The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Motherforking Clusterfluff with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

Welcome back to another motherflocking, cockadoodle, son-of-a-biscuit episode of The Bald and the Beautiful, where our dolls yap their pretty little ash-offs about fame, folly, and every half-baked batshirt thought that ricochets around in their glamorous skull caverns. Listen as every ding-dang topic gets dragged through the glittery mud by two world-class gobshites armed with surgically-hilarious horseshirt opinions that make you think, "Holy shiitake mushroom she has a point." It is a full-throttle fartknuckling, crapweaseling, beefwobbling, shut-the-front-door spectacle of elegance and idiocy, so sit your bass down, shut your fishlips, and enjoy this monkey-fighting, son-of-a-nutcracker masterpiece of an episode. Yippie-kye-ay, Monsieur Trucker! Join Thrive Market for 30% off your first order plus a FREE $60 gift by going to: https://ThriveMarket.com/BALD Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain at: https://Squarespace.com/BALD Get a free can of OLIPOP! Buy any 2 cans of Olipop in store, and we'll pay you back for one, any flavor, any retailer! Head to: https://drinkolipop.com/BALD If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started: https://learn.nocd.com/BALD Trips hit different with Airbnb. To book your next amazing trip, download the app or head to: https://Airbnb.com Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen and Watch Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We are very excited to announce that our very bald and very beautiful podcast tour is almost sold out for spring. I'm excited. We're not doing that many dates. And my New Year's resolution is quality over quantity. And we're doing it. We're doing it. Can you believe we had to add a second show to Boston and Toronto? Queen. We sure did. So you fucking Bostonians in Toronto, when Toronto tautites or whatever the fuck you call yourselves, you better get some tickets. Yeah. We do have a few seats left for some of these cities. And we are not doing this. that many of these this year. It's going to be hot. It's going to be exclusive.

It's going to be fabulous. Tickets available now at tricksy and katie.com. Quing. A to un cigarette. That was the first thing I hope people hear when they turn on this pod. You know what I mean? Oh yeah.

Our last pod said like... Age restricts. We got an age restriction. And I thought it was like they don't want us being critical of elected officials. Oh, Pamela Badi. We do scream like 20 times.

Well, you know what? Two minutes. Words. Get f***ed. Well, now because I've said that three times, we can't do it for a while. Okay. I used to have a guitar player who was very Christian and he would, he would say, oh, that forking spoon raspberry. You're, that is so flipping, you little flip and flip.

You fork and spoon raspberry. You little flip. You fork and screwing raspberry. Yeah. You poop. The state did a funny sketch about like they did a, this show called Tenement, but they had to soften the language and every word is a swear. So they did like that.

Poop. you, you, I don't even remember it's funny. Fork and spoon raspberries, my favorite one. You poop, you poop. Did you have a nice Valentine's Day? I think so. What'd you do? I don't, wait, what day was it actually?

So it lands on February 14th every year. Yes. No, I know, but like, this year was a Saturday. So it was, uh, the cabaret was two days before. Oh my God, you did the cabaret. It was fun. That is, you know, I always, it's always a little bit, um, uh, first of all, backstage at the cabaret. I don't know if you remember.

there's so many feathers and it I there's so many feathers there's so many gigantic feather headdresses and it's just it creeps me out like I'd feathers yeah like gigantic feather I mean I just thinking like because it's basically the same size and like shape as Jacques's back room I understand yes it is it's not disgustingly filthy higher ceilings I think that's true higher ceilings not bad mirrors back there no the mirrors are good and there's one, there's one vent that has like fierce AC. There's like one square foot where you can get like blasted by AC. It's pretty fierce.

Yeah. It was fun. But the, I always want to be in the crowd because the crowd is so hot and sexy. It really is. I, that is like, I'm sorry. It's the best drag type show. Oh, yeah. In L.A.

Oh, yeah. It reminds me of drag 15 years ago in the best way. So fun. It's so gutted. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The show's rotted. The talent is like, of course, weirdly good.

But the production quality and like the, we're just doing this for tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a one night thing. Yeah, yeah. It feels so like, I in the audience, I'm always like, what is going to happen next? Yeah.

What's going to come out? Yeah. I told Andrew, I said, it's great that Katia. It's great she does the show too. And he was like, well, normally I wait until she's in a really good mood. And then I ask. And then I make the poster before she can change her mind. Totally.

Which I honestly was like, oh, yeah, that's a really good. That's what we do here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, that is the way. He's like, I'll feel her out. Yeah. I know, I'll ask. And I'll get the poster out before she can change her mind.

I said, that's actually really impressive. I got to say, though, the thing I did not enjoy driving there in drag. Mary, let me tell you, let me give me my eye popping day look or night look. I, you're getting, I wish I took a, you know, if I were not so goddamn stupid, I would have taken a video or vlogged it or whatever the fuck. I don't know what it is when I get in drag taking pictures of myself. evaporates. Yeah, this could not be documented. This is a secret.

I get so busy doing drag. The night ends and I go, I didn't take one photo. Mary, I never do. In fact, I think I also request other people don't. Love that. It's nuts. Anyways, so I was like, okay, what am I going to? I put my all, I did my makeup and then I did, um, I can't wait till my, I think tomorrow

my voice is going to sound like Kathleen Turner. I saw a video. You did. No, no, no, no, no. Love you like a love song. Yes. Keep crying jobless. Selina is, um, Selena Gomez.

But so I did, like, I put on my body the whole thing and then my makeup. And I didn't want to put the wig on yet. So I wore this, like, I have this, um, a black button down shirt that goes all the way to the floor. And I wore a hat. And then I, that's what I drove in. And I, I looked like a, like a weird, um, crustace and jamblous. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

And then I was like lugging my suitcase down LaBreya. And, um, because I parked. on the, because, you know, across in the street. It was so undignified and so awkward. But very drag. Very what it was. But very, yes, it was. And it was so unglomerous. No, not really.

It's like, no. It's not Katya super fans. No. No, no, no, no. It's friends of porn people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're friends who are dentists. Yep. Totally. All waiting 16 and a half minutes for a bottle of water. Cash only bar.

$30.32.5 minutes. And I talk so much shit about the bar service there that now the next time I go I'm going to be like hey how y'all do it they're not going to give you anything oh my god I have to tell you something I went Sunday for Valentine's Day I went because I had a Valentine's Day dinner Saturday so I'm going to Tarantino I'm going to tell you to end first so Sunday I had the funeral okay and then you know and it's over I go I'm going to go I wanted to go with my boyfriend to High Top's Los Felas for a happy hour. You know?

Yeah. Because we're Alki's. Yeah. Kind of swollen, kind of red nose. Yeah. Kind of falling down. Right. Right.

Driving home, jump the median. You know. Driving home drunk. Yeah. So we walk there actually, which is great. Walked there because my buttholes healed enough that the doctor told me I could go for walks. Huge of true.

Huge of true. That is huge. Congratulations. Thank you. And I go to there and I go to the bar and I'm looking at their menu. Topps, all of their locations have this huge, almost like scoreboard of all the drinks and food. So I'm like, what do I want? What I want?

And I always get the hot rod, which I talked about on the pod. And the bar, you know, I'm friends with every bartender and bar manager. We're all friends. And, you know, the girls and the bar people, we can talk about the bars, working in bars. Girl, it's a slog, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love the hot rod, which is the spicy tequila drink. And I go, I think I might want.

And they go, the hot rod. And I said, what do you mean? They said, well, you talked about it on the pod. and now everyone's requesting it. They said it's not. Oh no. It's not. They said next time could you just say you love vodka soda?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. It's like min juleps. And so we laughed and the bar men are just like, no, we're just kidding. We'll make anything, of course. But they said the next time we've been joking, maybe you tell people your favorite drink is vodka soda or something. Or just Sprite. Yeah.

So my favorite drink now is vodka soda if you go to high tops. Okay. And you order a double and you tip three times the price of the drink. How about that? Is there like a whole like shoots and ladders type of set up in this in this hot rod or no? Like varnishes. No, like, you know, like, like a Bloody Mary has like a whole like chicken.

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. It's just the hot rod is like a little drink. Why'd you say no spicy tequila? For your butthole, bitch. Oh. I mean, it doesn't happen. I'm always so stopped up.

Anything to like, it's, yeah. You know? Blow through the barn door. Oh, my God. Yeah. Spicy vegan curry. Maybe I'll have one regular movement. You know what I mean?

Great. Damn. That's awful to talk about. It's okay. This is poop and pee. It's a poop and pee pee thing. So anyway, that that was funny that because of the, the pod, we've been ruining lives by recommending.

So for now, when we go places, we should recommend the easiest to make things. Yes. And I also, I listen, I'm not endorsed by them, but I can't tell you, I can't, the Schwepps, ginger ale, fruit splash. Yeah. I want to put it right up my pussy. Put it right up my pussy. The nachos. The corn dogs. What about the pretzels?

The pretzels are so kind. The harvest a grain bowl. Harvest a green bowl. They have a harvest grain bowl. That's like their healthiest thing in the menu. Horny. Horny for the green bowl. Fully unleashed.

What is it? Cot cage off. Cucked. Speaking of cock cages, I saw Tracy at a sushi restaurant. Was she caged? No, that didn't really make sense. Yes, I was. So I'm sitting with my friend. My friend went through a separation and I'm listening to him talk about it.

And I'm listening, but, you know, I can't focus. So one of my eyes is like looking at the street, looking at the, you know, like just iguana. One of my eyes is sad for you. One of my eyes is like, ooh. What else? What else? Anything else. Do something else.

Do my brows, right? Because, thanks Obama. We're also used to the TV, the phone, multiple sources of info. Telling you. So this eye is crying for you. This eye is like... Looking for the hot rod.

Is roller coaster of love looking around. And I see this lesie walking down the street. And I see a green jacket. I go, I think I know who that is. And my friend is like telling the story. He's like kind of sad and talking about it. And he's like, anyway, and it's just... Like, who are you looking at?

And I was like, oh, I know her. Go on. Yeah, you were saying, I know her. So then we finished talking, like, and I walk by, and who do I see in the parking lot next to this place? Who do I see in the parking lot, Los Angeles? Who do I see? Who do I see? No way.

Amanda Bind. And you want to talk eye-popping day look. Tell me. It could only be her. Okay. She has a face tattoo. She has very like I knew it was her Okay, okay

And I love Amanda, I always love Amanda Is she the man? She's the man. She's the man. She's the man. She's the manna show She's all that She's many things. She's many things What's the movie where she cross-dresses? Oh, she's the man She's the man? Yeah, Freddie Prince Jr. It's in the name But anyway, I see her and I walk into the restaurant

I go, oh my God, Tracy, I saw you And I said, you'll never guess who I just saw And Tracy goes, who? I said, Amanda Bines. And the server who was very nice and cool did something that was I felt odd server was like she was here I just waited on her I think she's doing really good and I just was like I mean I know this is an a A but can we let the girls get sushi without like that's so crazy don't never let me be in a place where the servers are like that's so good I think she's doing okay I think she's got it this time I was like I was just like it looks like it took

this time. I was like, damn, girls, she just came to eat some sushi. That's crazy. Let the girls eat sushi without, um, I hate, oh, the urine tests. I don't like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Supportive referrals.

Not to mention, I follow Amanda on TikTok and she's always talking about the education she's getting what she's doing next. She's putting out music. She's getting her nail certification. She's booked and busy. She's been wearing wigs. Damn, she's singing your song. Um, and, uh, anyway, I was kind of in shock that the server meant well, but was like,

that is so funny. She's doing, um, really. I was like, I think she's doing great. But even if she is, saying it like that felt a little. A little, what's the word? Intrusive? This is a little intrusive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, absolutely. But it was exciting to see her. I love her. I would never say anything. Any celebrity sighting, I love that shit. I love it so much and it never happens here.

That's why when we went to that, drop your name of Charlize Theron's Christmas party, Charlize Theron's Christmas party I was like just like I love it I love famous people movie stars they just they

they scare me in general but and I say the wrong thing as you know yes so good thing I don't talk to Amanda I'm like what is that but you don't know

that's alerting someone yeah yeah yeah yeah that's scaring someone it's crazy you want to see famous people Franklin Village don't scream Franklin Village really all the like former CW chain smokers are outside La Poubell

I love Franklin Village it's where are you I used to get, you know, re-up my, like, 50, you know how at my old house? I had, like, 50 candles burning at all times. Yeah. Yeah. I used to go to that candle store, like, just. Oh, that one on the corner.

Yeah. It's the news. It's like, it's the news store. It's like, it's like, magazines and shit. I think it's called Daily Planet. Yeah. Which is the name of the, the fictional Superman. Yeah.

That street, the other day I saw Dylan Minette and Bamargera. Oh. Well, how about, how? Just walking. So I was like, on the way here, I was like, um, why is L.A. so ugly. And nobody, how could you say that next to the Scientology Center, which is gorgeous? Well, no, no, no.

So the few exceptions, that there are exceptions, obviously, is that half a block of Franklin Village, it's literally half a block. It's gorgeous. It's beautiful. And it's got the celebrity. It has the whole torture chamber behind it, which is gorgeous. And Gelson's is beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. Everything up to Clark Street Dunner. Yeah. That shit eats.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That is some breakfast. Cunty. That's where you see. The other famous people. I saw Alf be something from Game of Thrones and also the skateboarder guy. Clark Street Diner Pride is coming. Let's do it. You and I should do a drag brunch at the Clark Street Diner. No, we're the only servers for the whole day. Oh, and we're also not doing numbers. It's a drag brunch, but it's just shitty service. Yeah, super shitty service. I don't know how to anything works. And I'm wearing, for the first time, I'm wearing open-toe shoes and drag. No pantios. No panty-hios. No panty-hannios.

Hairnettes. Can I tell you like you want this all the time? You know Violet used to work at lips, right? Yes. Didn't she? Atlanta. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine Violet. Nope. In a position of service. Service. Girl. What could you ask for that Violet would be okay with?

Nothing. Like, ugh. Her showing up, not exactly to promote eating at that point. You know what I mean? I just think it's, that's hysterical. I can see me as a server. I could see me as a server tomorrow. I could see her as a server ever.

No, I could do copy. I don't like, I could be one of those old like, you want me to top you off on. Like that kind of like, you know, old Betty or like Adores kind of vibes. But I, Mary, I could never be, I would get fired in like 10 minutes. The bookstores I worked at, they had a cafe. They put me in that cafe. I said, no, ma'am.

It's over. I'm not wearing them some moca folk, moca loca chaka chica chica maha. Were you sufficient making the tea? That's putting hot water in a tea bag. But that's really all it was. You didn't have to make coffee or nothing. No, at the cafe. They had it just doing like mocha frapers.

Did you work at a tea store? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was even, that was crazy. That was crazy. But it was easy. But that was crazy. People drinking tea like that? That's the closest thing to a tea girl you're ever going to be.

Pack it up, honey. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Montremblant, where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again, locking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up, and I will be out there hiking the Grand Broulet while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding the official soft launch of spring, that brief magical moment where you can

finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate? While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income. It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You

get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else. So while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing stateside. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.ca. host. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Hi, I'm Jackson Hall, visionary entrepreneur and creator of the most intense action figures ever to file a quarterly report. Introducing Ledger Legends, the fully posable accounting office action figure line. These are not toys, mind you, but true financial warriors. Meet Brad, the senior auditor, with real clicking calculator

action and a removable tie of Supreme Auditing Authority, slam him into the conference room of reckoning playset, where he battled spreadsheets, staplers, and the dreaded surprise budget meeting. Throw Janet from accounts payable into action as she deploys her ergonomic keyboard wrist rest to fire off a perfectly formatted invoice at lightning speed. Watch as Tim the Junior Associate pulls an all-nighter, fueled by coffee, stress, and crushing self-doubt. With this new line of action figures that is sure to take over the country, if not the world, I needed a website just as powerful as these spreadsheet heroes. That's why I built mine on Squarespace. Their design intelligence is like giving my website its own command center. It took my wild idea and turned it into a policy.

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Okay. So you remember when Charlie Kirk died? Yeah, everything. Why? Think about it every day. So do you remember how people who loved Charlie Kirk were going to Starbucks and ordering this type of tea he got and they asked for them to yell Charlie Kirk? I did not. I did not know that.

Okay. So that's crazy. This was a point of activism where Charlie Kirk passed and passed the bar. The bar. Yeah. Passed. And people who like the things he said. wanted to honor him by going to Starbucks.

I think it was the Mint Majesty tea is what he gets. They would order his exact drink and then say the name was Charlie Kirk. And then they would sit there. Oh, so they would sit there with their phone and wait for like the blue-haired NB barista to have to say drink for. And sometimes they would say like drink for Charlie. Yeah. And they'd be like, why won't you say the last name?

It was like so crazy. I hate that. I hate that. Two and a half weeks, but it felt like four years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When this is going on. That's what. But now Leland and I were, of course, when someone dies, you're like,

you're joking because you have to joke a little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were like, talking about getting Starbucks. We were like, is it okay to show up to the, we are a little early for the funeral? It's okay if we show up with Starbucks? And I said, I think we have to order something for Gabe and then we have to order. Because they were like, Gabe loved two giant Trent to copy.

I said, well, we're going to go order them. Perfect. Or we're going to say, these are for Gabe and we're going to film it. That is really weird with the Charlie Kirk thing. I hate that so much. I hate it. It's crazy. I think it's horrible.

Oh, my God. Charlie's driving that waymo. I made that up. They're not doing that. But I mean, it's the same flavor. Oh, I hate it. I hate it. And what you do is,

I have no issue with ordering coffees and teas for yourself. But this isn't about that. No, no, no. Let's say your mom loved coffee. And that day you said, you know what I miss my mom? I'm going to get the coffee the way she used to drink it for myself to drink. Sure.

But that's not what's going on. No, no. It's a performance. And also, I don't, don't videotape me at my job. You're going to go to the most vulnerable. LGBT people, baristas. Thank you. You know, as if these people who are highly skilled

aren't busy making real drinks. Yeah. Do you realize at the airport, oh my God, when we're at the airport sometimes at those Starbucks, but they're so deep and vicious because you can order a head. Oh, yeah. I don't believe you should be able to do that. I'm sorry. I don't believe you should be able to do that. At those airport ones,

I think you just go in there and get your coffee. I think it's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. Well, like the LAX International Terminal, there's always a huge... There's a line of people waiting for coffee, and there's a second line of people waiting for their pre-order. So it does beg the question, what is the point of the pre-order? Because we're all still waiting.

No, I know. It just mucks up the whole thing. It's crazy. I really wish we had Dunkin' Donuts over here. You actually like that shit. It's not good. I've been vegetarian my whole life, but if you catch me with a wake-up wrap, which I think is 89 cents, it's a half-folded like tortilla.

89 cents. With an egg, cheese, and a strip of bacon in it. Okay. You love it. Nirvana. Dying for it. Nirvana. What about crispy cream?

Wired. They don't do breakfast. Do they do a savory breakfast? No. They don't. Kris cream, I think, just does donuts. But they do it good. The way I want to shove all those donuts up my ass.

There's a Dunkin' Donuts in Burbank. Is there a crispy cream? Yeah, there's a crispy cream like around the corner. There's a Dunkin' Donuts over here. Oh, yes, there is. Wow. Everybody pretends to be on a Zoom until they talk about donuts. I'm the dream person to order coffee because they don't drink coffee.

No, what I order is a plain. ice tea, nothing in it? Oh, it's so easy. Or a plain black tea, nothing in it. I'm the dream. I'm the star. That's fierce. And even though I love a lot of different drinks, when I go to gay bars, I always get the vodka soda. Is that way? The Fajs are hurting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The girls are tired.

You're not ordering a mint julep. You're not ordering them. You're not having people muddle mint. Now I love tequila. And we live in California. And so if I go somewhere where you have a promoted menu with a tequila drink, I'm going to take advantage of that. You like tequila. Love it. Really? Love it.

Tequila makes her clothes fall off. You know what I mean? It's the Belvedere playing tricks on you. Take the ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta. Have you ever heard the song tequila? Yeah. Love. Of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a barn burner. If you're ordering shots for the table, we're all going up for girls. Girls night. What are we drinking for shots? Well, the people I run with, they don't need a shot. But they want the experience. No, but we want shots.

So recently I was in Jackson Hole. Okay. And I ordered 13 shots for the table. There was only two of us. No, I ordered 13 shots of the table and the bartender was gay. And I didn't know. It was a straight bar. And he comes and he sees me and he goes like, he goes, girl, what are you doing here with these straight people?

And I said, I don't know, girl. I said, I said. Oh my God. And I knew I was with straight people who I'm just going to say it. Can't drink. Oh. Can't hold their liquor. Oh, gotcha.

Gotcha. Messy. The men start swinging and the women cry. straight people are jammed up emotionally. Oh, that's true. You know what I mean? Prince William just talks about it. Yes.

The people have anger, people have hurt. They don't understand their emotions. Right. And they don't, you know, they could follow RFKs. Yeah. You know, they could do something healthier. You know what I mean? I just have a lunchable.

Like, they could do anything else. Whole milk. I just have a sip of warm milk. And sometimes I put a hot dog in my throat. pull it out. You know what I mean? It's just like, I eat up some get away.

It's just, it's all crazy. It's all crazy. But straight people, when they, they feel a lot. But they don't, but they don't talk about it. This is all people.

Oh, my God. This is all people. So then sometimes alcohol unlocks the pressure. Yes, yes, yes. And so you find your, and I do this. It's the classic thing in the ladies room.

You always do that. That is me. That's why on a plane, one sip of wine And a remotely sad movie. I'm like, I gotta call my mom. We gotta land this plane. I had to turn off ghost halfway through

because the woman next to me was getting concerned. Seriously. Did I tell you about the notebook? Oh yeah. The person next to me on the flight was watching it. And I had no sound and I was watching it like, like it's crying. And she was, I'm sure like,

Ew. Like she put up like it's the ACT. She put up like a blinder. I can't not watch other people's movie. They can't help him. What was my point? So the straight people, they got to go. So I'm with all my lovely straight friends.

And they go, what kind of shot do you want? Because you ask what kind of shot? Yes. And I said, do you guys have X-rated? What's that? It's like a very light liquor because I want the camaraderie of the shot. You don't want all the drama. We don't need to push the limits.

Yeah. I don't want to be sick tomorrow either. I love drinking. But I will not. I will. But I don't want to be that girl hungover. So how do you avoid a hangover? You have to?

There's a lot of strategies. So you do you do scotch, whiskey, red wine. My old strategy used to be you skipped the first drink the night and the last drink. But what does that mean? So if everyone's having, I think a gay guy on a native drinking could reasonably have four or five cocktails, right, Nick? See? Yeah. Nick knows.

It's the team sport. I feel like it's the team sport element that it goes south. Because everybody's not created equal on this team. Right. And I want to wake up tomorrow and have us be like half alive. Yeah. So let's have a shot for the vibe. Yes.

We don't need the high alcohol content. No. So usually for me, although in Wisconsin, the culture is very different. You start the night with a shot. Wisconsin, you go to the bar, people get a beer and a shot to start. And then they start. That's like Boston. Shot culture is big.

That's disgusting. So I think it's regional. Beer is very large, very... Huge. Huge. Yeah. From... Usually like a 6 to 9% ABV.

Do you like beer? No. I know that sacrily. What? Because the Mouscanza is so big. Yeah, but I just have never got into it. I just taste like shit to me and wine tastes like booty too. Do you like cigars?

Yeah. I mean, I don't like, I like the way they smell. I don't, I don't. Would you ever smoke a cigar? I mean, I have. I don't, it's not for me because it's like you don't inhale it. If you die and they're at the funeral, open casket, I won't put the cigar in your mouth. Absolutely.

But you're going to keep, it's got to be one of those ones that keep, it never stop smoking. Like an incense burner. Knock champa. Yeah. Knock champa up the nose. Yeah. No, you have to rig my open casket to, like, fall on somebody and vomit into their mouth, like, drag me to hell. Like, everybody, everybody who comes up.

That also happens at Bad Grandpa. Did you see that? No. You need to watch Bad Grandpa. Wait, is there male nudity in that one? It's fake male nudity, I believe. Oh. It's like the old man, fake old man body.

Oh, okay. Well, speaking of that, a night of the Seven Kingdoms, Mary? Jorkin. The dong of death. Jorken your prettiness. The dong. I was like, this is really, really. really like,

where is something? Do you see that? Do I see it? How could I miss it? It's fake, right? No, that's real. Of course it's fake. Isn't that crazy?

To the knee is crazy? Yeah, and then he pees out of it. Oh yeah. He pees out of it. I was like, the movies are back, man. It's so fierce. It's so fierce.

I love Game of Thrones so much in this new, this new, I wasn't feeling it, but now I'm feeling it. It's so fierce. The Nine of the Seven Kingdoms. The Last episode was so bloody, I could not believe it.

Really? It was a tournament with a jousting, just absolutely just relentless violence. Relentless, just like, oh my God, it was like crazy. Love. It's fierce. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblant, where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again clocking in for work.

The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up, and I will be out there. They're hiking the Grand Broulet while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding the official soft launch of spring, that brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from

the inclines I will assuredly underestimate? mate. While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income. It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else, so while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing state side. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly

amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by no CD. There you are, just living your life when a horrible, unwanted thought crashes the party. Is that tiny sensation in my body actually a serious illness? Why doesn't my partner look as happy as I do? Why don't my partner I look as happy as that other couple? Do I even love them? What if I'm a secretly violent, dangerous person, even though I don't want to be? And then, to make matters worse, your brain grabs onto that unwanted thought and will not let it go. And now you're spiraling. We're playing every interaction

you've ever had, seeking reassurance from everyone around you. And it never really helps for long. What's going on? Unwanted thoughts that feel sticky, repetitive, and impossible to shake like that might be signs of OCD, a condition that is way too misunderstood. OCD involves unwanted, intrusive thoughts that cause intense anxiety and behaviors you feel driven to do to get relief, even though that relief is only short-lived. It can latch on to literally anything, your health, your morals, your relationships, and it can be completely debilitating. But it doesn't have to be that way because OCD is highly treatable with the right kind

of specialized therapy. OCD needs ERP or exposure and response prevention, which is proven. to be the most effective treatment, and that's where noCD comes in. NoCD is the leading provider of OCD treatment, and all of their licensed therapists specialize in treating OCD with ERP therapy. In live face-to-face virtual sessions, your no-CD therapist will teach you how to take the power away from intrusive thoughts, so you can spend your time and energy on things that will actually matter to you. Therapy with no-cd is covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans. They also provide support between sessions, so you're never facing OCD on your own. If you're unwanted

thoughts are doing the most and you're tired. Don't wait to get help. Visit nocd.com to book a free call with their team. That's nocd.com. I'm heading to Austin this month for South by Southwest, and while half the country is still feuding with winter coats and dodging slush puddles, I'll be packing light layers and celebrating the beginning of allergy season. It's time for that beginning of spring energy. When the sun is out, the air feels optimistic, and everyone collectively decides make out in a public park season has begun. Austin just understands this moment. Austin just understands this moment, especially when you booked an incredible place on Airbnb right next to the city's best barbecue joint. I'm talking morning coffee outside while the city wakes up, walks where you don't

need gloves to avoid frostbite, and plates of brisket eaten outdoors with the Texas sunshine highlighting every bit of flavor in your dry rub. I booked my stay through Airbnb and honestly, it's doing a lot of the heavy lifting for this trip. I get space to sprawl, a real couch to decompress on after screaming lyrics with strangers, in a table where I can eat like a human instead of balancing food on a pillow in a hotel room. I can close the door when I need silence, throw open the windows when I want light, and enjoy privacy that feels like I actually live there, even if only for a few days. And if I'm traveling with friends, we can all stay together instead of coordinating lobby meetups like we're in a low-budget spy thriller. And while I'm dancing my way through Austin and

writing that early spring glow, I'm already plotting the next adventure. This summer, it's Lisbon. Think ocean breezes, late night dinners that turn into midnight desserts, and perhaps a moonlit stroll with a charming local who teaches me exactly one Portuguese phrase and then disappears forever. Trips just feel better when you book through Airbnb and I already know I'll be booking again and again. With Airbnb, every journey feels like it was made just for you. I went for Valentine's Day. I went to my boyfriend, if you like in L.A. I keep getting TikTok saying L.A. is so back and the food is better than ever. Back from what? I don't know. But the people making these TikToks are 23 and they're like,

LA's so back. And I'm like, back from what? Middle school? Like, girl, what are you talking about? But of course, I believe it. And I hate watch the whole thing. So now TikTok is like, here's what the 20 year olds say are the best food. And I go, great.

I'm young. So my partner takes me for Valentine's Day to a restaurant we never been to, which in Hollywood is such a gamble. Oh, yeah, baby. Some of these restaurants that are good are trucks. Yes. That best food in Hollywood. Yeah. Sometimes it's on a truck.

Yes, also, but, but... And the fancy restaurants aren't good. Or the fancy restaurant with the week, you got to check out this place. The brunch is amazing. You go and you're like, hey, how long is the wait? It's about 14 days. Literally. What I'm saying is, oh, great, we'll line up now.

I think in Hollywood, sometimes the cheap places are the fucking best food. And then the places that are trying to be something, you're like, this is, this is just, this is just normal. Mama, tell me about it. So, wait, you, where did you go for Valentine's Day? Because now I just remember what I did on Valentine's Day. I forget what it's called, but this place. And we go to the, the host was so nice. She was so pretty.

And she was like, let's just go this way. And I swear to God, maybe I imagined or maybe I read the mind. She was like, let's put him in the overflow room. Because it's Valentine's Day. So it was like there was an extra dining room they set up for overflow. Damn. So it's like this big bustling Hollywood restaurant. And then they take me down a hallway past the bathrooms.

And it's another room with just another couple in it and us. And it was like, no way. Double day. Are you serious? The songs are playing are all about love. So it's like, love me, love me. It's like all love songs on Spotify. Damn.

Are you enjoying Pandora Radio? It's like, no, no, no. Then behind the bar, they've projected a video with a projector on the white wall. And the projected video is a loop of Paris with the Eiffel Tower. Now, that's classy. That's classy. I got a picture next to it. That's classy.

You're going to die. I look kind of potted out in it, but the, hold on. Oh my God, that's so elegant. That's crazy. The overflow room. But you know what, though? The food was really good. And this is where it turned around.

I was like, okay, whatever. Where is it? It was in Hollywood. I got drinks and I was like, I'll have the watermelon martini. That sounds kind of fancy. I don't want to feel like a huge alky. Yeah.

But when you drink at gay bars, these straight people drinks, this caprice sun that was stored with hand sanitizer. It ain't nothing. There's no booze in here. Oh, right, right, right. So for the second round, he comes back and he goes, Did you want to get another little those?

I said, do you have anything with more alcohol? And the server was like, it's a martini. I was like, not where I'm from, bitch. Yeah, hello, shit. It's alcohol. You don't taste that? This is 100% watermelon, 0% martini baby. That's crazy.

But then truffle fries that blew my tits off. No, okay, what are truffles? I don't know what a trouble is. I don't either. It's not important. Okay. I think it's chocolate. No, it's not.

It's like a mushroom or something. It's a mushroom. Yeah. Fungy. But I think that it gets turned into a spice. Okay. Like,

I don't think they're throwing mushrooms on your fries. No, I don't think so either. I think they season it with truffle oil. Yeah, maybe that.

Underground fungus. Underground fungus. Right. Fierce. So, that's what the proctologist just scraped off.

Underground fungus. So, then they bring out, I go, well, we kind of ate a late lunch, but we're going to see a play. I didn't know I was going to do a play. It was a surprise.

Okay. Three vegan sliders. Horny. What were they? Tiny vegan sliders. Vegan cheese. Little mini cheeseburgers are all vegan. Delicious.

The buttery, stunning, warm, hot. The little fake meat was like crispy. The bun was like warm and toasted and the cheese with melty. Girl. Fierce. Amazing. So then I went to see the Book of Mormon at the Pantages Theater. Had you not seen it before?

I've never seen it. Oh my God. It's so good. It was great. It's so good. Beautiful music, laughing. I love the message. Yeah.

very much makes fun of Mormonism, but really all religion. I don't think it does. I think it was very reverent, in fact. But it also kind of shows weirdly the good that religion can bring. When the guy starts just making up stories and then the people become very positive, I'm like, okay, sure.

I loved it. It was great. Love the singing. But something happened to the Pantages that I'm not sure if I can bring up because I don't want to be banned from the Pantages because I'm trying to see Phantom of the Opera in October. Were you vaping? No, no.

Bulbert. I was bowverted. Fully bowbered. It was me and Pambondi And we had a bong We were taking rips off a bong By the way Last episode I said let's put the pipe up to my pussy

And quiff out of crack cloud I couldn't believe that that was in the episode That's why I got age restricted The top comment was like quiff out of crack cloud I said who said that? Wait, refrigerators I was like, who said that? I was like oh me shit

Coup out of crack cloud That's good So we get there and luckily I have time I get a pee. My boyfriend gets in line for snacks. I said, you know, I can't see anything without a snack and a drink. So we're going to get, um, I took a, took a half an edible. So I was like, I don't need a marijuana. I'm just going to have one little glass. I don't need alcohol. I'm just going to have a glass of wine. Whatever that is, right? Yeah. I'm not, I don't need alcohol. Just have a little glass of wine. You know, but as we have my big fat Greek wedding, which is like,

you're vegetarian. I'll make you lamb. Like is that. So we go up there and we get, oh my God, oh, they have red vines. I love red vines. And my work for not like chocolate. So I was like, I would get raisinettes. Love raisinets. But I'm going to get red vines for the team. Go to go in the theater. There are new food and snacks in the theater.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. They sell. What? They sell snacks, popcorn, candy. You can't eat it there. You can't eat there. It's to take home. So I go into the theater and I just sit holding my, holding my red vines like this,

like an NPC in a video game, the whole play. And then during intermission, I went outside the theater to eat some licorice. That is the most bizarre thing I've ever. And then you can't eat it. And I was like, maybe I'm just white trash. I don't know how things work. No, no, no. That is extremely bizarre.

And maybe it's for crinkling because of acting. They don't fucking sell it. Then don't sell it. They should make movie theater snacks in quiet packaging. They should just fall from the ceiling. A beer helmet. Yeah. With like M&Ms in it.

Yeah. I just was kind of in shock. That's crazy. That's insane. What would you do? I would not purchase it. I would have to, I would have to eat it though. But then I thought maybe it was like a semantics thing of like what they're saying is extremely quietly, discreetly.

Maybe that's what this is. Are they going to throw you out? I would do that, by the way. I would, for once in my lifetime, I would close my mouth when I chew. Yeah. Yeah. But I, I remember what I did on Valentine's Day. I drove to the studio, the new studio that me and Andrew have, and I was mad as hell.

because I couldn't find parking and I like drove past this long ass line. I was like, Janet Jackson must be doing a record signing or something like that. It was like five blocks, I swear to God. It was bagels. People were on an interminable lineup outside for bagels. I mean, I love bagels. I love bagels.

I want one right now. I'm not really willing to like wait an hour and 15 minutes outside for one. What do you get on the bagel? I mean, it's very ho-hum. It's just butter. Everything bagel toasted with butter. That's it. I can't eat cream cheese.

I think it's disgusting. I like, I get the vegan cream cheese and that's less weird for me. I like butter, but nobody ever, like. I do love, like, a raisin bagel with butter. Yeah, I love it. Or I like strawberry cream cheese sometimes. Yeah, I wish I liked cream cheese. I was lamenting the fact that I am such a picky eater and I wish it wasn't that way.

Cream cheese makes me think of, like, maybe it's my age. It makes me think of, like, commercial. commercials about like women being like I shouldn't have that it's bad like that's so bad. I'm so bad. Because all the ads were about how it's like less fat. So I think cream cheese is probably pretty bad for you. Because the ads are about this one's less bad. Yeah. Who knows. But I know it's bad. It's waiting outside for two hours for bagels. Get a life. How good could they possibly be? I guess they're really good. The only lines I see now are I always see a line at Supreme. Well, that's for a product. That makes sense. That's for a once in a lifetime product. That's like, you know, I, I can understand that retail situation, but something that you just have to eat two hours later after that. And then gay bar, like if you go through West Hollywood on Saturday, there's lines. Like the abbey and stuff will have lines. Yeah, what's, I don't do lineups.

I don't like lines. I really don't like waiting in line. Often I'll go somewhere and they'll just leave. One time I was at Heidi in closet and we worked to the back of the line. Because I was like, I'm not cutting. No, I was going to cut. I was like, I can't cut. I know.

I can't do that either. And then she brought me to the front and it was like, I'm Heidi. We're cutting. Yeah. That's how we cut. That's how we cut. Yeah. But what I'm not going to do is go to the front

and in front of 70 or 80 gay man online. Say, no one cares, Baldi. Yeah. And then what? You have to leave the gay community. The ultimate humiliation. You have to leave the gay community. You have to turn straight, be a Mormon.

Yeah. Move to Utah. I just, the fear of, like, in a movie where you, not okay to be let in? Oh, I hate it. I hate it. Public humiliation. It's the worst.

Fearful, fearful. But there's, uh, the taco place across. the street from the studio on Taco Tuesday, baby, four tacos for $7. And you go in? I go in and I just, I fucking, oh, they're so delicious. They're so,

they're so lovely and they're so cheap. I can't get enough of them. I can't get enough of them. $7. Yeah. Taco Tuesday, baby. My horny place is La Vaita Cantina over in Franklin Village.

Franklin Village. Girl. How much are they, though? Expensive. Seven. One for one taco. Yeah. Well, is that expensive?

Well, I mean, I get four for seven. Seven for one taco is really, that's a lot. Have you tried paying people a livable wage? Oh, oh, oh, I want to ask poll the listeners. I guess I, would you buy this shirt? He drowned. Does that make sense? I would. Yeah, this one.

And then the other one was the Game of Thrones, tell Trixie. I wanted to know it was me. You have to do, it's like a Game of Thrones reference. You have to know that. Are you going to sell these? I kind of want to. I really think you should. Yeah.

Why don't you do limited runs? You could do like only a hundred or two each. I think I'm just going to bring them on the road. You know, just physical merchandise. And then no. He drowned. Does that make sense? Yeah, no, like, you know, just bring him around.

He drowned. Does that make sense? Yeah. When I die and they talk about who died and they get up there and they say, we're here to honor the life of George and Hazel pinkering. That clip of her where she says, she tells this person you're being haunted by a George and Hazel pinkering. And the woman goes, well, it's a new house. She goes, the land, honey. The land.

The land. She's so quick on her feet. You got to be when you're a great dark dark. I'll be in my house high as hell. I'll be washing dishes. George and Pinkering. I'll just say George and Hazel pinkering. Like I'm talking to the ghosts in my house.

Orlando, Orlando. Orlando. Do we have an Orlando here? He's here. He's here. God, damn. It's autumn sunrise. Well, shit.

You know what I watched the other day too? What? Now, I had an MRI last year. And in the MRI, let me watch a Netflix movie. So I said, why don't you turn on that Ashley Madison documentary

was good? Why don't you turn on Ashley Madison? So then a year ago, I watched part one. Last week I watched part two and three. So you waited to the M.R. You waited time. Okay.

So I watched part two and three. And they talked about this company that created this company, that people have created this company Ashley Madison where people don't know. You sign up and it's a website intended for you to be able to meet somebody to do adultery with.

Yeah. And so many men signed up. Yeah. So many men signed up. They had a data breach where all of the names of people who've signed up got leaked. Do you know about this? I don't even remember that. Of course it.

It's like how. Oh, God. So funny. Like one of the people they mainly interviewed was like this YouTuber who was like a daddy influencer with his Christian family. Beers. He got found on there. And first he made an apology for, I just made it account.

I didn't do anything. And then later had to tell his wife, never mind. I've been at massage parlors for a year getting it jorked. Jorke. They jorked my penis off. Yeah. So then they talked about all the.

politicians and stuff were on and then this one woman she was like i love my husband i just like found i found out about it because um i didn't even know actually medicine was i just like found out about it because came home and he was in the car in the garage and killed himself because at his work they found out he had an account and they made him retire and then he knew he had to tell me and he just offed himself so one of the things they talked about was like with a data breach that big the danger that some people put with their, you know, might not be in a mental state to deal with something like that. So it was like, obviously parts of it are salacious because it's about cheating.

Yeah. But parts of it were like, oh my God. And then they obviously allege that Ashley Madison didn't take the steps to make sure that their user's data was actually safe. The other thing they talked about was like the women they thought they were talking to. They made it sound like it was like a 60, 40 ratio, women and men on the website. You think 40% of women are looking for? rent-of-hair? I don't believe that is true. So that's something they talked about too is like,

former employees are like, I mean, there were bots. Yeah. Or, yeah, yeah. Do you remember when I told you about that documentary about the jerking off class where they had employees get up there and get fingered? You also got to watch that girl. What is that? Is that nexium? No, it was like, it was orgasm ink. Not orgasm ink. Girl, orgasm ink. But the Ashley Madison doc was really interesting. Darksided. The FAAGs are hurting. Yeah. But the straight people are hurting. Everybody's hurting. That's a straight people website, right? There's not. I'm not. It's Not gay Ashley Madison. No, that's just called being gay.

Yeah. You know, open relationship. Shall we read some reviews? Oh, my God. Obviously, we have to read some reviews. We have to. Some pulse pounding reviews from the critics. Is there a dragoon called Ashley Madison?

That's a fun drag name. It is. Get sued? No. No. No, the girls get sued now. Really? Lexi Love from Drag Race has problems with her name.

Why? There's another entertainer named Lexi Love who's suing her. Oh, that makes sense. But I mean, if you're like, that, I could see that. Because you're, like, creeping on. on her, you're creeping on her search terms or whatever. I mean, I'm surprised that Yelena Zamoluchkova hasn't assassinated me. Mattel?

I know, I know, but there's like, I had that woman's last name, you know, and I'm creeping on her search. Jujiby. Like, that's a candy. I know, but I don't think she's bad. That's crazy. Like, we're all in danger, girl. T.D. Bank, North Garden.

Right. Patagonia is suing Patagonia, that person who does activism for a living. Yeah, I could see that. But what is she acting against? That's the thing. I don't even think she's a poor for-profit artist. I think she's like flat out a philanthropist. What are you going to do?

Sue the earth? The land, honey, the land. Ladies, ladies, you are so hilarious. I'm starting with your first episode and you're such a great pair with a great podcast. I'm just laughing uproariously. I can't say I know much about the gay or drag scene. Straight 65-year-old grandma here.

That's right. But I'm hooked on y'all. Looking forward to listening to all your podcasts and catching up on current episodes. love you both. Teresa in Missouri. I was going to say, 65 years old,

I was in this straight, I was like, is this my mom? I should never listen. Yeah, you know. Thanks, Teresa.

Teresa in Missouri. Love, love, love. Trixie and Katta are one of my favorite ways to boost my serotonin. Are we a medically, are we a medicine commercial? We might as well be like,

Merck, Merck Pharmacy. Two old people on mountain bikes talking about side effects. You know what I mean? Yeah. Trixie and Katja may cause blindness. I do think people who listen to us,

the side effect is they go to work and they like, they say things like the land, and the land. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And no one knows what they're fucking talking about. Not that we invent these things. No. But our rattles become their rattles

and then they're standing there at Staples with their shift lead. George and Hazel Pinkerment. They say jorke in your pinanus or something. Trixie and Katia are one of my favorite ways to boost my serotonin. Love them on YouTube. Love their books.

Love their podcast. Great. That's the kind of love that I want. Me too. Let's see. Oh, my favorite duo, honorable mention to whoever lets out a cackle in the background every so often. They make me laugh out loud.

They normally hate Tracy. Yeah. The comments are like, I hate that girl who laughs. Hate that bitch. Put a boot in her mouth. Like when they listen to the pod, they listen like this. Yeah. Not that girl again.

Tracy has joy. They're like, this fucking bitch. That fucking, that mirthful bitch. Shut her up. Well, when you say that, you're silencing a queer Mexican. Thank you. A lesbian Mexican. Woman.

Latin ex lesbian. In fact, she should have a megaphone that whenever she laughs, the car battery hooked up to mine wired nipples, fries them into outer space. George and Hazel Pinkerman. Okay, bye. Bye. You know,