The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Meditation on Fruit Cups and Resplendence with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

In the majestic kingdom of sleep where the heavens are transformed into a silken washhouse of torrential storms, the clouds are wrung dry by invisible hands while heinous blonde flamingos are carried off to a prison of unimaginable cruelty. As flocks of braying geese vanish and reappear as if by magic, I open my body into impossible splits and liquid arcs of dance so resplendent that the very air seems to blush at my elegance. Out of the ether appears Ana De Armas, her tender hand taking mine as we enter a fevered tango of devotion and spin, dipping low into miraculous splits before sharing a simple fruit cup; juicy grapes exchanged like a blessed sacrament. At the crest of this joyful chaos as our limousine runs out of gas, dawn intrudes with its blunt cruelty as I awake. Lily Tomlin laughs as I ache, my heart plunged into a deep despair by the knowledge that flight, fruit cups, and the beauty of the perfect split show their resplendence in a land that exists only when my eyes are closed. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince! For free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, go to: https://quince.com/bald Get your gut going and support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Save 25% on your first month at: https://Ritual.com/BALD This year, don’t let nicotine cravings be the boss of you. Text JOINKATYA to 88709 to start your nicotine quit journey with EX Program! #SponsoredByEXProgram Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns! Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Download the Acorns app to get started, or head to: https://acorns.com/bald Need a website or domain? Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain at: ⁠https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen and Watch Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Hello, I'm Henry Devereaux, Supreme Lawn sprinkler of the Vernal Goblet Fellowship of Los Angeles, a sacred Hollywood social order devoted to celebrating the Spring Equinox on March 20th. This year, our group has grown too powerful to spread only by whispered invitations at Erdogan. So I needed a website to let the world know that spring will not happen unless at least 12 of us howl at dawn in the nude and release ethically sourced flower crowns to the coyotes in Griffith Park. To get the word out, I used to do it. Squarespace. Their design intelligence basically read my aura and instantly built a stunning website

that perfectly captured our vibe, which is sun worship, but sort of bright and minimalist and yet also fun. I even set up Squarespace payments so people can easily pay their equinox dues or purchase ceremonial robes using Apple Pay, Klarna, or whatever app their therapist recommends. Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, head to Squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's Squarespace.com slash bald. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your

health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book and assessment today. Medcan, live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Searchlight Pictures presents in the blink of an eye on Hulu on Disney Plus, a sweeping science fiction drama spanning the Stone Age, the present day, and the distant future, about the essence of what it means to be human, regardless of our place in history. The film is directed by Oscar-winning filmmaker Andrew Stanton and stars Rashida Jones,

Kate McKinnon and David Diggs. Stream in the blink of an eye, February 27, only on Hulu on Disney Plus. Sign up at Disneyplus.com. Every day and when I drive here, I want to jerk the wheel. Fly off Coanga Pass and my last one will be, fuck Katia and fuck that podcast.

You are so full as shit. This is your only drop of joy in your barren, deserted life. Your life with no joy, no excitement, no pleasure. This is the only like you get. This is the only little drop of pleasure you'll ever receive. Did you see, did you see Billy Porter?

They asked her about Nikki Minaj and she just goes, fuck her. And it was the most like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not fuck her, but with that whole. He was like whispering. He was like, fuck her. And the reporter's like, it's crazy. And you know who else?

Fuck, Pam Bondi. Oh my God. You want me to jerk the wheel? Fuck Pam Bondi. I wake up every day. My eyes open. I look at my life and I go, fuck Pam Bondi. You know what I had to do this morning?

You know what I had to do this morning? I had to Google what is an attorney general? Because I was like, surely it's not Pam Bondi. Yes, it is Pam Bondi. The Department of Justice, the people interested in justice. The attorney for the government. Crazy. For the United States.

Yeah. Pamela, Joanne Elizabeth Bondi. Yeah. Go. Fuck her. Fuck her. I fucking hate her. She is. I fucking hate her.

What a fucking criminal. What a violent criminal. I'm gonna remember that. I don't want to like get into it, but I'm thinking about this a lot. People I'm related to, friends, colleagues,

fans, all of you who have been complicit or voted for this shit, I will never forget about it until the day I die. You will never be off the hook. It is not a footnote about you. It is a huge flashing sign.

over your face for the rest of your life. And even when she dies, I will be resurrected from the grave posthumously, and I won't still not forget about it. Pamela, Joanne. Fuck her. She had the idea. She's our guest today, so I don't know.

Pam, but she's in the parking lot. Pam, get in the parking lot right now. She's just zeshing her hair and getting, fishing the dildo out of her pussy. You know I bet she gets transported? It's a hearse, and they carry out a casket. And it's like, Pam and True Blood. When she's like,

See, Pam and True Blood would be so fierce on the stand like that. Yeah, it's too fierce. Maybe I wear too much pink. Maybe I love the president. Yeah. Yeah. She is, Pam Bondi's evil. Pam Bondi's evil.

The essence of evil. We just had Anna Camp on my channel. You know, Anna Camp, she was like, pitch perfect, true blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Reverend Neuland's wife and True Blood. Yes, yes. And I... Oh, she would play her.

She'd play a great Pan Bondi. She's so amazing. She's an just great movie. I'm so excited to see. She plays Sydney's neighbor. That's all she will tell me. Okay. She's a good Hollywood girl.

I was like, so how was filming? Did you scream a lot? I was like trying to get any information and she was like, no. But I had to rewatch some true blood clips because I remember her being on it, of course. But it's been so long since I've seen it. And I forgot about the hot, tense, lesbian scenes when you have Pam. And Pam has her as prisoner. And she's all like bound up and it's very sexual.

Also, didn't she fuck Jason Stackhouse? Yeah, she fuck. I think Jason Stackhouse fucks everybody in that show. besides, you know, the sister. He won't fuck me. Thank you. What's his name? Isn't it Quinn or something?

Ryan Quentin. Ryan Quentin. K-W-A-N-T-E-N. Who would play her? Ryan Quentin, it would be Ryan Philippi. What do you think his favorite RuPaul song is? Cover girl. Right.

Yeah. Does she own? Oh, no, no, it's supermodel she doesn't own the rights to. Let's get back to Pim Bondi. Rupal not owning supermodel. Meanwhile, me putting out a cover of it last year. I'm like, I know you can't. Yeah, right, exactly.

I'm never, listen, I will never stop celebrating the music of RuPaul and you all can shoot me in the face. Okay. While you're shooting her in the face, I won't shut up about Pambandi. And while you're talking about Pambondi, I'm in Brooklyn trying to survive in this economy. Yeah. Well, I'm still in diapers. Everybody's on C-R-A-C-K. Girl, everybody is on so much crack.

I'm telling you. It's the question of whether you're on crack. It's how much crack you're smoking. How are you smoking currently? Did you just smoke and are you going to smoke? Do you have more? Will you be heating it up now? And I would like to share.

Is it a double-ended bong? And can we put both ends of the glass up our purses and then quiff out the crack clouds? While on the stand in front of the grand jury. Girl. Because my name is Pamela Anderson Bondi. It's crazy. Imagine wanting to be in a position of public service but then hate serving the public. Yeah, yeah.

It's fierce. So it's- swear to God, I get better fucking the people at the store staples are doing more for America than the apartment of justice. The woman who was doing a tight five while she was bragging my groceries was doing more for her

myself and for everybody, every American citizen. Oh yeah. Pambandi has or ever will. Yeah. I hate her with such a fire, spurious fury passion. And fuck icicles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck these people. Well, it's you know, it's a thing of like, in 20 years,

God willing, if this planet is still here, It won't be. It won't be. I know, I know. It'll be in diapers in Brooklyn struggling. But like, it's just very simple

with the masks. Oh, it's very, very simple. All of you make fun of me for loving Watchmen. What have we been having recently? Nobody's making fun of you for Loving Watchmen, by the way.

First of all. Nobody, nobody ever did. All of you are so sick of me. It's literally acclaimed 10 out of 10. All of you hate me. Nobody hates it. Everybody loves it.

And while you're making fun of me for liking Watchmen, I am living in Brooklyn, struggling to survive. in this economy as a working mother. Like, next hearing, you're going to hear Ms. Bondi say,

while all you're doing fraud, while all you're perpetrating crimes, I'm in Brooklyn being a single mother trying to survive in this economy. Not to mention, we have masked vigilantes, abducting Ms. Guthrie's mother. Yeah.

Horrible. Horrible. Not to mention people aren't police, people who aren't in the army, wearing police army outfits with masks on. But when COVID was here, the masks were too uncomfortable. Too uncomfortable.

Oh, you could. These people are these people? On the planes, on the planes, they could not imagine going two seconds on a plane with the mask. Everybody's wearing it below their nose. Oh, below their nose. Look at these ice agents. They are firmly infixed to their faces covering every, like, possible inch of their, like, identifiable face. Oh, yeah.

It's fierce. But I'm going to get shit from wearing a wig. From who? Nobody. Right. Pam Bondi. in the future. We're not going to be in the future.

No. I mean, the lovely series fallout is just showing us war never changes. Yeah. Like, humans can't help but be shitty.

I know. And I'm like, the thing, my, when I watch, I watch democracy now every morning because I can't, I don't know how to get news

from any other outlet that's visual that will send me through a tailspin. I mean, this sends me through a tailspin, but it's like the most, from what I can gather on like

it's it's just the the news without all the graphics and the crap the crap but Mary when I see that little Benjamin Netanyahu devil at the table I'm like you don't see that Hitler you don't see that Hitler? They love it

Hitler's right at the table at your table they love it girl they love it they're just annihilating the whole fucking population of Gaza and then they just can't wait to build like luxury high rises luxury hotels they cannot wait to build that have their little Riviera on the strip.

The little Christian fuck face. Queen. Queen. Queen. Queen. I just, it's like, my blood pressure, my blood pressure. My blood pressure. I just, sometimes I laugh. Like today I was working at my computer eight in the morning

because the type of panic disorder I have, I wake up early and awake. Already heart racing, right? So I'm working in the morning, trying to work on my art, do my little art. and I just start laughing because I'm just like What is this? Yeah

What is this? What is this? It's like the rap. It's a rap. It's a rap. It's a rap. It's a rap. I have a lot to say to it.

Girl. I have a lot to say to you too. I wrote it in cursive you can see right there. I watched. I have so much to pivot to. First of all, I have to talk about how I got here this morning. Do Pambondi drive you? No, Pam Bondi.

She wouldn't. She flew me. The top 20 Pambandis will get flued out. Pam Bondi, rot in hell, go to hell, eat shit and die. Yeah. Federatively, of course. I would never hurt another human being. I want her plan to go down and I want to know about it.

And I want to be like, um, Dolores Claiborne with like the boxes you watch the eclipse. Like I will be outside waiting to watch it. Like, wow. I will be take, I will have the, I want that eclipse to burn my retinas. Because you're hurting people. You're doing harm. You're using the, um, authoritarian muscle. Yeah.

To push harm on individuals. And these people have no moral compass as, as like, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe J.D. Vance's politics were complete 180 many years ago. Oh, yeah. And now that, like, anybody, if anybody's, like, can sense, like, the spotlight of power or the warmth of it, they get in there and they just flip. Girl. And they just flip.

Who looks like an actual piece of shit? Like a human turd, like a huge, come to life. Turd. Yeah, cold turd. We had a Tricky Cosmetics photo shoot the other day. You didn't congratulate me. But we had a photo shoot the other day. Keep crying jobless.

We had a photo shoot the other day. And outside that we did it on location, tell me why directly outside this location, there's models, they all have makeup on, they look amazing. I'm there. I'm also trying, right?

Outside, I'm talking directly outside the door of where we shot. A huge human turd. Like I'm talking a foot long. I'm talking this, like, you invited me, though. But,

But like, it was like a Pringle scan. Oh my God. How thick around it was. And Brandon was like when you walk in, watch out for the human shit. And I was like, ha, ha, we're downtown. And I was like, oh, downtown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like a preserved fibrous brick.

Well, it's good to know that. Cross dresser. Terror. No. Human shit. No. No. Don't.

Do it little girl. That's the only, you know what? I should actually, I should email Amy Goodman at Democracy Now and see if they can do like, yesterday's news with Luscious Massacres commentary over it. Right. You know, because like,

I feel like the only way that I could watch the, the footage from these hearings with the, you know, about the Epstein files with Pambonies

that had some commentary in real time over it. Oh, yeah. Luscious's news would be called, like, gentle creatures. The gentle dolls. Yeah.

Indite her. Indite her. Edstein. Indite her. Criminal. It's, girl, it's fierce. It's really bad. It's really,

really bad. And I guess it's, is it not, I guess it was like thinking the other day it's maybe naive and kind of clue or clueless or whatever to just assume that things will get better, that history doesn't have to repeat itself, that it's like the cycle of war will continue just with a different shade or a different flavor or different color. Right. I think liberals should keep doing this thing where we hold other liberals to impossible purity Olympic standards. I think that's worked out really well and we should continue to do so. Well, I don't see any liberals around.

I don't know about you. Libertarian. Oh my God. Speaking of, I did a quick Google search on the politics. of one Gary Busey. Oh, God, why? Well, because I really wanted to make fun of him, and I was like, I think he's kind of crazy. He's probably a libertarian.

Well, he is a self-proclaimed libertarian, but I brought a clip that I have to show you because it disturbed me. Now, I have a friend who lives right next to him, so I don't want to say who it is. I sent it to her and was like, ain't this your neighbor? So, but I want you to know that kind of gave you a little bit. Of course it does. I need you to hear this. When I pull out my pookie. Oh, wait, hold on.

That's a jump scare. You did not, you did not. Where's the audio? It's Gary Busy. And I have got a great Christmas present for you. Listen to this. That's what a goose sounds like. But they're flat.

They let you know they're up there. Like, you get a bunch of geese together. That is me. They're honking in the air. We gotta do it TikTok. Girl, what the Sigma? Six-seven. Six-seven.

I gotta tell you something about six-seven. This is just because my, I have little family members who, you know, the nine-year-old boys love six-seven, right? They love it. And what is the significance of that? Don't tell me nothing. Don't tell me that Jen Alpha is interested in nothing. No, that. Meaningless nothing.

So, but I was on a queerty. Queerty had an article, Ask Jake. And this guy said, I'm 60. and I would like to try intimate contact with a man for the first time, but where do I go? And I just commented six seven. Because he is 67. And I was afraid I was going to get banned again like when I called those whales faggots. Like if anybody wants to know if I run my own social media, watch how often I get banned.

One time I was, I was working at TwitchCon. TwitchCon a couple months ago. And I'm getting in drag and they go, Trixie, we're so happy to have you here. It's going to be really great show. It's just like awesome. I know you love video games. You love Twitch. Are you banned from Twitch?

I said, I don't think so. And I was. You were. I was. I was. I was a Twitch partner and I was banned. I was like, what did I do?

But Pam Bondi is on in the, and not getting banned. Oh my God. Nobody. You're banned at TwitchCon. No, I'm not banned anymore. Okay, okay. I got fixed.

Luckily when you're at Twitch, I'm like, surely someone in this convention. Yeah, where's bot Twitch? Unband. Yeah. Where's bot Twitch? But it was because I didn't, there's a toggle for when you're DJing on Twitch, a toggle, like a Switch. When you're DJing on Twitch, you have to turn that on so you're not doing musical copyright infringement.

Gotcha. But what about my dongle? What is a dongle? No, I said it. No, I know, you said a toggle, but it brought to mine a toggle, which is, I don't know what that is. It's like a keychain. Is it? Right?

I don't think so. I think it's like a thing that it switches a connector for your phone or something. A dongle. Oh, yes. A don't know. Like the, um, when you have a computer that doesn't have a USB input anymore. Yeah, like a, like a headphone to a something, Jack. I hate that name.

Who came up with that, Pambwandi? Probably. Yeah. Dingle dongle, a girl on the way here. Wait, wait, so TwitchCon was a success even though you were a band? This was months ago. Okay, sorry. I was just saying, I get banned from stuff. Right, right, right.

So that, that 67-year-old man saying, how do I connect? I'm interested in connecting. And I said, six-seven. What about 34 plus 30? What's that one that equals 69? What is that? Do you know what I'm talking about? 34 plus 35

equals 69. 69 is doing blow jobs to each other or whatever. Do you know what I'm talking about? I know what 69 is. Right. Yeah, it's an Ariana Grande son, which is like a young person code thing, which seems to me so...

I don't like it. Is it because I'm old and like Gary Busey? They're not having sex anyway. My pelvic floor therapist, I was talking about how people don't have sex. I was talking about what? So relatable. While you were in preschool, I was in Brooklyn going to pelvic floor appointment.

While you're a pelvic floor therapy, I'm in Brooklyn trying to survive in this economy. Sorry for trying to heal my body. No, no, no, I'm happy for you. I'm so happy. My systemic illness? I'm happy that you're, no, six, seven. By the way, your sister's the one who recommended I go to a pelvic floor therapist. My sister's a veterinarian.

And you're a dog. She makes a lot of sense. She needs to get down here and sew your pussy up because we don't want you having babies. Spade and neutered. Spade. I like it. I want it.

My hair. I bought it. I'm heading to Phoenix for a gig and while half of the country is slipping on ice and shoveling driveways. I'm packing sunglasses and a bikini. That Phoenix sunshine just hits different, especially when you booked an amazing house on Airbnb. I'm talking morning walks and short sleeves, coffee outside on a patio, squeezing in hikes through

saguaro cacti, and alfresco dinners because the weather in Arizona wants you to live your life outside, rather than huddling next to the radiator as the sky outside is gray and lifeless. I booked to stay through Airbnb and honestly, it's going to make the whole trip so much better. I'm going to have room to spread out, a real living room to hang in, and a table where I can actually sit down and eat instead of juggling a to-go container on a lumpy bed. I can shut the door when I need to quiet, open things up when I want light, and enjoy actual privacy that feels like my own place. And if I'm traveling with my crew, we can actually all stay together to make the entire event smoother. And while I'm soaking up the sun in Phoenix, I'm already planning the next trip this summer to the Amalfi Coast.

We're talking fresh seafood caught that morning, long days on the beach that melt into even longer nights, and hopefully a fling with a dark here at Adonis named Antonio. trips just hit different when you book a home on Airbnb, and I already know I'll be booking my next day through Airbnb again and again and again. With Airbnb, every journey feels like it's being written just for you. My winter retreat to a secluded chalet in Quebec's Chalvoix region was the perfect way to ring in the new year. The chalet had a beautiful deck opening to a view of the frosted evergreens

as we grilled in the wintry air and toasted the arrival of 2026. There was even a hot tub outside underneath a canopy trees where we'd relax for hours and talk about our goals and expectations for what lies ahead. The entire trip felt like wandering inside a snow globe and staying in this gorgeous home I booked on Airbnb was the pause that I didn't know I needed. We spent our days snow-shoeing through birch forests and taking in the sights along the St. Lawrence River as the snow glowed beneath the afternoon sunshine. Somewhere in that hush, it struck me. My home is sitting empty. Why not hosted on Airbnb while I'm away? Especially since my next spring adventure,

is a trip to Spain for two weeks, where I plan to buzz along volcanic cliffs in a tiny Renault, stopping for Papasaragudas, and fresh island seafood. Hosting is really about making small dreams at home possible, like finally updating my hardwood floors. A little extra income from hosting could help me get there. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at a Airbnb.ca slash host. So on the way here, oh, on the way here. So I drive a Volvo. And It's actually my beautiful boyfriend's car. Yes. So I drive his car.

Oh, the boyfriend is public. We, girl, we did on this pod. Oh, queen. Queen. We did? Did we show him? Yes. Did we show?

No, we didn't say his name. Did we do his measurements? We didn't say his name. Why don't we go on the, okay, we'll do the measurements later. Well, I'll, I'll just show a clip. What if you guys, no, it's Will, it's Will Smith slapping Chris Rock. That's the clip. No, it's you doing 34 plus 35, you fucking whore.

I watched that slap clip last night in bed just, just to, just to, just, just, to remember it. Yeah, what do you, what do you make of it? What's your analysis? It's just so violent. It's crazy. It's a very hard slap.

And, you know, yeah, it's a hard slap that I don't think it's like, sure, you were offended that he made a joke about your wife's alopecia. It glares. Celebrities can do whatever. Yeah. If anybody else had slapped him in that room, people would have rushed the stage and done something. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Anyway. Okay, so on the way here, you're in a Volvo. Your boyfriend's lovely Volvo. So my boyfriend's lovely Volvo. Now, it counts down the number of gas you have left. It counts down from 400, whatever miles to what I didn't know is after 40 it stops counting. Oh.

It doesn't count down to zero one. Do you get a blinking light that says, you fucking bitch? Well, the last few times I've driven it, it goes, the car is like, do you want to go find a gas station? And I say no, because I have like 50 miles left. So. Wrong queen. I've been on 40 miles for like days. Oh my God.

Because I thought it was going to go down to 30. and 20, whatever. And everywhere I go in LA is five miles. Like, I'm not going on long trips without gas. Yeah, that's true. So I call him and I go, it says I have 40 miles still, but it hasn't been changing for days. He goes, oh, you need to get gas in it like right now. Yeah.

And I really thought I was going to run out on the freeway just now on the way here. On the freeway? I thought it was going to run out. And I'm like praying. I don't even believe in God, A. I don't know prayers. So I'm just singing songs from Sister Act. I'm like, I will follow him.

King Jesus. I love him. I love him. Because I really think I'm going to roll off the freeway. Or the car, you'll go from 75 miles per hour to just like a screech to zero. Right. And everybody's going to. And I guess I have AAA, but I know how I would handle it.

I will put on a tight skirt and stand off the shoulder of the road. With your leg, like, you open the hood, you lean down, you put one leg up. Right. And then somebody stops and says, miss. Miss, you're not wearing any chains. Did you need help with your car? Yeah. Because I'm laying on the hood.

The hood is open and I'm laying on it. And my pussy lips are spayed out. With your French tip acrylics. Yep. Pussy lips splayed out. Splayed out. Splayed. Splayed.

And I go, no, I got gas. So then I'm fine. Gas. Just gas. So thank God. I thought I was going to run out on the way here. I really did. Well, you didn't.

And that's all that matters. It's kind of a non-event, the story. Well, no, I think it underscores the most important topic that we've been talking about, which is Pambondi. And knowing what your vehicle is doing, knowing what it says, what it means. So your vehicle literally says to you, Mary, we need gas. And you said, not today, baby. On the screen, it goes, did you want to stop for gas? And I was like, don't tell me what to do. Okay. Like, who do you think you are? Well, I'm on the freeway. You're in Brooklyn struggling to me. Who is that woman? And why does she have no lips? Who? The woman who's saying

all that stuff. Oh, that's Alex McCord from Real Housewives of New York. Okay. Do you think that we could do a TikTok? Of what? Of, um, Will Kathleen? No, no, sorry.

Will. Well, that's a, that's a, that's a given. I, I'm a little offended because that is,

I saw myself too deeply and real in that. Watched a really shit movie the other day. Which shit movie did you watch?

Because they also watched a shit movie. Girl. Oh, God, here we go. I also watched a great movie at the theater. You,

you got, you, when you let people pick movies, you need to, you need to Wikipedia the movie first. Yeah,

to see what they're asking you to do. Yeah, no shit. The incredible shrinking woman. And the woman is... The woman is... Lily Tomlin. Lily Tomlin. And...

You hated it. Her husband is a perfume inventor. Okay. And accidentally sprays her with a chemical. So she starts shrinking. Okay. She starts shrinking. Okay.

And I guess the metaphor is probably that she's like... Because it's a lot of commercials. She's in the grocery store. It's about like America exposing itself to chemicals and like overconsumption. I think that's, but it wasn't that funny. Okay. And wasn't that great? Okay.

I guess the practical effects of her being tiny was cool. I was like, wow, all these real sets of like her on a giant bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was like, what a shit film. What is shit film? Well, that reminds me of like what, you know, it does, when you value your time, which I do, I think you should do as much research as you can without, spoiling something, you know, if you can manage it.

But if I had done my due diligence on Thanksgiving a couple of years ago, we would never have watched Amelia Perez. Right. And I still, I really can't, I know I've talked about ad nauseum, and I will continue to do so until I die. But I wish you could have been there because it was such a unique experience. We were all watching it. And we, for many of us, turning off a movie is not an option.

I agree. Like, I don't ever turn off a movie in this. middle. I have kind of flip. Now it's like if this sucks, I just walk away. But we were all locked in and it really traumatized us. It really took us to the cleaners. Keep crying jobless.

Yeah. It really, it really ruined Thanksgiving. Well then I switched over to, because I was like, all right, that's enough of you picking movies. Who's you? You? Boyfriend. So I turned on 90-day fiance season 10. But see, that's a series. That's a whole different animal. Okay, but

one is shitty and one is Great. No, no, no. It's like, okay. So why are you talking? All my love to lesbian icon Lily Tomlin. Fuck that movie. Okay.

You know, that's fine. When I sent Pemboddy to jail, there's going to be a clicker with just Amelia Perez and the shrinking woman. And the incredible shrinking woman. And also, maybe like, what's a horrible series? What's a horrible series? AJ and the Queen. AJ in the Queen.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Stop that train. Oh, I do want to see that. We've never, we were glaringly absent from the casting call. It's a dragoon movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How come, I never heard about it, never heard of peep about it, and it certainly was an approach to be in it.

Listen, as were you not. I'm a supportive, and I be on that RuPaul shit. No, no. So like, I'm going to watch it. You're glued. You got that glass pipe in both ends. I love it. No, I'm going to watch it too.

I'm going to support my sisters. But I never even heard a peep about it. Did you? I don't think so. But then again, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Tricksy Mattel is so rich.

Oh, God. Tricksumetel is so rich. How rich is she? How do you feel about that? Do you feel exposed? Do you feel like you have a target on your back? Do you feel like you're going to get kidnapped and held for ransom? I don't.

Can you grab my computer? I don't know. I can't make sense of that moment. I know. I know what it was. She was deflecting. She took the ball and she threw it. she took the hot potato and she threw it in your lap and you're like

because I think that she was about to get investigated by Pam Bondi. Also, you make dollar for dollar what I make for a living. Why am I rich? No, no, no, no. It's like the woman version. It's like every woman makes, you know, 0.63 of a man's dollar. That's me. You know, they pay me significantly less at Netflix and on the pod.

They do not. Yes, they do. She writes my checks. They pay me like maybe 0.63% of what you make. You are such a fucking liar. You're such a fucking, and you're kind of ugly. Keep crying. like I'm so sick

and you're old wait wait wait wait and when you're researching I will be so happy while you're researching I want to tell you about this thing that happened to me what

what what I also have to tell you what I got to hire a writer for the queerities to partner with to write my little banter you know because I get to host the queerities the only fun award show that exists it's the most fun it's the best

wow it's so fun because it's all fun gay creative people and like fun gay creative. Yeah, it'll be like, Amy, that trans woman from Jeopardy, Frankie Grande. Matt Rogers. Yeah, all in one room.

Love that. But they sent me the first pass of my monologue that we kind of, we were on a phone call and I was rattling off the jokes I wanted to do and they wrote it out. They said, let me know what you think of it. I said, first of all, bitch, I would check the spelling on Trixie Mattel. The name spelled wrong in those. I said, you better work. Trixie Mattel is so rich.

It's too funny. That's crazy. Oh, it made me laugh. You know, people miss smell Mattel a lot. T-R-I-C-K-S-Y. Oh, this isn't coming out. So this is just for your ears on the pod. Oh, this is the remix.

It picks up. Do we show this on the pot already? No. She is so rich now. She is so rich. She is so rich. She is so rich. She is so rich now.

She is so rich. She is so rich now. Rihanna. Mr. Worldwide. She's like TV specials and albums and albums and albums. Ornaments. Ornament. This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by X program.

As many of you know, I am perpetually in a state of quitting nicotine. Last year, I made amazing progress with the help of X program. There were ups and downs and successes and failures. but with the help of X program's community of real-life quitters and amazing resources, I actually showed up to almost all our recording sessions not smelling like shit. Trixie made sure to let me know that. And the number of parties where I didn't have to step outside to smoke, too many to count. Like I said, 2025 was a year of real progress.

If you're like me and you want to quit nicotine, how about joining me this year? Wherever you are on your quit journey, X program has a plan for you. It's free, confidential, and available 24-7. anywhere in the U.S. So grab your phone and text, join Katya to 8-8709 to start today with X program. Don't let nicotine cravings be your boss. This year, make them your bitch with X program. Again, text join Katia to 88709.

Today's episode of Baldwin the Beautiful is brought to you by Acorns, or as we call in Wisconsin, acorns. So the thing is with money, everything about it is scary if you don't have a plan. have a goal, have a plan, know where you're headed and be comfortable taking small steps instead of being anxious about huge steps. So most of the time we only talk about money once we've made it, right? Acorns is a financial wellness app that wants to show a little bit of love to everyone who is on their way. Acorns is a smart way to give your money just a chance to grow. It's easy. You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money,

even if all you've got is spare change. You guys, for me, with investments, I'm just going to be honest with you. I waited until other people told me exactly what to do because I, it's just all too daunting, all too complicated, made me feel confused, made me feel like everybody took this secret college class in their life and no one told me. Like, I just felt very confused about it. And Acorns is all in one, which is great because there's not like a million financial apps you have to have to engage with this.

So you don't have a bunch of stuff cluttering up your phone. On Acorn, you can invest, save, and give your money a chance to grow. in just one place. I love that it's on your phone, honestly. You guys know all my banking and money things I ever do I do for my phone. Like I don't ever go to physical banks. I don't really ever have to engage with money in that way because I have everything in my pocket. And with Acorns, wouldn't it be great to have this new part of your future just in your pocket?

Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion, with Acorns. Head to Acorns.com slash Bald or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier 2 compensation provided. Potential subject to various factors such as customers accounts, age, and investment settings. Does not include Acorns fees. Results do not predict or represent the performance of any Acorns portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at Acorns.com slash bald. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace.

Hello, I'm Henry Devereaux, Supreme Lawn sprinkler of the Vernal Goblet Fellowship of Los Angeles, a sacred Hollywood social order devoted to celebrating the spring equinox on March 20th. We celebrate by honoring ancient pagan rituals like dancing barefoot around a phycus tree, chanting affirmations at the sun while holding a green juice, and sacrificing a very expensive sourdough loaf to the winds of rebirth. This year, our group has grown too powerful to spread only by whispered invitations at Erdogan, So I needed a website to let the world know that spring will not happen unless at least 12 of us howl at dawn in the nude and release ethically sourced flower crowns to the coyotes in Griffith Park.

To get the word out, I used Squarespace. Their design intelligence basically read my aura and instantly built a stunning website that perfectly captured our vibe, which is sun worship, but sort of bright and minimalist and yet also fun. I even set up Squarespace payments so people can easily pay their equinox dues or purchase ceremonial robes using Apple Pay, Klarna, or whatever app their therapist recommends. I connected all our social accounts to our rituals stream everywhere at once.

And with built-in SEO tools, anyone searching Hollywood Pagan Rebirth cult but chill can finally find us. There's even email campaigns so we can make sure everyone knows who's bringing snacks for the after party and where to sign up for the carpool. Thanks to Squarespace, the sun will rise again,

and frankly, humanity, you're welcome. head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, head to squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash bald. I have to just say, I just have to listen. I'm sorry.

I have had it with pedophilia. Girl. I'm not, I'm not like I. Oh my God. Girl, there's something. Okay, maybe because I'm so tiny, teeny poor, have no life chances. Like, I don't understand it. It's like, I'm trying to like, I'm trying to like,

I'm trying to like do the logical thing. It's like, okay, so when you, you ascend to the levels of power and you acquire so much wealth and resources that you're always looking for like, you're looking to like the next most, I don't know. But why not go to space with Gail? Or no, no, no. Why not do like ayahuasca or something or do like crazy drugs? Get bangs. Yeah. Oh, you know what people should do.

Don't do pedophilia. Go get one of those eye. color change surgeries. Don't you think like, girl, those clips, like I can't take it. Go to turkey. Their eyes opening bloodshot red. And with those color context that you and I used to wear in the late 2000s.

The eye color and it's like, so I went with winter emerald. And it's just zombie. Zombie green. Zombie green with like a harsh border, like a black border. And they look in the mirror and they go, wow. Is it permanent? it? Wow. And they always like, it's so subtle. And I'm like, do you know what? It's it. You know what it? It wreaks if I did this. I did a whole deep dive on, um, um, yoga abusers. Because every yoga guru who's lived to tell the tale has turned out to be an abuser big surprise. What? Yeah. But there was, um, there was one guy who I think it was John of God. I think that was his name. It was like a Brazilian guru. Like, not a yoga guy, but anyways, he was on Oprah and that catapulted him to fame. And he would do these miracle surgeries on people that were hoaxes. And so, would be just like like bait and switch sleight of hand things where he'd like have like pig's blood and do like taking tumors out but he wasn't really doing anything.

And I imagine those surgeons are doing this whole crazy surgery, but they're literally going downtown crossing buying those $35. Oh, and just sticking them in there. And they're just sticking them in there. It's really. They're so bad. And I've gone to the surgeons, Instagrams. And the comments on everyone are like, you are ruining lies. Yeah, yeah.

You should be in jail. People continue to get them. It's so, it's diabolical. Diabolical. They look crazier than you and I didn't drag. It's completely crazy. Because they're just like Jennifer Smith and like, you know, Bob Nelson with these insane blue or green. 28 days later.

Or purple. Purple. Violet. Crazy. Crazy. I hope they not only have open casket funerals. That's open eye, open casket funerals. And you go view the body and they're in their.

looking like they got two cat's eye marbles in their eyes. Like, it's crazy. Speaking of open casket, I rewatch drag me to hell the other day. Eats. Eats. When she, like, I was just begging to go. She goes to the house and, of course, the Mrs. Gannish has passed on in an open casket funeral.

And she trips and the casket falls on her. The body rolls out and then just vomits into her face. Vomits into her face. Into her mouth. I feel bad for her in that movie. Because it's a, it's a, it's a great setup. It's a really great setup because you're like, okay, so she's, it's like, it's a perfect real world scenario. She denied the loan based on the bank's recommendation.

Recommendation. So she goes to hell? Well, well, I know. It's, it's tough because she's like, she's, she's over, she's qualified to get this promotion. But because of sexism and, in, in corporate bureaucracy or whatever, she's like, she kind of, is at a disadvantage. She is at a disadvantage. So she chooses the course of action that will further her career at the recommendation

of her boss, who then approves what she did. But she gets cursed to help by the gypsy lady. Queen. Girl, girl. Like, girl. Can I tell you, queen? I get it. Like, I, I.

I one time went to a Verizon premium real tailor, which is, uh, which is not Verizon. It's a Verizon premium retailer. What does that even mean? Who knows? It's an offshoot of the real Verizon. Okay. Verizon. And they installed my screen protector on my phone.

And I watched them get fingerprints on the real screen and there was a bubble. And I swear to God, I should have dragged them to hell for that. Don't you think? Getting the professional installation of the shadowproof glass with a bubble in it, you're out of your mind. don't go, you don't do that. It's like when I got, um, I got a, a non-apple part installed at one of those, um, uh, one of those, um, uh, one of those, you know, shady little outlets on, on Melrose. And then every time you open your phone, it says, there is something in this phone that should not be here. Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, terrible. Girl, I, wait, wait, wait, wait, this computer.

Did you see Sun help? Did you see sent help? No. I highly recommend you too. You don't have to go to the movies. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I'm not going to the movies. I know, $375 to go to the movies. What if Pam. She's watching porn. She's watching porn. Like she usually does when we're doing our pod. Our producer, lesbian producer, by the way, is watching lesbian porn. This computer is like five years old.

And I'm building my show for tour this year for all the music festivals. And I am too stupid to learn how to transfer all of this to new computer. But desperately afraid that my computer will die on the tour. What about a cloud? Blowing clouds. What about the I cloud? I don't want to be ignorant, but if I buy a new computer, can they just magically copy this computer onto a new computer?

Of course. They can. Without me having to install everything. What do you think of? What about? My DJ library, everything, my music library. Have you ever had a phone? Have you ever gotten a new phone?

Yeah. No. Never. You're still using the corded one that connects to your wall. Yep. Yeah, you know all this. You know what I think about every time I get gas? People who drive away with the thing and the thing.

How do you do that? Easy. The same way that you pull up to the gas station on the wrong side. And then you get back in your car and you drive around. You still do it again. How about that? I did it twice. Fierce.

Packed, packed gas station, by the way. Only one spot. Only one spot open. So I go to that one. I'm like, oh, it's the wrong side. Girl. Then people disperse. I drive around.

Wrong side again. Should I just go home? I also have this question. How do they get gas in the Waymos? Who's they? The ghosts who drive them? like I don't know they're electric

what's what's crazy is there was two of them around me the other day there was one in front of me and one behind me and I was driving and I weirdly like wished one would crash into me

so I could like be on the news and be like crazy you know like that would be awesome yeah but I also was like I trust them driving more than a gay person

I know or more than a text and I think it's a The ghost. Yeah. I think it's a ghost. Yeah. I think people die.

And then instead of purgatory, they're driving Waymo. I don't think it's robotics. I think you're absolutely right. I think that's the most logical conclusion. Are they completely automated or is somebody driving it remotely? No, somebody's not driving it remotely. That's crazy. Because they'd be texting too.

Well, remember, you know, those little robots, this is like so crazy. I don't know if people have them in their cities, but we certainly do have them in Los Angeles. These delivery robots that make me violent. No, they make me laugh. The names are too funny. Annabelle. No. Brandine.

You would think they'd be like, beep boop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. C3PO. Yeah. C3B. Brenda. Yeah. Yeah. Kelly.

Your food is here. Kelly is stalled on Labrea. She keeps circling the drain. Oh, and you know, the people will figure out how to crack these open and suck the innards out like a shell. But what inards do they want? Maybe there's McDonald's in there. It's delivering food. I, so, okay, all the, all the technology, all the technological advancements in the world, and this is one of them, certainly a pretty impressive one.

But as far as I'm, as far as I'm aware, there's somebody actually remotely, you know. No, it's not. Is somebody driving it? Yes. What? Yes. In like Delhi or some, like some. At the deli? No, no, in Delhi, India.

So these little things, I still have to flush my turds. Right. But Annabel is remotely bringing somebody's, like, chicken. incantatory to their loft downtown. Like, fuck you. Fuck you. That's crazy. Right.

That's crazy. I hate it. Anyways. Wait, can I tell you about this dream I had? Yeah. Okay. I know it's so... Who cares?

But I had... You know all the, like, the tropes of a nightmare? You're powerless. You're unprepared. You're making a presentation. You don't know what it is. You're on stage. You didn't rehearse.

Naked. Naked at school. It didn't have your homework. Didn't do the... Whatever. I had the opposite thing. literally every nightmare trope was turned around and like I was overprepared. I didn't, I was on stage and I didn't, my body realized I was doing a show.

I didn't, I didn't remember the routine, but I just did it magically. Anaday Armas was there with me. We were doing tango, salsa and like dancing together, eating canned fruit. And then at one point I had so much physical strength and flexibility. I was doing this whole routine on a rope where I would like, I would have my leg splayed out. 180 and I was just using my arms to like climb up the rope and then I would at the top I would let it go and like fly down to the end and right before an inch before the ground I would catch it and then stay in a split it was incredible I woke up it was like the best dream this isn't a nightmare oh no no no it's the opposite of a nightmare oh it's the best dream I've ever had right so but then I woke up unlike you know when you wake up from a nightmare like oh thank God that didn't happen it was the opposite depression I woke up to a nightmare I was like, I don't have any of that strength. I don't have any of that flexibility.

Anad de Armas is not in my life. There's no canned fruit in my pantry. Yeah. It was really sad. I have some gratitude. You do? My studio, my drag studio. They resealed.

No, it doesn't have mold. Oh, same. They resealed the roof of the building. No longer. The building does not leak when it rains. I have one place to go where rain will not get in. We have a dry spot in the city. I'm at the point in L.A.

where when it rains, I have a, anxiety. Oh, well, Mary. It rained, but it didn't just rain the other day. It was a torrential downpour. It's a waterboarding. Yeah. It was actually, I had PTSD because I was like under normal circumstances with my

Swiss cheese roofed house. Burlap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cheesecloth. Cheesecloth. I'm like, well, it's a wrap. Not, Mary, we were dry that night. Love it.

We were dry. Thank God. Yeah. Thank God. I have to tell you, did you see this clip of, uh, did you see Blackphone? We talked about Blackphone too. No, but I watched, I watched clips online about the, on the ice, which I found riveting.

Was he a ghost? Yeah. He, it was super Catholic. It was weird. Who's the guy who plays him? It's, uh, Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawk. Yeah.

I believe Ethan Hawke is talking to, um, Sidney Sweet. Simpy Sweet. And she was like, I just, I just have to. She was like, what does she say? She was like, I don't have, he was like, do a lot of stage worker? She was like, oh, I was the, I was the, like, I was the talk about the house starch frat.

Because she kind of talks like that, you know. Dude, that's a good impression. Yeah. Jensa Pasta from Jamarash. That is it, I think. But she was like, I have Starchrat. And he was like, well, you know what that is? What?

That's an experience. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Said that to her. And she was just like, damn. Simply sweepy. I just always thought if you're an on-camera person, I didn't think on-camera people would get stage fright. Of course they do.

Everybody gets stage fright. Barbara Streisand, you. used to get it so much that she had to take pills. Barbara Streisand. I feel like I have less anxiety on stage than I do in the rest of the day. Well, did you watch that? I'm sure you didn't. Watch that clip with the new editor-in-chief of Vogue and Anna Winter.

And they asked her, do you get nervous? She's like, I don't get nervous. That's great. I think it's a lie, but I think it's a good lie. I really admire those people. Yeah. I really admire those people. Really admire those people.

Well, in regard to stage fright and nervousness, one of my teachers in school said the best preparation against stage fright is preparation. Yeah, honestly. It's like, why are you going to get nervous if you know what you're doing? Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I get nervous. You know what it is.

The excitement of, I'm about to enjoy this, that upper feeling. Yeah. Combines with a little bit of nerves. And it feels like a lot of nerves. Yeah, yeah. It's not all bad. Because it's a high octane experience you're about to have. Right.

Also, do you get yawns? Do you get tired when you get? That happens to me a lot. Like if I'm nervous. Yeah, oh yeah, if I'm nervous before I start yawning. And it's a thing. Yep. It's a thing.

I have this thing where I have like panic all day. And then at a certain point my system gives out and I get really tired. I get really tired. I mean, if you're operating at like a 12, if you're humming, if you have a background hummed at a 12, your body is going to just shut down. Yeah. If we could be vulnerable for a second, I have been having to pursue perhaps medicine help. Okay.

Because the panic has been so consistent. Fuck, really? So consistent. So bad, so regular. First thing in the morning, off and on all day. Bad. Like anti-exiety medication. To the point where I feel like I'm watching my life from not my own body.

Like, it's like, it's like crazy. So I have to experiment with some medicine. I've talked to two doctors who are too busy to see me. Love it. So I've got passed on to a third. And luckily, in about six to eight weeks, I can get an appointment. But you know, it's nothing compared to the dermatologist. Yeah, if you make an appointment, your child would be able to see them.

Like, literally. Generational drama. Literally. Did you finish fallout? Oh, yeah, I finished it ages ago. Oh, it's just, the last episode was like two weeks ago. Oh, there's a new season. Yeah, it's season two.

Oh, I didn't know. I just, um, I don't know anybody in it. I don't know the makeup artists or anyone. Personally, we're friends. Well, we're over there being friends with them. I'm in Brooklyn trying to survive this economy. I just want to say at a time where, like, Like the human experience scares me.

Yeah. The world scares me. Humans and their nature and their violent nature scares me. Yeah. This show giving us this not too distant or not too unbelievable impression of the destruction to come and how the fallout of that would be is ripe. And I hate like right on time, but like now more than ever. but it just is very beautiful show to watch. Yeah.

And I've been playing those games for 15 years, those fallout games. So I know the world very well. And I had no expectation that I would love the show as much as I do. Walton Goggins. Walton, he eats. Yeah, yeah. He eats Walton. His no nose have an ass.

He also ate in Righteous Gemstones. Okay. On his character, Uncle Baby Billy. Uncle Baby Billy. Love it. Also, the woman who played scene. on the show and just like that eats in Fallout season one she surely

does she plays a character who then it turns out it has another motive she turns out to be a villain fierce is it barb it's the woman she's looks like south asian she's a I can't remember what her her character's name is in fallout but she's a leader oh I know you're talking about gorgeous

gorgeous and incredible yeah really really really turned the party in this series unlike and just like that which nobody could turn the party because there was no party there was no party to be turned yeah they participated in that debacle. Yeah. Where she turned to end this show, I feel like.

I feel like with bad movies and bad experiences, I feel like that sex in the city, like, nobody's fun anymore. I'm like, movies are good anymore. New York is dead. Right. And she just falls and dies. Right. Love that shit. There is an actress in Fallout that I have been thinking about pretty much every hour.

Her name is Francis Turner, and she plays Walton Gaghan's wife who works at Vault Tech. Yeah, I definitely would know her face. She works at Baltic. Voltaic. Perhaps the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Pull her up, please. Just beautiful. And the hair and the makeup they do on her in the show is so bewitching.

And her performance is so beautiful and good that I, like, look forward to every scene she could be in. What's his name? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, um, oh, God. Um, Kyle McLaughlin. eats eats eat he at i met him on brittany was throwing an event for her pod um there she is oh yeah yeah yeah i mean she's also the teeth the lashes the hair the skin she's also in um the boys she's in the boys ah she's in the boys but who did she play in the boys i forget yeah but i believe it's in this season so i don't want to spoil but maybe it's in the first season the

reveal that Voltaic is evil. Well, Voltaic is evil because corporations are evil. But the reveal that she is kind of one of the hands that pushes forward the bombs dropping. Yeah. Because she's like, I know humans,

humans are going to do it. So we might as well do it. And that way we can control what happens after. Oh my God. She's a mom. A momager? She has a daughter. And so she's like, well, if I can control

when these bombs fall and secure that my daughter can be safe in a vault when it happens which basically is instrumental in the bombing because she wants to make sure that if the bombs are gonna... I don't know, it just broke my heart. That's just her character in the whole... I just can't wait to see what happens.

Yeah, no, same. Don't make me wait. Don't skimp on the quality of the show. But could you make it in like a week or two? Could you have it ready tomorrow morning? Yeah, could you just hurry up and make it? And the makeup. The makeup artistry on the ghoul,

this missing nose with the skit, like television, having great hair and makeup while movies look like shit what is that well you're not going to the movies Mary how do you know boo

manager momager lover of Christ lover of life can you believe that yes I can and I will do that on my TikTok once I learn how

yeah and I want us to do a TikTok together do you know it's the Catherine Tate one from 75,000 years ago well Well, no, whale rosemary.

Well, Kathleen, you know, he's a gay monar? You know that one? No, but I'll learn it for you. It's great. We'll have a good time. I used to do drag. I used to memorize spoken word lip sinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm going to, like, a latch on that Gary Busey one, put it in every mix I do from now on. Tonight at Apocco lipstick. Okay, bye. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why don't you plug the show that's tonight? Yes, so people can get tickets. Also, the abrupt, the abrupt, yeah, we're having a show. By the time this air, by the time this airs, you will have about two weeks left to

some tickets to the show that's happening on February 12th of 2006. It's called Apocalypse which is such a great show name. It's great. End of the world, fallout. Doing a riveting number by Selena Gomez, not her voice but a cover of her in Russian. Can't wait to do it. Don't know the

words. Hopefully we'll buy tonight. Thank you. Oh my God. Okay, bye. Wait, wait. One last thing. We're about to end the show now. So get ready. Here we go. Three, two, one. Goodbye. Bye. Because it's too abrupt. we end. I've been listening to the pod. I know. We kind of do just end. It's like, it's like somebody's, it's like my teacher, yanking the court out of the wall. Can I ask up the group

and the audience here? I like would pods sometimes at the end will share a lovely comment from a fan or, could we, can we, that's how you know. Maybe we'll do a ding sound so you know you have like 10 minutes to exit the building before it blows up. Well, it'll be behind a paywall. Wait, yeah, all the, all the content leading up to it will be trash. If you want the goodbye section, it'll be in the paywall. People will pay just to hear the good. And it's so good.

It's so good. It's unforgettable. So do the ding and then and then were you going to share something? Oh, you know what? I do. I have a good comment.

Okay, go ahead. You know, this is more organic. I got this text today. I don't want to embarrass her. I won't say her name, but she's a, but she's a comic. And she said, A belated congrats on 250 episodes.

As a podcaster myself, I don't respect the medium. And as a comedian, I never even laugh. But I listen to your pod religiously and it makes me laugh consistently. That is, that is, that is, unironically very good. As a podcaster, I don't respect the medium. I love it.

I agree. I agree. And as a comedian, I never love. Love. Love. That's actually, that's really touching praise. Thank you. Oh, and next week, I want to tell you all about the Plastique and Nymphia show I saw last night. Oh, I didn't go. Yeah.

You did. I heard that you requested tickets and didn't show. No, no, no, no, no. I was offered tickets. I accepted them. and then sent my regrets in. Thank you very much. Okay.

Goodbye. Bye.