compliant or what do you even call it? ADA. ADA compliant places in the world. A lot of scooters. No smoking. Very anti-smoking pro baby, which I think is fabulous, because those crowds are very in sync with that. Well, I also think it's a lot of walking.
Starting point is 00:26:38 So the parents who want to walk that much probably are young enough to have very young children, right? I mean, a lot of the people on scooters were older people, but they also told me you can bring your own scooter there or you can rent. Because I asked, I was like, there's so many scooters. Doesn't everybody bring these? And they were like, oh, the blue ones are probably rentals, but the rest of them people bring. And then get this.
Starting point is 00:26:58 I said, do people ever steal the strollers? Because I had the guide. So I was like, I'm so cheap. I was like, I'm going to ask you so many questions because if I'm paying you to be here, I'm going to ask shit that doesn't even matter. Like how much baby shit is there? I was like, so what happens to the strollers? Like there's so many sitting here unattended. Do people steal from them?
Starting point is 00:27:15 And she said, no, but for a while, somebody was taking everything, taking, they weren't stealing what was in the stroller. They would take everything in the stroller, dump it on the ground, and take the stroller out of here and sell it. People were just going to Disney to steal strollers. Cause you could just walk out with the stroller,
Starting point is 00:27:30 and no one's gonna say anything. And if you're some guy, ruffling through the stroller, you're probably like, oh, that's a dad looking for the binky. Oh, right. Yes. So, but some of these strollers,
Starting point is 00:27:39 like what is it? The move or I forget what it's called, that one brand where they're like $1200. Yeah. I mean, you could just go resell that on the internet and make, well, I saw somebody on Tik Tok talking about, Oh, somebody keeps finding me at the airports asking me to sign stuff. I guess that's happening to everyone now. Really?
Starting point is 00:27:55 Yes. Ooh, it's happening to little, little Peter Pan. Well, no, it's happening to the frog princess. Cocoa golf, this tennis player I love, she commented on it. She was like, this has happened to me. Get out of here. And the person in the video was like, it's happening to... And then the frog princess. Coco Golf, this tennis player I love, she commented on it. She was like, this has happened to me. Get out of here.
Starting point is 00:28:07 And the person in the video was like, it makes me feel unsafe. And when you ask how they knew you were there, they give you a bogus answer like, well, we just figured, no, you didn't. Somebody told you I was gonna be here on this exact flight, looking up my real fucking name. I wanna know who's the, who's the, who spills the beans?
Starting point is 00:28:22 Oh my, you know what? God bless the next person who tries to do that to me at the airport because it's on site. It's a complete blow up. I'm not doing it. They're going to get killed. Why don't I come to your house? They're going to get murdered.
Starting point is 00:28:34 And ask you to write your name. Did someone say something about you signing something for me? Like, I don't, and I don't say this lightly. I love everyone. Get a job, bitch. Any job. Not harassing people at the everyone. Get a job, bitch. Yeah. Any job. Yeah. Not harassing people at the airport. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:47 Get some more remediation gigs. I don't see it. No. The only thing I like about it is then if somebody buys it online, at least it's a real signature. Because if you Google yourself on eBay, you will find a lot of fake sign shit. Oh, good.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Fans paying top dollar for something that you didn't really sign, that feels bad. Yeah, I just feel like, like though in this day and age, you gotta have some street smarts about you. Like if a signature is really, really, really, really that important to you, I'm gonna say, I need to see it signed. Right.
Starting point is 00:29:17 Do you know what I mean? The picture. Well, have you noticed the scalpers also want a picture with you? Yes. That's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:24 I hope that they all... Get food poisoning. No. It's crazy. I hope that they all... Get food poisoning. No, I don't. I hope that they do get black mold though. And I hope that they do have to... But not both at the same time. It's inhumane. It's just too much.
Starting point is 00:29:39 This episode is brought to you by Ritual. Recently, I went on a road trip up the California coast with my friend Laser Star Muffin who designs bespoke toothbrushes for celebrities. And that's not even the weirdest thing about him. He also claims that he has never eaten a vegetable. Apparently there was one time his mother stuffed a green bean inside a steak but he detected the change in texture whilst chewing and spit it out. As you can imagine his gut microbiome is an absolute nightmare. After the fifth time we had to roll down the windows on the 101 due to the overwhelming odor from his flatulence,
Starting point is 00:30:09 we got to talking about Ritual. I told him all about his flora and fauna and how the gut microbiome is key to our mental health, immunity, and of course, digestion. With Ritual's Synbiotic Plus, a 3-in-1 supplement of clinically studied pre-, pro-, and post-biotics, you can help support a balanced gut microbiome with daily use. For instance, do you know the difference between prebiotics, probiotics, and postbiotics? You may think they're all the same thing,
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Starting point is 00:31:19 probiotics to survive and grow. All it takes is one daily mint-scented capsule for simple, streamlined gut support. Plus, it's vegan-friendly and formulated without GMOs, major allergens, animal products, shady fillers, and artificial colors. So get your gut going. Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual Synbiotic Plus. Get 25% off your first month at ritual.com slash bald. That's ritual.com slash bald for 25% off your first month. This episode is brought to you by Marley Spoon. As every new year begins, I tell my husband, Jeffrey, that this year we're finally gonna do two things.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Paint the shutters a tasteful teal to match the eucalyptus trees in the front yard, and start a better meal routine. And every year I hear about the ugly navy blue shutters from nosy Susan across the street and our meal routine remains the same mix of hectic insanity. It's just random things thrown together at the last minute.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Listen folks, when taking little Jimmy to tee ball practice and Jasmine to dance lessons eliminates any free time you have to meal prep, let Marley Spoon lend a hand. Marley Spoon can help you fast track your way to eating well without all the stress. And with our code bald, you can get up to 27 free meals. As you all know, I hate to cook,
Starting point is 00:32:34 but when I do cook, I hate spending hours in the kitchen. Marley Spoon's new 15-minute express recipes are exactly what they sound like. They're convenient, delicious, and on the table in minutes. You'll find these on every weekly menu. And if you've got a few extra minutes, they have some great 20-minute options too. My personal favorite hack, they're sheet pan dinners.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Literally throw everything on one pan and boom, you're done. It's meal magic. My favorite recent meal from Marley Spoon was their Express Chili Lime Chicken Ball. It was insanely easy to make and ready in just minutes so Jeffrey and I could microwave some popcorn and have plenty of time for family movie night. And if you're really in a hurry, Marley Spoon also has delicious ready to heat meals when you don't feel like lifting a single finger after spin class. Life is difficult enough. When it's time to eat, I want it to be easy, fast and delicious. Heck, if I started a meal delivery service, it would literally be exactly what
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Starting point is 00:33:53 This new year, fast track your way to eating well with Marley Spoon. Head to marlyspoon.com slash offer slash bald and use code bald for up to 27 free meals. That's right, up to 27 Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my home country, and I was like, I'm going to go to a place called the New Yorker. And I was like, I'm going to go to a place called the New Yorker.
Starting point is 00:34:17 And I was like, I'm going to go to a place called the New Yorker. And I was like, I'm going to go to a place called the New Yorker. And I was like, I'm going to go to a place called the New Yorker. And I was like, I'm going to go to a place called the New Yorker. sent you. Today's episode of Baldwin Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wasacki, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town. Um, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and
Starting point is 00:34:40 sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal, it was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving, different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going,
Starting point is 00:35:01 it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or been interested in and that's really nice. It's also good about if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna have people in my room
Starting point is 00:35:19 because it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's, that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. I hope that they never have the pleasure of watching Fargo season five.
Starting point is 00:35:40 That I do hope. You love her. I watched that movie the other day. We talked about it. Oh, we did? Oh, I think. Oh, I watched the movie the other day. We talked about it. Oh, we did? Oh. I think. Oh, I watched the movie the other day. Fargo? It's incredible.
Starting point is 00:35:49 Yeah. It's so good. It was kind of... It was kind of poly in the way it presented what genre it is. It was like every genre. It was like a little scary, a little funny, a little drama. Yeah, it was... It's... It's... Yeah, it's so good. And they have... They did... You would love Fargo season two
Starting point is 00:36:06 with Miss Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons. It is so good. And, oh God, in Fargo season five, she just ripped it up. Shit all over it. Pissed on it. Is that an HBO or Max? I think it's FX or AMC Plus or it's one of those. Paramount, Dingleberry, I don't forget.
Starting point is 00:36:25 I've been watching some various items, trying to like, well, I watched Princess and the Frog. So I was like, I felt weirdly racist not having seen the Black Princess movie. Oh, I'm not up on the Disney ship. And well, it came out not, it's not an old movie, but then I thought, I'm not really about to go in this park and not have seen the ride dedicated to the Black Princess.
Starting point is 00:36:43 So I watched the movie, It was a lovely movie. You loved it. I didn't love it, but I did like it. She turns into a frog. She kisses the frog thinking that she's gonna cure the frog, and she turns into a frog herself. Oh, it's like Shrek.
Starting point is 00:36:55 Kind of. Frog Shrek. Frog Shrek. Frog Shrek. And then I've been watching 90 Day Fiance. Every few years, I kind of come out of a coffin and I go like, I gotta catch up. Because I'm not following season to season,
Starting point is 00:37:08 the way I do like Love is Blind, where I'm like, new one's out, let's go. But 90 Day Fiancé, the K-1 visa, these people moving across the world with just 90 days to decide if they're gonna marry someone. It's just crazy. It's just crazy. I don't even understand it.
Starting point is 00:37:24 So this season, I was watching season nine, It's just crazy. It's just crazy. I don't even understand it. So this season, I was watching season nine, there is a gorgeous, very surged trans girl named Nikki, and she's dating a guy, he's from Moldova. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's a personal trainer, and they're so hot for each other, but obviously they're very open
Starting point is 00:37:42 about some of the physical incompatibilities they have, because I think he has kind of like some mental blocks about her body. Okay. So he's like, I think has feelings for her and affectionate toward her, but has a hard time like going down on her. I feel weird whispering it,
Starting point is 00:37:57 because she talks about it on the show. Okay, okay. That's fine. You don't have to whisper about it. And that's like, oh, that's complicated, because we're dealing with a language barrier and sort of like this trans amorous sort of Push and pull of does he know that she knows and that's a that's a he knows and he's so Well, this is what I so we're this is what was interesting on camera. He's fine doing huggy kissy
Starting point is 00:38:19 Emotional intimacy, but then they talk about having some barriers in the bedroom Which and in my peripheral experience, the men usually have blocks with the emotional stuff, but they want to fuck all the time. Okay. Right? I don't know. So, like, it's interesting because I think he obviously
Starting point is 00:38:34 has feelings for her in the series, but has kind of his own blocks about her, you know, being trans. Then you add to the mix, like, the third layer of, like, this is filmed on television. It's filmed on television, which is weird because there's cameras around and it shows them in bed cuddling, kissing, but I guess he has a hard time with,
Starting point is 00:38:53 that just seems so like, having emotional intimacy on camera is so much deeper than sex. To me. I don't trust anybody who's on TV. Right. Well, and that's an element that I like about 90 Day Fiancé too, it's's like a lot of these people come from other
Starting point is 00:39:07 countries, they maybe are in love and they do want to move to the United States, but they're also an influencer. Yes. So it's like they are a lot of them wanting to be famous in some way, and then I love when they get into, they do this on Love is Blind too where they're like, well, are you in it for the right reasons? It's like, what is the right reasons?
Starting point is 00:39:23 You're all selling, you know, halo, bare hair vitamins or whatever. Sugar bear hair vitamins. in it for the right reasons? It's like, what is the right reasons? You're all selling, you know, halo, bare hair vitamins or whatever. Sugar, bare hair vitamins. So what is the right reason? You're all in the Crest ad. You're all in the T-Mobile ad. What do you mean? Mint mobile.
Starting point is 00:39:34 What is the right reason? It's mint mobile. You know, so like, what is the reason? What is the reason? What is the reason? What is the reason for the season? Is it mint mobile or is it Crest white strips? But then there's this guy from Kentucky
Starting point is 00:39:45 and his gal comes from, I believe, Panama. So I might not remember it, but he's living in a studio apartment with dogs and guinea pigs. And his mom... No, guinea pig. His mom's a... His mom's a guinea pig.
Starting point is 00:40:03 His mom is... So this is the thing. I've lived at all different, like, you know, I've lived in studio apartments. I've lived very paycheck to paycheck. His mom lives in his closet on a mattress on the floor. Okay, okay. So my thought was. Okey dokey.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Which by the way, like, I've shared beds with my siblings. I've had four kids to a room. I've done that. Like, but I was a kid and I wasn't filming. My thing was, wow, to bring cameras into your home. And your mom is in the, she's mom is a swamp thing on the floor. He was like, would you like to meet my mom? And like opens the door and she's in there on the floor on a mattress, on a tablet, like.
Starting point is 00:40:39 And of course I'm like, wow. And then, well, then this is the real drama of this season with them. The real drama was his sister is like, wow, and then, well, then this is the real drama of the season with them. The real drama was his sister is like, you know what? I don't really know her. She doesn't speak English, but I'm just going to get her drunk because that's truth serum. Drunk words are sober thoughts. So then she gets drunk with the girl and she's like, so, and they're using Google Translate, of course, on camera. So, because nobody, she doesn't speak English and English I've heard is very difficult to learn.
Starting point is 00:41:06 Right? Of course. Especially if you're in a closet on the floor. Besides that, you get your Duolingo, you lay back on the floor. And you know, I just- In the closet on the floor? So then they get drunk and the sister's like, you know, it's her bachelor party.
Starting point is 00:41:20 And imagine me a bachelor party in a room full of people you don't know and can't speak to cause you don't know English. And so you're just in your veil and your penis necklace, just like, with the cameras around. And the sister's like, so I know you think that he tells you that he's gonna kick my mom out,
Starting point is 00:41:34 but I'm gonna tell you right now, those two people are always gonna live together. She's always gonna be in your life. She better get used to it. She's always gonna be in the closet on the floor, ho. The sister's like, she's never moving out. He's lying to you. There, there. He's never gonna cut the umbil on the floor hoe. His sister's like, she's never moving out. He's lying to you. There, there.
Starting point is 00:41:46 He's never gonna cut the umbilical cord. That's his lover. Basically snitching on her, being like you're about to marry Miss Mama's boy. Miss Mama on the floor. Yeah. Miss swamp thing in the closet. Which I have issue with Mama's boy as a concept
Starting point is 00:41:58 because when someone's a daddy's girl, we don't care. But when someone likes their mom, we hate that. I don't know. Liking your mom is not the worst fucking thing somebody's ever done, okay? No. But I don't say, but when someone likes their mom, we hate that, I don't know. Liking your mom is not the worst fucking thing somebody's ever done, okay? No. But I don't say that from experience, because Val...
Starting point is 00:42:08 Yeah. I'm just kidding. Blah. And it was just our very, it was a very tumultuous season, so then ultimately the sister orders a stripper for the bachelorette party, and the husband is, you guessed it, pissed. Lugged.
Starting point is 00:42:23 The men love to get the stripper, but if the girl gets a stripper, the men boo their minds. You get out of here. So what did the stripper do, a little lap dance in the closet? No, the closet wasn't involved. It was in one of those like party bands.
Starting point is 00:42:37 Those like party bands. Worse. And then there's Ashley, who meets a guy whose name is Manual. Ashley's a witch. She's a witch. She's a witch. She's a witch. So she's literally at the reunion,
Starting point is 00:42:47 staging people being like, Manuel, stop it. It's really crazy. These people are mentally ill.com. It's like mentalillness.com. I think they're looking for love. And I think sometimes some of these people, I'm like, I understand like, oh, I live in California
Starting point is 00:43:03 and lives in Seattle and we make it work. It's maybe direct flights. It's maybe it's international travel relationship. I just am like, with mama on the floor, a lot of them either meet online or one of them's on vacation or study abroad and they meet while they're abroad. Like Nikki and her boyfriend, Igor. Okay. I'm personal trainer.
Starting point is 00:43:24 Nikki, she worked... And of course, in Moldova, he's like, you dress too much. So he tries to take her to buy her, like, white linen poplin shirts and, like, jeans. And she's in, like, a neon bikini with a faux ponytail. Like, I'm not wearing that. It's so awesome. It's so weird. Listen, you could...
Starting point is 00:43:39 If anybody's out there thinking, like, oh, my God, the love of my life is there's only one of her and she's in Moldova. I got some, I have some news for you. Do you know anything about Moldova? Nothing, not one damn thing. I think they speak Russian. They used to.
Starting point is 00:43:55 Oh, okay. They used to be like part of the Soviet Union. Okay. But yeah, I'm sure they probably still do. But there's, I gotta tell you that there's probably five women in this town for you. Well, that's the thing. In this very town.
Starting point is 00:44:08 I'm like, that you live in with your mama on the floor in the closet. That's the thing. There's probably 15 on your street. Yeah. It's a lot of. Mama's on the floor in the closet. Mama's on the floor in the closet, misbehaving, okay.
Starting point is 00:44:19 So I've seen most seasons one through nine and it's just really, do you know about Muhammad? You probably told me about him. Daniel and Muhammad in the beginning of the series. Muhammad is like, I just play the audio. I just play the audio. Play me the audio. Where's the phone?
Starting point is 00:44:35 Have you guys ever kissed before that? Yes. You have. Were you intimate before that? Yes. You have. Okay, so you've kind of consummated the relationship. Was there any intimacy after the wedding at all? After the wedding? Yes.
Starting point is 00:44:47 There was, but we started facing a problem. Mama on the floor? Mind you, you know, Danielle's probably, maybe Val's age. Okay. And Mohammed is maybe 25. What was the problem? I don't want to say like, this is very 25. What was the problem? I don't want to say like this is very private. Instead of taking
Starting point is 00:45:08 care of the problem, she was like fighting with me over it. This is something that no man in the world can accept that. And then, and what do you think it is? I don't know, I'm riveted though. You know it's Stinky Pussy. You know you're acting, come on. She was like, be like, sitting on the floor, crying, screaming in front of her teenagers. I want my sex tonight. If you don't give me my sex tonight, I will call the immigration.
Starting point is 00:45:45 I will get you deported. Wow. I want my sex tonight. They have a very difficult relationship. And when they do finally get married, he dips to Miami the next day. It's tough. So they're just looking for visas and passports.
Starting point is 00:46:01 Not always. Some of them are truly in love and are married and like have kids now. And some of them you're like, wow, this feels underhanded. This feels like you're, you know. What network is behind all this? Of course, you know it's. TLC.
Starting point is 00:46:13 You know it's TLC. Of course it's TLC. You know it's fucking TLC, bitch. TLC, you, you, you get out of here. You know it's TLC. Can you tell us what he's talking about? He has told people that I smell and I peed on him. You do.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Okay. I tell you, this is like someone's going to jail. TLC is mom. TLC, look to your left, look to your right. And this is 100% of you are going to jail. This is like pre-COVID, this clip. Now it's even wilder on 90 Day Fiancé. I love 90 Day Fiancé.
Starting point is 00:46:43 I love it. This person here, she has some stuff that I don't like. I can't even buy it. You know what? I don't even wanna know. Then, then, then. Thank you very much.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Thank you very much for. I want my sex tonight. I want my sex tonight. You give me, but the pussy smells so bad. I know. It's so disgusting. It makes me want to throw up. And sometimes, dude, I'm not saying age gaps aren't real
Starting point is 00:47:08 because we're in gay world. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Baby, most people, so many people we know, it's Daddy Warbucks and fucking Danny from The Shining and the Tricycle. Yeah, yeah, Little Orphan Annie and then the Terrifier. Yeah, and then you and I are the twins, come play with us.
Starting point is 00:47:23 And then we kind of put on our gear and have a play session. I knew Yeah. And then you and I are the twins, come play with us. And then we kind of, we kind of put on our gear and have a play session. Do you know what I mean? Kind of like get geared up and have like a play session. Are you guys into playing? Oh, I played with, me and his husband have played before. Played is such a weird. Don't like it.
Starting point is 00:47:39 I don't like it either. I'm going to put on my gear and play. Head gear and play video phone or what? Like what? I can put on my head gear, attach it to my braces, put on my gear and play. Headgear and play video phone or what? Like what? I can put on my headgear, attach it to my braces, put on my Pac-Man Ultra. I'm gonna put on my gear and play. Don't like it, don't like it.
Starting point is 00:47:52 It's really cunty. I just love 90 Day Fiance. I have one more thing I have to tell you. Okay, wait, wait, wait. So I was... I wanna share with something, share with something. Yes, of course. I just feel like we can share clips
Starting point is 00:48:06 as long as it's mostly audio, it doesn't feel weird. Besides, when we shared Amelia Perez on here, that might be the only exposure someone has to Amelia Perez. That's right. Penis to vagina. How does it feel to be the person who mounted the anti-Amelia Perez movement? I feel very secure in my role as that.
Starting point is 00:48:24 But I wanna give a shout out to a gay man. Who? Brad Goreski. Oh yeah. Yeah, from the comeback. Why? Because he has, as a stylist, that man is 10 for 10.
Starting point is 00:48:38 He's batting a thousand when it comes to his client, Ms. Demi Moore. He- Sweetie. Did you watch Real Gays of WeHo? No. Maybe he was on that. Oh, I didn't see that.
Starting point is 00:48:47 Maybe he was on it. But I'm telling you, as a professional stylist, to the stars, Hollywood stars, he has, he's batting a thousand. Yeah. He is O for O, or one, you know what the expression is. He has not missed a beat. O for O means he's never tried.
Starting point is 00:49:01 No, he's 10 for 10. Okay. He's only had 10 jobs. Yeah, no. He is, he takes that crank and he yanks it off every time. He goes, yeah. He gets that chainsaw and he cuts off those heads. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:15 He is doing so good and she is looking so perfect. And it's just been not a miss. The Lord's work. So good for her and good for him. And good for that little peel off. And if you're Demi Moore and you were dressed poorly, wouldn't that be a shame? It would be a shame. The rest of us are just ugly. Don't call it a miss. The Lord's work. So good for her and good for him. And good for that little P.L.O.P. And if you're Demi Moore and you were dressed poorly, wouldn't that be a shame? It would be a shame.
Starting point is 00:49:27 Don't call it a comeback. The rest of us are just ugly. Don't call it a comeback. The rest of us are just ugly. Ugly. But she's, I feel like he's laying the groundwork. Does she kind of like wear gear? I didn't put it.
Starting point is 00:49:38 Does she have like a puppy mask on and was she kind of like playing? No. No. Does she have like a harness on and kind of like a cock cage? No. And kind of like playing? Did she have like a harness on and kind of like a cock cage? And kind of like a cock cage? No, cock cage is at the governor's ball.
Starting point is 00:49:50 What would you do if Demi Moore just showed up in a gay men's harness and... I would take the shotgun that I have placed right on the little, the table, and then I would put it in my mouth and I would go, ch-ch-pow, bon appetit and goodbye. Hell yeah. But can I play, I gotta play and then I would put it in my mouth and I would go, bon appetit and goodbye. Hell yeah. We can, I gotta play something.
Starting point is 00:50:08 I really do. Play it. Okay. Did you want to play later? Wait, wait. What would happen in the world if you and I just started fucking? What if we just were like, anyway, a new update for you guys.
Starting point is 00:50:21 We just been like fucking. No we're fucking. Fuck. Anyway, we're just... Anyways, you guys are so crazy. It's like a soft launch, but like we've been fucking. We're fucking. That would be so gross. That would be the so weirdest thing ever.
Starting point is 00:50:29 Wait, wait. You're one of those constitutional sheriffs. Yes, I am. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom.
Starting point is 00:50:37 Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of freedom. Defender of freedom and protector of wait. You're one of those constitutional sheriffs.
Starting point is 00:50:47 Yes, I am. Defender of freedom and protector of the common man against the tyranny of the state and all its wicked demands. Taxes? Oh, yeah. The social safety net? Well, I'd spit, but...
Starting point is 00:51:02 Respect for the otherly abled. The whole multicultural panoply. Billy has two mothers, etc. etc. So, so... You... you want freedom with no responsibility. My son, there's only one person on earth who gets that, yeah. Hmm. A president. A president. A baby.
Starting point is 00:51:29 You're fighting for your right to be a baby. You gotta watch that shit. Who is it? It's so good. It's Vargo season five. Jennifer, Jason D and Jon Hamm. Oh, I thought that was the fucking news. It sounded like the news. I thought they were like libertarian ways in.
Starting point is 00:51:43 No, that's literally what it is. He's like a libertarian sheriff in North Dakota or whatever. He's just like the strong arm of the law. And she's a billionaire. And it's so cunty. It's so cunty because they're both villains at the start, and then one of them kind of softens up at the end. It's great. I love libertarians, but I would describe that sometimes
Starting point is 00:52:07 as the worst qualities of both things. Yeah, totally. Just the worst. Yeah, the craziest. Yeah, yeah. And she's like, she kind of reads him so fiercely. He's like, so you want to be a baby? You want to be a baby?
Starting point is 00:52:19 It's so cunty. You do want to be a baby. I mean, do you want to be a baby? I am baby. Right, goo goo gaga. You're pooping your pants. Hello. Poopy and pee pee.
Starting point is 00:52:26 When's the last time you flat out shit your pants? Like full, like hard turd only. The roach motel is full. Like wiggle it out the pant leg? Like, yeah. Like a summer sausage. A summer sausage running down the leg. No, I think it was just, I don't think there's been a hard turd incident since...
Starting point is 00:52:44 Well, yeah, if it's... Then how are't think there's been a hard turd incident since... Well, yeah, if it's... If it's... then... How are you accidentally farting out a hard turd? Yeah, like, you have to... you're actively doing that. You're making that happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oops, I shit a hard turd. Oops.
Starting point is 00:52:55 Oops, I shit it again. Do you like Hollywood Tower of Terror? Do you like the drop rides? Yeah, I like anything. I like Maximum Impact. I want to be scared the hell... I want to be terrified for my life. It's Guardians of the Galaxy now. Oh. Different theme. I wanna be scared the hell, I wanna be terrified for my life.
Starting point is 00:53:05 It's Guardians of the Galaxy now. Oh. Different theme. But that doesn't really matter, right? It's the same- It's still drops. Same drop, yeah. Love to drop. It's incredible.
Starting point is 00:53:13 Cause you really do feel like you're gonna die. I love that. You crave death. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's good. I want that bony grip. Gotta tell you, I got, we have to go, don't we?
Starting point is 00:53:22 We do. Okay. I can't look at that girl the same way. I followed her. Kara? Imagine the grip. Oh, I know. It's so wild. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Do you know where her merch says Goblin Head Nation? I guess... hey. Pour one out for the Goblin Head. Pour one out for the Goblin Head Nation. Bye! Bye! Today's episode of Baldwin the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin.
Starting point is 00:54:16 We do have two motels in our town. Very small motels and I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk, it was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal, it was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app
Starting point is 00:54:37 and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving, different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in. And that's really nice. It's also good about like if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me.
Starting point is 00:54:58 When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not going to like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. That's, that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app.
Starting point is 00:55:20 Today's episode of Baldwin Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wasacki, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal.
Starting point is 00:55:47 It was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving, different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in. And that's really nice. It's also good about like if I'm going, it will show different Airbnb's that in the past I've like stayed at or liked
Starting point is 00:56:05 or like been interested in and that's really nice. It's also good about like if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb,
Starting point is 00:56:22 there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's, that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app.

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