The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - A Triumph of Pure Delight with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

What you are about to hear is the absolute apex of what humanity has frequently referred to as "joy." The following sixty-ish minutes of audio and video are a glorious, overflowing symphony of happiness so immense it almost seems too dazzling for this earthly plane. It is delight at its most majestic and uncontained, brimming with an ecstatic brightness that will make every corner of your spirit feel lit from within with the glow of sparkling merriment. This episode is the very essence of glee itself, gathered into sound and images that represent joy at its highest, fullest form: radiant, triumphant, and so extravagantly alive that it will no doubt bring you and anyone else within earshot to an auditory climax you shall never forget. To see if you’re eligible for the new GLP-1 pill on Ro, go to: https://Ro.co/BALD Try the new White Barn Neutrals at Bath and Body Works! Beloved scents to fill your spaces with modern, clean designs that effortlessly elevate your style. To get yours today, go to: https://bathandbodyworks.com This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Your emotional wellbeing matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at: https://BetterHelp.com/BALD Use our code for 10% off your next SeatGeek order* at: https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/BALD10 Sponsored by SeatGeek. *Restrictions apply. Max $20 discount Check out Quince and get free shipping and 365-day returns at: https://Quince.com/BALD Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen and Watch Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, everybody. Our spring, very bald, and very beautiful dates are just about sold out. So we're putting shows up for the fall. Hello! Why don't you go ahead and get your tickets at trixie and katu.com? The website. Do you like websites? We have to start right off the pot because as this is,

this is the first time we acknowledge, we made it under our own favorite TV shows. What about it? Oh, I brought a shirt to wear. Well, this is cute, though. Oh, thank you so much. Well, when we, first of all, let's get back to that. Congratulations, congratulations. Congratulations to you.

We probably take this in the same few months. It was right around the same time. It, yeah. I, you pull it, pull up, the kids have pulled up the receipts. I remember distinctly, you know, I've tweeted obnoxiously about hacks forever since it aired. And I was like, all I wanted my life is to get hit by Deborah, Deborah Vance is Rolls-Royce. And basically, I mean, I don't get hits, but I don't get hit by it. We know from the trailer that it's an altercation.

Yes, there is some kind of, yes. It is, um, maybe in the next scene, you guys kiss. Maybe we fuck. Maybe we scissor. Maybe we squirt. Who knows? But stay tuned to find out. And I saw, I watched the first episode of the comeback yesterday.

I did too. Mary, it's Lisa Cudrow. Oh, oh, oh, oh, ouch. Do you want to talk about the? We have to address the elephant in the room. And it's not my giant unit. It's the carbuncle. And it's sort of concealing.

I'm just, we are going to ignore it. It's a dermatological event. I think it's a lot more than that. I think it's multifaceted, but let's move on. Valerie cherished that character. It's cringe comedy, right? Yeah, I saw, she's on the cover of a magazine. He says, Queen of Cringe.

And it's true. It's true. It's like, it's like Ricky Jervais's character in the British office. It's, he's so, it's the character, the actor's so good at making you cringe that it's almost unwatchably good. It physically hurts. Yeah, it's like that tough a feeling that I've like, I mean, it's played so well. It was almost like I had to watch it in two parts.

And it's only half an hour long. Yeah. She's so incredible. She's so incredible. It's a painful watch for sure. But it's such a good show. It's amazing. It's just exciting to see her.

And I watched it on the app. The app started with a recap of both seasons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was on the couch like this. Yeah. Getting ready to eat. Miss Big pulling out her gut and separating her titties and getting ready to eat. Yeah, put your eating dress on.

I put both tities separate them, stuck them under my armpits. grab my fork and my knife and was ready to chow down on Miss Valerie. Well, you need to keep that in the back of your mind because I got a point about that very thing later on. About eating? About separating the tities for eating. We'll talk about that later. Why later? It's too soon.

It's too soon. It's way too soon. I'm excited to see you in hacks and I'm excited to, uh, I hate, why do they make us wait for shows? Give me the whole thing. Valerie only gave me one episode. I could, Mary, I could not believe it. Season one, season three episode one available only. I could not believe it.

I couldn't believe it. And after everything I've trusted with Valerie. I felt so shocked and betrayed on my couch with that remote. Yes. Oh, by the way, we can tell people, Katie and I also got sex changes. I change for something. Change your sex, Mimi. Change it around.

What we need to do. Mimi, I'm first third on the sex change list. I could not believe it. The best part of that and the fans who are brand new to drag race don't know this. This is some old shit now. This is when TV was... The only way to watch drag race was on one of the Telatubby's stomachs. Yeah. Like it was so... Fat bag or nothing. Yeah. Fat back or nothing. Fat back TV with you'd have to have your kids stand on top of the TV with tinfoil just to try to get Rupol like, good luck and don't bucket up.

And if you wanted to skip the commercials, you got to yank the court out of the wall. Yep. Um, okay. So when you can I ask about hacks? I knew we couldn't tell people. Yes. What did you think when they... How did you find out you were going to get the opportunity to do it? Oh my God. Can I share. No. I asked because I don't want you to tell me. We finally have new information on this pod and you're just trying to pad. I'm just trying to pad my essay. That's what I'm trying to do. It's not a good story and you're going to be like, well.

You're never going to believe this because once I start telling you this story, you are going to be told all the details. This is starting with the first one. This is big for Deborah. But for Katia, this is huge. So I'm not going to brag. I'm just going to state facts in a very condescending way. Okay.

So I get a message on Instagram from Paul. Downs, one of the series creators. It's created by Paul Downs, Luciano, and Jen Statsky, those are the showrunners. And Paul said, in a DM, hey, Kachia, do you want to be on hacks? And I thought it was like an April Fool's joke. It was January. And so I was like, Josie Grozy getting asked to the prom. I was like, if this is a joke, I'm going to kill you then myself. Or I'm going to kill myself then you, whatever. How do you kill yourself and then him? I don't know. Jennifer from 30 Rock knows how to do that. Tylenol PM. Slow release. You kill yourself. And then hours later, he's like, I'm sleepy at the wheel. Right? Tylon L. P.M. Death by Tylenol P.M. She died doing what she loved, overdosing on Tylenol P.

Girl, that could happen to me. Thank you. So, wouldn't it be fierce ever all these years of you being Ms. Cracky? If I ODed on Tylenol P.M. They'd be so cunty. I would drag you. I would go, I would deny a woman at a bank alone. So I could go down to hell and drag you back, bitch.

That's what I would do. I would drag you back from hell to kill you myself. No. So he said that and I hope that's okay to mention. He also sent me a ton of dickpicks. Not his. Just other people. And I was like, holy crap.

So they, I was like, okay, yes, yes, yes, of course. And they wrote apart from me, no audition. Wow. No audition. Well, thank God. You're going to got it. No shit.

That's me too, girl. Offer only. show up, disappoint them, and get out before anyone's he can say anything. T. That T is so nasty and hot. Girl, let me try to make sure my hair is good because this line reading is about to be dead on arrival.

Like, let me make sure my hair, let me get my Allegan put. Yeah, yeah. Because. This ain't a talkie, right? Because these lines you wrote for me are going to be so flat. So flat. So wooden. And because you wrote it for me, there will be no recasting.

And I will never be asked back. Every time I'm on something, it's not a recurring character. They're like, we're good. Well, this is the final season. So my performance could be the death now. But it is, no. You also don't want to tell anybody until the, when the trailer came out for the comeback and for hacks, at least we're in the trailer. So at least we know we're not cut out.

Because we don't want to tell anybody we're in it. And then they're like, well, that's not what happened because you weren't in it. Do you know what I mean? Totally. Totally. And these faggots that hate us, that swarm all around us, all of them, all of them. They would love to be like that one. Bet you really thought, cow.

Yeah. Bet you really thought that this was. a pivotal moment in your shit-ass career. Well, guess what? It's not, you think that, bitch. Yeah, nice try, Heifer. Why don't you put her on your iPhone and make some TikToks, bitch? You know, because why don't you try to get your socials up, you flop?

Because it's never going to happen for you on Hollywood. Because a super fan of the comeback and hacks, even super fans who beg for the job publicly, who get a part written for them, can't even show up and succeed at line reading a part that was written for them. In their voice. In their voice. As them. No.

One day read. Mary. Let me tell you. So I get the date. Of course, I go in for fitting. The costume designer is legit. You can tell a costume designer is legit the way this woman's legit. You know, I don't know how to explain it, but she was, I don't know how to explain it.

She had a serious, authoritative, it was just nice. She wasn't super warm or sweet, but she knew what she was fucking doing. And she could tell that she had done the job for a long time. I was a little scared of her. TV people in costume are usually... They're dressed chic, but it's all very downplayed. It's like a really nice t-shirt. It's a really nice pair of jeans.

They're not like... What are you looking at? They're not giving. She didn't come in vogue or anything. But she was an older lady who came in and I could just tell. She had an air about her of authoritative air. Small lady. And it was Jean Smart.

Because they... Yeah. They do multiple roles over on that show. Gene Smart and I, I brought my selection of boo-boo nasty hoochy outfits. Oh, God, you didn't go down there with your Albanian hoochie stores. Of course I did with my little, I had a small selection of Deborah Vance-like outfits. The only allowed me to wear the shoes that I brought. But I ended up wearing Deborah's costume because I am what, 5 to 120 pounds, just like Deborah Vance.

No, she's really tall. So Gene Smart's actually quite tall. And we fit into the same sequin duster, the same chemise blouse, the same sequin pants, which were bubba, bu, boiling hot. So that's my first spiral. Right. Spirling. So then they moved the date up three weeks. Fierce.

And you needed that time to learn that one line. Well, baby. High point coffee. Yeah. It's decaffeinated. Well, the fiercest thing is that the moment. The day, well, I'm taking my head of myself, but sidebar, and I'll go back to it. The, the, the, the day that the trailer comes out for the, the, what had become the best day of my professional life by bar.

The best day my life. I get a check for the worst day of my life from residuals. Oh, from, was it from, yeah, leave that out. But it's, put something else in. Was it from the prices, right? It was from, um, double, double angels, right? And you guessed that. that Pontiac Grand Prix was $4.

Yes. That was humiliating. No, it was my guest star on double anal angels. Girl, I get a really cunty residual from Drew Barrymore show. That is so weird. For a talk show? I guess it gets replayed, yeah. Mama, thank you, Sack.

Because I sure did pay by dues, which were $3,000. Hello. Oh. Anyways. Sague. Blah, blah, blah, blah. But so after the fitting, I spiral. I spiral.

Because I'm like, this is going to be so hot, hot lights. I, you know, I'm going to be so nervous. I'm just terrified. You also have a self-sabotaging streak. Well, duh, exactly. Is you getting hacks? Does he realize this is your death note? I know, I know.

And it's like, and not to be dramatic, but if I had this, I, I'm not joking. I would be in a very, very, I would. No, this is what I think happened. No, I would have been, I would have called myself. I know. Have your, have your, have your, have your. Maybe there's a part too. Pall down, call her back.

Make the part. Reshoot. Reshoot. And we're going to need the part in Spanish. I think that when they asked you, because you're self-sabotaging, when you looked at your phone and said,

would you like to be on hacks? I think you put it down and it was that part in, that part in, that part in Forrest Gump where she gets out on the ledge. Where she's on the ledge, Jenny,

and she's ready to jump. I step on the table of cocaine. Yeah. Free butt. Yes. Totally. Well, you know, and you,

it was Zoe Bell on the hood of the car with no straps. For sure. I can't wait to see the show. You're going to be, You look great. But let me tell you. Let me tell you more.

Okay. So it was a huge, so that I, I, I, mama, baby, sweetie, darling, Cunty, honey, baby. Get this out of my way. The second miracle? That was the first miracle. Okay. Guess what fucking happens the night before.

Call time, 5 a.m. So I start to, I'm like, okay, okay, okay. Feena's like, you got to go to bed. You're like, we should stay up. No, no, no, no, no. I can't. That's not an option. But I also can't tranquilize myself to go to bed because I won't wake up.

Right. Sophia's like, just make sure in your bed by 8 p.m. I was like, who are you talking to? She's right. Of course she's right. But it's not possible. So at around 4 p.m. that day, my call time gets moved up to 11 a.m. And the way that I got bricked, so bricked up and almost spontaneously ejaculated in my pants. What time did they move to? 11 a.m. A rival. Oh, that's nice. Nice. You think that's nice? That's a miracle. I could never be in TV.

Like that. It's a miracle. We need you at five. No, five show I got fresh showered. Not in makeup. When I was, when I did English teacher, I had to be, I think all was like five or six. And I had to start makeup that early. It was bad.

Yeah. When I, yeah, I've had that experience. It's not great. So I, I, I learned all my lines. I learned all my lines. Let me say that again. I memorized my lines. And I had huge of true.

But call time got moved up. I had a scene with Gene Smart. Mary, what I tell you? And it was HBO. So HBO, they know what they're doing. This is the final season of multiple Emmy winning show. And the fierce thing is that I was dressed as Deborah Vance, as you can see in the picture, wearing her outfit.

but they had several Deborah Vance wigs for me to wear. They chose the one that Fina made because it was the best. I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. Because, girl, she turned that wig. She turned that wig's pussy into a pussoir. Yeah. The ultimate pussy.

She took everybody's pussy and said, you don't have a pussy anymore because this wig is the pussy. She deserves the recognition. She really does a great job. Mary, we showed up and I think separately we drove home. I think we both cried because it was, we reminisce that this. This is a Wednesday.

15 years ago, we were doing a show called the cream of laughter at Jacques Cabre for zero people together. Who thought of that name? It was a joke. It was really just called

something Wednesdays. It was our nickname for the night. But like, that's not the point. The cream of laughter? It's hysterical. It's fucking gross. No, I know.

Like cream of wheat. But the point is, we were doing shows for nobody. We're getting paid $40, losing the bar money. Right. And then cut 15 years ago Wednesday. She's designing a wig for HBO for me to act along with Gene Smart.

She helped him with her makeup. It was the day was like so magical. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. You're not allowed to say what happened in the scene, but I am. Yeah. You and Jean. Miss Smart, excuse you.

Sorry. You and Miss Smart. Fucked. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's passionate. Made love is really like more apt, but not for what we were doing. Well, I was also hired. I was the intimacy.

coordinator. Yes. And I said, Gene, use the whole fish. She can't feel nothing. Thank you. She can't feel nothing. And you guys, don't worry about the nails, honey. Gene, get the anal paralytic.

For you. For you. Yeah. I just was so excited for you. Yeah. You deserve it. And no matter what happens, no matter if I get cut out, no matter how whatever, whatever, whatever, I'm not involved in the editing, although I email them every day.

What would you do if you were in the trailer and cut out of the season? Honestly, I, no, no. Honestly, to be quite honest, I would probably. feel relief that I didn't ruin their show. You can be like, you guys missed the scene, but I jump out of a helicopter.

I'm really the start of the season. Yeah. Yeah. You got cherry-pied. Yeah. Mary, I pulled focus from Ms. Smart.

She didn't want that. She and Lisa are in hot contention for an Emmy this year, and I didn't want to get in the middle of that. Right. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Because everybody knows I would get it for Gene.

You know, nobody was, I got my job on the comeback the same way, which is begging to the, begging to the camera. Yeah. Don't audition. Mama, audition. Big.

Addition. You beg, shamelessness. You beg. You stalk. You put on that Sean Young Catwoman suit. You get out in front of the lawn and you let it rip.

Yeah, I think, well, I told on this pod this story when I met Michael Patrick King at that St. Patrick's Day Party. Which now... It's a little on the nose Michael Patrick King, St. Patrick's. I know.

And now, thinking back, that story was me talking to somebody else about the comeback and going, we're just talking about the comeback. And remember, I didn't know who he was? Yeah, you asshole.

And it's very Valerie. It's very Valerie. Very Valerie. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblant, where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up, and I will be out there hiking the Grand Brulet while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person

instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding the official soft launch of spring. that brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate? While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income.

It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else. So while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing stateside. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than you think.

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you'll dress as Jean. Honey, they have. Let me tell you. We beg. We beg for jobs. You've got a big storm coming. Oh, as you learned, we're going to need the script for the category now.

Yesterday. So start memorizing it. Yes. Yeah, and I will get up there and go, I have swamp ass and leave. I can't memorize. I can memorize. Like, you know, one day, Gouranam, Chardonadevinday, but that took about 650 times.

Right. Every day. It's hard to memorize. It's hard to memorize. But you know what you do? You write it down. Long form. Love, I watched the first ever come back.

It's not as hard to memorize. I mean, like, Glamazonian Airways. That was a cinch. A board. Yeah, you really flopped. I wish Paul Downs had seen that Well, they did That's why they hired me

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait hold on hold on hold on hold on I'm not done So can I tell you about Gene Smart Yeah She's fucking cool She smell good She's she smell great Meg Salter said she smelled good She smelled great she smells a little like freshly fucked but I'm just kidding

No like so we get we get there I'm nervous as hell I'm so fucking nervous Dream job turns into Nightmare In a heartbeat, in a heartbeat. Because I could ruin it. Of course. And there's so many ways in which I can ruin it and have ruined stuff before.

Like, and I can, I can, I am so familiar with the air in the look of frustration and disappointment on people's faces that it becomes a palpable, like, weather pattern. And it only, that ride home in the car could go very differently. The ride home in the car would go off a cliff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the, she's so fucking sweet. So fear. run lines and I'm like yeah yeah I do and then in two seconds I was like not nervous what if you

said no I was like do you want to run lines no you old bitch no bitch I know my lines I've been watching Buffy the vampire slayer from the beginning and when I think of Sarah Michelle Geller making an basically an hour movie every week it's a 50 minute episode whatever yeah it's basically like soap opera schedules right yes yeah and fight choreography she's in fights every week yeah and Sex scenes. Honestly, all of it. Yeah. I think of her learning it quickly and I googled.

How would you do this? She was on all my children. The part of her brain that could do soap. And then just dumps it. She was like, I think she has said that that helped her memorize quickly. Yeah. Wish I could do that. I know.

That's like Lisa Renna when she was on like Melrose, whatever. Or she was on soaps as well. Like you just, you do like 20 pages a day or some crazy shit like that. And you just got a. Yeah. I have a friend who's on General Hospital. And I said, how do you do that? I heard from, I talked about the Buffy thing.

I said, I heard a ceremony talk about it. I learned so fast. He said, it's an exercise in acting because you don't get a second chance of anything. He's like, once you've got it, you didn't mess up the words. You move on. So he says as an actor, it has really taught him to throw it all out there every time because you're not like, oh, my fifth take will be great. It's like, no, it has to be great every time.

Whereas like, I mean, who is it? Somebody was talking, the Julie Roberts was talking about working with Andrew Garfield on that. on that movie and like she's the type of person who's like okay she doesn't want to do 50 takes and and he does want to do 50 takes oh god i don't know i think actors work differently they work a lot movies mary movies are a whole different thing what's great about this season is that jean's not in it and you just played her because what i saw in the trailer was you dress as her which i thought meant jean quit the first day well yes and they got the only person who could fill in for her yeah

well she's actually co-starring on the comeback which is strange and then you know valry comes into my season later but we don't talk about you And it's a whole, yeah, no. It was, it was the best day of my life. That's great. And if it doesn't air or if I die before then or they cut me out, I don't give a shit. I mean, I don't want to die, but, and I prefer they not cut me out. Now I think they won't because you're in the trailer.

For a nano second. I didn't celebrate the comeback until I saw the trailer. And I was like, okay, good. Yeah. What if they cut us both out? Well, I'm going to say this. I got feedback from one of the directors and they said, well, how about this? When I was done, they, they're like, you're Jenny Craig?

We couldn't use the footage because of the back. Your back rolls. You needed the wider lens. No, no, no. They said, you killed it. Oh, that's good. But I think they were talking about the possum in my trailer. Love.

I don't know. I cried on the way home of tears of joy. All I pray for is air conditioning. That's all I pray for. So that's what I got that mucous sucking. medication, which I know somebody chimed in in the comments, which I never read, that it's a very dangerous medication because it dries up all your mucus membranes. It's not safe.

It's for event-specific hyperhydrosis. Right. I don't take it every day. I've taken it twice. But you telling me to take it at music festivals is not good advice. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But that's when you told me to take it. I said you could try it at a music festival if you are available to be super hydrated,

but you're not in a 120 degree heat. Okay. Because this was... I'm gonna refer... I'm gonna ask my primary care. Ask him about it. I asked an MD about it. I told him exactly the scenario

and then they prescribed it to me. Sure. But here's the thing. It dries up all your mucus membranes. You get dry mouth. You get very, very dry. And... What about my...

Your pee? Your pussy. You won't squirt. Can I get wet? No. Damn. You won't squirt. There'll be a Sahara down there.

Damn. The Sahara. Like the gobi. Damn. From the Yanksee to the... Gobi. But wait, wait, so it's not great for you, but it was an emergency situation.

Because think about it, like sweating, re-attouch, if once the mustache goes, Mary, it's over. It's over. It's over. And Gene goes, is that sweating? Yeah. Get this faggot out of here? Because she famously runs cold. Oh, here we go. That's, and I

know that, I heard that. She's like, I hate how cold it is on set. And I'm like, fuck. That would drive me insane. Yeah, but she was, um, anyways, yeah. It worked for the, it worked when Fina, I mean, I didn't really, actually, no, that's not true because we, we got kind of physical the scene. Because of the fucking. Yes. And normally, I would have walked out of that scene because I really went for it, you know, and I would have walked out of that scene, drenched, got back into the trailer.

Bone dry. Love. The bone temple. Well, when it comes out, I'm going to have to talk to it again because I'm going to want to know. Because I only know about the, I want to know about, you can't say it. No, I know. And the reason I'm there is interesting and it's integral to the plot of the season, which I don't know. I know the whole episode, but it's going to be, the episode sounds wild.

It sounds really crazy. And I cannot wait to watch it. And I mean, I'm like, I love all those people. I've been to Hannah Einders like stand-up show at the Dynasty typewriter. She's incredible. I've worked with Mark and Delicado in that celebrity drag race thing. We danced together lost. Celebrity drag race

Rotten Are they still doing that? I don't know I hope they don't They shouldn't Were you talking about air conditioning baby That place was a little Abusively air conditioned

Celebrity Drag Race Yeah Love it It was like It was like For me I was actually like This is bad for our joints I love

Oh I love that Dancing Tom Finney Thomas Fini He was like For the hello Hello video It's like

You know if it's too cold It's actually bad for your joints It's baby Yeah Get ready to break those knees Yeah, Boniva is... But then jokes on you, I showed up and it was 98 degrees. Oh, that's right, in that velvetine rabbit suit.

Oh, yeah, y'all. I'm at the point where I don't even walk up... When it's hot somewhere, I don't walk up and say anything. I just power down and go inside myself. Take your glycopyrolate, just kidding. Like that scene in Precious where she like goes outside of her body, that's me. When it's that hot and drag, I go like, well, I'm going to turn on my peripheral personality and go inside myself and think about everything bad that's ever happened to me.

and will ever happen to me. I'm going to astraly project above myself. Yes. So as to avoid the trauma. I just saw Paul Downs at the Quirtees. Mama, let's talk about his skin. Let's talk about his hair. Let's talk about his personality.

The way that man is so lovely, so hot, so nice, so funny. I would just chain him to a radiator and fuck him to death. Okay. That didn't happen at the Quirities. He was introducing Meg because she received an award, major award. In her American flag outfit? Her makeup with her tramp stamp. And she also was on the red carpet just going

The president should be in jail Vote for Meg. What was her acceptance speech? I forget. It was hysterical. It was hysterical. She's out of her mind. She's out of her mind.

When she was on Colb... It was some late night show when she had a long, long, long wig. And she's like, when she mentions when I'm on my big period. My big period. When I have my big period. She's going to do her big one.

And it was just too much. I think it was Stephen Colbert. It might have been. But it was, he didn't even. know what to do with that lady because she is too hot for TV. She's amazing. Oh, that's the one where she goes, get me out of here. She is so honest.

You ever been in London and you're just going to breakfast? You're like, get me out of here. What a fucking bitch. She's like probably my favorite person in this whole fucking world. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblant, where winter is politely packing up its. things and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be

waking up, and I will be out there hiking the Grand Brulet while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding the official soft launch of spring, that brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate. While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting

through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income. It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else. So while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing stateside. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at

Airbnb.ca.ca.com. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is bought to you by seat geek. You guys, with over 35 million downloads, seat geek is the number one rated ticketing app. I'm going to tell you a real story that actually happened. So I was in Milwaukee visiting my mom, and my mom and my aunt loved Joan Jet, and I love Joan Jet. And about 20 years ago when I was 16 years old, my aunt took me to see Joan Jet at Milwaukee Pride Fest. So I was driving. I saw a billboard that had Joan Jet playing with Billy Idol on it. And oh my God, it was the next day, August 29th in Milwaukee.

I pulled over. I called my mom. I said, do you want to go see this tomorrow? She said yes. I got on my seat geek app and I got tickets. Now I'm taking my mother who has mobility issues and I love the seat geek app because if you're like me with arthritis or my mom who has osteoarthritis in her knees, I want to know about standing. I want to know how much walking there is. I want to know exactly what the visibility is if we're going to be in the ADA section with my mom.

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where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up, and I will be out there hiking the Grand Brulet while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding, the official soft launch of spring, that brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about

letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate? While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income. It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else. So while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing stateside. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly

amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Can I tell you about the queerities? Oh, yes, yes, yes. You looked fetching. Oh, thank you. Very nice gown.

Amy built that gown, beautiful. I did the hair. Fina was out of town working with you. Yeah. And there's no hair and makeup people left in Los Angeles who do drag hair and makeup. No, there's Chaz Dean and that's it. It's a weird when, when beauty.

It's a weird thing where there's hair people and makeup people. You get a chili? Drag is different. Of course. And the problem is you need veteran drag queens to do it. Yeah. But drag queens are notoriously alcoholic, unreliable horrors. So to find a unicorn like Fina who has drag knowledge, who's reliable.

Who wakes up at 6 a.m. Everybody keeps moving away. Yeah, I know. All my usual people, I'm like, are you available? Are you available? Because I need somebody who can glue lace and fix the makeup. Well, honey, don't ever think that Fina is yours, baby, because I have claimed that her. I got a tramp step on her branded.

Oh, I know. No, you must pay better than me. That's got to be what it is. Yeah, I find out whatever you offer and I triple it. Makes sense. That's why I'm in such dire financial space. The Queerty's was easy. I showed up, I did my test.

What is your best joke? No good jokes. No, they were really funny. They were funny. Which one did I like? Oh, I said, if you guys get nervous about the Queerty's, remember that no one even knows what they are. They're like RuPaul songs and that only the people in this room even know they exist. Tea.

Pretty fun. Oh, Raven Simonier, incredible sense of humor. I said, I said, Raven Simonier is here tonight, but she probably already knew that. And I didn't watch till the feed, but the feed is just her like. Because she probably doesn't even remember being on that show.

No, and then I go, I'm Tricksy Mattel and you're watching the Queerty's. And I did like the Disney Channel thing. I'm telling you, she doesn't even remember. But maybe it's the editing, but I watched the feed on TikTok and it kept cutting to her not laughing. But I'm sure she did laugh, whatever.

She was probably laughing so much she puked. Yeah, but I will say this story. Okay. So I was going to do the queerity. And they asked me and I said, well, I've seen jinx to do it and Alaska and Bob. And when I know from going to the queries to host it, what I know from going is that people are so drunk and talking, no one is even listening. So what I've learned is, I said, Bob, it actually inspired me because you three are so funny. And I've been in the audience, no one's really listening.

It's kind of freeing. Just talk to the camera, do your job. I was like, Bob, and Bob goes, well, actually, when I did it, a lot of people laughed and people actually really liked it. And people came up to me and said they thought it was really funny. I said, okay, perfect. Never mind. No common ground them. We're good.

Okay, good. Actually, what most people consider a failure, I actually see that. I just was like, girl, I'm saying you were funny, but I'm saying that in that environment, everyone's drunk and no one's attention. It's not the Oscars. Yes. So, like, thanks to the confidence, Bob. Perfect.

Bob's like, actually, I was incredible. Got it. Yeah. I didn't mention you're also ugly. Right. Right. And Bob said, everyone's saying that you look bad. My press release for the queries was that this year they went with pretty.

Fierce. Nice. But it was easy. Just go and read your lines. Read your lines. Funny, funny, funny, funny. leave. Oh, I said,

I said, do you guys were here in David Archeletta did that Paula Abdul tribute because he did one a few years ago? I said, I was so inspired. I've been doing a Lady Bunny tribute for the past 17 years. That's hysterical.

That's so good. Gen Z's like, who's Lady Bunny? Yeah, Jen Off was like, six or seven. What the Sigma? Crazy. What else? What was that?

It was easy. I just sat. Big stars, big stars. Big stars. Of course, Margaret Cho. Margaret Cho. Paul Downs, Meg Stalter.

May Martin. Does everybody have to be queer, queer, adjacent? No, you can win for doing, I think some. For playing gay? I think. The cast of Boots was there.

Oh, I watched that. Boots was there. Who else was? A lot of people were there. Girl, I went by like a blur. But they put me next to the stage with a little glass of wine. So I just had to sit backstage and wait and wait to go on and talk. And there was one part where I guess I was spacing out and somebody walked off stage.

And I have this thing where when I make a mistake on stage, I tell the audience. I don't know what that is. It's a bad bad incident. I ran out on stage after some debtor and I go, I'm here, I'm here. Sorry, I was drinking. That's funny. But that wasn't comedy. That was me just being like, I was over there drinking.

That's funny. That's funny. But you should just pay attention. Yeah, I mean, I was back there with wine. Yeah. Is somebody going to host? Like, what the fuck? That's fierce, though.

It was really easy and then I just went home. But I got to see Paul and I fucking, I said, you know, Katia, we talked about you got on hacks and it's exciting. They should do it. You've seen House, that weird medical show. Yeah. They're going to do it. Not weirder than every medical show.

Oh, I know. But they should do it a crossover, boots the house down. You know what I mean? Where they all become medical students, all the Army, the Marine guys. And then it's gay. How do you think the actors on those shows memorize medical jargon? Oh, baby. Because I've been watching industry.

You want to talk about financial jargon? Baby. Shorts. I don't even read derivatives. We're in shorts. No, like, we're going to short the fund, the hedge the... I mean, I have 60% of the dialogue. I couldn't tell you what the fuck it was.

And I don't want to learn because I hate finance. The show is so riveting. I had to turn it off. It got really dark and depressing. It's a lot of sex, a lot of violence, a lot of really grim people doing despicable things. It's excellent. Kit Harrington is cunty in it.

And so is everybody else. But it's like, girl, I don't know what finance, trading, all that bullshit. None of it. But it still rivets me. Is that it? Can you be, can you be? I don't know these words. No, I mean, is it weird to say it rivets me?

No, I think it's good. It's riveting. I was riveted by it. It rivets me. I think that is wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got riveted. Yeah. A frog ribets and I get riveted. I'd love to regret to rivet me. You know? Both like... Sorry.

But yeah, no, I don't know. The jargon. And do you think it's satisfying for actors? I do think House is funny because it's always like... But menstrual cramps. It's always like, I know you think that you need your prescription change in your glasses, but you're pregnant with triplets. Or like the leap is... Do you have a gun in your vagina?

That is on the ER or Graze Anatomy? That's funny. Your daughter said she's a virgin. It's always like your nine year old doesn't have brain cancer. She's pregnant. It's crazy. But on the pit, it's like, we need C. We need three Cs of Thorazine.

Blu-da-blood blue-cote blood. It's like, did you see on Saturday at Live? Did you see it's like the pit? But it's like like Make America Healthy again edition. And it's like, we need beef tallow and bra milk or whatever. They're like prescribing. Mount milk. Wait, speaking on Mah.

And I know we can't touch or talk on this on the pod, perhaps. But I watched the Jillian. What do you mean we can't talk about it? It's all I've thought about. Why didn't you start with this? Well, because I'm edging you for the next episode when I put my other t-shirt on and let it rip. I cannot tell you how badly we need to talk about it. The way I had to take a break.

I loved it. You and I watched it at the studio. 45 minutes in, I said, we need to pause this. Why can't we talk about it? We're going to. Next episode. Honey. So why bring it up now?

For cliffhanger. Oh, okay. They're never going to tune in. You get me all horny. I watch a lot of Jubilee content. I think that... I thought the Queen's Jubilee was just about her body being brought around the world. They do a really good job.

It's obviously very engaging. It's fun to watch people be passionate and fight. I watch a lot of... Jubilee. Never heard of it. And some people call it rage baiting. You're baiting the audience to just be enraged watching people's, you know. Mama, I was the biggest trout in the in the in the in the lake.

But it's right up with like. Okay, we'll talk about it next. Don't mind if I do. Watching Dr. Mike talk, be surrounded by anti-vaxxers. Like I like to watch the audacity. Yeah. Of people with no medical background. Sit down with doctors and be like, well, actually.

And we'll get to it when we're in next. It was exasperating. It was my, I had to, I had to constantly check my blood pressure. I had to take my LaSartan twice. I had, I had to do the, you know what I mean? I had to, I had to do, check in. I had to do yoga breaths, you know, cooling breaths. We got to turn the AC on.

I had to take a walk around the block, get some tacos. I needed a break. Yeah. I had a joy. What's your joy? Well, got to go to Dollywood. Right. I've been on my theme park kick.

Dollywood two weekends ago. Thanks for the invite, by the way. Going to Disneyland this weekend. You like Disney. Oh yeah. I splurred on the VIP tour guy to do the whole park in a day. You do underground. The underground pizza shop. Oh yeah. You walk in the exit. They say which cart. Do you want? How many rides do you want to ride it?

Do you see the secret? You know what's on there? I met Mickey. He's not what you think. Huge, huge, huge bloated Italian guy. I walk in. He has a pile. He has an Easter basket full of fingers he's cut off that day. That he wears, that he wears as a penis packer.

And he was making friendship bracelets. He said, are you Tracy? come sit down and I sat down you know who else it was it was Timothy Shalamee because Mickey loves opera of course he does so Timothy Salomey all the toes had been removed yeah yeah made him dance yep oh my god did you see you know Caitlin Riley

yeah who I love the comedian she did a skit on her TikTok that was talking about like ballet and opera sitting down with Timothy Shalamee and it was like the next time you say anything about us we're cutting off your fingers oh baby the dude three

trailer got me so hard. What's dude? Dune. Are you turned on? Wait, dude three. Do you turned on, turned up, and turned out? What is it? There's a, there's a,

get up. That's you watching the Dune trailer. I fall through a ceiling into a split somehow. Mary, the way that trailer has me bricked and just gooned and I watched it 16 to 17 times. Because you know I'm about to split. I'm going to see that thing in 60 because the 5D is when they shake the check. the chairs, the 60s, when I squirt through the screen. Girl.

I went to see a movie recently. I sat in one of those D-box chairs. Do you know about this? D-box. D-box. It's the ones where they go like that and they poke you? I hate that shit. I went with my boyfriend and he said, if we're paying for this, we got to turn them up all the way.

I said, okay. They fuck you? The way I got sore and nauseous. Oh, yeah. It's awful. Like, in the movie, when you're going to get stabbed? In the movie, if they're driving down a smooth road. Yeah.

No, no. Mary, God forbid somebody. it's in somebody's mouth. Oh, in the scene, if there's sex, you get fingered. In the movie, if there's like a fingering scene, you feel a robot hand. Just reach up. Hate it. And then just really, just get your clip.

And sometimes they don't make sense. Like in the scene, it's like Fast and the Furious. They're driving a car. Who's tweaking my nipples? What sense does that make? Wait, why are they wired? Oh, because he's hot wiring a car. Everything's sexual.

I'm going to have a D-box chair that everything's sexual. I think this is just called a fuck machine. You're watching the notebook. If they kiss. Yes. You got your legs up. It's one of those hydraulic buck machines. And you're watching the country bears.

Kirby, too fully loaded. Yes. No, but when they got stabbed in June, you felt a jab. I was like, I'm not here for that. No violence, not in this chair. I had to turn it down. It was taken me out. I hated it.

I went to, okay, I went to Dollywood. Went with a big group. Much of my friends from Milwaukee. Much of my friends in Kentucky. We all went. And it'll pigeon forage. Dolly built Dollywood in her hometown in rural Tennessee. So this is this entire community.

That's all about this theme park that she dropped there so that she could stimulate the economy in her because Dolly's endlessly generous of course. Incredible. It was amazing. It was the I Will Always Love You Music Festival season so all of the decorations were pink. It was amazing.

I was freaking out. Wrote all the rides. The rides are death-difying. They're serious roller coasters. That is so country. I want to go so bad. Then I went to the show that was like this life story of Dolly show

which you would have hated. It's like musical theater with singing. But it's the story of Dolly. It was so interesting. And they do it with like, Eight different dollies. So as they go through the phases of her career, it's like a transition happens.

A scrim goes by. There's a new dolly in a new outfit comes out, singing a new song. And you're like, ah. That's so fierce. That was really fierce. And then there's a few things I want to go to. One of them I didn't go to.

It's Kentucky Kingdom. It is a religious theme theme park, but I'm not going to give religious people money. The other thing I want to go to is the creationism museum, where you can see like Adam and Eve riding raptors. But I don't want to give them money. But it's like Adam and Eve naked writing raptors. And then Satan's sending the meteor.

Right. Yes. But what I did go to, it's crazy. I read in Pigeon Forge, there's, you know, I'm getting my parrot. And I read there's a place called Parrot Mountain, which is an outdoor parrot sanctuary. And I went, obviously, I'm going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went.

And they have all these rare parrot species, rare at species, if you will. And I get in there. I pay my money. I go in. I, they got Lorah Keats, they got cockatiels, they got cockatues, they got macawes. They got Macaws. They got African grays. they got anything which you would ever want.

And all these parrots are free roaming, shiny, happy, and healthy. And I have a million questions. They go, where are the predators? How are the wild hawks not killing these birds? And they said, there's too many birds here. They're making too much noise. Safety and other birds are like, we're not coming over here. Safety.

And they said they, it was so interesting. Pulling all these birds. Got to hold a black cockatoo, which is super rare. It was so exciting. I don't have a further story other than I got to go up to all these, whatever species of bird do you want to see? And only can you see them, you can walk up and hold them and feed them. Would you say you're a bird fan?

Am I a bird fan? I've kissed a cockatoo. Horrible brunch joke. Horrible brunch joke. I've kissed a cockatoo. Like if you're wearing feathers, I'd say, like a feather boa. Like, oh, you're a bird fan? Kissed a cockatoo.

Horrible. It's not so bad. It's not as bad as it gets. That's true. It costs a lot of money to look this cheap. Yeah. The more you drink, the prettier we get. Wait.

The music skips. We're having testicular difficulties. Oh, God. Flashback, core memory, core memory. There was a funny clip on on Instagram of Dolly. God, she's so hysterical. And she's doing like a question from an audience.

And they were like, how do you do it? Like, you do so much. How do you do it? She's like, honey, I do drugs. She's too good. So fucking fierce. Well, we're at the point now where every six months now, she's giving like a, I'm not dead yet, like message.

Yeah. The week, I was there the day after Dolly would open. So the day before she was. they were doing her parade. She always comes to the parade. And the day after she'd given like a, she gave like a, what do you call it? Like she goes on stage and talks and she's like, my health, I'm older. An update. Yeah. I take new medicines, et cetera. Yeah. But you guys always think I'm dying. I'm okay. I'm here. I'm in a wig. I'm here. But people are always like, oh God, there's a Dolly health update. Oh my God. And the news article's always like, new update on Dolly's health. And it's like, she says she's doing good. I think this is so fucked Can we just assume she's good?

Yes Until we're not sure Healthy and too proven otherwise Yes That woman is You know I'm not to be corny But literally There are some people

Very few of them that I know of And she is one of them Angel Yeah On earth She really eats Angel She eats

She charms She also She also serves And she serves She serves She serves food for people Oh So I'm staying

In Kentucky With my boyfriend Right In his family You have a boyfriend Yes staying with him in his family. I go to sleep.

They all die. No, no, no. Tornado Alley? I've never lived through a tornado. Hello. Hi. Hi. Yes, you have you.

You're lying. You've never lied so much in your entire life. Oh, right, that one time in Florida. I forgot about that, but I was young. Doesn't matter. You saw her. You were Bill Paxton. I mean, the tiles were getting ripped off the roof,

but it's not like a tornado came over my building. But that was when I was younger. It was at a waffle house. The tiles just got ripped out of the roof. Yeah. So I get woken up. up, boyfriend goes, you gotta wake up. There's a tornado.

And I'm, I just go back to sleep. I just go, and he goes, no, you have to wake up. There's a tornado. And I'm like, oh my God, because I'm thinking like, what four? You just grab the bedpost. The bed's going to take you up. Like Dorothy.

Right. Right. I've seen the Wizard of Oz. This whole house is going to go and it's going to be fabulous. It's going to be fierce. I hope you like color. We might lose a cow or my dad, but I'll get revenge. So I go down to the living room and me and we're sitting watching the news and there's

the tornado and we're watching it. go like over the town basically. And his mom opens the front door and it looks like a tornadoes coming out there. The wind is super blowing. They're just looking. And I guess that's when I realized these people are way more used to close calls with tornadoes than I am. I'm not taking it seriously. And they're almost like watching a parade.

They're like, yay. But what's the plan? But this is my issue. The issue is we get down there. And then finally, I'm waiting for something to happen and like 15 minutes go by and they go. The good news is when it's close like this, they come and go quickly. You can go back to bed. You're fine.

It de-escalated from a watch to a warning or whatever. And then I go, so the plan was to wake up and die in the living room? You don't run out to the shed, to the basement shed or whatever, like Helen Hunt? The plan is to sit as a family and die watching the news. Praying together. Praying. I just was like. That's crazy.

But there was no basement. So I guess what do you do? You don't get in the car and drive. No, you get under the dining room table. You start jacking it. Well, what did they do in Tornado? They put the belt around their hand and then hold onto the pipe, remember? Yes, but most importantly, her mom says,

you know, she always loved weather. Who loves weather? It's like, that's the line. And the Twisters part two, Twister with Glenn Powell and what's her face? Mori, or whatever the fuck. Of her daughter. You know, she always loved weather. Sure.

She always loved weather. She always loved weather. In fact, it's the only word she could learn to say. It's like, what? Webba. Webba. Before we go, I want to say, we added a show in Boston at the Wang Theater. We totally did.

It's not technically the way. It's the formerly Wang. Oh, okay. The theater formerly known as Wang. Okay. I think it's the, um, probably the Ernie Bach Jr. Auto Mile spectacular Civic Center or something. I checked the numbers this morning.

The first night is at 97%. So it's basically sold out. But the second night we added, we still do have some tickets left, but it's on track to sell out. So I just want to tell you guys. Yes. And if, please, we, we, we need to sell out because not, only is our dignity at stake.

If I have, if I have one more humiliation, it's curtains. Right. I also think, you cried when we sold out Wang last time. If we have two nights sold out, what will you do? I'll probably throw up. Finally.

Your family are going to come? God, no, they hate me. No, no, no. They're, I mean, maybe. They don't live close to Boston anymore. Oh. Okay. Plus they got tornadoes to watch.

Right. Okay. Bye. Goodbye. You know, I'm going to be.