The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Heavy Pour & Three Oscillating Fans with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: May 31, 2022

We here at Bald Headquarters, LLC are thrilled to announce our new collaboration with Fleügghendorfen Air Conditioners! Straight from a snow-drenched chalet in the Bavarian Alps comes Europe's oldest and most-respected HVAC specialist, Fleügghendorfen Air Conditioners. As Trixie deals with the vocal cords of an 80-year-old cigar smoker and Katya is finally on the road to recovery after quadruple hip-replacement surgery, the one thing that brings both of our esteemed hosts a respectable degree of bodily comfort is the cool, mountain air that can only emanate from a genuine Fleügghendorfen Air Conditioner. As they say in the Alps, Fleügghendorfen: for those hot and humid moments when a Scheisseberger simply won't do. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be helpful! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To pre-order your copy of our new book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Way more people are peeing on each other than you think way more people are peeing on each other than you think all right so i'm here i'm i want to hear about it i don't want to talk to me but i don't want to out anyone but i find that in the show i have a joke about someone peeing in my mouth and it brings people out of the woodwork who go, oh, I've been peeing on. I like to pee on. Everyone's peeing on everyone. Are they doing it in the shower? Pissing in the mouth. Pissing in the ass.

Pissing in the mouth. Pissing in the ass and pussy and mouth. Are they doing it in the shower? Are they doing it in the bed? Girl, do they have rubber sheets? I have thoughts. What's the tea? The age of consent in the UK is 16.

I don't know if I'm okay with it. I can't change it. I can't change it, but you think it's too young? I think teen anything is too young. Well, here's what I guess I'm fine with. If you're a sophomore in high school dating a senior you can have sex legally i guess that's cool which like they're the same age whatever okay okay but i guess i see that about a 40 year old possibly picking up a 16 year old

i don't know about her i don't know about her i don't know about her oh that's tough I don't know about her. That's tough. You've got to get your priorities looked at. You've got to get the oil changed. I've got to tell you something else. I'm in Cambridge. I've got to tell you this, by the way. I've been on tour since we were on tour.

I've just psychologically grappled with that. I don't think I'm ready to do that. It's the whole dock. I asked for air conditioning in this venue. Three oscillating fans. I said, are we at Kinko's? Are we at the office? So here's the funny thing about temperature.

Temperature is not the same thing as circulation. Right? Right? Because this is an HVAC podcast. I mean, listen, I'm happy for anything. I'm in Cambridge tonight. It's a very historic theater. You can tell it's called the Corn Exchange.

Which I thought... You like corn? Rimming. Rimming, right? But... Wait, why did you think rimming? Cause eating corn, cause eating corn shit, eating shit with corn. Brandon, you're just in the pod. Just accept it. Brandon's getting me a glass of wine i deserve it you deserve it man you got three oscillating fans and no ac gets the wine get the wine we just did london brighton and cambridge in a row and i gotta tell you too look at that that's a happy pour oh wow that's a trash

girl brandon said um i gotta tell you too getting getting into this tour i was shaking in my boots because i had not really done stand up like a full show in two and a half years and when the stand ups were all doing zoom stand up

and like parking lot stand up I omitted I called my PE teacher and said I have a doctor note I'm on my period yeah

thank you yeah dignity and I gotta tell you halfway through this tour like like a few shows in i love doing it oh you do oh good that's good i thought you're gonna say something else to be

really good at it and it took a few shows to be like i loved this because i was good at it okay well i'd love to hear that it was so fun so fun and i'm having a great time i only have eight eight or nine dates left now and so now i'm past the hump and i talked to the band i was like this is the part of tour that goes fast you hit the middle and it's not the end yet and those days cruising how many dates all together this one was about 22 or something oh my god and it really did 28 now it gets wild reykjavik paris like it gets wild now are you in a bus yeah wow yeah i'm in a bus it has neon lights neon rope lights which by the way i flew nick from my youtube channel out to the uk he's been filming so i'm gonna have content on the road from this.

Bus tour. Because you know, the UK buses are different. Double decker. Yes. Double decker, Mary. I love a double decker. Do you prefer the American tour bus or the UK tour bus? I like the UK one.

I like the double decker. I do too. It's like there's the rumper room with the food on the bottom. And then you go upstairs, rest and relaxation. I like that. I think it's better. Although, you know,

it does, it does occur to me frequently while we're on the bus. How, I don't know how easily it could all go South, South being dead. Are you kidding me? I mean, of course.

Yeah. In a flash, dead, dead on arrival. I, I pray for it. Girl, I got soed on that bus. I got so much tea to tell you, but I have to ask.

Did you go to a tell me? I surely fucking did. Went to Six Flags on a Wednesday. Wednesday. And I'm so glad we didn't get the flash pass because we went in right in the morning, 20 minutes before they opened. It was dead. We rode every motherfucking roller coaster some of them twice and it was so lovely oh my god it was so lovely then we got hot we got um burritos at a gas station oh it was just the perfect day

the perfect day i'm so into low quality food right now. Well, no, he was actually high quality food in a low quality destination, so it was under the radar. Yes. In the UK, I've been eating Cafe Nero Pret, like just the UK Starbucks style shit. Tomato mozzarella toasty,

just toasty, toasty, toasty. Cheese sandwiches, cheese sandwiches, cheese sandwiches. Are you running? I've been getting into her girl every day are you running? I've never been so itchy

every day all the time you look great it's fabulous I feel great wait so tell me the tea tell me the tea none of my clothes fit it's fabulous

my costumes everything is they're all loose everything is loose and goosey but I will not take a single thing in because I don't I know karma the day I take a costume.

Boop. Yeah, boop. I love that. Okay, I got so much tea to tell you. Well, I was just in Los Angeles this weekend. I was in Los Angeles this weekend to do the comedy festival, which you were at. And I know that you left it for my number, and that's okay. I've seen it.

Because it was a taping. I've seen that pig. I've seen that pig. That's what I said. I've seen it because it was a taping I've seen that pig I've seen that pig I've seen that pig that's what I said I've seen that pig if the children don't know I was lucky enough to perform at the

standout festivals part of the Netflix is a joke festival where it's all these iconic queer standups and then they invited me and Bob which was so fabulous

Bob hosted life changing so good by the way, the only two, if I may, my number one critique of this whole thing was the casual comfort corner outfits.

This was taped for Netflix. And you and Bob are the only two that looked any good. Sorry about it. Well, we are in drag. I looked great. I wore my dress from the Trixie motel interviews and i had to tie it extra because it was so big oh my god your hair looks and then i had a super tight corset on and then i had the guitar on and when i walked on stage in the middle of my song i mentally went they can't fucking see my waist this doesn't they cannot they cannot oh right

rosie o'donnell literally had us rosie o'donnell had a hoodie on that said the greek theater i said did you come naked but it was rosie o'donnell it was pretty iconic i don't care if you're julius caesar put a little and you're supposed to keep it cool put a clicker on i said rosie o'donnell trixie mattel and i've seen like all your movies and i've seen like all your tv shows and i've been watching you since i was a kid and this is so cool to work with you and she said how old are you i said i'm 32 and she said you're just a baby and she hugged me oh oh my god that's really nice that's really nice yes i have enjoyed her in many programs that's what i said i was like many roses league of her ownses um exit

to eden's writing the bus of my sister so many options thank you thank you the flintstones the flintstone let's have that conversation let's have that conversation so i get there um we've rehearsed all the day before i get there uh first of all it was a whole thing i land at the airport i go straight to the voice doctor oh my god right they scope me immediately because my voice has been tired on tour they said yeah they say sing i have the thing down my throat i'm going uh um and then they pull the thing out and i think he's going to tell me i have nodes i have cancer he said yeah next to kristen chenoweth you have the healthiest voice i've ever seen he said i can't believe you do seven shows a week recently and your voice doesn't look worse he said you're coming out of covid you're not in your 20s anymore you can't do this many shows in

a row and not expect your voice to get tired he was reading he was reading the doctor read he read you your miranda rights that's so good though what a great doctor i was very relieved and he said you're obviously not drinking not smoking not doing drugs he said you're obviously exercising drinking water and i said all right well i guess i'm gonna have to shut up then and try not to talk so much um maybe i go to seven shows a week i don't know thank you so then i go to rehearsal and it was just it was it was it was it was i shared a dressing room with wanda sykes wow i said hi wanda i just want to say hi because i'm gonna be naked in a wig in here in a little bit and i just i want you to know about that.

She was like, oh, it's fine. I was like, great. It was Star Spun. Tig Notaro. Wait, tell them about Tig with the no pockets. Tig came up to me before we go on stage because we're all supposed to...

Wanda Sykes, Judy Gold, all these comics that I really used to steal their albums on limeware and i've been andrew fucking bernhardt andrew fucking bernhardt i guess i'm freaking out right me and mateo lane and like the underlings are trying to like keep it cool yeah because i don't care about fame but these are comedy icons people that i'm like so yeah um tate comes up before we go on stage and says i've been looking for someone with a purse. Can I put my wallet, phone and lipstick in your bag? And she handed me a wallet and a phone with a Burt's Bees.

And I said, this is a chapstick. She said, it's my lipstick. I said, all right. Yes, and. The first rule of improv. Yes, it's a lipstick. Yes, it is. That was a hardcore lesbian. By lesbian lipstick yes that was a hardcore lesbian

by lesbian standard that was a hardcore brick matte yeah that was a brick yeah yeah yeah yeah stains the lips

I love that I have this little lucite vintage purse and I have her Tig's real wallet phone and chapstick in there

hours of rehearsal go by I still have it she hasn't come to find me i can't find her i find her in the dressing room i go tig i have your your stuff and she goes oh thank you and she takes it all back and then i said hey i discovered a river butcher and cameron a specific deal because i used to come see your shows at the Largo. Tegan, friends, you were so good.

And she said, thank you so much. When did she kick you in the pussy, though? These aren't good stories other than I got to meet people in life. That's fine. This episode is brought to you by CIBC. From closing that first sale to opening a second store, as a business owner, you've hustled to accomplish a lot, but the rewards don't stop there.

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The Lounge. They had lovely little screens. What was going on at the Lounge? Well, you know, Jennifer from Netflix and me were just talking trash. Gooning. It was fun. Gooning, yeah.

You know, eating foods and then talking trash. I was going very long. The show was going very long. I don't want to tell tales out of school. I don't want anyone to tackle me at a Netflix comedy festival. We're all supposed to do five minutes.

Everyone went over. Then you have the legends who are in their 40s, 50s, some of them 60s. they're like they're all lesbians with kids they're like yeah come on come on and i'm like well we're all here because all of you went over right i did y'all were so professional minutes and left if y'all were so professional maybe y'all would have been on time scott thompson was there he did buddy cole are you serious?

I can't believe I missed that I want to give away this act they set a stage with a bar and a drink and that bitch came out as Buddy Cole and sat there with his martini and fucking let those whores have it it was so funny that was so great

I did catch Patty Harrison I said to Scott Thompson I gotta tell you I don't know if your DMs are open but I've DMed Thompson, I said, I got to tell you, I don't know if your DMs are open, but I've DMed you before. I just love you. You are so funny. And he said he watches Trixie and Katya. Oh my God.

Incredible. Incredible. And he said, I saw your documentary. We talked about him. Backstage, it's a hot set. So they have cameras and microphones on, right? All of us. Because they're doing a behind the scenes.

And he's this close talker, Canadian. And he goes, you and Katya, what's going on there? He goes, it reminds me of comedy duos I work with. Or when you guys are together, it's just. He's like, you've got to hold on to that. You've got to hold on to that. Oh, really? That's nice. Yeah. that's nice yeah that's nice

that's nice yeah i'm trying to make sure we're okay um he said are you guys okay i said have you happened to watch a documentary recently um i don't know why you think that well you, you know, Pearl, when I, Pearl did my makeup and she hadn't seen, she was like, she asked me a question that was like, have you guys ever, have you and Trixie ever been like in a, have you ever been in an argument or like, have you ever, have you ever had a falling out? And I was like, uh, yeah. She's a trip

I'll send you a link oh it was wild it was wild five hours in the chair we got deep though we got deep wait wait back to the comedy special Patty Harrison so funny she did this long earnest setup

comedic antagonist she is an absolute antagonizer. And then she sang in the style of Stevie Nicks a song. I think it was, I left my baby in a hot car for 12 hours and now his head looks like a sweet potato. Here's what I love about Patty too.

You can tell that if it wasn't a joke, she actually has a really beautiful voice face to die for, skin to die for and she delivers it like it's going to be dead serious if anybody hasn't seen Seth's pod, go on YouTube look for her song that she wrote for Dua Lipa

and watch her sing it have you seen that? I don't want to give it away but she wrote a song for Dua Lipa and pitched it, and then she performs it in a show, and it's absolutely absurd. It's so good. Oh, God.

Yeah, she did that song for three good minutes. It was funny as hell. Funny as hell. And I don't want to tell tales out of school. Lily Conlin? No, tell them. We're not in school right now. I don't want to tell tales out of school, but you in school right now i don't want to tell tales out of

school but you can also tell with the legends because i'm legends there but they don't all exactly necessarily like each other and they're also famous and they're also famous and accomplished that this thing that's like it's a crown in the tiara for someone like me and bob

right we're like oh my god right right i mean it's another Bob. We're like, oh my God. It's another Tuesday. They're like, they want to go home. They got kids. They're like, I'm trying to get out of here. And then The Greek has a hard out at 11.

And because the show ran so long, the show ended and we are rushed out of there. But you can't even get out of there. That Greek theater is so rotten all the way up in Barnsdale or the Griffith something. It's so horrible. Horrible. You should catch – I just – like roadrunner it out on my feet. Crazy. I also – not to give away my act, but I got asked to do a comedy song because I think they wanted variety in the set, like not just all stand up.

And I because I went three hours into the program. I was very happy that I was doing music because it woke them right up. I don't know if they could have handled more stand up. No. But they were so responsive. That's great. It was so nice. I had to add pauses because they just they was it responsive. That's great. It was so nice. I had to add pauses because it was like, oh, the dream audience.

They laughed and laughed. Oh, they laughed. I love those kinds of laughs. Although me and Joel Kim Booster were backstage. We were like, if we flop, will they add? Like, will they make it look like we don't flop? I don't know. And if they do, will there be whistleblowers on Twitter who are like,

I was there and no one laughed? Yes, that for sure, regardless. Well, we know it's not you because it says I was there. I'll say this. You made it further through this performance than you have with anything I've ever done. Let's celebrate that. Let's celebrate that.

Let's celebrate that. Oh my God. Well, I have so much to tell you if you have a second. Tell me. Listen, I've got all the time in the world. Just talk at me. Talk at me. Okay.

Okay, we're back. Okay, we're back. Okay. I'm in. Yes, put on the wiglet. Okay. Okay. Let me see. Okay. Yes, put on the wiglet. Okay. Okay. Okay.

To start light before I get to the real tea, I saw Nighthouse. What did you like it? I did. Did you? Rebecca Hall? Did you? I loved it.

I loved it. I loved it so much. i don't know if this is a compliment i don't know if it means someone's like acting too much but i the movie ended i went that bitch can act she went in mama she ate she chewed that movie up in her mouth and went yeah she carried the whole movie in that scene of her confronting that woman in the bookstore was the teacher oh that was crazy in the bookstore when she's like i know you were fucking my husband like yeah yeah crazy how about the one with the at the beginning with the teacher i mean this the student's mom um she's like like oh well i'm just i've things have been a little hectic for me because my husband recently blew his brains out it's like so crazy oh my god i'm so good i said the same thing at cafe nero today i was in my running outfit and a fan came up to me and i was mid

sandwich and i just was like oh i'm sorry my husband blew his brains out last thursday and then i love when the woman goes, well, I'm sorry I hadn't heard. I hadn't heard. And then she goes, well, that's why it's a personal matter. Yeah. Oh, you want to be?

You want to be? Oh, shit. That's sickening. She was so beautiful. Yeah, so good. So good. Yeah. So talented.

She made me feel shit. That movie was so good. A lot of twists and turns that you did not see coming, I'll tell you that. No. I thought it was going to be... It seemed like it was going to be not paranormal. Right. Right, right, right.

Oh, it's more of a human crime thing. Okay. Straight up ghost story. Okay. So I watched that on the plane on the way back from um by the way brandon uh brandon was in first class for this flight netflix bought brandon first class international flight oh no you want to talk about booning and dating mama monster booning he said yes i will have more of that drink thank you so he was he was living living um it's incredible.

So I'm in London the other night. I'm playing the Palladium. Gorgeous venue. One of my favorite shows I've ever given. I felt so proud of myself. But I'm doing We Got the Look, which has this vamp section where I'm standing there like this. And I'm like, yeah, this song's going to happen. Let's do it.

And then I bring up some guests on the stage to come and uh take my costume off guess who walks on stage oh uh i don't know do you know is it maria bamford no no okay okay okay yeah okay i bombed It was humiliating, but that's right. Guess who came on stage in London to do the reveal. Who? Cody Choi and Val Garland. The real people, the real people. I'm in the middle of the number and I go, I go, okay, let's bring out our fabulous volunteers. I see blonde hair.

I see glasses. And I go, you're kidding me. I said, is it Val Garland? And I said, and who's your friend you have with you? And Cody's smiling. And I go, are you fucking Cody Choi? Oh my fucking God god that is so fierce that is so fierce i said you guys it's val and cody from the hit show glow up and everyone

cheered they couldn't believe it yeah and then i said bells or anything you want to say to the audience and she said ding ding she looked so beautiful in person and then she said sorry i couldn't stay for the show i'm filming right now but i i just wanted to thank you brandon arranged it with netflix jennifer oh my god that's so sweet that's so cool that is so fucking cool i love that shit i i i i didn't expect so i just it took me a whole second to go is that val garland like if i hadn't been in london i wouldn't have believed it i was like oh that probably is her i love her so much she's so cool she's so cool she is so so cool um what else um so anyway that's all my tea okay i have some fun tea tell me about your off tour experience okay let me get my little starbucks drink um i got i went to the chiro not the chiropractor. That doesn't, that's not a real thing. I went to the orthopedic surgeon yesterday.

For your leg. For my hip. So. Would you want to tell the people the tea? I don't think they know. Oh yeah. It's my, well, it's not very, it's not very interesting. So I had to have a hip injury. I don't know where it came from. It hurts to walk. I'm 40 years old, whatever. So I make an appointment i finally get one and um so i was like oh oh long story short i got a cortisone shot in my um my butt

a long horrible needle hurt like hell and then um it like but they froze it's cool they freeze the skin um and that hurts too but like it's to numb the area and this giant ass needle went down in there cold pain yeah yeah it's like stings but it was like whatever um and then um horrible fucking needle goes in there terrible i feel great. Really? That's it. Yeah, trochanteric bursitis. So inflammation of the bursa around the hip joint. That's all it is.

Oh my god. We were talking about you having to get like a hip replacement. Did you bring that up? Hip replacement or euthanasia or take me out back and shoot me like a lame horse. Yeah. Well, it was like, it's pretty scary when it hurts to walk. As somebody who needs to tour with you and make money off you,

do you know how ready I was to Varsity Blues this and start giving you steroid shots and put you on stage every time? Girl, you're not dying until I say you die. Okay, honey? And you know who else is not going to let you die? Kelly Mantle. I know. Oh my God.

I had her on the pod while you were gone. That was fun. Gosh, she's a riot. I love her. She is such a riot. She's great. She's so great. Love, love the Kelly Mantle.

Her IMDB. Mary, I don't know. You must have seen it. Has she been in everything? Everything. I watched this thing. Can you tell me what she shoots the judge? Yes!

Eagle heart. Eagle heart. What are you? The last thing you see before you're completely assassinated. Yeah. That's me before I lip sync on Drag Race. Completely assassinated. In 100 meters, turn right. Actually, no. Turn left. There's some awesome new breakfast wraps at McDonald's. Really?

Yeah. There's the sausage bacon and egg. A crispy seasoned chicken one. Mmm. A spicy end egg. Worth the detour. They sound amazing. Bet they taste amazing, too. Wish I had a mouth. Take your morning into a delicious new direction with McDonald's new breakfast wraps. Add a small premium roast coffee for a dollar plus tax at participating McDonald's restaurants.

It's really not important to me to have a lot of things to show off. Fancy cars, you know, a giant home. Those things are just not part of who I am. But I've been coached and I've learned through my advisor that it's not one size fits all. Everyone has their own preferences. Everything that I do with Edward Jones is tailored to who I am. Edward Jones. We do money differently. Visit edwardjones.ca slash different. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. When you drive a Mazda, you'll find out why our SUVs won more 2024 IIHS top safety picks than any other brand as of June 2024.

Find out what makes Mazda different at Mazda.ca. You know what they announced? I don't think we filmed the announced winter season. Have we talked about that? I'm watching it tomorrow at the pit stop. Do you know what episode you're doing? I get to see the first episode. The first one. You've got to come on the podcast and tell everyone what happens.

I know. I am so... I was like, oh, they want to book you to do the pit stop. I was like, oh, okay, great. And then I the Pit Stop. I was like, oh, okay, great. And then I was like, Bob's hosting it. Oh, good, wonderful. And I was like, wait, what series are we doing? They're like, the winners.

I was like, oh, yes. Now I'm excited. Yeah. Because watching a regular season is like, oh, yeah, I'm excited. Do you know anything about it? No. Well, they did ask, which was so nice um would you ask what but but i i did they asked if i would do it a few months ago do you remember that the winter season they asked me to

do the winter season they said hey we know you probably don't want to do it but we just wanted to extend an offer and i said yeah i'm touring this year i'm not really interested and they were okay with it. Plus I'm doing Queen of the Universe and stuff. But then when I left Pit Stop, when I left Pit Stop, I made them promise to invite me to do Winners. Because that was, I care more about doing Pit Stop than Drag Race.

I love doing Pit Stop. And then it didn't work with the schedule. They said you'd basically have to film remotely and i said at that point i said you should see a bob or like monet monet can do it she's on it so i said you should see a bob otherwise i recommended a few other people um who i think would be good but i love doing pit stop and doing the guest that's the best gig go in wear your little outfit it's so fun it's so fun it is so so fun you get to watch the episode and yeah it's great put your nails on yeah it's really fun really really fun we need

to hang out with producer joe gerbino joe yeah joe gerbino love of my life joe gerbino amore demi vita yeah yeah it's great it's great this great. It's super duper. It's a fun gig. It's really, really cute. Especially, you know, and I guess, you know, I did it through COVID too, which was like, you know,

people remotely, remote Zoom drag some of it. I think you and I did a remote Pit Stop episode together. I think we did. Which isn't quite as fun. No. But you know what I did like about it? You do what you do. When it's in person in person it's only la queens when it's remote we got to have people like anybody

latrice yeah people who they don't come to la very much so yeah um you did a great job that's gonna be i loved doing it i'm excited to watch this it was fun you know when you're doing a job and you you can feel when you're doing a job and you can feel like you're doing a good job? That's what I felt like. Yeah. It's great. What a great feeling. They gotta get Violet. They gotta get Violet to just lay down the law every episode.

I think they did. Oh, no, no. As a host. A permanent host. I think Violet did fashion photo review for the whole season. Yes. And yes. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I feel like Alyssa Edwards doing this. Totally. With the gun. You know what? Totally.

These winners, though, this is a good group. I'm not saying everybody who wins Drag Race is automatically good at drag, but this is a group who's going to really bring it. And I bet Violet will be reading things like, you know, concept and stuff. You know, Violet shit. Violet's going to look deeper than the cop. Yeah, social security number. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Family history, alcoholism. She's going to look deeper than like the cop. Social security number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Family history. Alcoholism. She's going to dive deep. I know that's going to be on Pearl's channel, but Pearl did your makeup for a video. How did it go? Oh, I hated it. Oh, I hated it. You did?

Oh, yes. I hated it. Did she know? I mean, it was – yeah, yeah, yeah. I told her in the moment I hate it. She was, I mean, there were things about it that I loved. So there was like, so first of all, here's the thing. Here's the thing.

The first thing that she had, the first hurdle she had to overcome was of course the eyebrows. So she glued down my brows, which took about over an hour because I had these, you know, these little spindly little like well because i went half shaved and half like these are drawn in but like you know my eyebrows are

not glue downable they're just not so any case that was like that was something and you know that was a hurdle and she i hated the brows i loved the eye makeup I loved the eye makeup. I loved the nose. I hated the mouth. She's an amazing makeup artist. I loved. No, she is. She, I was, I'm telling you, Trixie, I was, I did not recognize the person in the mirror at all. I think you sent me a picture.

I just need to look at it. It was so crazy. By the way. I was shocked. By the way, if you guys like quality content, this is an unpaid, unpaid plug. Pearl's channel is really amazing. Oh, it's fantastic. It's fantastic.

You want to talk renovation? She's renovating buses and shit. I know. She's crazy. She's absolutely crazy. We had a great time. We got deep. We went deep into it. She was there for like four hours or something. I'm looking at it now. I love the freckles. The freckles are fun the eyes are great the eyebrows are boo-boo um and the mouth is right i love the everything else is great shape

i say it's fantastic no bottom liner no bottom liner can you get into that yeah it's pretty no bottom liner i don't want to give away her tea because you guys should go on her channel and watch. Yeah. I don't think you felt that. It brought me back to this. Do you know what's sad? As long as we're all getting brought back to there, that's why I feel like we're good. As long as we're coming back to that.

You know what's sad? When that came out and people were making memes of it, I know that I live in delusion. I felt so beautiful. Wait, is that the Scott Barnes? We talked about that at length. I felt so beautiful.

Oh, I know. Oh, I know. Oh, I know. Mary, I have all the screenshots in the video. You felt like the only woman to walk on the earth with a real pussy and long hair. I remember calling you and taking so many pictures. Yes. You could not help but feel it.

The full, unbridled, unadulterated fantasy. It was amazing. Well, you know, I've been feeling really good about myself in general. Great. For somebody like me who already is delusionally confident, feeling good about the way you look is just it's like throwing gasoline on a fire um yeah but i went to the dermatologist saturday because i've had this little red dot on my nose for years have you ever noticed this oh yeah every day of course okay so i said can i get removed he goes oh yeah it's just a blank, blank, blank medical term.

He said, that and a few other dots on your nose, we can zap them right now and they'll be gone. And I said, well, I have a taping for Netflix tonight. Is it going to be a problem? He said, well, you're going to have to put makeup on it. He's like, you might have to put on heavy makeup. I said, I'm okay with that. Oh, I've got that. So they numb the face of the dermatologist, the face numbing cream on the nose and then they went in with the zapper like a flashing laser light

thing yeah and they said it's just gonna feel like a little rubber band snapping the lie detector determined that was a lie nope i felt like i got kicked in the face by a donkey. Like I had those little Jennifer Coolidge sunbathing glasses on. And I was going like this. Mary. I think they call that the IPL. So bad. The intense whatever photo something, the IPL, IPO something. It absolutely worked.

This is still healing, but it's smooth, completely smooth. It's going to be gone. They tried to sell me the same song and dance. I said, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Rubber band? It worked. Rubber band? It hurts so bad.

I said, it hurts so bad. If you told me that this was really going to hurt, my expectation would be adjusted and it wouldn't hurt that bad. Exactly. But this is not a rubber band. This is the world's largest rubber band from Piedmont, North Dakota. Don't ever try to minimize pain, especially when you're like in a product you're selling.

Like, you know, I always say just, this is going to be very challenging, but it's going to work and you're going to love it. You know what mean like just say that or something like that I don't know yes I'm somebody who's used to going through pain to look good just tell me what the teeth right so yeah then I have a consultation with the esthetician at the clinic right this is like Beverly Hills Clinic fancy whatever it's 8 a.m. when I'm there. They're so early, first person there. And she comes in and she goes, so tell me about your skin. And I go, well, actually, for what I do for a living, I think I have really good skin. And I said, I feel really confident.

People always compliment my skin. I said, I'm really lucky of all my features. I said, I think my skin is probably the one thing I love. And she goes, okay, can I show you a few things? And I go, yeah, sure. She takes an iPhone in the sunlight and the direct daylight in the office takes zoomed in pictures of my face. And she is zooming. She's I'm going to use this picture as the T. Let's see here. Oh, my God. I can only imagine.

Girl, she's zooming in. Let me find a picture of me. Actually, this is better. She's zooming in. And she's going, do you see that? All that texture that's years and years of sun damage. And she goes, do you see under certain lights do you see this big panel of dark spots here she said this area the integrity of your skin is collapsing

it's collapsing collapsing okay and then about 20 20 minutes went by of her zooming in on my face and telling me what was wrong with me. Which, by the way, you don't want to go to a dermatologist where they tell you nothing. You want to go where they read you. You want them to tell you the tea. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And she goes, I think we should start today. She said, we got to get in there. Like, we got to get in. Like, it's a house in the Hollywood Hills that's on stilts that's collapsing. She's like, we got to get in there. Like, we got to enjoy every moment because it's a matter of time that's so fierce oxygen facial followed by stem cells on the face and by the way in the light of the roe v wade overturn i'm not gonna ask where the stem cells are coming from i mean i don't know when i tell you at the office i sent you

a picture of myself in the office when i told you i was serving this fame just wet wet skin on the on the bed oh yeah lovely wet skin lovely wet skin oxygen facial look at that i mean just look at it flawless flalina incredible beautiful i mean she did read me but afterward she was like, do you see how much help you need? How much better this looks? She was from Italy, so I think with the language barrier, she was very straight to the point. Yes.

Which I honestly really appreciated, because she did turn my pussy out. Well, right. Yeah. How much is such a bad thing? For her to zoom in on my forehead and say, well, the exact mama and the facial and then she basically said i want to set you up with all prescription medical grade skincare regimen i think you should get everything and for what we do for a living to our faces i'm not going to say no absolutely absolutely painters she said i know you wear a

lot of makeup she said the better your canvas is the better it's gonna look i said i agree but i thought i looked okay i mean yeah um she came for you so not today ugly mama she came right into my house and she came for me and my family. And my daughter. She ripped up the carpet while you were having dinner. Yeah. So now I'm on a whole prescription skincare judge that I don't know. I don't know what anything does or if it's going to work, but I'm just doing it because the doctor told me to. There you go.

It's Accutane. She put you on Accutane. Also a fan at the meet and greet tonight said, I got you a bunch of sweets and chocolate and gave it to me and said I didn't do nothing to it listen I didn't think you did

but now that you said that like you added that doubt to my mind now like I was fine until you said that I didn't do nothing to it I didn't do nothing to it the UK what's going on that. I didn't do nothing to it. I didn't do nothing to it. The UK, what's going on over here?

I don't know. I'll see you there soon. Shit. Well, by the time this comes out, people don't know yet. Can we say don't know what? But by the time it comes out, you and I are touring in the UK. You're a people who don't know. Oh, yeah. They don't know that yet because we haven't reached that haven't they don't know until about two weeks everybody at

the meet and greets has been asking if the show is coming and i've been saying you never know but i've also been telling them make sure you buy a ticket immediately because in the states it was all sold out i've sold out mama sold out mary sold out mary dugan yeah which by the way not to plug but we have many u.s dates that are already like still on the table sold yeah still on the table if you all want to come see it we're doing the youtube theater in los angeles i think we've sold 3 000 of the 4 000 tickets already we were just there um mary how about this radio city's almost i pretty much sold out. That is gaggy. After 9-11. Tell the people about the pornography clause.

Oh, there is a decency clause in the contract for Radio City. It's a lewd and indecent clause where if you make a comment or do something that they deem inappropriate or lewd or especiallycent clause, where if you make a comment or do something that they

deem inappropriate or lewd, or especially in addition to that, you cannot disparage Radio City on the microphone. If you say, hey, by the way, this place is a perfect shit dump for me to spread my pussy lips, that would be like a twofer. You get $50,000 fine. $50,000 fine, Mary. So so maybe a hundred thousand for that one disparaging and lewd oh my god on this tour nick's been here filming and for some of the venues i've had to pay out of my own personal pocket fees for him to run a youtube camera here and so what i've been doing is going on stage and telling the audience exactly how much that

costs. I don't care. I'm sorry. It's a sold out house. It's a sold out house and you're going to charge me money to film for YouTube? It's YouTube. Oh wait, the venue charges it? The venue charges it? Yes.

I said, hey, my friend Nick from America's here. I said, he's just filming for TikTok. I said, we're Nick from America's Here I said he's just filming for TikTok I said we're doing some social stuff and they were like yeah there's a fee one of the venues charged me $2,500 American dollars and then when I got there they tried to raise it to

$7,000 and we had to pull up an email and say what about this amount what about this amount previously quoted previously quoted amounts not being honored He had to pull up an email and say, what about this amount? Yeah. What about this amount? Lagging with girls. Previously quoted amounts not being honored. I'm like, girl, I'm in a wig putting on makeup for YouTube. This isn't Titanic.

No, but you know what though? I don't know. I actually, I think I'm on the side of the venue with this one. Girl, everyone in the audience has a camera on their phone and no one charged them. Well, because they're not supposed to be doing that. And also their videos suck. You got lovely lighting. That being said, when people come to Trixie Motel,

if they're taking TikToks, I'm kicking down that door. No, you're adding it to their bill. Mama, when I tell you at the Trixie Motel that we have your card on file, Mama, we have your card on file. We're waiting 30 days in order to slap you I tell you at the Trixie Motel that we have your card on file. Mama, we have your card on file. On file. We're waiting 30 days in order to slap you with a $7,500 recording fee. If you even clip your toenails in one of these rooms, I'm taking your mom's house.

When does that shit get started, bitch? Girl, we premiere June. God, this is so horrible. Did you see me just push my hair back? I have no hair. Did you see that? Hold on. Let me tie my hair up so I can look at my schedule.

I love that. Girl, that's Taffy. That's Taffy. By the way, I think I'm going to make Taffy merch. I think I'm making Taffy merch. T-A-P-H-E-I-G-H. T-A-P-H-E-I-G-H. T-A-P-H-E-I-G-H T-A-P-H-E-I-G-H T-A-P-H-E-I-G-H

I'm a taffy puller I'm a taffy puller Let me show you taffy That's taffy That's nasty and rotten By the way look at this store that I saw in Cambridge today I was in Cambridge today and I was running And look at the store that I saw in Cambridge today I was in Cambridge today and I was running and look at the store that I saw this was their sign outside

oh Jesus Christ what's in there what kind of store is that Caucasian folk music looking for some white stuff baby this evening Tracy Motel premieres June 3rd

okay great and where can they find that on Discovery Plus and white stuff, baby, this evening. So, Tracy Motel premieres June 3rd. Okay. Great. And where can they find out? Discovery Plus? Discovery Plus? Do you see the trailer? Which? Lovely. So great. I can't wait. Do you know how many people were on set for that trailer? No. Like a hundred. Jesus Christ. Really?

It was one of the most high-budget things I've ever been a part of. It was really cool. It honestly shows. It was one of the most high budget things I've ever been a part of. It was really cool. It honestly shows. It was so well done. So well done. So well done. If that's any indication of the level of quality that will come throughout the season, I think we're in for a lovely experience.

But girl, when they pitched the trailer idea, they were like, well, the trailer idea is Trixie, the queen of all trades. We have her as a bartender, as a desk as a designer as a whatever and i said oh that sounds amazing realize that means i have to turn about a dozen looks in a day yeah yeah i was in drag at 7 a.m shooting for that and i shot till about 8 p.m but you know what it looks great so let's let's celebrate that let's celebrate that and then and then get dragged the next morning to shoot stills because there wasn't enough time so then drag all day to do stills oh no same outfit same costume no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, so fiercely. I saw just a snippet of that. And then some rag, I forget who. I twisted my words just to death. But then a lovely man. Then the guy from The Decider was just a doll.

It was fun. Really fun. I was talking to, I forget which publication I talked to about winner all-stars. And I was saying how badly I wanted to do Pit Stop. Yeah. And the article is, Trixie really wanted to do All-Stars Winners.

And I'm like, that is not what I said. I said I wanted to do Pit Stop. Yeah, mine was, the headline was, this was disgusting. I don't know what they were talking about. I don't know. I don't know. It was so bad.

It was so clickbaity and gross. I was like, oh, y'all people are just too much. Girl, I was on a press thing, I forget what for, and I said, I'll let you ask about All Stars, but if they had lit up this article, it's about whether or not I'll do All Stars on the screen. I just told them.

I said, you cannot do that. I mean, that's what they do. They want those clicks. That's what they do. That's what they do. Click here to see my husband's dead. Click here's what they do. Click here to see my husband's dead. Click here to see my pussy. Did you know that I got

demonetized on Facebook for posting that? Good. Because it counts as sexual solicitation. That was me. I reported you. Alright. I've been thinking about having up. Let's celebrate that.

Let's celebrate that. All right. Bye. But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Have a lovely day. Oh, it's midnight here. Oh, good night. Good night.

Good night. Bye.