The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Transcendent Poolside Smoothie Recipe

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

To fully optimize the final days of sunshine and warmth this September, wait until the afternoon is aglow with solar benevolence; the perfect time for a sun-drenched pool party and a refreshing smoothie. Bow your head for a moment of reflective silence before you blend spinach, Greek yogurt, chia seeds, and avocado into an emerald tonic expertly calibrated for softness, serenity, and superior poolside consciousness. Sip this tonic slowly beneath a gently swaying palm tree as a vintage Stylophone releases crystalline electronic frequencies into the canyon air, aligning your breath, posture, and lustrous aura. You'll quickly find that this is less a smoothie than a daily practice; a devotional union of chlorophyll, probiotics, and a deeply committed love of Tom Hanks. By the time you reach the bottom of this sacred cup, you will become not merely refreshed, but cosmically moisturized, spiritually buoyant, and perfectly prepared to face the week as though wellness itself had personally invited you.   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Well, queen. Wait, I got to look at my notes. Well, while you're doing that, I'm going to tell you about what happened to me today. Ready? So I'm at the gym. I go two hours early and I am... Earlier than the gym is open? No, no, earlier than you normally...

So I have an appointment with a trainer at, say, 10 a.m. Oh, sorry. No, no, no, yeah. Early for who? Right, right. You're outside before they open. I was like, hey, most smartest. I've seen that video of that woman trying to get on his bus and she's going,

She's just scared. I've seen this. Oh my God. Most smartest. Oh my. Wait, what? What? Wait, what?

Are you joking? I feel like it's like I just had Christmas. Is this Christmas to me? Show it to me, Rachel. Show it. That was me. That was me. That was me blasting my cock and balls through my undershorts, my Holy Spirit.

That was me in Diane Lane. That was me in Canter Reeves. So I was at the gym. I go, I have an appointment with Eric the trainer. 10. Now this guy who would play her, easily. A compacted, a slightly shorter versus of, slightly shorter, Jesus Christ,

a foot shorter than Jason Momoa. Mexican remix, the remix. So he's from Mexico. Boricoa Morana. So Puerto Rico, Mexico come Jennifer Lopez, right? Henry from the block. You know, Henne. Jennifer Lopez? Yes. Yeah. So, so. I do know her.

It's like, remember me? I've heard of her. Jennifer. Remember when I said that I looked like a Jennifer Lopez in a bucket hat and you said I didn't? Remember when Jennifer Lopez's team contacted you guys to get you to get you to get me to tell my Instagram followers that I wasn't performing with her? My God. They said, could you please tell her to delete this story that she said, I'm going to be performing with Jennifer Lopez tonight? Oh, baby. Are you guys stupid?

Are you stupid? Are you crazy? Imagine Chircate fans showing up at the Jennifer Lopez concert. Yeah, they're like, tonight's the night. Yeah, well, Jenny's team got in touch with my team and we made it work. But anyways, so back to Benifer. Sorry, Jennifer. It was, I was at the gym and I was 10 a.m.

It was a 4.45 waiting for 4.46 staff. So I got 10 a.m. I had my appointment. And so I arrive around 8.30 because I'm, girl, I woke up at 5 today. That's why I'm so fucking tired right now. It's crazy. I'm exhausted. exhausted. Welcome to 5. And you didn't work yesterday or all weekend?

No. Okay. Just today. We don't get a roll over minutes. And we started at three. Roll over minutes? Wait, roll over minutes? I just want you to tell the people out their 40 hour week job right now, how tired you are. That's all. Whenever you point a finger, I see a penis. Right. I'm exhausted. You are one of those gay guys in L.A. with no job who says they're exhausted. It is you. It is me. The call's coming from aside the fucking house. Thank you. Thank you. So I'm working down, down at the gym, because I love Tom Hanks. Right. And we're doing, what do we do?

I did my, oh, the whole point of the story. I get my hands down's back. All of it. All of it back. The press. The spread eagle. The splits. The press.

The one leg press. The two leg press. The straddle press. The pique press. All of it came back. Everything. After the surgery, no problem. Well, you're lighter now.

They remove things. You should be able to do it. You know how that movie's super bad was about being super bad? This is about being super fly. and super fat. I am 20 pounds super good at handstands.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I saw you in the piece ler doing a handstand. Oh yeah. Pretty crazy. That was just the warm-up. That wasn't even after... How did it feel?

It feels like almost a little too rich. Almost a little too sweet. That's good. Yeah, I mean, he works me down and down like I'm Tom Hanks. I watched a program that I really had an issue with.

I tried to support this new film called Conan... No. Nope. It was... He Man of the Universe. Oh, the new Nicholas Galtzine? Okay.

Oh, you didn't like it? It really was. Oh, interesting. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me. It's so, it's so sexually, it doesn't know who it is. Oh, interesting. It as a movie is like, it was like it was pitched as a comedy, but then sold as an action, but then they tried to marvel it out the last 10 seconds. Let me tell you something that you already know.

But I tried to support it because I like hot people. Sure. And the billboards were dazzling. His upper body is dazzling. Yeah, but you know. And I got that. So I came for that. I got that.

But you know, this is what I don't get And this is what I, as a lover of Tom Hanks, as a woman of integrity, intelligence, and energy, I'm not taking steroids. I'm not taking peptides. We don't think you are. No, but I'm never going to do it. Never going to get it. Never going to get it.

Never going to get it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Nobody will give me steroids. I'm not a prize to pig at a pageant. Right. Do you want to do steroids? Never, no. Because I know I've done all the research about them.

I've seen people around me on steroids. My God. My God. I have some shocking studies on Crystal meth that I'd like to show you. Yes, Tina. Tina. Tina. She's a shocking studies.

Tina. You think, wait, do you think I should do steroids? No. Most people I've talked to either just makes them gain weight, not in the muscle way. What? What are you talking about? So it makes their body bigger. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They gain weight. Yeah. Ceroys? Yes. If you don't exercise enough and eat the right way, you just gain other. weight. Like water weight? No, like fat. Like some people gain fat. Oh, yeah. Or they

just get like tiny balls and aggravated. Oh, yeah. But I guess they get mushy, but you know, I used to put like Sherman Williams house paint over the acne ridden backs of Go Go Go Boys in Chicago because they were all muscled out of their mind, but they looked like a walnut loaf. The skin is

Jack Tinta. And I guess I support the steroid community, but I guess I'm saying I guess I'm saying peripherally I understand there's winds and losses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I got the muscles. Shit, I'm covered in acne or whatever. Globular cystic acne. Yes. And then I know that there's like ball shrinking stuff, mood swings.

Yeah. Homicide. Petrocyde. Yeah, but weight gain, too wake in. Because it makes you gain so unless you're working out all the time, your body's just putting out other weight. The other money? You really have a hard time to understand weight gain? Do I understand weight gain? I keep saying weight gain and you keep being like, what does that mean? Do you don't think I understand weight gain with this giant belly? I'm saying some people's bodies.

My body only needs a small suggestion to gain weight. My body needs the very idea. Yeah, I know. It's a sacrifice you're not willing to make. Thank you. And you know, can I tell you, unsponsored, over there at snack factory pretzel crisps, they're fucking it up.

Are they? They're taking their big shitty cock and whip it out. It's fierce, girl. 110 calories. Oh, big shitty cock. Look. Big shitty.

Huge pickle, big crunch. Oh my God. So the snacker, The other prices that I've been making, the eating is off the charts. In a good way? Yeah, yeah, yeah, show girls, show goes, show girls! Now, is it, what are we eating? Oh, let me tell you.

So, let me ask me what's going in the ninja smoothie. Ask me, ask me, girl. What's going in? Okay, spinach, Greek yogurt, vanilla flavor. Greek yogurt, strawberry flavor. Strawbert. Then we get Greek yogurt, regular flavor, just regular, regular, regular, regular. Then we got walnuts.

Then we got chia seeds. Then we got kale. I said spinach already. Then we got juiced limes and lemons. to cut the kale and the tartness for the spinach. That's smart. Yeah, it's really good. Then we got, for that crunch,

we got, so we have the walnuts. We have the, um, cashews are fine. They're really expensive. And where do you stand on packing peanuts? Oh, those go up my ass. So on the blender. And then we got, um, heavy, what about chia seed?

That's just for fiber. What about avocado? Oh, you know, I haven't tried that because I don't like that. It makes it a little smoother. And then I crack an egg. So deck it in. Yes, Tina. I put four eggs in this morning.

What else do some people put in? Oh, ginger. Oh, yeah, but you're going to chop that shit up. Minge. Not ginger root. You put ginger minge in there. The ginger is nice for the morning because it aids in digestion. Sometimes I wake up with a little tummy ache.

Yeah. Or a club foot. Because of the drinking and all the marijuana. Slufoot. Slew foot. Does this look like a slued foot? Actually, these are the shoes that I, that I spray my ankle. And do you remember?

I fall out of a star wagon. I was on the set of Brother versus Brother for HGTV and I was in a hurry And I walked to the trailer and the trailer had one of those You know when you open a trailer And the stair comes out like I was in a hurry So I stepped before it was out

Rolled the ankle Oh God Rolled the ankle So I heard the lore back today Baby We don't need to talk about back problems Because we both have them Right

But you don't want to talk about 9-11 Have you seen that clip? Moray Carey 9-9-11 She just goes You don't talk about 9-11 And the audience goes, what? Glitter. Glitter.

I know. But yeah, I know. But if nobody, you know, something about people is that they are really kind of unwilling. They say never forget, but they don't include a hashtag, so I just forget it right away. Hashtag logo TV. Mr. Wonderful had a 9-11 book on his coffee table and I said, why do you have that? He said, so I'll never forget. Thank you.

So. I had nothing to say back. I was like, shit. Shit. Well, fuck my drag. I'm ready to get married. Okay. It's been four months.

To what? It's the hospital. Married to the mob. Right. Well, it's not like they removed your left finger. Yes, Tina. Oh, you got a lot of rings on, kind of doing gay stuff. Oh, so gay.

Oh, God. I'm gay now. Nails and rings. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're going to get some of those protruded nipples. Oh, yeah. You're going to get some of those big long ones. Oh, my God.

So Peter and I went to a gay party. Okay. Get this tea. Who's Peter? Who's Peter? Who's Peter? Peter. Peter.

So Peter and I go to this gay party. A lot of gay guys. He knows a lot of gay guys. Well, I knew all these gay guys. So I said, let me invite Peter. So Peter and I went to this gay pool party. He knew everyone. What?

He knew everyone. No, but he met everybody up at the pool party. He was the most popular one. Betty did. It's huge slipping hazard at this pool party. Slipping hazard. I had to put the towels down. I had to lay the towels down myself.

Huge slipping hazard. Outside at the pool. But you can't be wet walking on tile and stuff. You're going to fuck your life up. So there were 55 gay guys. And I kid you fucking not. I'm talking 55 gay guys. Not a woman in sight.

not a woman. I was like, okay, I know when to punch it, because I know what this is going to turn into, a gay male sex party. That's like when I invite Jennifer to stuff, and she goes, is there going to be gay guys? They don't want me there. Yeah, no.

They don't want me there. I said, well, neither do hi, Jennifer. I'm polite. I'm being polite. I love Tom Hanks. So I went to this gay sex party. And, no, sorry, I went to this gay pool party. And I was like, I need to press the eject button,

like Iceman and Top Gun. And when it turns into a sex party, because I'm not going to be found in flagrante delicto, remember? You know what's going to happen? all of the sex party clientele are going to be fornicating. They're going to be doing like society. That movie all like stuck together.

And you're going to be over in the corner on your iPhone. What do they call it? Shluing or chumming or something? You're going to be over there on the iPhone on the corner being like, oh. Oh, show it to me, Rachel. Yeah, so I jump in the pool. Do you guys know that I'm on the AMCA list or whatever you're going to say to entice people? I don't know what you'd say. I jump in the pool.

I almost immediately drown. And then I get out of the pool almost immediately slip. And I'm not going to break another hip today. So I say, give me, give me four towels and I put them all. I make a walkway. Right. Non-slip service. So everyone's there fucking and you're just laying towels down like you're, like you're

building a fort? Yeah. There was this really old gay guy who was hanging his body hanging out the window. Who was doing this? He was like, he was doing this. Tritsy, Tritsan, Tricksan. He was doing this. You're me, right?

You're Tom Hanks. I'm this guy, some gay guy. Old gay guy. I'm talking 70 plus. He goes like this. What does he want? What does he want? I don't know.

And I assume he wants sex. And I say, do you like apples? And he's like, what? I was like, do you like apples? Have you ever seen the movie Goodwill Hunting? And he's like, yeah, I like apples. I say, how about them apples? Them road apples, I just put in your fist.

And he squeezes my shit in his hand. And the turd comes through his fingers. And he goes, I love Tom Hanks. Who's pretty was this? So my old neighbor Scott, the beautiful house. Yeah. Oh, that guy. Yeah, yeah, that gay guy.

Yes. That gay guy had the most incredibly catered I mean the food was exquisite Thank God I'm so sick of parties in Los Angeles Particularly with gay men where the food sucks Or there's no food Or there's no fucking food

Also there was a hired cater waiter Who was the most delightful And non-slip he didn't slip once Thank you Tricks and girl when I went to that I went to that party on Carnival Day in Provincetown Did I tell you about that? I went that lesbian party

Lesbian party Went to their house party Amazing food I go I'm so hungry Well my hungry I mean hungover I was like I'll eat a real hot dog if I have to. Bad vegetarian, right?

But I was so hungry. And they go, don't worry. We have veggie burgers and hot dogs. What would you like? I said, one of each. So they made it. Hot dog. And then before I left, the guy at the grill came up and gave me two more to go.

Veggie burgers wrapped in tin foil. Except for the road. And I said, thank you. And I had a clear purse. But I went to see Beyonce. I bought one of those clear bags in the parking lot. Yes. So I called my Beyonce merch.

It's just a clear bag from the parking lot. And so in the parking lot, it's just like in the bag is like my lip balm. my phone and two full-sized burgers. Fierce. Walking through town. That's a big girl. And guess what? Got drunk? Eat both. Thank you. She was high as 14? ate both. She was a big girl. ate both. No bra, no panties.

No bra, no panties. But I'm just saying, going to a queer person's event where there's food, there was all types of delicious foods. There was mac and cheese. And I'm not talking craft. I'm talking giant church like cookout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thick, creamy. High dairy. High dairy. Crem.

Creme. Creme. Deli. Creme. Creme. It was just delicious Oh, anyway, shout out to food. Shout out to food. Miss food, big food. This is for big food. Whether you're from the bread basket Baskin Robbins or you're just at Ralph's, rock and roll Ralphs, or any Ralph's, Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, or any kind of supermarket where they sell lots of food. We know what you're doing. We love what you do, and we hope that you keep on doing

it. Now, I went to the grocery store. I go about three to four times. I said one more question. Oh, yeah. When did you figure out, when was it time to leave the party? When did you feel like it was turning into sex? Oh, so it didn't ever. Plot twist. You know, it was a man of an older. You were there. Yeah. And they knew how to...

You left and they said bye and they said the coast is clear and everyone just got naked and started... As soon as I... As soon as my rubber hit the road, I peeled out of the driveway and they said, they were, oh, P you, thank God. And then their dicks got huge and erect. They just started stroking it. Right. Now they had... There was, I am what is known in the industry as walking boner protection.

Right. So if I walk by, if I'm in like six feet of a man, he's unable to receive or to achieve an erection. You know, it is what it is. So I left the party with Peter. He gave me a ride home. And we saw this wonderful lady, a wonderful woman. What made her wonderful? Well, she was nude.

And she was in the middle of the street with enormous breast implants. And she was completely naked in Hollywood, of course. Of course, of course. And, you know, she was doing her little dance. and yeah, things got a little crazy south of the border. What do you think? When she squatted and defecated in the middle of the street. All right.

I just want to say that out loud. Listen, who among us has not? I mean, you're talking to me, Queen shit over here. I suntan in the nude. I bet on monkey wrestling in Rio. I, you know, haven't... You've been naked in the street. I've been naked in the street.

I sprint in the street. He didn't recognize his game. I love Tom Hanks. Right. You know, so I, you know, I backed over my own mom with the Lincoln Continental, you know. You know, waited eight minutes to call the hospital to police. You know, it's like, what am I going to do? What am I going to do?

It's like, is she hard of hearing? Is she hard of hearing? It's like, no, no, no, no, no. I can hear you. Just want to make sure you can hear you. You know what I can't take again? What? I can't take being around another person choking on food in front of me.

Ever since we went to those restaurants, now when I'm at restaurants, I'm like, yeah. Any small sound, I'm like, I can't see this again. I can't see it again. I think if you're going to choke at a restaurant, it is like the most selfish. Yeah. Pulling focus.

Yeah. Pulling focus. It's not really cooperating. Oh, yeah. Happy Valentine's Day. What about me? Yeah, you know,

I'm gonna die. Right. Somebody grab me. Oh, no. You know what it gives. This is what it gives. And you know what I like to do now instead of getting worried,

I go, why don't you try chewing? Yeah. Kind of helpful. Yeah, very helpful. Also, I do the, like, if somebody starts the little choking bit at the restaurant, I just like, like, oh no.

Someone's choking. Also, I forgot my chastity belt. I hope when I get up to bend over and give them the heimlet that nobody fucks me. My silver chestity belt. See, now what if I choke at a restaurant and dine? And this is the last thing I said on the pod. Love it. As long as I'm not wearing my chastity belt when I bend over to pick you up and nobody fucks me.

Nobody slides it in my crack in my rear. Do you think the chesty belt hurts the penis? No. If you're not a wreck, does it feel like anything? It just was like a metal cage. It feels amazing. It feels so good. direction it hurts. No, it prevents

you from getting an erection. Chastity. Not my erection, I break through the steel bars. Thank you. On a level you'd never seen? No, because I can, yeah. I'm not ready to get fucked in the butt. Not for another 10 years. That's right. But why start now? I don't actually really want to start at all.

Have you been having a lot of sex? Nope. Not all. That's good. Not a lot of sex at all. I don't, I'm open to it. I'm open to it. I constantly, I constantly probe, I constantly press, they constantly you know, I put it out there always and forever, Lisa Edwards

You finagle. I finagle a bagel. It's Loxley and Begill. It's Loxley and Cream Cheese. It's Robin Hood, Menantites, it's Latrine. It's giving like Tracy Alman, it's giving Catherine Hepburn and Catherine Tate. But nobody's biting. Nobody's wanting to do it. Guess what you were I walked to the day for the first time? What? Big business. Oh, with

Bett Midler? It's fierce. And Lily Tomlin. So good. I mean, I only knew the scene that everyone knows the part in the bathroom where they're like, sure. To Bebendler. So good. Didn't know it was these city people, these country people. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Crazy. Yeah. So good. Kind of a fun movie. Louis Thomas really funny. She's a Cerecola. She's like,

The girl's not. She has a future. She does. I'm not really worried about her choking at a restaurant. No. No. What restaurant are you going to choke at? Spago.

Yeah. It doesn't exist anymore. I mean, probably Benny Hana. Can I tell you what happened to me the other day? The way, the way I switch my wig, make I feel like you cheat on this.

Chipotle burrito at my house. You mouth? What you... I just hadn't eaten all day. You showed up. You throw a neck on that burrito? It was like... How are you doing it? Show. Both hands. Both hands. I unveil it

one tinfoil at a time. Both hands. Yeah. Nagini. Noggini. Yes. Penny Wise. The dead lights. Yep. And I'm kind of chewing, but it's kind of like... I'm more like a full body peristoclesness. I'm sort of like...

I love Chipotle. Chipotle does it nice. I love their food. Hashtack food. I've been doing something stuff online. So, exactly. So. So one thing you need to know about Tricksand is that she has a tendency to do stuff online.

I've been doing stuff online. You know, well, we're shooting, we read my birthday a week ago and then we're shooting my Halloween. How many times is you going to mention her birthday? 700 or 700, 700, 800. How many times are you going to mention Tom Hanks, Mary? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. Okay, I wasn't born.

Talk about your birthday. It's fine. How about it? I've been going online to buy myself things to feel good. Great. That's fabulous. It feels great to do that. It feels good.

Is it Timu or is it just different places? No, no, no. I've been buying different music equipment that I love. Oh, fabulous. And to me, in my mind, I think, because I use it for music and for work, I can justify pretty much anything at this point. First of all, you don't need to justify anything. But I'm really allergic to paying full price for things because so much music equipment

is in really good shape out there on the internet. Just going to go ask. And we do live in Los Angeles. Can you go to the guitar center and buy, like, use stuff, too? Yes, or you're on Craigslist like me. Oh, hell yeah. So recently I'm going to Craigslist and looking for products. So then I be going to the ATM, pick up cash, show up at some man's house.

And it's very reminiscent of what I used to suck dick for strangers. But it's, instead of any sex happening, I get something. So this little guy, this is called a pocket operator. This little, this company, teenage engineering, they sell these little beatboxes. And to save money, they don't put anything on it. It's just a board. Incredible. But this one I got on Craigslist,

and this morning I got another one on Craigslist. So I got to show you, so this one is like a little, let's see. Make little beats, whatever. Can you turn the phone? Maybe you're feeling it good. Maybe you're feeling something. Show me more.

Just stuff like that. No, what other sounds does it make? Oh, well, all different types. Change the tempo, living my life. Can we get a sauce of meringue, anything? We could do hip-hop. But this morning, so one of them I got was, they retail about $100. They retail it about $100, which is a little overpriced.

Push play. Lower, right? It sounds like a calculator because it kind of is, but it's fun. So what happened to me, can I tell you what happened to me today? Hello, I'm here too. Thank you. Love it. So basically this morning, these are $100 online.

And I was like, no, no, no, not on my watch. I went and I found a guy in the internet. who was selling one for 80 with a case. And I said, love it because I love a deal. Go over to West Hollywood. Got to stop at the ATM and get cash. Go up to the house. I don't know what he did do it before he gave it to me.

It looked like he dipped it in a spittoon of chewing tobacco. It was like sticky and kind of rotted. So in the case it came with is just a cardboard box. Love it. But it does work. Great. And then I was like, it's a sampler. And I was like, oh, I wonder if it's working.

So I pushed the sample and he must have checked it today. So it was an older guy's voice like, check, check. Hello. Hey. Fierce. Obviously putting that in a song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I get to my studio and I pull out rubbing alcohol and Q-tips and try to clean it up. And I felt like the guy in Toy Story 2 who restores Woody.

I got to watch that movie. I've never seen it. You know, that's very sad. That one's very sad. Okay. No, I know those movies are cunt. They're very cunt. They're very cunt.

The two will make you really cry. Really? Okay, great. Right. Yeah. I love that shit. Toy Story 2? Two is, too, is cuntary in the first one. I mean, why would I say it all. don't have children.

It's fun. But two eats the first one for breakfast. Two is the best one, right? Now, let me ask you something, though. This is a serious question. I mean, it's not funny. So if you're not having children and you're watching this, like, is that a thing that happens?

I think so, yeah. Yeah. Because the Pixar movies are good, right? They're good and I think they want to skate. Yeah, they are. They have beautiful. Because they're made for like, they're good quality for adults and then also for the children.

Yeah, I think they do levels. It's like, there's jokes that only adults might get. Yeah, but without being porny. Yeah, on Tondras. If you were going to watch an animated film, I don't think you watch a lot of animated films. What would you watch? Well, I recently watched Perfect Blue, which was incredible.

What is that about? Well, it's about, it's extremely, it's anime and it's extremely intense. It's about adult topics. Have you ever seen Kiki's Delivery Service? No. That is a wonderful film by those people. Ghibli Studios. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, okay. So Kiki's delivery service. Lovely. Lovely. Kirsten Dunst. Oh. plays Kiki, a young witch who leaves home to go find her a place in the world. She flies on a broom.

Love it. Kiki Dunst is amazing. You've seen season two of Fargo. I can't suggest it enough. Kiki Dunst, Jesse Plemons, Gene Smart, Patrick Wilson, Ted Danson, Tom Hanks, just kidding. I haven't because I've been watching more of the shows that I like. Toddlers and Tierras. And Thousand Pound Sisters.

It's been so crazy. Amy got our eye fixed. And so now it's like, now it's honestly, after like seven seasons, I'm like, holy shit, they really are sisters. I'm serious. Because it was just such a dominating feature on her face. Now that her eyes are set the same way,

I'm like, they're sisters. But they look so different one person's eyes like that. Not being funny. She gets it fixed before her wedding. Yeah. That's, I wonder, hmm.

With the sisters, did they die? Did they die? Do they die in those shows? No, they're alive still. They're alive? Okay. I mean, I haven't seen this week's episode, but I think they're, I feel like I would have heard.

I, when you ask me about the toddlers and tiaras, my instinct is to be like, that's not exploitation, but with the 1,000-pound sisters, something. I mean, something is a little... Well, where do you feel like the line is with reality, all reality television and exploitation? I mean... No, no, not with the competition shows. Competition shows are a little different because they're working towards a goal. I don't know what the thousand pounds are. In some ways, though, I think the only reason competition shows work is because...

people are willing to over-extend themselves to make their dream come true. Sure. I'm not being a hater. No, no, no, no. I'm not either. I mean, I hate these shows. I hate these shows.

I hate these shows. I hate these shows. I hate these shows. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying, clothes. The money-money to get spent by drag queens on drag race

is their own money. Yeah. Exploitative. Yeah, I think all reality shows are exploitive. If you're a cook and you really want to own a restaurant someday, you'll be willing to go on top chef and truly blood, blood sweat and tears that shit.

Yeah. So I think, I'm not even saying it's a bad thing. I'm saying, I think part of what makes these competition shows goods is these are people's dreams.

And so they're willing to go above and beyond. Yeah, it's true. You know? That is true. That's true. Would you ever do like a,

like a dating program? I would love to, but nobody would fuck me. Even when I've been... It's not a fucking program. Oh. Oh, like a let's marry Katzia thing? Of course.

Of course. I know. I would be, I would be, I would be hawk and lugies of people. I'd be eating boogers. I'd be feeling people up with my rings.

They'd give you massages like Let's Mary Harry Leave him marks, red marks, sunburns, track burns, Froubarns, frathearses, fruit barns, wagon wheels. The whole thing. I watched burlesque again. You watched burlesque again? I still haven't seen it. We talked about this.

I still haven't seen it. So, so Pharamone's favorite thing is watching people watch burlesque. I think I'm having it on the channel to come watch me while burlesque. My favorite thing is watching myself, watch Ferremone, watch someone else watch burlesque. I'm like, because it's, it's so, it's, what you like about it? I love everything. So it's show girls, PG.

It's a PG version of show girls. It's all about, it's the, it's the classic template of out of town, like big, you know, hometown small town girl. You know a lot to learn about this town, sweetie. Small town girl with big city dreams goes to the big city. Type shit. Type shit. She, she says, she types shit into the, into the shit machine.

And she goes, I love Tom Hanks. And she goes and she does her thing. And, um, she meets an advocacy. on the way. She accomplishes a goal. She has an obstacle, blah, blah, blah. Homerian Odyssey. And she finds herself through the help of teamwork, leadership, best friendship, innovatorship, you know, hardship, any ship, Lama, Fernando Lama, Dali Lama. And it's great. Cher is so beautiful. It's just

crazy. Christina is so talented. It's just crazy. Alan Cumming is so funny. Everybody's just put everybody's popping their pussy. Peter Gallagher. Everybody's great. Eric Dane. Ah. Yeah. Cam Gigante. And lovely lighting. Stanley Tucci.

Stanley Tucci. The only person who can play gay still and no one cares. Thank you. Stanley Tucci. He's not gay. No. But when people are like, should gays play gays, no one cares about Stanley Tucci. He gets the special gay pass.

Yeah, he does. I bet even, when he's eating a woman's pussy, he's probably like, are you sure? Right? He's sure about what? The woman's like, are you sure? Oh, yeah, yeah. Because I've seen you in all those gay movies. Like, hello.

Yeah. Oh, God. I haven't been whacking it that much. What's what's not enough? Or what's a normal amount? Once a day. That's a lot. Really?

You think so? I mean, it's all depends. But usually it's all corrupt girl. It's all corrupt. It's all corrupt. Are you still watching pornography? No. No.

I'm in a very no porn era of my life. Me too. I'm happy for them. Yeah, I know. Yeah, go with God. I found myself, the last time I watched a porno or a clip of a porn or whatever, I had noticed that I'd become very overstimulated. Right. So I had to just like wipe the slate clean and work back from zero. And my, I had just found that counting sheep really works.

Not for porn, but for sleeping. I can't believe it. You know what gets me bricked at this age? What? Good nice. One of my birthday gifts. I know it's supposed to mention my birthday, but I did have one. I got a blender.

Yeah, yeah. It's great. You love it? I haven't used it yet. But I have the normal smeg blender the big one. This is the kind of like the Nutra Bullet where it's like a cup thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blin, blin.

Turn it over. Yeah, that's great. I think I'm going to use it to make salad dressing. That's great. What kind of salad dressing you're making? Maybe like a light buttermilk ranch. Well, I don't like ranch, but lately I've been using buttermilk to make my own dressing. I just, I don't want to brag, but it's like a little bit of lemon, salt pepper, a little bit of apple cider vinegar, a little bit of honey djean.

Just kind of everything. Oh, a little ginger minge. Oh, ginger mead, a little pearl. Little Pearl. A little 9-11. A little Caitlin gender. A little little gender. Guess what's coming down the pike?

Black diarrhea. No. Yeah. How's it happening? Did you get the money? No, no, no, no, no. It's just the EP is getting released. Oh, I guess I've been hearing about the,

you're like, I'm still waiting for big diarrhea to come through. Preparation H came through. Preparation H. No, no, no. So Preparation H nibbled on a shard. Okay, so I'm putting out, I'm putting this out to the wilderness. Wait a minute. Because she, okay, listen, Tricksand, Tricksand, Tricksand. Can I say, Tricksand?

With me blasting out a hemorrhoid every two weeks, if you get a preparation age placement, I'm going to lose my mind. So, all right, this is, is this camera even on, Nick? Okay, thank you. Jesus Christ. I wanted to say, their light turns red if you're bald. All right. I'm going to say, would I mean this? My dry, nasty, this good old nasty goose egg.

You got all this jewelry out, all these nails, honey. That's Elizabeth Taylor. Yes, white diamonds, white shards. Okay, so these white shards are coming in hot. Listen, guys, I've got incredible opportunities for you and Trixian and me. We're doubling down on our Black Diary of Spit Take, and we're going full Geish Preparation H. Okay.

We want to personally select you Preparation H as the pageant sponsor and co-founder of this new venture called Black Diarrhea Beauty Pageant of the World Today Now. And if you can act now, and if you throw her some money, throw me some money, what we will do is we will stir the pot. and they will, not only with preparation, Preparation H will turn into preparation G. Preparation I. Preparation GHB.

Preparation GHBHBH. And then we're reaching out to our community. Yes. And then we're doing GmbH, which is LLC in German. Okay. So preparation G, preparation H, all the llamas, Fernando Lama, Dali Lama.

Everybody's getting in on the gig for this Black Diarrera super splat sale. So Preparation H, if you don't act now, I mean, you could, you could put it on a blowjob, a blowout. So, a blow job. So you texting Nick saying, can you find me someone to fuck? P.S., can you get Preparation H on the line for my diarrhea video?

Yes, Tina. Tina. Honk, honk, honk, Tina. Wait, wait, you're going to buy a new house of Preparation H, and all I have to show for it is more hemorrhoids. Emmerites, blown out pussy holes, blown out shark tank, Torqunatoes, torque natos. Torknatoes. So, and then, but we have a much more imminent,

by the time this airs, Trixan. Trixan. By the time this airs, you're gonna love this. Tatiana St. Parts Remix Feathing me will be out. Oh, yes. Let's do it. Can we hear a preview? Yes! Are you kidding me?

I was born for this. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! She does. She is... This is... This is... This is... This is... I just want to tell you.

Oh, kiss it. That's like a removable one. That's a removable one. Trust and belief, Tudzi. Now you're doing new ones and fake new ones. Well, they do... Mary. You don't have...

They do temporary tattoos? Of course. At that tattoo parlor? Yes, it's all, it's all like any kind of ink you want. You don't think people walking around with real neck tattoos, do you? You're lying. They're fakers. They're all fakers, fakers, fakers, goodness sakers.

You're lying. No, no, no, no. So Gottmick, I swear to God, the right hand of God. Gottmick hung out with this person who had a neck tattoo. Okay. And she was like, how does Gottmick get tattoos if you're not allowed to drink? Thank you. No, no, no.

This person was wearing a neck tattoo or had a neck tattoo. I swear to God, Gottmick, you can call Gottmick. Gottmick was saying, this guy, some gay guy, some gay guy, showed up with this incredible neck tattoo. And the next day, he didn't have it. The next day, he did not have it, Tootsie. The neck tattoo was gone. It was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Then, third time, the tattoo was back. So I was like, what is you, what are you even talking about, Got Meek? Got Meek. We had pizza the other day. I forgot to tell you. It was a great, great pizza. I love Got Meek. Love Got Meek.

He went me on me on. He went me on a tour of all the places he had visited and had sex in. All the parts of his body that Violets branded. Yes, totally. God meek! Oh, girl! Molly, you endanger girl. Got me.

Yeah, yeah. You're like, how's work going? She says, no, no, no. That's literally her. So this guy. You guys don't know him. Yeah, yeah. The next tattoo was gone.

Gone, girl. Now, if you're going to hook up with the trade, if the trade is trying to hook up with you, Do they have to divulge that after the shower, the tattoo's going to be gone? You don't have to divulge anything other than your hot penis ball and testy. Oh, so it's not a crime, but you're allowed to notice. We're allowed to be like, that was weird. Baby, I noticed certain things that happen don't happen. I started to notice.

I sniff around like a truffle pig. Right. I don't have the... Do you think you're going to get more lips? No. Lips? No. You have a good size lip right now.

It looks really real. Thank you. Yeah. But usually for gay guys, when it starts to look real, that's when the second round's coming. No, no, no. Usually... Well, you know, because it hurts. so much. Are you kidding me?

It was so painful. When they scrape that giant cannula along the edge, the Pacific rim of that up. Oh, they scrape that canula on the Pacific rim of your upper lip, scrape it through and press the jelly, interesting jelly. Tritsan, when they scrape that mustard seed oil through the beard

of your upper lip, and they offered nary a numbing cream. Neri a dish towel. Nary a ibuprofen. Neri a nothing. They say, would you want this Dorothy's boutique needle.biz up into your upper kid. Miss Orlando. She's doing she's doing pumping

parties in your upper mustache area, upper bluff. You know, we'll say on drag race, we haven't had as many Tricks and Hotel pumped bodies as we really should. Yeah, yeah. One would think that there, yeah, one would presume that there's a more

a bigger ratio of pumped bodies, Pumpteen vesting. Yeah, because the girls who do have it, it's like their brand, but in my experience pre-drag race, so many girls had it. Well, fix the flat. Yeah, motor oil. Yeah, castrol Sintech in their hips. Yeah. Linkin hydrogel.

Beanie babies. Beanie babies. They got stuffed animal parts and they were linking hydrogen all the way back from Thailand. Food from Thailand. Thai food. 6 pound 40 battered veg. Girl, do you remember? This is my YouTube video.

Do you remember when I did that video where I went in the Barbie Jeep to the gay club to do DJing? I was there. Yeah. Yeah. But I got there when you only saw me after the Jeep had broken down. Oh, right. I forgot when it broke down. I was in Thai town.

Thailand. And Brandon goes, where are you? I go, I think it's in Thai. I don't know. Broke down palace. I don't know. Broke down palace. Claire Dane's in the Cape Becken'sale.

Okay, well, that's why people kept calling me Claire Daines. No, the best part of all that is that I was clear the lanes. Clear the lanes. Hollywood Boulevard. My jeeps broke down. People keep driving by and yelling. Trixie, I love you. No one stops.

Nobody stops. And she bends over, not her silver chassis belts in the middle of the road. I took off, I took, open my shirt and took both my boobs out and cars just kept going. Hollywood Boulevard needs to bring back the shock But you know what though? I was in Provincetown There was so many straight people there My friend was like

You guys need to get weird again Showgirls showgirls Like all these straight people in your spaces Because the rest because you're like You have your collie and your chinos Yeah and you're also You're bringing your child to brunch Get that baby away from me

I didn't order it's not dry It's drag punky lunch Baby I didn't go to Best Buy to order a dead baby That's what I'm saying to you Thank you Also what tell me why I've been eating baby in my dreams. If you go to Best Buy and you don't want to eat a dead baby, where does this

country come to? Is there any way that I keep having sex and people I'm not attracted to? Say more. Even women. Even women. And in the dream I love it and I wake up and I go like That's your biological clock Tick in like that. That's like you get in like I'm going to, that Marissa Tome

pussy is coming down the pike. Uh-huh. In the dream I'm fucking a girl and I look at her and I go like This is Kunti. And Why is that so period though? Why is it giving? Why Why is the tea? I put my dick and I go. Oh, fuck. But then I wake up and I go like, in the dream, I really wanted that. But as soon as I wake up, I go, no, no, no, no, no, no. Orlando, you don't like that?

So, oh, wait, wait, wait. So, fun fact. So this is a, this is a, you're going to love this. Preparation H. You're going to love this shit. So this is a message open letter via the pod with your approval or to, don't have to approve this message. But I, you know, I don't expect you to co-sign this at all, at a wall. But Orlando, if you are working out at the gym with me next time, I want you. you to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that Orlando Orlando, Orlando, I would love to go on a date with you. How's that sound? That was really dignified. I thought you were going to say something crazy. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm not going to blow up his spot. I'm not going to-no, I thought you were going to do your usual. I thought you would let me eat the corn out of your ass. No, no, no, no, that it goes without saying. I don't have to get Preparation H involved for that. You know what I mean? Oh, this is Preparation H? Is this a sponsor? No, no, no, no, no.

No, no. This is just me. Odomay Brown. Oudemay Brown. This is my thing. Because, you know, I work with a lot of brands because I'm big. Yeah. And normally, if a brand like Preparation H is about... Tighthole, health, a song that glorifies diarrhea... They want to plug it up.

I don't know if it's a good match. Okay. Do you think I should get in bed with big fiber? No, I think you should get embedded with like big mirror lax. Big fiber. Big lexative. Because I'm a constipation person. What about my side of the fence?

Hang, gong. Can I tell you, diarrhea gets all day or time? Thank you. Be constipated. Yeah. Do you know how bad times my life where I wish I had diarrhea? Oh, shit. Really?

My God. I never get constipated. I mean, I constipated. I always get, it's always black lava, black guano, black gel, bones sticking out. So Orlando, if you are out there, and I know you are there somewhere out there, I've indicated I'm receptive to an offer. I've cleared the month of October, and I am completely sarba. Oh, no. And I've got lords of her.

Herb left over from October. What's been going on with your boner? Wait, really? What's the thing of people are experiencing genuine sobriety? They probably have some libido changes. So my erections are you could hang from a cliff. That's what I'm saying. Baby, you could hang from a cliff with one arm.

Slippery. Slippery. Needle in the neck? Just grab that. Grab my boner. Orlando, Orlando, grab my boner. That's what I'm saying. Orlando grabbed, if you fall off the cliff.

I can't even have a glass of wine and keep, and keep like my dream erection. Rigidity. So if you're doing actual sobriety. Yeah. The rigidity, the tumessence, the girth. I mean, not that girthy. Hello. Hello.

Orlando. Are you there? Six inches? Maybe six millimeters. It's a Lego. Yeah. You hold like this. Right.

You know, it's a carabina. But now when you get a boner, there's no, there's no, thank you, Mr. Soup, man. I'm tucking it in. No. Now you're walking down asleep. It slaps against the abdomen. Right.

It's like, it's like a. Sounds like in cartoons when they play the bones. Exactly. Xylophone. Zylophone. It's, Brut. It's really rigid and tubicincent.

And it actually could get sprained and broken. Right. Because it's like a tripod. A very small one, of course. Orlando, you like that? No, Orlando. Orlando, Orlando, Orlando. Do we have an Orlando here?

He's here. So just so you know, I made... We have an Orlando here. No, I made him laugh in the gym. So I feel like that's our meat cute. I hate that expression, but let's go with it. We met in the gym. I made him laugh.

There was another guy in the gym. I was my trainer, whatever, blah, blah, blah. and he was just, I just love Orlando. I like Orlando and I want to take him on a date. So if you hear this, you know what to do. Is he gay? Yeah. Oh, good.

Yeah, he's super handsome. He's so he's from Cuba. He's Cuban. He's Cuban in Puerto Rican, I think. And he's very, very handsome, very, very fit. Very, very, alluring. Very, like, he seems really nice. I think he'd be bold move to work at a gym in L.A.

And not, not, he's halfway fit. He's a client. Oh, he's a client. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a customer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a customer. A fellow gym goer, you know, a gym person.

fellow gym person. All you have to do is unhinged my jaw. No, you should have to bump into him try to go at a similar time, I guess. I've been trying, Orlando, don't listen to this. You're a morning person.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously, he works out in the morning like you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think he's getting there before you or after you? I don't know, because I end up staying there three hours. But I'm also saying, but I'm also saying you tell me you're there before they open or whatever you said.

I got there early 5 a. Baby. Oh, Orlando, you like that? It's out of my road. I mean, I'm literally like, Opers, open your doors for a lot. Orlando. The other problem is you're changing clothes in the women's room.

Wait, look. Huge. Huge of true. Huge of true. The other problem is you're changing clothes in the women's room. So how are you going to run into Orlando? Thank you. I've told the staff,

I've alerted the staff. I was like, I told this one girl, Alex, she's so fucking funny. You would die. She's a girly girl, right? She's a pygmy girl. Pigmy girl.

And she's like, I was like, she's a pygmy girl? Okay. She's a pigmy girl. She's so funny. I asked her what her favorite word of her, go-to jock jam was if she could only listen to song for the rest of her life to get that good pump.

She said that 10 minute Taylor Swift song. And I almost, I almost flew the chat permanently. I was like, she's like, oh yeah. I cry. She's like, I cry. I swear to God, she's like, I don't really like to work out. I love to cry. Oh my God, it was so weird.

You would love her. You would die. You would love this horror. She is so funny. She's not trying to be funny. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? She's not trying to be funny.

She's like, she's not doing her, shut up. She's not doing her tight. at the gym, she's just like, I just want to cry. Taylor Swift. That's the 10 minute. Taylor Swift people, though. Yeah. No, yeah.

They love it. It is like, I love firstborn. Taylor Swift. Someone died. Taylor Swift. She's got all the bases covered. It's like people who like hot sauce. They put on everything.

Or like Lana Del Rey. Yes. Yes. People put hot sauce and everything. People want to put Taylor Swift on everything. You want to do it the blackest day, the bluest banister, the yellowest road, the redest dress, red dress, ride, ride, anything. Lana Del, Lana.

She's got it all. Got it all. The whole kitten caboodle. So Orlando, if you're out there, I hope you're getting laid. I hope you're having fun. I hope you're sweating and smiling and living your own life. But if you ever want, I don't know, to go have a coffee with some gristled old bald faggot who's 44 years young. Who just released a song called Diareer.

And also who's got the same parts remix with Tatiana. Let's hear it. I don't have my phone. So I guess we'll just have to wait. I have one thing to say, please. I have a, what do you call it at church when you go around at the end and you say good or bad things? No good or bad things that have happened. Trauma?

I don't know. Generational trauma? I can make people say good things. Generational trauma? My sister. Oh yeah. Did she get the job? Did she get the job?

Yes. Oh, congratulations. She went to beauty school. And she went to beauty school, but then she didn't get a certification. When I went to beauty school, they told us so many people drop out, don't get certified. And there was something like 80% of you are not even going to cut hair. Crazy. Damn.

Including me, that's cold. For drag race. Well, yeah, level up. But my sister, she was like, I really wish I would have got my certification. I said, me too. I said, you know, she's waitressing, but she's like, I like, I like the money, but I'm getting kind of sick of it. Yeah.

And so then I go, here's what you should do. Because you can go to beauty school, which costs about 20 grand. Or you can, Jesus. 20 grand for a year. Beauty schools are fierce. And if you drop out, you'll get nothing back. Damn. It's fierce.

So then you could also go to a salon and do an apprenticeship program where you at least get paid minimum wage to do the in-salon education. And you do all the same licensing depending on your state. Destiny did all that crap. It's crazy. Yeah. So my sister, I say, you should go to a salon. Tell them you have your full education.

you just didn't get your license and then see what kind of in-slawn program they have and then she calls me and she goes, not only did I find a salon, I found, they hired me immediately as the receptionist. They're going to give me a temporary license because she's gone to education

so that she can take clients and get all the schooling at work. What's your name? Samantha, you better work, bitch. You better work that pussy bitch. You better fry that pussy. You better beat that hair.

You better watch that fucking hair. Samantha, you bitch. You better roll that hair, hot roll, cold roll. And I want to confirm that hair. You better make the appointment, bitch. Samantha, you better get that paper. You better burn that paper.

You better feed your baby. You better house that baby. You better pick your brother-in-law. You better eat it, Samantha. Samantha, I hope you're listening. You better fucking Samantha, Furgus. You better eat that shit.

Eat that turd bitch. Samantha, you are wild for that. Samantha, you are wild. I did ask her if I could ask, tell in the pot if I could celebrate. And she said yes. And then I said, I'm going to come get my haircut. And then I went, oh, never mind.

So I'm gonna, but once she has, when she's in the salon, I will tell everybody where they can go with their hair cut. And don't you listen to this. Don't listen to Tricks and Samantha. You better listen to me. You better work. Cover girl. Work it girl. Work at Huntie at the job fair. Yes, Tina. Um, yes. Yes. Yes.