The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Teeny Weeny Tot Foundation Donation with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: November 9, 2021

As Trixie continues her convalescence in a rustic chalet in the heart of the Swiss Alps, Katya joins her for an education on the health benefits of red wine and fondue when consumed at high altitudes. Eventually, the two touch upon such weighty topics as thermometer technology, hetero-societal wedding norms, micro-penis charities, and the perils of porn fasts. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To listen to our podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be helpful! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You'll flip for $4 pancakes at A&W. Wake up to a stack of three light and fluffy pancakes topped with syrup. Only $4 on now. Dine-in only until 11am at A&W's in Ontario. What's 2FA security on Kraken? Let's say I'm captaining my soccer team, and we're up by a goal against, I don't know, the Burlington Bulldogs. Do we relax? No way. Time to create an extra line of defense and protect that lead.

That's like 2FA on Kraken. A surefire way to keep what you already have safe and sound. Go to Kraken.com and see what crypto can be. Not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. See Kraken.com slash legal slash CA dash PRU dashlaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. Okay, welcome back to another riveting episode of The Bald and the Beautiful. Right off the bat, what's going on over there? Oh, let me tell you.

We've got a little Jame Gumm situation happening over here. happening over here i am my face is so torn up torn up and shredded and nasty and horrible from drag from drag yeah it's yeah it's really i can't do a lot mary listen listen i can i say can i say why you can't do a lot sure because you remove your makeup with dish soap and do absolutely no moisturizing. No, I moisturize. I absolutely moisturize. You should be using like an oil cleanser or something. Like Albalene? Albalene or like a very like Ayurvedic like simple natural oil cleanser.

I mean, just because oil dissolves makeup. So it's a great way to get the makeup off without stripping your face. But I want to strip the shingles from the roof. No, I know. I know Dawn is bad. And I like if I have to do drag. Dawn's not bad, but it's bad if it's like the main event. You know what I mean?

You almost should do oil first and then maybe Dawn to remove that. Well, see, I do oil first and then i mean sorry no i do like dawn first to get off the like to strip the paint and then i do like a a face wash to kind of like you know this is i'm in a noisy room bitch and there's just nowhere for me to go i girl there's just nowhere listen if you're at home and you're wondering what is with the boot nasty audio i'm sorry i moved to a new apartment and the furniture is not like all in here. It's a little echoey. And also there's a car honking outside and it could be a raccoon.

I don't know. It's just a lot going on. I'm missing an organ and your face is ripped off. They get what they get. Wait, wait. So. They get what they get. They get what they get.

At this point, the dolls are the dolls. At this point, the dolls are the. Somebody tweeted me just at Trixie Mattel. At this point, the dolls are the dolls at this point the dolls are that somebody tweeted me just at tricksy mattel at this point the dolls the dolls and nothing makes me laugh like that has that is so funny to me it is at this point the pod oh my god don't make me laugh oh i'm at the point of healing where now it only hurts if i really laugh okay well so going back to your thing so that's why i'm talking to you yeah i want to make sure that nothing funny nothing funny happens by the way speaking of me missing work uh can you believe it i could not twilight episodes of netflix were so good

oh yeah yeah they're great yeah we had a good time we had a good time juju was great and fita got me absolutely together that aids joke mary that i can't but i can't believe they kept it in i can't either it was so it was so vicious and brutal and wild it was so crazy i believe the line was um uh no dick is no dick is worth dying for tell that to gay guys in the 80s yeah brutal i mean she would know she was there. Yeah. And then also there's an episode, there's another one coming up at some point, I don't know when, with Jinx. Oh, work. Yeah. There's another one.

But you said earlier, so you were worried about your temperature and you're worried that you have a bum thermometer. You got to go up the bum to get the right temperature. Do you think, I mean, I got this from the CVS and this looks, this wasn't like the, I'm not saying I'm the best, but I ain't the worst. Like this wasn't the $4 thermometer, but this wasn't the $50 thermometer. You need the rectal.

You need rectal temperature, mama. This thermometer has given me everything from 99.8 to 103 in the past two hours. Yeah, it's, no, that's crazy. Like just when, when you're talking about

a difference of a few degrees, you know what I mean? That's just not it. Yeah, let's see. What you got there now? 101.4. I mean, that seems possible. Okay.

That's not true, Ellen. You were invited. Have you ever seen that clip? Are you kidding? That bitch is braver than the goddamn Marines. Yeah. It's so good. It's so good.

Actually, Ellen, you know what I realized about her? I was like, wow, she's so ballsy. You know why? Because that's the fucking daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson. Yeah. Ross Cajones. Melanie Griffith, Don Johnson. Giving birth to Dakota Johnson. Yeah. Melanie Grith, Don Johnson, giving birth to Dakota Johnson.

Yeah. Melanie Grifter and Don Johnson. I mean, do you know how much I love Ellen? I feel like we're not ever allowed to say it anymore because people get mad all the time. But that bitch's early standup is the funniest shit I've ever heard in my entire life. Really? Yes. Her albums Taste This, her album Here and Now. stand-up is the funniest shit i've ever heard in my entire life really in my entire yes her albums

taste this her album here and now when you think of the fact that she's not swearing it's not about sex or filth or like it's just about like what's it about tennis shoes just like the human experience of things like is there a god or you know cell phones so you know like she's just fucking plenty food oh that bitch is fucking funny. I don't know her. Maybe she is a huge bitch. Who knows? Apparently she's a monster. I don't need my daytime

or primetime TV hosts to be care bears off camera. I really don't. You want them to be grizzled ice road truckers, murderers. I believe that they should be allowed to have bad days or have a bad reaction or bad interaction with someone so she raped let's just talk let's let's address the elephant in the room it's like when people are like mad at rupaul i'm like well what did you want did you want her to call you every day

did you want her to embrace you and tell you that you're now her best friend yeah yeah what what yeah yeah i mean i don't know i don't know exactly what happened but you know i don't either yeah and i don't need to know no you know what you look so crazy i look like voldemort exactly like you really do by the way you in this mask going like this. It's too much. How do you think, like, when you think of the, you know, you did it at eight years ago. 32. God, that would be like if I did it now. 32. I'm almost 40 and I'm feeling her.

I'm feeling her. I'm feeling her up at the fucking dance. I'm feeling her titties in the back of the car. I'm feeling the wrong side of 40 yeah i'm still at an age where i'm like people are gender fluid i'm age fluid a little bit like if i'm with david's like 25 year old friends i'm like we're young like when i'm talking to you i'm like mary mama mama these bones are freaking give up the gig mama if they want me they won't be if they don't they don't, they don't, gal.

Oh, girl. But yeah, I was, and guess what tomorrow. So I'm having to wake up 6 a.m. two days in a row. For someone like me, that's a lot. Now, guess what my call time is in drag tomorrow. 6.45. Fully painted. In drag?

In drag. Camera ready. Camera ready. Ready for camera. At ready for camera assist can i just say this can you say this you brought this on yourself i sure did i said you sure did i said yes to the dress and now i realize the dress is made with feces yeah i'm wearing a shit i'm wearing a human turd dress you said yes to the dress atlanta mark turd mark turd turcums i've never i've never seen say yes to the dress is it what you think it is it's just people looking for a dress i've never seen it either i just said that it feels like it feels like looking for a wedding dress would be like one segment on a show like

we're here so the fact that it's a whole episode of people looking at dresses is a little it's a little puzzling to me yeah but but you know what though straight people fucking love they love wedding dresses and they love weddings they love bridezilla they love people going ape shit and crazy and cuckoo and wild and nuts girl i think we just talked about weddings and we did and so we don't have to go there but like but like here's the thing i thought about it i'm glad i don't have to wear a dress for a wedding but i also think two men in tuxes is anticlimactic where's the gown where's the drama where's the fantasy like completely the wedding dress sort of is the pièce de résistance yeah well where's the gown? Where's the drama? Where's the fantasy? I completely agree. The wedding dress sort of is the pièce de résistance.

Yeah. Well, where's the damsel? Like, if you're going to go, like, that's why I think we might have touched on it, but that's why I'm like, oh, see, this is the thing, guys. We don't have to do the straight thing. Like, we don't have to, like, we don't have to do the text. Like, I mean, I don't know. Like, that's what, like, i i want when straight people are like oh

well we just tied the knot when are you guys gonna get hitched i want to turn to them in almost like a stream of consciousness like like um like from dusk till dawn like like from dusk till dawn selma hayek clive barker like like morph into a demon and look him right in the eyes and go, we're not getting married. We're going on vacation and sucking cock and doing drugs because we don't have kids and we are both self-employed. Have a nice day. We're gay. Gay! Yeah.

I just always felt like I laid down the gauntlet of like not participating in any of that the day I told my mom I was gay. And I love it. Yeah. Yeah. I put in my time. I've done my two weddings. You know, I'm not like, that's it. That's it.

And I think it's about controlling women. I know not everybody feels that way. But I think it's about controlling women. Okay? Okay? Tell about it. Talk about it. That's how I feel. That's about controlling women. Okay? Okay? Tell about it. Talk about it. That's how I feel.

That's how I feel. I feel like we can't carry these traditions on that are clearly linked to like owning women. Yeah. And then pretend that they're not. The same reason we have to acknowledge things like the cops being established to, you know, like oppress people of color. Like we have to trace the lines, people. Where's the line?

Follow the money. Where's the line? Yeah. That being said, I love going to weddings and I love cake, bitch. You don't have to go to a wedding to get cake. I know, but it's free. You like doing that stupid chicken dance, don't you? Oh, don't laugh. Don't laugh. to a wedding to get cake. I know, but it's free. You like doing that stupid chicken dance, don't you?

Oh, don't laugh. Don't laugh. We're dire straits, dire straits. So you had your appendix taken out. We've touched on it, but how is the convalescence? How's the recovery? Well, the pain is almost gone and I'm supposed to DJ Evita tonight and I'm not feeling well, to be honest. I'm not feeling

well. At the time of this podcast, I've already started to mull it over that I might have to call in the dogs tonight and not be able to go. Now, were you going to DJ and drag, were you? I was. I was going to do 90 Minutes. 90 Minutes?

Yes, I pulled out a fabulous set of some um new disco and some disco and some house music and some tech and some some just i have a great set planned i've been planning it for days i already put all the music on a hard drive i already pulled and because of my stitches i pulled an outfit that's a caftan that i could be nude underneath good yeah i was planning to make this happen so i'm'm still, I'm hoping my, I got my day quill because guess what, Mary,

the fever is, the fever is back. This is my like fourth fever in three weeks. Are there any doctors in the crowd? Are there any doctors in the crowd? Like immunologists or like a specialist, anybody, any ears,

nose and throat guys? Like what's going on? I have two minds about it because I've never been sick this long without sniffles coughs sore throat none of that is it munchausen is it fucking munchausen baby it could be stockholm stockholm munchausen stock munchausen by stockholm but i also think when people in our position talk constantly about their ailments it's not becoming so no nobody wants my options are to either share with the audience why polite is because they care about me or collapse silently and leave people wondering what happened. Well, there's got to be a middle ground. Okay. Basically, I've been sick for about four weeks, almost four weeks.

It's fucking crazy. I have a constant lightheadedness, constant thirst. Dizziness. Yes, dizziness. On and off diarrhea. Loss of appetite. Appetite will be gone for days at a time. What the fuck? Yeah, it's horrible.

It's crazy. I go to a doctor like twice a week to try to see what's happening, get my blood checked, get my pee checked. It's horrible. And then I got my appendix out, which maybe is part of it. Who knows? I mean, I'm just reaching inside and pulling out organs at this point to see what happens. So you got the appendix. Let's get the gallbladder next.

I've never been sick longer than maybe five days. So my heart goes out to anybody with chronic illness. I mean, this is horrible. It's horrible. It's fucking horrible. Let me tell you about your health. You take it for granted. Oh, yeah.

And you know what's not conducive to being sick? What? Drag, bitch. No. Drag, bitch. If I could go sit at the front desk at petco at a register yeah sick i would cross-dressing sick cross-dressing already is sick it is sick it's sick and rotten and it's and it's only further exacerbates any any symptoms of illness for sure so what's gonna happen to your face tomorrow when you have to put makeup on i guess we'll find out no No, it'll be fine.

It'll be fine. Do what you're serving. Hellraiser? Pam in True Blood when she's in that coffin that curses on her. Oh, totally. I should put a wig on. Oh. I, yeah, I just, oh my God.

When he told me the call time for today, I was like, I had that moment. I was like, he's got to be joking. He's got to be joking. I was like, well, why would he joke about that? And then he sure wasn't joking. He's serious. So what time are you getting up to put makeup on? 3.30?

4? No, I'm getting up at 4.30. To go to set by 4 to 5 and then start putting makeup on by 5? No, I'm getting picked up in drag. Yeah. How do you feel about it? I feel horrible. I feel horrible about it.

I got to tell you. Because not only that, though, it's not like I thought he was going to be like, it's an early call time, but don't worry. It's an early day. He said, it's an early call time. And unfortunately, it's a very long day. Why don't you just come in my house and put a gun up my ass and fire it? Like, I was going to complain about my week, but. No, no.

I mean, it's, you can complain. No, I had to be in drag. You know, we were filming Trixie Motel right now. And we had to go 50 minutes out of Palm Springs to another location. And Oprah says to never go to a second location. And we were filming in drag outside somewhere. Yeah, in the desert. No.

Can we go back to a time where I was in drag at midnight in dark nightclubs? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What is this well-lit environment before noon? What? I know. It's funny.

Like I, I do appreciate like, you know, do a day job, like doing jobs during the day and like not being up really late at night. But then something about like, I remember when being in drag at eight o'clock PM was early. Girl.

Sorry. I got another Venmo request. People, my Venmo's. Oh, the fans, the fans have my Venmo and they constantly request money. Why? Oh, because you're rich. This person says, I'm a comedian.

I'm a, let's see. Let's read the Venmo request and decide whether or not they're valid. I'll be the judge. I'll be the judge. Before we do that, let's take a break. Okay. I'll be the judge. Before we do that, let's take a break.

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Terms and conditions apply. Now, let's get in here. By the way, I've never given any of these people money, so I don't know who they are. If they're fans of me, they know I don't just give away money, honey. Okay. Let's see. What are they asking for? Cryptometh.

Cryptometh. DJ Cryptometh coming at you. TGI Cryptometh. DJ Crypto Meth coming at you. TGI Crypto Meth. DJ Crypto Meth. Yeah, that's me. I found a DJ named DJ Tanner, which is the name of one of the characters from Full House. Yeah, that's good. That's sickening, honey.

That's sickening, bitch. Bitch, that's so sickening, bitch. Bitch. Are you watching Dracula? I have not seen Dracula yet, but are you on it this week? I was just on it last week. And let me just say that they are turning the parties down at the Dracula. Can I say that on Drag Race when people are crying because they don't know how to install an invisible zipper?

People on Dragula are over there doing Avengers. I know. They're crying because someone has an ice pick up their ass. Like they're crying because they're getting in a coffin to be buried alive and have snakes poured on their face. Meanwhile, in Drag Race, they're like, I don't know how to do a fitted bodice. Yeah. What's the most gruesome thing so far in Dracula? The exterminations are pretty horrible.

Spoiler alert, won't say who. These two queens had to stick their arms into leech-filled waters let leeches suck on them no thank you no it's pretty crazy the brothers boulette they are so wild they are on their own level they're on their own journey they're doing their own thing and it's it's um yeah they put them through it i'm sorry i know it's a hundred thousand dollars my ass would walk for any of these like i would leave and they say you're getting in this hole i would go no i'm not no i'm not i'm leaving right now but i guess at this point in season four they know what they're getting into right absolutely absolutely you don't go into that show unless you're like you're you're kooky spooky kooky wookie when i was judging queen of the universe wait wait wait wait what's the

demo request oh i'm trying to find, I'm trying to find them. I'm trying to find them. How do you find? Okay, this person says, trans comedian filming a special tonight. Need to promote. And they're requesting $50. 50? 50.

I mean, I love that, but I can't give you money. I'm sorry. $5. This person says $15. Bestie, I need a drink. No, no drinks. Dry mouth. $100.

For weed and vodka to watch my cousin Vinny. No. These people are getting wild. $100. I'm a broke college student. No. It's crazy. Any abortions? This person, $100. It's my birthday. No. Oh, I love this. Okay. I may actually do this. Okay. So this person's request, $1. Help a fag out. Oh, I love that. Let's pay $1. Don't make it public, though. Don't make it public, though.

You know what? I can't say yes to any of these because we're setting a precedent. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Actually, yeah. This one, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. This one requests $5 and says teeny weeny top foundation donation. What the fuck is that?

Do I get $5 for the teeny weenies? Do I get $5 for the teeny weenies? This person asked for five grand for a MacBook and rent. What would they live in? New York City, baby? That's a lot of rent. Oh, this person's simple. $5.

Can I get Dunkin'can babe i have to go to therapy no i'm just i can't give away money i'm sorry you know what i do give away money but but not all the time and not to people on benmo yeah yeah yeah i don't know you i don't know your life i just made a generous donation to the vanderump Dog Foundation because it was Lisa's birthday. And I was like, what do you buy somebody who drives a Rolls Royce? Yeah. Give someone who needs money a millionaire. Yeah.

I was like, what do I – I mean, I don't want to count her money, but I'm sure hundreds of millions of dollars. Oh, really? It's that much? Yeah. I think she rolls like that. Oh, perfect. So she's definitely – she's in dire need. So I was like, I'll just give her a donation to her charity.

Yeah. Because that's like – she doesn't need anything? No. She needs to be robbed. It's just my brother's birthday. It's my brother's birthday yesterday. And he was like – I was like, what do you want for your birthday? He's like, just get – what did he say?

Get me an oddity. That's what I usually do for you. What? An oddity? He said if I wanted something, I would have bought it already. He's what I usually do for you. What? An oddity? He said if I wanted something, I would have bought it already. He's, you know, a successful attorney. Mama, I feel that though. I feel that.

Yeah. And he's five years older than me. Like what am I going to buy my 75 year old brother? So then he sent me a picture of him in his ice shack. So I was like, oh, I'll get him. He's ice fishing. I'll get him some ice fishing paraphernalia. I'm Googling ice fishing, trying to figure out what anything is.

Why don't I give you a bag of ice and some fish, and then you can figure it out? Has he seen the movie Grumpy Old Man, maybe on VHS? There's a lot of ice fishing factors in heavily to the plot in that movie. So maybe he'll enjoy that. And maybe he'll relate to it as the years advance. Yeah. Well, that's me and you, Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon. Uh-huh. Yeah. Have you seen's me and you, Walter, Walter Matthau and Jack Lemon. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Have you seen the grumpy old man? Of course. That hot bitch. And Margaret. And Margaret. And Margaret. Jumping in the snow,

going back in the sauna, screaming. Love that. Yeah. And Margaret. Hot bitch. Snowmobiling down the street at like midnight. Have you ever seen her in the movie Tommy?

Oh, beans, mama. Beans. Beans. Beans. Beans. Beans. Oh, beans, mama. Beans sticking out. Beans. Beans sticking out. Beans.

The way she – I hate to say this, but the way she ate. She ate. She shit on them. Speaking of people who eat, the gays – I'm just going to say this. This was the first year I've sat home and looked at Halloween costumes all week for Halloween because I'm in socials. I wasn't at the gig. Yeah. It's gay men do better with these Halloween costumes.

You are not serving with your fucking terrible Halloween costumes. I'm pretty much over the gay, I just want to be a slut thing. But just like, just do that. Some of these are like, like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know about an Amazon wig.

What was the, what was the tea this year? What was the all squid game and shit? It was a lot of like, Oh, we're going to gag the children. Nobody's going to go a squid game. The number one popular show in the world.

If I had been out on Halloween and seen people as squid game, I would have been that girl and turned around and sort of shot people. He would have shot them. If you go out on Halloween in a Squid Game outfit, you are inviting being shot. You're going to get sniped, mama. Sniped. Did you clock any good costumes at the gigs? Well, the girls at the Dracula Ball always turn it.

Absolutely. Unreal. Unreal. And there I am with my underboob.'m like i don't i'm like by the way meanwhile alaska filled in for me at halloween and i noticed that she also served a body illusion she sure it was incredible in a way that perhaps oh eclipsed mine a bit well oh yeah i gave underboob she gave everything else she gave like thigh pussy like like a real woman yeah well i don't know about that but yeah from stash from yeah from it was great from the stage it was incredible incredible i read your sub stack about your your situation i

don't want to ruin it for people go read the sub stack but i can't believe you're part one i don't want to ruin it for people. Go read the sub stack, but I can't believe you're- That's just part one. I don't know what is wrong with me. I think I need to be institutionalized again. I think someone needs to step in and be like- And step on. And what are you doing? You need to take a look at the things that you're doing in your life, bitch, and you need to do different things. Yeah.

You need to think about what you're doing and do something else do something else honey honey you need to go in a new direction you don't know what's going on you fucking stupid you have a youtube channel yeah you know what happened do something else you whore this is only a minor pivot i was watching straight porn for a while and now my porn hub constantly is suggesting straight porn and i was was like, it was a phase. It was a phase. Like we can, do I have to use like express VPN and like wipe? Do I have to screen wipe? Do I have to factory reset my phone? You got, oh, I, you got to get gay porn. You got to get a different profile on that porn hub, a little straighty. Um, I've been watching a lot. I've been watching the straight porn. I,

I, I was doing a porn fast and then I broke it whatever it's fine a porn fast where you're trying to do like the Spartans no jerk off November no no no I was not trying to not masturbate I was trying to just resensitize my nervous system

to like just if you don't hook up with people for a while and you just look at porn that's like porn and sex are just the only, if you don't hook up with people for a while and you just look at porn, you just, that's like porn and sex are just the only thing. Do you know what I mean? Uh, that has never happened to me, but I know that that does happen to me. Yeah, it happens a lot.

I mean, people have like mondo porn addictions. I don't have porn addiction, but like, it's like, you know, it gets your, your, your nervous system gets sensitized to just looking at stuff and that's it. So I wanted to get back to the place where I could like jerk off without any visual stimulation. Yeah. Looking for a path to accelerate your career, clear direction for next level success in a place that is innovative and

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About big cocks. No. Oh. As I've become more of an ally to trans people in my life through learning more about trans people, I think, how many times in my life have I maybe come close to being with a man who does not have a penis? close to being with a man who does not have a penis and would I have been at a place in my life where that would have like stunned me or like, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I've been in this situation before. If David and I ever broke up, like, and I dated again and somebody we're dating or we were hooking up and they, it was a man who had different equipment. I think at this point I would be like.

Down for it. Yeah. Yeah. But I think, I think like younger, I'm like, I'm glad that never happened to me when I was like 21, because I don't think I was equipped with like the knowledge or empathy to like handle it. Yeah. I think I would have been like, well.

I know. You know. Absolutely. I mean, thinking about the way that I handled like rejection in general. Exactly. Like Jesus Christ, there's no way I would I handled like rejection in general. Exactly. Like Jesus Christ, there's no way I would have handled that diplomatically or compassionately. I would have made things horrible for both of us. But that happened to me a couple of times.

And I think for me, because like I tend to get so fixated on what's going on in the back. I'm looking for that dumper. You know what I mean? I like, it's not really really it's not a huge factor because i don't look for i'm never looking for hung yeah like i want the connection in general but i guess like what i'm saying is like 10 years ago oh yeah yeah even if i had the connection i think it would have scratched me in the moment you'd be like wait no i can't right exactly i mean i remember my first boyfriend in college was uncircumcised and even that took me like off guard wow i'd never i'd never been with somebody uncircumcised so now i think i'm out of place yeah i could have

healthy consensual relationships with a lot of different types of people it's too bad that none of them will have it with you well if this if this sickness takes me, I think I'll just turn off the alarm on my house and just let people come by. You know how people do a wake? It's kind of like a wake. Except people are just deep dropping hot loads. Oh my God. And we could keep my body warm. Oh.

Somehow. Are people watching? Did you see the season finale of What We Do in the Shadows? Bitch. I love that show. Can I just say this? I love that show. We got to get Guillermo in the pod.

Harvey's available Sunday if you can. Oh my God. We have to. We have to. Yeah. I don't want to jinx it, but we may or may not have someone from the show. That is the funniest show on television. It's so good.

And I know that because I watch one show and that's it. Yeah. It's so good. I just finished it last night, the third season. And it's just so fierce. And it's so funny and so fierce. And I love it so much. So funny.

It reminds me of The Office in the sense of like it's an ensemble show where every single person is my favorite. Yeah. For different reasons. And it is like it's the interview types that mockumentary style as The Office. And everybody's just good. Everybody's good. And the script is so fucking good. The script is so good.

It's so funny. The writing is incredible. It's like a joke a second. And the fact that they have gotten such a loyal audience now, you can tell that they're getting more money. Yeah. Yeah. Because they get to be more absurd and ambitious with the storylines and like the special effects.

I mean, the special effects on this show, I don't know if you remember the first episode where they meet the count and it's like the best vampire makeup I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. On a pilot of a TV show. I know. I know. But it's not like they do. It has a charming quality.

It's not like they do. It has a charming quality. It's not like so incredible. Like they do still do some of the effects are kind of not boo boo, but they're like they're they're folky in a way, you know, like where it's it's not like watching the Avengers. You know, it still has that kind of like down to earth feel. I don't know how to describe that. But and there's some of the running jokes like every time um they go to fly and they laszlo yells back is so stupid it's so stupid and they really commit to or like the um nadja's little doll now that's just a regular character it's so cute it's so cute some of those episodes the one where they meet their ghosts of themselves is so good yeah i i was so into this season with the the um the the the the cult leader the anti-vampire cult leader yes crazy it was so batshit i could tell that that was not going to be a long storyline but i would i would have been

ready for it to be the whole season absolutely it was so in the fucking the siren this that like chicken lady siren it was like so bizarre it's so crazy what about when last i was like i'm or um when nandor is like i can prove i'm human and start singing that song like that's the test of being a human cooked ahead to the side and said i'm'm angry. Five days. Like, so stupid. Yeah, really stupid. I mean, that is such a funny show. I don't even know where to, like, and also the sets. I know.

You watch them in these sets and you're like, this is fucking crazy. So good. So good. The budget. I know. I hope we get to talk to him. I can't wait to, I can't wait to meet him. He's such a, he's such an amazing character. He's really the best character. In a really the best character he has stolen the show i mean there was that whole that that like

there's been a few times but like the scenes where he's just taken out vampires like the fight scene in this one with him and laszlo he's hysterical so good fucking funny so good so good he's just so much smarter than these people who are hundreds of years old also the opening credits get i can't every time i watch it yeah i do too actually i do the pictures of them older the picture of girmo like with the vampire makeup on yeah yeah it's so fucking funny in the 80s looking like susie sue it's's like so cute. Yes. It's so good. And I also love when they're explaining

like vampire lore and they cut to these whack-ass violent illustrations. They're your tea. Yeah, it is my tea. You should see if you can draw some for them. I would take out

the trash for them. I would do anything. You would be good on that show. Maybe there's an episode where they'll go to like a gay bar. Yeah, kill me. What about the fact that, a gay bar yeah tell me um what about the fact that not to ruin it for everyone what about the fact that girl girl and what about the fact that in this reality if you've ever played a vampire on a movie or tv you are a real vampire so funny so good they called Scott Bacula because Bacula. They thought he was Dracula.

It's so stupid. What about when they have the Vampiric Council and Wesley Snipes is on a Zoom? Yeah. So good. Evan Rachel Wood? Yeah. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that.

So funny. So funny. And Tilda Swinton. Yeah. Yeah. This off the chain. By the way, speaking of vampires, I forgot about that. So funny. So funny. And Tilda Swinton. Yeah. Yeah. This off the chain. By the way, speaking of vampires, I couldn't believe watching – I watched your recap of Twilight with Fina. And I maybe haven't seen those movies all the way through in a long time.

They're so bad. That ending fight scene that turns out to be a dream. A vision, mama. A vision of what? With the heads popping off? Heads popping off. Heads popping off. Yeah.

With no blood. Not a drop of popping off. Heads popping off. Yeah, with no blood. Not a drop of blood. Just popping them like pens. No, Elle Fanning. Elle Fanning. I said Dakota. It's Elle Fanning. No, Dakota Fanning is that bitch with the red eyes who makes people be in pain.

Oh, Dakota Johnson is... Wait. Dakota Fanning is in this movie. Who is Elle Fanning? Elle Fanning is Dakota Fanning's sister. Younger sister? I believe younger. Who would play her?

Dakota Fanning would play her. They look a lot alike. I think we're done. But those movies are crazy. And you know what? Yeah, we are done. But can I just say this? Yes.

I was watching your recap of it going, people really like this though. It's not a joke to people. People like it. It's a worldwide – that woman is rich. Rich. But is it Fifty Shades? Are people like – I'm assuming most of the fans of it are women, cis women. And are they like – are they jerking it to vampires biting them?

Is that the appeal? I really honestly don't know because – Is it the romance of like I want to kill people but not you, never you? I don't know. I mean because I've jerked it to Anne Rice novels. That was my vampire porn. Anne Rice? Anne Rice, yeah.

Who's that? Oh, you don't know Anne Rice? Like Interview with the Vampire? Oh. Yeah. I guess there's like an exchange. I mean vampires are sexy but not in twilight well i mean i we don't think they're sexy i don't think they're sexy but people were very

and there's also that rivalry like you know the the the gaunt like intellectual guy or the or the it was like brains versus braun essentially maybe or like the the broody guy versus the brawny guy or like the and then and then the the guy imprinting on the baby i don't mean i don't even know what wolves fucking babies i don't even know what the fuck that is stay away from that baby where is that damn baby i don't know what the face i fucking couldn't take it and you know about the robot baby i do i've seen it i've seen her i changed i changed my twitter picture to her like every couple months for a few days just to check in just to check in on renaissance may honey

that's three different names you named my baby after loch ness monster get out of town she had to deliver that line i don don't even blame her. Who would blame her? Who would pay her? Okay, bye. Thank you, everybody. Goodbye. We'll see you next week, hopefully with Guillermo. Bye.