The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Public Service Announcement for Our Fans with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: March 25, 2025

Dearest Trixie and Katya fans: it has come to our attention that ye, the huddled malodorous masses of the proletariat who worship at the altar of our eternal magnificence, have come to the falsely-held belief that encountering us in a public space grants you the privilege of speaking to us, thereby forcing us to acknowledge your meager existence. In many cases, the most squalid amongst you have risen to unbelievable heights of insolence and requested that we engage in the appallingly putrid act of taking a photograph with you. It is this transgressive act that has forced us to make the following public declaration: moving forward, we shall no longer tolerate such disgusting displays of impertinence, for we have ascended to a plane of existence that your feeble minds cannot even begin to comprehend. We have spoken. Let it be done. (PS - we actually really love you, and Katya specifically wants to thank you for tuning in so the ad revenue will grant her the ability to live her life sans black mold) To support Trixie's friend's fund that is designated for the support and development of male early childhood educators, head to: https://www.nextdoormke.org/belikemike/ Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get 15% off with promo code BALDANDBEAUTIFUL at https://Lumepodcast.com/BALDANDBEAUTIFUL #lumepod This Spring, fast-track your way to eating well with Marley Spoon! Head to https://MarleySpoon.com/OFFER/BALD and use code BALD for up to 27 FREE meals! Make progress towards a better financial future with Chime! Open your account in 2 minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipsYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasacky, Wisconsin. In Wasacky, we have two motels. I've never stayed at either of them. But when I travel, especially when I travel up north, where honestly, you guys, I love where I'm from, but on an average weeknight, we don't even have one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like people to cook dinner if I want lunch, whatever. So I wanted to rent somewhere to stay. I got a four, it was like a four bedroom, but it sleeps like six or eight. Technically, I got a huge cabin

right outside of Wasaki on the river and it was perfect for me. It was perfect. Great Wi-Fi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the Wi-Fi to on the river and it was perfect for me. It was perfect, great wifi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the wifi to the stove, to the TV, everything. I mean, nice hot stove to make breakfast in my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, like giant king size bed

with like a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a baby, a perfect little baby. I love, I mean, being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought like, you know, I brought like pancake mix. I brought like some Kansas soup, but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like,

I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like, you can kind of plan ahead so let's say I'm going to Florida and Far in advance of my trip I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different like options and that way when it comes time to crunch time

Like I've done a lot of my perusing my browsing for bookings and I've got them kind of favorited so in Milwaukee and You know I've got them kind of favorited. So in Milwaukee and you know, like my brother lives in Minneapolis, like anywhere that I'm gonna stay, I always have a few favorited because it helps me just to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb.

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for details. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful sponsored by Airbnb. So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasaki, Wisconsin. And in Wasaki we have two motels. I've never stayed at either of them. But when I travel, especially when I travel up north,

where honestly you guys, I love where I'm from, but on an average weeknight, we don't even have one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like to be able to cook dinner if I want, lunch, whatever. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like people to cook dinner if I want lunch, whatever. So I wanted to rent somewhere to stay. I got a four, it was like a four bedroom, but it sleeps like six or eight. Technically, I got a huge cabin right outside of Wasaki on the river. And it was

perfect for me. It was perfect. Great Wi-Fi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the Wi-Fi to the stove, the TV, everything. I mean, nice hot stove to make breakfast in my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, like giant king-size bed with like a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a baby, a perfect little baby. I love, I mean, being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought like, you know, I brought like pancake mix. I brought like some cans of soup,

but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like, I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like you can kind of plan ahead. So let's say I'm going to Florida and far in advance of my trip, I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different like options. And that way when it comes time to crunch time,

like I've done a lot of my perusing my browsing for bookings and I've got them kind of favorited. So in Milwaukee and you know, like my brother lives in Minneapolis, like anywhere that I'm going to stay, I always have a few favorited because it helps me just to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb. I love it. If you want more space, more privacy, and a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. I'm click clack and I carry Bradshaw on the computer and I notice it's not on. It's not on.

It's a keyboard that's not attached to a computer. A keyboard that's taped to a typewriter. And it's not paper, it's toilet paper that drew. And you just keep writing, boop, boop, boop, boop. And I noticed something that seems a little suspicious, perhaps even fraudulent. So I click like, I don't recognize this transaction. We do a little, we flag her, we flag her.

And then not 12 minutes later, I get a phone call from Bank of America and they say, there is some fraudulent activity on your account. We just want to make sure that these transactions were... Oh shit. So she puts me on hold. Quite a while actually. Kind of a bitch move. No hold music I noticed. Nothing. You might be being robbed.

This is very urgent. Can you hold? Yeah, hold. Would you mind holding? And then I held. What was the hold song? Mom, there was none. That was the first flag.

No Michael Buble. No. There's that one really sexy one that's like. Do do do do. Ah ah ah ah ah ah. What about some soft jazz? Where's my music? Right.

Where's the sax? Where's the sax? Where's the magic 106.7? Where's the Michael Bolton? Where's the How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends? non-vocal arrangement? You know, none of that. And then she comes back, she's asking me some more questions. She mentions a transaction that's very large that I don't recognize. I said, oh, that's definitely not me. This is the 500 something.

I was like, oh, that's absolutely fraudulent. There's no way. Puts me on hold again. And then she's like, can you verify the last four of your social? I do that. And then can you verify that it's from the last four of the account number?

And then I said something I don't remember. And she's like, and then you're pinned for that number. And I was like, oh, Mary, oh, Mary Louise. They almost got you. Mary Louise, they were this close. Third hold, third hold. They put me on hold three times. They almost got me.

And I was like, I was not born yesterday. I was born three days ago. I have been scammed and I will be scammed again, but not on this day. Hell yeah. Mary, Mary. They should try to get me. Spectrum almost got me. What?

Spectrum almost got me. The same thing, well, fake Spectrum. Fake Spectrum almost got me. Spocktrum. Spectrum. They almost got me up to the point where they were asking for pins to cards and I went. Yeah, nobody will ever ask you for a pin. I can feel myself very tech savvy.

For me to come this close to giving that pin away, I was like, Grandma and Grandpa are eating out of house and home. Sweetie, they're on the street. Their bodies have been buried. They're gone. They're six feet under. They're gone. Several men have had the way with a dead body by now.

Hello. From your grandma. Grandma has been munged to her death. Yeah, it's a rap on Ms. Grandma. And I can't believe they almost got me, because I was, and I'm like And I this is what this is actually what I this is the where it turned I said Because she put me on hold like three times. I was like, can I have what is your name Amber? She said nobody's name Amber and um, you know, it's the first red flag

And I and I said can I have your direct line just in case we get disconnected and she said oh no No, you can just call, if you call the customer service line, you can, she wouldn't give me her number. So I was like, okay, something's up. Something's up with that. And then she asked me for my pin, I said, Amber, you go fuck yourself.

You go fuck yourself. Fucking bitch. Sometimes I get really high and watch videos of people exposing scammers. I hung up, guess how many times she called back? Six. Fierce. Six times she called back. Six fucking Fierce. Six times she called back.

Six fucking times. She's trying to make quota. I see you, girl. Girl, she's in... She's in a high-rise in New Delhi, trying to make... Trying to make... You know. Because, I mean, if you're doing fraud from another country, it's probably safer.

Also, I got on in the horn with Romina, now that sounds fake, but was real, at Bank of America, and we had the kiki of all kikis. Did she say that's been happening a lot? I laid out the situation, she's like, oh girl, that's some fraud. She's like, girl, that's some fraud. They tell you, by the way, we will never ask for your pin.

Yes. By the way, we will never ask for your, you know. And we joked, I was like, I told her, I gave her the whole download, and she's like, and I was like, that's a lot of effort. Why don't you just get a real job? You're obviously got the, you got the kin due spirit. You got the kin due spirit.

At that point, just get a job. But you got the follow through, you got the like, you got the gum shins. The gum shins. You're not lazy. Do drag. Yeah, get on Ripple's Drag Race. Girl, do drag race!

Get the girls! Tie your hair up into a bun, put a ponytail on there, get the tall boots from Amazon, walk in in the swimsuit and fall on the ground. That's what the girls are doing. That's what really gets the girls kee-keeing up at the gig. And that's what really gets girls... Just make Mama Ru laugh. Get her pin.

I'm not exactly the Snatch Game police, but I love that the girls now are just dressing up as like, We have Cupid and a scab. No, no. We have Cloudy Sky. Mary. We got the Cloudy Sky. And we have Alyssa Edwards as Alyssa Edwards. It's just, it's random. It's like, we got a movie.

It's fierce. I'm a movie. Girl. I'm like, what? We have a Boston Terrier. No, that's too, that's too, that's a thing. Yeah, there's like we got um, it's Mama when Zeus is the winner, that's how you know this shit went down. It's cunty. Oh That I take so much umbrage. I wish I wish Amber would fraud out the snatch game big time

Fraud them out get all their pins. I love that you can every, the only real Amber is contestant number eight. Amber Atkins. A-L-A-S-K-M-A. Wisconsin, W-I-S-C, yes, love. Mama, you can't come for Amber Atkins, but you can come for Amber at Bonk of America. Bonk of America, bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk, beat it up.

You know what happened? When I almost got scammed, it was so crazy and wild because I felt so exposed. I was like, oh my God. Somebody could just be rooting around on my online... Somebody tries to log into my PlayStation Network account like every two days. Well, that's... Again, I got six... And this is yesterday. I got six text messages. Your one-time passcode is

I'm like the girls are coming for you. What for what I was logging in. You owe me money damn It's it's it's wild out there, and I don't have a lot. I don't have a lot of money I've been going through it. I got financial troubles. I got troubles of all different kinds. Okay, I got a pin. I come I'm very vulnerable Needles well, I got pins, I got them very vulnerable. You got pins and needles. Yeah. Well, you got pins and needles, honey. Oh, but I did Google, I got to fact check things to Google.

I know I already apologize, but I'd like to further apologize about the Simsia needle. I know it's a very big gauge and it's horrible. Yeah, it's bad. But also alcohol does not convert to sugar. I'm still, I think this was like a few days ago. I'm still bruised, aren't I? This is from like five days ago.

That's crazy. Yeah, it was bad, it was purple. It looked like I had a grape. But we gotta get Bill Nye, the science guy on the alcohol converting to sugar, because it doesn't. You don't think? No, no, it doesn't, I guess.

I'm not a scientist. Would you do a toxicology report? No, they did. Who's they? Because I went down, I went and dived in deep because of the new set. I have to tell you this, this, how this on the internet, the the eyelash dilemma men's quest for masculinity

Sparks debate a trend has emerged where men are trimming their eyelashes at barbershops to appear less feminine. Do you know about this? The girls are going in with their eyelashes and then they take the little buzzer and just cut them off Because is having eyelashes. I said fellas is having eyelashes gay What the fuck are people talking about? We are in such a crisis right now. We are in a crisis. We are in a multi, we are in such a confluence of crises. Cut my eyelashes off because hairs brushing debris

away from my eye is gay? Switch my wig up, feel like I'm cheating. What is the line? Trimming your eyelashes is less gay than getting done in the ass. Yes, trimming your eyelashes is more gay than getting fisted. It is.

Yeah, it's crazy. What did I just say? The opposite. Oh, I'm sorry. But it's crazy. It's crazy. You know what the thing is, long, luscious lashes? Everybody loves that. Yeah. It's because's crazy. You know what the thing is long luscious lashes everybody loves that Yeah, it's because they are eyes love that yeah your eyes have a purpose

We go to the steps during the go to the the steps of fucking Mongolia during that particularly windy season and see what them No lashes have to say about your vision. Yeah, boop miss blind boots. Yeah, go to it. Go to see the notebook Yeah. Boop. His blind boots. Yeah, go to see the notebook. Crying all day with no lashes. Good luck to you. Yeah, I mean, I think it's supposed to keep debris out of the eye.

It might also have a shadow of a girl. It has a purpose. And also we wouldn't have lash commercials without them lashes. Think about that. Have you ever been with a man and thought, God, his lashes are just too long. It's weird.

No, I'd be like, oh, he's so perfect. He makes a lot of money. He's so interesting. I love everything about him, but those are just too long. It's weird. No, I'd be like, oh, he's so perfect. He makes a lot of money. He's so interesting. I love everything about him. But those long lashes, gross. Yeah. No. I noticed you don't have any lashes. Yeah, I go to the barber shop and they trim them off. What the fuck? And I guarantee,

I guarantee that's the type of motherfucker who shaves off all their pubes. Well, but I don't know. The men who shave the pubes need to be shot. I bet, no, no, I don't even think it's that. I think it's something so different. I think that they are so disconnected from any logic, reason, whatever. They probably have a bushwhacked asshole caked with dry shit and then shave pubes because that's somehow not gay. With no eyelashes.

Yeah, with no eyelashes. It doesn't make any sense. That's the gateway drug. Pretty soon it's like, no, you have to remove the eye. Take the whole ball out because having eyes is gay. It's crimes of the future. Yeah, it's crimes of the future. Surgery is the new sex. I have had, I've been to the barbers, um, barber and had an experience of them trimming my eyebrows because they become unruly sometimes. They've got like, they're all a whack. They've got eyebrows, sometimes they're all whack, they're all bushwhacked like Martin Van Buren

or whatever. And they like do the thing and they trim it down, make it look nice. That makes sense. They cut the, they shave off your fucking nasty ear hair. The things that are, you know what I mean? Things of that nature. It's a grooming thing. Taking your lashes off. Why don't they just chop your dick off?

Why don't they give you breasts? It's just, I mean, what are we doing here? It's 2025. We don't know. What are we doing here? Isn't it fierce? It's perplexing. I think It's 2025. We don't know. What are we doing here? Isn't it fierce? It's perplexing.

I think it's cunting. I love it. Stray Kids are so fucking shook and weird. I know, I saw this. Wait, wait, wait, wait, let me interrupt. Please let me interrupt you. Because I saw this clip of Andrew Garfield, was it Andrew Garfield on Colbert.

And did you see that clip of them kissing? No. I don't know what the context was, but this is how it came up. It's like, do you feel... Obviously, they were talking about some role. And he's like, do you feel uncomfortable kissing a guy? And Andrew Groff is like, no, of course not. And then he's like, do you feel comfortable kissing guys?

I said, no, not at all. And then they start fucking kissing. And I'm sorry. Did you get horny? I got fucking... Bricked? B-R-I-Q-U-E-D. You're like one of those... I'm sorry. Did you get horny? I got fucking bricked. Bricked. That's so gross.

B-R-I-Q-U-E-D. You're like one of those sad... No, no I thought, these are two men who are so comfortable in their identities that they have nothing to lose that they're gonna give a little titillation for the girls. Boop. Let's take a break. It was cunt. You gotta pull up the clip.

It was cunt. I don't need to watch porn. No, no, no, no, no. I'm telling you, it was, I know exactly what they were doing and I know why they were doing it and they pulled it up really well and I'm happy they did. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it was hot. It was, I know exactly what they were doing and I know why they were doing it and they pulled it off really well and I'm happy they did.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it was hot. It was hot, I'm sorry. It was hot. Okay. It's just like a nice gesture of like no homosexuality and you had to stick your weird little coiled dick in it. I tried to make it some kind of weird.

My little corkscrew duck dick. I tried to make it some kind of weird porn experience. You had to just piss all over something so beautiful and normal. I had to drag myself to the cock room with my corkscrew cock. You're like one of those people who watches two girls chatting in the locker room and then you're like, oh, now they're going to turn less for my entertainment. I'm going to make you watch this shit, bitch. Here it is here. Yeah

Me either not everybody is but I'm totally comfortable with it too. All right, just want you to know that any point during this And then, and then, and then. I would kiss Steven. Love him. Garfield I don't really care about, but Steven I would kiss. Of course I would. What is his name? Professor Noblet? What are you talking about? Stranger to the Candy. Oh. You know? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I don't care for it. But I love Andrew Garfield. I think he's charming. He was he's always

Yeah, I'm not a big fan I didn't like that Danish girl fuck that Danish girl. Yeah, what a Danish though Oh, have you ever been a Danish? Are you kidding me? I love it. Raspberry blueberry. I don't do cheese, but that's okay. One thing about me that you, girl, it's conty. Did somebody say something about Danish? Girl, I'm not the Danish girl, but I am Danish girl. I'll have a Danish girl. Girl, in Fargo Season Five, which I'm desperately trying to get you to get hooked on,

there is a character called Danish Graves, who is a one-eyed lawyer. Good. For Jennifer Jason Lee. Good, does she have really one eye? He's got an eye patch. In real life? No, no, it's problematic. Fucking problematic. If that actor was really committed, they would have snatched their own eye out at the gig. It's Dave Foley doing, Darryl Hannah doing Elvin Driver as Danish Graves. Open up the notes app. It's fierce. Mama, everybody needs a fierce one-eyed lawyer in a Porsche. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Honestly, this tour, it's 90 minutes of DJing, plus all the choreography and wig changes and costume changes, and for me,

it has literally redefined sweating. This is probably the most I've ever sweat on a tour. Oh, I was just in Australia. It was summer, I was dying, it was so hot. And let me tell you, deodorant quickly becomes not just an armpit situation, okay? That's all I'm gonna say. Lume is unique and different from any other deodorant because it's whole body deodorant,

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Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Lumi. This episode is brought to you by Marley Spoon. I know what you're thinking, dear listeners. No, Marley Spoon is not a ska punk band playing covers of 80 songs, but all the lyrics are about Ebenezer Scrooge's dead business partner Jacob Marley, who died with a massive collection of antique flatware. It's not even a spoon-fronted bluegrass band who covers songs by a certain Jamaican musician named Bob.

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We already talked about this. What? Your Vespa? So, well, okay. So I thought, I thought to get from my house. Shit. I thought to, you're such a faggot. I fucking hate you.

You're such a bitch. You're such an ugly bitch. You're such an ugly old bitch. The funniest thing is me is gonna give you a drink. You're such an ugly bitch. You're such an ugly old bitch. The funniest thing is me okay. Oh I know. Drinking and Vespaing? Probably not. You fucking bitch. Yeah okay.

So anyway faggot. I was talking about. Oh I'm having a good one today. It's fun today. I hate it. I hate it here. I hate this fucking job. This shit is fun today.

I was talking about getting a Vespa because I thought, you know, if I don't want to pull this car out every time I want to drive the mile and a half to the studio, how fun to have a little Vespa to run my errand. And get flattened by a fucking... Well that's what everyone's saying. ...by a Ford Bronco 12 seconds into your journey. Also, in California, you need a motorcycle license to have a Vespa. So then I go to a motorcycle class. Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie. No, no, no, no. No, we're not doing motorcycles in 2025 in Los Angeles. We're not doing that. We're not doing- It's a best buy.

It's not a motorcycle. No, it's a happy death day, bitch. You think? I know. It's- I mean, I hit something every time I leave the house in the car. Yeah, but you got an enclosure.

Yeah. I think motorcycles should be able to, you know, I said, my order of executive orders when I do become president, green, we got that green arrow course that everybody take for four years. No motorcycles, no helicopters, no speed boats. Okay? Sure, why?

Okay. No, they're just so dangerous. It's just so... I thought it'd be fun to have a little bespa. It is if you're in Thailand. If you're in Thailand on Koh Samui. Then you have a little, um, you have a little moped, motorbike. Because that's how everybody gets around.

Or you're in India or something, like where it's, everybody's got one and it's called kinda, it's not super dangerous. You're not going 80 on the highway and the motorcycle. I wasn't going to go 80! No, no, no, I know no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Nobody wants me to have a motorcycle. Nobody thinks I can drunk drive. When I was marathon training, nobody wanted me to run on the street. Am I just supposed to lay in my house with sandbags on top of my body and just die? Like all of you fucking want to hold women back. All right, why can't I leave the house? You need to put on your wool coat,

lock the doors and say goodbye. Meanwhile, in this age in America, the girl show will put me on an American airline flight. Girl, mama, what's going on? What was the bait and switch? When did the bait and switch start to occur? Because there was an American airline flip over a couple of fucking weeks ago.

Do you remember the other day when our plane landed and that shit bounced? Sweetie, that was not a graceful exit. It bounced. Yeah, that was a- I forgot to talk to you about this. That shit bounced. I was a little suspicious.

But we hit the ground and it sounded like someone record scratching. I was a little suspicious. But, but, but we hit the ground and it sounded like someone record scratching. It was like, goop, goop. I think they brought the drink cart a little too much into the cockpit, if you know what I mean. Yeah. I need you to bring the cock into the cockpit. What are you thinking about?

I'm thinking about a lot. You eating that food on the plane? Yeah. Once in a while, it depends what it is. In the morning, sometimes I think the oatmeal on the plane? Yeah. Once in a while, it depends what it is. In the morning, sometimes I think the oatmeal on a plane is okay. I'll think sometimes a little pancake or waffles is okay. I don't love an egg on a plane.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's so, for some reason, when I took JetBlue to Boston from LA. That's the best flight, the JetBlue. They call it mint. They mint and mint tea. I don't know, does that still the thing they do? Yeah, JetBlue, mint, conti.

I will never forget this breakfast. Yeah, this was huge mint, Conti. I will never forget this breakfast. Yeah, this was huge for you. I think I will never forget this breakfast. It was delicious. It was more delicious than anything I've ever had on the terrestrial restaurant scene. And it was just wild. But this latest trip that we went on,

between PSI Love You and then the actual flight, Mary, this bitch was fed. She was porked. They would treat me like Hansel and Gretel brought you, throw me in the oven, they fed me, they calorie pumped it into my body. I was so satisfied. Did you fly?

Satisfaction before 12 noon. Pumped with calories and food. Were you on our flight to Boston? We were all on the flight to Boston, right? Yeah, yeah. Did you feel like we got fed to the point of explosion? Mama, I'm telling you. I couldn't believe how much food they were bringing.

I was like, am I being pushed into an oven by an old witch after this flight? I thought like, what are you doing? Are we running a marathon? Am I cardboard loading? I eventually turned to my friend and I was like, are you like really full? He was like, yes.

He's like, they haven't even brought the entree. Seriously, I like, I had a full. And I thought airline food was supposed to be small and like they never come back. Mom, that was a six course meal on that three hour flight. And that flight attendant was taking her three fingers, taking scoops of the food and feeding it down my throat. Like Freddy Krueger with Greta

in the Nightmare on Elm Street five, four, whatever. It was, by the time we landed, I was like, I don't need to eat for a week. It was crazy. It was, I didn't even have lunch. I was like, who needs lunch? I just had three fucking breakfasts. It was wild.

It was something. I was very grateful. Cause we were all free. Well. Well, yeah, I mean, not really free. We kind of paid for it, but. Yeah, yeah. But that PSI love you.

I mean, what a luxury. This is of course, I know the listener hates when we talk about rich stuff because it's very unrelatable, but we have the great, we have the great privilege of having to sometimes enjoy this luxury service where they basically pick you up from your home, swallow you in cashmere, and bring you to the secret airport

and fill you with gorgeous food. And then my husband was there, you saw him, the man with the beard. You love him. I love him. Oh, we didn't talk about our sighting. Oh, girls, we had a really good celebrity sighting. Wait, wait, wait.

Girl. Ooh. We saw Ludacris, bitch. Oh, that's right. We saw Ludacris at the PS Direct, and I, sometimes we see people, I'm like, oh, that's fun, that's fun, that's fun, that's them.

Amy Adams or whoever. The one time I saw Dakota Fanning. Great. Rebel Wilson. He walked in, and you know what I do. When I see a celebrity, you guys know that when I see them, I say their name. You lock eyes, scream and point.

So you guys are Ludacris and I'm me. I just go, Ludacris. Like just said it. And it made me think of the time that I said, I saw Catherine Hahn and I went, Madeline Kahn. Ooh. That's tough. So sometimes I also get the name wrong.

Yeah, like Rodney McDowell. Rodney, I mean, I understand it's Andy McDowell plus Rodney McDowell. Well, yeah. It's Rodney. Margaret Qualley. It's Margaret Rodney. You know, Rodney McDowell.

I loved you in the substance. You were so good, Rodney McDowell. So I saw Ludacris and I was just like, that's fucking Ludacris. Ludacris. That is Ludacris. With the bar smile like boobaricadaw. Thank you.

I just was like, holy shit. Was that Dirty? Was that Redman? Dirty's Redman. What is Ludacris? Oh, oh, is on the Misty Elliott track, the... Gossip Folks. What does he say?

Is that... What is that track? He's like... Three years later. What is it? What? I don't know. I'm not super familiar with rapping. Oh, I'll do? Troy was like three years later. What is it? I don't know. I'm not super familiar with a rapping.

Oh, I'll do it for you. Okay, please. Some of this, something, oh, a ludicrous, it's a Misty song. It's not Gossip Folks. It's not Gossip Folks. It's another one. It's like One Minute Man.

It's One Minute Man. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, it's One Minute Man. He said, once upon a time in a college park when they live life fast and they scared a dark Oh, there's a lot of n-words. Okay, we won't do this Yeah, now what do you think about done now all around the world on the microphone He leave the booths phone like we're Barry cologne Yeah, right in chrome got the bitches in the kitchen ever home alone and he's on the grind

Please let me know if he's on your mind. Yeah, well, I love, Ludacris, rotate all tires. Some, what? Ludacris something and rotate all tires. Oh. Check it out. It's on One Minute Man. Oh. Oh.

Have you seen that woman who says, oh. Is that Dee Dee Megadoodoo? It's Dee Dee Megadoodoo, baby. Dee Dee Megadoodoo. I got another news clipping for you. I think of you all the time, and I know you get sick of me texting you, so sometimes I save stuff. I don't.

So Scarlett Johansson explained why she refuses to take photos with fans, and I just, the way she worded it, first of all, can I just say it before I read this? You love her. I respect. You can take a million photos or zero. I respect the game, all of it. Do whatever you want, it's your life. It's your life. respect. You can take a million photos or zero. I respect the game, all of it.

Do whatever you want. It's your life. It's your life. Absolutely. It is your life. It's your life. You like that Bon Jovi song? Yeah.

He told it. It's now or never. Vanderpump. You ain't gonna live forever. Vanderpump's so famous and people ask her for photos everywhere we are all the time. She always takes them. And she, I know she doesn't have to.

She always does it. Bjork won't take a single one. Right. And the most graceful, what do you call that? The most graceful, not a rejection, but declining. The most graceful decline of a photo I've ever witnessed. Right. It was incredible.

I always just do it. Why not? Who cares? It depends on my mood. Unless there's a real reason, like a real reason like, I'm in a super hurry. I want to say happy birthday to Sarah, whatever. Or like, if I, this is the one that always gets the girls though,

when I know, it's not think, when I know that I look like shit. Bad, yeah. And they're like, but I don't care. It's like, well, sweetie, I care. I don't care that you care. You obviously don't care. I care about how I look. And I'm not fit for public consumption right now.

So if we're gonna wait for you to look good, to take pictures, you also don't take pictures, honey. It's gonna be. So she says, gonna wait for you to look good to take pictures, you also don't take pictures, honey. So she says, it really offends a lot of people. It doesn't mean I'm not appreciative, of course, that people are fans, are happy to see me, but I always say to people, I'm not working. And that means I don't wanna be identified

as being in this time and place with you. Oh! I just thought it was phrased so crazy. That is, I don't to identify as your friend. Right. So I just thought it was so crazy because everything leading up to it was so like almost Miss America. So she goes, but I always say to people, I'm not working. And I went, that's a good way to put it.

I don't want to be identified as being in this time and place with you. That sounds like Tokyo Tony or something. It's so like round the way. The thing is that I have endless gratitude for being being in this time and place with you. That sounds like Tokyo Tony or something. It's so like round the way. The thing is that I have endless gratitude for being a public figure. However, in these moments,

I choose to decline the photos because you are a piece of shit. So then she says, I don't wanna be identified as being in this time and place with you, which is what I'm gonna say every time I leave the room now. That's the way to use this, Sarah. I can no longer be in this time and place with you. I'm either saying, I don't wanna being in this time and place with you, which is what I'm going to say every time I leave the room now. That's what you use to Sarah. I can no longer be in this time and place with you. I'm either saying, I don't want to be in this time and place with you. Happy birthday, Sarah.

Or shock and conch. And I'm getting out of here. Okay. So then she says, I'm doing my own thing. I like to be in my own thoughts and have nothing to do with other people. Hold on. I like to be in my own thoughts and have nothing to do with what other people think of me. I don't like to be self-conscious. Yeah, she, and also famously, she recently refused to join social media at the urging of the-

The agents of Stump, yeah. Yeah, because of Jurassic, doing press for Jurassic, whatever the movie. And she's like, I don't need to join Instagram. The dinosaurs will take it. They'll be fine. People come to see the dinosaurs. You know what I mean?

Like, we'll be fine. Also, you're Scarlett Johansson. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Also like, yeah. What career are you building at this point? You're Scarlett Johansson. I know, you are an A-list movie star. Like, that's never gonna change.

Julia Roberts. Once you've had Adam Driver scream at you on camera, you're good. You're good, mama. Every day I wish you were dead. What is it? Punch you on camera. You're good. You're good mama you every day. I wish you were dead What is it punching a wall? You know that was about Jennifer's Jason Lee and Noah bomb back That was about us I Was the Lord during the court taking off my taking off my jacket to show my pushed up boobs

That's what I was and men and another thing about men. I didn't watch that movie. Oh, it's a little overwrought Well, no melodramatic. I just love I'm not working. I don't want to be identified as being in this time and place with you It's really country. It's very strange. It's very roundabout but very direct. I mean, you know I don't want to be I don't want to be locked into this moment. Time and place with you. I don't want to be locked into this moment with someone I don't know. Also, I'm not sure her age, but she's... Probably my age. Yeah, an elder millennial, I would say.

She's gotta be 40 at least. Yeah, if she wanted to be on the internet, she's had the whole lifespan of the internet. I just saw this TikTok to the day, this girl being like, right now they're making fun of all the millennial burger joints, the millennial weddings, and they are cringe and they are horrible.

But this girl- I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, it's like, we do things a little differently around here. Just two guys in a dream, we're gonna serve your burger for that's $18, in like a pan. These like burger joints, little burger joints. You really don't know what I'm talking about?

I don't, like five guys. And these millennial weddings with like, you know, little tungsten lights in a barn with, and the baby's name is like, McKaylee. Oh yeah, yes. McNavy. I know what you're talking about. McNavy.

It's like the female gymnast girl names where it's like, oh my God, McKayla. Yes. And this girl was like, yeah, we're cringe, but Gen Z, you produced the first generation that is more boomer than boomers. Is that true? Yes. I mean, that true? Yes.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. The most like conservative, like group, age group ever. Yeah, I don't know. Congrats. Congratulations. Congrats, Miss Honey. Miss Gen Z. I loved that, loved, I had to show you that.

I like that a lot, that's very funny. Isn't that fun? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Today's episode of Ballin' the Beautiful is sponsored

by Airbnb. So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasacki, Wisconsin. In Wasacki we have two motels. I've never stayed at either of them. But when I travel, especially when I travel up north, where honestly, you guys, I love where I'm from, but on an average weeknight, we don't even have one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like to be able to cook dinner if I want, lunch, whatever. So I wanted to rent somewhere to stay.

I got a four, it was like a four bedroom, but it sleeps like six or eight technically. I got a huge cabin right outside of Wasaki on the river. And it was perfect for me. It was perfect, great Wi-Fi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the Wi-Fi to the stove for the TV, everything.

I mean, nice hot stove to make breakfast to my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, like giant king-size bed with like a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a baby, a perfect little baby. I love, I mean, being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought like, you know, I brought like pancake mix, I brought like some cans of soup, but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like, I don't even need these.

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and your loved ones. That's Aura.com slash defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details. I'm still thinking about Andrew Garfield and Stephen Colbert kitchen on the mouth. So Bill Burr was talking about Elon Musk and he said, I refuse to believe it was an accidental two time zygmphile and he does it at a presidential inauguration. This is why I hate liberals. Liberals have no teeth whatsoever.

They just go, oh my God, can you believe this? I'm getting out of the country. I'm just like, you're gonna leave the country because of one guy with dyed hair plugs and a laminated face. A laminated face. That is what she looks like. She's given face down on the copy.

Yeah, it's crazy. Dressed for the job you want. And she desperately wants to be in Madame Tussauds House of Wax. She is laminated. Laminated. Laminated. And his nasty ass apartheid mom girl. I can't with them.

She says, why are people so afraid of a guy who can't fight his way out of a wet paper bag? Boop, love it. Laminated face, that's probably what I look like today. Laminated face, that's like when the girls, the older gays just get the lasers constantly and there's still a lot of the discoloration, but everything's wet, wet plastic bag. Yeah, you know what I fear?

I have a fear of, you know this look, and I don't think I can steal anybody out that we know, but it's the aging Palm Springs kind of clutching to youth, maybe has a bit of money kind of guy, maybe wears clothing for the age group that's like 20 to 30 years younger. No, I know, yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I don't, you know, like Roy. It's probably a lot of tanning Strat purple chest. Yeah, it's just some of these gay guys. So look I've been it's a look It's a good sun damage is it's wild the the the chest skin and the color is rum raisin Yes, and it's um, yeah, it's it's also like it's like, um It's like a hide. It looks like a yeah It looks like a hide and hide and it's just. It looks like a hide. Like a tanned hide. And it's just, oh, I don't know. And it's the surge. It's that, it's that like old Palm Springs cat lady gay guy face that I'm just like,

ooh, I don't know. Can I ask for the update on your home? So, okay, okay. So, it's so strange. I have... It's...dealing with contractors is something I don't really have a lot of experience with. And so I had to... This is so childish.

But I hired a contractor and then they came in and hired two people to do this ridiculous tent while it was raining. A Boy Scout tent that didn't work. And it was indicative of like, okay, maybe this is not the contractor to go with if this is a solution to a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was just... I actually have photos and video. We can put it up there. It was insane. It was totally insane. Anybody knows if you make a tent, you need a pole.

Do you know what I'm talking about? You want to make a tent with a tarp? You need sticks to pull. Like, what is... Anyways, so I had to break up with this contractor. That's hard. It's not me, it's you. I'm a pussy. I'm a pussy.

But can I read what I wrote? Because I composed an email and then I blocked them. And then I blocked the secretary. And then they called me from... And then they kept trying to call me from blocked numbers. Were you on the run? Did you pay them out? Do you owe them money? I had to pay them $1,800. And then they called me from, and then they kept trying to call me from blocked numbers. Did you pay them out? Do you owe them money? I had to pay them $1,800.

For the tent? Yes! Mary Dugan. But you have no idea, I was relieved. Because I'm such a pushover. I'm such a pushover. I knew that if I got on the phone with them, or met with them in person, they were going to steamroll me. I knew that I just know myself too well that I haven't acquired enough of a whatever you call it, cojones to like really kind of be a pushbacker. You know what I mean?

To stand up for myself essentially. So I paid them off with, I gave them this, they hit me with this egregious invoice. I was like, fine, whatever, get the fuck out of my life. It was so nerve. It was so nerve. It was so nerve. And so now I'm back to square one. And it's like, I think I want to kill myself.

And I don't want to kill myself, but like, it's just all these stuff. I was made to live like Elaine Stritch at the Carlisle Hotel. That's me. She lived at the Carlisle Hotel. What are you talking about? Elaine Stritch.

I'm not fit for having a home, renting, owning. I should be at a hotel 24-7. That's my life. I do think that about you. No shit. I mean, it's like, at this point, the dolls are the dolls.

Yeah. Yeah. You are happiest at a hotel. I mean, also it made me like- But you'll start complaining about that too. Of course I will. Mary, listen, show me a rainbow, I'll show you a shit stain. You know what I mean? Like, I will find the shit in any situation.

Is that your Pride merch? Yeah. No, but also, it made me like, what's the horrible thing about condos, which you probably know, is that any decision is not yours solely to make. Whereas in my home, I was like, okay, gotta call the plumber, gonna get R-A-P-E-D,

you know, I'm gonna get absolutely yanked. My bank account's gonna get yanked, but it's mine and it's my decision. And that's like my autonomous decision to get swindled in, but I have a new toilet. Good for you. But I gotta call the H-O-A, I gotta call the, I gotta call the HOA. I gotta call Tom, Dick and Harry, get their approval.

Who are these people? I know. That's the thing about condos like- Condos are ridiculous. Yeah, it's hard. I think they're really stupid. I think they're stupid boots. You know what it's good for?

Cause I've had both. It's great for when you travel all the time and you're younger and you're single and you just want, you don't wanna have to worry about taking the garbage to the curb mowing the lawn. You want to make sure that if you're going to get mail and you're going to leave your apartment for a month, it's pretty safe than a condo building. How about an apartment? But yeah, I guess.

But then you're just going to give money away. But I'm giving money away to the HOA. Girl, they ain't doing shit for me. You know what I mean? I know it's like, I know fiscally, financially, of course, throwing money away. But for me, the freedom to get my purse and run like Ms. Darryl Hannah had suggested,

is that is more valuable than acquiring equity in this bullshit building that's flopped Tina. So my life is horrible, yet I maintain a smile. You're making it through. I mean. Well, I mean, I'm lucky. Sadly, I think things like black mold and landlord issues and HOA problems,

sadly, I think these are all too relatable. Yeah, also the mold thing is tough because like I just, I approached this with a, I was too crazy. I was like, I, cause I thought it was an outsize a, I was too crazy. I was like, I, cause I thought it was an outsize problem. I was like, this is dangerous. This is like, this is bad because black mold, certain strains of black mold are very bad, but

there's mold everywhere. Look to your left, look to your right. There's mold. You know, people who live with mold in their attics, everybody, you know, it's not a huge deal. So it is what it is. I'm probably gonna be poor by the end of the, by the end of the year again,

go on another foreclosure tour. Right, another Build Back Better tour. Yeah, then I'll maybe acquire another medical problem. Yeah, it's been, it's a wild, it's a wild time, girl. Girl, I mean, I, at the time of filming this, our, my bar closed last week. Oh, that's right Horrible, but see that's yeah, and can I say something? Huh? I did catch wind listen I don't wade in the muck of the comments

Very often because I don't find it to be productive or enlightening, but I do find it interesting It's not do you want me to talk? I don't want to make me touch your opinion is your opinion I just think that people I I actually saw some comments that were like, they were like a little, what's the word? They were a little, it's not presumptuous. Shitty. Shitty. I'll just say the comments.

You didn't own a nonprofit homeless shelter, okay? Like, you didn't let a nonprofit LGBT center go to hell because you wanted to buy a Rolls Royce. That was the vibe of the comments. And I was like, fuck you. You're 12. You're not even living in this country. You don't know anything. Like, get a grip. That made me angry. It made me angry.

You know, when I bought in during COVID, it was like, obviously every gay bar was doing horrible during COVID. Every bar, every restaurant, every business., when I bought in during COVID, it was like, obviously every gay bar was doing horrible during COVID. Every bar, every restaurant, every business. Yes, every business. And when I came in during COVID, it was like, all right, now we got two people on CPR and said, I just won, you know, like, let's try to troubleshoot this. And I, we've been circling the drain for, you know, the business is struggling when I came in and we've been circling the drain and it was hard. And people don't know that. It's hard to come. Well, yeah, we throw parties and have a fun environment for a living, you know.

They think you're doing great. I mean, they have no idea. They're not looking at your books. They're not invested. We want people to come and have a wonderful time, you know? Yes, yes, yes. It was really sad and... That's the bar that I got my first drink at. That's the bar I met boyfriends at.

And I just met my roommates there. I loved performing there. I've done dozens of shows there over the years, done TV shows there. I just, I love that bar. I know gay bars are just bars. And to straight people, maybe it just seems like bars are just bars, but when gay bars close,

when gay bars close, like, you know, we were on the same street as where candy bar was last week. And I was like, wow, that used to be candy bar. Girl, Boston, are you kidding me? It's horrible. When I was living in Boston, there was a gay spot, the main gay spot every night of the week, and there were multiple.

But there was like, Mondays was like jocks, or Tuesday was like club cafe, Wednesday was Latin night at whatever, Thursday was a state. There's machine closed too. Friday was machine, Saturday was Apple on, Sunday. Yeah, they're all gone. Yeah, it's crazy. They're all gone.

Everyone town closed, that seemed crazy. That seemed tragic. That was like a harbinger. And then in West Hollywood gone. Yeah, it's great. They're all going town closed. That seemed crazy. That seemed tragic. Yeah, that was like a harbinger. And then in West Hollywood, I mean, we just when Vanu pump, she closed pump last year. I was like in shock because I'm like pump is busy all the time.

Yeah, you go down there and it's just packed like Las Vegas down there. I mean, when she closed pump, I was like, oh my God, that's when I was like, wow, if pump can close, that seems like anything could, you know, things can always get that bad. Yes. And also really sad and hardened.

Yeah. But people need to feel like there's a there are a lot of factors at play here. There's not only COVID, there's not only like people's economic situations are strained. They're not all these. The proliferation of apps has really changed the game in terms of nightlife. Especially gay nightlife. There's a lot of factors. People's relationship with alcohol. Gen Z's not drinking. They're just huffing glue. Also, people feel, it's good.

It's good that- They're huffing glue? No, no. It's good that new gay people feel more comfortable going to a straight bar than they did 20 years ago. These are good things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just sad.

It's sad I think of like playing bingo there and driving there in a snowstorm and getting drunk there. Like, I just used to go there and get drunk there with my friends at 21. I just loved it. And it just, once we closed it, then I got really sad.

I was almost, maybe I didn't grasp it until it was actually, my mom called me and was like, I saw it on the news. And I just started crying. It's just so bad. That sucks. I had a tie. I think I performed there twice. I had a time in my life there.

Yeah, I just wanted to mention it because everybody's, I mean, you know when somebody's, it's like, you know, kiss your husband today, call your mom today because you never know. Just go to your gay bar you like and have a drink today. Pouring out for the gay bar. You never know and it's just sad. It's all, I love gay bars and I know that they have to make a lot of money to function. I mean, I don't know how anybody, I don't know how any bar,

like, I mean, on, especially on the strip down in LA on West Hollywood, done by, you know, Rage and all those places, how, their rents are astronomical. I mean, any rent on LA. Since we moved to LA, it's like we lost Rage, Revolver, cleaning saddles. Is Mickey's lost Rage, Revolver, Cleaning Saddles. Is Mickey's?

Wait, not Revolver, what was Revolver? It was something else. It was um... Stash, Bar 10, Chapel. It was like, it was the Las Vegas of Gay down there. Not Chapel, Chapel used to be here. Oh, that was, what was it? Chapel, it's the church one, what is that called?

Well, the Abbey. The Abbey. And now it's the Chapel next, what is that called? Well, the Abbey. The Abbey. And now it's the chapel next door, but it used to be here. That's not like, FUBAR. FUBAR, ACBAR, is ACBAR still there? ACBAR, but we used to have Bar Matashin, which was downtown, lovely, it was right by Precinct.

If Precinct goes, everybody's going down. And it also makes me feel like when I was 21 going out age, I remember gays telling me, oh girl, you have to remember Triangle. I wish you could remember 219. I'd like, remember Kelly telling us 2965 peanuts or whatever. Like I know part of queer culture is bars closed and then we, we, we later will be the old fag saying, oh, you had to, I wish you would have been there for the, the boom, the

boom room or girl, you know, it's sad. And they used to have, I mean, back in the day, there's legend. There's so many legendary nightlife stories. There's the Coconut Grove fire. I mean, that's not gay, it's a horrible tragedy. But that's right where Jacques was. And down, back in the day, that area was called the combat zone

because it was very like, it was like seedy, dangerous. It was like a real, it was like, you know, before they cleaned up Times Square, that kind of thing. That vibe was like, you know, nasty, fun, gay, whatever. And it was a lot of action and a lot of, I mean, there were no, there's no internet, there's no, you have to be people in real life by cruising and going to bars and none of that stuff exists anymore in Boston, hardly at all. I think the biggest drag gig is a brunch. Well, I just was talking to some about this. I said, it's hard because in gay night life,

the only thing profitable is doing like a Taylor Swift daytime brunch for straight people. Yes, that's apparently, Fina went back. We went back, we went into Jacques. It was, you know, I was shocked that there was even still there, but it certainly wasn't very crowded. I got to talk to Melinda Wilson though. You took a bit, Mary, you don't know, but Melinda Wilson. Now that is, she's

so great. She's incredible. Um, but like, you know, the name Melinda Wilson. Oh yeah. Just it's a woman. I was your girl. Yeah. Dionne Warwick, Melinda Wilson. I work at the stop and shop. I'm Melinda Wilson. Um, but But like, it just used to be, there used to be a gay circuit, depending on what night of the week it was, it was like a schedule. Yeah. Like you always had an option.

In Milwaukee it'd be like, we always go to hybrid for karaoke on Wednesdays. Then Thursdays we might have this at This Is It. And then Fridays you have this show at La Cage. And Saturdays you'd have a brunch here. And the bars almost all strategically scheduled around each other. So there wasn't majorly competing events.

No, and it was like, there was Latin night and goth night. So people who were like, you know, if they were gonna divide the subculture, it was gonna be compatible. There was like this and that. And they kind of, yeah, they coordinated and you have multiple options on a night. Sometimes you had a tea dance too.

Now it's just, you know, triple seedings of Chalberone brunch for the wine moms. There you go. That's what you got. It's crazy. Pouring out for the gay guys. Pouring out for the gay guys. I, this is it was, it opened in this 1968,

it's one of the oldest gay bars in the country. I mean, we were open on Christmas. We were open all the time. And it's just sad. It's sad because I mean, if any gay bar closes, it's sad, but something like this is it, which is old. It's like because I mean if any gay bar closes, it's sad, but something like this is it which is old It's like Josh's grandpa's went there. Yeah. It's really surreal It gets to a point where it's like it should be like a protected landmark

Yeah You know what I mean? and then I went on the internet people started posting pictures of like the years of going there and how young they were and I Just I literally in my head was like I'm 15 just was, I literally in my head was like, I'm 15 for a moment. I was like just crying in my head. I was just, it's horrible. It's sad. And gay bars are something you take for granted

because it's so fun and it always feels like, well girl, we can always just go. I feel like as gay people, it's like, well we have nothing to do. We can always go to a Johnny's or whatever. And then one day you can't. It's like, well. Well also if a city, if a major metropolis

loses a gay bar, maybe it's a bar, it's like you lose a sanctuary. Yeah, and I will say, in Milwaukee, we're very lucky. We have like 10 gay bars or something. We have a lot, which I know is very fierce. It is fierce. For the size of the city. I just, it's a bummer. And then, you know, the other thing is too,

given the presidency and everything, everything feels so amplified. A gay bar closing feels... It feels like Mr. McBride. You know, when we're talking about the price of eggs, we're talking about the price of everything. We're talking about the price of alcohol and operating a business and like,

it's horrible. Yeah. You know, well, the gays. Well, I think you should be proud of the fact that of your, of the time that you did have it up and running and not feel ashamed about it closing because Mary, I can't even keep one home. I can't even balance one checkbook. You've got multiple businesses in it. I know. Um, and you know, I'm hoping,

you know, I helped keep it open longer, obviously. But if anybody has a problem with it, why don't they just, um, I'm hoping, you know, I help keep it open longer, obviously. Yeah. If anybody has a problem with it, why don't they just, they can email me. They can email misskatia at gofuckyourself.com and I will promptly reply to your email. Yeah. And it will be a large JPEG of a turd. But like, do you remember when town closed? I don't know if Ed was listening.

Hi, Ed. When town closed, that's not even my home bar. It was shocking. And I remember being like, ah. It was kind of shocking. Shocking. This happens, you know, you and I have gotten the privilege to work in every gay bar across the country.

And especially early in my career, I remember going to like- Peanuts in Cleveland. Mobile Alabama to be Bob's or S4 in Dallas. I remember like the, oh, do you remember when, that place in Florida closed with the hotels? Splash? No. You know what I'm talking about. I can't think of it now. The, oh, do you remember when that place in Florida closed with the hotels? Splash?

No. Oh, um. You know what I'm talking about. I can't think of it now. Is it in Fort Lauderdale? The one with the big hotel attache with the white party? It's, um.

Parliament House. Parliament House, yes. And they had outdoor stage. I remember Parliament House closed, and I remember being like, how is that possible? I know. You know, the gay bars, it's not the same, but when drag queens die, it feels impossible. It does. It feels pretty's not the same but when drag queens die it feels impossible

It does it feels like it was like it's like it was like big birds passing away. It's like that can't happen Yeah, it's crazy almost dead. I know I do have a good Milwaukee thing though I want to talk about if that's okay, so I this is a little bit personal but um So my friend Mike I went to college with my first roommate And I was gay and I was just like you know trying to make a friend who was my first friend. He studied early childhood education. I was doing musical theater and we stayed roommates for years through college. His name was Mike Mastrione. He went on to be an early childhood education teacher and we stayed friends after college, but it was always one of those things where like, oh, I just missed you.

Maybe I'll see you for Christmas. I'll catch you in the spring. Yeah, and we just kept doing this. I mean, and then this was like, was like, it was a couple years ago. I was in town for Halloween and I was like, I wanna see you. I was like, you know, he was like, I'm gonna come. I was like, I'll come to your Halloween party at this is it if I can make it. And that's what made me think of it.

He was like, I'm gonna come if I can make it. And he, this is like sounds horrible. And it is a real story. I thought he was coming that night, but he didn't come and then like a week later I'm in London working and I get a call from his mom His mom called on the phone and he he was like and she was like he was biking to your party He didn't make it. He died on a bike accident. Holy shit. And she was like he always wore A helmet but he had a Halloween costume on because he was coming to your party.

Oh God. And it was like so sad. And it was like, obviously we hadn't talked in a good year or two. And she was like, you were one of the last people to text that he was trying to come to your party. He was gonna surprise you at your party. Oh my God.

And I just felt, you know, and that was like, wow, you gotta make time for people. You gotta make sure if you have a, if you wanna see someone, you can't you can't do next time next time next time you just have to do it. Oh But he was a um, he was a kindergarten teacher. And so I went to his His funeral I was in London working and they were showed his funeral on zoom and they showed all these videos of him teaching Like kindergarteners and stuff. Oh my god, you're gonna kill me man. They're gonna kill me Jesus Christ. I know. It was horrible.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, because he was a teacher during COVID, there was all these videos of him teaching kids remotely. So it's like how to make a book, and he's folding paper and showing kids how to write their name on it. And it was like- Fucking angel.

Yeah, and you know, there's not many men who go into early childhood education. It's like mostly women, which is fine. But you know, trying to have more of a male presence with early childhood education is important, thank you. God, she's fags. I'm sorry. Damn.

I haven't talked about it much because there's, you know, first I was like sad about. That's so sad. First it was sad about, oh, I wish I would have seen him. Then it's sad that he's like always wore a helmet and didn't wear one because he was coming in a Halloween costume to my Halloween party, you know, it's horrible. He was our age, she was my age.

But his family started Be Like Mike, which is like, it honors him and gifts the funds to help support and develop male early childhood educators. So trying to get more just men to get involved in early childhood education. So since it started, it's raised almost $100,000. Oh, fierce. They're just trying to create a legacy.

So if you guys Google be like Mike, that's my friend Mike, my roommate from college and get the boys teaching the kids. So it's not all the brunt of women's job to teach young kids. Right. Fucking right. Sorry, that was so emo, emo episode today. Woo!

That came out, ooh, that got me, girl. Poor went out for Mike, fine. I know, I was just, and poor went out for This Is It, and poor went out for Milwaukee, Milwaukee. Love Milwaukee, but also, it just goes to show you, that girlfriend from college of yours, that family member, make the time, make the effort. We all take for granted that we're just like, I'll see you next time.

See you next time. They'll always be there. Yeah. Just do it. Yeah. You know, I got guilty of that with my mom. I wouldn't call her enough and she wouldn't call me enough. And we got better about it over the years because I'll be like, I just think she'll

live forever. And then it's like, Mary, I that occurs to me sometimes, but I'm pretty hard to think about. My mother is immortal. My mother is immortal. My mother is immortal. You know the movie Eternals? She's actually... Angelina Jolie was playing my mom. They don't die.

And like, if I ever had to try to do like a... If I ever had to try to make myself cry if I think about my mother dying, I mean, I will lose my mind. And it's inconceivable to me that they will die. And yeah, I always... that's a good reminder, especially if you like your family, you love them. Yeah. Talk to them all the time.

Yeah, and I always like, that was the other thing too. I always was talking to Mike's mom, Marilyn, about doing an event at the bar to raise money. And it was just one of those things I always was like, we'll do it, I know we'll do it. And do it. And so you just gotta do it. You gotta prioritize doing it.

So go to be like, or just, you know, Google be like Mike and it's run, it's his mom and dad started it. So get the kids learned by the young men. How about that? Yeah. Throw a dollar at Mike. Shit. Throw a dollar. Well, oh, I got a present for you.

This was more like a fun thing. Is it a poisoned apple? No, it's kind of crazy. I was on the TikTok shop. Is my dress in here? No. And these are called them ugly dolls. I just thought you would love it. Oh, so I...

Isn't it fierce? It's fucking, it's, you know who it is? It's fucking, it's the Baron from Dune. It's giving Baron Harkonnen. It came with this hat. Oh, yes girl. In the video they were throwing it because look, does the legs and arms kind of wiggle?

I fucking love her. Yeah. It says, thanks for your purchase. We hope you're enjoying your new Them Ugly Doll. If you're happy with your purchase, we'd love to hear from you. Anyway, it's called Them Ugly Doll. I saw it on TikTok.

I had to get it for you. Isn't it crazy? Look how the limbs wiggle. Look at the hair. Look at the wiggle. Just hair here. I know, it looks like a mistake. I love that little curly Q. And the body's like... Robust. Yeah, mushy. Robust. Look, I thought you would love it. I can't get enough of it. You should put it in your car. I bet it'll wiggle when you drive. I'm gonna, I'm gonna tape it to

the dash. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take it to the, I wish I could tape it to the dash and then put it like a clock in its belly. That would be cunty. Or the odometer, you know what I mean? They could have to look this. Also the head is empty, like it's stretchy. Oh, she's the diva. And look at the arms. That one good tooth.

Oh, come on. Love that, right? Love her. She's smiling. Yeah, I think it was like 20 bucks, them ugly dolls. She's smiling like happy. Yeah? Love her. She's smiling. Yeah, I think it was like 20 bucks, them ugly dolls. She's smiling McHappy. Love her. Horny. Thank you so much. I do love her. All right. She's going right on this set, bitch.

I think we've exhausted these people emotionally. I think we've screamed at them too long. Anything else you want to plug or say? She's ready for her pap smear. Girl, she is. She's ready for her pap smear. Can the kids buy this shirt? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do want to plug or save? Girl, she is. She's ready for her pap smear. Can the kids buy this shirt? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do want to please support my ongoing efforts

to stay housed. And if by the way, by the way, if you need any insider advice on the worst decision to make while purchasing a home or maintaining it call me Yeah, and these shirts are available for purchase. They are very comfortable and the one in the previous episode was also available for sale That's lovely and get yourself a piece. Yeah, we love katya.com or wherever Isn't that on Trixie and Katya.com? Isn't that me on the shirt? Oh You know what I mean. Just Google Katya's shirt. You'll get there, honey.

Just Google Katya's shirt. Support Redbubble. Support some girl ripping you off on Redbubble. Third party purchases. Oh, counterfitmerch.com. Okay, love you, bye. Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb.

So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasacki, Wisconsin. In Wasacki we have two motels. I've never stayed at either of them. But when I travel, especially when I travel up north, where honestly you guys, I love where I'm from, but on an average weeknight, we don't even have one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like people to cook dinner if I want lunch, whatever. So I wanted to rent somewhere to stay.

I got a four, it was like a four bedroom, but it sleeps like six or eight technically. I got a huge cabin right outside of Wasaki on the river. And it was perfect for me. It was perfect, great Wi-Fi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the Wi-Fi to the stove, to the TV, everything.

I mean, nice hot stove to make breakfast to my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, like giant king-size bed with like a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a baby, a perfect little baby. I love, I mean, being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought like, you know, I brought like pancake mix, I brought like some cans of soup,

but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like, I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like, you can kind of plan ahead. So let's say I'm going to Florida. I'm going to I was like, I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like you can kind of plan ahead.

So let's say I'm going to Florida and far in advance of my trip, I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different like options. And that way when it comes time to crunch time, like I've done a lot of my perusing, my browsing for bookings and I've got them kind of favorited. So in Milwaukee and you know, like my brother lives in Minneapolis,

like anywhere that I'm going to stay. I always have a few favorited because it helps me just to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb. I love it. If you want more space, more privacy in a better location and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. This podcast is brought to you by Aura. By the time you hear about a data breach, your information has already been exposed for months.

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For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14-day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online, all for free when you visit aura.com slash defense that's aura.com slash defense to sign up for a 14-day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones that's a u r a.com slash defense certain terms apply so be sure to check the site for details today's episode of ball in the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasacki, Wisconsin. In Wasacki, we have

two motels. I've never stayed at either of them. But when I travel, especially when I travel up north, where honestly, you guys, I love where I'm from, but on an average weeknight, we don't even have one rep, like one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like people to cook dinner if I want, lunch, whatever. So I wanted to rent somewhere to stay. I got a four, it was like a four bedroom, but it sleeps like six or eight technically. I got a huge cabin right outside of Wasaki on the river.

And it was perfect for me. It was perfect, great wifi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the wifi to the stove for the TV, everything. I mean, nice hot stove to make like breakfast in my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, like giant king size bed

with like a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a, a baby, a perfect little baby. I love, I mean, being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought like, you know, I brought like pancake mix. I brought like some cans of soup, but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like,

I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like you can kind of plan ahead. So let's say I'm going to Florida and far in advance of my trip, I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different like options. And that way when it comes time to crunch time, like I've done a lot of my perusing, my browsing for bookings and I've got them kind of favorited.

So in Milwaukee and you know, like my brother lives in Minneapolis, like anywhere that I'm gonna stay, I always have a few favorited because it helps me just to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb, I love it. If you want more space, more privacy, and a better location and the most loved homes,

check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app.