The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Coat-Hanger Encased in a Hot Dog with Trixie and Katya and Matthew

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

The steady advance of technology marches on, continuous and unceasing. In 1900, less than 10% of families owned a stove, a phone, or had electricity. Fast forward 122 years, and through the real-life miracles of latex, hair implants, and 3D scanning, sex dolls are ready to take their rightful place at the throne of humankind. Let us be the first to give a warm welcome to our squishy, clammy overlords. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch our podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be helpful! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. I don't know about you. Did you ever collect movies and CDs? Did you ever have those binders? CDs, yes. CDs, yes. You still got them? No, I sold them all for cigarette money in college.

Work. Yeah. I mean, desperate. There really is no point in having a disc, a CD disc. Well, this was back when I still used them. So it was a little sad. It was, do you know what I mean? It was like sad.

It was sad. It's a life without music it was a little sad. It was like, do you know what I mean? It was like sad. It was sad. It's a life without music or a life without cigarettes. Oh, no contest. You made the call. No contest. Because I can sing.

To yourself, right. But I can't smoke out of nothing. Oh, yeah, you can't smoke out of nothing. I can't smoke the CDs, but the,

you know. Now, when people are trying to smoke when it's winter, when they're trying to quit smoking, can they ever just go outside and let their breath fog and then pretend that's smoke?

No. Sometimes, though, you can get a lot of mileage out of half a cigarette when it's very, after it rains and it's very cold and humid. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah. It's like, it's cool, but the air is so thick, like, in more smoke in a way. It's like, your breath is like,

it's like, I mean, it has a weight to it. Do you know what I'm talking like your breath is like, it's like, I mean it has a weight to it. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like no humid, humid, cold, humid, humid,

cold. You're familiar with humid, hot, right? Yeah. So like, but cold, humid,

humid work. I should silence my watch. Yeah, I guess more wealth, more flaunting of my wealth. You like that thing? No, I wear a watch as well. it's great because it keeps me from looking at my phone all day my battery lasts longer because i'm not constantly opening it to see a text or whatever i can just go oh i don't

want to answer that oh you know it's like a line of defense yeah it's like a like a toll stop on the way to the you know what i mean i'm busy'm busy, right? I'll be like, hey Siri, text Brian McCook. You're a fat bitch and you need to go to Weight Watchers. What do you want to say? You're a fat bitch and you need to go to Weight Watchers. Okay, I'll send this.

Yeah, and then she sends you that text. And I didn't even have to touch my phone or even open it. It's efficiency. I mean, I also talked to the, I talked to the, the Alexis all day.

You do all day. And then what are they talking about when you're not here? I wonder. Well, cause I'm like, what time is it? What's the weather outside? Um,

add this to my shopping list. Like that. Just yell things out. It's like having a free assistant, except I guess you do pay for it. And then you pay for it in other ways. Yeah. You know,

although, but I love technology. I love getting in touch with technology. I do too. Um, I recently learned, learned how to, uh,

screen share for my iPhone. Oh, that's fun. Oh, I think I just got your text. The fat shaming one. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, but technology, I have to, you know what I think I have to do? I have to get a camera, security camera, because guess what? My $1,500 electric bike was stolen yesterday. What? Yeah. From your front little patio? Yeah, I didn't have it tarped.

So I didn't have it tarped. Usually, because the tarp is so ugly. I kept it in the front patio, which is- Not locked up? No, not locked. No, not locked. To what, though? I what though i'm not victim blaming no no no i know i know but people hopped the fence i didn't know that people would hop the fence they hopped the fence and they drove that bike across the moon like et bitch yeah they did it's so heavy don't you love that bike i loved it i mean i didn't ride it all the time and honestly probably in all likelihood would have sat there untouched for about, you know,

the rest of the winter for sure. But like, it was a bummer because it was a lot of money. My $200 bike got stolen from this building. Yeah. And I saw the footage and the person, the, what do you call it? The gate opens to let people into park. He just walked in after someone's car, waited for them to leave. And then he just grabbed my bike and left.

Yeah. You know, with me, it probably happened that someone was like, can for them to leave And then he just grabbed my bike and left Yeah You know with me It probably happened that Someone was like Can you hold that And it's my door And I said oh yeah sure You know what I mean And I like left it

Propped it open for them Come on in I was Did you happen to put out a sign That said free bike Oh See that's how they get you I had crocheted it

The sign So it was I had Yeah I think word got out What do you think about people Who drive a plane and they pull a sign? Towing signs. I think it's fantastic.

You do? I think it's fantastic. I think it's absolutely the best way to get something across or to get something off your chest at least because there's no guarantee that a person will be looking up. That's the thing. There's no guarantee your target audience is going to see it. I mean, I feel like in films, it's a lot of, will you marry me? Yeah.

Marry me. Marry me. Marry me. But I think in real life, it's a lot of, will you marry me? Yeah. Marry me, marry me, marry me. But I think in real life, it's a lot of like, it's my money and I want it now. Or like it's, it's advertisement, advertisement. It's always advertisement. I mean, you know,

the people will do brands and such. We'll do like a, like a, what's that? They'll capitalize on the mystery or the, and then they'll try to play, put a clue or a hint or something. They'll, they'll tow a sign that has a very obscure message that's not clear. Yes, wingdings. Wingdings? Wingdings.

Yep, or Justin Bieber. Something. Just his body. No, no, Justin Bieber did something recently. And I remember looking up and there's a doomsday element to it too. Oh, yeah. It's very like. Surrender Dorothy.

Yeah, exactly. And I was like. Surrender Dorothy. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, well, what is that? I remember, not a sign, but when Elon Musk did the SpaceX thing, my friend Sam and I were on the top of a hill at night. We thought it was the end. Did you see that? No. We saw it play out in real time.

On the top of a hill in LA, gorgeous summer night. And we're like, oh, we were both high on weed. And we were like, this is it. This is the end. And then a quick Google or Twitter revealed that it was just Elon Musk. Well, in Milwaukee, every summer they would have the air show. What's that? Where fighter jets, they would do tricks like swirlies or whatever.

I don't know what you call them. Probably not swirlies. And I would never know what it is. And it would be like, there's two groups of people in Milwaukee today. Those that thought that it was War of the Worlds and those that knew that there was an air show. Sure.

Because it's the middle of the day and you're just like, oh my God. Loud too, I bet. Yeah. Loud. Very loud. Elon Musk's thing was not loud. That's why I made it more ominous.

Yeah. Do you remember immediately following George Floyd, the helicopter is here. Hella choppers everywhere. Dozens all day. All day. The spotlight looking in my windows. Yeah.

And those, um, I didn't realize that I guess they have traffic choppers, traffic helicopters quite often in LA. Is that like for the news? Yeah. I don't know. Is that maybe that's not true,

but there's, I've never experienced that amount of helicopters anywhere else than here. That's, and they're never going to find who they're looking for. But I've never experienced that amount of helicopters anywhere else than here. They're never going to find who they're looking for. I was at the Toluca Lake Tennis Club filming for the Tennis Channel. And we had to keep stopping because the chopper was going. I'm like, there's still murderers and crime. I don't think these choppers are ever actually.

Are you really from the sky finding one person like an ant? No, they're looking for parking spots. They're looking for parking spots. And when people say, I found a parking spot, God must exist. They're talking about the choppers. This is all making sense now. One of my dreams is to be somewhere and then have a

statue. Like a claw in those machines. No. Ladder. I reach up without even looking. I grab. And I take off. And I somehow don't even look up. No.

And then a truck comes and you are about to rail into it, except your body becomes invisible. Just go right through the truck. Avengers Endgame. I don't feel so good. And then dust. Is that from Avengers? I've never seen that. That's Tom Holland as Spider-Man dying, right? Oh, I don't know. I've never seen it. I cried. You as Spider-Man dying, right? Oh, I've never seen it.

I cried. You did? I saw the second half of the movie. Didn't even get invested in the first part. A little young. He's young for me too, but yeah, he is hot. But it's usually not my type. In like a freshman in college sort of way.

Yeah. Too young. Yeah, he's not my type. I wonder what his dad looks like. Ooh, Tom Holland Sr. Tom Holland. What about people who spell Tom, T-H-O-M? That's the British way, mama.

O-L-D-E. The old maiden type of Tom. Oldie mate, yeah. Peeping Tom. Peeping Thom. What was the first movie? What was it? Peeping Thom.

In Scream, when she's like, psycho, psycho, and he's like, psycho, psycho. And he's like, wrong. Peeping Tom was the first film to put the audience in the killer's point of view. Oh, you know, and then Halloween,

which I realized, remember when the point of view, who stabs like that? Because we're looking through like two holes in a sheet or something and we're like, oh, I think they just wanted to look at her titties some more.

He don't have a lot of mobility or maybe he's, maybe he's waking up smiling. Maybe he's nodding. He loves it. Yeah. Work diva.

Slay. Oh man. Maybe he's doing that, this dance. The one that Bob always tries to get me to do.

Is it a TikTok? It's this. Bob the Drag Queen is always trying to get me to do it. Oh, oh, oh,

I think it's called like the jackhammer. Oh, I don't know. LaGanja tried to get me to do that. Yeah. And I couldn't do, I didn't want to, but I think it's called like the jackhammer Oh, I don't know Laganja tried to get me to do that Yeah And I couldn't do it I didn't want to

But I certainly didn't see the I didn't smell the beauty in that at all Laganja tried to get you to do a lot of dances Yeah, and I said, nope I think, I mean When I had her on Hello Hello I was like She will get stolen

By a major pop star tomorrow And we'll never see her again Yeah, and then that pop star Will not pay her Just stolen. Snatched from a helicopter. What would you do one day if I walked in

and I had one of those fabrics? I walked in and you were like, hi, and I was like, shh. You gotta be. And you said, what? And I pulled it back and LaGanja was sleeping

in my baby, in my baby yard. But she's kind of in full hair and makeup but she looks good. Only if she was adult, shrunk down to the size of a baby.

But you know what i mean oh that'd be great yes primordial dwarfism yeah i watched a lot of videos on it um what about uh progeria progeria is that jurassic world i don't know what that is i'm just gonna keep saying it is that a hair loss progeria I don't know what that is. I'm just going to keep saying it. Is that a hair loss thing? Progeria. Progeria.

You know, I'm not into progeria. When I want to keep my hair, I use Keeps. I love doing ads. I really don't care about doing ads. But I wish that they forced us to organically include all of them. Where we had to pivot like that always. Where there was no breaks we were just like anyway that's what i had for lunch and the great thing is i had a hair because

sorry that's us that's us mama progeria coquettish i got i got really stuck on um preemie tiktok when i first started using tiktok i think i liked it girl you wish You wish I liked and clicked Too many T Preemie TikToks And so for the first few weeks On TikTok It was all preemie

All the time And I'm fine with the preemie Sure I root for them They're adorable They grow up to Many of the times Completely fully

Matured people Wings But a lot I was getting too many preemies Yeah It wasn't good for, I was getting too many preemies. Yeah. It wasn't good for myself. I was like,

am I big? I was like, am I a big girl? Yeah. Am I size 14? No, no, no. The,

the TikTok, I mean, I'm not, uh, I don't, I don't really use it that much, but Andrew sent me a TikTok of a man who had one leg work who he and his fiancee had done you know those ones where they do it like um i saw her at the uh the

old country buffet and she said get out of my face you rapist and i said i'm not a rapist three years later we were married that kind of thing like it's like crazy but are they being serious he's being completely it's an earnest love story an earnest quirky love story that takes place over the course of three years all shortened and condensed to for a one minute clip with outfit changes dancing same shitty apartment but there's a few boyfriend ones one of them's like play this song with the last clip of your boyfriend and you play like a video clip of your boyfriend and the music's like very romantic and then so for some people it's actually really beautiful for some people it's like their boyfriend eating spaghetti in front of the tv

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Terms and conditions apply at participating restaurants in Canada. It's time for Tim's. Yeah, I did a few with Matthew. Oh, Matthew's here, by the way. Oh, my God. Whoa, the elephant in the room. We want to address the situation. Yeah.

He is here. It's a little like a roommate that doesn't pay rent, and he takes up a lot of space. He does. Yeah. He's huge. He's huge. He probably weighs more than you do. Oh, definitely.

If you try to lift that, he's at least 250 pounds. 250. Try to lift him right now. That's not too big. Try to lift him right now. Try to lift him right now. Okay. You have to do it. Just try it and try not to throw him on the floor because he's so hard to get back up.

Can you believe that? Oh, wow. It's hundreds of pounds. Where is the weight? I think it's the silicone. It's hundreds of pounds. I think it's the silicone. I know. And you're strong. I'm strong, but I don't know where to like.

It's so. Where's the density? Because that's the bone. It's like metal or something. It's metal, but it's so skinny there. Yeah. It's just a lot of heft. A lot of wiggling heft. The hands are, I mean, you can kind of bend the hands up and you can make a middle finger,

which is kind of fun. Oh, yeah. Is he? You know. You know what it gives? It gives death becomes her. You're telling me this doesn't hurt? Yes, it doesn't hurt.

When can you feel it? No, no. Keep going. It doesn't hurt Yes it doesn't hurt When can you feel it No no Keep going It doesn't hurt Gay I want you To come to my party Yeah

Honey Diva So anyway The girl was serving All night long And I lived Yeah Can you believe

I haven't put that Cock in my mouth Yes I can actually I haven't I can But I would have but I would have thought I would have by now. Talk to the hand, honey.

Because I think, like, I'm not attracted to a sex doll, but when else am I going to get an unused sex doll alone in my house? You have to fuck it, kind of, but I haven't. Yeah, I'm surprised, too. I would have...

Well, now that I gripped firmly the penis, I am not... uh oh ouchy i think that dick would hurt it would hurt me how would you describe the dick like so it's like um i would say like a steel rod encased in jello yeah so i'm afraid that it would stab through and got me like a fish if you because i'm a bouncer, and I would not feel comfortable bouncing on that. Yeah, I can feel the metal. It feels like a coat hanger encased in a hot dog. That is 100% the tea.

And that's tough. Yeah. It is his nose. But it's got a rigid, rigid, lovely, love the tumescence. Yeah, and the skin color, I just wish he was more human. Well, Caucasian flesh in a light tone is really tough because there's so much going on. Matthew Kemp isn't this color. No, he's usually quite tan, I think.

Yeah, so just give him a little spray. You know what? Maybe I'll just put some bronzer on him. He has silicone. I think you could put makeup on silicone. Yeah, you could also cut the tick one of the legs. Be a great way to move it around the house. Oh, my God.

Put wheelies on the feet. Be a great way to move it around the house. Oh my God, put wheelies on the feet. Put him in a, I could put him on maybe crutches or something so that I could lean him on the wall. So he's standing because he can't stand. He's so heavy. He needs a little podium or something. But you know what it is? I think this is

good. It's nice to take out your frustration. Ow. You cock-a-doodie. You poop. Uh-huh. High five.

It's nice to give yourself some encouragement. That's fun. No, so that's... I feel like there's a lot of them. The finger... Damn. Yeah, the fingernails, too. I feel like there's a lot of them. The finger. Damn. Yeah.

The fingernails too. He's got a full set on mama. Acrylics. Should you put those on there? No, they came on there. No. Yeah, they did.

One of them's missing. One of them fell off. Yeah, they came with nails. They need to clip into. And I'm disappointed the tattoo rubbed off before it even got out of the box. I mean, well, that's the tough thing about tattoos. You don't really want to. Everybody knows this about tattoos. They need to clip in too. And I'm disappointed the tattoo rubbed off before it even got out of the box. Well that's the tough thing about

tattoos. You don't really want to. Everybody knows this about tattoos. They come right off. They come right off in the shower which is such a that's why people with tattoos are so different than normal people because we just And he came with the chip and the eyebrow The eyebrows make me think of Fina's eyebrow tattoos that she wears. Yeah except

hers are better. Yeah But you know what? I'm happy to have them here. I just don't know what I'm going to do with them. If you guys would be interested in doing some kind of giveaway, perhaps,

or some kind of, maybe we could auction it for charity. Yeah. I kept the box. I might buy it from you. All right. It was about $3,900,

but I'm open to offers. What are you going to do with it, though? You don't need to know about that. You just cash the check and keep stepping. You already got a bunch of legs and heads. Cash the check and keep stepping, hunty. The head comes off.

The head came in a separate thing. Oh my god, it's so funny. I'm looking at it now and I see it, but I didn't see that before. Pull it off. I don't know. We're not there yet. We need a couple more minutes. We're not there yet. Did we talk about my assistant had COVID last week and I was a single mother all week

I had to get myself To every gig by myself How did you do it But in full drag Carrying my set bags And everything Oh no no no I felt like an independent woman

Oh good Did you You didn't Brandon checked on me Look at that Brandon checked on me To the point of like That's

You like that Mark Do you see all that Do you see all that action Do you see all that action? That hot, circular fucking movement? By the way, everybody should know this. Gay people, if your wrists aren't that limp, you're not gay. If you can't do a full rotation. Try it again, Sandy.

Get another pack of hot dogs. So Brandon checked up on me to the point of like, I'm like, I did used to do this without you. Yeah. It was a little like, do you know how to change your poopy undies while I'm gone? It did used to do this without you. It was a little like, do you know how to change your poopy undies while I'm gone? It was like that level. I left a number on the fridge. It's called 911.

I know. Did you feel like, I mean, there's certain logistical things that are just much easier when taken care of, but we did used to do this by ourselves. We did used to do it by ourselves. To be honest, what I really love about having Brandon, when I'm done doing drag i strip it all down i get in the shower by the time i'm moisturized it's all packed up getting out of the drag and then having to

unpack your shit that sucks yeah do you ever go to cbs yeah i was there just the other day in fact i love cbs yeah you know how like i think there's like jokes about like people going to target like people love to go to target white women love to go to Like people love to go to Target. White women love to go to Target. I love to go to Target. CVS is my Target. Okay. I'm there. I'm shopping.

I'm grocery shopping. I'm buying stuff. I'm buying makeup. I'm getting prescriptions. They're not even mine. I'm doing stuff. You know who loves CVSs and drugstores in general? Tweakers.

Really? Why? Yeah, especially, well, because everything's there. Because everything's there. Convenience. Convenience. Convenience. And also just like getting lost in the, the,

just the maze of products and stuff. Well, the robbers, the robbers love CVS. Let me tell you what happened to me. I had to buy razors, which are locked up. Yeah.

And I had to buy nails, which are locked up. That's right. And they're locked up for security. Guess what happened while they were getting my batteries or i got batteries and shavers while they're getting my batteries a guy grabs a bunch of stuff and runs out of the store i said see you're trying to protect me from stealing and then a real stealer is stealing right and then a bunch of shoppers just watched and the the the

store owner followed him out in the parking lot and took lots of pictures of him but the guy the guy walked calm as a cucumber. Yeah. Carrying an armful of shit just like, what are you going to do? Because they're not going to do anything. No, because what are they going to do? It's a multi-billion dollar global corporation. Well, I'll tell you about this.

When I was in college, I had to write a non-fiction. But we had to write a paper, a report on a subject for a writing class. And I wrote a report on shoplifting loss prevention loss prevention right and most businesses report about a nine percent shrinkage every year shrinkage not meaning penis in the water right no no shrinkage meaning theft damaged product and internal theft and a big percent of that theft and shrinkage is internal. So it's also like you count on your, as a multi-billion dollar company,

you're counting on your hourly employees who have no skin in the game to A, not steal from you, and B, report other stealing. If they're stealing from you, they're not going to report stealing. No. No, I was always at the front and center of every single one of my retail jobs.

I got falsely accused of stealing $2,000 and was fired. The lesbian tea shop. Absolutely. And then I went on to get revenge just in general by stealing tens of thousands of dollars of merchandise. From a different store. Different store, not related. So not a lot of revenge.

No, personal revenge. Not actually real world. Karmic revenge. Yeah, just general. Take it out on someone. But yeah, anybody who's looking to steal, absolutely steal from your job. Unless you know the tea.

That's the thing. I love everyone who works for me. I think that everyone's incredible. They could all be taking a product today and I would have no way of knowing. They are, Mary. They are. It's not whether-

Well, there's no cash in the register. And I think everyone who works for me probably has access to every product. They're stealing food. They're stealing your time. Yeah. I mean, it's just product. They're stealing food. They're stealing your time. Um, yeah. I mean,

no, I don't think they're stealing my time. No, they are. They like, you have a certain, um, there's a job description.

You have expectations and requirements. Those things are not being met, but you know, I'm like Netflix. We hire the best huge and cold. We hire the best and we let you go. If you're not, are you really?

Yes. Wow. Did you pit them against each other? No. I have an exciting growing company that is only available to passionate individuals who are excited about beauty. Discerning workers. Yes.

With exclusive skillsets. Think about it. You could work at a huge makeup company where you're one of hundreds and then you do a great job and no one cares. Yeah. At a company my size, if you do a good job, five people watch you do it and we're like work diva. Yeah. They say slay. Honey, you do a good job, five people watch you do it and we're like, work diva. Yeah,

they say slay. Honey, you better work and let them know diva. The thing that people need to know about Trixie Cosmetics is that it's made up

of divas who slay. And hunty, that's fierce. Now, I do love CVS, but I gotta talk to you about this. The paper usage.

This is a short CVS receipt. Yeah. This is like, famously long receipts. This is a short CVS receipt. Yeah. This is like famously long receipts. This is a short CVS receipt. War and Peace. We could tie this on a stick and we could do

rhythm rhythm gymnastics. Yeah. However, I go there a lot and my extra care books are cracking bitch. Recently,

I had a $20 voucher for extra care books and I lost it. Really kind of a bummer. But this time I got a six buck and a two buck which is eight buck

and I got 35% off any single item. Any item. Any item at all. Any item. So I might buy a humidifier or something, bid ticket. Yeah. And I might apply $8 to it. I'm going to make a TikTok.

It's like you're saving money. It's like you're getting free money in the mail. Well, girl, I'm back on my couponing because I'm obsessed with extreme couponing. But wait, wait, wait. Let me, hold on. You do realize, you do know, though, that that's a big, big, big scam that's not going to save you any money.

It's just going to, it just further funnels you into the large vacuum of money-sucking mechanisms. Mary, that can't be true, because- It is absolutely true. Look at that, $8 extra care. But see, that- $8 extra care. That's free.

$8 what? Anything I want. $8 what? Mary, look at this. You know what happens when you go in there? What? You buy other items. $16. Well, yeah's free. $8.00 what? Anything I want. $8.00 what? Mary, look at this. You know what happens when you go in there? What? You buy other items. $16.00.

Well, yeah, but I'm shopping. I got stuff going on. I got stuff going on. I'm making YouTube videos. When I do these all one brand videos, I walk to that CVS and spend hundreds of dollars on product. I know. They got you.

Tea. That's tea. And you know, when I go to CVS, I'm going to roll him in and he's going to be... Yeah, talk to the hand. RBC has helped millions of young Canadians turn their most likelies

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slash support youth. I love coupons. This little wiggle dick is cold. I was watching Extreme Couponing the other day. What do you love about them? You think you're saving money? It's people turning a hobby into something where they can provide for their families and I'm obsessed with it.

They're like, hey, we're going to go in here. I watch them shop and they're like, all right. According to my list, we need 75 packs of these AA batteries. And they have a coupon. Buy one, get one for every single one. And a coupon from the manufacturer for $5 off. So each pack is only $1. And I have a store coupon for $2. So we actually make a dollar by buying each one of these.

They layer coupons and they make money. They make money by buying. Being paid to shop? Fuck me up. Fuck me up. Damn. Yeah. Well.

So I'm about that now. In my free time, I do extreme coupons. Well, I can't do extreme because these people are often providing husbands or wives. And then they, the husband or the wife that's their kind of day hustle is locating coupons clipping clipping and they have binders and binders and binders organ there was this one woman who had a coupon room with just buckets of organized coupons so she'd be like we want cheerios mama i got you on cheerios cheerios cheerios cheerios i got one from the manufacturer and this one has no expiration date.

It's from the 80s and they can't get me, bitch. It's sickening. I got a time machine. You want to go back in time and use that expired coupon? Here's what I like about it. I agree with you.

What? Is it stuck? Does the skin come off? No. Here's what I'll tell you though. Yes, I think coupons and what are they called? Circulars?

Yes. I do understand that they are are they called? Circulars. Yes. I do understand that they are meant to get people to spend money. But these are people who are turning capitalism against them by saying, I got all these offers and I'm actually leaving here with a free product. Sure. They're the people at the bottom of the well who have ingeniously figured out to live along the walls. Yeah. And like CVS or Pick and Save save they don't pick up the tab the

corporation is the one who offered the deal so they're the ones who lose the money i think it's sickening yeah i mean these bitches although it's a lot of like it's a lot of like detergent laundry detergent yeah um toothpaste there's a lot of items that are regularly like marked down yeah and so they have stock rooms full of a lot of items you may not necessarily need. Doomsday planning people. Yeah. Yeah.

Like 400 like 400 gallon drums of millet. Yeah. Yeah. It's rarely food. Sometimes it's like barbecue sauce.

Like one episode this woman had two shopping carts full of barbecue sauce and then she she handed them out as she handed them out as party favors at her wedding.

Barbecue sauce. Well, you know, listen, I like that. You don't need to refrigerate it. If you got married, are we looking at, how many people do you invite? 10, 100? To the ceremony? Yeah.

Well, I don't know. It's either going to be 10 or it's going to be 100. Not 11. 20 or 250. Not 99 Not 11. 20 or 250. Not 99. No, 20 or 250. You know what I mean? You either go small or you go boom, bada bing boom.

I think I'll do very small. You're going to do a ceremony? Like a ceremony? Are you going to have it look nice? I think I'd do about 15 people. The problem with that, though, is if I'm going to do a ceremony, obviously I want to have it look nice, but there's only 15 people watching.

I don't give a fuck. I don't care about it looking that nice. Yeah. Then that's fine. I say it's a little hot dog, a little hot dog and hamburger. And then I think I'd have a series of parties. I'd have like a real reception and then I'd have like a gay bar thing where I just casually

invite all the gays to come. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You do a hot, sexy,

impersonal. Yeah. And then you do intimate, pair down ugly. And then you do, or you just go official. I don't know With all the people

Getting divorced Mary And I know many of them Many of them gay I say Don't buy into the scam Do you like Pillsbury Crescent Rolls? Love them

And do you like The little hot dogs Chopped up and rolled in them? No That's where you lose me Big time Not even with little cheese? No I don't like cheese

But I had a Shake Shack Hot dog Shake Shack hot dog Before my flight almost had diarrhea oh hot dogs are odd they're so bad it's so nasty and i ate it with a warm soggy bun and i loved it i horfed it down in that airport um and shit your pants almost did there's no worse feeling than diarrhea or nausea on a plane the trap you feel trapped but the um i start sweating when i realized that like because i've had diarrhea with sharp sharp pains uh like a one to three minute uh herald of the change down there so you've got like one to three minute warning before you cannot it's the dam will break in the flood the brown river jordan will come yeah fucking sharp pains sharp pains yeah it was like did you eat knives um it feels like i've eaten

knives i mean that's when it rarely happens but like so if i was here and i sharp pains sweating immediately i'd go to the bathroom i'd put a like wooden slats in the door so nobody could get in and then you just fucking... It's awful. Feels like hot heated knives are getting thrown out of your anus. Hot heated knives. Like a bunch of kitchen knives you stuck in the oven. Passed through the anus.

I like the mobility of the hand. It's very fun. And it's strange because there doesn't seem to be, there doesn't seem to, but he's just very, he's just very flirty with me today. He gets bent in all kinds of shapes and he should be sitting up straight,

but he's too heavy to lift. So now he's kind of doing this like, well, he's casual. Yeah, yeah. Also this sheer set. What happens when I pull trade in here? And he's just in here. I don't think any trade

is going to be pulled in here. With the pink walls and the in the in the white oozy man you know the other day my barbie jeep was up here for a week because i had to refurbish the barbie jeep but they think you're oh now it's really getting juicy oh it's now we're okay i see a little poke coming through oh okay all right i'm gonna i'm gonna stop i think i need to stop. Sorry. I'm going to have to give you some money. A few other topics.

I have a list of gripes with you right now. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. I have some things I want to talk about. Okay. What is it? I forget. Well, I'm hungry and I want to eat some food. Okay. What did we order?

What do you want to order? I didn't order anything yet. Oh, let's order on the pod. Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking. Tell people what you like. Well, okay. So last night i got the most delicious lovely meal it was pink pepper restaurant thai food it was um spicy um uh yellow curry which is you love curry i love curry so much and yellow curry i love it it was um chicken huge chunks of very delicious white meat chicken

giant carrots giant potatoes and then sauce, and that's it. And then white rice. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Happy. Not to be a boring faggot, but lately I've been into chopping up vegetables, tossing them in oil and salt and pepper, and baking them in the oven. It's so easy, and it feels like I'm really cooking.

Well, you are really cooking. I guess I am, but I always thought there was more to it than that. Well, you don't have to wait around and drink. No, it can happen quickly. No, you can just chop it up. Yeah, Rachel Ray, 30-minute hot dog nachos. So I first came to Edward Jones with a great deal of trepidation. When I first met with my advisor, I really was feeling vulnerable about what I would came to Edward Jones with a great deal of trepidation when I first met with my advisor.

And I really was feeling vulnerable about what I would have to share. I was, of course, pleasantly surprised to find that there was absolutely no judgment and a lot of support. And when it was time to get serious, he really took my hand and helped me to do that. Edward Jones. We do money differently. Visit edwardjones.ca slash different. I also want to speak to you. Oh, okay. So for Valentine's day, I made, I made cards to sell, right? I made Trixie Valentine's day cards. Valentine's day to February. Yeah. Yeah. But you buy them now so that you can give them to your loved one in a week or two. Um, I make Valentine's day cards, right? This year I did about 75.

And when every Valentine's Day card, I spend the year and months taking original Polaroids. Every time I'm in drag, I take a few. That's cool. And then it says one of 70 or whatever. And you get a Polaroid. That's awesome. A real one from my house that we took. They sold out in 20 seconds this year or something crazy like that.

And I was like, cool. Yeah. I go on eBay. Of course. I was just going to say somebody somebody scalp them someone bought all of them yeah and they sell for 300 a piece on ebay right now and it's not and it's not that they are making money off me i don't care about that but i made something that was supposed to be cool and original and only 25 bucks which for a fan gift i think for a gift is pretty reasonable It's like a cool collector's fan thing. And they stole that from that experience from those fans.

And now they just are scalping them. Yeah. That made me feel shitty. That sucks. It sucks. I know. And the thing with the concert tickets, too, boils my blood. Our tickets.

Tell them how much the orchestra. We found scalping seats in orchestra in Boston for $3,000. It's crazy because, and I was reading something about, I think, prior to Adele canceling her or postponing her tour, there were seats that were selling for $30,000. Can you tell me what that is? People keep asking me about what I think about that, but I don't know what it means.

Okay, so Adele. So she, days she, um, days before was start, was supposed to start her residency. She made a tearful Vegas, Vegas residency in Las Vegas. So days before the opening night of her Vegas residency, she made a tearful video where she said,

sorry, Babs, I've got to, you know, got to postpone the tool and, um, mental health, Babs.

Yeah. We're not ready babes so sorry not ready covid covid covid and um which is the thing is people were like of course they had planned whole trips around this spend thousands of dollars flying to the united states it's all this stuff was organized organized around seeing the show which you know whatever stuff happens but how do you i just i'm just unsure of like how a show that big um of residency what can happen in two to three days do you know what i mean like if you're that so they must have known weeks ago that the thing can't happen do you know what i

mean like how is two to three days make it or break it for a Vegas residency? I just feel bad for people who probably bought travel. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You can't call Delta and say hey Adele canceled can I have my seat back?

From England you know or from fucking Poland people you know flying in the US for all that stuff. It's tough. People turn up for Adele. Yeah.

People turn up for us. People fly around the world to see us get hotels and stuff and you know sacrifice a lot of money and yeah that's why the scalpers i'm like don't do that i hate that because sometimes the tickets are too expensive as they are except i mean i don't want to spend people's money but you know ticket prices are tiered for a reason there are tickets that are cheaper like back of

the house whatever rush tickets and then there's like premium front row shit, which like, whether you are modestly capable of making money and you just save up for it, or you're crazy rich and it's nothing to you. But that's what it costs. Those people buying front row center tickets to our show in Boston. And I want to find that person selling them for $3,000 and ring their fucking neck. I think they're like companies, you know. It's like, I don't know how that stuff is regulated. Obviously, it's not very well regulated, but. Have you ever had people come to your stage door with about a dozen Funko Pops of you and say, can you sign these? I'm a big fan.

I am so, I'm so embarrassed and so ashamed of myself that there was a cute boy. He got me. He got me. He got me so good after a show in, I don't know where the, we must've been someplace depressing. He turned on the charm Des Moines, let's say. And,

and he got me after the show and he's like, can I, can you sign this thing for me? He was like so bright and so like hot. And after the 15th printed out headshot, I was like, I would have ripped him like, something about this doesn't seem right. Something about this. Then I saw him dragging that dead horse through the restaurant.

I said, something about that. Then I saw him purchasing the domain for welovekachi.com. And I said, something. And then when he asked me for my password, I gave it to him. But then I said, something doesn doesn't and he said he needed something to write it down on and i gave him my passport and i thought something doesn't seem yeah but so within i think maybe days after i'd given him my house keys and um photographs of my family my social and my um the things i would do for hot people it's crazy if he was ugly or if he

was like somebody i'm not interested in, I wouldn't have given him the time of day. I would have signed one. I would have taken those headshots, rolled them up, and then shoved them in his mouth. You would have taken one of those headshots, opened his fingers, and cut the webbing with the paper. Can I see your Achilles heel for a second?

Hot people can get me to do so many things. This is the depressing part. Halfway through, I realized what was going on. Let me ask you this. Do you think I stopped? I don't think you did. I continued to inconvenience myself and everyone around me who was waiting for me to carry on.

I said, no, this hot person needed something for free that will eventually cost me money. So I think we're going to take care of this. It was so embarrassing. He didn't know who I was. No idea. No idea who I was. He was not attracted to me.

Absolutely not. And he was just trying to, you know, just scalp some coins. At least fuck me. You can fuck me for the headshots. Or just rub the penis on my face a little bit. Give me something. Give me that dirty dick in my eyeball. I haven't seen a dick in weeks.

I find that hard to believe. It's true. It's really true. Dave has been gone. You can look him up online. I guess, but I haven't been feeling very like slutty. And also Dave has been gone working on the motel. So I've just been alone.

David, he posted a funny picture of like what he'll be like after the hotel. Yes. And I'm going to be the girl on fire that runs into the pool. Do you know? Yes. We were on FaceTime the other day and i said i really miss you i said show me your dick and he said you're gross and hung up that's amore we make products valentine's day cards tickets we price them for the primary market in mind meaning the fan the consumer and so when the secondary market gets involved and it dangles that worm high enough that it's almost like it's inhuman it's just numbers it's just like it's just like a thing that was priced for you to be able to afford yeah now i'm doing this and i'm gonna make a huge profit it's so fucking gross

if i ever find out who is scalping that three thousand dollar ticket in boston i'm going to make a huge profit. It's so fucking gross. If I ever find out who is scalping that $3,000 chicken in Boston, I'm going to prison because I'm going to chop his dick off. I swear to God. I don't think it's one singular villainous man. Well, then I have a lot of people to kill. It's going to be, I'm going to go in there like the crazy 88,

like Uma Thurman, rolling around chopping off ankles. It's going to go from black and white to color and then to snow. Yes, I hate it. The person who bought, I mean, I guess I'm happy.

I made all my money on my Valentine's day cards, but I'm like, these were supposed to be for fans to give their roommate or their girlfriend or something. These aren't for you to just stockpile and sell like a pig. Well, you got to be more strategic then in your rollout. Well, we had to,

we have to do that with when we launched red scare, we had to put a limit because we couldn't have people buy every red scare. That cause that sucks for somecare. Because that sucks. For some reason, that particular thing also, just because I know how much makeup is counterfeited downtown and stuff,

everything's counterfeited, whatever. Any valuable product is going to be copied, whatever. But I was like, this is something cute for the girls. It's for the girls.

Like, shut, stop it. The dolls are the dolls. It's for the girls. The divas need to stay out of it. You know, I actually have news for you. And I guess I feel comfortable sharing this. You're dropping me from the collab. I'm dropping you from the girls. The divas need to stay out of it. You know, I actually have news for you. And I guess I feel comfortable sharing this. You're dropping me from the collab.

I'm dropping you from the pod. Give the microphone to Matthew. He's honestly giving the energy you give. I think I'll just like pop it every once in a while, but I'll keep the mic here. I think we need a belt here. Kati and I may not have a major, major, major makeup collection coming out, pop in every once in a while but i'll keep the mic here i think we need a belt here um katya and i may not have a major major major makeup collection coming out and it's going to be coming out

extremely soon sooner than thought sooner than we thought sooner than thought makeup oh yeah okay cool wait you are we teasing it or not uh i mean let's just say katya and i may or may not have some fucking cool makeup products coming out. You are not ready. The cat's out of the bag. The wire weenie is hanging right there. We did a collab. And if you see why there's a limit on the number of units you can buy, it's because people are scalpers.

People buy them and put them straight on eBay. Yeah, and I wouldn't blame them for this because, honey, these colors serve and slay and are fierce. Yeah, it's great. It's fierce. I like it. Yeah, it's fierce. It's a serve I like it. Yeah, it's fierce. It's a serve. It's a tea.

And we will say no more. We'll see you next week. Bye.