The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - All Hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

I believe in one god, the Noodle Almighty, maker of marinara and meatballs, of all pasta visible and invisible, born of the semolina before all ages, fettuccine to fusilli, ravioli to rigatoni, bucatini to capellini, begotten, not overcooked, perfectly al dente, topped with parmesan for our salvation, he came down from heaven, and by the spirit of a stripper, touched his noodly appendage to her, thereby creating a beer volcano, in accordance with the scriptures. He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of the garlic knots. He will come again in glory, to judge the hungry and the full, and the unlimited breadsticks will have no end. I believe in the Divine Carbohydrate, the lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from tomatoes and garlic, who has spoken through the prophets. I believe in one holy book of tortellini. I look forward to the resurrection of the rotini, and the life of the almighty acini de pepe to come. Amen. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! You’re going to love Hungryroot as much as we do! For a limited time get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life by going to: https://Hungryroot.com/BALD and use code BALD If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out https://Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of Baldwin the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town. Very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb.

It was such a good deal, it was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving, different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in

and that's really nice. It's also good about like if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb,

there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. That's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. If I was, like honestly, one of my favorite games to play, if it's like we have no board games or trying to spend time,

the celebrity, where you have the bowl and you write down celebrities. Yes. And then you have this bowl, and you write down celebrities, and then... You have this three rounds. There's three rounds. The first round, you can say whatever you want, except the person's name. Right.

The second round, you get to say two words only, and they can't be the person's name. The last round, you just mime no words. Acting. Acting. Silent movie acting. Right. And memory comes into play because... No words. Acting. Acting. Silent movie acting. Right.

And memory comes into play because often what happens is that a certain celebrity will get pigeonholed or described in a way that is unflattering to them but is memorable to us. Oh my God. Perhaps inappropriate. When we're playing celebrity with our friends and someone gets you and they're like, only two words, ball tweaker. Crack head.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah. It's like shit. It's the worst. And sometimes, but sometimes it's like the opposite happens, like, it's like not accurate, but it just sticks to that person. So, or like, it's the stupid detail that somebody thinks of like in a panic

and then that's what we used to describe. And then, I know. That's what I think of when I think of that person. Well, someone gets, it'll be like, oh, like if it was Janey Lee Kermis, you might be like Activia Halloween. And you're like, okay, Jamie Lee Curtis. For every later, you either have to buy yogurt

or do stabbing or like, I don't know. But like Jodie Foster, if all you can think of is Nell, that gets tough. Well, you hit him with the good old chick-a-pay. Hit him with the good old chick-a-pay. Do kids today know about Nell? Nobody knows about Nell. I think the kids today, there's probably like a girl

in BTS named Nell. Is it BTS Girls? Oh, there you go. You didn't know that BTS was in Girls? What are you, nuts? No, I don't know. The Korean boy band? Oh, BTS. I was thinking of Blackpink.

That's the big girl group. Oh, that's the girl band. How many girls they circulating through that operation? Well, it's Mel. It's Kelsey, Rachel, Monica, Courtney, Phoebe, Lisa. Lisa. And how could we? Lisa is one. Oh, okay, and how could we...

Oh, okay, see? I love Lisa. They're all one. Shadow to Lisa from Blackpink. Shadow to Lisa from Blackpink. And then how could we forget? Tanya. Shrimpy.

Oh, Shrimpy. She's actually, it's kind of a flip-flop. She's very tall. She's super tall. She towers above, so they put her way in the back. Well, the other girls kind of do all their choreography, and then like once during the show, Shrimpy just steps over all those fucking bitches.

I have been chewing gum this whole time. I am so sorry to you, not only to you, Trixie, not only to you, Trixie, but to the listeners. And I want to express my deep and heartfelt regret at having wasted so many minutes of our podcast already. We're keeping it. Oh no, I know. They get what they get.

Not only do you get the sultry sounds of my smacking gum, this blue background goes great with that. You tweeted a few days ago, to the pod listeners, I would like to offer my sincere apologies for all the audible gum smacking in the most recent episode. It is never my intention to cause the listener discomfort with two spaces, which is weird. Pain or distress without a comma, which is weird too.

I'm trying to be relatable. I regret this deeply and vow to never chew gum while being recorded. I sincerely hope, however, that my despicable behavior doesn't invalidate my critique of the movie Emilia Perez, which I firmly and resolutely maintain is the worst movie ever made. I'm sorry, and thank you. That non-binary tea is super valid today. Girl.

Okay, as it was yesterday, and as it will be tomorrow. Okay. Ha ha ha. That non-binary tea is valid. Maybe not, maybe not according to the news recently. Speaking of, I don't know if you're talking about the news lately, but you tweeted, everything is horrible and everyone sucks shit just four hours ago. With a period.

With a period. Were you kind of thinking of coming here? No, I was no. What have you tweeted like, I hate who I'm going to film with today. Fuck that bald pig. And then like, I just saw your Twitter like, oh. I would never do that online. I would say it to your face.

Girl. Mary. Can I tell you what happened to me? I wish you would. So you know Blake, our yoga instructor? Yes. Hi, Blake. And I asked if I could mention Blake on the pod.

The one who picks you up like a six pack before he introduces himself? You and I know that Blake has done yoga instruction so long that, I mean, day one we were, he was up, he's giving me the heimlich, breaking the leg off. Yeah, he is. There's no body space. No, he has, let's be clear, he has boundaries.

He is just, he is a free spirit. He's getting in there to do the job. And his adjustments, I'm sorry, they are incredible. Girl! They're incredible. I had to call. And they're not sexual. Even though I try to do the job. And his adjustments, I'm sorry, they are incredible. Girl! They're incredible. And they're not sexual, even though I try to make them not. I had him come over. I had to leave rehearsal early yesterday

for dance rehearsal with Tom Feeney. Tom Feeney. Yes. The legendary House of Feeney. Who's getting taller, better looking, and more muscular as time goes on. Good for him. Good for him. Can't relate.

Good for him. I leave rehearsal early Can't relate. Good for him. I leave rehearsal early because my back has hurt so bad. I fell asleep on the couch, which too old to do that. Wake up on the couch. Here's how I wake up. Here's how I wake up after sleeping on the couch. Mary, that was me this morning. It's bad.

It's not good. I need to sleep in one of those indoor skydiving machines where the whole body's just levitating. You know what I mean? Like zero gravity. Hit me with the Michael Jackson propethol. My shoulder is dislocated. Oh my God, ow, it hurts.

Have you seen the one? Wait, wait, I gotta hit you with this one. I can't lift my arm. My shoulder is dislocated. It's dislocated. Girl, that's me in the morning. My whole body is in jeopardy. This is my shoulder is dislocated. It's dislocated. Girl, that's me in the morning. My whole body is in jeopardy. This is my new favorite of him.

It's due to the feces thrown all over the walls, the floor, the ceiling, and it stunk so bad. The feces. Ah! Why did he just describe my whole life? She's talking about the bathrooms at CAA. I'm just kidding. From Ozempig.

Yes. There is feet. I go through hell looking at CAA. I'm just kidding. From Ozempig? Yes. There is feet. I go through hell looking at feces. I go through... You know, I have to say the whole Ozempig thing. I picked the wrong year to be frighteningly thin. Last year, this year I could have blended in. Last year everyone was like, do you want to talk about it?

And I said, nope. When are you going to admit it, mom? Right. And this year, it's the people under the stairs, it's the disappearing... I don't know why it's the people. What? It's the people on the stair stepper, okay? The people. Are people still doing it?

What do they call GLP-1? Is that what it is? The Ozambic Manjaro Wengovie Bababa. Yeah, it's a, listen, life-changing, happy for people, but our colleagues, those around us, it is, it is. Have you ever seen that Karen Carpenter movie with the dolls, with the Barbies? Yeah, it's super some Todd, didn't Todd so long? No, who did it?

The guy who did Happiness? Yes, it's on YouTube. And as Karen Carpenter loses weight, they shave the Barbie doll down. It's very amazing and chilling. Very... It's artistic. Very beautiful movie.

But I keep seeing the girls. It's artistic. Very beautiful movie. But I keep seeing the girls. Superstar. Yes, superstar. And the girls, the dolls and the girls keep walking in. I said, you are, every morning, God is taking a potato peeler and just. Yeah, it's that thinner kind of thing.

Well, you know what, it's tough for me because like a lot of the, I mean, a lot of the celebrities to whom I don't know, but just see online, it gives tweaker. Like, it's almost, it's very tweaker because it's that gaunt, hollow kind of look. Like, immediate, like, rapid weight loss often is like that. You look like a marathon runner, and that's not a compliment. Right.

Marathon runners look like they are moments from death. Yeah, is like, is it the ozempic or is it the pookie? We're both. Why not both? Why not both? Yeah, is it the ocemic or is it the pookie? We're both. Why not both? Why not both? And then some of the people on it are the thinnest people we know. Wow, they know.

They were already the thinnest people we know. I know and they're like, I just couldn't get that extra five pounds. It's like, that sounds like an eating disorder, but hey, what do I know? Hey, let's keep it light. You know, I'm also- Back to everything being shitty.

I'm too cheap. I can barely take my arthritis medicine. If I had to do two injections a month or whatever... Wait, it's an injection? Arthritis medicine? No, the, um, I know that. The ozempia... Of course. I thought it was just a pill.

No, it's the stabber. It's the auto-injector. Damn. Well? Well, shit. You still doing the simian or whatever? Simzian. Simzian. Yeah. The simian? Yeah, I ride on that thing and just, yep.

Just vibrates my eyeballs out of my head. Hog to hell. Blake comes over and he's helping me with my back, which he only had 30 minutes and I said, I'll take it. Oh, he can do stuff in 30 minutes. He comes over, we don't talk at all. He's like, you know, we haven't seen each other in six months and I was like, we don't have time to talk.

We'll catch up. He goes, we'll catch up next time. He's working me out. He's breaking the bones. I'm yelling on the mat. I'm going, ah. And he goes, well, you're not as bad as your friend. Ah, who?

Cause he said that when he's adjusting you, you're the screamer. Well, yeah. I'm very vocal. I'm very vocal. I'm very vocal. In every regard. Do you do sex vocals?

Yeah. Yeah. I do kind of a lullaby. I do too. It's gotta have a rhythm. Ha ha ha ha. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh.

Shhh. No. I mean, I'm a moaner. If it's good. Mmm. Mmm. Oh. We're like, weee.

Mmm. Mmm. So, um. So you're back. Yeah, so Blake's, Blake's helped me with my back, which is wonderful. It's still hurts today, but like, it's a process, right? So Blake's helped me with my back, which is wonderful. It's still good today, but like it's a process, right?

So Blake's helped me out. I forget where this program is going. Oh, I had to pee the whole time, which I just, I had to pee before the yoga started. Oh no! And the whole time I had to pee. That's the worst. The worst. But I didn't want to stop in the middle, because I'm like, we only have 30 minutes.

But it was, it was very nice to, he made time in his schedule to come help me. It was very, very nice. Well, you know what I did today that I'm not gonna do tomorrow? Pee in the shower at the gym. That's a confession. Why did you do that? Because I had to go so bad and I just let it rip

and I apologize. Don't you think people are gonna smell that? That's what I thought while it was happening. And then I was like, this is wrong. Were you in the shower? Yeah. Was someone else in there? No, no, it's an individual shower.

Oh, OK. It wasn't. It's not. It's still. It's like, why are you peeing when it's not the place to pee, you bitch? You don't need to be doing all that. Ugly bitch.

Yeah, but I went into the sauna today because I have no facilities in my home currently. That's right. What's going on with that? I don't even want to talk about it. It's so bad. But, so here's the thing. My life is troubled at the moment. At the moment?

Yeah. But outside circumstances have crept in. Now warning. Usually it's coming from inside the house. Right. But now it's outside of the housept in. Now warning. Yeah, usually it's coming from inside the house. Right. But now it's outside of the house coming in. Usually you are the black mold in my house. Exactly, exactly, exactly.

Usually it's the, the problem is easily identifiable. And even, not easily treatable, but clearly, you know. Sure. So, it's like every day I wake up to a fresh nightmare. For real though. I'm trying to keep it light. It's just really difficult to, it's like... You don't turn on the news and see people with no homes and maybe have a little perspective.

I do, yeah, no, I do. And then I say like, okay, well, at least I'm happy that I can afford to do what I need to do because it's like, it's extremely expensive. It is. But you know what though? Like, can you tell, like what's the ballpark? I've never had black mold removed.

What is the ballpark figure there? So if you have mold in your home or your house, whatever, you have to, some, now it depends. It depends on who you ask, but often you might need to do mold remediation. Mold remediation, which is a very involved process that can involve almost demolishing your home down to the studs, taking out drywall, insulation,

I mean, everything, like everything. So she's bare and then she's treated. And if you don't address the problem, like a leaky pipe or wherever the thing, the moisture's coming from, it'll just come back. Now when the mold remediation happens, that's expensive and it's depressing because they leave a wide open hole.

They don't replace anything. The toilet doesn't get put back. The tiles are gone. They just rip it up and leave. Exactly. They treat it. And then you have to have an independent tester come give you the approval

before you start rebuilding. Anybody who's ever redone a main bathroom knows that it could cost anywhere from 15 to $80,000. Did anybody notice on Trixie Motel Season Two, we never remodeled bathrooms? I was like, ah, too much, next. If it's wet, it's pricey. Yeah.

If it's wet, it's pricey. Well, Aunt Gooch told me any time you have to move a toilet, it's like, that's money, money, money. Sweetie, every single choice and every single thing that you can do wrong or incorrectly when it comes to living and home ownership, come and talk to me, baby. Right. Because I've done it.

Born in the game. I'm actually inventing new things you can do wrong, previously undone. Like, I'm making mistakes that haven't been made before, baby. I'd like to talk to you about mold remediation. Is it for you? Yes. Is it for you? Yes.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. As my great aunt Ida once said before she rode that heavenly party bus to Fenway Park one last time, Hey Brian, do me a favor and grab my ice dunking from the fridge before you help me find the clicker underneath the couch so I can finish that Matt Damon movie where he solves the math equation and gets Janet of the Year Award underneath the couch so I can finish that Matt Damon movie where he solves the math equation and gets Janitor of the Year Award while dancing the horizontal mambo

with that English actress whose jawline is bigger than a donkey's. Now, you may be wondering why I decided to recount that choice quote from my great aunt who never left the state of Massachusetts. I did it because great aunt Ida was the undisputed queen of red flags. She started smoking at age seven,

dropped out of school in the fifth grade, and married a toll booth operator from Shrewsbury who tried to invent a chicken wing with extra bones. If you, like my great aunt Ida, can't tell a red flag from a green flag, even if that red flag proposes to you from his toll booth on I-90 during a blizzard, therapy might be able to help.

Better help can help you to identify and avoid red flags while seeking out the green flags that will inevitably lead to a healthier and happier life. For example, therapy helped me identify the green flag behavior of my podcast co-host who sent me a New Year's text that simply read, Happy New Year, let's never write a book ever again. BetterHelp helped me identify green flags

and they can help you too, all from the comfort of your couch, your car, or even a toll booth. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost and it's fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. BetterHelp is currently serving over 5 million people worldwide who decided to get help.

So drop what you're doing and access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credential therapists with a wide range of specialties. Be like me and discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash bald today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHGLP.com slash bald. When it comes to cooking and eating, I've got a problem. The thing is, I'm trying to do better. I'm trying to eat better, buy better groceries, cook more so that I'm more in control of what's in my food.

So I can ultimately, you know, trying to match make my food to my lifestyle because some days I'm really busy and I eat very lean for a few days and then I'll have a couple of days off and go wild. And I just have no regularity and no commitment to the type of groceries I get and what I'm gonna make with them.

Hungry Root is like having a personal nutritionist and Hungry Root made it very easy to eat a little healthier. So they take care of stressful meal planning each week by recommending delicious recipes tailored to your tastes, nutritional preferences, and health goals. They make it easy to eat high quality nutritious food and achieve any diet or health goal by tailoring recipes to a variety of lifestyles.

From anti-inflammatory, gut-friendly, gluten-free, dairy-free, high protein, you guys, I'm vegetarian and always trying to do anti-inflammatory food, so this is perfect for me. There's no high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, or preservatives in any of Hungaroots food. The only source top quality meat and seafood

free of hormones and antibiotics. And all the food can be made in 15 minutes or less. And with over 15,000 recipes shipped each week, there's something for every taste and nutrition preference. I had the pleasure of making the coconut curry tofu rice bowl. And I would say, even though I'm a lifelong vegetarian, I don't totally always know how to make tofu taste good, but something with the coconut curry, it's just not something I would say, even though I'm a lifelong vegetarian, I don't totally always know how to make tofu taste good,

but something with the coconut curry, it's just not something I would have never approached and tried out myself if I didn't have a little bit, you know, being pushed outside my box a little bit. You're gonna love Hungry Root as much as I do. Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for life.

Go to hungryroot.com slash bald and use code bald. That's hungryroot.com slash bald code bald to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. hungryroot.com slash bald code bald. I overheard you the other day they called and they were like, guess what boo boo, even more mold than we thought. Boom, the sequel. How about, how about, um, uh, it went from 3000. I was like, damn two 28,000, I was like, damn, to 28,000. I'm like, damn, it's up to maybe 40 right now. It's like you buy a lemon. Sometimes you buy a lemon and it sucks.

Wait. Have you ever bought a lemon? Mary, did you see Gaga's commentary on Joker 2? No. So she's doing her press for her, very well anticipated, a new album. Oh. Lily Gaga 7 or whatever. Oh, she got a new album. Mayhem. press for her very anticipated new album. Oh. Lily Gaga 7 or whatever.

Oh, she got a new album. Mayhem. Oh, she got a new album. Yeah, album coming. Oh, good for her. LG 7th studio album from Grammy award winning Oscar. The kids are very hyphy. We all are, of course.

But she's been answering questions about Joker 2 now. Okay. Because, you know, so, I go on Twitter yesterday, and it's like Gaga responds to Joker 2 negative critiques. And can I read it to you? Oh, I look, you know I'm obsessed. There's two things that bring me joy in times of hardship, which I'm currently doing.

Elaine Stritch, compilations from 30 Rock, and terrible reviews of movies. Tell me I wanna know it, show it to me Rachel. I'd like to talk about- So this is the Cliff Notes version, this is just a, okay. Gaga responds to Joker 2 being a failure with audiences. People just sometimes don't like things.

T. It's that simple. And I think to be an artist, you have to be willing for people to sometimes not like things. T. It's that simple. And I think to be an artist, you have to be willing for people to sometimes not like it. Boom. You keep going even if something didn't connect in the way you intended. I literally thought that is how you respond

to someone not liking something you made. Wait, that's it? That's extremely mature and sophisticated. That's what I thought it was like. What are you talking about? But the headline being, some people just don't like things, makes it so like people are assholes. I don't know. I don't think so. just don't like things, makes it so like, people are assholes.

I don't know. I don't think so. I don't either, but when it was just that sentence, I was like, it's so dismissive. I guess, yeah. I mean, I'm glad that she's like, people, you know, well, people didn't get it. It's ahead of its time.

It's like, yeah, you throw spaghetti at the wall and sometimes it doesn't stick. Yeah, well, the second half of the quote, which I don't remember what it was, but the second half of the paragraph was like, the danger is as an artist getting caught up in a negative critique and having it interrupt the way you create, which I was like.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Isabella Rossellini was just talking about that, about being in, she was going through, she had a great interview by like the criteria people or whatever, but yeah, she's like, you don't read reviews because it's done, it's done. Like it's already, what's the point?

Like you did it, you did it probably two years ago. So what's the point? Oh my God, I also saw the interview you posted from Patsy. Who? From AbFab. Joanna Lumley? Yeah. Didn't you post this?

No. She was talking about like, people are always like, oh, this is how I changed and how I discovered myself. She was like, she was basically like, bitch, haven't you been in your body the whole time? I know, I know. I love that. Now, people, I of course, I go in the comments

and people are like, yeah, you rich white bitch, or whatever, but it's like, yeah, I think a lot of times it is like, what do you mean, be you? I am me. Blue. Just be yourself. That's what I've been doing. You know, I don't know.

That's what, born in the game, that is me. But I mean, like, think about this. Like, David Lynch, for example, he's one of my favorite directors. He's made, like, two of his movies, I think, he's one of my favorite directors. He's made like two of his movies, I think, are like two of my favorites. And then he's got another movie that I can't fucking stand. Right.

That I hate. Totally. Try to watch again. And for me, it's a total flop, but who cares? We do things people who like us probably don't like. Are you kidding me? I'm still trying to do something good. Right. Right.

You know? It's like, whatever. It's some people, some people, some people will like what your thing is, you know? And that's why we have that streamy right there. Oh, that's true. That's not it. It's the one next to it. Oh. Oh. I just threw this away.

Let's take a break. Let's take a break. Bravo, bravo, bravo. Bravo, bravo. Why did you throw it away? Because it was heavy and it was burdensome. And this is the fun thing about when people enter. How hard it is to get one of those. Mama, listen.

When people enter my life when they don't want to, and this happens quite a bit. Why don't you give it to Tracy? It didn't occur to me in the moment. What is it for, uh? It's for uh, right. Why don't you give it to Tracy? It didn't occur to me in the moment. Was it for uh? It's for uh, right? I don't know. It says best, ghat. Is it uh?

Yeah, it's uh. This is yours, Trixie Mattel. Oh, this is mine. Yeah. Okay. I know you didn't throw my trophy away. A bunch of nuns. I don't think, honestly, mine didn't say anything.

It did not. I don't believe it did. It could have, maybe it did. Anyways, she's gone. She's gone. Because that's another thing. I went to look at fucking apartments today. I went to look at other places today. How's that going? It was, it was cunt. In what way? Do we're people? Wait, wait, wait. Well, one of them was... Let me ask you a question. One of them was an old church. Were people living in these apartments? You just start walking in and saying, I like it, I'll take it.

No, no, no, there were. There was an old converted church, but the neighborhood was kind of boo-boo. Can we just get you something normal? A shipping container in the middle of the ocean? Can we just get you something normal, conveniently located, that you don't spend money on? Yeah. I think that's a shelter.

The other day you had to get out of your house, so you went to my studio without me. What did you do in there? Mary, let me tell you what I did. Listen, you know in the Peanuts cartoon, the stink ball, what's his name? Oh, Pigsty? Yeah, the one who always...

Pigpen. Pigpen, the one who has a cloud of dirt and dust and dismay and just destruction. Yeah, that's who... Pig pen. Pig pen. The one who has a cloud of dirt and dust and dismay and just destruction. Yeah, that's me right now. Okay. I go to your condo, I immediately break the faucet in the bathroom. I mean, I know something told me you were going to break something. Immediately.

And like, it was like cartoonish, cartoonish, because I'm like tiptoeing around, very tiptoe. Like boopity, boopity, boopity, not trying to leave a carbon footprint. And then I break something and I'm like, well, that's it. Well, you were doing your thing, you were sitting in the sink taking a shit, and you turned back there to rinse it down. I was flushing the toilet while I was trying to get the shit to go down the sink.

I couldn't put two and two together. No, but- Did you do anything with the drag, you little crossy? Of course I put on the wigs. Of course I put on the wigs and I did a little tiptoe dance. Did you put on the big ones? I did, some of the big ones. What do you feel like with on them wigs. Of course I put on them wigs and I did a little tip toe dance. What did you feel, did you put on the big ones? I did some of the big ones.

What do you feel like with the big wigs? Some of the small ones, some of the medium ones. I was Goldilocks in the wig room. I felt very good. You were just in there alone, like wearing wigs. I actually did a bunch of pushups in the wig with one wig on and then I put, I had a negligee in my bag and I was like,

no, I'm gonna stop myself. Even like, this is too weird even for me. Because I don't like being, I don't like being weird at other people's places. Right. Ew. Yeah. I couldn't jerk off at the Charlie Hotel

because it was the Panopticon. It was like everybody could see, I was in the center and everybody could see in. What are you talking about in your hotel room? Yes, like so the Charlie Hotel is like it's a complex of like little cottages. Okay. And it's probably 10 or so rooms you can rent. And I rented one that's like freestanding. So it's a little cute cottage. So cute. So cute. Has a bedroom up top and it has a living area with windows that have no shades.

Mary, I was like, I was like exactly. I walked in and I was like, excuse me? Why don't you just go to the W? Why do I start to be weird? I did go to the W on New Year's and it was the girls volleyball team all around me. I have no luck when it comes to like, and again, remember the Queen Mary bitch?

The first thing out of that ho's mouth was, the walls are so thin, I was like, am I at home? Well, that was a desperate situation. So was this. Right. It's desperately seeking shelter. It's crazy. Today's episode of Baldwin Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip

would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wasackie, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk, it was a lot better situation for me to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb.

It was such a good deal. It was amazing. I also like, because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past, I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in.

And that's really nice. It's also good about like, if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb, there's a dining room table,

there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's, that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. When you sit on your airplane points, it's like you're sitting on your next trip. Like a sunny getaway sitting on a terrace. But instead, you're sitting on your Aeroplan points. So the only place you're sitting is in your car coming back from work. Use your points and go from sipping on your leftover latte to sipping on the local vintage. So stop sitting on your next trip and start enjoying your aeroplan points.

Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk.

It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal. It was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnb's that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in. And that's really nice. It's also good about like, if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have

somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's really nice.

If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Blake said to me, he totally did not mean it this way, but you know, I've been a little sensitive about my weight. And he goes, he goes, I'm on the, you know, I'm six feet tall at least. And he's working me and I have huge feet, huge hands.

And he goes, God, I forget how big you are. And I know he meant tall. And I went, well, no, I went, oh, well, you know, I've kind of put my weight back on. I fit my old clothes now. And he was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, I went, oh, well, you know, I've kind of put my weight back on. I fit my old clothes now. And he was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, tall. And I said, you said what you said. So then me, my bladder almost bleeding to the point of having to pee,

thinking about my size being like, uh-huh. That's horrible. The bladder, it's like when you go, if you don't go, like yoga class is 90 minutes. Girl. Oh my God, if you don't go, you bow pose where you're pressing your pelvis into the mat, squirts. If you don't go, like, yoga class is 90 minutes. Oh my God, if you don't go, you, bow pose, where you're pressing your pelvis into the mat,

squirt city. Hot brown. Hot brown liquid. Hot brown liquid coming out of the pisser. Oh, God. Hot brown. Well, the gag is that I'm gonna have to release black diarrhea to pay for black mold. Oh my God.

Isn't that crazy? Black mold-a-rea. Yeah. Yeah. But, um. But you know what? I even am a little reticent to say black mold because it's like bed bugs. Oh, yeah.

It's that tea. It's like, don't come near me. Don't do that. When drag queens get bed bugs? Mama, when anybody gets bed bugs. You have to move. You have to move. You have to set on fire.

You gotta like get on a plane, leave everything. I have like so many things to tell you that my brain is like flipping through. I just gotta rip through some of them. Do it. Did you know that there's a Drag Race queen on this season who has three names and the middle name is Butthole? I swear to God. What is the name? I swear to God. I learned this from Tom today and I said, I have to God, what is the name? Lydia Butthole Collins. I swear to God. I learned this from Tom today and he said,

I have to tell Katya, Lydia Butthole Collins. Lydia Butthole Collins. Nope, is there a- Not Paysia Malaysia Dupree, not, you know, a curious Chanel Davenport. Lydia Butthole Collins. Butthole Collins, Lydia Butthole Collins. That sounds like a mean name for like middle school.

Oh God, like the, hey, Butt-hole. And she just, it just stuck. Is there a story behind it or no? It sounds like it, like in middle school, like, oh, her pants got pulled down. We all saw her butt-holes. We've always called her Lydia Butt-hole Collins. Beatrix kiddo, here.

Lydia Butt-hole Collins, here. People, did you have a mean nickname, Kiddo? That's that boy. Because I was skinny. I told you that many times. That's mean. No, no, no, it was the term of endearment. It was like, it wasn't...

Maybe that's how Blake meant it to me. No, he, yeah. Blake is like literally the nicest person in the world. I know. He's literally the nicest person. I miss, maybe I should get... He's wonderful. He is wonderful. And the thing about him is He's literally the nicest person. I miss, maybe I should get. He's wonderful.

He is wonderful. And the thing about him is like, he is so good with physical adjustments. And if you've ever been to a yoga class with a shitty teacher who does hands-on adjustments and you get like a tentative, like not really sure kind of adjustment, you can really feel it.

And it's so awkward. He just picks you up and cranks you like, it's amazing. And I, it hurts, but it feels good. Kind of like a massage where it's like, you're kind of like, ah. And so I also yell his name. I'll be like, oh Blake! You know, I'll just shriek.

I don't know what, cause sometimes, do you have like a go-to phrase? Cause I'll yell Christmas. I don't know why. Oh Christmas, oh Christmas. I don't know why. Oh, Christmas. Oh, Christmas. I don't know why. I don't know. I think it's probably Barbara, please, or something like that.

Have you ever seen this video of Smokey Robinson? Smokey Robinson. Who's looking in here? Who's looking? No peepers. Shove some cash under the door. Hi. Barbara, please. Hi. Peepers. Shove some cash under the door. Hi. Barbara, please.

Hi. Oh, Smokey Robinson. Who's that? He does a cameo. Who's that? He's a singer. Okay. Singer.

Yes. And he has the cameo where he's telling someone, happy Chanukah. Oh. Don't know what that is. Oh, that's what, that's who that is with RuPaul. Because, okay. Three things that have brought me very much, have pulled me out of the well is RuPaul's

stupid Instagram reels. I can't get enough of them. I can't get enough of them. Opening the door, she has the purse on her head sideways. The purse on the head sideways. It's so funny. RuPaul on the reels is wild. She gets in, she does, she has little characters, little wigs and stuff, and they're so funny. RuPaul on the reels is wild. She gets in the, she does, she has little characters,

little wigs and stuff and they're so funny. Oh my God. It's so awesome. It's great. It's so great. Laura, what's her name? Butthole Collins? What is it? Lydia Butthole Collins. Now what is Lydia Butthole Collins' vibe? Do you know what her vibe is?

I'm not watching. Oh, okay. I'm not watching. So we don't know anything about her. What is her style? No, I get all my Drag Race information. I'm not doing pit stop. I get it all peripherally through the homosexuals who do watch it. And they float it to me like common knowledge

and I go, what are you talking about? Did you just say butthole? I'm like, what are you talking about? I know. Tom today said, what do you think of drag queens with three names? I said, I think it's okay. And they're like, he was like,

well, what about the one whose middle name is butthole? I said, what? What? I think it's... Cockat is Butthole? I said, what? What? I think it's a middle name. I think that's amazing. I think that's a good title.

From the legendary house of Butthole? No, no, no. From the legendary house of Collins. Collins is the last name. So it's like Butthole Collins, Volvo Collins. LBC. Nipple Collins. LBC is very catchy.

Tea. You know what I mean? Tea. LBC's non-binary tea is very valid. Girl, I, um... What? Tell me. I've been having a really hard time with, um, I watch the LA news every day now.

Instead of watching the CSNBC, WNBA, whatever. The lame stream media. Yes, I've been watching more the local news supporting the girls. And of course, it's the LA news, so it's just hard, hard nipples, glossy lips. And burned down houses. Well, it's loosening up on that. We will see that. But I gotta tell you this news story that I saw this morning. Okay.

So, they were going... The people investigating abandoned buildings to make sure there's no one in it with the fires, to be like, is everyone here? Are you okay? Yeah. Beatrix Kiddo? Tell me why they go to this nursing home in LA, this nursing home in like a zoo or something. And they find a 101 year old woman alone in the building. Everyone had been evacuated at this nursing home,

except her. She said she took her hearing aids out to charge them. It didn't hear the evacuation. And so on camera, they blew her face, of course, but it's body cam footage and it's a woman. And you know, women that age are so sexy. Well, she has put together, she has jewelry, a little matching set on.

Get out of here. And she has her, she probably has perfume on and her face is blurred so you can't see her face, but I'm assuming it's beat. Garage doors, yeah, garage doors. Beat. And she has the walker and she goes, I've been trying to get out of here.

Oh my gosh. She goes, well, you guys help me get out of here. And they go, yeah. Have you been here the whole time? She's like, yeah. That is so crazy. And they go, well, let's go. And she goes, well, don't leave me.

Oh my god. Because she got left. That is so. Somebody's grandma, they were like, how much money you should have? Oh. Let that bitch burn. Like, yes. Damn.

Left behind. Granny left behind. And also those nurses are watching the news being like, Yeah, oh, that don't work there. Yeah. Shit. Did somebody say something about, girl, you wanna say somebody, did somebody say something about a joint?

Do you wanna say, don't check what, did somebody say something? Did somebody say something about an evacuation? I'm not really sure. Mary, I took a page out of your books last night because I mixed drugs and alcohol. My back was hurting. Drugs and alcohol?

So my back's hurting so bad. And whenever my back hurts, which happens, maybe a week or two a year. You pop an oxy. Usually on tour from the course and stuff. But lately it's been like, oh, I slept wrong. I'm getting old. So I took a gabapentin, which is a muscle relaxant.

It's, I guess you could probably say that. Oh, it's like a pill. It'll hit in 45 minutes. The beat will drop in about an hour. What? What pills are you taking that don't come in for an hour? It didn't kick in to like two hours. What?

And I'm working on my stuff for Soloping Disco. And this is a little bit whatever, but I have that Apple vision headset thing. Oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about that. I love it. And why I like it is because instead of, if you guys can see me on camera, my posture is this. Oh, when you're doing emails and stuff.

Yeah, so instead of that, I will lay flat on the floor at night after a long day, have the Apple vision on, and I'll work, like, do emails, whatever, in the sky on the floor. Now, how do you do the emails with no keyboard? You... Get out of here. Type in the air. Or, I was just working on solving disco stuff,

so I'm running Final Cut for my computer and I'm editing video, but I'm looking at it on the ceiling. So I'm kind of like this. Are you using a mouse? It's a little bit Star Trek. It's a little bit Matrix. It's a little bit, yes. Futuristic.

But it's great, because for my neck, I can put my neck on a little relaxer, put a pillow under my back. Blake could be stretching you out while you're doing it. Well, he was too busy. No, I know, but- He has way more famous clients. I love when he's stretching me.

I'm like, do I have the same body as Channing Tatum or whoever he's seeing? He's like, no. No, you don't. No, you don't. Forgot how big you are. You fat ugly bitch. Yeah, damn you're bald.

So I'm working on my computer and I'm looking into the sky and I bought the Apple Vision Pro during a depressive episode. So I bought it to feel something. Retail therapy. And I do like it, I do use it, I like it. Okay. And it has really good see-through.

So the TV can be on, somebody can be in the room, and I can just be- The killer. The killer is nearby, and you know. Yes, I can see the killer. And I can do emails and shit, whatever. Okay. Watch TikToks, and then it all uses hands,

so instead of swiping, I mean, I'm just going like this, and the TikTok changes, whatever. That's so wild to me. Yeah, and then the porn, obviously. No, see. Just kidding. No, no, right. Because I know you're kidding.

And the one reason that I don't fuck with the Oculus, I think, is because I tried with porn, and I was like, please. That's so goofy. So goofy and I didn't get into it. It's boop boop-y-doop. It's boop boop-y-doop and also the killer is there and I can't see him with the Oculus.

You know what I mean? I like it for some, like I like, sometimes I play, I don't have a pool table, so I'll play pool with the goggles on, there'll be a fake pool table in the living room so I can play pool. What? How does that work?

But that doesn't improve your pool game whatsoever. It's kind of fun. You know, kind of fun. That is so crazy to me. I wish I needed to get into video games, I guess. You do. I fucking do. What besides the Sims?

I need to keep you off the streets. Mary, listen, okay? Listen, I woke up dirty as hell on the couch, crick neck and bad back. Crick neck, bad back, overslept, workers are trying to get in my house. It was a nightmare. And same thing yesterday,

crick neck, bad back on the couch. You can't do it. Three days in a row. Because you can't go on the bed. Mary, it's a war zone. I'm living in World War III up, it's like crazy. I am very fortunate to have a house. I am very fortunate to have a house. I am very fortunate to have a house, I'll say that.

Although the circumstances of my house at the moment are very unfortunate. Right. But anyways, um... Oh, man. I forgot what I was going to say with the story. I'm so sorry. Um, you were talking about...

This is your fault. You were talking about, um... I was talking about working on my computer. Yes. But I don't remember. And then, and then you were talking about, but before that, I forgot why I brought up, I forgot why I brought up. I was laying there working.

Damn. You were doing solid pink. Um, bad backs, crick necks, carpal tunnels. I don't know. I see how does become my best friend. I'm getting ready for solid pink. No, no, Gabba Penton. Oh, Gabba Penton.

Okay. Yeah. Thank you. So I'm working on my computer, and like, you know, it's a muscle relaxer, and it doesn't make you too woozy if you don't take too much of it. But it does just, if your muscles are doing this, it just loosens the grip a little bit.

Allows you to be functional that day. Imagine that. I wouldn't say it makes your memory razor sharp. I wouldn't say you should be driving. But you can still function. Yeah. So I'm working on my computer like this. Oh, right?

And watching documentaries in the background, watching all this Michael Moore shit, just getting mad. Right, grinding my teeth, pissed off. Perfect anti-anxiety stuff. Oh, yes. Watching Michael Moore's Sicko. Have you seen that? Yes, I have. About the health care in other countries.

It's very depressing. Depression. Depression. Oh, I'm sorry. You need open heart surgery to save your life. Well, according to your paperwork, you had a yeast infection in 2002. Denied. Would you like your life or your house? Well, according to your paperwork, you had a yeast infection in 2002.

Denied. Would you like your life or your house? We'll take the house. It's crazy. This one guy, two of his fingers got cut off with a table saw and they said they would only pay for one. So he's like, I picked my ring finger because I'm a romantic.

I wanted to wear my wedding ring. You know what that is so funny? Country Spock. In the Uber driver, in the Uber ride here, I randomly asked the driver if he would give up his finger for $50,000. He wouldn't. And he, I went up to 50 million and he was like, no.

I agree. I was like, I was like, you are cunt. Money's just money. Yes. However. Right. That is correct. However, you know.

You can't do this with money. You can get a nice little Goldie. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. So I go, you know what? I don't think this pill did anything. It's kind of an old prescription. And I go, I guess I'll have a glass of wine because my back needs to relax.

I'm trying not to drink because I'm trying to get in shape for tour. Sure, sure. And like rub a lamp, bitch. Rub a lamp, bald bitch. Good luck with that, fatty. What are you going to do, take off a leg? I don't even, so the funny thing is I don't even notice.

I do not even know. You talk about this like gaining weight thing, and I'm sure you're telling the truth, but I don't even see it. It's my own journey. And the only reason I feel comfortable talking about it is because I feel vulnerable with our audience. And so why not just be honest? I have a hard time with it.

So I'm not saying I should throw that up on anybody else and you should agree, but I'm just saying that's what I go through. And I think your tea is valid. My non Bernie T, my non Bernie T, your non Bernie T, non Bernie T. So but whole Collins. So I'm in bed to Lydia but whole call. And I got a neck release item like a roller thing. Yeah. So I'm in bed. Back to Lydia Butthole Collins. I got a neck release item, like a roller thing. So my neck is released.

I'm waiting for my pill to work. It's not going to work. So I have a glass of wine and I'm working on my computer. Red or white? Pills? Oh, I don't know. I crushed them up. No, it was white wine.

White Zin? Chardonnay? White Zin. What are you, middle school? I don't know. I don't know, I crushed them up. No, it was white wine. White, white, white Zin, Chardonnay. White Zin. Pinot Grigio. I don't know, I don't drink wine. I think it's Pinot Grigio. It was a Sauvibé. Oh Sauvignon Blanc.

Sauvignon Blanc. Oh my God. So then I'm working and I gotta tell you, I get a second wind, my back's feeling good. I'm like, ah, yes, I'm pulling through. And I don't think that pill worked. I'll have another glass of wine. Because you know, glass of wine had died in four seconds.

So then when the pill did work, I was like, were you rolling? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, the bengal bus is coming. From one gabapentin, which is like, for people, it's not a muscle relaxer. It's a very, very light muscle relaxer. But to me, it was a lot.

And so this morning, I woke up to go to rehearsal, his rehearsal, and I was like, like very hungover. Hungover, how many glasses of wine? I guess I just mix pain pills and alcohol now. That's who I am. With your new license. How the tides have turned.

Oh, I can't wait to get my license, take my pain pill, have a glass of wine and drive. Wait, so, I know know drunk driving is very in. It's sick. What is the status of your license right now? Well, thank you so much for asking. So I went and took the test. I told you some of those questions were hard,

but I passed. And I had to request my driving record from Wisconsin DMV to prove to California DMV that I had a license for 10 years. And then they said I just have to come and get my picture taken. Beerus, what are you gonna wear? Well, you can't wear a wig. A wig. You should wear a piece.

You can't wear anything on your head unless it's religious. Let's get religious. Do you know what my brother's ID picture? No. So there's this religion called Pastafarian. Do you know what this is? Mary, if it's, if it's, if it, what is it?

So there's somebody who, it was like an act of protest, I think, where they said, fine, if we can wear religious shit on our head, I'm an inventor religion that says, I wear a pasta strainer on my head. When I go to the DMV, you can't do boo boo about it. My brother has an ID with a pasta strainer on his head. You're kidding. Because he's like, you know, fuck the noise.

This is my religion, boop. Which is kind of cunty. It is kind of cunty. It's kind of cunty. But it's also insane. But not as insane. I mean, drag queens are named butthole. Yeah, but not.

Everything's out the window. By the way, I gagged that we went and did a photo shoot the other day together, and you just spent the whole day posting all the BTS pictures. Of pictures no one's seen yet. Oh, I thought that occurred to me. I'm sitting home being like, that's us at the photo shoot. No one's seen the retouched photos. I know. I was like, oh, that was like, yeah, these photos are going to get doctored. And then everybody gets to know we're just fat and ugly. Oh, so that's what it is.

No, I think that's great. Plus they're all filtered. That's true. They were all like, I know, listen, I got excited because I never have BTS. I just thought in the future, you put out the pictures and then go like, here's the fun BTS. But now the pictures come out, they're gonna be like, seen it ugly, swipe.

Oh, but no, they won't though, because there's never pictures of us. You know what I mean? That's true. Well, see, yeah, you're absolutely right, by the way. So I'm sorry about that. No, it wasn't worth calling you, but I thought it would come on camera and call you out. I never have, I never have BTS ever. Well, Trixie...

So it was, I got excited. Trixie Cosmetics is next door and one time a famous Drag Race queen came in filming and was like, we're backstage at Trixie Cosmetics, our whiteboard with our next two years of products. It was like... No way backstage at Trixie Cosmetics, our whiteboard with our next two years of products. It was like, woo! No way, the secret sauce ingredients. And of course, no one means it. They were just filming. But you know, I don't know if you know this,

drag queens don't always think first. Mm, this is true, this is true. Now when you're, people at home might wanna know that if you're looking to do any alterations to your home, it's best to get three estimates from professionals. And then- Is that true? Yeah, I mean, just think about it, Mary.

You get three, if you want to redo your bathroom, you talk to three different contractors, GCs, whatever, and the quotes you can get will range wildly. It's the terrifier. So I like flung myself into this remediation scenario way too quick. So I thought I was being like proactive, proactive, no hasty. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, terrible. The terrifier, the terrifier. Well, is there an upside? Are you going to get to if they're

ripping out the wall, are you going to get to redesign something or change it? That is the upside, I suppose you could say. It's like, oh, yes. But you want to move anyway. Yeah, but I was like, but I don't, I mean, here's the thing, I guess. You're a homeowner who dreams of renting. I am not, like the idea of doing first, last security,

like, oh, love it, I love it. Like no security deposit back. Oh God, I love it. It's fierce, it's fierce. But mortgage, property taxes, eat my ass. Come into my home and eat my ass instead. I'm sorry. I hate that shit.

Well, do you think it's gonna be done soon? No. Well, let's ask. Look, I'm doing this Trix, Trixie Magic Hate Ball. And it has a bunch of fun responses. I'm gonna be honest, they're mostly negative. Perfect. So, let's say you shake it and you ask whatever you need to ask.

It's yes or no type of stuff. Will my, uh, bloop remediation situation be done by Friday? Yes, bald. Ah! Ah! Ah! And we're on the pod. Literally. Look, it said it.

Mary. Conti. You know that's tea. From the mouths of babies. That has to be tea. That has to be tea. And you know, we actually, the inside of this is blue Gatorade.

You can't drink it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Okay, well, this is gonna be on sale for Valentine's Day, so you should get one, people. What a great thing. No, I love that. Listen, in a this is gonna be on sale for Valentine's Day, so you should get one, people. That's, what a great thing. No, I love that. Listen, in a time where people are afraid,

there's a lot of indecision, a lot of uncertainty. This is gonna be the last word. Do you know how much more I would prefer the president go, should we do this? Great, like, because whatever this is, is better than whatever's going on over there. Thank you, thank you.

Don't get me started. The constitutional tea in this country is not valid. Not valid. The presidential tea in this country is not valid. The governmentalality in this country is not valid. Not valid. The presidentiality in this country is not valid. The governmentality in this country is not valid. Well, what I know about billionaires is that they're always looking out for the little guy. That's how they became billionaires.

See, B stands for like, bringing little people into the fold and taking care of them. Right. Like, I always heard, I've met people who work with Alleyparton, and I said, what is she like? And they said, oh, I toured with her. She would get, I always heard, I've met people who work with Dolly Parton, and I said, what is she like? And they said, oh, I toured with her. She would get off the tour bus, and while they were setting up the set,

she would sometimes walk around with water bottles and ask how everyone's family is. And I'm like, that's a billionaire. That's the dream billionaire. But I don't think they're all Dolly Parton. No, I think they're nicer. Yeah, totally. Evil Dolly Parton.

I mean, she's an outlier and she's an angel. Probably the best person on the planet Earth. Nobody even comes close to her. And all this small cabal of evil billionaires that are running our capitalist oligarchy, I just, you know, why don't they come into my house and fix my mold problem? Thank you.

Stay tuned when we defect to another country and leave you rotting U.S. citizens behind. The set is the same. It's just a different language of the bald and the beard. Oh, fuck that! The color is even more bright blue. More blue. Yeah, okay, baby.

Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wasacki, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk, it was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal, it was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere

in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving, different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in. And that's really nice.

It's also good about like if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not going to like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television.

That's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Today's episode of Baldwin Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb.

I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk, it was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal. It was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app

and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in. And that's really nice. It's also good about like,

if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen,

there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app.